Semyon Teodorovich Altov (1945), (real name Altshuller) - Russian and Soviet satirist, screenwriter, Honored Artist of the Russian Federation.
Semyon Altov was born on January 17, 1945 in Sverdlovsk, where his parents were evacuated during the Great Patriotic War. His father, Teodor Semyonovich Altshuller, was a teacher at the Leningrad Shipbuilding Institute, and his mother, Lyubov Naumovna Zalesskaya, was an architect. After the end of the war, they returned to their hometown - Leningrad.
When Semyon was 8 years old, his parents gave him a Young Chemist set, which captivated young Semyon so much that in the future he chose the profession of a chemist. After graduating from a chemical college, he enters the Leningrad Technological Institute. Leningrad City Council, specializing in paint and varnish chemist. In 1968, after graduating from the institute, he got a job in his specialty at the State Institute of Mineral Pigments and at the plant. Shaumyan.
The writing activity of Semyon Altov.
The biography of the satirist writer Semyon Altov begins in the 1970s, when he was 26 years old, with the first satirical and humorous works. Although in several interviews Semyon Teodorovich admitted that he initially tried to write poetry.
Altov's first publication was in the "Phrases" section of the Literary Gazette, in the "12 Chairs Club" section. For writing aphorisms, the satirist received his first fee - in the amount of 38 rubles.
In 1973, two years after the first publication, Semyon Altov was invited to the Lenconcert. In the words of Semyon Teodorovich himself, “I climbed onto the stage, where I stick around” until now.
Currently, Semyon Altov is the author of 4 books: "Get Height", "Dog's Joys", "224 Selected Pages", "Chance". He also wrote a lot of monologues that were performed on the stage by such famous comedians as Gennady Khazanov, Vladimir Vinokur, Klara Novikova, Efim Shifrin, and of course, by the author himself.
In addition, Semyon Altov wrote many scripts for television and variety programs, plays and films.
In 1987, on the stage of the Moscow Variety Theater, the premiere of the last stage work of Arkady Raikin took place - the play "Peace to your home", the author of the interludes in which was Semyon Altov.
Participation in TV shows.
On December 1, 1995, Altov took part in the Field of Miracles capital show dedicated to the 50th anniversary of Gennady Khazanov.
He was also a frequent guest in such humorous TV programs as “Around Laughter”, “Gentleman Show”, “Without Intermission”, “Laughing Room”, “Crooked Mirror”, “Izmailovsky Park”, “Jurmala”, “Evening Quarter”. Repeatedly took part in the filming of television shows, shows and films as a screenwriter, artist and invited guest.
In 1997, the NTV channel released the humorous television series "Nattyepy" (24 episodes), the author and initiator of which was Semyon Altov, and the director of this series was his son, Pavel Semenovich Altov.
In the 80s, Semyon Altov, in collaboration with Leonid Yakubovich, Mikhail Gorodinsky, Yan Arlazorov, Vyacheslav Polunin, Valery Nikolenko, Viktor Billevich and the Lyceum Theater, created a new variety comedy program "SHOW-01". The program actively and successfully gave concerts throughout the Soviet Union and included drawings, attracting viewers to participate in the performance.
Semyon Altov's Peru also owns the dialogues for the musical film based on the buff opera by Jacques Offenbach - Pericola.
The peculiar performing style of Semyon Altov noticeably distinguishes him from other artists of the humorous genre. He reads his monologues without smiling, monotonously, with the same frozen expression on his face, monotonous with a nasal voice. Thanks to this style of his, he more than once became the hero of parodies.
His wife, Larisa Vasilievna Altova, is a choir conductor by profession. They have been married for over thirty years.
Son - Pavel Semyonovich Altov - director, businessman and producer of his father (director of the TV series "Klutzes" on NTV). Daughter-in-law - Anna Altova.
Grandchildren - Varvara Pavlovna Altova, Ekaterina Pavlovna Altova, Vasily Pavlovna Altov.
In 1994, Semyon Altov became a laureate of the international festival of satire and humor "Golden Ostap". He was awarded a gilded statuette after Sergei Dovlatov and Mikhail Zhvanetsky.
in 2001 he received the Arkady Raikin Cup at the Riga International Festival "Sea of Laughter".
2003 receives the title of Honored Artist of the Russian Federation.
2008 - Laureate of the Tsarskoye Selo Art Prize.
