The arrival of the great strategist Ostap Bender to Kavminvody in the summer of 1927 did not affect the process of extraction and sale of medicinal narzan, which means nothing more than “bogatyr-water” in Kabardian. As they began to use from the end of the eighteenth century, they used it until the beginning of the 90s of the twentieth century, fascinated by the magic of the authority of the brand - NARZAN. By the way, narzan is just a certain type of mineral water, first examined by Dr. Schober in 1760 in the Cherkasy Land. The Narzan type includes the Ab-Ali mineral water deposits 60 kilometers from Tehran, Arshan-Tunkinskoye in Buryatia, Badamly near Nakhichevan and Wildungen in Germany. But due to stereotypes and traditions, we somehow got used to identifying Narzan with Kislovodsk and its environs. Who could have imagined that the time would come when this habit would become a guarantee of a considerable income both in rubles and in foreign currency!
IN Soviet times healing water was supplied through a mineral pipeline from the village of Krasny Vostok, in Karachay-Cherkessia, to the Narzan plant in Kislovodsk, where it was bottled. Then it didn’t matter where they mine, where they bottle it, where they count the money - the country is one, the budget is the same for everyone. But the "thunder of sovereignties" struck, the peasant crossed himself - and "pulled on himself." The coordinator of the well, from which Narzan was pumped for many years, was a certain JSC "Visma", which settled in Cherkessk, and Kislovodsk "Narzan", they say, was bought by Chernomyrdin's son. Viktor Stepanovich then headed Gazprom, and the Kislovodsk mineral producers did not seem to need working capital. A lot has been invested in the reconstruction of production facilities. But it was haunting that behind the mountain some “Visma” was also pouring life-giving and profitable narzan. Talk about the antimonopoly space, free competition and market rivalry is for political and economic parties in the capital, but in the “local time” mode, the processes are different.
In 1998, when enterprising citizens “on the ground” realized that the time had come to “just make money”, OJSC Narzan applied to the Arbitration Court of Karachay-Cherkessia with a lawsuit to ban the use of the product name “Narzan” by a competing company. Visma files a complaint with the Supreme Patent Chamber of Rospatent of the Russian Federation. And it rolled!
Authoritative experts, including the head of the resort resources department of the Russian Scientific Center for Restorative Medicine and Balneology, Doctor of Geological and Mineralogical Sciences V. Adilov and Dr. philological sciences, Professor of the Institute of Linguistics of the Russian Academy of Sciences A. Superanskaya, argue that both manufacturers have the right to use the word "narzan" in the names of their products, but indicating the place of its production. Do you drink water in Kislovodsk? Write "Narzan Kislovodsky". Do you rock it in the Elbrus region? So, "Narzan of Elbrus"!
But in the spring of 2000 against CEO CJSC "Visma" Valery Geryugov, the prosecutor's office of the KChR initiates a criminal case under Art. 180 part 1 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation. Of course, the article is not oh what - "illegal use of someone else's name of the place of origin of goods", provides for a fine. But, as they say, the worst of trouble is the beginning ...
The Circassian city court did not see the corpus delicti in the actions of the general director and acquitted him. Then the prosecutor of Karachay-Cherkessia, V. Gannochka, without delay sent a protest to the Presidium of the Supreme Court of the KChR, demanding that the acquittal be cancelled. On July 12, 2000, the supreme judicial body of the republic leaves the verdict of the city court unchanged, and the prosecutor's protest - without satisfaction.
It would seem that the incident is over, get to work, comrades! But "local time" disposes differently. Prosecutor's offices of the KChR and Stavropol Territory deploy a broad front of the struggle for the "purity of Narzan". Dispatches are flying to the federal authorities in charge of registering trademarks demanding that Visma be suspended the right to use the word "narzan". “Arguments” are being used, which even fitter Mechnikov, drunk on Narzan, would not have dared to cite. In a letter addressed to the head of Rospatent, the head of the department of the Stavropol Regional Prosecutor's Office, V. Golovko, for example, stated that the "Valley of the Narzans", where mineral water spouts from the ground, is located in Kabardino-Balkaria. But there are also geological and mineralogical maps...
Rospatent, at a loss, went to a clear violation of the law, suspending the registration and issuance of the Visme certificate for the right to use the Narzanov Valley brand. But then the patent experts came to their senses and, in response to another ominous message from the Stavropol prosecutors, they wrote that the Law of the Russian Federation “On Trademarks ...” does not provide for the possibility of suspending, at the request of the prosecutor’s office, further actions to register an appellation of origin.
