Quest "Reminders"
Set up a reminder system on your phone (at least 2 reminders a day). Do it randomly. At the time of the signal, determine what emotions you experienced immediately before the signal (most likely, at the time of the signal you will experience slight irritation J) remember and write it down.
Quest "Emotion Diary"
Get a notebook or notepad. Determine the most convenient time for you (morning, evening). At this time, you will record the results of the day's work daily. Throughout the day, keep track of what emotions you experience, what caused these emotions, track the general background of mood.
At the time you have chosen, record the facts: what are the most powerful emotions you remember today, at what moments they arose. Write down in the same way what sensations arose in the body during the experience of these emotions, what thoughts visited you at that moment?
Record your observations in free form or in a table
Fact (situation, person)
Thoughts
physical sensations
Emotions
Exercise "Settings about emotions"
This exercise allows you to analyze what attitudes you have about emotions? To do this, remember everything that comes to your mind: what your parents, teachers or others said significant people what you read in literature or saw in the movies, what proverbs, sayings and catchphrases about emotions?
After you have written down everything you can remember, analyze how these attitudes and beliefs affect your behavior and / or emotional condition? Would you like to change any of them?
Exercise "What does a negative emotion signal to us?"
Choose an emotion that you consider negative. Which you do not like and strive to hide with all your might. Recall situations in which you experienced this emotion.
. What do you think, what is the reason that she appeared precisely at these moments?
. What did she want to tell you? What is important to pay attention to? What
will change if you start listening to this information?
. How did this emotion help you? What was good about this emotion arising?
. What happens if you allow yourself to experience and sometimes express that emotion?
As long as we do not recognize the presence of an emotion, “do not see it”, we cannot see the situation as a whole well, that is, we do not have sufficient information. And of course, without recognizing the presence of some kind of emotion, we cannot part with it, it remains somewhere inside in the form of muscle clamps, psychological trauma and other troubles.
Exercises for Developing Skills to Understand the Emotions of Others
"Silent TV"
Turn on the TV and turn off the sound. Find some Feature Film and watch it for a while, observing the gestures, facial expressions and location in space of the characters and reflecting on what emotions they are currently experiencing. This is a very exciting process.
If you don't really enjoy watching feature films this way, watch some TV debates or the news. Watch a piece of a familiar movie and a piece of an unfamiliar one. What is the difference in the observation process? Does knowledge of the plot hinder or help to compare "non-verbal" with emotions? Compare films of different genres. American and French. What are the similarities and differences non-verbal behavior in different cultures? Watch a movie where they play famous actors, and some cheap series. Compare the non-verbal expressions of the actors with real people in some reporting program.
"Public transport"
This game has extra bonus. To watch a silent TV, you need to have time, a TV or computer, and the consent of relatives to use it. When you are on public transport, you only need time that can be spent on useful activities. Therefore, when you are tired of the newspaper that you bought for a trip to the subway, or the book you took on the train or plane ran out, it is quite possible to switch to this game. What do these people feel? If you see a couple, what kind of relationship are they in? If someone tells something to someone, then a funny story or sad?
Exercises to develop the skills to manage your emotions
"Breath"
Develop a habit: if you become aware of an emotion, and you don’t like it and interfere, immediately begin to pay attention to your breathing and start breathing a little more slowly, paying attention to your exhalation.
"Bodily Methods"
Choose a bodily method of emotion management that can be used in almost any situation. For example, imperceptibly clench-unclench fists. Stand up on tiptoe a few times. Get up, walk around a bit and sit down again. Practice using it at least once an hour.
"Problems"
Write a list of current problems for you. Remember maximum amount problems (note that there may be some difficulties at first, and then the process will go We are good at looking for problems.
Now reformulate these problems into goals. Make sure to formulate goals in a positive way, that is, without using the “not” particle, as well as the words “quit”, “stop”, “stop”. Formulate goals as specifically as possible, be sure to determine the date by which you plan to achieve them.
Notice how your emotional state has changed from when you started.
