It's good to be a self-confident person, and not just good, but very good, and at the same time pleasant, profitable, interesting and quite promising. Self-confident people achieve great success in this life, because their confidence allows them to be quite active people in life and act in situations in which insecure people prefer to be inactive. Unfortunately, self-confidence is not characteristic of many, and not because we are born confident or insecure people, but because, due to different circumstances, we become who we become. Hence the prevalence of this problem - the problem of self-doubt, because most people become insecure people rather than confident people, they are depressed and downtrodden, they are morally weak and cowardly, and it is hard for them to live with all this. Many people find themselves dissatisfied with themselves because they feel, and less often understand, their insecurities, while feeling their weakness.
But I hasten to assure you that no matter what you have been blinded to this moment, you can certainly change for the better, the side you need. You can become a more self-confident person if you are not too lazy to make some efforts to work on yourself. A person can always change, the only pity is that he does not always want it. Nature has created man in such a way that he can adapt to any conditions and achieve any goals, so if a person wants, he can. High self-esteem and self-confidence are not permanent qualities of a person at all, high self-esteem can decrease, and self-confidence simply simply disappears. Life, friends, can break anyone. Yes, but not everyone agrees to break. Well, since something can disappear and decrease, it means that something can appear and grow, one cannot exist without the other. So - do not become limp, in no case, because everything in us is fixable, no matter who says what. If you have a problem with self-confidence, then after studying this material, be sure that you will definitely cope with it.
And first, let's find out what confidence is. Confidence is faith, a person's firm, impeccable, unshakable faith in someone or something. And when we talk about self-confidence, we are talking about a person's faith in himself. Friends, believing in yourself is, in fact, absurd. Below I will explain why. But the discomfort that we experience due to our lack of this stupid faith, here it is really real and felt by us, and we, of course, would like to get rid of it. I would call what we used to call self-confidence - self-understanding, and insecurity - misunderstanding. So if you are not confident in yourself, then your problem is that you simply do not understand yourself. You do not know and do not understand yourself, you do not know all your capabilities, and you also do not understand how our world works. Otherwise, you would not doubt yourself at all, in the only person in this world whom you must and can unconditionally trust.
Now let's answer another question for ourselves - why do we need to be self-confident people, why do we need to know about our capabilities and understand ourselves? I have already said above that a confident person is able to achieve much greater results in life than an insecure one. What can I say, self-doubt generally deprives a person of any chance of success, it makes him mediocre and inconspicuous, capable only of obeying other people's orders. Insecure people are losers. You don't want to be a loser, do you? So the question of why you need self-confidence is a stupid question. You want to be a winner, not a loser! You want a better life, not a miserable existence! You want success, not failure! You want to express yourself, you want to take place in this life as a person, and not be a gray nondescript spot all your life, the disappearance of which no one will even notice. You want to be a person, not a function, not a consumable. That's why you need to be confident in yourself. That's why you need to understand yourself and be aware of the possibilities that are hidden within you.
Well, now it's time to ask the most important question - how to become a self-confident person? This can be done either through the emotional sphere, pumping your psyche and raising your self-esteem using various methods of self-hypnosis, or you can come to a state of self-confidence through awareness. In the first case, the result is achieved quickly, but it is not stable and short-lived, a person who maintains his confidence with emotions can quickly go out as well as light up. Therefore, I do not seriously consider all these psychological boosts, all these suggestions and self-hypnosis, aimed exclusively at the human subconscious, although they have an effect, I must admit this. For me, only a person’s complete understanding of who he is and what he is will allow him to once and for all gain confidence in himself and, regardless of external circumstances, remain confident until the end of his life. In the same way, it is worth saying that no external factors should affect a person’s self-confidence, his own strengths and capabilities, the outside world should not form our inner world, on the contrary, it is our inner world that should form the outer world. But it’s not easy to come to this, it’s understandable, it’s hard and long, disciplined work on oneself, the result of which is possible only if a person approaches it seriously and responsibly, if he really wants to gain real, impeccable self-confidence.
