Problems of young people with non-traditional orientation. sexual orientation

A negative stereotype is a prejudice. Being a negative attitude towards a certain social group, prejudice contains negative emotions that give rise to intolerance, injustice, rudeness, immorality, etc., in a word, hostile behavior.
As a rule, people do not realize the presence of prejudices in themselves and, accordingly, their manifestations are not controlled. In addition, during surveys, most people generally refuse to recognize them both in themselves and even in representatives of their own group (for example, ethnic). Of course, this does not mean at all that in this case there really are no prejudices, but rather testifies to something else - that from the standpoint of modern social norms, having prejudices is “not accepted”, which means it is a shame!
Since we all have social stereotypes (they are inevitable, even more so, necessary), we all have prejudices to one degree or another. Another thing is that various people there may be prejudices against different groups: some are racial, some are gender, some are class, and some are both. Therefore, if you do not experience any negative feelings when communicating with representatives of another race, then this is not a reason to believe that you are free from prejudice. Better remember (if you, of course, have a “traditional”, i.e. normal sexual orientation), what did you feel when you saw a couple of “unconventionally” oriented lovers, in other words, homosexuals?
The demonstration or, conversely, the concealment of prejudice largely depends on the norms prevailing in society, which, in turn, may be due to political or ideological realities. For example, totalitarian regimes they even deliberately cultivate and encourage prejudice in the form of class, national or racial hatred. But intolerance is rarely limited to one object of hatred. In the communist USSR and in fascist Germany, not only class or national groups, but also homosexuals were criminally persecuted and physically destroyed (not to mention moral destruction). By the way, an interesting, unexpected and paradoxical explanation of hatred of homosexuality is provided by psychoanalysis. From the point of view of psychoanalytic theory, intolerance towards homosexuality is most characteristic of those people who experience acute unconscious anxiety about their own latent (hidden) and repressed homosexuality. In other words, a person who unconsciously experiences a feeling of uncertainty about his own psychological gender identity, whose process of final gender identification has not been completed, becomes the most violent persecutor of homosexuals. He unconsciously fears and hates his own homosexual impulses and projects his fear onto overt homosexuals, fights them and thereby fights himself. And the stronger the pressure of one's own unconscious homosexuality, the tougher and more desperate the struggle.
But prejudices can and should be controlled not only by society and the authorities, but also by the individuals themselves, because in addition to the objective ones, there are also subjective ones, i.e. rooted in the individual psyche, the causes of their occurrence.
As Patricia Devine (1989) suggests, there are two components to the prejudice reaction: unconscious, automatic, and conscious, and therefore controllable. When meeting with representatives of a certain social group, in relation to which a person has stereotypes, these cognitive schemes are spontaneously activated. And there's nothing you can do about it. But further, according to P. Devine, a person is able to actively restrain the negative ideas contained in the stereotype. If this is not done, then a reaction of prejudice will follow. Therefore, the process of getting rid of prejudices resembles the struggle with bad habits(Myers D., 1997). If nothing is done, then they will persist, but if you consciously decide to do away with them, then maybe you can get rid of them.
P. Devine is also convinced that the suppression of prejudices can also weaken their basis - social stereotypes, which, in the end, can also be eliminated. Of course, the last statement of the author raises serious doubts, since the disappearance of stereotypes is possible only if the very principles of human (and not only) cognitive activity change. But this is already a completely fantastic assumption, since others known to science principles of knowledge simply do not exist. So let's move on to discussing the causes of prejudice.

Salute to all readers of the site! I read the article and the comments and decided to express my opinion. I wish we had the right idea...

It seems to us that our Russian peasant has become small - he doesn’t like children, he doesn’t always bring money into the house, he is often unkempt ... but foreign men- and the salary is higher, and well-groomed, as from the picture, and children are not abandoned ... but in reality? Children are taken away - once, and then they themselves live on child benefits, which are more than our salaries abroad!
And all with hidden skeletons in the closet!

The truth remains the truth - many of them with deviations - psycho and sex. And what a shame: he looks really handsome with a carefree smile and honest eyes, so you won’t suspect it !! Or empty-headed playboys who replenish their Don Juan list with Russian girls.

Here are some examples:

1. Case with a girlfriend. I have always dreamed of marrying a foreigner. Once I picked one up here, took it to my place, threw it there without money and a roof, she got confused there and was sent away. Many years later. Went as planned to seduce a certain single bachelor. Turned out she got married. What can I say about this marriage? I think he was not just a bachelor, but had a relationship with his sister, the same forty-year-old loner, who flew in and arranged scenes of jealousy with her friend and imposed on all joint trips ...

