How to politely refuse so as not to offend a person? How to say a firm "no": advice from psychologists, examples of phrases. How to refuse a person so as not to offend: the best phrases

Why is it important to be able to say no?
Thousands of times life puts you in a situation where they want something from you that you cannot or do not want to give. If you do not know how to politely refuse, there are two options.

• Submit and do what you don't want to. Unpleasant emotions like annoyance, irritation with yourself and those who made you do it, the feeling that you were used, etc., will not keep you waiting.
• Refuse, but incorrectly (ignore or offend). Relations deteriorate, sooner or later people will start asking you: “why couldn’t you say it normally ?!”.

ON THIS TOPIC…
(on the example of relations with a housekeeper)

What is important to understand
1. You do not reject the person entirely, but only reject his specific request. You can still treat the petitioner well as a person, and he - to you.

2. A polite refusal of a request is quite normal and natural. I think you will agree that not all requests of all people are subject to immediate satisfaction. Therefore, by refusing, you are not doing anything wrong or illegal. You and the petitioner are separate people, and you should not make excuses for living separately from the needs of another person

3. Think about whether you are overestimating the cost of rejecting someone. Perhaps it only seems to you that you will greatly offend the person asking or even destroy your relationship. Of course, it all depends on the life situation, but in most everyday situations, the damage will be small, if at all.

Step 1: Understand and Paraphrase
At this stage, it is important to clearly understand why exactly you do not want or cannot fulfill the request (for example, you have other plans for this time, you are not able to do what you are asked, or you do not want to work for free).

If you can’t immediately figure out whether you want or don’t want to fulfill the request that was just made, use paraphrasing. Repeat in your own words what you heard. “Are you asking me to take you to the construction market on Sunday?” This will give you a few seconds to think.

If you don't need time to think (you wanted to say "no" before the requester even started talking), then you don't need to paraphrase - go to the next step.

Step 2. Express gratitude or positive attitude
How to politely refuse a request? - Start with something pleasant: for sure, somewhere deep down you are glad that you were asked. If you don’t think so at all, still try to squeeze out a few words about how wonderful it is that they turned to you. Expressing a positive attitude to a request does not have to sound pompous or like in a historical movie script: “Thank you, my friend, for such a great honor.” It can sound much simpler, like "I'd love to go with you" or "It's great that you're doing a renovation - great idea."

Step 3: Say the word "no" and give a reason
In the last century, psychologists have proven that the mere fact of providing a reason, no matter how strange or too simple, increases the chances of understanding (read more in). You are not required to tell the truth and nothing but the truth, you may well get by with some kind of explanation that looks like the truth. For example: “No, I can't. Unfortunately, I have to take the children to the clinic at this time.” That, in fact, is the whole method of how to politely refuse a service. Understand, give thanks, say no with a reason.

Important: Now that you know how to politely refuse a person, move on to practice practice. I advise you to start by training with a friend. Ask him to use all sorts of “bad” methods on you: let him threaten you, blackmail you, beg, suck up and whine. Your task is to resist and stay within the three steps: catch, thank, say no, giving a reason. If you find that threats do not affect you, but you cannot remain indifferent to whining, then this is your “weak spot”, and if possible, they will immediately put pressure on it. Therefore, you should focus specifically on practicing countering whining.

In today's world, the ability to refuse is valuable, as is the ability to come to the rescue. Having once agreed that it is unpleasant or undesirable to do, a person runs the risk that he will be bothered to fulfill this request repeatedly.

Those who are not ready to make a return gesture will seek help without remorse.

It happens that a person, having a trouble-free comrade nearby, constantly shifts part of his obligations to him. Not everyone can say “no” culturally and competently. Consider the basic phrases that help politely refuse a person without offending him:

1. outright refusal. The method will become an effective refusal of a request to an annoying friend. You should not look for excuses for not fulfilling the request - this will cause doubt in the asker.
2. Sympathetic rejection. This type is suitable for people seeking a feeling of regret with their requests. It would seem that it is impossible to get past the situation, but even here there will be an option to delicately reject the request, saying "I'm sorry, but I can't help."
3. Delayed Rejection. The option will come in handy for people who absolutely cannot say “no”. If for a person, refusal is considered a whole drama, we suggest postponing it for a while.

