Funeral traditions in the cafe. What to do? Where and how to hold a funeral dinner

"Only death is irreparable," a Russian classic once wrote, and, of course, he was right. The loss of a loved one is a great tragedy, and no one is able to change anything here. All that remains to be done by the relatives and friends of the deceased is to humble themselves and worthily see him off to the other world, having rendered the last honors.

Funeral traditions of different peoples evolved over thousands of years. However, most of them are united by the belief that with death for a person only the earthly path ends, and his soul is incorruptible. Therefore, not only funeral rites, but also subsequent memorial ceremonies were important at all times.

Christian tradition provides that the deceased should be commemorated at least three times. The first time this is done on the day of the burial - and it is customary to invite all those present at the funeral to the ceremony. The second commemoration is held on the ninth day in the family circle. Still others - for 40 days, when, according to legend, the soul of the deceased finally leaves our world. Not only relatives, but also friends and acquaintances of the deceased can take part in the last commemoration.

An important part of the ceremony is the memorial meal. It can be arranged at home, but today many families prefer to hold a wake in a restaurant and other catering establishments. This is quite understandable. No one prepares for the death of a loved one in advance, and if a tragedy happens, too many organizational issues have to be resolved. The help of administrators of a restaurant or cafe in this situation will be most welcome. Especially if a large number of people are expected at the funeral meal.

It is clear that none of the invitees will be offended for flaws in the organization of the commemoration - this is not the case. Nevertheless, the choice of a worthy place for the ceremony is of great importance. At least from a position of respect for the guests and for the memory of the deceased. Websites like www.pominkivrestorane.ru will help you quickly decide on a suitable restaurant, cafe or banquet hall. Here you can get acquainted with the interiors of the establishments, the services offered, the menu and other important details. Sometimes for a commemoration it is worth hiring a leader who knows all the intricacies of the ceremony and will help to conduct it according to all the rules.

The dishes served on the funeral table also play an important role. Kutia is considered the main one among many Slavic peoples (it is also called koliv, kanun, sochiv). This is a porridge that usually includes rice, honey, raisins and nuts. Rice can be substituted for wheat or barley, or can be used with them.

The tradition of cooking kutya for a wake, according to many historians, dates back to the times of ancient Greece. The grains that make up its composition, in paganism, symbolize the beginning of a new life. And one of their meanings in Christianity is that the soul, like a grain, will germinate and be reborn in Christ. Kutya must be consecrated in the temple before the feast. The meal usually begins with its eating.

The abundance of dishes on the memorial table is not at all necessary. Here food is just a symbol, not a means of saturation. Nevertheless, in addition to kutya, the required minimum should include cold snacks, drinks and at least one hot dish.

It is unacceptable to decorate dishes and build intricate compositions on plates. "Non-culinary" attributes of the table can be black ribbons or sprigs of spruce. Some peoples put lamps on the table. During the meal, it is considered bad form to talk loudly, and even more so - laughter. The feast is entirely dedicated to the memories of the deceased.

After the meal is over, it is not customary to thank for the treat. The leftovers of food, as a rule, are given to guests with them so that they can remember the deceased with a kind word at home. Part of the porridge is distributed on the street to the poor or, again, to guests. Throwing away kutya is considered unacceptable.

Unfortunately, quite often relatives are limited only to holding a commemoration on memorable dates and church notes about the repose. But this alone is not enough... But prayer, according to the Holy Fathers, is capable of working miracles. What is the duty of loved ones to the deceased person, how can you help him?



DAYS OF SPECIAL REMEMBER FOR THE DEAD

On certain days, he prays for the deceased and offers the Bloodless Sacrifice for his repose. Special days of commemoration are the third, ninth and fortieth after death (while the day of death is considered the first). Commemoration these days is consecrated by an ancient church custom. It is consistent with the doctrine of the state of the soul beyond the grave.

The third day . The commemoration of the deceased is performed in honor of the three-day Resurrection of Christ and in the image of the Most Holy Trinity.
According to Church tradition, the first two days the soul of the deceased is still on earth, passing along with the Angel accompanying her to those places that attract her with memories of earthly joys and sorrows, evil and good deeds. On the third day, the Lord commands the soul to ascend to heaven to worship Him. Therefore, the ecclesiastical commemoration of the soul that appeared before the face of the Righteous Master is very timely.

