There is a common phrase - "ignorance is one of oldest species emotional abuse." I think that one way or another, any of us resort to ignoring. Sometimes it is a method of psychological protection from information or actions unpleasant to us, a way of protection against aggression, sometimes it is a way of flirting.
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Previously, I very often used ignore, the only harmless way of self-defense that seemed to me. For example, I had a very jealous first husband, a scandal could even happen because a waiter smiled at me in a cafe (although he scandalized at home, away from the public). Instead of actively defending myself and expressing my protest, I silently listened to the storm of his emotions with a supposedly indifferent look. It seemed to me to defend myself beneath my dignity, that is, I believed that if I started to speak out, it would be taken as an excuse - and I am above it. But it turned out the opposite - he was furious that I did not try to dissuade him of his suspicions, there were more claims, jealousy grew - scandals became more frequent. At one fine moment, he got into my very bad mood and that's when it broke through me.
First, a mug flew into him (my metal thermal mug for hiking), this made him shut up, and then in a calm tone I began to tell how and with whom I was cheating on him, with such dirty details, then she moved on to the question of why, I was cheating on him, after which she suggested a divorce. And when the frustrated and lost husband, turning pale, said: “I don’t believe you, you couldn’t,” I asked: “If you don’t want to believe that I’m cheating on you, then why are you giving me these scandals and checks? Don’t you think Are you saying that in the end I can, to spite you for frayed nerves, go all out, or even easier - file for divorce, then all your experiences will definitely "don't care" for me?
For a while, this conversation helped stop a series of endless scandals based on jealousy, from it it turned out that he was really hurt by the fact that I ignored his feelings and doubts. It turned out that the difference of 10 years frightened him greatly, moreover, by that moment he perfectly began to realize that on my part there was no love for him, but there was love. Then I felt in my own skin how painful it was for him to see my ostentatious indifference.
Now, I have come to this conclusion - I can ignore strangers, but I have no right to ignore my own. If a person is at least a little dear or pleasant to me, I will try to solve the problem with him, explain to him what he is wrong, but I will not humiliate him or force him to delve into himself, and very often such a conversation, although it can be painful, gives very good results . Yes, it takes courage and a certain nobility to make a decision.
In general, in my opinion, ignoring a problem or a person is a sign of weakness and laziness - "I'm too lazy (rather scared) to look for possible way conflict resolution so "I will hide my head in the sand." Of course, there are such cases when ignoring is indispensable - an example is energy vampirism, when a person clings to you only because he needs your negative emotions and he enjoys the conflict - then all arguments will be in vain, but again, without a clearly defined position and conversation, you will not recognize a vampire person or he is simply in a somewhat unbalanced state and does not know how to express his doubts and fears.
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And how often do you resort to ignoring and ignoring you, and how did you feel?
He tore off all the cockroach's legs, said "run!" - does not run. Conclusion: without paws, a cockroach does not hear. (C)
Let everyone have notebooks, banknotes, banknotes, work, worries, muddied, offsets, evening doses, but I have you and plus you, still you, still you, still you, still you, still you, still you ... ( With)
It’s always like this… you save up, you save up for a Lamborghini and an iPhone, and then bam! I couldn’t resist and bought myself a Coca Cola and Snickers ... (c)
I want to be a guy ... you don’t need to shave your legs, drink, smoke, you don’t need to shave your legs (c)
What fell? - My clothes . - And why with such a roar? - And I didn’t have time to get out of it. (C)
A real friend is one who is sincerely glad to see you beautiful (c)
If you are waiting for a very important call, but they don’t call you, then you just have to paint your nails ... (c)
"We dress in" snow queen"! And you?" AND WE DRESS IN THE CORRIDOR (c)
My sun, look at me.
My palm turned into a fist. (C)
If you want change, go to school. there are changes every 45 minutes .. (c)
In the 60s of the last century and now the phrase "a boy glued a model in a club" is perceived differently (c)
2-3 times a year there is such a state when you just want to close up and live completely alone, without seeing anyone. friends, relationships, nothing.
I don't like it when it starts with "what happened?" or "what's going on with you?". I'm fine, I'm just tired, I need a recharge. (C)
Sometimes the closest person is not the one you pray to as an idol, but the one who just knows how many spoons of sugar to put in your cup of tea (c)
So funny.. We are silent. No SMS. No calls. We are Online by different sides monitor ... We sort through each other's photos in albums ... I don’t know about you .. You don’t know what is happening in my life ... And only the songs in the playlist will tell about everything without words ... This is such a game. No rules. We invent them ourselves. And between the lines of this game, I see that you miss me too .. (c)
Those who do not understand your silence will probably not understand your words either ... (c)
Cry, snotty monster. (c)
She was a girl - she blushed at the word "sex" .. and now only thoughts are "sex, sex, sex !!" (c)
Sometimes I feel unbearably sad, but in general, life goes on as usual. (C)
How can you not listen to your inner voice when he says every morning: "Sleep uni, sleep ....".))) (c)
She: Can I go to the club? He laughed, hugged her and whispered: I'll break your jaw. (C)
I don't know how to say goodbye properly, so get off the pig. (C)
Who is he to you? - in fact, no one ... just the meaning of life ... no more. (c)
It's so strange to see people unfriend you even though they broke the bed together a week ago (c)
Men! Let's you clean, cook, wash, and we want you all the time? .. (c)
Petya has 12 apples, Lyosha has 8 apples, and Vasya has salt in his ass. Who ran last from the collective farm garden? (C)
If a girl whispers to you during sex "I'm coming .." Then shout in her ear "NOT IN ME !!! (c)
Emotional violence, unlike physical violence, occurs imperceptibly, and sometimes the victim of emotional pressure does not immediately understand what is happening around. Emotional abuse is no less dangerous than physical abuse, it undermines self-esteem, causes unreasonable feelings of guilt and inadequacy, which over time can lead to depression or nervous breakdown. Emotional abuse can occur between parent and child, husband and wife, relatives and friends, work colleagues and superiors. Without consciously expressing their past grievances in words, the offender himself often does not understand that he is inflicting mental trauma on another person.
