Worrying about how the birth will go, especially during the first pregnancy, is quite natural. But you should not be afraid of them, we will tell you why.
Reason #1. It's absolutely pointless
Whether you are afraid or not, when the time comes, you will all give birth to a baby, because pregnancy has no reverse course. Listening to horror stories from neighbors in turn at the clinic and mom's lamentations, you wind yourself up. Meanwhile, your body is perfectly adapted to give birth to a healthy baby, the main thing is not to interfere with it. Nature has already thought of everything for you, when childbirth begins, the body will release hormones that dull the pain, you will have time to rest between contractions. So, instead of being afraid, it is better to take the time to find a doctor you can trust, decide on the method of childbirth and think about the type of pain relief that is acceptable to you. Your body will do the rest.
Reason number 2. Fear poisons your pregnancy
Pregnancy lasts so little, only 9 months, within whole life- this is just a little, and instead of properly enjoying this state, you spend time and nerves worrying about the future that has not yet arrived. It is better to thoroughly prepare for the appearance of the baby - read books in order to understand what is happening to you, sign up for courses for pregnant women, make repairs in the nursery with feeling, sense and arrangement and purchase all the dowry. Behind all these pleasant chores, there will be no room for fear and everything will go well.
Reason number 3. Fear prevents you from attuning to motherhood
Childbirth and the hormonal changes that follow them are a considerable burden on the body. In order for this period to pass easily, it is very important to have the right attitude - to be calm, relaxed and positive in the best sense of the word. Doctors strongly advise you not to read horror stories on the Internet and not to listen to "tales" from other mothers, because it is they who give rise to nightmares in your head that prevent you from being in a good mood. If you feel that fear is approaching, think about why, or rather, for whom you are going through all this, your baby is definitely worth a little effort, right? And very soon you will be able to take him in your arms, hug, kiss, find out what he is like.
Reason number 4. Fear delays childbirth
Scientists have found that women who are afraid of childbirth, on average, give birth one and a half hours longer than those who are mentally ready for childbirth. Psychological discomfort leads to the fact that the body begins to resist what is happening, which is not good for you or your baby. It is worth listening carefully to yourself - if you cannot cope with fear, then it is better to sign up in advance with a good psychotherapist and work out your fear with him, at the same time stock up on useful techniques that help overcome fear, which will be useful to you not only during childbirth, but also in later life.
Reason number 5. The result is more important than the process
Believe it or not, when labor begins, all fears instantly evaporate. Apparently, the prospect of an early meeting with the baby and the realization that the process has begun, which means that soon everything will be behind, is sobering. If you feel that fear is on the threshold, just talk to your baby, think about him.
What would you do - whether it's life or work - if you weren't afraid of anything? Such a simple question awakens countless fantasies, desires and regrets.
If the fear of being patient or looking like a complete idiot has ever kept you from doing what your heart called for, you will need a very important advice from business consultant Sandja Brugmann. You don't have to fight fear. Just accept it and don't let worries slow you down on the path to your dream.
We usually view fear as an unpleasant emotion that we do our best to avoid. Fear literally paralyzes, so instincts willy-nilly switch to survival mode. Alas, such behavior can lead to actions that have nothing to do with moving towards our goals.
Sandia Brugmann
In other words, if you let fear control you, you can forget about success.
This is especially dangerous for entrepreneurs. Running a business is a pretty daunting and exciting business in itself, from having to make financial commitments, dealing with frustrated customers or employees, and realizing that the decisions you make affect not only your well-being, but also the lives of other people.
On the other hand, notes Brügmann, fear is an emotion inherent in man by nature. You won’t be able to get rid of him once and for all, and you don’t need to.
We are not faced with the task of curbing fear and preventing its occurrence in the future. Our goal is to understand what it is and learn how to act, relying on willpower and not hiding our heads in the sand.
Richard Branson put the same idea in a slightly different way.
Fear sometimes makes you wet yourself, but courage makes you act even in wet pants.
Richard Branson
The metaphor is not the most elegant, but the essence conveys absolutely correctly: do not give up on dreams because of fears, just accept them as part of life. Here are some tips to help you stop being afraid and start doing something.
1. Accept your fear
"What if I told you that your fear is a gift?" Brügmann asks. Pain and tension help us to fill life with genuine depth, because without all this it would be boring. Fear indicates the direction of growth and ultimately helps you understand who you really are. When we view fear from this perspective, it evokes curiosity or even gratitude.
