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Conversations on non-work topics are an indispensable companion of almost any office space. However, is it really bad if colleagues are sometimes briefly distracted from work to discuss politics, sports, or the latest theatrical premieres. The only trouble is that in reality, employees much more often discuss the secretary Lyudochka, the accountant Anna Petrovna, and maybe you yourself behind your back. Let's take a look at why gossip thrives in a variety of communities and what can be done about it.
Such different gossip
Gossip is different and spread for different purposes.
It's one thing when they are one of the facets of human communication. Gossips exchange dubious information without any purpose, but simply from irrepressible curiosity, the habit of climbing into someone else's life and an innate lack of tact. Such gossip is unpleasant, but not fatal. They spoil the mood, but are unlikely to seriously harm a career.
Another thing is when the gossip distributor is an experienced intriguer, and he has a specific goal to spoil the reputation of his competitor. Frankly speaking, I have seen such stories only in films, but, in principle, I admit that they sometimes happen in life. If you are unlucky enough to face such a situation, you should try to trace the entire path of gossip, its source, and then honestly tell your boss about it so that he knows your position.
Who's guilty?
If gossip is instantly spread throughout the team, it is unlikely that one gossip villain is to blame. All or almost all employees take part in this process: they listen, believe, pass on. So, you can start the fight against this office habit with yourself: not only not to dismiss or pass on gossip, but also not to listen to them, making it clear to the interlocutor that you are not interested in such conversations. And if you really want to discuss one of your colleagues, do it with people not related to your work - for example, with family members.
Constant non-work conversations between employees indicate that they have a lot of free time. Practice shows that in those offices where employees are really busy, there is not even a second left for gossip.
What to do?
There are three strategies for dealing with gossip in the office.
not to notice
If gossip cannot cause serious damage to your career and professional reputation, do not waste your energy and nerves on it. Just don't listen to these conversations and ignore them. Some employees admit that they are even flattered by gossip. After all, if others are talking about you, it means they are thinking about you. In other words, you are an office celebrity.
Fight
Fighting gossip directly is quite difficult - it almost always looks like the person is making excuses.
To begin with, you should try to minimize the reasons for talking about you. Do not be frank with colleagues and do not conduct personal conversations on the phone within the walls of the office, personal correspondence through a working ICQ. It's always frustrating when you mistakenly send a deeply personal message to, say, your boss. There is another trick here - gossip is often spread about the most closed colleagues, a sort of "office Stirlitz". So, without giving out any serious information to your colleagues, you need to create the feeling that you are the most open person in the world and tell others everything that is on your mind.
You can fight gossip ... by agreeing with them. And not just agree, but bring the message to the point of absurdity. Are you accused of having a lover? Parry that there are actually seven of them, for each day of the week. Thus, gossips, firstly, will understand that these conversations will not hurt you and you are not going to make excuses. Secondly, they will see that gossip sounds pretty ridiculous.
Participate
There is an opinion that it is useless to fight gossip in the office. And if the ugliness cannot be stopped, it must be led and turned to your advantage. Some managers use gossip as part of an internal corporate policy: they “leak” the necessary information to a chatty subordinate, and it instantly scatters around the office. For example, the rumor that over the next month the IT department will secretly monitor which sites employees use, and those who spend a significant amount of time on social networks will face severe penalties. After that, the check can not even be carried out - it is unlikely that any kamikaze will go to Odnoklassniki in the near future.
Sometimes ordinary employees try to use gossip as a career tool. For example, a rumor that competitors are trying to poach a valuable specialist can lead to an increase in his salary. True, not every person will be able to play on gossip - for this you need to be a professional office intriguer. In any case, we must remember that the process of information dissemination is difficult to control and at any moment gossip, even launched on purpose, can turn against you.
And finally, I note: according to the conclusion of American psychologists, slander not only makes some people happier, but also good for health. When people discuss someone else's problems or shortcomings, their own self-esteem rises, and the consciousness that something is wrong with someone makes it possible to look at their own life more optimistically. Thus, the psychological state of gossipers improves. Conversely, when speaking well about someone, some people begin to feel bad. They compare themselves with the hero of the discussion, his success with their failures, the mood worsens from this, self-esteem falls.
But it's kind of a sad theory. So I, perhaps, will not believe American psychologists.
Why do you think people gossip? Have you ever experienced gossip at work? Tell your stories.
