great time- childhood! Carelessness, pranks, games, eternal "why" and, of course, funny stories from the life of children - funny, memorable, making you smile involuntarily.
publicly warned
One mother of a beautiful six-year-old son often has no one to leave her not always obedient child at home with. Therefore, sometimes she takes the baby with her to work (to the exhibition). On one of these days, the driver calls my mother and asks to pick up some booklets from the checkpoint. She leaves, and her son is strictly punished to sit still and not go anywhere. In general, to search for a driver, design and pick up booklets, their delivery to right place leaves certain time. And so… Approaching her lady, she sees a bunch of people who laugh and take pictures of something on the stand. The son is not there! But there is an A-4 sheet attached to the stand, on which capital letters written: "I'll be there soon. What am I!”
This same mom once asked dad to play with her son while she cooks dinner. After a while, he hears a aching voice from the room: “Dad, I’m tired ... Can I go play?” Looking into the room, he sees this picture: dad lying on the sofa, and his son in full uniform (helmet, cloak, sword), marching back and forth along the sofa. To the question: "What is it?" - the son replies: “My dad and I play the King of the sofa!” Like this funny story about children can not only but also make you plunge headlong into your own memories.
Shh! Dad is sleeping
And here is another funny story about children from life. One mother left a three-year-old child with her father for just a couple of hours. He comes and sees such a picture: dad is sleeping sweetly on the sofa, on both hands he is wearing a toy from (a bunny and a fox). The child covered him from above with his small blanket, placed a high chair next to him, a cup of juice on it, and a mandatory attribute - a pot next to the sofa. He closed the door and himself sits quietly in the corridor, and when his mother comes in, he shows: “Shh! Dad is sleeping there.
The child watched the fairy tale about Scheherazade and, impressed by such a magical film, says to his beloved grandmother, who is wearing an oriental-colored robe: “Grandma, are you a Scheherazade?”
The kid does not eat well, and almost the whole family gathers to feed him. And everyone persuades the capricious boy to eat at least a spoonful. And even grandfather says: “You, granddaughters, don’t worry! I didn’t eat well as a child, so my mother scolded me for it and even beat me.” To such a sincere confession, the granddaughter replies: “That’s what I’m looking at, grandfather, that you have all false teeth ...”
Kitty Kitty Kitty
And this is a funny story about children from real life. One grandmother, in the past the head of the section, who at work and at home was not shy in expressions, certain period was raising her grandson. One fine day, this couple went to the store, where the grandmother had to stand in a long line. This occupation seemed boring to the grandson, and he decided to make friends with the shop cat:
Kitty! Kitty, kitty, come here.
The cat, apparently, was not interested in these tendernesses, and he hid under the counter. But the boy is stubborn! Persistent boy! Now, by all means, he needs to get the cat:
Kitty, kitty-kitty, come to me, my good one.
The animal has zero reaction.
Kitty, ...fuck, come here to..., I said, - continued the childish boyish voice. The queue fell with laughter, and the grandmother, grabbing her grandson under her arm, quickly retreated. And it seems like she even stopped using swear words.
About home canning
Mom and son salted and sorted out the broken ones. She threw them down the toilet. Between her and the child who came out of the toilet, the following dialogue took place:
Mom, stop salting the mushrooms!
How is it?
Because you constantly taste them for salt.
And what from this?
So you already poop them! I myself saw them floating in the toilet.
Once upon a time there was Little Red Riding Hood...
And this funny story about children, or rather, about the child of one busy daddy, who recently had a chance to put his son to bed. And the kid ordered daddy to tell him an interesting fairy tale for the night, namely his favorite - about Little Red Riding Hood.
Once upon a time there was a little girl in the world, and her name was Little Red Riding Hood, - dad began his story, who came home from work very tired.
She went to visit her beloved grandmother, - he continued already half asleep, unable to fight sleep himself.
He woke up because his son was indignantly pushing him in the side:
Dad! What were the police doing there and who was Yuri Gagarin?
Where is the child?
A funny story about children from real life about how a negligent father forgot a child on a walk. And it was like that. He somehow showed initiative and proudly offered his candidacy for a walk with a five-month-old daughter on the street. Mom, knowing his irresponsibility, said to walk near the house. After an hour and a half, the joyful dad returns, though alone. Mom almost turned gray when she didn’t see the stroller with the baby. And he, it turns out, met a friend, and since he smoked, they stepped aside so that the child would not breathe smoke. Yes, and dad forgot while talking about the child. So I came home. I had to urgently run to that place; it's good that everything worked out.
