How to work on self-confidence. The rise and fall of self-esteem

Before we dive headlong into building true self-confidence, let's take a step back and try to understand what confidence is.

Confidence is knowing that what you own will eventually become what you want and make you happier. This is a necessary condition for an idea to become an action.

Confidence is the ability to believe in yourself when a big deal is coming up, raise your hand when an interesting project comes up, or speak at a conference (and without any excitement!). Confidence is not a 100% guarantee that everything will always work out, but it helps you get out of your comfort zone, push your boundaries and set the course for success.

Statistics confirm that success has more to do with confidence than competence. So, here are five steps to self-confidence.

1. Play confident

As strange as it may sound, but to learn to be truly confident, at first you can imitate confidence. In the wild, some animals pretend to be brave in the face of danger. Pretend you too.

Self-hypnosis doesn't work. Our brain analyzes and compares our expectations with our experience and real life situation. If these two aspects do not match, the brain gets out of control and you begin to experience stress. Anxiety and negative thoughts appear, due to which all self-confidence disappears. So how can we be?

Better prepare for an exciting situation, rehearse in front of a mirror (pay attention to both tone of voice and facial expressions) and look at others positively, enjoy communicating with them. This will give the brain “reason enough” to believe that our positive attitude corresponds to a favorable external situation, and confidence will appear by itself.

2. Remember that you expect more from yourself than others from you.

The good news is that the whole world will believe what you show. Thank God, no one can read your mind, know about fears and anxiety.

The bad news: you can misinterpret any sideways glance, any random word, any reaction of people to your actions, and then worry about this (far-fetched) reason.

In this case, psychologists recommend listening to your inner voice (do not be scared ahead of time, no one is going to persuade you to engage in self-hypnosis). Do a little experiment: for one week, write down what thoughts are spinning in your head (exact wording) when you lack self-confidence.

By simply recording and analyzing your inner dialogue, you will be one step closer to reducing and hopefully eliminating such thoughts entirely.

In addition, it is useful to write down and keep at hand a list of your achievements, experiences, events that made you feel significant, confident, understand that your actions are beneficial.

Every time your inner voice gets out of hand, take a three-minute break, pick up a list, and remind yourself how good you can be. Present your brain with tangible evidence when you need extra reassurance.

3. Keep track of your physical condition

I understand it's a cliché to say that you need to take care of your health, but this cliché didn't appear out of nowhere. Have you ever wondered why, without exception, all successful leaders regularly go in for sports? If you overwork, eat fast food, sleep little, and lead a predominantly sedentary lifestyle, it becomes harder to show the world the best version of yourself.

You don't have to train until you drop for hours a day: a 30-minute walk from work to home or climbing the stairs to the 10th floor can be enough to release endorphins. Start with small changes in your habitual way of life, gradually get used to them.

Difficulties and, accordingly, stress must be added to your life in very small portions. You need to circle yourself around your finger so that both physical and mental health are in balance.

4. Increase returns, change your internal dialogue

Do you know why most people's communication skills leave a lot to be desired? Because they are in their own thoughts. Instead of focusing on their interlocutor and demonstrating their disposition, they think how not to blurt out nonsense and what would be so smart to say next. The main reason for this behavior: they are poorly prepared.

It's almost impossible to be truly confident if you haven't prepared enough to show your best side. Think about the people you are talking to. What do they really want? What's stopping them? How can you help them?

If you focus on helping your interlocutor, you will get rid of anxiety and get the same genuine interest in response.

This method is worth using to promote your services or if you want to impress at any event.

Spend time researching materials on the topic and your audience. Every hour spent on this activity will bring a disproportionate result. And what happens when you get a positive response? You guessed it - you'll gain lasting, genuine self-confidence.

5. Fail fast, fail often

A terrifying word that paralyzes even outstanding people and prevents them from achieving success - failure. It especially haunts those who are perfectionists by nature and are chronically afraid of doing something wrong.

But failures in our life happen, it's just inevitable. In fact, if you are not mistaken, then you are not learning anything new. Remember Ramit Seti's saying more often: "It's not a failure - it's a test."

You're just checking that it won't work. And when you know this, you can move on and find ways that will lead to the desired result.

And most importantly: once you come to your senses after another "failure", you realize that you do not feel empty. After all, it is this experience that helps you face your fears and achieve your goals in the future.