Ninth day. The commemoration of the deceased is performed in honor of the nine orders of angels, who, as servants of the King of Heaven and intercessors to Him for us, intercede for mercy on the deceased.
After the third day, the soul, accompanied by an Angel, enters the heavenly abodes and contemplates their inexpressible beauty. She remains in this state for six days. For this time, the soul forgets the sorrow that it felt while in the body and after leaving it. On the ninth day, the Lord commands the Angels to again present the soul to Him for worship. With fear and trembling, the soul stands before the Throne of the Most High.

Fortieth day. The forty-day period is very significant in the history and tradition of the Church as the time necessary for preparation, for the acceptance of the special Divine gift of the grace-filled help of the Heavenly Father.
Let us remember the prophet Moses, who, after a forty-day fast, received the Tablets from the Lord. The Israelites reached the promised land after forty years of wandering. Our Lord Jesus Christ Himself ascended into heaven on the fortieth day after His Resurrection.
After the second worship of the Lord, the angels lead the soul to hell, and she contemplates the cruel torments of unrepentant sinners. On the fortieth day, the soul ascends for the third time to worship God, and then its fate is decided - for earthly affairs, it is assigned a place of residence until the Last Judgment.

Anniversary. The Church commemorates the dead on the anniversary of their death. The reason is that the largest liturgical cycle is the annual cycle, after which all fixed holidays are repeated again. For an Orthodox believer, these are birthday memories for a new, eternal life.



Ecumenical funeral service (PARENTAL SATURDAYS)

The Church also established special days for a solemn, universal, ecumenical commemoration. The requiems performed at the same time, indicated by the Charter, are called ecumenical, and the days on which the commemoration is performed are ecumenical parental Saturdays.

Saturday is meatless. This is the Saturday of Shrove Tuesday, before Forgiveness Sunday. By dedicating Meatfare Week to remembrance of the Last Judgment, the Church established intercession not only for her living members, but also for all the dead. The solemn all-church commemoration of the departed on this Saturday (as well as on Trinity Saturday) brings great benefit and help to the dead and serves as an expression of the fullness of the Church life that we live.

Saturday Trinity. The commemoration of all the dead was established on the Saturday before Pentecost due to the fact that the event of the descent of the Holy Spirit completed the economy of the salvation of man, and both the living and the dead participate in this salvation. St. Basil the Great, who compiled the prayers for the Vespers of Pentecost, says in them that the Lord, most of all, on this day deigns to accept prayers for the dead and even for "those who are held in hell."

Parental Saturdays of the 2nd, 3rd and 4th weeks of Great Lent. On the weekdays of Great Lent, there are no commemorations for the dead, since there is no full Liturgy every day, with the celebration of which the commemoration of the dead is associated. In order not to deprive the dead of the saving intercession of the Church during the days of Great Lent, the indicated Saturdays are singled out.

Radonitsa - the commemoration of the dead takes place on Tuesday after St. Thomas Week (resurrection) and serves as a remembrance of the descent of Jesus Christ into hell and His victory over death. This is also due to the fact that the Church Charter for the first time after Easter is already allowed to make the usual commemoration of the dead. On this day, believers come to the graves of their loved ones with the joyful news of the Resurrection of Christ. Hence the very day of commemoration is called Radonitsa.

Unfortunately, in Soviet times, it was customary to visit the cemetery not on Radonitsa, but on the first day of Easter, but this is not true! After all, Easter is an all-encompassing joy for believers; prayers for the dead are not said during the entire Easter week.



CHURCH FUNERAL SERVICES

It is necessary to commemorate the deceased in the Church as often as possible, not only on the designated special days of commemoration, but also on any other day. The Church performs the main prayer for the repose of the departed Orthodox Christians at the Divine Liturgy, bringing the Bloodless Sacrifice to God for them.

• To do this, before the start of the Liturgy (or the night before), you should submit notes with names to the church (only baptized Orthodox Christians can be entered). On the proskomedia, particles for their repose will be taken out of the prosphora, which at the end of the Liturgy will be lowered into the Holy Chalice and washed with the Blood of the Son of God.


• Believers receive relief of the soul through the infinite goodness of God through the prayers of the priests, so you should try to ask the priests to pray for their deceased loved ones.


