Ecology of life. Psychology: "All the most important things happen in pauses," teachers told us in the Existential-Humanistic Psychotherapy training program...
“All the most important things happen in pauses,” the teachers in the Existential-Humanistic Psychotherapy training program told us. With experience, I am more and more convinced that it is in pauses that something very significant happens not only in psychotherapy, but also in life in general, and in such an integral part of it as human relationships.
Pauses in a relationship is something that often causes very strong anxiety in women. “Ahhh, help, what to do, he disappeared, does not call or write,” is a typical example of a complaint to girlfriends or to the Internet community. For some reason, those who have temporarily ceased to make themselves felt worry women much more than those who remain nearby and do not disappear anywhere, but behave somehow differently.
I see tears for those who do not write or call on their faces much more often than dissatisfaction with those who write regularly, but at the same time humiliate, call, but do not fulfill their promises, sit with a girl at a table in a cafe during the next goodbye, but in fact thoughts and feelings are not here, not with her.
Why is the pause so scary? Because it brings back to the essentials childish fear to be abandoned. Will my mother come back, or will she never come back? You scold me, mommy, if that! You can even beat, just don't quit...
The art of pauses is perfectly mastered and successfully used by all sorts of seducers, don juans and womanizers. I'm sorry that for example now I'm using a not very attractive and not very human image, but the actions of all sorts of, relatively speaking, gigolos really want to be compared with how the process of catching prey and digesting food in arachnids works.
The spider bites its prey, throws its digestive juices into it and waits for them to work. The tissues of the insect will become soft, and it will be possible to eat it with taste and pleasure. I squirted, waited for the food to cook, and go.
Another image that comes to mind here is dental. Before removing or treating a tooth, anesthesia is injected into the gum. It takes some time for the medicine to take effect. The doctor checks the sensitivity, makes sure that the anesthesia has worked, and only after that begins his manipulations.
However, about anesthesia - this is about not feeling, and people in a relationship - mutually or unilaterally - still inject into each other those substances that are designed to make their feelings stronger and brighter.
Once I interviewed a well-known ladies' man and, of course, asked him what is the secret of his magical effect on women. More precisely, I formulated the question incorrectly. "Tell me, please, what are you doing?" I asked. “I do nothing,” he replied. "That's the secret."
Further, however, the conqueror female hearts clarified that he does not begin to do anything immediately, but at a certain stage of the relationship. At first, he can be very ardent and passionate, showering the lady with compliments, surprising with unexpected bouquets of flowers, shining with erudition, reading poetry and quoting great ones. And then - click! - and turns off like a light bulb. The woman is already accustomed to the flow of admiration, compliments, flowers, and suddenly they are gone. “And then she herself comes running to me warm to return it all,” he admitted.
If there is a pause in the relationship now, and it seems to you that it was not you who started it, but the opposite side, then listen to yourself. Perhaps something has been injected into you and they are waiting for it to work. Poison, medicine or love potion. Depending on the substance and the symptoms it causes, you can either rush for an antidote or relax quietly.
By the way, all the substances described here have options for conversion, non-toxic and safe use. So even if you are a peaceful citizen, very good girl and do not wish harm to anyone, you have full right also throw something into someone whom you would like to make warmer, softer, more in love with you. And then pause for the drug to work.
A vivid fairy-tale example here is Cinderella. She caused a storm of vivid feelings in the Prince and disappeared without a trace, leaving only one clue as glass slipper. And then it was already his concern - to search, try on, find out.
Just do not confuse the sequence: first - throw-in, then - pause. Throwing is desirable to be bright and memorable. To have something to digest.
But what if something is injected into you and you understand that it is toxic? It threatens to develop into addiction, painful attachment, fraught with humiliation. The best antidote here is a lot of different living people who together are able to give you no less vivid emotions than the very one and only. With whom these feelings can be exchanged, experienced together and enriched. If you have a whole "your own village" where it succeeds, then none of even the most definitely can unsettle you. published
Join us at
If you have already decided for yourself that you do not like the way you live, and you feel that you are capable of something more, then the article may be useful and, perhaps, will give answers to the question why nothing happens in life new, and how to start the process of change.
