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Jokes for children 9. School jokes about school, students and teachers

Jokes for children 9. School jokes about school, students and teachers

17.03.2019

The little girl was left with her grandmother. In the morning, the child pesters granny: Baba, pray and repent! Well, woman, well, pray and repent! Grandmother in shock (the mouth of the baby speaks the truth), goes to church, puts candles,
prays and makes obeisances. He returns, and there is still the same song, pray and repent, yes pray and repent. The child is already in tears, the grandmother is in a faint. Everything became clear when the parents returned. The girl asked to play the cartoon Kid and Carlson for her, she just spoke badly.

Mom takes her son on a hike:
- Here I put butter, bread and a kilogram of nails for you.
- But why?
- It is clear why! Spread butter on bread and eat!
- What about nails?
- Well, here they are, put it!

Mom, what is "pi"?
- Well, it's from mathematics. Then you will learn. Where did you hear?
- Yes, here's a rhyme: "Day and night, the scientist cat keeps walking around. And drinking around."

10-year-old Polina looks at her newborn brother. The boy has already begun to react to the faces of loved ones. He carefully looks at his sister and suddenly smiles widely. Polina remarks with satisfaction:
Of course he smiles at me. You are adults, and I am a children's team.

5-year-old Maxim and his 4-year-old sister Alice eat coleslaw. After the meal, the boy turns to Alice:
- Well, today at lunch we were with you just like goats.
“No,” the girl corrects him. - There is only one goat. And I am a bunny.

Kirill, 6, watches with interest as his father climbs the ladder to paint the frames. At this moment, the mother comes up to the child and says:
- Here you grow up, son, and you can help dad.
After a little thought, Kirill asks: - Hasn't dad finished painting by then?

4-year-old Anton enters the subway car with his dad at rush hour.
- Well, let's see if people have a conscience? the child says aloud.
- How is that? - the father is interested.
- Will they give way to a man with a child, or, as usual, lower their eyes, - explains the son.

3.5-year-old Panya is present when her mother is talking to the local pediatrician. The doctor, having examined the girl's older brother, advises: - If the temperature rises, rub it with vodka. - Vodka? Panya is surprised. We don't have vodka. Dad drank all the vodka.

9-year-old Vasya returns with his mother from a store where two packs of cookies have just been bought.
“There are six cookies in each pack,” Vasya argues aloud. - It turns out twelve. There are three children in the family. That makes four cookies per child...
At the entrance to the apartment, Vasya sees three pairs of shoes of his older brother's classmates.
- Mom, just don't tell me that twelve is divisible by six, - Vasya says wistfully. - It's beyond my strength.

As a child, we did not care how we dress - our parents bought all the clothes for us. And now you look at children's photos and you understand that parents also didn’t really worry about how to dress us ...

Serezha falls out of bed at night. Mom runs up to him.
- Seryozhenka, what did you hit?
- Bedside rug.

4 year old Allochka says:
- Uncle Kolya, I love you so much that I would tear off your legs.
- What are you, Allochka! For what?!
- And then you would be small and always played with me.

The boy sat on a tree and cried:
Take me off, take me off...
And he was very lucky, because in the park where the tree stood, a lot of people walked good people with cameras.

2 year old Danilka, after a dozen of heard fairy tales, is clearly overloaded with information:
- And my dad and I saw the Swan Princess there in the picture. She sat and spun by the window. And she's not a frog!

Granddaughter asks:
- Grandma, how old are you?
- Sixty.
- And show on your fingers!

3 year old Ksenia at the zoo:
Why do lions live in the desert?
They have nowhere else to live.
- And what, in the zoo all the cells are occupied?

We drive up to the house by car. A two-year-old nephew weightily states:
- Uncle Zhenya, and I know where to paravach here ...
- Where, Sasha?
- Straight!