Thus, realizing that in order to gain self-confidence, we need to know and understand ourselves well, and not just engage in self-hypnosis, since this is a less effective way to make ourselves a confident person, especially for a long time, then let's get back to understanding that such confidence. The word "confidence" comes from the word "faith", we have found out. What is faith? This is the recognition of something as true, something that does not need any proof for us. And when we talk about self-confidence, we are talking about the faith of whom and in what we are talking, or better to say - about the faith of whom and in whom we are talking? We are talking about our faith in ourselves, not in something ephemeral, but in ourselves, in ourselves. Do you need proof that you, a person, a person, exist? I'm sure it's not needed. You deal with yourself every day, you do not need to prove to yourself that you are. What do you need to prove to yourself then? Oh, yes, the possibilities, you rightly doubt that, unless of course you are unsure of yourself, that is, you do not believe in yourself, that you can do something there, that you are capable of something. Well, you have reason not to believe it, but, you know, friends, you can check it out. You can test what you know and what you are capable of. What needs to be done to check this? It is necessary to act! Do you agree? You must act, you must be an active person in order to know exactly what you are capable of and what tasks you can and cannot do. Without activity, without real action, you will never know what possibilities are hidden within you and what you can achieve through them.
So, let's say I don't know if I can, say, succeed in mathematics and become a good mathematician, or I can't. Judging by the results of my work, I turned out to be a good psychologist. In any case, I try very hard - I work and study a lot in order to be a good and even first-class psychologist, if possible - the best. And I will definitely become the best! How else, otherwise it is not good. As for mathematics, here I don’t even know for sure whether I can or cannot succeed in it. But you know what, I'm kidding you a little, to be more precise, I didn't know if I could or couldn't excel in math until I won a math olympiad in school. I knew mathematics well then, it was easy for me, and therefore I won this Olympiad. Then, as far as I remember, I won something else, but I don’t remember what exactly, because I didn’t attach much importance to all these victories of mine. I just participated in various competitions when I studied well, just because the teachers asked me about it. But these competitions, and my victories in some of them, including the Mathematical Olympiad, seemed to me absolutely meaningless, I did not see any benefit in them for myself. She, in general, did not have this benefit. The benefit is not from fictitious competitions, but from those that we have to face in life. And life tests people in its own way.
Well, before I made some pretty modest progress in mathematics, I didn't know what I was capable of. But I found out when I achieved a real result, I achieved it with hard work, I will say right away, but I achieved it. Mathematics was easy for me, but to win the Olympiad I needed to learn it thoroughly. Which is what I did. After achieving a certain result, through diligence, discipline and patience, and not due to mere talent, I no longer needed to believe in myself in order to understand that I could really achieve my goal if I made the necessary efforts. You see, I already knew what I could achieve by achieving this. You need to take action to increase your self-confidence. Gritting our teeth, overcoming pain, failing - we move forward, achieving our goals and becoming more confident in ourselves. By acting, we turn our dreams into reality, a fairy tale into reality. We kill our self-doubt with our activity! After all, your self-doubt, friends, originates from your unwillingness to do something - from your laziness. And your unwillingness to do something, your laziness, in turn, originates from your fear of this or that action. And your fear, friends, originates from your misunderstanding of something that you are afraid of. So ask yourself - what exactly are you afraid of? Really themselves? Are you afraid that you will not be able to cope with some business that you have never done before, with some difficulties that you have not encountered before, do you doubt that your possibilities are as limitless as those of other people? Come on, it's certainly great to consider yourself an exception, but not to the same extent. You need to think better about yourself and not be afraid of your own impotence. You can do everything that other people can, and all you need is just to start acting, according to a certain algorithm, of course, but the main thing you need is action. Do it.
Thus, we should not be talking about self-confidence, forget about faith, but about a person’s understanding of himself, through his testing of his abilities in this or that matter. Why should we believe in ourselves, that we are watching ourselves on TV, or what? We are here and now, we do not need faith as such, we only need to understand which qualities are currently well developed in us and which are poorly developed. If you are physically weak, then you are unlikely to lift a heavy barbell, you will agree, this is logical and natural. It is also logical to assume that you will not learn to ride a bike the first time, because if you have never ridden it before, then at least once, but you have to fall off it, if only for decency. And so it is in all matters. You friends need experience to believe in yourself, to understand your capabilities, to get used to yourself and your capabilities. It is believed that mostly positive experiences contribute to gaining self-confidence, but if you are a smart person, then negative experiences will also benefit you, because they will help you understand a lot. Just think about how great it is to make mistakes when you do something. You will immediately learn about how not to do it, you will learn the laws of the universe, by trial and error. A positive experience gives you one idea of life, and a negative experience another, and as you yourself understand, it is better to see and understand the whole of life than just a single fragment of it. Therefore, even if you are lucky and you are constantly lucky and you never make mistakes, or you are inactive to avoid mistakes and failures because you are afraid of them, then it is simply vital for you to make mistakes and fail, well, at least once. You really need this to become more mature and wiser, to diversify your life, in the end. Take action, make mistakes, fail, fall in order to rise up, to pave your way to success through mistakes and failures. There is nothing to believe here, here you just have to take and do what you need to do. So what kind of uncertainty is preventing you from doing something, what fear of yours can you not understand? You have nothing to be afraid of and nothing to be afraid of, your fears and insecurities are an illusion, this is your fantasy.
