Margarita Smurova

21.01.2015 | 1165

Communication with the manager is an important part of the work process. Properly established relationships with superiors help in work and promote career growth. How to achieve the necessary mutual understanding?

To build a good relationship with your manager, you need to take into account many aspects. Let's figure it out.

What types of leaders are there?

The boss usually sets the tone and manner of communication. In many ways, communication depends on what type of leader he is.

Autocrat

The main requirement of an autocrat is strict obedience to his orders. The most important priority for him is to achieve the goals he has set himself. When communicating with such a leader, strictly observe subordination and do not show initiative.

Liberal

Business communication of this type of boss involves discussions on work topics. However, the trust he places in his subordinates should not be confused with permissiveness.

A liberal manager listens to the advice of subordinates

Democrat

The democrat considers his subordinates competent and experienced enough to entrust them with solving current problems. He is objective, takes into account everyone’s contribution to the common cause, and encourages initiative. Despite the subordination, he does not isolate himself from his subordinates. It is also appropriate to discuss personal topics with a democrat.

Managers may be different, but subordinates must always observe the ethics of business communication and protect the authority of their boss. Gossiping about the personal qualities of the boss behind his back is strictly prohibited! This reasonable requirement allows you not to damage the reputation of the organization in which you work.

When is the best time to contact your manager?

If you need to discuss an urgent work issue with your boss, do not delay the conversation. This is especially true in cases where a decision needs to be made as soon as possible.

The situation is completely different if you want to talk about a topic that concerns you personally. For example, ask for a salary increase. You need to be well prepared for such a conversation and, of course, choose the right moment for it.

You should not ask your boss for anything if the financial situation in the company is unfavorable. After all, a positive decision requires not only desire, but also opportunity. By the way, a good argument in your favor will be your personal participation in improving the situation.

It’s good if you can prepare just such a justification for your increase. Then it would be logical to schedule a conversation with the manager for Friday. Over the weekend, he will be able to think carefully about the arguments you have made.

If you have done something wrong and the boss himself is the initiator of communication with you, there is nothing to do, you need to go when they call you “on the carpet.” Try to be convincing when you have to make excuses.

What to wear for a scheduled conversation with your boss?

If you have planned a conversation with your manager in advance, you should think about how you would like to appear before him. For a business conversation, you need to look as professional and serious as possible.

A business suit is ideal for a meeting with the boss

• Costume. Give preference to a business suit in a neutral color. Don't wear sheer, romantic blouses or intricate, colorful dresses with a breathtaking neckline. Let's leave such outfits for more appropriate occasions.
• Shoes. Choose closed shoes, the colors of which are in harmony with the suit, with low or medium heels.
• Accessories. Gold watches and diamond jewelry do not correspond to the image of a modest and hardworking employee.

There is one more point that you should pay attention to: you must have well-groomed and neat hands, no bright red nails. It is recommended to have a fresh manicure and makeup in pastel colors.

Important nuances in communicating with your manager

There are no trifles in matters of communication between managers and subordinates. And some nuances require close attention.

• Tone. Keep yourself in control in any situation. The boss can afford to lose his temper, but you cannot, unless you are ready to quit right now.
• Arguments. Don’t drive your boss into a corner: he still won’t admit he was wrong, but he will remember his unpleasant emotions from talking to you.
• Gestures. Avoid crossed arms and other “closed” positions. Mutual understanding is facilitated by mirroring (copying) gestures, but this is a topic for another discussion.
• Pose. Sitting on the edge of a chair betrays uncertainty. Sit naturally, but not loosely.

Remember that the outcome of the conversation often depends on how much you control yourself.

There are different types of bosses. If your boss is a wonderful person, fair, smart, and not without a sense of humor, you are very lucky. But what about those whose boss is not a gift? There are bosses who are stupid, cunning, angry, and irritable. And there are also real tyrants who decided that their position allows them to humiliate the human dignity of people who to some extent depend on them. How can you be smarter than your boss enough to not let him make your life miserable without losing your job? You should not be afraid of furious bosses who, at every opportunity, splutter and call their subordinates the last words. You just need to be able to communicate with them, while keeping your interests in mind. Psychologists have developed behavioral strategies specifically for such cases. If you don’t want to kiss your boss’s back, you definitely need to read this material.

Video secrets of building relationships with your boss

Putting the raging boss in his place

The most unpleasant situation at work is to become an object of neglect or humiliation. The reasons may be different - you came in a skirt that was too short, you were accidentally late, you did not understand the task that was given to you. A common situation is that you made a mistake. And your boss, having discovered this, informs you in an extremely rude manner that you should not have acted this way, and in general, you as an employee are of no use. At the same time, all past “sins” are recalled. Many bosses reprimand subordinates in a rather insulting manner, often doing this in front of witnesses. They see this as an opportunity to once again show their superiority. Such bosses love to focus attention on the employee’s mistakes, humiliating him as a person.

How to become smarter than the boss

Method one: lose your job

The first thing that comes to mind is to answer the boss in the same spirit, declare that you are not on the same path with him and leave the office with your head held high. It's beautiful, you can't argue with that. On the way to the labor exchange, you will amuse your pride, remembering how you told him EVERYTHING. Unfortunately, a less pleasant outcome of events is also possible. If the showdown with the boss goes too far, his security may take charge of you, and you will not leave the office on your own, but simply fly out. Together with things, or maybe without them. If you need a job, this method of being smarter than your boss is absolutely not suitable for you. And will you be smarter if you do this? The question is controversial.

You shouldn’t answer your boss in the style of “that’s how you are.” Even if you feel the strength to correctly explain that the boss has no right to point out your mistakes, since he himself makes mistakes, is late, etc. The result will most likely be the same - you will lose your job.

Method two: sprinkle ashes on your head

This method is a little better than the previous one - you won’t lose your job. You should tear your shirt off, repeating that you will not make such a mistake again, humbly apologize, and your boss will most likely change his anger to mercy and grant you forgiveness. One thing is bad: this method is not suitable for everyone. It is quite possible that you have your own dignity, in which case after such an incident you will be left with the feeling that your feet have been wiped all over you. In addition, you acknowledge your own insignificance, accepting humiliation addressed to you. And if other employees were present, you risk losing not only your self-respect, but also the respect of your colleagues, who will very soon stop taking you into account. After all, the team follows the boss, like a flock follows the leader - our ancient ancestors knew about this.

Method three: constructive solution

Firstly, you should not answer your boss right away. Let him speak and let off his steam. Then he will be able to listen to you. Admit that you made a mistake, you regret it and you will be more careful next time. Next, add that your boss speaks to you in a rather harsh tone, and you do not see the need for this. And remember that it is better to sort things out confidentially.

You shouldn’t give an ultimatum like “I’ll quit your office altogether if you allow yourself to speak in that tone again.” As a rule, bosses cannot tolerate this. And you can write a letter of resignation without warning. Simply and without irritation in your voice, say that this style of treatment is preventing you from concentrating on your job responsibilities.

But even in this case, there is a risk of dismissal if you come across a psychopathic boss who does not tolerate any manifestations of self-respect on the part of his subordinates. Such people need a different approach.

Don't show mental superiority

There is an office saying: never show yourself to be smarter than your boss - you will be known as a sage. Indeed, smart is not the one who demonstrates this at every step, but the one who knows how to show his potential in the right place and at the right time. And the boss’s office is not the place where you should show your superiority.

Most people don't like those who are smarter. The situation is aggravated if the first is a boss and the second is an ordinary employee. If you flaunt your deep knowledge, you will be considered an upstart. And this will greatly prevent you from moving up the career ladder. Of course, there are also very smart managers who encourage the growth of professionalism of their employees and value their knowledge and skills. If you have just such a boss, you are lucky, but then you would not be interested in this issue and would not end up on this page.

How to communicate with your boss correctly

Elena Kaspirkevich

Subordination is a delicate matter. On the one hand, the boss is the same person as you - two arms, two legs; on the other hand, your fate directly depends on his will.

To build a normal business relationship with your boss, rely on several golden principles. Here they are.

We are not slaves, we are not slaves

Maintain your self-esteem under all circumstances. Serfdom was abolished a long time ago, and we all work not for masters, but for ourselves.

The employer understands this very well. Moreover, any director (unless, of course, he is a dinosaur from the times of the command economy) deep down in his soul wants to see proactive specialists next to him. Managing a modern, dynamic company with obedient puppets is simply unrealistic.

