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How to stop being closed. Closure: causes and how to deal with it

How to stop being closed. Closure: causes and how to deal with it

10.10.2019

In dealing with the outside world, people are very different. Someone reacts vividly to current events and can talk for hours about everything in the world, while someone is stingy with emotions and rarely knows what and when to say.

How to define closedness

Open, sociable people are called extroverts, their opposite is introverts. The latter often live in harmony with themselves and do not worry because of their isolation - they are comfortable in solitude. But this is far from always the case: the peculiarities of behavior and character bring unsociable people a lot of inconvenience. If a person is uncomfortable being the way he is, psychological problems appear. To get rid of them, serious work is required on oneself.

How does closure manifest itself? Uncommunicative person:

has difficulty expressing feelings and thoughts;
does not know how to defend his point of view;
has difficulty understanding others and empathizing with them;
does not know how to make new acquaintances;
afraid to offend the interlocutor or be misunderstood.

Difficulties interacting with others

Closed people often do not make the impression they expect. This makes it inconvenient when interviewing for a job and meeting new people. Lack of a smile and monosyllabic answers are perceived as unwillingness to communicate, while often it is a question of inability. A quiet, uncommunicative person would like to show himself on the other side, but he does not have the necessary skills: he does not know how to talk about trifles, does not have time to respond to a joke, or does not understand at all that the interlocutor is ironic.

Unsociable people find it difficult to make friends. It's good to have a childhood friend who accepts you for who you are. But making new friends becomes difficult: how do you open up to strangers if you're not used to it? In a new company, introverts are silent, afraid to say something inappropriate or fear that their story will seem uninteresting.

People who experience communication difficulties find it difficult to find their soul mate. Everyone around meets, falls in love and gets married, and you are left alone? Modesty, secrecy, inability to win over the one you like makes you literally invisible to the object of adoration. You can convince yourself for a long time of the need to take the first step, but still do not dare to take it - because of the fear of being misunderstood, ridiculed, etc.

These situations bring a lot of frustration and pain. It is not your fault that you were born or became like this - isolation and lack of sociability have a lot of reasons.

Reasons for isolation

Many people ask themselves: “Why am I a closed and uncommunicative person?”. Here are just a few of the most common reasons:

heredity: self-doubt is transmitted at the genetic level. If one of the closest relatives is distinguished by isolation and unsociableness, you could inherit these qualities from them;
upbringing in childhood: parents make mistakes that leave a deep imprint in the mind of a person even in adulthood. Constant prohibitions, refusals, pulling lead to the fact that the child begins to be embarrassed by the manifestations of his personality and hides his individuality deep inside. And vice versa: excessive praise of the child and statements that he is the very best lead him to conflict with the outside world in the future: he sees that many do something better than him, and because of this he withdraws into himself;
social environment: at an early age, the child may suffer from the ridicule of other children, inappropriate remarks from educators or teachers; young consciousness is vulnerable, and even a trifle deprives a person of self-confidence. As adults, we experience constant pressure from society to tell us what to do and how to do it. Relatives, employers and other people often crush our interests, aspirations and views for themselves. Feeling like “something not like that,” a person closes, becomes quiet and humble;
bad relationship experience: if the first love ended in a difficult breakup, if the chosen one acted ugly with you or did not reciprocate your feelings at all, self-esteem is under attack.

I am a professional psychologist with experience in solving problems related to personal growth. If you're struggling to become more outgoing and can't get over your introversion, I can help. . I conduct consultations in a private office in the center of Moscow and online with the help of. Anonymous and confidential

Resentment, fear, self-doubt, arrogance - all these are reasons for isolation. We are talking about a conflict with the outside world, about a feeling of inconsistency with him. Psychology highlights the media as another factor influencing the lack of sociability. A constant stream of information - both positive and negative - dissolves in itself. Reading the blogs of popular people and seeing how bright they live, you begin to be too critical of your own life and, as a result, seem uninteresting and useless to yourself. And the abundance of information about terrorist attacks, wars, environmental disasters and other difficult events leads to a depressed, quiet, intimidated state. Feeling weak and helpless, a person closes in on himself. You can become a victim of mass communications even in adulthood.

To cope with isolation, people buy thematic books, attend group trainings, practice auto-training, try to communicate more and more often. But lack of communication is a symptom, while its causes are many. You can't remove a symptom without addressing the cause. Looking for an answer, a person may mistakenly think that he has found the very problem. If it turns out not to be her, he will lose a lot of time and will never cope with the complexes.

Help from a psychologist

How to deal with isolation if you want to let new people into your life? Sometimes your own efforts are not enough, and the attempts made are ineffective, which worsens the situation. In this case, the help of a psychologist is required. The specialist will ask about everything that worries you, listen to your fears and concerns. Together with a psychotherapist, you will see the reason for failures in communication with people. Sometimes one consultation is enough to understand how to behave in order to stop being withdrawn and uncommunicative. If the situation is difficult, more meetings will be required.

As a professional, I am ready to deal with the situation with you and help you learn to communicate with people easily and with pleasure. Communication brings happiness, it is an indispensable element of social life - let's take a step towards it together!

Hello. My name is Nadezhda. I am 21 years old. And I have this problem:
The thing is, I'm a very reserved person. It is difficult for me to communicate with strangers (and sometimes with acquaintances) people. My thoughts immediately begin to get confused, my voice goes to some kind of squeak. I don't really know what to talk about with strangers. There are awkward pauses, and only one thought is spinning in my head: \\\"What would I say?\\\", but nothing comes up. It is especially difficult to communicate with guys.
For some reason, in childhood, everything was easier. There were no barriers. And, probably, this happened when my father died (I was 15 years old). I shut myself in for a whole year. Yes, I talked with classmates, but I didn’t tell anyone that I had lost a loved one. I was a good student then (I finished school with a silver medal), but embittered at the whole world, I stopped letting the guys write off. They began to dislike me. Laugh that I am constantly alone, that I do not meet with anyone.
After graduating from school, I entered the university, moved to another city. Here I met the guys with whom I began to communicate. But as it turned out later, they were\\\"sectarians\\\". My mother forbade me to communicate with them. I even regret it a little now. I could talk to them freely, knowing for sure that no one would offend me. I would not have joined them anyway, because. I am an atheist, and all the nonsense that they carried seemed funny to me. I could argue with them, defend my point of view. Now I can't.
Guys pay attention to me all the time. They look with tenderness: my height is only 147 cm (at school, by the way, I was very worried about this), but when it comes to communication, they lose all interest in me. Even my boyfriend said to me: \\\"Nadya, if we live together, what will we do? You are constantly silent\\\". In the end, we broke up.
My real life smoothly flowed into the virtual. Here on the Internet, I can be myself, speak my mind without fear.
In addition, I lost interest in studying. She rolled down to miserable triples, for which she ceased to respect herself. I constantly think: \\\"What would happen if...?\\\", I am constantly in dreams and illusions. I'm tired, but I can't help myself. I'm trying, yes. I read books and articles on psychology. I go to different events where there are a lot of people. But there are all strangers. And so I come, sit down somewhere in the corner and keep quiet.
I am now in my final year of university. We need to think about the future. To get a job. And I can't imagine - HOW!?
I wouldn't say I'm completely overwhelmed. I communicate well with very close people, I have self-irony, I can easily laugh at myself. I feel confident on the football field when I play for the university team: there I communicate with unknown girls, I can argue with adult referees (the girls even laugh that they are afraid of me). I feel confident in front of the microphone, recording a new song. But on the stage I feel constrained (which I discovered quite recently, because as a child I was engaged in dancing and did not experience any negativity about this).
Here is such a situation. I even think, maybe I should go to another city, where no one knows me, and start a new life there? But I'm afraid to disappoint my mother, because she wants me to return to my hometown after university, in which I have no friends or interests.

Your isolation is a manifestation of the ability to restrain yourself and act according to your conviction: if I do not endanger myself, then I will have nothing to be afraid of being hurt.
You can work with your fears.
About fears read Here:
http://psychological-stories/moj-strakh
About working with them - here:
http://psiholog-dnepr.com.ua/be-your-own-therapist/dnevnik-raboty-so-strakhami
And develop your confidence.
About confident behavior read Here:
http://psiholog-dnepr.com.ua/be-your-own-therapist/diary-confidence

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Hello Hope. From the text of your letter, it is felt that you are a diversified person (you write down football, you write songs, you read books, you study), that you strive for self-development and self-knowledge. Why, when communicating with people, do you feel insecure, squeezed? It seems to me, Nadezhda, you truly feel that barriers have arisen since the moment your dad died. You yourself write that “then I closed myself in for a whole year. Yes, I talked with classmates, but I didn’t tell anyone that I had lost my loved one,” “and embittered at the whole world, I stopped letting the guys write off.”

Nadezhda, it seems to me that the death of your dad was never fully lived and mourned by you. The pain of loss, the feeling that you were abandoned, and, perhaps, to some extent, even betrayed, led to the fact that you chose the path of avoiding pain, namely, you closed yourself, stopped trusting and opening up to people, thereby dooming yourself to loneliness .. Hope, in my opinion, moving to another city is unlikely to solve your problem... After all, you will take yourself with you when you move...

Hope, these are just my assumptions... I recommend that you contact a psychologist and try to deal with your fear of presenting yourself, trusting, opening up... You are a young girl, you probably dream of love, family, friends))

Hope, all the best to you!

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Many people often ask the question how to overcome self-doubt. If you can say one of these words to yourself: shyness, isolation, shyness, self-doubt, and besides, you constantly think about what people will think of you and you often worry about being around people, then your diagnosis is called the word social phobia.

