Horoscope according to the signs of the zodiac is cool. Table entertainment for any occasion

Comic horoscopes cheer up, but they also contain some truth. Find out what life principles are characteristic of your Zodiac Sign. Among the funny offers you can find useful information and change for the better.

Horoscopes, no matter how comic they are, are based on the observations of astrologers. It is known that planets and constellations influence the nature and behavior of people, which means that the jokes are not so far from the truth. The site site team has compiled a funny horoscope for you, in which the characteristics of each Zodiac Sign fit into short and capacious expressions. We hope that they will help you not only cheer up, but also get rid of your weaknesses.

Aries

Aries can describe themselves. Capacious phrases fully reflect their contradictory and purposeful nature.

1. It's useless to argue with me. You won't redirect me.
2. I will do it first, and then I will think.
3. I don't slow down where everyone slows down.
4. I'll stay young forever, because it's boring to become an adult.
5. You can do the same as me. You still can't do better.
6. Please speak faster. I don't have the patience to listen to you.
7. My stubbornness is not a vice, it was simply born ahead of me.
8. It is much easier to control any situation than emotions.
9. I won't hit you first, but you'd better not touch me.
10. It's good to be honest - unnecessary people themselves stop communicating with me.

Taurus

If Taurus could characterize themselves in a joking manner, they could use the following phrases.

1. You never feel sorry for money for buying things, but always for entertainment.
2. I don't need someone else's, and don't you dare touch mine.
3. It is better to be bad friends than to quarrel kindly.
4. It is better to stay in the usual comfort of four walls than to admire the colors of nature.
5. Food is a wonderful invention of mankind.
6. It is better to go second to save energy.
7. Tasting delicious food and wine is my passion.
8. Be gentle and then you can achieve more than the rest.
9. No need to pull someone who is well settled.
10. Disposable things were invented for disposable people.

Twins

Restless Gemini will suit ten capacious phrases that reveal their character and demeanor.

1. Today I am not the same as I was yesterday.
2. It is useful to own the situation - you get more information.
3. One mind is good, but two is better. Especially if both belong to you.
4. Today I am here, tomorrow I am there.
5. Ideas should not gather dust on the shelves with old books.
6. If you didn't make it, then you're late. Need to speed up.
7. You need to move quickly through life so as not to get bogged down in “textures”.
8. I rarely answer for my words, but with humor.
9. There is not enough time for quality, so I take quantity.
10. There should be more means of communication.

Cancer

Cancers will be able to recognize themselves and their manner of behavior by the following interesting phrases, which in a playful way reflect their style of behavior.

1. Life is hard only where it is impossible to hide in a secluded place.
2. Behind the stone walls of my fortress, I am invulnerable to the cruel world.
3. Stocks need to be replenished so that they never run out.
4. Being a babysitter is great. It doesn't matter how old your ward is.
5. If you know how to wait, happiness will eventually find you on its own.
6. With friends you need to meet at home, and not walk around the cafe.
7. The abundance of food in the refrigerator is a real happiness.
8. Money should only be spent on quality items.
9. My past is always with me. And it doesn't bother me at all.
10. Ten years is not a long time for good clothes.

a lion

Proud Leos do not always agree with the characteristics that people around them give them. However, in every joke there is some truth, which is worth listening to.

1. It is much more pleasant to help people than to be in the role of asking for help.
2. Follow me, I know the right way.
3. Good manners are the key to personal success.
4. The sun shines exclusively for Leo.
5. It's nice to make good money, but it's much nicer to spend it.
6. A dictator sometimes needs to be hidden behind a mask of prudence and benevolence.
7. I don't understand how you can not admire me.
8. I need more gold, more pathos and more admiring glances.
9. Even if the thing is not needed, I must have it. Especially if it is expensive and looks chic.
10. The sign on my office door must be spotless.

Virgo

Virgos sometimes need to look at themselves from the outside in order to change their attitude to life. Ten humorous phrases will help you with this.

