« The character of a person is a book in which there are many encrypted and lost pages” Oksana Sergeeva (author of psychological bestsellers).
Character- a set of mental properties that determine the way of life, human behavior, his attitude to his duties, to other people and to himself. A person's character most directly affects his personal life, relationships with other people, career and well-being.
We are taught mathematics, the Russian language, history, work at school, but they do not teach us to understand people at all, and yet in adult life we have to negotiate and negotiate every day: with our own children and parents, business partners, with loved ones and friends. Do you always succeed effectively?
There are many psychological tests that can be used to form a more or less objective picture of a person's character. But how wrote Arkady Petrovich Egides(PhD in Psychology and a specialist in family and sexology) in the book "How to learn to understand people": "... you will not offer tests to every person before you start communicating with him."
Our ideas about the world are only a part of this world, and not the world itself. Thinking about this situation once, you, for example, will understand why different people have different associations with the word “table”. The masseur will immediately present - a massage table, your spouse - a kitchen table, you - a dining or writing table, a surgeon - an operating room. And this means that our different perceptions often become a stumbling block in constructive communication. And in order to better understand the interlocutor, you need to strive to expand the boundaries of your reality.
So, as you may have guessed, the ability to understand people is a whole science, having mastered which, you can quite easily find an individual approach to each person.
And first you need to make it a rule that life is always luck, and any communication is an art. The main thing is to correctly adjust the angle of view and always remember: only those who know how to get real pleasure from communicating with people achieve success.
If you have a desire to become successful, attract like-minded people, and also learn how to solve issues of any complexity by interacting with people, then this article is for you! In it, we have collected advice from the most famous experts in psychology. The article is aimed at helping to find an individual approach to people with different characters, moral values and life principles, which means making communication pleasant and useful. The original author's rules will help you learn with pleasure!
Mastery Laws
Oksana Sergeeva In the book How to Learn to Understand People, he offers 49 simple rules, using which you can “pick up the key” to the person with the most difficult character. She singles out people who are dominated by active emotions, whether it be joy, anger or anger, she calls them STENICS. And people experiencing such emotions as: sadness, despondency, melancholy, that is, emotions that suppress vigorous activity - ASTHENICS. It is very easy to distinguish them. For example, fear introduces the asthenic into a "stupor", but the sthenic, on the contrary, mobilizes all his capabilities at this moment. Often, communication difficulties arise if both types communicate with each other, that is, one of the interlocutors is a stenic, the other is an asthenic. Asthenics in appearance may seem unemotional people. You need to get used to the fact that their emotions are expressed in a boring way.
We decided in this article to highlight only some of the most important and useful, in our opinion, rules of the above-mentioned book:
Rule number 1. Approaching people without emotions
Such people show their emotions only in extraordinary, stressful situations. Masterfully hide their sympathy or dislike.
Non-emotional people express their attitude to the world differently than emotional people: not through emotions, but through thoughts. The approach to such people can be found quite simply - they need to be able to push them to tell about their impressions. But in the story, do not initially expect emotions; of course, only reasoned conclusions will be present in it.
Rule number 2. Dealing with negative people
People of this type, as a rule, are embittered at life and overwhelmed with negative emotions. They have conflicts with relatives, often dissatisfied with themselves.
You can’t ignore such a person, but on the contrary, you need to try in every possible way to help him relieve this stress - ask him why he is so upset, but in no case try to “get into the soul”. If a person makes contact with you, it means that you have already helped him a little.
Rule number 3. Approach to mood people
Each person has his own emotional background, which is called mood. In life, there are people with a positive emotional background and a negative one. Of course, people of the first group are comfortable in communication, but communicating with people who are always in a bad mood is not a pleasant occupation. Since any little thing, any detail can easily ruin their good mood. So, in a conversation, one should adhere to the tactics of "getting ahead of the interlocutor." For example, if you have to inform such a person of unpleasant news, it is better not to put it off indefinitely. If you report something unpleasant for him at the end of the conversation, then this person will have a residue about the whole conversation as a whole.
