The theme of ecology occupies, in our opinion, an insufficiently large place in KVN - but still more than in the official Russian media, especially television. Environmental topics are presented in the Russian press more than poorly. As the monitoring of publications on environmental issues in the federal media has shown, the state-owned Rossiyskaya Gazeta writes not about the problems and “sick” topics of the country's ecology, but about certain international events with environmental issues. The same can be said about federal TV channels. Only the opposition media and the semi-“yellow” “MK” and “KP” periodically try to stir up public opinion and influence the situation in this area, which is objectively very unfavorable.
And here - for comparison - one of the first jokes of the KVN revived at the time of glasnost: - Epigraph: “Oh, how rich Russian nature is in the quantity and quality of waste”(MCTI). Joke from the early 1990s: - Novosibirsk has bad ecology... but it's not Novosibirsk's fault that it is surrounded by Russia on all sides!("June 31" (Novokuznetsk)). In the 1990s, they generally joke about the environmental problems of individual regions: chemical and metallurgical production, in particular, plants in Chelyabinsk, Cherepovets, the production of Naberezhnye Chelny, etc. and how their activities affect the environment.
Since the early 2000s, jokes about the poor state of the environment have begun to take on a local "Moscow" character: KVN players from all regions of Russia prefer to tell the Moscow public - the audience and the jury - about what they think is close to this public: about the state ecology of Moscow and Moscow region.
Particularly enjoyed:
a) Khimki: It just so happened in Khimki that schoolchildren do not study chemistry, it is absorbed from childhood, with mother's milk ...("Own people" (Khimki)); Song about Khimki: I’ll get off at the far station - mushrooms to the waist!(ROSNOU (Moscow)); - Dolgoruky? Yes, Pyotr Alekseevich. - Hello, Yuri Mikhailovich. I want to build a city in the swamps and call it by my own name: St. Petersburg! - Stop. Let's be more modest. Name Byvshebolotinsk, Oknovevropyevsk, Podyadsfinlyandyevsk, finally... Is there evaporation from swamps? - Eat. - Name Khimki!" (“Ungold Youth” (Moscow));
b) Moscow River: Three-eyed perch and carp with a leg, Winged carp and hairy bream... Moskva River, take me with you...(TGNGU (Tyumen)); Yesterday, a cigarette butt thrown into the Moscow River burned 7,000 cubic meters of water.("STEPiCo" (Novosibirsk)); - And what a river we have! Here my grandson became interested in photography - this is how he develops the film right in this river. Beauty!!!(ROSNOU (Moscow)); Yesterday, an experienced fisherman Vasily caught a carp from the Moscow River. Moreover, the fact that this is exactly a crucian, Vasily realized only after the crucian himself introduced himself("STEPiKO" (Novosibirsk));
c) certain districts of Moscow and the Moscow region: Garbage wind, smoke from the chimney, The cry of nature, the laughter of Satan - And all because we are shooting Khrushchev together in the Kapotny area(“Ordinary People” (Moscow)).
However, there are many jokes about such "sick" - especially polluted - places of the Russian Federation, such as, Lake Baikal: - The problem of environmental pollution is being successfully solved: the Katun, the Ob Sea, Baikal - these are the stages of the difficult journey!(NSU), Volga river: - Mosfilm "Volga-Volga" painted. - That's news to me too. In Samara, a pulp and paper mill has been painting the Volga for 20 years, the catfish has already left the river, and with its own feet("SOK", Samara); industrial production and its waste in Cherepovets: Green Party activists took the director of the Cherepovets chemical plant by the gills("Sportivnaya Station" (Moscow).
On environmental topics, like Russian ones, KVN players from other countries, for example, Ukraine, also joke: - Summer is vacation time. For those wishing to relax on the Black Sea, the Ministry of Health will offer a new model of bathing suits with built-in treatment facilities(DGU).
More global problems of mankind - power generation at nuclear power plants, storage and processing of nuclear waste- also reflected in KVN games, although not enough, in our opinion: It is planned to earn $ 30 billion from the storage of nuclear waste, but other, more advanced creatures will rejoice at this money. (BSU (Minsk)); From a meeting with a diver: - The most amazing fauna in the Kursk Sea. - Where? - In the Kursk Sea. Well, that's what the local population calls the artificial reservoir that cools the third reactor of the nuclear power plant.("PriMa" (Kursk)).