2. A friend went to the man from the site. Got married. In fact, it turned out that he belongs to such a group that they can’t even come to visit us now ... And how she lives there - who knows. Will hope…

3. Lena Lenina wrote about her french love- a very handsome guy-model. I almost got married until he admitted that he was genetically complicated, because the son of his mother and her own father! Read on.

4. I was in love at one time, worked together abroad, European. Fabulously handsome, the soul of the company, everyone loves him, kindest soul human. Then strange letters began to come to me from an unfamiliar box - part of it was that only he and I could know, and I began to suspect that it was from him. There were, among other things, some homotricks and allusions. Then, after a while, a hint of violence.

The general conclusion is this: the father, who was sufficiently socially secure, used his children - a daughter and a son. Then, apparently, the mother saw through this and kicked him out. The guy from childhood was instilled with such inclinations and the path, apparently, he went through another one, including group and whatever you want.

While I was receiving these letters, my roof began to go, and now it goes when I receive letters and calls from unknown recipients. I answered and supported. As a result, he began to lead a decent lifestyle and achieved a lot, but it cost me moral effort and trauma to my own psyche. I wanted to help, because only they turned to me for help and told everything ... On the other hand, I feel sorry for myself, my spiritual strength and the spent nerves and time ...

And most importantly, there is no evidence that it was him. Only a description of what only he or one of his mutual friends could know ... And calls, and gifts to the mobile, and declarations of love - all from incomprehensible numbers, messages to e-mails - up to 100 per day ...
Here even my strong and healthy psyche began to fail. I guess that I aroused his special trust, respect and love, that he did not turn to anyone else for help and did not tell anything ...
But all this underground stuff really irritated me, a straight man!

And while working abroad, I constantly saw how married people at work try to drive tricks with young guys ... Straight guys can sleep with several girls at a time ... Group sex, bi and even incest are often found there, alas!

It was funny how foreign men who came from America made proposals to girls, and when they refused, they immediately switched to guys! Just waste. And I worked in a reputable international institution, and not in a bar or a den, all were educated people-specialists.

I got the impression that there are a lot of men with sex deviations. Maybe, of course, I'm old-fashioned, but as a woman I'm devastated by the thought that a man can be interested not in a woman, but in general with anyone. I'm embarrassed, I immediately lose interest.

By the way, I somehow met a guy here - an interesting, handsome banker - I looked at interests - bi. Well, I don’t know ... I, as a woman, begin to feel superfluous ... And this is the norm for them - a wife at home, a guy at work ...

What do you think about it? would like to hear your opinion?

Marianne, tocommentary on "On scammers and the black list of suitors"

There are emotions that destroy our lives and relationships with others. We are very well aware of some (and this does not mean that we draw the right conclusions) and often hear and read about them, but there are those that are little studied and discussed, but nevertheless have a huge impact on everything connected with us. .

Let's immediately agree that we will consider prejudice precisely, despite the fact that this is a state, attitude and opinion rolled into one. Firstly, it is easier to call this term with one definition, and secondly, any state, attitude and opinion are formed primarily by the root emotion, and only then we enter into any long-term emotion (state), give ourselves a conscious command (attitude) and we express a thought aloud or to ourselves, taking into account some factors (opinion).

In different dictionaries, the connotation of this word is understood differently. In some, prejudice is defined as a “negative attitude”, in others “attitude”, that is, in the second case, this attitude can be positive in advance. We will consider precisely the negative attitude, on the basis of which we will form a definition.

Definition and synonyms

Prejudice is a preconceived negative opinion about someone. Speaking about the word “in advance”, it should be understood that it does not mean that this opinion can necessarily be formed before meeting with a person, this can happen later. The most appropriate synonym for prejudice is ignorance. With ignorance, a person forms his opinion about something, not having any facts, but based only on the desire to simplify everything. Why think and read about the world economy, if everything is already divided, and we can only drown each other and survive? How can you trust a man who bought himself orange rubber boots?

Also similar to prejudice are stereotypes with prejudice. So it turns out that these four factors smoothly flow from one to another, and sometimes one factor contains another.

Causes of Prejudice

Some psychologists believe that prejudice is due to the need for self-respect. If a person is told that the one he will meet today is a very bad person, this simultaneously means that he is worse than the one to whom it is told. Of course, this is a very perverted logic, but the vast majority of people have precisely distorted logic, which, moreover, often manifests itself on a subconscious level and is very difficult to distinguish, catch and disarm.

