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Comic stories for children. Funny Stories for Kids: Best Reading Options

Comic stories for children. Funny Stories for Kids: Best Reading Options

04.05.2019

A funny story about a harmful liar schoolgirl Ninochka. A story for younger schoolchildren and middle school age.

Harmful Ninka Kukushkina. Author: Irina Pivovarova

Once Katya and Manechka went out into the yard, and there Ninka Kukushkina was sitting on a bench in a brand new brown school dress, a brand new black apron and a very white collar (Ninka was a first grader, she boasted that she was studying for fives, and she herself was a loser) and Kostya Palkin in a green cowboy shirt, sandals on bare feet and a blue cap with a large visor.

Ninka enthusiastically lied to Kostya that she had met a real hare in the forest in the summer, and this hare was so delighted to Ninka that he immediately climbed into her arms and did not want to get off. Then Ninka brought him home, and the hare lived with them for a whole month, drinking milk from a saucer and guarding the house.

Kostya listened to Ninka with half an ear. Stories about hares didn't bother him. Yesterday he received a letter from his parents saying that perhaps in a year they would take him to Africa, where they now lived and built a milk canning plant, and Kostya sat and thought about what he would take with him.

"Don't forget the fishing rod," thought Kostya. Yes, more guns. Winchester. Or a double shot."

Just then Katya and Manechka came up.

- What's this! - said Katya, after listening to the end of the "hare" story. - This is nothing! Think rabbit! Hares are rubbish! A real goat has been living on our balcony for a whole year now. My name is Aglaya Sidorovna.

"Aha," said Manechka. "Aglaya Sidorovna." She came to visit us from Kozodoevsk. We have been eating goat's milk for a long time.

"Exactly," said Katya. "Such a kind goat!" She brought us so much! Ten packets of nuts in chocolate, twenty cans of condensed goat milk, thirty packs of Yubileinoye cookies, and she herself does not eat anything but cranberry jelly, soup with beans and vanilla crackers!

“I’ll buy a double-barreled shotgun,” Kostya said respectfully.

- To make the milk smell good.

- They lie! They don't have any goats! Ninka got angry. "Don't listen, Kostya!" You know them!

- Still as it is! She sleeps in the basket at night in the fresh air. And sunbathing during the day.

- Liars! Liars! If a goat lived on your balcony, it would bleat all over the yard!

- Who bleated? For what? - asked Kostya, having managed to plunge into thoughts, to take or not to take aunt's loto to Africa.

- She bleats. Soon you will hear for yourself ... And now let's play hide and seek?

"Let's go," Kostya said.

And Kostya began to drive, and Manya, Katya and Ninka ran to hide. Suddenly, a loud goat bleating was heard in the yard. It was Manechka who ran home and bleated from the balcony:

- Be-ee... Me-ee...

Ninka crawled out of the hole behind the bushes in surprise.

— Kostya! Listen!

"Well, yes, it's bleating," said Kostya. "I told you...

And Manya backed for the last time and ran to help out.

Now Ninka drove.

This time, Katya and Manechka ran home together and began to bleat from the balcony. And then they went down and, as if nothing had happened, ran to help out.

“Listen, you really have a goat! - said Kostya. - What did you hide before?

She's not real, she's not real! shouted Ninka.

- Here's another, groovy! Yes, she reads books with us, counts to ten, and even knows how to talk like a human being. Here we go and ask her, and you stand here, listen.

Katya and Manya ran home, sat down behind the balcony bars and bleated in one voice:

— Ma-a-ma! Ma-a-ma!

- Well, how? - Katya leaned out. - Do you like it?

"Just think about it," said Nina. “Mom” any fool can say. Let me read a poem.

“I’ll ask you now,” Manya said, squatted down and shouted to the whole yard:

Our Tanya is crying loudly:

Dropped a ball into the river.

Hush, Tanechka, don't cry:

The ball will not sink in the river.

The old women on the benches shook their heads in bewilderment, and Sima, the janitor, who at that time was diligently sweeping the yard, became alert and raised her head.

“Well, is it great, really?” Katya said.

- Awesome! Ninka made a sly face. “But I can’t hear anything. Ask your goat to read poetry louder.

Here Manechka yells like a good obscenity. And since Manya had a voice that was just right, and when Manya tried, she could roar so that the walls shook, it is not surprising that after the rhyme about the whining Tanechka, people's heads began to protrude out of all the windows indignantly, and Matvey Semenycheva Alpha, who at this time ran in the yard, barked deafeningly.

And the janitor Sima ... There is no need to talk about her! Her relationship with the Skovorodkin children was not the best. They Sime was fed up with their antics to death.

Therefore, having heard inhuman cries from the balcony of the eighteenth apartment, Sima rushed straight into the entrance with her broom and began to beat her fists on the door of the eighteenth apartment.

And the most mischievous Ninka, pleased that she managed to teach Pan so well, after looking at the angry Sim, sweetly said as if nothing had happened:

Well done your goat! Great poetry reading! And now I'm going to read something to her.

And, dancing and sticking out her tongue, but not forgetting to adjust the blue nylon bow on her head, the cunning, mischievous Ninka squealed very disgustingly.

Notebooks in the rain

At recess, Marik says to me:

Let's get out of class. Look how good it is outside!

What if Aunt Dasha delays with briefcases?

Throw your briefcases out the window.

We looked out the window: near the wall it was dry, and a little further away there was a huge puddle. Don't throw your portfolios into the puddle! We removed the straps from our trousers, tied them together, and carefully lowered our briefcases over them. At this time, the bell rang. The teacher entered. I had to sit down. The lesson has begun. Rain poured outside the window. Marik writes me a note: "Our notebooks are gone"

I answer him: "Our notebooks are gone"

He writes to me: "What shall we do?"

I answer him: "What are we going to do?"

Suddenly they call me to the blackboard.

I can’t, I say, I can go to the blackboard.

“How, - I think, - to go without a belt?”

Go, go, I will help you, - says the teacher.

You don't need to help me.

Did you happen to get sick?

I'm sick, I say.

How about homework?

Good with homework.

The teacher comes up to me.

Well, show me your notebook.

What's going on with you?

You'll have to put in a two.

He opens the magazine and gives me a F, and I think about my notebook, which is now getting wet in the rain.

The teacher gave me a deuce and calmly says this:

You are strange today...

How I sat under the desk

Only the teacher turned away to the blackboard, and I once - and under the desk. When the teacher notices that I have disappeared, he will be terribly surprised, probably.

I wonder what he'll think? He will ask everyone where I have gone - that will be laughter! Half a lesson has already passed, and I'm still sitting. “When, I think, will he see that I am not in the class?” And it's hard to sit under the desk. My back even hurt. Try to sit like this! I coughed - no attention. I can't sit anymore. Moreover, Seryozhka pokes me in the back with his foot all the time. I couldn't stand it. Didn't make it to the end of the lesson. I get out and say:

Excuse me, Pyotr Petrovich...

The teacher asks:

What's the matter? Do you want to board?

No, excuse me, I was sitting under the desk...

Well, how comfortable to sit there, under the desk? You were very quiet today. That's the way it's always been in class.

When Goga started going to first grade, he knew only two letters: O - a circle and T - a hammer. And that's it. I didn't know any other letters. And he couldn't read.

Grandmother tried to teach him, but he immediately came up with a trick:

Now, now, granny, I'll wash the dishes for you.

And he immediately ran to the kitchen to wash the dishes. And the old grandmother forgot about her studies and even bought him gifts for helping with the household. And Gogin's parents were on a long business trip and hoped for a grandmother. And of course, they did not know that their son had not yet learned to read. But Goga often washed the floor and dishes, went for bread, and his grandmother praised him in every possible way in letters to his parents. And read aloud to him. And Goga, sitting comfortably on the sofa, listened with his eyes closed. “Why should I learn to read,” he reasoned, “if my grandmother reads aloud to me.” He didn't even try.

And in class, he dodged as best he could.

The teacher tells him:

Read it right here.

He pretended to read, and he himself told from memory what his grandmother read to him. The teacher stopped him. To the laughter of the class, he said:

If you want, I'd better close the window so that it doesn't blow.

I'm so dizzy that I'm probably about to fall...

He pretended so skillfully that one day his teacher sent him to the doctor. The doctor asked:

How is your health?

Bad, - said Goga.

What hurts?

Well then go to class.

Because nothing hurts you.

How do you know?

How do you know that? the doctor laughed. And he lightly pushed Goga to the exit. Goga never pretended to be sick again, but he continued to evade.

And the efforts of classmates did not lead to anything. First, Masha, an excellent student, was attached to him.

Let's study seriously, - Masha told him.

When? Goga asked.

Yeah right now.

Now I will come, - said Goga.

And he left and didn't come back.

Then Grisha, an excellent student, was attached to him. They stayed in the classroom. But as soon as Grisha opened the primer, Goga reached under the desk.

Where are you going? - asked Grisha.

Come here, - called Goga.

And here no one will interfere with us.

Yah you! - Grisha, of course, was offended and immediately left.

No one else was attached to him.

As time went. He dodged.

