Jokes for children aged 9,10,11,12 are very funny, short and not very long, which will be fun to read!
I used to lead an active lifestyle - I played football and hockey, tennis, basketball. But the computer is broken...
A conversation between two men:
-Does your watch run correctly?
- I have them on our hand!
Did you know that the true lord of the rings works in the registry office?
What is man's best four-legged friend?
- Armchair!
Slow people are compared to turtles, but there have been no cases that the turtle was late somewhere.
My new Chinese phone works like clockwork. But at the same time, like a phone, it doesn't work...
Mom and son at the entrance to the zoo, son: Mom, mom, look monkey! - No, son, this is the cashier's aunt.
Teacher: List me four pets.
- A dog, and three puppies - Petrov answers cheerfully.
A happy hedgehog and a thoughtful hare are walking along the forest path. The hare asks:
- Hedgehog, why are you constantly laughing?
- The grass of the heel tickles.
- "Ivanov, who did your homework: dad or mom?"
"I don't know, I was already asleep"
What to do when you fall in love at first sight?
Take a closer look a second time...
— Angelina, why do you drink so much water? the mother asks.
Because I ate an apple and forgot to wash my hands before eating.
In a psychiatric hospital, a patient says:
- I'm Napoleon.
- Why do you think so? the doctor asks.
“God told me.
Another ward intervenes indignantly in the conversation:
- No, I didn't.
A father explains to his three-year-old son:
- No, this is not a horse with antennae, but a deer!
The girl is taking a driving test. He gets into the car, the instructor says:
- You don't pass.
- But why? After all, I just got into the car!
Instructor:
- Yes, sat down, only in the back seat.
Mom, I'm so lucky today at school.
- Why?
- the teacher wanted to put me in a corner, but all the corners were occupied.
A conversation between two fishermen:
Yesterday I caught a goldfish..
- That's lucky! What wishes did you make?
- I had to choose from two desires: to become the most beautiful, or to have a good memory.
- And what did you choose?
- I don't remember …
— Tell me, please, is this cake fresh?
- Of course, look at the date of manufacture on January 1!
But today is only December 30th! the buyer wonders.
You are very lucky this cake from the future!
Does your dog like children?
Yes, but more dog food.
There is a lesson at school, the teacher:
“Children who think they are stupid stand up!
A few minutes pass, Nikita gets up.
teacher:
— Nikita, do you consider yourself stupid?
“No… it’s just awkward that you’re standing alone…”
At the lesson, the teacher gave the task to the children to draw grazing cows on a green field. Vasily brought a blank sheet of paper. the teacher asks:
Why didn't Vasenka draw green grass?
— The cow ate the grass
- Where is the cow?
- Well, what is a cow to do there if there is no green grass?
Useful phones:
the roof is on fire - 01
no roof - 02
the roof has gone - 03 Or one common number 112
The son asks the banker-father:
- Dad, you have a bank and the money in your bank belongs to customers?
- Yes.
“Then where did the villa, the yacht, my private fee-paying school and everything else come from?”
- Let me explain... Bring me a large piece of lard from the refrigerator
Son brings, father
"Now, take it back."
- Well, he took it, so what?
- Show me your hands, you see, there is fat on the palms and fingers ...
Looking for some funny anecdote for kids? Then you are welcome to us: Humor, jokes for children 10 years old are very funny, short funny.
The little girl was left with her grandmother. In the morning, the child pesters granny: Baba, pray and repent! Well, woman, well, pray and repent! Grandmother in shock (the mouth of the baby speaks the truth), goes to church, puts candles,
prays and makes obeisances. He returns, and there is still the same song, pray and repent, yes pray and repent. The child is already in tears, the grandmother is in a faint. Everything became clear when the parents returned. The girl asked to play the cartoon Kid and Carlson for her, she just spoke badly.
Mom takes her son on a hike:
- Here I put butter, bread and a kilogram of nails for you.
- But why?
- It is clear why! Spread butter on bread and eat!
- What about nails?
- Well, here they are, put it!
Mom, what is "pi"?
- Well, it's from mathematics. Then you will learn. Where did you hear?
- Yes, here's a rhyme: "Day and night, the scientist cat keeps walking around. And drinking around."
10-year-old Polina looks at her newborn brother. The boy has already begun to react to the faces of loved ones. He carefully looks at his sister and suddenly smiles widely. Polina remarks with satisfaction:
Of course he smiles at me. You are adults, and I am a children's team.
5-year-old Maxim and his 4-year-old sister Alice eat coleslaw. After the meal, the boy turns to Alice:
- Well, today at lunch we were with you just like goats.
“No,” the girl corrects him. - There is only one goat. And I am a bunny.
