"A polite person is always safe, but a rude person will be in trouble"
(from the writings of Japanese warriors)
A prerequisite for a normal life in society is the maintenance of optimal relations between its members and the desire to avoid conflicts. This becomes possible only by recognizing the right of each person to attention and respect through the observance of the rules of courtesy.
Unfortunately, in society there is often a manifestation of harshness, rudeness, disrespect for other people. The norms of decent behavior are often neglected, although it is extremely difficult to establish mutually beneficial and harmonious relations in society without courtesy.
What is politeness and its meaning?
Politeness is a character trait that belongs to the categories of "morality" and "behavior".
A person endowed with this quality tends to:
- the ability to communicate tactfully and respectfully with people;
- the ability to find compromise solutions in conflict situations;
- the art of listening to the opposite point of view.
The concept of "politeness" in different cultures has different meanings. What in some countries is considered strange or rude, in others is considered a manifestation of politeness. This is a kind of tool with which people feel comfortable being in society and in contact with each other.
For this to happen, the younger generation needs to be explained what a good tone is. With the help of special exercises, it is necessary to make politeness for children natural.
It is well complemented by delicacy, which is an innate quality, which, unfortunately, cannot be learned, but you can get closer by studying the rules of politeness in children. In addition to parents and teachers, this is successfully facilitated by the teacher's own efforts and inspiring examples.
The criterion by which one can determine how polite a person is can be by the ability not to put people in an awkward position. Being in society, every act and desire inevitably, directly or indirectly, affects others.
Therefore, a boundary must always be established between desires and possibilities. To strengthen it, there is self-esteem and one's own attitude not to cause harm and inconvenience to others.
Where to start?
The first thing a child should learn is the words: "thank you", "please" and "sorry" ("sorry"), and situations when their use is appropriate. For example, the word "thank you" is customary to give thanks, and this word means the one with which we say to a person "God save" for something that he was not at all obliged to do. “Please” means “to give because you love” (from the other Russian “please”), pronouncing this word, we recognize the free will of another. With the word "sorry" or "sorry" we ask for forgiveness.
These words should be used freely, automatically, naturally, otherwise, they sound impolite, with notes of rudeness, disrespect and hostility.
This behavior is typical for teenagers. By his actions, he consciously or unconsciously seeks to prove to others that he is no longer a child. At the same time, he demands respect for himself and the inviolability of his personal space. He regards any intrusion as utter disrespect.
Experienced teachers believe that such behavior is the result of a lack of attention and indifference on the part of people who are authoritative for him. Hence the rudeness, in response - a conflict, a verbal skirmish. A teenager has a reason to show independence, and he slams the door. Here is a familiar situation for many.
The only way out of this situation is to show respect for the child and recognize him as an “adult”. As a result of the showdown, he must understand that being an adult is a responsibility. For example, tell him: “I will not touch your clothes, but you must make sure that they are in order”; "I won't go into your room, but now you have to mop the floor and dust yourself."
Carefully appeal to the idols of the child, do not speculate on his feelings for this or that celebrity.
Only an unobtrusive mention of the best qualities of his hero is acceptable. Take an interest in his biography. It would be good to sort out the negative moments of the life of a star and discuss with the child what was the mistake that led to negative consequences, and what he lost in the process.
There are situations when an outsider gives an assessment of your child's behavior. In this case, the best option would be to adhere to two principles:
- parents are always on the side of their child;
- restraint, which means not getting involved in a conflict and not exacerbating relations with a third party.
What to do with children's spontaneity?
It must be known that it comes from a lack of self-consciousness. After any manifestation, such as pointing a finger at someone and loudly discussing the appearance of an outsider, talking about household chores at a party, you need to talk with the child and discuss the situation.
Ask him to imagine that he, too, may be in an uncomfortable situation.
For example, a mother will tell about his secrets with the same spontaneity, or he will be ridiculed among authoritative people for no reason. Ask him how he would feel in a similar situation.
You can always determine the degree of culture of a person by his behavior. It is pleasant to communicate with a well-mannered person, but rough, vulgar speech leaves the worst impression.
What is politeness
Every person is a social being. People communicate with each other, create families, become colleagues. All members of society deserve respect. To avoid conflicts, insults, annoyance, polite treatment is accepted between the interlocutors.
Politeness is the ability to communicate tactfully, listen carefully to another point of view, show tolerance, and the ability to resolve conflict situations peacefully. Politeness and decency is the very tool by which people feel comfortable, free when communicating with their own kind.
Rules of courtesy
Since childhood, everyone knows the “magic words”: thank you, hello, sorry, sorry, thank you. Tact begins with politeness. This is the international norm. If such a quality as delicacy is considered innate, then good tone can be learned. Polite people know what is always necessary:
- greet;
- saying goodbye;
- ask for forgiveness (when a mistake is made, or cause inconvenience to the interlocutor);
- be interested (that is, provide the necessary minimum of attention, for example, ask: “How are you?”);
- do not push passers-by with your elbows in order to get somewhere;
- do not interrupt the interlocutor, especially if he is older in age;
- do not shout to a friend who is far away.
The best indicator of a person's upbringing will be his restraint. The violent manifestation of negative emotions in public is completely unacceptable.
