From this article you will learn what mourning is, as well as how personal mourning differs from state mourning.
The meaning of mourning
In the generally accepted understanding, mourning involves the wearing of dark clothes and a ban on entertainment for a certain period of time: from several months to a year - for the closest relatives. During this time, widowers generally do not remarry. However, what is the meaning of this long external grief, and is it necessary to observe strict mourning.
“When the heads of European countries declare state mourning for the death of some prince of Bourbon or Savoy, how do they forget to declare mourning for the violent death of thousands and thousands of human beings, each of whom is a prince in the eyes of God? If the European peoples were truly enlightened, they would establish state and national mourning for any war anywhere in the world. In the name of compassion, restaurants, gambling houses and cinemas would be closed, all entertainment would be prohibited while brotherly blood was shed. How heaven would rejoice if the Slavs were the first to establish such an order!
Serbia has declared three days of mourning in connection with the death of its Patriarch. After his death, mourning was not declared, although the whole country mourned, everyone who could came to say goodbye to the Patriarch. All entertaining television and radio programs look like a terrible dissonance and a real insult not only to religious feelings, but also to the simplest human ones.
Is it possible to force the sharing of grief, the reader will ask. Is it worth showing a person what he may not want to see, is it worth limiting his freedom given by God? Or maybe vice versa, without replacing entertainment shows, we deprive a person of freedom? After all, it seems that from the stories about Patriarch Pavle of Serbia, many interesting programs could be made that would truly reveal the great man to the world. On the days of the funeral of Patriarch Alexy, the broadcast of the funeral of the Patriarch had the highest rating among non-entertainment programs: the people themselves made their choice.
This is how St. Nicholas of Serbia writes with sorrow about the feast amid suffering: “Do you enjoy food and drink, fun and cinema, laughter and jokes when you mentally reach the Manchurian fields and see frozen, bloody, hungry and bestial people, descendants of the same progenitor, from which your people and we are descended? Every evening you listen to the radio and think that from his chatter you become smarter. The most important thing that could be reported by radio today is the groans of thousands of wounded and dying, the sobs of mothers, widows and children of two great powers. All of them are the same as you, people, living souls, thirsting for life and happiness. And above them the same sun shines as above you. And just like you, the weeping eye of God looks at them.”
How many days are mourning for the deceased?
- There is a tradition of forty days of mourning for a deceased loved one. According to the Tradition of the Church, on the fortieth day the soul of the deceased receives a certain place in which it will stay until the time of the Last Judgment of God. That is why, until the fortieth day, an intensified prayer is required for the forgiveness of the sins of the deceased, and the external wearing of mourning is designed to promote internal concentration and attention to prayer, to keep from being actively involved in previous worldly affairs. But you can have a prayerful attitude without wearing black clothes. The internal is more important than the external.
Who is the newly-departed and ever-memorable?
- In the church tradition, the deceased person is called the newly deceased within forty days after death. The first day is considered the day of death, even if the death occurred a few minutes before midnight. On the 40th day, according to the teachings of the Church, God (at a private judgment of the soul) determines its afterlife until the universal Last Judgment prophetically promised by the Savior (see: Matt. 25:31-46).
The ever-memorable is usually called a person after forty days after death. Ever-memorable - the word "ever" means - always. And the ever-memorable is always remembered, that is, the one that is always remembered and prayed for. In funeral notes, sometimes they write “the ever-memorable (oh)” before the name, when the next anniversary of the death of the deceased (s) is celebrated.
How is the last kiss of the deceased performed? Does it need to be baptized?
- The farewell kissing of the deceased takes place after his funeral service in the temple. They kiss on the whisk placed on the forehead of the deceased, or kiss the icon in his hands. They are baptized at the same time on the icon.
What to do with the icon that was in the hands of the deceased during the funeral?
- After the funeral of the deceased, the icon can be taken home, or left in the temple.
