How to understand by gestures that a man wants you. How to Read a Person Using Sign Language

All the features and properties of the human soul are expressed in the body: facial features, posture, facial expressions and gestures. You can learn to identify them only comprehensively: by understanding the psyche and observing its external manifestations. How to do it?

And yet he is lying! He tries to hide his excitement, but gestures and facial expressions will always give the person away. Look, your eyes are darting, your fingers are drumming on the table. Although no, the next moment he looks straight into my eyes. And such a sincere, open look penetrates directly into the soul... Believe it or not? Maybe I completely misunderstand the meaning of his facial expressions...

How to stop being nervous when communicating with people? I wish I could learn to read a person like an open book! So that not a shadow of doubt remains about what his true intentions, thoughts and feelings are. They say there is a way to accurately judge a person’s character and behavior - by his gestures and facial expressions. It's like reading people by their appearance. I'm not doing well yet. Maybe there is a way to become a professional in this matter?

How to understand a person by facial expressions and gestures: the road of trial and error

In attempts to understand how to read a person by gestures and facial expressions, people created a whole science - physiognomy. How convenient it would be to penetrate into the recesses of the human soul through facial expressions and gestures that are noticeable and understandable to everyone! And how easy it would be to understand people's psychology. By external signs we want:

recognize false information by understanding people's gestures and their meanings,

get a transcript of a person’s facial features,

learn to determine the state of your interlocutor by facial expressions and gestures, determine the hidden emotions of a person in a conversation.

Unfortunately, our attempts to determine, with the help of gestures and facial expressions, a person’s psychology and the deep motives of his actions often fail.

The owner of a high forehead turns out to be not a great genius, but an arrogant windbag. The one who squinted, looking at you with obvious distrust, actually just forgot his glasses at home. A colleague who nervously taps his foot and fidgets with his tie is not trying to catch you up, but is simply late for something. So after this, read books on human psychology...

So do gestures and facial expressions have any meaning in psychology? Maybe we are simply misidentifying something in body language and gestures? Didn't train enough?

Gestures and facial expressions in human psychology are secondary signs of mental properties

Facial expressions and gestures really matter; they truly reflect a person’s inner state. But decoding them is a secondary tool. The analysis of facial expressions and gestures can be effectively applied only on the basis of accurate knowledge of the structure of the human psyche. Otherwise, you will constantly be at a loss as to why the person itched his nose now, for example? Is he lying or doubting, embarrassed or remembering? Or maybe it really is itching, and the secret language of gestures and facial expressions has nothing to do with it at all?

The System-Vector Psychology training by Yuri Burlan offers a different approach to how to understand people’s psychology. She explains that a person's body and soul are truly inextricably linked. All the features and properties of the human soul are expressed in the body: facial features, posture, facial expressions and gestures. You can learn to identify them only comprehensively: by understanding the psyche and observing its external manifestations. Understanding human psychology, behavior, facial expressions and gestures are observed as clarifying details. How to do it?

We read human gestures and facial expressions systematically

Let's look at simple examples. Before us is a person with a skin vector. What can be said about the psychology of this person and how is this expressed in behavior and gestures?

By nature it is given the following properties:

mobility and determination,

competitiveness and high ambition,

the desire for material and social superiority is a natural earner.

His psyche is flexible and adaptive, capable of quickly adapting to environmental changes.

The human body, his gestures and facial expressions are fully consistent with psychology. The skinman's body is slender, agile, and flexible. Both men and women with the skin vector literally “manoeuvre” in the crowd without colliding with anyone. If a skinned person is sufficiently realized in his properties (military, athlete, middle manager) - he is organized and fit, dexterous and precise - not a single extra movement. The gestures of such a person and their meaning can really say a lot about him.

However, a person with the same characteristics looks completely different when under stress or lacking social fulfillment.

It is clear from his body language and gestures that he is literally “fluttering”:

spins around, taps his fingers on the table,

shakes or taps his foot,

alternately grabs hold of one thing and then another, unable to bring anything to the end,

in a state of irritation, his characteristic gesture is to wag his finger.

Can we characterize the psychology of this person by such gestures and facial expressions? Determine whether he is capable of destructive actions against us?

It turns out that external signs alone are not enough. Facial expressions are important, but we need an accurate systemic diagnosis, an understanding of the psyche from the inside, in order to accurately understand who is in front of us?

Option 1. This is a developed leather worker. The head of a serious company or a career military man, engineer or technologist, professional athlete. In a situation of severe stress, he may demonstrate the gestures and facial expressions described above. The reason could be a serious collapse of his ambitions (he didn’t get a promotion in his career, he “failed” a competition). However, a leather worker with this level of development will not lie at every turn or steal from you.

Option 2. A person’s behavior, his gestures and facial expressions look the same outwardly. However, deep systemic recognition from the inside allows you to see that the skin in front of you is not sufficiently developed. Due to childhood psychotrauma and/or unfavorable circumstances, he did not learn to realize his natural properties in society. Then, instead of a “breadwinner”, he remains undeveloped, just a thief, prone to theft to one degree or another. And such a person can lie “without blinking an eye” - if it is beneficial for him.

Therefore, without knowing human psychology only from behavior and gestures, people make erroneous judgments.

Gestures and facial expressions of a man with anal vector

Completely different gestures and facial expressions can be traced in the psychology of carriers of the anal vector. These people are by nature sedentary, diligent, and scrupulous. They have thoroughness and attention to detail, and a phenomenal memory. These are potentially the best teachers; they strive to pass on experience and knowledge. Perfectionists, people of quality who want to correct the slightest mistake or inaccuracy.

Nature gives them a body, facial expressions and gestures that ideally correspond to the aspirations of the psyche. These are stocky, plump people who prefer a sedentary lifestyle.

A developed and realized person with an anal vector:

Carefulness in his work and the desire to correct a mistake make him a professional.

Has an open, honest face. His language of facial expressions and gestures is not difficult to read. These are people who are naturally incapable of lying.

A wonderful father and husband (the main value of the owner of the anal vector is family and children).

A grateful person who treats people in general with respect.

However, when the carrier of the anal vector experiences severe stress or lack of development and realization, we see a completely different picture:

the ability to teach becomes the desire to teach everyone and everything,

thoroughness in detail is expressed in the fact that a person notices and emphasizes the mistakes and imperfections of others, criticizes,

honesty is expressed in the fact that he “cuts the truth” in the face, without thinking about causing pain to others,

instead of gratitude, a person is fixated on grievances and the fact that he was “not given enough” something,

in the language of gestures and facial expressions of such a person one can read reproach and reproach: a heavy glance from under his brows, a characteristic gesture - a threat with a fist.

Is it possible to recognize the intentions of such a person by gestures and facial expressions? Predict his behavior, understand how dangerous he is for you? External signs alone (facial expressions and gestures) will not give anything. But with deep, systemic recognition of a person, you will know exactly who is in front of you:

Option 1. This is a developed owner of the anal vector. Professional in his field, teacher, analyst or critic, scientist. His stress is temporary and may be caused by social or sexual frustrations.

Option 2. Here is a person who has not received sufficient development of his properties. Then he can be a lifelong critic and a “dirty man.” Moreover: it is anal men who are prone to violent crimes. Understanding the laws of the psyche allows you to recognize such people not by gestures, but by all their manifestations at first sight. After all, human psychology is primary, and gestures, facial expressions and even behavior are only a consequence.

In each of the vectors of the human psyche (there are eight in total) there is a whole palette of states, degrees of development and implementation. And the external manifestations of these states, in addition to facial expressions and gestures, are given by a person’s voice, face, his words and, of course, his actions. To determine all this, you don’t need to carry multi-volume books on human psychology and read them on the go. There is a much simpler way.

Facial expressions and gestures are secondary

Gestures and facial expressions in human behavior are secondary. They are only the “external façade” of the recesses of our soul. Today there is a way for any condition of people. For those who have mastered this, there is no secret in how to read another person and understand everything about him:

If you want to not only understand a person’s emotions, body language and facial expressions, but also read his psyche like an open book, you can start with System-Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan.

Introduction

A person conveys information not only with the help of words (verbally), but also with the help of gestures, facial expressions, posture, gaze, appearance, distance during conversation, decorations - that is, with the help of non-verbal signals. It has been proven that we receive most of the information about a person (about 80%) from non-verbal sources, while words give us only 20% of all information. Very often, nonverbal information remains “behind the scenes” of our perception, because we do not know how to read and interpret it.

We often do not notice the obvious: we believe formally spoken words of agreement, while the person nods his head negatively, trying to warn us - I don’t agree. We don’t pay attention to the fact that the person greeting us with a smile has his arms crossed over his chest - a sign of a defensive position - “I’m uncomfortable and uncomfortable.”

