Laughter is a pleasant emotion and the best pastime in any company. Knowledge of jokes and the ability to tell jokes can reveal you in a favorable light, teach you how to find contact with people and defuse the situation. Funny jokes, jokes and poems will certainly please your team, your family and loved ones and will become your highlight.
KVN is an exciting competition in which several teams compete with each other with a variety of humorous works: jokes, anecdotes, skits, jokes and humor. This is a unique game, jokes from which become winged and memorable for a long time.
The best jokes from KVN:
An interesting case in the hospital:
(a figure of a man stands near the door and smokes nervously)
“Blaine, when, when?” … Well, how long can you wait? (exhales smoke)
- Ivanova, give birth! (voice from hallway)
- Well, damn it ... finally! (quickly puts out his cigarette). Going!!!
An interesting fact: the victim of a maniac killer was unexpectedly lucky!
(a loud and terrifying organ plays in the hall, and the person in the role of the victim slowly backs away, putting his hands forward. Suddenly the victim steps on something ...)
— Opa! Chervonchik!
The lisping gypsy falls on his knee and proposes to his beloved:
“I’ve been going to this sol for a long time… Rossa, will you be my tire?”
— Dear, why are you lisping?
- Shut up, don't say a word! (shouts a gypsy and takes out a ring)
“But, darling, where did you get the golden ring from?”
“Let this be our secret!” (lowers head down)
An incident near the maternity hospital, young fathers stand under the windows and shout to their beloved wives:
- Marina, who?
- We have a boy, Igor!
Angela who?
- We have a girl, Maxim!
- Katya, how to turn on the washing machine?
Plug in the cord and press the red button!
- Thank you! (runs away)
- Oleg, stop! I gave birth!
- Well done!
Jokes from KVN, funny jokes to cheer up, the best jokes of KVN
Short jokes, funny and funny jokes, gags, short jokes
Funny and short jokes will always be useful in cases of communication with friends, colleagues and relatives.
The best short jokes:
- If you actively engage in sports, you can extend your life by about five years, but it takes about eight years to engage in sports itself!
- The boy cursed very strongly, to which the teacher made a remark and asked if he knew the meaning of these words: “Of course I do!” (boy answered) This means that dad's car won't start!
- A message on the cloakroom in the theater: “Do not leave valuables and banknotes in your pockets, the cloakroom attendant has a small salary!”
- Grandmother Slavik was "at a dead end" when her fat grandson came to her
- I go up to the house and it’s immediately pleasant: Wi-Fi meets me at the entrance
- Only pigeons can ruin a black car with whites and a white car with blacks!
- Nowadays, on TV, you can hear good news only during commercials!
- The famous humorist Garik, who is popularly called "Bulldog", was bitten by a bulldog named "Garik"
- The rule of the men's razor: the first blade shaves "cleanly", the second one shaves "even cleaner", and the third one also "long"!
funny short jokes and jokes April jokes, funny and funny jokes with gags
April funny jokes are always able to cheer up and set people up in a positive way in any situation.
April jokes are a special kind of humor, it consists in putting your friend in an uncomfortable or embarrassing position in any of the possible ways.
Here are a few options for April's win-win jokes:
april joke with eyes This joke involves a joke, the meaning of which is "a kind of revival of objects" - the products in the refrigerator. This is an interesting version of a good mood from the very morning, when, out of ignorance, a person opens the door and is horrified for a few seconds by the fact that all the products are “looking” at him. These eyes can be easily purchased at a craft store or in the hardware department.
April Fool's joke for coworkers at your work This joke involves wrapping each desktop item in food foil. At first glance, this can shock the owner in the first minute, and the remaining thirty unwrap each item while the rest will watch and smile!
April joke for employees and colleagues Not a complicated and interesting joke is that you need to install a bugle under the seat of an office chair. The person who owns the chair will be scared and shocked when he does not sit down.
Good fun and interesting jokes for everyone
Good jokes and jokes can cheer you up even on the saddest and rainiest day. Read good jokes and jokes with your friends, tell them to your loved ones and make every day filled with joy.
Good jokes and jokes on various topics:
- It has been noticed that the higher the position held by a person, the less often his attendance at work
- To give yourself a few extreme moments and mislead customs, put some green tea in cigarette foil
- A sitting office worker, being idle for more than ten minutes, can automatically plunge into "sleep mode"
- In the morning, nothing can cheer up as much as a cup of strong, freshly brewed coffee, which was washed down with cognac.
