How to let go of a negative situation. How to let go of a problem

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where an “experienced” acquaintance, in response to your emotional speech, told you: “let go of the situation and everything will work out ... you should not keep everything under control ...”? Probably many have heard this phrase at least once, but few understand what this all-powerful “let go of the situation” means and how it looks in practice.

Freedom or a sign of weakness?

To understand how to let go of the situation, you must first understand why it is needed and why you should not try to keep it under control.

- There is always an option to fight or give everything into the hands of fate. But does this mean that having let go of the situation, we give up, give up what we want?

- Not at all!

We are simply moving “from the stage to the auditorium”, where we will be able to live the situation more comfortably and painlessly.

It is by moving away from the details (emotions) that we gain the opportunity to consider the whole picture, to notice the right opportunity that has turned up - the necessary twist of fate that will lead to happiness.

This is not about momentary joy from achieving a petty goal, when the mind and titanic efforts managed to drive everything into the usual or desired framework, but about the state of "full long-term happiness."

Observation is not meaningless, it implies our participation and actions, but not "chaotic exhaustion", but correct from the point of view of the Universe.

Why let go?

Being inside the situation, we are immersed in the desire to change something, rearrange it, fake it, challenge it, criticize it or reject it immediately as unacceptable. This happens due to the fact that we initially set a certain format for what we want, we try to keep it under control, and all the “puzzles of circumstances” that are not included in this framework cause irritation. But these "non-containable" nasty circumstances are nothing but the idea of ​​the Universe.

We all want True Love and True Happiness, but refuse the path that the inherently Perfect Universe is leading us on.

It turns out that dissatisfaction with circumstances is a rejection of the Universal Laws and dissatisfaction with the Higher Forces (everyone is free to mean by this the Universe, God, the Absolute, etc. according to their convictions). Anyone who is initially considered uninteresting, stupid and useless will treat you in much the same way, so why should the Higher Powers eventually lead to Happiness if there is no trust?

Letting go of the situation, not to be confused with inertia and lack of initiative, a person gets the opportunity to go through the door (or at least through the window, as the most persistent and stubborn ones), and not beat his head against the wall. Of course, the inner voice will demand to keep the situation under control and not let go, but it’s worth the risk and it turns out that the world not only didn’t collapse, but there may have been changes for the better.

What is the limit of worries and anxieties?

Of course, you can get emotional. We test them for a reason. And each of our experiences - a litmus test in the chemistry of life - draws attention to weaknesses, giving us the opportunity to work on ourselves. But prolonged negative emotions can unbalance so much that depression sets in.

The time to let go is when:

Thoughts revolve around a certain moment, causing negative emotions

There is no more strength, but there is an obsessive need to do something

The general condition is restless and interferes with living and enjoying life

This means your inner “susanin” mind has led you into the “swampy forest” and is not going to help you get out. It is such cases that require you to immediately let go of the situation and stop keeping everything under your control.

How to let go

1. We switch to let go of the situation.

One of the most difficult stages is to let go of the situation when it has grown together with you. It is imperative to find an occupation that will occupy the "Susanin" with another matter, so as not to go even further into the forest. It can be anything from shopping and cinemas to cleaning the house with washing windows. A distraction maneuver must be distracting, so “thinking” is strictly prohibited during it.

If you still can’t let go of the situation, then you can begin to mentally pronounce every action that you are performing at the moment. Concentrate on what is happening around: mentally describe the details, count everything that can be counted (you can count the breath), try to touch and analyze your feelings, etc.

2. Determine how this frustration relates to your "global" ultimate goal.

If you have passed the first step relatively successfully, then some freshness of brain activity is provided. Now let's take a look at the situation that you want to keep under control.

People are constantly forced to deal with situations in which it is difficult to avoid negative experiences. It is not easy to forget, let go, get used to any circumstances. When the depressed mental state is aggravated, not far from a nervous breakdown or depression. And if you do not stop, troubles will turn into a long streak of failures, the desire to achieve the goal will be lost, and something truly valuable in life may be missed.

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In order to “let go” of a situation, first of all, you need to free yourself from it internally, in which practical psychology will help. First you need to deal with the reason that does not allow you to relax and entails resentment, anger, shame or other emotions. Provided that the reason is realized, it becomes easier to consider your condition, to highlight emotions as the last link in the chain, to feel independent of them.