• At the top of the note is usually placed an eight-pointed Orthodox cross. Then the type of commemoration is indicated - “On the repose”, after which the names of those commemorated in the genitive case are written in large legible handwriting. The first to be mentioned are clergy and monastics, indicating the rank and degree of monasticism (for example, ON THE REST of Metropolitan John, Sheikhumen Sava, Archpriest Alexander, nun Rachel, Andrei, Nina).


• The number of names in the note does not matter, but all names must be given in church writing (for example, Tatiana, Alexy) and in full (Michael, Lyubov, not Misha, Lyuba).


• By submitting notes, the parishioner makes a donation for the needs of the monastery or temple. To avoid confusion, remember that the difference in recommended donation amounts (registered or simple note) only reflects the difference in the amount of the donation.


• Do not be embarrassed if you did not hear the mention of the names of your relatives during the service. As mentioned above, the main commemoration takes place on the proskomedia, when particles are taken out of the prosphora.


• During the funeral litany, you can take out your commemoration book (a small booklet containing the names of living and deceased relatives) and pray for loved ones. There is a pious custom to receive communion on the days of remembrance of relatives and friends of the deceased. The prayer of a person who has cleansed his soul by repentance and has approached the Holy Mysteries of Christ is especially intelligible to the Lord.


• You can order a memorial service. A memorial service is served after the Liturgy before the eve - a special table with the image of a crucifix and a candlestick.


• It is very important to order a magpie for repose in the temple - this is an unceasing commemoration at the Liturgy for forty days. At the end of the magpie, you can order again. There are also long periods of commemoration - six months, a year. Some monasteries accept notes for eternal remembrance or for remembrance during the reading of the Psalter. Of course, it is better when more people pray for your loved one, so notes can be submitted an unlimited number of times.


• The simplest type of sacrifice for the deceased is a candle that is placed on his repose. But it is very useful on the memorable days of the deceased to donate to the church, to give alms to the poor with a request to pray for him. On the eve (a special table in the temple) you can bring food, but not meat food, tobacco and alcohol (this does not apply to church wine). Here you can also leave alms for the needs of the temple in memory of the deceased relatives.

REMEMBERING THE DEAD AT HOME PRAYER

• Home (keel) prayer for loved ones, including the dead, is the duty of any Christian. The home prayer commemoration of the deceased Christian is very diverse.


• The Church commands us to pray every day for the departed parents, relatives, known and benefactors. For this, the following short prayer is included in the number of daily morning prayers: “God give rest, Lord, to the souls of your departed servants: my parents, relatives, benefactors (their names) and all Orthodox Christians, and forgive them all sins, free and involuntary, and grant them the Kingdom of Heaven.”


• One should especially pray for the deceased in the first forty days after his death. During this period, it is very useful to read the Psalter about the deceased, at least one kathisma a day. You can also read an akathist about the repose of the dead.


• Names are easier to read from the commemoration. There is a pious custom to keep family commemorations, reading which Orthodox people commemorate many generations of their deceased ancestors by name.

FUNERAL MEAL

• The pious custom of commemorating the dead should not turn into a simple occasion for relatives to get together, discuss the news and eat deliciously. A memorial meal is a kind of alms given by the family of the deceased to his relatives, neighbors and acquaintances with a request to pray for his soul. Therefore, Orthodox Christians, even at the memorial table, should first of all pray for the departed.


• Litiya should be performed before the meal. To do this, you can invite a priest. If this is not possible, this rite can be performed by a clergyman or a layman. In extreme cases, you need to at least read the 90th psalm and the prayer "Our Father".


• The first dish that is eaten at the wake is kutya (kolivo). These are boiled grains of cereals (wheat or rice) with honey and raisins. Grains are a symbol of resurrection, and honey is a sweetness that the righteous enjoy in the Kingdom of God. According to the charter, kutia should be consecrated by a priest during a memorial service; if this is not possible, it is necessary to sprinkle it with holy water.


• When commemorating, Orthodox Christians need to observe the fasts established by the Church and eat the allowed food: on Wednesday, Friday, on multi-day fasts - do not eat fast. If the memory of the deceased happens on a weekday of Great Lent, strictly according to the Charter, the commemoration is transferred to the next Saturday. If for some reason this is difficult, then the date of the commemoration can be determined by consulting with the priest.