- I don’t understand: I moved from my parents, bought an apartment and immediately received a bill for housing and communal services. Of course, I paid for it, but the next month it came again, and then another ... What? Did you have to pay first? Everyone understands that I'm a sucker ???
- If you decide to sit at night with a laptop on the Internet, do not turn on the charger in advance. If you sat down - it's time to sleep!
- "Candlelight Dinner" is not only romantic, it is an effective treatment for hemorrhoids!
- Scientists have concluded that there is more “life” in a drop of male sperm than in a drop of human blood. Conclusion: how much do vampires suck blood?
good jokes will be a great pastime Poems jokes on any subject, funny jokes-rhymes for everyone
Poems in a comic form will be your highlight in the company or at any event where you can entertain and delight guests.
Funny jokes in poetic form:
You don't ask me to marry
I can't cook, I'm a poet!
I'm lazy and this is my status
Breakfast, dinner, lunch is alien to me.
I don't wear high heels
And I can't be educated.
I look for inspiration in jokes
I'm not looking for inspiration!
You left the house and me in an instant,
Where to look for you - I do not know.
Your red wig was left on the pillow
I hug him out of sadness.
Teeth thrown on your night table
And an artificial eye sours in a glass.
I look at the teeth, I remember only the lips
That they do not kiss me at this morning hour!
The bulldog tried to bite a familiar man,
He ran away from him and threw a stone, but did not hit.
That stone flew into the mother-in-law, which passed nearby
"Well, nothing, and so it will go!" he thought and did not say!
Songs of jokes, funny short songs, ditties and chants
Funny ditty songs will become interesting entertainment at the festive table and will delight anyone with their original text, humor and sarcasm.
Funny drinking ditties:
My favorite is a tractor driver,
I'm a milkmaid in the village
We're like bounty and twix
Sweet couple!
A Christmas tree was born in the forest
And there she grew up
Served as a disguise
Military regiment.
If I were strong
My life would be
Like a fairy tale
And women from night to morning!
I have a question - to me about sports
resort when?
Lunch in the morning, buffet in the afternoon,
Just no time!
funny jokes in song form Anecdotes jokes, funny jokes for everyone on any topic
Everyone should know a good funny anecdote, a person without a sense of humor seems dry and boring!
Funny jokes on a variety of topics:
- - Did you fall?
- No, damn it, my knee itched! Well, I think I'll scratch the asphalt! - You can’t argue with a naked woman, if only because at any moment she can get dressed and leave!
- I solve a scandword, and there the question is “an uncensored curse of three letters.” The word immediately came to my mind, I decided to check in the answer: it turns out, "checkmate"!
- - Hello, I would like to order a track from you. Is it possible?
- Yes, sure! How many grams do you need?
- Is this a bowling alley? - The woman says to the man:
- Honey, when we become husband and wife, we can share the problems equally!
“Honey, we don’t have a problem!”
- I'm telling you when we become "husband and wife"! - A Georgian boy entered a Russian-speaking school, the teacher teaches him the language:
- Givi, say "BREAD"
- Clap!
- No, Givi, you need to say softer
- Crap!
— No, Givi is even softer!
— Bun!
funny jokes on any subject for everyone Riddles jokes, funny riddles with answers, jokes for all occasions
Riddles jokes can be interesting entertainment for any company. Such jokes can amuse friends and relatives, colleagues and loved ones. Riddles jokes will be a great accompaniment to any holiday.
The best riddle jokes for funny companies:
- What does one half of a tangerine look like?
(answer: for the other half of the tangerine) - Imagine the situation: unexpected guests came to you. In the refrigerator there is: a pack of juice, a bottle of beer and mineral water. What will you open first?
(answer: refrigerator!) - What gift did the wife bring to her husband from the beach resort?
(answer: horns) - What can be in common between a student and a lizard?
(answer: both have "tails") - When a person is in his apartment and he has no head?
(answer: when he sticks it out the window) - A grain that has managed to visit both fire and water and copper pipes, what is it?
(answer: moonshine) - What can not be put even in the largest pan?
(answer: her cover) - What does not burn, but constantly asks for extinguishing?
(Answer: debt) - There is a ribbon, which by no means can be woven into a braid. What is this tape?