Prejudice is also a seductive opportunity to ride on the rut of other people's opinions, not strain the brain with a conscious attitude towards a person, and simply save time.

The better a person's mood, the less he is prone to prejudice and prejudice. An optimist treats strangers much better, he is open to new experiences. or people with low self-esteem tend to subconsciously lower themselves to their level, raising their mood and the same self-esteem.

And of course, the cause of prejudice can simply be ignorance and a small scale of personality. The desire to simplify everything to one phrase is too tempting a prospect.

The danger of prejudice

However, in all these cases, one thing is clear - our reality becomes inadequate. Of course, purely statistically, our prejudice towards a person we don’t know may eventually turn out to be true, but it’s better to treat a person in advance either neutrally or affably than negatively, because you never know what impact any acquaintance can have on life.

But not only does the prejudice distort reality, but also the brain of this person constantly supports this opinion, constantly looking for confirmation. This phenomenon is called. This is a state in which a person believes in one thing, but is faced with a situation that refutes this belief - and as a result, he must choose one of the two, or he will begin to live in a schizophrenic situation. As you can see, the mental poison of prejudice can very easily distort reality, reach cognitive dissonance, and even cause schizophrenia. This slight author's exaggeration should make it clear that any negative emotion with prolonged use, it is capable of a radical change in personality. Any actor will tell you this.

If you are prejudiced, it does not necessarily mean that you bad person. Indeed, sometimes it is very difficult to tune in to a productive acquaintance with a person, before meeting with whom everyone tells you how terrible and rude he is. People named Louis are more likely to live in St. Louis, and you tend to trust the opinions of your friends and relatives because you consider them part of your personality. But you can imagine how prejudice can change your life - from cosmetic comic moments to the complete destruction of your life.

The resourcefulness of the brain is sometimes simply amazing. For example, an anti-Semite, having met a Jewish philanthropist, tends to classify him as a good Jew and still remain an anti-Semite. Moreover, the more philanthropists he meets, the stronger he adheres to his opinion. And yes, this is again an example of getting rid of cognitive dissonance.

What to do if you yourself are a victim of prejudice

• a person often thinks categorically, use it. If you are somehow different from the person who is prejudiced against you, look for the factors that unite you, take the person away from the negative perception and give him a positive one. For example, you might have in common higher education, the same profession, social status. "We bespectacled men must stick together"
• a very correct behavior with a person who is prejudiced against you is the constant mention of such words as "justice" and "humanity". This programmability will allow this person to match them
• if possible, try not to communicate with such people at times when they are tense or able. The probability of prejudice increases several times. After a pleasant meal or rest, a person is inclined to love the whole world.

How to get rid of prejudice?

In principle, from everything considered above, it is already possible to pretend how to get rid of this behavior. However, we will systematize and add a couple of tips.

1. The first step is to understand that if you are prejudiced against someone - the reason is in you. This thought is always difficult to accept, but being a nice person and loving other people is always more difficult than hating everyone.
2. Expansion of knowledge about stereotypes. Understanding how your thought and emotions work, observing yourself is already half the battle.
3. New acquaintances with different people. Many stereotypes and prejudices simply disappear when a person finds in himself the desire and opportunity to get to know people and initially treat them friendly.
4. Always remember that if your friend speaks negatively about a person whom you will soon meet yourself, this is his opinion and in fact the reality can be very different. Besides, most things are truly subjective.
5. Treating people with respect (at least before meeting and getting to know them in person) is always more beneficial than being suspicious and negative.
6. Books and travel. Nothing pushes us to prejudice like a small social circle, a lack of observation of other cultures and knowledge.

In any case, remember - prejudice harms you. It limits you, fetters you, paralyzes your brain and doesn't make you happy. Leave your opinion on this phenomenon in the comments.

Due to the hostility of society and prejudice, prejudice against homosexuality, many young people (I mean adolescence) are confused by their sexuality, lack of self-esteem and associated alienation and isolation. According to the periodization of the process of formation of homosexual identity, which was put forward by the American sociologist Richard Troyden, adolescence and the beginning of adolescence is the most dramatic and psychologically intense stage of development. This is a period of doubt and mixed identity, when a teenager is already thinking about his sexual identity, but cannot yet clearly define it. Experiences of the first homosexual contact, self-awareness of one's homosexuality, according to various studies, on average, fall precisely at the age of 12-16 years. Studies by the British Medical Association have shown that before the age of 16, human sexuality is already fully formed.