How to be polite
The rules of politeness are instilled in the child from childhood. Parents are always the first teachers. In the morning, children and parents say to each other: “good morning”, in the afternoon - “good afternoon”, and in the evenings - “good night”. Disputes at home are resolved on a verbal level. Educated parents analyze the causes of the conflict, behavioral error, explain to the child why he is wrong. The child should be given examples of how to act in a given situation. This is how little people are prepared for adult life in society.
Psychologists say: if you start the moral education of a child from 2-3 years old, then they are already 2-3 years late. Children take an example from the closest people. They imitate mom and dad, and it starts from the cradle.
The courtesy and attentiveness of the interlocutor are of particular value. Warmth and goodwill help a person to open up, to show their best qualities. Rudeness, ignorance, rudeness offend human dignity, cause moral harm to the individual. The offended person withdraws into himself, stops contacting the offender. Japanese psychologists have long noticed that a polite person will always be safe, and a boor and a rude person will definitely get into trouble.
Courteous behavior helps a person to acquire new useful contacts, to have many acquaintances, buddies and friends. Parents, in order to teach their child etiquette, must be patient themselves, do not put pressure on the child, do not shout. You can discuss the heroes of the books you read, analyze their behavior.
Secular manners forbid any indecency. When speaking, always be polite.
School teaches politeness
The school is called a second home. Here the educational process is carried out multifaceted, gradually and continuously. The school has its own tools for instilling cultural behavior in the student. There are a number of activities that contribute to the formation of polite behavior, which include:
- themed class hours;
- trainings;
- seminars;
- games.
Here it is customary to simulate situations. Schoolchildren play up the proposed plot: a queue at the store, a visit to the theater, an imaginary trip in public transport, and so on. These interactive methods contribute to the development of sociability, mutual understanding in children, teach the norms of polite behavior in an interesting, creative way.
More about courtesy
You should know that the rules of etiquette have been formed for centuries. The ground rules include a number of priorities to keep in mind, for example:
- a man always greets first, opens the door, gives way to a lady;
- younger ones greet first, give way to transport, help those who are older;
- healthy people allow patients to see a doctor, give way to them, places in public transport;
- subordinates greet the boss first;
- when asking, you must say the word “please”;
- for the help or service rendered, it is customary to say “thank you”, “thank you”;
- if someone is brought inconvenience, grief, trouble, it is necessary to ask for forgiveness, apologize;
- at an official reception, they first greet the owners, and then - by seniority;
- when calling, you must introduce yourself;
- punctuality is the hallmark of a polite, cultured person.
If you follow the rules of politeness, communication becomes pleasant, delivers positive emotions, sets you in a positive mood, and forms a positive outlook on life.
An educational cartoon for children about what politeness is, see below.
The rules of courtesy are the most important attribute of every educated person. Good manners must be learned from an early age, and steadfastly observed under all circumstances, in any environment. Let's find out what are the rules of politeness in communication at home, at school, on a walk, in public places.
What is courtesy for?
Politeness is a manifestation of good upbringing, which directly indicates the level of a person’s culture, the richness of his inner world. The rules of politeness were not created by chance: it is much easier for educated people to expand their circle of contacts and achieve their goals.
In fact, being a polite person is not so difficult. It is enough to instill good manners in yourself and not to forget to apply them everywhere and everywhere. After some time, they will become a habit, and such behavior will become the absolute norm.
Rice. 1. Even small children should know the rules of politeness.
But how does a polite person behave in society? Let's look at the most common life situations.
- When meeting with a familiar person or group of people, it is imperative to say hello. You need to do this correctly: smile friendly, look the interlocutor straight in the eye, pronounce the greeting clearly, with soft, courteous intonations.
You can say hello to friends or classmates by simply saying “Hello!”. For all other people, the greeting should be more restrained - “Good afternoon (morning, evening)!”, “Hello!”, But in no case “Hey, you”, “Hello” and so on. This indicates a low culture of a person.
GAME EXERCISES "RULES OF POLITE COMMUNICATION"
Target: Formation in children of knowledge about the rules of polite communication and skills of polite communication.
Tasks:
1. Teach children to communicate politely with peers and adults.
2. Develop creative abilities.
3. To educate children in politeness, courtesy.
Conduct form: game exercises
Equipment: sheets with the meanings of the word "politeness", with situations, with
rules of polite communication.
Completed: educator of the first qualification category Komarov A.V.
Event progress.
Opening speech. Hello guys! Listen carefully to the poem that I will now read to you, and please tell me what we are going to talk about.
Good afternoon! - you were told
Good afternoon! – you answered.
How two threads were tied - warmth and kindness.
Hello - you tell the person
Hello! he smiles back.
And, probably, will not go to the pharmacy,
And will be healthy for many years.
Why do we say "thank you"?
For everything they do for us
And you could not remember:
Who was told? How many times?
What do you think our lesson will be about today? (children's answers)
Today we will not just talk about politeness, but we will learn polite communication.
Main part. First, let's find out what is "politeness"? What does it mean to be polite? Let's try to deduce the rule? (children's answers)
And now let's compare your answer options with the definition that the dictionary offers us, and compare with our conclusion.
Politeness - Old Russian "vezha" - knowledgeable, courteous.This is the observance of the rules of decency. This is the ability to behave in such a way that others will be pleased with you. Ignorance - reverse meaning - rude, does not follow the rules of decency.
A polite person means observing the rules of decency, well-mannered and courteous (information on the board).
In the everyday life of a polite person, a well-mannered person, there are always words that we call "magic". With the help of these words, even a sad and offended person can return a good mood, cheer up.