• It is necessary to refrain from alcohol at the memorial meal. The dead are not commemorated with wine! Wine is a symbol of earthly joy, and a commemoration is an occasion for intense prayer for a person who may suffer greatly in the afterlife.


• Instead of the common atheistic phrase: “May the earth rest in peace to him,” pray briefly: “God rest the soul of Your newly-departed servant (th) (name), and forgive him (her) all his sins, free and involuntary, and grant him the Kingdom of Heaven” .


• At the table, you need to remember the deceased, his good qualities and deeds (hence the name - commemoration). The custom of leaving at the table a glass of water or vodka and a piece of bread “for the deceased” is a relic of paganism and should not be observed by the Orthodox.


• On the contrary, there are pious customs worthy of imitation. In many Orthodox families, the poor and the poor, children and old women are the first to sit down at the memorial table. After all, initially one must strive to create a deed of alms in memory of the deceased.

By and large, a deceased person does not need a coffin, or a grave monument, much less a memorial table - all this is just a tribute to traditions, albeit very pious ones. These traditions are an external symbol of our prayer, and without it they have no meaning. The soul of the deceased feels a great need for our constant prayer, for it cannot do good deeds and pray for itself. The most we can do for the departed is prayer and good deeds of mercy. This will be our main and invaluable help to our loved ones and relatives who have passed into another world.

When preparing the material
used the archives of the newspaper "Orthodox Simbirsk"

Spirit, soul and body are creations of God. If the body has a temporary nature, then the spirit and soul live forever. The task of mankind is to live earthly life in such a way, observing the commandments of God, in order to see the Kingdom of Heaven after death.

A commemoration for 9 days after death is an important ritual that helps the deceased to go to another world, and to forgive and let go of the living.

Where is the soul 9 days after death

According to the canons of Orthodoxy, the soul of the newly deceased does not immediately go to God's destination, it stays on earth for 40 days after leaving the body.

On these days, relatives and friends constantly pray for the departed to another world, celebrating the 3rd, 9th and 40th days in a special way.

The main thing is to understand why these days are so important in order to properly hold a wake for 9 days after death. Nine days after death: the meaning of the commemoration is prayers for the deceased before God.

The number 9 is a sacred number. After death, the body rests, covered by the earth, while the soul continues to be on the earth. Nine days have passed since the funeral, what does this mean for the soul of the deceased?

The afterlife begins from the first day. On the third day, the soul leaves the house, goes on a nine-day walk. For six days, the deceased goes through a special path, preparing for a personal meeting with the Almighty. this path ends.

In addition:

A commemoration for 9 days after death helps the newly deceased with trepidation and fear to be before the throne of God - the Judge.

It is the nine-day stay on the posthumous journey that completes the selection of the angels-protectors who will become lawyers before the King of kings at God's judgment.

Each of the angels will ask God for mercy, presenting evidence of the righteous life of a person who has passed away.

For three days, the guardian angel stays with the soul near the living, and on the fourth day the deceased goes to heaven for acquaintance.

The verdict of God's judgment has not yet been pronounced, each newly deceased goes to heavenly expanses to rest from the pain that haunted him on earth. Here, the dead person is shown all his sins.

Candles in the cemetery

Meaning of 9 days

On the ninth day, the angels lead the newly deceased to the throne of God, after a conversation with the Almighty God, the soul goes to hell.

This is not God's final decision. During the hellish journey, the ordeal of the deceased begins, which consists in passing tests. Their complexity and depth depend on the sinful temptations that the deceased will encounter during the journey along the hellish path. The souls of the dead, who during this journey will show that good triumphs over evil, can count on forgiveness at God's judgment.

The importance of the ninth day after the death of a person is that the deceased is still not determined by God on his path. Prayers, memories of relatives and friends provide undeniable help to the departed. Their memories of the life of the newly deceased, his good deeds, the forgiveness of the offended bring peace to the departing soul.

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According to Orthodox traditions, one cannot constantly shed tears for a dead person, thus keeping his soul on earth. Finding peace, relatives and friends give peace to the departed relative, who, leaving, no longer cares about the people left by him.