   The answers “I need to consult”, “I will give an answer later when I return from vacation” can be beautifully refused to arrogant interlocutors.

4. Reasonable Refusal. The essence of this method is to announce the real reason. For example, it is necessary to go to the cinema with the child, go to the country to the mother, attend a solemn event.

   This type is suitable for refusing to meet, while for persuasiveness it is desirable to name 2-3 reasons.

5. Diplomatic refusal. The method is suitable for polite, reserved people who offer an alternative in return. Correctly refuse with the phrase "I can not help, but I have a friend who deals with this issue."
6. Compromise refusal. Suitable for people who always help those who ask. Properly offering a compromise, you can turn the situation in your favor.

   If the interlocutor asks to sit with the child all day, answer: "I can sit with the baby, but only from 12 to 17 hours, due to the fact that I already have things planned."

Know that you can't say no to everyone. There will always be people who need the help and location of outsiders. Therefore, it is important to distinguish between those who really need help and those who simply want to shift their circumstances onto the shoulders of another person.

Options for different situations

Quite often it happens that a person has to do what he does not want to do. Situations surround people all the time: colleagues, boss, relatives, children, friends. In such a case, it is important to show confidence, while remaining in a good relationship.

Note! The most common request is for money. Having loaned funds to a person once, you can expect that he will come with a request again.

Psychologists agree that constant reliability is fraught with stress, headaches, and insomnia. The main problem of such people is the reduction of time to satisfy their own needs, as well as the inability to live a personal life, to fulfill their dreams.

Askers appear from everywhere, they cannot be refused or offended, so you have to agree. Consider possible situations and their solutions.

Saying "no" to an obsessive stranger is easy - in this case, the need to value communication, authority or one's position disappears. Another thing is to give a negative answer to those with whom you don’t want discord in a relationship. When forming your opt-out, pay attention to the following undesirable actions:

1. Do not look at the interlocutor and speak incomprehensible phrases. Then the opponent will get the impression that the person refuses, looking for all sorts of excuses for refusal.
2. Constantly apologize. If, after a negative answer, remorse will torment you, you should not show this to your interlocutor. So you will contribute to his conclusions about guilt.
3. Talk too much. Such a move may arouse suspicion that a person is being deceived, trying to tell him a lie.
4. Operate with a large number of arguments. Maximum - 2 reasons for refusal, otherwise it will give the impression that other arguments were thought out on the go.
5. Promise too good an alternative. Rid your opponent of false hope. If a good alternative is not expected, it is better to refuse immediately.

There is always the option of partial refusal - a good way if you do not want to spoil your relationship with a person. It implies putting forward its own conditions, which the opponent must accept in order to reach a consensus.

Important! Do not promise a person golden options if you cannot fulfill the request - this will worsen your reputation, bring discord in communication, spoil your authority.

A correct, polite refusal is the key to a long-term calm relationship. Learn to do it right and only when you really can't help the person.

Useful video

Similar posts

Instruction

First, learn one truth: you do not have to make excuses for your rejection, even if it is a rejection of a loved one. The more helplessly you make excuses, the more you risk ruining your relationship with the person. If you are so lamenting, then why are you refusing? Such a discrepancy is incomprehensible to the person whom you refused, and offends him more than the very fact of refusal. Give a reason only if it really exists and it is serious.

Sometimes the most honest option is to say a blunt no, but it's better to do it in a gentle way. For example: “no, I can’t do it”, “no, I prefer not to do it”, “no, I don’t have free time right now”. Perhaps the interlocutor will begin to provoke and persuade you, but you stand your ground, not getting involved in the discussion.