Game "Polite words"
Now we will find out if our guys know polite words, words used in greetings. It is necessary to end the rhyme together and correctly.
Invented by someone simply and wisely
Say hello when you meet...(good morning)
The old stump will turn green,
When he hears...(Good afternoon).
Even ice blocks melt
From the word warm ...(Thanks).
When scolded for pranks,
We say "I'm sorry...(please).
If you can't eat anymore
Let's tell mom...(Thanks).
Both France and Denmark
Saying goodbye...(goodbye).
To all of you with much love
I wish you strong...(health).
If the sun sets,
Golden on the trees
We talk when we meet
Everyone I know(good evening)
I met Vitya neighbor,
The meeting was sad.
On me it's like a torpedo
Came from around the corner
But imagine: in vain from Viti
I was waiting for the words(sorry)
It will be easier for us to go and easier to go,
Whenever they wish(have a good trip)
Politeness is not only "magic" words. Politeness is also the rules of decency, the ability to behave in such a way that others would be pleased to communicate with you.
Let's imagine a situation when you go to visit each other for a birthday. Give advice to someone who visits (children's answers).
Now listen carefully to the poem.
If you come to friends
Don't say hello to anyone.
Words: "please", "thank you"
Do not tell anybody.
Turn around and ask questions
Don't answer anyone.
And then no one will say
About you, that you are a talker
Why do you think this poem is called "Advice in reverse"?
(The children answer that you need to do the opposite: say hello when you come, say the words “please”, “thank you”, answer if you are asked about something).
How polite words help greet them, I say
How polite words help Please forgive me
I always have guests
If you don't know the person's name Please excuse me or
to whom you are contacting is best Be kind, tell me
start a sentence with words
Game polite or impolite. I name the situation, and you determine whether the actions in it were polite or not.
Say hello when you meet ... (politely).
Push, do not apologize ... (impolitely).
Help to get up, pick up a fallen thing ... (politely).
Don't stand up while addressing the teacher... (impolitely).
Take a ticket on the tram ... (politely).
Do not give way to the elderly ... (impolitely).
Mom sent you to a neighbor to borrow flour. How will you do it?
You want to invite your comrades to a birthday party. How will you do it?
You came to the store to buy notebooks. How do you contact the seller?
Your comrades invited you to the cinema, but you can't go with them because you haven't done your homework. How will you respond to their offer?
Analysis of situations and drawing up rules of politeness.
After work, my mother cooked dinner, washed the dishes and went to do the laundry. Dad went to the garden to water the cucumbers. And Petya sat comfortably on the sofa and began to watch his favorite program “In the Animal World”.
RULE 1
Marina was given a large set of felt-tip pens for her birthday. The next day, she proudly showed her gift to the girls at school. “I won’t give them to anyone while they are new,” she told her friends.
RULE 2
Kolya, running into the classroom, shouted:
Hello Grey!
I now, with a briefcase, hit the fat Svetka. It was funny when she fell into a puddle!
RULE 3
Once Vova went to the theater. In the tram, he sat down near the window and looked at the streets with interest. Suddenly, a woman with a small child entered the tram. Vova looked at them and turned back to the window.
RULE 4
Natasha has many friends in the class. They often meet, walk, play, do homework together. Natasha is never bored with her friends.
RULE 5
Two passers-by were walking down the street. One is 62 years old and the other is 8 years old. The first one had several items in his hands: 1 briefcase, 3 books and 1 large bundle. One of the books fell.
A book fell from you, - the boy shouted, catching up with a passerby.
Is it, he wondered.
Of course, - the boy explained, - you had 5 things, and left 4.
I see that you know subtraction and addition well, - said the passer-by, hardly picking up the fallen book, - however, there are rules that you have not yet mastered.
What are these rules? What was the boy supposed to do?
What other courtesy rules could you add? (children's answers)
Summarizing. This is where our event ends. What do you especially remember? What new did you learn? What rules of polite communication do you remember?
Politeness - Old Russian "vezha" - knowledgeable, courteous. This is the observance of the rules of decency. This is the ability to behave in such a way that others will be pleased with you.
Ignorance - reverse meaning - rude, does not follow the rules of decency.
Polite person - observing the rules of decency, well-mannered and courteous.
Find answers to situations. Connect with lines.
How polite words help I greet them, I say
find friends im "come in please"
How polite words help Hello, come with you
put up if I offended a friend and be friends.
I want to make up, I can say
How polite words help I'm sorry
be hospitable when
I always have guests
If you don't know the person's name Please excuse me or
to whom you are addressing, it is best to be kind,
start a sentence with words
RULES OF POLITE COMMUNICATION
A polite person constantly thinks about the people around him.
Be polite to your comrades.
A polite person will not cause trouble to another person, will not offend him with an insulting nickname.
A polite person is attentive to people.
A polite person does not quarrel with friends, works and plays together.
During communication between people speech etiquette plays an important role, i.e., verbal forms of expression of polite relations, closely related to certain moments of the situation and due to the cultural level, gender, age, degree of kinship, acquaintance of the participants in communication. In a speech situation, there is always a speaker, his interlocutor, the place and time of speech, the motive and purpose of communication, the topic of conversation, the means of communication.
Speech etiquette is used in a limited range of certain situations, therefore, assessing the politeness and culture of a person, as a rule, they evaluate his ability to follow the rules of speech etiquette.
