8.1. How do you deal with grief at the death of a loved one? The sorrow of separation from the deceased can only be quenched by prayer for him. Christians believe that life does not end with death, that the death of the body is not the death of the soul, that the soul is immortal. Therefore, it is necessary to see off the soul of the deceased in quiet prayer. “Do not betray your heart to sorrow; move it away from you, remembering the end. Do not forget about this, for there is no return; and you will not do him any good, but you will harm yourself. With the repose of the deceased, calm the memory of him, and take comfort in him after the departure of his soul.(Sir.38:20, 21, 23). 8.2. Is it necessary to close the mirror if one of the relatives has died? The custom of hanging mirrors in the house where the death took place partly comes from the belief that whoever sees his own reflection in the mirror of this house will also die soon. There are many "mirror" superstitions, some of them are related to divination on mirrors.
And where magic and witchcraft inevitably appear. A hung mirror does not affect the duration of life, which depends entirely on the Lord.
- The farewell kiss of the deceased takes place after his funeral service in the temple. They kiss on the whisk placed on the forehead of the deceased or are applied to the icon in his hands. They are baptized at the same time on the icon.
8.4. What to do with the icon that was in the hands of the deceased during the funeral?
- After the funeral of the deceased, the icon can be taken home, or you can leave it in the temple. The icon is not left in the coffin.
8.5. What is supposed to be eaten at the wake?
- According to tradition, after the burial, a memorial table is assembled. The memorial meal is a continuation of the service and prayer for the deceased. The memorial meal begins with eating the kutia brought from the temple. Kutia or kolivo are boiled grains of wheat or rice with honey. They also eat pancakes, sweet jelly. On a fast day, food should be fast. A memorial meal should differ from a noisy feast by reverent silence and kind words about the deceased.
Unfortunately, a bad custom has taken root to commemorate the deceased at this table with vodka with a hearty snack. The same thing is repeated on the ninth and fortieth days. It is sinful and shameful on the part of Christians to make such a commemoration, which brings inexpressible sorrow to the newly deceased soul, which these days is being judged by God's Court, and it longs for especially fervent prayer to God.
8.6. How to help the deceased?
- It is quite possible to alleviate the fate of the deceased if you make frequent prayers for him and. It is good for the sake of the deceased to work for the Church or in a monastery.
- If a person died in Bright Week (from the day of Holy Pascha to Saturday of Bright Week inclusive), then the Easter canon is read. Instead of the Psalter, on Bright Week they read the Acts of the Holy Apostles.
8.8. There is a belief that until the fortieth day nothing from the things of the deceased can be given away. Is this true?
- You need to intercede for the defendant before the trial, and not after it. After death, when the soul goes through ordeals, judgment is made, one must intercede for it: pray and do works of mercy. It is necessary to do good for the deceased: donate to the monastery, to the church, distribute the things of the deceased, buy sacred books and give to believers from the day of his death until the fortieth day and after it. In 40 days after death, the soul is determined to the place (of bliss or torment) in which it will remain until the Last Judgment, until the second Coming of Christ. Before the Last Judgment, it is possible to change the afterlife of the deceased by intensified prayer for him and alms.
8.9. Why is the death of the body necessary?
– “God did not create death and does not rejoice in the destruction of the living, for He created everything for life”(Wisdom 1:13,14). Death appeared as a result of the fall of the first people. “Righteousness is immortal, but unrighteousness causes death: the wicked attracted her with both hands and words, considered her a friend and withered away, and made an alliance with her, for they are worthy to be her lot”(Wisdom 1:15,16). For many people, death is a means of salvation from spiritual death. So, for example, children who die at an early age do not know sin.
Death reduces the amount of total evil on earth. What would life be like if there were always murderers-Cains who betrayed the Lord Judas and others like them? Therefore, the death of the body is not “absurd”, as the people of the world say about it, but is necessary and expedient.
8.10. What is the purpose of commemorating the dead?
– As long as a person is alive, he is able to repent of sins and do good. But after death, this possibility disappears, only hope for the prayers of the living remains. After the death of the body and a private judgment, the soul is on the eve of eternal bliss or eternal torment. It depends on how the brief earthly life was lived. But much also depends on prayer for the deceased. The lives of the holy saints of God contain many examples of how, through the prayer of the righteous, the posthumous fate of sinners was eased - up to their complete justification.
8.11. What commemoration of the dead is the most important?
—The Holy Fathers of the Church teach that the most powerful and effective means of asking the departed for the mercy of God is to commemorate them at the Liturgy. It is necessary in the coming days after death to order a magpie in the church, that is, a commemoration at forty Liturgies: the Bloodless Sacrifice is offered forty times for the deceased, a particle is removed from the prosphora and immersed in the Blood of Christ with a prayer for the remission of the sins of the newly deceased. This is the most necessary thing that can be done for the soul of the deceased.
8.12. What do the 3rd, 9th, 40th days after the death of a person mean? What needs to be done these days?
- Holy Tradition tells us the gospel from the words of the holy ascetics of faith and piety about the mystery of the test of the soul after its departure from the body. For the first two days, the soul of the deceased remains on earth and, with the person accompanying it, walks to those places that attract it with the remembrance of earthly joys and sorrows, good deeds and evil ones. So the soul spends the first two days, on the third day the Lord, in the image of His three-day Resurrection, commands the soul to ascend to heaven to worship Him - the God of all. On this day, the church commemoration of the soul of the deceased, who appeared before God, is timely.
Then the soul, accompanied by an Angel, enters the heavenly abodes and contemplates their inexpressible beauty. In this state, the soul stays for six days - from the third to the ninth. On the ninth day, the Lord commands the Angels to again present the soul to Him for worship. With fear and trembling, the soul stands before the Throne of the Most High. But even at this time, the Holy Church again prays for the deceased, asking the Merciful Judge for the repose of the soul of the deceased with the saints.