1. If you work hard, you will surely come out of it.
2. All things should be in their places.
3. Modesty adorns any Virgo.
4. Logic should be in everything, even in love.
5. Everything must look perfect. No crooked paintings.
6. You need to live not only for yourself, but also in order to help others.
7. Large scales are frightening - it is difficult to put things in order in them.
8. Beauty will save the world, especially if you create it with your own hands
9. Throwing away old things is not necessary. They can come in handy at the most unexpected moment.
10. Less hassle, more routine.

Scales

For Libra, the following statements may be familiar. Perhaps they will help you to doubt less and change your behavior for the better.

1. Any business must be done with the appropriate mood.
2. You can win by agreeing.
3. Making a choice is one of the most difficult and tiring activities.
4. Kindness can move mountains.
5. Beauty should be in everything: in the image, in the house, and in the workplace.
6. Information is needed like air.
7. Laziness is the engine of progress.
8. One of the dumbest things to do is argue. It takes too much energy.
9. Doubt sometimes helps to avoid trouble.
10. Not all i's need to be dotted.

Scorpion

If Scorpios could talk about themselves in capacious short phrases, then the following expressions would suit them.

1. You need a good reason to smile.
2. It is a pity that sometimes there is no one to "sting".
3. This world lacks knights.
4. I'm like a cactus: flowers open only for the elite.
5. Revenge should be served cold, but only to those who really deserve it.
6. Even if there is a hurricane inside you, remain outwardly calm.
7. The world needs stations to fill people with emotions.
8. You need to go to the breach, even through the windbreak.
9. People are like books: you just have to open them.
10. You need to take risks constantly, otherwise there will be nothing to remember in old age.

Sagittarius

Sagittarius could make a presentation of themselves and their character in the following humorous terms.

1. Remorse is experienced by those who have it. Mine doesn't bite.
2. It makes no sense to panic ahead of time, I’ll figure it out when it “presses.
3. The spirit of competition allows you to be better in everything.
4. Do you want to cheer yourself up? Ask me how.
5. I forgive everyone I owe.
6. An argument is another opportunity to show off your intellect.
7. I'm not obligatory, but immensely charming.
8. I hang noodles on my ears for free and professionally.
9. I know how to become a philosopher in five minutes.
10. Commitment saves more than one life.

Capricorn

For Capricorns, which people may not understand, the site's experts have selected the following funny sayings. We hope that they will help to cheer you up and smile more often.

1. Even one in the field can be a warrior.
2. The laws of meanness work for me.
3. I'm like cognac: I only get better with age.
4. It is good to talk about beautiful places and countries while sitting at home.
5. Financial advisor. Long, expensive, with a guarantee.
6. You can afford to spit down from the top if you climb it all your life.
7. Life is a train that stops at its stations exactly according to the schedule.
8. If necessary, I can become the head of the universe
9. There is no place for sprints in my life. I am a true marathon runner.
10. Stubbornness can "gore" anyone.

Aquarius

The ten sentences that characterize Gemini may seem naive, but for many representatives of this Sign they can be useful.

1. There is no greater boredom than being like others.
2. I create my own ideas.
3. Living with prejudices is the lot of fools.
4. Everything will be great in the future.
5. To be an angel? Why not?
6. Sometimes a good intention is enough. It is not necessary to perform it.
7. Family is great, but friends are more important.
8. There are no lonely thoughts in my head. They are friends and create chaos.
9. I can be in several places at the same time, because there should be many good people.
10. There should be stops in life, not safe havens.

Fish

Pisces, with their world of illusions and unwillingness to explain their behavior, can use the following succinct phrases.

1. My profession is professional sympathy.
2. There is no point putting off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
3. I can promise. I love, I know, I practice. But I won't be in a hurry to do it.
4. I understand everyone, but not myself.
5. Don't pressure me or I'll disappear.
6. Yes, I'm busy, only what, few can understand.
7. We need more handkerchiefs and vest people.
8. Food needs to be chewed, work needs to be done.
9. Maintain order in the house - who needs it?
10. The world of illusions and fantasies is beautiful. There is no need to leave him for a long time.