How difficult and long way you need to walk in order to educate and grow it in yourself?

I wonder how faith in one's own strength and trust in one's own personality begins? Your opinion?

It turns out that confident behavior is the result of confident thinking. How a person presents himself, so he looks. And he acts on the basis of internal attitudes, ideas about himself.

How to become confident?

You can start with the simplest thing - to portray a confident person in any life situations. In the supermarket, in the pool, on the street, among colleagues, in the subway. Here the well-known law of the transition of quantity into qualitative changes will work. You will show more, with each action you will become more confident. Step, one more, next. And the process has begun! With every step better, more natural, more persistent.

So you can outsmart your thinking, fixated on patterns. You can easily and unobtrusively rebuild, imagining yourself as an actor who selflessly and talentedly plays a role. You decide when to release the actor on stage, when to turn the "switch" to turn it off. You are in complete control of the situation. We decided that at the party you will be embarrassed - there will be strangers there, so go ahead. Feel good! With all my might! Tired? Flip the "switch" - choose confident behavior, communicate on an equal footing, with dignity and self-respect.

How to look confident?

Absolutely in the history of your life there were moments when you were a confident person.

Remember them.

Perhaps in childhood, when you helped your little sister fasten her sandals, or at school, when you recited a learned poem with pleasure. Or in your youth, when you won in sports.

Or in situations where you were among close and dear people, when you spoke to an audience or talked with some person.

Reproduce in your memory the intonations, how you spoke, how you breathed, how you moved, how you gesticulated, what position were you in? How did the voice sound, what did the face express, what were the sensations?

Now, in order to “turn on” a confident person in yourself, repeat all this, copy the posture, pace and volume of speech, gestures - enter the desired state. There is no need to invent anything, you have already been in this place - in the body, you were such a person, now you remember this and make it your natural state.

When you are self-confident, others perceive your dignity, self-confidence, self-respect. And they strengthen you even more in these feelings.

1. Space. A confident person settles well in space. Fully occupy the proposed chair or armchair, lean back, use the armrests. Make broad gestures, on a grand scale, expanding your area of ​​​​influence. Differ from the insecure one, who, on the contrary, tends to shrink, shrink, take up as little space as possible, sit on the edge of a chair, limit himself to mean gestures.
2. No fuss. Is there a model of a confident person for you? Who is this? Margaret Thatcher? Angelina Jolie? Ivan Urgant? Sylvester Stallone? Or someone else? Imagine your ideal, which nervously bounces in a chair, fidgets, intensely fiddling with a tie, pounding a drum roll with his fingers on the table. Yes, it's hard to imagine. Confidence is incompatible with vanity. Take her away.
3. Straight posture. In any position, standing and sitting, maintain an even posture. It allows you to radiate confidence, feel it and look like a confident person. Practice: chest forward, shoulders back, keep your head level in a horizontal and vertical plane. Imagine that a string comes out of your crown and pulls you into the sky. Remember this posture and merge with it.
4. The pace of speech. When someone chatters, speaks quickly, it is difficult for him to be confident and independent. A confident person speaks with feeling, with sense, with an arrangement, without tension. He knows that he will not be interrupted, he will be allowed to speak. The pace of speech is average, smooth. Take it as a rule, the more you worry, get nervous, the slower and calmer you speak, pause. Speak as if you are communicating with a child and it is important for you that he understands you.
5. Me, me and me again. Speak in the first person. Use phrases: I think, I think, I decided, I found out, I support, I disagree, I think differently. Feel free to express exactly your opinion, do not hide behind the streamlined and impersonal “we”, “all”, “joint decision”, “everyone”. Avoid excuses!
6. Eye contact. A confident person shifts the focus from themselves to others. He is not fixated on himself, he is interested in the interlocutor and the world around him. Therefore, a direct open look is very important and helps to be confident, makes people understand your interest. In communication, you connect not only your hearing, but also an additional channel of perception, “listen with your eyes”, perceive and understand the interlocutor more clearly.
7. Dignity. Take the example of the king of beasts, the lion. What plasticity, strength and power he has in his movements. Slowly, with dignity, confidently, elegantly. To be more confident, slow down your movements. Move like a king. Your movements should be smooth, meaningful, thoughtful, unhurried.
8. Acceptance of yourself and others. Be calm, friendly and benevolent, even if the interlocutor does not agree with you or you with him. Believe in yourself, in your point of view. Yours doesn't make people think the same way you do. Yours is to be respected.
9. Gesture of a confident person - spire gesture. The fingertips of one hand touch the tips of the other hand at an acute angle, forming a spire. This is a signal of confidence and calmness. Use it as an additional way to confidently behave.
10. Don't try to please everyone. You need to be good, first of all, for yourself. Your confidence should not depend on how, when and how they evaluate and accept you.
11. Pauses. Insecure people are afraid of silence, they are afraid of silence and quickly break it. You do not need to "get out of your skin" to fill every second, albeit meaningless, but chatter. Pause before answering. small. One or two seconds. Think about what you heard, what the interlocutor wanted to convey to you. This will give you confidence and help you master the situation in communication.
12. Laughter. Don't giggle. You are not in the circus. Giggling is a sign of insecurity and instability. Appreciate good jokes: smile or laugh quietly.
13. Nodding disease. If you listen to the interlocutor and agree with him, you do not need to continuously nod your head - you are not a "Chinese dummy". You are a serious, confident person. A couple of head tilts in agreement are sufficient.
14. Secret and obvious. Being in any situation: in or with people, in the rays of the sun or in the dark - do not do what you will be ashamed of in front of you. Act in accordance with your principles, do not prevaricate, and she will reward you with the foundation of the foundations on which self-confidence and high self-confidence will be kept.
15. I don't know and I'm not afraid. If you want to be trusted, never be afraid to admit that you don't know something. “I have not yet faced such a challenge. Right now I don't have an answer to that question." It is impossible to know everything. Realize this and speak boldly about what you do not know. This will help you further build your confidence.