A softer form of refusal is to show participation and understanding to the problem of the interlocutor. If a person puts pressure on pity, you can calmly listen to him, sympathize and refuse. For example: “I understand that you are very tired, but I cannot fulfill your request”, “this is a really serious problem, but it is not in my power to solve it”, “I understand how hard it is for you, but I cannot help in this situation ".

There is one trick called delayed refusal. It is suitable for those people who do not know how to refuse at all. It is also good to buy time and think a little, weigh the pros and cons. You just need to ask the person for some time to think. This can be expressed something like this: “I don’t exactly remember all my plans for tomorrow”, “I want to consult with ...”, “I need to think”, “I can’t say right away.” If you are a reliable person, try to use this technique at all times.

There are situations in which you need to refuse partially. State your terms, what you agree to and what you don't. This happens if you really want to help in some way in a particular situation, but the person is asking for too much. You can answer: “I’m ready to help with… but not…”, “I won’t be able to come every day, but I can do it on Thursday and Saturday”, “I’ll give you a ride, but if you come on time”. If you do not agree to any of the conditions offered to you, but sincerely want to help the person, ask: “maybe I can help with something else?”.

Sometimes you really wish you could help, but you don't know how. In this case, try to look for options together with the person asking. It might actually be within your power to do something. You can also refuse and immediately offer help in finding a specialist who can definitely help in resolving this issue.

To say "no" so that a person is not offended, one must be able to. For some people, this is a whole problem, they begin to "walk in circles", thus getting into an awkward position. But this skill can be developed and it is not difficult. The main thing is to know a few simple rules, adhering to which, you will no longer doubt how to politely refuse someone.

Why are we afraid to say "no"?

Our life is communication, we are constantly in contact with each other and help. But there are situations when it is inconvenient to fulfill a person's request. Then doubts begin, you are tormented by a feeling of guilt that you have put your interests above others. But, if you think carefully, they could fulfill the request, within reason, of course.

The root of the problem lies in your insecurity. Usually it is the insecure individuals who experience such difficulties. They forget that help is voluntary. It seems to them that if they ask, then they should drop everything and give up their principles and deeds. This is not quite the right approach, when you do not have the opportunity - you can safely disagree.

This in no way compromises you, does not offend the one who asks. You just need to be able to present a refusal. To do this, you just need to try a few times, and then a habit will develop. You should start with a small stock of formulaic phrases that can be used in common situations.

How to politely refuse a person?

The main rule of successful people is not to say the words "yes" and "no". They should be replaced by phrases that they will definitely let you know about the refusal and immediately explain the reason:

• "I don't want to do this";
• "I have no time";
• "I dont have an opportunity".

However, if a friend, boss, relative asks you, use other options, a reasonable “no” or a diplomatic one.

Here it is assumed giving reasons and suggesting a possible alternative:

• “I can’t do this because I’m working, maybe there will be a minute later”;
• “I will take your child to school if he is already dressed and waiting outside”;
• "You can repair the car, but on Saturday."

There are suitable words for all occasions, they just have to be intelligible and to the point.

How to politely refuse a man?

This is a common problem. It all depends on who you are. Is it just "sticking" on the street or is it a friend talking about his feelings, maybe a former boyfriend who decided to return.

Let's start with annoying strangers, it’s easier with them, you can safely lie:

1. "I'm married";
2. “Now I have no time, here is my phone” (give him the wrong number);
3. "Give me your number, I'll call you back."

If the gentleman does not understand, act firmly and confidently, but politely:

• “I don’t intend to meet and meet, is that clear?”;
• “I’m not in the mood to talk to absolutely anyone right now.”

With the former, you can speak more frankly, but without flirting, but seriously and intelligibly:

• “We had a lot of good things, let me keep only these moments in my memory”;
• “Let's not rush things, maybe I'll change my mind, but not yet”;
• “You are very good, it’s too much for me. I want to find someone less wonderful."

And a completely different conversation is to be with a friend.

How to politely refuse a guy to meet?

