The topic “godparents and godchildren”, of course, is not comparable with the eternal theme “fathers and sons”, but still it is very relevant in our time. After all, the traditions of reception were interrupted. And it often happens that people who are far from the Church, who nevertheless want to baptize a child, choose a godfather for him for purely worldly reasons. Yes, and in the families of churched people, it happens that stumbling blocks arise in relations between godparents and godchildren. We want to talk about some of these problems.
Background
The role of godparents among early Christians cannot be understood without knowing the conditions in which they lived.
The communities of the first Christians gathered at home. Sometimes the houses were even specially rebuilt - the internal partitions were demolished, a baptismal was arranged. In the photo - such a rebuilt house of the III century. Baptistery in the Assembly House. Dura-Europos (Syria).
According to imperial edicts, Christianity was outlawed as a harmful sect. Initiating anyone into a creed that denied the divinity of the reigning Augustus and forbade making obligatory sacrifices to the gods and images of the emperor was considered a state crime and prosecuted under the law of insulting the majesty of the emperor.
For the Roman Christians, it was important that the newly baptized be trained and brought up in such a way that would help them become true members of the Church. The situation was particularly complicated by the fact that, unlike in later times, the bulk of those baptized were not infants, but adults who came to baptism consciously. This compelled Christians to keep for them a long period of pronouncement to assimilate the essence of the dogma and to help them, keeping them from doubts and deviations.
In the homes of wealthy Romans, domestic slaves lived - servants, educators, nurses for children. In fact, they were the younger members of the family, involved in all its affairs. Christianity gradually spread among them, and it was natural for a person attached to children to try to save a child for a future life. This provided a basis for the secret teaching of children in the basics of the Christian faith and their baptism by people who are not related to them by blood. These people became their godparents.
At the baptism of an adult, the beneficiary was a witness and guarantor for the seriousness of the intention and for the right faith of the person being baptized. At the baptism of infants and the sick, deprived of the gift of speech, the godparents made vows and pronounced the Creed. The 54th canon of the Carthaginian Council provided: “The sick, who cannot answer for themselves, will be baptized when, at their will, others will utter a testimony about them, under their own responsibility.”
In the development of the 83rd and 72nd canons of the Carthaginian Council, the Trullian Council in the 84th canon established that the children found, about whose baptism there is no reliable information, should also be baptized. In this case, the recipients actually became the mentors of the children.
Initially, only one godparent participated in the baptism: at the baptism of a woman - a woman, men - a man. Subsequently, the analogy with physical birth was extended to baptism: both the godfather and the godmother began to participate in it.
Church rules (and, in full agreement with them, the civil laws of the Empire that adopted Christianity) did not allow the physical parents of the person being baptized (people already close to him), minors (people who are not capable of spiritual guidance due to their age) and monks (people renounced from the world).
In Russia in the 18th-19th centuries, in the villages, children were baptized in infancy a few days later, less often weeks after birth. The latter was connected not with any special customs, but, for example, with the remoteness of the village from the temple.
As a rule (exceptions were extremely rare), sponsors participated in the baptism of children. They tried to choose among well-known people, more often relatives.
Among the Slavic peoples, including among the Russians, the custom of having both a godfather and a godmother spread very quickly. They had to be of age, able to responsibly treat their duties. In 1836, the Synod set a lower age limit for godparents - 14 years. When performing the sacrament itself, the duties of the godfather included paying all material expenses for its conduct and the subsequent celebration, as well as taking care of the cross for the baby. The godmother was required to present the baby with rizki - the fabric in which he was wrapped, taking out of the font, a blanket and a baptismal shirt.
Often they tried to find godparents among blood relatives who, in the event of the death of parents, could take responsibility for raising children. This practice was not condemned: it was believed that family relations were only getting stronger.
Yaroslav ZVEREV
Wedding General or Fairy Godmother?
A godfather, or, in other words, a godfather, is a person who assumes obligations for the church upbringing of a child. He makes vows to Christ for the godson, renounces Satan, reads the Creed during the Sacrament of Baptism. After the baby is immersed three times in the font, the priest passes him into the arms of the godfather, who perceives him from the font - therefore the "grandparent".
But now the Sacrament of Baptism took place, it was celebrated, life flowed on, and after a while the parents of the baptized baby have complaints: “the godfather (a) forgets us” - he communicates little with the child, rarely calls, to the point that he disappears from life altogether godson. It’s not even frustrating that the godfather rarely appears (this, of course, is unpleasant, but you can understand, given how busy everyone is today). It's a shame the formal attitude towards the receiver. For example, one girl said that she was invited as a godfather by an authoritative church person for them, but throughout her life he never tried to establish contact with her. Once, long ago, as a child, he gave her a bouquet of flowers - this is her only memory of him. Of course, the godfather prayed for her - this is the duty of a godparent under any circumstances - but this was clearly not enough for the child.
Speaking about the duties of the godfather, it is difficult to enumerate: they say, he must perform this and that. Everything - except prayer - depends on the situation. Often godparents see their help only in the "transportation" of the child to the temple and back. But if the parents of the godson need help, and the godfather has free time, then going for a walk with the child or sitting at home with him is a duty of love. Many “prudent” (in the good sense of the word) parents, thinking about who to ask to become a godfather, choose just such godparents on whom they can rely.
In addition, godparents need to remember how important it is for any children - from church and non-church families - a sense of celebration, friendly communication. For example, one young woman recalled that as a child, her godmother always took her after communion to the Shokoladnitsa cafe or the Yakor fish restaurant. A visit to the temple turned into friendly communication at the festive table, from everything together, the impression of a fairy tale remained in my memory. Of course, the conversation didn't stop there. The godmother took her to monasteries and read good books, such as Nikiforov-Volgin (moreover, she herself read aloud, and did not give the “correct” book for show), and made memorable gifts. You could always call your godmother before a difficult exam with a request for prayer help - and be sure that she would pray for you.
