funny sayings, funny phrases, paddocks- another selection of words, sayings and just phrases, most of which I think many have heard, but now it's time to repeat :)
Cool phrases, corrals, sayings:
Even the most beautiful legs grow from the ass."After every seventh bottle you have a cap!"
New from Wrigley""s: nothing chews like snot!
Nescafe coffee is made from beans carefully selected from blacks!
Great 100% tea! With even more tea!
I'll rent a corner in a love triangle Big ship big torpedo
Not all the sun that rises
The devil is not so terrible as his little one
Domestic trains are the most trainable trains in the world!
If the head hurts, then it is
They don’t go to the convent with their charter
Sex without a girl is a sign of a fool
Eggs discipline the hen
The crew says goodbye to you, enjoy your flight
We wish you happiness, health and creative Uzbeks
Quiet Ukrainian night, but the fat must be recycled
The chemistry of blondes gave us
Faith can move mountains, she is a colossal woman
Vodka "Pinocchio" - feel like firewood
It's better to make money in Ganduras than to make money in Kalyma
Who got up earlier, that and the tanks
You will earn money - you will live without need
Gift - behind the barn
Don't whistle - there will be no girls
A stupid penguin timidly hides, a smart penguin boldly takes out
Men marry, women take courage
Find and hide
Don't talk nonsense
After what the government has done to our people, they must marry them.
A man is not a dog - he does not throw himself at a bone
Vles, but on the buttocks!
The man flew first, and the woman flew first!
Laughs the one who last
Are you ashamed to eat?!
Smile! boss loves idiots
Born to crawl cannot fall
Stand up for oneself; lie down for others
Whatever the child amuses, if only it doesn’t poop
"Excuse me, have you ever acted in cartoons?"
Masha to bang this is not for you to indulge in a joystick
Bill is not as good as his Clinton
No matter how much you feed the wolf, the elephant still has more
Don't poke your face, you'll get atoms in the face
What I gave birth to you, so I will kill you
The Chukchi played hide and seek and got lost
And what does it mean: A girl, even where ??
American planes and Russian missiles are just made for each other!!!
Take care of honor from a young age, if the face is crooked
You will be quieter - you will be longer
Vanka, get up
Roof clapping - marijuana was good!
I'm leaving forever goodbye Your roof
Do you hate to see bacteria on the rim of the toilet every day?
So in pursuit:
The end is the crown of the bodyAnd the zombies are quiet here
Every man has a right to left
Small fish is better than big cockroach
Beer in the morning is not only harmful, but also useful
A woman loves with her ears, and with both
I do not sleep for days and with chickens too
It's good to be a lieutenant colonel and under a lieutenant too
Eggs from a hen don't fall far
Happy people don't wear panties
Friends are known in food
The less girls we love, the more time to sleep
Worms live in still waters
And the smoke of smoked meats is sweet and pleasant to us
Fly with hello, come back smart
I upholster the doors with the customer's skin
Boys and girls - master each other
I'm on you never
Happiness exists, it cannot but eat
I love you life, well, you have me again and again
Not distracted by loving
The thicker our snouts, the tighter our ranks
With the intoxication that comes on you
Not by Juan Sambrero
Taking the opportunity - I want
Once upon a time in the studio winter time I look - rises slowly
Marital duty - performed for the first time
Boast about profits, but beware of losses
old friend better than two friends
The further you get in, the closer you get out
Oh, the heroes have not yet quailed in Rus', good fellows
Drink seven times, eat once
Pay don't break - then enjoy
"Cash out" - Nobel Prize
I recognize a sweetheart by pantyhose
What you want it you ask
Sclerosis cannot be cured, but it can be forgotten
The main thing guys - do not give pepper
One head is good, but the whole body is better
You thought it was hard, you thought I was weak
And happiness was so possible, and so possible, and so
Everything ingenious is a sheet
Took hold of the tug - do not forget to go to the shower
I loved you trees bent
Lies a fighter - failed to cope with the attack
Did the job - wash your body
fight and seek
During the day with fire, at night we will disperse
Morning is not good
"Russian vodka" - do not let yourself dry out
What a woman likes, a man can't afford
Because you can't Because you can't Be so massive in the world
And the woman subsided like a storm
Do not teach your father, and that's it!
I came, I saw, I whitewashed
"Pioneer-fitting for all the guys !!!"