The book is intended for those who want to learn to read the language of gestures, facial expressions, postures, etc., for those who want to learn more about their interlocutor than he tells about himself, for those who want to decipher the true motives of a person’s behavior, determine the momentary mood interlocutor. If you are learning to control your body using only those non-verbal signs that help create a positive image and set your interlocutor up for positivity, then this book is for you. In order to make your body an ally and not a traitor, you must study the alphabet of gestures well, imagine what each non-verbal signal means. We offer you this book in order to further benefit from the most valuable experience acquired after reading it.

Chapter 1
What do human gestures say?

Rule #1

How to recognize gestures from the “I’m thinking” category

A person who is in thought is absent from reality; he does not hear or see what is happening around him, since he is in the world of his own thoughts and fantasies. It should be noted: when a person thinks or fantasizes, do not waste important arguments, he will not perceive them anyway, will not hear them.

It must be remembered that in a person who is in thought, the most active area of ​​the brain is, so he tries to focus our attention on it, as if warning: “Don’t interfere - I’m thinking.” For a person who is lost in thought and distracted from the conversation, the following gestures are typical: hands to the forehead in various positions, a person can rub his temples, scratch the back of his head. This kind of gestures has another purpose: a person thus tries to increase the efficiency of the brain, adjusts his “thinking apparatus” to solve a difficult problem. Hence all kinds of stroking and scratching.

In addition to gestures, a person’s posture reveals a thoughtful person. Remember “The Thinker” by Auguste Rodin: he sits with his cheek resting on his hand. If your interlocutor is characterized by this posture, most likely he has been distracted from your conversation and is thinking about something of his own. To confirm your assumptions, pay attention to his gaze. A person who is far, far away - in his dreams and fantasies - is characterized by the so-called “look into nowhere”: absent, unfocused.

By the posture of a thinking person, you can approximately determine what he is thinking about. If a person leans on his right hand or rubs his right temple, it means that the left hemisphere of the brain is involved in his thinking (according to the law of cross-distribution of zones of influence of the brain), which is responsible for a person’s logical, analytical abilities. Consequently, at the moment a person is busy with analysis, he is occupied with questions that require detailed calculations. In this case, a person’s gaze can be concentrated, focused on one point. If a person leans on his left hand, it means that the right hemisphere of the brain is involved, which is responsible for the sensual side of human nature. A person most likely philosophizes, fantasizes, his thoughts lack clarity, specificity and do not require analysis. The gaze is not focused on one point, but, on the contrary, is blurry, directed to nowhere.

If you notice similar signs in your interlocutor, then it is possible that he is not listening to you, but is immersed in his own thoughts. To make sure that he perceives the information, you can ask him a question. If there is no answer, know that your interlocutor is in deep thought. You need to either wait until he wakes up from his thoughts, or influence him: say something loudly or touch him.

Rule #2

How to recognize gestures from the “I’m interested” category

It is important to understand whether the interlocutor is interested in you. Often verbal signs of interest are imaginary, and only with the help of non-verbal communication can you understand how interested your interlocutor is. Verbally, the interlocutor can show interest by asking questions, clarifying details, asking to repeat. But this, alas, is not a 100% indicator of interest. Questions can only mean a reluctance to offend you, formal politeness, but not interest.

An interested person, as a rule, is quite stingy with gestures. A person may be so focused on the interlocutor or interesting information that he tries not to make noise so as not to miss the thread of the conversation. It is not for nothing that in a classroom or auditorium, where schoolchildren or students are interested in what the teacher is talking about, there is perfect silence.

But there are other non-verbal ways to determine the interest of the interlocutor. A person who is interested in what is happening strives with his whole being to get closer to the source of information. You can notice the tilt of the body towards the speaker: the listener strives to be closer to him.

It happens that a person is so carried away by what is happening that he simply ceases to control his body. He may forget to close his mouth or open his eyes wide - these are facial signs that indicate that the person is surprised, amazed, and in the most interested state.

If you were unable to detect any of the listed “symptoms” of interest in your interlocutor, you should urgently change tactics - change the topic of the conversation, increase the emotionality of what is being said, otherwise your message will be insignificant for your interlocutor and will not bring the results you need.

Rule #3

How to recognize gestures from the category “I respect you”

Respect is one of those aspects of human relationships that you need to achieve throughout your life. It can be difficult to determine whether a person's respect is true or false. Do they give you a hand with a desire to greet you or because of an established tradition?

There are not so many gestures indicating respect. In order to determine how they treat you, pay attention to how the person greets you. A handshake is a very ancient tradition, which previously had not only a ritual meaning - to greet a newcomer, but also meant that people came to meet each other without bad intentions, without weapons. Now this ritual has acquired other meanings. A person who treats you with respect offers his hand first or at the same time as you. He does not try to immediately remove his hand: a respectful handshake should be long. The arm should be extended, and in no case bent at the elbow. Thus, the person should not cause you inconvenience, should not force you to reach out. Rather, on the contrary, he is trying to create the most comfortable conditions for you.

The following can be considered a gesture of respect: a man shakes a woman’s hand at the exit from public transport. It can also be formal, it just means that the person is familiar with the rules of good manners. If this is a gesture of true respect, then the person giving the hand should look at you and try to catch your hand.

Bowing your head is a gesture of respect. Pay attention to how the person tilts his head. A respectful bow may be accompanied by lowering the eyelids (this comes from the ancient tradition of greeting royalty - they are so majestic and powerful that people did not even dare to look at them, so they lowered their eyelids).

In some Western countries, hugging is a nonverbal way to show affection and respect for a person, even if the two people are not in a close relationship. Hugs are allowed after the first meeting if people have found kindred spirits in each other. This is, in essence, reducing the distance between people to a minimum. In other words, you are letting a stranger into your personal zone and invading his personal space. There is a direct contact that means: “I understand you, I accept you, I treat you with respect.” In our country, as a rule, hugs are acceptable only between close friends and relatives.

Rule #4

How to recognize gestures from the “I doubt” category

What gestures, postures and facial expressions indicate that a person is in doubt about making a decision? How to determine that he is not ready to give an objective assessment of the events taking place? You can easily calculate whether your interlocutor is inclined to agree with you and accept your point of view.

The state of doubt is a twofold state. It has its pros and cons. The person, on the one hand, has not yet refused you, has not made a definitively negative decision, he does not tell you “no” peremptorily. On the other hand, your argument is not convincing enough; the person has not yet agreed with your arguments.

A person who has not made a decision is characterized by gestures and postures of reflection, which indicate that he is still analyzing the situation and is full of attention. He may express distrust. If a person doubts the arguments you make, he tries not to look you in the eye. His gaze may wander around the room, he may look out the window, try to abstract himself from your arguments and independently think about the pros and cons of your proposal. An even more dangerous direction to look is towards the exit. This means that he is inclined to answer negatively and intends to leave in the near future.

A doubting person is characterized by fingering, rubbing, scratching gestures - repetitive, monotonous. These gestures have the following meanings: firstly, they are associated with mental activity (a person is thinking about your arguments), and secondly, they have the goal of distracting your attention and confusing you. A person in a state of doubt does not concentrate on you and your arguments; there is some nervousness and fussiness in his movements and gestures.

Here are some examples of such gestures: rubbing or scratching the eye, the corners of the mouth, they mean that the person suspects you of lying, and there is a catch in your arguments.

Another gesture that clearly indicates that a person is in a state of doubt is a shrug. Often this is an unconscious gesture. For example, a person may agree or disagree with you, but at the same time he completely unintentionally shrugs his shoulders - this is a nonverbal signal that indicates his uncertainty in the decision made. Such disharmony in verbal and non-verbal behavior suggests that you can change the situation. Even if your interlocutor has made a decision that is unfavorable to you, you can convince him. If he agreed with your arguments, but expresses uncertainty and shrugs, this indicates that you must reinforce his confidence in the decision made. Otherwise, after talking with other people, he will change his mind.

Rule #5

How to recognize "I'm on guard" gestures

If a person feels threatened by you, fears that you might attack him or do something not very pleasant for him, he immediately begins to carry out nonverbal defense. The situation of threat may not be reflected at all in his words, but he begins to behave differently. You only have to look closely at him, and then you will understand that he is afraid of you.

The person begins to use special gestures that mean the following: “Stop. Stop. I feel like there's a catch here." If a person crosses his arms over his chest, points his fingertips in different directions, and turns his outstretched arm and palm towards you, then this signals that you should stop. An outstretched arm has other meanings: first of all, this signal will not allow you to get closer, to invade his personal space, the person unconsciously puts a barrier between you, in addition, he is trying to close your mouth in this way, he feels a hidden threat in your words.