2. Control your instincts
When faced with something frightening, people usually exhibit one of the following types of behavior: trying to fight, running without looking back, or falling into a stupor. If you have noticed this in yourself, know that you are guided by instincts. It is they who make us trust decision-making to fear. What will come of it? Absolutely nothing good.
3. Treat every situation as your choice.
Entrepreneurs know that things often turn out the way you never planned. As Eckhart Tolle said, “whatever currently whatever it brings to you, treat it as your own choice.” For both you and your team, this is the most humane way to deal with what happened. By fully accepting the current state of affairs, you save yourself from various forms emotional resistance, including fear.
4. Give everything you have to work
This is not about savings under the pillow, it means the ability to immerse yourself in as much as possible. It's how easily you engage with colleagues and activate your thinking skills to look at a problem from a non-standard perspective and find a creative way to solve it.
5. Handle objections and criticism positively
“If you're doing something really new, get ready to be rebuffed by traditional thinkers,” Brügmann says. By creating something that did not exist before, you challenge the status quo. Some people are frightened by innovations, while others are made ashamed that they themselves did not think of it before.
You can measure your success by the amount of criticism you receive.
Sandia Brugmann
6. Make fear and failure work for you.
If you, like most people, are afraid of failure, make fear your assistant. What is needed for this? Sandia Brügmann advises revisiting the very definition of failure. "Failure for me is not the exact opposite of success, failure is what will happen if I don't get out of my comfort zone."
Look at any business from this angle, and the fear of failure will force you to act.
7. Don't let superfluous thoughts take over.
You will never be able to control everything that happens, but you are free to choose how to react to it. When something bad happens, we tend to look for the cause of what happened in ourselves.
For example, you worked for a long time on the launch of a large-scale project or negotiated with an intractable client, but in the end everything went to pieces. Does this mean that the project or idea was so-so? No. It doesn't say anything about you as a person at all, so don't waste your time reflecting. Think better what will be the next step towards achieving the goal. And remember: your path to success is by no means limited to one certain person or opportunity.
8. Learn to hear your fear
Try to recognize the signs of fear as early as possible and understand how it affects you. Yes, it's not that easy. Sandia Brügmann believes that explaining to ourselves who we really are is one of the most difficult tasks. The biggest lie, in the truth of which we ourselves believe and make others believe, is the idea of ourselves as a whole and unchanging person.
In fact, we are made up of many subpersonalities. Our task is to thoroughly study each of them, finding positive features and those that need to be corrected. Judgment has no place here. This is just a path to growth, change, the ability to curb fear and make informed choices based on your inner strength.
9. Rest in the heart of the storm
“Find a stable and balanced position within yourself and stay in it for as long as possible,” advises Sandja Brügmann. This is the point of your self-confidence, it is here that you can draw strength in order to follow the goal during periods of ups and downs in work and in your personal life.
If your well-being, peace and happiness depend solely on external factors, the stress level will be too high and eventually become a barrier to success.
Get rid of the event orientation. So you can go on the chosen course for as long as you like. You will gain the ability to accept and stop postponing them for later, justifying yourself with fear and the tension generated by it.
When houses were blown up in 1999, this was the first sensation real opportunity"don't wake up tomorrow." I remember how in the evening I went to bed on the floor - my old sofa was thrown away, and a new one was only supposed to be brought in from day to day. And here I am lying on the floor, that is, somehow especially close to the “skeleton” of a 9-story building, and I think that maybe this night the skeleton will crack from the explosion, tremble and crumble. And I, clinging to one of his bones, will fall into the abyss. If I die right away, it’s scary, but much worse if it fills up with rubble - my leg is crushed, crushed to pieces, I can’t move my hands, terrible pain, terrible loneliness, death ...
And suddenly the flow of these terrible thoughts was interrupted by a strange lightness of isolation from the world, awareness of oneself in the face of eternity. The world became different, all the problems seemed different, everything superficial left, and, perhaps for the first time, I looked at myself from the outside and saw what my life is.
