It is hard to believe that there is even one person without a sense of humor - another thing if we talk about how subtle it is in some faces. Humor covers all areas of activity of people.
We joke about literally everything. what we see and what is happening to us, we joke about representatives of certain professions and nationalities, about relatives and friends, laugh at ourselves and situations into which we fall.
The main themes of jokes loved by all children are:
- fairy tales and fairy tale characters;
- friends, brothers and sisters;
- school, study;
- animals;
- holidays.
jokes It's an energy boost for the whole day. Perhaps the most harmless and funny jokes are related to children, they will make adults and children laugh to tears. And since the main occupation of children is study, that's all funniest kids jokes related to school, students and teachers. Everyone can cheer up themselves and their friends by enlisting a couple of dozen short jokes about school. Here you can find:
- children's jokes about school;
- the funniest jokes about Vovochka;
- the latest school jokes.
Children's jokes about school
Parents ask first-graders:
— Well, how do you like the first day? Did you like school?
- First? Don't tell me I'm going there again tomorrow!
— Sasha, name me at least one transparent object.
"Keyhole, Marya Ivanovna!"
After the anatomy lesson.
- Heard that Vitya got a deuce for the control!
- Why?
- For a cheat sheet. The teacher caught him while he was counting his ribs.
— Doctor, my child has strabismus.
Is it innate in him?
- No, from cheating.
- How much will it be if they give you one kitten, plus two kittens and four more kittens?
- Nine.
- Listen carefully! They gave you one kitten, then two kittens and four more. How much?
- Nine.
- Then it's different! I give you one watermelon, then two and four more watermelons! How many?
- Eight!
- Here you go! And the kitten, plus two, plus four? How much?
- Nine!
— Yes, why?
— Because I already have one kitten!
- Mom, dad, we wrote at school today!
- Well, read what you wrote?
The son complains to his mother:
I don't want to go to school anymore!
- Why?
- Again Vasechkin will trip, and Ivanov will shoot at me with a slingshot, and Sidorov will throw a textbook at me!
“No, son, you need to go to school,” Mom says. - Firstly, you are already 50 years old, and secondly, you are the principal of the school.
- Daddy, and today at school the doctors gave us a vaccination!
“Well done, daughter, you didn’t cry, did you?”
No, they didn't catch up with me.
— To make them think that they have a holiday.
— Little Johnny What do you think is the best school?
- Closed!
The teacher asks:
- Children, do you know that all substances tend to expand in heat, and shrink in cold?
- Certainly! Vovochka says. Therefore, the winter holidays are shorter than the summer ones.
- Sit down Ivanov, five! Come on diary.
- I forgot it.
- Take mine! - Vovochka whispers.
- Children, what order does the spectacled snake belong to?
- To the detachment of myopic!
“Vovochka, why are you so pale today?”
“My mother washed me yesterday.
Vovochka was late for school. The teacher asks him:
What happened, why so late?
- A bandit attacked me!
- Oh God! And what did he do?
- Took homework...
The girl complains to her parents:
- How can I get rid of this Vovochka? No more strength!
Why didn't he please you? Won briefcase after school helps to carry.
- Yes, I'm tired: I have already accumulated about fifty of them!
The latest school jokes
On the control, the teacher closely monitors the students and sometimes kicks out those who have noticed spurs. The principal looks into the classroom.
Are you writing a control? Probably, there are a lot of cheaters here.
- No, amateurs are already in the corridor, only professionals are left.
Anatomy teacher:
What teeth are the last to appear in humans?
- Plug-in.
What time is it: I jump, you jump, he jumps, they jump?
- Turn!
- Do you know what is the worst thing for an excellent student?
— Get a deuce?
- No, learn a lesson and not have time to answer.
There is a lesson. In the next room there is noise and din, the teacher can not stand it and goes there. Grabs the most noisy by the ear, leads him to his class. Ten minutes later, the door opens, a student from that office looks into the classroom and quietly says:
“Can we have our teacher back?”
The father asks his son:
- What can I do to stop you getting F's?
"Ask the teacher not to call me!"
The teacher says:
- Everyone be quiet! To be heard as a fly flies!
Everyone immediately fell silent. Five minutes later, Vanya breaks down and asks:
- Mikhail Ivanovich, when will you let the fly go?
Now let's prove the Pythagorean Theorem.