Friends, everyone has absolutely everything they need in order to be sure, starting today, from this moment. You do not need to read additional literature for this, make an appointment with a psychologist, or undergo trainings. Just decide to be the confident person, flip the switch and turn on the new personality. Good luck!

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Any person, even if he has professional skills, needs confidence. It is determined by subjective self-esteem, beliefs, psycho-emotional state, inner mood. Self-confident people can articulate their thoughts clearly and be a good conversationalist.

But sometimes we cannot adequately assess our skills, doubting ourselves. You need to be confident in different aspects of your life - in your endeavors, in your talents, in your skills, in your ability to communicate. This article will give tips to eliminate self-doubt, develop confidence in communication and in your qualities.

1. Do not try to get rid of doubts.

Any person who starts something new has to struggle with doubts. Will he succeed? Will his labor be in vain? It is worth recalling the phrase of Hesse, who said that faith and doubt are inextricably linked with each other, causing one to one. This means that uncertainty is a natural thing that is bound to be at the beginning of any project. And do not try to run away from this, there is nothing wrong with doubts. So you should not allow them, but just go about your business, not listening to interfering inner voices. Doubt is an emotion that is not connected to reality. If you make every effort, then indecision will dissipate.

2 . Know the moments when faith goes away.

It is worth highlighting situations when doubts torment. It could be moments of falling asleep. Then you can already get used to it and treat it condescendingly. And if you can’t completely ignore the inner voice, you can always make an allowance for the emotional state that is usual for such a situation. If there is a certain pattern, then the price of such doubts will decrease. And, on the contrary, it is necessary to catch moments of self-confidence, focusing on them. In this state, it is worth thinking about a subject that is in doubt. On a wave of vivacity and strength, it will be easier to decide on something.

3.Know your strengths.

At the moment of frustration, just one careless comment from the outside can damage confidence in the action being taken. Unfortunately, people overestimate the significance of the current moment, immediately transferring it to the global perception of life. The realization that they are not capable of anything leads to the thought that this has always been the case. Both previous successes and strengths are forgotten. At such moments, you should not give in to the mood, but you should try to really evaluate yourself. There is a lot of what a person can do and what he has already achieved. Facts will help to return an adequate view of reality. And it is on them that you should rely, and not on momentary emotions and doubts.

