Dima, are you going to the dacha with us next weekend? How, for what? On yours, of course!
Mom, can I ask you a couple of questions? “Of course, honey, come on! - Well, first of all, tell me, can I not go to school tomorrow? And second, why not?
I’m sitting today, rocking music for myself calmly ... Then my mother comes up - “And where are we sitting ?! What is this site? - "Zaitsev.net" - "I see that it is not! What are boobs doing here?
We bought children's poems here, so if you fit the text to the pictures, then Chukovsky wrote "My iPhone rang."
Best Status:
Girls, you look so funny when you walk in headphones and change your gait for every song!
“How much do you say - I don’t talk to you” is a great example of female logic.
Women, like traffic police - you talk to her and you have no mood, no money, and you always remain guilty.
- "Make yourself at home" - "I can't, you're tidied up."
Italy is located on a peninsula that looks like a boot. - Enough ... I was in Italy - we have places here that look more like boots!
If falling down the stairs, you shout "Oh-oh-oh", then your parents have a reason to be proud of your upbringing!
As you know, only monkeys were ill with AIDS before. Question: what dolbaeb?
Are you lying simply or with a hint?
When I eat, I am deaf and dumb. When I drink, I am much more sociable.
A new super-powerful hurricane is approaching the US coast. He has already been assigned highest degree danger and the title of Hero of the Russian Federation.
Iced vodka is bad for the kidneys, iced rum for the liver, iced gin for the heart, iced whiskey for the brain. This damn ice is incredibly harmful!
Today I went to Odnoklassniki, and for the first time I thought: I have 200 friends. Of these: 5 are family, 32 are classmates, 13 are classmates, 1 is a colleague, 9 are colleagues. The question of who everyone else is still haunts me!
The players of the Russian national team began to score more! Now they can score not only for training, but also for the match itself!
The best way to end an argument with a woman is to play dead...
Love is so evil that there are not enough goats for everyone!
I am a star in bed ... I will spread my arms, legs and sleep ... =)
Don't piss off the Lord. When the May calendar ends, the June calendar begins.
A condom does not guarantee complete safety. A friend of mine put it on and still got hit by a car.
We are what we eat. In the morning I was just tea, and by lunchtime I had pumped up to the level of pasta with a cutlet. Life is unpredictable.
On March 1, they ask a policeman-policeman: - Well, how do people generally address you? - Yes, just like before the "assault".
Every woman is a mystery ... offended, guess what the hell ...
Amazing thing exam! Some are surprised by the questions, others by the answers.
What a stupid death to wake me up at 6 am on a Sunday...
Zhiguli is good, but the car is better)))
Brain injury is easiest to inflict with something heavy and blunt ... For example, with a question ...
Did you change? -Well, it was once .. with a neighbor .. -I ask you the password for entering classmates changed ??
These fucking people open their mouths, wave their hands, but no sound comes to me. FUCK I LOVE HEADPHONES!
A spoon fell ... and how it began to wallow!
She: Well, let me under the covers! It's cold. He: No, I won't let you in shorts, dress code!
One day you will ask what I love more: you or life? I will answer - life. You will leave without knowing that I love cookies even more)
Marriage is the union of two people to jointly overcome problems that they would not have had it not for this union.
If a person is not competent in something, this does not mean that she is a complete fool.
If you take care of your health, you'll know where it's gone.
Now so much is written about the dangers of smoking that I firmly decided to stop reading.
There are people who want to approach, hug their shoulders, look affectionately into their eyes, and ask: “Well, how do you live without brains, huh?”
Damn, it infuriates ... Here you are standing in front of the mirror ... Such a pussy ... and you take a picture: “Well, I have a fucker !!!”
Good husbands don't reprimand wives who don't hammer a nail so hard.
All people are two-faced. The first person is kind, sincere, sympathetic. The second appears when the first is abused.
If I got up in the middle of the night, then someone woke me up. If someone woke me up, it means it's urgent. So the cat, I'm listening to you!
The coolest thing in the world is a thing of bucks.
The girl is a weak, defenseless creature, from which it is impossible to escape.
