Humorous stories for children 8 years old. Best short stories for kids

Funniest Literary Opus Competition

Send us withhowl short funny stories,

really happened in your life.

Great prizes await the winners!

Be sure to include:

1. Last name, first name, age

2. Title of work

3. Email address

Winners are determined in three age groups:

1 group - up to 7 years

Group 2 - from 7 to 10 years old

Group 3 - over 10 years old

Competitive works:

Didn't cheat...

This morning, as usual, I do a light jog. Suddenly a cry from behind - uncle, uncle! I stop - I see a girl of 11-12 years old rushing towards me with a Caucasian shepherd dog, continuing to shout: "Uncle, uncle!" I, thinking that something happened, go forward. When there were 5 meters left before our meeting, the girl was able to say the phrase to the end:

Uncle, I'm sorry, but she will bite you now !!!

Didn't cheat...

Sofia Batrakova, 10 years old

salt tea

It happened one morning. I got up and went to the kitchen for tea. I did everything automatically: I poured tea leaves, boiling water and put 2 tablespoons of granulated sugar. She sat down at the table and began to drink tea with pleasure, but it was not sweet tea, but salty! Waking up, I put salt instead of sugar.

My relatives made fun of me for a long time.

Guys, draw conclusions: go to bed on time so that you don’t drink salty tea in the morning!!!

Agata Popova, student of MOU "Secondary School No. 2, Kondopoga

Quiet time for seedlings

Grandmother and her grandson decided to plant tomato seedlings. Together they poured earth, planted seeds, watered them. Every day, the granddaughter looked forward to the appearance of sprouts. Here are the first shoots. How much joy! Seedlings grew by leaps and bounds. One evening, the grandmother told her grandson that tomorrow morning we would go to plant seedlings in the garden ... In the morning, the grandmother woke up early, and what was her surprise: all the seedlings were lying. Grandmother asks her grandson: “What happened to our seedlings?” And the granddaughter proudly replies: “I put our seedlings to sleep!”

school snake

After the summer, after the summer

I'm flying on wings to the classroom!

Together again - Kolya, Sveta,

Olya, Tolya, Katya, Stas!

How many stamps and postcards

Butterflies, beetles, snails.

Stones, glass, shells.

Eggs are motley cuckoos.

This is a hawk claw.

Here is the herbarium! - Chur, do not touch!

I take it out of my bag

What would you think?.. A snake!

Where is the noise and laughter now?

As if the wind had blown everyone away!

Dasha Balashova, 11 years old

Rabbit peace

Once I went to the market for shopping. I stood in line for meat, and a guy is standing in front of me, looking at the meat, and there is a sign with the inscription "Rabbit of the World." The guy probably did not immediately understand that "Rabbit of the World" is the name of the saleswoman, and now his turn comes up, and he says: "Give me 300-400 grams of the rabbit of the world," he says - very interesting, he never tried it. The saleswoman looks up and says, "Mira Rabbit is me." The whole line was just laughing.

Nastya Bohunenko, 14 years old

The winner of the competition is Ksyusha Alekseeva, 11 years old,

sent such a "chuckle":

I am Pushkin!

Once, in the fourth grade, we were asked to learn a poem. Finally the day came when everyone had to tell it. Andrey Alekseev was the first to go to the blackboard (he has nothing to lose, because his name is in front of everyone in the class magazine). Here he expressively recited a poem, and the teacher of literature, who came to our lesson to replace our teacher, asks for his last name and first name. And it seemed to Andrei that he was asked to name the author of the poem he had learned. Then he said so confidently and loudly: "Alexander Pushkin." Then the whole class roared with laughter along with the new teacher.

COMPETITION IS CLOSED

Only the teacher turned away to the blackboard, and I once - and under the desk. When the teacher notices that I have disappeared, he will be terribly surprised, probably.

I wonder what he'll think? He will ask everyone where I have gone - that will be laughter! Half a lesson has already passed, and I'm still sitting. "When, - I think, - will he see that I'm not in the class?" And it's hard to sit under the desk. My back even hurt. Try to sit like this! I coughed - no attention. I can't sit anymore. Moreover, Seryozhka pokes me in the back with his foot all the time. I couldn't stand it. Didn't make it to the end of the lesson. I get out and say:

Excuse me, Pyotr Petrovich.

The teacher asks:

What's the matter? Do you want to board?

No, excuse me, I was sitting under the desk ...

Well, how is it comfortable to sit there, under the desk? You were very quiet today. That's the way it's always been in class.

In the closet

Before class, I climbed into the closet. I wanted to meow from the closet. They'll think it's a cat, but it's me.

I sat in the closet, waited for the start of the lesson and did not notice myself how I fell asleep. I wake up - the class is quiet. I look through the crack - no one is there. He pushed the door, and it was closed. So I slept through the whole lesson. Everyone went home, and they locked me in the closet.

Stuffy in the closet and dark as night. I was scared, I started screaming:

Eee! I'm in the closet! Help! Listened - silence all around.

ABOUT! Comrades! I'm in the closet! I hear someone's steps.

Someone is coming.

Who is yelling here?

I immediately recognized Aunt Nyusha, the cleaner. I rejoiced, I shout:

Aunt Nyusha, I'm here!

Where are you, dear?

I'm in the closet! In the closet!

How are you. honey, did you get there?

I'm in the closet, grandma!

So I hear that you're in the closet. So what do you want? I was locked in a closet. Oh, grandma! Aunt Nyusha left. Silence again. She must have gone for the key.

Pal Palych tapped on the cabinet with his finger.

There is no one there, - said Pal Palych. How not? Yes, - said Aunt Nyusha.

Well, where is he? - said Pal Palych and knocked again on the cabinet.

I was afraid that everyone would leave, I would stay in the closet, and I shouted with all my might:

I'm here!

Who are you? asked Pal Palych.

I... Tsypkin...

Why did you climb up there, Tsypkin?

They locked me up... I didn't get in...

Um... He's locked up! But he didn't get in! Did you see? What wizards in our school! They do not climb into the closet while they are locked in the closet! Miracles don't happen, do you hear, Tsypkin?

I hear...

How long have you been sitting there? asked Pal Palych.

Don't know…

Find the key, Pal Palych said. - Fast.