4. Do not listen to those who talk about the hopelessness of the case.

When there is doubt about the success of a business, one always wants to consult with family and friends. Where else can you find support? But it happens that, on the contrary, they warn of the hopelessness of the event. Some people just think about their psychological comfort, and not about the personal happiness of another. But are there really so few insecure people? And are there only winners around? Many are simply afraid to go on an independent voyage, they believe that others, for the same reason, are unable to succeed. These people are waiting for your failure, because luck will be their reproach. Can an employee give good advice about starting a business? That is why it is worth taking advice not from everyone in a row, but from those who have really achieved success in the right area. It is from them that one should take an example.

5. In moments of doubt, imagine yourself perfect.

Our insecurities sometimes try to present themselves as common sense. We believe that we are incapable of some act for some objective reason. So, a guy is afraid to meet a girl, considering himself ugly, stupid, knowing that she already has someone. In fact, all these are traits of insecurity. You need to form an image of your ideal self in your head. He is not afraid of anything and is always confident in himself. How would our ideal clone act in a critical situation? Would he back down? But you should not rush headlong to repeat all the actions after him, we are not ideal. You just need to realize that we differ only in fears and doubts, and it is they that do not allow us to act. Then the problem will immediately cease to be as complicated as it seemed. And now it will be much easier to decide on the action.

6. Remember that everything depends only on ourselves.

In moments when you are tormented by doubts, you need to understand that everything depends only on you. It is we who determine the success of the business. If you show diligence, then everything will certainly work out. And if not, then no one bothers to try again. Each of us is free to manifest our innate qualities, which will help us get what we want from life. More depends on our will than we usually think. And we must stop seeing obstacles everywhere. The road will be mastered by the walking one!

7. Drop the paranoia.

Sometimes it seems that everyone around us is closely watching us, noticing flaws, mistakes, memorizing words. In fact, everyone is obsessed with their own problems. People think about themselves, even pretending to listen to others. That is why paranoia is unnecessary. Do not be afraid to communicate or speak in public. And we are clearly not in the center of the universe, so that everyone only thinks about us.

8. Listen to others.

If we learn to focus our attention on someone other than ourselves, then our mind will not have time to be tormented by doubts. Why not listen to outsiders instead of worrying only about yourself? So it will be possible not only to distract from your fears, but also to look more closely at others, noticing something new in them.

9. Get rid of perfectionism.

It is important to understand that no one is perfect, including us. And it's worth accepting. Based on this, it is worth stopping painfully reacting to your failures. And yet they are trying to undermine self-confidence. So, understanding your wrong step or words, you just need to draw conclusions from this and not repeat mistakes in the future. It will be much more productive than reproaching yourself for mistakes.

10. Don't be afraid of people.

We are surrounded by people, each of which has its own weaknesses and shortcomings. They can, however, appear extremely self-confident. We should not assume that there are only professionals around us. Rather, on the contrary, there are much more insecure and self-doubting people. They just hide it better. And there is no need to be afraid of people, especially if they cannot harm us. Our bosses, colleagues, women and men are just like us.

11. No need to seem better than you are.

In trying to convince others that we are the smartest and the best, it is important not to overdo it. After all, this will be the best evidence of self-doubt. When we do not feel our strength, we try to convince others of their presence. So ostentatious boasting, vanity, assertiveness in communication can tell about internal doubts and insecurities. That is why you should not try to look better than you really are. To start persuasion is with yourself. And for other people, we must seem exactly who we are.

12. Don't be overly modest.

In moderation, modesty adorns people. And if you can’t seem better than you are, then you shouldn’t underestimate your capabilities either. If you are asked about your strengths in an interview, why not confidently talk about them? If a person boldly speaks about his best qualities, then this indicates his self-confidence. This is noted from the outside, flowing into confidence in the person himself. Since we have no doubts when talking about merits, it means that there is no reason to look for flaws. If our qualities are appreciated by others, then we should not be embarrassed by receiving compliments. After all, we really deserve it. I just need to thank you for your kind words.

13. Show confidence.

And although we have already talked about how important it is to be yourself, in some situations it is worth feigning confidence when feeling its lack. First of all, it's just beneficial, it creates a positive image. Self-confident people are more loved and trusted. And even with the illusion of such a feeling, part of it nevertheless passes to us. Often our insecurity is an emotion that interferes with the manifestation of real qualities. But you can not go on about the feelings, but take them under control.