Unchurched Family: To Persevere or Retreat?
Godparents, talking about difficulties in relations with godchildren, most often mention situations related to the fact that the parents of the godson are not churched. For example, at first they promised not to interfere with the churching of the child, they even showed interest in the Church, but soon after baptism they forgot about all the promises. In words, it seems that the possibility of communication is preserved, but in reality ... In the summer it is necessary to go to the country, in the winter - an influenza epidemic. The rest of the time, either a runny nose, or you need to visit your grandmother, or go to the market for overalls, and in general, Sunday is the only day off when you can sleep. And if you manage to get out to church with your godson at least twice a year, that's good.
In general, before agreeing to become the godfather of a child from an unchurched family, consultation with a confessor is necessary. But what to do if the child has already been baptized, and the parents, despite their promises, remain indifferent to the Church?
Godparents who are familiar with this situation advise not to take the child to a temple located far from the godson's house. It is better to go to the nearest church, having previously found out when the service begins and at what time it is more convenient to take communion with the child. If there are several temples near the house, then it is better to find out where it is less crowded, where the atmosphere is calmer and more friendly.
Should the godfather, who is not allowed to fulfill his direct duties, insist on his rights? It can be assumed that aggressive preaching is more likely to cause rejection. Does that mean you have to give up? In response to this question, Archpriest Theodore BORODIN, rector of the Church of the Holy Unmercenaries and Wonderworkers Cosmas and Damian on Maroseyka, told a good story: “We met our future godmother, seemingly by accident. A woman was moving into our house, and my father was asked to move her furniture. Her father saw her icons. Therefore, when later there was talk of baptizing children, the parents turned to her - to Vera Alekseevna. This accidental meeting changed our whole subsequent life. Everyone thought that we would be baptized - and that was all, but Vera Alekseevna began to enlighten us and, apparently, she prayed very hard for us. She took us to the temple. It was very hard for me. All my childhood memories from the temple are only back pains and sandwiches that she gave us when we, tired and hungry, left the church after communion.
It happens that some godparents pray, worry about the child, but are afraid to be intrusive.
But she insisted, said: “You promised me,” she warned: “In two weeks I will take Anya and Fedya to the temple, please, let them not eat in the morning.” She asked: “Anya and Fedya, did you read prayers?” I remember that she gave us a prayer book and marked three prayers that should be read. Two weeks later she came to us: “Well, Fedya, did you read prayers?” I say yes". She took the prayer book and said: “If you had read it, the first paper cover would have been crushed like this, it doesn’t exist, so you rarely opened it. It is not good to deceive a godmother.” I felt ashamed, and since then I began to read prayers.
And we were also drawn into the circle of Christian enlightenment, which was at the godmother's house. She had several dozen godchildren. She tried to reach their hearts through evenings of reading, Christian rethinking of poetry, music, literature. Because of this, we discovered faith in a completely new way. We learned that Orthodoxy is not old women in the church, that the heritage of all Russian culture is essentially Orthodox. She managed to truly church a very large number of people. Among her godchildren are three priests, many people who live a full church life. Despite the fact that most of us were from families that were absolutely far from the Church.”
If, nevertheless, it turned out that relations with the non-church parents of the godson reached a dead end and your life paths diverged, and the child is still too small to communicate on his own, then you should not turn into a “wedding general”. It would be more honest to just pray heartily for this child.
Teenager
Many priests and educators warn that at a transitional age, a child will almost inevitably rebel against parental authority and seek support outside the family. “This is the age characteristic of teenagers - they definitely need someone outside the family, an authoritative adult who could be relied on. And the godfather can become such an authority,” says the Sunday school teacher at the church of St. Nicholas in Kuznetsy, teacher Elena Vladimirovna VOSPENNIKOVA. How to prepare yourself for this? First, the godfather from childhood must take part in the life of the child, in any matters, not only those relating to the Church. Communication with the godfather should be versatile - this is help with homework, and joint trips to the theater, and a discussion of what is interesting for both you and the child. Secondly, the godfather should be an authority for the child. And this is possible only when the child sees that you are doing it sincerely, not on duty.”
But it's not just about maintaining a good relationship. The main thing is to help a teenager not to lose faith. How to do it? Just by personal example. Elena Vasilievna KRYLOVA, teacher at the St. Demetrius School of Sisters of Mercy: “If a child sees that it is impossible for a godfather to stay at home on Sunday instead of going to the Liturgy, that the life of a godfather does not exist without a church, only then the words of the godfather can be heard. If a child feels through participation in the sacraments of the Church, through communion with the godfather, that there is another life, then even if he falls away in the ordeals of transitional age, he will then return to the Church. And you can attract a teenager to the temple through common deeds. Now in the youth world outside the Church, everything is limited to parties, discos, and a teenager also needs real deeds.”
There are a lot of such things in the Church: trips to orphanages, helping people, missionary campaigns, restoration of ancient churches with youth from Restavros in the most picturesque places, and much more! 
Baptism in an orphanage
In the ancient Church, infants were not baptized without godparents, since a Christian upbringing could not be guaranteed in pagan families. And now it is impossible to baptize a child without an adult godparent. But what about children in orphanages and orphanages? After all, the situation here is quite special. It is very difficult for the godparents of a baby (if they can be found) to trace the fate of their godson
Is this a reason to generally refuse the baptism of abandoned babies? Svetlana POKROVSKAYA, Head of the Board of Trustees of St. Alexia: “Once a month we go to the children's hospital, where newborn abandoned children with severe heart defects are treated. Children are usually unnamed. Batiushka names them and baptizes them. Subsequently, we cannot trace the fate of these children, the hospital administration does not provide such information. Many of them die before they reach three or four months. And we cannot guarantee a Christian upbringing for surviving babies. Therefore, our activity causes a contradictory attitude. It so happened that I applied to the priest for baptism, but he refused to baptize without godparents, and such godparents who would bear their duties in full, up to adoption. But many other priests believe that it is impossible to deprive the grace of babies just because there are no godparents. After all, a godfather can pray for a child, write his name in notes so that a particle is taken out in the altar for a sick, suffering baby, and this is very important. Therefore, we ask those who agree to be godparents to first of all pray for their children.”