After the second worship of the Lord, the angels lead the soul to hell, and she contemplates the cruel torments of unrepentant sinners. On the fortieth day after death, the soul ascends to the Throne of God for the third time. Now her fate is being decided - she is assigned a certain place, which she was honored by her deeds. That is why church prayers and commemorations on this day are so timely. They ask for the forgiveness of sins and the placement of the soul of the deceased in paradise with the saints. Requiems and litias are performed on these days.
The Church commemorates the deceased on the 3rd day after his death in honor of the three-day Resurrection of Jesus Christ and in the image of the Holy Trinity. Commemoration on the 9th day is performed in honor of the nine ranks of angels, who, as servants of the King of Heaven and intercessors to Him, intercede for mercy on the deceased. Commemoration on the 40th day, according to the tradition of the apostles, is based on the forty-day crying of the Israelites about the death of Moses. In addition, it is known that the forty-day period is very significant in the history and Tradition of the Church as the time necessary for preparation, acceptance of a special Divine gift, for receiving the grace-filled help of the Heavenly Father. So, the prophet Moses was honored to talk with God on Mount Sinai and receive from Him the tablets of the Law only after a forty-day fast. The prophet Elijah reached Mount Horeb after forty days. The Israelites reached the promised land after forty years of wandering in the wilderness. Our Lord Jesus Christ Himself ascended into heaven on the fortieth day after His Resurrection. Taking all this as a basis, the Church established a commemoration of the dead on the 40th day after their death, so that the soul of the deceased ascended the holy mountain of Heavenly Sinai, was rewarded with the sight of God, achieved the blessedness promised to her and settled in heavenly villages with the righteous.
On all these days it is very important for the Liturgy and (or) panikhida.
8.13. Is it possible to order a memorial service for the deceased if he is a Catholic?
- Private, cell (home) prayer for a non-Orthodox deceased is not prohibited - you can commemorate him at home, read the psalms at the tomb. Churches do not bury or commemorate those who have never belonged to the Orthodox Church: Catholics, Protestants, non-Christians, and all those who died unbaptized. The rites of the funeral service and memorial services were compiled with the certainty that the deceased and the person being buried was a faithful member of the Orthodox Church. Being outside the Church during life, heretics and schismatics are further away from it after death, for then the very possibility of repentance and turning to the light of truth is closed to them.
8.14. Is it possible to order a memorial service for the deceased unbaptized?
– The Church cannot commemorate the unbaptized, for the reason that they lived and died outside the Church - they were not its members, were not reborn to a new, spiritual life in the Sacrament of Baptism, did not confess the Lord Jesus Christ and cannot be involved in those blessings that He promised those who love Him.
For the alleviation of the fate of the souls of the dead who have not been granted Holy Baptism, and of infants who have died in the womb or during childbirth, Orthodox Christians pray at home (they read the canon) to the holy martyr Huar, who has grace from God to intercede for the dead who have not been granted Holy Baptism. It is known from the life of the holy martyr Uar that by his intercession he delivered from eternal torment the relatives of the pious Cleopatra, who revered him, who were pagans.
8.15. Who is the newly-departed, ever-remembered?
- Within forty days after the death of the deceased, they are called the newly deceased. On memorable days for the deceased (death, name day, birth), he is called ever-memorable or ever-memorable.
8.16. What can be done for the deceased if he was buried without a funeral?
- If he was baptized in the Orthodox Church, then you need to come to the temple and order a funeral service in absentia, as well as order magpies, memorial services.
8.17. Do the dead pray for us?
- If the deceased is righteous, then he himself, being before the Throne of God, will respond to the love of those who pray for him with his fervent prayer.
8.18. Is it necessary to serve a memorial service for an infant?
- The dead babies are buried and memorial services are served for them, but in prayers they do not ask for the forgiveness of sins (since babies do not have consciously committed sins), but they ask to vouchsafe them the Kingdom of Heaven.
8.19. Is it possible to pray for the repose of suicides and commemorate them in the temple?
– Suicide is based on disbelief in the Providence of God and despair – these are mortal sins. Mortals, because they do not give room for repentance, remove the saving grace of God from a person. A person voluntarily and completely gives himself into the power of the devil, blocks all paths for grace to himself. How will it be possible for him to be affected by this grace? It is quite natural that the Church cannot offer for such people a propitiatory Bloodless Sacrifice and no prayer at all.
If a person who took his own life was mentally ill or was driven to suicide by bullying and harassment (for example, in the army or places of deprivation of liberty), then his funeral service can be blessed by the ruling bishop. To do this, you must submit a written request.
Private, home prayer for the repose of suicides is not prohibited, but this must be done with the blessing of the confessor.
8.20. Is it possible to bury someone who died in the war in absentia if the place of his burial is unknown?
- If the deceased was baptized, then he can be buried in absentia, and the earth received after the correspondence funeral should be sprinkled crosswise on any grave in the Orthodox cemetery.
The tradition of conducting a funeral service in absentia appeared in Russia in the 20th century due to the large number of those who died in the war, and since it was often impossible to perform a funeral service over the body of the deceased due to the lack of churches and priests, because of the persecution of the Church and the persecution of believers. There are also cases of tragic death when it is impossible to find the body of the deceased. In such cases, an absentee funeral is permissible.
8.21. Is it true that on the 40th day the commemoration of the deceased must be ordered in three churches at once, or in one, but three services in succession?