Aunt Nyusha went for the key, but Pal Palych remained. He sat down on a chair nearby and waited. I saw his face through the crack. He was very angry. He lit up and said:

Well! That's what prank leads to! Tell me honestly why are you in the closet?

I really wanted to disappear from the closet. They open the closet, but I'm not there. As if I had never been there. They will ask me: "Were you in the closet?" I'll say, "I didn't." They will say to me: "Who was there?" I'll say, "I don't know."

But that only happens in fairy tales! Surely tomorrow my mother will be called ... Your son, they will say, climbed into the closet, slept there all the lessons, and all that ... As if it’s comfortable for me to sleep here! My legs hurt, my back hurts. One pain! What was my answer?

I was silent.

Are you alive there? asked Pal Palych.

Alive…

Well, sit down, they will open soon ...

I am sitting…

So ... - said Pal Palych. - So you will answer me, why did you climb into this closet?

Who? Tsypkin? In the closet? Why?

I wanted to disappear again.

The director asked:

Tsypkin, are you?

I sighed heavily. I just couldn't answer anymore.

Aunt Nyusha said:

The class leader took the key.

Break open the door, - said the director.

I felt the door being broken - the closet shook, I hit my forehead painfully. I was afraid that the cabinet would fall, and I cried. I rested my hands on the walls of the closet, and when the door gave way and opened, I continued to stand in the same way.

Well, come out, - said the director. And tell us what that means.

I didn't move. I was scared.

Why is he worth it? the director asked.

They took me out of the closet.

I was silent all the time.

I didn't know what to say.

I just wanted to meow. But how would I say this?

Secret

We have secrets from girls. We don't trust them with our secrets for anything in the world. They can spread any secret all over the world. Even the most state secrets they can blabbed. It's a good thing they don't trust them!

Indeed, we do not have important secrets where can we get them! So we made them ourselves. We had such a secret: we buried a couple of bullets in the sand and did not tell anyone about it. There was another secret: we collected nails. For example, I collected twenty-five different kinds of nails, but who knew about it? Nobody! I didn't spill the beans to anyone. You understand how difficult it was for us! So many secrets passed through our hands that I don't even remember how many there were. And none of the girls knew anything. They walked and looked askance at us, various grimaces, and thought only of this, in order to extract our secrets from us. Although they never asked us about anything, it doesn't mean anything! How clever, though!

And yesterday I walk around the yard with our secret, with our new wonderful secret, and suddenly I see Irka. I walked by a few times and she looked at me.

I still walked around the yard, and then went up to her and sighed softly. I sighed lightly on purpose so that she wouldn't think I sighed on purpose.

I sighed a couple more times, she just looked sideways again, and that was it. Then I stopped sighing, since there was no sense in it, and I said:

If you knew that I know, you would have failed right here on the spot.

She looked at me again and said:

Do not worry, - he answers, - I will not fail, no matter how you yourself fail.

And why should I, - I say, - fail, I have nothing to fail, since I know the secret.

Secret? - speaks. - What secret?

She looks at me and waits for me to start telling her about the secret.

And I say:

A secret is a secret, and it does not exist for everyone to blurt out this secret.

For some reason she got angry and said:

Then get out of here with your secrets!

Ha, - I say, - that's still not enough! Is this your yard?

It even made me laugh. Here's what we've come to!

We stood, stood, then I see - she looks askance again.

I pretended to leave. And I say:

OK. The secret will remain with me. And he chuckled so that she understood what it meant.

She didn't even turn her head to me and said:

You don't have any secrets. If you had any secret, you would have told it long ago, and since you don’t tell, it means that there is nothing like that.

What do you think she's saying? Some kind of nonsense? But to be honest, I'm a little confused. And it’s true, because they may not believe me that I have some kind of secret, since no one except me knows about it. Everything is mixed up in my head. But I pretended that nothing was mixed up with me there, and I say:

It's a shame you can't be trusted. And then I would tell you everything. But you can be a traitor...

And then I see, she again squints at me with one eye.

I speak:

The matter here is not simple, I hope you understand this very well, and I think it’s not worth being offended at any occasion, especially if it were not a secret, but some trifle, and if I knew you better ...

I spoke long and hard. For some reason, I had such a desire - to talk a lot and for a long time. When I finished, she was not around.

She was crying, leaning against the wall. Her shoulders were trembling. I heard sobs.

I immediately realized that she could not be a traitor for anything in the world. She is just the kind of person you can safely trust with everything. I understood it right away.

You see ... - I said, - if you ... give your word ... and swear ...

And I told her the whole secret.

The next day they beat me.

She pissed everyone off...

But the most important thing was not that Irka turned out to be a traitor, not that the secret was revealed, but that then we could not come up with a single new secret, no matter how hard we tried.

I didn't eat any mustard

I hid my bag under the stairs. And he himself turned around the corner, went out onto the avenue.

Spring. Sun. Birds are singing. Somehow reluctant to go to school. Anyone will get bored. That's what I'm tired of.

I look - the car is standing, the driver is looking at something in the engine. I ask him:

Broke?

The driver is silent.

Broke? - I ask.

He is silent.

I stood, I stood, I said:

What, the car broke down?

This time he heard.

Guessed, - he says, - it broke. Do you want to help? Well, let's do it together.

Yes, I... I can't...

If you don't know how, you don't have to. I'm on my own anyway.

There are two standing. They are talking. I come closer. I listen. One says:

How about a patent?

Another says:

Good with the patent.

"Who is this, - I think, - a patent? I have never heard of him." I thought they would say more about the patent. And they didn't say anything more about the patent. They began to talk about the plant. One noticed me and said to the other:

Look, the guy opened his mouth.

And he turns to me:

What do you want?

Nothing for me, - I answer, - I just like that ...

Don't you have anything to do?

That's good! Do you see the crooked house over there?

Go push him from that side so that he is even.

Like this?

And so. There's nothing for you to do. You push him. And they both laugh.

I wanted to answer something, but I couldn't think of it. On the way, he came up with it, returned to them.

It's not funny, I say, but you're laughing.

They don't seem to hear. Me again:

Not funny at all. What are you laughing at?

Then one says:

We don't laugh at all. Where do you see us laughing?

They weren't really laughing anymore. They used to laugh. So I'm a little late...

ABOUT! The broom stands against the wall. And there is no one around. Great broom, great!

The janitor suddenly comes out of the gate:

Don't touch the broom!