Filmography
1984 - Pericola (writer of dialogues)
1986 - BDT thirty years later (film-play; participation)
1987 - Peace to your house (teleplay; author of reprises and interludes)
1992 - Good luck to you, gentlemen
1992 - Who's there? (short; participation)
1993 - Chance (Ukraine, short; screenwriter)
1994 - Altshows (director and screenwriter)
1996 - Idiots (short; screenwriter)
1997 - Don't play the fool - member of the expedition
Semyon Teodorovich Altov (1945), (real name Altshuller) - Russian and Soviet satirist, screenwriter, Honored Artist of the Russian Federation.
Semyon Altov was born on January 17, 1945 in Sverdlovsk, where his parents were evacuated during the Great Patriotic War. His father, Teodor Semyonovich Altshuller, was a teacher at the Leningrad Shipbuilding Institute, and his mother, Lyubov Naumovna Zalesskaya, was an architect. After the end of the war, they returned to their hometown - Leningrad.
When Semyon was 8 years old, his parents gave him a Young Chemist set, which captivated young Semyon so much that in the future he chose the profession of a chemist. After graduating from a chemical college, he enters the Leningrad Technological Institute. Leningrad City Council, specializing in paint and varnish chemist. In 1968, after graduating from the institute, he got a job in his specialty at the State Institute of Mineral Pigments and at the plant. Shaumyan.
The writing activity of Semyon Altov.
The biography of the satirist writer Semyon Altov begins in the 1970s, when he was 26 years old, with the first satirical and humorous works. Although in several interviews Semyon Teodorovich admitted that he initially tried to write poetry.
Altov's first publication was in the "Phrases" section of the Literary Gazette, in the "12 Chairs Club" section. For writing aphorisms, the satirist received his first fee - in the amount of 38 rubles.
In 1973, two years after the first publication, Semyon Altov was invited to the Lenconcert. In the words of Semyon Teodorovich himself, “I climbed onto the stage, where I stick around” until now.
Currently, Semyon Altov is the author of 4 books: "Get Height", "Dog's Joys", "224 Selected Pages", "Chance". He also wrote a lot of monologues that were performed on the stage by such famous comedians as Gennady Khazanov, Vladimir Vinokur, Klara Novikova, Efim Shifrin, and of course, by the author himself.
In addition, Semyon Altov wrote many scripts for television and variety programs, plays and films.
In 1987, on the stage of the Moscow Variety Theater, the premiere of the last stage work of Arkady Raikin took place - the play "Peace to your home", the author of the interludes in which was Semyon Altov.
Participation in TV shows.
On December 1, 1995, Altov took part in the Field of Miracles capital show dedicated to the 50th anniversary of Gennady Khazanov.
He was also a frequent guest in such humorous TV programs as “Around Laughter”, “Gentleman Show”, “Without Intermission”, “Laughing Room”, “Crooked Mirror”, “Izmailovsky Park”, “Jurmala”, “Evening Quarter”. Repeatedly took part in the filming of television shows, shows and films as a screenwriter, artist and invited guest.
In 1997, the NTV channel released the humorous television series "Nattyepy" (24 episodes), the author and initiator of which was Semyon Altov, and the director of this series was his son, Pavel Semenovich Altov.
In the 80s, Semyon Altov, in collaboration with Leonid Yakubovich, Mikhail Gorodinsky, Yan Arlazorov, Vyacheslav Polunin, Valery Nikolenko, Viktor Billevich and the Lyceum Theater, created a new variety comedy program "SHOW-01". The program actively and successfully gave concerts throughout the Soviet Union and included drawings, attracting viewers to participate in the performance.
Semyon Altov's Peru also owns the dialogues for the musical film based on the buff opera by Jacques Offenbach - Pericola.
The peculiar performing style of Semyon Altov noticeably distinguishes him from other artists of the humorous genre. He reads his monologues without smiling, monotonously, with the same frozen expression on his face, monotonous with a nasal voice. Thanks to this style of his, he more than once became the hero of parodies.
His wife, Larisa Vasilievna Altova, is a choir conductor by profession. They have been married for over thirty years.
Son - Pavel Semyonovich Altov - director, businessman and producer of his father (director of the TV series "Klutzes" on NTV). Daughter-in-law - Anna Altova.
Grandchildren - Varvara Pavlovna Altova, Ekaterina Pavlovna Altova, Vasily Pavlovna Altov.
In 1994, Semyon Altov became a laureate of the international festival of satire and humor "Golden Ostap". He was awarded a gilded statuette after Sergei Dovlatov and Mikhail Zhvanetsky.
in 2001 he received the Arkady Raikin Cup at the Riga International Festival "Sea of Laughter".
2003 receives the title of Honored Artist of the Russian Federation.
