If the usual feeling of envy is a phenomenon, although unpleasant, but quite understandable, then female envy akin to a powder keg that can explode for no apparent reason at any moment. However, the reasons female envy incomprehensible only to men - for the fair sex, they are quite understandable. The fact is that women are more emotional, and what men simply don’t notice can cause a whole storm of not the best feelings in a woman: intolerance, anger, revenge, a desire to humiliate, or even completely destroy the “irritant” morally. Scary, right?
But much more terrible is not even female deceit, which can be caused by such an insignificant trifle as a friend’s new hairstyle or her next new thing, but the internal destruction that it brings to the envious woman herself. This feeling is initially destructive: all energy is directed to the constant search for reasons for nit-picking, nurturing insidious plans in the head. And instead of paying attention to herself, her beloved, building a personal life and improving, an envious lady spends time and vitality on tricks, how to “hook” the object of her envy more painfully. Is it worth your time, energy, health, finally? Definitely - no.
It is not pleasant to be on the other side of the barricade - that is, to be an object female envy. Most often, the “victim” does not even suspect that banal envy is hiding behind the caustic jokes of a friend, the feigned indifference of a colleague or gossip of neighbors. But insidious and envious gossips can harm not only the one they envy, but also other people who have fallen into the tangle of the intrigue he created - and this is already fraught with serious troubles in his personal life or career. So, you need to learn to resist envious women and not let them destroy your life. How? To do this, you need to arm yourself with a few simple rules.
Rule one.
Try not to mention too often about your achievements, successes or major acquisitions, so as not to "tease the geese." Then there will be no reason to be jealous.
Rule two.
Compliment envious women more often, because most often they are unhappy, unsettled, insecure losers - let your generosity and attention brighten up her gray life at least a little.
Rule three.
Let the envious lady understand that you see everything perfectly, but do not consider it necessary to stoop to the same behavior. 
Periodically start a topic in the team that envy is a petty, stupid and ugly feeling. It is unlikely that after this the envious person will want to look unsightly in the face of her colleagues.
Rule four.
At the next attempt to offend you one on one, give the envious rebuff so that she will forever lose the desire to do bad things to you. Answer her directly and frankly, preferably with humor. Let her see how ridiculous and ridiculous her claims are - this will definitely discourage her from getting into situations in which she looks stupid.
But what if you yourself suddenly defeated female envy? Do it simply: “repaint” it from black to white - that is, change your attitude towards the object of envy. This means the following: stop being angry at a more successful friend or colleague, analyze the reasons for her success and try to achieve the same result. Indeed, if she could, then why are you worse? And then, instead of destructive anger, you will get an excellent example of what you need to strive for in order to become better, more beautiful and more successful.
Envy eats a person, and it does not depend on whether he radiates it or receives it. This feeling turns friends into enemies, breaks relationships, spoils psychological health. There is no need to envy, and envious people should be avoided. We will talk further about what envy is and what you should be afraid of.
Envy, like jealousy, is the worst quality of the human soul. Even in the Bible envy is mentioned as one of the deadly sins. And this is not accidental: it can lead to tragic consequences.
Envy dooms a person to loneliness!
Envious people, realizing that everything around is richer and happier, fence themselves off from society in order to get rid of an inferiority complex. Sometimes they show their feelings to others and those, in turn, do not want to communicate with such people. Envy does not attract, it repels.
How envy affects a person psychologically
What effect does envy have on a person?
First of all, it interferes with life. The time you spend worrying about someone else's accomplishments could be used wisely for your own good. Because of envy, a person stops developing, gushing with ideas that could lead him to success.
Envy is the cause of many bad deeds and even crimes. Hatred, meanness, aggression - all these feelings go hand in hand with envy, and may well result in a terrible act - theft or murder.
Envy dooms a person to loneliness. Envious people, realizing that everything around is richer and happier, fence themselves off from society in order to get rid of an inferiority complex. Sometimes they show their feelings to others and those, in turn, do not want to communicate with such people. Envy does not attract, it repels.