Rule number 4. Approach "to people with an explosive character"
A state of affect is an emotional outburst. An affect in severe forms can have very terrible consequences - in this state, people even go to murder. So, be moderately polite and friendly, even if communication with such a person does not give you any pleasure. Be also careful and diligent, for example, to the instructions of the boss, but also have your own opinion.
Rule number 5. Approach to people absorbing someone else's energy
People, the so-called "energy vampires", while communicating with you, can completely deprive you of vital energy. Their features: too curious, want to know everything about you, try to touch you. In conversation, they can seem sweet and balanced. The best advice for communicating with them is to avoid all contact.
Rule number 6. Approach to people-manipulators
Their life is wonderful if they have found a loophole to other people's money, talent, fame. People of this type have, as a rule, an unpresentable appearance: "they are not handsome, but not bad-looking either." Dress casually. They do not differ in any outstanding quality.
It is common for them to beg for help for the last time, but you do not fall for provocations on their part, be firm and adamant.
Rule number 7. Approach to people who cross the boundaries of what is permitted in society
We are talking about people who are able to transgress the rules of higher morality, they are very dangerous for others. For them there are no authorities and principles. It is unpleasant to talk to such people.
It is best to exclude such a person from the circle of acquaintances, since such an acquaintance cannot lead to anything good.
Rule number 8. Approach to shy, timid, touchy people
These are people whom nature has not endowed with a strong-willed, strong character. These are people who are accustomed to having their parents do everything for them since childhood.
You need to be very careful with such people: do not succumb to their persuasions, tricks, otherwise you yourself will not notice how you will turn into a "wish maker".
Rule number 9. Approach to people with off-scale talent
Genius is in some way an anomaly, often bordering on insanity. For example, the famous artist Van Gogh created a large number of his works while in a psychiatric hospital.
When communicating with such people, do not forget to evaluate his talent. Geniuses, like children, also need constant recognition, and every time they are waiting for praise.
Rule number 10. Approach to people with an egocentric type of perception of reality
Such people are constantly striving to create comfort and convenience for themselves. In communication, egoists, leaders. But egoists are actually very vulnerable people: they are so proud that they may not notice the hostility or mockery of others. Compliments are the best medicine for selfish people.
So we got to the last point of our article, but swimming in the sea of effective successful communication does not end there. It is just beginning. I hope you get to know yourself better. And it's wonderful! After all, it is the best and most exciting activity on earth.
How to learn to understand yourself? Materials for answering this question are in.
The topic of this article is how to find an approach to a child, it is important not only to understand how to find an approach to a child, but also to implement this approach in life.
Finding an approach to children is not as easy as one would like. This is a little man, in this article we are talking about children exclusively up to 13 years old. From the age of 13, this is no longer a child, but a teenager, and this must be taken into account.
Children require a lot of patience and endurance from adults, but adults tend to behave like children themselves, since they do not have the patience to find an approach to children, it is easier for them to yell at a child or simply hit him, if only he would stop doing what is undesirable for parents is easier, but it is fraught with negative consequences.
Treat your child as your equal
Children are people just like you, just small. If he has less experience behind him or knowledge, or lived years, this does not mean that you are better than him in some way. It is important to treat children as equals and value them, respect them.
Now, in many families, there is a tendency that children are not people at all, they know little, which means that their point of view should not be taken into account.
This is mistake. If you respect the child and treat him as an equal, he feels it and respects and appreciates you in the same way, he gets used to this feeling in the future, when he grows up, he does not allow himself to be treated with disrespect, he knows how to defend his point of view, become self-reliant and independent.
Shouting doesn't help.
Yell at the children 
it's worth it. This is inefficient for many reasons. First of all, it is your health and nerves, and a child at an early age, especially, will specifically do what you react to by screaming.
The child wants attention when he behaves quietly, you do not pay attention to him, and when he indulges and rages, you are right there. Children immediately see how to attract attention.
Therefore, the best way to approach a child is to pay attention to him and reward him with praise when he does things that are desirable for you, and when he does things for you that you do not want, just ignore it and pay no attention to the child's pampering.
Spoiled child
So that children do not grow up spoiled, their whims cannot be satisfied. When a child tries to get something from you with the help of crying, in no case should you give it to him, because he will remember it and will do it every time. The child will roar and cry every time to get what he wants.
