In communication, people achieve the level of influence they aspire to.
express yourself
Most people want to express themselves. This is necessary to relieve the soul and for ... well, they said: "Express yourself and ... the devil knows why this is necessary, but apparently it is necessary." This is the lowest level of influence.
Express the idea
A little less people grow up to "express a thought." This is a higher level of influence than expressing yourself - it’s not enough just to be understood, you need to clear what was said of unnecessary emotions and your own story, which the listener does not share with you. It is necessary that they “purely” understand and see the application outside of your context.
The ability to “express a thought” is the level of influence “sufficient” to influence people in a weakened state and live with the reputation of an intelligent person.
influence a person
The apogee of communication skills is to influence people. Here it is necessary not to express a thought, but to convey a deep faith and do it in such a way, "to be taken."
How to influence people
Briefly, in order to influence, you need to penetrate deep into the mind of a person, and you cannot go “deep”, communicating from your “shallow”.
How to communicate from "deep"
You need to be aware of what you believe. Do not try to express or find in yourself, but consciously know.
How to find out what you believe
You can consciously know your beliefs only when you have laid a decision in the depths of yourself and tested it under the pressure of reality. This is an important condition - faith must be:
1. from decision
2. and must be "tempered" in difficulties, otherwise it will be weak and incapable of influence.
First step
In order to consciously know what you believe in and begin to “harden” your faith, you need to start living from a decision, and not from a flow.
Eventually
In the end, you will arrive at a state - you very rarely have to say what you believe out loud in order to influence people. When beliefs have already been expressed through actions, it becomes inappropriate to repeat words.
“Just like that” nothing happens - emotions do not arise, feelings and sympathies are not born. It became sad or joyful, liked or disliked - all emotions pass through the subconscious. You don't notice most of what is deposited in it, and as a result you think that all feelings are "accidental".
Now imagine that you know how to put a thought or feeling into the subconscious of another person. There are huge opportunities in front of you, you just need to practice.
Built-in commands - speech traps
An inline message is a part of a phrase that is emphasized by intonation or gesture. A person may not pay attention to her, but she has already made her way into the subconscious and sat down there.
How it works: you say to your nervous friend: “I had an acquaintance who, even during the search, behaved calm and confident". You pronounce the part of the phrase in italics with a different intonation. The person who is listening to you thinks about your acquaintance or a search, while the built-in command “calmly and confidently” orders him to behave in this way.
Another example: you need to create a friendly atmosphere in the company, make people feel relaxed and comfortable. You begin to tell any story, emphasizing such words as "pleasant", "relaxed", "happiness" in intonation. The story could be about your favorite cat, a new movie, or last weekend's adventure. People pick up positive words and automatically apply them to themselves as a command to relax and be happy. As a result, the atmosphere will become more cheerful and relaxed.
Hidden Influence Rules
Remember, the most important thing in hidden commands is two levels of perception. Do not combine them in meaning, otherwise your command will only affect consciousness.
The phrase: “Let's relax and have fun now” will not have a strong effect. People will understand your call, it will not penetrate into their subconscious, and you will see all the same dull faces. And if you tell any story with hidden commands: “Last Friday, we had a great relaxed b in a bar on N street, and fun was just beginning”, the mood in the company will gradually improve.
Clear intonation
Change intonation only on the phrase to be highlighted. All other words framing your hidden commands should sound normal, otherwise the effect is blurred. You can even apply small pauses before and after the hidden command.
attention to words
With hidden commands, you must be extremely careful and careful. Beware of negative hidden commands, they can not only create a bad mood in a person, but also provide you with antipathy on his part.
Practice on the environment - tell a couple of stories and see how the mood of a friend or employee changes.
Just don’t expect miracles - if a friend’s wife left and took away half of the furniture, your story with the “relaxation and joy” team is unlikely to make him insanely happy.
I am very often approached with requests to influence another person: on a husband to stop drinking, on a son to start studying, on a daughter not to walk in dubious companies, and even on a guy to fall in love properly. In this article I want to give a small overview of the methods of influence and their real possibilities. Immediately make a reservation - we will talk about psychological methods. After all, there are many ways to influence, such as blackmail, threats, bribery, the use of special drugs, etc., but we will not discuss such things here. Instead, let's think about calm and peaceful ways to resolve the issue.