Why do I need a broom? I don't need a broom...

If you don't need it, then don't go near the broom. A broom for work, not to be approached.

Some evil janitor got caught! Brooms are even a pity. Eh, what would you like to do? It's too early to go home. The lessons are not over yet. Walking the streets is boring. The guys are nowhere to be seen.

Climb on scaffolding?! A house is being renovated right next door. I look down on the city. Suddenly I hear a voice:

Where are you going? Hey!

I look - there is no one. Wow! There is no one, but someone is screaming! He began to rise higher - again:

Well, get down!

I turn my head in all directions. Where are they screaming from? What's happened?

Get off! Hey! Get down, get down!

I nearly fell down the stairs.

Moved to the other side of the street. Upstairs, I look at the forests. I wonder who yelled it. I didn't see anyone up close. And from afar I saw everything - the workers on the scaffolding are plastering, painting ...

I got on the tram and drove to the ring. There's nowhere to go anyway. I'd rather ride. Tired of walking.

I made the second round on the tram. Came to the same place. One more round to go, right? It's not time to go home yet. Too early. I look out the car window. Everyone is in a hurry somewhere, in a hurry. Where is everyone rushing to? Unclear.

Suddenly the conductor says:

Pay boy again.

I have more money There is not. I only had thirty kopecks.

Then go, boy. Go on foot.

Oh, I have a long walk to go!

And you don't ride. Didn't you go to school?

How do you know?

I know everything. You can see.

What is visible?

It's obvious that you didn't go to school. Here's what's visible. The kids are happy from school. And you seem to have eaten mustard.

I didn't eat any mustard...

Go anyway. I don't drive truants for free.

And then he says:

Okay, ride. I won't allow it next time. So know.

But I still got off. Somehow uncomfortable. The place is completely unfamiliar. I have never been in this area. On one side there are houses. On the other side there are no houses; five excavators are digging the ground. How elephants walk on the ground. They scoop up the earth with buckets and pour it to the side. Here is the technique! It's good to sit in a booth. Much better than going to school. You sit to yourself, and he walks and digs the earth.

One excavator stopped. The excavator climbs down to the ground and tells me:

Do you want to get into the bucket?

I was offended:

Why do I need a bucket? I want to go to the cab.

And then I remembered about the mustard that the conductor told me, and began to smile. So that the excavator thinks that I am cheerful. And I'm not bored at all. Lest op guess I wasn't at school.

He looked at me in surprise.

Look at you, brother, some foolish.

I began to smile even more. Mouth almost stretched to the ears.

What happened to you?

What are you making faces for me?

Give me a ride on the excavator.

This is not a trolleybus for you. This is a working machine. People work on it. Clear?

I speak:

I also want to work on it.

He says:

Hey brother! Need to learn!

I thought it was about school. And he began to smile again.

And he waved his hand at me and climbed into the cockpit. He didn't want to talk to me anymore.

Spring. Sun. Sparrows bathe in puddles. I go and think to myself. What's the matter? Why is it so boring to me?

Traveler

I firmly decided to go to Antarctica. To temper your character. Everyone says that I am spineless - my mother, the teacher, even Vovka. It's always winter in Antarctica. And there is no summer at all. Only the bravest go there. So Vovkin's dad said. Vovkin's dad was there twice. He spoke to Vovka on the radio. He asked how Vovka lives, how he studies. I will also be on the radio. So mom doesn't have to worry.

In the morning I took all the books out of my bag, put sandwiches, a lemon, an alarm clock, a glass and a soccer ball in it. I'm sure I'll meet sea lions there - they like to twirl the ball on the nose. The ball didn't fit in the bag. I had to let the air out of him.

Our cat was walking on the table. I put it in my bag too. Barely everything fit.

Here I am on the platform. The locomotive whistles. How many people are traveling! You can take any train you want. In the end, you can always change seats.

I climbed into the car, sat down, where it was more free.

An old woman was sleeping opposite me. Then a soldier sat down with me. He said: "Hi neighbors!" - and woke up the old woman.

The old woman woke up and asked:

We go? - and fell asleep again.

The train started moving. I went to the window. Here is our house, our white curtains, our linen hanging in the yard ... Our house is no longer visible. I got a little scared at first. But this is just the beginning. And when the train went very fast, somehow I even became amused! After all, I'm going to temper my character!

I'm tired of looking out the window. I sat down again.

What is your name? - asked the military man.

Sasha, - I said almost inaudibly.

What about grandma sleeping?

And who knows!

Where are you heading? -

Far…

Visiting?

For how long?

He talked to me like an adult, and for that I really liked him.

For a couple of weeks, I said seriously.

Well, not bad, - said the military man, - very good.

I asked:

Are you in Antarctica?

Not yet; do you want to go to Antarctica?

How do you know?

Everyone wants to go to Antarctica.

I want too.

You see now!

You see ... I decided to temper myself ...

I understand, - said the military man, - sports, skating ...

Not really…

Now I understand - around five!

No ... - I said, - Antarctica ...

Antarctica? - asked the soldier.

Someone invited a military man to play checkers. And he went to another compartment.

The old lady woke up.

Don't dangle your legs, said the old woman.

I went to see how they play checkers.

Suddenly ... I even opened my eyes - Murka was walking towards me. And I forgot about her! How did she get out of the bag?

She ran back and I followed her. She climbed under someone's shelf - I, too, immediately climbed under the shelf.

Murka! I shouted. - Murka!

What's that noise? shouted the conductor. - Why is the cat here?

This cat is mine.

Who is this boy with?

Me with the cat...

With what cat?

He is traveling with his grandmother, - said the military man, - she is nearby, in the compartment.

The conductor took me straight to the old woman.

Is this boy with you?

He is with the commander, - said the old woman.

Antarctica ... - the military man remembered, - everything is clear ... Do you understand what is the matter here? This boy decided to go to Antarctica. And so he took a cat with him ... And what else did you take with you, boy?

Lemon, - I said, - and more sandwiches ...

And went to educate his character?

Which bad boy! - said the old woman.

Ugliness! - confirmed the conductor.

Then for some reason everyone started laughing. Even Grandma started laughing. She even had tears in her eyes. I did not know that everyone was laughing at me, and slowly laughed too.

Take the cat, the guide said. - You arrived. Here it is, your Antarctica!