We can approach the issue we are considering from the other side, and for this we ask ourselves one more question - why on earth should you be an insecure person? Why do you accept and put up with such a state in which you are uncomfortable? Yes, our life experience, the attitude of other people towards us, our successes and failures, our fears, all this affects a person’s self-confidence, I understand this. But you understand, friends, the outside world is one thing, and our attitude towards ourselves, our opinion about ourselves, our understanding of the patterns of certain of our personal qualities, and more importantly, our vision of our own, not only weaknesses, but also strengths, is completely different. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, we cannot, even if we try very hard, consist only of shortcomings - this is impossible. Each of us is interesting in his own way, good in his own way, smart in his own way, unique and this world needs something, we should not, because we cannot, compare ourselves with other people in order to give on the basis of this comparison self assessment. A person must, first of all, accept himself as he is, and as for the outside world, he will always have an ambiguous opinion about you. Some people will like you, others won't, others won't give a damn about you - that's fine.
If you have not found your place in life, and have not figured out who you are, then you can fix it, yourself or with someone else's help. The same psychologists, if you turn to them for help, can, having studied your personality, help you do this. They will help you, as they say, find yourself. That is, they will show you who you are, who you are, what your strengths and weaknesses are, what you need to work on to become better, how you best work on yourself, and so on. They will help you find your place in life. And to think badly about yourself, to have a low opinion of yourself, to consider yourself worse than others - this, friends, is wrong, you should not do this. You have no reason to think badly about yourself, you can only have someone else's bad opinion about you in your head, which you consider your own. You cannot be an insecure person of your own free will, for this mental state is not in your best interest. Here, please pay attention to your life, but be sure to take everything into account, both your failures and your successes. So don't you have these successes? Do you really know nothing at all, did not achieve anything in your life and did not win any victories in it? I highly doubt it. But let's say that this is so, let's say that you really have not yet achieved noticeable success in your life. Well, imagine this success, force your brain to draw you a picture of your life that you would be happy to hang in your bedroom, and which would serve as a guide for you to action. And if for now you have nothing to be proud of, although, I repeat, I strongly doubt it, but let's say this is so, then you still have everything ahead, which means that all your victories will be achieved by you in the future. But for your part, you must take a step towards this future, because in order to reach at least something, you need to go, and not stand still.
Friends, you can do anything, I'm telling you this seriously. You only need to learn about how exactly you can achieve something by analyzing your personality and understanding your current capabilities. You are no worse than other people, even the most successful and advanced of them, who have achieved great success in their lives. They are molded from the same things as you, but they do not want to think badly about themselves and do not doubt their capabilities, because they understand that they do not need it, it is not profitable for them. All that is holding you back and limiting you is a virus implanted in your head that affects your psychological state in a negative way and forces you to be passive. This virus is the reaction of the outside world to you and your dependence on this reaction, as well as your laziness, which does not allow you to prove to yourself that you are capable of much. The outside world, by and large, doesn’t give a damn about you, it lives its own life, there are enough people in it, both confident and insecure, and those to whom you can be interesting and pleasant, and those to whom you, for one reason or another, are not like. Forget about it. Don't let the outside world judge you, don't let it invade your inner world, build it yourself, build it the way you need it. If you want to be a self-confident person - be him, be him in your inner world, and then the outside world will accept you the way you present yourself to it. Remember, while other people are acting, succeeding and failing, you are inactive, and your inaction, your passivity, is destroying you as a person. You are afraid, but at the same time you feed your fear with your inaction, becoming an even more insecure person. And you need to take and do, do everything that you can do, in which you can succeed, in order to learn about your capabilities in this way and prove, first to yourself, and then to those around you, your significance.