How to get rid of envy of people
What to do if you constantly manifest envy of other people? You can get rid of this harmful feeling quite successfully. First of all, you need to understand that we are all different - outwardly, in social status, mental abilities. This will be the key to success in getting rid of the problem. To avoid serious consequences, you need to try not to allow envious thoughts and switch to achieving any results. And one more thing: learn to be happy for other people. Before envying someone, it is better to take an example from this person and try to achieve your goals - no less important and significant.
How does envy manifest itself in people?
It is necessary to avoid envious people in your environment, as they will attract negativity to you. But for this you need to learn to recognize such personalities. How to determine if a person has envy? You should pay attention to several important points.
- If a person’s mood deteriorates in your presence, most likely he is jealous. You need to pay attention to his reaction during the conversation. If he reacts irritably to your remarks, jokes evilly - this is envy.
- If your friend has stopped complimenting you (applies more to girls) - this is also a sign of envy.
- If a person does not react when you talk about your successes and puts on a mask of indifference, he may also have a negative attitude towards you.
- Another sign of envy is copying your gestures, style, habits.
Some people directly say that they are jealous. Even if you think that they are not joking, take a closer look. Perhaps this is not a joke at all, this person really shows envy towards you. Be careful!
The content of the article:
The envy of a friend is annoyance with the life successes of a friend, when she succeeds (a good family, work, men adore), but not everything works out for her. It's self-pity that you're not so lucky in life. Such jealousy often leads to discord and rupture of relations, sometimes it can lead to a tragic denouement.
Why are people envious?
Before talking about female envy, it should be clear what kind of psychological phenomenon it is - envy? Why does it occur, and can it be overcome?
Even in ancient times, Democritus said that "envy breeds discord among people." So this is a destructive beginning in human relations. For example, two people have been friends since high school. For one, whatever he does, it turns out easily. The student is lazy, does not like to teach lessons, but is called to the blackboard, answers in such a way that the teacher sets an example. And the other spends the whole evening over the problem, but the solution does not work.
And there is, for example, the envy of a friend, that "everything is so easy for her, but I can't do it." Well, if envy is not black, from which, as the Tajik poet Nuriddin Dzhami (1414-1492) noted, "the mind can go blind." For example, out of jealousy, an envious person does dirty tricks to a friend, can slander behind the eyes, and when they meet, he smiles affectionately and confesses his friendship.
Such envy is condemned by the Church and considered a sin. In Orthodoxy, it is equated with pride. Tame your pride, only then can you be considered a true person. This is one of the main ideas of the Christian creed.
In contrast to the "black" there is "white" envy. When they sincerely rejoice in the success of others, not wishing them any nasty things. For example, it can be pride in one's state when a country's team wins medals at some sports competition.
Psychologists believe that envy is inherent in people, and consider it as a psychological phenomenon that carries a destructive beginning. After all, envious people often want to possess what does not belong to them. This is in the material plane, but in the spiritual - they are simply not able to possess what nature did not give them. For example, outstanding physical or mental abilities.
In her work Envy and Gratitude, the psychoanalyst Melanie Klein (1882-1960) notes: “An envious person feels bad at the sight of pleasure. He is happy only with the suffering of others. Therefore, all attempts to satisfy envy are futile.” Since there is always a reason to be jealous of the success of another. After all, apples in someone else's garden are always tastier than in your own.
German sociologist Helmut Schöck (1922-1993) studied all aspects of envy in his work Envy: A Theory of Social Behavior. In its development, this negative feeling goes through three stages. It starts with rivalry - who is the best, then annoyance appears that he (she) succeeds, but I do not.
At the last stage comes the understanding that you need to admit your “defeat”. And black envy appears, slander against his comrade begins, which, as a rule, leads to a break in relations.
Envy is reflected in literature. The Soviet writer Yuri Olesha in the novel "Envy" wrote about the destructive beginning of this feeling in Soviet society. The novel of the English writer L. Hartley “Justice is Available” is devoted to this not the best quality.