Every 10th person in the world experiences a high degree of social phobia. This means that such a person feels completely calm only at home. Outside the house, he constantly experiences a feeling of excitement. Social phobes constantly live with the feeling that people around them may not like them for some reason, that people will reject them. Of course, all these thoughts are irrational. Almost no one talks about this issue. Many shy and withdrawn people do not even know what is really happening to them. This article will reveal all the secrets and secrets, and the most important thing will tell you how to overcome shyness and self-isolation Once and for all. It is mainly suitable for people who have a strong degree of social phobia. Parents will learn why a child is shy and how to teach a child not to be shy. You can determine your level of social phobia in the test by clicking on this link:.

Treatment of social phobia exists and it is complex. It appeared relatively recently. It was not until the mid-1990s that effective treatments for social phobia were developed. It is also worth understanding that overcoming social phobia will most likely take more than one month, and overcoming a severe degree of social phobia can take more than a year. The process will be gradual. If you regularly perform some simple exercises developed by experienced psychologists and psychotherapists, then self-doubt and fear in social situations will disappear forever. The list of exercises will be presented in the second part of the article.

About why you are often worried and shy.
A person gets worried when he sees some kind of danger. For a social phobe, the danger lies in the fact that he thinks that people will not like him, that the people around him will reject him, that he will be uninteresting to people, that he will look stupid, that he will say something stupid. The sociophobe is afraid of condemnation from the outside, and he is also afraid that people will notice his excitement. Some automatic negative thoughts cause others and from this the excitement becomes even greater. It turns out such a vicious circle of social phobia. It is he who needs to start breaking somewhere and try to get rid of self-doubt.

As a rule, many people suffering from social phobia worry and experience discomfort in many social contacts related to communication and being among people. There are also private situations, for example, the fear of speaking in front of an audience, the fear of using a public toilet, the fear of eating and drinking in the presence of people, the fear of being outside when people are looking at you, etc. All these situations have one thing in common - the fear of condemnation from the outside. What if I don't like it? what if they think badly of me?

If you are reading this article, then most likely you notice something similar in yourself. Such mental disorders are explained by the fact that your beliefs, way of thinking and vision of yourself in society are distorted. You look at yourself, at people, at the whole World and at your future in a distorted and too negative way. Your depression and self-doubt comes from low self-esteem and a pessimistic way of thinking. And, your parents or other people with whom you were in contact as a child most likely contributed to low self-esteem. They criticized your personality too often. You should not blame anyone and you should not delve into your past either. It is pointless. The reasons for the appearance of shyness are completely unimportant. What matters is how to overcome shyness.

Cognitive behavioral therapy will help in getting rid of social phobia. What is important is not so much what is happening around you, but how you evaluate what is happening. It is your thoughts that underlie your emotional experiences, not the actions of other people. These thoughts are very poorly understood, and sometimes even completely denied. Try to become deeply aware of all your automatic negative thoughts that come to you and counter them with positive ones. After realizing your irrational thoughts, it is important to start acting differently, having developed new and correct stereotypes of behavior. Not like before. This is the essence of the method of cognitive behavioral therapy. Experienced psychotherapists can help you deal with your thoughts and relieve you of social phobia.

Let's consider such an example. The girl is worried because of the redness of her cheeks. Oh, my cheeks often turn red, and, probably, everyone who sees my red cheeks will think that I'm a fool. Is it really? First, many simply do not notice. Secondly, if someone notices, he will not think badly. Thirdly, any guy will definitely like it if he communicates with a girl whose cheeks are reddened. After all, it was precisely because of him that they blushed at her. He will be proud of himself. And, fourthly, the cheeks may not blush at all, and the girl will simply think that her cheeks have reddened. As we can see, worries and fears about this are absolutely in vain. No one but the girl herself cares about her red cheeks. Therefore, such a girl needs to allow herself to blush. It's worth just accepting it. By accepting this, the redness may even go away for good. In a similar way, you can disassemble any anxious situation in which you experience shyness and stiffness. By understanding yourself and your negative irrational thoughts, it will be easier for you to learn how to get rid of shyness.

You are who you believe in yourself! You can be anyone! If you believe that you are uninteresting, then you will be uninteresting. If you believe that you are interesting, then you will be interesting. If you think you are insecure, then you will be insecure. And if you start thinking that you are confident, you will become confident. It actually works.

Please note that only a psychotherapist can prescribe pills and medicines for social phobia. And they are usually prescribed only in very difficult situations.

And yet, let's find out some tips on how to overcome social phobia, tightness, stiffness and how to get rid of shyness forever. Here are some actionable tips.

Do something that's a little scary
Start noticing all those moments when excitement and automatic negative thoughts come.

Stop remembering your negative past and your failures
Simulate self-confidence
Practice slow speech
Let yourself worry
Stop comparing yourself to others and accept yourself for who you are.
smile more often
Attend group training sessions to increase self-confidence
think well of yourself
Temporarily accept your shyness and anxiety
Let people think bad of you
Change your place of residence

If the child is shy
This paragraph will be useful to all parents as well as to all those who in one way or another are in contact with shy children. The child may be shy at school to answer in class, communicate with classmates, or even just talk. A shy child has too low self-esteem. Shyness in children This is a serious reason for parents to think about their behavior! Why is the child shy? This is most likely the fault of his parents. Parents too often criticized the personality of the child and thereby lowered his self-esteem. What if the child is shy? With this question it is better to turn to a child psychologist. As a rule, children can be easily and quickly cured of shyness. But first, stop criticizing the child's personality. If he did something wrong, then you should not say "You are bad." Better say in the spirit of "Your deed is bad, but you are good." Sometimes parents themselves do not notice such phrases that are deadly for a child, such as: Fool, idiot, klutz, etc. Even if you jokingly and lovingly said the word "fool", then be sure that you have caused great harm to the mental health of the child. Most likely, you, as parents, will also need a conversation with a child psychologist. If children's shyness is severely neglected and the child has already become a teenager, then his complexes will become much stronger and more painful for him. Teenage shyness can easily develop into a severe degree of social phobia, in which the child will be afraid of all social contact with people and will sit at home around the clock.

Agoraphobia
Do not confuse social phobia with agoraphobia. AAgoraphobia is one social unrest, usually with accompanying panic attacks. Agoraphobia is the fear of being in a certain place or situation from which it will be difficult to get out or get help if needed. As a rule, agoraphobes are afraid to visit large shopping centers, be afraid to use public transport, get stuck in a traffic jam on a bridge, stand in line, attend sports events and fly in airplanes. Symptoms may include difficulty breathing, chest pain, and dizziness. A person with agoraphobia may think they are going crazy or may even be dying right now. Panic attacks can come unexpectedly. Agoraphobia affects 5% of the world's population to varying degrees.

Attention! Just by reading this clever article, you will not get rid of social phobia. For a cure, it is necessary to begin with great interest to regularly perform each of the 13 points (with the exception of the 13th, it can be done 1 time, having gone far) listed above. You have read an incredibly valuable article on social phobia, which is unparalleled in the usefulness of information on the Internet! Your happy future is in your hands! You don't have to think about anything! The main thing is to act! Do all these 13 exercises and a happy future will definitely come to you!

In this clip, a girl suffering from social phobia sings a song about how when she is at home alone, it becomes incredibly easy for her, but when she is in the presence of other people, she feels very bad. This girl has social anxiety.

To the entry "Social phobia, shyness and isolation. How to get rid of social phobia, insecurity and shyness?" 82 comments left.

All this is certainly interesting and can be effective. But it's actually very difficult to do. I judge by myself. Personally, I generally do not tolerate contact with new people and new circumstances. What kind of relocation are we talking about?

Regarding the first advice, I also can not agree. If I am afraid to speak in public (even among relatives and friends), then I will avoid it in every possible way. And it certainly won’t be easier for me if I suddenly dare. It's one thing if you really change, and quite another if you step over yourself every time ...

The girl sings in the video. Strange even. If she really has social phobia, then how did she even appear in the video?!

In any case, the article is useful. Thank you:)

To overcome social phobia, you must definitely experience some discomfort! No other way! There is no danger in communication (this is a phobia, after all), so you can safely look your fictional fear in the eye, whatever it may be. Another thing is that the exercises should not be too difficult. You can make a list of 20 situations in which your social phobia manifests itself. The 1st place will be the most difficult and exciting. The last one will be one of the easiest, but a little exciting. Start slowly moving up your list from bottom to top. Allow yourself to be afraid. Be afraid, but do it! And the worse you communicate, the better! You can even deliberately stutter, be stupid, look stupid, ask stupid things. If you have already stepped over yourself, then praise yourself. You're doing well just because you're doing what's scary! The biggest mistake you can make is to do nothing and wait for the social phobia to go away on its own (it won't go away like this)!

Hello. I am 13 years old. After the test for social phobia, it turned out 66 points. The most basic thing is that I stutter. When I start speaking in public, in front of a class, or whatever, I can't say a single word normally. After that, I immediately begin to curse myself that it would be better if I were dumb. Thus, I began to avoid any performance in front of an audience. And, social phobia developed. When you walk down the street, it feels like everyone is looking at you. Trying to hide from people. And, it seems, you keep happy thoughts in your head, optimistic, but when it comes to action, you immediately begin to get very worried. Suddenly, I will stutter again. Suddenly, I'll say something stupid. The same goes for appearance, walking in crowded places. I don't know how to get rid of it. Fear is constantly present in me. I told my parents, their answer is: “This is all nonsense. Just get it out of your head." It's easy to say... Now I work hard to avoid stuttering. Maybe then you'll have more confidence...

The article is very useful, I will try.