Influence of hypnosis
For many years I have been, so from time to time I am asked to influence precisely by hypnosis. They imagine it like this: for example, they bring my son to me, who plays all day long on the Internet, and who, because of this, simply has no time to study, and I have to conduct a hypnosis session, after which the fool will suddenly cool off for games and inflame with a passion for mathematics. In practice, things are somewhat different. Hypnosis is an altered state of consciousness, which has both signs of sleep and wakefulness. Anyone can enter it, following the instructions of the hypnotist. Please note: a person enters a state of hypnosis himself, the hypnotist only helps him in this! Therefore, anyone can refuse to enter a hypnotic trance, in which case nothing can be done. Moreover, for refusal it is not at all necessary to declare it out loud, it is enough just not to want to be hypnotized.
Let's go further. In practice, hypnosis is used as a means to increase personal efficiency, that is, it allows you to learn how to do something better than before. But never and under no circumstances can hypnosis affect a person's beliefs. With the help of hypnosis, you can learn to play more effectively on the Internet. Or quit playing, but only if you really want to quit. If you don’t feel like quitting, but a suggestion comes in to quit, the hypnotized person immediately comes out of the trance. Thus, under hypnosis one can suggest only that, in the correctness of which a person is internally sure, and nothing else. Summing up what has been said, we will conclude: hypnotization is possible only when a person sincerely wants to be hypnotized, and suggestion will start working only if it is consonant with the person's beliefs.
The influence of persuasion
Often I hear this: "talk to your husband so that he stops drinking, he himself knows that this is bad and needs help." But a number of questions immediately arise. First, if he knows, then why does he continue to drink? Secondly, if he needs help, why didn't he ask for it himself? There are psychologists who agree to "talk" with such a husband, thereby reassure his wife and put money in his pocket. Usually the conversation takes place according to the standard scheme: a submissive and guilty husband comes with his wife to a psychologist, listens to him carefully, agrees with everything, and goes home to continue drinking. What happens when psychology doesn't work? Also how it works! And he claims that only those who want to be convinced can be convinced. In order to influence a person with a conviction, he must first of all be disappointed in his own convictions. Disappointed so much that there will be a personal (and not at the insistence of relatives) desire to go to a psychologist. And the desire is so strong that he really will go. Then there really is a chance to convince him of something. By the way, it is not yet a fact that this will succeed. Even in order to convince someone who wants to be convinced, considerable professionalism is required. It is not necessary to consider all gullible and stupid. To be believed, you need to offer something truly valuable, changing life for the better, and offer it in an understandable and pleasant form that does not cause internal rejection.
Influence by manipulation
There are many methods of manipulation, from the most rude and aggressive to soft and almost imperceptible, which can hardly be called manipulation. The former include, for example, escalation methods, when the victim is literally forced to make a decision in a short time, thereby not giving her the opportunity to consider all the options. The latter include praise that puts the victim at ease with the manipulator, or a small gift that makes them want to do something in return. An example of mild but rather cynical manipulation is... please! Indeed, when a person who is not quite a stranger asks to do something, we often find ourselves in an unpleasant situation - it is inconvenient to refuse, and it is also inconvenient to ask for compensation for the time spent.
But all types of manipulation are united by one common property: the manipulator gets what he wants either completely free of charge, or by paying a price disproportionately lower than the real one. And this in most cases means that the victim remains the loser. An exception may be cases when the manipulator sincerely cares about the victim, pushing her through manipulation to commit an act beneficial to her. But this happens extremely rarely. Almost always, the victim ends up being deceived. Therefore, to manipulate once turns out to be not so difficult, but you can constantly manipulate only a very stupid person who does not know how (or does not want to) calculate what such exercises cost him. So even if you do not consider the ethical aspect, manipulation still remains a method that can be resorted to once, but not on a permanent basis.
