Kommersant, March 3, 2003

Murder has a woman's face

Spanish passions in "Satyricon"

On the small stage of the theater "Satyricon" they played the premiere of the play "The Killers of Extremadura" based on the play by the Spanish playwright Milyan "Potassium cyanide with or without milk". MARINA SHIMADINA, who attended the premiere, regretted that in Russian the word "murderer" does not change by birth.

Once the St. Petersburg Small Drama Theater came to Moscow on tour with the play "To Madrid, to Madrid". There, girls dressed in black screamed angrily, depicting Spanish passions, dreamed of poisoning their grandfather and escaping from their Extremadura outback to the capital. How the matter ended, I never found out then, because I left from the middle, wondering who and why now need to stage such crazy plays. It turned out that it was necessary, and not only for some theatrical outcasts.

The fashionable theater "Satyricon" was also seduced by Juan José Alonso Millan's comedy "Potassium Cyanide with or without Milk", which in its original name also plays in the Theater on Malaya Bronnaya. True, the "Satyriconists" did not like potassium cyanide, and the performance was renamed "Extremadura Killers". It sounds mysterious and even somehow detective, but unlike St. Petersburg's "To Madrid, to Madrid" - without any cultural and philosophical overtones.

According to the plot, a mother-cripple, a daughter - an old maid, a fool girl, a rogue nephew and compassionate neighbors, wandering from christening to funerals, tasting sausages and festive brushwood, dream of only one thing - that of a grandfather who is publishing heart-rending cries somewhere behind the scenes , quickly taken to heaven. For a colorful Spanish family, the director did not spare any clichés: if a young man is a sultry and wilted, temperamental handsome man, if a fool is always lisping, cross-eyed and with an always open mouth, curious neighbors are always with an unhealthy gleam in their eyes, otklyatennyh asses and magpie chirping. But the most interesting thing about this play is that all its characters turn out to be not what they seemed at first. The old maid and puritan Laura, ready to incinerate her brother's bride with contempt for her painted lips, is ready, without the slightest remorse, to poison her for money and run away from home with an Extremaduran satyr - a local sexual maniac. He, in turn, turns out to be an exemplary family man and father of five children and climbs to the girls in the windows by prior order, so that their mothers have someone to blame the sin that happened to their daughter. Loving brother and caring lover Enrique, as it turns out, took someone else's wife away because of her husband's money, whose dismembered body he carries with him in two suitcases. But most of all, the grandfather will distinguish himself, who will escape from his deathbed, taking with him a young mistress and all the family fortune.

The Satyricon Theater, which produced two blockbuster performances last season, claiming the Golden Mask - "Signor Todero the Host" by Robert Sturua and "Macbeth" by Yuri Butusov, is now preparing for the premiere of "Profitable Place" directed by Konstantin himself Raikin and with a stellar cast, can afford "The Extremadura Killers". There is little sense, but the material for the acting imagination is through the roof. Therefore, the director of the play, Igor Voitulevich, who had already worked at the Satyricon on the historical drama The Lion in Winter, did not need to invent any director's concepts or original interpretations of Milyan's plot. It was enough to dilute the actors in mise-en-scenes, come up with a weirder mug for each and let them go with God to the expanse of their own imagination - let them frolic to their heart's content.

After all, where else can a good actress Marina Ivanova, playing either noble queens or gentle mothers, manage to fool around like that, make faces and jump like a goat, portraying a mentally retarded one, and Agrippina Steklova, a born clown, to act and sneer with a French pronunciation. Another time, a critic, or even the director himself, would have killed on the spot for such a game. And in the "Extremadura Killers" everything is possible - for these monsters and moral freaks, no paint will be too thick. Here are the actresses and come off for their pleasure. And then you realize that this time the Moscow public was presented not so much with the comedy of Juan Jose Alonso Millan, as with the actresses Steklova, Ivanov, Kekeyeva, Kuzmina and Danilova. Numerous female roles in this play are one more colorful than the other, and they ask for a benefit performance. And the predominantly courageous theater, on the stage of which the brutal Konstantin Raikin, Grigory Siyatvinda and Denis Sukhanov shine, did not miss the opportunity to demonstrate that there are actresses in the Satyricon troupe, sharp-minded, eccentric and stopping at nothing. Especially before the kill.

Newspaper, March 7, 2003

Olga Romantsova

Extremadura dolls

Premiere at the Satyricon

The black comedy of the Spanish playwright Juan José Alonso Millan "Potassium cyanide with or without milk ..." attracts directors like a magnet. She constantly goes to the entreprise, and for the second time in recent years she appears on the Moscow stage. Not wanting to compete with the theater on Malaya Bronnaya, where the comedy is played under the original name, the Satyricon dubbed it the Extremadura Killers. The play was staged on the Small Stage by director Igor Voitulevich, who was specially invited from Smolensk (several years ago he released the play The Lion in Winter on the Small Stage).

In Spain, they say that the inhabitants of Extremadura, a small area located in the basin of the Guadiana and Tagus rivers, are endowed with a wild imagination. They still believe in the most incredible stories, are ready to come up with anything, and do not separate fantasy from reality. No wonder Miljan made the Extremadurans the heroes of his black comedy "Potassium cyanide with or without milk...". Only knowing about the peculiarities of the character of the inhabitants of the region, one can believe that two respectable ladies: signora Adela and her forty-year-old daughter Laura, decided to get rid of the old Don Gregorio lying at the death (he is Adela’s father, and Laura’s grandfather), adding potassium cyanide to his coffee . And then, having got a taste, they also wanted to poison Marta (Enrique's fiancee, Adela's nephew), who accidentally drove into their house. But carefully thought-out plans collapse, and the miraculously saved old man escapes, taking all the family fortune.

Incredible events are pouring one after another as if from a cornucopia. Retelling their sequence is as thankless a job as telling the plot of some detective story.

In most Moscow theaters on the main stage there are performances designed for a wide range of spectators. And small stages became a space for experiments. Here they embody new theatrical ideas: they play plays by modern playwrights, give young directors and actors an opportunity to try their hand. If you are going to the premiere of Satyricon, it is impossible to guess what kind of performance awaits you: experimental and traditional productions are played in two spaces. On the main stage there is “Jacques and his master”, “Double bass”, “Macbeth”, on Malaya - “Hedda Gabler”. The repertoire of two scenes includes performances intended for spectators who have come to the theater just to relax and have fun.

Having staged the performance on the Small Stage, Voitulevich did not invent "new forms". The director used techniques that had long been tested by directors of plain comedies. Martha (Agrippina Steklova) burrs, the young girl Khustina (Marina Ivanona) squints her eyes, makes faces and diligently portrays a mentally retarded, one of Dona Adela's friends, Dona Veneranda (Galina Danilova) is bent in half by sciatica, and Dona Adela is generally played by a man (Sergey Dorogov ). To get Martial's son (Dmitry Lyamochkin), posing as a detective, to reveal his plans, his mother thrashes him on the back with her fists. One trick is followed by another. The action develops at such a rapid pace that the actors have no time to “play out”. At times it seems that the director trained them in rehearsals with a stopwatch, like sprinters.

Trying to be in time no matter what, the performers sometimes simply do not have time to fully pronounce their lines. Demanding authenticity and sincere living of every moment from them is as useless as from a ballerina constantly twisting a fouette or from a gymnast doing one somersault after another. Sometimes the rhythm becomes slower and then the humor of the lines comes through, and it becomes noticeable that good actors are playing on stage. But this rarely happens. Therefore, the moment of appearance on the stage remains the most interesting for each performer. An actor or actress comes out and says in a normal voice: “I am an actor such and such, I will play such and such a character.” After that, he instantly turns from a normal person into some kind of strange doll, fussily performing a sequence of movements invented by the director.

Evening Moscow, March 11, 2003

Olga Fuchs

Instead of commemoration - marriage

Extremadura (in translation: edge, border) is such a Spanish tmutarakan, known for fearless conquistador knights and delicious sausages. In Extremadura, not fully combed by civilization, the ruins of the amphitheaters of the Roman Empire and wild provincial customs have been preserved. At least, judging by the black comedy of Juan José Alons Milyan "Potassium cyanide with or without milk ...", which in the "Satyricon" was renamed "The Extremadura Killers".

For the third month in a row, grandfather (Mikhail Vavdyshev) groans heart-rendingly behind the wall. For the third month, a paralyzed old woman - grandfather's daughter (Sergey Dorogov), an old maid-granddaughter (Elvira Kekeyeva) and a cross-eyed burry niece-fool (Marina Ivanova) cannot bury this ninety-year-old monster and use the inheritance. And the pointed-nosed, gossip-eyed neighbors (Marina Kuzmina, Galina Danilova) - respectively, enjoy the funeral treat and the opportunity to wash the bones of the orphaned family at the wake.

But when the determination of the household finally matures and the potassium cyanide intended for the ill-fated grandfather in coffee has already been bought, their plans collapse under the pressure of uninvited guests and incredible circumstances, the kaleidoscope of which makes up the comic plot. As a result, the nimble grandfather escapes from his deathbed to the young bride, taking all the family fortune. And the burry fool brews coffee for everyone, mistakenly sweetening it with potassium cyanide instead of sugar.

"Six corpses in the final - it's bad taste," - Robert Sturua joked, putting "Hamlet" in the "Satyricon". In this sense, the "murderers" almost fell short of "Hamlet": as a result, there are only five corpses. But the "bad taste" that pours on us everywhere from Mexican love series, Russian black action movies, American "cool" action movies, scandalous revelations of stars and all sorts of "pulp fiction", brought to a boiling point, becomes a style here. The burry peals of the "Parisian" grazing from Agrippina Steklova, the tinsel of a sultry macho from Yakov Lomkin or the frightening passion that the sultry old maids of Spain are capable of from Elvira Kekeeva - all this is played with such a frantic return, as if before us are motor-equilibrists, for whom the reduction of a mad speed in the literal sense of death is like. But... "Satyricon" has long ago accustomed its fans to a different level of theater - non-linear, multi-layered. To the fact that through the toughest farce the most tender lyrics suddenly appear, and the most catchy, eccentric presentation carries a philosophical content. Against the backdrop of performances of recent years, "Extremadura Killers" looks like a silly interlude, an energetic warm-up before the main premiere of this season. Just the other day, Konstantin Raikin is releasing Ostrovsky's "Profitable Place" - the first in the history of this troupe to address Russian classics, which the artistic director of "Satyricon" considers the most serious test for himself and the theater.

Izvestia, March 25, 2003

Alexey Filippov

There are no survivors

Among others, a good play died

It was written by the Spaniard Juan José Alonso Milian - in the original the play is called Potassium Cyanide with or without Milk, and the Satyricon Theater renamed it Extremadura Killers. Fans of black humor should like the test - Milyan describes with great gusto the murders of mothers-in-law, nephews, grave-digging and the dismemberment of good friends.

A semi-paralyzed mother and an overripe daughter can't wait until grandfather dies - he is sick, old, tired of everyone and also wants to marry a young one. Another sister lives in the house - young, but crazy. She has a husband: his relatives do not let him near the body of his wife, and he earns money with what he can - digs up graves, cuts the necks of corpses, separates the skin from the skull, dries it, glues shrunken heads to ashtrays, writes on them "Greetings from Extremadura!" - and sells to tourists. (Stupid tourists think the heads are not real.)

The nephew of the hostess, a doctor from the capital, with his girlfriend, comes to this sweet house. Kind relatives decide to bring potassium cyanide not only to grandfather, but also to dear guests - they have a lot of stolen money with them. But everything turns out differently: a grandfather pretending to be a half-corpse runs away with money, a friend’s husband is found in plastic bags in a nephew’s suitcase, and finally, a crazy girl treats all her blood relatives with potassium cyanide. Such is the plot - and if director Igor Voitulevich had carefully transferred it to the stage, the result could have been stunning.

It is better to tell jokes, holding back a giggle, black humor requires absolute seriousness - staged fuss is contraindicated for the text of Juan Jose Alonso Millan. There is too much of it here: Igor Voitulevich decided to stage a buff comedy and turned the heroes of the play into clowns - he made the excellent young actress Agrippina Steklova (Marta, nephew's girlfriend) distort the language, and treated other artists even cooler. And on the Small Stage of the Satyricon Theater, strange creatures in bright make-up and fancy wigs bustled about - not a word in simplicity, tortured intonations, bizarre plastic, catchy, variety style of play. The director does his best to convince the audience that the action takes place in a panopticon - such an unnatural Extremadura and such tortured families do not exist in real life. The theater tells an anecdote that stretches over two acts from the life of madmen living on another planet, very soon it becomes boring.

In the meantime, everything could have turned out differently. If the pathological killer Enrique (Yakov Lomkin) looked like a well-meaning young man, the sinister Aunt Adela (played by the artist Dorogov very funny) gave the impression of a nice old lady, and the gravedigger Liermo (Andrey Oganyan) did his job with a twinkle and working enthusiasm, the performance would be hilariously funny. Skeletons long forgotten in them would fall out of the closets, nice people would turn into monsters - and all this would seem to be a complete surprise. But this did not happen, and the performance, with all the abundance of gags, tricks and comic numbers, is surprisingly monotonous. "Extremadura killers" do their job with particular cruelty - they kill not only relatives, but also laughter.

Juan Jose Alonso Millan

Secret of success

Telling the reader of his plays about himself - this kind of mini-autobiography usually takes the back cover - Juan José

Alonso Milian does it like a comedian. He seems to offer us a portrait of another character who preferred the fun craft of a comedian to the boredom of scientific studies.

We learn that the author of the play that fell into our hands was born in Madrid in 1936 and, having reached student age, felt an inexplicable attraction to the theater, but "due to poor memory and an excess of self-criticism" abandoned his acting career and took up directing. However, in the role of a director staging other people's plays (classics and contemporaries), he did not stay long, and one day he felt - "like every Spaniard" - the temptation to write a comedy. The trouble is not, he recalls, that he wrote, but that it was staged: the debut of the young comedian was unsuccessful and cost the owner of the Lara theater in the capital a round sum. Nevertheless, since then, Alonso Millan has been writing regularly, one or two plays a year. No, not entertaining the illusion that he is doing for eternity (“I repent of almost everything that I wrote”), but obviously feeling my calling in this craft.

The number of plays he created - about sixty - is somewhat staggering. Apparently, such creative indefatigability is explained not only by the writer's temperament, but also by another happy circumstance for the author: Alonso Millan's comedies are accompanied by constant audience success. And his audience is not limited to Spain: his plays are published in France, Italy, Germany, staged in Europe and America.

It should be added that Alonso Millan writes not only for the theater, but also for film and television, and he directs his own plays. The general opinion of critics is that Alonso Millán's theater is predominantly entertaining. Some of them believe that the playwright, yielding to the desires of the public, infringes on his talent. At the same time, they refer to his "serious" plays: "Civil Status - Martha" (1969), "Secular Games" (1970). (In the first case, it is a psychological drama, in the second, a play that poses ethical problems.) Anyway, Alonso Millan prefers to make the audience laugh rather than burden them with the eternal problems of humanity. Self-esteem has already been mentioned above, but a critical attitude towards his works does not prevent the author from feeling tenderness for some of them. Among his favorites, the playwright considers the plays "Potassium Cyanide ... With Milk or Without?", "Marital Sins", "Carmelo", "Social Games".

Dialogue is recognized as a strong point of Alonso Millan's comedies. Often the playwright includes all sorts of banalities, linguistic clichés in the speech of the characters in order to turn them in the future in the most unexpected way. Using this verbal pyrotechnics, combining it with elements of black humor and the theater of the absurd, as well as resorting to the techniques of the detective genre in developing intrigue, the comedian keeps the viewer in suspense, presenting him with “surprises” every now and then.

Perhaps the readers of the comedy offered here will more than once be taken by surprise by the “jokes” and “surprises” that the author has prepared for them.

Valentina Ginko.

Potassium cyanide... with or without milk?

Translation from Spanish by Lyudmila Sinyavskaya

To help the viewer:

In order for the viewer to immediately understand who he is dealing with, we offer a brief description of the characters, which is useful both for those who have a weak memory and those who love order.

Martha- an amazing young lady. She is twenty-four years old, but you can't give her more than twenty-three, which is not so bad. She is married, and she likes this role, but even more she likes the role in this play.

Enrique- an amazing man. Handsome in anger, brought up and educated like no other, and thin, like a kid glove. It has an extraordinary dignity - to charm everyone in a row. To such an extent that everyone wants to immediately take him to their house, once and for all.