Hello. There is nothing wrong with stuttering. People from the outside perceive it quite adequately. Feel free to let yourself stutter. And on the streets no one cares about you at all. All people's heads are filled with their own thoughts. Well, you are unlikely to say stupid things, because judging by what you wrote at the age of 13, you are smarter than many of your peers. Thoughts are clearly stated. Everything is written without grammatical errors. There is also such a dependence: the more you think about how not to say stupidity, the more you withdraw into yourself. Just allow yourself to say stupid things and then confidence will increase. In general, everything is fine with you! Accept yourself as you are. Take a new motto for yourself: The worse, the better! As strange as it sounds, it really works.
- Hello! I am 18 years old, I am very shy when someone comes to visit us! I can not eat at the table with relatives and friends! When I was in school, I was also shy! when they ask me something unexpectedly, I am very shy! like a shock to me! even now I'm writing all this, my palms are sweaty, I'm blushing! I want to get rid of embarrassment! I have been shy since I was 14! give advice!
  - Hello) I'm Tanya and I'm also 18, a copy of the same garbage ... in fact, it would be cool to make friends))) otherwise it sometimes feels like I'm the only one - for the whole group - for the whole institute, but damn it! to the whole world! my mail: opr [email protected] write))) people! let's all get together in one group)))
    - Because of this problem, I have almost no friends, not a single girlfriend, and of course it makes me very upset.

Of course your parents are wrong. Be sure to pay attention to the mental state of your child, otherwise everything can go very far and then it will be very difficult to help your child.

Two friends who lived opposite each other had sons. After some time, one of the boys developed speech problems associated with stuttering. The boy's parents were upset, but the grandparents reassured them, saying:

- The main thing is that the boy is healthy in body, and his stuttering can be treated.

The boys grew up as friends and, as it happens in childhood, they were sometimes naughty, for which their parents punished them. The father of a healthy child, in a fit of anger, at times blamed the stutterer, and said to his son:

- Every family has its black sheep! This stutterer is a bad influence on you. Be less friendly with him.

The guy was telling his friend about what his father says about him. And of course this upset the boy greatly. He saw and felt that others sometimes treated him negatively, with ridicule. And one day, choking with resentment and indignation, he asked his mother with tears in his eyes:

“Mom, why am I so flawed? Everyone says I'm dumb, my tongue is tangled. Also, our family has its black sheep. And it's a freak, me!

And mother, furtively wiping her tears, reassured him and said:

- No, son. You are very, very smart! Your thoughts are so fast that your tongue just can't keep up with them. Therefore, do not pay attention to ridicule. Everyone who teases you is just jealous of you, knowing that when you grow up, you will become the best of them, the richest and most famous.

And my mother decided from the day when her son succeeded and he made progress, to cheer him up and say the phrase: “There is talent in the family.” Both father and grandparents supported this initiative. The guy believed the words of his relatives and this helped him to resist the ridicule and hostility of others. Years passed, and he really became the best among everyone in the district and the richest, as his mother told him. And on his desktop in the office, there was a photograph of the whole family with the inscription "My talented family."

I have 77 points in the test and it seems to me that this is not enough. In fact, it should be more because I'm just a rag and a complete mess. I had a time when I lived in complete depression for 10 years and now I'm reaping the benefits. I have constant fears, I feel constantly guilty, bad thoughts come into my head \ especially when the weather changes \, a complete lack of willpower and a complete unwillingness to communicate with anyone. I live alone and only at home I feel comfortable, but I want to live like all normal people. But it seems to me that I have not only social phobia, but also agoraphobia, all this is for a long time and seriously. But I really liked your article and I will try to fight with myself. embarrassing and ashamed. And instead of putting the seller in his place, I start sawing myself. But it’s my nerves that are to blame, I just don’t have them. And the article is very good. Thank you.

Hello! I probably have a neglected and severe case! The test revealed a very severe social phobia! The article is of course useful, but only for those who have it light or moderate! For example, I am terribly afraid to speak in front of any audience, I am very worried in a group of people I know, unfamiliar to me, with the exception of my parents, well, people I have known for a long time, even on a march. taxi finds excitement if people look at me! In short, I am very worried, shy, afraid when I am in the spotlight, and blush at the same time !!! This phobia doesn’t allow you to live calmly and normally ((Accordingly, it’s not self-confidence, depression, loneliness from the lack of friends, and all this has been tormenting me for as long as I can remember (((So one article is not enough. Here’s what to do? I already think I can apply to the doctor

I have almost everything the same, except I probably don’t worry in public places and I don’t have good friends either, at work, as a rule, the team does not accept me, which gnaws at me very much.

Ekaterina, this method will help to cope with shyness of any degree. Some require a little time and effort, others more. Perhaps you belong to the latter. But the regular exercises described in this article just work wonders!

I blush all the time... even my eyes turn red...once, while answering at the blackboard, it was still at school, the teacher attacked me with the words: are you feeling bad?! you are crying??? and I wasn’t going to cry, and I didn’t feel bad, I just apparently blushed SO MUCH coolly ... without knowing it myself, by the way ... (((

I read the article at the link from Julia. I won’t say that this is nonsense, but it is unlikely that this will be possible for a person who is really shy, withdrawn, etc. I would not even go anywhere with a pacifier in my mouth for money (for example). Do something scary? Not a solution, in my opinion. Personally, for example, I can’t even buy underwear for myself. You always have to set yourself up and force yourself to step over yourself. And something doesn’t get any easier, even though I do something that’s scary. So... It's really annoying... It's annoying to be like this... And life goes on...

If these exercises are difficult, then you can come up with something easier. For example, stand at a well-known monument in the city and ask people where this monument is located. All you need to do is do something that is a little scary.

Hello! My name is Yaroslav. I am 16 years old. After the test for social phobia, I got 56 points. I am shy, go to the store, walk with a girl (I immediately lose my gift of speech, and almost all the time I have nothing to say), I'm afraid to talk on the phone (before the call, I have a lot of thoughts about what to talk about, but as soon as the girl answers , I forget about everything I wanted to say.Your site even helped me a little!

Try not to think in advance about what will happen if, etc. And every time break yourself do what is scary. over time it should pass. I have passed.

The same situation. I'm trying to fight my social phobia, but so far without success. Sometimes it becomes easier, it seems that everything passes, until I catch myself thinking that again I am not like that, I speak wrong, I walk wrong, as if it were a mistake of nature! Even the reason is difficult to understand, just a feeling that the whole world is against you, you want to close, hide. I know it's stupid but I can't do anything

I feel like a lone psycho!

And I’m already 32 years old soon, and I’m scared to go out with a child, sit with other mothers, when I think that they will start criticizing me or the child, and I won’t be able to answer anything, it becomes so creepy, and if I answer I will worry and think she looked like a brawler. Sometimes I still overpower myself and go out for a while, but I sit in fear and with thoughts that I look stupid or say something wrong. I perceive sharply any criticism, although I am silent, but inside everything is turning upside down and it seems to me that this is noticeable to everyone. Previously, she communicated normally, then she went to work, she began to go out less and less, and now, in horror, she stated in herself this disease - social phobia. Even with old friends I’m now afraid to meet, all the same thoughts attack - suddenly I will look and say something wrong ... Although at work I communicate with whom I need without fear - with acquaintances and strangers (I am a designer). I don't know how to live with this!

Hello, my name is Sasha, I'm 16, I have a strong problem when communicating in companies of people and with girls. As soon as I find myself in the above situations, I begin to be very shy and stupid. More than two words in sentences can’t be said at all, not to mention normal communication

What a great article!

Here one ill-wisher, leaving the team, slandered me. While he is a highly motivated, power-hungry psychopath, with developed cognitive and psychological skills, and fearsome, people have been very succumbed to his influence. Now he is gone. Only his "shadow" remained. Including inside. You can say his shadow somewhere superimposed on my own shadow. With your article, simple, understandable and concise but complete - life will be better) Before that, I bought audio courses on getting rid of psychological glitches and other improvements ... good (!) But this article of yours is (!) A fresh look (!) Seriously promising life.

Hello, I have such a problem, I am very shy to go on the board, I am 15 years old, please help me, I am already exhausted every time, I am very shy and my friends also say

Damn, I have a severe form of social phobia. I can't walk the streets, ride buses, eat in front of people. In general, I can’t talk to people - I stutter all the time. What to do? Help people. I'm only 18 years old - but already such a diagnosis. And it all started at the age of 17

I can't speak in public at all, in front of audiences, etc.

Good day to all! I have an average social phobia (Unfortunately, it's nice that there are many such people (In fact, I also thought that I was the only one - it's very hard. I constantly think about my actions: who will think what, who will say what ... So many things I want to in life, but this fear fetters and does not allow me to move. For example, when they watch my actions, my hands even begin to shake. As a child, I lived in an orphanage for 7 years, perhaps this is due to this. The most terrible fear is when it seems that they see your excitement (fear), you start to worry even more. Guys, I understand all of you, I think we need to unite and help each other. Admins, THANK YOU for the article) You help people)

I gradually began to become open (probably because all my surroundings always support me), every year, month I make some new progress, for example, I send any pitching in FIG, I am the main positive of the class :), but I still don’t get to know the girls it turns out ((I hope over time this stigma that ruined my teenage life will lag behind me :(

Here they say thank you for the article, and I would say thank you for the comments too. It turns out there are worse situations than mine. My level of social phobia is 57.

The first thing that comes to mind when you think about what to do with this problem is “overcome fears”. But I thought, nooo, this is too scary for me, I need to look for some other methods. In other words, trying to find a roundabout way. I dug up a lot of techniques on the Internet that I tried for many years, but which did not give any tangible results.

Now I understand that such things can only serve as auxiliary means, and overcoming fears in ascending order is the most important thing to do.

81 points and this is severe social phobia (((By the way, this is the first time I leave a comment on an article on the Internet. I was always afraid to leave comments. It always seemed that my opinion was either of no interest to anyone, or having expressed my opinion about something (anywhere, and in life and on the Internet) will look stupid or strange.