Last student:
- Maybe not? We believe in the word!
Answering a question about the first female pilot, the students named Baba Yaga.
I go to school - no one ... I go to Odnoklassniki - the whole class!
In math class:
- Anya, how much will your mother pay for 3 kilograms of potatoes, if a kilogram costs 30 rubles 10 kopecks?
- That is still unknown.
- Why?
“And she always bargains.
A high school student approaches his father:
Dad, they're calling you to school.
— What happened?
— So, a trifle, I broke the window.
The father went. A few days later, the son again:
"Daddy, they're calling you to school.
- What did you do again?
- Yes, the laboratory room was blown up.
The father went.
The son approaches him for the third time:
- Dad, you are again asked to go to school.
“That’s it, I’m tired, I won’t go anymore!”
- That's right, dad. Why do you need to walk through the ruins ...
1. Which river is longer: the Mississippi or the Volga? the teacher asks Vovochka.
Of course Mississippi!
- And do you know how much?
- For four letters!
2. The Russian language teacher says:
- Children, how do you understand the phrase "visibly-invisibly"? Wow, answer.
- So this TV is junk!
3. Homework is needed only to quarrel between children and parents ...
4. Mom asks Vovochka:
How many tasks were on the test today?
- 15!
- And how much did you guess wrong?
- Only one!
- The rest, then, right?
- No, I didn't manage to solve the rest...
5. Winnie the Pooh chews on a bun. Suitable Piglet.
Vinnie, let me have a bite of the bun.
- This is not a bun ... this is a pie!
- Well, give me a bite of the pie.
- This is not a pie ... this is a donut!
- Well, let me bite the donut.
- Listen, Piglet, leave me alone, you don't know what you want!
6. Grandmother, grandmother! Why do you have such big eyes?
- To see you better ... - Why do you have such big ears?
To hear you better...
- Why do you have such a big nose?
- So, we are elephants, granddaughters ..
7. Dad, did you have a tablet as a child?
No, there were no computers back then.
What were you playing then?
- On the street!
8. Schoolchildren think that it is better to study at the institute, but only students know what is most comfortable in
kindergarten!
Children's jokes are the funniest
9. Literature lesson. The teacher asks:
- Well, children, have you read War and Peace?
Silence ... One guy starts up, with dumbfounded eyes asks:
- What should I have read?
Teacher:
- Well, yes…
- And I rewrote!
9. Mom asks her son:
- Sashenka, yesterday there were two pieces of cake left on the table. Now there is only one, why?
“It’s just that I didn’t notice the second piece in the dark,” Sashenka answered.
10. A boy on a walk with his dad in the park saw two twins in a stroller. He looked at them for a long time.
with a clever expression on his face and finally asked his father:
- Daddy, where is my second one?
11. The girl came to a neighbor and says:
Mom is very ill and wants strawberry jam.
- Oh my God! What do you put in? Did you take a glass or a saucer?
- Nothing is needed. I'll eat here.
12. Boxing in kindergarten. The judge in the ring gives the command:
- In different corners!
Boxers in crying:
We will no longer...
13. Chemistry lesson. Teacher:
- Masha, what color is your solution?
— Red.
- Right. Sit down, five.
- Katya, what about you?
— Orange.
- Not quite right. Four, sit down.
— Vovochka, the color of your solution?
- Black.
- Two. Class! Lie down.
14. Letter to Santa Claus:
- Grandfather Frost, I want Lenka to turn into a toad! And a gold bracelet.
15. Grandmother and granddaughter are sitting at a chamber music concert. The cellist is playing. granddaughter asks
grandmother:
- Grandma, when uncle saws his box, will we go home?
16. Your son shot during the lesson with a slingshot, the teacher complains to the student's mother.
— Ah! This rascal again lost the gun I gave him for his birthday.
Jokes for kids are short funny stories. Usually they do not have an author, they belong to the folklore genre.
Children love jokes as much as adults. Children's jokes about school allow you to joke about what makes you sad. School jokes make fun of lazy students, angry teachers, indifferent parents, etc.
Jokes can have a variety of topics, covering all aspects of life. Sometimes funny phrases spoken by children become jokes.
Laughter when reading or listening to an anecdote is caused by an unexpected denouement, a play on words, the replacement of the usual meaning of concepts with a new one. Humor, wit are very useful qualities that require development no less than logic or creativity. This genre also has negative aspects: the presence of profanity in some jokes, vulgarity, etc.