“Dove”, your life turns into a silken pleasure, and without giving you go unfucked, irritable and angry!
Recently, people were lying in a pharmacy from an attack of brutal laughter. Grandma impudently crawled forward ... buy "Kaspersky Anti-Virus".
Clear, sunny weather, the grass is equally cut, not a breeze - everything is against the Russian team!
Don't listen too hard inner voice He has never been outside.
From point A to point B left: a cyclist, a motorcyclist, a car, a bus, a train, a horse-drawn cart, a semi-trailer and a skating rink. Something incredibly interesting is happening at point B...
If a person no longer interests you, just do not communicate with him. Although, of course, as an option, you can dissolve it in acid
Recipe for bald people: Spread honey on your head, wait three days, then clap your hands hard - the flies will fly away, but the paws will remain.
I look at him and want to cook children and give birth to borscht.
A win-win lottery means you won't leave without losing anyway.
- Dad, tell me, what is opera? - This, son, is a performance that starts at 19:00, and when you look at the clock three hours later, it shows 19:20.
- Mom, give me money! - Alena will give! - Mom, this is old joke! - Yes?! Well then, goodbye.
Mommy, guess how much toothpaste is in the tube? - I find it difficult to answer son. Exactly from the sink to the sofa and back!
The father of seven daughters, in despair, named the eighth - Seryoga ...
so that I don't get blown away - I don't eat after 6 .. and I don't smoke at gas stations.
Life is a game. Just no saves. And life is one. And kill with a couple of blows. In short, the difficulty level is Hardcore
Some people just need a person who can just give advice in time. Or pussies.
The fact that I constantly strive for the beautiful and the sublime does not prevent me from being rude and primitive
My husband is the third child ... I will feed him, put him to bed, pick up his socks ... why don't they give 380 thousand for him?
How unbearably hard it is to look for a thread from a tea bag in a mug early in the morning, especially if you have made yourself coffee.
It's amazing how quickly people's interests change. It seemed like yesterday I dreamed of a dog, and today I want to fly away from this fucking planet.
In which hand should a gentleman hold a fork if he holds a cutlet in his left hand?
My girlfriend used to think all the time that I was cheating on her. She went to her grandmother ... She bewitched me ... And now she thinks that I am not cheating on her.
SMS: “Mom, today is a day off. Can my friends bring me later than usual?”
I'll be a very nice old woman, well, maybe a little bandit-like, And I'll order myself a stick made of bronze... Oh, the main thing is that the memory doesn't get lost!
If fate brought you to ME, then it's time to pay for your sins!
The best proof in childhood: “Don't you believe? Ask my mom!”
In a shipwreck, women, children and people who have manta rays are the first to be evacuated.
Only a Russian person can come from the hospital tanned.
Scientists say that the human body grows only up to 25 years old ... but neither the stomach nor the ass probably knows about this ...)))
Faking an orgasm is easy. You try to imitate an erection.
Whoever has no problems with conscience has everything in order with his memory!
The husband says to his wife: - I don't like this new hat of yours. - What can I do, dear, I can't put a bottle of vodka on my head.
Childhood is a time when you still do not know how to think obscenely ...
Do you remember my true friend, the time when we knew how to love, dream and believe? What the hell was going on with us then, fuck.
Crystal Distillery Warns: Smoking, smoking and just smoking is dangerous to your health!(c)
Good girls are good at maps, bad girls at playing cards, smart at credit cards =)
In vain you men are slandering us ... a woman screams only in two cases: when she doesn’t like something, or when she uhhh how she likes it.
I'm driving like this on a Ferrari and, suddenly ... Alarm clock!
Love is when all the people around you see in you an impudent, impudent boorish, bitchy bitch. And HE looks at you and sees a small, tender, silly, touching girl.
What have you come up with. I send SMS from the computer, I correspond in ICQ from the phone. It remains only to start making calls from the camera and watching movies from the coffee grinder.
Only a few who suffer from a cough go to the doctor. Most go to the cinema.