What can be done for the deceased if he was buried without a funeral?
- If he was baptized in the Orthodox Church, then you need to come to the temple and order a funeral service in absentia, as well as order magpies, memorial services and pray for him at home.
How to help the deceased?
- It is possible to alleviate the fate of the deceased if you make frequent prayers for him and give alms. It is good to work for the Church in memory of the deceased, for example, in a monastery.
What is the purpose of commemorating the dead?
– Prayer for those who have passed from temporal life to eternal life is an ancient tradition of the Church, sanctified for centuries. Leaving the body, a person leaves the visible world, but he does not leave the Church, but remains a member of it, and the duty of those who remain on earth is to pray for him. The Church believes that prayer facilitates the posthumous fate of a person. As long as a person is alive, he is able to repent of sins and do good. But after death, this possibility disappears, only hope for the prayers of the living remains. After the death of the body and a private judgment, the soul is on the eve of eternal bliss or eternal torment. It depends on how the brief earthly life was lived. But much also depends on prayer for the deceased. The lives of the holy saints of God contain many examples of how, through the prayer of the righteous, the posthumous fate of sinners was eased - up to their complete justification.
Can the dead be cremated?
– Cremation is a custom alien to Orthodoxy, borrowed from Eastern cults and spread as a norm in a secular (non-religious) society during the Soviet period. Therefore, the relatives of the deceased, at the slightest opportunity to avoid cremation, should prefer the burial of the deceased in the ground. In the sacred books there is no prohibition to burn the bodies of the dead, but there are positive indications of the Christian doctrine for a different way of burying the bodies - this is their burial in the ground (see: Gen. 3.19; John 5.28; Matt. 27.59-60). This method of burial, adopted by the Church from the very beginning of its existence and sanctified by it by special rites, stands in connection with the entire Christian worldview and with its very essence - faith in the resurrection of the dead. According to the strength of this faith, burial in the earth is an image of the temporary sleep of the deceased, for whom the grave in the bowels of the earth is the natural bed of rest and which is why the Church calls the deceased (and in the worldly - the deceased) until the resurrection. And if the burial of the bodies of the dead instills and strengthens the Christian faith in the resurrection, then the burning of the dead is easily related to the anti-Christian doctrine of non-existence.
The Gospel describes the rite of the burial of the Lord Jesus Christ, which consisted in the washing of His Most Pure Body, putting on special burial clothes and being placed in a tomb (Matt. 27:59–60; Mark 15:46; 16:1; Luke 23:53 ; 24:1; John 19:39-42). The same actions are supposed to be performed on the departed Christians at the present time.
Cremation may be allowed in exceptional cases, when there is no way to bring the body of the deceased to the ground.
(To be continued)
Instruction
In fact mourning- this is a system of rules and prohibitions that family members and relatives of the deceased must comply with. Duration of wearing mourning but it can vary: 3 days, 9 days, 40 days, 6 months, a year, several years, and even life mourning. This period depends on the degree of proximity of a person to. The strictest and longest mourning observed in relation to the husband or wife, children and parents.
The color of mourning is black. However, today the black color has already lost its sad purpose. Stylists have long brought it into fashion because of the effect of visually slimming. However, to emphasize the recent death of a loved one in appearance with any detail or piece of dark-colored clothing is very important for restoring the psychological. Generally, women wear mourning head or long dresses, men - black shirts.
According to folk tradition, up to 40 days the soul of the deceased is next to relatives and home. This understanding of death left its mark on the character mourning A. Even if the relatives did not experience strong grief, they should lead a humble lifestyle, show sadness in everything, pray hard, limit themselves with other people, and avoid any manifestations of joy and happiness. In Rus', it was forbidden to sing, eat sweet dishes, drink wine and go to festivities.
Fasting in period mourning but it is observed not only in, but also in many other religions. In addition, at the memorial meal, as a rule, only simple, traditional food is allowed, including special memorial dishes: jelly, cabbage soup or ear, and kutya.