Here is a funny story about children in kindergarten. Dad came to the nursery for the first time to pick up the child. The children were still sleeping at that moment, and the teacher, busy with something, asked the father to dress his child on his own, only quietly so as not to wake the sleeping babies. In general, the picture before her mother appeared like this: her beloved daughter in boyish pants, a shirt and other people's slippers. All weekend, the shocked woman imagined the poor boy, who, due to the circumstances, had to wear a pink dress. And all because dad mixed up the chair with clothes.
Funny stories about little kids
A 4-year-old daughter resorts to her mother with the question of whether she will be an apple.
Of course, - says the satisfied mom, - did you wash them?
It was only later that my mother realized that the only place where the daughter could wash the fruit is the toilet, because only there the baby got it.
Funny stories from the life of children are found at every step, and even in the central department store, where one day a mother was walking with her 4-year-old son. They pass by the department for the newlyweds.
Mom, - says the baby, - let's buy you such a beautiful white dress.
What are you, son! This is a dress for a bride who is getting married.
And you will come out, don't worry, - the boy reassures.
So I'm already married, son.
Yes? - the kid is surprised. “Who did you marry and didn’t tell me?”
So it's your dad!
Well, it's good that and not some unfamiliar uncle, - calming down, the boy said.
Mom buy a phone
5-year-old son asks his mother to buy him a mobile phone.
Why do you need him? - Mom is interested.
I really need it, - the boy answers.
Yes, but still? Why do you need a phone? - asks the parent.
So you and the teacher Maria Ivanovna always scold me for not eating well in kindergarten. And so I will call you and tell you to give cutlets.
No less funny story about children. This time we will remember the conversation of a 4-year-old kid with his grandmother.
Grandmother, please give birth to a baby, otherwise I have no one to play with. Mom and dad have no time.
So how do I give birth? I won’t be able to give birth to anyone anymore,” my grandmother replies.
A! I understand, - guessed Roma. - You're a male! I saw the program on TV.
On the track...
Funny stories from the life of children always return to childhood - easy, carefree and so naive!
Before leaving home, the teacher Elena Andreevna says to the 3-year-old boy:
We go outside, we will walk there and wait for mom. So go down the path to the toilet.
The boy left and disappeared. The teacher, without waiting for the baby, went in search of him. Going out into the corridor, he sees the following picture: between the two stands a confused boy with an expression of utter bewilderment on his face and says:
Elena Andreevna, did you say which path to go to the toilet: blue or red?
Here is such a funny story about children.
Motherland is calling!
Funny stories from the life of children at school also amaze with the unpredictability of students, their antics and resourcefulness. In one class there was a boy named Rodin. His mother was a teacher at the same school. Once she asked one schoolboy to call her son from the lesson. He flies into the classroom and shouts:
Motherland is calling!
The first reaction of students and teachers is numbness, misunderstanding, fear...
After the words: “Rodin, come out, your mother is calling you,” the class fell under their desks with laughter.
In one school, a teacher dictated to elementary school students an essay based on Prishvin's work. The meaning was how hard the life of a bunny in the forest is, how everyone offends him, how he has to cold winter get your own food. Somehow the animal found a rowan bush in the forest and began to eat berries. Verbatim last phrase The dictation sounded like this: "The fluffy animal is full."
In the evening, the teacher just sobbed over the compositions. Literally all the students wrote the word "full" with two letters "s".
In another school, one student constantly wrote the word "walk" through "o" ("shol"). The teacher got tired of correcting his mistakes all the time, and after the lessons she made the student write the word “walked” on the blackboard a hundred times. The boy did an excellent job with the task, and at the end he wrote: “I left.”
Do you know that literature is not only for education and moralizing? Literature - it happens for laughter. And laughter is the most favorite thing for children, after sweets, of course. We have compiled for you a selection of the most fun children's books that will be of interest to even the oldest children, grandparents. These books are perfect for family reading. Which, in turn, is ideal for family leisure. Read and laugh!
Narine Abgaryan - "Manyunya"
“Manya and I, despite the strict prohibition of our parents, often ran away to the junk dealer’s house and fiddled with his children. We imagined ourselves as teachers and drilled the unfortunate kids as best we could. Uncle Slavik's wife did not interfere in our games, on the contrary, she approved.
- All the same, there is no government for children, - she said, - so at least you calm them down.
Since admitting to Ba that we picked up lice from the children of a junk dealer was like death, we were silent in a rag.
When Ba finished with me, Manka squealed thinly:
“Aaaaah, am I really going to be that scary too?”
- Well, why scary? - Ba grabbed Manka and imperiously nailed him to a wooden bench. “You might think that all your beauty is in your hair,” and she cut off a large curl from Mankina’s crown.
I ran into the house to look at myself in the mirror. The spectacle that opened my eyes plunged me into horror - I was short and unevenly cut, and on the sides of my head with two perky leaves of burdock my ears stood up! I burst into bitter tears - never, never in my life have I had such ears!