I don’t want to break the connection with him, but he is dear to you in this capacity. And yet don't go around in circles, eh speak directly looking into the eyes:

• “I love another, but I need you, try to understand”;
• “I’m not in the mood for intimacy right now”;
• “Maybe later, now I need to sort myself out.”

Try to avoid common mistakes:

• Do not waste time, explain yourself as soon as you see the need;
• Do not flirt, so you give vain hope;
• Be specific, explain clearly and understandably.

Perhaps you need to leave a friend for a while and not communicate. Your constant flickering in front of his nose will pull at the wound. Try not to catch his eye, let him rest and forget.

Original ways to say "no"

Sometimes nothing helps, a person does not understand normal words. We'll have to take a trick:

• Move on to talking about money. Ask a fan about the salary, where and by whom he works. Then express dissatisfaction with a small income or an inexpensive car. Sigh languidly, passing jewelry showcases;
• Play dumb talker, guys don't like that. Tell him what you discussed yesterday with your girlfriend about cosmetics, dresses, and a nice neighbor. Let's not put in a word;
• Openly ignore its existence. On a date, answer his questions at random, call your girlfriends and mom while walking with him in the park;
• Tell us what a big family you have: five children, a bedridden mother and an elderly grandfather. Nobody needs such a convoy.

One of these options will definitely scare an annoying man, there are no miracles.

How to politely refuse a customer a service?

Sometimes you come across such active clients that they simply do not let you work. They need to be able to say “no” without being rude or aggressive.

Use pull phrases, they will buy time:

• “Unfortunately, at the moment the specialist on this issue is busy, as soon as he is free, he will contact you”;
• “Yes, we understand your problem and will try to solve it as soon as possible. If it doesn't work out, we'll call you back";
• “Thank you for contacting us, we appreciate your time, so we won’t delay any more and will contact you with the results”;
• “Unfortunately, you are mistaken, our company does not do this, but I can give you the phone number of another company.”

Do not say "no" openly, otherwise the person will think that he was just rejected. Apologize, give him a couple of minutes, if possible - offer an alternative solution. The main thing - do not lie and let me feel an attentive attitude.

If you understand that you are experiencing difficulties in communication, start a few template phrases that will help you out in difficult times. Of course, they are not suitable for every occasion, but you will become more confident not knowing how to politely refuse, having at least something in service.

Video: gently and politely refuse

In this video, psychologist Igor Kolokoltsev will talk about really working ways to politely but firmly refuse a person, how to do it so that he does not hold a grudge against you:

There are many people in the world who are called trouble-free. You can turn to them at any time of the day for help, and they will never refuse. This property of their character is attributed by many to the virtues of a person, because it is beneficial to always “have at hand” such a “failsafe” in order to throw some of their problems onto him.

However, rarely does anyone take the trouble to think: maybe a person simply cannot refuse?

People who can't say no often don't have enough time for their own affairs and personal lives, although as a thank you for their dependability, they can count on a dubious compliment at best.

Reliable people always, like a magnet, attract people who actively use their inability to refuse. We can say that the executioner is looking for a victim, and the victim of the executioner. And even if the “failsafe” suddenly rebels and refuses the role of a lifesaver, he will immediately be accused of terry selfishness and heartlessness.

There are golden words that everyone should remember: “To live the way you yourself want is not selfishness. Selfishness is when others have to think and live the way you want.

Why are people afraid to say "no"?

People who fulfill other people's requests against their will, most often have a soft and indecisive character. In their hearts, they really want to say “no”, but they are so afraid of embarrassing or offending another person with a refusal that they force themselves to do something that they don’t like at all.

So many people later regret that they once wanted to, but could not say no.

Often people, when refusing, say the word “no” as if they feel guilty about something - it seems to them that some kind of unpleasant reaction will follow. And indeed, many are not used to being refused, and “no” causes a negative reaction in them - they are rude, break off relationships, etc.

Some people do not say "no" because of the fear of becoming unwanted and alone.

How to politely refuse?