The situation when an orphanage child is baptized at a conscious age is significantly different from the previous one. Here the godfather must understand that children are very attached to adults who show attention to them, and therefore it will not be possible to leave the child once you start communicating with him. Many are afraid of such responsibility, they are afraid that the child will want to be taken into the family. Marina NEFEDOVA (she, along with other parishioners of the Church of the Annunciation in Fedosino, helps the nearest orphanage to baptize children), based on her experience, says: “Children over seven years old understand that the godfather takes them to the church, visits, but does not become an adoptive parent. It seems to me that it would be very good if the orphanage children had godparents who would communicate with them for many years.”
It happens that godparents are asked to become too often. But there are reasonable human limits. According to many confessors, one should soberly assess one's capabilities and try to be constant in those relationships that already exist. After all, they will ask us what we did and how we took care of those we received from the font.
Veronika BUZYNKINA
The sacrament of baptism is a great event in the life of every person, and especially for a child. All the obligations that the sponsors take on before God are very serious and responsible. That's why (this is very important) godparents, duties who are in the understanding of this responsibility, must convey to their godfather all the knowledge about the saving Sacraments of the Church, such as Confession and Communion, and also convey knowledge about the meaning of worship. The duties of godparents also include the transfer of knowledge about the meaning of the church calendar, about the miracles of church icons and other shrines.
Responsibilities of godparents - how to do it right and what to do?
As soon as the child plunges into the font, from that moment on, the responsibility passes to the recipients. Now the "second" parents will have to attend church and worship with the baby, teach 
keep the church rules. But the main thing is to pray for your godson both in joy and in sorrow. Always be there for you in difficult times. What are the main responsibilities of godparents at baptism? Even from the font, they must convey to them or help them find a new life path. The godfather must buy a cross. The chain, as a rule, is not bought, since according to customs, the baby wears a cross on a string or ribbon. Just like every conscious believer, the recipients need to know the following prayers: "Our Father", "Symbol of Faith", "Our Lady of the Virgin"!
Parents, as well as the godson, must be ready for the sacrament of baptism. Recipients must know the basics of Orthodox teaching, as well as be pious about the rules of Christian piety. Such important events as Fasting, Confession and Communion for godparents are not strictly obligatory, but the believer must adhere to them. All this must be correctly conveyed to the godson. If he is a baby, then love for the church will be instilled from a conscious age. A very good sign will be the reading of the prayer of the Creed by one of the recipients. For the godson, the prayer is read by gender: for the girl - the godmother, for the boy - the father.
Before Baptism, it is advisable to confess, because it is important that not only thoughts are pure, but also the soul. There must be consecrated crosses on the body. Those invited must bring donations to the church. This is not necessary, but you should not neglect the customs.
Godparents should be aware of such responsibilities!
From this day on, the godchildren must protect the godson from all sorts of temptations and temptations. This is the most dangerous for children and adolescents. In the future, the godparent can help with choosing a profession. important 
will be advice when choosing a life partner. The Russian Church teaches that it is the chosen godparents who prepare the wedding for the godson. It is worth noting that even in case of physical suffering, godparents should provide assistance and this is done first of all, and brothers, sisters, grandparents help only later! A spiritual connection is stronger than a physical one!
The duties of godparents for a girl are no different from those for a boy. However, girls are given a little more attention, as they are taught humility and faith, which leads directly to submission. For a girl, the chosen godmother is the second closest person, because she can replace the physical mother. It is the responsibility of the mother to buy a kryzhma or rizka - this is a special towel in which the baby is wrapped after the font.
If godparents treat their duties lightly, then this becomes a grave sin of the soul. This is what will pass on the fate of the chosen godson. Do not become a successor if you cannot take such a big responsibility on yourself, you should not accept an invitation to a second godson. Physical parents should also not take rejection as a snub or insult. After all godparents duties must perform fully and with a pure soul.
Note that all people must be churched, otherwise: how can a godson go to church with a godfather? All major 
the positions that should be instilled in the godchild are love, humility, condescension, patience and continuous work in the spiritual upbringing of your baby - all this is the main duties of godparents! All this is also the main proof of the truth of Orthodoxy for the godson and for the godparents.
You can find out in advance how to behave correctly in the temple during the Sacrament of Baptism. Most importantly, you need to buy the right baptismal kit. If it is bought by one of the parents, then this will not be considered a mistake. Only the meaning of the reception itself is important, it is important to be present during the performance of the Sacrament. Of course, both parents must give their consent. Without godparents, baptism is performed only in special cases, for example, if the child's life could be in serious danger.
More about godparents
The sacrament of baptism relates a person to the One Apostolic Church. Orthodox teaching has its own specific doctrinal principles, from which it is impossible to deviate. That is why only people of the same faith can become guarantors of the godson. Recipients assume the responsibility to educate only the Orthodox faith. A person with other religions simply cannot do this.
As soon as the baptism takes place, the parents and the baby will become spiritually closer, become related. This is mandatory, godparents fulfill their duties to the fullest. And such spiritual kinship belongs to the first degree and is fully recognized by the church and its canons!
It is worth noting that such kinship becomes stronger than biological. Between themselves, these two concepts become practically incompatible. An important point is that parents who have adopted a child cannot become godparents for him. This is explained by the fact that they will acquire the closest relationship between themselves and will not be able to continue marital cohabitation.
Godparents: Who Can Become a Godparent? What do godmothers and godfathers need to know? How many godchildren can you have? Answers in the article!
Briefly:
- The godfather, or godfather, must be Orthodox Christian. A godfather cannot be a Catholic, a Muslim, or a very good atheist, because main duty godfather - to help the child grow up in the Orthodox faith.