Gogin's parents arrived and found that their son could not read a single line. The father grabbed his head, and the mother grabbed the book that she brought to her child.

Now every evening, - she said, - I will read aloud this wonderful book to my son.

Grandma said:

Yes, yes, I also read interesting books aloud to Gogochka every evening.

But the father said:

You really shouldn't have done it. Our Gogochka has grown lazy to such an extent that he cannot read a single line. I ask everyone to leave for the meeting.

And dad, along with grandma and mom, left for a meeting. And Goga was at first worried about the meeting, and then calmed down when his mother began to read to him from a new book. And even dangled his legs with pleasure and almost spat on the carpet.

But he didn't know what the meeting was! What did they decide!

So Mom read him a page and a half after the meeting. And he, dangling his legs, naively imagined that this would continue to continue. But when mom stopped at the most interesting place, he became worried again.

And when she handed him the book, he became even more excited.

He immediately suggested:

Come on, Mommy, I'll wash the dishes.

And he ran to wash the dishes.

He ran to his father.

The father strictly told him never to make such requests to him again.

He slipped the book to his grandmother, but she yawned and dropped it from her hands. He picked up the book from the floor and gave it back to his grandmother. But she again dropped it from her hands. No, she had never fallen asleep so quickly in her chair before! “Is it really,” thought Goga, “is she sleeping, or was she instructed at the meeting to pretend? Goga pulled her, shook her, but grandmother did not even think of waking up.

In desperation, he sat down on the floor and looked at the pictures. But from the pictures it was difficult to understand what was going on there.

He brought the book to class. But classmates refused to read to him. Even more than that: Masha immediately left, and Grisha defiantly crawled under the desk.

Goga stuck to a high school student, but he flicked his nose and laughed.

That's what a home meeting means!

That's what the public means!

He soon read the whole book and many other books, but out of habit he never forgot to go out for bread, wash the floor or wash the dishes.

That's what's interesting!

Who is surprised

Tanya is not surprised by anything. She always says: "That's not surprising!" Even if it's surprising. Yesterday, in front of everyone, I jumped over such a puddle ... No one could jump over, but I jumped over! Everyone was surprised, except Tanya.

“Think! So what? It's not surprising!"

I tried my best to surprise her. But he couldn't be surprised. No matter how much I tried.

I hit a sparrow from a slingshot.

He learned to walk on his hands, to whistle with one finger in his mouth.

She saw it all. But she wasn't surprised.

I tried my best. What I didn't do! He climbed trees, walked without a hat in winter ...

She wasn't surprised at all.

And one day I just went out into the yard with a book. Sat down on a bench. And began to read.

I didn't even see Tanya. And she says:

Marvelous! That would not have thought! He reads!

Prize

We made the original costumes - no one else will have them! I will be a horse, and Vovka a knight. The only bad thing is that he should ride me and not me on him. And all because I'm a little younger. True, we agreed with him: he will not ride me all the time. He rides me a little, and then he gets down and leads behind him, like horses are led by the bridle. And so we went to the carnival. They came to the club in ordinary costumes, and then changed and went out into the hall. I mean, we moved in. I crawled on all fours. And Vovka was sitting on my back. True, Vovka helped me - he touched the floor with his feet. But it still wasn't easy for me.

And I haven't seen anything yet. I was wearing a horse mask. I couldn't see anything at all, even though there were holes in the mask for the eyes. But they were somewhere on the forehead. I crawled in the dark.

Bumped into someone's legs. He ran into a convoy twice. Sometimes I shook my head, then the mask moved out, and I saw the light. But for a moment. And then it's dark again. I couldn't keep shaking my head!

I saw the light for a moment. And Vovka didn’t see anything at all. And all the time he asked me what was ahead. And asked to crawl more carefully. And so I crawled carefully. I didn't see anything myself. How could I know what was ahead! Someone stepped on my arm. I stopped right now. And he refused to move on. I told Vovka:

Enough. Get off.

Vovka probably liked the ride, and he didn't want to get off. He said it's still early. But still he got down, took me by the bridle, and I crawled on. Now it was easier for me to crawl, although I still could not see anything.

I offered to take off the masks and look at the carnival, and then put on the masks again. But Vovka said:

Then we will be recognized.

It's probably fun here, - I said. - Only we don't see anything ...

But Vovka walked in silence. He was determined to endure to the end. Get first prize.

My knees hurt. I said:

I will now sit on the floor.

Can horses sit? - said Vovka. - You're crazy! You are a horse!

I am not a horse, I said. You are a horse yourself.

No, you're a horse, - answered Vovka. - Otherwise we won't get a bonus.

So be it, - I said. - I'm tired.

Be patient, - said Vovka.

I crawled up to the wall, leaned against it and sat on the floor.

You are sitting? - asked Vovka.

I'm sitting, I said.

Well, okay, - Vovka agreed. - You can still sit on the floor. Just don't sit on a chair. Do you understand? A horse - and suddenly on a chair! ..

Music blared all around, laughing.

I asked:

Will it end soon?

Be patient, - said Vovka, - probably soon ...

Vovka also could not stand it. Sat on the sofa. I sat next to him. Then Vovka fell asleep on the couch. And I fell asleep too.

Then they woke us up and gave us a prize.

In the closet

Before class, I climbed into the closet. I wanted to meow from the closet. They'll think it's a cat, but it's me.

I sat in the closet, waited for the start of the lesson and did not notice myself how I fell asleep.

I wake up - the class is quiet. I look through the crack - no one is there. He pushed the door, and it was closed. So I slept through the whole lesson. Everyone went home, and they locked me in the closet.

Stuffy in the closet and dark as night. I was scared, I started screaming:

Eee! I'm in the closet! Help!

Listened - silence all around.

ABOUT! Comrades! I'm in the closet!

I hear someone's steps. Someone is coming.

Who is yelling here?

I immediately recognized Aunt Nyusha, the cleaner.

I rejoiced, I shout:

Aunt Nyusha, I'm here!

Where are you, dear?

I'm in the closet! In the closet!

How did you, dear, get there?

I'm in the closet, grandma!

So I hear that you're in the closet. So what do you want?

I was locked in a closet. Oh, grandma!

Aunt Nyusha left. Silence again. She must have gone for the key.

Pal Palych tapped on the cabinet with his finger.

There is no one there, - said Pal Palych.

How not. Yes, - said Aunt Nyusha.

Well, where is he? - said Pal Palych and knocked again on the cabinet.

I was afraid that everyone would leave, I would stay in the closet, and I shouted with all my might:

I'm here!

Who are you? asked Pal Palych.

I... Tsypkin...

Why did you climb up there, Tsypkin?

They locked me up... I didn't get in...

Um... He's locked up! But he didn't get in! Did you see? What wizards in our school! They do not climb into the closet while they are locked in the closet. Miracles don't happen, do you hear, Tsypkin?

How long have you been sitting there? asked Pal Palych.

Don't know...

Find the key, - said Pal Palych. - Fast.

Aunt Nyusha went for the key, but Pal Palych remained. He sat down on a chair nearby and waited. I saw his face through the crack. He was very angry. He lit up and said:

Well! That's where the prank comes in. Tell me honestly: why are you in the closet?

I really wanted to disappear from the closet. They open the closet, but I'm not there. As if I had never been there. They will ask me: “Were you in the closet?” I'll say, "I didn't." They will say to me: “Who was there?” I'll say, "I don't know."

But that only happens in fairy tales! Surely tomorrow mom will be called ... Your son, they will say, climbed into the closet, slept there all the lessons, and all that ... as if it’s comfortable for me to sleep here! My legs hurt, my back hurts. One pain! What was my answer?

I was silent.

Are you alive there? asked Pal Palych.

Well, sit down, they will open soon ...

I am sitting...

So ... - said Pal Palych. - So you will answer me, why did you climb into this closet?

Who? Tsypkin? In the closet? Why?

I wanted to disappear again.

The director asked:

Tsypkin, are you?

I sighed heavily. I just couldn't answer anymore.

Aunt Nyusha said:

The class leader took the key.

Break open the door, - said the director.

I felt the door being broken - the closet shook, I hit my forehead painfully. I was afraid that the cabinet would fall, and I cried. I rested my hands on the walls of the closet, and when the door gave way and opened, I continued to stand in the same way.

Well, come out, - said the director. And tell us what that means.

I didn't move. I was scared.

Why is he worth it? the director asked.

They took me out of the closet.

I was silent all the time.

I didn't know what to say.

I just wanted to meow. But how would I put it...

carousel in the head

By the end of the school year, I asked my father to buy me a two-wheeled bicycle, a battery-powered submachine gun, a battery-powered airplane, a flying helicopter, and table hockey.

I so want to have these things! - I said to my father. - They are constantly spinning in my head like a carousel, and this makes my head spin so much that it is difficult to stay on my feet.

Hold on, - said the father, - do not fall and write all these things on a piece of paper for me so that I do not forget.

But why write, they already sit firmly in my head.

Write, - said the father, - it doesn't cost you anything.

In general, it costs nothing, - I said, - just an extra hassle. - And I wrote in large letters on the whole sheet:

WILISAPET

GUN-GUN

VIRTALET

Then I thought about it and decided to write “ice cream” again, went to the window, looked at the sign opposite and added:

ICE CREAM

Father read and says:

I'll buy you ice cream for now, and wait for the rest.