– Immediately after death, it is customary to order a magpie in the Church. This is a daily enhanced commemoration of the newly deceased during the first forty days - until a private judgment that determines the fate of the soul beyond the grave. After forty days, it is good to order an annual commemoration and then renew it every year. You can also order a longer-term commemoration in monasteries. There is a pious custom - to order a commemoration in several monasteries and temples (their number does not matter). The more prayer books for the deceased, the better.
8.22. Is it possible to order a memorial service for the undead deceased?
- If he was baptized in the Orthodox Church, was not a theomachist and did not commit suicide, then you can order a memorial service, you can also sing in absentia.
8.23. Is it true that suicides are commemorated on Radonitsa? What to do if, believing this, they regularly submitted notes about the commemoration of suicides to the temple?
– The Church never prays for suicides. We must repent of what we have done in Confession and do not act like this again. All doubtful questions should be resolved with the priest, and not to believe the rumors.
8.24. What is Parents' Saturday?
– On certain days of the year, the Church commemorates all deceased Christians. Memorial services that are performed on such days are called ecumenical, and the days themselves are called ecumenical parental Saturdays. On the morning of parental Saturdays, during the Liturgy, all the departed Christians are commemorated. After the Liturgy there are also common requiems.
8.25. When are Parents' Saturdays?
- Almost all parental Saturdays do not have a fixed date, but are associated with the passing day of the celebration of Easter. Saturday meat-fare is eight days before the start of Lent. Parent Saturdays are on the 2nd, 3rd and 4th weeks of Great Lent. Trinity parental Saturday - on the eve of the day of the Holy Trinity, on the ninth day after the Ascension. On the Saturday preceding the day of remembrance of the great martyr Demetrius of Thessalonica (November 8, according to the new style), there is Demetrius parental Saturday.
8.26. Is it possible to pray for repose after parental Saturday?
– You can and should always pray for repose. This is the debt of the living to the dead, an expression of love for them, since the dead themselves can no longer pray for themselves. All Saturdays of the year, which do not fall on holidays, are dedicated to the remembrance of the dead. But you can pray for the dead, submit notes in the temple and order memorial services on any day.
8.27. What other days of commemoration of the dead are there?
- Radonitsa - nine days after Easter, on Tuesday after Bright Week. On Radonitsa, they share the joy of the Lord's Resurrection with the departed, expressing hope for their resurrection. The Savior Himself descended into hell to preach victory over death and brought the souls of the Old Testament righteous from there. From this great spiritual joy, the day of this commemoration is called the “radonitsa”, or “radonitsa”.
The commemoration of the deceased soldiers is performed by the Orthodox Church on May 9, on the feast of the Victory over Nazi Germany. Warriors killed on the battlefield are also commemorated on the day of the Beheading of John the Baptist (September 11, New Style).
8.28. Why do you need to bring food to the temple?
- Believers bring various food to the temple so that the servants of the Church commemorate the dead at the meal. These offerings serve as a donation, almsgiving for the deceased. In the old days, in the courtyard of the house where the deceased was, on the most significant days for the soul (3rd, 9th, 40th), memorial tables were laid, at which the poor, the homeless, orphans were fed, so that there were many prayer books for the deceased. For prayer, and especially for almsgiving, many sins are forgiven, and the afterlife is alleviated. Then these commemorative tables began to be placed in churches on the days of the ecumenical commemoration of all Christians who have died for centuries with the same purpose - to commemorate the dead.
8.29. What is eve?
- The eve (or eve) is a special table (square or rectangular), on which stands the Cross with the Crucifixion and holes for candles are arranged. Panikhidas are served before the eve. Candles are placed here and you can put food to commemorate the dead.
8.30. What foods can be put on the eve?
- Usually on the eve they put bread, cookies, sugar - everything that does not contradict fasting. You can donate lamp oil, Cahors on the eve. It is forbidden to bring meat into the temple.
8.31. If a person died in a continuous week before Peter's Lent, does this mean anything?
- Doesn't mean anything. The Lord only then stops a person's life when he sees him ready for the transition to eternity, or when he sees no hope for his correction. “Do not hasten death by the delusions of your life, and do not invite destruction to you by the works of your hands.”(Wisdom 1:12). “Do not indulge in sin, and do not be foolish: why should you die at the wrong time?”(Eccl. 7:17).
8.32. What soul does not go through ordeals after death?
- It is known from Holy Tradition that even the Mother of God, having received a notice from the archangel Gabriel about the approaching hour of Her relocation to heaven, bowed down before the Lord, humbly implored Him so that, at the hour of the departure of Her soul, she would not see the prince of darkness and hellish monsters, but that the Lord Himself would receive Her soul into His Divine hands. It is all the more useful for the sinful human race to think not about who does not go through ordeals, but about how to go through them and do everything to cleanse the conscience, correct life according to the commandments of God. “The essence of everything: fear God and keep His commandments, because this is everything for a person; For God will bring every deed into judgment, and everything that is hidden, whether it is good or bad.”(Eccl. 12:13,14).
8.33. It is said that those who died during Bright Week receive the Kingdom of Heaven. Is it so?
– The posthumous fate of the dead is known only to the Lord. “Just as you do not know the ways of the wind and how bones are formed in the womb of a pregnant woman, so you cannot know the work of God, who does everything”(Eccl. 11:5). The one who lived piously, did good deeds, wore a cross, repented, confessed and took communion - he, by the grace of God, can be worthy of a blessed life in eternity and regardless of the time of death. And if a person spent his whole life in sins, did not confess and did not take communion, but died on Bright Week, how can one say that he received the Kingdom of Heaven?