P.S. Thanks for the article and test.

I am 28 years old and I am afraid of people. Passing by the company, constant fears that I won’t suit them with something and we will get a fight. Although I have a large build.

I don’t want to teach others here as a teacher, but I want to advise, because it bothered me myself, I understand why you, in short, here’s the advice itself, especially for guys, go sign up for training, not in a rocking chair, but in boxing, combat sambo and the like, almost everything is there these problems will disappear for you, walk for a long time, there you will experience failure many times and then you will not be afraid of failures or look awkward, you will be the center of attention during sparring, then you will not be worried about this attention, and you will become more confident , and there you will slowly begin to communicate, and then in everyday life you will generally feel calm. Confident people do not mean that he is never shy, there are moments in which confident people are shy too, so it is impossible to completely get rid of it. Note that children who have been going to training since childhood, they almost never have such problems at all, they become self-confident, so after training you will become different. And if there is a confident person who inspires you, keep him in your head, imagine how he would act in this situation, and do the same. The main thing is not to be afraid and sign up for the first time it will be uncomfortable, but it’s not terrible, you don’t have to feel sorry for yourself, nothing will happen to you

My test score is 102. This is probably close to the truth. I am 18 years old. I feel comfortable only in complete solitude. Even at school, I realized that I was terribly afraid of public speaking, and over the past few years, the fear has only intensified (although I often had to make reports at lessons, competitions, etc.). When I am in the company of classmates, I feel a strong anxiety. I can hardly resist so as not to run away in tears from the sales assistant in the store. A trip in public transport, and just a walk along a crowded street is a real torture for me. Even at home, I feel discomfort if someone close is in the same room with me.

I have been trying to get rid of social phobia for the fifth year, but to no avail - it seems that it is only getting worse. Of the methods described in the article, I tried everything except moving - it is impossible due to objective reasons. The only thing that helps me in any way is to immerse myself in my studies or my hobbies. I think that I won’t be able to get rid of social phobia, but I can “forget” about it.

I have severe social phobia. I have lived with this for as long as I know myself. Unbearable. Especially there are periods of exacerbation, when, as if by a wave, it covers from one's own fears. I am insecure, afraid of judgment, what they think of me. Periods of unemployment are delayed for six months or a year. Because looking for a job and calling on ads, and then getting used to the team is a living hell for me. At school, everyone and sundry mocked me, laughed at my appearance, clothes, tightness, there was no one to intercede, at home my parents were not up to me, they drank, lack of money. I grew up all nervous and downtrodden. Gradually, over the course of 10 years, I shake off this “shell” from myself, but the changes are almost imperceptible, in my soul I am still the same notorious girl. To whom to tell - they will not believe. It became a little easier to find out that I’m not the only one who suffers like this, I’m afraid to eat in front of people, talk on the phone and with strangers, and that almost every sociophobe complains about stuttering, I don’t know how it got attached to me, it already started when I grew up. It is incredibly hard to fight with yourself, only the same “sufferer” will understand it, those around you, even those close to you and those who know about the problem, will never fully understand the full severity of this disease. I wish all sociophobes to recover from this abomination! And I will try my best!

I am 21, I passed the test, the score is 76 and I think that this is true, in some cases everything goes well in life, but in others (almost always) everything is simply unbearable, I start to cut myself without leaving home, disgusting thoughts come up , stiffness, anger ... It is especially difficult for me to get a job when, for example, you leave the old one ... a new team and all that ... There are arrogant and soulless people around, so what, to become the same? .. well, me I try, I have to get used to it somehow. I'm a loner in life, I have practically no friends, at least I'm used to it ... It is consoling that I'm far from the only one ...

I passed the test and the result even scared me ... "54 (fear) + 48 (avoidance) = 102 You have a very severe social phobia."

I don’t know what to do ... The article is well written, but it’s too difficult to do everything that is written there ...

Hello, I'm 16, I wanted to take a test for social phobia, but the link is broken ... I have been suffering from shyness and isolation for a long time, although my parents say that this was not the case in childhood. The diagnoses are like everyone else - I'm afraid of what they will think about me, when I talk I start to get worried, and it often happens that words are intertwined, thus, I look very stupid-__- And before, even walking down the street, I thought that people might think of me , thoughts were carried away farther and farther, and acquired a very dark shade, my legs ceased to obey, and it seemed that I was about to stumble. Now this happens sometimes, but less often ...

I have social phobia, a high degree (and I know without a test). From my observations, this ailment also has physical manifestations: muscle clamp (especially when someone follows you), watery eyes (especially in situations where a person is walking towards you on a narrow bridge or along a corridor), I blush if " blurted out something wrong, ”sometimes she takes her breath away. Social phobia is very difficult to live. I can’t just ask in line (polyclinic, tax office, bank, etc.) “Who is the last one?” I don’t congratulate relatives on holidays - I’m afraid (of calls in particular). During a forced sortie "to people" it seems to me that everyone is making fun of me, everyone is just looking at my walk and clothes. I understand that these are irrational thoughts, but I can not cope with them. You have to go through this hell to heal. The article is good, quite specific, not burdened with a monolith of psychological theory. I advise all sociophobes (including myself) to start acting, I understand that it is difficult, but overpower yourself! Get inspired by some idea! Remember, you are not the only one and no worse than others :)

I read your article. like a year ago I read the same thing) passed the test 74 points, I have social phobia and I don’t know how to deal with it. now the martyr with our mutual friends went to the club to see them on the other, and I got dressed, put on makeup, went out to the martyr and ... for about 15 minutes we stood at the entrance, my knees began to shake and I didn’t go anywhere. This is fine? I am very afraid to speak in front of the public, to answer at the institute (for the last half a year I began to struggle with this) and finally I answer a little bit, but still there is progress, I thought so. and today I could not go to the club with my friends. I am also very shy of those with whom I have known for a long time, those with whom I study, etc. if I see a person 1.2 times, then I feel confident, I speak well, and the same with the working staff (waiters, sellers, consultants ) strangers on the street. help me!(((

I have problems in communicating with people since school, but I can’t remember what caused it. But when I was 10 years old, I myself began to realize that my behavior at school was non-standard. I even tried to talk about this with my parents, but the fact is that my parents raised me the way their parents raised them. My parents believe that education is to clothe, put on shoes, feed, and send to school! And what about the moral, spiritual and social development and education ... and in general what is psychology and communication with a child - My parents do not even know the spirit !!! And really, can you imagine, in my life I don’t even remember that my parents ever seriously talked to me or, well, at least once supported me in something!? - NO! Even when I asked to be taken to a musical circle for playing the guitar, all I could hear from them was “go away for a day and quit, why do you need it”! And even when I began to bring bad grades from school, they did not try to somehow influence me and figure it out, I don’t remember exactly, but in my opinion my parents once went to the parent meeting and that’s it! In general, many will say that improper upbringing is not the cause of Social phobia. But I thought I was the only crazy one in this world! As a result, years passed, I grew up and, along with me, my lack of fulfillment and self-doubt ... And as a result, now I don’t know how to speak in public and communicate normally. there are a lot of thoughts in my head, but I can’t put them together while communicating with a person (people), I also can’t find and support a topic for conversation. Often, apart from the banal stupid “UGU”, I can’t say anything, and immediately there is excitement, trembling in my voice and self-criticism. Here it is in all its ugliness. Social phobia manifests itself in me! And further! I sing well, but as you might guess with my problem, not only can I not expose my skills to the public and criticize, I can’t even go to vocal courses to do it professionally (after all, a tutor is also an irritant for a social phobe) and of course I can’t practice vocals at home, because any audience, even relatives, is scary for me. In general, there are many situations ... I read your article and will definitely use your advice. Thank you!

and I'm very afraid of a new team, so I can't get a job. a call to the employer, the first thirty minutes in a new team seem like hell for me, I start to stutter, I don’t know what to say, ask, but I quickly get used to it, as soon as someone talks to me. I can’t understand why I have social phobia as soon as it comes to work. otherwise, it seems, everything is not so scary, there are of course moments, but insignificant. can anyone tell me why "knees are shaking" only when you have to get a job? I have no education, but I'm not going to get a job as an accountant or a lawyer. maybe it's a complex?

I am 16 years old, social phobia usually manifests itself at school. Passed the test, I was given 96 points. I changed my place, moved to another area in a small town, so small that if you do something bad, then the next day everyone will know about it. I have friends and a girlfriend, sometimes I go out for a walk, but often I just sit at home. At school, I just hide in the classroom and I can't approach anyone. I don't know what to do, how to be. I read your article today and will try.

If there are those who still overcame their fears, advise how, write here [email protected] will wait!

Hello)

I'm also a sociophobe, as it turned out, but I have no excitement

in public, I don't stutter. I just sometimes can't walk, but still

more often it seems to me that my legs do not obey me, I immediately get the impression that everyone is looking at me, laughing.

If I go somewhere, the feeling that all eyes are directed only at me, because of this I stumble, I get worried ...

I am very worried that all my thoughts will always be occupied only by my gait.

I will try to go through all these points.

hello friends in misfortune.

I am 17, since childhood I was very shy, stiff, I would say spineless (I couldn’t answer the request “no” to anyone, I couldn’t stand up for myself), completely insecure for that age. Now the situation is no better. I often blush (this is my main problem). I began to avoid such situations in which I know that I will blush, as soon as I try to do something like that, they tell me "stop blushing, that I blushed so much, etc.", this is even more embarrassing. At the blackboard, I still somehow calmly stand up, I’ll talk to someone I don’t know very well, but this is rare. Walking past a crowd of people is a living hell. Again, I blush, it even becomes difficult to breathe. although there are many friends/acquaintances. in the class I communicate well with many, mostly for some reason I have good relations with boys. The most offensive, so to speak, is that everyone else is quite normal. calmly answer everyone, DO NOT blush! just a nightmare. I hope with the help of this article I will stop turning into a “tomato” from time to time. Feeling constantly in discomfort is terribly tired.