From this article you will learn
Are funny stories necessary?
Laughter improves the mood of children and, according to scientists, prolongs the life of adults. So that the child does not need to listen to vulgar street jokes, tell him good ones. Let him have magazines or books with various anecdotes that he can read. In the children's environment, a sense of humor is valued, a witty storyteller becomes the soul of the company.
If a child can joke about his shortcomings, he will be less stressed. The main thing in jokes is the possibility of freedom of expression, humor, ridiculing shortcomings and vices, a different look at problems.
Anecdotes can be incomprehensible. The reason for this is the difference in nationality, age or other personal characteristics. Therefore, children's jokes are different from adults. What can make a baby laugh is incomprehensible to an adult and vice versa.
About school
At a math lesson, the teacher asks the loser, who tells the Pythagorean theorem at the blackboard, to prove it. To which he offendedly declares: “What evidence, you don’t believe me?”
On September 1, 1.6 million first-graders sat down at their desks on charges of illiteracy for at least 9 years.
At a 7th grade geography lesson, a teacher tries to explain to a student how to determine the cardinal directions using a compass. “Look, when the arrow looks up, it’s north, then the west will be on your left, and the east on your right, tell me what’s behind you?” Student, blushing: "A hole in your pants?"
About children
At the reception in the clinic, the child psychologist asks the child the following questions:
- Can you tell me how many paws a cat has?
- Four.
- And how many ears?
- And how many eyes?
The kid turns to his mother and asks: “Mom, uncle, why have you never seen cats?”
About kindergarten
A little girl comes home from kindergarten and says that the teacher read them a fairy tale "About Little Red Riding Hood". “What did you understand from this tale?” mom asks. “I should better remember my grandmother's face so as not to confuse her with a wolf,” the girl replies.
At a meeting in a nursery group of a kindergarten, a young teacher conducts pedagogical work with parents:
- Dear parents, your children have learned to speak this year, if they start telling you something bad about kindergarten, don't believe them. We, in turn, promise not to believe the horrors that they tell about you.
A tired father comes to kindergarten for his son. The teacher sees him for the first time, and therefore asks:
- Which child are you giving away?
- What difference does it make, bring it back tomorrow morning!
Responsible parent.
The head of the kindergarten complains to the head of the military unit that after the repairs made by the soldiers, the children learned a lot of words from profanity. The chief calls the soldiers to his place and asks to explain what is the matter. Soldier Sidorov with a bandaged head explains:
- Petrov stood on a stepladder, laying eight bricks into a hole in the ceiling. The mortar turned out to be weak, and all the bricks fell on my head. I said to Petrov: “What a bad person you are, Petrov, you don’t respect your comrade!”
About animals
Two fish are talking in a pond. One carp says: “How tired I am of living in this cramped, dirty pond!” Another carp answers him: “And you grab the hook and soon you will fall into sour cream!”
Computer jokes
Cactus, who stood near the computer monitor for 6 years, learned to reinstall Windows.
short jokes
Signs on the bus:
"Stop "here" on a different route";
“If no one gives way to the old woman, I, your driver, will do it”;
“If you want to live long, don’t distract the driver!”
About Pinocchio
Pinocchio's pedigree was rooted in the ground.
About Vovochka
Vovochka says to his father at dinner:
- Dad, they are calling you back to school, I broke the window.
- Yes, you do not have a school, but some kind of greenhouse.
fairytale anecdotes
The kid climbed onto Carlson, and they fly over the city, making ten circles. After landing on the roof, Carlson wipes his neck and says: "Fuh, I'm sweating with you!" “I peed with you,” the kid replies.
A passer-by saw a hut on chicken legs in the forest and said:
- Hut, hut, turn to me in the forest, and to the back in front!
- You put me in a difficult position with your philological delights of new idioms.
- This is roughly what I wanted to say.
Cheburashka, standing in the wind, was brutally beaten with his ears.
Gena and Cheburashka went on vacation. Crocodile Gena drags 6 suitcases from the station, sweating all over. Cheburashka runs after him and shouts:
- Gena, and Gena, let me take the suitcases!
- And you will take me!
About adults and children
Auntie asks her niece, who is six years old:
- Anechka, do you help your mother around the house?