But that's not all! Having failed to get to the general director of Visma in Karachay-Cherkessia, a criminal case is opened against him ... in Pyatigorsk, Stavropol Territory. For the same article. And under the same article, one of his deputies, the director of the branch in the Predgorny district, S. Atamanov, is convicted. And the Stavropol police are instructed to detain Geryugov - as a thief, a bandit, a major fraudster.
In addition, in July 2001, the Arbitration Court of Karachay-Cherkessia issued the verdict desired by the people of Kislovodsk: to prohibit CJSC Visma from bottling mineral water using the “appellation of origin of the goods Narzan” ... In Buryatia, near Tehran and in Germany, they shuddered: a Well, how will they get to them with their Narzans! ..
Why does the all-powerful regional prosecutor's office dislike the director of Visma so much? Well, for the fact that it violates the law, and we stand guard over sovereign interests, the prosecutor's office could answer. But after all, the correctness of Geryugov and his enterprises was confirmed by four (!) courts. Well, okay, two seem to be "their own", Karachay-Circassian. But what about decisions “in the name of the Republic of Latvia”?
In the summer of 2001, "Visma" imported a batch of narzan into the territory of Latvia and immediately "got" a lawsuit from Kislovodsk "colleagues in bottling" in the Riga District Court. "Colleagues" demanded to destroy the counterfeit goods, "deprive, prohibit...", etc. Riga Themis, having studied the documents and scientific works, denied the claim to "colleagues", simultaneously recognizing the registration of the trademark "Narzan" (Kislovodsk) invalid.
Six months later, the Trial Chamber civil affairs The Supreme Court of the Republic of Latvia confirmed the fairness of this decision.Now about the "state interest". The fact is that Narzan JSC belongs to another JSC - Mosimpekx Ink, registered in Moscow. The head of this office is Mushtaq Ahmad, a native of Pakistan. Gazprom and Chernomyrdin Jr., they say, having left the mineral business, are still waiting for the return of the invested amounts. It is clear that you borrow someone else's money, but give something of your own. "Struggle with competitors" litigation and the associated costs are good excuses for delaying debt payments.
The sale of products of Narzan JSC is carried out through the representative office of Mosimpekx, and therefore the bulk of the funds pass by the budget of the Stavropol Territory. Some experts believe that the federal treasury is also suffering, since, according to preliminary data, the net profit of Mosimpekx from the sale of finished products is about 400 million rubles a year, although the official volume of products sold is estimated at 10 percent of total. Thus, the amount of unrecorded income can reach up to 350 million rubles annually.
But the regional prosecutor's office "does not like" others. However, the origins of this feeling for those who live according to "local time" are almost no mystery.
On the Sunset Soviet era bar "Smile" was a popular place in Kislovodsk. In addition to vacationers, city officials also went there. They drank narzan, had idle conversations with the sociable bartender Volodya Nechukin, made acquaintances, pleasant and necessary. Among Nechukin's interlocutors, V. Kalugin, a novice prosecutor, was also noticed. The years flew by unnoticed, and now Kalugin is already the deputy prosecutor of the Stavropol Territory, and Nechukin is the deputy general director of Narzan OJSC, the director of the Mosimpekx branch in Kislovodsk. This is how the world works: with the growth of social status, the circle of friends also expands. Now, at the recreation center of JSC Narzan, located in the picturesque town of Elkush in Karachay-Cherkessia, next to the owner of the boarding house, you can see the head of the tax police department of Kislovodsk A. Malyshevsky, the city prosecutor V. Klochkov, the head of the department tax office V. Morozov and, of course, acting (already!) regional prosecutor V. Kalugin. Bath, barbecue...
“True friends have everything in common,” said the great Greek Euripides, meaning that real friends should share joys and hardships in half or in a different percentage, depending on the “contribution to friendship.” It is difficult to say whether the litigation with competitors "from over the mountain" about the magic word "narzan" was a big nuisance for Nechukin. Most likely no. The issue was resolved, as they say, in working order. And several domestic conflicts in which Nechukin was involved with bodyguards (according to the statements, he beat the surrounding population) did not bring much trouble to the former bartender: the cases were closed, the applicants ... were roughly punished.