- The godfather must be church man, ready to regularly take the godson to the temple and monitor his Christian upbringing.
- After the baptism is done, godfather cannot be changed, but if the godfather has changed a lot for the worse, the godson and his family should pray for him.
- Pregnant and unmarried women CAN to be godparents for both boys and girls - do not listen to superstitious fears!
- Godparents cannot be the father and mother of the child, as well as a husband and wife cannot be godparents for one child. other relatives - grandmothers, aunts and even older brothers and sisters can be godparents.
Many of us were baptized as infants and no longer remember what happened. And then one day we are invited to become a godmother or godfather, or maybe even happier - our own child is born. Then we think again about what the Sacrament of Baptism is, whether we can become godparents for someone and how we can choose godparents for our child.
Replies Prot. Maxim Kozlov to questions about the duties of godparents from the site “Tatiana's Day“.
- I was invited to become a godfather. What will I have to do?
– Being a godfather is both an honor and a responsibility.
The godmother and father, participating in the Sacrament, take responsibility for the little member of the Church, so they must be Orthodox people. Of course, a godfather should become a person who also has some experience in church life and will help parents raise a baby in faith, piety and purity.
During the performance of the Sacrament over the baby, the godfather (of the same gender as the child) will hold him in his arms, pronounce on his behalf the Creed and vows of renunciation of Satan and union with Christ. Read more about the procedure for performing Baptism.
The main thing in which the godfather can and should help and in which he undertakes is not only to be present at Baptism, but also then to help those received from the font grow, strengthen in church life, and in no case limit your Christianity to the fact of Baptism alone. According to the teachings of the Church, for how we have taken care of the fulfillment of these duties, we will be asked the same on the day of the last judgment, as well as for the upbringing of our own children. Therefore, of course, the responsibility is very, very big.
- And what to give to the godson?
- Of course, you can give your godson a cross and a chain, no matter what they are made of; the main thing is that the cross should be of the traditional form adopted in the Orthodox Church.
In the old days, there was a traditional church gift for christening - this is a silver spoon, which was called a "gift for a tooth", it was the first spoon that was used when feeding a child, when he started eating from a spoon.
How do I choose godparents for my child?
– Firstly, the godparents must be baptized, churched Orthodox Christians.
The main thing is that the criterion for your choice of a godfather or godmother should be whether this person can subsequently help you in a good, Christian upbringing received from the font, and not only in practical circumstances. And, of course, the degree of our acquaintance and simply the friendliness of our relationship should be an important criterion. Think about whether the godparents you choose will be the child's church educators or not.
Is it possible for a person to have only one godparent?
- Yes it is possible. It is only important that the godparent be of the same gender as the godson.
- If one of the godparents cannot be present at the Sacrament of Baptism, is it possible to perform the ceremony without him, but write him down as a godparent?
- Until 1917, there was a practice of absentee godfathers, but it was applied only to members of the imperial family, when they, as a sign of royal or grand ducal mercy, agreed to be considered godparents of one or another baby. If it's a similar situation, do it, and if not, it's probably best to go with common practice.
- Who can't be a godfather?
- Of course, non-Christians - atheists, Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, and so on, cannot be godparents, no matter how close friends of the child's parents and no matter how pleasant people they are in communication.
An exceptional situation - if there are no close people close to Orthodoxy, and you are sure of the good morals of a non-Orthodox Christian - then the practice of our Church allows one of the godparents to be a representative of another Christian confession: Catholic or Protestant.
According to the wise tradition of the Russian Orthodox Church, a husband and wife cannot be godparents of the same child. Therefore, it is worth considering if you and the person with whom you want to start a family are invited to become sponsors.
- And which of the relatives can be a godfather?
– An aunt or an uncle, a grandmother or a grandfather can become the godparents of their little relatives. It should only be remembered that a husband and wife cannot be godparents of one child. However, it is worth thinking about this: our close relatives will still take care of the child, help us raise him. In this case, do we not deprive the little person of love and care, because he could have one or two adult Orthodox friends to whom he could turn throughout his life. This is especially important at a time when the child is looking for authority outside the family. The godfather at this time, in no way opposing himself to his parents, could become the person whom the teenager trusts, from whom he asks for advice even about what he does not dare to tell his relatives.
Is it possible to refuse godparents? Or to baptize a child for the purpose of a normal upbringing in the faith?
- In any case, a child cannot be re-baptized, because the Sacrament of Baptism is performed once, and no sins of either the godparents, or his relatives, or even the person himself can cancel all those grace-filled gifts that are given to a person in the Sacrament of Baptism.
As for communication with godparents, then, of course, betrayal of faith, that is, falling into one or another heterodox confession - Catholicism, Protestantism, especially falling into one or another non-Christian religion, godlessness, a blatantly impious way of life - in fact, they say that that a man has failed in his duty as a godfather. The spiritual union concluded in this sense in the Sacrament of Baptism can be considered terminated by the godmother or godmother, and you can ask another churched pious person to take a blessing from his confessor to bear the care of the godfather or godmother for this or that child.
- I was invited to be the godmother of a girl, but everyone tells me that the boy must be baptized first. Is it so?
- The superstitious idea that a girl should have a boy as her first godson and that a baby girl taken from the font will become an obstacle to her subsequent marriage has no Christian roots and is an absolute fabrication that an Orthodox Christian woman should not be guided by in any way.
- They say that one of the godparents must be married and have children. Is it so?
– On the one hand, the opinion that one of the godparents must be married and have children is a superstition, just like the idea that a girl who takes a girl from the font will either not marry herself, or it will impose on her fate some imprint.
On the other hand, in this opinion one can also see a certain kind of sobriety, if one does not approach it with a superstitious interpretation. Of course, it would be reasonable if people (or at least one of the godparents) are chosen as godparents for the baby, who have sufficient life experience, who themselves already have the skill of raising children in faith and piety, who have something to share with the baby's physical parents. And it would be highly desirable to look for such a godfather.