The best way to influence
Smart people know for sure: if you need to do something important, you should not ask friends or force someone to do the work by violence, blackmail or deceit. Because the result may not be what you expected. The safest thing is to turn to professionals and pay them. And this method in the end often turns out to be also the cheapest. This truth is completely true in psychology. For some reason, it seems to many that psychology is such an area where you can endlessly achieve your goal unilaterally, through various tricks, hypnosis and manipulation. Of course, this is not so. If you really want to influence a person strongly and reliably, try to find out what he wants, what his need is. And then satisfy that need. The result will not keep you waiting. Maybe they will want to repay you with the same coin and fulfill your wishes, or maybe you will want to receive more and more, and the person will gradually and imperceptibly adapt to you.
People are very inattentive to each other, often rude and tactless, not to mention the fact that they do not want to adapt to others and understand them. If your husband drinks, don't rush to take him to a hypnotist, but instead consider what's wrong with your family. And if a child is looking for something in yard companies, then maybe he just does not find this house? Not everything, of course, is so simple. Sometimes you need to work with a psychologist to understand. But in any case, you need to understand: raping someone with hypnosis or fooling with manipulation is far from the most effective ways of influence. A person must get what he wants, only after that you can start a serious conversation.
How to influence the human psyche?
human psyche- this is one of the secrets of the inner world of people. The psyche is a "cocktail" consisting of various mental phenomena and mental processes. Want to know exactly what is in this cocktail? Emotions, sensations, imagination, memory…. Further - you can not list: you, very soon, will understand everything yourself.
This "cocktail" affects a person in different ways. It all depends on the situation and occasion. Very often, the human psyche is used for very selfish purposes. These goals are mainly directed in a "bad" direction. Sometimes it's the other way around.
Various methods of psychological influence on people
Let's consider everything with examples.
What do you know about crowd effect"? The name speaks for itself and you can understand what it is even without “deepenings”. This effect can be observed when political leaders try to "poach" as many people as possible to their side. It is thanks to this effect that politicians often achieve incredible success in their activities.
Hypnosis
Its influence on the psyche is limitless. It is used, for example, in the police, during interrogation. It cannot be said that it is permanent, but in special cases, a hypnotic session is irreplaceable in every sense. And now - about a special case. Unfortunately, in the criminal world, terribly terrible things happen. I emphasize: terribly scary. Because the word "inhuman" is too soft, sometimes. Here, for example, is such a case. Once, gathered, a cohort, the Goths. Let's first clarify who the Goths are, if you suddenly don't know.
G Oty is such a youth subculture. Their appearance, at times, is very frightening: black nails, black hair, black lipstick, cosmetics .... And pale, pale skin. And their backpacks, in the shape of a coffin…. Yes, from the outside it looks intimidating. You must have seen them. And I was no exception. Quite recently, by the way, I managed to observe them once again. At the bus stop, in the evening, in the summer .... I remember this gothic couple: she is in a long, black cloak; he has an absolutely incredible hairstyle…. In general, it is better to see “live” the only time than to read about it. I will not say whether they are worse or better than representatives of this culture. Comparison is not the "prerogative" of this article. I want to draw your attention, your views, to the lines in which I will tell you about the Gothic rites. Or rather, about one of them, which will “beat off” any desire to learn something more about them, and, moreover, to become them. Intrigued? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to intrigue you. Although…. This is the whole point, the whole process of "involving" you in reading the information. Perhaps you have already, once, read what you will read now, so, in advance, I apologize if I am repeating myself.
Goths gathered, one day, at a party. Seems like it all started out harmlessly. There seemed to be no sign of any trouble. Everything, in fact, went on as it always does at the Gothic "meetings". But here, like "snow on the head", one of the girls violated one of the rules of this party. I won't say which rule was broken. You can consider that I took an oath about "non-dissemination of Gothic secrets." In general, it doesn't matter. Important is the following. For the fact that the girl who dared to stumble and broke the rule, she was severely punished. She was just eaten. Not morally, not with looks, but as an ordinary dish .... I see your eyes. I also cried, as when watching a melodramatic series .... But the movie is one thing, and real life is quite another.
Naturally, these cruel Goths, who are very difficult to call people, were put, for many years, in prison. But, in order to punish them, they had to use the help of hypnosis. In another case, the psyche and the Goths refused (actively) to admit to their deeds. Thanks to hypnosis, it was possible to make sure that these nonhumans got what they deserved. Of course, the worst punishment for them is the death penalty. But, at that time, such a measure of punishment, in Russia, was canceled.