(answer: machine gun) - What kind of place is it when you are sitting in a car with a plane behind you and a horse in front of you?
(answer: children's carousel) - What kind of woman is this, who at first rubs herself all over you, and then in a stern voice demands money?
(answer: conductor-controller)
funny riddle jokes for any occasion Jokes with funny answers, funny jokes for a fun company
Funny questions with the same humorous answers can be interesting entertainment for anyone. They will decorate the celebration, help to establish contact between unfamiliar people and just cheer up.
The funniest joke questions:
- What kind of animal is this or a bird, does it fly and swear?
(answer: electrician) - What can be in an empty pocket?
(answer: hole) - What does a person wear twice in his life for free, and the third time you have to pay?
(answer: teeth) - What do thousands of people do at night? What are they doing?
(Answer: they are on the Internet) - The most terrible word for men from three letters?
(Answer: More!) - What, unfortunately, can not be eaten for lunch?
(answer: breakfast) - What exactly is not in absolutely any women's bag?
(answer: order) - What kind of monster is this that already has six legs, two heads and one tail?
(answer: rider) - What is this strange little thing hanging between the legs? This strange little thing begins with an "X"!
(answer: ponytail) - What is the most popular paper format that absolutely everyone uses?
(answer: fifty-four meter roll of toilet paper) - Women's milk has one main value. What?
(answer: its container) - Why do the largest monkeys, gorillas, have such big nostrils?
(answer: because she has very big fingers)
questions with jokes and funny answers to them for each occasion Answers to jokes and funny questions, answers-jokes to jokes
Answers to jokes-questions hide a special sarcasm. As a rule, it is impossible to immediately give the correct answer to such a riddle-question, and therefore they have such a feature.
Answers to riddle jokes, funny answers:
- If a drunken soldier walked across the square past a high tower, noticed a watch on it and a shot at it, where did he end up?
(answer: to the police for drunkenness and shooting in a public place) - What can constantly increase and never decrease in life?
(answer: person's age) - They say that THIS is the most important and most needed for dinner, what is it?
(answer: mouth) - All crows perch on this tree during heavy rain, what kind of tree is this?
(answer: wet wood) - Who can be born twice and die only once?
(answer: a bird hatches from an egg) - What kind of thing is this, if you drop it, then you can’t pick it up by the tail?
(answer: a ball of thread) - Can you bring water in a bucket with a hole in it?
(answer: you can, if you freeze water into ice) - The magician claims that he can put a test tube in the center of the room and slowly crawl into it, is that possible?
(answer: perhaps anyone can slowly crawl into the room)
funny answers to joke riddles, funny answers with sarcasm Jokes jokes, funny stories and funny scenes, humorous jokes
A sense of humor has always been valued and appreciated in people. If you own a set of jokes and funny stories, you will definitely be able to win over people you know and even strangers. Laughter is one of the most pleasant emotions on earth, so it’s worth giving joy to others!
The funniest jokes and jokes:
- Anyone who wants to imagine how the female brain works is enough to open 150 different tabs in a row on the computer and not close them!
- A conversation between two familiar athletes:
“Do you know how I can gain mass faster?”
- Well, take the dumbbells.
— No, you don’t understand, I need to quickly gain weight!
- Well, eat them! - Imagine jogging in the early morning on asphalt covered with morning dew and filled with fresh, light air. What could be more beautiful than her absence?
- The young wife returned from a foreign resort. The husband is bored, meets her, feeds her, and then notices that his wife's entire back is covered in bruises and abrasions. Tells her:
“Honey, you need to see a doctor immediately!”
The next day the wife says:
The doctor said it was "nervous".
The husband was indignant, ran to the doctor with questions, and he answers him:
“Your deaf wife, and she set the horns on you, too!” I told her this from "not even ground"!
jokes and funny jokes to cheer up A joke to a loved one, how to make a loved one laugh, jokes about men
Every woman must have in her arsenal some interesting jokes or anecdotes dedicated to men. So she can show that she is not stupid and has a good sense of humor.
Funny jokes and anecdotes about men:
- A girl asks a man on the beach:
- Man, will you allow me to meet you for one night, well, a maximum of a couple of nights?
- What are you, girl, I'm a real gentleman - for the whole vacation! - Two friends are talking:
- And how long did your guests have fun yesterday?