But do not count on quick successes in various matters that seem easy to you. Right off the bat, without special training, you, of course, will not be able to succeed in anything. Moreover, in any business, mistakes and failures are inevitable, which you simply cannot prevent by deciding to achieve something. The question is how persistent you will be so that, despite mistakes and failures, not to lose faith in yourself, and more precisely, everything will depend on how wise you will be in order to accept any mistakes and failures as it is. taken for granted and get the most out of them. Don't be discouraged by unfulfilled expectations, develop resilience to failure. How? Just get used to them. Get used to the fact that when you start doing something, you will first encounter problems, with a lot of problems, and only after you solve these problems will you be guaranteed success in the form of a reward. This is your perseverance, which will help you achieve success in various matters, it will definitely make you a more self-confident person. You will understand when you persistently strive for something that it is not confidence that leads to success, but success makes a person confident when he, bloody from the nose, does what he has planned. There are always first steps in everything, as well as a sequence of steps that will be feasible for you and that will lead you to your first victories. They will allow you to feel your strength, because after taking one step, you will understand that you can take the second, and the third, and then you will realize that any road will be mastered by the walking one. Friends, if you yourself cannot determine these steps for yourself, this task is not easy for some people - contact me for help, we will determine them together. Remember the main thing - you do not need to believe in yourself so much as to understand yourself. And for this you need to study yourself, and not only with the help of introspection, but also with the help of certain things that you will do in spite of any fear and doubt, and see what works for you and what does not work, and why it doesn't work if it doesn't work.
You have no objective reason to feel insecure, once again I draw your attention to this, dear readers. And all your subjective ideas about yourself, if they somehow interfere with your life and make you an insecure person, you can study in detail with the help of introspection or with the help of a psychologist. We, psychologists, do not eat our bread in vain. And if suddenly, someone suggested to you that you are somehow worse than other people, then we will convince you of the opposite, we will convince you that you are the best person on earth, that you are the best. This is a more correct setting, more promising. Well, what friends, confidence and self-confidence are not far from each other. And if you doubt that being a self-confident person is good, pay attention to successful people, although they are realists, they present themselves to society as if they are not people, but gods. To lower your self-esteem and suppress your self-confidence, there will always be those who wish, and there are much fewer people in this world who can instill confidence in you. Of course, you yourself should perceive yourself adequately, but in some cases, excessive faith in your abilities will not hurt you, people have always done the impossible only when they allowed the possibility of the existence of the impossible.
You know, what else I would like to tell you friends about self-confidence. Our life is too short for us to waste it on such trifles as uncertainty, doubt and fear. I don’t know if this life is the only or not the only one we have, no one, in fact, can prove to us any of the hypotheses about this. But one thing I can tell you for sure - this segment of life, which is measured out to you and me, we should spend on something more significant than some kind of uncertainty. Maybe you don’t need to jump with a parachute, at the age of eighty, but you should definitely try yourself in more reasonable matters. To hell with uncertainty, you don’t need it, start acting right now, start doing what you never did, what you didn’t dare to do because of stupid fear and stupid uncertainty, and then it, confidence, will definitely come to you. Yes, what will come there, she has always been with you, because she is inside you, you only need to awaken her in yourself so that she helps you feel your strength and realize the limitlessness of your possibilities.
How to become a successful, confident and happy person in just five minutes? Want to try?
You can quickly become more confident and significantly increase your self-esteem. The 3 main principles of self-confidence will help you with this. These are the advice of a well-known psychologist, relationship expert Irina Udilova.
1. The principle of "Translator"
The first of these is the principle of the “Translator”. The principle of the "Translator" is to, using, broadcast in your life, spread around you only those things, those values, those knowledge that you yourself are very pleased with. For example, of course, it is very important for you to receive respect, it is very important for you to live among people who appreciate you, love you, respect you, and even if they criticize you, they do it with love. Most important, most basic: be sure to distribute exactly what you most like. Do not talk about those things that make you sad, depressed, disappointed, throw you into some kind of state when you don’t want to do anything at all - your hands drop. Don't allow these things in your life. Be sure to broadcast, broadcast what you yourself really like. What we broadcast, we ourselves multiply in our lives. This is the magic wand that greatly affects your confidence, your success, how you feel.