How more woman we are more often - the more less it us
Grab your chest - say something!
A drop of nicotine kills a horse Hamster tears to pieces!
Spousal debt payment is red!
And the forest is so mysterious, and the tears are so thoughtful
A mirror in the morning again with a hangover!
Don't spit in the well, you won't catch it flying out
I don’t drink and I don’t take it in my mouth, but I used to take it
People!!! Time to dump Hershi!!!
Here Klava ran away and my friend fell !!!
Appeal to lung girls Behavior: "Hi rags, how's life
sexual?!"
All night he slowly rises uphill, and in the morning he woke up - again with
nail
Are you waiting for a roast cock on the mountain three times doggy style
cross?!
Petya goes to a rally, and Mitya goes to petting
With soap, paradise and in a hut!
I dictate IN CAPITAL LETTERS
afraid of teeth - do not give in your mouth
If you want big and pure love, wash it with an elephant
I can't stand my ground - it hurts so much
A skinny cow is not yet a gazelle
Do not beat below the pager
Seven one goats
Every pipette dreams of becoming an enema
Russians don't get married after the first one
Promised, not everyone will wait
IN healthy body, healthy bunch
Drink seven times, lay off once
Vodka without beer - money down the drain
Autopilot will bring to Kyiv
"Let's hit with a sound sleep on the pangs of conscience!"
With whom will you lead from that and get pregnant
Thanks, you won’t put me in bed
From BN Yeltsin's quote The government needs a new impetus
When a man feels bad he looks for a woman, when a man feels good he looks for
one more
Pro washing machine Jadrena BOSH
All night you did not close your legs
"Or maybe you still have the key to the apartment where the girls are?"
Killed the beaver, saved the tree
Chukchi in the Central Department Store waiting for dawn
In order for a cow to give more milk and eat less, she needs to be milked more.
and feed less
I change the electric player for an electric winner
On bezrybe and ass nightingale
I loved you And that's all And that's enough
Fresh food, but greyed out with difficulty
Let me see you (FBI)
Dear Almaty residents and Almaty residents
Every ugliness has its own decency
Walk the dog, car, house and cottage
Darling, if it wasn't for you, we would be perfect couple
Vasilisa the Beautiful married Ivanushka the Fool and became Vasilisa the Fool
A working day is 8 hours deleted from life
Policemen are most often involved in the police
Only a shooting coach can argue with a wrestling coach
Invisible Stealth rushed past with a roar
Who is the last one and dad
Let me smoke, And then you want to drink so much, That there is no one to sleep with
When time is short, there is no time for friendship, only love!
Women can do everything, only some are shy!
Don't have a hundred friends, but have their girlfriends!
MaX Factor-cosmetics for professionals!!!
And she does impeachment so well
And the Indians have all the girls - red
Women are fools not because they are women, but because they are fools
No shirt - closer to the body
Drop it or you'll drop it
Quickly and efficiently enter into a state of binge, the customer's materials
There are no bad dancers in harems
Away is good, but the elevator is inconvenient
They don’t go to the convent with their tired
Your life is not worth a penny, and a broken egg too
You can't ruin a bribe with sex
You can see the bird by the litter
Winnie the Pooh hungry
Vodka TITANIC one bottle and you are at the bottom!
Here's half the kingdom and half the horse
All diseases are from nerves, only syphilis is from pleasure.
All is well that swings well
Calling an alcoholic interlocutor to the house
I'll go out into the open and do my dirty work
Above the pager do not beat
Sleep, my joy, sleep! The lights went out in the morgue, the corpses lie on the shelves,
flies are circling over them! Sleep, my joy, sleep if you don't want complications!
Diagnosis: acute intellectual disability
Eat the beaver - save the tree
Hello, I am an SMS virus and I will enter your brains right now sorry
I'm leaving, I can't find brains
Nothing will decorate your festive table like firecrackers in Olivier salad
Omnipresent - a person who has urinary incontinence!
And imagine WHAT THEY see every day?
Collect Maggu Dice Wraps and win free treatment ulcers!
"Immodium" will quickly and effectively get rid of "Danissimo"!
Today, a huge number of cool proverbs have appeared, derived from those that were before. The creativity and sophistication of current thinking, mixed with a thirst for humor, makes individual advanced thinkers come up with more and more new methods of presenting the meaning of unshakable truths. And they do it well. And the meaning is more global, and you can laugh. Consider some of the current variations of proverbs that are most widely used.