— Narineeee?! Ba's voice reached me. - It's good to admire your typhoid physiognomy, run here, better admire Manya!
I trudged into the yard. Manyuni's tear-stained face appeared from behind the mighty back of Baba Rosa. I swallowed loudly - Manka looked incomparable, even more whippy than me: at least both tips of my ears stuck out equidistantly from the skull, with Manka they were at odds - one ear was neatly pressed to the head, and the other belligerently bristled to the side!
- Well, - Ba looked at us with satisfaction, - Gena and Cheburashka are pure crocodile!
Valery Medvedev - "Barankin, be a man!"
When everyone sat down and there was silence in the class, Zinka Fokina shouted:
- Oh, guys! It's just some misfortune! New academic year had not yet begun, and Barankin and Malinin had already managed to get two deuces! ..
A terrible noise immediately arose in the classroom again, but individual cries, of course, could be made out.
- In such conditions, I refuse to be the editor-in-chief of the wall newspaper! (This was said by Era Kuzyakina.) - And they also promised that they would improve! (Mishka Yakovlev.) - Unfortunate drones! Last year they were nursed, and again all over again! (Alik Novikov.) - Call the parents! (Nina Semyonova.) - Only our class is dishonored! (Irka Pukhova.) - We decided to do everything “good” and “excellent”, and here you are! (Ella Sinitsyna.) - Shame on Barankin and Malinin!! (Ninka and Irka together.) - Yes, kick them out of our school, and that's it!!! (Erka Kuzyakina.) "Okay, Erka, I'll remember this phrase for you."
After these words, everyone yelled with one voice, so loudly that it was completely impossible for Kostya and me to make out who and what was thinking about us, although from individual words it was possible to catch that Kostya Malinin and I were blockheads, parasites, drones! Once again, fools, loafers, egoists! And so on! Etc!..
What annoyed me and Kostya most of all was that Venka Smirnov was yelling the loudest. Whose cow, as they say, would moo, but his would be silent. This Venka's performance last year was even worse than that of Kostya and me. Therefore, I could not stand it and also screamed.
- Redhead, - I shouted at Venka Smirnov, - why are you yelling the loudest of all? If you were the first to be called to the board, you would not get a deuce, but a unit! So shut up in a rag.
- Oh, you, Barankin, - Venka Smirnov yelled at me, - I'm not against you, I'm yelling for you! What am I trying to say, guys!.. I say: you can’t immediately call to the blackboard after the holidays. It is necessary that we first come to our senses after the holidays ...
Christine Nestlinger - "Down with the Cucumber King!"
“I didn’t think: it can’t be! I didn’t even think: well, the jester - you can die from laughter! Nothing came to my mind at all. Well, nothing! Huber Yo, my friend, says in such cases: closure in the convolutions! Perhaps the best thing I remember is how my dad said “no” three times. The first time is very loud. The second is normal and the third is barely audible.
Dad likes to say: "If I said no, then no." But now his "no" did not make the slightest impression. Not-that-pumpkin-not-that-cucumber continued to sit on the table as if nothing had happened. He folded his hands on his stomach and repeated: "King Kumi-Ori of the Undergrounding family!"
Grandpa was the first to come to his senses. He approached the Kumior king and curtseying, he said: “I am extremely flattered by our acquaintance. My name is Hogelman. In this house I will be a grandfather.”
Kumi-Ori extended his right hand forward and thrust it under his grandfather's nose. The grandfather looked at the thread-gloved pen, but did not understand what Kumi-Ori wanted.
Mom suggested that his arm hurts and a compress is needed. Mom always thinks that someone definitely needs either a compress, or pills, or, at worst, mustard plasters. But Kumi-Ori did not need a compress at all, and his hand was completely healthy. He waved his thread fingers in front of his grandfather’s nose and said: “We have inoculated that we have a whole watt of porridge apricots!”
Grandfather said, for nothing in the world he would kiss the august hand, he would allow himself this, at best, in relation to a charming lady, and Kumi-Ori is no lady, all the more charming.
Grigory Oster - “Bad advice. A book for naughty children and their parents
***
For example, in your pocket
Turned out to be a handful of sweets
And met you
Your true friends.
Don't be afraid and don't hide
Don't run away
Don't shove all the candy
Together with candy wrappers in the mouth.
Approach them calmly
Without saying too many words
Quickly taking it out of my pocket
Give them... a hand.
Shake their hands firmly
Say goodbye slowly
And turning around the first corner,
Rush home quickly.
To eat sweets at home,
Get under the bed
Because there, of course,
You won't meet anyone.
