Pique vest for all time. Pique vests

I'll tell you frankly, - Panama answered, - Don't put your finger in Snowden's mouth. I personally wouldn't put my finger on it.

And, not in the least embarrassed by the fact that Snowden would never let Valiadis put his finger in his mouth, the old man continued:

But whatever you say, I'll tell you frankly - Chamberlain is still a head too.

Pique vests raised their shoulders. They did not deny that Chamberlain is also a head. But Brian comforted them most of all.

Brian! they said passionately. - That's the head! He and his pan-Europe project...

I'll tell you frankly, Monsieur Pound," whispered Valiadis, "everything is all right. Beneš has already agreed to a pan-Europe, but do you know under what condition?

Pique vests gathered close and stretched out their chicken necks.

Provided that Chernomorsk will be declared a free city. Benes is the head. After all, they also need to sell their agricultural implements to someone? Here we will buy.

At this message, the eyes of the old men gleamed. For many years they wanted to buy and sell,

Brian is the head! they said with a sigh. - Benes is also a head.

When Ostap woke up from his thoughts, he saw that an unfamiliar old man in a crushed straw hat with a greasy black ribbon was holding him tightly by the side of his jacket. His trailer tie had slid aside, and a copper cufflink was looking straight at Ostap.

And I tell you, - the old man shouted into the ear of the great strategist, - that MacDonald will not fall for this bait! He will not fall for this bait! Do you hear?

Ostap pushed the boiled old man away with his hand and got out of the crowd.

Hoover is the head! - rushed after him. - And the Hindenburg is the head.

By this time, Ostap had already made a decision. He went over in his head all four hundred honest ways of taking money, and although among them there were such pearls as the organization joint-stock company to raise the sunken Crimean war ship with a cargo of gold, or a large carnival celebration in favor of the prisoners of capital, or a concession to remove store signs - none of them suited the situation. And Ostap came up with the four hundred and first method.

“It was not possible to take the fortress with a surprise attack,” he thought, “we will have to start a regular siege. The most important thing is set. The defendant has money. And, judging by the fact that he refused ten thousand without blinking, the money is huge. So, in view of the disagreement of the parties, the meeting continues.”

He returned home, having bought a hard yellow folder with shoelaces on the way.

Ostap walked silently to the bamboo table, put the folder in front of him, and capital letters brought out the inscription:

Over Bender's shoulder, the milk brothers were looking at the folder.

What's inside? asked the curious Panikovsky.

ABOUT! - said Ostap. - Everything is inside there: palm trees, girls, blue express trains, blue sea, white steamer, little-worn tuxedo, Japanese footman, own billiards, platinum teeth, whole socks, dinners in pure animal oil and, most importantly, my little friends, glory and the power that money gives. And he opened an empty folder in front of the astonished Antelopians.

Chapter XV
Horns and hooves

There lived a poor private trader in the world. He was a rather rich man; the owner of a haberdashery store, located obliquely from the movie "Capital". He traded serenely in linen, lace stitching, ties, buttons, and other small but lucrative merchandise. One evening he returned home with a distorted face. Silently, he reached into the sideboard, took out a whole cold chicken and, pacing around the room, ate it all. Having done this, he opened the sideboard again, took out a whole ring of Krakow sausage weighing exactly half a kilo, sat down on a chair and, looking at one point glazed, slowly chewed the whole half a kilo. When he reached for hard boiled eggs lying on the table, the wife asked in fright:

What happened, Borya?

Misfortune! he replied, stuffing a hard rubber egg into his mouth. “I was taxed horribly. You can't even imagine.

Why are you eating so much?

I need to have fun, - answered the private trader. - I'm scared.

And all night the private trader walked around his rooms, where there were eight wardrobes alone, and ate. He ate everything in the house. He was scared.

The next day, he rented half the store for selling stationery. Now one display case held ties and suspenders, while another held a huge yellow pencil on two strings.

Then came times even more dashing. The store has a third co-owner. It was a watchmaker who had pushed his pencil aside and occupied half the window with a bronze clock with a figure of Psyche, but without a minute hand. And opposite the poor haberdasher, who never ceased to smile ironically, sat, besides the hateful pencil-maker, also a watchmaker with a black magnifying glass stuck in his eye.

Woe-misfortune visited the haberdasher twice more. An additional plumber entered the store, who immediately lit some kind of soldering stove, and a completely strange merchant who decided that it was in 1930 from the birth of Christ that the population of Chernomorsk would attack his starch collars.

And the once proud, calm haberdasher's sign took on a nasty look.

TRADING Fancy Goods Galantprom V. KULTURTRIGER

REPAIR Different clocks B. Pavel Bure GLAZIUS-SHENKER

People, can you tell me why I get such an impression from reading AS today?