2008 - Laureate of the Tsarskoye Selo Art Prize.
Filmography
1984 - Pericola (writer of dialogues)
1986 - BDT thirty years later (film-play; participation)
1987 - Peace to your house (teleplay; author of reprises and interludes)
1992 - Good luck to you, gentlemen
1992 - Who's there? (short; participation)
1993 - Chance (Ukraine, short; screenwriter)
1994 - Altshows (director and screenwriter)
1996 - Idiots (short; screenwriter)
1997 - Don't play the fool - member of the expedition
After the end of the war, the parents, Lyubov Naumovna and Teodor Semenovich, returned to Leningrad with little Semyon. In post-war Leningrad, the father of the future satirical writer read a course in electrical engineering at the shipbuilding institute, and his mother worked in the field of architecture.
Chemistry
On the day of his eighth birthday, Semyon received a Young Chemist set as a gift. According to the satirist, this gift turned out to be "fatal" and largely influenced the choice of profession.Semyon Altov graduated from the Chemical College, in 1968 - from the Leningrad Technological Institute. Lensoviet, specialty chemist-varnisher. After graduating from the institute, Semyon Teodorovich worked in his specialty at the State Institute of Mineral Pigments and at the plant named after. Shaumyan.
Writing activity of Semyon Altov
The author began to make his attempts at writing at a fairly mature age - 25-26 years old. Although in several interviews Semyon Teodorovich mentions that before starting to write satirical and humorous works, he composed poetry.Altov began to appear in print in 1971, in the small genre - "phrases". The first publication took place in the Literary Gazette, in the section "Club of 12 chairs", in which there was a heading "Phrases". For writing aphorisms, the satirist received his first fee - "38 rubles 00 kopecks."
Now Semyon Altov is the author of 4 books: "Chance", "Dog's Joy", "Climb Height", "224 Selected Pages". Peruvian satirist owns many monologues that were performed and are performed on the stage by such famous artists as: Efim Shifrin, Klara Novikova, Gennady Khazanov and others.
S.Altov-Tram
In addition, Altov became a screenwriter for many television and variety comedy programs, performances, and films. In 1987, on the stage of the Moscow Variety Theater, on Bersenevskaya Embankment, the premiere of the last stage work of Arkady Raikin took place - the play “Peace to your home”, the author of the interludes in which was Semyon Altov.
Stage
Two years after the first publication, in 1973, Altov received a position at the Lenconcert. In the words of Semyon Teodorovich himself, “I climbed onto the stage, where I stick around” until now.A distinctive performing style of Semyon Altov on the stage is the monotonous reading of monologues from a sheet in a low, slightly nasal and nasal voice. This characteristic has become so recognizable that Altov more than once became the hero of parodies. The author himself speaks about this manner of his, of course, with humor: “My voice calms men, and excites women. It's good that it's not the other way around." Viewers, on the other hand, claim that this style reminds them of how crime chronicles are read.
SHOW-01
In the eighties, Semyon Altov became one of the creators, authors and performers of the variety comedy program "SHOW-01", which actively gave concerts throughout the Soviet Union and became a starting point of popularity for many artists of the original genre. The co-authors and performers in SHOW-01, together with Semyon Altov, were such famous people as Viktor Billevich, Yan Arlazorov, Valery Nikolenko, Mikhail Gorodinsky, Vyacheslav Polunin, Leonid Yakubovich, the theater "Litsedei". The program included a huge number of pranks, attracting viewers to participate in the performance, many allusions and subtexts to the Soviet government, whose blunders, boldly enough, were paid attention to by satirists in their show.Semyon Altov - Bribe
"Klutzes"
Semyon Altov initiated the creation and became the author of the humorous television series "Klugs", which was released on the NTV channel in 1997. Interestingly, the humorist's son, Pavel Semenovich, also worked on the creation of the series as a director. "Klutzes" are small comedies of situations performed in the theatrical manner of the game, with almost no words. In total, 24 episodes of the series were released.Semyon Altov's personal life
Altov, jokingly, referring to a bad memory, reports that he met his wife Larisa Vasilievna three times. After the third acquaintance, they decided to get married and have been married for more than three decades. There is a son Pavel, director, businessman and producer of his father. Semyon Altov already has three grandchildren: Katya, Varya and Vasya. Semyon Altov's career in film and televisionAltov has repeatedly taken part in the filming of television shows, shows and films as a screenwriter, artist and invited guest.
In 1984, Semyon Altov wrote the dialogues for a musical film based on Jacques Offenbach's buff opera Pericola.