Adela- uh, her legs are paralyzed, and only for this reason, for no other reason, she carries out all the action without getting off a comfortable chair on wheels. And despite all this - unhappy.

Laura- the daughter of Dona Adela, an old maid from birth. Now she is forty years old, but many argue that she was never eighteen.

Don Gregorio- is in a state of death agony due to his extremely advanced age. Even good feelings can be felt towards a person in this position.

Justina- niece. Not a girl, but a candy, besides mentally retarded. As, however, most of the women whom we all know well: by the age of five, their mind is tired of working.

Liermo- barren, his real name is Guillermo. But people with the best intentions call him by this affectionate diminutive name, since he cannot have children. Married to Khustina.

Lady Agatha- does not participate in the action, it is mentioned only for decoration of the program.

Eustaquio- the most beautiful person, but the inert provincials dubbed him the Extremadura Satyr.

Dona Socorro- "Ambulance". On duty, this is her occupation. Once on the beach, she overheated in the sun, and since then, if she does not understand something in a conversation, she immediately associates it with the Sixth Commandment.

Dona veneranda- "Respectable". Inseparable girlfriend of the previous one; in addition, she has a son, and he has already become a real man, since he lived to be thirty-seven years old; according to Dona Veneranda, he is her consolation in old age.

Martial son of Doña Veneranda. Detective by profession and by vocation; of course, she lives on her mother’s money, and she, according to rumors, made a fortune somewhere in Africa in the century before last.

Guests, locals, bourgeois and petitioners, minor deities, sorceresses, gnomes, dancers, singers and one gendarme. And also the Madrid-Irun Express, which rushes at speed through the second act.

The action of the comedy takes place in Vadajos (Extremadura), in the Spanish province located in the west of Spain between 37°56 minutes and 39°27 seconds north latitude of the Madrid meridian.

The action takes place on the evening of All Saints' Day, on the eve of Memorial Day.

First act

The action from beginning to end takes place in the living room of a provincial house, where a middle-class family lives; this place is unusually ugly and depressing. Three doors leading to the rooms and one to the balcony are used along the way.

The curtain rises at the moment when the hands of the clock have passed eleven at night, the harsh night of Badajoz. "The approach of a thunderstorm is felt.

Cold. Doña Adela sits in a wheelchair. Laura is on the phone; Doña Veneranda and Doña Socorro are sitting at a table with a brazier for warming the feet. A little to the side, on a chair, is Martial, dressed exactly as Sherlock Holmes would have dressed if he happened to spend the night in Vadajoz.

Faltering, plaintive groans come from a room further back. These are the sounds of grandfather's death throes.

Laura (talking on the phone). Wait, I'll write... (Picks up a piece of paper and a pencil.) So, you pour water, plain, from the tap, and let it boil ... Yes, it boils for a few seconds ... Then you throw in black grains ... Ah, well, yes ... First you need to grind them, of course ... and cover with something flat. Then you wait eight minutes... Fine... I think I can... Then you strain through something that you can strain through... and pour the black liquid into a clean vessel... Fine... Yes... What?.. Wonderful! (Covering the phone with his hand.) Mother!

Adela. What baby?

Laura. You can have it with bread too! Amazing, right?

Adela. This coffee is a diabolical invention.

Laura(V handset). I see... Thank you so much... The same... And the same to you... Goodbye, Amelia. (Hangs up the phone.) Finally, mom. Finally I figured out how to make coffee!

veneranda. Black or with milk?

Adela. For God's sake, dona Veneranda, you want too much! Certainly same; black, it is the easiest to weld. But Laura will practice and I'm sure one fine day she can cook with milk if she needs to.

Socorro. Your daughter has a culinary talent. Talent, and nothing more.

Laura. Mom, I've made up my mind! There will be no misfire tonight.

Telling the reader of his plays about himself - this kind of mini-autobiography usually takes the back cover - Juan José

Alonso Milian does it like a comedian. He seems to offer us a portrait of another character who preferred the fun craft of a comedian to the boredom of scientific studies.

We learn that the author of the play that fell into our hands was born in Madrid in 1936 and, having reached student age, felt an inexplicable attraction to the theater, but "due to poor memory and an excess of self-criticism" abandoned his acting career and took up directing. However, in the role of a director staging other people's plays (classics and contemporaries), he did not stay long, and one day he felt - "like every Spaniard" - the temptation to write a comedy. The trouble is not, he recalls, that he wrote, but that it was staged: the debut of the young comedian was unsuccessful and cost the owner of the Lara theater in the capital a round sum. Nevertheless, since then, Alonso Millan has been writing regularly, one or two plays a year. No, not entertaining the illusion that he is doing for eternity (“I repent of almost everything that I wrote”), but obviously feeling my calling in this craft.

The number of plays he created - about sixty - is somewhat staggering. Apparently, such creative indefatigability is explained not only by the writer's temperament, but also by another happy circumstance for the author: Alonso Millan's comedies are accompanied by constant audience success. And his audience is not limited to Spain: his plays are published in France, Italy, Germany, staged in Europe and America.

It should be added that Alonso Millan writes not only for the theater, but also for film and television, and he directs his own plays. The general opinion of critics is that Alonso Millán's theater is predominantly entertaining. Some of them believe that the playwright, yielding to the desires of the public, infringes on his talent. At the same time, they refer to his "serious" plays: "Civil Status - Martha" (1969), "Secular Games" (1970). (In the first case, it is a psychological drama, in the second, a play that poses ethical problems.) Anyway, Alonso Millan prefers to make the audience laugh rather than burden them with the eternal problems of humanity. Self-esteem has already been mentioned above, but a critical attitude towards his works does not prevent the author from feeling tenderness for some of them. Among his favorites, the playwright considers the plays "Potassium Cyanide ... With Milk or Without?", "Marital Sins", "Carmelo", "Social Games".

Dialogue is recognized as a strong point of Alonso Millan's comedies. Often the playwright includes all sorts of banalities, linguistic clichés in the speech of the characters in order to turn them in the future in the most unexpected way. Using this verbal pyrotechnics, combining it with elements of black humor and the theater of the absurd, as well as resorting to the techniques of the detective genre in developing intrigue, the comedian keeps the viewer in suspense, presenting him with “surprises” every now and then.

Perhaps the readers of the comedy offered here will more than once be taken by surprise by the “jokes” and “surprises” that the author has prepared for them.

Valentina Ginko.

Farce in two acts, with a touch of black humor, written by Juan José Alonso Millan

Translation from Spanish by Lyudmila Sinyavskaya

To help the viewer:

In order for the viewer to immediately understand who he is dealing with, we offer a brief description of the characters, which is useful both for those who have a weak memory and those who love order.

Martha- an amazing young lady. She is twenty-four years old, but you can't give her more than twenty-three, which is not so bad. She is married, and she likes this role, but even more she likes the role in this play.

Enrique- an amazing man. Handsome in anger, brought up and educated like no other, and thin, like a kid glove. It has an extraordinary dignity - to charm everyone in a row. To such an extent that everyone wants to immediately take him to their house, once and for all.

Adela- uh, her legs are paralyzed, and only for this reason, for no other reason, she carries out all the action without getting off a comfortable chair on wheels. And despite all this - unhappy.

Laura- the daughter of Dona Adela, an old maid from birth. Now she is forty years old, but many argue that she was never eighteen.

Don Gregorio- is in a state of death agony due to his extremely advanced age. Even good feelings can be felt towards a person in this position.

Justina- niece. Not a girl, but a candy, besides mentally retarded. As, however, most of the women whom we all know well: by the age of five, their mind is tired of working.

Liermo- barren, his real name is Guillermo. But people with the best intentions call him by this affectionate diminutive name, since he cannot have children. Married to Khustina.

Lady Agatha- does not participate in the action, it is mentioned only for decoration of the program.

Eustaquio- the most beautiful person, but the inert provincials dubbed him the Extremadura Satyr.

Dona Socorro- "Ambulance". On duty, this is her occupation. Once on the beach, she overheated in the sun, and since then, if she does not understand something in a conversation, she immediately associates it with the Sixth Commandment.

Dona veneranda- "Respectable". Inseparable girlfriend of the previous one; in addition, she has a son, and he has already become a real man, since he lived to be thirty-seven years old; according to Dona Veneranda, he is her consolation in old age.

Martial son of Doña Veneranda. Detective by profession and by vocation; of course, she lives on her mother’s money, and she, according to rumors, made a fortune somewhere in Africa in the century before last.

Guests, locals, bourgeois and petitioners, minor deities, sorceresses, gnomes, dancers, singers and one gendarme. And also the Madrid-Irun Express, which rushes at speed through the second act.

The action of the comedy takes place in Vadajos (Extremadura), in the Spanish province located in the west of Spain between 37°56 minutes and 39°27 seconds north latitude of the Madrid meridian.

The action takes place on the evening of All Saints' Day, on the eve of Memorial Day.

The action from beginning to end takes place in the living room of a provincial house, where a middle-class family lives; this place is unusually ugly and depressing. Three doors leading to the rooms and one to the balcony are used along the way.

The curtain rises at the moment when the hands of the clock have passed eleven at night, the harsh night of Badajoz. "The approach of a thunderstorm is felt.

Cold. Doña Adela sits in a wheelchair. Laura is on the phone; Doña Veneranda and Doña Socorro are sitting at a table with a brazier for warming the feet. A little to the side, on a chair, is Martial, dressed exactly as Sherlock Holmes would have dressed if he happened to spend the night in Vadajoz.

Faltering, plaintive groans come from a room further back. These are the sounds of grandfather's death throes.

Laura (talking on the phone). Wait, I'll write... (Picks up a piece of paper and a pencil.) So, you pour water, plain, from the tap, and let it boil ... Yes, it boils for a few seconds ... Then you throw in black grains ... Ah, well, yes ... First you need to grind them, of course ... and cover with something flat. Then you wait eight minutes... Fine... I think I can... Then you strain through something that you can strain through... and pour the black liquid into a clean vessel... Fine... Yes... What?.. Wonderful! (Covering the phone with his hand.) Mother!

Juan José Alonso Millan. Potassium cyanide... with or without milk?

—————————————————————

Secret of success
Telling the reader of his plays about himself - this kind of
mini-autobiographies are usually on the back cover - Juan José
Alonso Milian does it like a comedian. He seems to offer us
portrait of another character who preferred the boredom of scientific studies to a cheerful
comedy craft.
We learn that the author of the play that fell into our hands was born in Madrid in
1936 and, having reached student age, felt an inexplicable
craving for the theater, but “because of a bad memory and an excess of self-criticism” refused
from his acting career and turned to directing. However, as a director,
staging other people's plays (classics and contemporaries), he did not stay long, and in
one fine day felt - "like every Spaniard" - the temptation
write comedy. The trouble is not, he recalls, what he wrote, but that
it was staged: the debut of the young comedian was unsuccessful and
cost the owner of the capital's theater "Lara" a round sum. However, with
At that time, Alonso Millan wrote regularly one or two plays a year. Not no
entertaining himself with the illusion that he is doing for eternity (“I repent of almost everything,
what he wrote”), but obviously feeling his vocation in this craft.
The number of plays he created - about sixty - is somewhat staggering.
Apparently, this creative indefatigability is explained not only
writer's temperament, but also other happy for the author
circumstance: the comedies of Alonso Millana are accompanied by an invariable audience
success. And his audience is not limited to Spain: his plays are published
in France, Italy, Germany, staged in Europe and America.
It should be added that Alonso Millan writes not only for the theater, but
also for film and television, and directs his own plays.
According to the general opinion of critics, the theater of Alonso Millana is predominantly
entertaining. Some of them believe that the playwright, yielding to desires
public, infringes on his talent. They refer to his “serious”
plays: "Civil Status - Marta" (1969), "Secular Games" (1970). (IN
in the first case it is a psychological drama, in the second case it is a play staging
ethical issues.) Anyway, Alonso Millan prefers to make
spectators, rather than burden them with the eternal problems of humanity. About self-esteem
It has already been said above, but a critical attitude towards one's own works is not
prevents the author from feeling tenderness towards some of them. Among the favorites
the playwright relates the plays “Potassium cyanide ... with or without milk?”,
"Marriage Sins", "Carmelo", "Secular Games".
Dialogue is recognized as a strong point of Alonso Millan's comedies. Often playwright
includes all sorts of banalities, linguistic clichés in the speech of the characters with the fact that
to turn them in the future in the most unexpected way. Using this
verbal pyrotechnics, combining it with elements of black humor and theater
absurdity, as well as resorting to the techniques of the detective genre in the development of intrigue,
comedian keeps the viewer in suspense, now and then presenting him
"surprises".
Perhaps the readers of the comedy offered here will more than once
caught off guard by the “jokes” and “surprises” that the
author.
Valentina Ginko.

Potassium cyanide... with or without milk?

Farce in two acts, with a touch of black humor, written by
Juan José Alonso Millan
Translation from Spanish by Lyudmila Sinyavskaya
To help the viewer:
In order for the viewer to immediately understand who he is dealing with, we offer a brief
characterization of the characters, which is useful for those who have a weak memory, and
for those who love order.
Martha is an amazing young lady. She is twenty-four years old, but older
You can't give her twenty-three, which isn't so bad. She is married, and she has such a role
like it, but even more she likes the role in this play.
Enrique is an amazing man. Handsome in anger, educated and
educated like no other, and thin, like a kid glove. Possesses
extraordinary dignity - to charm everyone in a row. To the extent that
everyone wants to immediately take him to his house, once and for all.
A de la - y, her legs are paralyzed, and only for this reason, not for
any other, she carries out all the action, without getting down from a comfortable chair on
wheels. And despite all this - unhappy.
Laura is Doña Adela's daughter, an old maid from birth. Now she
forty years, but many argue that she was never eighteen. Don
Gregorio - is in a state of death agony due to extremely
advanced age. A person in this position can even experience
good feelings.
Khustina is a niece. Not a girl, but a candy, besides mentally
backward. As, however, most of the women whom we all know well: to
At the age of five, their minds get tired of working.
Liermo is barren, his real name is Guillermo. But the people with the kindest
intends to call him by this affectionate diminutive name, since he does not
may have children. Married to Khustina.
Lady Agatha – not active, only mentioned for
program decorations.
Eustaquio is a most beautiful person, but the inert provincials christened
his Estremadura Satyr.
Doña Socorro - Ambulance. On duty, this is her occupation.
Once on the beach, she overheated in the sun, and since then, if in conversation
does not understand something, immediately connects it with the Sixth Commandment.
Doña Veneranda – “Venerable”. Inseparable girlfriend of the previous one; except
In addition, she has a son, and he has already become a real man, because he lived to
thirty seven years; according to Dona Veneranda, he is her comfort in her old age.
Marcial is the son of Doña Veneranda. Detective by profession and by vocation; self
himself, lives at the expense of his mother, and she, according to rumors, put together the year before last
-century somewhere in Africa state.
Guests, locals, bourgeois and petitioners, petty deities, sorceresses,
gnomes, dancers, singers and one gendarme. As well as the Madrid–Irun Express, .
who rushes at speed through the second act.
The action of the comedy takes place in Vadajos (Extremadura), in the Spanish
province located in the west of Spain between 37°56 minutes and 390 27
seconds north latitude of the Madrid meridian.
The action takes place on the evening of All Saints' Day, on the eve of the Day
commemorations.