Problems hit at the end of April 2002, when a unit of the Investigative Department of the FSB of the Russian Federation in the North Caucasus opened a criminal case against Nechukin under Art. 222 part 2 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation. The Vympel group conducted searches in Nechukin's office and apartment, but the most interesting was found at the very recreation center in Elkush, where Nechukin's friends, prosecutors, dropped in. FSB operatives found a grenade launcher, two PM pistols (one with a silencer), ammunition, two grenades, over eight hundred rounds of ammunition, two detonators. Notebooks of the deputy general director of Narzan with curious notes were confiscated.
Here, for example, is the line on page 1: "Arthur - 10,000." "Arthur", most likely, the prosecutor of the Pidgorny district Popov Artur Alexandrovich. But how to understand "10,000"? Either dollars, or rubles, or liters of mineral ...
Here is the entry on page 9, simple and innocent: “Kalugin - 10 Kor. Elite". Kalugin is the acting prosecutor of the Stavropol Territory, and he needs ten boxes of Elite brand water. Let him drink to his health.
Page 3: "Call KVN." Did you also think that Nechukin is forming a team of "cheerful and resourceful"? No, KVN is Viktor Nikolaevich Klochkov, prosecutor of Kislovodsk. He enters the “team”, but in a different one, although not boring either. Here Nechukin calls the supply manager A. Ermolaeva at the base:
“- On Saturday, we will have Viktor Nikolayevich, me and four other people there. Understood?
- Only men. We have everything?
- Yes.- Only vodka may not be enough?
There are two open bottles. Wine, beer, juices - it's all there. Beer "Baltika" and Czech.
Czech is my beer. Hide it altogether, let them drink Baltika."
Whether Nechukin became generous with Czech beer for the prosecutor, we do not know, but soon his fate began to depend on the actions of the prosecutor's office.
The FSB was checking information that in the summer of 2000, Nechukin purchased a batch of weapons and explosive devices from active members of the Wahhabi community of Karachay-Cherkessia, Ramazan Borlakov and Isa Akbaev, associated with Gochiyaev, one of the organizers of the explosions in Moscow, and hiding in the Pankisi Gorge.
Nechukin was handcuffed and taken to the pre-trial detention center of the Federal Security Service Rostov region but the case never went to court. The District Attorney's Office took the stage. The then prosecutor of Stavropol R. Adelkhanyan (now - a responsible official Prosecutor General's Office) made an attempt to reclassify the Nechukin case to another article that did not fall within the scope of the FSB. In this case, the case should have been referred for investigation to the bodies of the Ministry of Internal Affairs under the supervision of the regional prosecutor's office. But the counterintelligence officers were able to provide evidence of repeated violations of the law by Nechukin and failed to reclassify what they had done.
So, in 1999, at the recreation center of OJSC Narzan, Nechukin conducted “training exercises” from an RPG-22 grenade launcher. One of the grenades did not explode. There were witnesses of how Nechukin and his comrades tried to shoot a grenade, but nothing happened. Then they just buried it. In June 2002, the “buried” grenade was found, which buried the hope of retraining the case. But a month later, a request came from the Pyatigorsk court to the pre-trial detention center of the Federal Security Service, where Nechukin “rested”, demanding that Vladimir Vladimirovich be transferred to his hometown so that he could take part in the trial on the case of “interference with his personal life”, Nechukin. This request was very helpful! After all, the decision to change the measure of restraint is taken by the courts at the location of the pre-trial detention center. And as soon as Nechukin arrived at the Pyatigorsk pre-trial detention center, the exit session of the Supreme Court of the Stavropol Territory decides to release Nechukin on bail of 150 thousand rubles. And, having deposited money into the cashier, Vladimir Vladimirovich departs for places of treatment and rest from the annoying FSB ...
The case on "Visma" will still be considered by the Kislovodsk court. And Nechukin, caught with an arsenal of weapons, he has already "condemned" - for 2.5 years probation ...
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In the section on the question, what does "a man tormented by Narzan" mean? given by the author high-speed the best answer is I am a man tormented by narzan - the famous phrase from the book "The Twelve Chairs", said by fitter Mechnikov during a discussion of the price of chairs with Ostap Bender. There is also a phrase in film adaptation of the same name Leonid Gaidai.
Use in the book
In chapter XXXVI, Ostap Bender makes an acquaintance with the fitter Mechnikov, who worked at the Columbus Theater and was on tour in Pyatigorsk. A constantly drunk fitter, who also got drunk from a Narzan source, was engaged in the illegal sale of items, owned by the theater. Ostap Bender asked to sell him chairs, in which, according to his information, there were jewelry.