2. The principle of "Clay pots"
The second principle that will definitely allow you to become self-confident is the principle of "Clay Pots". It sounds, of course, tempting: what kind of pots? And it turns out that back in the nineties, American scientists conducted an interesting experiment. They got two groups. One group was given the task: "Make pots, as many pots as possible." And the second group was told: "Make good pots, high quality, so that each pot is perfection." And what do you think was the outcome? Which group made the most quality pots? It turned out that there were more of them in the first group. Those people who did not bother, those people who acted, everything turned out much easier for them. And, of course, you also noticed that when you are in any creative process, when you act, you have more energy, more joy. And when you doubt, measure, prepare, then tension and fear increase. The future result is constantly in my thoughts. And all the doubts, fear, stress - this is exactly what prevents us from doing what we want in life, and doing it at a good level. Remember that all the doubts, all the improvements, all the improvements that we usually really want to make in any of our business are just marking time. We do not allow ourselves to act in this moment. And microsteps are your precise progress towards what you want, towards the goal that inspires you. Allow yourself to make mistakes, allow yourself to “walk”, act and enjoy it.
3. The principle of "Sufficiency"
And the third principle that will definitely allow you to become self-confident is the principle of “Sufficiency”. It is based on the principle of insufficiency, that everything will not be enough. This is our childhood. When we were little, we always wanted someone to give us something else: candy, sweets, attention. And in this position we always remain children. An adult knows for sure that right now he has everything he needs in order to improve his life, in order to help someone else. When a person gives, he has a feeling inside him that there is a lot of it, it is enough. And the more often you are in this position, the more effective you will be in your life, the more effective you will be in what you do for other people. With a sense of sufficiency, a feeling that you have enough of everything, you have the strength to share this with others. And this is what allows us to change our world in a radical way, allows us to contact each other, be useful to each other, unites the whole world.
And these were exactly those 3 principles that right now, within five minutes, will allow you to feel more confident, happier, because you have everything you need:
- You can broadcast those things that are important to you, valuable to you.
- You have your sufficiency.
- And the third is to sculpt pots, act and do it with pleasure, with joy.
This is what will affect your world and the world in general.
Be confident in yourself and everything in your life will be tip-top!
Artur Golovin
Interesting
Before we dive headlong into building true self-confidence, let's take a step back and try to understand what confidence is.
Confidence is knowing that what you own will eventually become what you want and make you happier. This is a necessary condition for an idea to become an action.
Confidence is the ability to believe in yourself when a big deal is coming up, raise your hand when an interesting project comes up, or speak at a conference (and without any excitement!). Confidence is not a 100% guarantee that everything will always work out, but it helps you get out of your comfort zone, push your boundaries and set the course for success.
Statistics confirm that success has more to do with confidence than competence. So, here are five steps to self-confidence.
1. Play confident
As strange as it may sound, but to learn to be truly confident, at first you can imitate confidence. In the wild, some animals pretend to be brave in the face of danger. Pretend you too.
Self-hypnosis doesn't work. Our brain analyzes and compares our expectations with our experience and real life situation. If these two aspects do not match, the brain gets out of control and you begin to experience stress. Anxiety and negative thoughts appear, due to which all self-confidence disappears. So how can we be?
Better prepare for an exciting situation, rehearse in front of a mirror (pay attention to both tone of voice and facial expressions) and look at others positively, enjoy communicating with them. This will give the brain “reason enough” to believe that our positive attitude corresponds to a favorable external situation, and confidence will appear by itself.
2. Remember that you expect more from yourself than others from you.
The good news is that the whole world will believe what you show. Thank God, no one can read your mind, know about fears and anxiety.
The bad news: you can misinterpret any sideways glance, any random word, any reaction of people to your actions, and then worry about this (far-fetched) reason.
In this case, psychologists recommend listening to your inner voice (do not be scared ahead of time, no one is going to persuade you to engage in self-hypnosis). Do a little experiment: for one week, write down what thoughts are spinning in your head (exact wording) when you lack self-confidence.
By simply recording and analyzing your inner dialogue, you will be one step closer to reducing and hopefully eliminating such thoughts entirely.
In addition, it is useful to write down and keep at hand a list of your achievements, experiences, events that made you feel significant, confident, understand that your actions are beneficial.
Every time your inner voice gets out of hand, take a three-minute break, pick up a list, and remind yourself how good you can be. Present your brain with tangible evidence when you need extra reassurance.
3. Keep track of your physical condition
I understand it's a cliché to say that you need to take care of your health, but this cliché didn't appear out of nowhere. Have you ever wondered why, without exception, all successful leaders regularly go in for sports? If you overwork, eat fast food, sleep little, and lead a predominantly sedentary lifestyle, it becomes harder to show the world the best version of yourself.
You don't have to train until you drop for hours a day: a 30-minute walk from work to home or climbing the stairs to the 10th floor can be enough to release endorphins. Start with small changes in your habitual way of life, gradually get used to them.