Kirill, 6, watches with interest as his father climbs the ladder to paint the frames. At this moment, the mother comes up to the child and says:
- Here you grow up, son, and you can help dad.
After a little thought, Kirill asks: - Hasn't dad finished painting by then?
4-year-old Anton enters the subway car with his dad at rush hour.
- Well, let's see if people have a conscience? the child says aloud.
- How is that? - the father is interested.
- Will they give way to a man with a child, or, as usual, lower their eyes, - explains the son.
3.5-year-old Panya is present when her mother is talking to the local pediatrician. The doctor, having examined the girl's older brother, advises: - If the temperature rises, rub it with vodka. - Vodka? Panya is surprised. We don't have vodka. Dad drank all the vodka.
9-year-old Vasya returns with his mother from a store where two packs of cookies have just been bought.
“There are six cookies in each pack,” Vasya argues aloud. - It turns out twelve. There are three children in the family. That makes four cookies per child...
At the entrance to the apartment, Vasya sees three pairs of shoes of his older brother's classmates.
- Mom, just don't tell me that twelve is divisible by six, - Vasya says wistfully. - It's beyond my strength.
As a child, we did not care how we dress - our parents bought all the clothes for us. And now you look at children's photos and you understand that parents also didn’t really worry about how to dress us ...
Serezha falls out of bed at night. Mom runs up to him.
- Seryozhenka, what did you hit?
- Bedside rug.
4 year old Allochka says:
- Uncle Kolya, I love you so much that I would tear off your legs.
- What are you, Allochka! For what?!
- And then you would be small and always played with me.
The boy sat on a tree and cried:
Take me off, take me off...
And he was very lucky, because in the park where the tree stood, many kind people with cameras were walking.
2 year old Danilka, after a dozen of heard fairy tales, is clearly overloaded with information:
- And my dad and I saw the Swan Princess there in the picture. She sat and spun by the window. And she's not a frog!
Granddaughter asks:
- Grandma, how old are you?
- Sixty.
- And show on your fingers!
3 year old Ksenia at the zoo:
Why do lions live in the desert?
They have nowhere else to live.
- And what, in the zoo all the cells are occupied?
We drive up to the house by car. A two-year-old nephew weightily states:
- Uncle Zhenya, and I know where to paravach here ...
- Where, Sasha?
- Straight!
4-year-old Fedor tries to crack a peach pit for several minutes in a row.
- Son! - trying to stop his father. - The bones must be broken with a stone or a hammer. You can break all your teeth like that.
- Well, let, - Fyodor answers, - iron ones grow, like our uncle Grisha's.
Was in China. While there was an excursion, a Chinese boy of 3 years old ran in front of our group, whinnied loudly, rolled on the ground and chatted something on his own.
At our request, the guide translated, he yelled: "Ofigeeet, all on one face, eyes like a cow!"
Maxim's father decided to tell the truth about Santa Claus and other fairy tale characters.
“So, son,” the frank dad begins, “in fact, there is no Santa Claus. All these years, I played his role, and my mother and I bought gifts for you ...
“I know, dad,” Maxim interrupts his father. - And you were also a stork, my mother confessed to me.
- Next >
The son says to his mother: - I won't go to school anymore.
- Why?
- Yes, well, this school. Again Kuznetsov will hit the head with a textbook, Vasiliev will start aiming with a slingshot, and Voronin will trip. Will not go.
“No, son, you must go to school,” says the mother. - Firstly, you are already an adult, you are forty years old, and secondly, you are the director of the school ....
The son comes home and boasts to his father:
- Dad, and I translated the old woman across the road! Dad:
- Well done! Here's some candy for you. The next day, the son comes with a friend:
- Dad, and my friend and I moved the old woman across the road! Dad:
- Well done! Here's some candy for you. The next day, the son brings his entire class:
- Dad, and with the whole class we transferred the old woman across the road!
- Why are there so many of you?
But she resisted...
Maxim why does dad do all the lessons for you? - Well, what should I do if my mother has no time! ...
A first grader comes to the school supply store and asks: - Aunty, do you have glue for the 1st grade? - No, boy. - A notebook in a circle? - In what other circle? Also no. Behind the citizen speaks angrily.
- Boy, don't fool the seller and don't take people's time. Girl, show me the globe of Ukraine….
At the lesson of the world around: Teacher:
-Vovochka, when is the best time to pick apples? Vovochka: -When the dog is tied ....
The son comes from school, says to his father: - Dad, they call you to school. - What have you done? Yes, the glass is broken. The father went. A few days later, the son says again: - Dad, they call you back to school. - What is it this time? - Yes, the chemical office blew up. The father went. A few days later, the son again says to his father: - Dad, they call you back to school. - That's it, I'm not going, I'm tired. - Well, that’s right, there’s nothing for you to wander around the ruins ......