However, for many adolescents, even having a homosexual experience and being aware of their homosexuality does not mean that they recognize themselves as gay or lesbian. Some of them turn to a psychotherapist for help in the hope of getting rid of their homoerotic orientation, others are engaged in self-education, eradicating such feelings in themselves. How? With the help of mental self-defense, the methods of which are different:

Activation or, conversely, avoidance of communication, including sexual, with persons of the opposite sex;

· Evasion from receiving any information that could confirm fears about their homosexuality, unwillingness to hear anything on this topic;

· Making fun of one's homoeroticism and persecuting one's own kind in the hope of hiding behind a wall of hatred;

Avoiding painful problems with the help of alcohol and drugs;

· Definition of unacceptable feelings and actions as accidental, temporary or peripheral.

The teenager is not prepared for such a sudden intrusion of sexuality into his psyche, and the natural reaction is often something like shock. Psychological disturbances, which, as a rule, can follow this, are therefore not pathological (V. Frankl). According to I. Kohn, "homosexual adolescents and young men need psychiatric and psychological help, but not because they are sick, but because they are in a very difficult situation, which only a specialist can understand." . I would connect this categorical "only" with the fact that many people (social workers, psychologists, employees of lesbian gay organizations) that young homosexuals turn to do not know about the rules and restrictions that exist in psychological practice in order to reduce the risk of harm to the person who applied.Therefore, I would like to acquaint you with recommendations for professionals who work with young gays and lesbians, based on the materials of the American organizations P-FLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays ) , WAF (We are Family) , the works of I. Kohn, as well as on my own observations.

Advice for professionals who work with young gay and lesbian (homo- and pre-gay)

1. Don't be surprised when young people come out to you. They probably tested you with a few "trial balloons" before contacting you. Based on your previous reactions, they have decided that you are the right person to trust. A teenager does not reveal himself to everyone at once, often he simply has no one to reveal himself to, because he does not trust anyone. Usually, the first confidant is his/her same-sex peer, the second is the mother, and the father, as a rule, is never revealed. He may come to you, having already realized his homodirection and having accepted himself, or he may turn in an attempt to find the answer to the question: "Who am I?".

2. Keep confidentiality. If young people have shared information with you about his or her sexual orientation, you have gained a trust that you must respect. Violation of this confidentiality often leads to suicide.

3. Understand the meaning of sexual orientation. Every kind of sexual orientation is something that comes naturally to that person. And it's not about sexual preference. People don't choose to be gay or lesbian; they just are.

4. Be supportive. Explain that many young people have struggled with this issue before. It is necessary to give objective and accurate information about everything that worries young man experience of other boys and girls with similar problems is especially important. Agree that dealing with one sexuality is hard. Avoid easy and quick answers regarding this topic. Leave doors open for more conversation and more help.

Do not forget about family conditions, help the teenager understand his relationship with his parents, if possible - talk to them, but only with the consent of the teenager himself. If he wants to open himself up to his parents, but does not know how to do it, introduce him to the recommendations of the American psychologists of the P-FLAG organization, based on many years of research, and devoted to the following questions: "How to open up to your parents", "What stages do parents go through on the way understanding and acceptance of your child "(At the school on this topic there is" Letter to the mother who found out about her son's orientation "and" Coming Out "). It is very important that he is aware of those psychological problems that parents may encounter when they learn of his/her homosexuality. After all, it is difficult to be a philosopher in relation to own child. Relationships can only be established if there is patience, understanding and mutual honesty on both sides.

5. Help but don't push. Whatever the counselor's own sexual orientation may be, it should be based primarily on life problems teenager sitting in front of him. You cannot and cannot decide whether or not he should be gay or lesbian. The keys to how you can help will come from the youngest person. Don't squeeze him or her into the narrow confines of your own limited, like any other person, ideas - this will make it easier for you to understand the teenager and find exactly his unique solution to his unique situation.

Problem teenagers must be accepted as they are, without moralizing or intimidating. It is not the job of the counselor to change or reinforce the adolescent's sexual orientation. It is necessary to help him understand and clarify his feelings.

Most importantly, deal with feelings. Most young gays and lesbians feel lonely, scared and guilty. You can listen to them, thus giving you the opportunity to release feelings and thoughts that often conflict with each other. Be prepared for the fact that you will encounter confusion and confusion. They must work with own feelings and try to understand yourself.