So. If a person lives with constant thoughts that he does not like going to an unloved job, living with an unloved person, meeting friends out of habit who actually “look in the opposite direction”, if a person is dissatisfied with his body and his inaction, then at one fine moment, he is sure to be visited by the thought that it's time to change something.
But time is running and the changes never happen. What's the catch? In laziness? Fear? Waiting for a miracle?
But what if it's all just called a comfort zone? “Well, what is this comfort zone if you don’t like everything?” - you ask.
The fact is that every living being on Earth strives for a state of stability in life, and stability is what happens to each of us from day to day and does not change in any way. It gives us a sense of peace, a sense of security. And at the level of our unconscious (subconscious), we, like all other beings, also strive for this.
We strive to ensure that our days are similar to each other - this is our comfort zone. That's why it's so important for us to have a stable (albeit unloved) job, that's why it's so scary to leave a person, even if you feel that you no longer love him, that's why you don't want to be left alone, because you just got used to being in a company let and completely alien people.
Often our body plays with us bad joke, does not want to change its appearance in any way (for example, to lose weight), because we are used to living in just such a body (and gaining the lost kilograms again and again). All this is a psychological stability zone, which means a comfort zone! And all of the above are rituals that give us the opportunity to feel that we are safe.
But, for example, there was a brave fellow who decided to change his life and start everything from " clean slate". What will he face? First of all, with resistance and fear. The question "What if it doesn't work?" will torment him. Doubts and a desire to leave everything as it is will arise again and again.
Why? Yes, because behind any comfort zone there is a zone of discomfort. Everything new in us causes psychological discomfort. Change of place of work, place of residence, meeting new people, the first trip to Gym And vegetable salad instead of a chop - it's always stress. Different scales, but stress. And stress is discomfort!
And the one who chooses the second option will start building his own new reality, and it will gradually turn into new zone comfort, that is new life become habitual, and therefore stable.
Summing up, we can say that we do not change our lives, even if we sincerely want to, simply because we are afraid of the initial feeling of discomfort that will certainly arise in us on initial stage triggering change. Well, to embark on the path of change or leave everything as it is - everyone decides for himself.
It doesn’t shake like before, it doesn’t seem to “sausage”. It does not twist, does not cover with fear of the future or guilt for the past.
The world has changed. The consciousness of the inhabitants of the earth began to change. They are no longer affected by “horror stories” about chipping or GMOs, nor do aliens scare anyone. An attempt to somehow intimidate people with the Yellowstone explosion, which should lead to a global cataclysm, also did not bring a tangible effect in “squeezing” emotions out of people. All. Tragedies as a way of motivating action are becoming a thing of the past, and the habit of “driving oneself” with fears or guilt is also leaving in order to develop.
We haven't changed. Our feelings have changed. Our consciousness has changed. Vibrations have risen . cleared Augean stables the collective unconscious, but...
But now many are in limbo.
If fear and survival instinct no longer drive you out of your "comfort zone", you can sit in it for as long as you like and .... watch the world. The world delights us with new colors, inspires us with radical ideas about immortality, breakthroughs in genetics, science that promises us to grow new organs to replace worn-out old ones, calming our vigilance and lulling natural activity ... But ...
Nothing happens…
Everything is in order with the world - it lives and boils with events.
A lull in our particular life: not happening significant events, from which the blood boils and captures the Spirit from the scale and greatness of what we were able to manifest.
Why?
Old habits. We are too tied to our karma, who, like a mother, gave us a pope or put us in a corner when we were hooligans or did not do our homework, skipped classes. Now that we have "cleaned" the lion's share of karmic debris and saturated the Akashic records with the new Light...
Who? Who will replace our karma-mother?