First act

The action from beginning to end takes place in the living room of a provincial house,
where the middle class family lives; this room
unusually ugly and depressing. Three doors leading to rooms and one to
balcony, used in the course of action.
The curtain rises at the moment when the hands of the clock have exceeded
eleven o'clock at night, a harsh Badajoz night.' A thunderstorm is felt approaching.
Cold. Doña Adela sits in a wheelchair. Laura is talking
telephone; Doña Veneranda and
Dona Socorro. A little aside, on a chair, - Martial, dressed exactly,
how Sherlock Holmes would dress if he happened to spend the night in Vadajos.
Faltering, plaintive groans come from a room further back. These are the sounds
grandfather's death throes.
Laura (speaking on the phone). Wait, I'll write it down ... (Takes a sheet
paper and a pencil.) So you pour water, plain, from the tap, and give
boil it ... Yes, it boils for a few seconds ... Then you throw black grains ...
Ah, well, yes ... First you need to grind them, of course ... and cover them with something
flat. Then you wait eight minutes... Fine... I think I can... Then
strain through something that can be strained through ... and pour
black liquid into a clean vessel... Fine... Yes... What?.. Wonderful!
(Covering the receiver with his hand.) Mom!
A case a. What baby?
Laura. You can have it with bread too! Amazing, right?
Adela. This coffee is a diabolical invention.
Laura (on the phone). I see… Thank you so much… Same thing… And you —
the same... Goodbye, Amelia. (Hangs up the phone.) Finally, Mom.
I finally figured out how to make coffee!
Veneranda. Black or with milk?
Adela. For God's sake, dona Veneranda, you want too much! Certainly
same; black, it is the easiest to weld. But Laura will practice and I'm sure
One Fine Day will be able to cook with milk if required.
Socorro. Your daughter has a culinary talent.
Talent, and nothing more.
Laura. Mom, I've made up my mind! There will be no misfire tonight.
Adela. Let's hope baby. This is not life!
Socorro. Ah, are you preparing something for Don Gregorio?
Adela. Yes, dona Socorro... A very good remedy... What he
need ... yes, and we.
Laura. He turns ninety-two next month... That's a lot, you
It does not seem?
Veneranda. How! It's just indecent. We must know the measure!
Socorro. What are you going to give him? some german
medicine... isn't it? Listen to me: the Germans are big when it comes to drugs
docks... If you don't believe me, ask Veneranda.
Veneranda. Agree. And in terms of radio and all kinds of mechanics - just
no words. And then they are so blond, so tall ...
Adela. Have you heard of potassium cyanide?
Veneranda. No, dona Adela, I haven't. We travel a little ... Of all
medicines and other dirty tricks, a thermometer helps us best. It's true,
Socorro?
Socorro. True truth. But we had to give up the thermometer,
because of it ulcers.
Veneranda. And he came at the right time for me.
Adela. Thermometer?
Vaneranda. Well, yes, we are talking about him. We took it as
strengthening. Especially for the appetite! And in the summer it is so cold!
Socorro. The only bad thing is that it lowers my blood pressure. But nothing. Maybe,
potassium cyanide does not lower blood pressure.
Laura. This tool is flawless. And it works instantly. Last thing
achievement of science.
Veneranda (laughs). Do you hear, Socorro? Well well…
S o c o r r o. Yeah ... And who is expecting a baby?
Veneranda. Where did you get it, dear? What a habit...
Socorro. I misheard, probably.
Veneranda. Excuse her. We've been visiting guests all evening tonight, you -
fourth, the poor thing is completely confused. Do you know what her
habit: a little misunderstood in a conversation, immediately suspects the Sixth
commandment. And it almost always hits the mark. Adela. I take over everything...
And it's so hard... Understand... Grandpa has been dying for almost three months...
and... and... (Crying.)
Veneranda. Well, it will, it will, dona Adela...
Socorro. Don't be so sad, dear... Tomorrow is Memorial Day. Not
you have to lose hope.
Veneranda. Well, of course ... maybe, all of a sudden ... Who knows?
Adela. You want to comfort me. But I know that he still has enough
forces.
Laura. You are optimists. We also thought so a week ago ... but time
goes ... Everything is as before ... Listen here ... There is no hope
you will lose.
Everyone falls silent, the dying groans of grandfather are clearly audible.
Socorro. It's groaning, how folded, poor thing
Veneranda. And loud. You won't listen to the radio either.
Laura. Senora, we never had a radio in our house.
Adela. And then in the morning they will listen to the radio, and by the evening, you see, and in the cinema
run. And life is not entertainment at all, as some people think ...
Martial, who has fallen asleep in a chair, begins to snore.
Do not misunderstand me…
Martial snores louder.
We suffer so much!.. We have no strength... Night and day... we follow him
kind sisters...
Doña Adela takes the whistle hanging around her neck and
whistles piercingly. Martial immediately stops snoring. She's like nothing
never blows the whistle.
I never thought that my grandfather had such health ... Usually people live
up to a certain age and die... Isn't that right?
Veneranda. In any case, in our time it happened like this, people behaved
more decent.
Laura. But that's it, tonight is the last.
A terrible roll of thunder. Pause. Everyone sighs as if on command.
Socorro. Yes, you, Dona Adela, are just a saint ... A saint, and nothing more!
Veneranda. That's it ... By the way - about the saints. I think it's appropriate
read Our Father.
Socorro. How to say ... So much time the Lord God calls the don
Gregorio, and you, Dona Adela, such a complete nature ... Exactly - such
"whole".
Adela. "Whole" ... "Whole" ... If it weren't for that case, maybe there was
would be solid ... but legs ... No, I have a will, I always had enough will!
How much suffering in life! If you don't believe me, ask my daughter. Laura,
daughter ... How much suffering in life, right?
Laura. Why are you talking to me about suffering? Just because
that I'm not pretty because I never had a fiancé and I was born in
Extremadura?
Veneranda. Like the famous conquistador Pizarro.
Laura. He is a man ... But I'm the opposite. But my time will come. All life
eked out a miserable existence, like a slave ... First - the father ...
Adela. Don't remember your father, Laura, we have guests.
Laura. Then you, mother ... Even cleaner ... And then - grandfather ... And this
cursed house.
Socorro. Why the damned one?.. And he looks so cheerful and cozy.
Laura. That's the trouble ... That cheerful ... Too cheerful. It would be better
nothing reminded us that we are living people ... But that's all, this is the end.
Adela. What a character you have, baby! Sometimes I ask myself: was it
are you ever eighteen?
Socorro. Eighteen, dona Adela? Is it possible to? And are they all alive?
Laura. You bore me with your foolishness, Dona Socorro! You don't know how to
Away to behave - sit at home at least!
VENANDA (with laughter). Forgive her... She's like a child... There's nothing wrong
thought.
Laura. Shh! Quiet! It is forbidden to laugh in this house. This is not a circus! A
if you want to laugh, do something forbidden, smoke hashish ... On
street! Where it is allowed.
Martial starts snoring again.
Adela. Baby, please don't worry.
Laura. Leave it, mom. If laughter and jokes are not stopped in time, then
you will have time
look around, how the house will turn into a lecture hall or something like that.
Martial snores.
And without that, everything around is rotten, so ...
Dona Adela takes up the whistle again, Marcial very slowly
rises, stretches.
It's all right, isn't it? You decided that this is not a house, but a lecture hall: only
talk, you immediately fall asleep.
Veneranda. Such a nice boy!.. Did you sleep, son? Come on, kiss
mom. (Comes up and kisses him.) And the pipe, son, the pipe is always in your mouth.
Martial takes a pipe from his pocket and clamps it between his teeth.
That's it... Fine, Marcial. Come on, show dona Adela the magnifying glass that I
bought you.
Martial shakes his head.
Why not?
Socorro. He is shy.
Martial sits down again and falls asleep.
Veneranda. We bought him a wonderful magnifying glass - let him examine the traces of
fingers of their own kind. And a set of picks. Is that right, Martial? Martial!
Martial! Oh my God! Doña Adela, do me a favor...
Dona Adela whistles. Martial rises to his feet.
MARCIAL (walking up and down the room, counting steps). Clear as day...
Twenty-six steps by eight...
crime.
Thunder Strike.
Veneranda (claps her hands). Bravo, Martial! Very good! seen
Socorro? Did you see what? Martial, pipe!
Adela. And why did you say that... about the murder?
Marcial. I smell... I have a unique scent for this. Nothing from me
will hide. It smells like crime in here.
Veneranda. Very good, Martial! A tube! Well, show us the magnifying glass.
Adela. It smells like burning from the brazier.