Passing the path of hell, sinners get the opportunity to repent, the prayers of the living turn out to be a strong support for them during a difficult journey.

Important! On the ninth day, it is customary to order a prayer service, which ends with a wake. Prayer, sounding during the commemoration, help the deceased person to go through hellish trials.

The prayers of the living are filled with requests to join the deceased with the angels. If God pleases, then the deceased loved one will become the guardian angel of someone close to him.

How to calculate 9 days correctly

When calculating this sacred day, not only the day, but the time of death matters. The commemoration is arranged no later than the ninth day, and most often they do it a day earlier, but not later.

If a person died after dinner, then the wake should be done after 8 days. The date of death is not related to the time of the funeral. According to Orthodox tradition, the body is buried on the second, third day, but there are cases when the date of burial is transferred to the sixth and seventh days.

Based on this, the date of the commemoration is calculated depending on the time of death.

Wake according to the traditions of Orthodoxy

Wake is not a simple ritual. On the ninth day, relatives and loved ones gather for dinner to pay tribute to the memory of the deceased, leaving in their minds the best moments of his life.

It is not customary to invite people to a memorial dinner, they come on their own. Of course, it is necessary to clarify where and when this event will take place, to warn relatives about their desire to attend the dinner.

They begin and end the commemoration with the Lord's Prayer.

Prayer "Our Father"

Our Father who art in heaven!
hallowed be thy name;
let your kingdom come;
may Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven;
give us our daily bread this day;
and forgive us our debts, as we also forgive our debtors;
and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.
For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever.

Few people specifically study funeral, memorial rituals and traditions, but no one can avoid the fate of burying or remembering someone close.

How to properly set the table

The funeral dinner has nothing to do with the celebration. There can be no fun, songs or laughter during the commemoration of the deceased.

Alcoholic beverages that cause unusual behavior are not recommended by the church.

And during the commemoration, people pray for the forgiveness of sins of the living and the dead. Indulging in drunkenness during the commemoration of the nine days can harm the deceased.

After the prayer, each person present at the memorial dinner puts kutya, a dish specially prepared and consecrated in the church, on their plate.

Advice! There are situations when it is not possible to consecrate a memorial dish in the church, then you can sprinkle it three times with holy water.

Each region has its own traditions of cooking this dish. The main ingredients of kutya are honey and grain:

• wheat;
• corn;
• millet.

The grain was not chosen by chance. It has a sacred meaning. As a seed dies when preparing kutya, so a person dies. He can be reborn in a new form, resurrected in the Kingdom of Heaven. Honey and poppy seeds are added to kutya to wish the newly deceased a heavenly life.

Raisins and nuts are not always present in lenten kutia, because their symbolism is a prosperous, healthy life.

Sweets such as jam, honey or sugar are added as symbols of a sweet heavenly stay.

Wake should not be turned into a simple meal. This is a time of remembrance of the deceased and consolation of loved ones.

Rules of conduct during the funeral dinner

The funeral dinner begins with the first course, usually borscht.

The funeral menu necessarily contains porridge, often peas, which are served with fish, meatballs or poultry.

The choice of cold snacks is also in the power of the host.

Of the drinks on the tables there is a boil or compotes. At the end of the meal, pies with a sweet filling or thin pancakes with poppy seeds or cottage cheese are served.

Advice! Do not prepare an abundance of food, so as not to fall into gluttony.

Creating rituals while taking funeral food is an invention of people. A modest meal is not the main event of this day. The gathered people, while eating, quietly remember the person who has passed away.

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It is not recommended to talk about the bad deeds or character traits of the departed. The Church urges not to draw the attention of those present to the fact that the deceased was far from an angel, so as not to harm him during his journey through hell.

Any sin during the wake on the 9th day can harm the deceased.

Negativism, highlighted at the commemoration, is the pushing of the deceased person to a terrible sentence.

All food left after the funeral dinner is recommended to be distributed to poor relatives, needy neighbors or simply the poor.

Important! If nineteenths are celebrated in fasting, then the funeral dinner is postponed to the next weekend and adjustments are made to the menu. For people who do not fast, you can replace meat dishes with fish.

Lent imposes a particularly strict ban on alcohol.

Does the type of clothing matter?

