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Mothers love their children more than fathers, because they are more sure that these are their children ...
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A well-bred and decent girl will never call first!... but SMS-kami and the dead will get it!
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Of course, laughter is the best medicine. But not with diarrhea!
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online - one word that can make your heart beat faster...
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A little girl is playing in the sandbox. A man comes up to her and says: - Hello girl, what are you doing? She replies: - Went to #uy!
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I remember how my mother led me to the first grade and I remember how my father carried from graduation!)
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- Who teaches your son to say such nasty things?! - Fuck yes, x * y knows him.
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A foreign scoring system has been introduced, that is, A, B, C, D, E. The teacher in the lesson explains: - If you write the exam poorly, you will get an E score. Voice from the back desks: - Are you threatening us?
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And here's another horror story: you're walking with your parents around the city, and your friends are thumping towards you, and you think, "If only they didn't say hello"!
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"Where have you been?" Husband replies: "In a bar with friends, stayed at a friend's" Wife calls 10 best friends: at 6 people he spent the night, at 4 he still sleeps ...
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When I undressed, Pasha began to laugh and did not stop until he got hit on the back with a stool ...
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This question worries me alone: Where are all the grandmothers of the city going at 7 in the morning ?!
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The heart wants love, but the ass... but the ass doesn't want anything, the last time there were enough adventures))
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-Honey, but I'm without panties! -Ol, why are you a fool? How can you forget to wear panties?
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The Russian language is great and mighty, and the rhyme for the word STAR always comes to mind the same ...
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Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I be an eyesore to you one more time?
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There is no heel on the shoe ... the skirt is slightly torn ... I broke 7 nails ... God, where did I drink so much ??
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Oh what a couple! P * zdabol and shmara
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God created a woman ... looked and said ... "Yes, crap ... make up."
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Socks have the hardest job... they are really on their feet all day!)
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Good girls understand geographical maps, bad - in playing, smart - in credit)
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Color-blind Vasya is still sure that he solves the Rubik's Cube in 10 seconds!
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IN happy family the wife thinks that the money is taken from the nightstand, the husband that the food is taken from the refrigerator, and the children that they were found in the cabbage.
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The inspector waved his stick at me. But he was ugly, and I did not stop. We still wouldn't be able to...
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Don't be the bitch in me! She doesn't get enough sleep!
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Stsuko! It was necessary to think of it in response to the jokingly provocative question of the parents: "Dimochka, have you smoked at least once in your life?", to answer: "What exactly?" o_o
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The mother of 11 children stated that before complete collection she lacks only Aquarius!
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Dad, why can't children watch this film? - Sit quietly .. now you'll see for yourself.
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It is very easy to become a drug addict, an alcoholic, a prostitute! Enough not to say hello to the grandmothers near the entrance!
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If I ever die because of a man, then only from laughter!
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All the same, women live according to one motto: "love cannot be used", but where to put a comma, each chooses for herself ...
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The sexiest number is 21593, because when two (2) think about one (1), then in a maximum of five (5) weeks they will realize that in nine (9) months they will already be (3) ...
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Five stages of a relationship: 1) ugh... 2) uh... 3) fuck... 4) nah... 5) oh my god, how could I date him?!
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Sometimes cellulite pleases when it is on the pope new girl ex boyfriend
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You, too, when you sit down at the computer do not know where to lift your legs?
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Mom and dad wanted me to be good. Well, the sense came out, the stupidity remained
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We can hold back pain, tears, anger, love, but laughter is impossible to hold back :))
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It was a very strange forest. At first I went for mushrooms. Then they follow me
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SATURDAY! We can do everything today! Cinema, wine and dominoes. Striptease, cruise, any whim! stockings, lipstick, heels! Hold on, bitches-men!))
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I like to come to the school playground and look at the hectic, with insane screams and screams, the running around of the kids. How could they, foolish ones, know that I shoot blanks.
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Hello, police, come urgently, they are trying to rape me ... la ... la ... okay, don’t come.
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Has anyone told you that you are very beautiful? No? Damn, everyone is so honest!
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We came up with this, coughing loudly to fart quieter !!