Working with emotions

If emotions are affected in connection with an unpleasant situation, it makes sense to get rid of them. This requires a willingness to forgive or show new feelings. Often it is resentment that entails aggression, shame, guilt.

Emotions follow thoughts and actions, so sometimes understatement is an obstacle to a new, changed attitude towards a person. If you bring more clarity, certainty - all negative feelings will disappear by themselves. Anxiety and misunderstanding should be eliminated, contact with an important person through a message, call, meeting and clarify the relationship.

If a conflict has arisen, you need to consider possible ways of reconciliation, try to correct mistakes or recognize the existing order of things and permanently part with the people with whom the quarrel occurred. After recognizing the facts on a subconscious level, corresponding emotional changes occur and memories cease to bother. In a new attempt to improve relations, it is important to consider that if you move towards the expected result in the tried and tested ways, the same undesirable situation will occur, and therefore you need to make a decision to do something differently. You should find an algorithm of behavior leading to success.

If there are no other ways to achieve what you want, it would be right to realize your capabilities, principles, values, because of which events took such a turn. It will be right to expand the review, to look at what is happening from a different angle, to rise above the circumstances.

To completely let go of the negative, it is useful to provoke its release, allow yourself to cry and suffer, but strictly allotted time for this. It is worth allowing yourself to experience strong emotions of indignation, anger, but only in order to then let them go. The accumulation of negativity will require even more work on yourself.

In the next step, in order to learn to let go of emotions, it is helpful to involve yourself in an interesting or meaningful activity. Only by saturating each day with new events will it be possible to displace the impressions associated with the past. And it is not necessary to strive for something extraordinary, it is enough to decide to live a full life.

Tips from psychologists on how to behave in order to let go of the situation:

1. 1. Distract: As long as the memory of the event evokes emotions, it is impossible to arrive at anything rational. It is worth allowing yourself to cool down, temporarily devote yourself to performing other tasks.
2. 2. After achieving emotional calm, you can return to the consideration of the exciting situation again. It is useful to abstract from what happened, to consider all the details of the event from the position of an observer.
3. 3. Analyze the root cause of the situation, understand why it provoked such strong emotions. It happens that people are exposed to emotions, forgetting what caused them.
4. 4. Realize the essence of the problem, and not the feelings and actions that accompany it.
5. 5. Put yourself in the place of the people involved in the situation, which will help you see their motives and treat them differently.
6. 6. Forgive offenders, at least for the sake of your peace of mind, in order to be happy. Mentally, you need to tell the person about your regret about what happened. In the future, this will forever relieve negative emotions.
7. 7. Recognize the right of other people to be themselves, to think and decide in their own way.
8. 8. Understand that, having forgiven the offender, it is not necessary to continue to communicate with him. He must accept the consequences of his actions.

There is a method of writing in which a person transfers all the thoughts that excite him, without choosing phrases, onto paper. There is no need to send such a letter. When it is ready, it can be burned or hidden. This helps, without harming the offender, to understand oneself and the situation.

A break up

It is difficult to accept separation if feelings remain. An effective way to restore peace of mind is to realize that a person is free in a relationship and he decides how to act. And if the separation did not happen at the initiative of the partner, it is more rational to forgive the former lover.

Relationships cannot be predicted. If one of the partners has realized his failure in a couple, an attempt to keep him will not lead to anything positive.

It is also useful to see the chosen one from a different angle. It is the idealization of a person that does not allow one to agree with his departure. One must analyze his promises and actions, separating fact from illusion.

It is recommended to exclude thoughts about pleasant minutes spent with a person. Similar emotions could be in other respects. Understanding this fact explains that the beloved is not the only one with whom you can be happy.

Relationships that bring more pain than joy are recommended to break. When parting with a man, a woman should realize that what is keeping her close to him, perhaps, is no longer positive emotions, but unwillingness to change. In fact, there are all the prerequisites for happiness with another person in the future, you just need to be sure of this and act.

Today she kindly provided us with the article "Learn to let go of people."

Irina from the Belarusian city of Zhlobin. At the moment she is on leave to care for her little son, she is going to go to work. By profession she is management, she likes to work with documents or with a computer. He is fond of psychology, English, swimming, adheres to a healthy diet.

Here's what she says. My site is my first and it will soon be 2 years old. It is devoted primarily to the most discussed topic - the relationship between a man and a woman. This topic excites, excites and will excite all those who want to build, if not ideal, but at least close to ideal relationships, create a happy family and, most importantly, maintain warm feelings for each other until old age. Here you can find useful tips for all occasions. Today we are talking about how to learn to let go of people.