The further into the forest...
Who does not know the ancient truth about the fact that the further you go deeper into the forest, the more firewood there is in it? Of course, everyone. And moreover, since school bench. But individual "thinkers" of our time fundamentally disagree with what may be lurking in the depths of the forest. So they give out the following ideas, which are becoming popular among the people. Funny proverbs, in principle, are the same jokes, but only very short ones. So, the options for what can be in the depths of the forest. The further into the forest, the:
- thicker partisans;
- more partisans;
- more vicious partisans;
- it was more difficult to get out (here is a pun, - “into the forest” should be pronounced as “climbed”);
- got out further.
There are even some kind of paradoxes, such as this cool proverb: "The farther into the forest - the more firewood, the more firewood - the less forest."
No matter how many wolves you feed...
The proverb that no matter how much you feed the wolf, he still looks towards the forest, trying to run away, also turned out to be quite capacious. Here are some of the variations on this theme. No matter how many wolves you feed, but:
- he still wants to eat;
- everything will die;
- he still looks (very interesting observation);
- the bear still has more.
Most interesting is the interpretation regarding the guests. This is truly a masterpiece funny proverb: "No matter how much you feed a guest, he will still get drunk." Just the crown of someone's powers of observation.
Jokes about work
Modern proverbs and sayings are also full of variations on the theme: "Work is not a wolf - it will not run away into the forest." Here are the top four from this "niche". Work is not a wolf:
- and the product of force over distance (obviously, scientific minds were involved here);
- no matter how much you feed, you still have to get up;
- she is a woodpecker, she won’t run away, she’ll get so sick;
- do not run away from her into the forest.
As for the work, there are other variations. For example, to modern proverbs about work, one can also attribute this: “I did the job - it’s easier for the mare”, composed of “pure” parts of two Russian proverbs at once: “I did the job - walk boldly” and “A woman with a cart - it’s easier for the mare”. Although both of these have a huge number of their interpretations, which we will discuss below.
The main and most topical proverb today about work is someone’s masterpiece: “You can’t earn all the money, some will have to be stolen.” Today, almost all officials of our time are guided by it. Ordinary citizens make do with the proverb: “I can’t stand while others are plowing. I'm going to lie down..." In general, the whole global meaning and truth are contained in the following innovative proverb about work: “No matter how hard you work, there will always be a bastard who, working less, gets more.”
Did the job...
The way the indisputable truth “Did the job - walk boldly” sounds is also dissatisfied with the mass of “remakes”. Hence the huge number of cool proverbs with the same saying. So, did the job:
- wash the body;
- wash away;
- get off the body.
Grandma with a cart ...
Now about the woman on the cart, which has always been a hindrance, both to the horse and to the peasant who sits at the reins. Here the people "heaped up" the following truths, also not without meaning. Baba with a cart:
- will have to return;
- fly out - you won’t catch (coupled with the proverb “the word is not a sparrow, fly out - you won’t catch”);
- the mare is aware;
- fun hour (paired with the proverb "business time - fun hour");
- less mare;
- and the wolves are full (paired with the saying "both the wolves are full and the sheep are safe").
One head...
One head it's good, but two better. Excellent statement. Only at the time when it was invented, there was no mutation, no radiation. current people really noticed that "one head is good, but two is a mutation." And here are other interpretations of the known truth. One head is good, but:
- with the body - better;
- with brains - better;
- two - not so beautiful.
I came and saw...
Do not agree modern people and co famous saying Julius Caesar: Veni, vidi, vici, that is, translated into Russian, "I came, I saw, I conquered." As for “I came, I saw,” no one has any doubts. But with the word "won" there is a problem. According to many, there should be something different. Came and saw:
- divided;
- whitened;
- yelled;
- step aside, let others take a look;
- and left.
More relevant and topical, of course, is "I came, I saw and I filmed." So now everyone does, who has a smartphone with them. And he, as you know, is with him now with everyone.
It's good there…
Everyone still suspects that "it's good where we are not." As it turned out, this is far from the case. According to some people, it turns out that:
- It's good only where we haven't been yet.
- It is good where it is good, and not where we are not.
- Good where not here.
He laughs well...