The train stopped.

"Really," I think, "Antarctica? So soon?"

We got off the train onto the platform. I was put on an oncoming train and taken home.

Mikhail Zoshchenko, Lev Kassil and others - Enchanted letter

Once Alyosha had a deuce. By singing. And so there were no more deuces. There were triplets. Almost all three were. One four was once a very long time ago.

And there were no fives at all. A person has not had a single five in his life! Well, it wasn’t like that, it wasn’t, well, what can you do! Happens. Alyosha lived without fives. Ros. Moved from class to class. I got my positive triples. He showed everyone the four and said:

Here, it was a long time ago.

And suddenly - five. And most importantly, why? For singing. He got this five quite by accident. He successfully sang something like that, and he was given a five. And even verbally praised. They said: "Well done, Alyosha!" In short, it was very pleasant event, which was overshadowed by one circumstance: he could not show this five to anyone, since it was entered in the journal, and the journal, of course, is usually not given to students. He forgot his diary at home. If so, then Alyosha does not have the opportunity to show everyone his five. And so all joy was darkened. And he, of course, wanted to show everyone, especially since this phenomenon in his life, as you understand, is rare. He may simply not be believed without factual data. If the five would be in a notebook, for example, for a problem solved at home or for a dictation, then it’s easier than ever. That is, go with this notebook and show it to everyone. Until the sheets start popping out.

In arithmetic class, he came up with a plan: steal a magazine! He steals the magazine and brings it back in the morning. During this time, he can bypass all acquaintances and strangers with this magazine. In short, he seized the moment and stole the magazine at recess. He slipped the magazine into his bag and sits as if nothing had happened. Only his heart is beating frantically, which is quite natural, since he committed theft. When the teacher returned, he was so surprised that the magazine was not in place that he didn’t even say anything, but suddenly became somehow thoughtful. It seemed that he doubted whether there was a magazine on the table or not, whether it came with or without a magazine. He never asked about the magazine: the idea that one of the students had stolen it did not even cross his mind. There was no such case in his pedagogical practice. II he, without waiting for the call, quietly left, and it was evident that he was greatly upset by his forgetfulness.

And Alyosha grabbed his bag and rushed home. On the tram, he took a magazine out of his bag, found his five there and looked at it for a long time. And when he was already walking down the street, he suddenly remembered that he had forgotten the magazine in the tram. When he remembered this, he almost collapsed from fear. He even said "oops!" Or something like that. The first thought that came to his mind was to run after the tram. But he quickly realized (he was still quick-witted!), that there was no point in running after the tram, since he had already left. Then many other thoughts came to his mind. But these were all such insignificant thoughts that it is not worth talking about them.

He even had such an idea: to take a train and go to the North. And go to work somewhere. Why exactly to the North, he did not know, but he was going there. I mean, he didn't even want to. He thought about it for a moment, and then remembered his mother, grandmother, his father and abandoned this idea. Then he thought if he should go to the Lost Property Bureau, it is quite possible that the magazine is there. But here comes the suspicion. He will certainly be detained and prosecuted. And he did not want to be held accountable, despite the fact that he deserved it.

He came home and even lost weight in one evening. And all night he could not sleep, and by morning, probably, he had lost even more weight.

First, his conscience tormented him. The entire class was left without a magazine. All friends' marks are gone. His excitement is understandable.

And secondly, five. One in a lifetime - and she was gone. No, I understand it. True, I do not quite understand his desperate act, but his feelings are completely understandable to me.

So he came to school in the morning. Worried. Nervous. Lump in throat. Doesn't look into the eyes.

The teacher comes. Speaks:

Guys! The magazine is gone. Some sort of opportu- nity. And where could he go?

Alyosha is silent.

The teacher says:

I kind of remember coming to class with a magazine. Even saw it on the table. But at the same time, I doubt it. I couldn't lose it on the way, although I remember very well how I picked it up in the teacher's room and carried it along the corridor.

Some guys say:

No, we remember that the magazine was on the table. We saw.

The teacher says:

In that case, where does he go?

Here Alyosha could not stand it. He could no longer sit and be silent. He got up and says:

The magazine is probably in the chamber of lost things ...

The teacher was surprised and said:

Where? Where?

And the class laughed.

Then Alyosha, very excited, says:

No, I’m telling you the truth, he’s probably in the chamber of lost things… he couldn’t be lost…

In what chamber? - says the teacher.

Lost things, - says Alyosha.

I don't understand anything, says the teacher.

Then Alyosha suddenly for some reason was afraid that he would get a big blow for this case if he confessed, and he said:

I just wanted to advise...

The teacher looked at him and said sadly:

Don't talk nonsense, do you hear?

At this time, the door opens, and a woman enters the classroom and holds something wrapped in a newspaper in her hand.

I'm a conductor, she says, I'm sorry. I have a free day today, and so I found your school and class, in which case, take your magazine.

There was an uproar in the classroom, and the teacher said:

How so? Here is the number! How does our cool magazine got to the conductor? No, it can't be! Maybe this is not our magazine?

The conductor smiles slyly and says:

No, this is your journal.

Then the teacher grabs a magazine from the conductor and quickly flips through it.

Yes! Yes! Yes! - he shouts, - This is our magazine! I remember carrying him down the hallway...

Conductor says:

And then they forgot on the tram?

The teacher looks at her with wide eyes. And she, smiling broadly, says:

Well, of course. You forgot it on the tram.

Then the teacher grabs his head:

God! Something is happening to me. How could I forget the magazine on the tram? It's simply unthinkable! Although I remember carrying it down the hallway... Maybe I should leave school? I feel it's getting harder and harder for me to teach...

The conductor says goodbye to the class, and the whole class shouts "thank you" to her, and she leaves with a smile.

In parting, she says to the teacher:

Next time be more careful.

The teacher is sitting at the table with his head in his hands, in a very gloomy mood. Then he, resting his hands on his cheeks, sits and looks at one point.

I stole a magazine.

But the teacher is silent.

Then Alyosha says again:

I stole the magazine. Understand.

The teacher lazily says:

Yes... yes... I understand you... your noble act... but there is no need to do this... You want to help me... I know... take the blame... but why do it, my dear...

Alyosha almost crying says:

No, I'm telling you the truth...