In 1997, he starred in the comedy Don't Play the Fool (directed by Valery Chikov). Altov played the role of a member of the expedition. In addition, the artist participated in such TV shows as: “Crooked Mirror”, “Gentleman Show”, “Evening Quarter”, “Laughing Room”, “Jurmala”, and many others.
Awards, titles Semyon Altov
At the international festival of humor and satire "Golden Ostap" in 1994, Semyon Altov became a laureate. He was awarded the gilded statuette of the festival after Sergei Dovlatov and Mikhail Zhvanetsky. In 2005, the writer was awarded the title of Honored Artist of the Russian Federation. In addition, Altov is an honorary professor at the St. Petersburg Institute of Technology, an honorary chemist.The popular satirist celebrated his 62nd birthday
You can talk with Semyon Altov endlessly. And not only because he has something to tell.
You can talk with Semyon Altov endlessly. And not only because he has something to tell. It's just that Semyon Teodorovich talks about everything with such humor that any story in his presentation draws on a full-fledged humorous story. Often with philosophical overtones.
"COMMUNAL TURNED ME TO BIG WOMEN"
- Semyon Teodorovich, from what age do you remember yourself?
Probably four years old. My mother was an architect, but after the birth of the children she did not work, she was engaged only in us. My father taught electrical engineering at the Leningrad Shipbuilding Institute. I was born in evacuation, in Sverdlovsk. When my parents returned home, our apartment no longer existed in nature. After the war in Leningrad, it was generally difficult with housing, they moved in in all directions. 29 people lived in our communal apartment. I remember how the first TV set "KVN" appeared: a tiny screen in front of which a lens with water was placed. We, little ones, were always looking for fish there, we thought it was an aquarium.
In our apartment, the TV was only in the family of Uncle Kolya - a big boss, director of a vegetable base. Broadcasting then began at six in the evening, and ended at 10. And at exactly six o'clock, all 29 people, children and adults, took chairs, entered Uncle Kolya's room without knocking and sat down to watch TV. And at 10 just silently left. For some reason, one program was especially memorable - figure skating. Then even very decrepit grandmothers knew what a todes and a triple sheepskin coat were.
- 29 people in one apartment - today it is difficult to imagine such a thing!
Then it was hard to imagine what could be otherwise. I remember a boy in class invited me to a birthday party. We played a little in his room and went out into the corridor, where there were two more doors. I ask: "Who lives there?". He says "we". - "But we just left your room," I was surprised, "and whose is that one?" - "Ours!". - "And the third one?" - "Ours too!" I came home and said: "Mom, we have an abnormal boy in our class. There are three doors in the apartment, and he says that they live everywhere!" I was really horrified, for us it was more familiar: the door is the family, the door is the family.
We did not know that all over the world people live in separate apartments. Was it tragic? No. Now my wife and I live only together, and sometimes I interfere with her, and she bothers me. Of course, there were scandals in the communal apartment, but not so often. In the kitchen, for example, each family had its own table. And crosses were drawn in ink near the legs. God forbid, if during the night someone moved the table at least four millimeters. Here the Battle of the Ice could easily begin! They remembered all past grievances and went wall to wall.
Conflict situations also arose near the toilet, if someone locked himself there for a long time. Not out of spite, you never know. And 10 people, shifting from foot to foot, were waiting on this side of the door. He, of course, heard everything, could not concentrate, and therefore sat even longer. But in fairness, it must be said that this rarely happened.
- St. Petersburg communal apartment with Odessa, of course, cannot be compared. But, perhaps, you had colorful personalities?
Today, thanks to Fellini's Amarcord, I understand that it was there that my idea of a woman took shape. We had neighbors, two aunts Shura, very large women. And, of course, it freaked me out. I don’t know whether it was intentional or not, but sometimes the skirts of their dressing gown were flung open. Or somewhere on the chest turned out to be a small hole. How much does a boy need during puberty? What I saw kept me awake! And if he did fall asleep, then he dreamed all night long. By the way, it was the communal apartment that turned me to face big women.
There is a terrible story connected with that apartment. The picture of how it all happened is still in front of my eyes. My parents left somewhere, left me with Uncle Kostya and Aunt Zina, in a room two by six meters - in fact, it was a piece of a corridor. I sat on the couch and read the Primer. Uncle Kostya brought a kettle from the kitchen and placed it on a stool, on a stand. At this time, I put down the Primer and reached for the doll. He touched the kettle, and steep boiling water poured out of it. If I poured all five liters on my six-year-old body, I would have had enough. But fate, obviously, took pity. I screamed, Uncle Kostya came running, tore off my clothes and smeared oil on my side.