Laura. Never mind. He says nothing. Only knows -
sleep.
Martial. I don't sleep, I think. My brain is not asleep.
L a u r a. What about the Extremadura Satyr? He laughs at you, laughs
over the police and over the whole district. Have you read the papers, Martial? Yesterday he again
went out hunting.
Veneranda. Can't be! Horrible!
Adela. This monster has deprived all single women of a quiet life ... Who
did he become his victim this time?
Martial. Ilaria, daughter of Felipe, from a bookbinding shop on the street
Health.
Socorro. This little one with freckles? How I pity him!
Veneranda. Are you saying you feel sorry for her...
Socorro. No, sorry for the poor Satyr. You have to be an idiot...
Laura. I suppose the poor thing will now throw herself into the arms of the convent
monastery.
Martial. So far, she threw herself into the arms of her fiancé. He says that he
don't care what happened. Nice guy, they're getting married in a month.
Laura. Outrageous! And at this time you are sleeping and visiting with your mother
walking around.
Martial. I already told you: this house smells of death,
crime ... And I devoted enough time to Satire. Now I have
a magnifying glass, there is a pipe and master keys. But the main thing is the head. Satyr will be in my
hands tonight, you will see what Martial is capable of.
Veneranda. Yes, son! Great answer!
Laura. I don’t laugh just because, I’m afraid, they will think: grandfather is dead.
I hate listening to you! Stupid! Extremaduran Satyr is a real man, not
what you or even me!
Martial. If this guy doesn't get caught tonight, I'm changing jobs.
Veneranda. Son, pipe! A tube! So… It pleases the eye. Up to what
this form suits him!
Martial. Okay, mom. I think it's time for us. I need to complete some
affairs. Veneranda. Come on, son, come on.
(Rising.) Come on, Socorro. Okay… Thank you very much for dinner.
Pretty scarce! Well, of course, at such moments it’s not up to dinner. Is it true,
Socorro?
Socorro. Of course, and we did not come here for the cutlets.
Thunder Strike.
Laura (going to the balcony). Finally a storm. How she was missing. And I
had a presentiment. All evening my back did not hurt: when my back does not hurt -
means to be a thunderstorm. A thunderstorm always brings victims, destruction, troubles.
Thunder and lightning.
Don't you like thunder?
Socorro. We are simple city people.
Veneranda. Don't plow any!
Socorro. Fu, what a mess! I once saw a plowman, not at all
liked it. So uncouth! Endlessly drank water from an earthen jug,
no education! Not like an engineer.
Adela. Just think - all night on your feet!
Veneranda. So do you get up at night?
Adela. No, that's what they say, Dona Veneranda. I am over twenty
I haven’t gotten up from this chair for years, but sometimes you forget - and you say so.
Veneranda. Why don't you go to Our Lady of Lourdes?
Socorro. Really. I know for sure that it is good for health.
Adela. Laura, daughter, won't let me.
Laura. When grandpa dies, we can go wherever you want. Let's become
travel, mom, if you like it. She badly wants to go to the USSR.
Martial. It's already half past twelve. And the rain starts.
Veneranda. Yes, you're right, son. I wish Don Gregorio get better.
Laura. How do you like to do spite!
Socorro. What's happened? Is someone sick?
Laura. And you, dear señora... complete fool!
Socorro. At a party, my head is always spinning. And today, besides
out of schedule, there are still three houses left: in one - the patient after
prostate surgery, I beg your pardon, in the other - vigil over the dead; Very
a decent house, there, perhaps, it will be more fun.
Veneranda. House Estevez, the owner was a lawyer.
Socorro. But he did not die from this, he had not practiced for a long time.
Veneranda. Wonderful people. And when the grandmother was alive, they even
rum biscuits were served.
Martial. So, Laura... Humility, and once again humility... Doña Adela,
I wish you good health so that you have something to take care of.
Laura. Thank you Martial...
Martial. And yet I smell: this house smells of murder.
Veneranda. Okay, son, okay ... Let's go to another house, you'll sleep there
A little. Yes, fasten it properly - you'll catch a cold.
Socorro. Goodbye Laura... Goodbye Doña Adela... Don't
get up, we know the way.
Veneranda. Yes, yes, don't get up, your daughter will show us.
Adela. And how I would like to get up ... But for twenty years I have been saying goodbye to
guests without leaving your chair.
Veneranda. That's wonderful. Goodbye.
Thunder roll again.
Laura. There will be a heavy storm tonight.
Everyone leaves except for Dona Adela. She listens to the moans of her grandfather.
Laura returns.
Laura. I thought they would never leave. That ridiculous Martial...
Adela. Yes, my daughter... However, we may need them... Go
look at grandpa...
Laura enters Don Gregorio's room. Then he exits.
Laura. Nothing!.. All the same... You look into his face, and it seems -
departs ... but - nothing of the kind! .. Apparently, he planned to bury us
all ... Mom! If you hesitate, I will do it myself.
Adela. No baby. Tonight, in coffee… (Pause.)’. Something justin
stuck ... It's a great idea to ask dona Matea for a little cyanide
potassium. She has a lot of this stuff in her cellar.
Laura. Surely ... Sometimes fear takes me, as I think, what would you
could do if you were on your feet.
Adela. You flatter me... And what's worse for yourself? How do you think you are capable of
make coffee today?
Laura. I think I can, mom ... I think yes ... The recipe is completely
simple ... Of course, coffee with milk for breakfast, I probably could not
cook ... But with potassium cyanide ...
The doorbell is ringing.
Adela. Must be the poison girl. Come on, girl, open up.
Laura. I'm going, mom. This minute. (Goes to the depth of the stage.)
Returns with Khustina. She was all soaked in the rain.
Justin. Good evening, dear aunt, (Kisses Dona Adela.
He talks like a five year old.)
Adela. You are all soaked ... To the skin.
Justin. A little… Brr!.. What a rain! (Laughs.) It pours like ... Creepy
funny!
Laura (slaps her). Stop laughing. How many times do you have to tell?
Stupid!
Justin. Oh, auntie! How she hit me! I'm so deaf to you.
Laura. It is good to. Now there is nothing good for your age
Listen, you deserve better.
Adela. Did you bring everything you were told?
Justin. That's all... And fifteen more pesetas left, I took them in
library collected works of Franz Kafka, very funny writes. Us,
mentally retarded, the library gives at a discount.
Adela. Well, then ... What did you have to ask dona Matea?
Justin. What? I do not remember…
Laura. Don't make a fool of yourself... Potassium cyanide!
Justin. Oh, auntie! How she expresses herself! The devil will eat her in hell!
Adela. Don't yell at the girl. Come here, honey! Such a white powder
should have been given by the pretty lady who always brings you nuts in
sugar...
Justin. A! Rat poison... Here it is. (Holds out a small
sachet.)
Laura. Who told you it was rat poison?
Justin. She, dona Matea... But I told her no... that this poison
for grandpa...
Laura (slaps her in the face). Here you are, you are our grief! Brainless fool!
Justin. Again! Well, a day!
Adela. Come here, beauty. This powder is poison for rats.
Remember, remember the nasty rat from the fairy tale? Do you remember?
X y with t and n a. I do not remember. And I don’t remember the fairy tale, I only remember the scary ones
Alan Poe stories.
Adela. Poor thing! It's completely different ... You know: rats breed,
they multiply like the Chinese... And they have to be poisoned... Do you understand?
X y with t and n a. Yes! Understand! And this one is to poison grandfather...
Grandpa! Grandpa! Since Aunt Laura beats me, I will tell everyone about it, everyone ...
Here!
Laura (holding scissors). You should have cut your tongue a long time ago. But we
weak-willed, so you use ... Come on here language!
Justin. Don't, aunt... Don't. I will not tell anyone! I promise!
Laura. Alive language!
Adela. Not here, baby... You'll get it all dirty... Cut it in the bathroom
room.
The doorbell is ringing.
Laura. What's happened?
They call persistently.
Justin. Forgive me, aunt... I'll never do it again.
Adela. Who dares to call like that?
Laura. I will open. And you, Justina... Look at me! (shows her
scissors.) One day your tongue will be shortened. (Exits.)
Justin. Aunty, aunty Laura forgave me?
Adela. Yes, Justina, I forgave ... Laura is a saint with us.
Enter Marta and Enrique. Marta is holding a small suitcase, Enrique
carries a large suitcase and a hat box.
Enrique. I'm sure you didn't expect...
Adela. Enrique! What does it mean?
Enrique. Let me hug you, aunty ... You are amazing, the years go by,
but not just for you.
Adela. You are in our house and with a painted woman!
Martha. Good evening. If you like the color of my lipstick, I'll tell you where
bought her...
Laura. Enrique... We are waiting for an explanation. I could warn you by letter or
telegram...
Enrique. Where is the joy of an unexpected meeting? .. For more than six years I have not been
in this house ... Well, Martha? Sounds like what I told you?
Martha. It feels like I know this house ... Enrique is so much for me
talking about your house...
Laura. Enrique, who is this woman?
Martha. Yeah, it's a little awkward...
Adela. You know: Badajoz is not the metropolitan Madrid, it’s like that
becomes known to everyone.
Enrique. For God's sake, aunt. This is Martha, we're engaged. Next week
let's get married. Right, dear?
M a rta. Quite right. In Portugal. Your nephew didn't want
call me your wife before I get to know all of you.
Laura. I don't like it... I don't like it...
Enrique (Justin). And you... Are you my cousin Khustina?
Justin. At your service, thank God.
Enrique. Wow! But you ... Quite an adult woman!
Justin. You heard? Woman.
Martha. And not just a woman, but a beauty.
Enrique. I heard you got married. Wonderful... And where is your husband?
Where is this lucky man?
Justin. The thing is…
Laura. It's better not to talk about it.
Khustina broke up with him.
Martha. How so?
Adela. Bad luck, senorita. Terrible misfortune.
Laura. Guillermo - that is the name of this unfortunate man - is barren. Can not
to have children. And that's why everyone calls him Liermo the Barren.
Adela. We found out about it on the day of the wedding ... And since then we have not allowed him
to see the girl. He lives in our house, but in the attic.
Martha. My God! And… how do you know he can't have children?
The conclusion is a bit hasty, don't you think? In such cases it is required
time.
Laura It's hereditary. Everyone in the family is barren. And he is more
everyone. And Khustiyaa is a miserable fool, what husband would love such a thing? Not
girl, but the scourge of God.
Martha. A little run down, that's all. What hair ... Tomorrow you
you won't recognize her. I'll do your Parisian hair
X y with t and n a. No worries. Aunty every three months
cuts me to zero.
Martha. Can't be!
Laura. It may very well. You don't want her to wander around here,
led into temptation and sin. After all, she is a married woman!
Enrique. And grandfather? Where is this sinner?
Adela. If you keep silent for a few seconds, you will hear how it ends.
Everyone falls silent, and groans really become audible.
Justina (Marte). Sit down here. It's best heard from here.
Martha. Thanks, but…
Enryake. What is this? Is he that bad?
Adela. You can't imagine worse.
Laura. Maybe tomorrow we will bury. Senorita, you brought with
anything black?
Martha. Only an eyebrow pencil. I look too skinny in black.
Adela. Justina will give you something of her own. She, on the contrary, has everything
black dresses. You understand - against temptation.
Laura. And you, Enrique, put on something grandpa.
Enrique. Well, why are you like this ... After all, this has not happened yet ... Poor
grandfather!
Laura. Nothing can be done, the law of life. Today - grandfather, tomorrow -
mother... After all... Poor grandfather.
Adela. Yes, poor thing .. How she must be suffering!
Justin. If you pity your grandfather so much, why are you going to give him
powder for...
Laura (slaps her in the face). Would you like to go to the kitchen to make some coffee?
Justin. But I can't!
Laura (gives her a paper with a prescription). Here it is written, as it should,
brainless. Do everything exactly, well, go ... Go to the kitchen!
Justina leaves in tears.
Adela. Understand... She is mentally retarded. Her body is
a twenty-five-year-old woman, and the mind of a five-year-old child.
Enrique. It's OK. Madrid is full of them.
Martha. Of course, but no one slaps them in the face. It used to be done that way.
Enrique. And now they rent apartments. (Laughs.)
Adela. You forgot that you are in the house of relatives, and some
jokes are not allowed here. Laura is an unmarried girl.
Enrique. OK. Do not be angry. I would like to see poor grandfather. Not
Remember, I'm still a doctor.
Martha. Your nephew is the best traumatologist in Madrid.
Laura. Yes, we know that he took it into his head to work on the bones, what
muck.
Enrique. OK OK. With your permission.
Enters grandfather's room. There is silence. Both women are unceremonious
look at Martha. She feels awkward, doesn't know what to say.
Martha. So we are in Badajoz!
Lightning flashes, thunder rumbles.
Enrique!
Laura. Why are you calling him? Are you afraid of thunderstorms?
Martha. No... no... That's not why I... It's just... But it doesn't matter.
Adela. You should have called that you were coming. We would cook something
have a bite. At this late hour...
Martha. For God's sake, don't worry! We had dinner on the road. Yes and go
thought up unexpectedly ... And then - the rain, the road you know what. If
not that, we would have arrived at nine.
Laura (not taking her eyes off her). How are your eyes ... made up. Not
ashamed?
Martha. Yes... yes... You are right. But Enrique likes it that way.
Laura. A clean face is now rarely seen. Probably and dyed hair,
right?
Martha. Do you see...
Laura. Don't, don't speak. I prefer not to know.
Martha. As you please. (Pause.) Is it still raining?
Laura. You are very perceptive.
Martha. Oh! You have such a wonderful family. Enrique I have so much about you
told ... I am delighted with your house! What peace, what peace. You,
Laura, I imagined ... I don’t know, but it’s completely different: wearing glasses, fading, and
shorter in height ... And suddenly: a young woman, beautiful, in juice, cheerful, and not
married only because she is faithful to family obligations. I admire you!
I think we'll be friends.
Laura. I highly doubt it. I never had girlfriends.
Martha. And you, Dona Adela, are an example of a true mother, silent,
selfless, an example of heroism. I'm sure someday you will be given
a monument no worse than some Extremadura conquistador. And you know:
This chair suits you very well. It rejuvenates you... revitalizes you. By
in truth, the four wheels have a mysterious power over people, and we,
women, they are always welcome.
Adela. This chair is for me instead of a tarantass.
Martha. I would give a lot to grow up in such a family ... Enrique
won my heart with stories about you. So romantic!
Adela. It used to be even more romantic. Geraniums grew on the balcony, but Laura
I didn't water it and it dried up.
Martha. I would love to end my days in a house like this one, in the same
armchair. How I envy you, Dona Adela!
Adela. Okay, my child, thank you. If I had crutches at hand, I
If I could show you, I would drive along the corridor to the kitchen, the floor there is even, even.
Believe me, sometimes I reach speeds of up to four kilometers per hour. Is it true,
daughter? Speed ​​is my only vicious addiction.
Martha. Nothing strange. Laura, please. I would like to wash my hands.
Laura. Out that door.
Martha. Thank you very much. I'll be right back. (Goes into the bathroom.)
And immediately both women pounce on her bag. Laura opens
bag.
A case a. Rather baby. They can enter.
Laura (takes out wallet and passport, opens passport, reads). Martha
Garcia, by husband - Molinos. Mother! Do you hear? Husband - Molinos.
A case a. I knew it. A dishonorable woman, you can see right away. Hide
quicker. Hide!
Enrique enters. Everything has already been put in place.
Enrique. Poor grandfather! Very bad.
I don't think it will last long.
Laura. And this one is the same. You can see right away - a doctor ... All of you, doctors,
repeat the same thing, and he has been in this state for three months.
Enrique. He spoke to me. He took my hand and said: “Pirula-.
Pirula, how soft!”
A case a. My God!
Laura. That bastard again! That's it - Pirula! Day and night, this
bastard!
Enrique. How? Pirula really exists?
A de la. Before grandfather got sick, we found out that he had ...
there is a bride, official!
Enrique. Pyrula?
A case a. Yes, Enrique, yes. This girl before meeting her grandfather
earned herself
for life ... I'm ashamed to say what ...
Laura. Worked for an insurance company.
Enrique. So what... I think it's...
Laura. I typed agreements on a typewriter, filled out questionnaires ... And even ...
smoked!
Enrique. Opium?
Laura. Worse, cigarettes.
A de la. Grandfather was going to go with her to Madrid. This Pirula
forward thinking. I wouldn't be at all surprised if she decided to make
grandfather ... a terrorist. Or a clerk at an insurance company. From her
glances...
Enrique. Little human weaknesses. But I'm sure now...
A scream comes from the bathroom. Martha appears, her face distorted.
fear.
Martha. Enrique! Enrique!
Enrique. What happened to you? What's the matter?
Martha. Ah...! In the bathroom! There's a man in the bathroom... I think he's dead.
Laura. Satyr! Definitely Satyr!
Martha. So strangely dressed, in a checkered cap, a pipe in his teeth.
Adela. How! And Satyr...
Laura. Well, this is too much!
ADELA (takes up the whistle, whistles several times). Don't be scared, it's
our friend.
Enrique. Plumber, maybe? Martial appears.
Laura. I hope everything is ok?
Martial. I'm sorry, señora, if I startled you. My name is Martial, I
detective. I was investigating and did not notice how I fell asleep. For some reason I
I am sure that a murder must be committed here, and I am trying to prevent this.
Adela. Funny.
Martial. In addition, we received a signal, anonymous. Tonight
Satyr will come to this quarter. This time he won't leave me. For that I
and hid here. First floor, there are two women in the house. Once again I'm sorry
senior. I'm leaving. I wish you all the best. (Exits.)
Martha. What a strange person!
Enrique. Understood nothing. He says that, they say, in this house ... (Laughs.)
Murder... Look, wit!
Laura. Ordinary idiot. He always imagines murders, but for the time being
found nothing. Mommy's son, it was she who drove it into his head that he
great detective. I hate!
Enrique. This is perhaps too much. The person believes that he is doing his duty. Can
forgive him.
Adela. No you can not. You can never forgive! (to Laura) Is your father
sorry then?
Laura. Don't talk about it, mom.
Adela. And that was it - a short Spanish proverb.
Laura. Mom, don't start!
Adela. Senorita must know about that incident. There was a terrible storm
storm,
as today…
Laura. Tell her: don't! Don't listen to her. She tells it
every new person. I'm already fed up. One day I
open my veins.
Martha. OK. I don't particularly want to know. Maybe we'd better play
forfeits. Much more interesting.
Adela. He always said one thing... Scoundrel! As I see it now. Calmly
so, without worrying, in a flat voice: “Adela, dear, don’t be a bore,
wait, one day I will break your spine.” And so from day to day
on the day: “Adela, dear, don’t be a bore, you’ll wait, one day
day…"
Laura (with a sob in her voice). Stop it mom! Enough!
Adela. Always like this.
Martha. And you, what did you say to him?
Adela. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. To his such a long phrase, I
naivete, answered with a Spanish proverb.
Laura. Here you go! Finish the deal! Let everyone know! When the father threatened
break her spine, her mother said: “A dog that barks never
bites." Do you think you can say that to your husband?
Martha. Ah ah ah! It seems to smell like a chair on wheels.
Laura. And then one fine day, mother did not have time to say
damn proverb, like a father very calmly, as always, without any
anger, picked her up in his arms, went out onto the stairs and there ...
Adela. Shut up! Shut up, I order you!
Laura. ... and threw it down with all his might. And since we live on the first
floor, it had to be thrown six times. And then he left home, forever.
Adela. And when this unfortunate man left, after him from the floor rushed my
voice: “Whoever finds a tree will find a shadow.” And: “To whom the Lord will give, that
Saint Peter bless. (Cries.) I will never forget!
Laura. Now do you understand how unhappy I am? Life Broken: Twenty Years
I mess around with a sick grandfather, with a mentally retarded fool and with my mother ... Such
silent!
Adela. Fu, how rude!
Laura. I'm fed up! (On the verge of hysteria.) You have already forgotten that I was
young and pretty, everyone forgot about me! How much have I suffered! How many
suffered! And... and...! Justina! Justina!
Khustina enters.
Justin. Did you call me, aunt?
Laura. Come here! (Goes up to her and slaps her. Calm down.) You can
go.
Khustina leaves.
Justina calms me down a bit. If not for her, I would have opened a long time ago
own wife.
Pause.
Martha. It's hot, isn't it? Another pause.
Enrique. Everyone has their own cross. That is life. But everything passes.
Adela. This is what we believe in. Really, daughter? Everything will change very soon.
Martha. That's enough, we don't think about sad things anymore. Do you want me to call
Khustin
and have some fun?
Enrique. Aunt, we want to spend the night here. If it's all right
Tomorrow
we'll leave in the morning.
Laura. This is impossible. Go to the hotel for the night.
Martha. I think it's a good idea.
Enrique. Grandpa is in such a state - I have to be with him. Suddenly at night
whatever happens, after all I am a doctor and could certify that...
MARTA (to Enrique). Go here. I can't take another minute. Is not
people and monsters!
Enrique. Do not be silly.
Laura. Mom, did you hear?
Adela. Yes, baby, I heard and understood everything perfectly. They will stay.
A rumble of thunder is heard. Hustina enters.
Justin. I'll bring coffee... with this one?
Laura. Now is not the time.
Enrique. And in my opinion, an excellent idea, with a glass of cognac.
Laura. In this house they do not keep alcoholic drinks, and dominoes, too. This
you don't have a bar.
Enrique. But Justin said...
Laura. Justin didn't say anything. Remind me, mom, tomorrow is sure
she needs to cut her tongue.
Justin. No, no, don't touch your tongue! I'll be good! (crying,
kneels.) I won't say anything! Just don't touch your tongue! Aunt, I'm sorry
me.
Enrique. Just think how worried she is about her tongue!
Martha. Quite natural. You are a man, you don't understand.
Adela. Girl, that's enough! Okay, don't cry, we'll figure it out.
Justin. I don't want to lose my language.
Laura. Justina can sleep with me. And Enrique is in her room.
Adela. And the senorita is on this bed. (Pointing towards the sewing
cars.)
Justina carries Enrique's suitcases to her room.
Enrique. No, no, don't touch the suitcases.
Adela. But once you...
Enrique. The suitcase and hatbox are due to leave tonight.
Pamplona.
Laura. Tonight? What nonsense!
Enrique. It's nothing you can do. This is a matter of life and death.
Adela. Well, if so ... Liermo can take them right now and hand them over to
baggage. Come on, call Liermo. Tell him to come down quickly.
Laura. First, I'll show you to your room. Come after me.
Enrique. Fine. I'm going.
Martha. I'll go with you, Enrique. Don't leave me alone.
Enrico. Come on, Martha, you're not a little girl. Stay sleeping here.
Laura. Come on, Enrique.
Enrique. Went.
Laura and Enrique leave. A roll of thunder is heard, then grandpa's groans.
Martha. Did you say it's a bed?
Adela (Justin). Justina, prepare the bed for the senorita.