Can a pregnant woman be a godmother?
– Church statutes do not prevent a pregnant woman from being a godmother. The only thing I urge you to think about is whether you have the strength and determination to share the love for your own child with the love for the adopted baby, will you have time to take care of him, for advice to the parents of the baby, in order to sometimes pray warmly for him , bring to the temple, somehow be a good older friend. If you are more or less confident in yourself and circumstances allow, then nothing prevents you from becoming a godmother, and in all other cases, it may be better to measure seven times before cutting off once.
About godparents
Natalia Sukhinina
“Recently, I got into a conversation with a woman on the train, or rather, we even argued with her. She argued that godparents, like biological father and mother, are obliged to educate their godson. But I do not agree: a mother is a mother, to whom she will allow to interfere in the upbringing of a child. I also once had a godson in my youth, but our paths diverged a long time ago, I don’t know where he lives now. And she, this woman, says that now I will have to answer for him. Responsible for someone else's child? Something is unbelievable…”
(From a letter from a reader)
It so happened, and my life paths turned in a completely different direction from my godparents. Where they are now, how they live, and whether they are alive at all, I don’t know. Even their names could not be retained by memory, they baptized me long ago, in infancy. I asked my parents, but they don’t remember themselves, they shrug their shoulders, they say that people lived in the neighborhood at that time, and they were invited to be godparents.
And where are they now, what to call them, to magnify, do you remember?
To be honest, for me this circumstance has never been a flaw, I grew up and grew up, without godparents. No, she was cunning, it was once, envied. A school friend was getting married and received a gold chain as thin as a gossamer as a wedding gift. The godmother gave it, she boasted to us, who could not even dream of such chains. That's when I envied it. If I had a godmother, maybe I would ...
Now, of course, having lived and thought, I am very sorry about my random “father and mother”, who don’t even keep in mind that I remember them now in these lines. I remember without reproach, with regret. And, of course, in a dispute between my reader and a fellow traveler in the train, I am completely on the side of the fellow traveler. She's right. To hold us responsible for the godchildren and goddaughters scattered from their parental nests, because they are not random people in our lives, but our children, spiritual children, godparents.
Who doesn't know this picture?
Dressed up people stand aside in the temple. The center of attention is a baby in lush lace, he is passed from hand to hand, they go outside with him, they distract him so that he does not cry. Waiting for christening. They look at the clock, nervous.
Godmother and father can be recognized immediately. They are somehow especially concentrated and important. They rush to get a wallet to pay for the upcoming christening, give some orders, rustle bags of christening clothes and fresh diapers. The little man does not understand anything, goggles his eyes at the wall frescoes, at the lights of the chandelier, at the “persons accompanying him”, among which the face of the godfather is one of many. But the father invites - it's time. They fussed, got agitated, the godparents are trying their best to maintain importance - it doesn’t work, because for them, as well as for their godson, today’s exit to God’s temple is a significant event.
“When was the last time you were in church?” the priest will ask. They shrug their shoulders in embarrassment. He may not ask, of course. But even if he doesn’t ask, it’s still easy to determine from awkwardness and tension that godparents are not church people, and only the event in which they were invited to participate brought them under the vaults of the church. Father will ask questions:
- Do you carry a cross?
Do you read prayers?
- Do you read the Gospel?
Do you honor church holidays?
And the godparents will begin to mutter something indistinct, to lower their eyes guiltily. The priest will certainly conscience, remind of the duty of godfathers and mothers, in general, of Christian duty. Hastily and willingly, their godparents will nod their heads, humbly accept the denunciation of sin, and whether from excitement, or from embarrassment, or from the seriousness of the moment, few will remember and let into their hearts the main father's thought: we are all responsible for our godchildren, and now, and forever. And whoever remembers is likely to misunderstand. And from time to time, mindful of his duty, he will begin to invest in the well-being of the godson a feasible contribution.
The first deposit immediately after baptism: an envelope with a crisp solid banknote - for a tooth. Then for birthdays, as the child grows - a chic set of children's dowry, an expensive toy, a fashionable satchel, a bicycle, a branded suit, and so on up to a gold, to the envy of the poor, chains for the wedding.
We know very little. And it’s not a problem, but something that we don’t really want to know. After all, if they wanted to, then before going to the church as a godfather, they would have looked there the day before and asked the priest what this step “threatens” us with, how it is more worthy to prepare for it.
Godfather - in Slavic godfather. Why? After immersion in the font, the priest passes the baby from his hands into the hands of the godfather. And he accepts, takes it into his own hands. The meaning of this action is very deep. By perception, the godfather takes upon himself the honorable, and most importantly, responsible mission to lead the godson along the path of ascent to the Heavenly heritage. That's where! After all, baptism is the spiritual birth of a person. Remember, in the Gospel of John: "Whoever is not born of water and the Spirit cannot enter the Kingdom of God."
In serious words - "guardians of faith and piety" - the Church calls the recipients. But to keep, you need to know. Therefore, only a believing Orthodox person can be a godfather, and not the one who, together with the baptized baby, first got into the temple. The godparents should know at least the basic prayers “Our Father”, “Virgin Mother of God”, “May God rise again ...”, they must know the “Symbol of Faith”, read the Gospel, the Psalter. And, of course, to wear a cross, to be able to be baptized.
One priest said: they came to baptize the child, but the godfather did not have a cross. Father to him: put on a cross, but he can’t, unbaptized. It's just a joke, but it's the real truth.
Faith and repentance are the two main conditions for union with God. But one cannot demand faith and repentance from a baby in lace, so the godparents are called, having faith and repentance, to pass them on, to teach them to their godparents. That is why, instead of babies, they pronounce the words of the "Creed" and the words of renunciation of Satan.
Do you deny Satan and all his works? the priest asks.
“I deny it,” the recipient answers instead of the baby.