14. Maintain goodwill.

It is easy to smile more, to be interested in the problems of others and to cheer them up. This will help win over interlocutors. And when they are predisposed to you, then it will be easier to maintain confidence in yourself.

15. Be sincere.

It is important to be open about your views and share your thoughts. This will help you not to withdraw into yourself. But at the same time, it is worth assessing the situation, will such an approach not violate the comfort of other people? Being insecure, we constantly do not speak out, keeping something inside. But this does not help to gain confidence, but only takes it away. Self-development makes us open, for close people we should always be sincere. You can safely talk about your views, and if they are erroneous, then why not change them under the influence of reasonable criticism and arguments? It's so interesting - to discuss various topics, to expand your horizons. Speaking your thoughts out loud and presenting them to the judgment of others, you have to cast aside all doubts. This fosters self-confidence, because we put ourselves to the test of criticism and someone else's point of view. Such factors strengthen faith. And you should not expect the first step from someone, sometimes you can take it yourself, if the circumstances favor it. Sincere dialogue will sweep away all barriers. And if we are frank with a person, then he will answer us the same. And when we realize that we have been opened, it will give confidence.

16. Attention to external data.

Do not forget that they are greeted by clothes. But the mind, charisma and charm are also important, playing an even greater role.

17. You can't be shy.

You need to learn to speak clearly, while looking into the eyes of the interlocutors and not waving your arms. Do not wrinkle your fingers, pick your lips, pull sounds. It is worth learning to take care of yourself and your body, hone your communication skills. Sooner or later, there will be no trace of timidity. Then the thoughts that prevent you from deciding on something important will disappear from your head. With them, internal barriers will also melt.

18. Help people.

In the case of assistance, it will not go unnoticed. Our experience, skills and knowledge will be valued. And then they will certainly answer us, if not with support, then with gratitude, believing in us. This is a good foundation for gaining confidence.

19. Do not look for a problem only in yourself.

Yes, often you need to be able to take responsibility for yourself, and not shift it to others. But this rule requires care. Sometimes we are not understood and not supported, but not through our fault. Others may be to blame. Someone, in principle, is not capable of understanding and is not ready to make contact, others with laughter perceive all other people's ideas, asserting themselves. And someone is embittered at the whole world, criticizing everyone and everything. It is worth accepting this and stop blaming ourselves for what happens through no fault of ours.

Have you made a bad impression? So what? What will be next? Is it so important what people think about you, whom you see for the first time and with whom, most likely, you will not have contacts? Are there any fears that a girl will refuse to go on a date? If this happens, then life will not stop. So why be afraid of it? Do you have fear of your boss? But what can he do, because this is the same person with his own burden of responsibility. Children in the garden are also afraid of their teachers, you should not imitate them. In our life there are many reasons for fear - interviews, talking about salary. Let people think what they want, we have our own goals. Some fear must not stand in our way. If we ask ourselves the question "what's next" every time we are frightened and doubtful, then we will understand that many situations do not deserve to worry about them. Some people are quite harmless, so why be embarrassed because of your fears?

21. Stick to your opinion.

There are things about which it is necessary to maintain an unshakable position and firm views. And here it is impossible to rush to agree with everyone. It's not about blind stubbornness. An aggressive, assertive defense of one's judgments will also be a mistake. This suggests that there is a certain deliberate position that a random opinion cannot shake. Words and actions must be based on such principles. And that confidence will help you do your business.

22. Learn from life itself.

It's not hard to find a few seminars and courses that will help build your confidence. But why pay if reality itself gives many reasons to develop such qualities in oneself? We will be taught to behave on the example of artificial situations. Confidence is necessary for life, so it is worth learning from it. To do this, you need to communicate more, get to know interesting people. The advice received should be put into practice, observing yourself and realizing at what moments uncertainty manifests itself. Then you should think about why this is happening and what to do about it next. Going to interviews will be a good lesson, they will become free business communication classes.

23. Develop yourself.

It is difficult to believe in your qualities if they are poorly developed. In order to be aware of one's own forces, one must have them really present. An important part of confidence is self-perception and emotional attitude. But this alone is not enough. An increase in faith must certainly go along with self-development, then something will appear in a person on which the awareness of possibilities will be based. To do this, you need to improve your personal qualities. Reading specialized blogs, fiction and educational literature will help develop willpower and self-control. It is worth thinking about improving professional skills, realizing your ultimate goal and following it. It is always worth striving to find something new in this world and learn. And with the acquisition of new skills, self-confidence will also increase. How can you doubt something that has been given so much time and that it turns out better than others?