A wary person is characterized by a special look: he looks at you point-blank, watches your every gesture, movement with the sole purpose of not missing the moment when a “knife” appears in your hands. This “knife” can have a symbolic meaning: you can strike verbally, prick with a cruel joke, or convey unpleasant news. This is exactly the moment your interlocutor is waiting for from you. If several people are involved in a conversation, then the vigilant interlocutor very quickly looks from one to another.

A person who feels threatened by you can prepare an escape route in advance - he always notices where the door is, so that if his assumptions are confirmed and you create a threat to him, he can quickly find a way out.

How can such signals be neutralized? In order for a person to lose the feeling of threat, you need to calm him down and establish contact with him. First, try to get as close to him as possible, despite his desire to move away. Use tactile influence - touch him, stroke him, you can take his hand in the forearm area. These movements should not be sharp or rude, otherwise he will regard them as the beginning of an attack on your part. Try to speak slowly and loud enough for the person to hear you, otherwise they will think you are trying to hide something from them. If you are sitting at a table opposite each other, then you should move to him. If you manage to avoid a situation of confrontation and relieve the feeling of pressure, then your interlocutor will be able to relax, and your dialogue will be more constructive.

Rule #6

How to recognize gestures from the category “I am willing to compromise”

Finding a compromise is not an easy task in any situation, be it a family dispute, a business conversation or an academic discussion. In such situations, it is important to see that your opponent is willing to compromise. A person may say that he will not back down from his words, but nonverbal signals may indicate the opposite - the person is ready to make concessions.

If you notice a discrepancy between a person's words and his gestures, then this is a sign that you will be able to get the decision you need from him. It is very important to see this dissonance between word and body and interpret it correctly. If your opponent says that he completely disagrees with you, considers your words absurd, but at that moment nods his head up and down, this indicates that he is ready to accept your point of view and is only adding value to himself, trying to achieve more profitable conditions for yourself. If you notice such a gesture, you don’t have to stand on ceremony with it, insist on your terms, and be sure that sooner or later your interlocutor will accept them.

The absence of gestures is also a gesture. If we do not find any negative gestures in a person, for example, crossed arms and legs, he feels quite comfortable communicating with you at close range, easily lets you into his personal space, this indicates that the person accepts your point of view. Chances are you've already done enough to win him over to your side. In the near future he will agree with you.

A person who has already made a decision is characterized by a certain facial and gestural calmness. There are no distracting movements or gestures; the face expresses peace and harmony. Even if he insists on his own, resists your persuasion, most likely this is just a formality.

In a discussion, in an argument, a person who is inclined to compromise behaves somewhat imposingly, he understands: a dispute is a dispute, but he has already decided everything for himself. He can very convincingly defend his point of view and be internally calm, but he understands that he will still need to come to some kind of solution that suits both parties.

In order to determine what your interlocutor is leaning toward, pay attention to the enumeration gestures used, which, as a rule, do not carry much meaning, but can sometimes clarify something. If a person directs arguments in your direction, it means that he is inclined to your position. If the transfer is directed in the opposite direction (he seems to be collecting everything around, raking up everything that is lying badly), this indicates that the person is looking for benefits, he has a desire to get the maximum benefit from the negotiations.

Rule No. 7

How to recognize gestures from the “I tend to trust relationships” category

A person is not always inclined to trust relationships. As a rule, he does not seek to let into his inner circle those people who cause him doubt or hostility. By nonverbal signals you can easily understand whether a person has gained confidence in you.

It is believed that if a person actively comes into contact with you, this means that you have gained his trust and he will cooperate with you. But the talkativeness of your interlocutor does not always mean that you have won his sympathy. Sociable people easily communicate with anyone, even if they don’t like him. Sometimes only by non-verbal signals can one determine the true attitude towards you.

The gestures of a person who is prone to trusting relationships are directed towards the interlocutor. He will direct any non-verbal signal, be it a listing gesture, his posture, the toes of his shoes turned towards you, in your direction. All these are signs that you have established contact with him, which can bear fruit in the future.

You need to pay attention to the distance between you. If your interlocutor maintains a distance of up to 70 cm, this means that he knows the rules of etiquette and is not trying to invade your personal space. On the other hand, if he doesn't let you into his space, he doesn't like you enough. If the distance is reduced to 50 cm or less, you can praise yourself for being so charming and attractive and finding an approach to the person.

If already at the first meeting a person can easily touch you, pat you on the shoulder, straighten your tie or scarf, you can safely give yourself 5 points for your charm and charm.

The facial expressions of a person who has gained confidence in you are very complacent. A person who is disposed to trust will often smile at you, moreover, laugh openly, without holding back his emotions, since he likes you and has nothing to be embarrassed in your company.

A person who has gained confidence in you can copy your gestures. Often this happens unconsciously and is done not to please you, but simply because they want to be a little like you. You can even do an experiment: use some kind of constant gesture when communicating with a new person, for example, snapping your finger. If by the end of the conversation your interlocutor has adopted your habit, it means that you have very successfully coped with the task of being liked and managed to make a good impression on the person.

Rule #8

How to recognize gestures from the category “I’m defending myself”

Gestures of defense quite eloquently indicate that a person subconsciously or consciously feels fear of you or feels guilty. He is in a situation where he needs to defend himself from your attacks, all non-verbal signals will indicate that he wants to block your attempts to influence him.

One of the most common and striking methods of protection is crossing your arms over your chest. This signal may indicate that the person does not want to make contact, that he is embarrassed, that he wants to protect himself from you. The cross leg gesture falls into this category - a person seems to lose the feeling of support under his feet. The characteristic posture of defense is a straight body, the body is slightly tilted forward, the head is lowered, the forehead is directed at the interlocutor, the eyes are lowered. The person is trying to take the blow with his forehead, to defend himself from your words. This pose helps to reflect negativity.

When faced with a potential attack, a person tries to cover the most painful area. Men use the “footballer in the wall” pose - they cover the groin area, thereby protecting themselves from possible attacks. Sensitive people who take everything to heart try to cover the chest in the area of ​​the heart, either by crossing their arms over their chest or covering the heart with the palm of their left hand.

People with different types of perception may have different methods of defense - visual people put on glasses, cover their eyes with their hands, pretend that the sun is blinding their eyes, auditory people can pull a hat over their ears, straighten their long hair, if neither one nor the other is there, they produce some manipulation of the ears, closing them. Kinesthetic people, who perceive the world by sensations, try to maintain a distance so as not to touch the interlocutor, often hide their hands in their pockets, thereby showing that they do not want to perceive the information you give. People who perceive the world by smell can perform manipulations with their nose using a handkerchief; they may suddenly develop a runny nose - an involuntary defensive reaction.

A person defends himself from your attacks, creating visible and invisible barriers between you. This can be expressed in the form of building a wall, a barrier. If you are sitting at the table and see that your interlocutor is starting to build something like a pile of objects lying nearby (pens, notepads), this means something similar to the “Great Wall of China” piled up in your relationship. In other words, your interlocutor is building some kind of structure that will serve as protection from you. Another person can act as a wall. In self-defense, your interlocutor may intentionally introduce a third party into your conversation. The bystander is in a sense a wall, since the person defending himself hopes that you will not attack him in the presence of a third person.

Rule #9

How to recognize gestures from the “I feel awkward” category

When a person feels awkward, ashamed of himself, his actions, he wants only one thing - not to be noticed, not to be touched, and best of all - to fall into the ground. The feeling of awkwardness is very easy to calculate by a whole set of non-verbal means with which your interlocutor can try to disguise it.

As soon as a person feels that he is ashamed, he will immediately try to divert your attention from himself so that you do not notice obvious signs of shame, for example, redness of the face or increased heart rate. He wants to buy time to return to normal, to hide the involuntary, uncontrollable reactions of his body. Your interlocutor may suddenly grab an object, stand up abruptly, change position, for example, try to throw on a jacket that was previously hanging calmly on a chair. At the moment of feeling shame, a person breaks eye contact, lowers his eyes, and his gaze freezes on some object. His gestures and movements become fussy.

Let us recall an episode from Chekhov’s story “Chameleon”. As soon as the police supervisor Ochumelov made another mistake and he felt ashamed of his words, he immediately tried to distract the attention of those around him, confuse them, taking off and putting on his coat again.