A lot of bad things have been said about envy, but the Nobel laureate in literature, public figure and philosopher Bertrand Russell (1872-1970) stood up for her, saying that she was the "foundation of democracy", how she moves the progress of society.
It is important to know! Envy is a disgusting property of the soul, often leading to hatred, intrigues and treachery. Therefore, it has always been condemned by society.
The main reasons for the envy of a girlfriend
Envy between girlfriends is a common manifestation of female feelings. If only because every woman wants to look "no worse than others." Let's say a girlfriend has an elegant dress, I also want this. Well, if this does not affect friendly communication. Otherwise, it is a sign of growing alienation, leading to the complete cessation of relations.
Signs of a friend's envy can be different, not all of them characterize an envious person from a bad side. Let us consider in more detail what factors lead to envy. These may be:
- successful family. Everything is going well with a friend: a caring husband, children study well at school or college. In family life, full prosperity. There is something to envy, especially if your personal life is not very good. It's good when, looking at a girlfriend, you want to change your life for the better. In this case, they speak of "white" envy. But it often happens that an envious feeling becomes “black”, a bad feeling arises in the soul: out of jealousy, I want to denigrate my friend. In such cases, gossip begins, they say, she only tries to look happy in public, but this is happening at home ...
- Happy appearance. Women are sensitive to their appearance and their female friends. Suppose a friend is beautiful and with a cool figure, all men pay attention to her, always give her compliments, because of this she is constantly in a good mood. And the men don’t “peck” at her, it makes her nervous, causes a bad mood. The girl begins to worry and it’s not good to envy her best friend.
- Love. Were friends not spill water. But then a young man met, with whom both fell in love. He chose one of them. In most cases, a girlfriend whose feelings have been rejected cannot come to terms with this. Friendship comes to an end. "Deceived and abandoned" begins to envy. The envy of an ex-girlfriend can go so far that she sees in her best friend a rival who, with her marriage, planted a pig on her. This, in her opinion, is not only worthy of condemnation, it is necessary to actively act. Gossip and intrigues begin. Two bosom "associates" in the recent past become irreconcilable enemies for life.
- Prestigious job. A girlfriend has a decent income, she can afford, say, a cafe or a restaurant. And often invites with him not such a successful girlfriend. She begins to envy, as she is constrained in money and does not allow herself anything extra. It is good if such envy, without far-reaching consequences, does not develop into hostility and alienation, ending in a break in relations.
- Extraordinary abilities. The girl is a bright personality. Whatever she does, she does it quickly and well. Let's say she sings and dances talentedly or an excellent athlete. But her best friend does not have such talents. On the basis of envy, quarrels and a showdown can occur. Russian playwright Yakov Knyazhnin (1740-1791) once aptly remarked that envious people grieve because of the well-being of others.
- Envy at the instigation. Suppose a girl does not have her own firm, established opinion, but she is incited because of her dislike for the “upstart”. For example, look how lucky your girlfriend is, and all because she knows how to drive up to the authorities, where she needs to smile and praise. The passage is big, but you are not so quiet and meek, you don’t succeed, because you are not noticed, although you deserve more. After listening to such selfish speeches, the girl begins to envy her bosom friend and plots against her.
- bad childhood. Parents lived in poverty and always envied those who live well. Tales about the rich, who only cry in TV shows, left a mark on the soul. The girl has grown up, studies or works, she has friends, but she perceives any of their success painfully. Jealous of her girlfriends, trying hard to achieve well-being in life. Black envy destroys the soul and leads to an unhappy life, friends turn away from it.
- Career. Let's say good friends work together. At work, they compete to see who will achieve the best position. The chief gave preference to one, she quickly went on promotion, and the other continues to vegetate in her modest post. Such a situation causes a feeling of envy. The well-being of a friend begins to oppress. There is discord in the relationship.
- pride. When a woman is proud, she is jealous of someone else's success. Let even a close friend achieve it. And there is no reason that a girlfriend has a talent, for example, to write poetry, but she does not have it. The main thing is that they pay more attention to her and always have to be in the shadow of her fame. This is a blow to ego that is hard to bear. This is how envy is born, which "knows no days off."