The priest is wearing a bright festive robe as a sign of the beginning of a new life, which means spiritual purity. He walks around the font, censes it, all those standing next to the lit candles. Candles are burning in the hands of the recipients. Very soon, the priest will lower the baby three times into the font and, wet, wrinkled, not at all understanding where he is and why, a servant of God, will be handed over to the godparents. And he will be dressed in white clothes. At this time, a very beautiful troparion is sung: “Give me a light robe, put on light, like a robe ...” Accept your child, godparents. From now on, your life will be filled with a special meaning, you have taken on the feat of spiritual parenthood, and for how you carry it, you now have to answer to God.
At the First Ecumenical Council, a rule was adopted according to which women become godparents for girls, men for boys. Simply put, a girl only needs a godmother, a boy only needs a godfather. But life, as it often happens, has made its own adjustments here. According to the ancient Russian tradition, both are invited. It, of course, will not spoil the porridge with oil. But even here it is necessary to know quite certain rules. For example, a husband and wife cannot be godparents to one child, just as the parents of a child cannot be godparents at the same time. Godparents cannot marry their godchildren.
... Behind the baptism of the baby. He has a great life ahead of him, in which we have a place equal to those who gave birth to his father and mother. Ahead is our work, our constant striving to prepare the godson for the ascent to spiritual heights. Where to begin? Yes, from the smallest. At first, especially if the child is the first, parents are knocked down from the worries that have fallen on them. They are, as they say, nothing. Now is the time to lend them a helping hand.
Carry the baby to Communion, make sure that icons hang over his cradle, give notes for him in the temple, order prayers, constantly, like your own blood children, commemorate in prayers at home. Of course, you don’t have to do it instructively, they say, you are mired in fuss, but I’m all spiritual - I think about the high, I strive for the high, I feed your child, so that you do without me ... In general, the spiritual upbringing of the baby is possible only in if the godfather in the house is his own person, desirable, tactful. It is not necessary, of course, to shift all the worries onto yourself. The duties of spiritual education are not removed from parents, but to help, support, replace somewhere, if necessary, this is mandatory, without this one cannot be justified before the Lord.
This is a really difficult cross. And, perhaps, you need to think carefully before you lay it on yourself. Can I? Will I have enough health, patience, spiritual experience to become a recipient of a person entering into life? And parents should take a good look at relatives and friends - candidates for an honorary post. Who among them can become a truly good helper in education, who will be able to give your child true Christian gifts - prayer, the ability to forgive, the ability to love God. And plush bunnies the size of elephants may be nice, but not at all necessary.
If there is trouble in the house, then there are other criteria. How many unfortunate, restless children suffer from drunken fathers, unlucky mothers. And how many simply unfriendly, embittered people live under one roof and make children suffer cruelly. As old as the world, such stories are banal. But if a person who stood with a lit candle in front of the baptismal font fits into this plot, if he, this person, rushes, as if into an embrasure, towards his godson, he can turn mountains. Doing good is also good. It is not in our power to drive away a fool-man from half a liter, to reason with a lost daughter or to sing “make peace, make peace, make peace” to two frowning halves. But it is in our power to take away to our dacha for a day at the dacha a boy weary of affection, enroll him in Sunday school and take the trouble to take him there, and to pray. Prayer feat is at the forefront of godparents of all times and peoples.
The priests are well aware of the severity of the feat of the recipients and do not bless to recruit a lot of children for their children, good and different.
But I know a man who has more than fifty godchildren. These boys and girls are just from there, from childhood loneliness, childish sadness. From a big child's misfortune.
This man's name is Alexander Gennadyevich Petrynin, he lives in Khabarovsk, directs the Children's Rehabilitation Center, or, more simply, in an orphanage. As a director, he does a lot, digs through funds for equipping classes, selects cadres from conscientious, unselfish people, rescues his wards from the police, collects them in the basements.
Like a godfather, he takes them to church, tells them about God, prepares them for Communion, and prays. Pray a lot, a lot. In Optina Hermitage, in the Trinity-Sergius Lavra, in the Diveevsky Monastery, in dozens of churches throughout Russia, long notes written by him about the health of numerous godchildren are read. He is very tired, this man, sometimes he almost collapses from fatigue. But he has no other choice, he is a godfather, and his godchildren are a special people. His heart is a rare heart, and the priest, realizing this, blesses him for such asceticism. A teacher from God, those who know him in business say about him. Godfather from God - is it possible to say so? No, probably all godparents are from God, but he knows how to suffer like a godfather, knows how to love like a godfather, and knows how to save. Like a godfather.
For us, whose godchildren, like the children of Lieutenant Schmidt, are scattered throughout cities and villages, his ministry to children is an example of true Christian ministry. I think that many of us cannot reach its heights, but if we do life with someone, then just with those who understand their title of “grandparent” as a serious, and not an accidental matter in life.
One can, of course, say: I am a weak, busy person, not so hot a church person, and the best thing I can do in order not to sin is to refuse the offer to be a godfather altogether. It's more honest and easier, right? Easier - yes. But more honest...
Few of us, especially when the time has imperceptibly come to stop, look around, can say to ourselves - I am a good father, a good mother, I owe nothing to my own child. We are indebted to everyone, and the godless time in which our requests, our projects, our passions grew, is the result of our debts to each other. We won't give them away. Children have grown up and do without our truths and our discoveries of America. The parents got old. But conscience - the voice of God - itches and itches.
Conscience requires a splash, and not in words, but in deeds. Can it not be such a thing to carry the duties of the Cross?
It is a pity that there are few examples of the feat of the cross among us. The word "godfather" has almost disappeared from our vocabulary. And the recent wedding of the daughter of my childhood friend was a great and unexpected gift for me. Or rather, not even a wedding, which in itself is a great joy, but a feast, the wedding itself. And that's why. Sat down, poured wine, waiting for a toast. Everyone is somehow embarrassed, the parents of the bride skip ahead with the speeches of the groom's parents, they are vice versa. And then a tall and handsome man stood up. He got up in a very businesslike way. He raised his glass:
“I mean, as the godfather of the bride…”
Everyone quieted down. Everyone listened to the words about young people living long, together, having many children, and most importantly, with the Lord.