The global threat of an environmental catastrophe did not go unnoticed by KVNshchikov: Scientists managed to decipher the message of aliens to earthlings. Earthlings, you are in great danger, do not pollute the Earth: we still have to live on it! (" ChP" (Minsk)).
Food- their quality, composition, degree of naturalness and, in accordance with this - environmental friendliness- KVN workers also did not leave aside.
a) food quality. Leading here McDonald's, which, on the one hand, officially in Russia it is impossible to criticize, because it makes a profit and is lobbied by the world's financial tycoons, and on the other hand, it is the epitome of unhealthy eating. Again, KVN turns out to be the only platform on federal TV channels where you can publicly criticize the quality of the food offered at McDonald's: Advertising: fun and an ulcer - at McDonald's!(Team of the CIS-2003); - Sacrifice, pagan rites, the challenge of Satan. Typical weeks at McDonald's(Team of the Interuniversity League (Nizhny Novgorod)). They joke in KVN about the consequences of food in this “restaurant” for the figure: McDonald's ruined the career of a window thief.("Blender", Arkhangelsk).
Next comes another product of the fast food system - shawarma. While doctors and sanitary epidemiologists are sounding the alarm about the dubious quality and origin of meat in shawarma, as well as its carcinogenicity, journalists either openly ignore these facts, or pass off this culinary product as an essential element of the modern city dweller's diet and an attribute of the modern catering system. KVN is one of the few sources where you can hear critical reviews about shawarma: Attention! Song! Tra-ta-ta, tra-ta-ta, we bring with us a cat, a siskin, a dog, Petka-buffoon, a monkey, a parrot, that's the company ... has become a culinary guide for shawarma sellers. ("Purga" (Khimki))
Belyash and chebureks also get regularly from Moscow railway stations: - For conducting experiments on living people, the Hague Tribunal demanded the closure of the cheburechnaya at the Kursk bus station("PriMa" (Kursk)).
There are whole scenes about unsanitary conditions in the preparation of this specific “fast food”, for example, in the team “Astana. Kz”, but due to the indescribable humor, we will confine ourselves to retelling in words: in the program “Culinary duel”, a shawarma seller from the Kazansky railway station answered the host’s question: “What do you have here?” chases a cockroach running through the product, kills it and says: "It's nothing!".
Next in frequency is the criticism by KVN workers of the quality of food in general, in particular, they ridicule composition of products, including harmful additives: - Hear, men! Help with Fanta! That's it: sodium sulfide, cyclopendranpenhydropenandrene and sodium carbonate, right? With whom is it more fun, with whom exactly?("County town" (Chelyabinsk-Magnitogorsk)); I am a lilac, ripe, garden plum /…/ and I… (a long list of chemicals follows) -marks - together we are NATURAL JUICE!(“Ungold Youth” (Moscow)).
Lots of jokes about Chinese instant noodles and its constituent components: - The third task is the original design of the dish. - I laid out the picture "Mona Lisa" with fruits on the cake. - We also have a picture. This is "Ivan the Terrible kills his son." - But this is Doshirak. - The key word here is kill.("Ordinary people" (MPEI, Moscow))
Another twist on the theme of the ecology of the daily existence of Russians is the quality of drinking water: - Hello, the program "Test Purchase" is on the air. Let me remind you that we do not cooperate with any manufacturer. Today we will test tap water taken from different parts of Moscow. We sent samples for examination, numbering, without naming the area where we took it from. Let's hear what the experts have to say. - All gasoline of very high quality, and under numbers 5 and 7, a very high octane number, can be poured into the reactor.(Team GUU (Moscow))
This sketch about ecology was written by me specifically for one of the colleges in the Lipetsk region, so it mentions the geographical names of a particular city.
But you can easily remake the scene to suit your area, because, unfortunately, everyone has the same environmental problems - exhaust gases, plastic garbage in recreation areas, water bodies in which it is scary to swim.
And metallurgical plants were built in almost every region of the Soviet Union, and, alas, everyone also has a drunken corner. This is a gathering place for not the most cultured youth with the ensuing consequences, only everyone has their own name.