Don't be afraid to object if you have reason to doubt your boss' decisions. Yes, perhaps objections will anger him (power corrupts everyone to one degree or another), but then he will cool down and appreciate your directness.

You haven't had a drink yet at Brudershaft

Having felt the trusting intonations in the boss’s voice, do not rush to portray yourself as a shirtless guy or a broken woman. You don’t need to be the first to get on a first-name basis with your manager, slap him on the shoulder in a friendly manner, make eyes at him or tell him dirty jokes when meeting him in the office corridor.

Even a very democratically minded boss will consider such an attitude to be suspicious familiarity. Maybe one day you will truly become friends, but this will take a long time and special circumstances.

Let's say more: somewhat detached communication is most convenient for you. This way you won’t look like a sycophant in the eyes of colleagues of equal rank.

At first, always address your boss by his first and last name. If he himself sets the European style of address (that is, he calls you by your full name, but with “you”), you have the right to call him in the same spirit. However, we emphasize that the last assumption is relevant only with a slight difference in age.

In any case, knock on the director's door before entering.

Deeds are more important than words

Beware of bragging about past achievements to your boss or making abstract promises. Verbosity will in no way make you look better. It is possible to earn trust only through a responsible attitude towards new work.

Show attention, interest, and competence frequently.

Don't allow yourself to look at your smartphone screen during meetings or get carried away by tea parties. Don’t be late, don’t delay solving the tasks you agreed to take on.

No gossip behind your back

In almost every team there are people who are inclined to pick the boss’s bones.

Learn to avoid such conversations - sometimes they are started on purpose.

However, there is no need to join the gossipers, even if they scratch their tongues sincerely, at the call of the soul. People feel when someone is discussing them behind their back. Your boss is no exception; he will guess everything and will not pat you on the head for ridicule.

Form your impression of the director not according to the words of your colleagues, but according to your own impartial observations. They will be especially indicative in some conflict situations, the development of which is convenient to monitor from the outside.

I am often asked: “how to talk to my boss so that I can be understood”? Or: “how to talk to the boss so that he raises my salary”? Indeed, have you noticed that when your bosses give you and me some kind of overtime task at work, they do it easily and freely, but when it’s our turn, we are timid and often it becomes very difficult for us, and sometimes Is it completely impossible to defend your rights? So why can’t you and I talk to our superiors “on an equal footing” when we really need it?

The thing is that my boss and I speak “different languages.” What does it mean? I'll try to explain...

The higher position a person occupies on the social ladder (this applies, first of all, to how he is used to earning money) - the more strongly this affects his manner of behavior in society with other people. It is unlikely that I will discover America by saying that even if we dress a janitor and an entrepreneur in the same clothes, it will be enough for us to exchange a couple of phrases with them to understand “who is who” (who is who). And the point here is not at all in the amount of money, but in the ability to think and perceive the surrounding reality. Each of these people will have their own reality, and the reality of a janitor will be very different from the reality of an entrepreneur.

Of course, the above example is highly exaggerated, but it reflects the essence of things. Your boss is, first of all, a person accustomed to making decisions. Despite the fact that he, like you, is employed, his responsibilities include making a little more decisions than you are used to making in your line of duty. And there is nothing scary or shameful about this, because if, for example, you like your profession and you fully realize yourself through it, then you don’t need any decision-making.

At first glance, it may seem that the work of a secretary does not require much effort. Sit in the reception area, answer calls, type and print various documents, prepare tea for your boss... But the duties of a secretary are by no means limited to these simple things. In fact, he has a very important task: he organizes the manager’s time and draws up his work schedule. And you already know how important it is to plan your time correctly.

Thus, the activity of the manager’s personal secretary plays an important role in the organization, and, therefore, the secretary is not the last person in the company. A good secretary is always a professional, whom the boss trusts as himself.

In order to discuss any important issues with the manager, it is advisable to first contact the secretary. The next chapter will talk about the importance of communicating with your supervisor as often as possible. In this case, of course, you should not arrange a meeting with him through the secretary every time. But when you need to contact your superiors, it is undesirable to bypass such an important authority as your personal secretary. The fact is that the higher position a person occupies, the more responsibilities he has, and this is no secret to anyone. There are more responsibilities, and, accordingly, less precious time, so it is permissible to disturb him only on serious issues. I don’t doubt for a minute that you turn to your superiors only in those cases when you really have something to say, and that’s wonderful. But, as they say, it’s not written on your forehead, and yet many employees sin by distracting the manager from his work and taking away from him the scarce time that is already strictly scheduled by the minute. For this reason, another important responsibility rests on the shoulders of the personal secretary, which can be described as a barrier. Indeed, often the secretary decides who gets an appointment with the manager and who doesn’t. From here you can draw several useful conclusions for yourself.

First, always immediately introduce yourself, clearly state your name and position in the organization. If you start hesitating or muttering something unintelligible, the secretary may have not very humane thoughts towards you.

Secondly, clearly formulate in advance the purpose of your visit to the manager, since the personal secretary has every right to inquire about this. No improvisations or abstract phrases in this case, as they say, “will work”: after all, you already know that only those employees who know for sure why they are going to his office are allowed to see the boss.

But what to do when you know for sure that you are going to ask for an increase in your salary or job position? Or maybe you want to complain about a colleague who is poisoning your life with her behavior, or even - oh, horror! – to your immediate supervisor? Of course, here I am exaggerating a little, but you, of course, understood the general meaning of my words. The purpose of a visit related to such delicate issues should not be revealed directly to the secretary. For these situations, there is such a streamlined formulation as “on a personal issue.” However, do not abuse these magic words by using them too often, otherwise one day they will simply stop letting you see your boss. Also, get ready for the fact that the manager will most likely not receive you right away regarding personal issues. His secretary will make an appointment for you at a time convenient for the boss. Of course, in situations where it is, as they say, life and death, it is permissible to ask the secretary so that the manager receives you as soon as possible. Just keep in mind that such cases are classified as emergencies, and therefore they should occur extremely rarely.

Thirdly, one cannot fail to mention the so-called human factor. Yes, your boss’s personal secretary is not a robot, but an ordinary person with his own likes and dislikes. Of course, this cannot but affect his attitude towards this or that employee, despite the fact that a true professional always strives for maximum objectivity. It follows that the better the manager’s personal secretary treats you, the more benefits you receive: for example, the secretary will always choose convenient office hours for you, both from the point of view of your time availability and from the point of view of the mood of your management. In the cases you need, he can let you through, as they say, “without a report.” Therefore, treat the secretary with respect; be sure to find out his first name and patronymic (I’ll tell you why this is needed later) and generally try to establish a friendly relationship with him.

A secretary is a person who, due to his duties, communicates a lot with the manager and generally stays with him all the time when he is at his workplace. This means that he has studied the boss’s character and habits well, and such information is of no small importance. For example, a personal secretary may hint to you or even tell you, of course, in confidence, that at the moment it is better not to approach the manager, because he is not in a good mood or has a headache or something like that. In addition, we do not always go to the boss ourselves; it happens that he calls us. Even if the reason for this is unknown to you, if you have a good relationship with his personal secretary, you will not remain in painful uncertainty for long: most likely, the secretary will at least outline the current situation for you. Agree, when you have the opportunity to find out about the manager’s intentions towards you in advance, this is simply wonderful, since you get the opportunity to prepare for everything that may await you “on the carpet”.

Probably, the secretary will not only tell you about the boss’s mood, but will even give you some practical advice on how to behave in this situation, and this will only benefit you.

So rejoice if you and your manager’s personal secretary have developed such a trusting relationship. Be grateful to him and do not forget about signs of attention, even if purely symbolic, such as flowers or candy on holidays. Remember that pleasant little things are actually far from trifles, since they help create a friendly atmosphere in human relationships, and this is very important.

Another fundamental point regarding your relationship with the manager’s personal secretary. His disposition towards you does not yet give you the right to demand from him any additional information beyond what he considers necessary to tell you about. As with any communication, it is important not to cross the boundaries of what is permitted: after all, the work environment does not presuppose close, but official business relationships between people. In the end, the secretary simply does not have the right to disclose some information. Do not perceive your boss's personal secretary as your spy in the enemy's camp. And under no circumstances allow yourself to make statements like “Yes, my boss’s secretary is my own man!” in front of your co-workers. Not only will such words destroy the atmosphere of trust that exists in your relationship with the secretary, you can seriously harm the person. Such behavior of the secretary is not welcomed by the management, and, unfortunately, in any work team there will certainly be gossipers who, out of envy, will not fail to bring these facts to the attention of your boss. Don't become another person's source of trouble! Appreciate what you have, and you will receive a worthy reward, such as respect and trust.