4-year-old Fedor tries to crack a peach pit for several minutes in a row.
- Son! - trying to stop his father. - The bones must be broken with a stone or a hammer. You can break all your teeth like that.
- Well, let, - Fyodor answers, - iron ones grow, like our uncle Grisha's.

Was in China. While there was an excursion, a Chinese boy of 3 years old ran in front of our group, whinnied loudly, rolled on the ground and chatted something on his own.
At our request, the guide translated, he yelled: "Ofigeeet, all on one face, eyes like a cow!"

Maxim's father decided to tell the truth about Santa Claus and others fairy tale characters.
“So, son,” the frank dad begins, “in fact, there is no Santa Claus. All these years, I played his role, and my mother and I bought gifts for you ...
“I know, dad,” Maxim interrupts his father. - And you were also a stork, my mother confessed to me.

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Jokes for kids are short funny stories. Usually they do not have an author, they belong to the folklore genre.

Children love jokes as much as adults. Children's jokes about school allow you to joke about what makes you sad. School jokes make fun of lazy students, angry teachers, indifferent parents, etc.

Jokes may have the most various topics covering all aspects of life. Sometimes funny phrases told by children become jokes.

Laughter when reading or listening to an anecdote is caused by an unexpected denouement, pun, substitution common sense new concepts. Humor, wit are very useful qualities that require development no less than logic or creativity. This genre also has negative aspects: the presence of profanity in some jokes, vulgarity, etc.

From this article you will learn

Are funny stories necessary?

Laughter improves the mood of children and, according to scientists, prolongs the life of adults. So that the child does not need to listen to vulgar street jokes, tell him good ones. Let him have magazines or books with different jokes that he can read. In the children's environment, a sense of humor is valued, a witty storyteller becomes the soul of the company.

If a child can joke about his shortcomings, he will be less stressed. The main thing in jokes is the possibility of freedom of expression, humor, ridiculing shortcomings and vices, a different look at problems.

Anecdotes can be incomprehensible. The reason for this is the difference in nationality, age or other personal features. Therefore, children's jokes are different from adults. What can make a baby laugh is incomprehensible to an adult and vice versa.

About school

At a math lesson, the teacher asks the loser, who tells the Pythagorean theorem at the blackboard, to prove it. To which he offendedly declares: “What evidence, you don’t believe me?”

On September 1, 1.6 million first-graders sat down at their desks on charges of illiteracy for at least 9 years.

At a geography lesson in grade 7, a teacher tries to explain to a student how to determine the cardinal directions using a compass. “Look, when the arrow looks up, it’s north, then the west will be on your left, and the east on your right, tell me what’s behind you?” Student, blushing: "A hole in your pants?"

About children

At the reception in the clinic, the child psychologist asks the child the following questions:

Can you tell me how many paws a cat has?
Four.
And how many ears?
And how many eyes?

The kid turns to his mother and asks: “Mom, uncle, why have you never seen cats?”

About kindergarten

A little girl comes home from kindergarten and says that the teacher read them a fairy tale "About Little Red Riding Hood". “What did you understand from this tale?” mom asks. “I should better remember my grandmother's face so as not to confuse her with a wolf,” the girl replies.

At a meeting in nursery group kindergarten young teacher conducts pedagogical work with parents:

Dear parents, your children have learned to speak this year, if they start telling you something bad about kindergarten, don't believe them. We, in turn, promise not to believe the horrors that they tell about you.

A tired father comes to kindergarten for his son. The teacher sees him for the first time, and therefore asks:

Which child are you giving away?
What difference does it make, bring it back tomorrow morning!

Responsible parent.

The head of the kindergarten complains to the head of the military unit that after the repairs made by the soldiers, the children learned a lot of words from profanity. The chief calls the soldiers to his place and asks to explain what is the matter. Soldier Sidorov with a bandaged head explains:

Petrov stood on a stepladder, laying eight bricks into a hole in the ceiling. The mortar turned out to be weak, and all the bricks fell on my head. I said to Petrov: “What a bad person you are, Petrov, you don’t respect your comrade!”