Now let's move on to the scene, I'll just add a few words from myself as from a caring inhabitant of the Earth.
========================
Let's not blame the former and current leadership of the country, region and city for everything - what's the point? Instead, we'd better do what we can to improve the state of local nature and the environment in general, and - attention! - Let's NOT do what is harmful.
What do I personally do?
I have more active principle "do no harm".
I don’t have much opportunity to plant trees and shrubs - I plant only indoor flowers. But I will never tear even a leaf from what is not planted by me - I will look, admire and move on.
I never leave trash behind me - if there is no bin, I put it in a bag and drag it home. I carry ice cream wrappers not in a bag, but in an outstretched hand - I walk like a ballerina, amusing passers-by. And I don’t grumble - no one forced me to eat ice cream on the street, I could have endured it until the house, right?
============================
I get rid of the old synthetics and now buy natural materials and viscose - better for the body and for nature. They would come up with more thin tights natural to do! Although my grandmother said that after the war they brought very expensive silk stockings. It turns out that everything is possible.
I arrange large washings only on the waning moon - and at the same time I put 2 times less powder. She began to use the powder only for children, and reduced all household chemicals to soda and vinegar - and won the argument that vinegar will wash calcium deposits better than chemical cleaners.
=============================
There are many more small things that help me pollute nature and wastewater less, but even if we use at least some of this, life will already improve. Of course, it’s bad that factories and cars pollute the air and water, but bottles, glasses and wrappers under our feet and in places of rest weren’t planted on us, but we ourselves left them, right?
Let's respect ourselves and leave behind only a good mark. And then very soon we will be able to say - this is my contribution to the purity of the Earth.
Sounds good, right?
You can, of course, brush aside all this and live thoughtlessly, but then the ecological one will not be pleasant. And we want it to be!
Scene about ecology
"Weather forecast with an ecological bias"
Since the forecast is preceded by news from the two presenters, I propose to end it like this:
One of the presenters shifts sheets of paper - he is looking for something. Mutters loudly:
So, it's not that, but it's generally not necessary (crumples one sheet, casually throws it on the floor) . Yep, found it (is reading):
Ecology news
(if your entire news block is environmental, then it just reads without declaring a heading):
Now our city is being put in order by the efforts of city services and a few enthusiasts. But soon the situation will change radically. Familiar environmentalists told us a secret about their latest developments.
The second leader picks up:
Their essence is as follows: any piece of paper, a candy wrapper, an ice cream wrapper, an empty pack of crackers and chips, a plastic cup, a plastic or glass bottle - in a word, any rubbish left in nature, thrown into a river, a fountain, or just past an urn , will immediately boomerang back into the pocket or bag of the person who threw it. So it is useful to train accuracy now.
The first presenter looks around frightened and quickly picks up a crumpled sheet thrown by him from the floor. He stuffs it into his pocket and enters into a news dialogue:
Yes Yes Yes! Right!
The second presenter looks at his colleague in surprise and continues:
For a final test of readiness, new technologies will be sent to a zone of especially severe destruction.
Are you talking about Chernobyl?
In this case, it's about people. They have long destroyed nature more than nuclear reactors. And to test the new installation, environmentalists will come to the Drunken Corner, a notorious place in our city. Moreover, the test will take place in beta testing mode. So there will be "fun", regulars, hold on!
On that optimistic note, we move on to an equally optimistic weather forecast.
Forecasters promise wonderful weather!
Yes, they are wrong 70 percent of the time!
But still, their forecasts are better than the forecasts of environmentalists. True, this time they united and gave us a single long-term weather forecast with environmental amendments.
Interesting, interesting, let's listen.
So, the weather is generally good, night temperatures are within normal limits. Precipitation is expected to be small, and then in the form of a light fog. There will be practically no rain - they all already fell in September, eroding the city's landfills along the way and turning streams with plastic bottles into raging garbage rivers.
Just fog? And will there be snow?
But how!
And in the New Year????
And in the New Year there will be global warming and the greenhouse effect. Have you heard about this? So you need to choose outfits for the New Year not according to astrologers, but according to the recommendations of weather forecasters.
Hurricanes and squally winds also pass us by, except that occasionally light gusts will carry the aromas of exhaust gases. But if there is no wind at all, we will have to live in these aromas all the time.