- viciousness. To a naturally evil woman, people seem bad. They always do it wrong. Even when they are doing well. Jealousy flares up towards such people, it haunts and pours out a stream of abuse against a successful person. The evil girl has girlfriends, but gets along with them for the time being. Since envy of them breaks through the feigned friendliness, which ultimately leads to the breakdown of friendly relations.
It is important to know! The spirit of envy always reigns in women's groups. They are full of idle fictions, rumors and gossip.
How to recognize the envy of a girlfriend?
To determine the envy of a friend, you should pay attention to her behavior. Suppose, when talking, she violently expresses joy because of your success, emotionally and long talks about this, which leaves an unpleasant impression.
The external signs of the envy of the best girlfriend include such nuances in communication:
It is important to know! There is an expression that "envy is a by-product of success." If a friend is jealous of you, it means that she considers herself worse in many respects, not very successful in life. Sooner or later, such black envy will manifest itself in bad deeds, and friendship will come to an end.
What are the consequences of envy?
The consequences of a girlfriend's envy can be very serious, this is the case when relationships are completely broken and former girlfriends become enemies for life. Suppose a woman successfully makes her career, a friend is jealous of her and speaks badly of her behind her back. If the temper of the "careerist" is proud and tough, she does not forgive the meanness of her best friend and stops communicating with her.
Envy does not always lead to extremes, that one has to sort things out almost with fists. The quarrel can be long, but over time, emotions subside, the discord is forgotten and the girlfriends begin to be friends again. This can happen if both are gentle in character, able to give in and forgive mistakes. Qualities available to few people, and therefore very valuable in communication.
Envy can give a positive boost to friendships when they admire the achievements of their acquaintances. For example, a girl has achieved significant sports success, a friend is jealous of her achievements and tries to imitate her. Such envy cannot be called "black", which brings a destructive beginning to relationships.
It is important to know! Alexander Rosenbaum sings that envy "cripples souls, poisons thoughts, alters dreams." This is the worst thing she can bring to a best friend relationship.
What to do if your girlfriend is jealous?
What needs to be done in order not to be nervous in vain when the envy of best friends pursues? And is it possible to restore relations if the girlfriend turned out to be envious, or is it better to leave, forget about friendship with her, like about the bad days of your life?
Every prudent woman must decide these questions herself, based on her life experience. But listening to a reasonable word also does not hurt. In such cases, the following rules should be followed:
- Straight Talk. It is worth talking heart to heart and finding out all the "disputable" issues that sow misunderstandings between you. Only openness and honesty can restore the former cloudless relationship. Let's say a girlfriend is jealous that you have a boyfriend, but she doesn't, so she is often nervous, accuses you of devoting little time to her, and "you all disappear with your boyfriend." This is deeply personal, it’s not for her to decide who you need, but if you don’t want to lose a friend, you should take her words with participation, console and tactfully convince her that everything will work out well for her.
- Psychological support. Let's say she is jealous of your appearance or can't afford the same dress. No need to rudely mock her, so as not to hurt her pride, but rather praise her. Let's say that today she looks very good, and this outfit suits her. Only a careful attitude to the feelings of a friend will help maintain good relations, not overshadowed by envy.
- Never Please! If you feel that a friend is unhappy, you don’t need to fawn over her, try to “shadow” an unpleasant topic. This will only reinforce her conviction that you are to blame for her. And your “guilt” is that she is jealous, for example, of your happy family relationships, which she does not have.
- No need to humiliate. It often happens that in women's friendship (in men's too) there is a leader and a follower. The latter gets the role of listening to advice and instructions. You should never scoff at the successes of a friend, they say, there is nothing worthwhile in them. Humiliation is fraught with envy, soaked through with hidden malice towards the “superior” friend. The offended soul is often envious.