There are different relationships and situations in life that you just need to let go. It seems to be a fairly simple word, but in reality it turns out to be very difficult. And why do we need to learn to let go of people or any particular situation? Let's look at a few examples.

1. Your chosen one cheated on you and betrayed you. Let's take two specific cases. In one of them, you were cheated on and, so to speak, abandoned, you cannot forget and forgive. In another case, they want to be with you, they ask for forgiveness, but you cannot cross. And there is only one way out: if you can’t forgive and have tried all the ways, then you need to let go so as not to torment the two of you.
2. You broke up a long time ago, even if without scandals, you just decided for yourself that it would be better this way. But, even though you felt bad with your loved one, but for some reason it turned out to be no better without him, and he is no longer going to return. The conclusion suggests itself: to let go and continue to live on.
3. There is a situation in your life when you are at an impasse and simply have no idea what to do next. In this case, you also need to let it go for a while, just forget about it, as soon as you do this, the answer will appear on its own and you will be able to make the right decision without error.
   It is these moments that can prevent you from creating a happy family and continue to make new plans for the future. The sooner you understand this, the sooner you can open the door to a new life.

It is known that everyone has different relationships and, unfortunately, they can bring not only happiness and joy, but also disappointment and even pain. Relations between a man and a woman can be bright, colorful, full of life and emotions, but can become uninteresting and boring. They may contain jealousy, passion, resentment, anger, scandals, quarrels, love and hate, pity and sympathy.

A case from one's life

We met for quite a long time with one young man, for five whole years. For such a period of time, some not only manage to get married, get housing, but also give birth to a child, and not even one, but two, or even three. And what do we have? Nothing. Solid promises, some fantastic plans that will probably never come true.

For five years, we even did not really begin to live together. He will come running for a week, promise a bunch of everything and again to his parents, reluctantly answers calls, says that he is busy, earns a lot of money for our fabulous future, then he will leave on a business trip for two weeks. In general, there are always some reasons that prevent us from living a full life. It would seem, why do I need such a relationship?

But, the most interesting thing is that as soon as I'm going to say that everything, we need to leave, he immediately arrives, brings flowers, gifts, stays for a week or even more, promises that a little more and we will get married and I will again I believe him. And then everything repeats again and again. It seems to me that maybe this time it will finally work out. But, alas, he did not marry, but he did not let go either, and I could not let him go.

At one fine moment, he did not return from his business trip, not in a week, not in two. And when he finally picked up the phone and said that he had left for another city and was going to get married: “I'm sorry that this is so, we can see it’s not destiny to be together.” My eyes darkened and I no longer heard his words, I don’t remember how much I cried.

And she seemed to have decided to put up with it, forced herself to think that it was better this way. But time passed, and she could not let him go. I am still alone and constantly think about how we would live together when we got married, what kind of husband he would be to me and what kind of children we would have. And why did it happen? Friends say I should let him go. But how to do that? How to forget and start a new life?

Indeed, it is very difficult to let go of hope for a joint future with the person you love. And even though in the depths of your soul you understand that since a person has not done anything for a very long time, then nothing will happen.

Trying to get rid of feelings and memories, you only tighten yourself even more in the network of love. Try to let them be, you just need to choose a certain time for them, and all your free time to do your own thing, to be distracted by anything. When we plan something and count on something, everything happens in a completely different way, our mind perceives this as an obstacle and therefore we begin to fight and resist, trying to return everything the way we would like.

Hence the pop-up memories, our mind grabs the last strings, hoping to return something. What if it all the same turns out, maybe not everything is lost, because we were so good together. When we not only allow, but force ourselves to think about this person, even set the time, let's say from 20.00 to 21.00, I need to think about him. After a while, the reverse situation will begin to occur, because you yourself know how what needs to be done and what cannot be perceived. Only forbidden fruit is sweet.

No need to force yourself to forget about a person, as friends advise, that he no longer exists, he died for you, he is no more. Let him be, because in fact he is, but not with you. Because, inspiring yourself with what is not really there, you get a conflict with yourself, you force yourself to believe in something that is not really there. Hence the resistance, your mind refuses to believe the lie. Since he is happy without you, be happy without him. Love yourself, because if you do not love yourself, then no one else will love.