If a person has an innate sense of shame or has committed a very serious crime and is sure that he will not be forgiven, he has a need to dress as inconspicuously as possible. In fact, this is a rather serious mistake in using nonverbal cues. If you look inconspicuous, this does not mean that you will not be noticed. On the contrary, they will notice you, but ignore you, consider it unnecessary to talk to you, and you will be left with your feelings of shame, which can develop into paranoia. Let us recall an episode from the novel “Gone with the Wind”: Scarlet, having seduced her friend’s husband, at first did not want to go to her name day at all, but Rhett Butler forced her to do it. And he asked me to wear the brightest dress – purple-red. He believed that this was how Scarlet would be able to feel all the bitterness of her guilt. But in fact, this dress saved her: it destroyed her fear of the company of Melanie and Ashley. Bright clothes help in self-realization; we understand that it is impossible not to notice us, we are so bright: how a person looks is how he feels. Getting out of awkward situations in bright outfits is much easier than in completely discreet clothes.

The feeling of awkwardness doubles as soon as a person realizes that others have noticed his awkwardness. Therefore, people whose awkwardness is revealed, for example, by redness of the face, look doubly embarrassed. They realize that they will not be able to hide their embarrassment, and they become even more confused. Yes, of course, it is very difficult to hide an involuntary reaction, but, knowing about your natural ability to quickly fill with paint, you can always get out of it. At such moments, many people desperately regret that they do not live in a magical world and that they do not have an invisibility hat. The most successful way, according to psychologists, is to admit that you are embarrassed: “Oh, I’m so ashamed that I’m late,” “I, of course, wildly apologize, but today I don’t have cash with me, could you pay?” for me in the cafeteria? As soon as you admit this, your awkwardness will disappear. As soon as you express your state verbally, internal tension and embarrassment immediately disappear.

Rule No. 10

How to recognize gestures from the “I don’t believe you” category

Gestures of skepticism, distrust, and disbelief in your sincerity can be very easily calculated: they are almost always gestures of negativity and defense. Even if a person agrees with you verbally, but his posture, facial expressions, and gestures indicate the opposite, trust non-verbal language - it will reveal the person’s true thoughts to you.

The most common gestures indicating mistrust are defensive gestures - crossed arms and legs. The person says that he does not want to perceive the information that comes from you. A person can manipulate his ears - in a symbolic sense, he removes the noodles that you hang on him.

He can use prohibiting and warning gestures, as if making it clear: “I understand that you are lying to me, I don’t believe you.” Your interlocutor may hint to you that he is aware by putting his hands to his mouth, as if saying: “Keep your mouth shut.” This gesture has variations: a person can scratch his lips, mouth, ears. Another gesture of distrust is a negative shake of the head: even if he agrees with you, supports your point of view on a verbal level, he has something else on his mind.

Facial expressions also reveal your interlocutor’s skepticism. Distrust is written on the face, the man hides his eyes. He may smile skeptically or simply grin: one corner of his mouth is raised up, the other is down. Such a smile indicates that they do not believe you. What you say to him seems funny to him.

The fact that your deception is exposed, even if you are not going to be exposed, gives the person a feeling of superiority over you. Non-verbally, this can be expressed in a particularly condescending attitude and reluctance to invade your personal space - a person of a “lower caste” who is capable of lying.

Some people have a developed sense of perceiving the world by smell; such people are very sensitive to lies. They can make it clear that they have seen through the deception by flaring their nostrils: “I smell something unclean here.”

Once you have received such nonverbal signals and interpreted them correctly, you need to change your tactics: either start telling the truth, or change your argumentation, using stronger and more convincing arguments. Perhaps after this your position will be perceived as truth.

Rule No. 11

How to recognize gestures from the “I’m scared” category

A person in a situation of fear, be it an upcoming parachute jump or a public speech, tries in every possible way to veil his fear. He begins to be brave and talk about his fearlessness, so it can be difficult to calculate fear by verbal signs. You will be able to determine the true state only if you are able to correctly decipher the non-verbal signals that he sends you.

When we are scared, we are usually ashamed of our fear. If a person experiences fear, he tries to behave more carefully, but at the same time he tries to hide his feelings. That is why for people experiencing fear, there is a standard non-verbal scheme that works in almost all cases, without exception. People experiencing fear try not to give themselves away, to drown out their fear, to cheer up, for this they use non-verbal signals.

Nonverbal signs of fear are a special category. They are united by the fact that a person in a situation of fear is not able to control his body, has no power over it. He may flinch completely for no reason when he hears a loud voice, or jump if you quietly approach him and pull him from behind - this indicates that the person is tense and, perhaps, afraid of something.

A person tries in every possible way to suppress the feeling of fear. For example, you are on an exam, and one of the students suddenly starts talking loudly unnecessarily, this means that he is experiencing severe fear, is trying to pull himself together and reduce his own fear.

A person in a frightened situation may suddenly start laughing. Let us recall an episode from the novel “Crime and Punishment” by F.M. Dostoevsky. Raskolnikov, meeting investigator Porfiry Petrovich for the first time, tries to provoke a comic effect by bursting into the office, laughing cheerfully, hoping to convince the investigator that he is going to the meeting without any fear. But Porfiry Petrovich, being an experienced psychologist, understands perfectly well that his suspect is only masking his condition with the help of ostentatious indifference and fearlessness.

A person experiencing fear may begin to whistle, hum a melody, or sing out loud. This is also a kind of attempt to relieve tension. When man was just beginning to explore space, every pilot understood that his flight was a kind of game with death. Before the flight, when every step of the cosmonaut was filmed to later show people - “Look how fearless Soviet cosmonauts are,” those who were about to fly sang to relieve stress and reduce their fear. Only people close to me understood how difficult it was for them to complete this building. They seemed brave and fearless, but by non-verbal signals, by the way their lips trembled, how dimly their eyes shone, those close to them guessed their true state.

Rule No. 12

How to recognize gestures from the “I’m nervous” category

By a person's gestures, facial expressions, and posture, you can easily understand that he is nervous. Even if he manages to control his speech, he tries to pull himself together and speaks relatively calmly, but non-verbal signals may indicate that his condition is out of the ordinary.

Gestures characteristic of a person who is very nervous are usually the following: fingering foreign objects, all kinds of scratching, stroking. Moreover, very often a person changes one gesture to another, trying to hide his nervousness. But it is precisely this rapid change of non-verbal signals and variety of gestures that reveals a state of nervousness.

If you notice that your interlocutor is constantly scratching his hands or face, this may mean that he is very nervous. Itching of the whole body is a physiological involuntary reaction of the body. When we are nervous, we feel slight discomfort, which can be expressed in itching, chills, or, on the contrary, a feeling of stuffiness. A person who is in a stressful situation may have a desire to undress or dress, despite the fact that the weather does not change. You should not miss such nonverbal signals; in this case, you need to understand why the person is nervous in your presence.

A person in a state of nervousness cannot concentrate his gaze on one object for a long time, he constantly looks around, assessing the situation, looks around, looks at those around him, his gaze wanders around the space, cannot find shelter for himself. And even more so, you are unlikely to catch his eye. If he looks at you, it won't be for very long.

A person in a situation, for example, an exam or an upcoming important, but not very pleasant conversation, becomes a little inadequate and does not control himself. If he has bad habits, then in a state of stress a person begins to resort to them to relieve stress. For example, if he smokes, he may even start smoking one cigarette after another. He may bite his nails or twirl his hair on his finger - do anything to calm himself down. Bitten nails are a sign that a person is constantly nervous and cannot control himself.

Another clear signal of nervousness is a nervous tic - an involuntary reaction of the body. Due to strong internal tension, a person’s muscles first tense and then begin to contract. If you notice that your interlocutor's eyelid is twitching, this means that he is on the verge of a breakdown. It's better not to argue with him. Another involuntary reaction of our body is sweat. If a person has excessive sweating, then in a situation of stress, fear, and also lies, he will look like a runner who has run a cross-country race for two kilometers - all covered with droplets of sweat. There is also the “wet” palm syndrome: when meeting your interlocutor, you will understand that he is nervous if, after shaking his hand, you feel that his hand is wet.

Facial expressions reveal a nervous person: his face is almost always distorted by some kind of grimace, and in a state of stress, a change in facial expressions is typical. For example, if the examiner is in a positive mood and smiles in response to the words of his student, then the respondent himself breaks into a smile, but this is a nervous smile, which is associated with a desire to please. If the examiner does not look at the student at all, then the student’s face may change its color: from pale to red - this is fear and fear of failure at the same time.

If you find yourself in a stressful situation, you can avoid giving yourself away by restoring your normal state. How can you control yourself? First of all, begin to control your speech, try not to deviate from the average pace, in this case you will be able to regain your composure. If the situation is out of the ordinary and it’s difficult for you not to reveal your condition, then try to come to your senses as quickly as possible - for example, stroking your hand can help you, you can ask for a time-out in order to calm down.