When a child grows up, he will transfer such relationships with his parents to other people and the world. But the world and other people will certainly not give the child what he wants, whether he cries or not.
Excess attention is also the cause of spoiled children, too much attention should not be given to children either, of course, as they grow up, especially up to 3-4 years old, they need to be given this attention, but then when they grow up they need to be given more freedom so that children can plunge into life .
assault
Never raise your hand to children. This is strictly forbidden, such a child will remember it for the rest of his life and dislike you. Relationships will be undermined. Even if he grows deep inside in the subconscious, this pain will be present and will manifest itself in different ways and negatively affect the relationship between the child and the parents.
The assault can traumatize the psyche of the child, and he may grow up to be either a sadist or a masochist, or both. Of course, such children in the future will also bring up their children in a similar way. Remember you , the child is equal to you, but they don’t raise their hands on equal terms
Nobody owes anything to anyone
It is important to understand that you do not owe anything to anyone and the child does not owe you anything. He came into this life to live it the way he wants it, not the way you see it. Do not demand anything from children and do not force them to do anything. You won't be forced to be nice. It is better to give the child more love and freedom, support and help where necessary, but you should not control every step of the child and demand something from him.
Stop expecting anything from your children - you will be disappointed, children should not be like you or live in accordance with yours. , they must be themselves and live as they choose. You just have to help them.
Children need to be taught to be self-reliant and self-reliant.
It is important that the child act more independently, and not that you do everything for him. He needs to learn on his own and live according to them. You just need to guide the child a little and be there, and support if he stumbles.
It is also important to explain to children that only results are important in life, not effort, what is important is what the result will be in the end. If you try, but nothing works out for you, then who needs this effort.
It is important to explain that one should not try, but simply take and do. Teach your children to do rather than try and achieve results, and ultimately on their own.
Conclusions:
- you need to treat the child as an equal, he is the same person as you, and you are no better and no worse than a child;
- shouting at children is pointless, it is better to praise what you like and ignore what is undesirable for you;
- excessive attention is also harmful, this does not apply to very young children;
- do not pay attention to the whims of children, otherwise they will grow up helpless, accustomed to getting what he wants with whims;
- you should never raise your hand to children;
- teach children to make their own decisions in life, to act and achieve results.
If the reader has any question, you can always ask it in the comments under this article.
We often hear from friends that bosses are bad people, they don’t appreciate employees and in general, it’s time to look for a new job. And the boss himself, probably at the same moment, taking off his socks and rolling his eyes, tells his wife that it is becoming more and more difficult to find worthy employees. How to deal with such a difficult relationship with management - write a statement or look for a solution to the problem? Astro7 experts talked about how to build relationships with superiors absolutely peacefully and run up the career ladder under the guidance of a big boss. To do this, it is enough to find out the type of leader and find the right approach to him.
Emperor
In most cases, this is a middle-aged choleric man. He wears expensive business suits with the casual casualness of confident people. He makes decisions unanimously, because he is not just the head of the company, but also its owner. Employees who are in the state, for him, are the usual bolts and nuts of the mechanism. Bolts and nuts that can be changed at the first malfunction.
The emperor is not easy to endure. There is no point in going ahead with your ideas. Even if they promise millions of profits for the company, the undertakings will be criticized "to the smithereens." Don't take too much initiative. Remember, the emperor is the only person in the company who has the right to make decisions. If you absolutely cannot give up your own idea, agree on everything with the emperor. Act slowly and quietly.
Feudal lord
This is a sanguine person under the age of 45 years. He is calm and balanced. A true liberal with an advanced outlook on life and work. The feudal lord "will not sink" to total control over employees, he will not check their mail or look at the computer monitor. Despite such a democratic approach, any jokes behind his back or disobedience will be severely punished. After a visible lull, an explosion will occur. It will be almost impossible to return the relationship to the previous level of trust.
Offer ideas and argue with the feudal lord, but respect the chain of command. Do not take any steps that may undermine the authority of the leader in the eyes of other subordinates.