Until the corkscrew breaks! - Two friends are discussing the wife of one of them:
“Your wife dresses so beautifully, where does she get such dresses?”
You just won't believe it! Twice now we have received the wrong package with the suit I ordered from the Internet. - — Dad, would you like a cold beer?
- Certainly! Are you still asking?
No, I'm just kidding! - A husband comes home from work, his wife asks him:
— Honey, how is your new workplace?
- Pretty decent.
- Do you have a secretary?
- Eat.
— Is she beautiful?
- Normal!
- How does she dress?
- Fast!
jokes to your beloved, jokes about men Favorite jokes, jokes about women and girls, funny jokes
Every man should own a set of funny and funny jokes about women to tell their friends, acquaintance and employees. Some of them will cheer up your favorite girls!
Funny jokes and jokes about women:
- Two friends are talking, one complains about life:
- Can you imagine, they gave mine an apartment, but so small, so uncomfortable ... I had to leave!
— An apartment??
- No husband!! - A woman goes out onto the balcony and notices a smoking figure of a man under it, shouting:
- Man, I'm very afraid of you!
- Why are you afraid of me?
“You will take me and rape me!”
“Yes, how can I get to you?”
- I'm going down now! - The husband returns from a business trip, slowly turns the key in the door. The wife hears this, grabs her lover's things and says to him:
“Come on, jump off the balcony in no time!”
— You what? Lost her mind?! Here is the thirteenth floor!
- Never believe superstition! ONCE! - Two girlfriends are talking on the street:
— Verochka, I heard you married Seryozha!
Yes, honey, we're married!
- And how do you like marriage? Did it get better?
- No, dear, it didn’t get better ... But it became more often! - A woman comes to work, and she has a black eye. Everyone starts asking:
— What do you have? Who is you so?
- Husband!
- Wow! But we thought he was on a business trip!
“I thought so too! - The wife runs to her husband and shouts:
“Honey, I just got raped!! What should I do, dear!
- Eat a lemon!
- Well, why is that?
- Yes, so that your muzzle was not so pleased!
beloved jokes, funny jokes and anecdotes about women Congratulations with a joke, how to originally congratulate loved ones with an interesting congratulation?
Congratulating with a joke is an original and original way to bring a good mood to everyone around at the celebration. Congratulations-jokes are always appreciated, they always bring together and make the holiday more fun.
Comic congratulations for any holiday:
Let your dreams all come true
All goals in life are achieved.
May wealth increase
Love and feelings develop.
Problems, tears and hardships
Let them forget the way to you
Sadness will not set foot on the threshold.
I give you my "congratulations"!
I wish you well
To be able to catch a beaver by the tail.
Everyone keeps telling me that the beaver
Uncounted in furs of good.
I wish you a strong home
So that we are in it more often.
So that in it comfort and warmth,
Prosperity, laughter and beauty!
I wish you infinite prosperity,
A beautiful, faithful wife,
Ferrari cars,
Suit from the brand "Armani"
May life bring positivity
Let the cottage stand in the Maldives.
To avoid colds,
So that the caviar was a full stomach!
I want to wish you on your holiday
Fall into the salad with your whole head,
Then walk and drink with friends,
To then freak out when drunk.
I want to go to my bed
And find beauty there.
I wish you many victories
And a thousand happy years!
funny and comic congratulations in verses for any holiday Jokes that can dilute the holiday or amuse friends
Funny scenes can be used in a variety of ways: to entertain guests, at a wedding, for KVN competitions and private parties. Funny scenes are always a pleasure not only from a joke, but also from acting, facial expressions and gestures of characters.
Funny scenes for any occasion:
- A conversation between two theater artists:
- Larisa, I heard you got on stage through the director's bed?
— I need harassment!
- Larisa, maybe you meant "evidence"?
- I clearly decided for myself and made my choice! - Conversation in the garden
- What's wrong with this boy?
- Has he fainted?
- But from what? Why?
- From stress!
- And what happened?
- The teacher played with him for too long "horned goat!" - Conversation in a dark alley:
- Are you afraid of me?
- No!
- Why?
- I'm an Oriflame employee!
- And what does it mean?
- I can call my “three friends”, and they can call their “three friends” and each of them also “three friends”! - Conversation between son and mother:
- Son, your birthday is coming soon, what do you want to receive as a gift?
