Each of us wants to love and be loved. How wonderful it is when people find each other and their interests, views and feelings coincide. But it happens quite differently. Non-reciprocal love often causes depression, apathy.
But it is impossible to conclude the whole meaning of existence in a person who does not reciprocate. If it has grown into such an unhealthy attachment, it needs to be fought.
Lack of trust: this is the main component of a successful relationship, and whoever has it does not intrude on privacy another. In principle, a couple can say everything without the desire to hide some details that may disturb others. Analyze the past: "What does not happen in your year does not harm you." We all have a past with positive and negative experiences that stable couples understand. In a happy relationship, it is inappropriate to take this past to shine as an argument in discussions or as a reason to fight.
How to forget a loved one?
If your love has not met with reciprocal feelings, you should try to forget about it and move on. Yes, it's not easy. But it's worth a try!
- Change the environment. If possible, try to get as far away from the object as possible. unrequited love. Perhaps you should change jobs, city, country of residence, or just go on a long vacation.
A change of scenery, new people, current worries will make you look at everything with different eyes. You will feel that life goes on!
It still sounds weird, but "you're not a couple anymore." There was an end point that started the grieving process, at a time when you need to adapt to the loss. In these first moments, volunteers who volunteer to accompany you support you and even advise you on what you should or shouldn't do to overcome it "as soon as possible".
And you let them talk and talk and comment looking for some idea to stick with it seems good plan to ease your pain even though you know deeply that you have no choice but to accept the emotions that invade you.
Give yourself time to take a break from people, from your thoughts. Don't do anything. A month or two or more will pass and you will feel better.
- Plan your day so that there is not a single free minute for sad thoughts. Get two jobs, go in for sports or devote yourself entirely to your favorite business.
As a result of the efforts made at work, you will get an improvement financial condition, increase in career ladder. Thanks to the gym beautiful figure. A permanent employment it will help to more easily survive unrequited love and get distracted from the object of affection.
They left you, or you left them by mutual agreement, the reality is that you have completely disrupted your life, your plans, your routines, etc. there you, with your home and your mind, are moving towards an unknown land, moving into a new indefinite state that creates more pain.
Put the focus of all your thoughts on your ex.
To a certain extent, it's okay for you to pick yourself up by resurrecting scenes you've ever experienced or thinking about the person you've lived with for so many things. Over time, these thoughts will decrease unless you do something that transforms them, for example.
- Don't be afraid to start new relationships! Of course, when you feel ready for them. Comfortable relationship without strong passion, love, affection based on sympathy and respect - this is what you need at this stage.
If you feel like you're ready for a new relationship, don't make this common mistake! No need to start "revenging" all men (or women) in a row because your love was once left unanswered. Others of the opposite sex are not to blame for the fact that previous relationships did not work out and your feelings were neglected.
Transform a bond into an overnight friendship
Ask, ask, and research what your ex is doing, who you're involved with, what your current life is like, etc. collecting data in an obsessive way can seriously hurt you when it comes to a good duel. Invest hours and hours in guessing how you might act, think, or feel about your ex. Rewind your story constantly and infect all your conversations with the topic of your previous relationships.
- Stop reading your mind and punish yourself with these questions.
- This makes it hard to motivate you to do other things.
How to help a loved one if he suffers from unrequited love?
If your friend is depressed because his feelings have been rejected, don't leave him alone. Now, more than ever, he needs your support and attention. The following tips will help you properly support a friend:
The best help in such a situation will simply be your presence in the life of a friend. Let him know that he is not alone, surround him with care and warmth.
It takes a reasonable amount of time for each person to adapt to change. It's true that there are couples who can keep their friendship after leaving, but it doesn't happen overnight. Forcing you to talk to and stay with your ex as often as you do before preventing acceptance. Behind this behavior is usually the fear of being alone, losing all contact with the person with whom he shared so many things, facing the loneliness of the first moments, etc.
A couple is a very specific and very different friendship that can transform, but of course it takes some work and time. Be careful to use this saying as a solution to your pain. If you think that you will miss the fight looking for a replacement, you are wrong. Seeking a new partner urgently will increase the likelihood that you will choose someone by your side out of fear of being alone and embark on a new relationship that is prone to failure from the start.
How to come to terms with the fact that your feelings were rejected and find the strength to live on?
Most of us have experienced unrequited love. Someone faced this at the age of 17-18, someone - at more adulthood. Often, even in harmonious relationships, one of the partners loves, and the other simply allows himself to be loved, using his soul mate.
In addition, you have deprived yourself of the opportunity to develop strength skills in the face of disappointment, and the image that you give yourself will be weak. Sooner or later you will have to grieve and accept the pain of what you have lost. The sooner you do this, the sooner you can have a positive learning experience.