- Do not use "forbidden" topics. For example, don't talk too much about your boyfriend that men pay attention to you. This can cause a girlfriend to feel jealous, jealous of such conversations, which will lead to hostile relationships.
It is important to know! If you have tried all the ways to make contact with a friend who suddenly became jealous of you, but nothing worthwhile happened, you should end the relationship with her.
How to recognize the envy of a girlfriend - look at the video:
True friendship presupposes honesty and openness, when both parties are equal in their relations and do not think at all which of them "more or less" owes the other. This is the "salt" of the true relationship of real friends. Only in this case, you do not have to talk about the envy of a close friend.
“Envy and jealousy rule the world,” my grandmother says. Who dares to argue with her? After all, this list can only be supplemented with our other sins: ambition, lies, idle talk, money-grubbing. Sad? However, let us discard false pessimism. Indeed, along with negative character traits, we also have a thirst for justice, and mercy, truthfulness and kindness, after all! Black and white, yin and yang, light and darkness - one cannot exist without the other! Negative emotions - ours or someone else's - provoke the same negative actions that can ruin life. Therefore, it is important to control yourself and not allow any negative energy to destroy your life.
Today we will talk about envy. While meeting with it daily, we are nevertheless able to control it perfectly. "For what?" - some of the readers will ask. Let me explain. At the initial stage, we are able to control almost any of our condition! Then we allow ourselves to be drawn into a verbal skirmish, then more. A lump of negative emotions is growing, and now we are no longer able to not only control our own actions - we are unable to keep our voice within the bounds of decency! The same thing happens with envy. At first, we just like the other person's thing. Here one would have to curb oneself, explain to oneself that in order to get something, one needs to put in as much effort as the other one spent! But no! It seems to us that a person received a coveted thing undeservedly easily, that in general everything in life is given to him simply, and health, and a dog, and his apartment is better!
And now the moment comes when a recent friend no longer causes anything but aggression in us! And when the poor fellow is trying to figure out what influenced the sharp change in attitude towards him, we have nothing to say! “You are too good for me, I envy you with black envy,” you can’t say that. On the other hand, an envious person can ruin a life. And then you should not ask yourself the question: “What did I do to him?”. Didn't do anything! In fact of the matter! Remember the old joke: “Why do you hate him so much?” - "It would be for that - I would kill!".
We will talk about what non-verbal signals can give out an envious person.
SCREEN LOOK
He speaks of obsession and expresses envy, bordering even on sadism and aggressiveness. The underlying reason for it may lie in secret negative intentions, deceit or threat. At the same time, one's own gaze is straightforwardly testing, and the slightly open eyelid makes it difficult for the partner to obtain the desired information. By resorting to this view, they want to find out the intentions of others and at the same time hide their own. Such a look produces an unpleasant, prickly, cold impression.
WRINKLES ON THE BACK OF THE NOSE
In our lessons, we have repeatedly repeated that one can never judge the meaning and strength of emotions by one single sign. Therefore, if you suspect the interlocutor of an envious attitude towards you, pay attention to how he wrinkles his nose. If an accumulation of wrinkles appears obliquely to the back of the nose, they indicate disgust, embarrassment, discomfort and hostility. Naturally, these emotions are true companions of envy. And this behavior also means that your counterpart is not such a good actor!
FALSE JOY
This type of smile can be identified by a slightly more noticeable stretching of the lips. Such a smile produces an exaggerated, feigned impression, expressing more than what is actually experienced. Why do they do it? To lull your vigilance! People love flattery in any form, and envious people take great advantage of our passion for vanity.
