If you do not live on a desert island, are a member of society, then you know the word "betrayal". Moreover, you can be both the injured party and the traitor himself. Let's talk about what role betrayal plays in a person's life and how to continue to live after it.
Definition of betrayal
In the broad sense of the word, betrayal is a violation of the moral laws of society in the form of treason, a violation of a promise or a failure to fulfill a duty. Traitors have always been condemned and punished. Their actions can be compared with the fall in religion. And they really do true evil, because they destroy such important point V human society like trust.
There are various degrees of betrayal, for example, they can shortchange you in a store and thus undermine your confidence in yourself, or they can completely destroy, trample on the inner “I” of a person, which sometimes leads not only to mental death but also to the physical. The betrayal of loved ones is especially hard to bear, because these are the people whom you initially trust the most and whom you rely on as a support in difficult times.
The main types of betrayal:
- Change in marriage.
- When parents abandon their children.
- Leave a friend in a difficult life situation.
- Treason to the Motherland.
- Apostasy in religion.
Causes of betrayal
The person who was betrayed does not cease to be tormented by questions about why and why they did this to him, but the whole paradox is that the traitor himself does not know the answer to them.
The history of mankind is a whole series of betrayals and suffering that should have taught us modern people don't make these kinds of mistakes. Having the experience of many previous generations, we do not appreciate its significance and do not stop stepping on a rake. A person continues to betray, causing harm to others, and does not think at all about the consequences that await him.
We will then understand the reasons that push a person to betrayal. As it turned out, first of all, the reason lies in himself, or rather, in the three elements of character inherent in him in aggregate or separately: selfishness, weakness, unconsciousness.
So, egoism: all people are endowed with one degree or another of egoism, but it manifests itself in various forms. In educated, intellectually developed people with high moral standards, it manifests itself in the so-called healthy form. When a person calculates in advance the result of his actions, then reckless, stupid and childishly irresponsible egoism operates here. When making decisions, a person is guided by dubious momentary benefits.
Let's talk about weakness. Weak people, in whatever sense this word is used, are most prone to betrayal. A weak character, a low intellectual level of development, a morally and spiritually impoverished person or incapable of volitional acts, betrays very easily, because he does not know any other way to solve his problems, except by using others. Weak person always striving difficult problems it is easier to decide for yourself, even with the help of betrayal.
Unconsciousness is another of the features of a person that pushes to betrayal. The unconscious, as a rule, cannot even understand the horror of his actions. At the same time, a person’s actions are as if he is in a dream and is not able to control anything. His behavior is inconsistent common sense, spontaneous and primitive. In this state, they act, succumbing only to primitive instincts that serve them. inner voice. These are people, to put it mildly, not very high intelligence.
How to respond to betrayal
One of the tips on how to behave if you have been betrayed, especially if it is close person– calmly and even indifferently. Many will object that this is not a situation in which it is possible to maintain composure and calmness. And, of course, you will be right. But experts advise in advance to allow a situation that you can be betrayed and not expect too much from people, thus, be mentally prepared for disappointment in a person. On the other hand, it is very hard to live like a hedgehog in a prickly skin, not opening up to anyone, not trusting anyone, all the while waiting for a blow.
If, nevertheless, such a situation happened to you, you were not ready for this, but you were betrayed, there is new problem: how to survive it. First of all, take a deep breath, exhale and pull yourself together. Analyze what happened and understand that this is not something out of the ordinary, but something that happens every day. Yes, what happened before was not with you, but now the turn has come to you. After all, no one can be completely insured from this. People have a huge number of shortcomings, and for some, pity for another person is not their forte.
You were treated ruthlessly, you were betrayed, but at the same time, unwittingly, the traitors made you stronger and wiser. And no matter how paradoxical it sounds, but having come to this conclusion, you can be glad that a weak-willed coward betrayed you, thus saving you from his society and teaching you how to be a fighter.