Justina pulls out a folding bed, already made.
All these nights someone slept on it. Grandpa is like this...
MARTHA (opening her suitcase). I would like to change into pajamas.
Adela. Go to the bathroom. And don't worry. It's OK.
Martha. I'm not worried, it's nerves. Tired from the road. (Goes to bathroom
room.)
Laura returns.
Laura. Justina, your husband is coming. Hide in the pantry and don't
come out until they say. You know you can't see him.
Justin. Okay, aunt.
Laura. Go.
Justin. I'm going, aunt. (Exits.)
Adela approaches Martha's suitcase and tries to open it.
Laura. Great idea. He will testify to the death of his grandfather. (Goes to
phone, picks up the phone. Dials a number.)
Adela opened the briefcase and examines the contents.
Llermo, is that you? Get down soon. No, he hasn't died yet. (Hangs up the phone.)
Mom, what are you doing?
Adela (thoughtfully). Grandpa will not survive this night.
Laura. What do you want to say? What is your rich mind up to?
Adela. Look, daughter, look what's in the suitcase. And tell me do you have
other thoughts?
Laura (looks into Martha's suitcase). My God! Never seen in my life
such wealth. (Dreamy.) One could leave this forever
cities.
Adela. Go travel! Look at the white light. And Lourdes
Our Lady, Laura, Our Lady of Lourdes!
Laura. And a suitcase and a hat box…
Ade la a. Right. That's why they wanted to take them away from here. For sure
currency or drugs, and they are afraid to take them across the border. Come on open
box. Open up baby, open up!
Laura. Now, mom, this minute. How you got greedy.
Trying to open a hatbox. Enrique appears on the threshold and silently
watching the scene.
Adela. Come on, come on. We need to know what's in it.
Laura. She's locked up. Here it seems to fit.
Enrique. Try like this. I have lost the key.
Adela. No, no, don't. Some kind of stupidity, female curiosity.
(Laughs.)
The doorbell is ringing.
Probably Liermo. Did you hide the girl?
Laura. By itself. I'll go open it. (Exits.)
Enrique. It's not nice to rummage through other people's suitcases, aunt. I don't think it's pretty.
Adela. You see, son... You know how much I love hats. That's what I wanted
see if it suits me. But what surprised me - how heavy it is ... this
"hat".
Liermo enters, followed by Laura.
Enrique. Hey Guillermo. It's nice to meet you.
Llermo. How are you doing? You can call me like everyone else - Llermo-barren,
I don't care. There are no people without flaws. Okay, reluctance in vain time
lose. Where should you carry your suitcase and hatbox?
Enrique. To the station. Check in your baggage on the first train that will go to
Pamplona. Llermo. It's clear. Pamplona, ​​right? How many?
Enrique. In what sense? I don't understand.
Llermo. You see, señor, I don't care what's in your suitcase -
smuggling or bomb.
Enrique. But…
Llermo. Wait a minute. I speak.
Laura. Don't contradict him. He is offended by God, that's the character and
spoiled.
Llermo. How much are you going to pay for this job? Now on
every step is checked.
Enrique. Well, I don't know... One hundred pesetas... For smoke and coffee.
Llermo. I went to bed.
Enrique. Wait… Thousand pesetas, is that right?
Llermo. Now I see interest. Goes. Five hundred now and
five hundred when I bring the receipt.
Enrique. Hold. (Gives him money.)
LIERMO (quietly, Enrique). I need to talk to you. Already seen?
Enrique. What?
Llermo. Shh... (Takes him to a corner.) Justin. Seen?
Enrique. Well, of course. She was here.
Llermo. And how is she to you? Do I have good taste? That's why I'm saving
money ... One fine day we will leave here, and then ... Then this
the family will know if I can have children or not.
Enrique. Good good…
Llermo. Listen. Are you interested in dried heads, human, keychain
can I make a hairpin on a tie, put it in the living room for beauty?
Enrique. What are you saying, young man?
Laura. Keep your ears open, brother! Now he wants to hand you dried
heads. Don't worry, they're not real.
Llermo. She says not real! I collect them in the cemetery, and at home
dry land until they become small, with a fist. Then I glue it on bakelite
ashtray, and at the bottom I write: "Greetings from Badajoz." People think they
not real, but they are the opposite! Enrique. Beli this monster does this
here, what would he do in Paris, and even with education?
Llermo. What are you saying?
Enrique. Nothing, boy, just like that. Don't you dare, for God's sake
travel or read books.
Llermo. Listen ... Beli want forbidden magazines, postal
postcards, insulin, morphine or hashish, the freshest, just dial this number
- and that's it. (Pulls out a business card.) Would you like a Japanese lighter...
can it also serve as a ballpoint pen and a battery-powered radio? So
discount… For you…
Enrique. The thing is... I don't smoke.
Llermo. Doesn't matter. It can set the forest on fire.
Enrique. You are right.
Adela. Oh what a bore. Forever the same! I'd rather sit and think about
his misfortune.
Martha appears in pajamas, a dressing gown over her pajamas.
Martha. Here I am. Damn it! Who is this handsome young man?
Llermo (whistles when he sees Martha). Wow! So you can scare
señora!
Laura. Liermo! I'm sorry, senorita. This is Guillermo, Justina's husband.
Martha. The unfortunate one... I'm very glad to meet you, Liermo.
Let me kiss you on the cheek? (Kisses him.)
Llermo is stunned.
I've been told so much about you...
Llermo. Don't trust them.
Martha. Soul of Badajoz! Hustina's husband lives separately from her, because he
an extremely sensitive and spiritual person ...
Adela. Now he has her once again sbrendit.
LIERMO (takes out a pair of stockings). Do you like it?
Martha. ABOUT! Adorable! Simply lovely, Liermo. And not one, but two. What
especially nice.
Llermo. Cheap. Almost free.
Martha. What's with the cheapness! These things are not judged by price. Finally
you will take away from Khustina paper stockings in an elastic band! Bravo!
Llermo. I have tergal things, perlon, rubber gloves,
nylon combinations, there is powder, lipstick, I get the goods from Tangier and
Portugal.
Enrique. Listen, monster, do you have any ties?
L e r m o. But how! All colors, and also ... (Whispering in his ear.)
Enrique. Bring me black.
Llermo. How? Is grandfather already ... (Approaches Laura.) Well, I'm glad!
Congratulations.
Laura. Don't play the fool. Take a suitcase with a box and go. Grandpa still
will last for some time.
LIERMO (bank the suitcase and the hat box). OK. (to Martha.) Before
goodbye... What's your name?
MARTHA (a little frightened). Martha Garcia.
Llermo. Unmarried?
Martha. No, married...
Enrique. Martha!
Martha. Unmarried, young man. Unmarried and not even engaged.
Llermo. This is good. Fits. It seems to me that we would be with you ... we have
there is something to talk about.
Martha. I doubt.
Llermo. Once I wrote a poem. You will hear it...
Thunder rolls.
Well, night! Are you listening, Laura? The new bridge is dying. Look, today
and get lucky. (Exits.)
Laura follows. Pause.
Adela. I think it's time to go to bed.
Enrique. Yes, everyone can sleep.
Adela. From your bed, grandfather is perfectly audible. So don't worry
and sleep well.
Laura appears at the door.
Laura. If you hear a noise, it seems like someone fell out of bed onto the floor -
don't be scared, it's nothing to worry about. It's not the first time Grandpa does this. IN
People of a certain age tend to be weird. (Pushing a wheelchair
mother to her room.)
Adela. Do you want to put your things in my closet?
Martha. No, thank you. I don't have anything like that.
Adela. Okay, whatever.
Enrique. I'll go to my grandfather's before going to bed.
(Entering grandfather's room.)
Thunder Strike.
Laura. Are you afraid of thunderstorms?
Martha. I'm not afraid, I'm not little anymore. And in Madrid there is even a thunderstorm
pleasure.
Adela. Well, lie down and rest. Good night.
Martha. Thanks, senora. Same to you.
Mother and daughter leave. Martha looks scared. Doesn't know what to do.
Finally he takes off his dressing gown and is about to go to bed; from grandpa's room
Enrique comes out.
Enrique. Don't know. It's hard to say, but ... Most likely, bronchitis. Symptoms
are not in doubt.
Martha. Enrique, I wanted to talk to you alone.
Enrique. Speak, my love.
Martha. You know, I think it's impossible. I should probably
return to Armando. I'm sure he will forgive me.
Enrique. What's wrong with you, Martha? Do not you love me anymore?
Martha. Don't know. I do not know what happened to me. Probably nerves. Yes, this one
house... Strange things are happening in it. And in general - everything happened so quickly ...
Enrique. But with Armando it’s the other way around – everything is so slow. And you were bored.
Martha. This is true. I missed you terribly.
Enrique, let's leave this house right now, ooh, I'm bad
forebodings, I'm scared, terribly scared.
Enrique. It's impossible to leave now, Martha, I can't drive at night.
Go have a rest. Sleep, in the morning you will see everything with different eyes, and then we
you ... Alone and together, now - always together. Did you write a letter to your husband?
Martha. Yes, and he's probably already read it. Poor Armando, how he got me
loved, but ... such a bore! And he didn't understand me at all, never understood me.
And you…
Enrique. Besides, he was too young. Just three years older than you
and marriage requires peace and understanding. Your husband cared more about his
career, about your future, than about you.
Martha. You are completely different! With you I feel like a stone
wall. Do you know how I fell in love with you? You say: I talk like a little one,
but still I like to talk about it. I fell in love with you that day
when I broke my leg and you put me in a cast. You know, you put a cast on me like that
Fine…
Enrique. I have adored you for a long time. And that's why I painted a heart on plaster,
pierced by an arrow, and wrote the poems of Campoamor.
Martha. And then ... I gave you my x-ray with the inscription:
"Enrique from Martha".
Enrique. You were so beautiful on it! I always carried it with me
wallet, and when he was alone, looked at your x-ray on
light and thought of you. If I wasn't already crazy about you, I would fall in love
without memory in your fracture. Martha. Enrique, oh, how can you talk
with women. I never get tired of listening to you.
Enrique. OK. Now go to sleep. You need a sleep. And tomorrow
let's move.
Martha. You and me, together and alone.
Enrique. Together until the end of days. Good night my Love.
Martha. Good night.
They kiss.
Enrique. Rest.
Martha. I'm already much better.
Enrique leaves. Martha gets into bed and turns off the light. Immediately the door
Justina opens and enters, holding a cup of coffee and a small bag in her hands.
Justin. Are you sleeping now?
Martha. No, baby, come in.
Justin. Here I brought you. What kind of coffee do you want - with or without milk?
Martha. I didn't have to worry... I don't care... (Takes a cup.) What
hot…
Justin. I took my doll with me. I always sleep with her, it's more fun that way. me her
did Liermo... So funny... Knows how to close her eyes... I named her
Rosalind.
Martha. Here's how? What a nice guy Liermo! Well let me see.
I already met him, in my opinion, very smart… Oh… (Seeing
doll, screams and jumps out of bed.) What is this?
Justin. My doll... Rosalind...
Martha. Enrique! Enrique! Throw away this muck right now ... This is
head... Oh my God!
Enrique runs in.
Enrique. What happened to you? What are you screaming?
Martha (crying). Look... Look... what's in my bed...
Justin. My doll.
Enrique. Listen, Justina... get her out of here. What an abomination!
Justin. But she's... so pretty... Come here, my love!
Poor thing, no one loves you... (leaves)
Enrique. Calm down, Martha! Calm down ... Well, why are you for no reason ...
Martha. I'm sorry Enrique. I was so scared ... When I saw ... What
dirty trick!
Enrique. Okay, dear. Try to pull yourself together. Whatever you
See what you hear, don't pay attention. Understand, it's from your nerves,
just nerves. Martha. I will try.
Enrique. Go lie down and have a coffee - you'll feel better... See you tomorrow.
(Exits.)
Marta, having calmed down a little, is going to drink coffee, but then the balcony
the door swings open. The wind blows, the rain. Martha gets up and closes the door.
Returns to bed; on the balcony, behind a glass door, a tall
man in a raincoat and hat. Knocks on glass.
Martha. Wait a minute… Where did he come from? (Opens the balcony
door.)
The man bursts into the room. Starts jumping around the room, growling like
beast. Throws himself on the floor, writhes in writhing.
Bravo! .. You are very good at it ... But why don't you show
me your skill tomorrow? I am so tired…
Eustaquio (howling). Uuuuuuu… Auuuuuuuu… Ummmmmm… (He
attached nose.)
Martha. Everything is excellent, but - tomorrow ... I'm terribly sleepy ...
(Yawns.)
Eustaquio. Awwwwwwwww… ow…! Apchi!
Martha. Be healthy!
Eustaquio. Thank you. (Takes out a handkerchief, blows his nose.) Awwwwwwwww...
Martha. Again for mine! What a bore... Do you think that's witty?
Eustaquio. Are you… not going to scream?
Martha. I?! What for?
Eustaquio. Well... I didn't scare you?
Martha. Frightened me ... such a nice man? If I tell you
something about this family that will make your hair stand on end.
Eustaquio. I something... I don't understand anything... Your name is Rafaela Guzman?
(Pulls out a crumpled piece of paper.) And you live...
Martha. Don't, don't work. My name is Martha and I don't live here. I
coming.
Eustaquio. My God, what a nightmare! Please excuse me… (Going to
leave the same way you came.) Up…chi! Apchi! Must have caught a cold...
Martha. Still ... What did you think of to stagger on such a night, and even
make something like that? Come here... Lord my God!
Eustaquio. Don't worry... Since you... Ah... chi! Apchi!..
Martha. Yes, you are soaked to the skin ... Take off your raincoat ... And all this that
you on
face...
Eustaquio. For God's sake! You ruin me...
Martha. Come on... cloak... you're just like a child...
Eustaquio. Or maybe for the better ... (Takes off his cloak and false nose on
gum.)
Martha. You should have been whipped... What manners...
Eustaquio. Let me introduce myself. I am the Extremadura Satyr, although I
and it's embarrassing to say. Ah… chi!
Martha. Be healthy! .. (Gives him a blanket.) Throw it on yourself. And besides
what are you doing?
Eustaquio. In the morning I go to the real estate office. I have them
gatekeeper. In the afternoon I keep some accounts, and at night -
you yourself saw ... If you want to live, señora, know how to spin ... Wife, five children ...
The youngest, three-year-old, has measles, the eldest, Elena, eighteen
caught up ... Look ... (Takes out a photograph from his pocket). Here they are all
five ... And in the middle - a wife ... When I have a night job, they all do not
sleeping, waiting for dad.
Martha. Something I don't really understand...
Eustaquio. Eustaquio... Call me Eustaquio... And Satyr is for
presses. You see ... When in our city some young girl
something is going on with the fiancé... I don't know if I'm clear enough
expressing...
Martha. Come on, Eustaquio, I'm not a child.
Eustaquio. So... when this happens... to me in the porter's room
leave an application. And at night I climb in the window, make noise to attract
attention, but nothing like that, God forbid, I myself have little interest in these matters,
well, in a word, I make noise until she screams ... And then I wash off through the window, here
and all. I don't know if you understood me or not. Apchi!
Martha. Not really.
Eustacno. Everything is very simple. I kind of take the blame for everything that
was .., And the girl is immediately married off, And almost always for the same
groom.
Martha. It turns out that you are the father of half the city.
Eustaquio. Can you imagine? The lower floors pay seventy-five
pesetas, plus twenty-five pesetas for each additional floor. Ap…
Apchi!
Martha. I see... And you confused me with...?
Eustaquio. I don't know how it happened. Houses nearby... And now, from your
permission, I will return to my duties .., (Takes a raincoat, puts on his nose.)
Martha. It flows from you, you catch pneumonia ...
Eustaquio. Calm down, señora... Every profession has its own
shortcomings., Apchi!
Martha. Here, have some coffee. It's already cold, but you'll still feel
better.
Eustaquio. No no! Thank you very much. No worries…
Martha. Don't piss me off, Eustaquio. I order you.
Eustaquio. Well, well ... Thank you very much ... (Drinks coffee.)
Martha. Glorious coffee!
Eustaquio. A little bitter...and smells weird.
Martha. Yes, you didn’t even try ”Well, in one gulp ...
Eustaquio. Awww! Uuuummm! Awww...
Martha. Back to yours again, Eustaquio? Enough is not smart.
Eustaquio (writhing in pain). Coffee… Uuumm!… Coffee. Coffee…
poisonednn… (Falls to the floor.)
Martha. But... Eustaquio... What's the matter with you? Come on, get up ... Come on,
brave gentleman, get up! Get up... (Takes a coffee cup.)
There was coffee, and it was... For me! Enrique! Enrique! Enrique! (runs out of
rooms.)
Short pause. And then Don Gregoro comes out of his room into the night
shirt and sleeping cap. Drags the corpse of the Satyr to his room.
Puts the coffee cup back in its place. Enrique and Martha enter.
Enrique. Now you will take these pills and sleep well until the morning.
Martha. I'm telling you, he came in through the balcony door... wearing a raincoat... first
jumped, howled like a beast ... And then he drank coffee and ...
Enrique. Martha, for God's sake!
M a r t a. But it's true... Believe me, Enrique... I'm about to lose my mind.
Enrique. What do you say he called himself?
Martha. Local Satyr.
Enrique. A satyr from Badajoz? .. Listen ... But this is ridiculous ... Here, accept
a pill... You just need it...
The phone rings.
I'll come up ... Wake up the whole house ... (Picks up the phone.) I'm listening ... Yes, I'm listening
you... What?.. (Pause.) Hello! Hello! .. How strange ... (Hangs up the phone to
side.)
Martha (nervously). What happened, Enrique? Who called?
Enrique. I don’t know… I can’t understand… Some strange voice sang:
“Fifth of May… sixth of June… seventh of July… Saint Fermin…” And then
mysteriously said: "Pamplona ... fuck something!" And hung up. I don't understand.
(Hangs up the phone.)
Martha. Suitcases, Enrique! Suitcases and a hatbox! Went to
Pamplona!
Enrique. That's right... Suitcases and a hatbox... We're gone!
Martha. Enrique!
They throw themselves into each other's arms. And falling fast
A curtain.