This picture is replaced by the following: I am lying on the sofa, and the whole apartment is 29 people! - stands in the doorway, I even now remember where whose head is. And right before my eyes, like balloons, the skin on the side and on the arm begins to inflate. In order to cut them, I was given the first anesthesia, after which I asked: "Am I drunk?". It was very painful, which is probably why it all stuck in my memory.
"ON DOWN PANTS I EARNED A WHOLE THREE RUBLES"
- How did you first go on stage?
The artists were already slowly reading something of mine, when it suddenly turned out that there is a special category of songwriters: you yourself stand on the stage, read, and you are also paid money for it. We rushed to the Variety Theater, signed up for a queue. And then we went into the hall - there was just a concert going on - to see how others do it. While standing backstage, it turned out that someone did not come. We were told: "Go on stage, show yourself!".
I was in jeans, in this form you can’t go on stage. And someone lent me a suit that was... two sizes too big for me. Therefore, standing on the stage, I always held the falling trousers with my elbow. And the commission that was supposed to receive us decided that this was such an actor's move: look, the guy is on stage for the first time, and already he is catching his pants, what a find! They not only accepted me, but they immediately gave me a higher rate for skill - not 6.50, like everyone else, but 9.50! So I earned as much as three rubles on my lowered pants.
I started performing, but I only had one section of the program. Sasha Rosenbaum performed in the second. He, thanks to tape recordings, was then much more famous, and against his background I showed myself to people. I always worked the first department, he - the second. But somehow he still had to be in time somewhere, and he asked me to change. And our permanent presenter was a little tipsy. Seeing that Sasha was leaving, she said: "Good luck, the concert is over!". And the people went to the foyer. When she realized what she had done, she instantly sobered up. And then she ran around the lobby, calling everyone back.
- Once you said in an interview: "All the great pop actors have passed through me!". And it is possible in more detail?
We should probably start with Yan Arlazorov, with whom we had a very beautiful romance. I remember we were sitting at home, we still had a one-room apartment then. Call. A man unknown to me in a beautiful velvety voice says that he is Arlazorov. He heard and read something of mine, so he would very much like to work with me. I say: "Here is my address, if you are in St. Petersburg - come in!" Four hours later, a man was already entering the apartment. It turns out that he immediately took a taxi, rushed to the airport, bought a ticket and flew in.
Enchanted my whole family. He painted fabulous pictures of what would happen with our cooperation in two or three years: there was a cavalcade of Mercedes, mountains of flowers, money, jewelry and apartments. And we started to work. Before that, Jan had only one number - "Stuntmen". I began to come to Moscow often, to his then still one-room apartment, located somewhere behind the Prague cinema. There was only one, however, a very large sofa, on which we often spent the night together. Once I said this phrase in an interview, which later came out under the heading: "Altov and Arlazorov in the same bed."
- They say that Yan Mayorovich has a difficult character. How did you work with him?
I can't say that everything was easy. I am an easy and rather careless person, and Jan is punctual and meticulous. I always wanted to go further, do something new, and he scrupulously perfected each number. But we still did a lot. You know and remember many things, for example, the famous "Cashier" with the word "Lord!" By the way, it was Jan who destroyed the notorious "fourth wall" on our stage, he was the first to not only address the audience, but also introduce them to his number. Then we parted ways with him. But Jan is monogamous and, in my opinion, is still jealous of me.
- To whom?
And to everyone! To his wife, to his son, to other artists. His character is peculiar: if he is devoted, then to the end. Whether you like it or not! Ready to give you an arm, a leg. And he is not embarrassed that you already have two hands, he still offers you a third - a spare wheel. And from a pure heart. Now here he is again tempting me: "Let's do something!". Last summer in Jurmala, I read my short parables very successfully - unexpectedly emotionally. Well, that's what I would do! No, he is always waiting for me to return to his house. He thinks that I went out for a while and should come back.
- Do you have an equally touching relationship with Shifrin?
Fima is a very convenient person. He is intelligent, unobtrusive. Now he, perhaps, performs more than anyone else and does it very well. But Fima is very closed, you can't get inside him. Yes, and do not! I don't like it when they try to get deep into my soul.
With whom I really have a very touching relationship, it is with Volodya Vinokur. I do not know a person more comfortable in communication. He needs to be paid money only for the fact that he is sitting at your table. He ingeniously feels the company, ranging from major military leaders to locksmiths, and immediately takes the party into his own hands. And although he often speaks obscenities, he does it so naturally and organically that even Queen Elizabeth would be fascinated by him.