A frequent collision of atmospheric fronts is expected over the Usman River - nature is trying at least in this way to correct what man has done. However, nature is losing with a big score so far, and weather forecasters sadly sum up: swimming in Usmanka is dangerous for your health. Almost the same as smoking.
Wow! And this is called an optimistic weather forecast???
Well, you know - what kind of people, such is the weather. But there is still reason for optimism. Previously, smoke and metal suspension from the Novolipetsk Iron and Steel Works flew to us for 75 kilometers, which, moreover, polluted the water in the Voronezh River. Now a modern blast furnace has been built there, and the discharge of sewage into the river has been stopped.
If earlier there was a strong smell of tobacco in the air, then after the bankruptcy of the tobacco and shag factory, we smell exclusively of buns!
From a bakery?
From him. So just a little more effort, and we can be declared not a Chernobyl zone, but a zone of green tourism. We just need to learn to look back and think - what do we leave behind? In all senses. And then everything will be fine with us! And nature with the weather - too.
The scene about ecology is over, but life goes on. And what it will be depends largely on us. Whether this is true or not, I don’t know, but I believe in it and advise you)))
I have many other scenes on the site - look in the relevant sections -, and there are already several weather forecasts for different occasions. Recently appeared. There will be more later.
Wishing you a successful performance and pure nature,
Your Evelina Shesternenko.
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In the fall, she composed questions for schoolchildren at KVN on ecology. With answers, of course
The names of this stage are different for everyone. For some, this is a warm-up, for others, a blitz contest ...
I will just have
QUESTIONS and ANSWERS at KVN on ECOLOGY
1 question:
The old wisdom says that you cannot enter the same river twice. You cannot enter the modern river even once. Why?
Answer:
Because you can walk out of a modern river with oil-colored skin, nickel-colored hair, gasoline-colored eyes, and an updated vocabulary - in short, one person came in and a completely different person came out. So sometimes it's better not to enter at all.
========================================
2. Question:
Why is Norway, which, like us, has oil reserves, actively encourages the purchase of electric vehicles, while we do not?
Answer:
Because good roads will have to be built for electric cars, and then out of the two well-known troubles - fools and bad roads - only one trouble will remain in Russia. And she will be too conspicuous.
========================================
*** By the way!
Increasingly, the main polluters are not factories, but the usual “cute” cars. Please tell the children about this - let them appreciate bicycles, and if they strive for cars, then immediately - for electric ones.
For example, some people consider St. Petersburg a city of palaces and museums, others - a city of factories and smoking chimneys.
So this city
“... in 2013 it was recognized as one of the most polluted cities in Russia... Only Norilsk and Moscow are ahead of St. Petersburg in terms of air pollution. Cars are the main source of pollution, accounting for 85.9% of emissions.”
It was a quote from Wikipedia,
article "Ecology of St. Petersburg".
Draw conclusions and do something else - for yourself, for the place where you live, and for the whole planet as a whole.
========================================
3. Question:
Contrary to the tempting appeal “Take everything from life!”, We believe that taking everything from life is not worth it. Why?
Answer:
Because there is a lot of dirty, greasy and environmentally harmful things in life.
========================================
4. Question:
Why are odd-looking fruits and vegetables more and more common?
Answer:
We will answer with the words of Mikhail Zhvanetsky - what they fertilized, then it grew.
========================================
5. Q:
Animals, which are few, are listed in the Red Book. The question is - where do they bring animals, which are many?
Answer:
In the Book of tasty and healthy food, as well as in other collections of culinary recipes.
(According to a quote by Faina Ranevskaya - E.Sh.)
========================================
6. Q:
Before the advent of digital technology, there was such a joke: if a camera falls into the river, then in an hour it will be caught with the film already developed. Question: what will happen if a modern camera falls into the river?
Answer:
What is film? Joke. Correct answer - …. (I did not invent it, but perhaps the children will invent it - E.Sh.)
========================================
- I still have it - I advise you to look, it is quite possible to use it in the ecological KVN as homework, for example.
- Taking and running away is a bad idea, it harms both you and the harmony of the planet.
- Therefore, stay for 5 minutes and write in the comments, please, your feedback and your answers on this topic.