Yes, a terrible topic, but a vital one. Let's talk about movies. Maybe about cartoons. I remembered something, a Japanese cartoon "Pokemon". Remember this one. Yes - yes, exactly the one in which the famous Pikachu runs. Why am I writing about Pokémon? Do not think that I am among the fans of this cartoon. But, with his help, I can show you another example of how you can influence the psyche.
I will not "pull the rubber" by granting this right to long series, such as "Santa Barbara". I will say briefly: this cartoon “pushed” not a single child to commit suicide. History "remembers" the case when, a little boy, about five years old, after watching "Pokemon", jumped out of the window of the seventh floor. The boy could not be saved. The cartoon has been cancelled. However, the baby could not be returned.
No need to hate the creators of "pocket monsters" ("Pokémon"). When they created this cartoon, they did not set themselves the goal of killing people. Everything happened completely unexpectedly. No one could have guessed that such a thing was even possible.
Unfortunately, this "reception" was intercepted by other people. They began to make films, the plot of which, as planned, was supposed to destroy the psyche of people. Basically, the plots of the film tell about religious beliefs, "imposing" that this or that faith is the best and only one.
What time of day is it outside the window? I hope that it is not night, because I bet that you will not fall asleep soon. Unless, of course, you are a sensitive or emotional person. Receptive and emotional people, for the most part, usually representatives of the attractive sex. Men are soft too.
Take care of your psyche! Don't let her experiment!
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Incredible Facts
Before starting, it is worth noting that none of the methods listed below fall under what can be called the "dark art of influencing" people. Everything that can harm a person or hurt his dignity is not given here.
These are ways to win friends and influence people through psychology without making anyone feel bad.
Psychological tricks
10. Ask for a favor
Trick: Ask someone for a favor for you (a technique known as the Benjamin Franklin effect).
Legend has it that Benjamin Franklin once wanted to win over a man who didn't love him. He asked the man to lend him a rare book, and when he received it, he thanked him very graciously.
As a result, a man who did not particularly want to even talk to Franklin became friends with him. In Franklin's words: "He who once did you a good deed will be more disposed to do something good for you again than one to whom you yourself owe."
The scientists set out to test this theory, and eventually found that those people whom the researcher asked for a personal favor were much more supportive of the specialist compared to other groups of people.
Impact on human behavior
9. Aim High
Trick: Always ask for more than you initially need, and then lower the bar.
This technique is sometimes referred to as the "door-to-face approach". You are approaching a person with a really overpriced request, which he is likely to refuse.
After that, you come back with a request "rank below", namely with what you really need from this person.
This trick may seem counterintuitive to you, but the idea is that the person will feel bad after they refuse you. However, he will explain this to himself as the unreasonableness of the request.
So the next time you approach him with a real need, he will feel obligated to help you.
Scientists, after testing this principle in practice, came to the conclusion that it actually works, because a person who is first addressed with a very "big" request, and then returned to him and asked for a small one, feels that he can help you he should.
The influence of a name on a person
8. Name names
Trick: use the person's name or title as appropriate.
He emphasizes that the name of a person in any language is the sweetest combination of sounds for him. Carnegie says that the name is the main component of human identity, therefore, when we hear it, we once again receive confirmation of our significance.
That is why we feel more positive towards a person who confirms our importance in the world.
However, the use of a position or other form of address in a speech can also have a strong impact. The idea is that if you behave like a certain type of person, then you will become that person. This is somewhat like a prophecy.
To use this technique to influence other people, you can refer to them as you would like them to be. As a result, they will begin to think of themselves in this way.
It's very simple, if you want to get close to a certain person, then call him "friend", "comrade" more often. Or, referring to someone you would like to work for, you can call him "boss." But keep in mind that sometimes it can go sideways for you.
The influence of words on a person
7. Flatter
Cunning: Flattery can get you where you need to be.
This may seem obvious at first glance, but there are some important caveats. To begin with, it is worth noting that if flattery is not sincere, then it will most likely do more harm than good.
However, scientists who have studied flattery and people's reactions to it have found some very important things.
Simply put, people are always trying to maintain cognitive balance by trying to organize their thoughts and feelings in a similar way.
Therefore, if you flatter a person whose self-esteem is high, and sincere flattery, he will like you more, because the flattery will coincide with what he thinks of himself.