Second act

When the curtain is raised, laughter and music is heard - a twist. The scenery is the same.
Rollaway bed removed again, everything looks the same as at the beginning
actions. The storm is raging with might and main. It's been about two hours.
On stage, Dona Ad ate, in the same wheelchair. Next to her -
chair, near the table with the brazier - Doña Socorro. Death groans are no more
heard.
Adela (laughs like crazy). Oh, how funny! How many are you
remember, and everyone is so spicy! .. Whatever you tell about - everything is about it ...
How do you know so many obscene jokes?
Socorro. I had to endure a completely impossible maid for two years, but
but she walked with a corporal from the Foreign Legion. And he told her
only even more indecent than mine ... You should have listened ...
ADELA (not ceasing to laugh). Do you know ... (Tells her something in
ear.) These corporals are such robbers!
Socorro. You can't even imagine what! This one is already locked up.
Adela. Is he a count?
Socorro. Almost. Apparently had a bad habit of taking other people's things
without permission. Do you know any jokes?
Adela. Of course I know. But I can't tell them. There were no acquaintances
corporals.
Socorro. Do you know about the parrot? .. So ... (Whispering in the ear of Dona Adela,
and she bursts into laughter.)
Adela. Wonderful. But this can only be told to adults.
French...
Laura appears.
Laura.! Something happened?
Adela. Doña Socorro... tells such things... you will die of laughter. I have
already here it hurts. (Pointing to the side.)
Laura. All jokes are over. And you, dona Socorro, forever ... not
Do you know how modest people should behave when there is a dead person in the house?
Socorro. Really. We forgot about poor Don Gregorio, never again.
we won't hear his dying groans... What a disaster! We, in Badajoz, have it all
loved, here you are, for example, why talk about others ... what a horror, here it is,
life! (Sobs.)
Adela. All right, all right, dona Socorro, you've come to cheer me up, don't
Darken us, please, this day.
Socorro. Yes, you are right, you are right... But every good Christian...
Laura. Leave her, mother, let her ease. Somehow behind the door -
the late grandfather, and tears in such a case will not hurt.
Socorro. And tell me, how many people will come to the vigil?
Laura. As less as possible. We will hold a vigil over this dead man in a narrow
family circle. Very modest. We're in mourning.
Adela. In addition, grandfather did not like showing off, he could not stand any
luxury, no Coca-Cola.
Socorro. Dona Veneranda will arrive any minute with her son. I
just spoke to her on the phone, she is very excited. Oh yes! You
Do you know that Pepita's husband is studying French?
Adela. Really? Want to get hired at a hotel?
Socorro. Nothing of the sort… Preparing for the tourist season…
I tell you... Now men are learning languages ​​for Swedish girls... And the husband
Pepita will eventually run away with some Swede. Sooner or later.
Adela. It's right. In our time, men studied apothecary business, and
Now…
Socorro. Listen, can I go see Don Gregorio,
eternal glory to him?
Adela. Not yet, they will tell you when it is possible. Have patience.
Laura. Now my cousin Enrique is there, for more than an hour. Leads
him in order. He's a doctor...
Adela. Arrived last night, only you left. Stay for the funeral. He
rides
to Portugal.
Socorro. One?
Adela. No with…
Laura. And what do you care!
X ustina appears, in her hands is a tray of cookies.
Justin. Aunt Laura, where do you put the cookies?
Adela. On the table, baby, on the table. Justina puts the tray on the table with
brazier.
Laura. Dona Socorro, don't touch the cookies until the others arrive.
They are all counted.
Socorro. What about sickness? Will there be no sickness? On the vigil of poor Seyferino,
assistant don Carlos, was full of brushwood, and came out very nice. I am nothing
I want to say, master-master, everyone is free to arrange vigils in his own way, but ...
Adela. At that vigil there was a gentleman from Medina de Campo, a friend
one of the neighbors, and sang Navarre jotas. I have to admit he has a voice.
beautiful.
Laura. Still would! As he sang “I am not afraid of the beast… this beast has already died…”.
Satisfied, they begin to sing.
Adela (sings). “One daredevil fought with him ... and a terrible beast
finished…”. Socorro. He sings great, but I know that he took off in Madrid
an apartment for a senorita named Chon, and he calls her Asunción,
so that no one thinks.
Justin. Aunt... Aunt Laura says I'll have to mourn
grandfather for ten years. That is, everything is black. And watch only spanish
movies… Is it necessary to kill yourself like that?
Laura. You heard? What immorality! You don't love anyone! Other
I would burn with shame if I wore mourning for a day less! And you have one
mind - have fun. Everything draws you to a fun life. We will not be - and
you end up in a brothel or worse.
Justin. Worse than a brothel? What's worse, aunt?
Adela. The daughter is right. The youth of today have only entertainment on their minds. At
poor grandfather's legs are not cold yet ...
Socorro. You are absolutely right. This movie ruined them so much. Don't know,
why now films are not cut ... Do you remember in what form Tarzan appears?
The doorbell is ringing.
Justin. Probably Liermo... May I open it?
Laura. It’s possible, today it’s possible, it’s still mourning ... Just look:
If you try to make eyes at him, we'll gouge them out for you!
Justin. Don't worry, aunt. (Satisfied and radiant, she goes to open it.)
Adela. Listen, dona Socorro ... And in what form does Tarzan appear?
Socorro. Like some Englishman on the beach, out of clothes - alone
hair.
Doña Veneranda enters with her son Martial, dressed as usual.
VENANDA (to Laura, bursting into tears). Baby... Baby. Not
can you imagine how we are going through ... (Kisses her.) What a grief! In the bloom of years...
Laura. All right, all right, dona Veneranda... we must hold on. What about "in
the color of years” you, of course, were joking…
Veneranda. He was such a wonderful person… such a generous… such
wise ... But what can I say - just a saint, did no harm to anyone,
He used to see a beggar, a blind man, and - nothing, he would pass by ... (Sobs.)
Doña Adela... my poor you! Don't get up... What a horror! Who could have expected!
Adela. All Badajoz, for three months now.
Veneranda. A few days ago I was as healthy as a cucumber ... Nice
was to watch him roll up his cigarette. What grief! (Sobs.)
MARCIAL (to Laura, embracing her). Laura, I have no words to express
my condolences to you! What can you do - the law of life ... In the end, everything
we are but dust... dust...
Laura. My God, from whom do I hear! Okay, okay, go eat some cookies.
Martial (dona Socorro, by mistake). What a pity, dona Socorro! (Serves
her hand.) Here is my hand for you... I am with you in your grief.
S o c o r r o. I do not need your hand, my dear, in this grief. give me
hand later when you go to see you home.
Martial. What about condolences?
Skorro. And no condolences needed. I to them - the seventh water on jelly, as well as
your mother, and came here for a treat.
Martial takes the cookies, eats.
Veneranda. What about sickness? And the Galician roast, and the sausages from Cantimpalos
— won't they?
Socorro. Nothing will happen. Only cookies. Vigil on the third category.
They take cookies and eat.
Veneranda. And the biscuits... God knows how fresh... By the way - oh
fresh: when will it be possible to see it?
Socorro. Later. Someone came to them from Madrid, it seems ...
The women continue to talk among themselves.
Martial. Doña Adela... My poor... You know how I feel about you.
my condolences. I'm just shocked.
Adela. I know... I know, my boy... but you are in such shock -
for good.
Socorro. What did your son say: he just...
Veneranda. Shocked.
Socorro. Ah, well, yes ... crushed, then. In whom is it? You see, in
some kind of passerby, so I don’t dare to say.
Martial. Oh yes! Mother and I, in order to alleviate your grief a little,
brought with them a bottle of Benedictine. And almonds, real, from
Logrono. (Gives all this to Dona Adela.)
Socorro. What did he say? Some sins...
Veneranda. No, nuts, almond, real, from Logroño.
Socorro. And I got scared! I heard - not from Logroño, but from
Ciudad Real, there's some almonds unimportant.
Martial (Laure). And… how did the tragic ending happen?
Laura. Nothing special. Heart attack in addition to inflammation
lungs, bilateral.
Adela. And the years… He was ninety-two.
Laura. And his liver was all over like a sieve.
Adela. But the worst thing is asthma. Anyway, that's what mine said
nephew, and he is a doctor, arrived a few hours ago, because
assumed.
Laura. The last few days have been terribly difficult ... And now two hours
ago the fortress finally fell.
Martial. And before she fell, did she say anything?
Laura. He had Enrique with his fiancee at that time. Apparently he
he called them as best he could, sat up in bed and said in a barely audible voice:
“Etcetera. Non plus ultra. And departed.
Socorro. What did he say to the bride?
Veneranda. Bride - nothing. And said goodbye in Latin. Such
was attentive!
Socorro. Looks like he was plotting something ... He wanted to laugh, how to give a drink ...
They continue to talk to each other.
Adela. How are you, Martial? A lot of work?
Martial. Yes, señora. Tonight must finally fall
Extremaduran Satyr. I assure you.
Laura (laughs). Do not make me laugh! (Laughs.) You'll catch the Satyr!
Martial. We had a signal. Tonight he will visit Rafaela Guzman,
girl from next door. The block is cordoned off, he can't escape.
Socorro. Hear you Lord, son! Maybe we are finally alone
Ladies, let's take a breath.
Laura. And I would like to meet him. (Dreamy.) Should
be an extraordinary man. Brave! Bold! Uncouth! With Ilaria
done - scary to think! I think I fell in love with him the first time
the day he started his stuff. But with me ... With me, he would never
dared ... There is a reason for that.
Adela. My child, do not speak like that ... Otherwise, the guests will think that you are not
there were contenders. (To others.) And Laura could make an excellent match.
Laura. Yes, there was one. But he serves thirty years because of the old woman. Which
injustice! Of course, Jacobo had a knife, but the old woman could have
to defend himself, and for this he is thirty years old. What an abomination! (On the brink
tantrums.) What an abomination!
ADELA (blows the whistle). Enough, daughter!
Laura. Justina! Justina!
Adela. Today, I ask you, leave this number.
Laura. I can't take it anymore mom! I can not! (It's about to explode.)
Adela. Maybe you want a cup of coffee?
Veneranda. I'd rather have ham, Coffee makes me sleepy.
Socorro. Quite right. Pour from the bottle!
Adela blows the whistle three times and Justina appears.
Laura. Where have you disappeared, unhappy, we call, but you are not going?
Justin. I read Franz Kafka, a funny book.
Martial. So how is it? Guess who the killer is?
Justin. Almost. Already began to guess, and he - once! - and turned
into a grasshopper. But, of course, the grasshopper is a little Freudian.
Laura (slapping her). Shut up, despicable! Can't you see we have
guests, they are not interested in your nonsense. Stepping out of here, brainless. Go to kitchen
and make coffee. It's already cooked, you just need to heat it up.
Justin. All right, aunt, all right. Just don't hit me like that on the cheeks, otherwise
someday I'll get bored ... and then everyone will know, so ... (Leaves.)
Adela. There is no other way with her. She carries this, I have no idea where she is
got this. Our house has always adhered to traditional views.