"Resource State"
1. Exercise is best done while standing. Recall a situation, a moment in life when you were in a resourceful state. Recreate this situation, remember it in great detail: the resource state will reappear. Immerse yourself in your feelings, imagine yourself in this state.
2. Create a portrait of this state with the help of the following questions…
Where exactly is "it" in your body?
What form is this feeling?
- What size is this sensation?
- What colour?
- What images and/or words come from the past?
- Does "it" have a temperature?
- What "it" to the touch?
What is the limit of this feeling?
- Does "it" move?
- What material does it look like: wood, metal, air, water, cotton wool?
- Can it be moved?
3. Set a threshold in front of you or draw a line and go beyond it while in a resourceful state.
"Boast"
Every day, write down what you did well and successfully today. What did you do? What made you happy?
We do not urge you to constantly be in positive mood. As we remember, fear, anger and sadness are also useful emotions, and by allowing only positive emotions into our lives, we lose a large number of information and we may miss something important. At the same time, when we are positively disposed, it is much more difficult for us to upset or piss us off. Thus, a positive approach provides us with a solid footing and a kind of protection against the excessive influence of unpleasant events and emotions on us.
Exercises to Develop Skills for Managing the Emotions of Others
Exercise "Emotional balance"
Choose any personal or business relationship. For personal relationships, it is enough to remember a period from several days to a week; for business relationships, it is better to take a longer period - one to two months. Divide the sheet with a vertical line in half, designate the left column as “+”, the right column as “-”. Write down in the left column all your actions that, in your opinion, improved the state of your account (those actions that improved the mood of your partner), in the right - worsened it. See how you have affected your emotional balance in that relationship over this period. Have you been able to improve it or at least keep it the same? Or does the number of actions in the right column begin to depressingly prevail?
If you're the type of person who only has a bunch of great actions in the left column, ask yourself if you're not balancing that too? Are you giving too much to your partners and asking too little in return?
In both cases, it is worth drawing up a plan of action that will help you maintain a balance in a more or less balanced state. It is useful to carry out such an analysis for yourself at least once a month for the most significant figures and "bills" and every few months - for people important to you.
Exercise "Emotional motivators in my company"
Think about it and write down what you can do to maintain a constant atmosphere of drive, excitement and enthusiasm in your company.
In this article, I tried to collect the main characteristics of emotional intelligence. This will help you understand what you are missing and try to develop this or that quality in yourself.
I often think about why some smart people so unhappy, why they cherish their depression and do not ask for help, why they refuse to make even small changes, why they go to jobs they hate and do not try to establish contact with colleagues. Why people with a low level of IQ are more likely to be successful and happy, while geeks are left out. It turned out, when we are talking about happiness and success, emotional intelligence comes first, but not mental capacity. It is the low level of emotional culture that inhibits internal development of many people.
Emotional intellect helps build stronger relationships, advance a career, and achieve personal goals. According to the Psychologos website, emotional intellect is the ability to effectively deal with the emotional sphere human life: understand emotions and the emotional background of relationships, use your emotions to solve problems related to relationships and motivation.
How do you know if you have a well-developed emotional intelligence?
It doesn't matter if you're an introvert or an extrovert. emotionally developed people likes to observe the behavior of others trying to understand the characters and actions of others. They are good at reading facial expressions and gestures. Such people like to get acquainted and learn, they are inquisitive, feel sympathy and accept the fact that we are all different.
You know your strengths and weaknesses
Being able to act according to your strengths and weaknesses is a rarity, but a huge plus. If you've ever met the most boring people who think they have great feeling humor, you know what I mean. Emotionally developed people improve strengths and fight the weak, preventing the latter from directing actions and interfering with relationships.
When you're upset, you know exactly why.
We all experience emotional downturns, we feel sadness, disappointment, we are offended. In order to come to our senses in time and calm down, we should know the reason for what upsets us. Negative emotions don't come out of nowhere. There is always something that caused them. People with a high level of emotional intelligence have a wide range of vocabulary on the topic of emotions. They are able to distinguish irritation, indignation, sadness, anger, excitement, anxiety. If you learn to correctly recognize the emotion you are experiencing, it is easier to deal with it, understand its source and not let this feeling guide your actions and decisions.