A conversation begins between Ostap and Mechnikov (Mechnikov called Ostap dusey):
- You can, it's always possible, darling. With our pleasure, my dear.
- Nu, for all deal ten!
- Dusya! You make me angry. I am a man tormented by Narzan.
- How much do you want?
- Put half a mile. After all, property is public property. I am a tired person.
Chapter XXXVIII speaks of further development events involving fitter:
But the mechanic, exhausted by Narzan, used all twenty rubles to buy plain vodka and reached such a state that he was kept locked up in a sham shop.
Other options
Exhausted by Narzan
Tired of Narzan
Man tired of narzan
Modern usage
The phrase can ironically describe both a person who is tired of life and a drunken alcoholic (where narzan means some kind of strong alcohol).
This post will be interesting for those who have heard about Kislovodsk or Baden-Baden, but have never been there, like me a month ago. Rest on the waters - how is it? I've always been curious)
Do you know what it is? This is the very first narzan source of Caucasian mineral waters, the same one from which Lermontov drank water. It has been reconstructed several times and is now under cover, but is still in operation.
The source, as they say here - kaptazh, is located in the Narzan Gallery built around it, where all vacationers have been drinking water for more than one hundred and fifty years. 
Look how interesting the pavement around is - it is tiled so as to fully reflect the contours of the gallery. See? 
It turns out that water can only be taken on a schedule - before breakfast, lunch or dinner. Accordingly, the opening hours of the gallery, as well as all sources in Kislovodsk, are from 7 to 9 in the morning, from 11 to 14 and from 16 to 19 hours. Therefore, queues of thirsty vacationers line up at the gallery before its opening. And now it is clear why we were able to drink narzan only in last couple days? We lived on a completely different schedule! By the way, why you need to drink narzan and a lot more interesting things about him and his history can be read on Wikipedia, I recommend. 
These racks with cranes in the gallery are called pump rooms. There are six types of them, hot and warm narzan of three types: general narzan (this is table water, almost unsalted, you can drink it without restrictions), dolomite and sulfate (with these it is already more difficult, you can’t drink a lot, and you won’t drink a lot - too much ... they smell of hydrogen sulfide, and they taste very vigorous). Drink water mostly from disposable plastic cups, which are sold for a penny right there, although solid vacationers buy for themselves clay vessels with a hollow handle-spout, from which it is supposed to drink narzan - so that in small sips, because you actually need to drink a dose not like we do, in one piece, but 10 -15 minutes while walking around or after
But the wonderful guide Tatyana explained to us what the phrase "I am a man tormented by Narzan" performed by Ostap Bender means. It turns out that sulphate and dolomite narzan are great for a hangover, so the indigenous people often resort to it in the morning - i.e. comrade Bender also suffered from completely different drinks)) 
View of the gallery from the flank. By the way, the building itself is built in the shape of a key with a rod, a head and teeth! 
Fountain "Frogs" next to the Gallery. And opposite - the hotel where Chekhov stayed. And judging by his diary entries, it was here that he conceived "Lady with a Dog", which he later realized in Yalta. 
Kurortny Boulevard begins behind the Gallery. On the right is the back of the Gallery, and on the left is the hotel where Mayakovsky stayed (just in the corner room on the second floor with a balcony). Unlike Chekhov, Mayakovsky never rested in Kislovodsk, he was here exclusively on working visits - agitation, propaganda ... 
And here is Kurortny Boulevard itself. It is not very big, but memorable. In the distance is the Cretaceous Ridge, which we climbed on ATVs, and from where at sunset. 
And this is the old, wooden building of the hotel in which Mayakovsky lived. Preserved... 
And one more house on the boulevard: now it is the Resort Polyclinic, but I don’t know what was before. But, like the previous one, it fits very well in my collection. 
To the left of the Gallery, at the beginning of the boulevard, stands the building of the October Narzan Baths. A rare example of the era) By the way, do you recognize the high relief? 
The fact is that the honorable duty and duty of every vacationer is not only to drink narzan by the hour and walk along the health path, but also to take narzan baths once a day. Thank God, now they are given warmed up, not like in the past, when Lermontov wrote about them: "cold boiling water of narzan." Bathtubs are located in separate booths with a common corridor for the nurse supervising the process, they are filled and drained automatically, according to a timer, a red light indicates readiness or completion. And you need to completely undress and lie motionless in the water for 12 minutes, without stirring up the bubbles that form on the body from the natural gassing of this healing water, only then carbon dioxide will be absorbed into the blood through the skin, and you will be happy. They say that the greatest happiness overtakes vacationers in the Main Narzan baths.