During the funeral dinner, prayers are read, so women cover their heads with scarves or scarves. On the 9th day, only close relatives can have black scarves, as a sign of special sadness.

Men, on the contrary, take off their hats, appear before God in prayer with their heads uncovered.

Candles for the repose in the church

Behavior in the Church

For Orthodox relatives, the presence at the funeral service on the occasion of nine days is mandatory.

All people present in the temple for the repose of the deceased according to this schedule:

1. First, you should go to the icon, near which there are candles for the rest, as a rule, these are images of the crucified Jesus, cross yourself.
2. A pre-purchased candle is lit from other burning candles. If there are none, then ignition from a fire from a lamp is allowed. It is forbidden to use matches or lighters brought with you.
3. Set a lit candle in a free place. First, you can melt the bottom edge of the candle a little so that it stands stably.
4. Ask God to rest the soul of the deceased person, while giving his full name.
5. Cross yourself, make a bow and quietly move away from the lamp.

For prayer for the repose, the candlesticks located on the left side of the temple are made in a rectangular shape, in contrast to round tables with candles for health.

Candles placed in the temple symbolize a collective request, a prayer for the newly deceased.

Praying for the repose of the soul of the deceased in the afterlife, requests are sent to Heaven for the great mercy of God to the sinful newly deceased person. The more people pray for forgiveness, the lower the scale of forgiveness sinks.

You can ask both God and angels, Saints.

Prayer for the dead on day 9

“God of spirits and all flesh, straightening up death and the devil, and bestowing life on Your world! Himself, Lord, give rest to the souls of the departed Thy servants: His Holiness Patriarchs, His Grace Metropolitans, Archbishops and Bishops, who served You in the priestly, church and monastic ranks;

the creators of this holy temple, Orthodox forefathers, father, brothers and sisters, lying here and everywhere; leaders and warriors for faith and the fatherland laid down their lives, faithful, killed in internecine warfare, drowned, burned, frozen in the scum, torn to pieces by beasts, suddenly died without repentance and did not have time to reconcile with the Church and with their enemies; in the frenzy of the mind of the suicidal, those whom we commanded and asked to pray for, for whom there is no one to pray and the faithful, the burials of the Christian deprived (the name of the rivers) in a place of light, in a place of greenery, in a place of peace, sickness, sadness and sighing will flee from here.

Any sin committed by them in word or deed or thought, like a good God who loves mankind, forgive, like a person, who will be alive and will not sin. Thou art only one except for sin, Thy righteousness is righteousness forever, and Thy word is truth. As You are the Resurrection, and the Life and Peace of Your dead servants (the name of the rivers), Christ our God, and we send glory to You with Your Father without beginning, and the Most Holy, and the Good, and Your Life-giving Spirit, now and ever and forever and ever. Amen".

How to behave in a cemetery

1. After the memorial service, the people present at it are poisoned in the cemetery, bringing flowers.
2. On the grave, one should light a lamp, read the prayer “Our Father”, if there is no invited priest to read the lithium.
3. Several people speak aloud about the deceased person, the rest remember him mentally. It is not recommended to conduct worldly conversations while visiting the cemetery, talking on extraneous topics.
4. It is forbidden to arrange a memorial meal near the grave, especially to drink alcohol. This can harm the state of mind of the deceased.
5. Do not leave food on the grave of the newly deceased. The poor are asked to honor the memory of the deceased, distributing, as a mercy, sweets, buns, pies and sweets. It can also be money donated to the poor. The decision in this case is only for relatives.
6. When leaving the cemetery, it is necessary to turn off the lamp so as not to cause a fire at the grave.

Prayers, petitions and prayers of loved ones are able to beg forgiveness from God for a loved one who has gone to Heaven, who appeared before the Almighty on the ninth day.

Watch the video about the ninth day

Organizing a funeral on your own is a rather troublesome procedure. It is necessary to visit many different state and commercial institutions, collect all the certificates, and agree on the time of the ceremony. To everything else, add the psychological stress from the urgency of this event and the discomfort due to the loss of a loved one.

Involving outsiders in such a sensitive issue is not always possible financial opportunities or moral principles. However, even among older people, not everyone knows how to properly organize a funeral. Below we will tell you what is needed and the sequence of steps.