Further, many wonder how to forgive such a person. It doesn't matter if you can or can't forgive the traitor. If you feel that you are not capable of forgiving this person, do not force yourself, because no matter how much you try to persuade yourself otherwise, it will not be true. The main thing - do not let this event take over your thoughts and your life, do not torment yourself, a traitor is not worth it.
Remember that it is not the betrayal itself that harms you and your life, but how you react to it. If you understand that you are above all this, then you will be able to recover from the shock much faster and live on as a different, but already stronger person.
You've been friends since childhood or since attending school or university. At that time, there is no betrayal, because there are no problems. Always together, went everywhere with each other, shared the most secret secrets Helped out when it was really needed. Is this true friendship? It's hard to answer. And it’s difficult because on a beautiful day you are betrayed. It doesn't have to be one person, it can be friends. There are many articles on the Internet - “a cry from the heart: My friends betrayed me, why are they wiping their feet on me?” So much betrayal around.
One of the stories. Yana
“We have been friends since childhood, a story from the time of school, now I am graduating from university. At one point, a lot of problems fell on me, difficulties in relation to me; I seriously quarreled with my mother, and unable to bear everything, I went for a few days to my grandmother. I asked my friend not to disturb me, because I did not want to communicate with anyone. To which I only received one negative. A friend called me selfish, that she was worried, and I only think about myself. I understand that I’m wrong, but I have so many problems, my head is spinning, I don’t want to see anyone. I asked for forgiveness for my actions.
Because of this, our relationship became strained, it was hard to be with each other, and she had a new girlfriend. It's a shame, of course, but we agreed to remain friends, not to be enemies. WITH new girlfriend they talked everywhere, went to various events together. But when she has problems, she comes to me and shares them with me. She says she can't open up as a new one yet. And I listen, support her, give advice. I am always ready to help.
But as soon as we are in public together, she makes me look like a fool, always makes me wrong in disputes in which she does not even participate. And she is too lazy to sit at the same desk with me.
Why do I endure all this humiliation and betrayal best friend? Why do I allow you to wipe your feet on me? I myself understand that I should not allow this, but I have always been strong, but, not understanding anything, I try to establish contact again, turn the other cheek. I was disappointed in female friendship, but I want everything to be the same as before, when we were faithful friends.
Pain in the soul
It's a shame to realize that I'm only needed when someone needs help in advice or simple support. Yes, I'm glad to help, listen - with joy, as a mother, I understand and will not offend. But this is where the relationship ends, they neglect the fact that it is important to me, that I also need the support and reliable shoulder of a friend. For some reason, they don’t discuss their problems with anyone, they just “hang out” with others, have fun, and they run to me with problems. Not only does this apply to one of my girlfriends, everyone around me does this. I am like a transit point, as a place where people need to repent, get support, they show their weakness with me, I accept it, and help. Never laughed in your face and said that they were wrong. But in public they do not seem to notice me, they almost try to avoid my company, they behave aloofly.
It’s not self-confident to say, I’m no different from others either externally or in communication, no worse, it’s interesting with me. But they wipe their feet on me. Feet are wiped by those whom I consider friends. How to find a good and true friend? Or will I have to live like this for the rest of my life?
I have an important event, I hope for support, but they throw me into last moment, citing stupid reasons. Of course, I put on an understanding face, I tell them "yes, of course, it's okay." And then I feel sad, and even worse, I roar. It's a shame, not children now, to blindly believe lies.
Sometimes I look into their eyes, it seems to me that I even see a sense of guilt on their faces, honestly, I saw it, apparently they understand that they are not treating me fairly, but, unfortunately, they stop there. If only someone apologized ... You feel like a doormat - you wiped your feet - we ask for joy!
I watch films, they show true friendship, and I think, well, it must be, because how is it. And I'm waiting for the appearance of a person with whom it will be possible to just sit next to me, say nothing, but be there and feel support. I firmly decided that someday I will have a child, and I will give him all my love, he will grow in joy, he will become a good and decent person, and I will always help him, because I don’t want him to know grief and betrayal by others.