Speech etiquette reflects the people's experience, the originality of the conditions of life, the customs of each people.
That is why speech etiquette is an important component of national culture.
Etiquette as a set of rules established in society regulates the behavior of people in accordance with social requirements.
Speech etiquette regulates the rules of human speech behavior in society.
The system of speech etiquette is stable, stereotypical formulas for addressing, invitations, requests, thanks, apologies, congratulations, wishes, greetings.
In the composition of speech etiquette, appeals occupy a large place - individual words or phrases used in dialogue.
Appeals reflect the relationships that are established between people in the process of communication, and qualify its participants.
In the system of addresses adopted in society, official relations are manifested that have been established between people belonging to certain social groups.
Appeals are divided into official, accepted in society, and appeals, determined by the informal relations of people.
A change in social relations also leads to a change in the system of speech etiquette: the old forms either go out of active dictionary use or acquire other shades of meaning. Official appeals undergo the greatest change, unofficial appeals change to a lesser extent.
After October, the system of speech etiquette formulas underwent significant changes. New socio-economic and cultural relations destroyed the old system of relations and brought to life new socially determined formulas of speech etiquette. Appeals sir / madam /, gentleman / lady /, sir / madam /, gracious sovereign / gracious sovereign / they began to leave verbal communication, they were replaced by new ones, and the named formulas acquired various shades of meanings. Titles of nobility and the titles of prince, baron were abolished, the class-hierarchical ladder was abolished, and in connection with this, your excellency, your excellency, your lordship, your highness, your highness, your nobility went out of active speech use.
In modern Russian word usage, only some of the official address formulas adopted in pre-revolutionary Russia have been preserved. There are words in the diplomatic language that are not terms in the full sense of the word, but serve to express international politeness. International comity is a concept denoting rules that, without being legally binding, are applied in international practice due to their practical convenience on the basis of reciprocity or at the request of the state applying them. The speech formulas of international politeness are varied. Basically, they are used only in diplomatic relations. Such are the appeals to representatives of the capitalist states, foreign diplomats: sir, madam. In the etiquette of diplomatic relations, titles and forms of titles that are not accepted in the USSR are also used. When addressing the heads of monarchical states, your majesty, your highness are used.
In the official appeals of the heads of capitalist states to the head of the Soviet state, the titles your excellency and the address sir are also accepted.
The address master was still retained after the revolution in a specific bourgeois environment longer than other forms of address. Madame's appeal also lived for a certain time, sometimes it can be heard in colloquial speech even now.
After the revolution, new forms of official addresses appeared - comrade and citizen. The word comrade is a very old word that had many meanings: a comrade-in-arms, an accomplice in a campaign or a trading journey. From the indirect meaning of the satellite, which was already in use in the old days, for example, the boyar / such and such / with comrades, official pre-revolutionary terminology was developed: assistant prosecutor, deputy minister, that is, assistant, deputy minister. After the revolution, the word comrade was used in relation to comrades in the party, in the class. In the late 30s, during and after the Patriotic War, the word comrade began to be used as a common address.
Equally interesting is the life of the word citizen, used as an address. Until the end of the 18th century, the word citizen was used in the sense of a city resident. Then the meaning of the word changed. Already at the beginning of the 19th century, along with the former meaning of the word - a resident of the city, the word citizen is also used in a different meaning: a member of society. In this sense, the word functions in the second half of the 18th century. The word citizen in the 19th century denotes a person who benefits society, subordinating personal interests to the public.
Emperor Pavel tried to put the word citizen out of use in Russia after the French Revolution, seeking to contrast the manners of Russian monarchical society with those of revolutionary France. (It was also forbidden to wear round hats, because the emperor saw this as solidarity with revolutionary France).
After October, the appeal citizen began to be used as an official one, the appeal comrade - as a less official one.
Comrade- stylistically neutral, used more often in relation to a man.
Comrade teacher /driver, policeman, seller, passenger, etc./- official, used in relation to men and women on the basis of the profession or the nature of the occupation at the moment (when referring to a woman, nouns - the names of professions - cannot be used in the feminine form: secretary, etc.).
Comrade chief / manager, director, etc. /- official, can also be used in relation to leaders whose surname and name are known.
Comrades! Fellow delegates / parents, students, radio listeners, TV viewers /- neutral, used as a common form of addressing the audience.
Comrade Petrov!- official, used in relation to an unfamiliar person. Comrade passengers! - we hear in transport. Comrades, dear comrades! - sounds from the TV screen and on the radio.
Universal appeals in the store are combinations: Comrade seller! Comrade cashier! They are suitable for any situation of trading communication. Of course, if the tonality corresponds to the business situation. The call girl! that we hear in stores is hardly suitable for a woman of any age standing behind the counter.
It is more appropriate to address with the “magic” words: Excuse me… Excuse me… Be kind… Be kind… Please tell me… Would you be so kind… so kind… Please… Please come here… Would you say… Would you advise you ... I would like to consult with you ... Help me, please .. Is it not difficult for you to help me ...
Named phrases - these are the most common forms of attracting attention, followed by a question, request, suggestion.
Emphatically polite phrases like Would you be so kind ... Sorry to bother you ... Sorry to bother you ... - are usually used by older people.