This chapter will talk about how much you need to communicate with your immediate supervisor. Of course, you will communicate with him for some time anyway, regardless of your desire or, conversely, unwillingness. Now I want to talk about how often you should show your initiative in communication, in addition to those cases when the boss gives orders to his subordinates or you report to him on the work done.

So how much do you need to communicate with your manager - a lot or a little? It is difficult to answer this question unambiguously, but I believe that in this situation the principle “The more, the better” in most cases still pays off. Of course, under no circumstances should you be pushy: this will only irritate your boss. Therefore, each time, monitor his reaction to your initiative: if it turns out to be negative, then you should postpone the conversation until next time. Also take into account the personality of your manager, because he can be either a reserved and taciturn person or an open person who loves to talk. Plan your communication with him based on these factors. By the way, about the manager’s trust in you: if you have it, it will not only be much easier for you to present your creative ideas to him, but also to convince him of their benefits for the organization.

A little advice: do not attempt to communicate if you see that your boss is unwell or in a bad mood. In the end, we are all human, we all have days when we don’t want to see anyone, and your manager is no exception in this sense.

Before taking the initiative to make contact, think about whether your manager currently has free time to communicate with you. Don’t forget that his time is worth its weight in gold, and, by the way, yours too.

And yet, why is it worth communicating with your manager as much as possible? Firstly, the advertising effect is at work here. All advertising is based on the following psychological point: people inevitably develop sympathy and trust in what is always in their field of vision. And the more often you communicate with your boss, the more often, accordingly, you are in front of his eyes. Continuing to draw a parallel with advertising, I note that its main goal is to present the advertised item in the most favorable light. And communication with your manager is an excellent opportunity for you to show him all your advantages, abilities and strengths.

Secondly, frequent communication with the manager gives you a chance to get to know his personality well, and I will tell you why this is necessary in the chapter “It is useful to get to know each other better.”

Thirdly, any initiative for contacts coming from you is, first of all, a manifestation of attention to your boss and thereby emphasizing his importance in your eyes. This phrase, which is confusing at first glance, contains a simple meaning: after all, if you want to communicate with a person, it means that his personality and thoughts are interesting to you, and such an opinion from your manager can only benefit you.

Finally, every person holding a management position has achieved certain successes in this life, and you and I have already talked more than once about how important it is to communicate with successful people. In fact, communicating with your boss can be of great benefit to you: you will get the opportunity to learn a lot from him. Of course, to benefit from communication with your boss, you need to talk less and listen more.

So, you have realized the advantages of frequent communication with your boss. Let's now outline the circle of topics for him, since there is nothing worse than meaningless and empty conversations, and besides, you will not achieve anything with them. It is clear that the main part of your communication with your manager should be related to clarifying issues related to work. But here too there are some peculiarities.

Of course, the more often you are interested in the manager’s opinion and ask him for advice, the better, because by doing this you show him how much authority he has in your eyes. Therefore, do not show excessive timidity and do not hesitate to ask your boss questions. By the way, such consultations significantly increase your chances of doing your job better than your other colleagues who do not want to additionally talk with their boss and find out points that are not entirely clear to themselves. Or maybe they are just too lazy to do it. The reasons are not important here, only the end result matters. However, your communication on professional topics should be meaningful, so think not only about quantity, but also about quality.

It will be very nice if your communication with your manager includes subtle and thoughtful compliments. On the pages of this book, we will talk more about what they should be, but for now I will only note how important it is in the process of communication to sincerely admire your boss and show him in every possible way how pleasant it is for you to work under the guidance of such a wise and far-sighted person and an excellent specialist in your area.

And a few more words about compliments addressed to the manager. The so-called compliment-comparison can achieve a great effect, for example: “I (would) spend two hours solving this issue, and you dealt with it in five minutes!” No one is asking you to openly humiliate yourself, you don’t need to do this, and such compliments give excellent results.

Undoubtedly, when you communicate quite a lot with your manager, this helps you get closer to him, but everything has its own boundaries, which are extremely undesirable to cross. So, getting closer to your boss does not mean that you can afford a familiar tone when communicating with him. On the contrary, familiarity should not be allowed under any circumstances, because there is no such thing that is so unpleasant for any leader. Even if your boss prefers not an authoritarian, but a democratic style of communication with his subordinates, this is not a reason to become cheeky when talking with him. Appreciate the fact that your boss respects you and give him the same respect. For example, if you saw your boss the night before in a restaurant, don’t wink at him the next morning with a knowing look and don’t ask, “So, how was your walk?” It would seem that I am now talking about obvious truths, but many do not want to understand this, so do not follow a bad example.

What non-work related things are acceptable to talk about with your manager? There are few options here: about the weather, about the health of family members and, perhaps, about some political news. I don’t advise you to talk about your illnesses, because you already know that no one needs sick employees. Also, you should not start conversations about your personal life or discuss family problems with your boss: your manager does not hold the position of a psychologist, and the work environment is not the time or place for this kind of revelation. With your outpourings, you do not show a good attitude towards your boss, but simply put the person in an awkward position.

If you follow these simple rules, your boss will always be sincerely glad to once again communicate with such a tactful and interesting person like you. Well, you, in turn, will receive trust and favor from him!

We are all accustomed to motivation from above, that is, to the kind of motivation that is carried out by our leadership. Accordingly, motivation from below is a type of motivation in which you, a subordinate, motivate your boss. Yes, don’t be surprised, this is also possible. Motivation from below has a positive effect on the work of the whole team, so it is worth implementing. What needs to be done for this, you ask me. This is what we will talk about now.

One of the forms of motivation from below can be considered the presentation of your ideas, plans and projects to management, because fresh, original and practical thoughts will definitely make your boss think and, most likely, take some action in order to bring them to life. Of course, for this to happen, your ideas must be carefully thought out, so you will have to work hard, but rest assured, the reward will not be long in coming. Just when presenting new and improved ways and methods of work, do not under any circumstances criticize the old ones, because your manager may well think that you consider him an incompetent person, but do you need this?

Therefore, simply say that when using your idea, the work will proceed faster, more economically, and bring better results, without describing in detail the shortcomings of previous technologies. Immediately provide specific numbers and facts, since vague formulations unsupported by evidence are not capable of moving anyone to action.

In general, be careful when introducing any new proposal that you think could improve the workflow, so as not to end up in an awkward situation. For example, you have long noticed that the computer program used in the organization is outdated, moreover, you know about the existence of new versions. So should we run to management to report this? No, you need to check everything properly first. It is quite possible that new versions of this program have not yet been fully developed, and, to put it in computer jargon, they are openly “buggy”, freeze and can generally lead to computer malfunctions. In the end, you will also find yourself to blame. By the way, the above also applies to your own projects. Submit only ideas that you can be sure will not get stuck at any stage of their translation into action.

Another way to motivate your manager is to carry out his orders, a little ahead of them. You already know how to do this in practice - you must always do something at work beyond what is included in your duties. By doing the extra work, you will naturally be one step ahead. To get the full effect of motivation, you must demonstrate your progress to your boss. Excessive modesty is not only inappropriate here, it can play a detrimental role. You are already familiar with the golden principle “Do much and ask little,” but following it does not imply hiding your achievements from management. On the contrary, motivation from below is expressed approximately in the following behavior: after hearing a list of tasks from your boss, joyfully say: “Ivan Ivanovich, I have already done this, this and that. Therefore, please tell me what else I need to do this week, besides what you have already mentioned.” Not only will your manager be pleasantly surprised by your diligence, but the latter will serve as excellent motivation for him. You can also inform him about the work done before he becomes interested in it. Only during such a conversation, your appearance should not express impatience, and thoughts should not be read from your face, like “What a great fellow I am - I’ve already done everything while you are poking around!” Always respect the orders of your management, even if you consider them to be erroneous in some way.

You already know how important it is to consult with your boss as work progresses. However, keep in mind that if you check with him on every little thing, this will cause him nothing but irritation, since with such actions you are simply taking away his precious time. Therefore, if you want to motivate your manager by getting the job done ahead of schedule, don’t run to him as fast as you can with every minor move. For motivation, present to his attention only the completed piece of work.