How to start organizing a funeral

The first thing to do when faced with the death of a loved one is to calm down and cope with the emotional shock. Mobilize all your strength for the next three days, promising yourself to indulge in grief in full after the burial. Stock up on valerian drops and ammonia in case of fainting. Ask someone close to accompany you on long trips to various organizations. Firstly, now you need moral support from the outside, and secondly, workers of morgues and cemeteries usually do not dare to groundlessly beg for money for various free services in the presence of a third party.

How to organize a funeral yourself: step by step instructions

Organizing a funeral on your own is not as difficult as it seems at first. Due to life factors, not every person is able to arrange an elite burial in a yew coffin in one of the central cemeteries of Moscow for his untimely departed relative. Therefore, most often a modest ceremony is held using budget ritual accessories. Nevertheless, even under constrained financial circumstances, it is quite possible to worthily send the deceased to another world.

Instructions for organizing and holding a funeral on your own:

The death of a loved one can occur at home or in a hospital. In the first case, you should call an ambulance and the police. Give advance notice of what has happened, as special transport is required for transportation to the morgue. If you doubt the death that has come, it is better to say that the person is in a deep faint. Transportation of the deceased in Moscow is free.

The patient who died in the hospital is usually taken for an autopsy. This is necessary to exclude the likelihood of death due to negligence or due to the negligence of doctors. In some cases, when there is suspicion of violent death, this procedure is also applied to the bodies brought by the medical teams.

Your next step is to determine in which thanatological department (morgue) the body of your loved one is located. Not every medical institution has a unit of this type. As a rule, one PAO or SME is attached to several hospitals or hospitals.

Notify relatives and friends of the untimely deceased about his sudden death as soon as possible. The date of burial is better to appoint the traditional one - on the 3rd day after death. In the event that the date falls on one of the Great Church holidays (Christmas, Easter, etc.) or a day off, it is worth moving it to the next day. The fact is that the priest may refuse to bury the deceased, and the mortuary workers will not give you the body on a holiday. Do not worry about the deadlines: in the thanatology department, the first 7 days of storage are free.

Take the medical certificate of death. It can be obtained at the clinic where the deceased was registered, or at the morgue where the body is located. If you are going to bury the body according to the Christian rite, do not forget to take another certificate for church representatives. This ensures that the deceased did not lay hands on himself. To obtain both documents, you must have both passports (of the deceased and your own), as well as a medical policy and a hospital card of the untimely departed.

Specify the address and opening hours of the registry office to which the deceased is assigned. This is where you should go to get a stamped death certificate. This document cannot be laminated or folded. Just in case, make a few copies of it.

To apply for a state funeral allowance (for preferential categories of Muscovites - from 16,701 rubles; (2018) for other categories - 5,701 rubles), contact the relevant institutions with documents:

• for those who worked - at the place of work;
• for pensioners - to the Pension Fund (don't forget to bring the deceased's pension certificate with you!);
• for registered unemployed - in the Social Security;
• for the military, veterans - to the military registration and enlistment office.

The amount of money in cash can be sent to you to receive in the pension fund or, after a couple of hours, they will issue an order for payment by bank transfer.

You can opt out of the allowance and choose a social funeral under the guaranteed list of services and goods for burial (free funeral). You will be provided with:

• wooden coffin upholstered with cloth;
• cover;
• white slippers;
• digging a grave;
• transportation of ritual accessories to the mortuary indicated by you;
• one-way catafal transport to the cemetery;
• burial or cremation service.

All other funeral attributes and services - clothes, a pillow, movers, a place in a columbarium, a wake, a funeral service, etc. - will have to be paid additionally.

Now that you have a guarantee that the state will at least partially compensate for your expenses, you should go to the cemetery. In the event that the deceased worried in advance about the right to the site or there is a family grave in which the burial was carried out over 15 years ago, one should go to the churchyard indicated in the documents. If the place is not determined, then it can be allocated free of charge only in open cemeteries. For Moscow it is:

• Alabushevsky (for residents of Zelenograd);
• Perepechinsky.

The rest are closed to general burials. Arrive at the churchyard should be during business hours. For metropolitan institutions, this is from 9-00 to 17-00, for Moscow Region - from 14-00 to 16-00. It is better to arrive in advance and discuss the services of digging a grave, movers, hearse transport there.