You know, some people say the swear word not completely, but there is a feeling of embarrassment. The other does not miss a single letter, but he does everything gracefully. This is about Volodya. A very sunny person who you can always rely on. By the way, I can say the same about Yakubovich.
"IF NOT FOR YAKUBOVICH, MY FAMILY WOULD BE BREAKDOWN"
- Have you known him for a long time?
Ever since the very popular program "Show 01" in the 70s. Alas, not a single record remained - it was not filmed for television. I left it three years later, but the program rolled around Russia for another 10 years and without a single "monkey" (as an actor with a well-known surname is called) gathered stadiums, and this is five to seven thousand people. Yakubovich at "Show 01" at first simply carried a chair onto the stage and, in my opinion, was very pleased with this. Then he began to do a small pop number - burime, and you see how he got untwisted.
I have a wonderful story connected with Lenya and "Show 01"! We were once on tour in Sochi. On August 30, I had to fly from there to St. Petersburg: my wife and son were returning home from Belarus, from relatives, and only I had the keys to the apartment. People of the older generation remember what it meant at that time to fly somewhere from Sochi on August 30th. But our administrator promised me: "Everything is agreed, you will fly away!". The day before, we said goodbye on the beach... I returned to my hotel room at half past five in the morning, and at half past six I had to leave. It was possible not to go to bed, but I still lay down, saying to myself: "Senechka, we'll sleep for half an hour and get up!"
- Overslept?
I woke up 40 minutes before departure. Since then, I know a way to quickly recover after a stormy night: you need to wake up in a strange city 40 minutes before your plane takes off. On autopilot, he tossed something into his bag. What came out, I do not remember. There was only one taxi on the street, ran up: "Adler!". The driver asked: "How much?". - "If we get there," I said, "that's it!" We arrived in 20 minutes. I found Ivan Ivanovich, said that I was from Ivan Petrovich. He says: “Yes, they called me, but the plane was packed, I can’t take you. Go (names some village near Adler), find Anna Stepanovna, she will put you in!” I already knew that something was wrong, but still went. For a long time I woke up some woman who could not understand what I wanted from her. Then she said: "Go to the airport. I'll come at two o'clock, fly away."
Two hours - no one, three - no one. It started to rain. And suddenly a strange feeling came over me...
- You realized that you will never fly away from there!
Yes. Imagination painted a terrible picture: the wife and son are sitting on the stairs at the locked door. Because of me! Then I collected the remnants of someone else's insolence (I never had my own!) and decided to go to the head of the airport. His door was literally plastered with people, but I still squeezed in. I will never forget what I saw there.
A man was sitting at the table with some upturned eyes, and in front of him on the table were documents, crutches, artificial female breasts and crying babies. Mats, tears and sweat hung in the air. I tried to catch his eye, for which I squatted, then rose. At that time I already had a certificate from the Raikin Theater. And I, like a lure, began to drive it in front of the nose of the boss. At some point, he stumbled upon it and read what was written there. As I understood later, this was the last straw that overflowed the cup of his patience. He stood up slightly and shouted: "Fuck you!".
- And you?
Went. I drank another glass of beer, after which I took a taxi and returned to Sochi to my friends. "That's it, - he said, - guys, the end!". And then Lenya Yakubovich came up: "Here's a glass of vodka and a chicken leg for you. Lie down, sleep. Today you will fly away!" When a person really wants to believe in something, he believes. Lenya woke me up at seven in the evening: “Go to a sports camp near the airport, you will find a person there (gives an eastern name and patronymic), say that it’s from me. I arrived, found this person, I say:“ I’m from Leni! ”. but they put me at the table, began to feed and drink: "Oh, we have such a guest!". Naturally, I twitched, trying to explain that I had to fly away. But in response I heard one thing: "Eat, dear, eat!".
Exactly at nine in the evening I was dragged from the table, and we went to the airport, where the swarm of bees was still buzzing. My companion called two policemen, we lined up like a "pig" and literally cut the crowd. He calmly entered the cashier from the service entrance, kissed the cashier on the neck and said: "Svetonka, this is my friend, he needs to fly to Leningrad." She smiled, "Please!" And I flew away! This is Lenya, who always had close people who were ready to do everything or almost everything for him. Apparently he did the same for them. So, if not for Yakubovich, my family would have broken up. And so we still live.
- They say that you romantically courted your future wife ...
I met Larisa three times.