Difficulties and, accordingly, stress must be added to your life in very small portions. You need to circle yourself around your finger so that both physical and mental health are in balance.
4. Increase returns, change your internal dialogue
Do you know why most people's communication skills leave a lot to be desired? Because they are in their own thoughts. Instead of focusing on their interlocutor and demonstrating their disposition, they think how not to blurt out nonsense and what would be so smart to say next. The main reason for this behavior: they are poorly prepared.
It's almost impossible to be truly confident if you haven't prepared enough to show your best side. Think about the people you are talking to. What do they really want? What's stopping them? How can you help them?
If you focus on helping your interlocutor, you will get rid of anxiety and get the same genuine interest in response.
This method is worth using to promote your services or if you want to impress at any event.
Spend time researching materials on the topic and your audience. Every hour spent on this activity will bring a disproportionate result. And what happens when you get a positive response? You guessed it - you'll gain lasting, genuine self-confidence.
5. Fail fast, fail often
A terrifying word that paralyzes even outstanding people and prevents them from achieving success - failure. It especially haunts those who are perfectionists by nature and are chronically afraid of doing something wrong.
But failures in our life happen, it's just inevitable. In fact, if you are not mistaken, then you are not learning anything new. Remember Ramit Seti's saying more often: "It's not a failure - it's a test."
You're just checking that it won't work. And when you know this, you can move on and find ways that will lead to the desired result.
And most importantly: once you come to your senses after another "failure", you realize that you do not feel empty. After all, it is this experience that helps you face your fears and achieve your goals in the future.
Self-doubt not only interferes with setting and achieving desired goals in life, building interpersonal relationships, but is also an unpleasant emotional experience. Insecure people often dream not so much of gaining faith in themselves in order to achieve more in life, but to get rid of the painful sense of their own inadequacy that arises from failure or social contacts.
Self-confidence is a concept in psychology that describes an emotional state or a stable personal quality, the essence of which is the acceptance of one's individuality, a positive assessment of one's abilities, skills and rights. Confidence is in psychology the ability to allow oneself to have certain requests and the absence of fear or guilt when presenting them to the environment, initiative and courage in social contacts.
From the point of view of psychology, confidence is the norm, a sign of a healthy, harmonious personality. This is a quality that every person should strive for when engaging in self-development. Self-confidence must be distinguished from self-confidence (confidence in the absence of negative qualities in oneself, arrogance, a tendency to treat others with disdain).
Characteristic features of a self-confident person are the following skills.
- Playfulness, a tendency to improvise, open and spontaneous self-expression.
- The ability to admit their mistakes, but without self-abasement and self-blame.
- Calm perception of both claims and compliments addressed to you.
- The ability to discuss, directly and honestly express one's own opinion, even if it is unpopular in society.
- The ability to repeat a request, a question, to remind another person of the promise he made. Willingness to protect their interests and rights.
For an insecure person, the presentation of their point of view, achievements, needs, desires is accompanied by a mass of negative experiences (fear, embarrassment, shame, guilt). The more insecure a person is, the more difficult it is for him to take active steps to achieve his goals, to make independent decisions. Too much energy is wasted on worry and doubt. A confident person is not afraid of possible failures and is not unsettled for a long time.
How to become a confident woman: the psychology of an excellent student
The complex of an excellent student, also known as perfectionism, is the problem of most insecure women. A “good” girl still lives inside them, who is obliged to bring home only fives. A girl who was let go for a walk in a white dress, and she returned home in the evening without a single spot. Such women simply do not give themselves the right to make a mistake or an imperfect result. After all, this is no longer an “excellent” rating. As a result, any unimportant business becomes very energy-consuming, and the presence of even minor flaws in the completed project is accompanied by an acute experience of guilt and shame.
Women with an honors complex are very easy to manipulate. The bosses often put the most difficult work on them and ask more from them than from other employees. Although financially encourages in no way, realizing that hypertrophied responsibility will do its job.
This inner little excellent student has tremendous power over consciousness. It is her voice that discourages you from trying something new, because for sure you will not be able to achieve perfection in an unfamiliar business with a swoop. So why try? It is this little monster with bows that forbids you to enjoy life and makes you feel unworthy of anything good, until you lose weight, get a promotion, and make others happy.