Rule No. 13

How to recognize gestures from the “I’m happy” category

In this chapter we will talk not only about the highest state of pleasure - happiness, but also about a positive mood in general, about those situations when a person experiences pleasure, when he is happy with the world around him, and is in a positive mood. How can you determine his positive attitude based on nonverbal signals?

A person can enter a state of euphoria after, for example, he has received what he has been seeking for so long. Thus, a person feels happiness if he learns that the one he is in love with is reciprocated, if he enters the university he dreamed of, or receives praise from a respected person. Very often a person in this state becomes helpless and vulnerable because he is open. The state of happiness is the state of a person when he perceives the world around him as it is. Often in such situations a person has no control over his body at all.

It is very easy to determine from facial expressions that a person is in a positive mood. In a crowd of people, such a person is easy to spot by his wide smile “for no reason” - he seems to be remembering something: happiness is bursting, he cannot hide this joy.

Very often, a positive person violates the personal space of his interlocutor. He uses personal, intimate ways of greeting - hugs, kisses. He enjoys direct contact with other people, he enjoys touching others, he wants people to invade his personal space. A person who feels complete harmony with the world tries to be noticeable. He chooses clothes of bright colors. Sometimes a happy person has a desire to change - to try on something that was not there before and that normally he would not dare to wear: new fashion accessories, rings, earrings, bright shoes.

Rule No. 14

How to recognize gestures from the category “I am sure that I am right”

Self-confidence is not only what a person says, but also how he says it. What intonations he uses, what gestures he uses, how he stands, how he walks, where he looks - all this can tell you that in front of you is a person who is confident in his rightness and strength. You can easily calculate confidence if you turn to non-verbal symbolism for help.

A confident person is characterized by bright, spontaneous gestures. You notice that your interlocutor often holds his hands in the chest area, but does not cross them - this is evidence of his confidence, a sense of superiority. A sign of such confidence can be the gesture of folded hands. In such a person you will never notice nervousness in gestures. If a self-confident person uses an enumerating gesture, then it is usually addressed to the public, the interlocutor. Although it gives the appearance of energy output, it actually takes away your energy if you are a weaker person. And if you are not too confident in yourself, you may suffer from communicating with such people; they may simply frighten you with their confidence. Therefore, it is important to identify such a person and be able to resist him.

A characteristic gesture of self-confidence is placing your hands behind your head. Some people find it indecent. It not only allows you to completely open the chest area due to the maximum extension of the arms, but also exposes the armpit area, which is considered quite intimate. It's better not to use such a gesture. This type of confidence is akin to arrogance.

A person who is confident speaks in a special way, making the most of the capabilities of his voice. His voice is his main weapon. A person is able to control his voice, raise it when necessary, lower it to achieve his goals. But, as a rule, his voice is even, clear, there are small pauses between words, and the tempo is constant. The words are like a drum roll: “I’m still stronger.” A person who is less confident in himself will definitely begin to doubt his victory, even if he was so sure of it.

A confident person always dresses neatly, but he very rarely indulges in excess. Pretentiousness - ruffles, bows and ribbons - are rather the exception in their wardrobe. They are strict in their dress. However, they are capable of shocking: for example, opening some intimate areas in order to influence the interlocutor.

Such people are characterized by a boring gaze; they can keep you in their field of vision without lowering their eyes for long enough. This kind of staring game is necessary in order to find out which of you is stronger. If they want to get something from you, it’s as if they are trying to hypnotize you: they will never lower their eyes until they get their way. As soon as you notice that your interlocutor is trying to influence you in a similar way (to penetrate your soul), you must counteract his influence, put up some kind of barrier. You can leave your interlocutor for a moment or put on dark glasses.

Rule No. 15

How to recognize gestures from the category “I am oppressed”

You can identify a person in a depressed state if you pay attention to what nonverbal means he uses. The state of depression and unhappiness can be determined by the use of negative and closed gestures, and reluctance to come into contact with others.

A depressed person uses a minimum of gestures, since he experiences a lack of energy, and gesticulation requires large energy expenditures. The head becomes very heavy from the abundance of negative emotions, so a person strives to support it in every possible way: it can rest on the palms, it can simply be tilted to one side or lowered down.

The look of a person with problems is usually absent. He is not interested in you or your affairs. He strives to take the most comfortable body position. The fact is that a person who suffers mentally understands that at the moment he cannot achieve spiritual harmony. But in order to increase his tone, to please himself, he strives for external comfort. For example, if you find him sleeping in the fetal position (curled up), this indicates a high degree of anxiety. This position, which is as comfortable as possible for a person, reminds of the most serene and happiest time of his life - when he was in the womb. If a person is sitting or standing, he strives to find support, lean on something, lean back in a chair to take a stable position. It seems that all his problems put real pressure on him, that he is bent under the weight of his own body, he is being pressed towards the ground, his shoulders are drooping.

The facial expressions of a depressed person very eloquently testify to his condition: the corners of his mouth are turned down, his eyelids are half-closed, it is difficult for him to move, he is even extremely reluctant to speak.

Rule No. 16

How to recognize gestures from the “I'm bored” category

It is important to recognize in time that you are boring your interlocutor in order to interrupt the conversation or turn it in a different direction. If you pay attention to how they listen to you, what kind of facial expression your companion has, what gestures he uses, how he sits, then you will accurately determine whether he enjoys communicating with you or not.

A bored, impassive look, an apathetic posture, an elongated face, a drooping jaw, slightly drooping eyelids are all signs of boredom. Have you noticed that your interlocutor is yawning? So you're not entertaining him very well. Such a gesture may be disguised or restrained. A person covers his mouth with his hand - this is evidence that he is running out of patience and can no longer bear listening to you.

A person who is bored may try to entertain himself in order to stay awake. Let’s say he grabs objects that lie nearby, but he doesn’t need them at all. Nevertheless, these objects are the only entertainment: he can touch them, twist them, throw them up or perform other manipulations. Also, your companion may be leafing through a book or magazine without the desire to find something there. He can draw something on a piece of paper. If your listener writes down after you, and does it in great detail, including introductory words, without raising his head at all, this is also a signal: he is not even trying to think about what is being said, he is making a recording in order to at least somehow then keep yourself busy.

Your interlocutor may try to show verbal activity - ask questions, assent, but this is not always an absolute indicator of his interest. You will understand that he is indifferent to the topic of conversation by the slow pace of his speech and relaxed intonations in his voice.

The fact that a person does not enjoy your company can be indicated by his desire to leave, expressed non-verbally. This is evidenced by the following signals: your interlocutor constantly looks at the door, his body, the toes of his feet are facing towards the exit. A person may ostentatiously fidget with his briefcase, fidget with the lock on it, zip it up and down - all these are signs of boredom that indicate his readiness to leave at any moment.

To express your intention to leave at any time, your interlocutor can take off his glasses and put them in the case. This means that he has already heard enough of you, your arguments are clear, you should either summarize your conversation or move on to a more interesting question.

If a person is bored, he tries to take the most comfortable position for him, gradually find some kind of support, he is relaxed, inattentive to your words. If your interlocutor is sitting, then evidence that he is bored will be his “spreading” across the table. Posture is an indicator of the level of attention. A person in a relaxed position is not able to perceive information.

It is likely that in a zone of armed conflict a person will encounter representatives of the opposing side somewhere. This can happen in a populated area, on a highway while moving in a column of refugees, in a place of imprisonment, if you have been taken hostage, and in other places.

When an enemy dominates a populated area, a difficult situation often separates people, makes them withdrawn, and sometimes it is difficult to determine which side your friend is on. The fear of losing everything, including life, makes people wary and distrustful, and some even traitors. When talking to people, sometimes you feel that they are telling you a lie. How can we determine at what point exactly and what information is being presented? And if you are being interrogated in the investigator’s office, how to behave with him?

There is body language for this. Knowing that a person’s subconscious always reveals the true intentions of an ordinary person through facial expressions and gestures, one can with a high degree of probability determine his intentions and build his own tactics of behavior with him. Gestures are accurate indicators of a person’s internal state, thoughts, emotions and desires.

The famous Australian psychologist Allan Pease thoroughly covered these issues in his book “Body Language,” which was published in a gigantic circulation of 1 million copies. We will also adopt some of the techniques of this technique. Knowing them is extremely useful in a combat zone, especially for those whose work or personal life depends on interaction with other people. You need to study the language of gestures and body movements, observe people and compare and check these observations - that is, learn, and learn constantly, and not from time to time.