I would like to immediately warn you against being too independent in your work. Firstly, when you take on any important project without first consulting with your manager, there is a real threat that you will not do something quite right (I say this with all due respect to your abilities and talents). In this case, your boss will not be happy, to put it mildly. Of course, you need to believe in yourself, but at the same time adequately assess your capabilities. Secondly, it is likely that your boss will not like this kind of initiative, since he will decide that you do not take him into account at all, and this opinion, in turn, will negatively affect his attitude towards you. Whatever one may say, he is the leader, and you are his subordinate, and in no case should you violate the chain of command. In addition, only someone who enjoys his respect and trust can motivate any person.

Another important point. A manager can only be motivated by work that is completed as quickly as possible. As popular wisdom says, if you take up the tug, don’t say it’s not strong. My confidence that you are a diligent and hardworking person has no limits, so laziness or unwillingness to work is not an obstacle for you. On your way, another, essentially no less dangerous trap may arise - perfectionism, i.e. the desire to check every little thing many times. It is clear that the motives for this phenomenon are noble - you strive to do your job as best and accurately as possible, however, the results are unfortunately negative: the manager will simply decide that you are slow, and I will not say anything at all about the results of such “motivation”. Therefore, do your work promptly.

It’s probably no secret to anyone that other people’s successes hurt, and sometimes very strongly. When I talk about this, I don’t mean black envy, but healthy competition, which, as we know, can inspire a person to make significant progress in his work. I do not at all urge you to compete with your boss: this seems to me to be very unrealistic and, moreover, an absolutely unnecessary activity. But it’s probably worth asking how things are going in a competing organization, especially if you have a similar opportunity. Then you need to carefully present the successes of your competitors to your boss: such facts greatly motivate him. Just don’t present the obtained information in this way: this is how everything is good for them, and everything is bad for us, since this will only lead to negative results.

But motivation from below is not limited to the purely professional sphere; it is also necessary in such matters as, for example, improving working conditions, increasing wages, and your career growth. What are your chances of success here? Of course, nothing can be guaranteed, since successful work in the department is one thing, and the personal well-being of employees is quite another. Of course, a far-sighted leader sees a connection between these circumstances, since he understands that people cannot work productively while in poor conditions and even receiving a pittance remuneration for their work, however... Nevertheless, it’s worth a try. The path that you must mark for yourself is attempts to put pressure on pity, i.e. whining, and open expression of dissatisfaction. Try to motivate your manager with praise. For example, he ordered protective screens to be placed on computer monitors. Be sure to tell him how wonderful it is, tell him that your eyes don’t get tired now, and you have become much more productive. Surely your boss will blossom and want to do something else for such a grateful subordinate. As for raising your salary and moving up the career ladder, there is only one way to motivate yourself – hard work. Remember that you have to do a lot and ask little, and then your efforts will not go unrewarded.

It is important to remember about motivation on a psychological level. By reporting the results of your work to your boss with a cheerful and cheerful appearance, you should radiate enthusiasm, energy and optimism in order to infect your manager with these qualities. Show genuine passion for your work. Remember that your thirst for activity can inspire the people around you and inspire them to work, and your boss in this sense is no exception!

There is no doubt that any information must be presented well. Even the most brilliant idea will not be appreciated by your management if you mutter it under your breath or get bogged down in unimportant details, because, as we know, a diamond becomes a sparkling diamond after careful cutting. Hence the conclusion: any information that you want to submit to your boss (or colleagues), be it a report on the work done, a presentation or your creative ideas, must be processed, and not “raw,” only then will it be perceived accordingly. Of course, there are situations when some information has to be given out spontaneously, but in most cases you have time, albeit short, to prepare your speech. What is the key to success when presenting any information?

First, you must master your material perfectly. It would seem that this is a common truth, but why then do many people neglect it? When you don't quite understand what exactly you are going to talk about, you can get lost, confused, and it is unlikely that you can come up with anything worse than this. To prevent this from happening to you, always write the text of your intended speech. Yes, namely speeches, because the presentation of information, in essence, is, especially at first, an almost continuous monologue. By writing down your thoughts on paper, you avoid the danger of missing anything. In addition, writing helps to structure your ideas. After you have written the text of your speech, highlight the main and minor points in it. Do not forget that each thesis (i.e., key idea) must be followed by one or more arguments (i.e., evidence of your stated idea). Decide in what order you will present your information. At the same time, I advise you to include the most important information at the beginning of the speech. Why, you ask. This is explained by the so-called law of progressive impatience of listeners. Its essence is as follows: the more a person speaks, the less they listen to him. The first 10 minutes of a speech are perceived by listeners as 10 minutes, the second as 20 minutes, and the third as 30 minutes! Therefore, the optimal time for speaking is about ten minutes. If your speech is intended to last longer, place all important points at the beginning.

The information you present must be clear and understandable to your audience. Avoid inaccuracies and vague formulations (by the way, when you record the text of your speech on paper, this problem disappears by itself). Not to mention the fact that your information will not be perceived, you will simply steal precious time from yourself and your listeners. In addition, a person who does not really know what he means causes great irritation.

One of the principles of effective presentation of information is clarity (for example, the presentation is generally based on it). However, you have the opportunity to use this wonderful principle in other cases, for example, when you are preparing a report on the work done. The secret is simple: always use specific numbers and facts. For example, instead of saying “Our economic indicators have improved recently,” say “Over the last (year, month, quarter) our economic indicators in such and such areas have increased by such and such percentage.” The first phrase, in fact, says nothing, while the second provides comprehensive information. It is clear that for this you will have to work hard, collect and analyze various figures and facts, however, the effect of such a speech will be incomparably higher than from an abstract “talking shop”.

It is very important to use specific arguments if you want to push your ideas, say, about improving work methods. Your conclusions must have a solid basis; guesses and assumptions based on who knows what are not suitable here. In order for your manager to believe in the benefit of your ideas for the organization, show him this benefit in percentages and facts. By the way, in this situation it is also quite acceptable to use visual diagrams and drawings.

So, you have carefully thought through and put down on paper the text of your intended speech, and this is 30% of success. The remaining 70% is how you present the information verbally. What points need to be taken into account here?

It's no secret that you can't make an impression on your listeners just by reading from a piece of paper. We were all taught to read in first grade, but the ability to tell stories takes much longer to learn. Don't be afraid, there is nothing complicated here, just follow a few tips. First: memorizing text is very close to basic reading. You can memorize the text, but imagine what will happen if you are asked a question during the speech. The answer is clear: you will simply lose your mind. Therefore, the written text must be retold several times, only then will you feel confident. By the way, about confidence when speaking: You must speak without doubting the correctness of your words, otherwise you will not be able to convince anyone of anything. If you mutter under your breath or stammer, the whole effect will go down the drain.

Second rule: Your speech should not be monotonous, this will cause boredom, and in especially advanced cases, even put you to sleep. The performance, therefore, should be emotional. But do not forget that everything is good in moderation. Use appropriate gestures - this will be discussed in the chapter “Nonverbal Communication”.

If you have such an opportunity, choose the most favorable time for your speech, because the perception of your words by the listeners (and in our case, by the leader) depends not only on how well the information is presented, but also on the state of the latter. In other words, if your manager, for example, has a toothache or is simply in a bad mood, it is hardly worth presenting your thoughts to him at that very moment. Choose another, more suitable time. By the way, when choosing a time to present your information, think about whether your boss has enough time to listen to you carefully? Information presented on the go, or even on the run, is, at best, only partially perceived, and mostly not perceived at all.

And some practical advice on exactly how to present the text of a speech. What techniques should be used to present information most effectively?

First, always focus on important words and word combinations. You have already written the text of the speech, so it will be easy for you to find and highlight them. But even if your speech is spontaneous, because you did not have time and opportunity for preliminary preparation, you will easily discover the main words in each phrase. Highlight them with your voice: changing the timbre will make the person alert and listen to you especially carefully, which will ultimately improve the perception of your listener (or listeners).

But it is necessary to change not only the timbre of the voice, but also the tempo of speech. Changing the tempo will give your speech expressiveness and save it from monotony (we have already talked about the dangers of this phenomenon). There is the following pattern here: those words that you consider the most significant in your speech should be pronounced more slowly compared to the rest. So you will again focus on them.