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He fell on his knees in front of me and said: "F*ck, it's slippery..."
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Do you know, honey, what is shit? So it is compared to my life - jam ...
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At first, girls are interested in dolls, and boys are interested in cars. And then - vice versa.
Perhaps the most funny statuses on the site Statuses-Tut.ru! When you want to amuse your friends, look at Statuses-Here and you will find funny statuses for classmates, in contact or for others social networks. The main thing is not to lose heart, because you can always find positive statuses, thanks to which you will cheer up others, and gray days suddenly sparkle with new colors. Our most funny statuses will help to make any Princess Nesmeyana laugh, and now she is already laughing with you, and you are reading together funny statuses for classmates on Statuses-Tut.ru! This is not surprising, because laughter, jokes, a positive and cheerful attitude prolong life, help maintain good relations and make it easier to see the world. Our most hilarious statuses about everything and everyone will give you the opportunity to stand out from the crowd of gloomy and dissatisfied Internet users. Funny quotes and sayings are sure to cheer up everyone who is lucky enough to see them. The funniest statuses are here! Let's find the status together!
Selected funny statuses!
For us funny statuses do not imply a frivolous approach, as we carefully monitor the quality of our content. Funny statuses will surely please your friends and cheer you up. Positive Quotes as a status, they will reflect your positive attitude in life and will please everyone who sees them. In any situation, the main thing is to always think positively, and let your day not work out in the morning, come to us and read our carbon monoxide statuses and you yourself will not notice how the situation changes in your favor. Everyone knows that life, it's like a zebra - today the stripe is white, and tomorrow it's already black. Let pessimists think so, but we are optimists, because our very funny statuses are on our pages in classmates and in contact!The funniest statuses!
Does your soulmate dream of celebrating the New Year on the seashore, and that the heat is +30? Our humorous statuses will help you take your companion's thoughts in a different direction. Parents tormented by talking about the dacha and already in December they are buying seeds? Our funny statuses about spring will help you, cheer them up. You can judge a person by their sense of humor. You do not want your friends to consider you a fan of Petrosyan or the Ponomarenko brothers? Then our statuses with humor will help you. And let them just say that Ivan Urgan is just handsome, now he has serious competition in your face.Funny statuses are here!
So, the matter is small: we go to the appropriate section of the site, find carbon monoxide statuses and place them on our site. Just a few minutes of pleasant work, and witty quote on your page. And the fact that the work of finding funny statuses is really pleasant can not even be disputed. After all, along the way, you will definitely look through more than a dozen funny quotes that will surely make you happy great humor and charged with excellent mood. Positive people are very fond of funny statuses. Because funny statuses are very simple, but incredible effective remedy to lift the spirits of everyone around. It's so easy to pick funny quote and place it as a status on your page. Everyone who visits your page will certainly pay attention to your status and at least smile. But this is already a lot! That is why funny statuses are so popular. It would seem that one or two lines of text, and the mood is already in the black. This is the whole essence and meaning of funny sayings and sayings.On Saturday, I decided to put the cat on a diet, otherwise it became too fat. And today she gave birth. What are you willing to do for food?
Honey, I'm on a diet, so I'll only eat lobster, truffles, lobster. And why be trifles, eat money right away!
If your husband cheated on you, before you dump him, pour him a laxative mixed with Viagra ... Let this male crap with happiness on your rival!
Lord, do not let fall into the abyss of the computer, into Internet addiction, save and protect from the misfortunes of ICQ, from the sin of contact, give me the strength to refrain from the temptation of linear and Warcraft. Convince my sinful soul to leave this depraved womb.
Does cabbage help breast enlargement? Yes, if you put 2 heads in a bra.
"Build your house in the country!" - in every second package of milk - a brick.
Honey, calm down. If you really want to become a star - sit on the top of the Christmas tree and start to shine, my love!
Serious girls are like serious sites. For getting additional features registration is required.
All day, I dream about you, and this is not a lie ... Hurry to you, hurry to you ... my favorite sofa!
The most carbon monoxide statuses - Today I ran after a minibus, stumbled, fell into a puddle. A man passed by and asked: “Do you think it will be faster to swim?”