Knowing sign language well, you can read the thoughts of other people, determine when your interlocutor is telling a lie, inspire trust and sympathy, turn other people into like-minded people, know how a negative internal state is expressed and ways to suppress it, and much more.

You should know that about 80% of information about a person is conveyed to us by his postures, gestures and facial expressions. This is the so-called body language. You can trust this language more than ordinary spoken language, since gestures and facial expressions are controlled by the subconscious, which cannot be controlled by our ordinary consciousness,

Studying body language (nonverbal cues) is another means by which one can penetrate the secrets of thought and read information or reactions to information that a person is hiding with his spoken language (verbal cues).

It is surprising that a person is rarely aware that his posture, gestures and movements may contradict what his voice communicates. That is, when a person is lying, even partially, then this can be determined with a high degree of probability by his body movements,

When we say that a person is sensitive and intuitive, we need to mean that he has the ability to read another person's non-verbal cues and compare them with verbal cues. In other words, when we say that we have a hunch, or that we have a "sixth sense" tells us that someone has told a lie, we really mean that we have noticed a discrepancy between the person's body language and the words spoken by that person.

When you communicate with someone, know that nonverbal cues are 5 times more painful.

more information than verbal, and if the signals do not match, people rely on non-verbal information, preferring it to verbal.

Sometimes you can see a politician standing on a podium with his arms crossed tightly over his chest (a defensive posture), with his chin down (a critical or hostile posture), and talking to the crowd about how he supports the ideas of peace in the region. He may try to convince the crowd of his warm, humane attitude by making quick, sharp blows to the podium(!).

In order to more accurately interpret the meaning of gestures and guess what a person is really thinking, you need to take into account the entirety of his gestures, the coincidence of verbal and non-verbal signals, as well as the surrounding situation in which the person is located. This, of course, cannot be done right away; some training is required.

In the future, we will not go into detail to provide any evidence of the correctness of this or that statement - this is a whole science, and the scope of this book does not allow this. We will give just a few examples that will help you more accurately identify people in various situations.

Gesticulation. The higher a person’s social status and intelligence, the less developed his gestures and the poorer his body movements, since he can use the wealth of his vocabulary in the process of communication. While a less educated or less professional person will more often rely on gestures rather than words in the communication process.

HAND GESTURES

Palms. From time immemorial, an open palm has been associated with sincerity, honesty, devotion and trust.

The best way to find out whether your interlocutor is being frank and honest with you at the moment is to observe the position of his palms. If a dog shows humility and submission to the winner by exposing its neck, then a person does this with the help of his palms. For example, when people are completely honest with you, they will extend one or two palms to you and say something like, “I will be completely honest with you.” When a person begins to "open up" with you, he usually opens his palms in front of the interlocutor completely or partially (159). Like other body language gestures, this is a completely unconscious gesture, it tells you that the interlocutor is currently telling the truth. When a child is deceiving or what - is hiding, he hides his palms behind his back. Similarly, if a wife wants to hide from her husband the fact that she went out all night with her friends, she will hide her hands in her pockets or keep them crossed during explanations. Thus, hidden palms can tell her husband about that she is hiding the truth.

The reader may ask, “Do you mean that if I tell a lie with open palms, people will believe me?” The answer to this question will be yes and no. If you tell a blatant lie with your palms open, you may still appear insincere to your interlocutors, because you will lack other gestures that characterize a person telling the truth, but you will notice the negative gestures characteristic of telling a lie; and none of this will go well with your open palms,

It should be noted that many swindlers and professional swindlers have a special talent - to bring their nonverbal signals into line with verbal deceitful statements. The better they use nonverbal gestures during a lie that are characteristic of a person telling the truth, the more professional they are in their field.

However, you can increase your credibility by developing the habit of keeping your palms open when communicating with people. Palm Power. One of the least noticeable and at the same time the most significant non-verbal signals is the signal transmitted by the human palm. If the power of the palm is used correctly, it can give a person more authority and the ability to command others,

There are three basic command palm gestures: palm up position, palm down position, and pointing finger position ().

The open palm up position is a trusting, non-threatening gesture, reminiscent of the begging gesture of a beggar on the street. The person we asked to move the box will not feel any pressure, and in conditions of equality he will perceive it as a request on your part.

When your palm is turned down, your gesture will immediately have an overtone of authority. The person to whom you are making the request will feel as if he has been ordered to move the box, and may feel hostile toward you, depending on your relationship with him. For example, if a person is of the same position as you, then he may not fulfill your request, but if you asked him with a different gesture, palm up, he would do it. If the person to whom this request is addressed is your subordinate, he will fulfill it without objection, since you have the right to this gesture.

The pointing gesture, similar to a kind of baton with the help of which a person is forced into submission, is one of the most annoying used by a person in the process of speech, especially if it coincides in meaning with the spoken words.

Hand gestures. At first glance, clasped fingers may seem like a trusting gesture, because when people use it, they smile and feel happy. However, this gesture rather indicates disappointment and a desire to hide one’s negative attitude. The gesture has three options: crossed fingers raised at face level (161), hands lying on the table (162), on the knees when the person is sitting or below in front of him when the person costs (163).

There is a relationship between hand positions and the strength of the negative feeling experienced by a person. It will be more difficult to come to an agreement with the interlocutor if his hands are raised as shown in 161 than as in 162. To relax this negative gesture, a number of measures must be taken to allow the person to stretch his arms forward and bare his palms, otherwise there will be a hostile note in the process negotiations

Putting your hands behind your back. This is considered a gesture of a confident person with a sense of superiority over others. It allows a person to open his vulnerable areas of the body, such as the stomach, heart, throat, with unconscious fearlessness. A. Pease's experiments showed that if you adopt this position in stressful situations (such as the condition of the person being interviewed or waiting for an appointment at the dentist), you will feel less tense, more confident, and even powerful (164).

This "hands behind your back" gesture is different from the "hands behind your back with wrists locked" gesture (165), which indicates that the person is upset and trying to pull himself together. Interestingly, the more angry the person, the higher the her hand moves along her back.

Another popular gesture is crossing your arms over your chest with your thumbs pointed vertically. This gesture conveys a double signal - one of a negative or defensive attitude (crossed arms) plus a feeling of superiority (expressed with the thumbs). The person resorting to this gesture usually plays with one or both fingers, and if he is also standing, then he is characteristically swaying on his heels.

The meaning of gestures associated with touching hands to various parts of the face

How can you tell if a person is lying? Recognizing nonverbal gestures that signal deception is one of the most important for communication. This can be learned by observing human behavior,

So, what gestures can give a person away when he is lying?

These are gestures associated with touching hands to the face.

When a person lies, his brain sends him an impulse to cover his mouth in an attempt to delay the words of deception, as is done by small children and adolescents, but at the last moment the hand moves away from the mouth and another gesture is born - ((hand to face", With age, the gesture becomes more veiled,: therefore, it is always more difficult to read information from a 50-year-old person than from a young person. But still, although the gestures become less noticeable, they continue to occur when a person is lying, covering up a lie or giving false testimony. These gestures can also indicate doubt, uncertainty, lies or exaggeration of a real fact.

When a person makes the “hand to face” gesture, this does not always mean that he is lying. However, this may be the first sign of deception, and further observation of the person's behavior and gestures may confirm your suspicions. Always consider this gesture in conjunction with other gestures.

An experiment was conducted with nurses who, in a role-playing game, were instructed to tell patients lies about their condition. Those nurses who had to deceive were more likely to use gestures (fuka to face?) than those who told the truth to their patients.

Protect your mouth with your hand. This gesture is one of the few gestures of an adult and has the same meaning as in children. The hand covers the mouth and the thumb is pressed to the cheek, while the brain, at the subconscious level, sends signals to restrain the spoken words (167). Sometimes it may only be a few fingers near the mouth or even a fist, but the meaning of the gesture remains the same.

The gesture of “protecting your mouth with your hand” should be distinguished from evaluative gestures, which will be discussed below,

Some people try to fake cough to disguise the gesture.

If this gesture is used by a person at the time of speech, this indicates that he is telling a lie. However, if he covers his mouth with his hand when you speak and he listens, this means that he senses that you are lying.

One of the most depressing sights for a speaker is the sight of people holding their hands to their mouths while he speaks.

Touching the nose. This is a subtle, disguised version of the previous gesture. It can be expressed in several light touches to the iambic under the nose or be expressed with one quick, almost imperceptible touch

They may ask: “What if a person’s nose just itches?” If the nose itches, the person will intentionally scratch or scratch it, which is different from lightly touching the nose with the hand in a situation of deception. Like touching the mouth, touching the nose can be used both by the speaker to disguise his lies, and by the listener who doubts the sincerity of the speaker's words.