Astrid Lindgren - "The Adventures of Emil from Lenneberg"
The broth was very tasty, everyone took the addition as much as they wanted, and in the end only a few carrots and onions remained at the bottom of the tureen. This is what Emil decided to enjoy. Without thinking twice, he reached for the tureen, pulled it towards him and stuck his head into it. Everyone could hear him sucking thick with a whistle. When Emil licked the bottom almost dry, he naturally wanted to pull his head out of the tureen. But it was not there! The tureen tightly clasped his forehead, temples and the back of his head and was not removed. Emil was frightened and jumped up from his chair. He stood in the middle of the kitchen with a tureen on his head, as if wearing a knight's helmet. And the tureen slipped lower and lower. First, his eyes disappeared under it, then his nose and even his chin. Emil tried to free himself, but nothing came of it. The tureen seemed to be rooted to his head. Then he began to shout a good obscenity. And after him, with a fright, and Lina. Yes, and everyone was scared.
- Our beautiful tureen! - all insisted Lina. What am I going to serve soup in now?
And indeed, since Emil's head is stuck in the tureen, you can't pour soup into it. Lina understood this immediately. But mother was worried not so much about the beautiful tureen, but about Emil's head.
- Dear Anton, - Mom turned to dad, - how can we get the boy out of there? Shall I break the tureen?
- This is still not enough! exclaimed Emil's father. “I paid four crowns for her!”
Irina and Leonid Tyukhtyaev - "Zoki and Bada: a guide for children on parenting"
It was evening and everyone was at home. Seeing that papa was sitting on the sofa with a newspaper, Margarita said:
- Dad, let's play animals, and Yanka wants to come out too. Dad sighed, and Yang shouted: - Chur, I'm thinking!
- Dove again? Margarita asked him sternly.
"Yes," Yang was surprised.
“Now I am,” said Margarita. “I guessed, guess.
- Elephant ... lizard ... fly ... giraffe ... - began Jan - dad, and the cow has a cow?
- So you will never guess, - dad could not stand it and put down the newspaper, - it should be different. Does he have legs?
- Yes, - my daughter smiled enigmatically.
- One? Two? Four? Six? Eight? Margarita shook her head negatively.
- Nine? Jan asked.
- More.
- Centipede. No? - Dad was surprised. - Then I give up, but keep in mind: the crocodile has four legs.
- Yes? - Margarita was confused. - And I thought of it.
- Dad, - the son asked, - but if a boa constrictor sits on a tree and suddenly notices a penguin?
“Now dad is thinking,” his sister stopped him.
“Only real animals, not fictional ones,” the son warned.
- What are the real ones? Dad asked.
- A dog, for example, - said the daughter, - and wolves and bears are only in fairy tales.
- No! Yang shouted. “Yesterday I saw a wolf in the yard. Huge such, even two! Like this.” He held up his hands.
“Well, they were probably smaller,” dad smiled.
- But, you know how they barked!
“These are dogs,” Margarita laughed, “there are all kinds of dogs: a wolf dog, a bear dog, a fox dog, a sheep dog, even a kitty dog, such a small one.”
Mikhail Zoshchenko - "Lelya and Minka"
This year, guys, I turned forty years old. So it turns out that I saw forty times Christmas tree. It's a lot! Well, for the first three years of my life, I probably did not understand what a Christmas tree was. Probably, my mother endured me on her arms. And, probably, with my black little eyes I looked at the painted tree without interest.
And when I, children, hit five years old, I already perfectly understood what a Christmas tree is. And I was looking forward to it happy holiday. And even in the crack of the door I peeped how my mother decorates the Christmas tree.
And my sister Lele was seven years old at that time. And she was an exceptionally lively girl. She once told me: “Minka, my mother has gone to the kitchen. Let's go to the room where the tree stands and see what's going on there.
So my sister Lelya and I entered the room. And we see: very beautiful tree. And under the tree are gifts. And on the Christmas tree there are multi-colored beads, flags, lanterns, golden nuts, pastilles and Crimean apples.
My sister Lelya says: - We will not look at the gifts. Instead, let's just eat one lozenge each.
And now she comes up to the Christmas tree and instantly eats one lozenge hanging on a thread.
I say: - Lelya, if you ate a pastille, then I will also eat something now.
And I go up to the tree and bite off a small piece of an apple.
Lelya says: “Minka, if you bit off an apple, then I’ll eat another lozenge now and, in addition, I’ll take this candy for myself.”
And Lelya was a very tall, long-knit girl. And she could reach high. She stood on tiptoe and began to eat the second lozenge with her big mouth.
And I was amazing vertically challenged. And I could hardly get anything, except for one apple, which hung low.
I say: - If you, Lelisha, ate the second lozenge, then I will bite off this apple again.