You find time to help others even when you are in a hurry.
Most of the time we are completely focused on ourselves, especially when we are in a hurry. The ability to notice what is happening, to see people who need help and to provide this help is also hallmark developed emotional intelligence. Sometimes you should stop to notice something very important.
You are good at reading other people's emotions
Emotionally intelligent people quickly figure out the emotions of others simply by their eyes and gestures. This helps to correct their behavior and make the right decisions. After all, it makes no sense to discuss important things with a person immersed in their problems, it is better to wait a bit so that the decisions are as balanced and effective as possible.
You find a way to bounce back after failure
Failures help you develop, teach you how to cope with stress, and adapt. Without them, success would not bring such pleasure. Unfortunately, not everyone is able to deal effectively with failure. Not easy, not fast, but effective. That is, do not ignore, do not dwell on a mistake, do not start to be afraid of mistakes, do not self-flagellate, but get the most out of failure, turn it into your teacher and.
Do you trust your intuition?
An emotionally developed person does not ignore the existence of intuition. There's nothing wrong with taking a risk go for inner voice and see where it leads. How else to check that you have good intuition?
you know how to refuse
We so often sacrifice our own interests for the sake of others that we have lost count. We sacrifice the interests of the family, good rest, time alone with yourself to fulfill someone's request. People are starting to use it, but we can't say no because of the sense of responsibility and the desire to help. Sometimes it doesn't hurt at all gently refuse a request, if the fulfillment of this request will take away something important from you, or if you understand that the person simply does not want to understand and it is easier for him to hang it on someone else.
You adapt well to new conditions and are not afraid of change
Emotionally intelligent people are flexible and constantly adapting. because they understand that the fear of the new paralyzes and blocks the road to happiness. If change flickers on the horizon, such people quickly form a strategic plan for adaptation.
You are not afraid of mistakes
Emotionally intelligent people don't take mistakes to heart, but they don't ignore them either. They benefit from the experience gained and always ready to admit their guilt. While people with low emotional intelligence never apologize for their mistakes and often try to blame others for their mistakes.
You are selfless
When someone gives something without expecting anything in return, it makes a powerful impression. People with highly developed emotional intelligence never don't do anything on credit and don't think about offsets.
You neutralize poisonous people
If that's not your specialty, then deal with difficult people It's difficult, annoying and tiring. When people with a high level of emotional intelligence work with toxic people, they constantly remember and control their emotions in order not to succumb to manipulation and not let aggression and frustration control the situation. Such people understand that the irrational behavior of some cannot be attempted to be explained in terms of common sense.
You don't strive for perfection
As Anna Chernykh wrote, perfectionism is probably the most socially approved neurosis. It's really hard to imagine a person being scolded for striving for perfection. But as Salvador Dali, who is dearly respected by me, said: Do not be afraid of perfection - you will not achieve it. That is why people of high emotional culture do not make perfectionism their goal. As long as perfection is our goal, we will constantly feel like failures, which makes us give up or stop trying. It is better to be happy with what you have achieved, and not dwell on the level that you did not reach.
You're tripping
Time alone with yourself, changing activities, rest and relaxation help to keep stress under control and live in the present. You cannot devote yourself to work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You need to relax, rest. Even just turning off your phone for an hour can reduce your stress levels by several times, not to mention a whole day of relaxation. Emotionally intelligent people don't bring work home or discuss home at work.
You listen and hear
Do you know why it is so pleasant for emotionally developed people to trust and talk with them? They don't just listen, they hear, read between the lines, understand the veiled information well and help you deal with the situation without any questions.
Every person has emotional intelligence, although it is difficult to find someone in whom all qualities would be fully combined. If you were interested, in one of the following articles, I will try to talk about how to develop your emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence is a phenomenon that, at first glance, contains a contradiction. The intellect is usually understood as the mental, cognitive sphere of a person, and emotions are something irrational that cannot be controlled by the mind.
