Recently, the head of a trading company asked us what to do with clients who are constantly dissatisfied with the service, "squeeze all the juice" out of client managers, finding fault with all sorts of trifles. His question was about what tools and what skills sales managers should have in dealing with such "obnoxious" customers.
And indeed, if you work with clients, then sooner or later you are faced with a situation where the client makes unreasonable claims or simply scandals out of the blue. Or maybe his claims are quite justified, but you still cannot fulfill the requirements of the client and are forced to adhere to the regulations.
We analyzed our experience and the experience of our colleagues in dealing with difficult clients and prepared this article. In this article, we decided to focus only on those situations in which the client manager has no choice but to politely refuse the client's request. But do it in a way that maintains a relationship with the client.
In the course of conducting a series of specialized for one bank, we, together with the participants of the training, identified 4 basic principles of "polite refusal".
Polite but Firm Refusal Principles
Principle #1. Give arguments if you refuse.
The wording of the refusal should contain a reference to the facts, because of which the manager has to refuse the client. Bottom line, the use of these arguments should leave the impression that nothing depends on the client or the manager at the moment.
An example from our practice:The training discussed a situation where a corporate client of a bank was outraged that he had to "unreasonably pay an additional commission to the bank for a simple operation with his bank account."
A young client manager said something like this: “This is such a commission. I can't do anything about it. You will have to pay."
And, according to the majority of participants in the training, this line of behavior of the manager was not very convincing for the client.
And what would be more convincing in this situation?
Applicable to the above situation, the phrase of a competent client manager could sound like this:
“According to the banking service agreement signed by you and us, these operations are charged at a rate of 0.1% of the amount. This is the standard amount for banks. This amount has been debited from your account on the basis of an agreement.
Principle number 2. Avoid negative wording from the series: “we can’t”, “we won’t”, “we don’t”
Even for very loyal and non-conflicting clients, such negative formulations are rather "irritants" rather than "sedators".
Moreover, this immediately puts the company, which thus refuses the client, in a disadvantageous position for it: either in the position of a "tyrant" who does not want to do anything for the client, or in the position of a weak one.
In any case, the client has no choice but to react aggressively, swear and be indignant in order to “break through” the blank wall of misunderstanding.
A more peaceful and reconciling phrase could look like this:
- “We can, but within such and such a framework”
- “We can, but under such and such conditions”
- “We can provide for clients. What you are asking for is not included in these services…”
According to our practice, a manager can be additionally persuasive by referring to one or another good reason, because of which he has to refuse a client.
Example: “According to the agreement dated January 25, 2016, under the terms of service, you can conduct transactions on your bank account in the amount of this with a commission.”
Principle number 3. Give the client an alternative
In the previous paragraph, we already talked about the fact that when a “blank wall” is erected in front of the client, he can only beat on it, be indignant, trying to break through this wall.
If the client manager has such an opportunity, we recommend immediately offering the client an alternative path. So that the manager in this case concentrates the client's attention not on the refusal itself, but on how, albeit not in the most convenient way, this problem can still be solved.
The following options are available here:
- Let the client know that there are alternative ways to solve their problem. Even if these options are not very convenient
- “You can order the amount through me and receive it without commission in 3 days”
- "You can withdraw money from an ATM / cash desk, the commission will be less"
- “I understand your dissatisfaction. You can write a claim or a wish, and I will make sure that it is considered as soon as possible.
Principle number 4. Train the right emotions in your voice
Unlike the three previous principles, here we will not talk about what exactly needs to be said, but with what emotions in the voice the client manager should do it.
- Regret and sympathy. So, if there is too little regret in the voice, then the client may be offended by the lack of proper attention to him from the client manager.
- Perseverance and firmness. On the contrary, if there is too little firmness, then the client may have a feeling that maybe, if you strongly insist on your own, the organization will cave in and still go to the meeting, and the manager will bypass the rules and will not refuse to resolve the issue.
A client manager who works on the front line with difficult clients simply needs to periodically "refresh" the individual balance setting: perseverance (firmness) and empathy (regret).
How to do it? First of all, these things must be rehearsed and worked out: with the help of colleagues, at trainings, with the involvement of friends.
Our goal is to increase the odds, not guarantee a win
Using all four principles of polite refusal, of course, is not a guarantee that the client will accept all your offers. Also, these tools will not change the current situation - the client will still be unhappy with what happened. But something will happen for the sake of which it is worth at least trying to use these tools - the manager will achieve his goal faster.
Alexey Leontiev, Andrey Barsukov
Clientbridge
Should I learn to say "no"? Of course! This skill needs to be developed until you feel free and confident. Many people get uncomfortable when they imagine they need to say no. But in fact, it is not difficult if you realize how stupid it is to waste your own life on the whims of others.
Can you learn to refuse?