24. Accept your flaws.

In addition to knowing your strengths, you should not forget about your shortcomings. And this is important, because a calm and thoughtful attitude will help you understand what needs to be worked on. And you should not focus on this, on the fact that you can’t do anything. Why not think about what you still know how, but there are some drawbacks. This will highlight qualities that can be improved, some may turn out to be unnecessary, and nothing can be done about something at all. But that's okay - you can't be perfect. You can simply make a list of what is bad in life, and then think about all the points. And these shortcomings are not a given and a constant, but something that can be worked on. With effort, everything can change. If you believe that all qualities can be developed (and this is true) and strive for this, then you can avoid life situations in which uncertainty will manifest itself. Those who have difficulty communicating can be advised to talk more with people. If there is a fear of public speaking, there is only one way to learn it. We must not be afraid, but move forward.

25. Do not wait for the arrival of confidence, but begin to act.

This tip is both last and most important. There is no need to wait for the moment until fear and uncertainty leave the soul. So you can spend your whole life without starting to do anything. It must be understood that fears will not go away, they, as already mentioned, accompany any business. And you can’t become self-confident until you start to step over complexes and tightness. Contrary to them, you need to deal with anxiety. And our goal is not to get rid of fear, but to control it. And the stronger it is, the easier it will ultimately be. Don't wait until it gets easy. Life will temper us and make our character really strong.

Self-doubt not only interferes with setting and achieving desired goals in life, building interpersonal relationships, but is also an unpleasant emotional experience. Insecure people often dream not so much of gaining faith in themselves in order to achieve more in life, but to get rid of the painful sense of their own inadequacy that arises from failure or social contacts.

Self-confidence is a concept in psychology that describes an emotional state or a stable personal quality, the essence of which is the acceptance of one's individuality, a positive assessment of one's abilities, skills and rights. Confidence is in psychology the ability to allow oneself to have certain requests and the absence of fear or guilt when presenting them to the environment, initiative and courage in social contacts.

From the point of view of psychology, confidence is the norm, a sign of a healthy, harmonious personality. This is a quality that every person should strive for when engaging in self-development. Self-confidence must be distinguished from self-confidence (confidence in the absence of negative qualities in oneself, arrogance, a tendency to treat others with disdain).

Characteristic features of a self-confident person are the following skills.

1. Playfulness, a tendency to improvise, open and spontaneous self-expression.
2. The ability to admit their mistakes, but without self-abasement and self-blame.
3. Calm perception of both claims and compliments addressed to you.
4. The ability to discuss, directly and honestly express one's own opinion, even if it is unpopular in society.
5. The ability to repeat a request, a question, to remind another person of the promise he made. Willingness to protect their interests and rights.

For an insecure person, the presentation of their point of view, achievements, needs, desires is accompanied by a mass of negative experiences (fear, embarrassment, shame, guilt). The more insecure a person is, the more difficult it is for him to take active steps to achieve his goals, to make independent decisions. Too much energy is wasted on worry and doubt. A confident person is not afraid of possible failures and is not unsettled for a long time.

How to become a confident woman: the psychology of an excellent student

The complex of an excellent student, also known as perfectionism, is the problem of most insecure women. A “good” girl still lives inside them, who is obliged to bring home only fives. A girl who was let go for a walk in a white dress, and she returned home in the evening without a single spot. Such women simply do not give themselves the right to make a mistake or an imperfect result. After all, this is no longer an “excellent” rating. As a result, any unimportant business becomes very energy-consuming, and the presence of even minor flaws in the completed project is accompanied by an acute experience of guilt and shame.

Women with an honors complex are very easy to manipulate. The bosses often put the most difficult work on them and ask more from them than from other employees. Although financially encourages in no way, realizing that hypertrophied responsibility will do its job.

This inner little excellent student has tremendous power over consciousness. It is her voice that discourages you from trying something new, because for sure you will not be able to achieve perfection in an unfamiliar business with a swoop. So why try? It is this little monster with bows that forbids you to enjoy life and makes you feel unworthy of anything good, until you lose weight, get a promotion, and make others happy.