If you've come to grips with some of these behaviors, don't blame yourself, but consider letting a professional help you. You don't have to spend it alone. To train our children in influence is to help them develop their ability to love. Love is transmitted mainly in the family.
Understand that love is only mutual. After all, this is a bright feeling, it should bring joy and happiness to both partners. And non-reciprocal love brings only suffering. A person whose feelings have not been answered tries on the role of a victim. Such a position leads to self-destruction, loss of individuality. You need to realize this and try with all your might to get out of this pool.
"The family is an intimate community of life and love" whose purpose is to "guard, reveal and communicate with love" with four main tasks. The ability to love is the result emotional development man in the first years of his life. Affective development is a continuous and sequential process, from infancy to adulthood.
Emotional maturity is a long process as a person prepares to interact intimately and personally with their peers as a unique and unrepeatable self; And this must be evoked at the first contact of a child with an adult who perpetuates himself throughout his existence.
People tend to idealize the object of love. But time passes, we grow, gain experience, attitudes and values change. Life is multifaceted, and in a year, two or five years, you will be surprised at how you could ever suffer so much because of another person.
In any case, new meetings and mutual feelings await you. When you recognize the joy of harmonious and happy relationship, you will not remember your past unrequited love. Find the strength to let go of the feeling that destroys you in order to open your heart to a new life!
Although man was created by God with an innate ability to love, the growth and experience of love is realized through the experience that a person gains throughout his life. In the individual context of each person, this experience is in his family. In the family it becomes love, love without conditions; Parents who start a family with the promise of love want their children because they are their children, not because of their qualities. "The family is the center of intimacy and openness."
It is in the family that we cultivate a human being who must teach him to think, deepen, and reflect. It is in the family that a person learns the cultivation of virtues, respect, which is the guardian of love, honesty, generosity, responsibility, love of work, gratitude, etc. family invites us to exercise creativity to the improvement of the intellect, will and heart, in order to be able to contribute and open to society ready and whole. Love for the family must be transferred to society.
Alice, Moscow
Love in one gate is much more common than mutual feelings. Alas, this is the law of life: We choose, we are chosen - as it often does not coincide ... We are happy to watch films about unrequited love, read books where the characters unsuccessfully try to win the hearts of their beloved. But in reality, love without reciprocity often leads to sad consequences.
The family is the first vital environment that a person finds when he comes into this world, and his experience is forever decisive. Everything is connected with the mystery of the Father, who created us out of love and love. He created us in the image and likeness, we are all his children equal in dignity. To reveal his paternity of love "makes us give birth out of love" men and women and creates a family; This is the place of love and life, or better said: "the place where love gives birth to life."
Konyugalnaya love, a model of love for children. The family is the first and fundamental school of sociability, as the community of love finds in itself the gift of the law that governs and works it out. The gift of the self that inspires mutual love to spouses, is put as a model AND norm of the gift of oneself, which should exist in relations between brothers and sisters and between different generations who live together in a family. Communion and participation lived in the house every day, moments of joy and hardship were the most pedagogical concrete and effective for the active, responsible and fruitful integration of children into the wider horizon of society.
If a person loves and is ready to put up with the fact that his feelings are not reciprocated, this is a kind of sacrifice. He consciously agrees to give all the time without receiving anything in return, and is already happy that the object of his tender passion is near and belongs to him (or not only to him, let's be realistic). It's humiliating? This is probably how it looks from the outside. However, the one who chose sacrificial love Believe me, he doesn't think so. Such a person is in the deepest psychological dependence on the one he loves, and this dependence is like a disease.
Someone said that “you can breed outside the family, but only in a family that you can raise”, and the education of love can only be in a family: a loving one. We must clearly understand that there is nothing that raises children more and better than the example of love they see in their parents as a couple. To truly love our children, we must first love our spouse.
Love, a factor in the development of the child. Another fundamental aspect of the influence of love in the family is found in the development of a person, especially children. Each family, without even pretending to create an environment that affects all of its members, but especially children and young people.
The sickness of love
It would seem that the usual everyday situation in which millions of men and women find themselves. But psychologists warn: unrequited love can lead to various kinds of depressive disorders.
To love is to seek the whole good of another. The one who loves, and only the one who loves, knows the loved one well, because he knows him not only as he seems, but also inside, and still knows “his possible”, what can and should “become ". As Paul Valery says, "What is most true of a man, of himself, is his possible, what can be."
Based on the fact that a person "is a being in the process", we believe that it is in the family that he will be most advanced in this process. Thus, we can appreciate the transcendence of our love for children. Our love will be responsible for them to reach the level they should have in all aspects of their personality.