Third tip. How to let go of a situation in a relationship?

If you are at an impasse and your efforts lead nowhere and we don’t know what to do next. And you don't have to do anything. Letting go means allowing problems to be resolved without our active intervention. Therefore, you just need to give yourself time to find a way out of the impasse into which you have fallen.

Get distracted by something, go to barbecues, go to the theater, go with the flow, and there will be a way out by itself. After all, there are no accidents in life, perhaps some call will turn your life upside down and everything will change in such a way that you did not even suspect. Change control to observation and you will see a light at the end of the tunnel.

The most important thing to do is to understand the very reason why you can't let go. Learn to let people go. Imagine how you release a balloon from your hands into the sky, it's so easy. By evaluating the whole situation and getting to the bottom of it, you can finally force yourself to open your eyes and believe that there is no future for a failed relationship. There is a solution and a way out in any situation. You can also easily let go and start a new life.

Perhaps, in some cases, it will not be possible to solve all the problems on your own and forget, then you should contact a specialist who will definitely help and teach you how to find a way out.

They say that true love will pass any test and even more - in order to know that love is real, your relationship must pass some kind of test. But do not forget that your happiness is in your hands, only you can control it. Appreciate and respect, listen to each other, take steps towards each other, please and arrange small surprises for each other, bring something new into your relationship, make it diverse. Perhaps you will be able to keep your love for many years.

Dear my readers! If this article was useful to you, then share it with your friends by clicking on the social buttons. networks. It is also important for me to know your opinion about what you read, write about it in the comments. I will be very grateful to you.

With wishes of good health Taisiya Filippova

Question to the psychologist:

The psychologist Sokolova Anna Viktorovna answers the question.

Margarita, good afternoon.

I have carefully read your message.

Based on what you wrote, I came to the conclusion that you have developed a codependency towards your partner (D). Codependency is an "unhealthy", pathological, abnormal attachment to another person. Co-dependent relationships are characterized by the presence of a connection with another person to the detriment of oneself, i.e. a person is drawn to another person, although it is very difficult for them together, sometimes unbearable. Codependency is manifested in the desire to control the life of another person.

Causes of codependent relationships.

1. Low self-esteem.

2. A dysfunctional family. Repressive relationships in the family. A family of alcoholics.

3. Lack of personal boundaries.

4. Dependence on the opinions of other people.

5. Problems in intimate life.

6. Position of the victim.

Signs of a codependent relationship.

1. The significance of a partner is higher than personal significance.

2. Loss of interest in your hobbies and passions.

3. Loss of interest in relationships with friends and loved ones.

4. You are jealous of your partner.

5. You are preoccupied with thoughts and worries about your partner's problems.

6. You tolerate disrespect.

7. You feel like a victim of circumstances.

And now, let's talk about how to get rid of codependent relationships.

1. Take responsibility for what is happening.

Margarita, honestly answer your questions: Is your partner worthy of treating you? Who allowed such an attitude? Are you worthy of such treatment? How do you feel about being treated like this?

2. Assess the prospects of these relationships. What will (or did) such a connection lead to? What do you get from these relationships? Analyze how reliable your partner is. Think about the price you pay and may pay by continuing this relationship.

3. Once and for all, give up the thought of changing the other person. Man can only change himself.

4. Make a decision to get rid of codependency. Margarita, this should be only your desire. Without it, advice, recommendations and any other help from psychologists will be in vain.

5. Work on your self-esteem. Raise your own worth. This is necessary for building subsequent healthy relationships. Without it, stories usually repeat themselves with other partners.

6. Learn to understand what you want from a relationship, what it should be.

7. Define your personal boundaries. And don't let them be broken. And also learn to respect and not violate the personal boundaries of other people.

8. Get rid of the need to control other people's lives forever. Understand that we are not always able to control the events that happen to us. But we can take control over our reactions and emotions to certain events.

9. Learn to make your life bright and rich. There are enough ways to do this.

10. Communicate. Expand your circle of friends. Let change into your life.

11. Do not blame yourself and others for mistakes. This is your experience. You need to draw conclusions and move on in life without dwelling on it.

12. Realize that you are a woman. Refuse any material support towards the man. Don't give a man a loan.

13. Break contact with this person once and for all. Realize that you are being taken advantage of and stop it. Only you can do it. Understand that it is convenient for him to communicate with you. When he needs, he comes to you and uses you. Think: does he need you? If yes, then why? Does he care about your emotional state?