They are built in the Old Indian style, and there is no building more beautiful than them in the Caucasus Mineral Waters. True, I was not inside, we took baths in our Stalinist-dacha, so I can’t say anything about the conditions there. 
But on the outside, they are great. Remember, I showed the rain-washed staircase from there? And this is one of the windows on the side, just opposite our table in the Mimino restaurant, from the same place where one eared swindler ate all my satsivi. 
And another piece of the resort Kislovodsk - again a fragment of the station, which I think every vacationer of the Soviet era saw. True, no icons. 
And one of the most important symbols is the Lermontov platform at the beginning of the Kurortny Park near the Narzan Gallery itself. It is here that he is imprisoned in a grotto behind bars. 
And this is a view of Kislovodsk from a hill, from the Armenian Church. These are all sanatoriums and boarding houses. Our "Moskva" is on the far left under a red roof. Resort town! It's strange that there is no sea)) 
The last post from the Cavminvod series will be a report about Chaliapin's dacha with footage inside, which you won't see anywhere else - don't miss it!
It was Sunday evening. Everything was clean and washed. Even Mashuk, overgrown with bushes and groves, seemed to be carefully combed and the smell of a mountain vezhetal flowed.
White pants of the most varied properties flashed across the toy platform: pants made of matting, devil's leather, kolomyanka, canvas and delicate flannel. Here they walked in sandals and apache shirts. The concessionaires in heavy, dirty boots, heavy, dusty trousers, hot waistcoats, and red-hot jackets felt like strangers. Among all the variety of merry chintzes flaunted by the resort girls, the brightest and most elegant was the costume of the head of the station. To the surprise of all visitors, the head of the station was a woman. Red curls escaped from under a red cap with two silver braids on the band. She wore a white uniform tunic and a white skirt.
Having admired the boss, after reading a freshly pasted poster about the tour of the Columbus Theater in Pyatigorsk and drinking two five-kopeck glasses of narzan, the travelers entered the city on the tram line "Station - Flower Garden". For the entrance to the "Flower Garden" from them took ten cents.
There was a lot of music in the Flower Garden, a lot of funny people and very few flowers. In a white shell the symphony orchestra performed the Dance of the Mosquitoes. Narzan was sold in the Lermontov Gallery. Narzan was sold in kiosks and peddled.
Nobody cared about two dirty seekers diamonds.
Oh, Kisa, - said Ostap, - we are strangers at this celebration of life. The first night at the resort, the concessionaires spent at the Narzan spring.
Only here, in Pyatigorsk, when the Columbus Theater staged its “Marriage” for the third time in front of the astonished townspeople, did the partners understand the difficulty of chasing treasures. Infiltrate the theater like they do assumed was impossible. Galkin, Palkin, Malkin, Chalkin and Zalkind spent the night behind the scenes, whose vintage diet did not allow them to live in a hotel. So the days passed, and friends were exhausted, spending the night at the place of Lermontov's duel and feeding themselves by carrying the luggage of middle peasants.
On the sixth day, Ostap managed to get acquainted with the fitter Mechnikov, head of the hydraulic press. By this time, Mechnikov, due to lack of money, daily hangover narzan from the source, fell into a terrible state and, according to Ostap's observation, he was selling some items from theatrical props on the market. The final agreement was reached at a morning libation at the source. Mounter Mechnikov called Ostap dusey and agreed.
You can, - he said, - it's always possible, darling. With our pleasure, my dear. Ostap immediately realized that the fitter was a great dock.
The contracting parties looked into each other's eyes, hugged each other, slapped each other on the back and laughed politely.
Well! - said Ostap. - Behind it's all about ten!
Dusya! - the fitter was surprised. - You make me angry. I am a man tormented by Narzan.
How much are you wanted?
Put down half a. After all, property is public property. I am a tired person.
Fine! Take twenty! Do you agree? Well, I can see in my eyes that they agree.
Consent is the product of complete non-resistance of the parties.
He speaks well, dog,' whispered Ostap in Ippolit Matveyevich's ear. - Learn.
When will you bring the chairs?
Chairs against money.
It's possible, - said Ostap without thinking.
Money in advance, - said the fitter, - money in the morning - chairs in the evening, or money in the evening, and chairs in the morning the next day.