I am 16 years old. And I'm terrified of people. Any contact makes me panic, I start shaking and my face turns red. When I walk down the street, I try to hide behind the backs of passers-by from people walking towards me. I study at the institute and they laugh at me very often. I do not have friends. I tried to get rid of THIS, but it does not help, from the fact that I will communicate with someone, I begin to shake and I cannot connect even two words. I don’t know what topics to talk about with people, topics like the weather, sports seem stupid and not interesting to me. I do not know how to live with this further ... help.

Thank you all, what a wonderful article and lively comments! I read and see myself. I am 18 years old, I have a pronounced social phobia, I have no friends, I feel comfortable only when I am alone, I am embarrassed by people, I am afraid to pass by the crowd, there is torture in front of people. Even in a self-service store, it takes me a lot of inner determination to buy something. Your article inspired me a lot, I will try to apply all the rules, I will think about moving. May God get rid of all this. I also want to wish good luck to all my friends in misfortune - guys, you are so dear to me in this regard, I understand you. With God blessing!

Guys! Want a simple and proven way to get rid of social phobia in one day? Literally the day before yesterday I wrote the previous comment, today I got rid of my social phobia with God's help and thanks to your advice. The most important thing is to restructure your thoughts and decide on a new life. And the mood is this: “I don’t care what people think about me. I’m a cheerful, open, cheerful, relaxed person. I love all people, and it’s interesting and easy for people with me.” every step, and life will sparkle with new colors. Thank God for everything, God bless the authors of the article !!! You helped me a lot!!!

Thanks for good words! Believe me, I tried, but one mood is not enough, I'm too skeptical. The postponing technique helped me. I promised myself that I would worry, but not now and not here. The subconscious initially fell for this trick, the excitement receded, but then it nevertheless took its toll, and it became difficult for me to control it (I promised :). But for some it might be useful.
As for the comment below, I agree, perhaps erythrophobia is the root cause (“sister”) of social phobia, and not vice versa. In this regard, I have my own assumption that dysmorphophobia - the fear of one's own imaginary or insignificant physical shortcomings (or, more precisely, the belief in their presence) can become a cause (or at least a catalyst) of c-phobia. A person can be embarrassed by his nose, for example, and because of this, avoid contact with other people so that they do not notice his “flaw”. Thus, persistent social fear is developed on the basis of dysmorphophobia (however, there are so many of these “soils”).
It follows that s-phobia is a whole complex of fears, which means that treatment must be approached comprehensively. Here, self-esteem plays a role, and the presence / absence of certain “specific” phobias (the same dysmorphophobia), and the personal qualities of a sociophobe (we train willpower), and attitude. In a word, go for it, start moving towards your goal in small steps, I believe in you! I'm already on the road to recovery.
p/s 98 points(

And this misfortune is redness from any little thing surrounding the subject, be it a train, a minibus, or a queue in a store. One counter glance of any person, that's it - the tomato is ripe. People see it right away and sometimes smile, but a man is ready to fall through the ground at that moment. This person is 43 years old, that is, far from being a child, and it’s impossible to attribute this to a youthful blush, or a transitional age. I look, here and children write allegedly with the same problem. I would not seriously consider this, since in children these troubles often disappear with age, and then, by the 20th, arrogance cuts in like a tank. At 43, some cannot even raise their eyes to look at someone, let alone stare at them point-blank and do not look indignant, as modern youth does. To be honest, I envy this. I gave a lot to be the same tank.

As a rule, those who have Erythrophobia, of course, also have Social phobia, it's like Siamese twins. And I even think that if there were no Erythrophobia, then there would be no Social phobia, because one pulls the other - a person sees the source of excitement, blushes, and here it is social phobia, as if on a silver platter, a person cannot raise his eyes, they are simply cut from hopelessness , about something to say or undertake, there can even be no question, because he will blush even more, because he sees that everyone is looking at him red, so social phobia has come to you.

I think that young people in our country understand something about this, and it’s better not to disturb our specialists in prescribing Western pills, but it’s better to just take it yourself and go to a place where this problem has long been heard. This problem is called Blushing Syndrome.

The most interesting thing is that the vast majority of those around them do not see this, and if they do, they do not attach any importance at all. Blush for health! This is fine! The more you are afraid to blush, the more you will blush.

Tell me, how was the blushing syndrome cured with all the consequences? I once read about the excision of the sympathetic trunk of the nervous system, but this is very dangerous, because you can become completely disabled, doctors don’t care ...

Hello, I passed the test for 107 severe social phobia... It's terribly difficult for me to communicate with people, I don't leave the house at all, I'm afraid to go to the store! The thought of how I will live when I grow up (I am 16) does not leave me, how will I work and communicate? It's probably incurable...

Thanks for the text, I will try to do everything as it is written there, I hope for a good result.

From early childhood, I was very sedentary, I didn’t talk to anyone at school before, I was on my own, it was very difficult, at the age of 13 I started talking with classmates, a girlfriend appeared, now I’m not shy to go out, sit in a cafe, perform, go out to board, I’m embarrassed of only one thing, to communicate with the company, I love companies, but I don’t know what to say, I’m stupidly silent and that’s it, I immediately become closed, I’m afraid to say anything, thinking I’ll say some garbage and they will think that I’m a fool, it’s hard for me with whom then make friends, but I'm trying. sometimes I feel insecure, I don’t know what to do, I’m afraid to express my opinion ...

I have 78 points, severe social phobia. I’m afraid to look people in the eye, because it’s terribly unpleasant for me when they look at me, I don’t have friends and communication skills, and therefore it will be difficult to find a job, because I won’t get along in a team. I try to set myself up for positive, but it’s not enough for a long time, it’s sometimes very difficult for me to even relax at home, the nerves of the frontal part and the back of the head are very tense. I don’t want a family or children, in short, to die and not feel this pain ...

I really liked the article! Everything is on point!! I'm 23, married. I fell in love with my husband at first sight, but I didn’t dare to approach, I couldn’t even look into my eyes, until I myself noticed me, by a lucky chance, almost six months later, we wouldn’t have met) (they worked in the same building on different floors) I become very isolated in myself, it’s hard to communicate with strangers, there are friends, but it wasn’t very easy to get used to them, I got used to it for a long time, from the beginning I seem shy to everyone, but how I get used to the soul of the company, like a fish in water))) it’s true that it’s a long way to go to this, I worry often, what is not interesting to friends or husband, often before I say something I think, so as not to stir up too much, I like shopping, as it were, but it’s a little scary to go into boutiques “sellers are such sellers” they can look around))) because of my insecurity, I am often irritable , going to visit, cafes, going to the park with my husband, and so on leads to a certain degree of aggression, because of which I break down on my husband, as a result of which litters arise, in general, I will try to follow the advice of your article! In every comment you see yourself, we are walking down the street, shy, but it turns out we are shy of the same social phobias))) good luck to everyone and more effort on yourself !!!

I'm 15 (boy)

How did he go through social phobia on his own?

but there is one last problem

I'm afraid to invite friends over

I moved to another country (it happened)

and found many friends. Even a lot

If I'm afraid of my family (mother and brother) or something else,

They invite, I refuse (I'm not afraid, but I know that if I invite, then I must invite them too)

By the way, I'm still afraid to go out, but things are going great at school ...

I'm waiting for the help of a psychologist

Good afternoon How many literate, interestingly expressing their thoughts sociophobes, it turns out! I read the comments and think: so that's how many of us. Yes, social phobia is a very serious problem. One of the many unpleasant moments (at least in my case, for sure) associated with social phobia is that the fears and experiences associated with them have a very strong effect on my health. Because of this - limited communication, movement during periods of exacerbation, isolation. Well, and, accordingly, depression, self-flagellation, tears, etc. "amenities". And when you are in isolation for a certain time, social phobia increases significantly. At a minimum, it becomes difficult to force yourself to leave the house. Then you start pushing yourself. When forced to go through daily life "training", social phobia recedes a little. For example, I often had panic attacks in the morning when I thought that I needed to leave the house, my whole body resisted terribly. I kept wondering how this unpredictable world would meet me. But you still had to go. One had only to cross the threshold, go out into the street and it became a little easier. Step by step on the sidewalk - even easier. As you get closer to the place of work - again the excitement. It’s scary in advance, suddenly problems arise, suddenly someone offends ... You come to the team, assess the situation - everything seems to be calm, slightly relaxed, but internally you are still on your guard. You never know what ... Ready for defense just in case. And this inner wariness in relation to the outside world, mainly to people, is present, unfortunately, always, changing the scale depending on how often you work on yourself. It happens that working on yourself helps, you start to believe in yourself more. It happens that the same technique does not work at all, no matter how hard you try. Like peas on the wall. This leads to another depression. But then you seem to gather yourself “in a bunch” again and work again. It can be wildly difficult to pull yourself together, especially if you have to act through physical pain. But you still want to live (although, I confess, I washed different ones, but I chose life), and therefore, sometimes stronger, sometimes weaker, but you try to act.

But you need constant work on yourself. If this does not happen, everything returns to normal, unfortunately (but, perhaps, a certain milestone is needed, beyond which the state stabilizes. Perhaps I have not overcome it yet). The same is true with physical activity, which is a serious help in the fight against social phobia. Only regular exercises bring relief, relieve tension, even out breathing. These are not necessarily long-term loads, 20 minutes a day of stretching, tilting, push-ups, head rotations, etc. are enough for me. Knead everything where tensions, clamps are felt, carefully, of course. Oh, and also, I really liked the BBC movie The Secret (or The Secret). It can be treated differently, but there are some points that can be adopted with social phobia and, in general, for life. And it really does work. Checked on myself.