I thought he had no time now, and I ask:

Until what time?

Until better times.

Until what?

Until next year ends.

Yes, because the letters in your head are spinning like a carousel, this makes you dizzy, and the words are not on their feet.

It's like words have legs!

And I've already bought ice cream a hundred times.

Betball

Today you should not go outside - today is a game ... - said dad mysteriously, looking out the window.

Which? I asked from behind my father's back.

Wetball, - he answered even more mysteriously and put me on the windowsill.

A-ah-ah ... - I drawled.

Apparently, dad guessed that I did not understand anything, and began to explain.

Vetball is football, only trees play it, and the wind is driven instead of the ball. We say - a hurricane or a storm, and they are a wetball. Look how the birch trees rustled - they are giving them poplars ... Wow! How they swayed - it is clear that they conceded a goal, they could not hold the wind with branches ... Well, another pass! Dangerous moment...

Dad spoke just like a real commentator, and I, spellbound, looked out into the street and thought that vetball would probably give 100 points ahead to any football, basketball and even handball! Although I didn't fully understand the meaning of the latter...

Breakfast

Actually, I love breakfast. Especially if mom cooks sausage or cheese sandwiches instead of porridge. But sometimes you want something unusual. For example, today or yesterday. I once asked my mother for today, but she looked at me in surprise and offered an afternoon snack.

No, - I say, - I would just like today. Well, or yesterday, at worst ...

Yesterday there was soup for lunch ... - Mom was confused. - Would you like to warm up?

In general, I did not understand anything.

And I myself don’t really understand how these today’s and yesterday’s look and what they taste like. Maybe yesterday's people really do taste like yesterday's soup. But what then is the taste of today? Probably something today. Breakfast, for example. On the other hand, why are breakfasts so called? Well, that is, if according to the rules, then breakfast should be called today, because they cooked it for me today and I will eat it today. Now, if I leave it for tomorrow, then it's a completely different matter. Although no. After all, tomorrow it will become yesterday.

So would you like porridge or soup? she asked carefully.

How the boy Yasha ate badly

Yasha was good to everyone, he just ate badly. All the time with concerts. Either mom sings to him, or dad shows tricks. And he gets along:

- Don't want.

Mom says:

- Yasha, eat porridge.

- Don't want.

Papa says:

- Yasha, drink juice!

- Don't want.

Mom and dad got tired of persuading him every time. And then my mother read in one scientific pedagogical book that children should not be persuaded to eat. It is necessary to put a plate of porridge in front of them and wait for them to get hungry and eat everything.

They put, put plates in front of Yasha, but he does not eat and does not eat anything. He doesn't eat meatballs, soup, or porridge. He became thin and dead, like a straw.

-Yasha, eat porridge!

- Don't want.

- Yasha, eat soup!

- Don't want.

Previously, his pants were hard to fasten, but now he dangled completely freely in them. It was possible to launch another Yasha into these pants.

And then one day a strong wind blew. And Yasha played on the site. He was very light, and the wind rolled him around the site. Rolled up to the wire mesh fence. And there Yasha got stuck.

So he sat, pressed against the fence by the wind, for an hour.

Mom calls:

- Yasha, where are you? Go home with the soup to suffer.

But he doesn't go. He is not even heard. He not only became dead himself, but his voice became dead. Nothing is heard that he squeaks there.

And he squeaks:

- Mom, take me away from the fence!

Mom began to worry - where did Yasha go? Where to look for it? Yasha is not seen and not heard.

Dad said this:

- I think our Yasha was rolled away somewhere by the wind. Come on, mom, we'll take the pot of soup out onto the porch. The wind will blow and the smell of soup will bring to Yasha. On this delicious smell, he will crawl.

So they did. They carried the pot of soup out onto the porch. The wind carried the smell to Yasha.

As soon as Yasha smelled the smell of delicious soup, he immediately crawled to the smell. Because he was cold, he lost a lot of strength.

He crawled, crawled, crawled for half an hour. But he reached his goal. He came to the kitchen to his mother and how he immediately eats a whole pot of soup! How to eat three cutlets at once! How to drink three glasses of compote!

Mom was amazed. She didn't even know whether to be happy or upset. She says:

- Yasha, if you eat like this every day, I won’t have enough food.

Yasha reassured her:

– No, Mom, I don’t eat so much every day. I correct past mistakes. I bubu, like all children, eat well. I'm a completely different boy.

I wanted to say "I will", but he got "boob". Do you know why? Because his mouth was full of apples. He couldn't stop.

Since then, Yasha has been eating well.

secrets

Are you good at secrets?

If you don't know how, I will teach you.

Take a clean piece of glass and dig a hole in the ground. Put a candy wrapper in the hole, and on the candy wrapper - everything that you have beautiful.

You can put a stone, a fragment of a plate, a bead, a bird's feather, a ball (you can use glass, you can use metal).

You can use an acorn or an acorn cap.

Maybe a multi-colored piece.

It can be a flower, a leaf, or even just grass.

Maybe real candy.

You can elderberry, dry beetle.

You can even eraser, if it is beautiful.

Yes, you can have another button if it's shiny.

Here you go. Have you put it down?

Now cover it all with glass and cover it with earth. And then slowly clear the ground with your finger and look into the hole ... You know how beautiful it will be! I made a “secret”, remembered the place and left.

The next day my "secret" was gone. Someone dug it up. Some bully.

I made a "secret" in another place. And they dug it up again!

Then I decided to track down who was doing this business ... And of course, this person turned out to be Pavlik Ivanov, who else ?!

Then I again made a "secret" and put a note in it:

"Pavlik Ivanov, you are a fool and a bully."

An hour later, the note was gone. Peacock did not look into my eyes.

Well, did you read it? I asked Pavlik.

I didn’t read anything,” Pavlik said. - You're a fool yourself.

Composition

One day we were told to write an essay in class on the topic “I help my mother.”

I took a pen and began to write:

"I always help my mom. I sweep the floor and wash the dishes. Sometimes I wash handkerchiefs.”

I didn't know what to write anymore. I looked at Lucy. That's what she wrote in her notebook.

Then I remembered that I washed my stockings once, and wrote:

“I also wash stockings and socks.”

I didn't really know what to write anymore. But you can’t hand over such a short essay!

Then I added:

“I also wash T-shirts, shirts and shorts.”

I looked around. Everyone wrote and wrote. I wonder what they write about? You might think that they help mom from morning to night!

And the lesson didn't end. And I had to keep going.

“I also wash dresses, mine and my mother’s, napkins and a bedspread.”

And the lesson never ended. And I wrote:

“I also love washing curtains and tablecloths.”

And then the bell finally rang!

I got a "five". The teacher read my essay aloud. She said that she liked my composition the most. And that she will read it at the parent-teacher meeting.

I asked my mother very much not to go to the parent meeting. I said that my throat hurts. But my mother told my father to give me hot milk with honey and went to school.

The following conversation took place at breakfast the next morning.

Mom: And you know, Syoma, it turns out that our daughter writes compositions wonderfully!

Dad: It doesn't surprise me. She has always been good at writing.

Mom: No, really! I'm not kidding, Vera Evstigneevna praises her. She was very pleased that our daughter loves to wash curtains and tablecloths.

Dad: What?!

Mom: Really, Syoma, is it wonderful? - Turning to me: - Why have you never admitted this to me before?

I was shy, I said. - I thought you wouldn't let me.

Well, what are you! Mom said. - Don't be shy, please! Wash our curtains today. It's good that I don't have to haul them to the laundry!

I goggled my eyes. The curtains were huge. Ten times I could wrap myself in them! But it was too late to retreat.

I washed the curtains piece by piece. While I was lathering one piece, the other was completely washed out. I'm just tired of these pieces! Then I rinsed the curtains in the bathroom piece by piece. When I finished squeezing one piece, water from neighboring pieces was again poured into it.

Then I climbed onto a stool and began to hang the curtains on a rope.

Well, that was the worst! While I was pulling one piece of the curtain onto the rope, the other fell to the floor. And in the end, the whole curtain fell to the floor, and I fell on it from the stool.

I became quite wet - at least squeeze it out.

The curtain had to be dragged back into the bathroom. But the floor in the kitchen shone like new.

Water was pouring from the curtains all day.

I put all the pots and pans we had under the curtains. Then she put the kettle on the floor, three bottles, and all the cups and saucers. But water still flooded the kitchen.

Oddly enough, my mother was pleased.

You did a great job washing the curtains! - said my mother, walking around the kitchen in galoshes. I didn't know you were so capable! Tomorrow you will wash the tablecloth...

What is my head thinking

If you think that I am a good student, you are wrong. I study hard. For some reason, everyone thinks that I am capable, but lazy. I don't know if I'm capable or not. But only I know for sure that I'm not lazy. I sit on tasks for three hours.

Here, for example, now I'm sitting and I want to solve the problem with all my might. And she does not dare. I tell my mom

Mom, I can't do it.

Don't be lazy, says mom. - Think carefully, and everything will work out. Just think carefully!