The teacher says:

You see, he still insists... what a stubborn boy... no, this is an amazingly noble boy... I appreciate it, dear, but... since... things like this happen to me... I need to think about leaving... to leave teaching for a while...

Alyosha says through tears:

I... to you... tell the truth...

The teacher abruptly rises from his seat, slams his fist on the table and shouts hoarsely:

No need!

After that, he wipes his tears with a handkerchief and quickly leaves.

And what about Alyosha?

He remains in tears. He tries to explain to the class, but no one believes him.

He feels a hundred times worse, as if he had been severely punished. He cannot eat or sleep.

He goes to the teacher's house. And he explains everything. And he convinces the teacher. The teacher strokes his head and says:

This means that you are not yet a completely lost person and you have a conscience.

And the teacher escorts Alyosha to the corner and lectures him.

...................................................
Copyright: Victor Golyavkin

Great time - childhood! Carelessness, pranks, games, eternal "why" and, of course, funny stories from the life of children - funny, memorable, making you smile involuntarily.

publicly warned

One mother of a beautiful six-year-old son often has no one to leave her not always obedient child at home with. Therefore, sometimes she takes the baby with her to work (to the exhibition). On one of these days, the driver calls my mother and asks to pick up some booklets from the checkpoint. She leaves, and her son is strictly punished to sit still and not go anywhere. In general, to search for a driver, design and pick up booklets, their delivery to right place leaves certain time. And so… Approaching her lady, she sees a bunch of people who laugh and take pictures of something on the stand. The son is not there! But there is an A-4 sheet attached to the stand, on which capital letters written: "I'll be there soon. What am I!”

This same mom once asked dad to play with her son while she cooks dinner. After a while, he hears a aching voice from the room: “Dad, I’m tired ... Can I go play?” Looking into the room, he sees this picture: dad lying on the sofa, and his son in full uniform (helmet, cloak, sword), marching back and forth along the sofa. To the question: "What is it?" - the son replies: “My dad and I play the King of the sofa!” Like this funny story about children can not only but also make you plunge headlong into your own memories.

Shh! Dad is sleeping

And here is another funny story about children from life. One mother left a three-year-old child with her father for just a couple of hours. He comes and sees such a picture: dad is sleeping sweetly on the sofa, on both hands he is wearing a toy from (a bunny and a fox). The child covered him from above with his small blanket, placed a high chair next to him, a cup of juice on it, and a mandatory attribute - a pot next to the sofa. He closed the door and himself sits quietly in the corridor, and when his mother comes in, he shows: “Shh! Dad is sleeping there.

The child watched the fairy tale about Scheherazade and, impressed by such a magical film, says to his beloved grandmother, who is wearing an oriental-colored robe: “Grandma, are you a Scheherazade?”

The kid does not eat well, and almost the whole family gathers to feed him. And everyone persuades the capricious boy to eat at least a spoonful. And even grandfather says: “You, granddaughters, don’t worry! I didn’t eat well as a child, so my mother scolded me for it and even beat me.” To such a sincere confession, the granddaughter replies: “That’s what I’m looking at, grandfather, that you have all false teeth ...”

Kitty Kitty Kitty

And this is a funny story about children from real life. One grandmother, in the past the head of the section, who at work and at home was not shy in expressions, certain period was raising her grandson. One fine day, this couple went to the store, where the grandmother had to stand in a long line. This occupation seemed boring to the grandson, and he decided to make friends with the shop cat:

Kitty! Kitty, kitty, come here.

The cat, apparently, was not interested in these tendernesses, and he hid under the counter. But the boy is stubborn! Persistent boy! Now, by all means, he needs to get the cat:

Kitty, kitty-kitty, come to me, my good one.

The animal has zero reaction.

Kitty, ...fuck, come here to..., I said, - continued the childish boyish voice. The queue fell with laughter, and the grandmother, grabbing her grandson under her arm, quickly retreated. And it seems like she even stopped using swear words.

About home canning

Mom and son salted and sorted out the broken ones. She threw them down the toilet. Between her and the child who came out of the toilet, the following dialogue took place:

Mom, stop salting the mushrooms!

How is it?

Because you constantly taste them for salt.

And what from this?

So you already poop them! I myself saw them floating in the toilet.

Once upon a time there was Little Red Riding Hood...

And this funny story about children, or rather, about the child of one busy daddy, who recently had a chance to put his son to bed. And the kid ordered daddy to tell him an interesting fairy tale for the night, namely his favorite - about Little Red Riding Hood.

Once upon a time there was a little girl in the world, and her name was Little Red Riding Hood, - dad began his story, who came home from work very tired.

She went to visit her beloved grandmother, - he continued already half asleep, unable to fight sleep himself.

He woke up because his son was indignantly pushing him in the side:

Dad! What were the police doing there and who was Yuri Gagarin?

Where is the child?

A funny story about children from real life about how a negligent father forgot a child on a walk. And it was like that. He somehow showed initiative and proudly offered his candidacy for a walk with a five-month-old daughter on the street. Mom, knowing his irresponsibility, said to walk near the house. After an hour and a half, the joyful dad returns, though alone. Mom almost turned gray when she didn’t see the stroller with the baby. And he, it turns out, met a friend, and since he smoked, they stepped aside so that the child would not breathe smoke. Yes, and dad forgot while talking about the child. So I came home. I had to urgently run to that place; it's good that everything worked out.

Here is a funny story about children in kindergarten. Dad came to the nursery for the first time to pick up the child. The children were still sleeping at that moment, and the teacher, busy with something, asked the father to dress his child on his own, only quietly so as not to wake the sleeping babies. In general, the picture before her mother appeared like this: her beloved daughter in boyish pants, a shirt and other people's slippers. All weekend, the shocked woman imagined the poor boy, who, due to the circumstances, had to wear a pink dress. And all because dad mixed up the chair with clothes.

Funny stories about little kids

A 4-year-old daughter resorts to her mother with the question of whether she will be an apple.

Of course, - says the satisfied mom, - did you wash them?

It was only later that my mother realized that the only place where the daughter could wash the fruit is the toilet, because only there the baby got it.

Funny stories from the life of children are found at every step, and even in the central department store, where one day a mother was walking with her 4-year-old son. They pass by the department for the newlyweds.

Mom, - says the baby, - let's buy you such a beautiful white dress.

What are you, son! This is a dress for a bride who is getting married.