We are all buyers. Therefore, communication between the buyer and trade workers should bring satisfaction to both parties. It is no coincidence that in many stores there are signs: “Buyer and seller! Be mutually polite! Each of us has the right to be respected by others, but we also have a duty to respect others. Compliance with the rules of etiquette is an expression of this mutual respect, courtesy: in the store, at work, on vacation, in transport.
In the role of appeals words can appear that help to accurately address speech: nanny, driver, duty officer, doctor, neighbor, etc. By themselves, these appeals are not polite or impolite. It all depends on the situation in which they are used. For example, an appeal to a duty officer in a class is possible - a duty officer, an appeal to an outsider with an armband on duty is a comrade on duty, telephonists of long-distance stations use the word on duty in communication with each other.
A stranger is often addressed with the words: man, woman, grandfather, grandmother, aunt, uncle, mother, mother, father. This form of address is impolite and disrespectful..
An outsider can be addressed with the words: citizen, comrade, young man, girl.
In the television program "Man and the Law" (December 1990), a journalist conducts a survey of Muscovites: what forms of address they use, prefer, offer. Appeals, madam, gentlemen, were perceived as unusual. Often referred to as common girl, citizen. The men, addressing each other (as they said, in their own way), used the addresses man, brother. All respondents noted the widespread use of addresses man and woman.
Today, the attitude to the words citizen, master, comrade in the role of appeals is far from unambiguous and not simple.
In this regard, the polemical article of the journalist N-Andreev in Novoye Vremya is very interesting. The title of the article speaks for itself: "Hello, comrade capitalists!". No less informative is the subtitle: "The fact that all over the world is a matter of education and taste, we have a big policy." So, what is the article about?
“At one scientific symposium, the speaker began his speech with the usual words: Dear comrades!” The comrades sitting in the hall, from such a usual address, began to look at each other in bewilderment, and then they laughed knowingly: Mr. Professor deigns to joke. Paul Craig, a US economics professor and one of the architects of Reaganomics, addressed the Soviet audience in a comradely manner. It was more customary to hear from him: Ladies and gentlemen! ..
It seemed conversion is a matter of education, taste, culture. However, in our socialist society, by the way a person is addressed, one can judge his political orientation, ideology, and class affiliation. The appeal immediately determined the status of a citizen: if a comrade, then, therefore, ours, ideologically tested, class pure. Gentleman - attention is here, this can be suspected of everything: counter-revolutionary, exploitative inclinations, anti-communism. Citizen - there is a clear criminal implication here. There was a comrade, but a citizen under investigation became.
In general, the word comrade has a place in a rather narrow sphere of life - official, party. It was used and is used at meetings, official events. Everyday life, everyday life rejected him. And not for some counter-revolutionary reasons, but simply inconvenient to use it. Comrade, of course, is a proud word, but I want not only pride, but also warmth, gentleness, trust, so that the appeal distinguishes us by gender. Comrade Ivanova - and immediately there is something in a leather jacket, with a Mauser. That is why these monstrous appeals have taken root in our country - a man, a woman, a girl ...
Appeal comrade is attachment to party ethics. And not only to the ethics of the Communist Party, but also to the ethics of the Social Democratic and Socialist parties. Because of what quite curious collisions sometimes arise. At one time, Willy Brandt came to Brezhnev as chairman of the Socialist International. And he turned to the General Secretary of the Central Committee of the CPSU, Comrade Brezhnev. And the general secretary, who before that, during official visits to the FRG, called Chancellor Brandt mister, now addressed the chairman of the Socialist International in his own way: Comrade Brandt. An amusing episode arose during this visit. During the official reception, Andrei Andreyevich Gromyko had to leave somewhere. And Brezhnev casually explained to the guest: "Mr. Brandt, Mr. Gromyko must leave us..."
Apparently, it is worth remembering that the members of the National Socialist Workers' Party of Germany addressed each other only as a comrade. Which, by the way, creates a lot of difficulties for our translators when they need to translate the direct speech of this or that fascist leader. They agreed that they wrote: "Comrades, I am addressing you, your Fuhrer ..."
Today this topic is how to address this or that person - acquires a new political meaning. For example, how do members of the USSR Federation Council address each other? After all, in many republics, the address sir, madam is quite officially introduced. This is how they treat in republican parliaments, in everyday life. And even in the Supreme Soviet of Russia, the appeal of comrade is avoided. The usual address, judging by the transcript of the sessions of the session, is Dear Deputy, Dear Colleagues. Apparently, Mikhail Gorbachev is addressing Vytautas Landsbergis, sir. And to Anatoly Gorbunov, Chairman of the Supreme Soviet of Latvia? In the republic, Gorbunov is a gentleman, but he held a party post in the past. Everything got mixed up...
If we touch on the linguistic origin of the word master, then it has Latin roots, leads a genealogy from the word master. And N. Petrushenko, People's Deputy of the USSR, very sensitively caught this. When discussing the law on property, he said: “Today, we cannot help but be alerted by the words about labor private property, but tomorrow, when billions of the shadow economy and mafia money will make it possible to make private property dominant, will this not lead to the restoration of capitalism? Will the people support you, comrade deputies? And so I want to say to those deputies who proposed this, not comrades, but gentlemen deputies. I wonder how the deputy Petrushenko would address the KamAZ workers who own shares? What-no, and the owners. Are they still friends? Or already gentlemen? Most likely gentlemen. Masters of your property, masters of your destiny. To be a master, one must own something.