True believers and grieving Christians after all should strive not for external observances. mourning customs, but to inner humility, being in fervent prayer for a dead person. If you were baptized, you should order a magpie - a commemoration at 40 liturgies, be sure to visit the church on the 9th and 40th day from the date of death and serve a memorial service, pray daily to the soul. If the deceased was not baptized, only home prayer is permissible. In memory of the deceased, good deeds should be done, alms should be given to all those who ask.
Sometimes fastidious fashion forces girls to wear clothes that distort their natural image. They just stop looking feminine. Whether it's a handkerchief on his head. With him, the girl's face immediately becomes prettier and prettier.
Traditions
No wonder grandmothers and great-grandmothers loved this headdress so much. They wore chintz, woolen shawls and the beauty of beauties - downy shawls that looked so harmonious with natural fur coats. A down scarf is not only beautiful in itself, but it is also practical to use and very warm. Scarves perfectly protected from the winter cold and cold lovely heads for many centuries in a row, not knowing an alternative.In the early Orthodox era, according to tradition, any girl had to cover her head with a scarf when she went out in public. There were a large number of varieties of scarves: from small ones, daily, to those that could be covered from the shoulders to the knees. They were worn both on the shoulders and on the head. Each woman and girl with an ordinary scarf created her own, unique image.
“A beautiful girl is walking, carrying a downy kerchief on her shoulders. The guys look around at her, they want to say a good word - they don’t dare, ”wrote the Russian poet N. Koltsov.
And about the beautiful and diverse colors and patterns on women's scarves, so many artistic studies have been compiled that it is impossible to list. From scarves, these colors and patterns spread all over the world. And now they are returning back, along with scarves, to the use of Russian girls and women, who only become more beautiful with them on their heads.
Embodied femininity
The new is the forgotten old. And truly new is something that, in principle, cannot become obsolete. The same can be said about the usual scarf. And there is no need to even talk about a downy scarf. He never went out of fashion, because a downy scarf, its beauty and warmth, is simply beyond any fashion trends.“Fashion exists for clothes of dubious beauty,” said one fairly well-known artist in the 60s of the last century, “And things that are beautiful with natural beauty return to fashion when dubious beauty bothers.”
That woman or girl who creates her own unique beautiful feminine image cannot help but have beautiful scarves with different patterns and different colors in her wardrobe. A warm downy shawl should be a must, because in a composition with a fur coat it looks so harmonious that no hat or cap can compare with it. And in the off-season, a large warm woolen scarf with autumn or spring patterns will suit any woman. Scarves provide an unusually wide scope for women's imagination.
A grief happened in your family - a person died. What to do?
Christianity does not like the word "death" very much. It exudes grave cold and hopelessness. We use other expressions, for example, dormition.
Dormition - sleep, falling asleep. The body fell asleep in a deathly sleep, but the soul is alive, the soul is awake ...
Or another word - resignation. We pray for the newly-departed servant of God. Was with us - moved to another world.
For Christians, death is just a transition to another level of being, a departure to God. And a funeral for Christians is not a terrible farewell to a person who was, and now he is gone, but a farewell to another world of a loved one, whose soul is immortal.
And we must lead a person beyond the borders of the earthly world with dignity. A worthy farewell is a church burial.
It is performed only on a baptized Orthodox person.
Go to any temple and talk to the women selling candles or the priest. There you will be told how to organize a funeral, how to order a commemoration. All this is a well-thought-out and, if I may say so, well-established procedure, so that you will be treated with attention and delicacy and will not be tormented by bureaucratic nit-picking (as is often the case in government bodies).
We usually bury the funeral in the temple on the day of the funeral. Then the deceased is taken to the cemetery, and in the temple his name remains recorded for church commemoration. They pray for him.
What are the types of prayers for the deceased?