I wish all of us the best of luck in overcoming this challenge. After all, it's a pity the energy wasted on experiences, while it could be used to create our own life!!!

The article is actually interesting and, as it turns out, also useful, reading it inspires some self-confidence and you remember your positive qualities and you begin to understand on a subconscious level that you are not a bad person, but on the contrary, even better than some. GUYS, THIS IS WHAT I ADVISE TO ALL OF YOU: DO MORE UNUSUAL ACTIVITIES, EVEN LET SOMEONE LAUGH, IT IS NOT TERRIBLE, ON THE CONTRAST, YOU SHOULD REJOY, BECAUSE YOU MANAGED TO MAKE PEOPLE LAUGHTER. And as for dating and communicating with other people, start communicating from afar, for example (hello, how are you, or start communicating on a topic you know well), if a person is interested in you, you will immediately understand, because he will reciprocate. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, DO ALL OF THIS MORE OFTEN, OVER TIME YOU WILL NOT notice HOW TO COMMUNICATE WITH PEOPLE YOU WILL BE SIMPLE AND EASY.

I have 96 points. Interestingly, social phobia practically disappears in Moscow - no, of course, I don’t immediately become the soul of the company and don’t strive for new acquaintances (for me it’s hell), but it’s somehow easier. I can go for a walk with my children alone (without a girlfriend) and feel quite normal, I don’t run home at the first cries of my children, I calmly go to supermarkets, cinemas, exhibitions, and in general almost everywhere - except for public places (officials still scare me) . But in our village where I live, I try not to go out at all! Or in the evening when everyone is asleep - but even then I'm afraid that people will notice me! And even at home I don’t feel calm: I have the feeling that everyone knows that I don’t go out much. And when I'm on the street during the day, I have the feeling that everyone evaluates me. And, worst of all, half the time it's true - we have a military camp, where people have nothing else to do, except how to discuss neighbors. To identify normal people (not gossips), I'm already scared. I understand that it is NECESSARY to go outside, I have two small children who still don’t go to kindergarten, but I can’t overpower myself! Sometimes I have the feeling that because of this village, my weak social phobia, which I had quite successfully fought before, grew into paranoia. My husband just laughs at this, and it makes me feel even worse.

hello, can lenses somehow affect my phobia? because he is bound by himself + to all this, his eyes, it seems to me, become glassy.

I have mild social anxiety. It is very difficult to communicate with new people. Especially with guys. I am 17 years old and have not been in a relationship yet, I am sure that I cannot like anyone, so it is very difficult for me sometimes even to look at a guy who is cute to me. Probably, everything is laid from childhood. I was never particularly praised or complimented, over time I began to understand that there are many people who are better, more beautiful, smarter than me, and I began to slowly withdraw into myself, so I am much more comfortable. When I go out into the street, it always seems to me that everyone around me is looking at me condemningly, if I see people laughing, then I certainly think that I am the cause of laughter, etc. I do not know how to deal with this problem, social phobia just suppresses me, my aspirations for a happy and vibrant life. I want to walk quietly, have fun, make new friends, but instead I lose my best years at the computer and sobbing into the pillow. I understand perfectly well that everything depends only on me, but I just can’t do it, I feel that there is an insurmountable wall between me and people, and I don’t know how to destroy it.

Veronica, I have the same problem, everything is the same, even our age is the same, after reading this article, although I knew many methods before, I will work on myself, I hope that social phobia will pass, good luck to everyone who decided to fight with this problem

I have 87 points - severe social phobia. And I think that all this is because I hardly go out, but I have so many hobbies that I am interested in at home! What for me all these people and communication (it's so ordinary and uninteresting). I do not understand those people who need all this. I don't even want to try to change.

Hello Katherine! My name is Alexander and I also notice signs of social phobia in myself. Since childhood, I have been an uncommunicative and uncommunicative person, it is difficult for me to communicate and get along with people. Due to the fact that I am a non-communicative person who avoids people, I am subjected to ridicule by my parents and relatives. My mother is a sociable person, so she does not understand how it is possible to stay at home all the time. She constantly tries to remake me for herself, thinking that it's just like two times two. But it's really difficult for me to communicate with people and I'm unlikely to ever enjoy it at all. As for dad, he considers me an empty place, treats me as worthless. Everything that is in me does not suit him and repels him. He gets mad because I'm not tough like him, because I don't get rude like he does, because I'm quiet. For other relatives, I am an object for banter and jokes. They are all sociable people who see me as an eccentric and a jerk. Because of this attitude towards people like me, we begin to gnaw at ourselves for being uncommunicative and looking for communication. Tell me, how do you react if people ask you questions about communicating with other people?

And what to do when there is no career, no relatives?

What to do when the meaning of life is lost? When you know you can't have children? When you know that no one needs, in fact. Even my own mother...

I'm trying to fight my social phobia, but so far without success. Sometimes it becomes easier, it seems that everything passes, until I catch myself thinking that I am not like that, I speak not like that, I walk not like that, as if it were a mistake of nature! Even the reason is difficult to understand, just a feeling that the whole world is against you, you want to close, hide. I know it's stupid, but I can't do anything. And here I am sitting at home, and do not stick out a piece of my nose behind the gate. I just want to die, that's all. I don't know how to be. Mom already hopelessly told me - DIE. And this is the most terrifying thing you can hear from your own and only mother.

I feel like a lone psycho! In its closed space of the borderline state of the psyche. How I want to become a small child again and fix everything. Educate yourself. Avoid so many mistakes. I would not imitate Elena I. all my subconscious life from the moment of walking with her. When I wanted to attract my mother's attention and achieve her warmth, advice, kiss, hugs. Explanations about the good and the bad! But no... there's nothing to return. Kill yourself and go to dad? But he is in Paradise because he died, and did not kill himself. What to do? Mommy save!

Gradually, over the course of 10 years, I shake off this “shell” from myself, but the changes are almost imperceptible, in my soul I am still the same notorious girl. To whom to tell - they will not believe. It became a little easier to find out that I'm not the only one who suffers like this, I'm afraid to eat in front of people, talk on the phone and with strangers. Stuttering... how did it get attached to me? I don't mind. It started when I got older. It is incredibly hard to fight with yourself, only the same “sufferer” will understand it, those around you, even those close to you and those who know about the problem, will never fully understand the full severity of this disease. I wish all sociophobes to recover from this abomination! And I will try my best!

And the final stage of my letter is the most terrible ...

The mother doesn't care. Are you alive or lying in a ditch somewhere. For the weak, go with the flow. And it is very difficult to change the course of events in any way. I'm so scared of committing suicide. But as long as I can remember, I only think about death. Enough! I have nothing to live for. Even my mother doesn't care what happens to me. I have already been to a psychiatric clinic, after which I can’t crawl at all at home. Because I can’t even look at myself in the mirror without crying. She looks at all this state of mine and does nothing. Even when I just ask her to buy something for me (for example, pills for blood vessels - an important medicine for me, some water, cigarettes), she says: herself. Well, I can’t even get out from behind the gate now. And she is so with me ... She only drinks and leaves me with her younger brother for a walk. There is only one answer to my protests against drunkenness: my money, I want it and I drink it. Don't like it - get out! My home is what I want, I do. I would be glad to get out, but there is nowhere except for the next world. I'm sorry, but I can't suffer anymore. I am writing... These are all feelings. I now have fear. After all, the mother abandoned her child. Refused to help at all. Now all that's really left is to die.

Is there any other way out???

Christina, there is a way out of your situation. We all have a Dad and Mom who will NEVER leave us. This is the Lord God. Do not be skeptical about this, forget all your prejudices about God and about the Church, which were planted during the Soviet period. I am not imposing any dogma on you. You have a mind, you have a heart - go to an Orthodox church and tell all your pain to God, and best of all - to a priest at confession - and after that you will judge. Try, "do not believe" your utopian thoughts - and you will get what you ask for. God is LOVE, not Judge, He came to us, to sinners, to sociophobes, to free us from this pain. God loves a person, no matter how he is, unlike people, and even parents. Everything has a meaning, the Providence of God, including our illnesses. Mental illness tells us about spiritual illness. “Lay out” your pain before God, ask Him for forgiveness for your sins before Him and before people - and it will become easier for you - this will “break” the vicious circle. Our enemy, the devil, loves when people withdraw into themselves, then he can do with them what he wants. An honest confession will help to break out of one's own, or rather, devilish thoughts, and the enemy will run away. This is not a fairy tale, this is the reality of our life. There is a devil, and only he wants our death, not us. There is a God who wants us to live with Him and live happily. You want to live normally and happily, but the devil does not want to, so thoughts of suicide are not yours. Go ahead and get what you want. Read the prayer "Our Father" from the heart, sincerely and ... with God!

Reading all your comments, I see myself in almost all of them. all these experiences and thoughts are bad, I no longer know what to do. Self-doubt, fear of what others will think of me ruined many plans. I can’t communicate normally with people, I’m really afraid of them, I can’t run in the morning, I abandoned it, because I think that people care about me, I quit two jobs and now I’m looking again, but every day I put it off, before I call I think a lot and prepare for the call. it's so annoying. I blush very often where there are a lot of people. I know and understand that I wind up everything for myself, but I can’t do anything about it. everyone in my family is not very sociable, but everything is really bad with me, I have no problems communicating with my relatives, I am who I am with them, but as soon as I go out into the street, it’s not me anymore. I have been told this many times. This is my second comment, so open, and indeed the second. Thank you for the article and a HUGE THANK YOU for the comments, I even breathe better and freer because I am not alone in my illness, sorry for selfishness

Hello. I am 15 and almost what is described in this article is true about me. And I’m embarrassed now, of course, because I used to, but still because I’m full, although now I almost have a tummy (I did exercises, and now the abs don’t get fat in general. But most importantly, I like girl in the class, and I can't talk to her, I'm shy, of course I speak, but not freely. and especially I understand computers.Maybe I will find a job as a system administrator thanks to this phobia.But still I would like to solve it.