However, if you flatter someone whose self-esteem suffers, then negative consequences are possible. It is likely that he will treat you worse, because this does not intersect with how he perceives himself.
Of course, this does not mean that a person with low self-esteem should be humiliated.
Ways to influence people
6. Mirror other people's behavior
Trick: Be a mirror image of the other person's behavior.
Mirroring behavior is also known as mimicry, and is something that a certain type of person is inherent in their nature.
People with this skill are called chameleons because they try to blend in with their environment by copying someone else's behavior, mannerisms, and even speech. However, this skill can be used quite consciously and is a great way to get liked.
The researchers studied mimicry and found that those who were copied were very favorable towards the person who copied them.
Also, experts came to another, more interesting conclusion. They found that people who had copycats were much more accepting of people in general, even those who were not involved in the study.
It is likely that the reason for this reaction lies in the following. Having someone who mirrors your behavior confirms your worth. People feel more self-confident, thus they are happier and more attuned towards other people.
Psychology of influence on people
5. Take advantage of fatigue
Trick: Ask for a favor when you see that the person is tired.
When a person is tired, he becomes more receptive to any information, whether it is a simple statement about something or a request. The reason is that when a person gets tired, it happens not only on the physical level, it the mental supply of energy is also depleted.
When you make a request to a tired person, most likely you will not get a definite answer right away, but will hear: "I will do it tomorrow", because he will not want to make any decisions at the moment.
The next day, most likely, the person will actually fulfill your request, because on a subconscious level, most people try to keep their word, so we make sure that what we say matches what we do.
Psychological impact on a person
4. Offer something that a person cannot refuse
Trick: start the conversation with something that the other person cannot refuse, and you will achieve what you need.
This is the other side of the door-to-face approach. Instead of starting a conversation with a request, you start with something small. As soon as a person agrees to help you in a small way, or simply agrees to something, you can use "heavy artillery".
Experts tested this theory on marketing approaches. They started by asking people to show their support for the rainforest and the environment, which is a very simple request.
Once support has been received, scientists have found that it is now much easier to convince people to buy products that promote this support. However, you should not start with one request and immediately move on to another.
Psychologists have found that it is much more effective to take a break of 1-2 days.
Ways to influence people
3. Keep calm
Cunning: you should not correct a person when he is wrong.
In his famous book, Carnegie also emphasized that one should not tell people they are wrong. This, as a rule, will lead nowhere, and you will simply fall out of favor with this person.
In fact, there is a way to show disagreement while continuing a polite conversation, not telling anyone that he is wrong, but hitting the interlocutor's ego to the core.
The method was invented by Ray Ransberger and Marshall Fritz. The idea is pretty simple: instead of arguing, listen to what the person has to say and then try to understand how they feel and why.
After that, you should explain to the person those points that you share with him, and use this as a starting point for clarifying your position. This will make him more sympathetic towards you and he is more likely to listen to what you have to say without losing face.
The influence of people on each other
2. Repeat the words of your interlocutor
Trick: Paraphrase what the person says and repeat what they said.
This is one of the most amazing ways to influence other people. In this way, you show your interlocutor that you really understand him, capture his feelings and your empathy is sincere.
That is, paraphrasing the words of your interlocutor, you will achieve his location very easily. This phenomenon is known as reflective listening.
Studies have shown that when doctors use this technique, people open up to them more, and their "collaboration" is more fruitful.
It's easy to use while chatting with friends. If you listen to what they have to say and then paraphrase what they said, forming a confirmation question, they will feel very comfortable with you.
You will have a strong friendship, and they will listen more actively to what you have to say, because you managed to show that you care about them.
Methods of influencing people
1. Nod your head
Trick: Nod your head a little during a conversation, especially if you want to ask your interlocutor for something.
Scientists have found that when a person nods while listening to someone, they are more likely to agree with what was said. They also found that if your interlocutor nods, then most of the time you will also nod.
This is quite understandable, because people often unconsciously imitate the behavior of another person, especially one with whom interaction will benefit them. So if you want to add weight to what you're saying, nod regularly as you speak.
The person you're talking to will have a hard time not nodding back, and they'll start to react positively to the information you're presenting without even knowing it.