Rubbing the eyelid. This gesture (169) is caused by the brain's desire to escape from the deception, suspicion, or lie it encounters, or the desire to avoid looking into the eyes of the person to whom it is telling a lie. Men usually rub their eyelid very vigorously, and if the lie is very serious, they turn their gaze to the side, usually to the floor. Women perform this movement delicately by running a finger under the eye, which can be caused by the presence of makeup on the eyelids. Averting their eyes to the side, they look at the ceiling.

Scratching or rubbing the ear. In fact, this gesture (170) is caused by the listener's desire to isolate himself from the words by placing his hand near or on top of his ear. Other options for touching the ear are rubbing the auricle, drilling in the ear with a fingertip, pulling the earlobe, or bending the ear in an attempt to cover the auditory opening. This last gesture suggests that the person has heard enough and probably wants to speak out.

Scratching the neck. In this case, a person scratches with his index finger the place under his earlobe or the side of his neck (Fig. 171). This gesture speaks of doubt and uncertainty of a person who, for example, says: “(I’m not sure that I agree with you.” It is especially striking if it contradicts what has been said: *<Я отлично понимаю, что вы испытываете».

Pulling the collar. In studies of people's gestures that accompany their lies, it has been observed that lying causes an itching sensation in the delicate muscle tissues of the face and neck, and scratching is required to soothe the sensation. Some people pull back their collar when they lie and suspect that their deception has been discovered.

Evaluative relationships. A person adopts an evaluative posture if he rests his cheek with his fingers clenched into a fist and his index finger rests on his temple (). If his posture changes slightly so that his head rests on the heel of his palm, this will indicate boredom. Real interest is shown when the hand under the cheek does not support the head.

When the index finger is pointed vertically to the temple and the thumb supports the chin, this indicates that the listener has a negative or critical attitude towards the speaker or the subject of his message. The gesture of critical assessment is often confused with a signal of interest, but with a critical attitude there will certainly be a tuck of the chin stream with your thumb (Fig. 174).

If a person strokes his chin, it means that he is trying to make a decision.

Interpretation of gestures and errors. It takes some time and a certain level of observational skill to develop the ability to correctly interpret hand-to-face gestures. With all certainty we can conclude that if such a gesture flashes through a person, it means that he has something unpleasant on his mind. The only question is, what is it? This may be doubt, deception, uncertainty, some exaggeration of actual fact, a gloomy premonition or an outright lie. The art of making good inferences is to determine which of the listed emotions is present. This is best done by analyzing the gestures preceding the hand-to-face gesture, taking into account the communication situation.

Allan Pease writes. “I recently interviewed a young man who wanted to get a job in our company. Throughout the entire conversation, he sat with his arms crossed over his chest and his legs crossed, his gestures spoke of a critical mood, his palms were visible too rarely, and his gaze met my eyes only three times. Something was clearly bothering him, but at that point in the interview I had too little information to make an accurate assessment of his negative gestures. I asked him about previous positions and places of work. When he answered, his responses were accompanied by rubbing his eyelid and touching his nose, and he continued to avoid my gaze. This continued throughout the entire interview and, ultimately, I decided not to hire this person based on my “sixth sense.” The thought of negative gestures haunted me, and I decided to test the characteristics with it. I discovered that he was giving me incorrect information about his past. If I had not paid attention to his nonverbal cues, I might have made the mistake of hiring this person.”

Hands as barriers

Growing up, we began to use this gesture so skillfully that its obviousness became invisible to others. Research has shown that when a listener crosses their arms, they not only develop a negative attitude toward the speaker, but they also pay less attention to what they hear.

Many people claim that they have the habit of folding their arms across their chest because it is a comfortable position. Any gesture will be convenient if it matches our mood. In other words, if you are in a nervous, critical state, this gesture will seem very convenient for your mood.

Remember that in the process of communication, nonverbal information coming from a person has a great influence on the interlocutor. It may be comfortable for you to sit with your arms crossed over your chest, but studies have shown that this has a negative impact on the other person.

Arms crossed on the chest "Hands locked on the chest" express an attempt to hide from an unfavorable situation. The position of the hands in this case can be very diverse. The typical, standard crossing of the arms (175) is a universal gesture, almost everywhere indicating a defensive or negative state of a person.

If, in addition to crossing his arms on his chest, a person also clenches his fingers into a fist, this indicates his hostile and offensive position (176). This is often accompanied by clenched teeth and a flushed face, in which case a verbal or physical attack may follow.

Crossed hands on the shoulders mean restraining negative sensations

When, during a face-to-face conversation, you see that your interlocutor crosses his arms over his chest, it means that you said something that your interlocutor does not agree with. Despite the fact that in words he will express agreement with you. The fact is that nonverbal means of communication cannot lie, while verbal ones can.

Crossing the arms on the chest was originally associated with the function of protecting the chest area, and crossing the legs - protecting the genital area. In addition, crossing the arms indicates a more negative attitude of a person than crossing the legs, and crossed arms are more obvious to the eye. Women should approach this gesture with caution, because in childhood they were taught to sit this way, because this is how educated women sit. Unfortunately, this manner can be interpreted as an attempt at defense.

One leg lies on top of the other, usually the right on the left - this is the normal position. crossed legs, used by Europeans, and can be used to express an agitated state, a reserved or defensive position (178). This is one of the auxiliary gestures that is accompanied by other negative gestures, and should not be interpreted out of context. For example, people often sit with their legs crossed over their legs during lectures or while sitting for long periods of time in uncomfortable chairs. People often use this position in cold weather.

In order for a person to take a more open position and his attitude towards you to change, you need to force her to open his hands - give him a pen, paper, any object, taking which, he will stretch his arms forward. This is a simple but effective way

There are also other disguised gestures associated with crossing the arms. Any excuse is used that allows one to keep the arms across the body. All these gestures have one goal - to hide excitement and nervousness.

CROSSING LEGS

Similar to the defensive barriers formed by the arms, crossing the legs is a sign of a person's negative or defensive attitude.

It is also guided by crossing the arms on the chest () this means that the person has “disconnected” from the conversation or is not particularly delving into it.

A person with a quick reaction, who is very difficult to convince in an argument, often sits with his legs crossed and his arms wrapped around him. This is a sign of a stubborn, stubborn person who needs a special approach to achieve a common language ().

Crossed feet. Crossed or folded arms and crossed legs suggest that the person is in a defensive or negative state, but the same can be expressed by crossing the feet. In men, crossed feet or clasped ankles are usually combined with clenched fists resting on the knees or fingers grasping the armrests of a chair (181). Practice shows that clamping your ankles is equivalent to “biting your lip.” With the help of this gesture, a negative attitude, unpleasant emotions, fear or anxiety are restrained. It was noted that when testifying in the investigator’s office, all people related to the case sat with their feet crossed. It is also noted that at this moment they are ready to say something important, or are trying to control their emotional state.

Some people claim that they have a habit of sitting with their ankles tucked in or their feet crossed (or any of the arms and legs crossed positions) because it makes them feel more comfortable. If you are one of these people, note that your hands and hands will feel comfortable when you adopt a defensive, negative, or reserved posture. Given that a negative gesture can intensify and prolong negative emotions, and that other people may perceive you to be negative, you should learn to use positive and open gestures to build your self-confidence and improve your relationships with others.

Understanding language gestures allows you to partially compensate for ignorance language.
Same gesture expresses agreement to enter into a transaction.

1. GESTURE-LANGUAGE BROKER. Over the course of several centuries of development, exchanges took shape
This language, consisting of specific gestures and a special, stock exchange vocabulary.

Gestures can tell a lot about a person. By noticing them, you get to know those around you better, and at the same time you can see yourself through their eyes.

Character can be judged by eye color or favorite sleeping position. Facial expressions and gestures also contribute to the overall picture: we “read” each of our interlocutors, albeit unconsciously. By doing this thoughtfully and a little more carefully, you will comprehend body language, and it will tell you something that even the person himself may not know about himself.

Gestures of psychological defense indicate that for some reason a person wants to close himself off from you. It is possible to end the conversation or turn away from an uncomfortable topic, and the problem may not be about you - for example, the subject of the conversation is unpleasant or you need to leave, but for some reason it is inconvenient to say goodbye.

Typical gestures indicating closedness:

• arms crossed on the chest;
• hands clenched into fists;
• a palm covering the mouth during a conversation;
• gaze directed “to the side.”

The first pose speaks for itself: arms crossed over chest, a person erects a barrier between himself and others. Often this gesture can be seen from a newcomer in a company where he is not too comfortable, but needs to keep his face. If you know each other well, the interlocutor will probably not mind changing the topic of conversation.