Who will push us to new achievements, self-development and overcoming borders?
Who will make you overcome difficulties, rise above your past, giving birth in yourself to a Master, a future creator, if the “carrot and stick” method is no longer relevant?
Perhaps no one. Therefore, potential Masters are now quiet, waiting for a miracle, hoping that in the new world there will be magic wands and other means that will help them grow up easily and magically, like Alice in Wonderland.
Is there any such magic?
Perhaps yes. But not everyone knows how to use them.
Why? There are many reasons. But our main assistant in this situation is "death over the left shoulder." There is no more reliable means. But also more insidious…because she sneaks up unnoticed….
Its first symptoms are the absence of desires, then the loss of meaning, then worse. You forget what it's like to BE ALIVE.
Not everyone who has life in the body is TRULY ALIVE. These are the challenges I face in my spiritual coaching sessions NOW. It is with such Masters who need to be returned to their bodies that I have been working for the last six months.
We are learning . CREATE YOURSELF, YOUR MEANINGS AND YOUR LIFE.
And it will be life in a renewed body in a renewed world.
If these tasks are relevant for you and you want to learn to CREATE IN A NEW WAY,
come to our "Wonderworking Workshop" -4 of the "One Consciousness" club.
In the online class, we will define the principles of the new creation and lay the foundations for the necessary changes. In the end, as usual, Activation-meditation in the energies of the collective field of the Unified Consciousness, which has already proven the power of materialization.
To get a subscription to the club or the right to a guest ticket - write in a personal or Skype toryfire
Hello, friends!
Today I want to talk to you on a topic that is relevant, perhaps, for a lot of people.
Imagine the situation. Although, many probably don’t even need to imagine - this has already happened to them. So, you've made a wish. You did everything right - you correctly formulated it, wrote it down on paper and “released it”, while not forgetting to periodically work with it using visualization, affirmations, etc. All in all, everything went flawlessly. In joyful anticipation, you are waiting for the result. But time goes by and... nothing happens! Why?!
I have already touched on this topic slightly in the article. Here I would like to elaborate on this issue, because it is on it that almost everyone who tries their hand at the field of mental practices “stumbles”.
To begin with, I would like to remind you (and many of those who "light up" with the idea that you can get everything if you know how forget about it) that the Universe is not a waiter in a restaurant who is obliged to bring you everything you ordered. , according to the first 
requirement and in as soon as possible. Yes, the world gives a man everything he desires. But this is not a primitive order-delivery system. And not everything depends only on how correct you are on a piece of paper. Many mechanisms are involved here, either strengthening your desire and accelerating its implementation, or slowing down everything and not allowing the desired to be realized in your world. And not all of these mechanisms are known to us ...
Therefore, at the very least, it is foolish to behave like a child whose parents do not 
buy a toy in the store. NO ONE IS OBLIGED TO GIVE YOU ANYTHING! Getting or not getting what you want is up to you. This is YOUR job and your responsibility.
This work is subtle, often on an intuitive level. And of course, requiring a person to be in a state! Only in this way can you recognize, understand where you should go next and what to do. And also recognize what you have.
But let's return directly to the topic of our today's conversation. When you release it, you start the mechanism for its implementation. This means that the Universe begins to gradually change your reality, attracting events, people, things necessary so that you can eventually get what you want. But all these processes go at first not here, not in physical world but on subtle planes. Naturally, we do not see them, do not notice and do not feel. And it seems to us that absolutely nothing is happening! But in fact, work is already in full swing, we just can’t see it. Gradually, the results of this work of the Universe will begin to manifest themselves in the physical world. And then we can already see all these coincidences, luck, the right people V right time, happy "accidents" and 
"random" encounters.
But before that, there is that very “period of calm”. And what is the main mistake of a huge number of people - they STOP working with their desire, without waiting for the manifestation of its realization in the physical world. Most often, this is combined with an emotional statement: “Nothing works!!!”. What is happening? Yes, the person simply cancels his "order". “Well, if you say that it doesn’t work, then it doesn’t work,” the Universe answers, and everything stops.