Of course you can. This is a feasible task for any person. But in order for the refusal to sound unshakable, it is necessary to speak firmly and confidently. Then there will be no embarrassment and guilt, you can refuse without offending.
Our whole life is communication. People interact with each other, support and help. But sometimes a situation arises when the only right way out is to refuse the request. This is where the problems begin. How to refuse? Is it necessary to refuse at all, or is it worth putting other people's interests above your own? How to get rid of the feeling that you did not lend a helping hand? There are many reasons for concern.
Why are we afraid to say "no"?
External causes are different, but the root of the problem lies in the fact that a person has an internal imbalance, because he had to refuse help. This conflict negatively affects the emotional state and causes moral discomfort. First of all, you need to realize that you are not the epicenter of why your friend is in a difficult situation. It's not your fault that he needs help.
In order for the refusal not to bring internal disharmony, it is necessary to determine the motivation for which you do not want to fulfill the request, and evaluate how objective it is. This is the first step to victory. The next step will be to study the ways and tricks of how to politely refuse the interlocutor and not offend him.
If a person is unfamiliar
How to refuse? In this case, you don't have to worry at all. Just say "no" if the request makes you uncomfortable. To reduce the risk that further relationships will be severed, it is worth clearly and distinctly stating the reasons for your refusal. Strong arguments are the best way to maintain friendly communication. For example, "I can't do you a favor because I'm busy at work." If the person continues to insist, there is no need to make excuses, just repeat a firm “no” one more time.
Why is it important to be able to say no?
Thousands of times life puts you in a situation where they want something from you that you cannot or do not want to give. If you do not know how to politely refuse, there are two options.
- Submit and do what you don't want to. Unpleasant emotions like annoyance, irritation with yourself and those who made you do it, the feeling that you were used, etc., will not keep you waiting.
- Refuse, but incorrectly (ignore or offend). Relations deteriorate, sooner or later people will start asking you: “why couldn’t you say it normally ?!”.
ON THIS TOPIC…
(on the example of relations with a housekeeper)
What is important to understand
1.
You do not reject the person entirely, but only reject his specific request. You can still treat the petitioner well as a person, and he - to you.
2. A polite refusal of a request is quite normal and natural. I think you will agree that not all requests of all people are subject to immediate satisfaction. Therefore, by refusing, you are not doing anything wrong or illegal. You and the petitioner are separate people, and you should not make excuses for living separately from the needs of another person
3. Think about whether you are overestimating the cost of rejecting someone. Perhaps it only seems to you that you will greatly offend the person asking or even destroy your relationship. Of course, it all depends on the life situation, but in most everyday situations, the damage will be small, if at all.
Step 1: Understand and Paraphrase
At this stage, it is important to clearly understand why exactly you do not want or cannot fulfill the request (for example, you have other plans for this time, you are not able to do what you are asked, or you do not want to work for free).
If you can’t immediately figure out whether you want or don’t want to fulfill the request that was just made, use paraphrasing. Repeat in your own words what you heard. “Are you asking me to take you to the construction market on Sunday?” This will give you a few seconds to think.
If you don't need time to think (you wanted to say "no" before the requester even started talking), then you don't need to paraphrase - go to the next step.
Step 2. Express gratitude or positive attitude
How to politely refuse a request? - Start with something pleasant: for sure, somewhere deep down you are glad that you were asked. If you don’t think so at all, still try to squeeze out a few words about how wonderful it is that they turned to you. Expressing a positive attitude to a request does not have to sound pompous or like in a historical movie script: “Thank you, my friend, for such a great honor.” It can sound much simpler, like "I'd love to go with you" or "It's great that you're doing a renovation - great idea."
Step 3: Say the word "no" and give a reason
In the last century, psychologists have proven that the mere fact of providing a reason, no matter how strange or too simple, increases the chances of understanding (read more in). You are not required to tell the truth and nothing but the truth, you may well get by with some kind of explanation that looks like the truth. For example: “No, I can't. Unfortunately, I have to take the children to the clinic at this time.” That, in fact, is the whole method of how to politely refuse a service. Understand, give thanks, say no with a reason.
Important: Now that you know how to politely refuse a person, move on to practice practice. I advise you to start by training with a friend. Ask him to use all sorts of “bad” methods on you: let him threaten you, blackmail you, beg, suck up and whine. Your task is to resist and stay within the three steps: catch, thank, say no, giving a reason. If you find that threats do not affect you, but you cannot remain indifferent to whining, then this is your “weak spot”, and if possible, they will immediately put pressure on it. Therefore, you should focus specifically on practicing countering whining.
Dear readers, today we will talk about how to politely refuse a friend's request. You will learn how to behave so as not to offend him. You will learn what mistakes you can make when making your refusal.
Failure types
If you do not know how to refuse a friend, then, depending on the situation, you can use one of the following types of polite refusal.