About animals

Two fish are talking in a pond. One carp says: “How tired I am of living in this cramped, dirty pond!” Another carp answers him: “And you grab the hook and soon you will fall into sour cream!”

Computer jokes

Cactus, who stood near the computer monitor for 6 years, learned to reinstall Windows.

short jokes

Signs on the bus:

"Stop "here" on a different route";

“If no one gives way to the old woman, I, your driver, will do it”;

“If you want to live long, don’t distract the driver!”

About Pinocchio

Pinocchio's pedigree was rooted in the ground.

About Vovochka

Vovochka says to his father at dinner:

Dad, they are calling you back to school, I broke the window.
Yes, you do not have a school, but some kind of greenhouse.

fairytale anecdotes

The kid climbed onto Carlson, and they fly over the city, making ten circles. After landing on the roof, Carlson wipes his neck and says: "Fuh, I'm sweating with you!" “I peed with you,” the kid replies.

A passer-by saw a hut on chicken legs in the forest and said:

Hut, hut, turn to me in the forest, and to the back in front!
You put me in a difficult position with your philological delights of new idioms.
This is roughly what I wanted to say.

Cheburashka, standing in the wind, was brutally beaten with his ears.

Gena and Cheburashka went on vacation. Crocodile Gena drags 6 suitcases from the station, sweating all over. Cheburashka runs after him and shouts:

Gena, and Gena, let me take the suitcases!
And you will take me!

About adults and children

Auntie asks her niece, who is six years old:

Anechka, do you help your mother around the house?
Of course, I help, I count the silver spoons after you leave.

A little boy asks his father:

Dad, I want a real gun!
You already have a toy.
Dad, I want a real one!
Quiet, I said! Who is the head in this house?
You're daddy, but if I had a gun...

Mom shouts from the balcony to her son playing in the yard with friends:

Vanya, go home!

7-year-old Vanechka asks:

Mom, am I cold?
No, it's time for you to eat!

About pets

The mouse runs away from the cat and hides in a hole, having lost the stolen cheese along the way. He sits quietly, and suddenly he hears a dog barking. “So the cat has run away, you can take the cheese,” the mouse thinks. As soon as she leans out of the mink, the cat grabs her. "How well to be able to speak foreign language!" the cat thinks.

Children's jokes are the funniest

Two boys meet on the street. One announces the news:
“I just had a bad tooth pulled out.
Well, is he still in pain?
- I don't know.
- How can you not know?
“But the doctor still has a tooth.

The father says to his daughter:
"I wouldn't dare lie like that at your age!"
- At what age did you start?

One boy says to another:
- My dad is very good.
Are you telling me this?
- You.
“He was my dad last year.

Son to father:
- Dad, when you were at school, were you in the same class as Seryoga's father?
- Yes.
- It can't be!
- Why?
“Because he also claims to be the best student in the class.

The teacher scolds the student:
- You came without a pen again ?! I wonder what would you say if you saw a soldier showing up for an exercise without a weapon?
- I would say that he probably became a general.

The funniest jokes for children 10-12 years old

“Boy, don’t be a hooligan, otherwise your dad will grow gray hair!”
- My dad will be very happy, he's completely bald!

- Ivanov, who did it for you homework: dad or mom?
I don't know, I was already asleep.

Schoolchildren think that it is better to study at the institute, but only students know what is best in kindergarten!

Hedgehog learned to breathe booty. The Fox passes by, the Hedgehog says to her:
- Fox, and Fox, strangle me!
The fox choked, choked - could not choke.
The Bear is walking by, the Hedgehog says to him:
- Bear, and Bear, strangle me!
The bear choked and choked, but could not choke.
The Hedgehog walked like this all day through the forest, and no one could strangle him. The Hedgehog was tired, sat on a stump and suffocated.