To regain self-confidence, you need to know the enemy in person. Mentally imagine this girl with a straight posture, neat pigtails, perfect handwriting and dolls seated in height, before your eyes, every time it starts And give her a good mental kick. Never allow yourself statements like “stupid”, “bad”, “not capable of anything”, “fool”, “lazy”. Think about it, would you say something similar to your best friend or child? In case of failure, you should not torment yourself with accusations, but above all support.

How to become a strong and self-confident woman: the psychology of stereotypes

Gender stereotypes that still exist in our society contribute to the maintenance of gender inequality. And many of them serve a disservice to women who dream of social fulfillment.

A strong influence on the formation and maintenance of gender stereotypes is provided by the media, in particular the film industry, literature and video games, where women and men are portrayed in an exaggerated stereotype. Traditionally, men are credited with such qualities as initiative, activity, enterprise, talent for the exact sciences, they are given the right to express aggression, competitive behavior. A "real woman" should be soft, tender, fragile, delicate, emotional, family-oriented and devoid of career ambitions. If such characteristics do not correspond to the woman's sense of self, then the pressure of society becomes a real source of stress and the cause of the formation of self-doubt.

The majority is convinced of the naturalness and naturalness of gender roles accepted in society. However, in reality, there is a diversity of ideas about gender depending on the culture and era in question. Moreover, gender stereotypes do not reflect the real statistics of the wide involvement of women in professional activities in modern society at all levels. For example, the creator of the first programming language was a woman - Ada Lovelace.

The boss criticized, the girl refused? What does it mean? You will never succeed, no one can love you? When you fail, ask yourself: what of it? The answer to this question will help to reveal your complexes and false ideas about life.

Create a positive self image

Self-confidence is greatly influenced by the established image of one's personality. By identifying themselves with the image of a loser, people unconsciously begin to conform to a negative self-image, failing even in the presence of favorable opportunities. For example, doubting his attractiveness to the opposite sex, a guy begins to behave stiffly or unnaturally when communicating with women. As a result, he pushes them away from himself and receives “irrefutable evidence” that he is nothing interesting.

As soon as you expand your ideas about your personality, external events will confirm your new views of yourself. To achieve this, you can go two ways. Either pump your psyche using various methods of self-hypnosis (), or gradually get rid of the restrictions in your mind. Challenge one false belief after another by looking for or deliberately creating positive situations in your experience.

Describe at least three situations each day that indicate your success (receiving a compliment, thanking a friend, applying for a job). Give as much energy and attention to pleasant memories as to failures. And soon you will feel how the feeling of self-confidence grows and grows stronger in you.

In order for success to accompany you in all your endeavors, you need to become a self-confident person. This important feeling should be instilled by parents in their children. However, many of us do not have self-confidence, so prepare for change - learn to be. Believe in yourself and everything will definitely work out!

How to become self-confident - the procedure

Love your flaws.

After all, do you love people close to you or friends? They also have flaws that you take for granted. So why do you think you are?

The first thing that breeds insecurity is a lack of self-love.

Think about it, what was the impetus for the fact that you decided to become a self-confident person? We lived with this feeling for so many years, and then suddenly everything changed? Some factor has become critical. So decide what you want to achieve with your changes. It is better if you write a list, mentioning the smallest details of the blessings that await you in the future. Hang it in a conspicuous place and read it whenever you can. Awaken in yourself the same feelings that owned you at the time of its compilation.

I can, because I already did.

Have you ever felt confident in your life? Can't be! Think back to a time when you were a confident person. What caused this feeling, what feelings did you have at that moment? Try to remember this moment as often as possible and experience those emotions. Remember in great detail how you did it and how others reacted.

It is worth deciphering some positions.

Don't wear too bright colors. Everything should be in moderation. A woman who only emphasizes facial features looks much more attractive than a painted monkey. Read the recommendations of cosmetologists on the Internet about which oils and traditional medicines to use to look fresh and attract admiring glances.

Are you sure that your new shoes bought at the sale are not fashionable and look cheap? Answer 3 questions:

Do you like them?
Who knows their true value?
Are you comfortable in them?

If you are comfortable in them and think the shoes are cute, never tell anyone that you bought them on sale. Don't answer this question.