Or maybe chairs today and money tomorrow? - tortured Ostap.
I, darling, am an exhausted person. The soul does not accept such conditions!
But I, - said Ostap, - only tomorrow will receive the money by telegraph.
Then we'll talk, - the stubborn fitter concluded, - but for now, darling, happily stay at the source. A I went. At I have a lot of work with the press. Simbievich takes by the throat. Strength is not enough. Can you live with one Narzan?
And Mechnikov, splendidly illuminated by the sun, withdrew. Ostap looked sternly at Ippolit Matveyevich.
Time, - he said, - that we have, is money that we do not have. Kitty, we have to make a career. One hundred and fifty thousand rubles and zero zero kopecks lie before us. It only takes twenty rubles to make the treasure ours. There is no need to shy away from any means. Hit or miss. I choose pan, although he is an obvious Pole.
Ostap thoughtfully circled Ippolit Matveyevich.
Take off your jacket, leader, quick, - he said unexpectedly.
Ostap took the jacket from the hands of the astonished Ippolit Matveyevich, threw it on the ground, and began to trample it with dusty boots.
What are you doing? yelled Vorobyaninov. - I've been wearing this jacket for fifteen years, and it's still like new!
Don't worry! It won't be like new soon! Give me a hat! Now dust your trousers with dust and sprinkle them with narzan. Alive!
Ippolit Matveyevich in a few minutes became disgustingly dirty.
Now you have matured and acquired a full opportunity to earn money by honest work.
What should I do? asked Vorobyaninov tearfully.
Do you know French, I hope?
Very bad. Within the gymnasium.
Hm... We'll have to wield within these limits. Can you say the following sentence in French: "Gentlemen, I haven't eaten for six days"?
Monsieur,” Ippolit Matveyevich began, stammering, “monsieur, hm, hm ... isn’t it, isn’t it, isn’t mange pa ... six, how it is, en, de, trois, quatre, senk, sis ... sis ... zhur. So - it's not mange pa sis zhur!
Well, you have a pronunciation, Kitty! However, what to demand from a beggar. Of course, a beggar in European Russian speaks French worse than Millerand. Well, Kisulya, to what extent do you know German?
Why do I need all this? exclaimed Ippolit Matveyevich.
Then, - said Ostap weightily, - that you will now go to the Flower Garden, stand in the shade and beg in French, German and Russian, emphasizing that you are a former member of the State Duma from the Cadet faction. The entire net fee will go to fitter Mechnikov. Got it?
Ippolit Matveevich instantly changed. His chest arched like the Palace Bridge in Leningrad, his eyes darted fire, and thick smoke, as it seemed to Ostap, poured out of his nostrils. The mustache slowly began to rise.
Ay-yai-yai, - said grand schemer, without any fear. - Look at him. Not a man, but some humpbacked horse.
Never,” Ippolit Matveyevich suddenly began to ventriloquize, “never did Vorobyaninov stretch out his hand ...
So stretch your legs, you old fool! shouted Ostap. - You didn't stretch out your hands?
Didn't stretch.
How do you like this gigolo? Three months lives on my account! For three months I feed him, sing and educate him, and this gigolo is now in the third position and declares that he ... Well! Enough, comrade! One of two things: either you immediately go to the "Flower Garden" and bring ten rubles by the evening, or I automatically exclude you from the number of concessionaires. I count to five. Yes or no? Once...
Yes, the leader muttered.
In this case, repeat the spell.
Monsieur, it's not mange pa sis jour. Goeben world zi bitte etwas kopeck auf dem shtuk ford. Serve something former deputy State Duma.
Again. More pathetic. Ippolit Matveyevich repeated.
OK then. You have a talent for begging since childhood. Go. Appointment at the source at midnight. This, keep in mind, is not for romance, but simply in the evening they serve more.
And you, - asked Ippolit Matveyevich, - where will you go?
Don't worry about me. I act, as always, in the most difficult place. The friends parted ways.
Ostap ran to a stationery shop, bought there a receipt book with his last dime, and sat on a stone pedestal for about an hour, renumbering the receipts and signing each of them.
First of all - the system, - he muttered, - every public penny must be taken into account. The great strategist moved at a shooting pace along the mountain road leading around Mashuk to the place of the duel between Lermontov and Martynov. Past the sanatoriums and rest houses, overtaken by buses and horse-drawn carriages, Ostap came out to Proval.