Only in our country, for the first time, a sneezing person is told “Be healthy”, for the second time “Be healthy”, and for the third time “Yes, you are in / ball! ”
I don’t understand why most of the crimes are committed at night, because you want to kill and rape mostly in the morning
The most useful thing I have done at work for Lately- greased the door so that it was not audible how I was leaving an hour earlier
It's not easy to forget a woman with whom you had nothing.
The airbag deployed in the Oka car scattered the car within a radius of 50 meters
My husband punished me yesterday because there was nothing to eat at home. I threw it down and fucked it - I will never cook now.
There are still many rakes in the world that no man has set foot on)
How, after all, it’s good when the expectation of trouble suddenly ends in a pleasant surprise!
In the shop. - Do you have buckwheat? - Grain or what? - No, f^ya, astronaut!
I conduct intellectual disputes, build logical chains, argue, just because I can’t immediately kick in the jaw.
No one foreign language never got a hold of me!
- And how tall are you? - 145 - You are such a little princess. And how much do you weigh? - And I weigh even less, 120 ...
To avoid being blown away, try not to eat after six or smoke near the gas station.
Men beware: back scratches from one woman can easily turn into facial scratches from another.
Son, do you want to see the sister that the stork just brought? I’m also business, sister! Show me a stork!!!
I unraveled the mystery of skirts to the floor, the girls just got completely lazy to shave their legs
One day you ask me what I love more, I will answer - to interrupt.
Listen, I saw you somewhere. Isn't that your face on the can of stew?
I am not a pessimist! I am an angry, cold, tired and hungry optimist!
It was a very strange forest: at first I went for mushrooms, then they followed me.
Once again I am convinced that women know how to keep secrets. Groups of forty people.
I like football: during a match, you can ask your husband for anything ... and even a mink coat.
A letter from a friend in the army: “We are taught here to remove snow and boil potatoes.
As children, my friends and I decided that if someone got very rich, he would provide for everyone else. Therefore, everyone is waiting for each other and beggars.
I come home from school and shout to my dad: - Dad! I got four! - Well done, put it in the fridge
Be careful with the things you love. Otherwise they can destroy you by statusfishki
Life is too good to be ruined by diet, greedy men and a job you don't like.
Fireman Ivan stood and did nothing. The bank was on fire - the loan was extinguished.
I love people...when they're dead.or sleeping.f*ck, just not moving and silent.
Who does not drink qiai - that qmo! (Confucius)
Since I learned to drive a car, I have become more careful when crossing the road ...
I am loved and love ... - Congratulations! - Not with anything, these are two different men.
So if the enemy attacks, we will clear the way for him and prepare food for him.”
- The former asked to give him farewell sex. I had to remind him that the best gift is a gift made with his own hands.
- The water cycle in nature is when you wash your car, the water evaporates from it, turns into a cloud and the next day, bitch, it rains!
- If you're nervous, pull yourself together... or give it to the good ones!
- As established by Russian scientists, fasting helps not only to normalize weight, but also to pay off the mortgage.
- I am one of those people who will post their photo, look at it for two minutes, find all the flaws and delete it to hell.
Very cool statuses, expressions, words, quotes
- It's good to be a woman in her thirties. You can meet a man 10 years older or 10 years younger. What a range! What prospects! And for twenty-year-old girls, half of the options are not available!
- In the elevator flaunts on the wall "13.4zdato". Education is definitely getting worse.
- If for rudeness everyone immediately got in the teeth, then there would be a lot of lisping and affectionate.
- They say that the black stripe is a retribution for happy Days... Damn, and where did I manage to grab so much happiness?
- I decided to check the words that if you eat well and go to the store, then there will be no desire to buy food. And exactly! I look at food and want nothing. I took only vodka and cognac!
- Why send one message in one text when you can send 25 small ones one word at a time to be more annoying.
- Even the most independent person loves to have her back rubbed in the bathroom.
- A real hunt is when he wants to, and she wants to! Here is the hunt! And when through the woods with a gun - it's like ... running around.
- Very cool statuses - You can be an infinitely interesting and multifaceted personality, but what's the point if you're ugly.
- I train on girls so I don't screw up when I have to kiss a tomato for the first time.