So what should be done to prevent this from happening?
First (and most importantly), do not lose awareness! Do not let thoughts like “it doesn’t work”, “nothing is happening”, “it’s all nonsense ...”, etc. come into your head. With each of these thoughts, you, figuratively speaking, “put on the brake”, slowing down the work on the realization of what you want in your reality. You must constantly REMEMBER that you are not 
given to see how the universe works. But that doesn't mean it doesn't work! Remember to work on subtle planes. BELIEVE that everything is going as it should, that you have the MOST BEST performer, which only exists in the world - the Universe itself! And she is now working on the fulfillment of your desire! her for it!
And secondly, do not stop working on your desire -, viewing your own, if you have done it, etc. By doing this, you just "press on the gas." By these actions you tell the Universe “Yes, yes, I still want this! Everything is in force! We continue!
Believe me, I know very well how hard (especially mentally) it can be to continue to actively work with your desire when nothing happens like this! Sometimes you feel almost despair - "well, at least some hint would come !!!". But you need to endure this period if you want to get what you want.
By the way, there is another scenario. You made a great wish and started working on its realization. And suddenly some troubles start to fall on you! What's happened?! What's happening?! Maybe this is a sign for you that you don’t need to want this?! Most likely no. Usually, the Universe stops us directly only in case of some of our specific actions that may be dangerous for us - for example, it prevents a trip or a deal, etc. But when working with desires, such concrete obstacles are not placed on a person. So what are these troubles and where do they come from? And this is a kind of cleaning of your space. And these annoyances are actually pointers that draw your attention to what you need to work on in order to get what you want faster.
For example, you suddenly begin to constantly bully, insult, offend the people around you. What is the Universe trying to tell you? Most likely, this is an indication that these qualities are present in you yourself (I wrote about this in the article) and you should work with them.
Do you know what is the most important condition that you need to remember and that you must always observe? Trust in the Universe! Always remember that the Universe strives to give you the very best for you! And trust her more in this matter. If something happens on the way to your Goal that is not at all what you expected, do not panic and do not rush to shout “This is not it !!!”. Calmly accept it into your life - apparently at this stage you need it for something. For what, you will understand when the time comes.
And, of course, remember - whatever is done, everything is for the best! Even if nothing happens at all! :))
I wish you awareness, patience and! :))
Your Catherine :)
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I recently met with a certain radio host. He is quite famous (in narrow circles of sports fans), he has a lot of experience in sports journalism, everything seems to be fine, but he is confused: then I implement it, but ... it doesn’t shoot. I stay at the same level. It's like I can't get to the next step. Outwardly, everything is fine, but I seem to be frozen. ”
I asked him how long it takes. And he said this: “Three years already. You know, it feels like mine real life- bright, large-scale, amazing - runs exactly in parallel, and I can't jump onto these parallel flights.
And I understand him very well! I myself had such a feeling in those days when I made the decision to leave Moscow from the “beautiful life”. There was a languor inside: it seems like you have been doing something for a long time, developing, working hard, but still you can’t break through the ceiling. You seem to be around all the time.
After one of the Olympiads, I saw this headline in the newspaper: "Our country is the champion in the number of awards for fourth place." Agree, a dubious achievement. You are fourth all the time and you can’t climb the podium in any way.
Familiar feeling? If yes, then this text is for you. He, like tea with chamomile, should calm you down.
If you feel the same way, you are simply in the Age of accumulation. And soon everything will be fine. Here is a piece of an interview with actor Dmitry Nagiyev for Story magazine (January - February 2017).
Interviewer: You seem to be trying to catch up on something. Catch up. Apparently, there were periods that seem empty to you?
Dmitry: They don't seem like that to me. They appear empty to the viewer. I was always in a state of some kind of work, even fatigue. But, as it turns out, this was completely insufficient for the mass audience, and even twelve or thirteen years of “Beware, Zadov!” shooting just now.