- Tampon! (the boy shouted confidently, mother was taken aback)
“But, son, why a tampon?” Do you know what this thing is?
- Certainly! They said on TV that with a tampon you can go to the beach every day, swim in the sea, dance, run and have fun! - Conversation between two friends:
- Imagine, I broke up with my girlfriend!
— What is it? What's happened?
- A stupid situation came out ... The two of us went to the shower, she tells me there, they say, let's do bad things ...
- And what did you do?
- I sprayed her with shampoo in the eyes ...
funny skits and funny humorous stories Russian radio jokes, funny sayings on various topics
Russian radio jokes are a special kind of humor that brings a smile from the first words and is remembered for a long time. These jokes are particularly brevity, brevity and sarcasm, they often have "black humor" and are always popular.
Funny jokes of Russian radio:
- The saleswoman in the store had such a rude voice that no one left the store without a package.
- Children who sit in the classroom by the window and are closest in the battery mature earlier than their classmates
- The manager of the supermarket and responsible for the “terms” had the date of death interrupted twice
- Vasily was incredibly afraid of the operation ... by this he also scared his patient ...
- The plumber Fedor had a hangover so great that for an hour no one could pull him away from the pipe
- At the concert of Sergei Zhukov, two things jump: the singer and pressure
- Mom accidentally washed her son's scarf along with other underwear and the Spartak match, the boy was rooting for some kind of "pink crap"
- Kefir himself told Slavik that kefir was too expired
- Statistics say that more than 80% of people deliberately lie when thanking their hairdresser.
Russian radio jokes, funny humorous jokes Video: " KVN - BIATHLON competition - the best jokes in the history of the KVN game "
You are the negative minus of our pulpit
A young graduate of the Agricultural Academy stands in the middle of a field of squash and argues in complete bewilderment:
I know everything about zucchini: how they grow, how they bloom, how they bear fruit. But how do they spawn???
A student enters a trolley bus at a bus stop. He sits in an empty seat and rides. At the next stop, an old grandmother comes in. Comes up to him and says:
Granddaughter, make room for grandma
Grandma, but the trolleybus is empty, all the seats are free.
And I love it warm!
A student sneaks into an empty dorm room, goes to the window without turning on the light, shakes a cactus out of a flower pot, removes some of the earth and puts a pie wrapped in polyethylene. After all this, he returns the cactus to its place, levels the ground and goes to bed. In the morning he goes to work. In the evening he returns, rushes to the pot, digs up the ground, and there is a note: "Do not scatter your things in conspicuous places. They ate the pie so that it does not deteriorate."
Exam. The professor says to the student:
Choose a ticket.
The student puts cognac on the table.
Professor:
ABOUT! Cognac is good.
Cognac is excellent.
A student takes an exam in physics. Sells very badly. The professor tries to pull him out, asks:
Well, tell me at least at what temperature does water boil?
Professor, I don't know at what temperature it boils, but I know that at 40 degrees it turns into vodka!
Telegram from parents:
- "How is the exam? Tell me urgently!"
- "The exam was excellent. The professors are delighted. They ask to repeat it in the fall."
Exam, the student falls irrevocably. There is a crowd behind the door and thinks how to help her out. Finally, a guy bursts into the audience and shouts:
Ivanova, your son was born!
The teacher, of course, congratulates her, puts an assessment, signs.
Lecture on philosophy. The teacher talks about the difference between matter and consciousness:
Consciousness has no extension. We cannot think for 15 cm. And we cannot think for 2 kg!
And to think about half a liter is easy ...
A survey is being conducted among students from different countries. How long does it take to learn Japanese? The first one was asked by an American. He clicked on the computer and says:
One year and eight months.
They asked the Frenchman, he ran to the library, looked through the catalogs there and promised to learn in a year.
Next on the list was a Russian student. We found him in a smoking room, asked our burning question.
Is there a manual?
They gave him a training manual, he flipped through it in a moment:
I'll finish my smoke, I'll go to hand over.
The inscription on the desk: "Button to turn off the lecturer. If you refuse to cut down manually."
Testament of the student: Do not snore at lectures, for you will wake up your neighbor
You know, I don't understand our dean. Here he will expel us and we will go to the army. If something happens, we will not protect him!
A student at an exam in political science does not know a single question, a completely exhausted kind professor, not wanting to cut off a negligent student, points to a portrait of Karl Marx:
Young man, well, at least who is this, you know?