A small gallery carved into the rock led to a cone-shaped (cone up) failure. The gallery ended with a balcony, standing on which one could see at the bottom failure a small puddle of malachite foul-smelling liquid. This failure is considered a landmark of Pyatigorsk, and therefore a considerable number of excursions and single tourists visit it every day.
Ostap immediately found out that a failure for a person devoid of prejudice can be a profitable item.
“It's amazing,” thought Ostap, “how the city has not yet guessed to take kopecks for entering Proval. It seems, the only thing, where Pyatigorsk residents let tourists without money. I will destroy this shameful stain on the reputation of the city, I will correct the unfortunate omission.
And Ostap did as his mind, healthy instinct and the situation prompted him to do.
He stopped at the entrance to the Proval and, waving the receipt book in his hands, from time to time cried out:
Get your tickets, folks. Ten cents! Children and Red Army soldiers for free! Students - five kopecks! Non-members of the trade union - thirty kopecks.
Ostap beat for sure. Pyatigorsk residents did not go to Proval, and it was not the slightest difficulty to charge ten kopecks from a Soviet tourist for entering “somewhere”. By five o'clock, six rubles had already accumulated. It was not members of the union that helped, of which there were many in Pyatigorsk. Everyone trustingly handed over their kopecks, and one ruddy-faced tourist, seeing Ostap, said triumphantly to his wife:
Do you see, Tanya, what I told you yesterday? And you said you didn't have to pay to enter the Proval. Can not this be! Really, comrade?
The absolute truth, - confirmed Ostap, - this cannot be, so as not to be taken as an entrance. Members union- ten kopecks. Children and Red Army soldiers for free. Students - five kopecks and non-union members - thirty kopecks.
Before evening, a tour of Kharkov policemen drove up to Proval on two lines. Ostap was frightened and wanted to pretend to be an innocent tourist, but the policemen so timidly crowded around the great strategist that there was no way to retreat. Therefore, Ostap shouted in a rather firm voice:
Members union- ten kopecks, but since the representatives of the police can be equated with students and children, then five kopecks from them.
The militiamen paid, having delicately inquired for what purpose the nickels were collected.
With the aim of overhaul Fail, - Ostap answered boldly, - so as not to failed.
While the great strategist deftly traded with a view of a malachite puddle, Ippolit Matveyevich, hunched over and wallowing in shame, stood under the acacia tree and, without looking at the walkers, chewed the three phrases handed to him:
- Monsieur it’s not mange ... Goben zi peace bitte ... Give something to the deputy of the State Duma ... They served the wrong so that little, but somehow sad. However, playing on the purely Parisian pronunciation of the word "mange" and exciting the souls of the plight of the former member of the State Duma, they managed to pick up three ruble coppers.
Gravel crackled under their feet. The orchestra played Strauss, Brahms and Grieg with short breaks. The bright crowd, babbling, rolled past the old leader and returned back. The shadow of Lermontov hovered invisibly over the citizens who ate on the veranda buffet yogurt. There was a smell of cologne and narzan gases.
Serve a former member of the State Duma! muttered the leader.
Tell me, were you really a member of the State Duma? resounded over Ippolit Matveyevich's ear. - And you really went to meetings? Oh! Oh! High class!
Ippolit Matveyevich raised his face and froze. In front of him jumped like a sparrow, plump Absalom Vladimirovich Iznurenkov. He changed his brownish Łódź suit for a white jacket and gray trousers with a playful sparkle. He was unusually lively and sometimes jumped five inches from the ground. Ippolit Matveyevich Iznurenkov did not recognize and continued to bombard him with questions:
Tell me, did you really see Rodzianko? Was Purishkevich really bald? Oh! Oh! What theme! High class!
Continuing to spin, Iznurenkov thrust three rubles into the bewildered leader and ran away. But for a long time in the "Flower Garden" his plump thighs flickered and almost poured from the trees:
Oh! Oh! Do not sing, beauty, with me you are the sad songs of Georgia! Oh! Oh! They remind me of another life and a distant shore!.. Ah! Oh! And in the morning she smiled again! .. High class! ..
Ippolit Matveyevich continued to stand, turning his eyes to the ground. And in vain he stood like that. He didn't see much.
In the wonderful darkness of the Pyatigorsk night, Ellochka Shchukina walked along the alleys of the park, dragging behind her the submissive Ernest Pavlovich, who had reconciled with her. Trip to Kislye water was the last chord in a difficult struggle with Vanderbilt's daughter. A proud American woman recently sailed in her own yacht to the Sandwich Islands for recreational purposes.