She's leaving on business. And I take my head with both hands and say to her:

Think head. Think carefully… “Two pedestrians went from point A to point B…” Head, why don't you think? Well, head, well, think, please! Well, what are you worth!

A cloud floats outside the window. It is as light as fluff. Here it stopped. No, it floats on.

Head, what are you thinking? Aren `t you ashamed!!! “Two pedestrians went from point A to point B ...” Luska, probably, also left. She is already walking. If she had approached me first, I would have forgiven her, of course. But is she suitable, such a pest ?!

"...From point A to point B..." No, it won't fit. On the contrary, when I go out into the yard, she will take Lena by the arm and will whisper with her. Then she will say: "Len, come to me, I have something." They will leave, and then they will sit on the windowsill and laugh and gnaw on seeds.

“... Two pedestrians went from point A to point B ...” And what will I do? .. And then I will call Kolya, Petka and Pavlik to play rounders. And what will she do? Yeah, she'll put on a Three Fat Men record. Yes, so loudly that Kolya, Petka and Pavlik will hear and run to ask her to let them listen. They listened a hundred times, everything is not enough for them! And then Lyuska will close the window, and they will all listen to the record there.

"... From point A to point ... to point ..." And then I'll take it and shoot something right into her window. Glass - ding! - and shatter. Let him know.

So. I'm tired of thinking. Think do not think - the task does not work. Just awful, what a difficult task! I'll walk around for a bit and start thinking again.

I closed my book and looked out the window. Lyuska alone was walking in the yard. She jumped into hopscotch. I went outside and sat down on a bench. Lucy didn't even look at me.

Earring! Vitka! Lucy immediately screamed. - Let's go to play bast shoes!

The Karmanov brothers looked out the window.

We have a throat, both brothers said hoarsely. - They won't let us in.

Lena! Lucy screamed. - Linen! Come out!

Instead of Lena, her grandmother looked out and threatened Lyuska with her finger.

Pavlik! Lucy screamed.

Nobody appeared at the window.

Pe-et-ka-ah! Luska perked up.

Girl, what are you yelling at?! Someone's head popped out of the window. - A sick person is not allowed to rest! There is no rest from you! - And the head stuck back into the window.

Luska furtively looked at me and blushed like a cancer. She tugged at her pigtail. Then she took the thread off her sleeve. Then she looked at the tree and said:

Lucy, let's go to the classics.

Come on, I said.

We jumped into the hopscotch and I went home to solve my problem.

As soon as I sat down at the table, my mother came:

Well, what's the problem?

Does not work.

But you've been sitting on it for two hours already! It's just awful what it is! They ask the children some puzzles!.. Well, let's show your problem! Maybe I can do it? I did finish college. So. “Two pedestrians went from point A to point B ...” Wait, wait, this task is familiar to me! Listen, you and your dad decided it last time! I remember perfectly!

How? - I was surprised. - Really? Oh, really, this is the forty-fifth task, and we were given the forty-sixth.

At this, my mother got very angry.

It's outrageous! Mom said. - It's unheard of! This mess! Where is your head?! What is she thinking about?!

About my friend and a little bit about me

Our yard was large. There were a lot of children walking in our yard - both boys and girls. But most of all I loved Lucy. She was my friend. She and I lived in neighboring apartments, and at school we sat at the same desk.

My friend Luska had straight yellow hair. And she had eyes! .. You probably won’t believe what her eyes were. One eye green as grass. And the other is completely yellow, with brown spots!

And my eyes were kind of grey. Well, just grey, that's all. Completely uninteresting eyes! And my hair was stupid - curly and short. And huge freckles on the nose. And in general, everything at Luska was better than mine. It's just that I was taller.

I was awfully proud of it. I really liked it when we were called in the yard "Big Lyuska" and "Lyuska Little".

And suddenly Lucy grew up. And it became unclear which of us is big and which is small.

And then she grew another half a head.

Well, that was too much! I was offended by her, and we stopped walking together in the yard. At school, I didn’t look in her direction, but she didn’t look in mine, and everyone was very surprised and said: “A black cat ran between the Lyuski,” and pestered us why we quarreled.

After school, I now did not go out into the yard. There was nothing for me to do there.

I wandered around the house and did not find a place for myself. In order not to be so bored, I stealthily, from behind the curtain, watched Luska play bast shoes with Pavlik, Petka and the Karmanov brothers.

At lunch and dinner, I now asked for more. I choked, but ate everything ... Every day I pressed the back of my head against the wall and marked my height on it with a red pencil. But strange thing! It turned out that I not only did not grow, but even, on the contrary, decreased by almost two millimeters!

And then summer came, and I went to a pioneer camp.

In the camp, I always remembered Luska and missed her.

And I wrote her a letter.

“Hello, Lucy!

How are you? I'm doing well. We have a lot of fun at camp. We have the River Vorya flowing nearby. It has blue water! And there are shells on the beach. I found a very beautiful shell for you. She is round and has stripes. She'll probably come in handy for you. Lucy, if you want, let's be friends again. Let them now call you big, and me small. I still agree. Please write me an answer.

With pioneer greetings!

Lucy Sinitsyna"

I've been waiting a whole week for an answer. I kept thinking: what if she doesn’t write to me! What if she never wants to be friends with me again! .. And when a letter finally arrived from Luska, I was so happy that my hands even trembled a little.

The letter said this:

“Hello, Lucy!

Thanks, I'm doing well. Yesterday my mother bought me wonderful slippers with a white edging. I also have a new big ball, you will swing right! Hurry up, come, otherwise Pavlik and Petka are such fools, it’s not interesting with them! Don't lose your shell.

With pioneer salute!

Lucy Kositsyna"

On that day, I carried Lucy's blue envelope with me until evening. I told everyone what a wonderful friend Lyuska I have in Moscow.

And when I returned from the camp, Lyuska, along with my parents, met me at the station. She and I rushed to hug ... And then it turned out that I had outgrown Luska by a whole head.

Interesting stories by Viktor Golyavkin for younger students. Stories to read in elementary school. Extracurricular reading in grades 1-4.

Viktor Golyavkin. NOTEBOOKS IN THE RAIN

At recess, Marik says to me:

Let's get out of class. Look how good it is outside!

- What if Aunt Dasha delays with briefcases?

- You need to throw your briefcases out the window.

Our notebooks are gone

I answer him:

Our notebooks are gone

He writes to me:

What we are going to do?

I answer him:

What we are going to do?

Suddenly they call me to the blackboard.

“I can’t,” I say, “I can go to the blackboard.

"How," I think, "to go without a belt?"

“Go, go, I will help you,” the teacher says.

- You don't need to help me.

“Did you get sick by any chance?”

“I got sick,” I say.

- How about homework?

- Good with homework.

The teacher comes up to me.

- Well, show me your notebook.

- What's going on with you?

You'll have to put in a two.

He opens the magazine and gives me a F, and I think about my notebook, which is now getting wet in the rain.

The teacher gave me a deuce and calmly says this:

"You're kind of weird today...

Viktor Golyavkin. THINGS ARE NOT GOING MY WAY

One day I come home from school. On this day, I just got a deuce. I walk around the room and sing. I sing and sing so that no one would think that I got a deuce. And then they will ask again: “Why are you gloomy, why are you thoughtful? »

Father says:

What is he singing like that?

And mom says:

- He must be in a cheerful mood, so he sings.

Father says:

- Probably got an A, that's fun for a man. It's always fun when you do something good.

When I heard this, I sang even louder.

Then the father says:

- Well, Vovka, please your father, show the diary.

At this point, I immediately stopped singing.

- For what? I ask.

“I see,” says the father, “you really want to show the diary.

He takes my diary, sees a deuce there and says:

- Surprisingly, he got a deuce and sings! What, is he crazy? Come on, Vova, come here! Do you happen to have a temperature?

“I don’t have,” I say, “no temperature.”

Father spread his hands and says:

“Then you should be punished for this singing…”

That's how bad luck I am!

Viktor Golyavkin. WHAT'S INTERESTING

When Goga started going to first grade, he knew only two letters: O - a circle and T - a hammer. And that's it. I didn't know any other letters. And he couldn't read.

Grandmother tried to teach him, but he immediately came up with a trick:

“Now, now, granny, I’ll wash the dishes for you.”

And in class, he dodged as best he could.

The teacher tells him:

- Read it right here.

He pretended to read, and he himself told from memory what his grandmother read to him. The teacher stopped him. To the laughter of the class, he said:

- If you want, I'd better close the window so that it doesn't blow.

“I’m so dizzy that I’m probably going to fall now ...

He pretended so skillfully that one day his teacher sent him to the doctor. The doctor asked:

- How is your health?

"Bad," said Goga.

- What hurts?

“Well then, go to class.

- Why?

Because you don't have any pain.

— How do you know?

- How do you know that? the doctor laughed. And he lightly pushed Goga to the exit. Goga never pretended to be sick again, but he continued to evade.

And the efforts of classmates did not lead to anything. First, Masha, an excellent student, was attached to him.

"Let's study seriously," Masha told him.

- When? Goga asked.

- Yeah right now.