And I again take this apple with my hands and bite it off a little again.
Lelya says: - If you have bitten off an apple for the second time, then I will no longer stand on ceremony and now I will eat the third lozenge and, in addition, I will take a cracker and a nut as a keepsake.
Then I almost cried. Because she could reach everything, but I can’t. ”
Paul Maar - "Seven Saturdays in a Week"
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On Saturday morning Mr. Peppermint sat in his room and waited. What was he waiting for? He certainly could not have said this himself.
Why then did he wait? Now this is easier to explain. True, we will have to start the story from Monday itself.
And on Monday there was a sudden knock on the door of Mr. Peppermint's room. Sticking her head through the crack, Mrs. Bruckmann announced:
- Mister Pepperfint, you have a guest! Just make sure that he does not smoke in the room: this will ruin the curtains! Let him not sit on the bed! Why did I give you a chair, what do you think?
Mrs. Bruckman was the mistress of the house where Mr. Peppermint rented a room. When she was angry, she always called him "Pepperfint". And now the hostess was angry because a guest had come to him.
The visitor pushed through the door that same Monday by the landlady turned out to be Mr. Peppermint's school friend. His last name was Pone delcus. As a gift to his friend, he brought a whole bag of delicious donuts.
It was Tuesday after Monday, and on that day the master's nephew came to Mr. Peppermint to ask how to solve a problem in mathematics. The owner's nephew was lazy and repeating. Mr. Peppermint was not at all surprised by his visit.
Wednesday, as always, came in the middle of the week. And this, of course, did not surprise Mr. Peppermint.
On Thursday, in a nearby cinema, they unexpectedly showed New film: "Four against the cardinal." This is where Mr. Peppermint got a little wary.
Friday came. On this day, the reputation of the company where Mr. Peppermint served was stained: the office was closed all day, and customers were indignant.
Eno Raud - "Muff, Half Shoes and Moss Beard"
One day, three naxitralls met by chance at an ice cream stand: Mossbeard, Halfboot, and Muff. They were all so small that the ice-cream lady mistook them for gnomes at first. Each of them had other interesting features. Moss Beard has a beard of soft moss, in which, although last year's, but still beautiful lingonberries grew. The half-boot was shod in boots with cut off toes: it was more convenient to move the toes this way. And Mufta, instead of ordinary clothes, wore a thick muff, from which only the crown and heels protruded.
They ate ice cream and looked at each other with great curiosity.
"Excuse me," Muft said at last. - Perhaps, of course, I'm wrong, but it seems to me that we have something in common.
“So it seemed to me,” Polbootka nodded.
Mossbeard plucked a few berries from his beard and handed them to his new acquaintances.
- Sour ice cream is good.
- I'm afraid to seem intrusive, but it would be nice to get together some other time, - said Mufta. - We would cook cocoa, talk about this and that.
“That would be wonderful,” Polbootka rejoiced. - I would gladly invite you to my place, but I have no home. Since childhood, I have traveled the world.
"Just like me," said Mossbeard.
- Wow, what a coincidence! Muft exclaimed. - Exactly the same story with me. So we are all travelers.
He tossed the ice cream slip into the dustbin and zipped up the muff. His clutch had such a property: to fasten and unfasten with the help of a "lightning". Meanwhile, the others finished their ice cream.
- Do not you think that we could unite? - said Polbotinka.
- Traveling together is much more fun.
“Of course,” Mossbeard agreed happily.
- brilliant thought, - Coupling beamed. - Simply magnificent!
"So it's settled," said Polbootka. “Why don’t we have another ice cream each before we unite?”
Funniest Literary Opus Competition
Send us withhowl short funny stories,
really happened in your life.
Great prizes await the winners!
Be sure to include:
1. Last name, first name, age
2. Title of work
3. Email address
Winners are determined in three age groups:
1 group - up to 7 years
Group 2 - from 7 to 10 years old
Group 3 - over 10 years old
Competitive works:
Didn't cheat...
This morning, as usual, I do a light jog. Suddenly a cry from behind - uncle, uncle! I stop - I see a girl of 11-12 years old rushing towards me with a Caucasian shepherd dog, continuing to shout: "Uncle, uncle!" I, thinking that something happened, go forward. When there were 5 meters left before our meeting, the girl was able to say the phrase to the end:
Uncle, I'm sorry, but she will bite you now !!!
Didn't cheat...
Sofia Batrakova, 10 years old
salt tea
It happened one morning. I got up and went to the kitchen for tea. I did everything automatically: I poured tea leaves, boiling water and put 2 tablespoons of granulated sugar. She sat down at the table and began to drink tea with pleasure, but it was not sweet tea, but salty! Waking up, I put salt instead of sugar.