A comic horoscope can reflect your inner state. In any case, even funny statements about your Sign should not be ignored. Be careful in your actions and desires so that there is no place for disappointment in your life. Attract good luck and be happy. We wish you all the best, and don't forget to press the buttons and

1. Aries (March 21 - April 20): Crazy Level - 30%!
   If you go to the mountains with someone, then only with Aries. They are avid extreme sportsmen, besides, they will always give a helping hand to their friend. Aries clearly follow their path and achieve the intended. A lot of plans ripen in their head, which sometimes seem absolutely insane. Their courage and perseverance can only be envied!
2. Taurus (April 21 - May 21): 40% craziness rate!
   Stubbornness is the main feature of this sign. Taurus will bring anyone to white heat: it is so important for them to prove their case. This makes them look slightly strange in the eyes of other people. Taurus is comprehensively developed, they have a good heart and iron willpower.

   

3. Gemini (May 22 - June 21): Madness Level - 100%!
   The craziest sign of the zodiac. Geminis are fickle and frivolous, you never know what they have in store for you today. But you will never get bored with them! They have in store a bunch of incredible stories and tales from life. Only the Twins are capable of reaching a completely reckless denouement in their adventures.

   

4. Cancer (June 22 - July 22): 90% crazy rate!
   Cancers are notorious for their extreme mood swings. They prefer not to get out of the house, but if they break into a nightclub, beware. It is they who, in a state of intoxication, scribble insane messages to the former. You never know what's on Cancer's mind and it drives you crazy!

   

5. Leo (July 23 - August 21): 80% crazy rate!
   Representatives of this sign are used to being the center of attention, they love noisy parties and big companies. Lions get drunk quickly, and this loosens their tongue so much that others in their company often have to blush. These people have no brakes, they do not know how to stop in time.

   

6. Virgo (August 22 - September 23): 70% craziness!
   Virgo tirelessly works on herself, striving for perfection in everything. Control and power are her main passions. These people are capable of doing noble deeds, but they expect recognition for it. Their desire to appear ideal in the eyes of people completely takes possession of them.

   

7. Libra (September 24 - October 23): 30% craziness rate!
   Libras are obsessed with finding balance in everything. Sometimes they are ready to go to extremes, especially when it comes to members of the opposite sex. Libra will go to any lengths to get the object of his sigh, even gossip.

   

8. Scorpio (October 24 - November 22): 40% craziness rate!
   The statement that Scorpios sting unbearably painfully is true. Of course, they have no equal in resourcefulness and insight, but this still does not brighten up their shortcomings. Scorpio is the most sensual sign of the zodiac, he is a master of beautiful courtship and romantic gestures. His sexual energy is overflowing, so few people manage to cope with this raging stream of passion.

   

9. Sagittarius (November 23 - December 22): 50% craziness level!
   Sagittarians proudly carry the banner of justice and truth all their lives. And it is better not to interfere with them! Nothing can anger them so much as the restriction of personal freedom. In addition, Sagittarians easily light up with ideas that sometimes blind their minds.

   

10. Capricorn (December 23 - January 20): 60% crazy rate!
    Capricorns are still workaholics! They take on the most difficult tasks on their shoulders and take on their solution with passion. Capricorns are not averse to showing off their intelligence and professionalism. If they are at the head of any business, you should not expect concessions.

    Capricorns stick to their line, even if they're wrong. This feature extends to personal life: the partner will always be in tight rein. Their madness is to want everything under control.

    

11. Aquarius (January 21 - February 19): 20% craziness rate!
    Aquarius is like a crazy professor who is used to living in his illusions. It is very easy to wrap around your finger, and people are used to using it. That is why this zodiac sign often becomes a victim of scammers, and simply those who are looking for easy prey.