One friend told me: he was walking home from work, carrying a can of gold paint in his bag - he designed a stand at work. And then a gypsy woman comes up to him and brazenly demands: "And gild the pen!" I think what happened next, and so clear.
By day she an ordinary girl dieting. But as soon as darkness descends on the city, she enters the cool twilight of the kitchen - a woman with a spoon.
Like such a charming, kind, beautiful girl, no boyfriend? - Died of happiness...
I am you in last time I ask, when will you return the debt to me? - Thank God that you will no longer ask these stupid questions.
Your boyfriend is in mall goes with some fat chick, I follow them, I will write, if anything. Actually, I'm with him.
Aunt Masha! And I'm your Galya of that ... - So get married! - No, I did that ... - I moved it with a tractor ...
And I am my beloved New Year put a gift under the tree! - And what is she? - And she is still looking for him: the taiga is big!
Growing up is when at the dentist you are more afraid not of pain, but of the bill!
When I see how he walks with her, I want to speak in verse ... - Pushkin? - No, Chukovsky: The gorilla is coming, the crocodile is leading ...
Russia is a unique country. After all, only we have a black-and-white TV "Raduga", handcuffs "Tenderness", a chainsaw "Friendship", tear gas "Cheryomukha" and missiles "Mir".
A little girl, dancing tectonics, did not even suspect that she was calling a deaf-mute boy in front of him with foul language.
Here's something, and I didn't expect to see a bitten cactus on my desktop after a corporate party...
The cat burned out. There was no money, for two days he could not buy food for himself, he was starving, and so was he. This morning I wake up, three sparrows lie in a row on the floor in front of the bed, and behind them sits a satisfied cat, seeing that I woke up, pushed one closer to me with its paw, they say, this is your master, eat ...
When I studied at a technical school, I went there past the "vital products" store. I didn't dare to go in.
It's hard to find, easy to lose and impossible to restore all contacts... Your SIM card.
Any loot passing by my wallet is illegal!!!
What have you come up with. I send SMS from the computer, I correspond in ICQ from the phone. It remains only to start making calls from the camera and watching movies from the coffee grinder.
You feel like a loser only when, getting out of bed at night, you think that there is a cat in front of you, you step over the cat, you stumble over another cat, you fall and at the same time you realize that the first cat was a slipper.
To hell with glue, grass, hashish, vodka and chemicals. Us and so on life rushing. We have been like this since childhood!
Marital duty is a serious thing: if you don’t be rude, you won’t get enough sleep.
When my mother saw my light elf in LA2, her first phrase was: "Their ears like that would come out great!"
The wife came home drunk, and so that her husband did not notice, she quickly opened the laptop and sits with a smart smile. Her husband says to her: “Alcohol, close your suitcase and go to bed!”
My character is soft, soft, like a hedgehog.
Now the client called, issued: "I have found on my computer Trojan horse and 7 pieces of suspicious substances "This horse tried ... Tell me, let the mouse move more carefully, otherwise it will smear and get dirty!"
Nowadays, the words "Don't be a rag, be a man!" women say to themselves much more often...
I'm on the train home. There are three people in my compartment: me, my grandmother and a child of 3-4 years old. But all day they hung out in the next one, with their company, I sat alone. Evening 21-00. It's time for the baby to sleep. Grandmother brings him to the compartment. I lie quietly on the top shelf, playing PDA. The child lies down in his place, the grandmother begins to read him a fairy tale. Then they turned on the air conditioner, and I sneezed. The child jumps up, eyes the size of two apples, indescribable horror on his face! He points his finger at me and shouts to the whole car: "Grandma, who is this?!" Grandmother is so calm, apparently not the first time: "This is an uncle, he is traveling with us in a compartment, he is good." The child hysterically: "Why is he in our compartment?!" I've already begun to slide down to the bottom shelf with laughter. Grandmother: "That's right, they go in a compartment with other people!" And here is the phrase of the day. Child: "Grandma, kill your uncle!"... I didn't know what to do, laugh or be afraid...
I worked hard today, and realized that today is Friday only when at 4 o'clock with a cry of "Who is the last - that sucker!" director escaped.