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The first time - in the Palace of Culture of the Leningrad City Council. In the foyer sat a girl with a strikingly beautiful face. I had a ticket for the Oral Journal, which I also kept. He asked: "Do you want to go?". She left, but I never saw her again. Exactly a year later I went to "Tekhnolozhka" (Technological Institute named after Lensoviet. - Auth.), to the Komsomol committee. A girl with a strikingly beautiful face was sitting at the piano and playing Grieg. He asked: "Do you want to go to a piano concert?" She wanted to, but needless to say, I never saw her again.
Another year has passed. In an unfamiliar company, a girl with a face of striking beauty sang to the guitar in an exciting chest voice. I thought about where to invite her. And then Larisa said: "Don't you remember: we are getting to know each other for the third time!" They did not wait for the fourth and soon got married.
- It turns out, fate!
Do you know when I realized this? When he first came to visit her. At that time there was a terrible book shortage. From Bunin's five-volume book, so bluish-green, I managed to get the first four volumes. And so, having come to Larisa, I saw a lonely fifth volume on the shelf. "And I have the first four," I said. "And I have the fifth," she replied. In fact, it was our first declaration of love. And the collection of works was finally complete.
- Was the wedding noisy?
Of course, not the kind that are now celebrating in Tsarskoe Selo and Petrodvorets, much more modestly. In some canteen on Petrogradskaya. Larisa's parents and my father were still alive. Her mother brought from Belarus, where they lived, two or three cases of "Belovezhskaya" - a wonderful brown vodka infused with pine nuts. Someone said a very beautiful oriental toast about how good it is that the beauty of Larisa and the beauty of my mind have come together. My wife is really a very beautiful woman. Sometimes, looking at our wedding photo, I ask her: "Lara, tell me honestly, what did you find in me?"
- And she?
Silent. He pretends not to hear.
How do you explain this fact yourself?
I think there was a long-range sight. I was still a nobody, an engineer with a salary of 110 rubles, but she apparently noticed something in me and calculated everything correctly. Now has... 120.
"IF WOOL, THERE IS A DOG; IF SMOOTH, THERE IS A WIFE"
- Do you often quarrel?
Happens. First of all, we are completely different both externally and internally. I am a phlegmatic, Larisa, rather, a choleric, she is very quick-tempered, easily excited. Secondly, any topic is suitable for a quarrel. Because of the question: "Why did you wear this shirt with this jacket?" - a civil war may well begin! But nothing, in my opinion, it even refreshes our relationship. Besides, it's impossible to argue with me for a long time. In the midst of such a theatrical scene, I suddenly say something, and she starts laughing. As a partner in the tragedy genre, I am bad: I translate everything into a comedy, and the performance collapses.
Are there any jokes that your wife doesn't like?
One, in my opinion, a very successful phrase makes her terribly angry. It sounds like this: "I want a simple human affection, but my wife is at home." And her favorite phrase is: "Feed you, feed you, and you eat and eat!"
But seriously, we have been together for more than 30 years, and this is a solid experience (we will not use the word "term"). We have had different periods. Larisa often recalls how we went on a honeymoon trip to Tallinn, which was very cool at that time. I remember that trip too, but in a different way. One night I lay and looked at the stars in the window. And suddenly I, accustomed to loneliness as to comfort, realized that this woman would now always lie next to me! And shuddered! And then I got used to it. Now I get upset if I can't find her around.
- How often does this happen?
Yes, almost every night! The fact is that I am a lark, and she is an owl. At the time when I have the third dream, a thirst for activity awakens in her: she goes to the kitchen and starts rattling pots. And this is where I start to argue. I appear in the kitchen naked at half past two in the morning and ask: "When will this end?!" You see, I'm used to stretching my hand to the next half of the bed, and there, as a rule, a dog. And you know how I determine? If it is wool, it means a dog; if it is smooth, it means a wife. If there is nothing at all, then I rummage for a long time. And only when I find something, I can sleep peacefully further.
- How do you share household chores?
Hard to say. The son, for example, as a more real and practical person, always stands for establishing clear relationships in the family from the very beginning: who is who and who does what. He is probably right, because due to the indistinctness of such things, quarrels and even tragedies most often occur. Who is the head of the family? Who makes the decisions? Who should wash the dishes? Who do repairs and buy curtains? When everything is determined, life is easier. We have a mess in this regard! Of course, I can bang my fist on the table - and it will be in my opinion. But I do it very rarely. Most often I remind the hero of my story about the sweater. "Take?". - "Take it!". - "Maybe not to take?". - "Do not take!". Everything suits me.