    

12. Pisces (February 20 - March 20): Insanity Level - 10%!
    Pisces are the least crazy of the other zodiac signs. They are calm and peaceful, you can always rely on them. Pisces are ready to sacrifice their interests just to brighten up someone's loneliness. These character traits make them the most reasonable, wise and empathetic.

    

No need to be modest today - Respond in the hall Aries.
Aries is an energetic sign. Always self-confident, Aries is capable of a lot. And if you decide to take a break after a week of partying, and you are being dragged to a nightclub, this is what Aries does.

Well done and tomboys, Where do we sit Taurus?
Taurus are persistent and determined. And if someone constantly and decisively asks you; “Do you respect me?”, then this is Taurus.

Where are the daring guys? Everyone faster Twins!
Gemini is an eternally young sign. They love jokes and fun, love beauty in everything. They have a very good "suspended tongue", and. if you are having fun, then the Gemini is nearby.

The zodiac has many signs, now I want to see crayfish!
Cancers are the most cautious sign, they are unlikely to go on an adventure. Cancers are also the most loyal sign. Cancers are reliability itself.

Respond together you, Kings of animals, handsome Lions!
Leo is the most creative and generous sign. Is it true. Lions love to show authority, so if there is POWERFUL care nearby, this is Leo.

Everyone look to the right, to the left, Where are we in the hall Virgin?
Virgo is the most meticulous and painstaking sign. She never jumps to conclusions and would rather measure seven times and pour once. Virgo is practicality.

Lift up your noses, show us Scales?
Libras are calm and affectionate. And therefore they can easily borrow 1000 euros from you and kindly not return them.

Queue according to all the laws, stand up and drink Scorpions!
Scorpions are a living intuition, they clearly know where to go... But, being very “alive” by nature, Scorpios can be great friends and life partners.

Here all the signs are well done, Lucky everyone - Sagittarius.
Sagittarians are very fond of all kinds of trials and adventures. Being optimists, they will always find adventure in their second "90".

Do not be strict with the host .. respond, Capricorns!
Capricorns - since childhood, they are very fond of accuracy and clarity. They are tacticians and strategists, so if someone is tactfully drinking you, then this is Capricorn.

Let's raise our glasses soon. Without hesitation Aquarius!
Aquarians are a very friendly sign, but they prefer peace and solitude. Therefore, many Aquarians can calmly and solitude indulge in their favorite business.

And on our holiday, let smiles. Give affectionate fish!
Pisces are by nature dreamers. They sing songs or write poetry. Pisces is creativity, and if someone creatively sleeps with their face in a salad next to you, it can be Pisces.

2. Alcohol horoscope for guests

1. Aries at it's high time

Drink a glass of wine

You just need to drink wisely:

Not under the holiday table.

2. And stubborn Taurus

Drinking is out of character

You better decide

And have fun without vodka

3. Twins, understand yourself

Don't poison your soul with vodka

Better drink milk

Live to be 100 years old!

4. Well, ah Cancers you can drink

But just a glass or two

Just be very careful

And not the scandal in the family

5.Lviv want to warn

That you shouldn't drink too much

Do not let the degree into the body,

Pour tea into a glass!

6. Virgin, don't drink too much

Have pity on your stomach

He may not understand you

Do not accept salo with vodka!

7. A Libra in a team together

Need to pour more

So don't be shy

And drink alcohol to the bottom

8. Scorpion another child

He can't drink at all.

When he drinks vodka,

Everything will be upside down!

9. A Sagittarius the advice is:

If you want to be healthy

You better have a drink

Lemonade instead of vodka!

10. Capricorn lucky

You can drink to spite everyone,

The evening will last for an hour,

It remains to have fun!

11. Aquarius are good

Vodka is whipped from the heart,

Don't give in to vodka

Better stay sober!

12. Pisces everyone needs

A cup full of wine

Overturn, but not by,

Definitely to the bottom!