My body entered a completely closed state and withdrawal from society. I am 43 years old. I've been sitting at home since 90 years since I graduated from high school. Not a disabled person, just from childhood I was closed and withdrawn. No question, just stating a fact.

Friends! Let's fight it all! All the people around are the same as us, do not forget, so why are you afraid of them? Do not be afraid! Say something stupid next to someone, it's okay, take it as an approximation to good communication skills, all the more you can achieve something only through ups and downs, don't get hung up on it, believe me, and this same person is also mistaken, even often. It seems that someone is looking at you, start looking at him too, and then come up and ask if you want to tell me something. Are you afraid to talk to someone on the phone in front of someone? Oh, go down the street and just talk on the phone (it might be turned off), invent and say whatever comes into your head, and look at the people walking, and you will notice that everyone doesn’t care about your speeches, they are all busy and where - they're in a hurry. Are you scared to answer at the blackboard in class? Take a photo of the teacher and at home in front of her tell the report, etc. The main thing is to look into the eyes of the teacher. Can't retell? Start simply with a proposal. Try to express your idea in your own words. Then take on the paragraphs. And then a few paragraphs later. YOU WILL SUCCEED! Don't forget that everyone experiences fear often, and it's NORMAL.

Hello! I am 15 years old! The test showed that I do not suffer from social phobia (I have 52 points)! But I think that at least a little, but I have this phobia! I am not afraid to eat in public places and walk down the street, but I constantly think about “what if they think badly of me or seem stupid”! I recently moved to another city! I met girls from my class, I can ask them something! But often when we go somewhere together, there is an awkward silence ... I just don’t know what to talk about, what to say funny and funny, and sometimes when they ask me about something, my tongue just wobbles and I don’t answer clearly! I don't want them to think that I'm silent, not sociable and shy, although I am ...

I also often worry about my appearance, that I’m not as beautiful as my classmates, I’m not dressed the same, I don’t have the same make-up, the hair is not the same ... and I feel awkward ...

I read your article, I will certainly try!

Answer me please!!!

I was clearing a lot of bookmarks today and came across this article. It was as if I had been electrocuted. Two years ago, like you, I, too, surfed the Internet in search of an answer to exciting questions: social phobia, erythrophobia. the fact is that from the very childhood they told me: She is shy, she blushed, she is silent with us, etc. , by the age of 15 I was already a real social phobia. I avoided communication in any manifestation, I worked in the back rooms, where there are no young people. I blushed always and everywhere, with or without reason, so obsessed with it that when someone said: you blushed, I was thrown into a fever: my hands were sweating, my voice was trembling, tachycardia began. You blushed - it was worse for me, probably, death.

By the age of 25, the situation only worsened. I tried to be afraid, I tried to answer: yes, I blushed, so what? Didn't work in my case. I blushed even more, and they answered me with pity: - No, nothing, and they translated the topic, because I was almost in a faint)

Then this article, about 20 more articles, and then books. And so I begin to get involved in psychology. And so, gradually, very slowly, beliefs begin to change. Everything we think about ourselves is true! Do you consider yourself a social phobe? There is nothing fairer than giving a person what he believes in and what he expects...

I decided for myself, after reading several books - stop believing in the nonsense imposed on me! If we are what we think about ourselves, and we think about ourselves due to the acquired attitudes, then by changing the attitude, the thought will change, and then the reality.

And so I decide to get rid of attitudes that are not mine, by the way, they were imposed on me, and I no longer want to accept dogmas imposed by anyone. There are many ways to get rid of attitudes: slow - shifting beliefs, affirmation, diary of success, fast - working with the subconscious, communicating with confident and successful people.

Everything we plant in our subconscious eventually grows and grows as long as we feed it. I decided not to feed any more phobias, I decided to destroy them!

I realized that my phobias live in me only thanks to my attention. Every evening I said to myself: Yes, there was an attitude and I had reasons to accept it then, but I don’t need it anymore. I want to be free and I will!

Since then, I had bouts of uncertainty, to which I said: These are the remnants of past thinking, and in my head the image of a “withered tree”, which I will never water again in my life.

Now I get high from myself from life, as it turned out, I have a very good sense of humor, and in a huge company I am a leader. Many goals, plans, projects).

ps I used to experience a terrible correspondence complex, because I didn’t study well at school and I’m not friendly with punctuation (I apologize to those who are hurt by this) And now it’s even funny somehow). This is not the end of the world, and it is very important to convey the essence to a person. Do not invent flaws for yourself, concentrate on the merits, believe me, you have a lot of them))))

And lastly, your shortcoming, as it seems to you now, is your greatest strength. There is duality in the world, what you are not is inflamed in you. You are a great person! Look at those around you who are burning their lives. They do not care what others think of them, even if they are dirty, clumsy. This worries only strong personalities who, for certain reasons, feed the illusion and suffer greatly from this. Good luck to all)

Passed the test, as a result of 54 points ...

You know, it's just unbearable. I would do anything to sit alone in a room for days and listen to music, read books, mind my own business. People strain me, it is uncomfortable for me to be among people, to communicate. I didn't have social anxiety before.

Because of this anxiety and fear, I have no friends, it is difficult for me to communicate with someone. the fact is that I try all the time to make a good impression on people, I am afraid of criticism, condemnation. I'm afraid of what they think of me. Even though I understand that this fear is irrational and all this is an illusion worked out by my consciousness. but it is impossible to cope with these thoughts on your own.

I have never been to a psychologist, but I'm going to go soon. I hope that I will finally get rid of this terrible state...

You have changed, Alyosha. Gray is rubbish. Before, you were like a house with all the doors and windows open, but now this house is boarded up.

V. Azhaev. Far from Moscow

Closure as a quality of personality - a tendency to block one's mind, feelings and mind from third-party influence, to show isolation from communication, to move away from interaction with others .

The word "isolation" in an abstract sense was introduced into the Russian dictionary by the critic V.G. Belinsky. In relation to the human character, it received a specific metaphorical reflection from I.S. Turgenev in The Diary of a Superfluous Man: “... I am generally not stupid; Thoughts sometimes even come into my head, rather amusing, not quite ordinary; but since I am an extra person and with lock inside, then it’s terrifying for me to express my thought, especially since I know in advance that I will express it badly. It even sometimes seems strange to me how people talk, and so simply, freely ... What a agility, think about it. That is, to confess to say, and I have, despite my lock, often itched tongue; but I really uttered the words only in my youth, and in my more mature years, almost every time I managed to break myself. I’ll say, sometimes, in an undertone: “But we’d better keep quiet for a while,” and calm down. We are all ready for silence ... "

Insularity can become a conscious choice of a life path that meets the natural manifestations of human nature. Many introverts, by the nature of their nature, simply do not like public hustle and bustle, they do not want to be public, in front of everyone and on hearing. They find a comfortable, quiet haven in their inner world. They are not bored by themselves. You can’t blame them for weakness, insecurity or fear. Such people simply do not need an environment that steals their precious time in empty talk. A vivid example of this is Isaac Newton, who was locked up for everyone. He didn't have any friends. What kind of communication to talk about if a scientist forgot to sleep and eat? While working, Newton was able to completely disconnect from the life around him. They say that once he was found in the kitchen in front of a pot of boiling water, where the clock was being cooked, while Newton himself was intently looking at the egg clutched in his hand. From the outside, the great scientist looked closed in on himself. In fact, behind his reticence was an incredible concentration of thought on the object under study. The best connoisseur of Newton's biography, Richard Westfall, wrote: “The more I study him, the more Newton moves away from me. I have been fortunate at various times to have known many brilliant people whose intellectual superiority I have no hesitation in acknowledging. But I have not yet met anyone with whom I could not measure myself - you can always say: I am equal to his half, or his third, or a quarter, but some fraction will always come out. My research on Newton finally convinced me that it is useless to measure anyone with him. For me, he became an absolute Other, one of a tiny handful of higher geniuses who gave meaning to the concept of human intelligence; a person irreducible to the criteria by which we evaluate our own kind.

Closure is a defensive line of the human psyche from the harmful influences of the outside world. As a rule, a closed person is hard to get along with people, does not get along in a team, is distrustful, extremely selective in friendship and friendship, pessimistic and gloomy. A number of reasons make a person closed: the fear of being rejected, misunderstood or ridiculed, fear of condemnation, previous derogatory statements addressed to him, low self-esteem, the inability or unwillingness to look at the situation that has arisen optimistically, in a new way. Often a person shows isolation in order to be with himself or to protect himself from the harmful influence of the outside world. Sometimes a person, having been burned by betrayal, treason, hangs a “barn lock” on the door of “Openness”. Forgetting about forgiveness, he cultivates resentment and rancor. In contrast to lack of sociability, which boils down to a disposition to communicate, to the formation of emotional ties, both in one’s own group and outside it, isolation can also manifest itself in other areas of life besides communication: in words, deeds, in the way of life in general.