8.34. Why is it necessary to take communion on the days of memory of relatives: on the ninth, fortieth days after death?
- There is no such rule. But it will be good if the relatives of the deceased prepare and partake of the Holy Mysteries of Christ, having repented, including of the sins related to the deceased, forgive him all offenses and ask for forgiveness themselves.
8.35. How many days are mourning for the deceased?
– There is a tradition of forty-day mourning for a deceased loved one, since on the fortieth day the soul of the deceased receives a certain place in which it will stay until the time of the Last Judgment of God. That is why, until the fortieth day, an intensified prayer is required for the forgiveness of the sins of the deceased, and the external wearing of mourning is designed to promote internal concentration and attention to prayer, to keep from being actively involved in previous worldly affairs. But you can have a prayerful attitude without wearing black clothes. The internal is more important than the external.
8.36. Is it necessary to go to the cemetery on the anniversary of the death of a close relative?
- The main days of the memory of the deceased are the anniversaries of death and name day. The day of death is the day of the second birth, but for a new one - not earthly, but eternal life. Before visiting the cemetery, you should come to the temple at the beginning of the service and submit a note with the name of the deceased for commemoration at the altar (it is better if it is a commemoration at the proskomedia).
8.37. Can the dead be cremated?
– Cremation is a custom alien to Orthodoxy, borrowed from Eastern cults. In the sacred books there is no prohibition to burn the bodies of the dead, but there are positive indications of the Christian doctrine for another and the only permissible way of burying the bodies - this is their burial in the ground (see: Gen. 3:19; John 5:28; Matt. 27:59, 60). This method of burial, adopted by the Church from the very beginning of its existence and sanctified by it by special rites, stands in connection with the entire Christian worldview and with its very essence - faith in the resurrection of the dead. According to the strength of this faith, burial in the ground is an image of the temporary sleep of the deceased, for whom the grave in the bowels of the earth is the natural bed of rest and which is why the Church calls the deceased (and in the worldly - the dead) until the resurrection. And if the burial of the bodies of the dead instills and strengthens the Christian faith in the resurrection, then the burning of the dead is easily related to the anti-Christian doctrine of non-existence.
If the deceased bequeathed to be cremated, it is not a sin to violate this dying will. Cremation can be allowed only in exceptional cases, when there is no way to bring the body of the deceased to the ground.
8.38. Is it possible to get married in the year of the mother's death?
- There is no special rule in this regard. Let the religious and moral feeling itself tell you what to do. On all significant matters of life, one must consult with the priest.
8.39. What to do if a dead person is dreaming?
- Don't worry about dreams. However, one should not forget that the eternally living soul of the deceased feels a great need for constant prayer for her, because she herself can no longer do good deeds with which she would be able to propitiate God. Therefore, prayer (in the temple and at home) for the departed loved ones is the duty of every Orthodox Christian.
8.40. What to do if, after the death of a loved one, the conscience torments about the wrong attitude towards him during his lifetime?
- For a dead person, a living person can do much more than when he was alive. The deceased are in great need of prayer and alms given for them. Therefore, we must give all our strength to prayer: read the Psalter at home, submit memorial notes in church, feed the poor and the homeless, help the old and sick, and ask them to commemorate the deceased. And in order to calm your conscience, you need to go to the temple for confession and sincerely tell the priest everything that she convicts.
8.41. What to do when visiting a cemetery?
- Arriving at the cemetery, you need to clean up the grave. You can light a candle. If possible, invite a priest to perform litia. If this is not possible, then you can read the short rite of lithium on your own, having previously purchased an appropriate brochure in a church or an Orthodox store. Optionally, you can read an akathist about the repose of the dead. Just keep quiet, remember the deceased.
8.42. Is it possible to arrange a "commemoration" at the cemetery?
- In addition to the kutia consecrated in the temple, nothing is worth eating and drinking at the cemetery. It is especially unacceptable to pour vodka into a grave mound - this offends the memory of the deceased. The custom of leaving a glass of vodka and a piece of bread “for the deceased” on the grave is a relic of paganism and should not be observed by the Orthodox. No need to leave food on the grave - it is better to give it to the beggar or the hungry.
8.43. Is it necessary to go to the cemetery on Easter, Trinity, Holy Spirit Day?
- Sundays and holidays should be spent in prayer in the temple of God, and for visiting the cemetery there are special days of commemoration of the dead - parental Saturdays, Radonitsa, as well as the anniversaries of death and namesake days of the dead.
8.44. Can I bring my dog with me when visiting the cemetery?
- Taking a dog to a cemetery for the purpose of walking, of course, is not worth it. But if necessary, for example, a guide dog for the blind or for the purpose of protection when visiting a remote cemetery, you can take it with you. Dogs should not be allowed to run over graves.
A practical guide to parish counseling. St. Petersburg 2009.
The loss of loved ones is always a tragedy. But for Christians who believe in eternal life, it is illuminated by the hope that the souls of their loved ones will move to a better place. The Orthodox tradition requires to commemorate the dead repeatedly, the first 40 days after death are especially important. What do they mean, how to properly organize a commemoration in a Christian way? The article will provide answers to these important questions.
Death - the end or the beginning?
Many do not know the fact that Christians used to not celebrate birthdays. Perhaps that is why we have not reached the exact date when Jesus was born. The day of death was considered much more important - the transition to eternal life with God. They have been preparing for it throughout their lives, and this is how it should be done now. In the early days, according to Orthodox teaching, there is a phased preparation of the spirit for its fate. But how can we find out what happens to the soul on the 40th day after death?
The Holy Fathers wrote a lot about this, interpreting words from Holy Scripture. After all, we know that Christ is risen - this alone is enough for the Christian faith. But there are many other testimonies shown in different Bible verses - Psalter, Acts, Job, Ecclesiastes, etc.