Ho-ho! resounded in the silence of the night. - Well-known, Ernestulya! Cr-r-growth!
In the sideboard, illuminated by many lamps, sat the blue thief Alkhen with his wife Sashkhen. Her cheeks were still decorated with Nicholas half-whiskers. Alkhen shyly ate Kar-style barbecue, washing it down with Kakhetian No. 2, and Sashkhen, stroking his sideburns, was waiting for the ordered sturgeon.
After the liquidation of the second house social security(everything was sold, including even the chef's toildenor hat and the slogan: "Thoroughly chewing food, you help society") Alchen decided to relax and have fun. Fate itself kept this well-fed crook. He was going to go to Proval that day, but did not have time. It saved him. Ostap would have milked no less than thirty rubles from the timid caretaker.
Ippolit Matveyevich wandered to the spring only when the musicians were folding their music stands, the festive audience was dispersing, and only couples in love were breathing heavily in thin alleys of the Flower Garden.
How much did they collect? asked Ostap, when the bent figure of the leader appeared at the source.
Seven rubles twenty-nine kopecks. Three rubles in paper. The rest are copper and some silver.
Amazing for a first tour! Responsible employee! You touch me, Kisa! But what fool gave you three rubles, I would like to know? Maybe you gave back?
Iznurenkov gave.
Are you kidding! Absalom? Look, you are a ball! Where did you go! Have you spoken to him? Oh, he didn't recognize you!
asked about State Duma! Laughed!
You see, leader, it's not so bad to be a beggar, especially with a moderate education and a weak voice setting! Well, Kisochka, and I did not spend time in vain. Fifteen rubles, like one penny. Total - enough!
The next morning the fitter received the money and in the evening brought two chairs. The third chair, he said, was impossible to take. On it, the sound design played cards.
For more security autopsy friends climbed almost to the very top of Mashuk.
Below, Pyatigorsk shone with solid, unmoving lights. Below Pyatigorsk, inferior lights marked the village of Goryachevodskaya. On the horizon in two parallel dotted lines protruded from behind the mountain Kislovodsk.
Ostap looked into the starry sky and took out of his pocket the well-known pliers.
For those who want to understand jokes without wasting too much time.
To bookmarks
You are the budget version of Versus, you are a funny cosplay of me.
We are waiting for the screensaver, where Cheney is driving in a Lexus to the bar 1702.
Oksimiron
Purulent: You do not understand battles, you have four times less experience: if someone else said your lines, they would not be worth anything. And now there are a lot of inconsistencies in your tracks and rounds (you used to criticize Guf, and then you started to praise). Battle rap is dead, you are not its father, and I want to be an automaton that will kill this genre.
Such ***** [garbage] he has in bulk in the text, because he comes in OFC.
After all, he serves it with an arrogant ***** [slurp] connoisseur.
“My flow is a DDoS attack, we have remote access”
A pissed off humanitarian, with such specialists we cannot fly to outer space.
DDoS just interferes with remote access.
Oksimiron answers to the crowd: Ian, I checked this punch, why didn't you tell me?
3rd round
Oksimiron: While I was on vacation, I read great book"Hero with a Thousand Faces", which helped me get out of the impasse. Mythologies, books, films, comics and religions are based on one motif: the hero follows the voice, defeats the dragon and returns home different. So in the battle - a clash of archetypes. The dragon has no way, you are a dragon, afraid of me and hiding behind sarcasm. My whole battle was without a mat, because I don’t want to waste it on you. You're in my coordinate system and you'll get out of there as soon as you come up with something of your own.
Slava, Slava, you are lively and affectionate, but pull my organ out of your throat.
You were just a long enough pear in my preparation for the Disaster.
Oksimiron
Purulent: I've done more grime than you've done in four years. I'm fine with being unknown, fuck the mainstream. You turned down ads in order to be offered more more money. Partnership with Reebok for the sake of money, made “Dom-2” out of a quarrel with LSP, pretending to be a man, forgot about hatred in the tracks, starring in Zhigan’s film to please him, you are a traitor. No one will follow you, you are pretentious, you only talk about yourself and lead the crowd to the bottom.
So, stadium rapper, where are you going?
You don't cut a window to the West. You are the Pied Piper of Hamelin, you drag everyone to the very bottom.
Like all your new school I've heard enough of this