- I decided to put things in order in my purse, in the closet ... and in general, in life ... So, here ... After the purse, I realized ... things may not reach order in life at all ...
- If you form a military unit out of attendants who did not get a seat in public transport, then this will be the most ruthless and ferocious battalion.
- Tired of fighting and searching all the time. I want to find something and give up.
- Yesterday I took my soul away ... Today I can’t remember where!
- As I get older, I begin to understand why bears that are awakened in winter are the most angry.
- Smart, educated, intelligent, kind of even kind! But, damn it, as I sit down with the child for the lessons, as if I had rewound two terms.
- Think of some crap - and she's right there. Think of happiness and joy... and some bullshit is right there again.
- Sometimes you just want to take it and leave it all. Just not sure where to get it.
- I will accept an apartment as a gift, you can a private house, car, I assure you, the mug will not crack.
- He was such a cool guy. But then he stopped drinking, found a girlfriend, got a job, went in for sports, and at 30 he already has a wife, children, an apartment, a car. It's a pity for him, because he could still drink and drink.
- IN serious relationship the main thing is to distinguish in the words of the girl, where is the reproach, where is the threat, where is the request, and where is the offer.
- Very funny and funny statuses- Today I will deliver good mood! To some - to smithereens ...
- Leave cool money on the card.
- Artists are the only men in the world who want a naked woman to draw.
- It was better when I was a kid. Someone did not like it, took it hit with a spatula and covered it with sand. Now this is an article.
No matter how many bad things are said about me, I always have something to add. 101
Nothing limits your actions like the phrase "do whatever you want"... 80
Guys get jealous when they love. Girls get jealous even when they don't love. 71
Can't find a way for me? Get around! 200 - cool statuses
Comrade, let's go through to clarify the cash ... 21
Nothing strengthens faith in a person like a 100% prepayment. 31
If you know exactly who is to blame - do not give yourself away. 48
coming with eyes closed and a smile from ear to ear, to meet future happiness, through a field of rakes ... 97
From the statement: "How do I all ..." Crossed out. “Like I have you all…” Crossed out. “Yes, would you all go to ...” Crossed out. "Please grant me another vacation." 32
Dear Money! I miss you very much. I promise to buy you a new wallet. If you want, you can invite your relatives from Europe or America - I will not object. I will accept everyone! 41
I want chronic health, progressive happiness, recurrent success, hypertensive salary, and an eternally pregnant wallet without the threat of miscarriage!))) 39
The best way to test a guy for loyalty is to ask the sleeping man, in the morning, the question: "Will you go to yours or will you stay with me?" 67
According to statistics, the phrase "What a huge he is!" most often heard by a spider. 65
Briefly about myself: Year of manufacture 1991, Mileage 20, Light color, Height 162, Blue headlights, Documents on hand, Tuning is present, The body is not broken, not rusty, The roof is in place, but there are no brakes. All options, looking for some with a half turn. 54
You can’t look in the mirror when you eat - you’ll eat your happiness. And when you drink, you drink. And in the toilet, it’s better not to hang a mirror at all ... 62
Sex is when he wants it, erotica is when she wants it, porn is when both of them want it. 48
No money to change wardrobe - change jobs! For the new team, all your old clothes are new. 41
Flowers should be without a reason... Happiness should be unique... House - warm... Weather - no matter what the weather is! But love should be mutual. 46
All people bring happiness - some by their presence, others by their absence) 69
What would I give to a person who has everything? I would punch him in the jaw. 19
If men knew what women think, they would court twenty times more boldly. 46
Soul to soul, only matryoshkas can live. 65
I need to call my mom, tell me where I am. - Hello, mom? Where I am? 44
The little boy was watching porn. I did not understand the film, but I sweated a lot. 31
The main thing is that they are waiting for you at home, and not waiting 61
Chocolate is twice as tasty if you can’t) 40
The Lord keeps us all. It's just that everyone has a different shelf life. 46
I am kept by the great ancient Egyptian god of peace and tranquility - DANUNAH. 75
Every day, people around me prove to me that life without a brain is real. 61
Nobody dies a virgin: life will fuck us all. 34