Mother wakes up her son at school: - Did you do the lessons? -No. -What are you going to do then? -The less you know the better you sleep!!!…
The son comes home with a deuce.
- Dad, don't worry!
- Okay, just don't be offended!
Teacher - student:
- When's your birthday?
- 5 October.
- What year?
- Everyone.
There is an arithmetic lesson in the first grade. The teacher asks:
- Syoma, how much should your mother pay for two kilograms of apples, if one kilogram costs five rubles?
- I don't know. My mom always trades like that!..
Why weren't you at school yesterday?
- My sister got married.
"Okay, just make sure it doesn't happen again!"
- Do you like going to school?
— Yes, only these hours between walking are the most disgusting.
The parish physician was part-time Sunday school teacher.
He asks the boy:
“Tell me, my young friend, what must we do to get to heaven?”
“Die,” the boy replies.
"That's right, but what should we do before that?"
- Call the doctor!
A mathematics professor reads a book to his little son at night.
Baby, sigh
- Pa-a-ap! Yes, it's boring! I would go straight to the episode where the multiple Riemann integral is tested against the Darboux criterion...
It is hard to believe that there is even one person without a sense of humor - another thing if we talk about how subtle it is in some faces. Humor covers all areas of activity of people.
We joke about literally everything. what we see and what is happening to us, we joke about representatives of certain professions and nationalities, about relatives and friends, laugh at ourselves and situations into which we fall.
The main themes of jokes loved by all children are:
- fairy tales and fairy tale characters;
- friends, brothers and sisters;
- school, study;
- animals;
- holidays.
jokes It's an energy boost for the whole day. Perhaps the most harmless and funny jokes are related to children, they will make adults and children laugh to tears. And since the main occupation of children is study, that's all funniest kids jokes related to school, students and teachers. Everyone can cheer up themselves and their friends by enlisting a couple of dozen short jokes about school. Here you can find:
- children's jokes about school;
- the funniest jokes about Vovochka;
- the latest school jokes.
Children's jokes about school
Parents ask first-graders:
— Well, how do you like the first day? Did you like school?
- First? Don't tell me I'm going there again tomorrow!
— Sasha, name me at least one transparent object.
"Keyhole, Marya Ivanovna!"
After the anatomy lesson.
- Heard that Vitya got a deuce for the control!
- Why?
- For a cheat sheet. The teacher caught him while he was counting his ribs.
— Doctor, my child has strabismus.
Is it innate in him?
- No, from cheating.
- How much will it be if they give you one kitten, plus two kittens and four more kittens?
- Nine.
- Listen carefully! They gave you one kitten, then two kittens and four more. How much?
- Nine.
- Then it's different! I give you one watermelon, then two and four more watermelons! How many?
- Eight!
- Here you go! And the kitten, plus two, plus four? How much?
- Nine!
— Yes, why?
— Because I already have one kitten!
- Mom, dad, we wrote at school today!
- Well, read what you wrote?
The son complains to his mother:
I don't want to go to school anymore!
- Why?
- Again Vasechkin will trip, and Ivanov will shoot at me with a slingshot, and Sidorov will throw a textbook at me!
“No, son, you need to go to school,” Mom says. - Firstly, you are already 50 years old, and secondly, you are the principal of the school.
- Daddy, and today at school the doctors gave us a vaccination!
“Well done, daughter, you didn’t cry, did you?”
No, they didn't catch up with me.
— To make them think that they have a holiday.
— Little Johnny What do you think is the best school?
- Closed!
The teacher asks:
- Children, do you know that all substances tend to expand in heat, and shrink in cold?
- Certainly! Vovochka says. Therefore, the winter holidays are shorter than the summer ones.
- Sit down Ivanov, five! Come on diary.
- I forgot it.
- Take mine! - Vovochka whispers.
- Children, what order does the spectacled snake belong to?
- To the detachment of myopic!
“Vovochka, why are you so pale today?”
“My mother washed me yesterday.
Vovochka was late for school. The teacher asks him:
What happened, why so late?
- A bandit attacked me!
- Oh God! And what did he do?
- Took homework...
The girl complains to her parents:
- How can I get rid of this Vovochka? No more strength!
Why didn't he please you? Won briefcase after school helps to carry.
- Yes, I'm tired: I have already accumulated about fifty of them!
The latest school jokes
On the control, the teacher closely monitors the students and sometimes kicks out those who have noticed spurs. The principal looks into the classroom.
Are you writing a control? Probably, there are a lot of cheaters here.
- No, amateurs are already in the corridor, only professionals are left.