While he was indulging in his thoughts, strolling back and forth absentmindedly, the old men went about their daily business.

These were strange and funny people in our time.

Nearly all of them wore white pique waistcoats and straw boater hats. Some even wore hats made of darkened Panama straw. And, of course, everyone was already wearing yellowed starched collars, from which hairy chicken necks rose. Here, at the dining room at 68, where the famous Florida cafe used to be located, the ruins of the pre-war commercial Chernomorsk gathered: brokers left without their offices, commission agents who withered due to the lack of commissions, grain agents, accountants who had gone out of their minds and other riff-raff.

They used to gather here to make deals. Now they were drawn here, to a sunny corner, by a long-term habit and the need to scratch their old tongues. They read the Moscow Pravda every day—they did not respect the local press—and everything that happened in the world, the old people regarded as a prelude to declaring Chernomorsk a free city. Once upon a time, a hundred years ago, Chernomorsk was truly a free city, and it was so fun and profitable that the legend of "free port" still casts a golden sheen on the bright corner near the Florida cafe.

Have you read about the conference on disarmament? - addressed one pique waistcoat to another pique waistcoat. -- Speech by Count Bernstorff.

Bernstorf is the head! answered the asked waistcoat in such a tone as if he had been convinced of this on the basis of a long acquaintance with the count. “Did you read the speech that Snowden made at the assembly of voters in Birmingham, that stronghold of the Conservatives?”

Well, what to talk about ... Snowden is the head! Listen, Valiadis, he said to the third old man in Panama. - What do you think about Snowden?

I'll tell you frankly, - Panama answered, - Don't put your finger in Snowden's mouth. I personally wouldn't put my finger on it.

And, not in the least embarrassed by the fact that Snowden would never let Valiadis put his finger in his mouth, the old man continued:

But no matter what you say, I'll tell you frankly - Chamberlain is still a head too.

The pique vests lifted the shoulders. They did not deny that Chamberlain is also a head. But Brian comforted them most of all.

Brian! they said with fervour. - This is the head! He and his pan-Europe project...

I'll tell you frankly, Monsieur Pound," Valiadis whispered, "everything is all right. Beneš has already agreed to a pan-Europe, but do you know under what condition?

Pique vests gathered close and stretched out their chicken necks.

Provided that Chernomorsk will be declared a free city. Benes is the head. After all, they also need to sell their agricultural implements to someone? Here we will buy.

At this message, the eyes of the old men gleamed. For many years they wanted to buy and sell,

Brian is the head! they said with a sigh. - Benesh -

also a head.

When Ostap woke up from his thoughts, he saw that an unfamiliar old man in a crushed straw hat with a greasy black ribbon was holding him tightly by the side of his jacket. His trailer tie had slid aside, and a copper cufflink was looking straight at Ostap.

And I tell you, - the old man shouted into the ear of the great strategist, - that MacDonald will not fall for this bait! He will not fall for this bait! Do you hear?

Ostap pushed the boiled old man away with his hand and got out of the crowd.

Hoover is the head! - rushed after him. - And the Hindenburg is the head.

© Ilya Ilf and Evgeny Petrov "The Golden Calf"

Do you happen to have the same impression?

Pique vests
From the novel (Ch. 14) The Golden Calf (1931) Soviet writers Ilya Ilf (1897-1937) and Evgeny Petrov (1903-1942).
The authors write about “venerable old men” (“almost all of them were in white pique waistcoats and straw boater hats”) who gather in Chernomorsk at their usual place near dining room No. 68 and discuss the latest international news they gleaned from the newspaper Pravda. At the same time, they give assessments to politicians, unravel their secret plans, judge everything with important view connoisseurs:
“Have you read about the conference on disarmament? - addressed one pique waistcoat to another pique waistcoat. - Speech by Count Bernstorf.
Bernstorff is the head! - answered the asked waistcoat in such a tone, as if he was convinced of that on the basis of a long acquaintance with the count. Did you read Snowden's speech at the electoral meeting in Birmingham, that Conservative stronghold?
Well, what to talk about ... Snowden is a head! .. "
Pique vests seriously believe that a considerable place is given to Chernomorsk in these large-scale plans - foreign powers are working to ensure that this country town was nevertheless declared a free city (that is, a city with the right to free trade), as the old people in Panama - former brokers, sales agents, etc., really want.
Ironically: about people eager for thoughtful discussions on topics of internal and foreign policy, but ill-informed and therefore indulging in empty talk, ridiculous assumptions, hypotheses.

• - Razg. Shuttle. On the workers of the road repair service. Mokienko 2003, 31...

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