If a person feels that his appearance is in order, he is comfortable and comfortable, this is 50% self-confidence.

Straighten your back.

Remember the person who needs to convince the audience that he is right. The first thing you pay attention to is posture. If a person stoops and hunches his back, it is unlikely that he himself believes in what he says. Why should people believe him? Work on your posture. Spread your shoulders back, straighten your back and lift your chin. Walk forward with the look of a man. Not preoccupied, wandering and dragging his feet, but confidently striding towards his goal.

Angrily compressed lips and furrowed eyebrows are not the kind of facial expression that should accompany a confident person. To calm the nervous system and relieve tension from those around you, give a smile to people. No need to bare your teeth every time and show 32 teeth. A fleeting, light smile with the tips of the lips, which looks sincere, is enough.

Don't hide your eyes.

Be sure that a person who looks into the eyes of the interlocutor evokes only pleasant emotions:

Therefore, by showing people your mirror of the soul, you show interest in them and true feelings. And sincerity is something that is valued in a modern person worth its weight in gold.

Language of the body.

Imagine the situation - you are having fun at a party of friends where everyone is having fun, in the corner there is a gloomy guy who crawls his finger on the phone screen with the look of a person who is locked in this terrible place. Do you have a desire to approach this person? Therefore, try to make even your body express the desire to communicate. Do not cross your legs and arms in the company of those people whom you are glad to see. This is taken as a sign that you do not have time for them.

If you think that one in the world is so insecure, you are mistaken! Try to look into the eyes of the person in front of you with a closer look. Averted your eyes? Of course, he's embarrassed. Psychologists recommend such training in transport or on the street. Look people in the eye and wait for them to look away. This is one of those trainings that help a person understand that he is not the only insecure person in the world.

The best in yourself - make a list.

Focus on what you think is best about you:

Intelligence;
Talent for drawing or dancing;
, hair, radiant smile, etc.

Think of all the good things you've heard from people:

Compliments about your appearance;
Admiration for your achievements in work or sports;
Reassurance that you are kind and.

You can really be proud of this and develop your talents further. By working on yourself and improving yourself, you become a self-confident person.

Obstacles.

What is stopping you from becoming a confident person? Find out the reasons and overcome the obstacle. What are the reasons for your insecurity?

If this is a sloppy look, fix the situation, it's good that it's simple.

If inexpensive and unfashionable clothes, learn to look stylish even in simple things. For this, tutorials have been developed on special sites on the Internet.

Do you work in a team where everyone thinks he is a great smart guy, and you are a gray mouse against their background? Be patient, many of these literate people only create the appearance of competence and omniscience.

All people are the same.

It is unlikely that there are people in the world who are always and in everything confident in themselves. Here are some examples that you are not alone in your feeling:

Most likely, you attach too much importance to the fact that they pay a lot of attention to you. Most people are concerned about how they themselves look in the eyes of others. They are simply not up to you;
You are no worse than the rest. Don't aim for. Don't follow everything that others tell you. Don't compete with anyone, be yourself. If you want to win, set realistic goals for yourself and achieve them. This will be your triumph.

One victory is not a victory!

It is not true that you will gain self-confidence overnight, and this will be a one-time victory that will consolidate success once and for all. This is a long, or rather continuous process that requires constant monitoring and work on oneself. Praise yourself for every feat, this stimulates further victories.

Are you sociable today and attracted interest by talking to others? This is victory!

Did you manage to get the admiring glances of your employees? Great!

Walk towards your goal with small steps and the road will become wider and more colorful.

Congenital or acquired?

When you were born into this world, you did not think about what others think of you, how stylish you look and did not worry about feeling useless. All your complexes and tightness are the result of the influence of the social environment. You were forced to live like this and imposed an opinion about what is right and how not. You didn't know what was good and what was bad. At the time of birth, you could not even imagine that stiletto heels are not in trend this season, it is better to wear a platform. It came with time, with the opinion of others. You have been taught that society can judge if someone is too different from the gray mass.

Distance yourself from all those who are trying to influence you. They have no right to impose an opinion on you and evaluate your life. Remember that your opinion and emotions are deeply individual. Something that even those who are close to you should not let in. You are a person who wants to be happy and will definitely come to this.