"I'll be right back," said Goga.

And he left and didn't come back.

Then Grisha, an excellent student, was attached to him. They stayed in the classroom. But as soon as Grisha opened the primer, Goga reached under the desk.

- Where are you going? Grisha asked.

“Come here,” Goga called.

“No one will interfere with us here.

- Yah you! - Grisha, of course, was offended and immediately left.

No one else was attached to him.

As time went. He dodged.

Gogin's parents arrived and found that their son could not read a single line. The father grabbed his head, and the mother grabbed the book that she brought to her child.

“Now every evening,” she said, “I will read this wonderful book aloud to my son.

Grandma said:

“Yes, yes, I also read interesting books aloud to Gogochka every evening.

But the father said:

“You really shouldn’t have done it. Our Gogochka has grown lazy to such an extent that he cannot read a single line. I ask everyone to leave for the meeting.

But he didn't know what the meeting was! What did they decide!

And when she handed him the book, he became even more excited.

He immediately suggested:

- Come on, Mom, I'll wash the dishes.

And he ran to wash the dishes.

He ran to his father.

The father strictly told him never to make such requests to him again.

In desperation, he sat down on the floor and looked at the pictures. But from the pictures it was difficult to understand what was going on there.

He brought the book to class. But classmates refused to read to him. Even more than that: Masha immediately left, and Grisha defiantly crawled under the desk.

Goga stuck to a high school student, but he flicked his nose and laughed.

That's what a home meeting means!

That's what the public means!

He soon read the whole book and many other books, but out of habit he never forgot to go out for bread, wash the floor or wash the dishes.

That's what's interesting!

Viktor Golyavkin. IN THE CLOSET

Before class, I climbed into the closet. I wanted to meow from the closet. They'll think it's a cat, but it's me.

I sat in the closet, waited for the start of the lesson and did not notice myself how I fell asleep.

Stuffy in the closet and dark as night. I was scared, I started screaming:

— Eee! I'm in the closet! Help!

Listened - silence all around.

- ABOUT! Comrades! I'm in the closet!

I hear someone's steps. Someone is coming.

- Who's yelling here?

I immediately recognized Aunt Nyusha, the cleaner.

I rejoiced, I shout:

- Aunt Nyusha, I'm here!

- Where are you, dear?

- I'm in the closet! In the closet!

“How did you get there, honey?”

- I'm in the closet, grandma!

“I can hear that you are in the closet. So what do you want?

- They locked me in a closet. Oh, grandma!

Aunt Nyusha left. Silence again. She must have gone for the key.

Pal Palych tapped on the cabinet with his finger.

“There is no one there,” said Pal Palych.

- How not. Yes, said Aunt Nyusha.

- Well, where is he? - said Pal Palych and knocked again on the cabinet.

I was afraid that everyone would leave, I would stay in the closet, and I shouted with all my might:

- I'm here!

- Who are you? Pal Palych asked.

— I... Tsypkin...

"Why did you get in there, Tsypkin?"

- They locked me up... I didn't get in...

— Hm... He was locked up! But he didn't get in! Did you see? What wizards in our school! They do not climb into the closet while they are locked in the closet. Miracles don't happen, do you hear, Tsypkin?

- I hear...

- How long have you been sitting there? Pal Palych asked.

- Don't know...

“Find the key,” said Pal Palych. - Fast.

Aunt Nyusha went for the key, but Pal Palych remained. He sat down on a chair nearby and waited. I saw through

slit his face. He was very angry. He lit up and said:

- Well! That's where the prank comes in. Tell me honestly: why are you in the closet?

I was silent.

Are you alive there? Pal Palych asked.

- Alive...

- Well, sit down, they will open soon ...

- I am sitting...

"Yes..." said Pal Palych. “So you tell me why you climbed into this closet?”

- Who? Tsypkin? In the closet? Why?

I wanted to disappear again.

The director asked:

Tsypkin, is that you?

I sighed heavily. I just couldn't answer anymore.

Aunt Nyusha said:

The class president took the key.

"Break down the door," the director said.

I felt the door being broken, the closet shook, I hit my forehead painfully. I was afraid that the cabinet would fall, and I cried. I rested my hands on the walls of the closet, and when the door gave way and opened, I continued to stand in the same way.

“Come on out,” the director said. And tell us what that means.

I didn't move. I was scared.

Why is he standing? the director asked.

They took me out of the closet.

I was silent all the time.

I didn't know what to say.

I just wanted to meow. But how would I put it...

V. Golyavkin

How we climbed into the pipe
A huge chimney was lying in the yard, and Vovka and I sat on it. We sat on this pipe, and then I said:

Let's climb into the pipe. We go in one end and we go out the other. Who gets out the fastest.

Vovka said:

And suddenly we'll suffocate there.

There are two windows in the chimney, I said, just like in a room. Are you breathing in the room?

Vovka said:

What kind of room is this? Since it's a pipe. - He always argues.

I climbed first, and Vovka counted. He counted to thirteen when I got out.

Come on, I, - said Vovka.

He climbed into the pipe, and I counted. I counted to sixteen.

You think fast, - he said, - come on! And he again climbed into the pipe.

I counted to fifteen.

It’s not stuffy at all, he said, it’s very cool there.

Then Petka Yashchikov approached us.

And we, - I say, - are climbing into the pipe! I got out on the account of thirteen, and he on fifteen.

Come on, I, - said Petya.

And he also climbed into the pipe.

He got out at eighteen.

We started laughing.

He climbed again.

He came out very sweaty.

Well, how? - he asked.

Sorry, I said, we didn't count now.

What does it mean that I crawled for nothing? He was offended, but climbed again.

I counted to sixteen.

Well, - he said, - gradually it will turn out! - And he climbed into the pipe again. This time he crawled there for a long time. Nearly twenty. He got angry, wanted to climb again, but I said:

Let others climb, - he pushed him away and climbed himself. I stuffed myself with a bump and crawled for a long time. I was very hurt.

I got out at thirty.

We thought you were gone,” Petya said.

Then Vovka climbed. I have already counted to forty, but he still does not get out. I look into the pipe - it's dark there. And there is no other end in sight.

Suddenly he gets out. From the end you entered. But he got out head first. Not with legs. That's what surprised us!

Wow, - says Vovka, - I almost got stuck. How did you turn around there?

With difficulty, - says Vovka, - I almost got stuck.

We were very surprised!

Mishka Menshikov came up here.

What are you doing here, he says?

Yes, - I say - we climb into the pipe. Do you want to climb?

No, he says, I don't want to. Why should I go there?

And we, - I say, - climb there.

You can see it, he says.

What is visible?

What did you climb there.

We look at each other. And really visible. We are all as it is in the red rust. Everything seems to be rusty. Just horror!

Well, I went, - says Mishka Menshikov. And he went.

And we didn’t climb into the pipe anymore. Although we were all rusty. We already had it anyway. It was possible to fly. But we still didn't climb.

Annoying Misha

Misha learned two poems by heart, and there was no peace from him. He climbed on stools, on sofas, even on tables, and, shaking his head, immediately began to read one poem after another.

Once he went to the Christmas tree to the girl Masha, without taking off his coat, climbed into a chair and began to read one poem after another.

Masha even told him: "Misha, you're not an artist!"

But he did not hear, read everything to the end, got down from his chair and was so pleased that it was even surprising!

And in the summer he went to the village. Grandmother had a big stump in her garden. Misha climbed onto a stump and began to read one poem after another to his grandmother.

One must think how tired he was of his grandmother!

Then the grandmother took Misha to the forest. And there was clearing in the forest. And then Misha saw so many stumps that his eyes ran wide.

What stump to stand on?

He got really lost!

And so his grandmother brought him back, so bewildered. And since then he did not read poems, unless he was asked.

Prize

We made original costumes - no one else will have them! I will be a horse, and Vovka a knight. The only bad thing is that he should ride me and not me on him. And all because I'm a little younger. See what happens! But nothing can be done. True, we agreed with him: he will not ride me all the time. He rides me a little, and then he gets down and leads me along like horses are led by the bridle.

And so we went to the carnival.

They came to the club in ordinary suits, and then changed clothes and went out into the hall. I mean, we moved in. I crawled on all fours. And Vovka was sitting on my back. True, Vovka helped me to touch the floor with his feet. But it still wasn't easy for me.

Besides, I didn't see anything. I was wearing a horse mask. I couldn't see anything at all, even though there were holes in the mask for the eyes. But they were somewhere on the forehead. I crawled in the dark. Bumped into someone's legs. I ran into the convoy twice. Yes, what to say! Sometimes I shook my head, then the mask would come off and I would see the light. But for a moment. And then it's all dark again. I couldn't shake my head all the time!

I saw the light for a moment. But Vovka saw nothing at all. And he kept asking me what was ahead. And asked to crawl more carefully. And so I crawled carefully. I didn't see anything myself. How could I know what was ahead! Someone stepped on my arm. I stopped right now. And he refused to move on. I told Vovka:

Enough. Get off.

Vovka probably liked the ride, and he did not want to get off. He said that it was too early. But still he got down, took me by the bridle, and I crawled on. Now it was easier for me to crawl, although I still could not see anything. I offered to take off the masks and take a look at the carnival, and then put on the masks again. But Vovka said:

Then we will be recognized.