- Of course, I help, I count the silver spoons after you leave.
A little boy asks his father:
- Dad, I want a real gun!
- You already have a toy.
- Dad, I want a real one!
- Quiet, I said! Who is the head in this house?
- You're daddy, but if I had a gun...
Mom shouts from the balcony to her son playing in the yard with friends:
- Vanya, go home!
7-year-old Vanechka asks:
- Mom, am I cold?
- No, it's time for you to eat!
About pets
The mouse runs away from the cat and hides in a hole, having lost the stolen cheese along the way. He sits quietly, and suddenly he hears a dog barking. “So the cat has run away, you can take the cheese,” the mouse thinks. As soon as she leans out of the mink, the cat grabs her. “How good it is to be able to speak a foreign language!” the cat thinks.
Other topics
Announcement on the fence of the city zoo:
- Dear visitors, due to insufficient funding from the city budget for this year, the animals have nothing to eat! We invite you to the open day, which will be held from 9 o'clock, 6, 8 and 9 of this month! You will get unforgettable impressions and indescribable sensations!
According to statistics, the most understandable language on the planet is Chinese. Every 6th person speaks it.
From a conversation between two friends:
- Have you read that scientists have made a discovery - nine seconds of laughter prolongs life by 10 minutes, so if you laugh all the time, you will never die?
- Yes, but everyone will think you're crazy.
The son says to his mother: - I won't go to school anymore.
- Why?
- Yes, well, this school. Again Kuznetsov will hit the head with a textbook, Vasiliev will start aiming with a slingshot, and Voronin will trip. Will not go.
“No, son, you must go to school,” says the mother. - Firstly, you are already an adult, you are forty years old, and secondly, you are the director of the school ....
The son comes home and boasts to his father:
- Dad, and I translated the old woman across the road! Dad:
- Well done! Here's some candy for you. The next day, the son comes with a friend:
- Dad, and my friend and I moved the old woman across the road! Dad:
- Well done! Here's some candy for you. The next day, the son brings his entire class:
- Dad, and with the whole class we transferred the old woman across the road!
- Why are there so many of you?
But she resisted...
Maxim why does dad do all the lessons for you? - Well, what should I do if my mother has no time! ...
A first grader comes to the school supply store and asks: - Aunty, do you have glue for the 1st grade? - No, boy. - A notebook in a circle? - In what other circle? Also no. Behind the citizen speaks angrily.
- Boy, don't fool the seller and don't take people's time. Girl, show me the globe of Ukraine….
At the lesson of the world around: Teacher:
-Vovochka, when is the best time to pick apples? Vovochka: -When the dog is tied ....
The son comes from school, says to his father: - Dad, they call you to school. - What have you done? Yes, the glass is broken. The father went. A few days later, the son says again: - Dad, they call you back to school. - What is it this time? - Yes, the chemical office blew up. The father went. A few days later, the son again says to his father: - Dad, they call you back to school. - That's it, I'm not going, I'm tired. - Well, that’s right, there’s nothing for you to wander around the ruins ......
Mother wakes up her son at school: - Did you do the lessons? -No. -What are you going to do then? -The less you know the better you sleep!!!…
The son comes home with a deuce.
- Dad, don't worry!
- Okay, just don't be offended!
Teacher - student:
- When's your birthday?
- 5 October.
- What year?
- Everyone.
There is an arithmetic lesson in the first grade. The teacher asks:
- Syoma, how much should your mother pay for two kilograms of apples, if one kilogram costs five rubles?
- I don't know. My mom always trades like that!..
Why weren't you at school yesterday?
- My sister got married.
"Okay, just make sure it doesn't happen again!"
- Do you like going to school?
— Yes, only these hours between walking are the most disgusting.
The parish physician was part-time Sunday school teacher.
He asks the boy:
“Tell me, my young friend, what must we do to get to heaven?”
“Die,” the boy replies.
"That's right, but what should we do before that?"
- Call the doctor!
A mathematics professor reads a book to his little son at night.
Baby, sigh
- Pa-a-ap! Yes, it's boring! I would go straight to the episode where the multiple Riemann integral is tested against the Darboux criterion...