Third, be sure to pause before and after important thoughts or words. With this technique you will attract the attention of listeners to them, because a pause in speech made before expressing a thought forces you to concentrate. A pause afterward gives listeners the opportunity to think more carefully about what they just heard. Thus, theses framed by pauses will be much better deposited in their memory and consciousness.

And finally, the last and, perhaps, the most important advice on this issue. In order for your speech to be successful, and the presentation of the information contained in it to be effective, you must put your soul into what you say. This idea in itself is not new; you have probably heard about it many times before reading these lines. Now ask yourself a question: do you always follow this truly golden principle? What does it mean to invest your soul, you ask. Yes, at first glance this recommendation seems abstract and perhaps even useless. But in fact, in addition to using practical techniques, you need to present any information with enthusiasm, with faith in what you are talking about, speak with feeling, and not automatically. This is not difficult to do, since the content of any speech consists, first of all, of your thoughts, your conclusions, even if you are presenting the point of view of another person or facts that are generally known at first glance. Speak with your soul, and the effect of the information you present will be one hundred percent!

No, this chapter will not talk about SMS messages, e-mails and answering machine entries (more precisely, not only about them). You and I will understand a message as any statement or speech. Really, think about it, we speak when we want to tell our listeners something. It would seem that every message is constructed spontaneously: a thought arises in the head, and then it is put into words and pronounced. Or we subsequently process the thought that has arisen, but only later. All these actually very complex processes happen quickly, in a matter of seconds. Basically, we think about the content of what we want to say, and the form comes as if by itself. This is partly true, because many grammatical models of sentences, phrases, and phrases are embedded in our minds. But try to pronounce a sentence in a foreign language you know. You will need much more time, because the grammatical structures of a given language are not initially present in your mind. So it’s just great that a lot is available in our heads, otherwise just imagine what would happen if we built every phrase anew! However, some statements not only in written, but also in oral speech must be processed in order to be understood correctly. But the success of communication ultimately depends on this. We have already partially talked about this in the chapter “Effective Presentation of Information”; now we will dwell on some details. Don’t worry, there is nothing complicated here, and the benefits are obvious: by learning how to structure your messages correctly, you will achieve a lot.

As you know, communication involves at least two people - the speaker and the listener. In another way, they are also called the addresser (the one who transmits the message) and the addressee (the one who perceives this message). Moreover, not only one person, but several, even many, can act as the addressee. For example, you say something to several colleagues - there are more than one person listening to you. We will consider the issue of constructing messages mainly from the speaker’s position.

Any message does not begin from the moment you opened your mouth and began to speak. First, the intention to say something arises in the speaker's mind. Then the thought is expressed in words and pronounced - this sequence is already familiar to you. However, what is the purpose of the sender of the message? He wants the listener to perceive his words adequately and understand them correctly. What conclusions can you draw for yourself from here? In the psychology of communication there is such a thing as orientation towards the addressee. In other words, when constructing a message, you must take into account the personality of your interlocutor, his age, level of knowledge, position, profession. The words you use play a very important role. Do not complicate your speech, do not use words whose meaning, as you know, your interlocutor simply does not know. By the way, this applies primarily to professional words. The need to communicate at work often brings together representatives of different professions, and, say, a financial director may not know many words and expressions related to the specific activities of a PR manager. However, they need to come to an agreement. Remember that one content can be expressed in several forms, just choose the one that is most accessible to your recipient. Doctors are good role models: in most cases, they can always explain diagnosis and treatment to their patients without resorting to medical terms.

The second condition for the correct understanding of your message is the use of precise wording that does not allow for other interpretations. By the way, this is especially important for business communication, so build your messages clearly, clearly and economically, because in the business world time is a very valuable thing. Do not use overly complex and florid constructions typical of artistic speech: in business communication they make it difficult to understand and can cause confusion and even irritation in your interlocutor. But of course, you shouldn’t stoop to the level of “Well, in short...”.

You can object to me: read business documents; even if you want to, they cannot be called simple and uncomplicated. Yes, this is true, because in such documents it is necessary to reflect all the smallest details so as not to lose sight of anything. However, do not forget about the difference in the perception of written and spoken language. It is much more difficult to perceive complex structures by ear: take this into account when constructing your messages.

A lot depends on the situation in which our communication takes place. It's clear that we talk differently to our friends than to our colleagues. Yes, the main tone of communication at work is formal. However, there are different situations in a work environment: it’s one thing if you are talking with your co-worker during your lunch break over a cup of coffee, and quite another if you are at a meeting in the manager’s office. The line between official and semi-official communication (in my opinion, a completely unofficial style of communication, even with colleagues, is hardly acceptable in the office; I think you agree with me on this issue) is very thin, which is why it is so easy to cross without even noticing this transition. However, it is highly undesirable to violate the boundaries of what is permitted, so watch yourself. No matter who you communicate with, carefully choose words, intonation, and gestures that are appropriate for the occasion. My advice to you: if you are in doubt about which communication style - formal or semi-formal - to use in a given situation, opt for the formal style - this way you won’t go wrong and your messages won’t sound inappropriate.

And a few more words about semi-official communication. As you know, requests and wishes can be expressed directly, or indirectly. But did you know that requests expressed in indirect form are usually fulfilled more willingly? This is primarily due to the fact that a direct request is often perceived as an order, and who likes to be commanded, even at work? Interesting fact: according to statistics, a democratic leader uses on average 5% of direct instructions when communicating with subordinates, but an authoritarian boss uses up to 60%. In general, indirect communication is considered more polite. It is necessary, first of all, in small teams. And what does semi-official communication have to do with this, you ask. The fact is that in an official setting such an indirect form of communication is by no means welcome, because, as you already know, here, first of all, accuracy is necessary, not allowing for other interpretations. However, nothing will stop you from telling your colleague: “Something is noisy in the corridor” and “How quickly it got dark!” instead of “Close the door!” and “Turn on the lights!”

It’s unlikely that any of us practice magic, but all of us have been familiar with magic words since childhood, such as “thank you,” “please,” etc. Indeed, even if they are not capable of working miracles, they are quite capable of improving any message. They cannot overload the statement, moreover, they are necessary, so use them in your messages. Expand your requests with their help, because a short request is perceived worse than an expanded request, since the first one is again understood by many people as an order.

We have already talked about the fact that addressing a person by his first name and patronymic as often as possible is an effective psychological technique. Hence the conclusion: include the first and middle name of your listener in your message. It is also good to start a statement with an address because the sound of your own name makes the interlocutor wary and pay attention to what you say.

In the psychology of communication, there are such concepts as “I-statement” and “You-statement”. I will give examples of such constructions: “Don’t talk to me in that tone!” and “When you talk to me in a raised voice, I feel insulted. And I would really like to find a common language with you, but in a normal environment.” The first sentence is the “You-statement”, and the second, accordingly, the “I-statement”. You have already felt that the second message will be perceived by the interlocutor much better than the first, since the use of “You-statements” creates such a strong feeling that the speaker is right and at the same time the listener is wrong, that this gives rise to only negative emotions: irritation, and even rage. Even if a person really behaves incorrectly, he will not like that the interlocutor pointed out this in such a categorical form. What follows is a defensive reaction, which leads to conflict. Therefore, build your messages according to the principle: “I-statement”: this allows you to defuse the situation and achieve a change in the interlocutor’s position, which is what you need.

And lastly: never start your messages with words like “No”, “I don’t agree with you”, “You are wrong”, etc., as this will immediately cause the interlocutor to reject your further words, even if they are true. Respect your interlocutor, his point of view, be polite and friendly - and your messages will always hit the mark!

Have you ever wondered why some people are able to win over others, almost immediately winning their trust and sympathy? Moreover, at first glance, they do not do anything supernatural. This is often explained by special charm, a certain charisma. In fact, these people use a number of psychological techniques that, as a rule, are hidden from the interlocutor. We have already talked about many of them or will talk about them in the future. However, their main secret is the ability to overcome barriers that inevitably arise in the process of communication, even if the participants in communication already know each other. Let's learn this skill too - it is necessary in the business world.