FAKE, UNNATURAL SMILE
Such a smile "on order" turns into a movement of intention with a rather small content of feeling. It suddenly appears and just as suddenly disappears. Because of this, the hypocritical intentions hidden behind her become obvious. She is inorganic. This is a forced smile, which is often used as compensation when the envious person must pretend to feel sympathy for you. Do not try to evoke sympathy from those who envy you. They don't care how many hours you sleep, if you have a headache, or if you're happily married. How can you love a successful girlfriend who is also wearing a brand new fur coat today? While she, the envious sufferer, deserved this fur coat a long time ago. Remember the school history course, when any beautiful woman was declared a witch. Think strangers? No! Best friends often did this, unable to cope with the very feeling that today's lesson in our "School of Truth" is dedicated to.
grin or grin
The main difference between a smile and a grin is that the lips remain closed in a rather tense state. Due to this, some volitional effort is expressed in this kind of smile. Tension can signal both attention and dominance. Compressed lips express detachment. Often the grin also contains a sly expression. In this case, it turns into a mimic expression of joy over something that should be kept secret.
LOWER BODY PROTECTION
In the event of a threat, we protect the organs located in the lower abdomen with all the means at our disposal, for example: knees, arms or hands. We draw in the stomach, tilt the upper body forward, or tighten the abdominal muscles. Do you see such behavior in a person whom you are not going to attack and even, moreover, consider your friend? Be alert. You are a clear threat to him now. Provoke him - unexpectedly brag about an achievement, a new thing that he would like to receive. The suddenness of your confession will allow you to catch several signals on the face of your counterpart that speak of envy. It's too early to congratulate you on your success. You certainly figured out the envious person. And now take the trouble to translate everything into a joke and continue not to awaken such low feelings in your comrade. After all, from now on you have been warned! Which means they are armed.
BOTTED HEAD
If at the same time the gaze is turned downward, then such behavior can be interpreted as submission. If such a tilt of the head is used in greeting, then in this case we are dealing with a conscious submission corresponding to politeness, i.e. symbolic submission. Of course, this can be just a polite greeting or a silent agreement. However, if you have an envious person in front of you, take a closer look. Depending on the degree of head tilt and the duration of the lack of eye contact, one can speak of either a bad conscience or confirmation of the suspicion that intrigues have already begun to trail.
A look from under the brows with a bowed head indicates readiness for a fight, aggressiveness, betrays a sense of joy from being in opposition and stubbornness. If the gaze is directed slightly to the side, then it can be concluded that it is deceitful. Thus, there is an expectant surveillance or hidden search for your weaknesses.
BRUSHED BRUSHES
The hands, when something slips out of them, show that they are no longer able to hold it. Therefore, the final form that has arisen in this way expresses indecision. Together with helplessly hanging hands and lowered shoulders, one gets the impression of painful renunciation (of something), skepticism or despair. If the hand is unclenched in a violent impulse and the fingers are spread out in the final position, this expresses a harsh and contemptuous attitude. Any of these emotions can be accompanied by envy.
We clench our fingers into a fist, bending them towards the middle of the palm. This inward movement is produced with palpable tension. Therefore, we can conclude that an active process of will is taking place, during which a person, as it were, turns away from the outside world and turns to his own "I". But the fist is also a kind of weapon. In the “fist” position, the hand is folded to its minimum size. Whether the pose with clenched fists means aggression towards you should be determined by the facial expressions that accompany it.
GRASPING HAND
This gesture means the desire to grab something, a symbolic desire to understand what it is, and not to miss your chance. A grasping brush can therefore serve as an expression either of avarice and greed, or an effort to find words and not miss some thought. Grasping and holding something, the brush expresses a feeling of being in danger.
HOW TO BE IF YOU ENVY
DON'T KILL YOURSELF.
Everyone experiences this feeling in one form or another. Try to "reorient" your own envy towards creation and self-improvement. The reverse side of envy is jealousy and malice. Those very “deadly” feelings that, according to doctors, provoke chronic diseases in a person and shorten life by almost a third.
CHANGE YOUR POINT OF VIEW.
Do you think you envy your girlfriend? In fact, you are not satisfied with yourself, with your unrealized opportunities, and because of this you experience an unconscious sense of guilt. Fighting the subconscious mind is pointless and very tiring. Take a break for yourself. Cultivate your talents, and bring the results to the judgment of the friends of that very friend! In this way, you will strengthen your friendship and in the end you will not notice how you stop feeling jealous!
Anna Solntseva, "Today"