Then there were terrorist attacks in the subway. And again, eternity returned and stood next to me. We all, as before, went to work in the subway, but involuntarily looked into the face of those entering the car - maybe now there is an explosion, and I will be gone? Then thoughts began to return to everyday affairs - nonsense, showdowns with colleagues, internal dialogues, and again interrupted: what if now? After all, “whatever I find, I judge,” and I ... And again I looked at myself from the side, with an unblinking, evaluating look and passed a harsh sentence - everything is somehow bad with you ...
And an explosion near the National Hotel. On that day, I was returning from a meeting of the department and decided to go to our temple - Small Ascension on Bolshaya Nikitskaya. Usually I walk like this - past the hotel, leaving the Okhotny Ryad station. But this time I went on foot from Arbatskaya. It was only when I arrived at the temple that I learned that Okhotny Ryad“everything was blocked off - a suicide bomber, students of Moscow State University died ... Eternity moved my hair on my head and was very close.
How many times do you think: what if now? And for a moment, just for a moment, it is impossible to walk with this for a long time, you look at life as before jumping into the abyss: who am I, what do I do in this world?
People who recognize fatal diagnosis, they see the world the way we do, only sometimes and not very seriously - everything superficial leaves and dissolves, and now I stand in the face of God. Is it good that we are so often in recent times face the fear of death, or is it better to say "the fear of death"? Okay. Think how many people live an ordinary, prosperous or not very life, and do not have the opportunity to feel the abyss of another being nearby, and having felt it, look at themselves from the outside.
“Some say that for the gods we are like flies that are beaten by boys on a summer day; others say, on the contrary, that a sparrow will not drop a feather if God does not touch it with a finger. These words from Thornton Wilder's The Saint Louis Bridge come to my mind whenever I'm afraid. In order for only one gray, nondescript feather to fall from the sparrow's chest, God must touch it - the One who alone has power over this world. Have trust in God. Fussing, breaking into a scream in quarrels, running around part-time jobs and playing with children in His palm, we forget that “not a single hair will fall” ...
What a terrible accident - to die suddenly, at the hands of a terrorist, absurdly, in the prime of life. Are there loving relatives nearby or just a dog, do we carry unfulfilled plans of revenge or compassion, do we make vows of hatred or love ... Death does not understand?
In that book by Thorton Wilder, “at noon on Friday, July 20, 1714, the most beautiful bridge in Peru collapsed and threw five travelers into the abyss.” Why exactly these five are an accident, hard Rock? The book has an answer: because they all fulfilled the covenant of love: "There is a land of the living and a land of the dead, and the bridge between them is love, the only meaning, the only salvation" - this is how the book ends.
That's the triumph, that's the reason for us to stop being afraid that death Disassembles. And so there is no need to be afraid. Human life is not meaningless, and people are not God's playthings. How arrogant to think that you can Just die. Maybe we do not see the invisible threads of Providence, but we all fulfill our covenant with God in this life in one way or another. The life of each of us is a great value that God "hides in a case" only when our time has come.
What do you call people who are not afraid of anything? Maybe daredevils? Or extremely self-confident? And do such individuals really exist? It is human nature to experience fear, there is nothing strange and reprehensible in this. When people around say the common phrase that there is nothing to be afraid of, they really do not understand what they are talking about. Our relatives and friends are often cunning, because they themselves do not always have only a rosy mood. It is impossible to completely protect oneself from negative impressions, even if they really interfere with a full existence, in some way destroy a person.
Otherwise, we would become robots who react to everything that happens with the same forced smile. But in such a gesture there will be no life, no joy, because the very position to feel only satisfaction is insincere! You can get rid of the all-consuming fear only through fruitful work on yourself. This will be discussed in this article.
The nature of fear
Why is a person afraid of something? Most often, this feeling arises when we are faced with something unknown. The psyche reacts in the usual way with fear, because it does not have in its arsenal suitable model behavior. This emotion often causes them to aggravate the situation even more, to look for someone to blame. Fear is felt as a binding tension in the body, general mental discomfort and anxiety. Every human emotion has its own individual purpose. Fear performs protective function: Protects us from the invasion of a traumatic event or feeling.
Otherwise, the boundaries between comfort and life-threatening dangers would be blurred. There are no people who do not experience a sense of fear at all. We must think not about how not to be afraid of anything, but about learning how to independently minimize the destructive effect of an unpleasant emotion. Not to let fear take over your soul means to acquire the ability to remain free in any situation.