On the control, the teacher closely monitors the students and sometimes kicks out those who have noticed spurs. The principal looks into the classroom.
- Do you write a control? Probably, there are a lot of cheaters here.
Teacher:
- No, amateurs are already in the corridor, only professionals are left.

Children's jokes about Vovochka

In a biology lesson in the classroom, the teacher says:
- The pistil and stamen of flowers are reproductive organs.
Vovochka from the back of the desk, sadly:
- Damn, I love them...

The teacher enters the class and asks Vovochka:
- Where is Seryozha?
- He's not there, we played, who will stick out of the window further ... Well, so he won.

Wow, what are you? good deed done today?
- And I saw off my dad and saw how my uncle was running after the departing train. So I let go of my dog, Rex the pit bull, and my uncle caught the train.

At school:
- Well done, Nikita, a solid five, give me a diary!
Oh, I think I forgot it at home...
- Take mine! - Vovochka whispers.

- Vovochka, let's say you have 100 rubles. You asked your father for another 100 rubles. How much money will you have?
- 100 rubles, Mary Ivanna.
- It's bad, Vovochka, you don't know math at all!
“And you, Mary Ivanna, don’t know my father at all!”

If you know any funny and funny children's jokes, send them to admin@site and we will publish them!

At school:
- Today we will have a test.
- Can I use a calculator?
- Yes, you can.
- What about a transporter?
- Protractor is also possible. So, write down the topic of the test: "History of Ukraine, XVII century."

The teacher asked Vovochka to write at home 100 times "I will never
say "you" to the teacher.
The next day, the teacher checks the notebook, looks, and Vovochka wrote this sentence not 100, but 200 times.
- I asked you not 200, but 100 times to write, why did you do more? the teacher asks.
- To make you feel better, - replies Vovochka.

The principal of the school calls the student:
- Do you confess, Vovochka, that you wrote on the blackboard: “The math teacher is an ass”?
- Yes.
- It's good that you, Vovochka, speak the truth.

Vovochka's son and his father came to go fishing.
Father says to son:
- Son, give me bread to feed.
- I ate it.
- Then give me some porridge.
- I ate it too.
- Then eat up the worms, and let's go home.

The teacher asks what is the best time to pick apples.
Peter:
- August.
Tanya:
- September.
Vovochka:
- When the dog is tied.

A man crawls into the psychiatrist's office with something in his mouth. Psychiatrist:
- Oh, and who came to us? kitty?
The man crawls into a corner. The doctor follows him affectionately:
- Doggy?
The man ran his hand along the plinth and crawled to another corner. Doctor not lagging behind:
- Oh, probably a hedgehog! No? Turtle?
The man takes the wire out of his mouth and says:
- Hey, man, will you let me calmly conduct the Internet or not?

Hello, do you have mice?
- No.
- When will they be?
- Don't know.
- Is this a computer shop?
- No, it's an apartment.

What is your favorite hero computer games?
- Tetris stick.

A six-year-old daughter comes up to him and says:
- Dad! And I know why Baba Yaga said that she smells when she smells of the Russian spirit!
- And why?
- But in the book it is written that while Ivan Tsarevich was walking, he took down six pairs of boots. And nowhere is it written that he changed footcloths!

The programmer is asked:
- How many children do you have?
- Two sons.
- How old are they?
After a pause:
- One plays on the computer, and the second does not.

Baba Yaga, Koschey the Immortal and the Serpent Gorynych come from the school. Baba Yaga boasts:
I got four!
Koschey:
- And I'm a five!
And the Serpent Gorynych says:
- And I'm a six!!!
- How is it?
- And each head received a deuce.

Vovochka comes home and says to his father:
- Dad, you are called to school. I blew up the desk in the chemistry room.
The next day:
- Dad, you are called to school. I blew up the chemistry room.
On the third day:
- Dad, you are called to school.
- I won't go again!
- Well, that's right, there's nothing for you to go to the ruins!