But emotions and feelings can be controlled by the individual, fully realized, controlled by an effort of will. The ability to understand and manage one's own emotional experiences, as well as the experiences of other people, is defined as"emotional intellect".
Developing emotional intelligence is useful both for the inner harmony of the individual and for harmony in relationships with others, in the family and at work. Developed emotional intelligence contributes to the maintenance of physical and mental health.
Emotional intelligence needs to be developed because it:
- promotes awareness, understanding and acceptance of oneself, without self-flagellation and self-digging,
- develops intuition, the ability to understand non-verbal signals in communication,
- balances emotional reactions in stressful situations
- develops stress tolerance
- teaches you to better understand other people, their emotions and feelings,
- helps to resolve communication difficulties, find compromises,
- promotes conflict resolution through cooperation,
- protects against manipulation, does not allow a person to become a victim of a manipulator,
- promotes the adoption of deliberate, rather than impulsive decisions,
- prevents emotional burnout at work,
- increases susceptibility to the signals of one's own body, develops an understanding of the psychosomatic aspect of the development of diseases,
- develops the ability to relax and rest, turning off the "internal dialogue".
Ways to develop emotional intelligence
For some people, emotional intelligence is sufficiently developed already in childhood due to the peculiarities of upbringing, while other people experience significant difficulties and need tips on how to develop the ability to understand others and themselves. Emotional intelligence develops in the process of personality development, in the course of socialization and the accumulation of life experience.
To develop emotional intelligenceneed to systematically work on yourselfin the following directions:
Widespread simple technique control of emotions called "count to ten." A person, before expressing his opinion and emotions to another individual, counts in his mind from one to ten. The essence of this technique is not in the account, but in the fact that you should first think, and then speak or do!
The wonderful proverb “Measure seven times - cut one” is the best way to characterize a developed emotional intelligence!
About emotional intelligence began to write actively and many years ago. There was even a common meme that " good man"In the XXI century - quite a" profession ".
When your emotional intelligence is high, you perceive reality more adequately, react to it more effectively and interact with others. Emotional intelligence has become one of the new tools for managing business, building effective communications and finding happiness.
But the question immediately arises: is it possible to develop emotional competencies in the same way as ordinary intelligence, logic, thinking and creativity?
Do you feel that the business environment is sometimes hostile to you? For example, does your boss not appreciate you, or does the client treat you like an empty space?
Regardless of which level career ladder you are now, I am sure that you have at least once encountered a misunderstanding. You felt left out, not appreciated enough, not treated properly. And as a consequence, you experienced suffering.
Let's face it, business isn't always fun. Some may argue that "that's how it works." However, I am sure that we can improve our situation by developing one useful skill - emotional intelligence (EI).
Darius Foroux
Entrepreneur, author of three books, podcast host https://soundcloud.com/dariusforoux. "I write about how to be more productive to build a better life, career, and business."
What is emotional intelligence, how to improve it and how to use it in a business environment?
Term emotional intellect was popularized by John Mayer of the University of New Hampshire and Peter Salovey of Yale University.
Mayer defines EI (also called EQ) as follows:
In the current economic situation, the skill of solving problems related to emotions is very important. Plus, we often have to work together to find a solution. So success in business is not based on your diploma, IQ test scores, or any other grade-based metrics.
Quote on Twitter
If you want to reach significant results you will have to learn how to work with other people. From this point of view, EI is a key skill that will bring you better results and greater success.
In addition, studies show that high EI is an indicator of mental health. Therefore, it affects not only your success rate, but also your level of happiness.
Better self-awareness leads to higher emotional intelligence, which in turn brings more happiness.
EI characterizes a person's ability to recognize emotions. And not only others, but also their own. I believe that before you manage and direct others, you need to understand your emotions. Therefore, EI dough is associated with self-knowledge.
Thus, emotional intelligence is important factor that determines our success in life and in business:
- The result of high EI is self-knowledge.
- Self-awareness leads to greater happiness.
- A high level of happiness is an indicator of job satisfaction.
- Getting the joy of work, you show the best results.