“Thank you, godfather,” said the charming Yulia, and from under the luxurious foaming veil she gave her godfather a grateful look.
Thank you godfather, I thought. Thank you for carrying the love for your spiritual daughter from the baptismal candle to the wedding. Thank you for reminding us all of something we had completely forgotten about. But we have time to remember. How many - the Lord knows. Therefore, we must hurry.
Who are godparents? Who can and who should not baptize your child, the holy father will tell.
At Baptism, a child becomes a Christian, a member of the Church, receives God's grace, and must be with her all his life. She also gets godparents for life. What you need to know about godparents and take into account at every stage of life, Father Orest Demko knows.
Who are godparents? What are they for in spiritual and everyday life?
For people, the outward manifestations of godfatherhood are usually obvious. Like, there is someone to visit, there is someone to treat the child well ... This, of course, is not bad at all, but Baptism is a spiritual event, and not just an external ritual.And although this is a one-time, unique event, godfatherhood is not a one-day event. Just as Baptism remains an indelible seal for a person, so, one might say, godfatherhood is not a worn out sign for life.
What is godfatherhood?
In constant spiritual connection with the godson (goddaughter). Godparents are once and for all inscribed in this significant event in the life of a child.Among Christians one can often hear the request: "Pray for me." So godparents are those who always pray for a child, who will keep him constantly in his spiritual guardianship before God. The child should always know that there is someone who supports him spiritually.
So, godparents can sometimes be quite far from godchildren, it is not often to see them. But their role is not to see each other periodically with a specific frequency, these are not gifts at least once a year. Their role is daily.
Sometimes the child's parents may complain that the godparents do not fulfill their duties if they do not visit often enough. But, parents, take a closer look at your godfathers: perhaps they just pray to God every day for your child!
Relationships between cousins
Whatever they are, more important is the relationship between the godparents and the child himself. Birth parents are also required to have the right expectations of godparents and their role in the child's life. It doesn't have to be a material interest. And then, perhaps, a huge number of misunderstandings will disappear.But what to do if relations between godfathers go wrong?
First of all, you need to understand why this happened. Or did the parents choose such godfathers who do not have a correct understanding of their role? Or are these people who already tend to destroy relationships and quarrel? To maintain good friendship with godfathers - such should be the attempts of both relatives and godparents. Relatives should remember that their child is entitled to spiritual support from godparents. Therefore, if the parents do not allow godfathers to visit the child, this will mean stealing from the child, taking away what belongs to him.Even if the godfathers did not come to the child of 3 or 5 years old, parents should not be forbidden to do this in the future. Or maybe it is for the child that understanding or reconciliation will come.
The only reason to protect a child from godparents is the objectively unworthy behavior of godfathers, not the right way of life.
How to choose godfathers, so as not to regret later?
These should be the people that parents would like their child to be like. After all, a child can adopt their traits, personal qualities. These are people who are not ashamed of in front of the child himself. And they themselves must also understand their role, be conscious Christians.Godparents usually have less time for this preparation than their own parents. Their preparation will be to comprehend this change in their lives, to realize their responsibilities. Because this event is not just another living room and not even just a manifestation of respect for them from the baby's parents.
Of course, the Church advises to begin confession before this event. Even if this confession does not become a one-time conversion or a noticeable consecration for the godparents, but a pure heart is the first gift of godparents for a child. This is the most proof of their true openness.
What should godparents provide in the process of preparing for the Baptism of a child?
sacrum. This is a simple white canvas that will symbolize the "new clothes" of the child - God's grace.Cross. It is hardly worth buying gold, such a child will not initially be dressed. And, perhaps, until a sufficiently conscious age.
But what if the godparents do not know by heart the prayer “I believe”?
They say this prayer during the Holy sacrament of Baptism after they renounce evil on behalf of the child and promise to serve God. In it is the whole essence of Christianity, and the godparents in it recognize their faith and seem to outline the path by which to lead the child. Godparents must say it out loud.But priests are sympathetic to the fact that godparents may not know the prayer by heart too confidently. Firstly, this is a prayer, and prayer books just exist in order to be able to read a prayer from them. Secondly, godparents may be worried, confused or focused, for example, on the child himself, especially if he cries. Therefore, the same priest and deacon always recite this prayer loudly enough.
Can I refuse when invited to be godparents?
Since becoming godparents is a set of new duties, it is even a kind of change in the status of a person, this decision must be approached very responsibly. Conscious refusal will be better than not entirely voluntary acceptance of duties. From the point of view of the Church, there is no such requirement - to unconditionally accept the invitation of nepotism.The reasons for refusal may be different: those invited feel that their friendship with the child's parents is not completely sincere and deep; or they already have enough godchildren. If the relationship with the parents is not perfect, this can cause misunderstandings in the future. Therefore, invitees need to give time for reflection.
Approach with wisdom to the choice of godparents for your child - and she will be good mentors and friends for the next stages of her spiritual life: accustoming to attend church, the first Confession in life, communion.
If parents have children in previous or subsequent marriages, they are considered half-siblings. The mother's husband, but not the father of her child, is the stepfather. The father's wife, but the child's mother is not a stepmother. A step-son of a husband or wife at the next marriage of his parent (parent) is a stepson, and a step-daughter is a stepdaughter.
In Russian folklore, the stepmother is spoken of unflatteringly: people did not believe that a woman could love someone else's child as her own. It is no coincidence that the plant was called: coltsfoot. Its leaves are smooth and cold on top, and warm and fluffy from the inside. And they say: "The other side is the stepmother."
When adopted or adopted, the child was called an adopted child. The new parents - the named mother and the named father - considered the girl to be the named daughter, and the boy - the named son.