Overcoming fear
Anything can happen in life: the loss of a job, a quarrel with a loved one, an unexpected event that will turn any idea about the world upside down. All this cannot but injure our inner being. The emotional state begins to suffer in the first place: there are intrusive thoughts about a possible unfavorable development of events, trembling in the body, distrust of others. How to overcome fear? Quite simple, but effective methods will help.
Event analysis
Reflections on life contribute to the answer to the question: how not to be afraid of anything? It is necessary not only to think about what happened, but to analyze the situation in detail. Why did this happen to you? Have similar events happened before? What did you feel about it? With a little research, you will most likely find that the fears are far-fetched.
Your fear is the result of negative experiences in childhood and adolescence. Positive influence have conversations with spiritually developed people, confidential conversations. Indeed, in most cases, a person simply needs the attention and support of others. Misunderstanding and loneliness only undermine strength, hinder personal growth.
meditation
Today, probably, no one is surprised by spiritual practices aimed at strengthening emotional balance. Through meditation, even the physical condition improves. In addition, consciousness opens up, an understanding comes of how to behave with people in order to live in harmony with everything that happens. Meditation helps to strengthen faith in yourself and your abilities. How not to be afraid of anything? Just start doing spiritual practice - and soon you will see a satisfactory result that will surely please you.
Meditation leads to the disclosure of all chakras, the inner nature of a person. Such an activity not only helps to cope with fear, but also neutralizes the destructive effect of all negative emotions. You will feel like a different person: cheerful, optimistic, worthy of all victories.
Intimate talk
following a dream
Setting achievable goals and enjoying their achievement is the best cure for any fear. How to learn not to be afraid of anything? Direct all efforts to the sphere of your dreams. This is the only way to overcome the all-consuming fear of not being up to par or unsuccessful. Personal victories incredibly motivate, lead forward, liberate, temper character. In this successful people and concluded main secret. “Fear nothing” - this phrase becomes their internal motto, thanks to which they achieve everything they want.
Why does following your dreams help you overcome fear? The fact is that any internal doubts limit our ability to think and reason sensibly. When we conquer them in ourselves, fear also rapidly recedes. The sphere of dreams always inspires a person to new achievements, teaches him to act quickly, and does not give him time to get hung up on existing problems.
Harmony with yourself
A person who is constantly afraid of something is highly susceptible to stress. nervous emotional condition can eventually lead to psychophysical disorders, significant disruptions in the work of the whole organism. In order to get rid of constant worries, it is necessary to carefully work through the existing limiting beliefs. What does it mean? Allow yourself to find freedom, those very inner wings that will help you strive for great achievements. No matter how incredible your goals may seem right now, you can achieve them if you believe that they are really achievable. Dealing with fear is not easy, but we must continue to fight. One day you will realize that you have become so confident in yourself that you will overcome any obstacles.
Thus, overcoming any fear begins with systematic work with your character. Then you will feel that you can hold the whole universe in your palms.
- British Louise Brown. On the eve of her 40th birthday, the President of the Russian Association for Human Reproduction (RAHR), Vladislav Korsak, proposed establishing a World ART Day. The global community of reproductive specialists supported this initiative. Now on July 25, reproductologists will celebrate their professional holiday. The editors of Vesti.Medicina talked with Vladislav Stanislavovich about how assisted reproductive technologies have changed the world.
How has the attitude of Russians to IVF changed in the last 10-15 years?
As far as I know, polls on this topic have not yet been conducted, but we can definitely say that in last years The topic of IVF is becoming more and more open. A lot of information about the treatment and, importantly, the diagnosis of infertility, both female and male, appears in the public domain.
According to world standards, the absence of pregnancy during the year, subject to regular sexual activity, is an indication for examination of both spouses. Diagnosis is accepted - it is easier and faster, because the only analysis to decide on the presence possible problems is a spermogram.
The main areas of examination of a woman include an assessment of the state of the organs of the female genital area, organs of hormonal regulation, analysis for latent infections. To assess the condition of the uterus, fallopian tubes, ovaries, a woman is given laparoscopy (instruments equipped with optics are inserted into the abdominal cavity) and hysteroscopy to assess the condition of the endometrium to which the embryo is attached (a piece of the endometrium is taken for a biopsy).