There are so many funny proverbs on this topic that it’s impossible to count them all. We will select the most advanced thoughts on this matter. So, he laughs well who:
- runs fast;
- laughs like a horse;
- shoots first.
A rolling stone gathers no moss…
Nobody doubts this. The proverb is almost always repeated in its unmodified form. But for some reason, many people like to make explanations for it. Let's see what the strong minds of this world want to bring us. A rolling stone gathers no moss:
- and under the standing one too;
- and under the rolling - does not have time;
- but there is no walker;
- and a man without a shovel will not climb.
Other "masterpieces" of folk thought
- Fight and seek, find and hide...
- A fast horse will quickly run out of money.
- They pay the debt naked.
- Friends are known in food.
- If you chase two hares, you will shoot from a gun.
- Whoever got up earlier - that and slippers.
- Milk is doubly funnier if after cucumbers.
- He called himself a loader - show the documents.
- He called himself a load - go to a psychiatric hospital.
- Do not dig a hole for another, let him dig himself.
- Don't stick your contribution in someone else's business.
- Russian tanks are not as scary as their drunken crews.
- Not caught - not a conscript.
- From work, a fish from a pond will die.
- While the fat one dries, the thin one dies.
- Pioneer - fitting for all the boys.
- After the wedding, they don't wave their fists.
- Drunkenness - fight, and fight - girl.
- Born to crawl does not crap from above.
- The fisherman hates the fisherman for sure.
- With whom you will lead, so it is necessary for you.
- Your Natasha is closer to the body.
- Drink seven times - recoil once.
- Fairy tales are lies. On them - put.
- does not remember the furrow.
- Well-fed horse is not on foot.
- The wife has legs, and the husband has horns.
- Eggs do not interfere with a good Faberge.
- You can see a good chest from the back.
- The larger the cabinet, the louder it will fall.
- What the sober has in mind, the drunk has already done.
- What you dare is what you reap.
- A screw hammered in with a hammer holds tighter than a nail screwed in with a screwdriver.
- The tongue will bring the killer.
On this happy note, we end this article. All the best to you and good mood!
Beeeely stork leeetit
* We started the renovation in the style of "hi-tech", continued in the style of "let's do it", we finish in the style of "dick with him."
* We wanted to go on vacation, calculated the finances, decided that we were not tired.
*While the folder was installing Christmas tree, lexicon son became very wealthy.
*An Estonian is asked what is better, sex or New Year, he replies - sex is certainly better, but the New Year is more often.
*Earlier, the whole country laughed at Vovochka, and now Vovochka has grown up, became the PRESIDENT and is dying over the whole country.
* Of all the seven-color flowers, the main thing is not to choose a buttercup-fuck * nutik.
*Looking for strong man. About me - "10 hectares of garden"
*Unhappiness is when, at the sight of you, a prostitute's head hurts.
* Let the devil fly across the sky, sweep the dust from the moon with his tail, the cat licks the heels of the old woman, carols are sung in the yard, don’t be scared between things, you’re not fucked with vodka, it’s just witchcraft, Christmas is coming.
* In our village there are no "Contacts" or "Odnoklassniki", but there are haylofts for contacts with classmates.
*Everything was fine until yesterday my wife noticed that the neighbor was washing the landing with my underpants!
*An elderly man asks the nurse: “When will I be discharged?” - "When the cardiogram straightens!"
* There is never a lot of money, there is either little or none at all.
* Well, how does a cow give milk? — Yes, 20 liters — And what are you doing with it? - What. that we keep 10 liters for ourselves, and sell 15.
*Eyes are afraid, hands are shaking - no one is doing anything!
* Faina Ranevskaya was once asked why she does not plastic surgery… The answer was ingenious: “It makes sense to make a facade if the sewerage system is still old…”
*Russian woman is strong and powerful!!! in an instant, a dung heap flies away, boils porridge, cleans up the mess ... and if it thumps, then it will fill your snout.
* Husband to wife: - “Why do you watch cooking shows on TV? You don't know how to cook." Wife with a smirk: - "Well, you also watch porn"
*Two fishermen meet. One to another: - “Yesterday I was sitting on the shore, I caught goldfish, she says: "Let me go, I will fulfill your every desire." I thought and thought, everything seems to be there, and I ask her - make sure that my wife and I finish at the same time! “And what happened next?” - “What, what, while I was sitting fishing - I finished three times !!!