Aries

Let's start to get acquainted with how the signs of the zodiac are offended, with a cute lamb. Anyone who managed to hurt him may not particularly worry. This villain will still not have time to dodge. Aries are compassionate people, unable to remember grievances for a long time. They will surely forgive: once on the head with something heavy, the second - on the kidneys with a foot. Later, however, they will also regret if they catch up with the offender. But in general, these cute creatures are able not to respond to stimuli if the headphones are in their ears, their horoscope says. As the signs of the zodiac are offended, Aries, in principle, do not care. The lambs concentrate on their world, where justice reigns (as they understand it). It is better not to touch an offended Aries for a couple of days (or years). Then he will forget about the evil deed and will behave as before. Aries have a strange feature of trying on the suffering of the offender. In a couple of days, they will really try to understand him, even flowers can be brought to the hospital, where the former “villain” restores his damaged health.

Taurus

If this horned inhabitant of heaven patronizes your relatives or friends, then information about how the signs of the zodiac are offended is vital. Read and learn, it will not be superfluous. It is strictly not recommended to annoy Taurus. He just has great, incredible patience. He will begin to cherish the offense, worry, nurture, without showing his emotional state in any way. When the time comes, he will put the "villain" on an uncomfortable stool and will selflessly read the notation. Taurus approaches all matters very responsibly. It will take a long time to sit on the rickety "calvary", but you won't be able to run away. Taurus will remember all the dirty tricks and sins you have committed since the time of King Pea. In his speech, he will certainly include the most important information about how different signs of the zodiac are offended, focusing on his own. Here it is better not to remain silent, but to ask for forgiveness. Maybe you'll be lucky, and Taurus won't put his hooves into action.

Twins

It is unpleasant to quarrel with a representative of this sign. And for both sides. Gemini will be surprised at such impudence and will instantly react to insult. The hurricane will not last long, almost everyone will be able to survive. The villain should not be afraid of assault. He will be dipped into mud in words. The scandal will also end abruptly. The Gemini will never remember you again!

Cancer

People who are under the auspices of this sign are so sentimental and romantic that others, against their will, fall under their charm and relax. And they should remember about the claws. Cancers are offended often and with taste. These people have hypertrophied sensitivity. Any little thing can hurt them and plunge into the abyss of angry experiences. Notice such a change in mood, immediately sincerely repent! In the first moments, the villain still has a chance to leave without much loss. True, Cancers will try to thoroughly check the offender for the truth of repentance, expecting a dirty trick. You need to convince with all your might, otherwise a terrible revenge awaits you. Her Cancers are cooked with pleasure, trying to touch the especially thin strings of the soul of the villain in order to hit harder. Creative natures will no longer care how the signs of the zodiac are offended, they will put the comic horoscope aside. For balance, Cancers need to return justice to the world, endowing the offender with equivalent suffering, which they will do without fail.

a lion

With representatives of this star tribe, you can forget about caution. Interested in how the signs of the zodiac are offended, people read about Leo with surprise and enthusiasm. And the whole point is that it is unsuitable for kings to react to some nonsense. Leo may well miss an offensive remark past his ears, turn away at the moment when they try to hurt him. Why would he, a regal person, bother with the petty claims of mortals? Well, if you are persistent, he will growl so that his legs will shake. This incident will be over. Lions do not fill their heads with nonsense, they already have a lot of royal deeds, and even more plans. Fangs can be shown to especially annoying offenders. But this rarely happens. Their authority is so indisputable that few dare to annoy them.

Virgo

Exploring resentment according to the signs of the zodiac, astrologers have discovered a real psychological phenomenon. It is associated with Virgo. These people are generally not touchy. To hurt them, you need to try very hard. If you still decide to offend the Virgin, take care of the will first. And it's not that the counterpart harbors evil. Not at all. Virgos forget insults quickly, almost instantly. But they will act in accordance with their life principles. They will put the villain on all the black lists that they have been doing since infancy. And those who are designated there are supposed to repay according to their deeds. Revenge will inevitably overtake the offender, and even from the other side, from which they did not expect. Life will seem completely destroyed, heart broken, ideals debunked and the like. This unfortunate person will also fail to connect the catastrophe with the offended Virgo.