And you will come out, don't worry, - the boy reassures.

So I'm already married, son.

Yes? - the kid is surprised. “Who did you marry and didn’t tell me?”

So it's your dad!

Well, it's good that and not some unfamiliar uncle, - calming down, the boy said.

Mom buy a phone

5-year-old son asks his mother to buy him a mobile phone.

Why do you need him? - Mom is interested.

I really need it, - the boy answers.

Yes, but still? Why do you need a phone? - asks the parent.

So you and the teacher Maria Ivanovna always scold me for not eating well in kindergarten. And so I will call you and tell you to give cutlets.

No less funny story about children. This time we will remember the conversation of a 4-year-old kid with his grandmother.

Grandmother, please give birth to a baby, otherwise I have no one to play with. Mom and dad have no time.

So how do I give birth? I won’t be able to give birth to anyone anymore,” my grandmother replies.

A! I understand, - guessed Roma. - You're a male! I saw the program on TV.

On the track...

Funny stories from the life of children always return to childhood - easy, carefree and so naive!

Before leaving home, the teacher Elena Andreevna says to the 3-year-old boy:

We go outside, we will walk there and wait for mom. So go down the path to the toilet.

The boy left and disappeared. The teacher, without waiting for the baby, went in search of him. Going out into the corridor, he sees the following picture: between the two stands a confused boy with an expression of utter bewilderment on his face and says:

Elena Andreevna, did you say which path to go to the toilet: blue or red?

Here is such a funny story about children.

Motherland is calling!

Funny stories from the life of children at school also amaze with the unpredictability of students, their antics and resourcefulness. In one class there was a boy named Rodin. His mother was a teacher at the same school. Once she asked one schoolboy to call her son from the lesson. He flies into the classroom and shouts:

Motherland is calling!

The first reaction of students and teachers is numbness, misunderstanding, fear...

After the words: “Rodin, come out, your mother is calling you,” the class fell under their desks with laughter.

In one school, a teacher dictated to elementary school students an essay based on Prishvin's work. The meaning was how hard the life of a bunny in the forest is, how everyone offends him, how he has to cold winter get your own food. Somehow the animal found a rowan bush in the forest and began to eat berries. Verbatim last phrase The dictation sounded like this: "The fluffy animal is full."

In the evening, the teacher just sobbed over the essays. Literally all the students wrote the word "full" with two letters "s".

In another school, one student constantly wrote the word "walk" through "o" ("shol"). The teacher got tired of correcting his mistakes all the time, and after the lessons she made the student write the word “walked” on the blackboard a hundred times. The boy did an excellent job with the task, and at the end he wrote: “I left.”

The boy Yasha always liked to climb everywhere and climb into everything. As soon as some suitcase or box was brought, Yasha immediately found himself in it.

And he climbed into all sorts of bags. And in closets. And under the tables.

Mom often said:

- I'm afraid, I'll come with him to the post office, he will get into some empty parcel, and he will be sent to Kyzyl-Orda.

He got very good for it.

And then Yasha took a new fashion - he began to fall from everywhere. When it was distributed in the house:

- Eh! - everyone understood that Yasha had fallen from somewhere. And the louder the “uh” was, the greater was the height from which Yasha flew. For example, mother hears:

- Eh! - so it's no big deal. This Yasha just fell off the stool.

If you hear:

- Eee! - so it's a very serious matter. It was Yasha who plopped down from the table. I need to go and look at his bumps. And on a visit, Yasha climbed everywhere, and even tried to climb on the shelves in the store.

One day my dad said:

- Yasha, if you climb somewhere else, I don’t know what I will do with you. I'll tie you to the vacuum cleaner with ropes. And you will walk everywhere with a vacuum cleaner. And you will go to the store with your mother with a vacuum cleaner, and in the yard you will play in the sand tied to the vacuum cleaner.

Yasha was so frightened that after these words he did not climb anywhere for half a day.

And then, nevertheless, he climbed onto the table with his dad and crashed together with the phone. Dad took it and actually tied it to a vacuum cleaner.

Yasha walks around the house, and the vacuum cleaner follows him like a dog. And he goes to the store with his mother with a vacuum cleaner, and plays in the yard. Very uncomfortable. Neither you climb the fence, nor ride a bicycle.

But Yasha learned to turn on the vacuum cleaner. Now instead of "uh" constantly began to be heard "uu".

As soon as mom sits down to knit socks for Yasha, when all of a sudden all over the house - "oooooo." Mom is jumping up and down.

We decided to make a good deal. Yasha was untied from the vacuum cleaner. And he promised not to climb anywhere else. Papa said:

- This time, Yasha, I will be stricter. I'll tie you to a stool. And I'll nail the stool to the floor with nails. And you will live with a stool, like a dog in a booth.

Yasha was very afraid of such a punishment.

But just then a very wonderful case turned up - they bought a new wardrobe.

First, Yasha climbed into the closet. He sat in the closet for a long time, banging his forehead against the walls. This is an interesting thing. Then he got bored and got out.

He decided to climb into the closet.

Yasha moved the dining table to the closet and climbed on it. But he did not reach the top of the cabinet.

Then he put a light chair on the table. He climbed onto the table, then onto a chair, then onto the back of a chair, and began to climb onto the closet. Already half gone.

And then the chair slipped out from under his foot and fell to the floor. But Yasha remained half on the closet, half in the air.

Somehow he climbed onto the closet and fell silent. Try telling your mom

- Oh, mom, I'm sitting on the closet!

Mom will immediately transfer him to a stool. And he will live like a dog all his life near a stool.

Here he sits and is silent. Five minutes, ten minutes, five more minutes. All in all, whole month almost. And Yasha slowly began to cry.

And mom hears: Yasha can’t hear something.

And if Yasha is not heard, then Yasha is doing something wrong. Either he chews matches, or he climbed into the aquarium up to his knees, or he draws Cheburashka on his father's papers.

Mom became in different places glance. And in the closet, and in the nursery, and in my father's office. And everything is in order: dad works, the clock is ticking. And if there is order everywhere, then something difficult must have happened to Yasha. Something extraordinary.

Mom screams:

- Yasha, where are you?

Yasha is silent.

- Yasha, where are you?

Yasha is silent.

Then my mother began to think. He sees a chair on the floor. He sees that the table is not in place. He sees - Yasha is sitting on the closet.