We, working in the press, - says N. Andreev, - to our amazement, also fall into the category of "gentlemen" more and more often. A phrase from a reader's letter: "There is nothing to be cunning, comrade journalists, or, perhaps, already gentlemen?" No, no, yes, and it will break through: "These gentlemen are democrats." Of course, we are no masters, we do not own anything, we have no property. But it can hardly be taken as an insult.
Address sir, madam can never be offensive or derogatory. One of my acquaintances in Riga says: “But I like it when they call me madam in the store.” Some new relationships are emerging in life today, and they are reflected in the relationships between people. Including how they address each other. I remember that in the 60s, Vladimir Soloukhin proposed introducing the appeal sir, madam. Then they laughed at it, as if it were a fad. Maybe they would take it more seriously now.
Still, in our life there is not enough benevolence, disposition, if you like - camaraderie. Very often you come across anger, aggressiveness, suspicion. I recently got ready for a business trip to Cherepovets. I learned that there is an enterprise there - the Ammofos association, where people, despite the harsh reality of perestroika, are trying to do something. And they have success. I call the director of the enterprise V. Babkin, by the way, a people’s deputy of Russia: I’m going to you, I want to tell you about the bright things in our life, give people hope ... I stumble on an aggressive tone: there’s nothing for you to do here, I didn’t call you, I don’t want to talk and see you . Here is your fellowship. I wanted to give up on a business trip to Houston - there, I heard, there is an enterprise where they know how to work - to come to the managers: “Hello, comrade capitalists! Share best practices in a comradely way…”
I am sure that many will perceive these notes as a call to abandon the appeal of comrade and go to the gentlemen. I am not calling for anything. Neither the journalist nor even the entire press is able to introduce a new appeal. And even the Supreme Council of the country is not able to do it. You can't introduce this even by a referendum. The social conditions of life must seriously change in order for any new appeal of man to man to be established. It cannot be imposed. Only a society is able to work out how it is more convenient for its members to address each other.
One of the brightest means of showing courtesy is a polite you in accordance with an intimate you.. These pronouns express a certain tone of communication, making it neutral, businesslike, friendly, intimate, or even deliberately rude and impolite.
The transition from you to you (and vice versa) is socially and psychologically conditioned. Originally Russian, traditional, is the appeal to you. For many centuries, Russian people spoke this way to everyone: relatives, older people, higher on the social ladder. Such are the appeals in fairy tales, in prayers to the king, to God. In the 18th century, when the European style of behavior was established in Russia through the efforts of Peter I, an appeal to you appeared in the Russian language, borrowed from Western European languages. The plural appeal to one person originally had a special meaning: you alone are worth many. This, as it were, emphasized the special politeness to each other.
Once in Russia, the European form for you began to mix with the usual, proper Russian forms for you. The linguistic traditions of each nation are very strong and deep. At first, and even later - in the 19th century - the collision of you and you was the cause of many curiosities, comical and absurd speech situations. In L. Chekhov's story "You and You" the following dialogue is given between the investigator and the witness:
Tea, do you know Severin Francych?
You need to say ... You can’t poke! If I tell you ... you you, then you must be polite even more so!
It is, of course, superior! Is there something we don't understand? But listen to what's next...
Zealots of the purity of the Russian language, active opponents of all sorts of borrowings, also opposed the polite European you. V.I. Dal called such an appeal “distorted politeness”, and to make his position convincing, he cited the proverb: “It is better to poke in honor than to poke out with a trick.” The derogatory meaning of this rhyming proverb is obvious.
The clash of two forms of address in Russian, dating back to two different language systems (you are native Russian, you are Western European), is exacerbated by another contradiction. It is connected with the semantic content that fills these appeals themselves.
The appeal to you, which has a long history in Russian, is especially expressive. It can mean, on the one hand, a friendly-intimate appeal that exists between people who are close, well-known, beloved, etc. In conjunction with various words-applications brother, mother, my mother, my father, uncle, uncle, grandfather, my friend, my friend, etc., it is able to reflect the most diverse shades in relations between people and at the same time soften speech, give it exceptional sincerity. The stylistic originality of both appeals was sensitively caught by A. S. Pushkin: You are empty of heart, She replaced by saying a word, And all the happy dreams In the soul of a lover aroused. Before her I stand thoughtfully: There is no power to take my eyes off her; And I say to her: how sweet you are! And I think: how I love you!
Elementary courtesy requires a respectful attitude towards any stranger.
Only a lack of moral education, culture can be regarded as a one-sided appeal to colleagues, especially in relation to older ones. In non-observance of age discipline, arrogance, spiritual deafness and bad manners are manifested.
The transition to you in business communication can only be bilateral and voluntary: this is due to the spiritual rapprochement of people and the warmth of relations. The initiative in the transition to you should come from a senior in age and official position.
Addressing you in the absence of informal relations between people is perceived as an insult, not to mention a violation of etiquette.
Subtle observation is made, for example, by A.P. Chekhov during a trip to Sakhalin. Talking about visiting the cells of the exiles in the Alexander Prison, the writer draws attention to the fact that the guards in the convicts do not see people, but they themselves get drunk in the company of the exiles, they sell alcohol. Therefore, “the exiled population does not respect them and treats them with contemptuous carelessness. It calls them “crackers” in their eyes and tells them YOU. Officials tell the warden YOU and scold him as they like, not embarrassed by the presence of convicts ”(A.P. Chekhov.“ Sakhalin Island ”).