A lot of them. For example, a memorial service is a small service during which we ask God to forgive the sins of the deceased, to accept him into the Kingdom of Heaven. (It is memorial services that are served in cemeteries when we invite a priest to visit the grave.)
The highest form of commemoration is at the Liturgy. Then the commemorated people become participants in Communion, unite with Christ. At any Liturgy, the living who are in the church (for example, you and me) commune with the soul, and all those for whom they pray, even if the person has died, partake of the soul.
In candle stalls where notes are accepted, they usually write: “To mass” or “To proskomedia”. This is exactly what commemoration at the Liturgy means.
What is a magpie?
And this is the commemoration of the deceased at the Liturgy, which will be performed for 40 days. (I’ll clarify: many people think that the magpie commemoration is ordered only for the dead. This is not so: for the magpie, they also serve about health.)
In addition, you can order a commemoration for six months, a year, and even ... forever. Eternal remembrance is the remembrance of a person, which will be performed in this temple as long as the temple stands. (After the revolution, when churches and monasteries were closed and books were seized from them, memorial lists from pre-Mongol times were found.)
Excuse me, but if the person was not baptized?..
We can only pray for an unbaptized person ourselves - at home or in church. In the notes submitted for remembrance, we do not write the names of the unbaptized. This does not mean that such a person is cursed, as one sometimes hears from ignorant people. (I myself have unbaptized relatives, whom I remember with warmth and love.) It’s just that the Church prays during worship only for its members, people who want to be Christians, or those for whom this decision was made by parents (if a person was baptized in infancy) !
What do the 3rd, 9th, 40th days after death mean?
I won't talk about it in detail, but these are special days for the soul that has been separated from the body. On these days, as well as on the anniversary of death (this is like a new birthday, that is, a birth into a new life), you need to come to the temple and pray for the deceased.
How long to mourn?
A few days ago a woman came to my temple and asked for a blessing to get married. At the same time, she added: "I am a widow." I asked when she buried her husband. "It's been almost six months now..."
This is the very example when we do something wrong ... Until the year we pray for the deceased as a newly reposed, at the same time you can wear mourning. Although there are such losses that even after many years it is difficult to come to terms with the loss ...
In conclusion, I would like to recall the words of St. Theophan the Recluse, our patriotic ascetic of the 19th century. He once said: "Let's cry for the deceased ... But cry like a Christian!" This means that in our tears there should be no hopelessness and despair. This separation is not forever, but only for a while. In due time we will all meet beyond the threshold of this life.”
Moreover! The person who “left” us can participate in our life, he hears our requests, he loves us. When we pray for the deceased, by this we establish a connection with him, as if extending a hand of support to him.
Lastly, we will all stand before God. And let us give Him an answer in the way we lived. While it is not too late, while it is still possible to fix something (when we die, there will be nothing to fix), to repent, to change for the better - let's use this opportunity.
Customs and various kinds of traditions, b O most of which have neither meaning nor canonical justification. Among them there may be those that do not conflict with the canons of faith and were dictated by time, place and circumstances.
It will be useful to consider this issue from the point of view of the prophetic heritage left by the final messenger of the Creator. A reasonable person will be able to draw parallels between theory and practice, assess the real state of affairs, while maintaining insight and wisdom.
Mourning- a state of sadness, light sadness in memory of a person who has passed away from this life; rejection of what embellishes a person’s appearance, making it bright and attractive; lack of signs of fun and joy. Basically, it concerns a woman who has lost her husband. She has no right to marry another for four months and ten days from the death of her husband.
If she is pregnant, then her mourning ends with the birth of a child, after which she has every right to marry again:
“Pregnant, their period [of mourning expires with] the birth of a child” (see).
During the period of mourning, it is advisable for a woman to leave the house only in forced and vital situations (work, study, visiting relatives, buying groceries, etc.); she does not visit the mosque and does not go on a journey to make a pilgrimage; dresses more modestly; does not apply makeup and does not use perfume, incense; they do not marry her, and she does not marry, although she may receive a proposal for marriage (in the form of a well-meaning hint).