After determining the place of burial, go to the funeral goods store, for example, from the site and order:

• a coffin (it should be 20-30 cm longer than the height of the deceased);
• pillow;
• cover;
• other attributes (wreaths, commemorative ribbons, a cross, a plaque, etc.).

You can also buy a robe for the deceased and white slippers from us.

Arrange for a religious ceremony. For a budget funeral, a funeral service is usually ordered at the cemetery, followed by the presence of a church minister at the wake.

Not later than 24 hours before the ceremony, things and hygiene products for the untimely departed should be brought to the morgue.

Toiletries:

• soap;
• towel;
• toilet water or cologne;
• comb.

For women:

• underwear;
• stockings or tights;
• long sleeve dress or formal suit;
• scarf for hair;
• slippers.

For men:

• underwear;
• socks;
• suit with tie;
• slippers.

Morgue staff provide services for washing, dressing and taking the body to the hall for farewell free of charge. If you need embalming or removing cosmetic defects, be sure to ask for a price. As a rule, prices in it will be 2-3 times lower than announced.

On the day of the funeral, the main thing is to stick to the time and it is better to arrive at the mortuary a little earlier. Do not drag out the farewell procedure in the ceremonial hall of the thanatology department. You will still have time to say goodbye to the deceased before lowering him into the grave. From catafal transport to the place of burial, it is customary to carry the coffin in your arms. The procession is formed in the following sequence:

• The first to follow are people carrying a photo of the deceased, a cross and a memorial plaque;
• Then wreaths with mourning inscriptions;
• Medals, orders and other regalia of the deceased (if any) are displayed on a separate cushion;
• coffin lid;
• The coffin with the body of the untimely departed;
• Relatives, friends and other accompanying persons, according to the degree of kinship and acquaintance.

Near the grave there is a funeral service and the last farewell to the deceased. The lid is clogged, and the coffin itself is lowered into the ground. Then each of those participating in the ceremony throws the traditional harvest of the earth and wishes the deceased to rest in peace. Next, the diggers bury the grave and erect a cross or a temporary monument with a tablet on it.

The ceremony ends with a memorial meal. It is better to spend a memorial meal in a cafe. Relatives and loved ones are usually so worried about the grief that has befallen them that they may not be able to cope with such responsibilities. It gathers only the closest and dearest to the deceased people. During the funeral, it is customary to remember the deceased person.

Assistance in organizing a funeral - website

The main rule is that it is necessary to come to the commemoration only by invitation, an unauthorized visit is considered a sign of bad taste. Arriving at, you should calmly go in, wash your hands and wait for the start of the meal. It is necessary to behave decorously and decently, which means that it is not allowed to talk loudly, quarrel, make noise and speak negatively about the personality of the deceased.

PLATE WITH BLACK RIBBON

Everyone sits down at the table, depending on the place that he wants to take, unless otherwise provided by special signs. Exception - the place where the deceased usually sat is left free. To the right of this place sit the spouse of the deceased.

At the beginning of the table is placed a device with a fork and knife. Nearby is a plate with a mourning ribbon, a photograph in a black frame, and a lit candle in front of the portrait. Sometimes relatives put a glass of alcohol covered with bread in the “place” of the deceased.

ORTHODOX CUSTOMS AT A FUNERAL

At the commemoration in the cafe ritual dishes are obligatory. These include kutya, pancakes and jelly. Kutya is usually made from boiled white rice with honey and raisins and is consecrated at the service in the temple. Pancakes are allowed the most ordinary, fried in a pan. Kissel is different - from currants, cranberries and other berries.

IF YOU HAVE A FUNERAL LUNCH ACCORDING TO ORTHODOX TRADITIONS, THEN YOU NEED TO REMEMBER:

1. Before the start of the meal, 17 kathisma from the Psalter is read. Reading takes place in front of a burning candle.
2. Just before dinner, the prayer "Our Father ..." is read.
3. At the beginning of the meal, kutya is tasted. Each guest needs to eat three small spoons of kutya. Then everyone eats a pancake and drinks a glass of jelly. After the ritual meal, the participants proceed to traditional dishes.
4. Raise a glass for the repose of the deceased at a memorial dinner or not, you decide. The Orthodox Church does not approve of alcohol.

ORDER OF FUNERAL LUNCH