To regain self-confidence, you need to know the enemy in person. Mentally imagine this girl with a straight posture, neat pigtails, perfect handwriting and dolls seated in height, before your eyes, every time it starts And give her a good mental kick. Never allow yourself statements like “stupid”, “bad”, “not capable of anything”, “fool”, “lazy”. Think about it, would you say something similar to your best friend or child? In case of failure, you should not torment yourself with accusations, but above all support.
How to become a strong and self-confident woman: the psychology of stereotypes
Gender stereotypes that still exist in our society contribute to the maintenance of gender inequality. And many of them serve a disservice to women who dream of social fulfillment.
A strong influence on the formation and maintenance of gender stereotypes is provided by the media, in particular the film industry, literature and video games, where women and men are portrayed in an exaggerated stereotype. Traditionally, men are credited with such qualities as initiative, activity, enterprise, talent for the exact sciences, they are given the right to express aggression, competitive behavior. A "real woman" should be soft, tender, fragile, delicate, emotional, family-oriented and devoid of career ambitions. If such characteristics do not correspond to the woman's sense of self, then the pressure of society becomes a real source of stress and the cause of the formation of self-doubt.
The majority is convinced of the naturalness and naturalness of gender roles accepted in society. However, in reality, there is a diversity of ideas about gender depending on the culture and era in question. Moreover, gender stereotypes do not reflect the real statistics of the wide involvement of women in professional activities in modern society at all levels. For example, the creator of the first programming language was a woman - Ada Lovelace.
The boss criticized, the girl refused? What does it mean? You will never succeed, no one can love you? When you fail, ask yourself: what of it? The answer to this question will help to reveal your complexes and false ideas about life.
Create a positive self image
Self-confidence is greatly influenced by the established image of one's personality. By identifying themselves with the image of a loser, people unconsciously begin to conform to a negative self-image, failing even in the presence of favorable opportunities. For example, doubting his attractiveness to the opposite sex, a guy begins to behave stiffly or unnaturally when communicating with women. As a result, he pushes them away from himself and receives “irrefutable evidence” that he is nothing interesting.
As soon as you expand your ideas about your personality, external events will confirm your new views of yourself. To achieve this, you can go two ways. Either pump your psyche using various methods of self-hypnosis (), or gradually get rid of the restrictions in your mind. Challenge one false belief after another by looking for or deliberately creating positive situations in your experience.
Describe at least three situations each day that indicate your success (receiving a compliment, thanking a friend, applying for a job). Give as much energy and attention to pleasant memories as to failures. And soon you will feel how the feeling of self-confidence grows and grows stronger in you.
Three Rules for a Woman's Confidence
Causes of self-doubt in women
- How to become a self-sufficient lady: four important points
- 4 simple rules that will help you become satisfied with yourself
- Conclusion
Many feel envy when looking at self-confident women. They always stand out from others, they have an even posture, head held high, they have confident gestures, but at the same time they look elegant and stylish.
Such ladies are in demand by society, everyone wants to communicate with them. Many try to imitate them, are interested in how to become a self-confident woman. There are three main points that are part of the image of a confident woman:
1. Ideal well-groomed appearance.
Nothing helps an insecure woman like a perfect look. There are a few tips on how you can quickly improve your appearance and see how confident you become, how it will make it easier to communicate and stand out from other women. Read about and follow the advice of experts.
2. Correct presentation of your thoughts.
When communicating with people, it is important to monitor your behavior, expression and construction of sentences.
It is important to learn how to start a conversation correctly and look decent.
The main points are often referred to as the following:
direct look
Facial expression
Posture
Gestures
3. Special behavior when communicating.
It is important to monitor the expression and facial expressions of your face. With the help of facial expressions, you can quite easily express friendliness, for this you just need to smile.
Try to practice expressing your emotions near the mirror, and simply hide unnecessary ones from your face.
Straight posture, feet shoulder-width apart will give confidence to any person.
Be sure to control your gestures.
Causes of self-doubt in women
The main reasons for self-doubt:
1. Ignorance of one's "I".
During her life, a woman goes through a number of roles: girl, girl, woman, wife, mother, employee, grandmother. And at every stage of life, she identifies herself with the role she performs. She “merges” with the role so much that if a woman is taken away, she will be confused and will not be able to find her “I”.
For example , when identifying with children after they have grown up and no longer need round-the-clock care, a woman loses the meaning of life, which becomes a big blow to her internal mechanisms. If there were goals in life, then with the maturation of children, life will not lose its meaning, only the focus of employment will shift.