What is friendship based on? Why am I alone? Does everyone have it? Is everyone talking and waiting at the same time for a hit from your friend? Or someone lucky enough to have faithful loved ones? This is my soul cry! Maybe someone will feel better from my words, someone is also in a situation like me. After all, it must be so, there must be people in different parts of the world who are honest and kind, who value friendship.”
My opinion
Why best friends betray
Yana, fuck such friends!!! There are enough people like your "friends" in our world, selfish and ... Everyone will choose the words for himself. You good man, there are no flaws in you, I often found myself in such a situation. It's disgustingly awful! You pick your friend, and he's really a rotten dummy. Good friend he will never make fun of you or avoid you in public, he has a conscience. And he will definitely help you. And the "rotten" - they punish themselves, refusing friendship with such wonderful person, How are you. It's just that our world is becoming cruel, everyone is afraid to show their weaknesses, and hide behind a mask strong man and if there are people on the way kind soul like you, they express everything that they have accumulated bad. You're right, for them, you're a staging post.
They are not worthy to be called your friends, let them now cope with their own problems. I really hope you get it soon true friend. And you know, choose not from the "stars" - they are selfish and mercantile in everything, but look among the "simple" and modest - these people know the price of communication and friendship. Do not choose by financial and appearance, many rich people have friends - the simplest, but also the most faithful.
If pseudo-friends come to you again for help, then tell them directly: “to go to those who are publicly called their own. best comrades, and you are not a vest that is only cry for when they are in need. You are a living person and also need support and attention.” It's hard to say, but you can do it! Your reaction will make them think about themselves and how they neglected you. Friendship is not based only on a one-sided division of the problem, let them turn to a psychologist for advice and do not fool you with the hope of friendship.
It seems to me that seeing your relationship with children, as you wrote above, you must have a wonderful family, because you will put all your efforts into it. And your future husband you can be both a friend and a vest, just like you dreamed of! And family happiness will cover all the hardships that you have suffered.
Dear girls, do not let others fool you, do not let them "lower you below the plinth", you deserve much better than you imagine! And you are not alone in this. If you have a similar situation, then let's share it together, it's better to speak out and listen to the advice of the same heroines as you and I. Support should always be, do not hide the negative for yourself, otherwise you will hate the weight of white light.
Some people are afraid of betrayal, and some are not afraid of them, but they don’t even use such a word as “betrayal”. What is the difference between them? Do betrayals really exist? Why betray you friends, loved ones? In fact, everything does not depend on the people who betray you, but everything depends on you and how you perceive these very betrayals. Let's look at what actually constitutes a betrayal of people.
You don't change people. You can only change the attitude towards them and their actions. In order to do this, it is worth reading the new helpful beliefs below. Worth taking new reality. By accepting it, you will protect yourself from pain and emotional wounds.
All people are different. People are ill-mannered, selfish, ungrateful, and so on. Take them and their actions for granted. Take everything as reality. If something is happening in your life, then it just happens.
Be sympathetic to the fact that even the person closest to you can lie, can even harm you, intentionally or unintentionally. Every person has their own weaknesses. Just accept that even the people closest to you can ruin their lives and do terrible stupid things. Forget and never use the word betrayal again. Accept that people's plans, views, thoughts can change. People can break promises. People don't always have to take care of you. Even if a person leaves you in trouble, this may mean that he looks at everything differently.
If you live in this world, then you must accept it as it is.
Is it worth putting up with the so-called betrayals? Just because you've been treated badly doesn't mean you have to put up with it. The most important thing is that you have peace of mind. If you can change something, then great, you will do it. If you cannot afford to change something, then just accept this world, accept people. People live the way they do, not the way we want.
Now you know why people betray each other. Human betrayals can only exist in your minds. People "betray" because they tend to think about their own interests and take care of themselves first, and not of you. Of course, it's great if you come across such people in life who will take care of your interests. But there are not so many such people. It is worth looking for them very well, and having found them, try to be needed by them.