- Good results lead to recognition.
- Recognition of our successes makes us feel important.
- This feeling leads us to greater happiness, better results, and so on.
Step one. Recognize your emotions.
Daniel Goleman, another pioneer in the study of emotional intelligence, is the author of Emotional Intelligence. Why it might mean more than IQ” states that we have two minds: “We literally have two minds. One thinks, the other feels.
In order to develop the part of the brain that is responsible for feelings, I like to write in a diary about my daily emotions. If you're not already journaling, start for the sake of your emotional intelligence.
Taking the first step, it is important to determine what you feel, what is the trigger for you experiences. Don't think why. Ask yourself some helpful questions:
What do you feel in different situations?
Do you get angry when you are criticized?
Do you get upset when people ignore you?
Do you freeze when all attention is on you?
Step two. Interpret your emotions
Once you have a better idea of how you react to different situations, it's time to figure out your reaction. Find answers to the following questions:
How do you respond to people when you're angry?
What do you really think of them?
What is the primary source of your feelings, what upsets you, makes you happy, sad, angry?
Don't judge yourself. Your goal is to understand your emotions. No more, no less.
Step three. Manage your emotions.
it most of business success. The leader does not go with the flow or follow the energy of the group. The leader sets the atmosphere. But before you can determine the mood of the whole group, you need to learn how to maintain an internal mood. Answer yourself a few questions:
Can you get out of being sad?
Can you cheer yourself up?
Can you hold yourself back if you get too excited?
If not, work on it. Before you can control your emotions, you must learn to control them.
I used a three-step method to better identify my emotions. After trying these steps for yourself, you will learn to recognize your emotions and identify the emotions of other people. This is exactly what constitutes emotional intelligence.
“Emotions lead to delusions and this is their value, the value of science is in its unemotionality.”
"The Picture of Dorian Grey".
Have you ever noticed how emotions distort or transform reality? In psychology, there special term"Emotional intelligence" and it has a special designation - EQ. They started talking about him again at the beginning of the Zero. Let's talk about what this concept is and how to develop emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence management became of interest to me long before I heard this term. It was an intuitive understanding that the development of the situation, or the lack of results, is influenced not only by my thoughts, but also by my reaction to them, the emotional state. Rather, it is emotions that form thoughts, and not vice versa. Negative thoughts appear precisely because a person does not have complete information about current events, worries, experiences fear, resentment, anger and from certain expectations. Agree, most conflicts arise because our loved ones do not behave the way we expect them to. Psychologists note that clarifying the relationship, or who is right, occurs because a person does not receive strong, vivid, positive sensations from reality, and the struggle is designed to compensate for this shortcoming.
Stressful situations become a gold mine for a certain circle of people. This includes soothsayers, magicians, fortune-tellers, psychics. Various sessions act like morphine, they remove the negative for a while, leaving positive experiences and a feeling of relaxation. As a result, the client comes again to get not the prediction itself, but the confidence that everything will be in order. This is at best.
Some of the psychics and magicians deliberately increase the level of anxiety of clients in order to inspire even more fear and, in this way, lure large sums of money. They cling to what is important to a person: relationships with a loved one, health, and so on. Emotional intelligence exercises helped me move away from constant feelings of fear and anxiety, think soberly and look for constructive solutions to problems without turning to third parties for help. I will talk about several effective techniques.
The concept of emotional intelligence
Psychologists Kahneman and Smith conducted research in the field of behavioral psychology, for which they were awarded nobel prize. They managed to prove that most people, when making decisions, are guided by emotions, not logic.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to see one's strengths and weaknesses and accept them in other people, the ability to share personal feelings and facts. Allocate low and high level emotional intelligence. Low level Emotional intelligence is characterized by:
- envy;
- criticism;
- condemnation;
- tunnel vision of the situation (a person sees only one possible variant development of events and, most often, in negative tones);
- suppression of feelings;
- a high level of emotional intelligence is characterized by:
- mental flexibility;
- variability of thinking (a person can find many options for the development of events and work out each of them in detail);
EQ - intelligence helps to find mutual language with people of different social groups and ages. Emotional intelligence management is useful in business, sales, and any team work that requires organizing and inspiring people.