Scales

Here's who to focus on when studying how different zodiac signs get offended. Libra loves to pout, deliberately showing the villain the full extent of his vile fall. These people do not know how to take revenge. But they will rush with their resentment with desperate perseverance and taste. If you do not immediately apologize, get ready for censure from the "general public." Libra will definitely notify all acquaintances and not very much about how vilely they were treated. Black gossip is their forte. The story will drag on for many years. Libra fundamentally opposes evil, wherever it is found. It is important for them to eradicate it on the planet, they will spare no effort for this. Try to clarify the relationship right away, otherwise you will be included in the list of fiends with all possible consequences.

Scorpion

Scorpio is the master of revenge. Evil in relation to themselves and resentment, these people carefully collect and store, like collectors. For every offense there will be retribution. This is not just a principle for them, but a passion. The offender will regret that he once contacted Scorpio. By the way, this is the only sign that does not disdain physical violence. He himself will not wave his fists, but a scuffle can arrange. Scorpions follow the trail of the offender more stubbornly than a greyhound chasing the beast. Their venom will surely overtake prey. The only person out of the risk zone is Scorpio's beloved. This person will be forgiven.

Sagittarius

There is no sign more peaceful. However, these cuties can be very offended. The result will be worse than when Scorpio was offended. Sagittarius will not engage in revenge planning or pouting in corners. These are open and honest people, they will pour their emotions on your head. The scandal will be as grandiose as the experiences of the hurt Sagittarius. More than once during this phantasmagoria, the offender will come up with the idea of ​​using a rope with soap. Believe me, it is easier to part with life than to endure the angry outpourings of Sagittarius. Try to distract him by offering a joint trip at your expense. Hearing about the upcoming trip to distant lands, Sagittarius will forget the differences. The second time, try not to run into his anger if you value relationships. Sagittarius will go into the distance, not wanting to bother with the re-education of the "incorrigible" villain.

Capricorn

That's who is not inclined to respond to someone else's stupidity. Capricorn can only be offended by vicious criticism of his favorite project. In this case, you risk getting on his pre-sharpened horns. It is better to immediately approach the solution of the issue constructively, come up and explain. Five minutes of shame, as they say, and all problems are solved. Otherwise, you will know what is the revenge of Capricorn. This person is patient and calm. He will not throw a tantrum, he will not make a fuss. Even communicate will be, as before. He will wait. And when you need his support in an important matter, he will forget about the existence of such a person. In addition, Capricorns spend a lot of energy on winning the friendship of the powerful. These influential people will also forget about you under the influence of an offended Capricorn. The world will flow forward to success, and you will be left to suffer on the shore.

Aquarius

Do you think that you offended the person who is patronized by this sign? In vain. Aquarius reacts negatively emotionally only to the rejection of their brilliant ideas. Criticism hurts and disturbs him at the same time. He will not understand, this is not the nature. First of all, Aquarius will doubt the mental abilities of the offender. Having drawn conclusions, he will decide that it is not worth wasting time on a fool. He will go where there are intellectuals who can appreciate his genius. Do not expect deceit or evil gossip from him behind his back. This person has already forgotten about your existence. His intellect is busy saving the world and generating global ideas. He has no time to think about the fools who dared to criticize his work. If you want to restore relations, you will have to take the initiative. Talk to Aquarius about the essence of the world, the depravity of mankind, prove that you have the right to his attention.