When we say no, we often make enemies. However, it is worth remembering what is more important for us - to offend someone with a refusal or to take on the fulfillment of burdensome obligations. Moreover, it is not at all necessary to refuse in a rude form. For example, the same diplomats try not to say "yes" or "no", replacing them with the words "Let's discuss it."

When saying "no", it is worth remembering that:

this word can protect against problems;

can mean "yes" if pronounced uncertainly;

successful people say “no” more often than “yes”;

by denying what we cannot or do not want to do, we will feel like a winner.

There are several simple ways to politely decline, which show that this task is within the power of anyone.

1. Outright refusal

Some people believe that when refusing something, it is imperative to state the reason for the refusal. This is an erroneous opinion. First, explanations will look like excuses, and excuses will give the asker hope that you can change your mind. Secondly, it is not always possible to name the real reason for the refusal. If you invent it, in the future the lie can be exposed and put both in an awkward position. In addition, a person who speaks insincere often gives himself away with facial expressions and voice.

Therefore, it is better not to fantasize, but simply say “no” without adding anything else. You can soften the rejection by saying: “No, I can’t do it”, “I don’t want to do this”, “I don’t have time for this”.

If a person ignores these words and continues to insist, you can use the “broken record” method, repeating the same words of refusal after each of his tirade. No need to interrupt the speaker with objections and ask questions - just say “no”.

This method is suitable for refusing people who are aggressive and overly persistent.

2. Sympathetic rejection

This technique is suitable for refusing people who tend to get their own requests, causing pity and sympathy. In this case, it is worth showing them that you empathize, but cannot help in any way.

For example, "I'm sorry, but I can't help you." Or “I see that it’s not easy for you, but I can’t solve your problem.”

3. Reasonable refusal

This is a rather polite refusal and can be used in any setting - formal and informal. It is also suitable for refusal to older people, and for refusal to people occupying a higher position on the career ladder.

This refusal assumes that you name the real reason why you cannot fulfill the request: “I can’t do this, because tomorrow I’m going to the theater with my child,” etc.

It will be even more convincing if you name not one reason, but three. This technique is called failure for three reasons. The main thing in its application is the brevity of the wording so that the asker quickly catches the essence.

4. Delayed rejection

This method can be used by people for whom refusing someone's request is a psychological drama, and they almost automatically agree to any request. People of such a warehouse often doubt their innocence and tend to endlessly analyze their actions.

Delayed rejection allows you to think about the situation, and if necessary, seek advice from friends. Its essence is not to say "no" immediately, but to ask for time to make a decision. Thus, you can insure yourself against rash steps.

A reasoned denial might look like this: “I can't answer right now because I don't remember my plans for the weekend. Perhaps I arranged to meet someone. I need to look at my weekly to be sure.” Or “I need to consult at home”, “I need to think. I'll tell you later" etc.

You can refuse in this way to people who are assertive and do not tolerate objections.

5. Compromise refusal

Such a refusal can be called a half refusal, because we want to help a person, but not completely, but partially, and not on his terms, which seem unrealistic to us, but on our own. In this case, it is necessary to clearly define the conditions for assistance - what and when we can and what not.

For example, "I can take your child to school with mine, but only have it ready by eight o'clock." Or "I can help you do the repairs, but only on Saturdays."

If such conditions do not suit the applicant, then we have the right to refuse with a calm soul.

6. Diplomatic refusal

It involves a mutual search for an acceptable solution. We refuse to do what we do not want or cannot do, but together with the person who asks, we are looking for a solution to the problem.

For example, "I can't help you, but I have a friend who deals with these issues." Or “Perhaps I can help you in some other way?”.

In response to examples of various refusal techniques, one can object that it is necessary to help people and that by refusing others, we ourselves risk finding ourselves in a difficult situation where we will have nothing to count on someone else's help. Note that we are talking only about the requests of people who are used to "playing with one goal", who believe that everyone is indebted to them and abuse the reliability of other people.