Why is it needed
Not everyone understands why it is necessary to develop EQ - intelligence. There are several reasons for this:
- Adequate assessment of one's own capabilities, acceptance of strong and weaknesses your personality, effective use internal resources.
- Understanding the causes of certain emotions.
- understanding and careful attitude feelings of people around, family.
- Understanding the needs of other people and building a line of behavior based on them.
- Acceptance and understanding of the conditions of objective reality.
- Management of emotions, quick search for solutions in a given situation.
You will receive not only emotional stability, but also the respect of other people, both in the team and from the management. A person who can understand others can grow up to be a good leader. You can, for example, write your own book on managing emotions, or become the head of a company, or maybe in the future you will conduct trainings yourself personal growth? Today this direction is very popular, the experience of people who, without special education, were able to understand themselves and climb new level welfare.
Such masters include, for example, Joe Vitale, who became a multi-millionaire after a few years of living on the street, or Niko Bauman, who wrote a series of books on the power of mental focus without any special education. The young author founded his own online school, conducts webinars and intensives in which he teaches people to control their attention and direct emotions in the right direction.
stages
Experts distinguish 4 stages of development of emotional intelligence:
- Clear and intelligible communication with other people, the ability to listen and the ability to explain expectations. Ability to motivate people to take action teamwork, management small group people, the ability not to get involved in an open conflict.
- Feeling comfortable among a large group of people, regardless of whether you classify yourself as an introvert or extrovert, the ability to understand the emotions of other people, rare cases of misunderstanding with anyone.
- Knowledge and acceptance of all positive and negative sides their personality, a comfortable existence with them, an understanding of their emotions and their influence on ongoing events.
- Skillful management of emotions, limiting their destructive influence, the ability to fulfill promises and obligations, maintaining long-term relationships, acting according to circumstances.
Development Methods
Let's take a look at 7 main ways to develop emotional intelligence in adults.
- Refrain from sharing feelings. From an early age we are taught to divide things into categories: this is good, this is bad, there is black and white. But such a division is very subjective, because in general you don’t know what prompted a person to commit a not too good deed from the point of view of society. Maybe if you were in that situation, you would do worse. This is me to the fact that there are semitones in the world. Anger, for example, is classified as a bad emotion, but there is a hidden desire for everything to become better than it is, and this is already a positive side. For many people, during a fit of anger, a source opens up. inner strength. Refusal to separate emotions into “good” and “bad” helps to understand the reason for the emergence of those that are commonly called negative.
- Write down the emotions you experienced during the day. By keeping notes in a diary, you can easily track what triggered the experience. In addition, over time, you will be able to track how your reaction to a similar situation has changed. Write without limiting yourself and you will understand what makes you worry, how you react, for example, to fear, and what makes you move on.
- Observe the people and situations that make you feel the wave strong emotions. Describe in the diary the physical sensations of the experienced emotions.
- If you find it difficult to track and write down your emotions, watch your preferences: what you prefer to watch, listen to, read about, what fills your mind day by day. What songs or movies do you feel intercom why did you make this choice? Which characters and why do you feel inner sympathy? Answering these questions will help you start tracking your emotions.
- Sometimes our emotions and words are spoken by other people, in the lines of a song, in a speech, in a movie. They experience the same emotions as you, which makes you feel a certain euphoria. You can remember a few catchy episodes.
- The surest way to understand another person is to put yourself in their place. Think about how you would feel under those circumstances or if the other person told you what you said.
- Think over the worst scenario of the development of events, what will you do in this case, how can you get out of the situation? This will help you calm down.
Own your emotions, do not let them control you, you are the masters of your life. Even the most unpleasant situation can be changed simply by looking at it from a different point of view. By sorting out what makes you uncomfortable, you can become strong personality, after all internal state does not depend on the money in your pocket, or on the position, or on the presence or absence of a partner nearby. You are the creator of everything that happens, it is in your power to take off or fall.