Must be fun here, I said. We just don't see anything...

But Vovka walked in silence. He firmly decided to endure to the end and get the first prize. My knees hurt. I said:

I will now sit on the floor.

Can horses sit? Vovka said. Are you crazy! You are a horse!

I'm not a horse, I said. - You're a horse.

No, you are a horse, - answered Vovka. - And you know perfectly well that you are a horse, We will not receive an award.

So be it, I said. - I'm sick of.

Don't do stupid things, - said Vovka. - Be patient.

I crawled up to the wall, leaned against it and sat on the floor.

You are sitting? - asked Vovka.

I'm sitting, I said.

Well, okay, - agreed Vovka. - You can still sit on the floor. Just be careful not to sit on a chair. Then everything was gone. Do you understand? A horse - and suddenly on a chair! ..

Music blared all around, laughing.

I asked:

Will it end soon?

Be patient, - said Vovka, - probably soon ... Vovka also could not stand it. Sat on the sofa. I sat next to him. Then Vovka fell asleep on the couch. And I fell asleep too. Then they woke us up and gave us a bonus.

We play Antarctica

Mom left home somewhere. And we were left alone. And we got bored. We flipped the table. They pulled a blanket over the legs of the table. And it turned out to be a tent. It's like we're in Antarctica. Where our dad is now.

Vitka and I climbed into the tent.

We were very pleased that here Vitka and I were sitting In a tent, although not in Antarctica, but as if in Antarctica, and around us there was ice and wind. But we got tired of sitting in a tent.

Vitka said:

Winterers do not sit like this all the time in a tent. They must be doing something.

Surely, - I said, - they catch whales, seals and something else. Of course they don't sit like that all the time!

Suddenly I saw our cat. I shouted:

Here is a seal!

Hooray! Vitka shouted. - Grab him! He also saw a cat.

The cat was walking towards us. Then she stopped. She looked at us carefully. And she ran back. She didn't want to be a seal. She wanted to be a cat. I understood it right away. But what could we do! There was nothing we could do. We need to catch someone! I ran, stumbled, fell, got up, but the cat was nowhere to be found.

She is here! - yelled Vitka. - Run here!

Vitka's legs stuck out from under the bed.

I crawled under the bed. It was dark and dusty in there. But the cat was not there.

I'm getting out, I said. - There is no cat here.

Here she is, - Vitka argued. - I saw her run here.

I got out all dusty and began to sneeze. Vitka kept fiddling under the bed.

She is there, - Vitka repeated.

So be it, I said. - I won't go there. I sat there for an hour. I'm over it.

Think! Vitka said. - And I?! I climb here more than you.

Finally Vitka also got out.

Here she is! I shouted. The cat was sitting on the bed.

I almost grabbed her by the tail, but Vitka pushed me, the cat jumped - and onto the closet! Try to get it out of the closet!

What a seal, I said. - Can a seal sit on a closet?

Let it be a penguin, - said Vitka. - As if he were sitting on an ice floe. Let's whistle and shout. He then gets scared. And jump from the closet. This time we will capture the penguin.

We began to yell and whistle with all our might. I really can't whistle. Only Vitka whistled. But I yelled at the top of my lungs. Almost hoarse.

The penguin doesn't seem to hear. A very smart penguin. He lurks there and sits.

Come on, - I say, - let's throw something at him. Well, at least throw a pillow.

We threw a pillow on the wardrobe. The cat didn't jump out.

Then we threw three more pillows on the closet, mother's coat, all mother's dresses, father's skis, a saucepan, father's and mother's slippers, many books and much more. The cat didn't jump out.

Maybe it's not in the closet? - I said.

There she is, - said Vitka.

How is it there, since it is not there?

Don't know! Vitka says.

Vitka brought a basin of water and placed it by the cupboard. If the cat decides to jump from the closet, let it jump right into the pelvis. Penguins love to dive into the water.

We left something else on the closet. Wait - will it jump? Then they put a table up to the closet, a chair on the table, a suitcase on the chair, and climbed onto the closet.

And there is no cat.

The cat is gone. It is not known where.

Vitka began to get down from the closet and flopped right into the basin. Water spilled all over the room.

This is where mom comes in. And behind her is our cat. She apparently jumped into the window.

Mom threw up her hands and said:

What's going on here?

Vitka remained sitting in the pelvis. Before that I was scared.

How amazing, says Mom, that you can't leave them alone for a minute. You need to do this!

Of course, we had to clean everything ourselves. And even wash the floor. And the cat importantly walked around. And she looked at us with a look as if she was going to say: "Here, you will know that I am a cat. And not a seal and not a penguin."

A month later, our dad arrived. He told us about Antarctica, about the brave polar explorers, about their great work, and it was very funny to us that we thought that the only thing winterers do is to catch various whales and seals there ...

But we didn't tell anyone what we thought.
..............................................................................
Copyright: Golyavkin, stories for children

Current page: 1 (total book has 3 pages) [available reading excerpt: 1 pages]

Edward Uspensky
Funny stories for kids

* * *

About the boy Yasha

How the boy Yasha climbed everywhere

The boy Yasha always liked to climb everywhere and climb into everything. As soon as some suitcase or box was brought, Yasha immediately found himself in it.

And he climbed into all sorts of bags. And in closets. And under the tables.

Mom often said:

- I'm afraid, I'll come with him to the post office, he will get into some empty parcel, and he will be sent to Kyzyl-Orda.

He got very good for it.

And then Yasha took a new fashion - he began to fall from everywhere. When it was distributed in the house:

- Eh! - everyone understood that Yasha had fallen from somewhere. And the louder the “uh” was, the greater was the height from which Yasha flew. For example, mother hears:

- Eh! - so it's no big deal. This Yasha just fell off the stool.

If you hear:

- Eee! - so it's a very serious matter. It was Yasha who plopped down from the table. I need to go and look at his bumps. And on a visit, Yasha climbed everywhere, and even tried to climb on the shelves in the store.

One day my dad said:

- Yasha, if you climb somewhere else, I don’t know what I will do with you. I'll tie you to the vacuum cleaner with ropes. And you will walk everywhere with a vacuum cleaner. And you will go to the store with your mother with a vacuum cleaner, and in the yard you will play in the sand tied to the vacuum cleaner.

Yasha was so frightened that after these words he did not climb anywhere for half a day.

And then, nevertheless, he climbed onto the table with his dad and crashed together with the phone. Dad took it and actually tied it to a vacuum cleaner.

Yasha walks around the house, and the vacuum cleaner follows him like a dog. And he goes to the store with his mother with a vacuum cleaner, and plays in the yard. Very uncomfortable. Neither you climb the fence, nor ride a bicycle.

But Yasha learned to turn on the vacuum cleaner. Now instead of "uh" constantly began to be heard "uu".

As soon as mom sits down to knit socks for Yasha, when all of a sudden all over the house - "oooooo." Mom is jumping up and down.

We decided to make a good deal. Yasha was untied from the vacuum cleaner. And he promised not to climb anywhere else. Papa said:

- This time, Yasha, I will be stricter. I'll tie you to a stool. And I'll nail the stool to the floor with nails. And you will live with a stool, like a dog in a booth.

Yasha was very afraid of such a punishment.

But just then a very wonderful case turned up - they bought a new wardrobe.

First, Yasha climbed into the closet. He sat in the closet for a long time, banging his forehead against the walls. This is an interesting thing. Then he got bored and got out.

He decided to climb into the closet.

Yasha moved the dining table to the closet and climbed on it. But he did not reach the top of the cabinet.

Then he put a light chair on the table. He climbed onto the table, then onto a chair, then onto the back of a chair, and began to climb onto the closet. Already half gone.

And then the chair slipped out from under his foot and fell to the floor. But Yasha remained half on the closet, half in the air.

Somehow he climbed onto the closet and fell silent. Try telling your mom

- Oh, mom, I'm sitting on the closet!

Mom will immediately transfer him to a stool. And he will live like a dog all his life near a stool.

Here he sits and is silent. Five minutes, ten minutes, five more minutes. All in all, almost a month. And Yasha slowly began to cry.

And mom hears: Yasha can’t hear something.

And if Yasha is not heard, then Yasha is doing something wrong. Either he chews matches, or he climbed into the aquarium up to his knees, or he draws Cheburashka on his father's papers.

Mom began to look in different places. And in the closet, and in the nursery, and in my father's office. And everything is in order: dad works, the clock is ticking. And if there is order everywhere, then something difficult must have happened to Yasha. Something extraordinary.

Mom screams:

- Yasha, where are you?

Yasha is silent.

- Yasha, where are you?

Yasha is silent.

Then my mother began to think. He sees a chair on the floor. He sees that the table is not in place. He sees - Yasha is sitting on the closet.

Mom asks:

- Well, Yasha, are you going to sit on the closet all your life or will we get down?

Yasha doesn't want to go down. He is afraid that he will be tied to a stool.

He says:

- I won't get down.

Mom says:

- Okay, let's live on the closet. Now I'll bring you lunch.