Looking
This is a phlegmatic person, usually over 40 years old. His characteristic feature is concern for the team. He is interested not only in what is happening at work, but also in the household chores of his subordinates. He believes that the team is a friendly team of like-minded people who will lead any business to prosperity.
Despite the fact that many people speak “you” with such a leader, do not relax. A leader is not a close friend, but a person who controls the work of his employees. A person on whom career growth and wages depend. Telling this type of leader the details of his life outside of work is not worth it, because one morning he simply does not want to listen to exciting stories and will seriously think about finding a replacement. Just communicate as equals, without getting personal, and do all the work on time.
Yours among strangers
A young man, sanguine, under the age of 35. Holds the position of head of department or middle manager. Active and energetic. He knows how to quickly navigate in a working situation and make decisions, he tries with all his might to improve the work of the team entrusted to him in management. Despite the fact that such a leader is close to the team, he tries to stay a little aloof. Likes to create rules that he knows how to follow. No wonder, because he is young and ambitious.
The main mistake that the subordinates of such a leader make is the perception of him as an enemy or adversary. If you are asked about something, try to do it "perfectly". Be sure that an ambitious leader will appreciate this and take note of it. If you have personal problems that prevent you from coping with your tasks, don't be afraid to talk about them out loud. Just do not abuse the trust of management.
Lazy person
This is an inactive melancholic who does not know how to make decisions and prefers to hide behind the backs of his own subordinates or deputies. He may appear in the company very rarely and only to check if the office where his work book is still burned down. The lazy person prefers not to delve into the problems of the team and production processes.
Remember, the basic rule that this type of leadership loves is the rule of "low effort, high profit." If you have a couple of such ideas, try to catch the management in the workplace and offer a plan for their implementation. When describing prospects, use more beautiful numbers and adjectives. Even if the idea does not take root, you will be singled out from the crowd.
Charismatic
As a rule, this is a young woman or a man aged 30-40 years. Choleric. Such a leader looks good and dresses stylishly, a friendly smile never leaves his face. Despite the fact that subordinates know absolutely nothing about the personal life and preferences of the leadership, they respect and love him. A charismatic person is able to make decisions and solve all work issues until they enter a critical phase.
For successful career growth, it is enough to “catch the wave”. Becoming a mirror image of the leader, in the future you can get a good position and salary. Smile and be active, take care of your own appearance and business wardrobe. From the side of colleagues, this may look like a classic “suck-up”, but then you have to choose what is more important: a career or the approval of colleagues.
A good, effective leader. Who is he? What qualities should one have?
Most managers know and can immediately answer this question: it is the knowledge and skills of goal setting and planning, motivating subordinates, delegation and control. We are taught this at the university, we read about it in special and popular literature. Finally, we made up our mind about this, based on our own experience when we were both subordinates and leaders.
All right, but is it enough?
Having knowledge in the field of management, applying them in practice, anyway, someone is always more successful, and someone remains on the sidelines. This is where the question arises about the qualities of a leader, and whether they can be developed.
So who is a leader and how much does the presence of leadership qualities help to lead people?
The leader may be formal, i.e. status leader. This is the administrator. They obey him, because. he is the formal leader.
The second option, the leader is informal. It is good if such a person in your team is loyal to you and the company. If not, then serious problems can arise.
The third option is a formal leader who, at the same time, has leadership qualities - his ability to manage people increases dramatically.
Almost always next to the word "leader" is the word "charisma" or "charisma".
The most general definition is the ability to emotionally influence other people, the ability to lead, to infect with one's ideas. A person with charisma can make his subordinates fall in love with him, convince them that he is right.
However, there is an opinion that charisma is an innate quality, that it either exists or it doesn’t, and, therefore, it cannot be learned - and it’s not worth breaking a spear! This is a great way to justify your inaction and laziness.
I agree that some people, indeed, almost diapers, attract others around them, a kind of “stars” who can easily organize their followers for any business.