“The opium of the oppressed” is how Erika Jong, bestselling author of Fear of Flying, described the phenomenon of a broken phone. Often we become the object of close attention of society, which, unfortunately, sometimes gives rise to fantastic stories, almost legends with our candidacy in the title role. This is quite unpleasant, even if the sources of conjectures and their further distributors are envious people or old women, who thus spend their timeless leisure. It irritates, depresses and even brings to tears. How to deal with gossip and whether it can be prevented is the topic of today's article.
As a rule, we learn news about ourselves from people from our inner circle, who consider it their duty to bring to our attention what, for example, Baba Katya said from the second entrance. Although, rumors can also take the form of an impersonal “they are talking about you ...” from the lips of all the same acquaintances. Immediately after hearing what they hear, emotions take over the mind and provoke a defiled person into at least four mistakes.
Four Behavior Mistakes:
1. Outrage.
This reaction is quite predictable. After all, what was attributed to you is not always true. Either everything was not quite right, corresponding to the truth by only 20-30 percent, or it didn’t exist at all.
For example, being married, you meet a childhood friend after many years of separation, you sit in a cafe, chatting, but by coincidence, your colleague is at the end of the hall, involuntarily turning your table into an observation point. In the evening, your spouse arranges a scene of jealousy for you, accusing you of treason. And all due to the fact that Angelica from the accounting department has excellent eyesight, a rich imagination and a very long tongue. What will you do in the first moments when you hear accusations addressed to you? Of course, to be indignant, which means speaking in a raised tone, getting nervous, and, as a result, harming your health.
2. Excuses.
They follow the outrage. You begin to deny everything and provide evidence of your innocence, not realizing that by doing so you are provoking the gossip to further spread of rumors and, confirming the saying "there is no smoke without fire." A person who does not have the slightest relation to the information passed about him from mouth to mouth will never make excuses.
3. Finding out the relationship.
You are seized by a feeling of anger and a sharp desire to look the gossip in the eye. If you manage to identify the source of the rumors, you pay him a visit and ask the question directly. No matter what the "storyteller" answers, conflict cannot be avoided. But what will you achieve by such a rash act? Rumors, most likely, will stop, only you will absolutely make an enemy for yourself. He will quietly hate you until negative emotions again begin to overflow from an overabundance.
4. Revenge and threats.
The natural desire of the object of gossip is to do something nasty in response. But you can’t respond to dirty tricks with evil: in this way you will disturb the snake’s nest even more. The same applies to threats: by starting a war with the enemy, you thereby turn on the green light for the “continuation of the banquet”, provoking the enemy more and more. After all, it “feeds” on your negative reaction, becoming stronger on an energy level than before.
and how to behave:
In fact, you need to behave differently: do not swing your sword, challenging the gossip to a duel, but, armed with a shield, skillfully repel the attacks of the enemy.
Instead of getting angry, stay calm. And even better - show indifference as opposed to a violent showdown. You can also ironically support rumors about yourself by adding some juicy detail. The one who told you the news about you, like the gossip writer, will understand that rumors do not make you worry, which means that this method of influence is useless.
Never make excuses, because it puts you in a humiliating position. You will not restore your reputation in the eyes of the public in this way. And is it worth trying? Would an intelligent person, especially one who knows you well, believe some rumors of dubious origin? And it’s not worth proving something to gullible people who have hung their ears. Appreciate those who do not care about gossip about you: they are your strength.
Sink to threats and vengeance? Well, I do not! The person weaving a web of public lies around you is simply NOT WORTHING your attention. And in general, folk wisdom says: “If they talk about you, then you are still alive,” that is, you stand out from the crowd, because they don’t spread gossip about gray mice.
A quote by the French writer Jules Renard comes to mind:
"Never repeat what you have not heard yourself."
So that gossip does not touch you, you yourself need to learn to keep your mouth shut. Unfortunately, the tendency to condemn is firmly established in human nature - only saints can live without uttering a word about their neighbor...
The women's site "Beautiful and Successful" today will tell you how to stop gossip and get out of an unsightly situation with honor when behind your back discussing your life and actions.
To learn a lot of “new” information about yourself one day even the most innocent person risks. At the same time, it is absolutely not necessary to give gossips a reason for “language fitness”.
There is always a good reason to talk about you, you just need to behave differently than is customary.