She brought Yasha soup in a bowl, a spoon and bread, and a small table and a stool.

Yasha had lunch on the cupboard.

Then his mother brought him a pot on the closet. Yasha was sitting on the potty.

And in order to wipe his ass, my mother had to get up on the table herself.

At this time, two boys came to visit Yasha.

Mom asks:

- Well, should you give Kolya and Vitya a closet?

Yasha says:

- Submit.

And then dad couldn’t stand it from his office:

- Now I myself will come to visit him on the closet. Yes, not one, but with a strap. Remove it from the cabinet immediately.

They took Yasha out of the closet, and he says:

- Mom, I didn’t get off because I’m afraid of stools. My dad promised to tie me to a stool.

“Oh, Yasha,” says mom, “you are still small. You don't understand jokes. Go play with the guys.

And Yasha understood jokes.

But he also understood that dad did not like to joke.

He can easily tie Yasha to a stool. And Yasha did not climb anywhere else.

How the boy Yasha ate badly

Yasha was good to everyone, he just ate badly. All the time with concerts. Either mom sings to him, or dad shows tricks. And he gets along:

- Don't want.

Mom says:

- Yasha, eat porridge.

- Don't want.

Papa says:

- Yasha, drink juice!

- Don't want.

They put, put plates in front of Yasha, but he does not eat and does not eat anything. He doesn't eat meatballs, soup, or porridge. He became thin and dead, like a straw.

- Yasha, eat porridge!

- Don't want.

- Yasha, eat soup!

- Don't want.

Previously, his pants were hard to fasten, but now he dangled completely freely in them. It was possible to launch another Yasha into these pants.

And then one day a strong wind blew.

And Yasha played on the site. He was very light, and the wind rolled him around the site. Rolled up to the wire mesh fence. And there Yasha got stuck.

So he sat, pressed against the fence by the wind, for an hour.

Mom calls:

- Yasha, where are you? Go home with the soup to suffer.

But he doesn't go. He is not even heard. He not only became dead himself, but his voice became dead. Nothing is heard that he squeaks there.

And he squeaks:

- Mom, take me away from the fence!

Mom began to worry - where did Yasha go? Where to look for it? Yasha is not seen and not heard.

Dad said this:

So they did. They carried the pot of soup out onto the porch. The wind carried the smell to Yasha.

Yasha, as soon as he smelled the smell of delicious soup, immediately crawled to the smell. Because he was cold, he lost a lot of strength.

Mom was amazed. She didn't even know whether to be happy or upset. She says:

- Yasha, if you eat like this every day, I won’t have enough food.

Yasha reassured her:

– No, Mom, I don’t eat so much every day. I correct past mistakes. I bubu, like all children, eat well. I'm a completely different boy.

I wanted to say "I will", but he got "boob". Do you know why? Because his mouth was full of apples. He couldn't stop.

Since then, Yasha has been eating well.

Cook boy Yasha stuffed everything into his mouth

The boy Yasha had such a strange habit: whatever he sees, he immediately drags it into his mouth. He sees a button - in his mouth. He sees dirty money - in his mouth. He sees a nut lying on the ground - he also tries to stuff it into his mouth.

- Yasha, this is very harmful! Well, spit out this piece of iron.

Yasha argues, does not want to spit it out. He has to force it all out of his mouth. Houses began to hide everything from Yasha.

And buttons, and thimbles, and small toys, and even lighters. There is simply nothing to put in a person's mouth.

And what about on the street? You can't clean everything on the street ...

And when Yasha comes, dad takes tweezers and takes everything out of Yasha's mouth:

- A button from a coat - one.

- Beer cork - two.

- A chrome-plated screw from a Volvo car - three.

One day my dad said:

- All. We will treat Yasha, we will save Yasha. We'll cover his mouth with adhesive tape.

And they really began to do so. Yasha is going out into the street - they will put on a coat on him, tie his shoes, and then they shout:

- And where did the adhesive plaster go?

When the band-aid is found, they will glue such a strip to Yasha on half a face - and walk as much as you want. You can't put anything in your mouth anymore. Very comfortably.

Only for parents, not for Yasha.

What about Yasha? The children ask him:

- Yasha, are you going to swing?

Yasha says:

- On what swing, Yasha, on a rope or wooden one?

Yasha wants to say: “Of course, on ropes. What am I, a fool?

And he gets:

- Boo-boo-boo-boo. For bubah?

- What, what? the children ask.

- For bubah? - says Yasha and runs to the ropes.

One girl, very pretty, with a runny nose, Nastya asked Yasha:

- Yafa, Yafenka, will you come to me for a birth day?

He wanted to say: "I'll come, of course."

But he replied:

- Boo-boo-boo, bonefno.

Nastya how to cry:

- Is he teasing Fego?

And Yasha was left without Nastya's birthday.

And they gave me ice cream.

But Yasha never brought home any more buttons, nuts, or empty perfume bottles.

Once Yasha came from the street and firmly told his mother:

- Baba, by bobo not bubu!

And although Yasha had a band-aid on his mouth, his mother understood everything.

And you guys understood everything he said too. Is it true?

As a boy, Yasha ran in stores all the time

When mother came to the store with Yasha, she usually held Yasha by the hand. And Yasha got out all the time.

At first, it was easy for mother to hold Yasha.

She had free hands. But when she had purchases in her hands, Yasha got out more and more.

And when he got out completely, he began to run around the store. First across the store, then along, farther and farther.

Mom caught him all the time.

But one day my mother's hands were completely occupied. She bought fish, beets and bread. It was then that Yasha ran away. And how it will crash into one old woman! Grandma sat down.

And my grandmother had a half-rag suitcase with potatoes in her hands. How the suitcase will open! How the potatoes crumble! They began to collect her whole store for her grandmother and put them in a suitcase. And Yasha also began to bring potatoes.

One uncle was very sorry for the old woman, he put an orange in her suitcase. Huge as a watermelon.

And Yasha felt embarrassed that he put his grandmother on the floor, he put his toy gun in her suitcase, the most expensive one.

The gun was a toy, but just like a real one. From it, you could even kill anyone you want for real. Only pretend. Yasha never parted with him. He even slept with this gun.

In general, the grandmother was saved by all the people. And she went somewhere.

Mom Yasha raised for a long time. She said he would kill my mother. That mom is ashamed to look people in the eye. And Yasha promised not to run like that again. And they went to another store for sour cream. Only Yasha's promises did not last long in Yasha's head. And he started running again.

A little at first, then more and more. And it must happen that the old woman came to the same store for margarine. She walked slowly and did not immediately appear there.

As soon as she appeared, Yasha immediately ran into her.

The old woman did not even have time to gasp, as she was again on the floor. And everything fell apart from her suitcase again.

Then the grandmother began to swear strongly:

- What kind of children are gone! You can't go to any store! They jump on you right away. I never ran like this when I was little. If I had a gun, I would shoot such children!

And everyone sees that the grandmother really has a gun in her hands. Totally, completely real.

The senior salesman how to scream at the whole store:

- Lie down!

That's how they all went down.

The senior salesman, lying down, continues:

- Do not worry, citizens, I have already called the police with a button. Soon this saboteur will be arrested.

Mom says to Yasha:

- Come on, Yasha, let's crawl out of here quietly. This grandmother is too dangerous.

Yasha says:

She's not at all dangerous. This is my pistol. I put it in her suitcase last time. Do not be afraid.

Mom says:

So this is your gun? Then you need to be more afraid. Do not crawl, but run away from here! Because now it’s not the police who will fly into the grandmother, but us. And at my age, I just didn’t have enough to get into the police. And yes, they will take note of you. Now with crime strictly.

They quietly disappeared from the store.

But after this incident, Yasha never ran in stores. I didn't dangle from corner to corner like crazy. On the contrary, he helped his mother. Mom gave him the biggest bag.

And once Yasha saw this grandmother with a suitcase again in the store. He even rejoiced. He said:

- Look, mom, this grandmother has already been released!

How the boy Yasha with one girl decorated themselves

Once Yasha and his mother came to visit another mother. And this mother had a daughter, Marina. The same age as Yasha, only older.

Yasha's mother and Marina's mother got down to business. They drank tea, changed children's clothes. And the girl Marina Yasha called into the hallway. And says:

- Come on, Yasha, play at the hairdresser's. To a beauty salon.

Yasha immediately agreed. He, when he heard the word "play", he threw everything: and porridge, and books, and a broom. He even broke away from cartoon films if he needed to play. And he never even played at the hairdresser's.

So he immediately agreed:

She and Marina installed daddy's swivel chair, near the mirror, and sat Yasha on it. Marina brought a white pillowcase, wrapped Yasha with a pillowcase and said:

- How to cut your hair? Leave the temples?

Yasha says:

- Of course, leave. And you can not leave.

Marina got down to business. With large scissors, she cut off everything superfluous from Yasha, leaving only the temples and tufts of hair that were not cut off. Yasha became like a tattered pillow.

- Refresh you? Marina asks.

Refresh, says Yasha. Although he is so fresh, still quite young.

Marina took cold water in her mouth as soon as she jumped on Yasha. Yasha screams:

Mom doesn't hear anything. Marina says:

- Oh, Yasha, you don’t have to call your mother. You better cut my hair.