- Frank. Sometimes it’s better to just say a firm “no”, without arguing it with anything, only adding the phrase that there is no free time or desire to do this, or simply it’s not possible to complete the task.
- Sympathizer. If your friend is used to achieving everything with the help of pity, then it is better when communicating with him to focus on the fact that you regret, but are not able to help him in this situation.
- Justified. This type would be appropriate if you need to refuse someone older in position or age. It is necessary to name the true reasons for the refusal, preferably two or three, only all arguments should be short and clearly formulated.
- Deferred. If it is very difficult for you to refuse someone to help, then this type of refusal will be ideal, you will be able to think about the current situation, if necessary, seek advice from friends. So you will be insured against rash steps.
- Compromise or otherwise - refusal by half, That is, they are ready to help, but only partially and on the terms that are convenient for you.
- Diplomatic. Together with the person who is asking for something, you will try to find ways to solve the problem.
Mistakes
Let's look at how not to refuse a request, what actions are unacceptable.
- Speak indistinctly, turn away from the gaze of the interlocutor. So the comrade will decide that you are trying to get rid of him, to leave as soon as possible.
- Talk a lot and quickly. This may give the impression that you are lying, even if you are.
- Too long to apologize. Even if you are really consumed by guilt, you don’t need to demonstrate it, otherwise the interlocutor will get the impression that this really is your fault.
- It's rude to refuse.
- Give too many arguments. It is better to choose the highest priority.
- Do not promise mountains of gold, do not give another false hope, wasting on your answer.
How to refuse a request for money
If a person came to ask for a loan, and you do not have financial capabilities or you know about his unreliability, then you need to think about how to answer so that the interlocutor does not get the impression that you are just holding money.
- Say that you yourself are looking for someone to borrow from, because it turned out to be a difficult month, a lot of money was spent on celebrating birthdays and gifts for relatives.
- Say that you plan to start repairs tomorrow, so all the money goes to the purchase of building materials.
- You need to repay the loan, all funds go to this.
- Say that you give your salary to your wife or husband, and it is difficult to beg for at least some finance from your partner.
- If you plan to go abroad, money is vital.
- We planned to buy a gift for our wife, which requires large financial costs.
- If a person previously borrowed, but never repaid his debt, you can justify your refusal with this.
- Invite a person to take a loan from a bank, it would be better if you advise a place with low interest.
- If a person needs not specifically money, but some kind of help, for example, money is needed for a taxi to go to the hospital, offer him a lift. If there is no money for food, share the products. If he was left without a job, tell me where to go or offer an option to make money online.
For work
- If you do not want to do his work for another, know how to refuse.
- If the request of a colleague is not very big, and you spend a minimum of time to help him, help. If a person simply sits down on his head and wants to perform the assigned tasks for him, it is better, as gently as possible, to refuse him this.
- Say that you yourself have too many things to do, you have a blockage, you do not have time to complete the tasks. Invite the person to plan their time so that it is freed up for all tasks.
If your boss wants to send you on a business trip, you can refuse him if you don't want to. The main thing is to do it politely and carefully.
- If there are children, say that there is no one to pick them up from the garden, or no one to sit with.
- Say that your parents are sick and they need your care and supervision, daily visits.
- Tell your boss that you have an unfinished project hanging on you and you need to complete it, and not go on a business trip.
- If you do not have a passport or it has already expired, and they want to send you abroad, tell us about it.
- If the travel allowance is paid after the fact, say that you do not have money for the trip.
- No need to rush to answer. First, consider all the pros and cons of your help. Is the voiced offer fraught for you, why exactly did you decide to refuse. It is important that the arguments made are substantive.
- Refuse when you are decisive and absolutely confident in your words.
- Remember to be firm but not cruel at the same time.
- Try not to lie, but to find really existing arguments.
- Start your response with a compliment. Tell me how nice it is that a friend turned to you. Explain that for some reason you cannot follow his suggestion.
- If a friend asks for a task to be completed now, you can ask to move it to the next day if you can really complete the request later.
- No need to be rude, respond aggressively. Don't use annoying words.
- End the dialogue with a phrase that will not indicate problems in your relationship, so that the interlocutor does not leave a bad aftertaste after your conversation.
Do not be afraid to refuse people, first of all, you need to think about yourself. At the same time, you should not be a callous cracker and push everyone away from you. If you are able to help in some way without harming yourself, it is better to help. Who knows, maybe next time you will need someone's help.
Quite often it happens that people have to do what they don’t want to do at all, and all because they simply could not refuse a request from relatives, friends, colleagues in time. Is it possible to save yourself from performing unpleasant assignments and how to learn to refuse people? In fact, this is not so difficult to do, the main thing is to heed the recommendations of experienced psychologists.