Being in the role of such a victim, first of all, try not to hide your head in the sand, but to understand what is happening, to sort out the situation. It is better to say it out loud, and even better to discuss it with a psychologist - only he will give you qualified advice.
If you have found the courage to admit that you are in a psychological addiction, consider that you have taken the first step towards healing. What's next? Forget about this love? Alas, it’s impossible right away - as you know, you can’t command the heart. You have a long and hard work ahead of you.
The one who loves not only knows that he can become a loved person, but also "helps him", helps him develop all the possibilities that he has, and often ignores, helps him to be what he can get to Be. Psychology states that attachment stimulates the exploration and development of the intellect due to the sense of security and confidence it provides, which develops slowly through childhood, childhood and adolescence.
A person who is always in the process of becoming himself is a being with a certain degree of insecurity. The one who feels loved experiences a strength in himself that increases his security. Feeling the trust of loved ones is not only helpful, but often "vital."
The cure for psychological addiction
Let's go back to the experts. Psychologists advise - start living full life. First of all, try not to let a single hour or a single minute be idle. Don't leave your head free. If you work, let this work be much more. Sign up for courses foreign languages, go in for dancing, fitness, yoga - in a word, try to switch. Think more about yourself, try to direct your thoughts in a positive direction. Every night before going to bed, take stock of what you did today for yourself.
Trust does not mean turning a blind eye, agreeing, giving up. To believe means to believe in a person, even if the facts are against him. Trusting someone means being patient, knowing how to wait. How can we inspire confidence in our children? Helping them to know their qualities, limitations and shortcomings. Helping them to develop qualities, encouraging and applauding their achievements, however small, helping them to discover where they can show their inclinations if they are not dominant and, above all, make them feel our love.
To do this, we need not only patience, but also time. The opposite of trust is to release our courage and impatience from our children, to confront their mistakes, failures and bad actions without passing on the security we have so they can change. Saying "you are bad" rather than "what you did" is a bad act.
Believe me, very soon you will feel like a self-sufficient person, your self-esteem will increase, and most importantly, all these efforts will not go unnoticed by others. Surely a person will appear in your life who will gladly share your feelings, and this will be the best medicine for you, if you want, an antidote. Believe me, to love, to give emotions is wonderful, but to catch a loving look in response, to feel that another person needs you, that he appreciates you and is afraid of losing you, is just as wonderful, and it would be simply unreasonable to deprive yourself.
Demand is an essential element of love. Only those who, in the name of love, know how to demand from themselves can demand love from others; Because love demands. It is in every human situation. Loving children does not mean avoiding all suffering. To love is to look for good for a loved one in the last resort, and not instant complacency. It is possible that sometimes, in order to love a child, we generate a momentary disappointment that actually prepares him for a greater good.
We quote Ignaz Lepp, in his book The Psychoanalysis of Love, tells us: Authentic love is the most efficient creator and promoter of being. If so many people - or better gifted ones - remain so mediocre, it is often because they have never been loved by tender and demanding love.
View from the other side
Now let's look at the problem from the position of someone who is on the other side of the barricades, that is, from the position of an object of unrequited passion.
Is it really so nice to watch how they try to conquer your heart and not find reciprocal feelings in yourself? Alas, each of us is an egoist - such is human psychology. Another thing is that conscientious people squeeze this egoism out of themselves. But a person is weak - it is pleasant to be loved, and if someone is ready to move mountains for the sake of your favorable look, the temptation is great.
But do you realize at the same time that by accepting such a sacrifice, you are destroying yourself? Here the advice is simple - fight temptation. Don't waste time in relationships that impoverish you emotionally.
Family is a job for two
It often happens that a man and a woman, playing in love with one goal, decide to build a family. What awaits them? Long living together Or an inevitable breakup?
Psychologists tend to believe that, unfortunately, the latter is more likely than the former. The family requires constant, painstaking and - we emphasize - the mutual work of the spouses on their relationship. It is like a fire that will immediately go out if no wood is put into it. But if one is concerned about where to find this firewood, and the other intends only to warm himself, collapse is inevitable. Fatigue will inevitably set in, dissatisfaction with each other will begin to grow, and there it’s not far from a divorce.
In addition, the family involves the birth of children. Is it good for a child to observe such a model of relations between parents every day, every hour? Definitely not. Children feel subtly, and the coldness of the father in relation to the mother, or vice versa, cannot be hidden from them. And this can result in suffering, the development of complexes and other psychological problems. Moreover, becoming older, the child will certainly transfer such a model to own life- either dooms himself to sacrificial love, or begins to enjoy seeing how another person sacrifices himself for his sake. Both are not at all what you would want for your children, are they?
Try not to get psychologically addicted to unrequited love. And if you see that your feelings do not find an answer, that they are like a disease, try to recover as soon as possible and without complications.