Addressing you without a combination with the name and patronymic can also be offensive: "Listen, you."
In the sphere of business communication these days, the polite you is active. Correctly such an appeal to students and high school students.
“Among the appeals to you and you, a very important place is occupied by appeals concerning the relationship between managers and subordinates,” rightly notes V. Kadzhaya, the author of an article in the Megapolis Express newspaper. Here is what he writes: “Some leaders, addressing their subordinates as you, are trying to bring a kind of theoretical base under this manner of communication: they say, I am a simple person, I got used to it without ceremony. In fact, contempt for the "conventions" of etiquette also turns out to be a "childhood disease of leftism", only in relation to the sphere of human relationships. For a long time, talk about etiquette has not been perceived as a bourgeois relic. Good manners, good manners are one of the facets of culture, therefore a cultured, well-mannered person will never do anything that can offend or humiliate another. It is this humane meaning that is invested in the concept of "education". And the higher the culture of a person, the more self-esteem is developed in him, the more painfully he experiences the appeal of the boss to you. He feels like a humiliated person, and a humiliated worker is always a bad worker.
In a cultured person, you always sound natural and warm, and not cold and prim, as some supporters of addressing you seem to think.
In an official setting, a one-sided you, if it comes from a junior in position, looks like familiarity, and if it comes from an older one, it looks like rudeness, while a two-sided you gives it a hint of familiarity.
“For example, it jars me every time,” writes V. Kadzhaya in the cited article, “when in the program “Facing the City”, G. Kh. Popov, who is deeply respected by me, calls the host of the program Notkin simply Boris, and he calls him by name and patronymic . But Boris Notkin is far from a young man, he is older than the same Sergei Stankevich, who often takes part in the program, but Gavriil Kharitonovich addresses him exclusively as “Sergey Borisovich”.
Formally, addressing subordinates as you is condemned, but far from always and everywhere they speak to subordinates regardless of age, gender and official position.
The author ends his observations optimistically: “Good manners have become an ethical norm that increasingly permeates our relationships at work and at home. You almost never meet a boss who would pound on the table with his fists and unleash a waterfall of square abuse on his subordinates. Times change, and we change with them. We are changing, thank God, for the better” (Megapolis express, 1991, no. 2).
So, you should contact:
- to an unfamiliar or unfamiliar person;
- to your friend or buddy in a formal setting of communication (in the presence of officials, at a meeting, meeting, etc.);
- to equal and senior in age and position;
- with emphatically polite attitude.
Contacting you is possible:
- to a well known person
- in an informal setting,
- in friendships, intimate relationships,
- equal or younger in age.
The change from the usual you to you can be due to various reasons and can also be regarded in different ways.
In an informal setting, this is a sign of emphatic politeness, resentment.
The hero of the story by V. Krupin "In her city" Kovalev is in a depressed state. Everything annoys him, including his wife's conversations. But she does not understand this, and Kovalev angrily throws her:
God! Can't you understand that I, like any person, can have their own joys and sorrows. Can't even an hour be yours?
Well, well, well! You can stay as long as you like with yourself.
When she took offense at him, she switched to "you".
In an official setting, changing you to you (for example, among teachers) is a manifestation of generally accepted norms of treatment that have developed in a given social environment. With students, teachers usually call each other on you and by name and patronymic.
The pronouns you, you, your are capitalized when referring to you to a person indicates great politeness. Such spelling is used when referring to a stranger or unfamiliar person, to an equal and older (in age, position) with an emphatically polite attitude towards him.
In modern speech communication, the formula hello, hello is used to express greetings, stylistically neutral and not having social correlation, formulas are also common, the use of which depends on the time of day: Good morning! /Good morning!/, Good afternoon! Good evening!
Hello is usually used in an informal setting between acquaintances when referring to you. However, the operation of the combination hello, address to you, and by name and patronymic is possible:
Hello, Pavel Mikhailovich! In this case, the use of the formula is determined by the degree of acquaintance of the speakers (close) and age (this is how people of middle and old age usually call each other).
Among the greeting formulas there are many emotionally colored constructions, such as: Whom do I see! Long time no see! How glad I am, how glad I am! How are you doing! Glad to see you!
These constructions are used independently or in parallel with other greeting and address formulas.
Between well-known people (more often young people), casual greetings such as Salyut are possible! Hello!, but they are not literary, and therefore the scope of their use is limited. The most common in speech etiquette to indicate goodbye is the neutral formula - goodbye / see you soon /. In the meaning of farewell for a long time or forever, the word goodbye is used! / goodbye!/.
Constructions are also used to express farewell: be healthy (be healthy), all the best, all the best, all the best, good night, good night, stay happily, have a good trip, good hour, do not remember dashingly, with a hint of wishes, stylistically neutral and indistinct socially marked.
Etiquette formulas of congratulations and wishes occupy an important place in circulation, their use creates an atmosphere of joy, kindness, respect for people - relatives, friends, colleagues.
Numerous devoid of social coloring, stylistically neutral constructions with an organizing center congratulations: congratulations /eat/ you /you/, hearty congratulations /eat/, from the bottom of my heart /from the bottom of my heart/ congratulations /eat/, congratulations /eat/ on your holiday, birthday , New Year.
In an informal setting, when contacting acquaintances or close people, a construction without a verb to congratulate can be used: happy holiday, happy birthday, birthday girl.