Most Christian denominations are sure that after death there is no possibility of repentance. But the soul remembers all its actions, feelings are aggravated. This is what will cause suffering from what has been done wrong in life. Hell is not iron pans, but the impossibility of being with God.
Let us recall the parable of the rich man and Lazarus - it is described in plain text how the cruel rich man suffered in hell. And although he was ashamed of his deeds, nothing could be changed.
That is why it is necessary to prepare for eternal life in advance, doing works of mercy, not offending others, having a "memory of death." But even after the death of a person, hope cannot be abandoned. What happens after 40 days can be learned from the traditions of the Holy Church. Some saints were honored with revelations about what will happen to the soul that passes into another world. They composed stories that are very instructive.
What's the line?
The first days are especially important when the deceased goes through ordeals - his soul is tormented by evil spirits who are trying to prevent a person from entering paradise. But he is helped by a guardian angel, as well as the prayers of loved ones. In one of the legends, they are shown as a weapon with which angels drive away unclean spirits. The deceased does not need a beautiful coffin, or delicious food, especially wine - he needs spiritual support. Therefore, it is very important to order prayers:
- magpie - commemoration at the Liturgy, a special rite, symbolizing how the soul is washed by the blood of Christ;
- a psalter for the repose - in monasteries they read psalms and special prayers to them, if possible, you can order for a year, this is not against the rules;
- funeral services - take place every Saturday, it is especially important to conduct this ceremony 40 days after death, then on the anniversary;
- personal prayers - constantly, every day, for the rest of your life.
When ordering rituals, it is necessary to add a personal prayer, even if it is brief, but try to put all your faith into it, all your feelings for a loved one who has left you. Over time, a habit will be developed, there will even be a need for communication with God, it is important to preserve, develop, and pass it on to children.
When 40 days after death comes, this means that a preliminary decision is made about where the soul will reside. Everyone has heard about the Apocalypse, the end of the world, the Last Judgment. At this time, the universal final judgment on people will be carried out. Until then, spiritual entities are waiting. In Orthodoxy, it is believed that they are either with the saints, or in the likeness of hell. Many Protestant movements are of the opinion that during this period the soul "sleeps", and there is no point in praying for it.
What exactly is happening? Nobody knows for sure. But Orthodoxy is unique precisely in its views on a posthumous fate. It is believed that prayer for 40 days after death can lighten the sentence that will be pronounced on the soul. It is necessary, of course, to arrange a commemoration, but with the realization of what this ceremony means in the Christian sense.
Worthy farewell
Grief is common when it comes to goodbyes. But it should not be too deep, it is important to get together and provide prayer assistance to a loved one. You can't bring back your loved ones with tears, you have to use your time wisely. On the 40th day after death, it is customary to gather relatives and friends. How to commemorate, according to Christian traditions?
The meal should be simple, if there is a fast, the charter must be observed. Also, meat food is not allowed to be donated to the temple. You can gather anywhere, be it a cafe, a cemetery or an apartment. If a person was a regular parishioner, sometimes they are allowed to hold a commemoration in a church house immediately after a memorial service. Eating food for Christians is a continuation of worship, so everything should be worthy. You can not put alcohol on the table, turn the ritual into unbridled fun.
What can you do 40 days after death? A church commemoration is obligatory for baptized Orthodox; before a meal, it is necessary to attend a memorial service in the temple. Or bring a priest to the grave, pray there. For this, a larger donation is usually made than for a memorial service in the temple or a commemoration during the Liturgy.
Even if there is no way to call the priest, there is no need to be upset. It is necessary to find the text of the memorial service for the laity and read it yourself. This must be done out loud, so that all those gathered pray. While reading, you can light candles.
After everyone has dispersed, you can also read 17 kathisma, how to do it correctly is written in the prayer books.
The memorial meal on the 40th day after death is accompanied by speeches. What should be said? Since a person is gone forever, it is customary to remember only his best qualities or deeds. All people are not without sin, but insults, reproaches do not alleviate the fate of the deceased, they only bring suffering to the living. We must forgive from the heart everything that happened, this cannot be corrected. You should start with who the speaker was to the deceased, what united him. Describe cases that will show the dignity of the deceased, his good features. It is necessary to prepare for the speech in advance by sketching it on paper.
Who is forbidden to remember
Those who die voluntarily or absurdly die in a state of intoxication (drown in the river, get poisoned by carbon monoxide, die from a drug overdose, etc.) cause special grief to their neighbors. For such people, even 40 days after death, you cannot order a church commemoration. You can pray in private, that is, in person. There are even special prayers for this. It will be very good to do alms - at the same time, you must ask the recipient to pray for relief from the eternal fate of the deceased.
Questions also arise when a baby dies, which they simply did not have time to christen. In this case, the ruling bishop resolves the perplexity. In any case, it is possible and necessary to pray for the child. The Lord does not take children by accident. It is believed that He protects them from a more difficult fate that could await in adulthood. It is important that parents keep faith in God, His goodness and wisdom.
Situations are different, because life does not fit into patterns. Therefore, any questions should be resolved with the priest. And also hope for the mercy of God, pray for your loved ones, do works of mercy.
Everlasting memory
40 days after death is an important stage in saying goodbye to the soul of a loved one. Although the other world is inaccessible to people, it is necessary to believe that goodness and justice reign in eternity. The prayerful commemoration of the dead is a sacred duty of those who remember them. It should be permanent, because it is not known how much the dead need our help. Absolutely for sure - not a single prayer of the heart will be superfluous.