Initial distrust of the interlocutor is inherent in every person on a subconscious level, regardless of his education and sociability. For communication to be successful and fruitful, you need to overcome this mistrust. A good move is to give your interlocutor a compliment. A compliment will evoke positive emotions in a person and help form a positive attitude towards you from your interlocutor. However, the compliment must be given correctly, or, if you prefer, competently. Don’t be surprised, because praising a person correctly is an entire art that you can learn if you want. Firstly, the compliment you give should not resemble flattery. Secondly, it must be objective, that is, not contain excessive exaggeration and references to qualities that the interlocutor does not actually have. Thirdly, and this is very important, your compliment should not be, as they say, on duty. It is also desirable that the thought expressed in it should not be of some general, abstract nature: when praising a person, emphasize something specific. For example, instead of saying “You look great!” say something like “What an elegant suit you have” or “How blue suits you” (such a hairstyle, earrings in an oriental style - the options can be listed endlessly, it is only important that what you say corresponds to the true state of affairs). In the latter cases, the effect of the compliment will be incomparably higher. A compliment in absentia is very effective. The following psychological point is at work here: when your flattering words about him reach a person, he is pleased that not only you, but now those around him have learned about his merits. As a result, people will start to like you as a source of positive emotions. And finally, how you deliver your praise to your interlocutor is very important: if this is done with an expression of sincere admiration in your voice and face, then consider that your compliment hit the target. And, of course, do not forget about a pleasant smile, expressing your sympathy for your interlocutor.

There may be other obstacles on your way to productive communication, for example, an information barrier. Its essence is that you can talk about some things that are unknown or little known to your interlocutor. How to avoid the emergence of an information barrier in communication will be discussed in more detail in the next chapter, but for now the general recommendation: take into account the range of knowledge of your interlocutor. Naturally, in any communication a situation may arise when you have to talk about something unfamiliar to the listener for the first time. And in business communication, such situations occur all the time, so always clearly explain your idea. Explain to your interlocutor the meaning of certain professional words and expressions. When you talk about some phenomenon unknown to a person, be sure to reveal its essence, without hoping that “it will do.” Remember that the necessary comments during the presentation of information do not take up time from you and your interlocutor; on the contrary, they save significant time.

In general, when the word “barrier” is heard in relation to communication, the language barrier immediately comes to mind. It is likely that you will happen to communicate with foreigners at work who may not know Russian well. (Communication with those who do not know the language at all usually proceeds through a translator). It may also turn out that you are far from fluent in the language of the person you are talking to. How should one behave correctly in such a situation? Firstly, you will immediately be faced with the question of choosing the language in which you will communicate. This point is usually discussed, and I advise you to accept the initiative of your interlocutor, since he will make a choice in favor of the language in which he will be most comfortable communicating. If you decide to communicate with him in Russian, then use neutral, most common words. This is exactly the case when grammar can be simple, even primitive, because the main thing is to be understood correctly. Be sure to pause between phrases so that your interlocutor has extra time to translate your words for himself. Speak clearly, without swallowing endings, and do not be partial.

When you communicate in the language of your interlocutor, do not hesitate to ask him again if you do not understand something. In this communication situation, even frequent questioning is appropriate. In the end, it will be much worse if you simply do not understand part of the conversation. If your interlocutor speaks so quickly that you cannot keep up with him, politely ask him to slow down his speech rate. Again, in this case, such a request will not be received with offense; on the contrary, the person will willingly meet you halfway.

Another type of barrier is a noise barrier. Unfortunately, very often extraneous sounds interfere with successful communication. Your interlocutor and you hear less well what each other says. Therefore, whenever possible, choose a quiet place to talk. Don't even try to express important thoughts at a busy intersection or in a noisy cafe. Wherever you are with your interlocutor - indoors, in the car - be sure to eliminate sources of extraneous sounds: turn off the radio, tape recorder. In general, from the point of view of overcoming the noise barrier, the most suitable place for communication is a separate office.

Since we have touched on the physical side of the issue, let's talk about such an important thing as the distance between you and your interlocutor during a conversation. Rapprochement in the psychological sense is also facilitated by rapprochement in space. An excessively large distance signals to the interlocutor that you are trying to isolate yourself from him, not to let yourself in, and this, of course, will negatively affect the quality of your communication with him. So, should we get closer, you ask? No, because with such actions you can grossly violate a person’s personal space, which will cause a defensive reaction in him, and, ultimately, all this will again negatively affect communication. Therefore, when choosing the size of the distance between yourself and your interlocutor, remember the following point. A person’s personal space is divided into three zones: social (in this zone we communicate with strangers or unfamiliar people), personal (in this zone we maintain contact with people close to us) and intimate (communication in this zone implies physical contact between interlocutors). It is clear that business contacts are primarily characterized by communication in the social zone. The exact radius of this zone is difficult to determine, because it depends both on the mentality and on the personal characteristics of the person. However, communication psychology experts believe that the most acceptable distance ranges from 0.9–1.3 m.

Of course, you will not stand with a centimeter during a conversation, so carefully monitor the reaction of your interlocutor to your movements. If a person is nervous, takes closed poses (arms crossed on his chest, for example), and steps back, then most likely you are rapidly approaching the border of his personal space, and I do not recommend violating them. But when your interlocutor himself makes attempts to get closer, do not reject them, but meet them halfway.

And the last thing I want to say. Do not intentionally create barriers between yourself and your interlocutor. That is, while talking, you may not have deliberately taken a position in which there is some bulky object between you, but the quality of your communication with the person will sharply decrease. If you and your interlocutor are sitting at a table, then it should not be cluttered; It’s better if there are no things on it that are not related to the subject of your conversation. Don't twist anything in your hands. But if your interlocutor puts a bag on the table or some other things, politely invite him to move them, for example, to a chair. Perhaps in this case your interlocutor wanted to isolate himself from you, and you should not allow this.

As you can see, overcoming barriers that arise during communication, in general, does not require significant effort, but it gives significant results!

It’s probably no secret to anyone that the ability to listen patiently and carefully to your interlocutor is one of the most important keys to successful communication. Patient listening allows you to quickly win someone over. From a psychological point of view, this fact is explained by the fact that the speaker satisfies his need for self-expression, and the listener, thus, is a source of positive emotions, therefore, he receives favor from the speaker. The culture of communication and speech etiquette also requires adhering to the principle of attentive listening when communicating. In addition, as already mentioned in the chapter “Self-study”, by listening to the words of your interlocutor, you can get a lot of useful information for yourself. You and I already know a lot about how to speak correctly, and now it’s time to learn how to listen to your interlocutor correctly. One of the main rules is that listening must be active. What does this mean?

As you already know, for successful and effective communication you need to constantly show your interlocutor that you, as they say, are “in touch”. However, for some reason many people neglect this important principle, apparently believing that not disturbing the speaker is already good, and nothing more is needed. Some try to show attention to the interlocutor, occasionally assenting or nodding, often inappropriately. Such naive methods, of course, are wrong and do not lead to anything good. I generally remain silent about those who interrupt the interlocutor - there is no better way to create the worst impression about yourself in the eyes of a person, in particular, a business partner or manager.

To actively listen to your interlocutor, free your head from extraneous thoughts. Prepare yourself for the conversation, so that you can extract as much useful information as possible from it. It is always better to position yourself opposite your interlocutor so that you can carefully observe his mouth and look into his eyes, rather than at the window or door. With these simple techniques you will show the speaker that you are interested in the conversation.

In no case should you sneak a glance at your watch or generally show impatience, because if a person feels that the interlocutor is just waiting for the moment to jump up and leave, he feels insulted and generally experiences a lot of unpleasant sensations, which he automatically transfers to the bad listener, like to their source. Meanwhile, for successful and productive communication, first of all you need to show your interlocutor his importance in your eyes. This is impossible to do if your thoughts are hovering somewhere very far from the subject of conversation.

So, you have tuned in to your interlocutor and prepared to listen to him, without interruption, for as long as he needs to fully express his thought. However, active listening does not mean that you will be silent like a fish all the time. Firstly, you must show the interlocutor that you are “in touch”. This is achieved using both non-verbal means, for example, affirmative nods, and with the help of words like “Yes, of course”, “Of course you are right”, “I completely agree with you”, “I share your point of view”, etc. n. Naturally, these phrases must be pronounced when the speaker pauses in his speech. Secondly, you should ask your interlocutor questions related to the topic of conversation. Don’t be afraid to clarify anything, because by doing this you will show the speaker that you are listening to him attentively, that you are interested in the very subject of the conversation. Finally, you will insure yourself against not understanding any important things that are discussed in the conversation. Remember that only those who don't listen don't ask questions.