Of course, the processes of diagnosing female infertility are complex and time-consuming, but today they cannot last more than 3 months, and the choice of treatment methods depends on the results of the examination. Conducting an examination is the first step to successfully overcome infertility.
Today, IVF is the basis for a number of options for its use, which are united by the term ART - assisted reproductive technologies. This is what every year brings thousands of couples closer to happy parenthood.
This year, the International Center for Reproductive Medicine (ICRM) received funding for 313 cycles for residents of St. Petersburg, Leningrad region, there are no such restrictions for the regions - the patient has the right to choose any medical institution in Russia, this is regulated by law. The procedure for applying for a quota is simple, you need to contact a special commission and indicate the center where you plan to receive treatment.
In a word, the more information about IVF is available to couples who face difficulties on the way to a long-awaited child, the less doubts and fears they will experience.
What are the most common misconceptions doctors face about IVF?
There are many misconceptions, for example, ignorant and religious prejudices. In particular, citizens who despise science, who stand on the position that doctors interfere in God's work, the creation of a new life. I want to say right away that this is not the case. Modern technologies only reproduce the conditions female body, in which the meeting, the “date” of the male and female germ cells takes place. Fertilization is the fusion of female and male halves genetic information contained in the egg and sperm, the further formation of the genome of the future person occurs independently, this occurs without any influence of the person, beyond his control. Therefore, it is obvious that the sacrament of conception remains a sacrament.
Another common misconception about which it is very important to speak openly is the health of children conceived with the help of ART. Children born through IVF are no different from children conceived in the traditional way. Many gossip that such children are more likely to have genetic abnormalities and other diseases. No, it's not. Genetic diseases associated not with IVF, but with other factors, most often with the age and health of the mother. On the contrary, ART technologies today make it possible to detect chromosomal and genetic disorders of the embryo before it is transferred into the uterine cavity. This is the so-called preimplantation genetic testing.
Today it has been proven that taking one or more cells from an embryo does not interfere with its normal development. And we, as far as possible from a medical point of view, exclude the risk of genetic abnormalities of the fetus. In terms of child behavioral patterns, statistics on non-genetic diseases and development, none of the studies found differences between pregnancies after IVF and natural pregnancies. Accordingly, the theory that children born through IVF need special medical care is obviously a myth. Moreover, often neither the doctor in the antenatal clinic, nor the pediatrician, nor, especially, the child, knows that the mother underwent the IVF procedure.
Separately, I would like to note multiple pregnancies, in which there are indeed complications, which in obstetrics, even with natural conception, are considered as complications. Pregnancy with twins or triplets will never go as smoothly as a single pregnancy. That is why only one or two embryos are transferred today.
What are women and men afraid of when deciding on a procedure?
They are afraid that pregnancy will not occur, they will not be able to bear the child. Most frequently asked question, which is asked by future parents who came to the first appointment: "what is the frequency of pregnancy as a result of treatment?". Of course, success depends on a large number factors, including the age of the patient, the duration of infertility, the reasons that caused it. In the group under 35 years of age, pregnancy occurs in 35-45% of cases, after 40 years the rate is much lower. But for women of older reproductive age, there is the possibility of using donor eggs. In this case, the pregnancy rate reaches 60%.
Separately, I would like to note such a program as sperm donation. This allows single women or couples in cases of absolute male infertility to have children. The health status of donors is under medical control, they undergo a serious selection, including genetic counseling. Patients can choose a donor based on a phenotypic description.
And, of course, future parents are afraid of negative comments and condemnation of the "public", so it is very important that assisted reproductive technologies, which include IVF, about their real achievements and opportunities, be spoken openly and at different levels.
What are the statistics on IVF in Russia? Is it comparable to the world in terms of the number of successful attempts?
Yes, comparable. Moreover, it is important to say that Russia is in second place among European countries in terms of total number ART treatment cycles performed in our country. Pregnancy rate after IVF vs. European countries even slightly higher (38.7% for embryo transfer in Russia versus 36.5% in Europe).
During perestroika, the state could not provide infertility treatment using ART. This direction of ART in our country has been preserved thanks to the private initiative of enthusiasts who paid tribute to non-state centers. In the early 1990s, we started creating laboratories with our own hands, and the ICRM was opened at the same time. Now this area of medicine in Russia is on high level supported by the state. Thousands of happy and healthy children and parents serve as proof of this.