Mom asks:

- Well, Yasha, are you going to sit on the closet all your life or will we get down?

Yasha doesn't want to go down. He is afraid that he will be tied to a stool.

He says:

- I won't get down.

Mom says:

- Okay, let's live on the closet. Now I'll bring you lunch.

She brought Yasha soup in a bowl, a spoon and bread, and a small table and a stool.

Yasha had lunch on the cupboard.

Then his mother brought him a pot on the closet. Yasha was sitting on the potty.

And in order to wipe his ass, my mother had to get up on the table herself.

At this time, two boys came to visit Yasha.

Mom asks:

- Well, should you give Kolya and Vitya a closet?

Yasha says:

- Submit.

And then dad couldn’t stand it from his office:

- Now I myself will come to visit him on the closet. Yes, not one, but with a strap. Remove it from the cabinet immediately.

They took Yasha out of the closet, and he says:

- Mom, I didn’t get off because I’m afraid of stools. My dad promised to tie me to a stool.

“Oh, Yasha,” says mom, “you are still small. You don't understand jokes. Go play with the guys.

And Yasha understood jokes.

But he also understood that dad did not like to joke.

He can easily tie Yasha to a stool. And Yasha did not climb anywhere else.

Yasha was good to everyone, he just ate badly. All the time with concerts. Either mom sings to him, or dad shows tricks. And he gets along:

- Don't want.

Mom says:

- Yasha, eat porridge.

- Don't want.

Papa says:

- Yasha, drink juice!

- Don't want.

Mom and dad got tired of persuading him every time. And then my mother read in one scientific pedagogical book that children should not be persuaded to eat. It is necessary to put a plate of porridge in front of them and wait for them to get hungry and eat everything.

They put, put plates in front of Yasha, but he does not eat and does not eat anything. He doesn't eat meatballs, soup, or porridge. He became thin and dead, like a straw.

- Yasha, eat porridge!

- Don't want.

- Yasha, eat soup!

- Don't want.

Previously, his pants were hard to fasten, but now he dangled completely freely in them. It was possible to launch another Yasha into these pants.

And then one day a strong wind blew.

And Yasha played on the site. He was very light, and the wind rolled him around the site. Rolled up to the wire mesh fence. And there Yasha got stuck.

So he sat, pressed against the fence by the wind, for an hour.

Mom calls:

- Yasha, where are you? Go home with the soup to suffer.

But he doesn't go. He is not even heard. He not only became dead himself, but his voice became dead. Nothing is heard that he squeaks there.

And he squeaks:

- Mom, take me away from the fence!

Mom began to worry - where did Yasha go? Where to look for it? Yasha is not seen and not heard.

Dad said this:

- I think our Yasha was rolled away somewhere by the wind. Come on, mom, we'll take the pot of soup out onto the porch. The wind will blow and the smell of soup will bring to Yasha. On this delicious smell, he will crawl.

V. Golyavkin

How we climbed into the pipe
A huge chimney was lying in the yard, and Vovka and I sat on it. We sat on this pipe, and then I said:

Let's climb into the pipe. We go in one end and we go out the other. Who gets out the fastest.

Vovka said:

And suddenly we'll suffocate there.

There are two windows in the chimney, I said, just like in a room. Are you breathing in the room?

Vovka said:

What kind of room is this? Since it's a pipe. - He always argues.

I climbed first, and Vovka counted. He counted to thirteen when I got out.

Come on, I, - said Vovka.

He climbed into the pipe, and I counted. I counted to sixteen.

You think fast, - he said, - come on! And he again climbed into the pipe.

I counted to fifteen.

It’s not stuffy at all, he said, it’s very cool there.

Then Petka Yashchikov approached us.

And we, - I say, - are climbing into the pipe! I got out on the account of thirteen, and he on fifteen.

Come on, I, - said Petya.

And he also climbed into the pipe.

He got out at eighteen.

We started laughing.

He climbed again.

He came out very sweaty.

Well, how? - he asked.

Sorry, I said, we didn't count now.

What does it mean that I crawled for nothing? He was offended, but climbed again.

I counted to sixteen.

Well, - he said, - gradually it will turn out! - And he climbed into the pipe again. This time he crawled there for a long time. Nearly twenty. He got angry, wanted to climb again, but I said:

Let others climb, - he pushed him away and climbed himself. I stuffed myself with a bump and crawled for a long time. I was very hurt.

I got out at thirty.

We thought you were gone,” Petya said.

Then Vovka climbed. I have already counted to forty, but he still does not get out. I look into the pipe - it's dark there. And there is no other end in sight.

Suddenly he gets out. From the end you entered. But he got out headfirst. Not with legs. That's what surprised us!

Wow, - says Vovka, - I almost got stuck. How did you turn around there?

With difficulty, - says Vovka, - I almost got stuck.

We were very surprised!

Mishka Menshikov came up here.

What are you doing here, he says?

Yes, - I say - we climb into the pipe. Do you want to climb?

No, he says, I don't want to. Why should I go there?

And we, - I say, - climb there.

You can see it, he says.

What is visible?

What did you climb there.

We look at each other. And really visible. We are all as it is in the red rust. Everything seems to be rusty. Just horror!

Well, I went, - says Mishka Menshikov. And he went.

And we didn’t climb into the pipe anymore. Although we were all rusty. We already had it anyway. It was possible to fly. But we still didn't climb.

Annoying Misha

Misha learned two poems by heart, and there was no peace from him. He climbed on stools, on sofas, even on tables, and, shaking his head, immediately began to read one poem after another.

Once he went to the Christmas tree to the girl Masha, without taking off his coat, climbed into a chair and began to read one poem after another.

Masha even told him: "Misha, you're not an artist!"

But he did not hear, read everything to the end, got down from his chair and was so pleased that it was even surprising!

And in the summer he went to the village. Grandmother had a big stump in her garden. Misha climbed onto a stump and began to read one poem after another to his grandmother.

One must think how tired he was of his grandmother!

Then the grandmother took Misha to the forest. And there was clearing in the forest. And then Misha saw so many stumps that his eyes ran wide.

What stump to stand on?

He got really lost!

And so his grandmother brought him back, so bewildered. And since then he did not read poems, unless he was asked.