What happens to the soul 9 and 40 days after death
In countries where historically there are long and strong Christian traditions, everyone knows that after human death of particular importance are the third day after the sad event, the ninth day and the fortieth day. Almost everyone knows, but many cannot say exactly why these dates - 3 days, 9 days and 40 days - are so important. What happens, according to traditional ideas, with the soul of a person until the ninth day after his departure from earthly life?
Soul Path
Christian ideas about the posthumous path of the human soul may differ depending on one or another denomination. And if there are still few differences in the Orthodox and Catholic picture of the afterlife and the fate of the soul in it, then in various Protestant movements the range of opinions is very large - from almost complete identity with Catholicism to moving away from tradition, up to the complete denial of the existence of hell as places of eternal torment for the souls of sinners. Therefore, the Orthodox version of what happens to the soul in the first nine days after the beginning of a different, afterlife is more interesting.
The patristic tradition (that is, the recognized body of works of the Fathers of the Church) says that after the death of a person, for almost three days, his soul has almost complete freedom. She not only has all the “baggage” from earthly life, that is, hopes, affections, fullness of memory, fears, shame, the desire to complete some unfinished business, and so on, but she is also able to be anywhere. It is generally accepted that during these three days the soul is either near the body, or, if a person died away from home and family, next to his loved ones, or in those places that for some reason were especially expensive or remarkable for this person. On the third tribute, the soul loses the complete freedom of its behavior and is taken by angels to Heaven to worship the Lord there. That is why on the third day, according to tradition, it is necessary to hold a memorial service and thus finally say goodbye to the soul of the deceased.
Having worshiped God, the soul goes on a kind of “tour” around paradise: the Kingdom of Heaven is shown to it, it gets an idea of what paradise is, sees that unity of righteous souls with the Lord, which is the goal of human existence, meets with the souls of saints, and the like. This “sightseeing” journey of the soul through paradise lasts six days. And here, according to the Fathers of the Church, the first torments of the soul begin: seeing the heavenly pleasure of the saints, she understands that, due to her sins, she is not worthy to share their fate and is tormented by doubts and fear that she will not go to heaven. On the ninth day, the angels again carry the soul to God so that it can glorify His Love for the saints, which she had just been able to observe personally.
What is important these days for the living
However, according to the Orthodox worldview, nine days after death should not be taken as an exclusively otherworldly matter, which does not seem to concern the surviving relatives of the deceased. On the contrary, forty days after the death of a person are for his relatives and friends the time of the greatest convergence of the earthly world and the Kingdom of Heaven. Because it is during this period that the living can and must make every effort to contribute to the best possible fate of the soul of the deceased, that is, its salvation. To do this, you need to constantly pray, hoping for God's mercy and forgiveness of the soul of its sins. This is important from the point of view of determining the fate of the human soul, that is, where it will await the Last Judgment, in heaven or hell. At the Last Judgment, the fate of each soul will be finally decided, so that those of them who were placed in hell have the hope that prayers for her will be heard, she will be forgiven (if they pray for a person, even though he committed many sins, which means that there was something good in him) and will be awarded a place in paradise.
Ninth day after human death is in Orthodoxy, no matter how strange it may sound, almost festive. People believe that for the last six days the soul of the deceased has been in paradise, albeit as a guest, and now it can adequately praise the Creator. Moreover, it is believed that if a person led a righteous life and with his good deeds, love for his neighbor and repentance for his own sins won the favor of the Lord, then his posthumous fate can be decided after nine days. Therefore, those close to a person should, firstly, pray especially hard for his soul on this day, and secondly, hold a memorial meal. commemoration on the ninth day, from the point of view of tradition, they should be “uninvited” - that is, they do not need to specially invite anyone. Those who wish the soul of the deceased all the best must themselves remember this responsible day and come without reminders.
However, in reality, wakes are almost always invited in a special way, and if more people are expected than the dwelling can accommodate, then they are held in restaurants or similar establishments. commemoration on the ninth day, this is a calm remembrance of the deceased, which should not turn into either an ordinary party or mourning gatherings. It is noteworthy that the Christian concept of the special significance of three, nine and forty days after the death of a person has been adopted by modern occult teachings. But they gave these dates a different meaning: according to one version, the ninth day is indicated by the fact that during this period the body supposedly decomposes; according to another, at this turn, one of the bodies dies, after the physical, mental and astral, which can appear as a ghost. 40 days after death: the last frontier
In the Orthodox tradition, the third, ninth and fortieth days after the death of a person have a certain meaning for his soul. But it is the fortieth day that is of particular importance: for believers, this is the boundary that finally separates earthly life from eternal life. That's why 40 days after death, from a religious point of view, the date is even more tragic than the very fact of physical death.
Fight for the soul between hell and heaven
According to Orthodox ideas, which come from the holy cases described in the Lives, from the theological works of the Fathers of the Church and from canonical services, the soul of a person from the ninth to the fortieth day passes through a series of obstacles called air ordeals. From the moment of death until the third day, a person's soul resides on earth and can be near their loved ones or travel anywhere. From the third to the ninth days, she stays in paradise, where she is given the opportunity to appreciate the blessings that the Lord, as a reward for a righteous or holy life, gives to souls in the Kingdom of Heaven.
The ordeals, however, begin from the ninth day and represent such obstacles in which nothing depends on the human soul itself. A person changes the ratio of his good and evil thoughts, words and deeds only in earthly life, after death he is no longer able to add or subtract anything. Ordeals are, in fact, "judicial competitions" between representatives of hell (demons) and paradise (angels), which have an analogy in the debate between the prosecutor and the lawyer. There are twenty ordeals in total, and they represent certain sinful passions to which all people are subject. During each ordeal, demons present a list of a person’s sins associated with this passion, and angels announce a list of his good deeds. It is generally accepted that if the list of sins for each ordeal turns out to be more solid than the list of good deeds, then the soul of a person goes to hell if, by God's mercy, good deeds do not multiply. If there are more good deeds, the soul moves on to the next ordeal, as in the case if there are equal numbers of sins and good deeds.