My relatives made fun of me for a long time.
Guys, draw conclusions: go to bed on time so that you don’t drink salty tea in the morning!!!
Agata Popova, student of MOU "Secondary School No. 2, Kondopoga
Quiet time for seedlings
Grandmother and her grandson decided to plant tomato seedlings. Together they poured earth, planted seeds, watered them. Every day, the granddaughter looked forward to the appearance of sprouts. Here are the first shoots. How much joy! Seedlings grew by leaps and bounds. One evening, the grandmother told her grandson that tomorrow morning we would go to plant seedlings in the garden ... In the morning, the grandmother woke up early, and what was her surprise: all the seedlings were lying. Grandmother asks her grandson: “What happened to our seedlings?” And the granddaughter proudly replies: “I put our seedlings to sleep!”
school snake
After the summer, after the summer
I'm flying on wings to the classroom!
Together again - Kolya, Sveta,
Olya, Tolya, Katya, Stas!
How many stamps and postcards
Butterflies, beetles, snails.
Stones, glass, shells.
Eggs are motley cuckoos.
This is a hawk claw.
Here is the herbarium! - Chur, do not touch!
I take it out of my bag
What would you think?.. A snake!
Where is the noise and laughter now?
As if the wind had blown everyone away!
Dasha Balashova, 11 years old
Rabbit peace
Once I went to the market for shopping. I stood in line for meat, and a guy is standing in front of me, looking at the meat, and there is a sign with the inscription "Rabbit of the World." The guy probably did not immediately understand that "Rabbit of the World" is the name of the saleswoman, and now his turn comes up, and he says: "Give me 300-400 grams of the rabbit of the world," he says - very interesting, he never tried it. The saleswoman looks up and says, "Mira Rabbit is me." The whole line was just laughing.
Nastya Bohunenko, 14 years old
The winner of the competition is Ksyusha Alekseeva, 11 years old,
sent such a "chuckle":
I am Pushkin!
Once, in the fourth grade, we were asked to learn a poem. Finally the day came when everyone had to tell it. Andrey Alekseev was the first to go to the blackboard (he has nothing to lose, because his last name is in class magazine ahead of all). Here he expressively recited a poem, and the teacher of literature, who came to our lesson to replace our teacher, asks for his last name and first name. And it seemed to Andrei that he was asked to name the author of the poem he had learned. Then he said so confidently and loudly: "Alexander Pushkin." Then the whole class roared with laughter along with the new teacher.
COMPETITION IS CLOSED
The boy Yasha always liked to climb everywhere and climb into everything. As soon as some suitcase or box was brought, Yasha immediately found himself in it.
And he climbed into all sorts of bags. And in closets. And under the tables.
Mom often said:
- I'm afraid, I'll come with him to the post office, he will get into some empty parcel, and he will be sent to Kyzyl-Orda.
He got very good for it.
And then Yasha took a new fashion - he began to fall from everywhere. When it was distributed in the house:
- Eh! - everyone understood that Yasha had fallen from somewhere. And the louder the “uh” was, the greater was the height from which Yasha flew. For example, mother hears:
- Eh! - so it's no big deal. This Yasha just fell off the stool.
If you hear:
- Eee! - so it's a very serious matter. It was Yasha who plopped down from the table. I need to go and look at his bumps. And on a visit, Yasha climbed everywhere, and even tried to climb on the shelves in the store.
One day my dad said:
- Yasha, if you climb somewhere else, I don’t know what I will do with you. I'll tie you to the vacuum cleaner with ropes. And you will walk everywhere with a vacuum cleaner. And you will go to the store with your mother with a vacuum cleaner, and in the yard you will play in the sand tied to the vacuum cleaner.
Yasha was so frightened that after these words he did not climb anywhere for half a day.
And then, nevertheless, he climbed onto the table with his dad and crashed together with the phone. Dad took it and actually tied it to a vacuum cleaner.
Yasha walks around the house, and the vacuum cleaner follows him like a dog. And he goes to the store with his mother with a vacuum cleaner, and plays in the yard. Very uncomfortable. Neither you climb the fence, nor ride a bicycle.
But Yasha learned to turn on the vacuum cleaner. Now instead of "uh" constantly began to be heard "uu".
As soon as mom sits down to knit socks for Yasha, when all of a sudden all over the house - "oooooo." Mom is jumping up and down.
We decided to make a good deal. Yasha was untied from the vacuum cleaner. And he promised not to climb anywhere else. Papa said:
- This time, Yasha, I will be stricter. I'll tie you to a stool. And I'll nail the stool to the floor with nails. And you will live with a stool, like a dog in a booth.
Yasha was very afraid of such a punishment.
But just then a very wonderful case turned up - they bought a new wardrobe.