Teacher:
- Vovochka, tell me quickly, how much will be 5 + 8.
- 23.
"Aren't you ashamed to be so stupid!" It will be 13, not 23.
- So you asked me to answer quickly, not accurately.

In Germany, in a geography lesson, the teacher asks:
- Children, how far is Africa?
Hans holds out his hand and answers:
- I think it's close.
Teacher:
- Why?
Hans:
- A black man works for my dad at the company, and he comes on a bicycle.

Student in class:
I don't think I deserve such a low rating.
Teacher:
- Me too, but, unfortunately, not anymore.

The first grader is dragged to school. He leans all over and shouts:
- Eleven years!!! For what?!!

Dad, don't go tomorrow Parent meeting to school!
- Why? Will they talk bad about you?
- No, dad, about you!

What is a synonym?
- A synonym is a word that is written instead of one whose spelling is not known.

Teacher to student:
- Petrov, you were an excellent student, and now there are solid deuces. They will leave you for the second year. You won’t change your mind, they will leave you again, and again ...
Petrov:
- Now they are taking everyone from the institutes to the army. But without a secondary education, they don’t take them into the army.

Jean, be honest, who did your homework for you?
- Honestly I don't know, monsieur, I went to bed early...

The boy comes home from school and says:
- That's it, no more foot to school!
- Why?
“I can’t read, I can’t write, but I’m forbidden to speak!”

In the school cafeteria:
- I'm three second.
“Don’t you want the square root of minus two?”

But the first emoticon is a bun!!!

Little Johnny suggests to his grandfather: "Lend me a thousand from your pension. And I will return it to you - with mine."

At home, mom asks Vovochka:
- Vovochka, why is your diary in the corner?
- And I punished him for a deuce.

Mom comes out onto the balcony and shouts: - Arkasha! Home!
The boy raises his head and shouts back:
- I'm frozen?

Cheburashka and Gena are sitting on a hundred-story building and eating cakes. A cake fell from Gena from a hundred-story building, Gena thought that someone would eat it, sent Cheburashka for a cake. I thought that she would eat it, he bent down from a hundred-story building and turned into a cake himself. Cheburashka goes and shouts: “Gen, what kind of cake do you like, yellow or green?”

Cheburashka found one kopeck and went to Gena. “Gene, but Gen, is one penny a lot?” Gena did not answer for a long time, but Cheburashka insisted. Then Gena got angry and said: “A lot!” Then Cheburashka went and bought the whole store. And the saleswoman looks at him. He says to her: “What hatched, come on!”

IN kindergarten, before the New Year, the teacher asks Ira:
- Irochka, who will you dress as? New Year?
Ira and answers:
- I'll dress in all blue and be Malvina.
Then the teacher asks Vovochka:
- Vovochka, and who will you dress for the New Year?
And Vovochka replies:
- And I'll dress in all brown and be a poop and ruin your whole holiday.

A boy comes late, his dad asks him:
- Where have you been?
- I translated the old woman across the road.
His dad praised him and gave him a candy.
The next day a boy comes with a friend and says:
- Dad, we were transferring the old woman across the road.
Their dad praised them and gave them candy each.
The next day, half the class comes, the boy says:
- Dad, we were transferring the old woman across the road.
- Why are there so many of you?
So she resisted.

Mother asks Vovochka:
- Vovochka, something I do not see your school diary?
- And Vaska took him to scare his parents.

A man bought a bag of nuts from a Georgian. I came home, I wanted to eat ... Well, I sat down, let's prick. Knock-knock, but they are all empty. All split, the last remained. The last one cracks, and there sits a worm in a cap and says:
- Abydna, right?

Teacher:
- Vovochka, what, in your opinion, should be the ideal school?
- Locked, Mary Ivanna.

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A selection of children's jokes, chuckles, laughter and other funny sayings.