Anatomy teacher:
What teeth are the last to appear in humans?
- Plug-in.
What time is it: I jump, you jump, he jumps, they jump?
- Turn!
- Do you know what is the worst thing for an excellent student?
— Get a deuce?
- No, learn a lesson and not have time to answer.
There is a lesson. In the next room there is noise and din, the teacher can not stand it and goes there. Grabs the most noisy by the ear, leads him to his class. Ten minutes later, the door opens, a student from that office looks into the classroom and quietly says:
“Can we have our teacher back?”
The father asks his son:
- What can I do to stop you getting F's?
"Ask the teacher not to call me!"
The teacher says:
- Everyone be quiet! To be heard as a fly flies!
Everyone immediately fell silent. Five minutes later, Vanya breaks down and asks:
- Mikhail Ivanovich, when will you let the fly go?
Now let's prove the Pythagorean theorem.
Last student:
- Maybe not? We believe in the word!
Answering a question about the first female pilot, the students named Baba Yaga.
I go to school - no one ... I go to Odnoklassniki - the whole class!
In math class:
- Anya, how much will your mother pay for 3 kilograms of potatoes, if a kilogram costs 30 rubles 10 kopecks?
- That is still unknown.
- Why?
“And she always bargains.
A high school student approaches his father:
Dad, they're calling you to school.
— What happened?
— So, a trifle, I broke the window.
The father went. A few days later, the son again:
"Daddy, they're calling you to school.
- What did you do again?
- Yes, the laboratory room was blown up.
The father went.
The son approaches him for the third time:
- Dad, you are again asked to go to school.
“That’s it, I’m tired, I won’t go anymore!”
- That's right, dad. Why do you need to walk through the ruins ...
1. Which river is longer: the Mississippi or the Volga? the teacher asks Vovochka.
Of course Mississippi!
- And do you know how much?
- For four letters!
2. The Russian language teacher says:
- Children, how do you understand the phrase "visibly-invisibly"? Wow, answer.
- So this TV is junk!
3. Homework is needed only to quarrel between children and parents ...
4. Mom asks Vovochka:
How many tasks were on the test today?
- 15!
- And how much did you guess wrong?
- Only one!
- The rest, then, right?
- No, I didn't manage to solve the rest...
5. Winnie the Pooh chews on a bun. Suitable Piglet.
Vinnie, let me have a bite of the bun.
- This is not a bun ... this is a pie!
- Well, give me a bite of the pie.
- This is not a pie ... this is a donut!
- Well, let me bite the donut.
- Listen, Piglet, leave me alone, you don't know what you want!
6. Grandmother, grandmother! Why do you have such big eyes?
- To see you better ... - Why do you have such big ears?
To hear you better...
- Why do you have such a big nose?
- So, we are elephants, granddaughters ..
7. Dad, did you have a tablet as a child?
No, there were no computers back then.
What were you playing then?
- On the street!
8. Schoolchildren think that it is better to study at the institute, but only students know what is most comfortable in
kindergarten!
Children's jokes are the funniest
9. Literature lesson. The teacher asks:
- Well, children, have you read War and Peace?
Silence ... One guy starts up, with dumbfounded eyes asks:
- What should I have read?
Teacher:
- Well, yes…
- And I rewrote!
9. Mom asks her son:
- Sashenka, yesterday there were two pieces of cake left on the table. Now there is only one, why?
“It’s just that I didn’t notice the second piece in the dark,” Sashenka answered.
10. A boy on a walk with his dad in the park saw two twins in a stroller. He looked at them for a long time.
with a clever expression on his face and finally asked his father:
- Daddy, where is my second one?
11. The girl came to a neighbor and says:
Mom is very ill and wants strawberry jam.
- Oh my God! What do you put in? Did you take a glass or a saucer?
- Nothing is needed. I'll eat here.
12. Boxing in kindergarten. The judge in the ring gives the command:
- In different corners!
Boxers in crying:
We will no longer...
13. Chemistry lesson. Teacher:
- Masha, what color is your solution?
— Red.
- Right. Sit down, five.
- Katya, what about you?
— Orange.
- Not quite right. Four, sit down.
— Vovochka, the color of your solution?
- Black.
- Two. Class! Lie down.
14. Letter to Santa Claus:
- Grandfather Frost, I want Lenka to turn into a toad! And a gold bracelet.
15. Grandmother and granddaughter are sitting at a chamber music concert. The cellist is playing. granddaughter asks
grandmother:
- Grandma, when uncle saws his box, will we go home?
16. Your son shot during the lesson with a slingshot, the teacher complains to the student's mother.
— Ah! This rascal again lost the gun I gave him for his birthday.