Experts say that those who constantly agree to help others to the detriment of their own interests, sooner or later face problems such as headaches, stress, depression, dissatisfaction with life. Is it worth putting yourself in such danger or is it better to try to understand how to correctly and tactfully refuse the asking person?
First of all, you need to determine whether a friend, relative or colleague really needs help. Perhaps he simply wants to shift the execution of duties that are unpleasant for him onto other people's shoulders. If we are talking about a task with which the asker can perfectly cope on his own, spending a little more time and effort, you just need to rid yourself of guilt.
They ask for a favor, as a rule, those who have a high degree of responsibility for everything that happens and are distinguished by perfectionism (the desire to bring everything to the end). Therefore, you need to understand for yourself: it is impossible to do everything for others, and no one is to blame for this, except for those who have not managed to correctly plan their time and effort to solve their affairs. So, the first “secret” of how to competently refuse a person’s request is to decide for yourself that you owe nothing to anyone and put your interests in the first place.
Ability to handle different forms of rejection
There are several simple ways that can help how to refuse a person culturally and at the same time not offend him. The most banal, but at the same time the most effective, is to refer to your own employment, especially if this is true. In some cases, a friend or colleague may go further and ask for a favor “for the future”, that is, when you have free time. Experts recommend not to give instant consent, but to warn: it is possible that after the end of the first case you will have a second, third, and so on.
If the asker is especially persistent, you can set a condition for him, for example: “I help you with this, and you do this for me, because otherwise I simply won’t be able to find the time to help you.” It's called "the right way to kill two birds with one stone." The acquaintance gets what he asked for; At the same time, you do not lose anything, and, most importantly, warm relations remain between you.
Refusal does not mean offending
In some cases, you can say a firm “no” without excuses and explanations of the reasons - when an unfamiliar or not too close person makes a request. In such situations, even to apologize is not necessary, especially when it comes to some burdensome or unpleasant things. Tactless individuals may begin to ask for an explanation of the reason for the refusal, but they do this completely unreasonably: you are an adult and should not report to strangers who are not even your friends or relatives. As a last resort, the answer “I cannot help you due to personal reasons” is allowed, without detailed explanations.
When someone close asks for a favor, of course, it is more difficult to answer the request in the negative, but even here there are several options for how to refuse a loved one and at the same time not offend him. For example, you can say that you simply do not understand the question that you are asked, or you are afraid to solve the problem badly, incorrectly, because you do not have enough knowledge, experience, and competence. Educated people will never impose a difficult case and will try to turn to someone else who is better versed in the subject.
The main thing is not to succumb to persuasion
Sometimes the asker tries in every possible way to persuade him to agree - by persuasion, entreaties, and even blackmail. It is worth going on about once, and you will forever open a "loophole" that unscrupulous acquaintances will use. With such people, you need to behave decisively, and not be afraid to offend them with a refusal: they, in turn, do not think about your feelings at all, and about what they can make you uncomfortable.
Psychologists even single out such a moment that a request can correctly say a lot about a person: about his character, principles, rules of life. Perhaps a rude request will become a kind of “litmus test” that will make you think about whether you need to continue communicating with this individual.
Deny…temporarily
Of course, not all requests should be denied; it is important to distinguish between the empty whims of others from truly important appeals. In some situations, it is difficult to immediately find out how difficult and time-consuming the task will be, and whether it is feasible at all. Experts recommend not to agree instantly, but to take time to think, that is, to refuse a person, but temporarily. It is enough to say that you now have more important things to do, and only then, in a calm and peaceful atmosphere, think over all the details of the request and make the right decision.
If it turns out to be simple enough, you can meet halfway, but when it comes to an unpleasant or too difficult issue, you can again culturally refer to employment or directly declare unwillingness to help, as this will take too much time and effort, so necessary for solving their own issues.
Video answer on the topic "How to refuse and not become an enemy" from the program "Success"
Partial "no"
Learning to refuse people without offending them seems difficult at first, but over time, the ability to culturally say a reasoned and firm “no” can become part of the character, freeing up time for more pleasant activities - walking with friends, activities with children, meeting with loved ones. For those who cannot instantly turn from a universal "assistant" into a person who can tactfully refuse, experts recommend learning to do it gradually.
For example, when a neighbor asks her to walk her dog, there are three possible responses for “beginners”:
- only on certain days of the week
- only in good weather
- no more than 15 minutes
On the one hand, you agreed to help, on the other hand, you took into account your interests and chose the most acceptable conditions for yourself.
What about "yes"?
It is possible and necessary to provide services to others! Just do not at the same time "put yourself on the neck" of everyone who wants to receive gratuitous and high-quality assistance. It is always necessary to put your own desires and priorities in the first place, and even in those cases when one of your friends was offended by being refused, this does not mean that you are a bad person. Rather, it will mean that a colleague or comrade communicated with you, solely for his own benefit. Appreciate your personal time, it is an irreplaceable resource!