Student, after a tense silence:
King of Spades?
There is a written exam. Stream audience. The teacher sits at the lectern and reads a newspaper. Everything, as expected, is written off.
The newspaper is slowly creeping down. All cribs are abruptly removed.
The newspaper is slowly creeping down. All cribs are closed by hand.
The newspaper is slowly creeping down. All books are removed.
The newspaper is slowly creeping down. All books are closed.
Not a few words have been written on the topics “What is KVN” and “The role of KVN in the life of modern youth”. More words written about each game or festival KVN. KVN workers love to write - this is one of their properties.
And we sometimes like to speculate on these topics, but we will do it elsewhere. And here we want to lay out what remains in the head of an ordinary viewer after KVN. What ordinary office workers are looking for when a corporate KVN is planned in their office.
Yes, that's all of them: jokes, skits, miniatures, all sorts of reworked songs and parodies. All this then turns into KVN competitions: business cards, music and homework.
Popular on the site
Funny jokes that once caused a tsunami of laughter and kilotons of laughter in KVN
They will help if you are preparing for KVN at school. Of course, you should make up your own jokes, but if time trouble...
You are unlikely to hear this news from the lips of Zhanna Agalakova, I will sharpen that they cannot say such things.
Funny jokes about game number one. Football players give us a reason - we joke.
Signs of a crisis. Very relevant jokes. Read and enjoy a little.
Scenes and miniatures of KVN
Scenes and miniatures are the same jokes, only you can’t just tell them in words. Well, without jokes - you already know - nowhere in KVN.
An excellent KVN number for five points. Take it to your script.
Scene texts, which are suitable for any KVN competition.
Cases at school, cases behind the school, cases with schoolchildren and teachers
So that you can then say "You viewed the thumbnail ..."
A ready-made set of material for a small business card. It remains only to add KVNshchikov there
Alterations of songs for KVN
Reworking songs is a favorite pastime of KVN players. From small carapules to grandiose pretentious finals - they have been reworked, reworked, and will be remade in KVN.
Reworking of the famous hit by Gennady Asmolov. The song sounded on the air "Voting KiViN-2007"
The reworked song of the Kino group - we like it very much
Alteration of the song of the Lube group - everyone sinned by altering this song
Silly parody of the hit from the musical "Notre Dame de Paris"
Scenarios KVN
The script in KVN is a soft concept. And not only because it exists on paper. Under the influence of editors, the script sometimes changes beyond recognition.
Greeting text of the KVN team “On your own wave” - I highly recommend
A business card is a competition that happens in every KVN. Business card scripts are always needed!
Classic numbered homework with an entertainer in verse.
Big musical number about fixed-route taxis in Ryazan. I always went "with a bang."
Student life is always associated with humor. Today there are both old jokes and new series about it. Students are strange people. They want to gain knowledge, but they don't want to learn. They want to have fun, but they have no money at all. It is these paradoxes that make us smile. Therefore, funny jokes about students for KVN will always be fashionable in our society.
Funny jokes about students
Here are the most interesting jokes about student life, which is full of surprises. Watch funny reprises and smile at the difficulties faced by those who decide to gnaw at the granite of science.
Students go to cheap supermarkets not because they have little money, but because they need to study the future place of work in advance;
God loves trinity. Therefore, two pairs are equal to the output;
When a student is silent on an exam, he is not stupid. But he simply does not want to be overly intrusive;
One student was so often in class that even at night he slept sitting and in his clothes;
To write a unique abstract, a normal student resorts to his own mind or opens the second page of a search engine;
A real student first passes, and only then asks what exactly he passed;
Russian students have such a small scholarship that when they get a job distributing leaflets after university, they feel like oligarchs.
Jokes about students at KVN
KVN is a student game. Although people of almost all ages play it today. That is why there is never complete without humor about students. And here is a small list of jokes about how ordinary residents of hostels live.
Getting a diploma is like the abolition of serfdom. Previously, you lived poorly, but in slavery, and now you can die freely;
You don't have to protect me. I can handle it myself! That's what a decent diploma should say;
Yes, I have to study for the exam, but the cat won't play with itself either;
If a history teacher spins “Two comrades served”, then this is clearly not good;
The signature of the teacher in the student's record book automatically erases all information about the subject from memory;
Univer is like an army. Only eat and sleep give a little less;
The student's favorite scientific law is probability theory. It is with the help of it that most of the exams are passed.