Listed signs emotional abuse will help you understand who you are the victim or the aggressor.
Signs of a victim of emotional abuse
1. Insult, humiliation, ignoring, condemning criticism:
- You are publicly ridiculed.
- You are often teased, insulting, caustic jokes are released in your direction.
- In response to your indignation, they accuse you of excessive "tenderness" and sensitivity ("Don't you understand jokes?").
- You are being told that your feelings or opinions are "wrong".
- You are intentionally avoided, your opinions, thoughts, suggestions and feelings are ignored.
2. Dominance, control, shaming and guilt:
- You feel like you are being treated like a child.
- You are constantly being reprimanded because they consider your behavior "inappropriate".
- You feel that you always have to "get permission" before taking any action ("Step right, step left - shooting, jumping on the spot - provocation!", "Initiative - punishable").
- Discuss your financial expenses.
- They treat you like you're worse than them.
- They make you feel like they are always right about everything.
- Remind you of your shortcomings.
- They exalt their achievements, aspirations, plans, belittling yours.
- Always give a disapproving, dismissive, contemptuous assessment of your actions.
Signs of an emotional aggressor
1. Accusing makes trivial and unreasonable demands or expectations, while denying his shortcomings:
- Accuses the victim of something far-fetched.
- Can't laugh at himself.
- Extremely sensitive to any comment addressed to him.
- Can't ask for forgiveness.
- Always justifies his behavior and often blames other people or circumstances for his mistakes.
2. Emotional distance and silence, isolation or rejection:
- Satisfies basic needs or uses neglect as punishment for the victim's "misconduct".
- Constantly violates "personal boundaries" and shows disregard for your desires and feelings.
- He himself plays the victim, blames others, and does not take responsibility for his actions and deeds.
3. Interdependence:
- Treats the victim differently individual person but as an extension of itself.
- Does not respect the opinion of the victim and dictates what, in his opinion, is best for her.
- Requires constant contact, as he has not developed a healthy social circle.
people long time It is difficult for those under emotional pressure to distinguish emotional abuse from normal relationships, as they often do not imagine that it is possible to live in any other way. Sometimes it takes years to realize this.
Characteristics of a healthy relationship:
- Emotional support, willingness to help.
- Right to own opinion and feelings, even if they are radically different from the opinions and views of another person.
- Encouragement of interests and achievements.
- Absence of physical or emotional threats, including outbursts of anger and rage.
- A respectful attitude that avoids swearing or verbal abuse.
How to stop emotional abuse?
1. Think about the problem in a calm environment
Emotional backlash in the midst of a heated argument, even if your claims are legitimate, is a recipe for disaster. Instead of making accusations that start with "You", such as "You're such a fool, you don't understand anything!", try to use "I" statements, such as "It hurts and hurts when you raise your voice at me."
2. If you feel that a reasonable and relaxed conversation cannot work, write a letter
Describe in it the problem that concerns you, write a few options her permission, while trying to avoid an accusatory tone that can provoke the anger of another person. For example, the phrase "You laughed at me, I hate you" should be replaced with the words "I feel that I was ridiculed and humiliated." The advantage of this method is that you can express your thoughts as accurately as possible and be sure that your proposal is as constructive as possible.
3. Feel free to ask a trusted friend or family member for support.
Looking at the situation from the outside will help to give an objective assessment of your actions. In addition, it can help to completely change the attitude towards the problem and enlist friendly support for the future:
- Don't ask for support mutual friend. Anyone who feels obligated to another person cannot objectively assess the situation. Instead, try to confide in someone you know well and who has no obligation to your abuser.
- Do not make of someone who is trusted a "vest for tears and despair." It's perfectly fine to contact close friend V difficult moments for advice, but this should not be the only focus of your relationship. Otherwise, he may think that you are only using him to complain about life, thus you can get another problematic relationship. When you feel like you've crossed that fine line, switch the conversation to another topic.
4. Seek help from a specialist
If the situation has escalated so much that it is out of your control, seek the help of a professional psychologist.
5. Break the vicious circle
How to avoid repeating past mistakes and not “stepping on the same rake” in the future:
- Be careful in relationships. Do not abuse the trust of others and do not become a victim of consumer relations yourself.
- Don't take the offender's actions to heart. You, too, are not always fair to other people, so don't feel like a victim.