The little girl was left with her grandmother. In the morning, the child pesters granny: Baba, pray and repent! Well, woman, well, pray and repent! Grandmother in shock (the mouth of the baby speaks the truth), goes to church, puts candles,
prays and makes obeisances. He returns, and there is still the same song, pray and repent, yes pray and repent. The child is already in tears, the grandmother is in a faint. Everything became clear when the parents returned. The girl asked to play the cartoon Kid and Carlson for her, she just spoke badly.
Mom takes her son on a hike:
- Here I put butter, bread and a kilogram of nails for you.
- But why?
- It is clear why! Spread butter on bread and eat!
- What about nails?
- Well, here they are, put it!
Mom, what is "pi"?
- Well, it's from mathematics. Then you will learn. Where did you hear?
- Yes, here's a rhyme: "Day and night, the scientist cat keeps walking around. And drinking around."
10-year-old Polina looks at her newborn brother. The boy has already begun to react to the faces of loved ones. He carefully looks at his sister and suddenly smiles widely. Polina remarks with satisfaction:
Of course he smiles at me. You are adults, and I am a children's team.
5-year-old Maxim and his 4-year-old sister Alice eat coleslaw. After the meal, the boy turns to Alice:
- Well, today at lunch we were with you just like goats.
“No,” the girl corrects him. - There is only one goat. And I am a bunny.
Kirill, 6, watches with interest as his father climbs the ladder to paint the frames. At this moment, the mother comes up to the child and says:
- Here you grow up, son, and you can help dad.
After a little thought, Kirill asks: - Hasn't dad finished painting by then?
4-year-old Anton enters the subway car with his dad at rush hour.
- Well, let's see if people have a conscience? the child says aloud.
- How is that? - the father is interested.
- Will they give way to a man with a child, or, as usual, lower their eyes, - explains the son.
3.5-year-old Panya is present when her mother is talking to the local pediatrician. The doctor, having examined the girl's older brother, advises: - If the temperature rises, rub it with vodka. - Vodka? Panya is surprised. We don't have vodka. Dad drank all the vodka.
9-year-old Vasya returns with his mother from a store where two packs of cookies have just been bought.
“There are six cookies in each pack,” Vasya argues aloud. - It turns out twelve. There are three children in the family. That makes four cookies per child...
At the entrance to the apartment, Vasya sees three pairs of shoes of his older brother's classmates.
- Mom, just don't tell me that twelve is divisible by six, - Vasya says wistfully. - It's beyond my strength.
As a child, we did not care how we dress - our parents bought all the clothes for us. And now you look at children's photos and you understand that parents also didn’t really worry about how to dress us ...
Serezha falls out of bed at night. Mom runs up to him.
- Seryozhenka, what did you hit?
- Bedside rug.
4 year old Allochka says:
- Uncle Kolya, I love you so much that I would tear off your legs.
- What are you, Allochka! For what?!
- And then you would be small and always played with me.
The boy sat on a tree and cried:
Take me off, take me off...
And he was very lucky, because in the park where the tree stood, many kind people with cameras were walking.
2 year old Danilka, after a dozen of heard fairy tales, is clearly overloaded with information:
- And my dad and I saw the Swan Princess there in the picture. She sat and spun by the window. And she's not a frog!
Granddaughter asks:
- Grandma, how old are you?
- Sixty.
- And show on your fingers!
3 year old Ksenia at the zoo:
Why do lions live in the desert?
They have nowhere else to live.
- And what, in the zoo all the cells are occupied?
We drive up to the house by car. A two-year-old nephew weightily states:
- Uncle Zhenya, and I know where to paravach here ...
- Where, Sasha?
- Straight!
4-year-old Fedor tries to crack a peach pit for several minutes in a row.
- Son! - trying to stop his father. - The bones must be broken with a stone or a hammer. You can break all your teeth like that.
- Well, let, - Fyodor answers, - iron ones grow, like our uncle Grisha's.
Was in China. While there was an excursion, a Chinese boy of 3 years old ran in front of our group, whinnied loudly, rolled on the ground and chatted something on his own.
At our request, the guide translated, he yelled: "Ofigeeet, all on one face, eyes like a cow!"
Maxim's father decided to tell the truth about Santa Claus and other fairy tale characters.
“So, son,” the frank dad begins, “in fact, there is no Santa Claus. All these years, I played his role, and my mother and I bought gifts for you ...
“I know, dad,” Maxim interrupts his father. - And you were also a stork, my mother confessed to me.
- Next >