How to write a joke about students?
Student life is quite a humorous sphere. And you can make jokes about her yourself. Just remember the main attributes of this life and try to make them laugh.
In particular, students like to skip couples. From this you can come up with such a joke: “A good couple is like sex. Abstinence only increases desire” or something like that.
If you yourself were a student, are one or plan to be, then you can try to pick up something topical for your situation. In particular, a school graduate can joke like this: “An applicant is like a recidivist. He stomped his will for a couple of months and for a second term.
The main thing is to be able to see humor in different things and think positively. Then you won't need other people's jokes. You'll just be great at writing your own. And this is the main quality of every person who decides to do humor.
We have in KVN.
Performance of the student team of KVN.
1st comes out, reads the letter.
1st. To the village of grandfather ... My dear grandfather, Konstantin Makarych! Your grandson Vanka Zhukov is writing to you. The second year I study at the university, and the second year I beg you tearfully: take me away! Everything would be fine, no one bothers, and they give me sleep, one thing is bad: the session is already twice a year. And then, dear grandfather, just drop everything and run wherever your eyes look: either exams, or tests, or whatever they think of. I don’t have my urine to endure all this, I want to see you on a warm stove. And yesterday I had a scolding: they ordered me to go to KVN to play, sing and dance! And I'm all in you, dear grandfather, - no hearing, no voice, well, I refused. And the guys got angry, threatened to beat me, but the rector stood up, looked at me carefully and said that I was very suitable for KVN - funny. So he wrote on his student card: "Good."
The melody of the song "Border" sounds. Behind the scenes, a shout: “Line up! March to the stage!" The KVN crewmen enter the stage like a “train”: some with a guitar, some with an accordion, some with suitcases and bags.
All (sing to the tune of the song "Border"). They took it, guys, right without the military registration and enlistment office,
They took it to KVN and jokingly gave it to them!
Forgive me, grandfather, but I will not come to you,
After all, I have to play like everyone else!
There is no limit for you here
We have a place to fight!
Let's play KVN
We are not for medals!
We will play in KVN not for medals -
Spectators so that in the hall they are not tired of clapping.
The girl will come, she will cry from laughter,
He will say: "Cool, dear!"
It's good that KVN came to our city -
Instead of cigarettes and beer instead.
We will play, start KVN,
Sing and dance, light up the hall.
Just like everyone else, ignite KVN.
Just like everyone else!
Let's play KVN
It will become more fun.
There is no limit for you here!
Here the students face!
2nd. Welcome to the KVN team... (name of the institute).
1st. Guys, we are students! And they started KVN just like the military! (Sings.) The locomotive will rush straight to the border!
3rd. You do not understand anything, this is a greeting. We must tell the jury and the audience about ourselves, about our university.
1st. And what do we say with this song?
2nd. Well, at least the fact that our university has a military department and after graduation we become reserve officers.
3rd. By the way, guys, do you know that there is no club of cheerful and resourceful people in the army?
1st. Why?
4th. Because the cheerful sit on the lip, and the resourceful are at home.
2nd. By the way, being resourceful is great. Resourcefulness is always needed, especially for us students.
Musical beat.
All (sing to the tune of the song “Cool you got on TV”). In a provincial town
We lived with you.
We went to study
Leaving home.
In our beloved town
Suddenly a branch opened.
"Super! - together we said. -
You hit and I hit!
Cool we got with you
To this university
And I'm proud of my university!
Make your choice, don't be shy
Be bold!
There is no better university, believe me!
1st. Here you grow years
Here are 17 for you.
Where do you study then
What to do?
2nd. I want to be an economist.
3rd. And I'm a great programmer.
4th. I dream of being an engineer.
1st. I am in charge of business.
Together. All these specialties
Available at our university.
2nd. To our city from distant countries
Everyone is in a hurry to join us!
Chukcha, Negro and New Russian come out.
Chukchi(sings to the motive of the song "I'll take you to the tundra"). Ride on reindeer for a long time
And I came here.
I want to study at university
We will be one family.
For fewer jokes
They wrote about me
I will learn all the sciences
Even though I'm a Chukchi, my friends!
Chorus. We will pass, we will rush through the outskirts and the center,
And I, however, will live a student life.