- Who is in charge at your dacha?
Wife, of course! She has the right attitude to the earth: if something has sprouted, it must grow! When we first bought the dacha, it had a lot of greenhouses. But gradually we demolished them, only flowers remained. While in Holland, which, as you know, is the country of tulips, we bought luxurious bulbs. The customs officers at Pulkovo recognized me and casually nodded at the bundle: "What do you have there?" - Tulip Bulbs. Their faces turned into onions: "Yes, you're crazy!". It turns out that this is smuggling, worse than which only drugs.
Obviously, taking pity on us, they said: "We will pretend that we did not notice anything, but you should know: about five or six years are supposed for this, moreover ... for each bulb." And they also advised at home to immediately douse the bulbs with potassium permanganate so as not to bring an infection, which is not yet in Russia. Now I know that at the border they strictly monitor that the amount of infection in our country does not exceed the optimally permissible norm. And my wife's flowers grow wonderfully, she, as they say, has a light hand. Neighbors grumble - and nothing! And she passed, stuck something, watered it - it grew!
Who was responsible for raising your son?
Yes, a bit of everything. I tried to teach him to write, every day I literally forced him to sit at the typewriter with the condition: to write at least half a page. He did amazing things. Do you know, for example, how to make four mistakes in the word "everyone"? Write "fsio". In general, the writer did not work out of his son.
Do you raise your granddaughters the same way?
Now they are at that wonderful age when you talk to them like adults, but you understand that they are much smarter than you! And what a freshness of perception, what a naive faith! This summer they lived for a long time at our dacha, and there was an agreement that every evening I would tell them some stories. When two pairs of trusting eyes looked at me, I even got lost. I was also surprised to find that they remember everything and in the morning retell my own fairy tales to me.
A couple of times I was horrified by what I heard and realized that I had to watch what you say. Lara advised: "Since they listen to you like that, insert some kind of moral there." Since then, many animals have appeared in my stories, which behave very aristocratically: they do not scatter things and toys, they wash their paws before eating. Little kids in a childish mind do not understand why people laugh at my stories. Varya comes up to me and says: “Grandfather, look: I got up in the morning, I wanted to pee, but there was no pot. Write some funny story about it!”. She believes that she gave me the plot, and then you just need to correctly compose the words, and I will be a wild success.
And when we first took them by car to Estonia, Larisa said to the youngest: "Varenka, they speak Estonian in this country. Do you know it?" “No,” the little girl replies. "What are you going to do?" the wife asks. "What? Shut up!".
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Semyon Teodorovich Altov was born on January 17, 1945 in Leningrad. Graduated from the Leningrad Technological Institute named after the Lensoviet.
Semyon Altov gained fame thanks to the works performed by almost all comedians of the national stage, including Gennady Khazanov, Klara Novikova, Efim Shifrin. Writer Semyon Altov was the author of Arkady Raikin's last performance "Peace to your house", staged at the Moscow theater "Satyricon". PeruSemyon Altov owns several books ("Chance", "Dog's Joys", "Get Height", "224 Selected Pages"), he also took part in the creation of the comedy series "Klutzes". Performances are held with great success, in which the writer-humorist performs his own works. At the same time, he still manages to produce a printed humorous magazine. In 1994, Semyon Altov became a laureate of the international festival of satire and humor "Golden Ostap", having received a gilded statuette after Sergei Dovlatov and Mikhail Zhvanetsky.
Why are they suffering? What do they need? And they all need one thing: a family, a nest, a strong shoulder nearby. So let's drink to their bright dream! For you, Vasya!
Altov Semyon Teodorovich
Semyon Altov began to write at the age of 26 (and the humorist admits that he is truly professional, he can only write and perform from the stage). He got on stage because of financial interest. But he quickly realized that his genuinely deep voice, combined with the themes of the stories, created the necessary comic effect. Someone compared his manner of speaking with reading a crime chronicle. Women sometimes say that the voice of Semyon Altov is erotic. The writer jokes about this: “If, over the years, the dilution of the brain occurs, and I can no longer write, then, thanks to this voice, I will go to the “phone sex” service.
Semyon Teodorovich Altov - photo
Semyon Teodorovich Altov - quotes
Why are they suffering? What do they need? And they all need one thing: a family, a nest, a strong shoulder nearby. So let's drink to their bright dream! For you, Vasya!
And who else will listen to us, why we didn’t become who we could, but became who we became, and who is to blame - they listen to all this nightly garbage, washing our shirts with one hand, chopping potatoes with the second, raising our mediocre children with the third.
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