2. Lack of meaning in life.
The lack of meaning in life causes anxiety and insecurity. The woman does not know "where she is going" and "why she needs it." All actions are accompanied by a lack of positive, desire. While a woman who knows the highest goal of her life is filled with positive, self-confidence and her future.
3. Live only with your “head”.
If a woman succumbed to progress, the latest technologies and began to live only with her “head”, joy disappears from her life. Emotions do not break out, intuition freezes, this can “result” in a woman’s insecurity. When she cannot explain some action from the point of view of science, her built inner world will shake.
4. Not knowing your values.
Lack of personal values leads to internal conflict. Without a foundation, a person cannot build his future. He can be lost between the choice: work or family and not understand how to combine them together and live happily.
5. Personal boundaries.
It is difficult for an insecure person to refuse other people, he cannot just say “no”, as a result of which his interests fade into the background. The inability to refuse leads to the need to perform various tasks that cause discomfort. The constant feeling of which makes you feel insecure about the possibilities of achieving your goals.
How to become a self-sufficient lady: four important points
1) Work on yourself.
To begin with, start by working on yourself, your character, habits. Let's say you are a person who is prone to shyness and gentleness. Don't get upset! After all, self-confidence is wonderfully combined with these qualities, it turns out a very charming and pleasant girl.
After all, confidence without such character traits makes a woman a bitch, prudent and cold. The attitude of others towards you may well be friendly and welcoming, and confidence is exactly the invisible strength that all women need.
However, you must be able to put your own assessment objectively and strive all the time to improve it. Also remember: self-respect is the first step to start respecting others. Always tell yourself: “I deserve the best! And not because I'm special, but because I'm me!
2) Do not lower your own bar.
Your own bar must always be set high, and the standards you set for yourself must also be high. Never relax or lower them. Of course, you need to love yourself under any circumstances, but, you see, how much more pleasant and easier it is to do it, when there really is something to love for.
If possible, try to be the best in everything - at work, in an educational institution, while striving to always look "excellent" at the same time. If you have thought out every detail of your wardrobe, every highlight that makes up your image, then you can say with complete confidence: “I look stunning!”
By setting high enough standards for yourself and doing your best to meet them, you can be sure that all the people around you will begin to treat you with no less respect, because you - the new one - deserve to be treated in the most noble way. You need to learn to recognize lies, insincerity and not allow anyone, even your best friends and close relatives, to take advantage of the fact that you treat them well.
Only by interrupting any attempts to take advantage of you can you make others respect you. At the same time, you can be sure that such decisive actions make people remember this for a long time, and they will no longer try to do this to you.
3) Be active.
All your fears and fears need to be collected together and thrown away. There is a very good psychological technique: take a blank sheet of paper, write down all your experiences and fears, you can use the usual list, then take this sheet ... and burn it. During this kind of ritual, imagine that all your fears are burning along with the paper: the fear that they may not understand you, not hear you, consider you funny, awkward, and so on.
Practice speaking in front of a team, in front of an audience. It is best to do this in front of a mirror, alone.
Do not be afraid to make a mistake, do not let it undermine the confidence that has begun to appear in you. Yes, you can learn from mistakes, this truth is not just beautiful words. Take any mistake as a new lesson, very useful, let your smile never leave your lips, and feel free to move on, forward.
4) Don't doubt yourself.
But initially everyone has confidence, but all this confidence is taken for granted, they do not use it to the fullest. It is more convenient for many to pretend to be a loser, no matter how ridiculous it may look from the outside. This is how they try to relieve themselves of unnecessary responsibility: “What to take from me?”. Maybe this position in life is convenient for someone, but not for you, on your way of becoming your own confidence. Constantly remind yourself: “I can do it, I can do it! I believe in myself, I believe in my success!”
Even the most independent, confident and independent women have doubts. There are moments in everyone's life when faith in oneself and in one's strength is completely lost. Your task is to prevent such moments in your life, even if not for long. Strengthens self-confidence by doing what you can do best.
And the last thing - do not change very abruptly, you should not radically, at one moment change your whole life, its usual way. It is very difficult to change a character that has developed over the years, and this must be done gradually, step by step. The standards that you have set for yourself, enter into your world organically, so that others get used to the new you. Then you yourself will eventually get used to a new image, image. The first changes will give you the first confidence - and then your transformation will happen by itself.
4 simple rules that will help you become satisfied with yourself
The material was prepared by Dilyara specifically for the site