I'll go to the disco, go to concerts,
I'll take a young townswoman to my place in the tundra!
Black person(sings to the tune of the song "Chocolate Bunny"). I was a chocolate hare
But I wanted to learn
And from Africa to your city
Just picked up and flew.
I told you "Happy New Year"
"Go to hell!" - I said.
Your director laughed
And he took me as a student.
And now I'm at the institute -
That's how good I am!
I will study well
I am an example and a model.
Lectures, of course,
Very strictly visit,
And then at recess
I will sing and dance.
I will be a student here
cool intellectual,
Beautiful for everything! Ooo!
Oh dear Africa
I miss you,
But I feel good here! Ooo!
New Russian (sings to the tune of the song "If I were a Sultan"). "If I were a Sultan" -
I used to sing.
I became a new Russian -
Better than the Sultan!
I have a villa
I have two companies
But I decided it was time
Learn me.
In your university, specifically, keep in mind
I will come to learn different sciences.
1st. Students are different.
2nd. So after all now without education anywhere! And not only young people understand this, but also our grandmothers.
New Russian grandmothers are coming out.
flower (shouting). But for whom are hot pies, with apples, with cabbage?
Matryona. What are you, Flower, in trade, or something, leaned?
Flower. And where to go? They bought a computer for their grandson - an abyss of how much money it costs! I gave away all my savings. But now everything is there: both the sprinter, and the motor, that is, the monitor, and the mouse.
Matryona (jumps up). How is the mouse? Ah, fathers, did you bring it with you?
Flower. The mouse is white from the computer, darkness! I have no time to talk to you, I need to feed my grandson. In the morning I ran away - did not have breakfast.
Matryona (sarcastically). Well, what does our two-meter baby eat? What is his menu for today?
Flower. Yes, as usual, nothing special. A saucepan of cabbage soup, about seven cutlets, a bowl of salad, pancakes, three liters of compote, twelve kilograms of watermelon.
Matryona. With such an appetite only in culinary studies, everything cooked to try. Why did you choose this institute?
Flower. He himself chose the granddaughters, and how he chose - this is a separate song.
The 5th comes out, sings to the melody "How my mother wanted me."
5th. How my mother wanted me
In vocational school to teach to give.
But I'm afraid, brothers,
To meddle in the vocational school.
Oh, don't give me away mother!
How my mother wanted me
Give to the polytechnic
So that later I'm like
Was at the machine shop.
Oh, don't give me away mother!
How my mother wanted me
Give it to medical school.
I'm from school
Oh, I'm afraid of injections.
Oh, don't give me away mother!
How my mother wanted me
Give to the agricultural technical school,
For me to be the first
A guy in the countryside.
Oh, don't give me away mother!
Mother was tormented with me
We have lost our peace.
Okay, there is a uni!
I'll be a great engineer!
Oh, give me mother!
3rd. And we continue our speech and now we will talk about what excites our youth.
4th. Like what? Our studies, profession, our future.
Verka Serduchka and Glucose enter the stage.
Serduchka (points to student). And this is your choice, daughter? Nightmare! Oh, this modern youth, and especially your youth fashion!
(Sings to the tune of the song “I wanted a groom”.) I told you so many times:
What do you wear to the disco?
It's just atas!
Well, what kind of jeans, what kind of T-shirt,
What a stupid joke!
Nice guy from you
I swear I will run away!
Run away, run away. You're just a fool!
Glucose. You are behind the fashion, mom,
Almost a thousand years!
And I'm so stylish -
One for the entire department.
And I'm dressed very cool
Don't talk nonsense!
And I'm a great guy
Of course I will.
I will find - doo-doo, I already know!
Together. I wanted a groom!
Glucose. Here I dressed up
La-la-la-la-la!
Together. I wanted a groom!
Serduchka. Here I was stunned
La-la-la-la-la!
1st. Complete misunderstanding!
2nd. The eternal problem of fathers and children!
3rd(corrects). Daughters and mothers!
4th. What's the difference! It's just that parents forget that they were children too. They ran through puddles, got deuces, disappeared at dances and, of course, played ...
All. In KVN!
5th. Come on, Aunt Vera!
Serduchka (sings to the tune of the song "Over the Four Seas"). I remember I played KVN!
And many years have passed since then.
Now play and you, student!
I believe that everything will be fine with us.