First, Yasha climbed into the closet. He sat in the closet for a long time, banging his forehead against the walls. This is an interesting thing. Then he got bored and got out.
He decided to climb into the closet.
Yasha moved the dining table to the closet and climbed on it. But he did not reach the top of the cabinet.
Then he put a light chair on the table. He climbed onto the table, then onto a chair, then onto the back of a chair, and began to climb onto the closet. Already half gone.
And then the chair slipped out from under his foot and fell to the floor. But Yasha remained half on the closet, half in the air.
Somehow he climbed onto the closet and fell silent. Try telling your mom
- Oh, mom, I'm sitting on the closet!
Mom will immediately transfer him to a stool. And he will live like a dog all his life near a stool.
Here he sits and is silent. Five minutes, ten minutes, five more minutes. All in all, whole month almost. And Yasha slowly began to cry.
And mom hears: Yasha can’t hear something.
And if Yasha is not heard, then Yasha is doing something wrong. Either he chews matches, or he climbed into the aquarium up to his knees, or he draws Cheburashka on his father's papers.
Mom became in different places glance. And in the closet, and in the nursery, and in my father's office. And everything is in order: dad works, the clock is ticking. And if there is order everywhere, then something difficult must have happened to Yasha. Something extraordinary.
Mom screams:
- Yasha, where are you?
Yasha is silent.
- Yasha, where are you?
Yasha is silent.
Then my mother began to think. He sees a chair on the floor. He sees that the table is not in place. He sees - Yasha is sitting on the closet.
Mom asks:
- Well, Yasha, are you going to sit on the closet all your life or will we get down?
Yasha doesn't want to go down. He is afraid that he will be tied to a stool.
He says:
- I won't get down.
Mom says:
- Okay, let's live on the closet. Now I'll bring you lunch.
She brought Yasha soup in a bowl, a spoon and bread, and a small table and a stool.
Yasha had lunch on the cupboard.
Then his mother brought him a pot on the closet. Yasha was sitting on the potty.
And in order to wipe his ass, my mother had to get up on the table herself.
At this time, two boys came to visit Yasha.
Mom asks:
- Well, should you give Kolya and Vitya a closet?
Yasha says:
- Submit.
And then dad couldn’t stand it from his office:
- Now I myself will come to visit him on the closet. Yes, not one, but with a strap. Remove it from the cabinet immediately.
They took Yasha out of the closet, and he says:
- Mom, I didn’t get off because I’m afraid of stools. My dad promised to tie me to a stool.
“Oh, Yasha,” says mom, “you are still small. You don't understand jokes. Go play with the guys.
And Yasha understood jokes.
But he also understood that dad did not like to joke.
He can easily tie Yasha to a stool. And Yasha did not climb anywhere else.
How the boy Yasha ate badly
Yasha was good to everyone, he just ate badly. All the time with concerts. Either mom sings to him, or dad shows tricks. And he gets along:
- Don't want.
Mom says:
- Yasha, eat porridge.
- Don't want.
Papa says:
- Yasha, drink juice!
- Don't want.
Mom and dad got tired of persuading him every time. And then my mother read in one scientific pedagogical book that children should not be persuaded to eat. It is necessary to put a plate of porridge in front of them and wait for them to get hungry and eat everything.
They put, put plates in front of Yasha, but he does not eat and does not eat anything. He doesn't eat meatballs, soup, or porridge. He became thin and dead, like a straw.
- Yasha, eat porridge!
- Don't want.
- Yasha, eat soup!
- Don't want.
Previously, his pants were hard to fasten, but now he dangled completely freely in them. It was possible to launch another Yasha into these pants.
And then one day a strong wind blew.
And Yasha played on the site. He was very light, and the wind rolled him around the site. Rolled up to the wire mesh fence. And there Yasha got stuck.
So he sat, pressed against the fence by the wind, for an hour.
Mom calls:
- Yasha, where are you? Go home with the soup to suffer.
But he doesn't go. He is not even heard. He not only became dead himself, but his voice became dead. Nothing is heard that he squeaks there.
And he squeaks:
- Mom, take me away from the fence!
Mom began to worry - where did Yasha go? Where to look for it? Yasha is not seen and not heard.
Dad said this:
- I think our Yasha was rolled away somewhere by the wind. Come on, mom, we'll take the pot of soup out onto the porch. The wind will blow and the smell of soup will bring to Yasha. On this delicious smell, he will crawl.
A funny story about a harmful liar schoolgirl Ninochka. Story for junior schoolchildren and middle school age.