* Inscription on the back of a biker - If you are reading this inscription, then my woman fell off her motorcycle.
* Wife texts her husband “Eggs 3d”, Husband: “Where should I go to the market or to the cinema”
* The milkmaid came to work drunk, the cow asks: - “What did your husband torture you and because of this you got so drunk that you can’t stand on your feet?” The milkmaid in response: "Uguuu" and falls down. Cow: - "Okay, hold on to your boobs, I'll jump"
* A man in a thick sheepskin coat enters the clogged bus. The girl is indignant. - “Man, take off your sheepskin coat, a place will appear where to stand!” - "I can take off my trousers - there will be something to hold on to"
* The miracle of Russian intimacy And Valentine never dreamed of! Forest, snowdrifts, hayloft, Roof, shop, basement! Russian sex for those who dare! Valentin would be stunned.
* The wife flaunts in front of the mirror and says to her husband: - “I went to the doctor today and he said that I have breasts like a twenty-year-old girl ...” - “Oh, he didn’t say anything about a fifty-year-old ass ???” “No… He didn’t ask about you…”
*Mug greasy in lipstick... All in hearts... Tie on the back... No laces... In one sock... Ball burst in hand... Chocolate... A can of beer... And - terribly happy! Sings: "La-la-la" Know fun things! What were you celebrating, brute? - Valentine's Day!
*- It is a pity that I did not listen to my parents in my childhood. — What did they say? I don't know, I didn't listen.
*Market. Buyer - seller: - What is your cost per kilo of potatoes? - The cost price is a trade secret, and the cost price for you is 60 rubles per kilo.
* A man was making moonshine in the barn, went to the well for water, returned, and there were cops in the barn. They say to him: - We are driving moonshine. Write an explanation! — And what to write? - Write as is. Wrote. They read: “I see smoke coming from the barn. I think fire. I take two buckets of water and go to extinguish. I come, and there two cops are making moonshine.”
* A woman lies on the pavement, a man passes by - “Are you lying down like a dog?” - "I took a parking space, now my husband will drive up."
*March 8, morning. I get up and go to the bathroom. Suddenly a cry: - Well, the goat lay back down, I'll bring coffee right now!
* An orgasm in a pig lasts 30 minutes (30 minutes! Figase!) 2. Catfish have more than 27,000 taste buds (Why? What is so tasty at the bottom?) 3. A cockroach lives without a head for 9 days. after which he dies of hunger. (And I keep thinking about the pig!) 4. A flea can jump a distance of 350 times its body length. It's like a person jumping over a football field. (30 minutes…fuck…lucky pig…) 5. Elephants are the only animals that can't jump (Thank God!) 6. Some lions copulate more than 50 times a day (Pig is funnier anyway!) 7. Cat urine glows in ultraviolet light (I wonder who was paid to find out?) 8. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I even know a few of these people..) 9. The starfish has no brain at all. (And I know those too..) 10. Humans and dolphins are the only ones who have sex for pleasure (What about pigs???
* My husband is 40 years old, and in Odnoklassniki his classmates are 25-30 ... Lord, how difficult it was for him to study! ..
*Honey, stay at home. Do cleaning, washing, ironing, cooking, baking, necking, giving birth, educating. Tired of everything - change the situation - make repairs! Boring? - Take care of the cottage! As long as you are my wife, you "will not work"!!! =))))
*At the disco, boy Girl: - Do you dance? - I dance, I sing, I read poetry, I love cats... - Why are you weaving? - I scourge, I embroider, I knit with knitting needles ... - Are you persecuting me, or what? - I drive moonshine, mash, sometimes oil ... - Well, you give! - I give ... I give ... I give ... - Yes, what are you treating? - Hemorrhoids, sinusitis, sexual disorders ... - What are you? Are you dumb? - I blunt, I sharpen, I sharpen knives, scissors, I correct razors ... - What??? - Damn, I want to get married, why is it not clear or something ...))).
* Oh God, what a beast, and I gave birth to his son! I wanted to give birth to another daughter, would you go to ... .. period !!
*- Vitalik, why are you so sad? - Yes, my friends gave me a towel with a naked woman on the 23rd ... My wife liked the towel, but she kicked the woman out!
To be continued…..