14. Learn to love yourself. Understand self-love is a fundamental feeling.

15. Realize your dreams and goals (preferably on paper). Determine ways to achieve them.

16. Learn to analyze your actions and motives.

17. Realize the fact that until you rid yourself of such relationships, your life will not change. Events will repeat and you will go in circles. Think about what you will end up with?

18. Say goodbye to being a victim.

19. Do not allow yourself to be manipulated and refuse to be manipulated by you.

Margarita, I sincerely wish you to get rid of codependency. It is real and within your power. I wish you female happiness and harmony.

4.55 Rating 4.55 (10 votes)

As often happens, someone's rude word suddenly knocks the ground out from under their feet. Just one word, or phrase, or action, and you have the rest of the day down the drain. And the work is not done, and things are not done. You are constantly distracted and mentally play an unpleasant situation again and again, lay out in detail what was said or done. Imagine how other words would say or do differently.

And it's okay if things stop for a few hours because of this. But when a negative episode occupies all thoughts for more than a day, something obviously needs to be done!

I offer a way that will help to cope with the negative, let go of the situation and finally return to a calm life.

This miracle method consists of four consecutive actions.

Action 1

First of all, relax!

The more you think about what happened, the deeper the swamp of self-pity or anger towards others gets sucked in. Neither one nor the other will help to correct the situation, but only exacerbate the matter. After all, how often does it happen that we return to the offender and, figuratively speaking, give back. And the consequences are even worse than before. And then, with a fresh mind, we regret what we have done and dream of turning back time, but this is impossible.

Therefore, in order not to regret even more - get distracted!

Find an activity that can keep you busy for a while. It doesn't matter if it's a backlog of work, or school, or household chores, or an interesting movie. Or a walk down the street to get some fresh air and clear your mind. Or the saving Internet, like nothing and no one who can capture our attention. Or communicating with someone who is not aware of what happened and who can.

The most important thing here is to stop focusing on the negative, forget the unpleasant episode, let it go at least for a while.

Action 2

And now, when you have more or less abstracted from the situation, mentally play it again. And the more details you reproduce, the better. But, remembering, do not become a participant in that unpleasant episode, but, as it were, observe from the sidelines. Note the emotions that then arose, the words that were said, the movements that were made. And try to understand what motivated your interlocutor when he reacted in one way or another. Perhaps, with your words, you touched his sore spot? Or is he currently having problems in his family / at work / in his personal life, and the situation with you just became a trigger for negative emotions? Or maybe there were some other equally important reasons for his reactions. After all, he is the same person as you, and he also tends to experience pain, fatigue, anxiety.

Imagine yourself in his place. Perhaps it is no less difficult for him now than for you, and he would also like this unpleasant situation to be gone.

Action 3

When your negativity towards your opponent decreases, mentally remember him (the opponent, not the negative). Imagine him as vividly as if he were standing in front of you.

It doesn't matter who was to blame for the conflict - you or him. Just mentally ask for forgiveness for the whole situation, let the person know that you forgive him, that you are not offended at all, and that everything is fine.

No matter how stupid it may seem at first, but this technique really helps to restore relationships after a quarrel, as well as get rid of discomfort. They are familiar to you: resentment, pain, anger, irritation. All this disappears as soon as you sincerely ask for forgiveness from the offender and - be sure! - forgive him.

If there are difficulties, and the first time you can’t forgive, try again later. And the next day, and again. Until there is a feeling of freedom and lightness.

You will see, this is truly an amazing and comfortable state!

Action 4

And now the most pleasant.

Smile. And do not just smile, but feel the smile with every cell of your body. Feel how the light and heat from it spreads throughout the body, how you feel pleasant, easy and joyful. Feel how all resentments and troubles fade into the background, and you are filled with a boundless feeling of love, so bright and beautiful that you no longer have to smile with an effort of will - a smile itself blooms on your lips.

Stay in this state for a few minutes, enjoying the warm light that surrounds you. Forget about all the problems at least for this period of time and just live - here and now.

Well, do you feel better?

Stand up, if you were sitting, walk around, stretching your muscles. Stretch with pleasure.

If all of the above was done with full dedication, you can be sure that the negative emotions associated with that situation will no longer bother you. You will again be able to fully focus on your business, without being distracted by unnecessary memories.

Just what was needed.

I wish you success!

Ekaterina Luchinina especially for