The first was brutal murder in April of this year, our colleague and LGBTI activist Khulhaz Mannan, who worked for the US Agency for International Development in Bangladesh. His death was a testament to the ongoing harassment and discrimination against the LGBTI community in all parts of the world. We must strive to build a world where all people can assert their rights without fear of retribution. Unfortunately, Hulhaz Mannan lived in a different world. To make such a world a reality, the US State Department continues to fight against bias-based violence against members of the LGBTI community, including by working with employees law enforcement in many countries.

The second event was a letter I received from an American eighth grader. She said that she "wants to make this world a better place" and expressed concern about the attitude towards the LGBTI community in Russia. I can't find the words to express how much I was shocked by the sympathy of this girl.to unknown people on the other side the globe. Referring to polls that show that a significant number of Russians do not want to associate with homosexuals, she said that, "There is nothing abnormal about someone being LGBT. These people are not sick - they just fall in love with someone alone sex with them." I cannot but agree with this. At the end of her letter, this aspiring human rights activist suggests that I "consider the possibility of appealing to Russians to accept the LGBT community." I promise her and all of you that I will continue to support thisidea.

In Moscow, my colleagues and I regularly address LGBTI issues as part of our human rights work. We are particularly concerned that the government is using a law that prohibits gay propaganda to minors in order to deprive this community of the rights to freedom of assembly and freedom of speech. I was also uncomfortably surprised by the draft law against the public statement of non-traditional sexual orientation, and I breathed a sigh of relief when this bill was defeated. We call on the authorities in all countries not to make any exceptions in ensuring the human rights of all citizens.

While we celebrate LGBTI month in June, our commitment to human rights is not transitory. We always strive to respect the fundamental rights, beliefs and dignity of the individual.

I look forward to further engagement with Russians on the issue of LGBTI rights. More detailed information about the work of the State Department and the US Embassy in Russia in this direction can be found at the following links:

http://www.state.gov/j/drl/
https://twitter.com/USEmbRu
https://www.facebook.com/russia.usembassy

Taking Pride in “Pride Month”

I am happy to inaugurate U.S. Mission Russia’s celebration of LGBTI Pride Month 2016 together with other posts around the world. Throughout the Pride Month of June, we once again declare that we stand for the human rights and dignity of every person regardless of who they are or who they love. This message is a strong and powerful one: it is a message of respect and acceptance. Though we acknowledge this is not always easy, and has not been throughout our own history, we all must always keep moving forward towards our shared goal of justice and equality for all. Recently, two events have really brought home for me the importance of defending LGBTI rights.

The first was the vicious murder of USAID colleague and LGBTI activist Xulhaz Mannan in Bangladesh in April. Xulhaz's death was evidence of the ongoing stigma and discrimination facing the LGBTI community in all parts of the world. We must strive to live in a world where all people can advocate for their human rights without fear of retribution. Sadly, Xulhaz didn't live in such a world. To help ensure that others may, the State Department continues to work to reduce bias-motivated violence targeting LGBTI persons, including by working with law enforcement officials in many countries.

The second event was a letter I received from an eighth-grader in the United States who was “interested in making the world a better place” and wrote me with her concerns regarding the treatment of the LGBTI community in Russia. I cannot tell you how impressed I was by this young woman’s empathy for an unknown group of people halfway around the globe. Citing polls that show a significant number of Russians do not wish to socialize with homosexuals, she argued that, “There is nothing abnormal about being LGBT. People do not have a disease; they are just falling in love with someone of the same gender.” I couldn't agree more. This budding human rights advocate concluded her letter by requesting that I “consider talking to the Russian people about accepting LGBT people.” I can ensure her and all of you that I will continue to espouse our message of acceptance.

Here in Moscow, my colleagues and I engage with the LGBTI community regularly as part of our efforts to see their rights respected. We have been especially concerned with the government’s use of the law banning “propagandizing” non-traditional sexual orientations to minors in order to deprive this community of its rights to assembly and free speech. I was also appalled by the proposed law against “coming out” in public and relieved when it did not pass. We call on authorities in all countries to make no exceptions in guaranteeing the human rights of all persons.

While we celebrate June as Pride Month, our commitment to this cause is not temporary or passing. This is an everlasting commitment to inclusion, respect, and the fundamental beliefs of human rights and dignity.

I look forward to continued engagement with the Russian people on the issue of LGBTI rights, and you can find more information about State Department and Mission Russia efforts on this front by following the links below.