Prize

We made original costumes - no one else will have them! I will be a horse, and Vovka a knight. The only bad thing is that he should ride me and not me on him. And all because I'm a little younger. See what happens! But nothing can be done. True, we agreed with him: he will not ride me all the time. He rides me a little, and then he gets down and leads me along like horses are led by the bridle.

And so we went to the carnival.

They came to the club in ordinary suits, and then changed clothes and went out into the hall. I mean, we moved in. I crawled on all fours. And Vovka was sitting on my back. True, Vovka helped me to touch the floor with his feet. But it still wasn't easy for me.

Besides, I didn't see anything. I was wearing a horse mask. I couldn't see anything at all, even though there were holes in the mask for the eyes. But they were somewhere on the forehead. I crawled in the dark. Bumped into someone's legs. I ran into the convoy twice. Yes, what to say! Sometimes I shook my head, then the mask would come off and I would see the light. But for a moment. And then it's all dark again. I couldn't shake my head all the time!

I saw the light for a moment. But Vovka saw nothing at all. And he kept asking me what was ahead. And asked to crawl more carefully. And so I crawled carefully. I didn't see anything myself. How could I know what was ahead! Someone stepped on my arm. I stopped right now. And he refused to move on. I told Vovka:

Enough. Get off.

Vovka probably liked the ride, and he did not want to get off. He said that it was too early. But still he got down, took me by the bridle, and I crawled on. Now it was easier for me to crawl, although I still could not see anything. I offered to take off the masks and take a look at the carnival, and then put on the masks again. But Vovka said:

Then we will be recognized.

Must be fun here, I said. We just don't see anything...

But Vovka walked in silence. He firmly decided to endure to the end and get the first prize. My knees hurt. I said:

I will now sit on the floor.

Can horses sit? Vovka said. Are you crazy! You are a horse!

I'm not a horse, I said. - You're a horse.

No, you are a horse, - answered Vovka. - And you know perfectly well that you are a horse, We will not receive an award.

So be it, I said. - I'm sick of.

Don't do stupid things, - said Vovka. - Be patient.

I crawled up to the wall, leaned against it and sat on the floor.

You are sitting? - asked Vovka.

I'm sitting, I said.

Well, okay, - agreed Vovka. - You can still sit on the floor. Just be careful not to sit on a chair. Then everything was gone. Do you understand? A horse - and suddenly on a chair! ..

Music blared all around, laughing.

I asked:

Will it end soon?

Be patient, - said Vovka, - probably soon ... Vovka also could not stand it. Sat on the sofa. I sat next to him. Then Vovka fell asleep on the couch. And I fell asleep too. Then they woke us up and gave us a bonus.

We play Antarctica

Mom left home somewhere. And we were left alone. And we got bored. We flipped the table. They pulled a blanket over the legs of the table. And it turned out to be a tent. It's like we're in Antarctica. Where our dad is now.

Vitka and I climbed into the tent.

We were very pleased that here Vitka and I were sitting In a tent, although not in Antarctica, but as if in Antarctica, and around us there was ice and wind. But we got tired of sitting in a tent.

Vitka said:

Winterers do not sit like this all the time in a tent. They must be doing something.

Surely, - I said, - they catch whales, seals and something else. Of course they don't sit like that all the time!

Suddenly I saw our cat. I shouted:

Here is a seal!

Hooray! Vitka shouted. - Grab him! He also saw a cat.

The cat was walking towards us. Then she stopped. She looked at us carefully. And she ran back. She didn't want to be a seal. She wanted to be a cat. I understood it right away. But what could we do! There was nothing we could do. We need to catch someone! I ran, stumbled, fell, got up, but the cat was nowhere to be found.

She is here! - yelled Vitka. - Run here!

Vitka's legs stuck out from under the bed.

I crawled under the bed. It was dark and dusty in there. But the cat was not there.

I'm getting out, I said. - There is no cat here.

Here she is, - Vitka argued. - I saw her run here.

I got out all dusty and began to sneeze. Vitka kept fiddling under the bed.

She is there, - Vitka repeated.

So be it, I said. - I won't go there. I sat there for an hour. I'm over it.

Think! Vitka said. - And I?! I climb here more than you.

Finally Vitka also got out.

Here she is! I shouted. The cat was sitting on the bed.

I almost grabbed her by the tail, but Vitka pushed me, the cat jumped - and onto the closet! Try to get it out of the closet!

What a seal, I said. - Can a seal sit on a closet?

Let it be a penguin, - said Vitka. - As if he were sitting on an ice floe. Let's whistle and shout. He then gets scared. And jump from the closet. This time we will capture the penguin.

We began to yell and whistle with all our might. I really can't whistle. Only Vitka whistled. But I yelled at the top of my lungs. Almost hoarse.

The penguin doesn't seem to hear. A very smart penguin. He lurks there and sits.

Come on, - I say, - let's throw something at him. Well, at least throw a pillow.

We threw a pillow on the wardrobe. The cat didn't jump out.

Then we threw three more pillows on the closet, mother's coat, all mother's dresses, father's skis, a saucepan, father's and mother's slippers, many books and much more. The cat didn't jump out.

Maybe it's not in the closet? - I said.

There she is, - said Vitka.

How is it there, since it is not there?

Don't know! Vitka says.

Vitka brought a basin of water and placed it by the cupboard. If the cat decides to jump from the closet, let it jump right into the pelvis. Penguins love to dive into the water.

We left something else on the closet. Wait - will it jump? Then they put a table up to the closet, a chair on the table, a suitcase on the chair, and climbed onto the closet.

And there is no cat.

The cat is gone. It is not known where.

Vitka began to get down from the closet and flopped right into the basin. Water spilled all over the room.

This is where mom comes in. And behind her is our cat. She apparently jumped into the window.

Mom threw up her hands and said:

What's going on here?

Vitka remained sitting in the pelvis. Before that I was scared.

How amazing, says Mom, that you can't leave them alone for a minute. You need to do this!

Of course, we had to clean everything ourselves. And even wash the floor. And the cat importantly walked around. And she looked at us with a look as if she was going to say: "Here, you will know that I am a cat. And not a seal and not a penguin."

A month later, our dad arrived. He told us about Antarctica, about the brave polar explorers, about their great work, and it was very funny to us that we thought that the only thing winterers do is to catch various whales and seals there ...

But we didn't tell anyone what we thought.
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Copyright: Golyavkin, stories for children