Hands clenched into fists They can also just talk about anger. But if there is no reason for this, and the person opposite you for some reason holds his palm clenched, he does not really trust you.

Covering your mouth with your hand, the person seems to be trying to control what he says. He chooses what to say carefully; there is a possibility that he is telling a lie or leaving out an important part of some information. This gesture can be transformed - for example, to touch the tip of the nose. But the unconscious desire to cover my lips with my palm remains.

There are other gestures that indicate that the interlocutor It's not very comfortable to talk.

• feet directed towards the exit;
• hands tightly gripping the armrests or some random object (a salt shaker at the table);
• fingers tightly intertwined.

Feet directed towards the front door indicate that the interlocutor is waiting for the opportunity to end the conversation and leave (however, this could be a simple coincidence; do not rush to conclusions and take a closer look at other gestures).

Hands that are squeezing something- a gesture of expectation, internal tension. Perhaps they want to tell you some news that you don’t like, or they are thinking about a thought, not daring to voice it for the same reason. Or they simply don’t feel comfortable.

Fingers tightly intertwined- a gesture of restraint. It causes a feeling of insincerity, tension or nervousness, especially if the hands are also squeezing each other. Another version of this gesture is Elbows on the table, palms clasped together and supporting the chin. They may not be completely honest with you and are preparing to reveal cards that will turn out to be an unpleasant surprise for you. Hands tucked into a pocket or behind the back- also a sign of secrecy.

Gestures that indicate a positive attitude:

• unbuttoning a jacket or top button of a shirt;
• a pose “facing” towards you;
• open palms.

Unbuttoned button Of course, it is important not to confuse it with flirting, otherwise you may end up in an awkward situation. But in general, in a more or less formal setting, the person you are talking to can unbutton his jacket or take it off. The same thing - the top button of a shirt is unbuttoned, in the case of a woman - removed outer shawl or stole. If at the same time the lady straightens curls, She may be flirting or flirting with you. In men this is expressed in the desire straighten your tie, cufflinks or smooth your hair. The desire to wrap yourself up, on the contrary, speaks of a “cold snap” in communication.

Pose facing you, sitting closer to the edge of the chair- also evidence of interest in the conversation. Well, if at the same time you see the person’s hands, especially the palms, the conversation is pleasant and comfortable for the other party. Exuberant gesticulation with open palms- a sign of a sincerely disposed person to communicate. They signal the same thing palms lying freely on hips, armrests or tabletops.

Talks about thinking rubbing the bridge of the nose or eyes. If the interlocutor rests his chin on his hand, he may also be making some kind of internal decision (although if this gesture is accompanied by absent-minded attention and a bored expression on his face, the conversation has clearly gone somewhere wrong).

An important indicator of communication can be handshake. Usually, a strong handshake is used to identify a person who is confident or who really wants to be perceived that way. A limp handshake, on the other hand, is considered a sign of compliance or weak will. But it is equally important to pay attention to how the person’s palm lies. If he extends his hand with an open palm, this is a gesture of affection towards you. And if he strives for his hand to lie on top of yours during a handshake, this means that the person opposite is striving to take a position of superiority. This is also evidenced by the desire to be taller than you - to sit on a higher chair. climb the escalator step, position yourself in a similar manner on the spectator stand or in the audience, “hang” during a conversation.

Knowing everything about gestures, you can use them yourself to win over the right people, create the image you need, or avoid other people’s manipulations. We wish you good luck, and don't forget to press the buttons and

Sign language - how to recognize a person’s true desires and learn to read people’s thoughts by gestures.

A fact proven by psychologists: we perceive only a little information in its literal sense - everything else is done for us by intuition. But how? But how - by analyzing the appearance of the interlocutor, his behavior and gestures. That is why the famous Stanislavsky shouted “I don’t believe it” to his actors - not because they did not read their speech convincingly, but because they played it implausibly. Those. their gestures and facial expressions did not look real, not what they should have been at that moment. But this “language” - sign language - is just the most important! And, knowing it, you will greatly simplify your life and relationships with others, learn to recognize hidden signals, lies and interest as a sexual partner and will definitely achieve success.

So, how to read people's thoughts by gestures?

Gestures of interest and boredom: Is it time or not to change the topic of conversation?

How to become a psychologist and understand how a person feels? How can one guess whether he is actually interested in the topic of conversation if the interlocutor himself is simply polite and will not openly yawn? But according to these signs:

• If a person puts his head in his hands, taps his foot or clicks his pen, draws something on a napkin and “pleases” him with an absent look, he is simply bored.
• If you tilt your head to the side, prop it up with your hand so that your index finger is protruding upward, or put your hands on your hips so that your elbows hang down - all this indicates that you are an excellent speaker, and they listen to you very carefully.

"Nervous" gestures: how to relieve anxiety in your interlocutor

If during a conversation a person is worried about something, is nervous, wants to end the conversation or is trying to psychologically close himself off, he will do the following: cross his arms over his chest and legs - even at the ankles - put on outerwear, look to the side, twitch his earlobe ear or rub his eyelids, sit on the edge of a chair and lean his elbow on his knees. How to relieve such tension? For example, give your interlocutor something to hold - maybe a folder with documents. This way he will stop “covering” himself with his arms and legs and will be more receptive to what he is told. You can offer him coffee or tea - which, by the way, is done in companies and firms for a reason. The main task is to change a person’s gestures, and his psychological attitude will automatically change.

Gestures of power: They are trying to control you!

How can you notice that your interlocutor is trying to dominate you, to subordinate you to his power? Very simple. For example, he extends his hand to you for a handshake, palm down, or during the handshake he puts it in exactly this position; when he tries to at least physically be taller by choosing a taller chair or rejecting an offer to sit down. When he puts his hand into his pocket, leaving his thumb sticking out, it means that the person is already firmly confident in his own superiority.

Gestures of sincerity and lies: How can you tell if you are being deceived?

If during one of his phrases a person begins to scratch his nose, straightens his tie, his eyes shift, or he rubs his wrist, the information is most likely false. After all, deceiving is still a skill; even scientists have experimentally tested that telling a lie is not so easy - it’s much easier to tell the truth. Indeed, in the first case, all the powers of the brain are involved, which has to remember what the truth really is, that the person has already lied and how to connect this with a new lie. Therefore, when lying, his blood pressure rises, and the nerve endings in the tip of the nose and in other sensitive places begin to activate. This is the nature of such gestures-signals.

But if a person is absolutely sincere with you, then he will demonstrate this in these three main ways: he will move closer in his chair, take off his jacket, and during a conversation he will basically keep his palms open up. However, this is exactly the kind of gesture our politicians today are actively being taught by their image makers – so that the people will trust them. How do provincial grandmothers know what exactly this gesture means? It's simple: it affects them subconsciously - just as, in theory, it should manifest itself subconsciously. And we perceive 90% of information subconsciously – not verbally.

Flirting gestures: I like you!

Professional pick-up artists simply love to study sign language - after all, only from it can sometimes one understand a girl’s mood and her readiness to move on to a closer relationship. So, a clear sign that the woman definitely likes the interlocutor:

• She smoothes her hair, adjusts her hairstyle or clothes.
• Crosses or slightly spreads legs.
• Strokes thighs, knees or even calves.
• When passing by a mirror, be sure to take a good look at yourself – especially from the side.

Why is this happening? It's very simple: if a woman experiences sexual arousal, her erogenous zones become activated. And this could be the neck, hips, or ankles - the main thing is that she begins to rub and touch them. Which means that the nerve endings in them are now involved. And if your interlocutor also blushes slightly and begins to talk a lot about herself, this is a clear sign that she really, really likes such company.

But how do you understand that a man is passionate? This is already rarer information - after all, it is customary in society only for women to recognize fluids. But sometimes it’s so important for the fair sex to know how the man they like feels? Especially if he is not one of those who know how to communicate something with one greasy look. So, gestures of readiness to continue the evening with the stronger sex:

• Sharp straightening.
• Shaking your chin seems to say “yes.”
• Adjusting your tie and unbuttoning the top button of your shirt.

It’s as simple as that – and if a man shows three signs within an hour – that’s it, he’s hooked.

How to understand that a person has already made a decision

But this is especially interesting: how do you understand that a person has already made a decision and there is no point in continuing the conversation? Body language will again help with this - it is only important to carefully observe the following reactions:

And most importantly, being able to read thoughts by gestures, you will never be afraid to speak in front of an audience of thousands: you will always know what to say and where to lead your listeners based on their typical reactions to your words. A valuable skill is to be a psychologist!