Fish

When figuring out how zodiac signs react to offense, don't miss out on the most important information. Pisces do not like to be offended, but they know how. The representative of the sign is not malicious, but will not immediately forgive. The fish pouts, carefully choosing facial expressions to demonstrate the offender's emotional state. She will catch the eye, carefully watching the reaction. Are you not asking for forgiveness? Well, okay. Pisces will forgive, because wrinkles appear from anger, but they don’t need this. But from now on, a different game will begin. The fish will try to prove to the whole world that they are angelic entities, and you are a demon in the flesh. Believe me, they have no equal in this matter. Before you have time to look back, the public will be on the side of the offended Rybka, and you are already anathematized. Why persist, you ask? They would have said right away that they were wrong, everything would have ended before it had even begun. And now you are faced with a choice: either run to the ends of the world, or prove that you didn’t jump out of hell.

This is how zodiac signs react to offenders. Astrologers have tried to identify the characteristic features. Naturally, each person has his own individual characteristics that affect behavior in stressful situations. Observations show that the deviation from the descriptions given are at the level of statistical error. How do you react to insults? Did the description match your behavior? Write in the comments to correct the findings of stellar explorers.

This fun, comic horoscope for today by zodiac signs can be used every day. Open this page every morning, and a good mood for the whole day is guaranteed in full!

And for everyone who believes in happiness, we recommend reading our happy eastern horoscope by year of birth with the recommendations of poet astrologers. All our serious and funny horoscopes are written especially for the site "Favorite Holiday". Share them with your friends, put links, but respect our authors - do not reprint our horoscopes. Thank you.

Cool boring horoscope for today for Aries

Be active and determined.

First, try to recharge.

So that your labors are not wasted in vain, remember: if people are valued for their work, then a horse is better than any person.

Cool boring horoscope for today for Taurus

Be careful. Think before you do anything.

Measure seven times and only then cut eight times.

For the seventy-first time, you will succeed.

The stars are not advised to kiss the secretary in the presence of his wife.

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Cool boring horoscope for today for Gemini

New things are waiting for you.

Remember: even the most stupid idea can be masterfully executed.

And don't be afraid to do what you don't know how to do.

After all, the ark was built by amateurs. Professionals built the Titanic.

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Cool boring horoscope for today for Cancer

Life is good ... hic ... Repeat this, spreading red caviar on bread with a thick layer. Or black.

But do not rush to pour vodka.

Remember: alcohol is a time machine.

I drank - and already tomorrow.

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Cool boring horoscope for today for Leo

Talk less, listen more.

It is better to be silent and grunt with pleasure.

Your income will be higher than your expenses. Because there will be no costs at all.

Get a piggy bank and grunt together.

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Cool boring horoscope for today for Virgo

You will be thrown from one extreme to another.

First, the boss will call you on the carpet, and will yell like a flock of crocodiles.

In five minutes, he will offer you a position that you have been seeking for a long time.

Agree!

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Cool boring horoscope for today for Libra

You will be on a horse.

Everyone else, apparently, will have to move on foot.

You may feel out of place.

The stars are advised to break the plate, get off the horse, break the plate, get off the horse and finally change it ... for a bicycle.

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Cool boring horoscope for today for Scorpio

You will have a romantic date.

Enjoy, forget about everything in the world....

When Sveta starts to go home, pretend to be asleep.

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Cool boring horoscope for today for Sagittarius

Your mood will jump.

From the TV to the cabinet, from the cabinet to the table.

Try to catch him anyway.

Hold somewhere in the corner and ask: "Kolis! Who do you work for ?!"

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Cool boring horoscope for today for Capricorn

The sixth sense will not let you down. It will say: "Enough!"

The other five senses will fail.

They will say something awkward, but you will understand them.

Because a Russian person after the fifth glass is able not only to understand the Chinese language, but also to forgive it.

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Cool boring horoscope for today for Aquarius

Everything will come easy to you.

Even a visit to the dentist.

At first you will be very afraid. Then it turns out that his drill broke.

But do not relax and remember: if you are happy for more than one day, then something is being hidden from you.

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Cool boring horoscope for today for Pisces

You have a creative upsurge ahead of you.

Stock up on climbing equipment in advance.

Already stocked up? .. Then full speed ahead!

To conquer the next height!... Just don't shout later"

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