At the end of the term, a woman returns to the usual rhythm of life, her daily worries (raising children, communicating with relatives, friends, work, study, sports, etc.) and has every right to marry another man.
Mourning for other relatives and friends Not lasts longer than three days. The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “It is unacceptable (forbidden) for a believing woman to be in mourning for the deceased for more than three days, except for her husband. Mourning for him is four months and ten days.
Mourning begins on the day of death.
The understanding of mourning lies not so much in the conservatism of clothing, and even more so not in the abundance of emotions and shed tears, but in the internal state of high spiritual sadness, grief. This is a kind of tribute, an expression of blessed memory of the deceased before the Almighty.
Answers to questions about mourning
The other day I found out that my father died two months ago. My parents were divorced, and I didn't see my father for 7 years. We missed him and always hoped that someday we would be together again. I live in Europe, he lived in Asia. To be honest, it breaks my heart that I haven't seen him for so long and won't see him again. We called him, but recently he did not answer calls, and then they called us and said that his father had died. It hurts a lot and I can't calm down because I never told him that he was the best for us. My head is full of “what if” questions. Friends say that it is a sin to think so. Please give advice how to be. Linda.
You should calm down. With all thoughts and state of mind, let him go to another world. Draw a practical conclusion and start paying more attention (at least a little more, but on an ongoing basis) to living close relatives.
I live in Kazakhstan, but Orthodox. At work, I have to communicate a lot with Muslims who have problems and grief. My friend is in great grief: her husband died at the age of 40, a year ago, she is still lost, although she goes to the mosque on Fridays and to the cemetery. I don’t know what words to help her, I want to cheer her up. Victoria.
Grief is always difficult, it is not so easy to go through it, but time passes, and we continue to live. We have a few more (God willing) decades ahead of us, during which we need to do a lot. After all, on the Day of Judgment everyone will answer for myself, including how he spent the remaining years of his life: in tears and memories, or working on himself, extracting a healing medicine from grief that has befallen, acquiring immunity to troubles and negativity, generating positive energy, charging other people with it, forcing them to live with a relaxed radiant smile on your face. Life is too short to spend it in sadness or to live at half, and even more so at a quarter of strength.
Reassure her with encouraging words. In Islam, one can pray for the dead, asking God for forgiveness and mercy for them, but one cannot mentally and emotionally attach oneself to them. You should be able to let the deceased go to another world, and you yourself should continue an active creative lifestyle, helping yourself and others.
Unfortunately, but true: many people, regardless of culture, religion or nationality, do not have the basic skills of a happy life, despite the number of years they have lived in a worldly abode.
Mourning [from him. trauer] - 1) a state of mourning for the deceased or for any public disaster, catastrophe, accompanied by the wearing of special clothes, the cancellation of entertainment events; 2) black or dark clothes, a bandage, etc., worn as a sign of grief.
“If the spouse has died, then the wife is in anticipation [without marrying] for four months and ten days. When this period ends, then there is no sin on her relatives if she begins to prepare for a new marriage in accordance with generally accepted norms of behavior. Allah (God, Lord) is fully aware of what you are doing” (Holy Quran, 2:234).
“There is no sin on you if you (1) [benevolently] hint to widows [themselves or their guardians] about your intention to marry [which, if properly worded, will give good hopes to both them and you for the subsequent creation of a family] or (2) hide it in your souls [for the time being, do not touch on this topic]. The Almighty knows that you will remember [think] about them [that's why he allowed you to hint about your plans even before the end of the term]. But in secret [from others], do not negotiate with them (with widows) [do not promise marriage, thereby luring you into a network of sin and temptation; leading to the fall], but speak to them only well-behaved words [hinting your desire to marry, the public voicing of which will not make you ashamed].