Harmful Ninka Kukushkina. Author: Irina Pivovarova
Once Katya and Manechka went out into the yard, and there Ninka Kukushkina was sitting on a bench in a brand new brown school dress, a brand new black apron and a very white collar (Ninka was a first grader, she boasted that she was studying for fives, and she herself was a loser) and Kostya Palkin in a green cowboy shirt, sandals on bare feet and a blue cap with a large visor.
Ninka enthusiastically lied to Kostya that she had met a real hare in the forest in the summer, and this hare was so delighted to Ninka that he immediately climbed into her arms and did not want to get off. Then Ninka brought him home, and the hare lived with them for a whole month, drinking milk from a saucer and guarding the house.
Kostya listened to Ninka with half an ear. Stories about hares didn't bother him. Yesterday he received a letter from his parents saying that perhaps in a year they would take him to Africa, where they now lived and built a milk canning plant, and Kostya sat and thought about what he would take with him.
"Don't forget the fishing rod," thought Kostya. Yes, more guns. Winchester. Or a double shot."
Just then Katya and Manechka came up.
- What's this! - said Katya, after listening to the end of the "hare" story. - This is nothing! Think rabbit! Hares are rubbish! Here we are on the balcony already whole year real goat lives. My name is Aglaya Sidorovna.
"Aha," said Manechka. "Aglaya Sidorovna." She came to visit us from Kozodoevsk. We have been eating goat's milk for a long time.
"Exactly," said Katya. "Such a kind goat!" She brought us so much! Ten packets of nuts in chocolate, twenty cans of condensed goat milk, thirty packs of Yubileinoye cookies, and she herself does not eat anything but cranberry jelly, soup with beans and vanilla crackers!
“I’ll buy a double-barreled shotgun,” Kostya said respectfully.
- To make the milk smell good.
- They lie! They don't have any goats! Ninka got angry. "Don't listen, Kostya!" You know them!
- Still as it is! She sleeps in a basket at night fresh air. And sunbathing during the day.
- Liars! Liars! If a goat lived on your balcony, it would bleat all over the yard!
- Who bleated? For what? - asked Kostya, having managed to plunge into thoughts, to take or not to take aunt's loto to Africa.
- She bleats. Soon you will hear for yourself ... And now let's play hide and seek?
"Let's go," Kostya said.
And Kostya began to drive, and Manya, Katya and Ninka ran to hide. Suddenly, a loud goat bleating was heard in the yard. It was Manechka who ran home and bleated from the balcony:
- Be-ee... Me-ee...
Ninka crawled out of the hole behind the bushes in surprise.
— Kostya! Listen!
"Well, yes, it's bleating," said Kostya. "I told you...
And Manya backed last time and ran to the rescue.
Now Ninka drove.
This time, Katya and Manechka ran home together and began to bleat from the balcony. And then they went down and, as if nothing had happened, ran to help out.
“Listen, you really have a goat! - said Kostya. - What did you hide before?
She's not real, she's not real! shouted Ninka.
- Here's another, groovy! Yes, she reads books with us, counts to ten, and even knows how to talk like a human being. Here we go and ask her, and you stand here, listen.
Katya and Manya ran home, sat down behind the balcony bars and bleated in one voice:
— Ma-a-ma! Ma-a-ma!
- Well, how? - Katya leaned out. - Do you like it?
"Just think about it," said Nina. “Mom” any fool can say. Let me read a poem.
“I’ll ask you now,” Manya said, squatted down and shouted to the whole yard:
Our Tanya is crying loudly:
Dropped a ball into the river.
Hush, Tanechka, don't cry:
The ball will not sink in the river.
The old women on the benches shook their heads in bewilderment, and Sima the janitor, who at that time was diligently sweeping the yard, became alert and raised her head.
“Well, is it great, really?” Katya said.
- Awesome! Ninka made a sly face. “But I can’t hear anything. Ask your goat to read poetry louder.
Here Manechka yells like a good obscenity. And since Manya had a voice that was just right, and when Manya tried, she could roar so that the walls shook, it is not surprising that after the rhyme about the whining Tanechka, people's heads began to protrude out of all the windows indignantly, and Matvey Semenycheva Alpha, who at this time ran in the yard, barked deafeningly.
And the janitor Sima ... There is no need to talk about her! Her relationship with the Skovorodkin children was not the best. They Sime was fed up with their antics to death.
Therefore, having heard inhuman cries from the balcony of the eighteenth apartment, Sima rushed straight into the entrance with her broom and began to beat her fists on the door of the eighteenth apartment.
And the most mischievous Ninka, pleased that she managed to teach Pan so well, after looking at the angry Sim, sweetly said as if nothing had happened:
Well done your goat! Great poetry reading! And now I'm going to read something to her.
And, dancing and sticking out her tongue, but not forgetting to adjust the blue nylon bow on her head, cunning, harmful Ninka squeaked very disgustingly.