The design has a solemnly official shade let / those / congratulate you / you / .
Congratulations are almost always associated with wishes: with all my heart I wish you; I wish you success; happiness; good luck; I wish you all the best; I wish you everything, everything.
The formula of gratitude, which is obligatory for favorable contact, is widespread in speech communication.
In response to good deeds, words, feelings, it is natural for a person to experience gratitude. The moral requirement to repay good for good arose a long time ago, because it is a manifestation of the principle of justice in human relationships.
The arsenal of opportunities to thank a person is quite extensive.. The most common word is thank you, which arose as a result of the fusion into one word of the stable phrase God save, which gradually lost its original meaning. Thank you is used as an etiquette formula on its own or with qualifying words: thank you; thanks for all; thanks for the bread, salt; and thanks for that.
Another series of etiquette formulas of gratitude with the word thank you: thank you / you /, very grateful to you / you /.
To enhance the meaning of the thank you formula, it is possible to use combinations after it: you are very kind, you are very kind, sometimes absorbing the meaning of gratitude and used independently.
In response to gratitude, it is possible to use the word please and phrases: not worth it, not at all /neutral./, always at your service /official./.
The most important element of the culture of communication is an apology. In speech etiquette, the most commonly used formulas, the core words in which are the verbs excuse, forgive.
Very wide social boundaries have a neutral sorry / those / used when referring to a person with an apology for a misconduct, for anxiety, for any violation of etiquette, to warn about something.
When apologizing for a minor misconduct and violation of etiquette, sorry / those / are used.
In the fiction of the 19th century - in Chekhov, L. N. Tolstoy, Dostoevsky, Goncharov, Blok - the form of the verb I apologize is often found, rejected by the traditional literary norm as rudely simple river. In the old, pre-revolutionary vernacular, the form I apologize arose, perhaps not without the influence of politely obsequious obedience, but gradually it became a simple colloquial doublet of the literary excuse.
For example, Chekhov:
Elena Andreevna. When you tell me about your love, I somehow become dumb and don't know what to say. I'm sorry, I can't tell you anything."
“Voinitsky / does not let her in /. Well, well, my joy, I'm sorry ... I apologize /kisses the hand/” /“Uncle Vanya”/.
In combination with the word please, the verbs are sorry! those, forgive! those! denote an enhanced polite request to apologize for what has been done, said, for something unpleasant.
The structural variants of the formulas of apology with the word I ask are very diverse: I apologize, I apologize, I ask you to excuse me, I ask you to forgive me.
The order of the components in the formula can vary: please excuse me, please excuse me.
The above formulas are synonymous with the word guilty / guilty /, which has a wide variety of shades, due to the situation of communication and the individual characteristics of the speaker's speech manner.
Negative models are possible: don't be angry with me; don't be angry that...
Apology formulas like: sorry, sorry, guilty (guilty), I apologize, I apologize - are possible if the speaker is going to disturb someone / with a request, with a question /.
Speech etiquette formulas can become introductory - for example, combinations sorry for the expression, sorry for frankness, sorry for frankness.
The answer to an apology is usually the words: please, it’s not worth it, nothing, what are you, what nonsense, it’s okay, it’s a trifle, etc.
The request is most often conveyed by neutral models: I beg you, I beg you, for God's sake / for God's sake /.
In an informal setting, when communicating with people you know, the formula “be / those / friend” is used, which has the tinge of a friendly request. In combination with other request formulas like “I beg”, it expresses an urgent friendly request:
Tolkachev (Murashkin). Be a friend, don't ask anything, don't go into details... give me the revolver! I beg you!" (A.P. Chekhov. "The tragedian willy-nilly").
The social framework for the functioning of this formula is very wide. The same meaning of a friendly request has a phraseological unit not in service, but in friendship, used in an informal conversation of friendly people.
The request formula is very widely used in various situations, including please and the verb in the imperative form: please, say ...; please explain…; don't talk, please...etc. The verb can come before or after the word please. Just as widely used are request formulas, the organizing center of which is the structure I (by) would ask you + the infinitive of the verb: I would ask you not to interrupt, I would ask you to clarify what was said, etc.
The informal atmosphere, friendly relations between people who are socially equal determine the functioning of the formula in colloquial speech, I have a request for you / you /. The content of the request usually consists in the following remarks: "I have a request for you: call tomorrow."
Often, a request to allow something or to allow something to be done is expressed in an interrogative form. A polite, non-persistent appeal can begin with the words: Can ...?, Isn't it possible ...?, Can I ...?
A formal request can be expressed in the words: allow, allow, but always with a subsequent clarification of the essence of the request.
For example, let me call, let me ask, etc.
The word ask often acts as an independent invitation formula or the organizing center of the formula, drawing attention to what is being asked for.
Please, please - a polite form of treat or invitation to enter, do something.
An invitation to listen to what the speaker is going to report, or to pay attention to something, is expressed by the formula I ask for attention. The content of the action, to which the attention of others is drawn, is usually prompted by subsequent replicas of the dialogue or by the situation.
If someone invites another person to come out to him or break away from the business he is busy with, or just wants to say a few words to him, in the colloquial speech of people who are socially equal in an informal setting, the invitation formula is used for a minute, for a minute, with the meaning of not only invitations but also requests.
The formulas of speech etiquette are structurally very diverse, have different shades of meaning and use, are closely related to the situation, are determined by the subject of the dialogue and many other factors.