For the rest, let's analyze the components of that same charisma. It includes:
1. Confident behavior
2. Bright appearance, originality
3. The ability to convince, including emotionally
4. Possession of the techniques of oratory
5. The ability to please people, the ability to find an approach to people
6. Creativity
7. Ability to make decisions in a critical situation, willingness to take responsibility
8. Ability to set goals
9. Having followers
Is there anything else you would like to add to this list? Do it. Lengthen it, clarify the wording. But even if you leave these main 9 points, then if you wish, this very charisma can and should be developed at home. To do this, there are different ways: 1) be surrounded by special literature on this topic and try to put theory into practice. Difficult, almost like having lunch on the phone. However, human possibilities are endless. Easier, faster and more effective - after all, training. It is a training, not a lecture, not a seminar, to work out the skill on oneself, to try it in an educational, safe environment that is not fraught with serious professional complications.
Confident behavior.
The insecure behavior of a person is largely read by his non-verbal manifestations, i.e. by his posture, gestures, look.
To create an impression of a confident person, strive to take into account these features.
Look directly into the person's eyes, gestures should correspond to what you are saying, not be fussy, and at the same time try not to be squeezed, a kind of "tin soldier". Make sure that gestures support the content of your speech, and do not contradict it.
Speech should not be too fast - it betrays your excitement.
React to attacks in your direction according to the situation, on time.
Bright appearance, eccentricity.
I'm not suggesting building a Mohawk on your head or showing up to a business meeting in a tracksuit. At the same time, something that distinguishes you from the gray mass will allow you to pay attention to you, to listen to your words. Think Sherlock Holmes' pipe, or Mary Poppins' umbrella. It may be some detail that will allow you to associate it with you. As an example, two wonderful business coaches, who always worked together before, conducted their trainings, and also went to negotiations dressed in a special way: He is in a black business suit, She is in red. It worked flawlessly. Moreover, He is the embodiment of confidence, logic, scientific approach, even some kind of conservatism, She is the embodiment of drive, energy, everything new and extraordinary.
The ability to convince.
- Don't make weak arguments. The most convincing order is: Strong - medium - one strongest (Homer's Rule)
- Force the person to answer “Yes” to you several times (Socratic Rule), the decisive question will most likely also answer “Yes”
- Do not drive the interlocutor into a corner, give him the opportunity to "save face" (Pascal's Rule)
- We are condescending to the arguments of a pleasant person, critically to the arguments of an unpleasant one.
- Wanting to convince the interlocutor, start not with the factors that divide you, but with what you agree with him.
- Be a Good Listener
- Check if you understand each other correctly
- Watch facial expressions, gestures, postures - yours and the interlocutor
- Show that what you offer satisfies any of the needs of the interlocutor
Possession of the techniques of oratory.
Write down your speech and rehearse in front of a mirror. Record your speech on a tape recorder or video camera, listen carefully, critically. Make a note of what you would like to change. Play with intonations, voice, rhythm, tempo, timbre, breathing, pauses. Make sure you like yourself.
The ability to find an approach to people, like.
I often hear: "I'm not a gold piece, I don't have to please everyone." Yes, not required. And not everyone. At the same time, the ability to “fall in love” with oneself is one of the main features of a leader. Try to listen to the person and hear him. You will learn a lot. Show that the person with whom you communicate is not indifferent to you. Learn to compliment (and it's not easy at all). They say that Napoleon knew all his soldiers by name. Maybe a legend, but a legend that exalts him. Show your subordinate how you understand him, and gratitude will not keep you waiting.
Creativity.
Creativity, creative thinking should be developed in a child. Moreover, it does not happen superfluous. A non-standard view of things will only increase your authority in the eyes of others. Solve puzzles, charades. Here it is quite possible and according to books.
Ability to make decisions in critical situations.
No matter how cynical it may sound, but a critical situation provides an excellent opportunity to prove yourself as a leader and make it clear to others. If something happened, the first seconds, people are usually in a trance. And this must be used. At this point, any directive order will be executed. However, you must act quickly. If you do not have time to take on this role, someone else will take it. It won't do you any good for your authority. At the same time, we must not forget that the responsibility for the consequences is on you. Ready? Forward!
Ability to set goals.
To lead people, we must clearly understand where we are leading them. And it’s not enough to imagine it yourself, but it’s important to tell about it so brightly, emotionally and beautifully so that people want to go there.
Having followers.