Enrique and Marta come out of the grandfather's room; Marta is excited
that she was very tired. The face is pale, pained. She has slippers in her hands.
Enrique. You can enter. Now it's okay, you can look at
him.
Martha. Please... A chair! (Sits down.) I don't feel well.
Laura. This is my cousin Enrique. Traumatologist.
Socorro. Poor thing!
Veneranda. And what is it?
Socorro. Like a hairdresser, honey, only cleaner.
Adela. Don Martial Hernandez, detective.
Martial and Enrique shake hands.
My nephew Enrique, passing through from Madrid.
Martial. There are no words to express my condolences to you.
Enrique. Thank you.
Martial. I knew Don Gregorio well and am simply shocked by what happened.
It will not be easy for Badajoz to survive his death. Don Gregorio left here
mine
track.
Veneranda. Have you noticed how my son expresses his thoughts?
Adela. And this two seniors, Dona Socorro and Dona Veneranda, are close
friends at home. They came to be with us.
Enrique. Senors, I am all at your service.
Veneranda. And we are at your disposal, day and night.
Enrique (gives Marta a pill). Take it, Martha, calm down.
Martha swallows a pill.
The poor thing is very impressionable.
Martha. Enrique, let's leave quickly. I can not do it anymore.
Laura (quietly, Enrique). These gentlemen would like to see grandfather. And so are we.
The last time we saw him alive.
Adela. That is life.
Enrique. Yes, yes, come on in. You will see that he has changed a little. For death
there were so many different reasons, and his facial expression, character,
even hair.
Martial. This often happens. The nose is probably pointed, isn't it?
Enrique. So... that's it... very, very pointed. Come in
Come in, please, just don't touch anything.
The two old women and Marcial enter the grandfather's room.
What lies in the coffin in the cassock of a Franciscan monk is the don
Gregorio.
Martha (bursts into tears). Horrible! Horrible!
Enrique. What about you, Martha? Law of life. We will all be there. Come on
calm down, calm down.
Martial appears.
Martial. Don Enrique, please come into the room. Mother never
maybe something to put on Don Gregorio, it seems, an amulet.
Enrique. I'm coming, I'm coming, this minute. Just don't touch anything.
Martial returns to his grandfather's room.
Martha, pull yourself together.
Martha. Leave me alone. I feel bad. I ... go to the bathroom, wash myself
Cold water might help. (Goes into the bathroom.)
Enrique. Poor thing, she's really upset! Finally. And you won't go
look at grandpa
Adela. Yes, yes, let's go now.
Noise comes from the room. Martial appears.
Martial. Rather, otherwise his mother tickles him, checks whether he really
died.
Enrique. I'm going. Let's see what's going on there. (Goes to grandpa's room.)
Adela. She doesn't seem to have had her coffee.
Laura. Or didn't work. Or maybe my hand trembled, and I
poured. Out of habit.
Adela. It's good that potassium cyanide remained.
Laura. Let's make more coffee and pour both of them at once.
Adela. Yes, my dear, the sooner the better. See the suitcase? Worth over
laughs at us.
Laura. I see, mom, I see. Patience. A little more and it will be ours.
(Pushing the wheelchair to the door to Grandpa's room.) How happy I am!
Finally, life smiled at us.
Adela. It is high time. And then I already began to think that you are a loser, daughter
my. Just don't try to do anything while Martial is here. He can do everything
mess up.
Laura. Don't worry mom, don't worry.
Adela. Let's go take a look at grandfather, we'll please the eye.
Approaching the door.
Laura. Mom, I'm perfectly happy. A little more and we will live
clover! For you, mother, I will buy a pair of trotters - a feast for the eyes!
Adela. Quiet, quiet, crazy! You prevent me from concentrating, so we
we can't go to grandpa's. It is not enough just to take a sip of wine and shout:
“I’m not afraid of the beast…” Hold back your enthusiasm, we’ll be left alone, then…
Laura. OK, Mom. Let's go. Grandpa is waiting for us.
Enter the room of the deceased. Long pause. Only the sound of rain is heard.
The door of a large closet quietly opens, and grandfather's head sticks out in
sleeping cap. Don Gregorio looks around the room, making sure that she
is empty and comes out of the closet. He is wearing a long nightgown and slippers,
shoulders - a blanket. Cautiously goes to the phone, picks up the phone,
dials a number. He speaks very quietly, trying not to be heard.
Gregorio. Hello... Can I call Pirula? Pirula can be asked for
phone? No, my throat is hoarse. Pirulu! P-Paris... No, not from Paris
she is from Guadalajara.
Justina appears at the door.
Khustia. Hi Grandpa! What are you doing here? Get out of bed again!
I'll tell my aunt...
GREGORIO (on the phone). Okay, don't, don't worry. (puts
phone.) Well, beauty, how are you? Justin. Oh, I didn't see why
are you not in a coffin?
Gregorio. It became boring, so I think: I’ll go and stretch my numb members.
Khustin. Ah-ah-ah ... And why are they numb?
Gregorio. You see, the box was not the right size, a little cramped. To me
it is uncomfortable. Presses.
Khustin. This is just the beginning, the first years. And then you get used to it
see. Every thing first presses, and then breaks in. Listen
grandpa, tell your aunts not to make me mourn ten
years.
The doorbell is ringing. Grandpa is worried.
Gregorio. Go, beauty, open up. They call.
X y with t and n a. They're coming. Probably Liermo. "The shepherdess danced,
La la la la la la…". (Singing, she goes to open the door.)
Grandfather, left alone, again hides in his hiding place - in the closet.
Enter Liermo and X at Steen. He has a hat box and a suitcase in his hands. Liermo
puts things on the floor. He's soaked to the skin.
Llermo. Doesn't let up. Like from a bucket. Yes, damn suitcases weigh
Be healthy. Listen, Justina, don't Enrique and that lady have left yet?
X y with t to and a. They're here in grandpa's room.
Llermo. Fine, fine, Justina, at last we are alone! (Look at
Khustina, after a pause.) But we haven't been alone for a long time, Khustina.
Justin. Still would! Well, weirdo. Is it my fault that you didn't
given vitamins?
Llermo. These are lies, Khustina! I am not infertile. specially
made up my mind not to live with you. And if so...why not give me
try? Justina, I love you! I you...
Justin. Stop it, Llermo! What are you looking at ... Get used to it: the eye sees, but
tooth…
Llermo. If you want, we'll get on a motorcycle this minute and leave Badajoz.
Do you understand that I can't live without you? You are my wife, my companion in life,
I can force you.
Justin. Oh what a bad boy!
Llermo. Okay, I'll keep earning as soon as possible
I'll get you out of here and take you to Madrid so you can admire the street
Serrano.
Justin. You say terrible things. That's right, I read it in some
American comedy. Besides... it's indecent to say such a thing to a girl from
Extremadura. Clean and unspoiled.
Llermo. Justina! Say you don't love me and my feet are here more
will not be.
Justin. Okay, just don't tell anyone ... In my opinion, I love you all
more every time...
Llermo. Justina! My wife!
Kiss for a long time, passionately.
Justin. How rude! Or maybe the aunts are wrong! Suddenly you are real
man!
Llermo. Let's go now ... you'll see for yourself. And if I'm unfit,
I will never disturb you again.
X y with t n i a. Okay… Just keep in mind: I’m demanding… Let’s go…
They go to the door, to meet Martha, a little perked up.
Martha. Hey Llermo! Are you leaving?
Justin. Yes, señora. If grandpa asks me, tell me what
I went to take the exam with Liermo.
Llermo. You are my poor thing! Grandpa can't even ask anymore
what time is it now.
Justina (laughs). You are my stupid. I just saw him. He was
here, went out to stretch the numb members.
Llermo. Justina! It is not true!
Khustnyaa (gives him a slap in the face). Is it true!
Martha. This can't be, honey.
Justin. But this is true. I think he rose to call
Pirule.
Enrique appears, he heard the last phrase.
Enrique. In my opinion, Justina, this is a bad joke. It's not good to scare people.
Justin. I don't care if you believe or not. I saw him! I him
I saw and talked to him!
Enrique. Justina, you make me angry!
Martha. Okay, stop arguing. Once the girl says she saw
grandfather, so she saw him. You never lie, right?
Khrustina. Of course never. And for this Aunt Laura wants to cut me off
language.
Martha. Then tell me ... I'm just wondering: the coffee that you
brought me to bed, who gave you?
Justin. I made my own coffee, I'm agile. And two spoons of cyanide
Aunt Laura put potassium in it. Said you love it tight.
Llermo. Sugar, you bastard! Sugar, not potassium cyanide! You are sometimes
you carry that fear takes me.
Martha. Did you hear Enrique? Your cousin Laura. Convinced? But
Why? Why? I will go crazy.
Enrique (saw the suitcase and the box). And why are you here? Answer! Why
are they here?
Llermo. I was just about to say, but I didn't. Came to the station
locked there. There will be no trains until tomorrow.
Enrique (grabs Liermo by the breasts). What have you been doing all this time?
Answer! Did you open your suitcases?
Llermo. Hey, calm down. And take your hands. Well, of course, I opened the suitcases. AND
You know, I didn't go to any station. (Pause.) Well, surprised? Do you think that
Am I not only barren, but also a fool?
Enrique, very preoccupied, does not know what to do.
M a r t a. What's in the suitcase? You said: Armando's things, nothing
valuable.
Llermo (laughs). Did he say so? Wit!
The door opens and Marcial enters.
Martial. So, I must leave you. Hey Guillermo! How are you?
Llermo. We turn, we turn. (Nervous.) Everything is so difficult, you know...
MARCIAL (lighting his pipe). Yes Yes. However, you are strange. Me
hard to deceive. Are you hiding anything from me?
Justin. He is terribly afraid of the dead, Don Martial. And you don't have to be afraid
the dead, but motorcycles, right?
Martial. That's right, baby. OK. I went. Tonight, I
I foresee things to come. I smell ... I smell ... (Stumbles over the suitcase.) These
There were no suitcases. Llermo, yours? Where did you get them? Answer! And don't you dare
lie to Martial!
Llermo. Well, why ... so to speak ...
Enrique. My suitcases. I sent Liermo to check them in as baggage. But,
apparently he was late.
MARCIAL (lifting the suitcases). Heavy. eighty kilograms. A
maybe they contain currency, drugs, smuggling?
Enrique. Don Martial! Do we look like smugglers?
Martha. Let's open it if you want. Medical supplies. For
work.
Martial looks at the suitcases, not sure what to do.
Martial. Joke. I love embarrassing people. (Puts the suitcases on the floor.) Okay,
I'm leaving. I'll be around here. Let the Satyr appear, he'll be finished.
Mark my words: tonight is an important night in the life of our city.
(Goes to the door.) Happy staying. (Exits.)
Enrique grabs the suitcases, wipes the sweat off his forehead.
Llermo. Good afternoon, maestro! Don't be afraid of me. I am at your service. A
we could do business with you, we have something to do.
Justin. Don't listen to his brother. He tells me the same thing.
Llermo. I would be the hands and you the head. By the way, about the head. Here
this…
Enrique (not letting him speak). Listen friend you can swear
mother for not opening the suitcases?
Llermo. And a hatbox. (Laughs.) Worthy spectacle! You just
devil.
Martha. Can we finally find out what is in this ill-fated suitcase?
Llermo. Go and know what's out there. I took onions for my dried heads.
And people think they're real. And here…
Enrique. That's enough. I don't like this conversation.
Martha. Enrique, for some time now I have absolutely no idea what
happening. It feels like I'm in a maze: as soon as the light dawns, and
you immediately run into a dead end. Here look. Your sister tried me
poison, right?
Justin. So. Potassium cyanide. Do you want me to show you?
Martha. Yes, go get it, honey.
Justin. I instantly. Now you will see. (Exits.)
Martha. Then this man growled and jumped here… Satyr…
Llermo. I'll tell you a secret, I think the Extremadura Satyr in the world
no and never has been. Our mayor came up with it so that tourists
lure. As the rumor spread that he was doing it, the Swedes immediately came here
to come, English women and even ladies from Zamora.
Martha. Then a phone call. Who could it be, Enrique? None
knows we're here.
Llermo. It was me, señora. I called on the phone and said: “First
January, the second of February…” (Laughs.)
Enrique. Well, Liermo, well, an entertainer!
Justina's voice. Martha! Martha! Come here, can't find cyanide
potassium.
Martha. Excuse me, I'm just a minute. I'm coming, Justina! (Goes into the kitchen.)
Llermo. See you soon maestro. I return to my lair. You know,
where to find me. Just tell me I'll do my best. (Exits.)
Enrique goes to the door, making sure it's locked. Heading towards
suitcase with jewelry, opens it and smiles contentedly,
find that everything is in place.
Eirike. Shhhh! Hey! Grandpa… grandpa… You can go out.
The cabinet door opens carefully. Grandpa in clothes comes out of the closet
Satyr, namely - in a raincoat and a hat.
Gregorio. Phew! I thought I'd never get out of the damn closet.
Enrique. What are you dressed up in?
Gregorio. Poor Eustaquio's attire. And he is dressed in mine. I almost
numb from the cold. Has anyone noticed the change?
Enrique. Nobody, not even Martha. People treat the dead with great
reverence. And this dead man was sent to us by Providence.! What do you intend
do?
Gregorio. Get out of here. And as soon as possible. (Dials a phone number.)
Well, they will have faces when they find out that I left and the whole family fortune
grabbed! (Into the phone.) Pirula... It's me, Gregorio, your Goito... Yes, that's it.
excellent ... Then I'll tell you ... Ten minutes later on the square, on
bench ... Yes, where are the pigeons ...
The door to Grandpa's room opens and Doña Socorro appears.
Socorro. Poor fellow! As if sleeping. I'll go make a phone call. You know
tonight we are waiting for the first kidney stone to come out of… Ah… Busy…
(To Don Gregorio.) Good evening.
Gregorno. Good evening. I'm finishing this minute.
Socorro. Nothing, nothing. I'll call later. I'm not in a hurry. What grief! This
terrible! (Goes to the door. To Enrique.) Do you know who I thought he looked like?
this gentleman in a raincoat?
Enrique. I know. To Don Gregorio.
Socorro. What grief! Here it is, life! Good God! I'll go again
look at the poor thing. (Entering grandfather's room.)
GREGORIO (on the phone). Okay... Don't be late... No, it's nothing... Well,
bye... (Hangs up the phone.) That's all.
Enrique. Be careful, grandpa. A certain Martial with his fellows
surrounded the quarter.
Gregorio. So it's time to go. When Martial is on guard -
no danger. This is our city crazy.
Eirike. Grandpa... I want to ask you one favor.
Gregorio. Take it easy, son. If it's within my power...
Enrique. I don't know how to start... I find it difficult. (Pause.) Grandpa... I
bad. Yes, yes, bad.
Gregorio. Come on, my boy, come on... It's about Martha. Right?
Enrique. Yes, grandfather. Martha is a married woman. And what I did -
not good. Her husband… was my friend… my teacher… Thanks to him I
learned everything I can ... Gregorio. You and Martha love each other, right?
Enrique. That's right, grandpa.
Gregorio. Does she have money?
Enrique. Look ... (Shows him the contents of a suitcase with
jewels.) Well, do I have taste?
Gregorio. Bravo boy! Is your conscience bothering you? Yes, you are just an artist! A
a good-natured husband probably has no idea about anything, right? (Laughs.)
Some husbands never know.
Enrique. In fact, he doesn't know anything.
Gregorio. Well done! (Cunningly laughs.)
Enrique. Martha's husband, Dr. Molinos, my friend, my teacher... in this
suitcase ... and in a hat box.
Gregorio. Enrique!
Enrique (introducing them to each other). Dr. Molinos... My grandfather.
Thunder Strike.
Gregorio. Ras…
Enrique. Dismembered.
Gregorno. Martha knows?
Enrique. And does not guess. Armando suddenly found out about our relationship,
I had no choice: I had to perform an autopsy on him ... unfortunately, alive.
And now I'm sorry. I didn't mean to go that far...but losing Martha...with
jewelry ... I'm just crazy! And to prove that everything is pure
True, I brought it with me and was going to put it in luggage, to Pamplona. Because
that more than anything he loved the feast of Sanfermin. How he shouted at
bullfight! And when the bulls were driven into the arena, he ran in front, in white trousers and
take the Basque beret! My heart was glad to see. Poured Englishman. (Pause.)
Do you think I did something wrong?
Gregorio. I always said you'd go far my boy... When
you were a child, this family, these monsters, called you a sadist.
Enrique. I want to ask you: take it with you. And at the first
If possible, luggage to Pamplona. He will be very grateful to you.
Gregorio. Luck in life is the first thing. You helped me a lot today, and I
I can't refuse you. Suitcase and hatbox?
Enrique (embracing him). Thank you grandpa. I will never forget this.
Gregorio. Nonsense. You are for me today, I am for you tomorrow. Noise.
Enrique. Quicker! Hide! I think they go here.
Grandpa hides in the closet again, Laura enters.
Laura. Enrique, are you alone? I'm glad. How to understand this?, Are you kidding?
Enrique. Do not understand what you talking about.
Laura. You understand perfectly well, but jokes are bad with me. Who is this lying in
coffin, with such a serious look, like a dead man?
Enrique. Like who? Grandfather. And who else?
Laura. Haha! No matter how! Grandpa was much worse. And this one
similar to bass.
Enrique. Well, you know, some people win outwardly with death, and then,
Of course they change again. I have studied this issue, Laura. become completely
pale, pointed nose. And it's always beautiful.
Laura. And the mustache?
Enrique. Noticed? Mustache ... well, how? Are they going to him? I think that a man
you should generally wear a mustache. Mustache and military service are the only thing
distinguishes a man from a woman.
Laura. Grandpa never had a mustache! What more! No beard!
Enrique. What nonsense! All men have mustaches. Just some shave them, but
others don't, but I think you should wear a mustache. Only the elephant has no mustache. Because of
trunk, I guess. But the elephant has a memory. (Falls into thought.)
Laura. Do you take me for a complete fool?
Doña Socorro appears.
Socorro. Poor fellow! So serious lies, just think! Yes, Laura
ask your brother when the rest of the musicians will come.
Laura. Leave me, dona Socorro, not up to you. She claims that
musicians from the ensemble should come. Allegedly, she had already seen one, he
talked on the phone.
Socorro. Pure truth. Isn't that right, young man?
Enrique. Quite right, sir.
Laura. Enrique, let's talk. This must be ended now.
Enrique. Laura, I assure you...
Laura. Strange things are happening. The sooner we find out, the better.
Enrique. Agree. Went.
Enrique and Laura go to their grandfather's room. Doña Socorro, with interest
listening to the last phrases, remains alone. She goes to the phone and dials a number.
Don Gregorio carefully crawls out of the closet, goes to the suitcases and the hat
box, picks them up and intends to climb out through the balcony into the street. But
changes his mind, leaves the suitcase, takes the jewel case.
He is about to jump off the balcony when Dona Socorro notices him.
Socorro. Listen, are you leaving already?
Gregorio. I'm leaving, but I'll be back this minute.
Socorro. Ahh... along with the others?
Gregorio. Well, of course. Along with everyone else. Here you will see.
Socorro. Wait, do you know the song "Carnations"?
Gregorio. Of course, sir. She's the best for us.
Socorro. So, don't sing it. I can't stand this song. Best wishes.
Gregorio. Best wishes. (Removes through the balcony with Martha's suitcase
and with a hatbox.)
A large suitcase remains on the stage, which, apparently, contains
the body of Armando Molinos.
Socorro (on the phone). Is that you, Rosario? Who is asking her? "Ambulance
help”… yes, Socorro. Hello, honey! Yes, I'm calling from them. Don't you dare
come. Have you already put on a sailor suit for the boy? So what, listen to me. This
the poorest vigil in my memory. Don Gregorio… Didn't even take communion.
Get undressed and go to bed. This is something ... A shot is heard from the street.
Bye, Rosario, goodbye ... I'll go and see what's on the street ... It seems
festive fireworks. (Hangs up. Goes into Don Gregorio's room.)
From the street comes the sound of running people. Whistles, shots. Long pause.
Only the sound of rain is heard. Laura comes out of the grandfather's room, pushing in front of
a wheelchair with dona Adela.
Adela. Don't do it again. In no case! I won't let you
daughter!
Laura. But mom!
Adela. I said no! For this to be the last time. I just don't
I can come to my senses.
Laura. I tell you it was necessary.
Adela. What barbarism! Pull a man out of the coffin, put on the priest
and measure, as if this is a recruit, and not a dead man!
Laura. But mom, how tall was grandpa?
Adela. Well ... sixty-five meters, like any normal Spaniard.
Laura. And this monk?
Adela. Don't know. But remember what Enrique said ... Maybe he was the last
the moment stretched out.
Laura. And the face? Did you see his face?
Adela. Daughter! What are you saying! I looked like this, actually. This is a dead man
and not a Swedish brand, which must be viewed through a magnifying glass.
Laura. Mother, this one, who lies in a coffin in a monastic cassock, has a mustache.
Adela. Think! Or maybe he really is a monk.
Laura. Anyone but Grandpa. Of this I am quite sure.
Adela. Where is he then? Do you think that Enrique...
Laura. Convinced. Remember, he didn’t let us into grandfather’s for two whole hours.
room.
Adela. Babe! You're scaring me. So... this one in the room...
Doña Socorro enters very quickly, rushes towards
phone, dials a number.
Socorro. Rosario? It's me, Ambulance. Yes, again ... Lively, put on
sailor suit for the boy, take your husband, fasten the ribbon around your neck and quickly come here ... Treats
almost none! But they pulled Don Gregorio from the coffin, put him on his feet,
they are going to take you to a bullfight! And their nephew, he is a doctor, shaves
he has a mustache ... Look, they will put a cigar in his mouth ... Hurry. Bye... (Puts
handset.) Aren't you interested in seeing this?
Laura. Shave off his mustache, you say?
Socorro. Well, yes! And Dona Veneranda draws an anchor on his hand, exactly the same
what Don Gregorio had… erased, probably… Okay… I went… (Quickly
leaves.)
Laura. Well, are you sure now, mom?
Adela. Yes, now there is no doubt. Enrique started something, but what - we do not
we know. But the jewels are still there... You don't have to worry about grandpa, and
jewels and money are ours. And with this - add more cyanide. WITH
with or without milk... It doesn't matter.
Laura. Okay, mom. This time I won't miss. let's open
suitcase. It is better to take out the jewelry from there. Let's look at the passport again
you never know what ... (Goes to the suitcase.)
Adela. Greed haunts you. Watch out baby! It's not even the hour
they will come in, it's not good if they see you rummaging through your suitcase.
Laura. You have prejudices, like decent and hard-working people, they are
they are destroyed. (Opening the suitcase.) Well, finally!
ADELA (coming closer). Come on... come on...
Laura. How strange! Put your jewelry in a black plastic bag.
A de la. Yeah ... And also tie it up with a rope, like a sausage.
Laura. Wonderful ... Very ... Let's unfold.
Marta appears with a tray, on it are cups of coffee.
Martha. Well, the night turned out!’. A cup of coffee works wonders. Listen
I don't think it's good to rummage through someone else's suitcase.
L a u r a. But if the content is so weird...
M a r t a. I don't see anything strange. Clothing, personal items, passport,
jewelry. Adela. And you keep it all in a black plastic bag,
tied with rope?
Martha. What did you say?
Liermo enters, dripping, holding a hatbox; following
him - Khustina.
Llermo. Gone again! Awesome man!
Justin. Who left?
Llermo. Extremaduran Satyr. Fifteen people were chasing him, and...
Enrique appears, listening to Liermo's story.
And he left everyone with a nose. He ran faster than a doe.
Laura. You saw him? Beautiful?
Llermo. Seen from afar. In a raincoat and a huge hat. And from some
balconies, women cheered him, threw flowers. Exciting!
Martha. So he didn't die. God bless. (Goes to the balcony, looks out into the street.)
Llermo. Here you go. I don’t know how the Satyr contrived, but only he
went to your house and stole this box. (Hands over the hatbox.) On the run
threw, I saw and brought. Well, smart guy Liermo?
Laura. Was in our house? Strange. Mom, maybe he finally decided ...
I'm unmarried!
Adela. Daughter, you talk like he's not a geek, but an engineer.
The doorbell is ringing.
Laura. Strange! Who would it?
Justin. Open?
Laura. Open up, you bastard.
Justin. I went. If it's a Satyr with a wedding ring, will I let him in?
Laura. Don't joke like that, despicable. Love is a noble feeling.
Justina leaves to open the door.
Martha (to Enrique). Enrique, you are right. I acted like a fool. This senor,
probably just fainted, and then ...
Enrique. Okay, let's not talk about it anymore.
Everyone is silent. Martial appears on the threshold. Behind him is Khustina.
Martial. Good evening. (Pulls out pipe, fills it, lights it.)
Laura (bursts into laughter). Come in, come in, "Thunderstorm of Badajoz" (Not
ceasing to laugh.) And where is Satyr? Where are you doing it? Didn't you promise us
tonight ... Oh, you, a toy Sherlock Holmes! (Laughs-tearing.)
Commercials ... the stomach can be torn. Adela. Okay, enough, Laura.
Martial looks around at those present one by one, as if savoring
situation.
Llermo. See how he laughs!
Justin. The only time I saw her laugh like that was when
mine exploded and thirty-six miners were killed. Three hours straight
laughed, then I had to put a compress on her lower back.
Enrique. You, apparently, came for your mother, commissioner?
Martial. Not only. Laugh first at your pleasure, let's see
who will have the last laugh.
Enrique. What do you want to say?
Martial. That it's in vain. I know everything. (Entering the room.)
ADELA (blows the whistle). Baby, stop it, Martial knows everything.
Pause.
Martial. I feel sorry for you. The criminal is always at a loss.
Justin. Beautiful words. Did you come up with it yourself?
Martial. No, my father.
Enrique. I'm sorry. You just said that you know everything. A
what exactly do you know?
Martial. For example, about a suitcase. (Lights up his pipe.)
Long pause. Everyone is looking at each other.
Justin. Well! You know about the suitcase! You know about the suitcase! Aunt,
aunt, Martial knows about the suitcase. What about the suitcase?
Martial. This will be the pinnacle of my career.
Laura. Okay, Martial, that's enough. Get to the point. What suitcase are you
mean? And what do we, peaceful provincials, have to do with some
suitcase?
Martial. Now you will know. Doña Adela, I'm sorry about that
going on in your house and at such inopportune moments, but I must fulfill
own responsibilities. Liermo, do me a favor and come with me.
Llermo. Who? I? What am I? What did I do?
Martial. Really don't know? And opium, marijuana, hashish, morphine,
insulin? All possible drugs. All conceivable and unthinkable contraband
conceivable and unthinkable goods: lighters, transistors, nylon underwear,
banned magazines, and in addition a complete collection of extremely curious postcards.
All this is hidden in your room, in a suitcase.
Llermo. It is necessary to live. A small hack, for running in.
Martial. I've been on the trail for several months now. I knew that smuggling
comes from Portugal, and today he finally revealed everything. Let's go, boy.
Martha. Not good, Liermo.
Llermo. And I knew what! They gave me money to wear things
where ordered, I wore. So what to do?
Laura. What a disgrace! There is a criminal in our family!
Adela. Personally, I never liked this guy.
Martial. Well, Llermo, let's go.
Llermo. Went. Farewell Justin. Remember me at least sometimes.
Justin. Come in and grab the scarf I knitted for you.
Come in handy. And be good. They won't execute you. Yes, look at night
go outside, especially in winter. Well! Goodbye and be smart.
Martha. Farewell, Llermo. Dont be upset. Everything happens in life
and everything passes. Everything in the world passes, and you are still young. You still have everything
ahead.
Llermo. Yes of course. And I really liked you too.
Martial. Went. Don't worry, you don't have to follow me. I know
road. Tell your mother that I will come for her after a while. AND
sorry for these unpleasant moments. Goodbye.
Both leave. Long pause.
Laura. What does it mean - the conscience is restless! Really, brother? How are you
turned pale.
Enrique. I? What for? What nonsense!
Martha. Enrique, what does your cousin want to say?
Laura. You'll know this minute. I don't like people who hide things. At
In our family, morality is above all. You, Senora, are married, aren't you?
whether?
Martha. Yes, yes. But I love Enrique. My husband and I did not understand each other.
Adela. Is he Swedish?
Martha. No, but still. He is twenty years older than me, even more.
I never loved him. And she only married him for two things, so
serious things that might persuade a woman like me to marry an intelligent and bald
a man. He loved me and was a millionaire.
Adela. Smart - and a millionaire? And you say he's not Swedish?
Martha. No, he is from Cordoba, but he was lucky - he won the lottery. A
then I met Enrique, and we decided to leave Spain, start a new
life.
Laura. For the same lottery money ...
Martha. No, I took only my jewelry with me ... Gifts,
which he gave me.
Adela. What about in a hatbox?
Martha. I swear to you... I don't know...
Enrique. Well, okay ... This interrogation, in my opinion, is simply ridiculous, besides,
you have no right to it...
Laura. In my opinion, everything is very strange ... Enrique, who is in the coffin? AND
why do you keep your jewelry in a black plastic bag?
Enryake. How! What are you saying?
Adela. Yes ... in this suitcase ... I saw it myself, and even bandaged
rope.
Enrique. Like this? Martha, give us a minute. Go look at
grandfather. I have to talk to my family.
Martha. Okay, Enrique, okay. (Goes to grandpa's room.)
Enrique (goes to the suitcase, opens it). Damn! (begins
laugh.) Great, you fooled us, grandfather! Great!
Adela. What are you saying?
Laura (Justin). Sweetheart... Go to the kitchen.
Khustin. Warm up coffee?
Laura. Yes, yes ... Just go.
Justina comes out with coffee.
Well, speak up, we're listening.
Enrique. Want to know who's in the coffin? Know: Extremadura Satyr.
Adela. What's happened?
L a u r a. Are you crazy? Do you want to annoy me?
Enryake. He drank the coffee you made for Martha. Grandpa obo
everyone guessed, and the two of us came up with a plan for how he could escape from here in clothes
Satire and with all your money ... Great, you fooled us, grandfather!
Great! Now, you must be laughing, tearing yourself up! Robber!
Adela. Oh, daughter ... How it all looks like the truth.
Enrique. The story doesn't end there. Grandpa took the suitcase with
Martha's jewelry. And he left us this and a hatbox.
Laura. What's in them? Also money?
Enrique. It's cold, sister, it's very cold ... My family is dumber than
I thought. They contain Dr. Molinos… Complete set: head and body… Voila!
Laura. You're lying!
Enrique. Open?
Adela. Thank God your dad did his dirty deed in time ... Not that
would paralyze me now.
Enrique. So... Your nephew Enrique... black sheep... one
in a word, you see for yourself, just as crazy as all of you. Because already
I've been carrying these suitcases for twelve hours and still haven't hanged myself.
Pause.
Laura. Witty! And people naively believe that the dead man is in that
room!
Adela. Goodbye travel! Farewell, Our Lady of Lourdes!
Enrique. Why the hell would I want to spend the night in this accursed house? I
knew what kind of people you were. Always knew.
Justina appears with coffee and coffee cups.
Justin. And here is the coffee. (Goes around everyone in turn.) You, brother, how -
with or without milk? Enryake. Without.
Justina pours him a drink, he drinks.
Laura. With milk, a little.
Justina pours, Laura drinks.
Justin. What about you, auntie?
Adela. To me? I - poison ... To die.
X y with t i n a. Well, it will, auntie. Hold on... very tasty. (Pours
her.) Milk… Adela. No, don't... Black is better... like all of us... (Drinks.)
Khustiyaa. Well, finally have some fun! And I wasn't happy...
Now I'm happy and happy, like a Christmas tree ... Russian Christmas tree,
of course.
Laura. Honey, what did you put in your coffee?
Enrique. Strange taste ... And it smells like a station buffet.
Adela. Smells like cyanide. This scent is familiar to me
French spirits.
Laura. What did you put in your coffee? Answer!
Khustiyaa. And what else? The white powder that I brought in the evening ... This is not
sugar?
Laura. Justina!
Justin. Did I do something wrong? My God, whatever I do is not
so... Well... Turn your cheek again?
Laura. Don't... it doesn't matter now. (Sits down at the table with the brazier.)
Adela. Enrique... We're all finished!
Enrique. Yes, aunty... There are three empty seats in hell... waiting for us. (sits down
on a chair.)
Pause.
Justin. What is it… Everyone is so serious! Well! Cheer up!
Grandfather died ... What else do you need? Do you want me to tell you what I'm reading now?
No, I’d rather go for a doll, I fall asleep with it so well ... Well, what are you
people, I don’t understand you at all ... Okay ... I’ll go fetch the doll, right away
have fun... (Sings.)
moon ... Oh-oh-oh! .. And grow to the moon, and grow to the moon ”... (Singing,
out.)
Adela. Baby, can you call a doctor?
Laura. It's useless... Doctors no longer treat, but give lectures.
Adela. You're a doctor, Enrique... What should I do?
Enrique. The same as me: pray... and wait: what if you get lucky?
Martha appears.
Martha. It's getting light... And the rain has stopped. Seems like a new day is coming and
ended a terrible night with nightmares.
(Pause.)
Three characters on the stage do not move. Martha doesn't look at them. It seems,
she
is about to cry. Khustina's children's song is heard from afar.
I decided: I will not go with you ... and do not ask why. You yourself
ever answer this question. Terrible, Enrique, I love you very much,
more life, but I'm returning to Madrid, to my husband ... And it's better that we never
didn't see you again. It was necessary at once, without a moment's hesitation, to go to
Portugal ... I asked you, Enrique, to take me away ... And you all
he kept repeating: my family, the only relatives ... A dear, pretty old man ...
poor paralyzed woman... her daughter, a good-natured old maid... and
poor baby, mentally retarded ... Peaceful, calm house ... they are all for you
like it very much ... they are part of my life. I didn't want to, I said no
why:. that Portugal is very close ... and you, you ... Enrique, did not listen
me…
It's light outside the window. Marta, without looking at those present, takes her coat and,
turn off the light and exit. Three on the stage sit motionless, illuminated by the morning
light falling through the balcony door. Justina enters with a doll, sings:
“I’ll put on a little blue dress for a doll ...” Looks at those sitting and, nothing
realizing, sits down on the floor, cradles his doll Rosalinda. Falling very slowly
A curtain