The final decision of the fate
The doctrine of aerial ordeals is not canonical, that is, it is not included in the main doctrinal code of Orthodoxy. However, the authority of patristic literature has led to the fact that for many centuries such ideas about the posthumous path of the soul are actually the only ones within this religious denomination. The period from the ninth to fortieth day after death a person is considered the most important, and the fortieth day itself is perhaps the most tragic date, even compared to death itself. The fact is that, according to Orthodox ideas, on the fortieth day, after going through the ordeals and seeing all the horrors and torments that await sinners in hell, the human soul appears for the third time directly before God (for the first time - on the third day, the second time - on the ninth day). And it is at this moment that the fate of the soul is decided - where to stay until the Last Judgment, in hell or in the Kingdom of Heaven.
It is believed that by that time the soul had already passed all possible tests, which were to determine whether a person could earn salvation with his earthly life. The soul has already seen paradise and could feel how worthy or unworthy it is to share the fate of the righteous and saints. She has already gone through ordeals and imagines how numerous and serious her sins are. By this time, she should completely repent and trust only in God's mercy. That is why the fortieth day after death is perceived by the Church and relatives of the deceased as a key milestone, after which the soul goes either to heaven or hell. It is necessary to pray diligently for the soul of the deceased, based on at least three motives. Firstly, prayer can influence the Lord's decision regarding the fate of the soul: attention is drawn both to the very fact of indifference of those close to a person, and to the possible intercession before God of the saints who are prayed to. Secondly, if the soul is nevertheless sent to hell, this does not yet mean final death for it: the fate of all people will be finally decided during the Last Judgment, which means that there is still an opportunity to change the decision with prayers. Thirdly, if the soul of a person has found the Kingdom of Heaven, it is necessary to adequately thank God for the mercy He has shown.
The main thing on memorial days is to pray for the deceased. It is necessary to put candles for the repose of the soul of the newly deceased and, before the start of the morning service, submit a note with the name in the nearest church. At home, a candle or lamp is lit. A glass of water and a piece of bread are placed next to it. It is better to crumble the bread later for the birds.
Traditional funeral meals
All funerals begin with a prayer. Each visitor must taste three spoons of kutya. Kutia is cooked from whole grains (rice or wheat) with honey and raisins. Orthodox canons against alcohol. However, most often it is offered. It can be cognac, and sweet wines, for example, Cahors.
Next are snacks. It can be cold cuts of vegetables and salads from them, pickles. Be sure to serve half a boiled egg. Served fish fried or boiled with sauce,. Fried liver or meatballs are often offered. You can also serve meat salad.
The first courses are borscht, beetroot soup or noodles in chicken broth. The second is served with goulash or roast with a side dish. As a side dish, you can choose mashed potatoes, buckwheat porridge. You can order plov. Traditionally they serve pancakes with honey. Kissel can be replaced with compote.
When the commemoration falls during Lent, it is better to follow the traditions and make a menu of Lenten dishes. Kutya is served without changes, traditional wheat or rice with honey and raisins. Choose cold appetizers from fish, fish salad, herring, sprats. Appropriate pies with fish. From salads - vinaigrette, mushroom salads. Any pickles or fresh vegetable salads.
For the first - lean borscht, bean, lentil, mushroom soup. For the second, you can serve potatoes or noodles with mushrooms, stewed potatoes with mushrooms, vegetable pilaf. The prototype of meat cutlets will be cabbage or carrot cutlets, potato zrazy with mushrooms. Lean pancakes or lean buns. Kissel or compote.
Most importantly, do not forget the essence of the commemoration. They are held to strengthen the strength to pray for the deceased.
Cover properly table To dinner- an occupation that does not require special skills. You can even teach this to a child, and he will be happy to become your assistant when serving solemn meals.
You will need
- - tablecloth;
- - cloth napkins;
- - table service;
- - wine glasses, glasses and glasses;
- - cutlery.
Instruction
Serving for a grand dinner begins with the choice of tablecloth. The classic color is white, but if you are satisfied with a different color scheme, there are no prohibitions. The main thing is that it should be a solid fabric tablecloth, preferably linen. Its ends should cover the legs of the table, hanging evenly from all sides. Traditionally, in order not to hear the sound of cutlery, a felt lining is placed under the tablecloth.
Opposite the place for each guest, place small large plates, placing them 2.5 centimeters from the edge of the table. You can put plates on them if you plan to serve snacks, followed by hot dishes. Or deep bowls if soup is on your menu. Of course, all plates and cutlery should be either from the same service or combined in style.
To the left of the plate, place the forks with the curve down. First, they put a wider fork for meat or fish, depending on whether you plan to serve, then also place the fork with the prongs up. The first fork should be about 1 cm from the edge of the plate.
To the right of the plate, place the knives in the same order - closer to the plate is a hot knife, further -. Knives should lie with the blade to the plate. If soup is on the menu, place the soup spoon on the far right with the curve down.
The most important memorial meal was usually held at fortieth day of remembrance. On the fortieth day it was believed that the soul finally leaves the earth and flies far into the other world to God, to await the day of God's judgment, and on this day she is assigned according to her merits during her lifetime and the power of prayers for her after, the place where she will be this time.
Until the 40th day of the commemoration, the deceased is called the newly deceased, and on the 40th day of the commemoration themselves, they are additionally ordered in the church magpie or a memorial service, for which money is necessarily paid. Previously, the names of the dead were recorded in the annual commemoration - synodic.