Do not forget that there is no leader without a team. A leader always manifests himself in interaction with other people. Gather like-minded people around you, the so-called "inner circle". Only people will help you realize all your even the most grandiose plans.
Add to this knowledge of management, your experience, and you can really effectively manage people! Good luck!
Photo: Stefano Lunardi/Rusmediabank.ru
Why can we find a common language and make friends with some people who are pleasant to us, while with others we stumble upon a wall of misunderstanding? With some we can talk for hours on completely different topics, but with others - is it even difficult to discuss elementary things? Perhaps the whole point is in the peculiarities of temperament, which must be taken into account when communicating. Let's find out more about what fundamental knowledge you need to have in order to find an approach and build harmonious relationships with people with different types of temperament.How to find an approach to choleric
You need to learn how to speak loudly and clearly enough: this impulsive one does not like slurred and quiet speech.
Cholerics adore, but unless they look like rude flattery, but are expressed sincerely, from a pure heart and honestly.
If a controversial issue arose, do not criticize and do not raise your tone to the choleric, otherwise, instead of a reasonable explanation, you will get a loud scandal. When resolving a controversial issue, it is better to start with sincere praise (you can always find something good!), back up the subject of the dispute with clear and compelling arguments, and end with appreciation for this dialogue. Then there is a chance that the choleric person will be able to change his point of view or give in to the dispute.
Cholerics are very fond of giving instructions to their partner. Always ask him to show you how, in his opinion, to do this or that thing: drive a car, cook soup, play with a child, etc.
To conduct, invite the choleric person to some creative event such as a concert or going to the theater. They simply adore creating cultural programs with subsequent discussion.
How to get along with a sanguine person
Take it for granted that sanguine people strive to please everyone without exception. Therefore, be prepared that his sincere interest and attention will be addressed not only to you, but to everyone around.
Constantly surprise a sanguine person, do not be ordinary for him - and then your relationship will be stable and lasting. This type of temperament cannot stand boredom, indifference and routine.
Be curious about the hobbies of this type of character, support in your endeavors: it is very important for a sanguine person to feel the interest of outsiders in what he is doing.
Sanguine people need encouragement, a positive assessment: they are ready to move mountains if they hear kind words addressed to them.
This type of temperament clearly lacks discipline and organization, so always double-check your joint plans, even if there is a preliminary agreement.
How to find an approach to phlegmatic
Due to natural slowness, the phlegmatic simply cannot act quickly or immediately make or voice his decision. Therefore, all events, whether it is a date or a trip to visit, should be planned in advance.
Phlegmatic people do not tolerate all sorts of suddenness: they need not only to get together, say, in the theater, but also get used to this thought in advance. Therefore, let them know about your plans ahead of time.
Do not even try to impose your opinion, demands or fulfillment of conditions on this type of temperament. For a phlegmatic person, there is only his personal choice and path. Otherwise, you will provoke such a fit of rage that it will not seem enough!
In a relationship, phlegmatic people will not clearly show their feelings and emotions, but this does not mean that they are “crackers”. You need to learn to read the "internal" emotions and mood of your secretive partner.
Phlegmatic people tend to underestimate their abilities, so believing in them will help overcome doubts about their abilities. Let them know often that you believe in them.
How to get along with a melancholic
Accept that the melancholic, due to the peculiarities of the nervous system, is very vulnerable, vulnerable, subtle and capricious.
This type of temperament, like no other, needs praise, attention and support. However, it will very easily lead you to clean water if the compliments are insincere and do not come from the heart.
Do not take to heart all the complaints, ailments of the melancholic: you still won’t help him, but you can harm your own psyche.
Do not rush to be offended if your proposals to go out, for example, to a club, cinema, party, the melancholic refuses: he prefers solitude with a book or sitting in front of the TV in a calm home environment.
Remember that melancholic people are the most non-punctual people, so consider this fact if you make an appointment or a date. The thing is that these comrades perceive time more slowly than reality dictates.
Knowing the peculiarities of dealing with different types of temperament will allow you to build smooth and harmonious relationships both at work and in your personal life. And you yourself will be known as a real diplomat, able to find a common language with any person.