What should your questions be? Since their goal is to clarify what the speaker has just said, in my opinion, the most acceptable formulation sounds something like this: “What exactly did you mean when you talked about such and such?” Believe me, not a single person will refuse the pleasure of developing his thought in more detail, and you, in turn, in addition to receiving the explanations you need, will leave a pleasant impression of yourself in the eyes of your interlocutor.

Make active use of open-ended questions. These are questions constructed in such a way that it is impossible to give a monosyllabic answer “yes” or “no”. Don't think that coming up with this kind of question is difficult: the secret is that they should begin with words like “what”, “where”, “when”, “how”, “who”, “why”, etc. Try asking ask yourself this question, and you will see that it cannot be answered in monosyllables.

And remember, nothing is more annoying than empty repeated questions and meaningless clarifications, because your interlocutor may think that you didn’t listen to him at all, and you already know what this entails. By the way, to avoid this, it is quite acceptable to take notes on some individual moments of the conversation, write down instructions, provisions, recommendations. Not only will such notes be useful to you in the future, just imagine the feeling of self-worth your interlocutor will experience.

An important rule of active listening is to pause before speaking in response. This pause may be very short, only 5-10 seconds, but you will get several positive moments at once. Firstly, you will have time to think about everything said by the speaker and, accordingly, better understand the meaning of his words. Secondly, you will again demonstrate to the speaker his importance in your eyes, because you will carefully consider everything that he said. Thirdly, by making such a pause, you avoid the danger of interrupting your interlocutor. Who knows, maybe he just paused to collect his thoughts. If you do not start speaking immediately after your interlocutor has fallen silent, then in this case you give him the opportunity to calmly continue his reasoning, and this is very important, because, perhaps, nothing irritates a person more than interrupting him mid-sentence. Finally, you have the opportunity to think more carefully about your answer, and therefore formulate it more clearly.

The principle of mirroring has been mentioned more than once on the pages of this book, and this is not surprising, because it is one of the most effective psychological techniques. Mirroring at the level of active listening means retelling to the interlocutor his own thoughts, but in his own words. Such a retelling allows you to demonstrate to the speaker how important and interesting everything he said is to you. In addition, until you are able to retell the point of view of your interlocutor in your own words, you will not be able to fully understand everything that he wanted to convey to you. In what form should this be done? When your interlocutor finishes speaking, take the necessary pause and then say something like: “If I understand you correctly, then the essence of your words is as follows...” and continue saying what exactly. Your interlocutor will be very pleased with this, and you will insure yourself against inaccuracies in understanding his words.

Often conversations between a manager and a subordinate take place under time pressure, which, however, is not surprising given the crazy pace of work. In these cases, it is hardly worth returning to the interlocutor his words, because time is already short, and such behavior can cause irritation in an impatient and hot-tempered person. Limit yourself to clarifying questions. In general, remember that no matter how little time you have, always try to listen to the person to the end, without interrupting his speech with remarks like “Yes, I understand, I understand!”, “I have no time now!” and the like, because it offends and humiliates the interlocutor. It is much better to say the following: “Sorry, but now I can’t listen to you, because I need to... But such wonderful thoughts as yours cannot be kept to yourself. When can we meet to discuss your ideas?” By the way, by giving a person such a compliment, you kill his negative emotions in the bud.

Unfortunately, in life we ​​have to communicate with people who do not always evoke our sympathy. And if we can choose a circle of friends and acquaintances for ourselves, then we do not choose colleagues, management and business partners. However, the interests of the business should always be above all else for you, so develop tolerance and goodwill towards all the people around you at work. This is the only way to achieve success in your professional activities. Overcome your negativity towards any person, listen to him carefully and patiently. Under no circumstances should you treat anyone with contempt: remember that even a fool has something to say. The ability to listen and hear is a great art, and if you master it, the greatest opportunities for success and prosperity will open up before you!

According to statistics, a person extracts only 7% of the information contained in the interlocutor’s speech from his words. He receives the rest of the information for himself from the so-called non-verbal components of communication. These include our gestures, facial expressions, posture, voice timbre, intonation, rate of speech, etc... The breakdown is as follows: the listener extracts approximately 55% of information from facial expressions, gestures, posture of the interlocutor, approximately 38% - from the sound of the voice, its intonation, timbre Therefore, no matter what you say to your interlocutor, he will take into account - consciously or most often unconsciously - primarily the non-verbal components of your communication with him. This, by the way, explains the reasons for many failures in communication - it seems that you said everything correctly, but the effect of your words is zero or negative. Have you ever thought about how you said it, what your intonation was, your posture, what your face expressed? It may very well be that on a non-verbal level you sent your interlocutor signals that were not conducive to communication.

Body language is much more difficult to control than the content of words, so by understanding the meaning of some basic gestures and postures, you can warn yourself against insincerity on the part of your interlocutor. The tongue can lie, but the body cannot. You can also learn to use the correct gestures and facial expressions when making contact, which will make your communication more effective.

Let's start with the posture you take during a conversation. First of all, pay attention to the position of your arms and legs. Do not take so-called closed poses, i.e. do not cross your arms on your chest, do not cross your legs, do not clasp your fingers, and especially do not clench them into fists. By the way, the last gesture may be perceived by your interlocutor as a manifestation of aggression. Always make sure that when talking, your arms and legs are open and your shoulders are wide open, this will show the person that you are comfortable with him and that you trust him. If your interlocutor crosses his arms over his chest, this is the first signal that he does not accept your point of view and is trying to isolate himself from what you are telling him. A very important indicator is the palms of the interlocutor. If a person’s palms are open, it means that he is not going to hide anything from you. He is determined to make contact. But if your interlocutor stubbornly refuses to show you his open palms, you should doubt the sincerity of his words. Therefore, hands in a pocket or hands busy with something - a person may be twirling a pencil, fiddling with his clothes - is a good reason to be wary: it is likely that they want to tell you about something only in general terms or even hide an important part of information from you. While observing your interlocutor, do not forget about yourself: make sure that your palms are open, use appropriate gestures. This will allow you to quickly gain the trust and positive attitude of your interlocutor.

In the posture you take and in the gestures you use, their focus on the interlocutor in the literal sense of the word plays an important role. To achieve a positive effect, slightly tilt your body forward towards the person you are talking to. Your hands should also be directed towards him, the toes of your shoes should “look” in his direction.

By the way, did you know that 65% of the conversation will be focused on your head? Therefore, her position is very important. For example, a head turned to the side (and, of course, a glance) indicates a lack of interest in the subject of the conversation, and your interlocutor may thus decide that neither his point of view, nor he himself interests you at all. Agree, it is difficult to imagine a more effective way to break contact and trust between people. To avoid this, you should keep your head slightly tilted back and slightly to the side. Of course, it’s almost impossible to freeze in one position, and it’s not necessary. Show your interlocutor that you approve of his position by slightly shaking your head in time with his speech.

A lowered or tilted head is an indicator that the interlocutor is wary of your words. And if the head tilt is very low, such that you cannot see the eyes of your interlocutor, this means. That he perceives your position with hostility.

So you and I have reached the eyes, or rather, the gaze. It is not without reason that popular wisdom says that the eyes are the mirror of the soul: by the nature of the gaze one can understand a lot. For example, if a person hides his gaze or diligently averts his eyes, he is trying to hide something from you or his words are insincere. You probably don’t want this impression to form about you, so look your interlocutor in the eyes and catch his gaze. But here it is important not to overdo it: looking too long and intently can be regarded as a threat or as a desire to dominate the conversation. You don’t need either the first or the second, so from time to time turn your gaze to something else. By the way, with this action you will allow you to rest not only the eyes of your interlocutor, but also your own. However, when you talk about important and fundamental things, look the person in the eye, otherwise he may get the impression that you are talking about something insignificant.

A smile will make everyone brighter... The words of the children's song are absolutely true - a smile is one of the simplest and at the same time effective means of establishing contact and inspiring trust on the part of the interlocutor. Of course, you cannot count on the fact that by smiling at a person you will immediately achieve everything you want. However, it is quite possible to endear yourself with a smile. An important point: a smile should always be in place. As you understand, the second rule follows from this: do not smile during the entire conversation, as this can cause a wide variety of negative feelings in the interlocutor, such as irritation, wariness or mistrust. They may also think that you are not a serious person and that they should not do business with you. Principle three: Your smile should be sincere, because there is nothing worse than an on-duty grin. By the way, how exactly should you smile? For example, Americans smile from ear to ear, demonstrating dazzling teeth and goodwill towards their interlocutor. In my opinion, such a smile does not quite correspond to the Russian mentality. My advice: smile with the top edges of your lips.