Our class was preparing for KVN. As a class teacher, I reviewed a lot of literature on this topic. We selected some of the jokes that the children and I liked for our game, and with the preparation of competitions such as “Greetings” and “Homework”, we had to work longer. I have an idea that I would like to share with you. Maybe someone will be interested...
Contest "Greetings".
Boy. Have you heard the news?
Girl. What? When?
Boy. What KVN offered us yesterday...
Girl.
Oh! Us KVN? It's so interesting!
And what to do?
Boy. Not yet known…
Girl. And what is the topic? What to talk about?
Boy. Joking a little about all sorts of oddities ...
Girl.
Slightly on such a difficult topic?
Once again, the teachers created a problem...
(Pause - thought for a while, looked into the laptop.)
Girl.
We honestly watched the Internet all day ...
But there is nothing suitable there.
Boy.
And who in the lessons inappropriately joked -
He immediately, where necessary, forgot all the jokes.
Girl.
But we retreat and do not even think ...
And what happened - now we'll show you.
Boy.
Keeping the law, joke carefully
On many topics, a little bit is possible ...
Jokes.
It becomes more and more difficult for plagiarists: all the masterpieces have already been stolen before them.
The policeman asks the detainee:
- Tell me, where did you buy the diploma?
- I found it on the road.
- Then how do you explain that this diploma is in your name?
- I just bought a passport in this name later.
At a gas station.
“I must warn you: gasoline has gone up in price since today.
- OK. Pour me forty liters of yesterday's.
The wife perks up. Her husband says to her:
“You have to be more modest, more modest!” We are still going to the tax office, and not to the casino.
After the divorce, the ex-husband had a feeling of emptiness in the house. And once there was furniture in the house ...
Do not switch our program - watch the continuation after the commercial break.
Announcement: "Movers are invited for interesting work."
Sightseeing tour of Moscow - the best traffic jams in the capital!
Winning a car with a lottery ticket is as easy as winning a locomotive with a train ticket.
Jokes 5–7.
The store carried out test purchases - and this is what came of it.
1st situation. The buyer asks the seller:
- What kind of cheese would you recommend: where there are a lot of holes or where there are few?
Then the seller replies:
The more holes, the less cheese.
2nd situation. The buyer asks the seller:
- Do you have fresh gingerbread?
- No, old ones.
- And the cookies?
- Oh! Then take better gingerbread!
3rd situation. The buyer carefully reads the inscription on the product label: “Dried bananas. Thirty years in our market”. Then he is surprised: “Well, well ...”
(After jokes.)
Boy.
You can’t get bored at KVN ...
We prepared for a long time - we were looking for jokes ...
Girl.
And, if you understood us and laughed,
It looks like we didn't try hard enough...
Competition "Homework".
Scene "Christmas Tree in Primary School or Modern Santa Claus".
Children in New Year's masks are standing on the stage and waiting for the appearance of Santa Claus. Then a person (student) enters the stage, dressed in a Santa Claus costume, but at the same time in jeans and with headphones for the player. In his hands, instead of the familiar bag of gifts, he has some large colored bags from the supermarket. Such Santa Claus comes out, closing his eyes and dancing to the music that he listens to, and does not notice the children around. Then he stops, puts the bags on the stage to switch the player, and again continues to dance actively and funny, enjoying his favorite music. Children first look at the modern Santa Claus, not surprised by anything, and then begin to discuss him.
1st child.
Good Santa Claus
Dressed up in jeans too...
2nd child.
Well, okay! He is serious
Basically it hasn't changed...
3rd child (very well read boy).
For him, it is always more important -
In the style of fairy-tale traditions -
Fur coat, hat, beard,
Valenki and mittens.
2nd child.
This, by the way, he took into account -
It is no coincidence that we said:
Together.
“Here comes Santa Claus!”
So we got to know him...
1st child.
If he likes
Very denim fashion
It is clear why -
And there is no question...
The 2nd child comes up to Santa Claus, pulls him by the suit so that he pays attention to the children. Santa Claus opens his eyes, stops dancing and puts away his headphones - that is, he understands that he has already come and why ... The child speaks.
2nd child.
If Santa Claus
Prepared gifts for everyone
So there is another question:
“What is there - in bright packages? ..”
Santa Claus distributes gifts to everyone, and everyone starts dancing.