You didn't get enough sleep? You must be having a new romance, and last night was stormy. Do you go out into the corridor to talk on the phone? You're looking for a new job and you're about to quit. Don't drink at a corporate party? One hundred percent pregnant!
Sometimes rumors can do you good. For example, a frightened boss will urgently raise your salary so that you are not lured away by competitors.
But in most cases, uncontrolled information, untruths, "half-truths" or outright lies that are spread behind your back, are not pleasant enough.
You're talking personal with a friend at work. This is a normal phenomenon, an act of trust. But, if, having passed the "full circle" of colleagues, the information returns to you in a distorted form, it means you have become the object of rumors. How to stop gossip in the team and stop this cycle?
Why do people gossip?
By "washing the bones" of other people, a person increases his significance, seeks confirmation of his own thoughts, and reflects on how he would act in a similar situation. Gossip unites, entertains and gives some kind of outlet..
Often they gossip about the "ideal" women, trying to find at least some flaw in them. They begin to assume that you got married for convenience, received a promotion as a result, did permanent makeup or plastic surgery.
Others pick up this information, take it at face value and retell it already under the guise of reliable facts. This is how gossip is born..
Innocent, albeit unpleasant gossip is easy to stop. But what about real slander that ruins your reputation?
How to Stop Evil Gossip - Action Plan
- When you hear something bad about yourself, don't panic. don't let the situation control your lifestyle. Don't show how it hurts you or be cheerful and energetic, as usual.
- Analyze the information, think about who distributes it and why. It’s only worth it to really care if the goal is you or other people to your detriment.
- Don't give in to temptation "launch" an even more ridiculous rumor about others in order to direct the energy of the gossipers in a different direction.
Extinguish the flame
The easiest way to stop gossip in the women's team is disengage completely from rumors that circulate in the office. For example, we are talking about your upcoming romance with a colleague. In order for everyone to stop gossiping about this, it is enough just not to answer questions, comments and not listen to the advice of “well-wishers”.
But for this you need strong willpower. And, of course, personal life is best taken out of the work area.
through
An effective and effective way to stop any gossip is find the source of the rumors and talk in person. Psychology believes that the desire to gossip quickly disappears as soon as the gossip ceases to be anonymous.
If the object of gossip is someone else, and you know who looses it, seize the moment when they will communicate with each other, and unobtrusively wedged into the conversation: “Lena, and Olya says that on vacation you met a foreigner and are already going to marry him. Congratulations!".
That's it, you can return to your report. After such a move, the gossip girl will not risk spreading rumors about you.
How to stop gossip in a large team: have fun!
As soon as a rumor about you reaches you, "intercept" it and turn into complete nonsense.
For example, everyone in the company knows that you are a dancer and have participated with the team in competitions abroad. One day it turns out that "you were offered a contract by the producer of a famous ballet." Add that as a child you ran away from home with a traveling troupe, and now you have been invited to perform at the Cirque du Soleil. The more implausible the information, the less they will believe in it, and the rumors will die out by themselves.
If you want to know how to stop gossip in a creative team - remember example of show business stars. What do they do if the terrible truth suddenly emerges about them? Making an official announcement!
You do not have to give interviews to the central TV channels. Write a post on a social network and kick everyone involved in the gossip process. It is important not to make excuses or try to evoke sympathy. Get creative and present yourself in a positive light. This way you can avoid a personal conversation, put the gossips in their place and show that you are smarter.
And the most effective way to stop gossip is live one's own life, to concentrate on positive things and, of course, in this unworthy process!
Do you feel prickly glances burning your back? There is an absurd silence when you appear? Well, sooner or later everyone has the “honor” of becoming the object of gossip.
Rumor or gossip
What is gossip? The difference between rumor and gossip is often very blurred. But do not confuse these two formulations! A rumor is fragmentary information, speculative due to the lack of reliable information. He can be quite harmless. Hearing is a manifestation of the instinct of self-preservation. After all, by nature itself, we have curiosity, a desire to possess information. Therefore, in the absence of certain facts, we instinctively try to “finish” the picture with the power of imagination.
Whereas gossip is deliberately false information that a person secretly shares with others from you. Some authors refer it to varieties of rumors. At the same time, the distinguishing features of such information are the following factors:
a) the object of gossip is exposed in an unsightly light;
b) the author of the information receives moral satisfaction from its transmission;
c) the essence of gossip can harm the image of the object, undermine its relationship with other people.