And we filmed it all the time. For four years I was recognized as the best DJ in Russia, but for Moscow it was an empty phrase. It wasn’t empty all the time, it was still an experience, and now I use all this baggage that I have worked out, heated up, use, but, as it turns out, for the viewer I have been Nobody all this time.
Interviewer: And it's bittersweet.
Dmitry: I won't hide it - it evokes some sadness in the night.
In 2017, Dmitry celebrated his 50th birthday. And he was first recognized as the best DJ in Russia when he was not even 30. That is, the path from the moment when he first received a major award and recognition throughout the country to the moment he became a superstar took more than 20 years.
Do you understand? 20 years of daily work to reach the level of recognition, scale of projects and popularity that we would like. And if we take as a starting point the moment of entering the theater university, and not the moment of receiving the award, then this path took more than 30 years.
What is the Age of Accumulation?
Let's return to our problem: you have been doing something for a long time, but you do not see a large-scale result. For example, this was expressed in me by the fact that by the time of my “last straw” - when I decided to quit everything and leave - I had been regularly published in various publications for 12 years, I was a celebrity interviewer, I worked in the largest radio holding, TV projects, but ... fundamentally nothing happened. I also had this feeling: my real Life is going in parallel, but I'm like in a dream - I'm running in place and I can't reach it.
So, how do you know that you are in the Age of accumulation?
You are satisfied with the direction of your activity, but not satisfied with the result: you know that you can do more.
You have been moving along this path for three, five, seven, ten years, but there is no long-awaited breakthrough.
You can not be called lazy: you work hard.
You have the feeling that real life is running in parallel. And you need quite a bit to reach.
From the outside, it seems that other people who do the same as you move to a new level faster.
So, if you agree with at least three points, then I congratulate you: you are in the Era of accumulation.
How to break out of the Age of accumulation?
Understand that this is part of a larger puzzle.
Calm down: what is happening to you is normal. And on each new turn, such a segment will be waiting for you. As I said, while working on TV, I was engaged in castings and interviewed thousands of girls and women over the course of several years. Then it seemed to me that all this was empty chatter and nonsense.
I did not understand how I could move forward on my magnificent, amazing path that I was now sitting in some Volgograd and listening to the story of a girl who was beaten by her mother as a child.
But now - years later - I understand that it was a huge puzzle. Incredible beauty. Then I did not see him from the outside and was too stupid to understand the highest plan of everything that happens to me.
After a couple of years, the impressions, observations and conclusions from these interviews and conversations became the basis of my picture of the world. And the desire to tell people about it led to the fact that first the group appeared, and then the first book, and now the second.
And now, when I broke through to a new level, I can say: everything was not in vain. Every impression, every conversation, every experience helped to become the foundation for the spaceship that carried me through space and brought me to a new planet.
The Indian philosopher (and, by the way, one of the leaders of the Bank of India) Ramesh Balsekar said a brilliant thing: "Whatever happens at the moment is necessary."
Everything that is happening to you now will later be built into a giant puzzle, and you will see the whole picture. My friend - now a successful herbalist - told how it happened for her
“At first I was an ordinary pharmacist in a pharmacy. I have always wanted to create medications but I didn't know what it would be and how it would be. For 10 years I received several types of additional medical education. But... nothing happened. And all this time I was drawn to herbs, medicinal plants. From different journey̆ I brought herbs with me, got carried away with biology. And in the end, the path led me to herbal medicine, in which all the skills suddenly formed into a single picture, and I made a breakthrough. I realized that all my movements made before that were not an empty sound, but part of a large canvas that could be seen only by seeing it in its entirety. And I don’t regret at all that it happened now, and not 20 years ago.”
So right now, your actions may seem pointless and dead ends to you. But believe me: if you move forward, the path will lead you where you need to go. Everything that is happening in the present moment is necessary.