Why are commemorations made for 40 days
And according to one popular belief, it is on the 40th day of commemoration for a whole day the soul returns to its home, and leaves only after it is spent. Therefore, it was considered that if wires If not arranged, then his soul will be tormented, therefore, the 40th day from death was given special significance, the day of death, by the way, was considered the first day.Sometimes the souls even carefully prepared for such an arrival, made the bed with a white sheet in the evening and covered it with a blanket. No one was supposed to touch such a bed, since it was made just for the deceased.
Also, often in the corner of the house after the funeral they hung a towel and left it hanging like that for 40 days, since according to legend, the soul of the deceased continues to walk around familiar places for forty days, and when it flies through the house, each time it wipes its face with a towel. The origin of this ritual is most likely due to the fact that the towel among the Slavs was considered a symbol of the way, a pointer to the way home.
It also mattered whether the memorial meal fell on a fast day, since if this happened, then the menu of the meal itself changed according to the requirements of the fast. And if the commemoration fell on a weekday of Lent, then they were transferred to the weekend closest to them, it was called counter commemoration.
This was done because large Divine Liturgies and requiems are performed on weekends. And the memorial days that fell on the first week after Easter ( bright week) and on Monday of the second Easter week, were transferred to a special day of commemoration.
What do they say at the wake of 40 days?
Often, at the table, all the dead ancestors and relatives were remembered at the same time, and the recently deceased himself was presented as incarnated and being together with everyone at the common table. Often the owners even bowed and turned to a free place for the deceased with the words « Eat up, baby».
Theoretically, this the tradition came from the apostles, who, after the Ascension of Jesus, still continued to put his share of bread and wine, just as if he were with them.
The place where the deceased used to sit during life was never occupied by anyone, instead, the back of the chair was usually decorated with a mourning ribbon or a spruce branch, and instead of food they put an empty plate with a knife and fork crossed on it. Sometimes if a priest came on the fortieth day, he sat at the head of the table, and the place of the deceased was to his right.
Often they also left a glass of vodka and a piece of black bread, but this is also an echo of pagan rituals. Sometimes this glass of vodka was left until the 40th day of death, and when the vodka subsided, they said that the deceased was drinking it. Also, sometimes they left vodka with a snack on the grave itself.
The modern Church believes that on the Orthodox table it is much better to replace a glass of vodka with a glass of holy water.. And in general, this tradition, theoretically in its origin, simply shows that a deceased person is still with us.
Therefore, especially if the deceased did not drink alcohol and did not eat black bread, performing this ritual in this form is simply strange and not even quite adequate. It is better to choose something from what a person loved during his lifetime, if it is intended for him, then it will definitely be more correct, although there are other opinions on this matter, but we will discuss them separately.
How long is the memorial dinner and commemoration?
They usually sat at the funeral dinner for quite a long time, especially for 40 days of the wake, there was even such a sign that the one who whoever leaves first will die soon. But I think this tradition appeared in order to stretch the commemoration longer and once again commemorate the deceased.
After the memorial meal, the relatives had to go to the bath to wash, although it was desirable to do this before sunset, but often they did not have time to do this, naturally this was also part of the cleansing procedure.If food from the funeral table remained, then at night it was simply covered with cutlery with a cloth, and the dishes were also usually not washed that day.
They didn’t cry at night so as not to “call the deceased from the cemetery”, also for this reason, windows and doors were tightly closed throughout the house at night. It was also part of the ritual to ensure that the deceased did not return if the day did not manage to confuse the tracks back to the house, and also, I think, to minimize the crying of relatives and let them sleep after a hard day and a sad event.
Alms for 40 days
There is also the so-called secret " or " hidden » alms. Its essence is that for forty days relatives from time to time laid out on the porches and windows of poor neighbors in alms and alms, some money, bread, pancakes, eggs, sometimes some things, boxes of matches, scarves, pieces of cloth and some clothes. In theory, such "secret" alms obligated neighbors to pray for the deceased, and even those who took this alms took on a part of the sins of the soul of the deceased.
Sometimes guests of the commemoration were handed out wooden spoons, and when later people ate with these spoons, they involuntarily remembered the person in whose honor the wake was held. Sometimes, for the same purpose, handkerchiefs were handed out to relatives at funerals, which they had to keep in memory of the deceased and mentally remembering him with a kind word.
Mourning and anguish
After that, close relatives of the deceased tried to observe mourning « pressing ', he usually lasted up to 40 days, in some cases six months or even a year. In mourning, they tried not to show strong sad emotions, but to think more about the meaning of life, it was also believed that it was better not to have a haircut and not take care of mourning clothes, which could also be regarded as disrespect for the deceased.
Sometimes all the clocks in the house also stopped for mourning and mirrors were hung. Women had to wear a headscarf, and men often wore mourning only on important dates and during burial, and the rest of the time they went in ordinary clothes. It was also considered a rule not to install a permanent monument on the grave earlier than one year from the date of death.
At this, the commemoration timed to coincide with death often ended, and then mainly traditional commemorations were held for general and equated church holidays.
The posthumous commemoration for 40 days did not differ so much from the commemoration on another day, they just tried to make them more carefully, since they were the most important, but in the commemoration of the rest of the days, approximately the same traditions and rules were followed. Since ancient times, the Slavs held their common commemoration of the ancestors of their kind also on approximately the same dates, of which Shrovetide and rodonitsa were considered the most important for commemoration.
We will discuss in more detail the Traditions of the Wake of the Ancient Slavs, as well as, in the following articles, stay in a good state of mind in any even the most difficult situations, and even more so learn to appreciate if everything is fine with you, then it will be good to happen to you more and more often which is what I wish you.