Closure is a shutter from the outside world. Outwardly, a person can demonstrate sociability, but at the same time keep the interlocutor at a distance. As he does not seek to reduce the distance, he constantly runs into "anti-tank hedgehogs" of verbal and non-verbal signals about remoteness, coldness and inaccessibility. The entrance to the personal space of a closed person is securely closed. About others ad infinitum, but not a word about myself. A peculiar, I must say, openness. You will talk with such a person for a couple of hours, and then you will be surprised to realize that you know nothing about him. One girl writes that R Previously, isolation prevented her from living: “And now I accept myself as I am. Now I am a rather sociable person, but I still live in my own world, into which I do not let anyone in. In general, I feel more comfortable alone than in the company, even if they are my closest friends. But really, sometimes you have to deal with very personal issues. I'm not lying, I'm just answering correctly that I don't intend to tell anything, and I don't want to talk about it. Friends used to take offense at me because of this, they took it personally, but over time they got used to it.

From the point of view of the development of the mind, men have a more closed, static nature than women. The male mind says, "I know how to live." It is difficult for a man to redirect according to fate, to reach out to his mind. It is no coincidence that the vast majority of audiences engaged in learning how to live the right way are women. Possessing high sensitivity, sparkling mobility and maneuverability of the mind, they willingly listen to advice, easily make changes in life, and make decisions quickly. One good lecture can turn the mind of a woman, radically change her life position. With a man, such a number will not work. He needs time to carefully understand everything and move his psyche from its familiar place. A man is reluctant to listen to other people's opinions. Closing in his inner world, he feels comfortable in union with his straightforward, ossified mind. Therefore, women should take into account such a feature of the male psyche as a certain isolation of the mind and not blame their husbands for a slow response to the challenges of life. Under no circumstances should you mock a man, demanding that he quickly overcome the isolation of his mind and begin to act. It is necessary, without obtrusiveness, to inspire the husband to a different understanding of things. Moreover, this must be done delicately and tactfully, so that he gets the impression that he himself came to this idea. The finale of the action, when he says: "Yes, I have known this for a long time."

The manifested personality traits are directly related to diseases. So, isolation leads to chronic inflammatory processes in the kidneys. Internal stiffness and tension caused by isolation causes spasms of the kidney vessels. As a result, the adrenal glands are overexcited. In addition, isolation is the cause of increased intracranial pressure. In other words, it “gives” a person hypertension.

Petr Kovalev 2013

In special literature, a closed person is called a schizoid, less often an introvert. How does he differ from open people, what are the features of his character? Read about all this below.

Main features

We note right away that it is impossible to link the words "schizoid" and "schizophrenia". The last term is the name of a very specific disease. As for the schizoids, these are normal people who simply have their own characteristics. The use of the definition "closed" is fully justified for the reason that the basic qualities of this type of people are isolation from the outside world, closeness. In this aspect, they are the exact opposite of hyperthyms, whose soul is always wide open.

Appearance features

A closed person in most cases is distinguished by thinness, rather than fullness, density. His face is elongated, the head is often egg-shaped, the nose is straight, the profile is "angular" (observed due to some shortening of the chin). The relationship between a long face, a thin figure and isolation is quite high. However, this combination does not always indicate closeness. Fat people also belong to the category of schizoids, but much less often.

movements

As for the motor features of closed individuals, they are distinguished by low dexterity when making large movements. For this, they simply do not have enough plasticity. On the other hand, there is an ability for delicate and most precise manual operations, which are important, for example, in a watchmaker, jeweler and dentist.

A closed person, as a rule, has a distinct, small, slightly jerky handwriting.

Basic values, interests

The inner world is the main wealth of introverts. The nature of the schizoids is such that they are constantly immersed in themselves. The opposite is hyperthyma, open to everything that happens around them. Closed people value their inner world very much, and they often do not care about the outer world, because it seems more rude and primitive than their own fantasies, dreams, thoughts.

The prominent German psychologist and doctor Kretschmer compared introverts to Roman villas, whose facades are very simple, the windows are closed, and rich feasts take place inside. Thanks to this colorful metaphor, he emphasized that the difference between the dim appearance of representatives of this character and their inner world is extremely great. In contrast to hyperthym, an uncommunicative person is characterized by restraint and secrecy. It is impossible to tell from him what “feasts” take place in his soul.

Communication

The introverted person in the group generally keeps aloof and prefers to remain silent. His contacts are usually limited to a small circle of friends and relatives. Such people are reluctant to talk about themselves, and you can often hear that information from them has to be literally "pulled out with tongs."

It is not surprising that schizoids have difficulty communicating. Secrecy is explained by the reluctance to share their own experiences. Introverts do not feel the need to contact the outside world, because they are quite comfortable on their own. As one poet put it, they seek to "wrap themselves in the silk of their souls." On the other hand, communication really presents a particular difficulty for them, since schizoids in the process of communication feel their awkwardness and ineptitude.

Kretschmer cited another vivid metaphor, where he compared a closed individual with an infusoria, cautiously approaching an unfamiliar object and watching it from behind half-lowered cilia, hesitantly putting forward its tentacles, and then immediately withdrawing them.

Despite the natural desire for isolation, a shy person sometimes suffers from a lack of communication. This is especially common in childhood and adolescence.

Emotional background

The experiences of those who are closed and sometimes seem paradoxical to others. On the one hand, introverts are distinguished by restraint and coldness, on the other hand, they are vulnerable and emotional. Schizoids show a sharp reaction to everything that offends their own values. Often this is a spiritual response to injustice, rudeness, disorder.

At present, the so-called one of its signs is being actively discussed. Understanding the feelings and moods of others is one of its signs. It is this trait that many introverts cannot boast of. Closed people, of course, suspect that some feelings are raging in you, but they must be informed about this. They rely on what was said, while not paying attention to intonation and facial expressions.

Lifestyle features, attitudes, activities

The inner world of introverts is distinguished by orderliness, and they expect the same from the outer world. Their way of thinking and internal organization are reflected in all actions. For example, it is easy for them to accept rules and follow them. They succeed in the professional field where they are prescribed to act in a certain way. Any deviation from the norm causes irritation in introverts.

At the same time, serious contradictions often arise at work. The desire of the schizoid to always follow the instructions can turn into accusations of formalism. At the same time, the above qualities of introverts are simply irreplaceable, for example, in military affairs or in financial management.

A person who is closed in himself turns a dispute with him into an unbearable process. And all because the introvert is a prisoner of plans, schemes, forms, words. This is reflected in the fact that mental constructions and theories are more convincing and valuable for him than concrete life facts. For this reason, schizoids often find themselves in opposition, preferring not to mix with fashion, the opinions of others, and mass movements. Keeping their distance is not difficult for them. Introverts are often surrounded by an atmosphere of mystery, they are known as originals with notes of aristocracy.

Weak spots

Considering the features of communication with a schizoid, we note that he suffers from an unceremonious invasion of personal space. Such a person never fully opens up even to the closest people. An introvert often surprises those around him at first glance with sudden decisions or unexpected actions. In fact, such behavior is the result of the most difficult experiences and long reflections.

Psychology of children of the schizoid type

These unfriendly and gloomy representatives of the younger generation react very little or not at all to adult criticism. They prefer to avoid big companies and noisy games. Due to a lack of interest, there may be problems with academic performance. At the same time, a closed child behaves in such a way as if he is constantly waiting for some kind of trick from others. As a rule, children of the schizoid type are distinguished by a strong attachment to their mother and find it difficult to bear parting with her, even if only for a short time. This is due to the manifestation of fear of being forgotten, abandoned.

Some mistakenly draw an analogy between withdrawn and shy children. At the same time, the former do not want to communicate with others, while the latter, on the contrary, need communication, but do not know how to make contact.

Where does it all start

The psychology of children of the schizoid type is formed under the influence of many factors. Let's consider them in more detail:

The subtlety of mental organization and others of the child. Closure is especially characteristic of melancholic and phlegmatic people. When communicating with their child, parents should take into account that a positive result can be achieved with a sensitive and attentive attitude. Do not rudely invade his inner world in the hope of re-education. Otherwise, the child will finally go into himself, close.

Closure can be due to conflicts with friends, malaise, misunderstanding of peers. In this case, it is important for adults to find out the true reason for the closeness and gently help the child get out of the situation.

Introverts often grow up in families with one child. In the absence of communication experience with a sister or brother, forced to play on their own, they receive incorrect communication settings, therefore, their ability to communicate develops poorly. In this case, parents are encouraged to facilitate the contact of the child with friends.

Lack of attention. When adults try to get rid of the child, he begins to turn to them less and less with his "trifle" problems and questions. As a result, over time, children and parents simply have nothing to talk about, they lack common ground. It is important to bear in mind that the psychology of the behavior of a person who is closed in himself is not formed in one day. Therefore, it is quite natural that parents, for example, after work devote time to some of their affairs. Concern about the situation should be shown when it is repeated systematically. It is important to be interested in the problems of the child, to listen to him.

Restraint of desires, emotions. Even an adult needs to “let off steam” and share their own experiences. And in a child, this desire is even stronger, because every day is filled with discoveries for him. If children understand that parents do not seek to listen to them, then the process of restraining emotions begins to gain momentum. Such a restriction affects not only the overall development of the child, but also his physical health.

dissatisfaction with the behavior of the child. The problem of communication in psychology is considered in the aspect of constant censure. At the same time, emotional contact between parents and the child disappears. Adults strive to ensure that the child is properly dressed and shod, and much less attention is paid to his inner world. The causes of the problem can be very different, and at first glance, not entirely serious. For example, a child of the wrong gender, which one would like, or a child interferes with career advancement. As a result, an inattentive attitude results in aggression, timidity, isolation, resentment.

Conclusion

Topics in the psychology of communication are becoming more and more discussed. The reason is that modern people have begun to realize that mistakes in behavior cause insurmountable obstacles in establishing contact with children, friends, lovers, parents. Understanding the mechanisms of communication allows you to simplify communication, and therefore life itself.