The planted mother and father became close, but not native - people who were invited to the wedding to replace the mother and father of the bride and groom.
And after a newborn appeared in the family, he might need a mother, a nurse, a dairy mother. To feed - it meant almost intermarry with the baby. An uncle was assigned to older children - for care and supervision. Such an uncle brought up the cavalry girl Shurochka Azarova in the film "The Hussar Ballad".
Men could fraternize by exchanging pectoral crosses and kissing three times. They became crusaders. Fraternization was the result of a great friendship or saving a life in combat. Girlish friendship, not related by kinship, was also consolidated by a kind of ritual: the girls exchanged pectoral crosses. Then they called their friends like that - crusades, twins, named sisters.
spiritual relationship
Religious ties were strong and unostentatious in families. As it should be according to the rite, each little godson or goddaughter had a godfather and godmother. The godfather's father became a godfather, the son became a godbrother, and both godparents in relation to the godson's parents became godfathers: he is a godfather, she is a godfather. The godfather and godfather took upon themselves the responsibility of taking care of the religious education of their godson and, in the event of the death of their parents, took their place. Being the godfather of the first or second child in the family used to be considered a great honor.
They chose godfather and mother from close people: relatives or family friends. A pregnant woman was not called a godmother: it was believed that the godson would die. If newborns or young children had died in families before, the first person they met was taken as godfather. Preference was given to godparents who had many godchildren alive.
An unmarried man, who was to become a godfather for the first time, chose a girl for baptism, an unmarried girl - a boy. It was believed that otherwise the girl risks remaining a century-old woman, and the guy - a bachelor. There was a belief among the peasants that if a girl or a guy who was invited to be godparents to the first child is older than the godson's parents, then the girl will marry a widower, and the guy will marry a widow or woman older than him. Therefore, accordingly, they tried to make godfathers younger than their parents.
On Peter's Day (July 12), the godfather baked unleavened pies with cottage cheese for the godchildren. On the day of forgiveness (the last day before Great Lent), according to custom, the godfather went to the godfather with soap, and she went to him with gingerbread. According to the canons of Orthodoxy, godparents could not marry each other.
Relationship Dictionary
GRANDMA, grandmother - the mother of the father or mother, the wife of the grandfather.
BROTHER is a son in relation to other children of the same parents.
BROTHER GOPHAD - The godfather's son.
Brother CROSS, brother on the cross, brother named - persons who exchanged body crosses.
BROTAN, bro, bro, bro, bro - cousin.
BRATANICH - brother's nephew.
BROTANIHA - the wife of a cousin.
Bratanna - brother's daughter, brother's niece.
Bratelnitsa - cousin or distant relative.
Bratova - brother's wife.
Bratych - brother's son, brother's nephew.
A widow is a woman who has not remarried after the death of her husband.
A widower is a man who has not remarried after the death of his wife.
A great aunt is the sister of a grandfather or grandmother (cousin).
A great uncle is the brother of a grandfather or grandmother.
A branch is a line of kinship.
A grandson is the son of a son or daughter, the sons of a nephew or niece.
Great cousin-niece is the granddaughter of a cousin or sister.
Great-niece - the granddaughter of a brother or sister (second cousin).
Grandchild, grandchild - being a relative in the third generation, second cousin.
Great siblings are second cousins.
Great cousin-nephew - the grandson of a cousin - th brother or sister.
A great-nephew is the grandson of a brother or sister.
A great second cousin is the grandson of a second cousin or sister (second cousin).
Granddaughter, grandson - daughter of a son or daughter, nephew or niece.
A cousin is the sister of a grandmother or grandfather.
A great-aunt is the sister of a great-grandmother or great-grandfather.
A great-great-grandmother is the sister of a great-great-grandmother or great-great-grandfather.
A cousin is the daughter of a cousin or sister.
A cousin is the daughter of an uncle or aunt.
A cousin is a cousin of a father or mother.
Cousin - related in the second generation.
A cousin is the son of an uncle or aunt.
A cousin is the brother of a grandfather or grandmother.
A cousin is a cousin of one's father or mother.
A cousin is the son of a cousin or sister.
A great-grandfather is the brother of a great-grandfather or great-grandmother.
A great-great-grandfather is the brother of a great-great-grandfather or great-great-grandmother.
Brother-in-law is the husband's brother.
Grandfather (grandfather) - the father of the father or mother.
The godfather is the godfather's father.
Grandfather, grandfather - aunt after uncle.
Dedich is the direct heir of his grandfather.
A daughter is a female person in relation to her parents.
Daughter named - adopted, pupil.
Dshcherich is the nephew of his aunt.
Dschersha - niece by aunt.
An uncle is a person who takes care of a child.
An uncle is the brother of the father or mother, as well as the husband of an aunt.
Congenital children (homogeneous) - children born from the same father (homogeneous father), but different mothers).
Single uterine children (one uterine) - children born to the same mother, but from different fathers.
Single uterine - born by the same mother, but from a different father.
A wife is a woman in relation to the man she is married to.
Zhenima, wife - unmarried fourth wife.
Bridegroom - conspiring his bride.
Sister-in-law, goldsmith, zolova - the husband's sister, sometimes the brother's wife.
Son-in-law is the husband of a daughter, sister.
A knee is a branching of a clan, a generation in a pedigree.
The godmother is a participant in the rite of baptism in the role of a spiritual mother.
The godson is the godson.
Goddaughter - goddaughter.
The godfather is a participant in the rite of baptism in the role of a spiritual father.
Consanguinity - descent from the same parents.
Blood - about kinship within the same family.
A cousin is a cousin.
Cousin is a cousin.
Kum is a godfather in relation to the parents of the godson and to the godmother.
Kuma is a godmother in relation to the parents of the godson and to the godfather.
A small aunt is the sister of the father or mother (cousin).
Small uncle is the brother of the father or mother.
A mother is a woman in relation to her children.
Godmother, cross - the recipient at the rite of baptism.