Yasha did not refuse. He also wrapped Marina in a pillowcase and asked:

- How to cut your hair? Do you want to leave some pieces?

“I need to wind up,” says Marina.

Yasha understood everything. He took his father's chair by the handle and began to twist Marina.

Twisted, twisted, even began to stumble.

- Enough? he asks.

– What is enough? Marina asks.

- Wind up.

“Enough,” says Marina. And disappeared somewhere.

Then Yasha's mother came. She looked at Yasha and screamed:

“God, what have they done to my child!”

“It was Marina and I who played at the hairdresser’s,” Yasha reassured her.

Only mother was not happy, but terribly angry and quickly began to dress Yasha: to stuff it into a jacket.

- And what? Marina's mother says. - He got a good haircut. Your child is simply unrecognisable. A completely different boy.

Yasha's mother is silent. Unrecognizable Yasha fastens.

The mother of the girl Marina continues:

- Our Marina is such an inventor. Always comes up with something interesting.

- Nothing, nothing, - says Yasha's mother, - the next time you come to us, we will also come up with something interesting. We will open a "Quick Clothing Repair" or a dyeing workshop. You don't recognize your child either.

And they quickly left.

At home, Yasha and from dad flew in:

- It's good that you didn't play dentist. And then you would be with me Yafa bef zubof!

Since then, Yasha chose his games very carefully. And he was not angry at Marina at all.

As a boy Yasha loved to walk through the puddles

The boy Yasha had such a habit: as soon as he sees a puddle, he immediately enters it. He stands, he stands, and he stamps his foot.

Mom persuades him:

- Yasha, puddles are not for children.

And he still gets into the puddles. And even in the deepest.

They catch him, pull him out of one puddle, and he is already standing in another, stamping his feet.

Okay, in the summer it's tolerable, only wet, that's all. But now autumn has come. Every day the puddles are getting colder, and it's getting harder to dry the boots. They take Yasha out into the street, he runs through the puddles, gets wet to the waist, and that's it: you have to go home to dry.

All the children walk through the autumn forest, collect leaves in bouquets. They swing on the swings.

And Yasha is taken home to dry.

They put him on the radiator to warm himself, and his shoes hang on a string over the gas stove.

And dad and mom noticed that the more Yasha stands in puddles, the more he catches a cold. He has a runny nose and cough. Snot is pouring from Yasha, no handkerchiefs are missing.

Yasha noticed it too. And his father said to him:

- Yasha, if you run even more through the puddles, you will not only have snot in your nose, you will have frogs in your nose. Because you have a whole swamp in your nose.

Yasha, of course, did not really believe in this.

But one day, dad took a handkerchief into which Yasha was blown and put two little green frogs in it.

He made them himself. Cut out of viscous chewing sweets. There are such rubber sweets for children, they are called "Bunty-plunty". And my mother put this handkerchief in the locker for Yasha's things.

As soon as Yasha came back from the walk all wet, mom said:

- Come on, Yasha, let's blow our nose. Let's get the snot out of you.

Mom took a handkerchief from the shelf and put it to Yasha's nose. Yasha let's blow your nose with all your might. And suddenly mom sees something moving in the scarf. Mom is scared from head to toe.

- Yasha, what is it?

And Yasha shows two frogs.

Yasha, too, will be frightened, because he remembered what his father told him.

Mom asks again:

- Yasha, what is it?

Yasha says:

- Frogs.

– Where are they from?

- Out of me.

Mom asks:

- And how many of them do you have?

Yasha doesn't even know. He says:

- That's it, mom, I won't run through the puddles anymore. My dad told me that this would be the end of it. Blow me out one more time. I want all the frogs to fall out of me.

Mom began to blow his nose again, but there were no more frogs.

And my mother tied these two frogs on a rope and carried them in her pocket. As soon as Yasha runs up to the puddle, she will pull the rope and show the frogs to Yasha.

Yasha immediately - stop! And in a puddle - not a foot! Very good boy.

How the boy Yasha painted everywhere

We bought pencils for the boy Yasha. Bright, colored. A lot - about ten. Yes, they seem to be in a hurry.

Mom and dad thought that Yasha would sit in a corner behind the closet and draw Cheburashka in a notebook. Or flowers, different houses. Cheburashka is the best. He is a pleasure to draw. Four circles in total. Circle head, circle ears, circle belly. And then scratch your paws, that's all. The children are happy and so are the parents.

Only Yasha did not understand what he was aimed at. He began to draw kalyaki. As soon as he sees where the white sheet is, he immediately draws a scribble.

First, on my father's table, I drew kalyaki on all the white sheets. Then in my mother's notebook: where his mother (Yashina) wrote down bright thoughts.

And then anywhere else.

Mom comes to the pharmacy for medicines, submits a prescription through the window.

“We don’t have such a medicine,” says the pharmacist’s aunt. “Scientists have not invented such a medicine yet.

Mom looks at the recipe, and there are only scribbles drawn, nothing is visible under them. Mom, of course, is angry:

- You would, Yasha, if you spoil the paper, at least draw a cat or a mouse.

The next time, mom opens a notebook to call another mom, and there is such joy - a mouse is drawn. Mom even dropped the book. So she got scared.

And this Yasha drew.

Dad comes to the clinic with a passport. They tell him:

- What are you, a citizen, just out of prison, so thin! From jail?

– Why else? Dad is surprised.

- In your photo, the grate is visible red.

Dad at home was so angry with Yasha that he took away the brightest red pencil from him.

And Yasha turned around even more. He began to draw kalyaki on the walls. I took it and painted all the flowers on the wallpaper with a pink pencil. Both in the hallway and in the living room. Mom was horrified:

- Yasha, guard! Are there flowers in a box!

They took away his pink pencil. Yasha was not very upset. The next day, on my mother's white shoes, he painted all the straps in green. And I painted the handle on my mother's white purse green.

Mom to go to the theater, and her shoes and handbag, like a young clown, are striking. For this, Yasha got a little in the ass (for the first time in his life), and the green pencil was also taken away from him.

“We have to do something,” Dad says. - Until all the pencils of our young talent run out, he will turn the whole house into a coloring book.

They began to issue pencils to Yasha only under the supervision of the elders. Either his mother is watching him, or his grandmother will be called. But they are not always free.

And then the girl Marina came to visit.

Mom said:

- Marina, you are already big. Here are pencils for you, you and Yasha draw. There are cats and mice. The cat is drawn like this. The mouse is like this.

Yasha and Marina understood everything and let's create cats and mice everywhere. First on paper. Marina will draw a mouse:

- This is my mouse.

Yasha will draw a cat:

- That's my cat. She ate your mouse.

“My mouse had a sister,” says Marina. And draws another mouse nearby.

“And my cat also had a sister,” says Yasha. “She ate your mouse sister.”

“And my mouse had another sister,” Marina draws a mouse on the refrigerator to get away from Yasha's cats.

Yasha also goes to the refrigerator.

“And my cat had two sisters.

So they moved throughout the apartment. More and more sisters appeared in our mice and cats.

Yasha's mother finished talking with Marina's mother, she looks - the whole apartment is covered in mice and cats.

“Guard,” she says. - Just three years ago, they did the renovation!

They called dad. Mom asks:

- What are we going to flush? Shall we renovate the apartment?

Papa says:

- In no case. Let's leave it all.

- For what? Mom asks.

- That's why. When our Yasha grows up, let him look at this disgrace with adult eyes. Let him be ashamed then.

Otherwise, he simply won’t believe us that he could be so outrageous as a child.

And Yasha was already ashamed even now. Although he is still small. He said:

- Dad and mom, you fix everything. I will never paint on the walls again! I will only be in the album.

And Yasha kept his word. He himself did not really want to draw on the walls. It was his girl Marina who led him astray.

Whether in the garden, in the garden
Raspberries have grown.
Wish there was more
Doesn't visit us
Marina girl.

Attention! This is an introductory section of the book.

If you liked the beginning of the book, then the full version can be purchased from our partner - the distributor of legal content LLC "LitRes".

Comic stories for children. Funny Stories for Kids: Best Reading Options

Harmful Ninka Kukushkina. Author: Irina Pivovarova

Notebooks in the rain

How I sat under the desk

Who is surprised

Prize

In the closet

carousel in the head

Betball

Breakfast

How the boy Yasha ate badly

secrets

Composition

What is my head thinking

About my friend and a little bit about me

Viktor Golyavkin. NOTEBOOKS IN THE RAIN

Viktor Golyavkin. THINGS ARE NOT GOING MY WAY

Viktor Golyavkin. WHAT'S INTERESTING

Viktor Golyavkin. IN THE CLOSET

Edward Uspensky Funny stories for kids

* * *

About the boy Yasha

How the boy Yasha climbed everywhere

How the boy Yasha ate badly

Cook boy Yasha stuffed everything into his mouth

As a boy, Yasha ran in stores all the time

How the boy Yasha with one girl decorated themselves

As a boy Yasha loved to walk through the puddles

How the boy Yasha painted everywhere

Edward Uspensky
Funny stories for kids