Consequences of gossip
What are the consequences of gossip for you? The very first is internal negativity: a feeling of vile disgust, depression, awkwardness, impotence and anger. These emotions can make a hole in your energy field. And also cause a depressive state, a nervous breakdown.
The second unpleasant outcome of the "information attack" is the appearance of tension in your relationships with other people. Here, simple truths about smoke without fire, precipitation after finding silver spoons come into play. After all, a person who has heard impartial information about you may not believe them. But the very sediment in his attitude towards you will obviously remain.
The third negative point is that trouble does not come alone. With the advent of gossip, you are more sensitive to negativity: thoughts circle around the current situation all the time, like a tongue around a sore tooth. As a result of this, you are on a “negative wave”, which attracts even more negativity to you (money problems, quarrels). You've probably noticed that as soon as one thing fails, everything starts to go awry.
Algorithm of actions, or how to deal with gossip
What to do in this situation? Remember: gossip is like wildfire! She is like fire - uncontrollable and unpredictable. The launched gossip on the principle of a “broken phone” is overgrown with more and more details. It is constantly changing, "mutating". It is impossible to predict where the course of the fictional story will turn during the next retelling. Just as you can not protect someone's ears from this nasty information.
Therefore, you need to fight gossip like a fire. There are several proven ways to do this:
1. Let the fire burn out. Completely ignoring gossip for 2 (maximum 3) weeks will nullify it. People just get tired of talking about the same thing. Therefore, the easiest way is to relax, try to enjoy the close attention that is paid to you. If they talk about you, someone needs you and many are interested. And this, you see, is not so bad!
2. Put fire on fire. This method will require a little humor and a lot of imagination from you. Come up with a more interesting rumor that will beat the "rating" of the gossip. The main condition is that your information should touch people to the quick! A little hint: exams at school and salary in the team will never lose their relevance.
3. Cut down trees before the fire. Make your life more public! Share information about yourself openly - first-hand information is always more interesting than someone else's retelling. Let more people into your life. Then the need to gossip about you will disappear by itself.
But most importantly - try to protect your nerve cells from extinction. In order not to take everything to heart - speak out! You can talk about your experiences to your best friend, a psychologist or a faithful diary. The main thing is to get rid of obsessive thoughts, "let go of the situation." And then all problems will find their adequate solution.
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The most effective way to deal with gossip at work is to prevent it. Here are some practical tips to help you avoid rumors.
Reputation is everything
One of the most effective ways to avoid gossip at work is to have an impeccable reputation for the person. If you enter into the trust of colleagues and enlist universal respect and reverence, rumors will not spread about you, since, in fact, no one will believe them.
To earn a good reputation, pay attention to your appearance, communication with the team and working relationships. Remember that every action is in full view of a large number of prying eyes. In addition, the manifestation and demonstration of one's own competence and professionalism will help to nullify the envious attacks of "colleagues-losers".
Down with conflicts and scandals
If you don't want to think about how to deal with gossip at work in the near future, avoid conflicts with colleagues or partners. Being friendly, positive, and respectful with your co-workers will help you avoid spreading rumors, as there will simply be no one to spread them. It is rare to find malicious discussions of an employee whom everyone loves and respects. On the contrary, most gossip is about people with a difficult character who can break loose and offend someone from the team, as well as about people who differ from everyone else (behavior, appearance or manner of communication).
Calm, only calm
“Prevention” of gossip is wonderful. But how to deal with gossip, if they have already appeared? The most important thing is not to panic and not withdraw into yourself. Remember that even if your personal information was made public, you should not develop an even greater conflict, since in fact nothing fatal has happened. On the contrary, your calmness and ignoring will make impolite colleagues look for a more interesting object of discussion, and everyone will quickly forget about your incident. The worst thing that can happen is that you have to change jobs. However, this fact is more likely to play into your hands, being the impetus for professional development or changing the profession that you have long dreamed of. Just remember to remember this unpleasant lesson in order to avoid similar situations in the future that can provoke gossip at work.
Gossip at work brings a lot of trouble and negative consequences that prevent you from working calmly. Before you fight gossip, try to avoid it, and in case of unpleasant rumors, do not react or make excuses, just analyze your behavior and learn a lesson that will help prevent gossip at work in the future.