Concluding the conversation about the mouth, I want to say: if your interlocutor covers his mouth with his palm when he speaks, or brings a handkerchief to his mouth (of course, if he does not have a cold), it means that he is deliberately hiding something from you, as if subconsciously putting up a barrier to your words. Therefore, do not cover your mouth with anything while talking.

For some reason, many people do not pay attention to the intonation with which they speak. They may believe that it is what they say that matters most, not how they say it. But you already know that such an opinion is wrong. Intonation is the most important component of nonverbal communication. She should always be friendly; notes of causticity or irritation are unacceptable. Your intonation must be carefully controlled during a conversation.

I would like to say a few words about the timbre of your voice. Your voice should be pleasant to the ear. Even if the sound of your voice does not completely suit you. Don’t be upset: you have the power to fix everything and develop a pleasant voice. During a conversation, there should be no sudden changes in voice timbre from shouting to whispering. Of course, some words need to be highlighted, but the selection using voice should be smooth. What you say should ideally sound smooth and not too loud. The timbre of your voice should in no case be shrill or shrill - after all, you yourself know that you not only don’t want to listen to people with such a timbre, you just want to run away from them.

For communication to be successful, you need to monitor the emotional state of your interlocutor, and it is fully reflected in his gestures, facial expressions and movements. Therefore, if you see that your interlocutor begins to adjust his glasses, straighten his clothes, fiddle with a handkerchief or napkin in his hands, twirl a pencil or lighter, draw conclusions: he is excited or in a nervous state. In such situations, before continuing to speak, you need to relieve his emotional stress and try to calm him down.

A little about facial expressions. Nothing good can be said about a face frozen like a mask, nor about a grimace. Hence the conclusion: do not overdo it with facial expressions! When talking, your eyebrows should not creep up, and your eyes should not climb onto your forehead, since this is simply inappropriate in business communication. Do not under any circumstances move your eyebrows or frown - this will simply push your interlocutor away. In general, the best facial expression is a smile.

So, you have briefly familiarized yourself with the basic elements of nonverbal communication. Their knowledge and use in communication greatly facilitates contact. However, remember that you need to use gestures in moderation; with all control over your posture and movements, the latter should look natural. Do not make sharp, jerky movements - everything should be smooth.

And finally, do not forget that a friendly facial expression, a pleasant appearance of an energetic and friendly person are also components of non-verbal communication that should always be with you!

Who is it useful to get to know better, you ask me after reading the title of this chapter. I answer: with your immediate superior. Such an acquaintance, of course, does not imply that you will begin to become his bosom friends, but this is beneficial for your contacts with him. As you already know, one of the main principles of successful communication is focusing on the personality of the addressee, and in order to follow this principle, you need to study this personality well. In addition, we have already talked about the importance of imitating a leader. Again, you can only imitate the behavior of someone you know well. What ways and means do you have to study the personality of a leader?

The first, and perhaps one of the most accessible and at the same time effective methods is observation. Keep an eye on your manager all the time: when he gives you orders, when you report to him on the work done, when he just passes by along the corridor. Notice even the smallest details. Today there is a lot of literature on sale devoted to how to recognize a person’s character traits by his way of dressing, by color and taste preferences, by gait, even by facial features! Of course, no knowledge is superfluous, and you can understand something for yourself from this information, but you should distinguish between completely reliable and pseudoscientific information. In my opinion, you shouldn't waste precious time analyzing the shape of your boss's nose and eye color or looking at what exactly is on his plate. I think it would be much more effective to study his habits and inclinations, which include the style of clothing, gait, choice of colors for decorating the office, and then, on this basis, draw some conclusions about his characteristic features.

Also, observing the leader will allow you to understand, for example, whether he is an energetic person. If this is so, you should always be cheerful and cheerful. If he is a serious person by nature and a smile on his face is an infrequent phenomenon, then it is advisable for you to smile less often when communicating with him, since, quite possibly, he may perceive your smiles as a manifestation of frivolity, which does not fit into the image of an executive and responsible employee. If your boss is an over-punctual person, you should come to work early so that he notices and appreciates it. As you probably already guessed, the secret of such techniques is simple: you need to show in your behavior traits that are highly valued in the eyes of your manager, since subconsciously a person develops an affinity for someone who is similar to him. It’s even easier to recognize these same traits: they dominate the character of your boss, because he considers them important and necessary for successful professional activity and wants to see them in the characters of his subordinates.

The second, most effective way to study the personality of your immediate supervisor is to communicate with him, since it is in conversation that a person reveals himself most fully. I note that communication and observation are difficult to separate from each other, because while communicating with the boss, you do not stop observing his behavior. So, the first thing you should pay attention to is the manner in which your boss communicates with his subordinates. Which principle – authoritarianism or democracy – is the leading one? This is not difficult to understand. Be sure to watch how he talks with your colleagues, because in this situation, firstly, you will be more objective, since you will look at the communication process from the outside, and secondly, you may notice a difference in his communication, for example, with you and with your colleague. Of course, such a difference is inevitable if your leader is a good psychologist: then he approaches each person from the point of view of his individual traits. Focus your attention on the following: who does he listen to more, whose opinion does he value more? If it’s not yours, don’t be upset: take a closer look at your more successful colleague and think about the reasons for his success, what he has that’s so special, and what you have – so far! - No. And then develop in yourself that same energy, or enthusiasm, and maybe hard work or the ability to listen, judging by the situation. Of course, it's not always easy, but it's worth all the effort. And the general recommendation is this: having recognized the manner of communication of your boss with his subordinates, accept his rules of the game: comments are unnecessary here.

What else can you learn from communicating with your manager? Almost everything, I will answer, and I’m unlikely to be wrong. For example, you will soon learn to immediately recognize the emotional state of your boss by his non-verbal behavior, because, in addition to general gestures and postures, the interpretation of which is unambiguous, each person has his own unique movements that he involuntarily makes when he is upset, irritated or, on the contrary, inspired. Knowing this, you can decide whether you can express your thoughts to your boss or whether you should wait a while, and you won’t be wrong. During contact, you will again have the opportunity to judge whether he is ready to receive your information or whether he has withdrawn into himself and will not return soon; whether he accepts or rejects your point of view, and properly structure your communication with him.

Every person's vocabulary contains signature words and expressions, and your boss is no exception in this sense. Some of them are good for you to know, and not only to know, but sometimes - not too often - to insert into your speech. Here again, a psychological moment already known to you is at work: a person is drawn to those people who are somewhat similar to him.

How does your boss approach solving professional problems: gives one order with detailed explanations or offers several “draft” options to choose from? Depending on this, you should behave accordingly: burst with different ideas or offer your boss one option, thought out to the smallest detail, for consideration.

Listen carefully to your leader, pondering his words. The necessity and benefits of this have already been said several times; You also know how to listen correctly. I will only add that attentive, interested and active listening is a quick and reliable way to find out a person’s personality, his mindset, and understand how he lives.

When talking with your manager, do not forget about the good old principle of mirroring. Mirroring should occur at every level - emotional, intonation, thematic, non-verbal. Of course, it will be easier for you to implement it when you thoroughly study the communication style of your interlocutor, in this case, your boss.

Study the strengths and weaknesses of a leader's character. Attention: I do not encourage you to manipulate your boss. Just when communicating, unobtrusively emphasize its advantages in every possible way, because, as we have already said, a good compliment should have a real basis, and not express some general positive meaning without reference to reality. It is clear that your boss’s character weaknesses are not worth mentioning.

The main thing is that your observation does not have the character of total surveillance: no one will like this.

You have another source of information about your manager - this is information about him given by your colleagues. It would seem an invaluable source of information, especially if you have recently worked in this institution. However, be careful: such information cannot always be trusted. Unfortunately, they are often generously diluted with their own opinions and various conjectures and generally border on gossip. Therefore, listen to the words of others, but draw your own conclusions! Of course, it’s good if you are confident in the person from whom you learned certain facts, however, if you are new to the team, the likelihood of determining the person’s reliability is very low. Also filter any information in terms of its value in terms of how much it will help you in studying the personality of your boss. Do not collect gossip and under no circumstances become its source! Just because you know a lot about a manager’s character is not a reason to tell everyone about him: the consequences can be unpredictable, including dismissal.

In general, by getting to know your manager better, you will receive many advantages, and they are never superfluous on the path to success!