—————————————————————
Ed. magazine "Modern Dramaturgy", 1991
OCR: Valentin Lupenko

Juan Jose Alonso Millan

Secret of success

Telling the reader of his plays about himself - this kind of mini-autobiography usually takes the back cover - Juan José

Alonso Milian does it like a comedian. He seems to offer us a portrait of another character who preferred the fun craft of a comedian to the boredom of scientific studies.

We learn that the author of the play that fell into our hands was born in Madrid in 1936 and, having reached student age, felt an inexplicable attraction to the theater, but "due to poor memory and an excess of self-criticism" abandoned his acting career and took up directing. However, in the role of a director staging other people's plays (classics and contemporaries), he did not stay long, and one day he felt - "like every Spaniard" - the temptation to write a comedy. The trouble is not, he recalls, that he wrote, but that it was staged: the debut of the young comedian was unsuccessful and cost the owner of the Lara theater in the capital a round sum. Nevertheless, since then, Alonso Millan has been writing regularly, one or two plays a year. No, not entertaining the illusion that he is doing for eternity (“I repent of almost everything that I wrote”), but obviously feeling my calling in this craft.

The number of plays he created - about sixty - is somewhat staggering. Apparently, such creative indefatigability is explained not only by the writer's temperament, but also by another happy circumstance for the author: Alonso Millan's comedies are accompanied by constant audience success. And his audience is not limited to Spain: his plays are published in France, Italy, Germany, staged in Europe and America.

It should be added that Alonso Millan writes not only for the theater, but also for film and television, and he directs his own plays. The general opinion of critics is that Alonso Millán's theater is predominantly entertaining. Some of them believe that the playwright, yielding to the desires of the public, infringes on his talent. At the same time, they refer to his "serious" plays: "Civil Status - Martha" (1969), "Secular Games" (1970). (In the first case, it is a psychological drama, in the second, a play that poses ethical problems.) Anyway, Alonso Millan prefers to make the audience laugh rather than burden them with the eternal problems of humanity. Self-esteem has already been mentioned above, but a critical attitude towards his works does not prevent the author from feeling tenderness for some of them. Among his favorites, the playwright considers the plays "Potassium Cyanide ... With Milk or Without?", "Marital Sins", "Carmelo", "Social Games".

Dialogue is recognized as a strong point of Alonso Millan's comedies. Often the playwright includes all sorts of banalities, linguistic clichés in the speech of the characters in order to turn them in the future in the most unexpected way. Using this verbal pyrotechnics, combining it with elements of black humor and the theater of the absurd, as well as resorting to the techniques of the detective genre in developing intrigue, the comedian keeps the viewer in suspense, presenting him with “surprises” every now and then.

Perhaps the readers of the comedy offered here will more than once be taken by surprise by the “jokes” and “surprises” that the author has prepared for them.

Valentina Ginko.

Potassium cyanide... with or without milk?

Farce in two acts, with a touch of black humor, written by Juan José Alonso Millan

Translation from Spanish by Lyudmila Sinyavskaya

To help the viewer:

In order for the viewer to immediately understand who he is dealing with, we offer a brief description of the characters, which is useful both for those who have a weak memory and those who love order.

Martha- an amazing young lady. She is twenty-four years old, but you can't give her more than twenty-three, which is not so bad. She is married, and she likes this role, but even more she likes the role in this play.

Enrique- an amazing man. Handsome in anger, brought up and educated like no other, and thin, like a kid glove. It has an extraordinary dignity - to charm everyone in a row. To such an extent that everyone wants to immediately take him to their house, once and for all.

Adela- uh, her legs are paralyzed, and only for this reason, for no other reason, she carries out all the action without getting off a comfortable chair on wheels. And despite all this - unhappy.

Laura- the daughter of Dona Adela, an old maid from birth. Now she is forty years old, but many argue that she was never eighteen.

Don Gregorio- is in a state of death agony due to his extremely advanced age. Even good feelings can be felt towards a person in this position.