The other day two completely different person came to me with the same question: how to do right choice from equal opportunities?
Would abandoning one in favor of the other be a move forward or just a sign of weakness and/or irresponsibility?
What if the first possibility is better than the second? How to decide and make a choice that you will not regret later?
By the way, the problem of choice is often encountered thinking people- This is fine. But sometimes this problem can cause an even bigger problem, like or nervous breakdown. And for some comrades, who are especially afraid of making mistakes and miscalculating, this process can stretch for long years painful inaction. Up to a complete Buridan collapse.
So. Let's say you need to choose between a new, but unknown line of business, in theory promising great prospects, and an old, but proven business, with boring methods, but with a predictable result. Or between cooperation with a new company or an old one. Or between guest attending someone's event or creating your own. Or between the romance of a new relationship or the forging of an old one.
It doesn't matter what options you have to choose from. In general, it can be a choice where to go on vacation in the summer. The problem is that they will start giving advice. And then the problem begins, in fact, weighing all the pros and cons and other moral throwing.
On the one hand, your thoughts and / or feelings soar in about new perspectives, drawing rainbow pictures, on the other hand: “What if it doesn’t work out?”, “After all, there is no going back”, “I will lose a lot of time”, etc. , and so on.
All these fluctuations will drag on from day to day, from month to month, from year to year. The biggest problem with this state is not even that you cannot make a choice, believe me. The biggest problem is that making the right choice takes all your energy. Those. You can no longer work with full dedication on what you have now and you cannot quit it to do something else.
And, if you think that the main thing is to make a decision, even if it was on the principle of “was - was not” and “in the pool with your head”, I have bad news for you. Downright depressing. It won't get any easier.
Because the problem will turn 180 degrees. Because there is no path on which everything would be fabulously easy and cool, you would not need to do anything except eat marshmallows with marmalade and drink it all with nectar and ambrosia (fu, what a disgusting!) - there will be difficulties on any path, but there will be no going back.
And then you start wringing your hands: “In vain I still started it! What if something else would be better?" instead of putting all your energy into building a new business. You just don't have the energy to do it. That was the old lady's problem. broken trough- constant dissatisfaction.
In fact, the main problem is that it is human nature to believe in the existence of the only right choice even in domestic matters.
Illustration
So that you do not fall into seriousness, we will have Agafya Tikhonovna's monologue from Gogol's "Marriage" as an illustration. The actress who plays this role just blew me away.
So, a person is ready to endlessly spend his precious time trying to find this one solution that will solve all his problems and thinking about how to make the right choice. But in reality, everything is different than in reality: any goal can be achieved different ways if you know exactly what your goal is. In fact, torment is more characteristic of those who do not know exactly what they want.
Remember what happens when you make the final choice? Your inner world is calming down, ordering, you begin to look for ways to achieve the goal, you have the energy to achieve them, you are ready to learn new things, to be patient with temporary difficulties. You are determined to achieve your goal.
This question instantly throws you off balance and plunges you into a state of inner chaos. Because if you ignore a choice already made, you no longer invest in its implementation, cease to operate, and it naturally fades and withers away - the second law of thermodynamics, from which there are no exceptions. And after a while it already clearly seems to you that it is not really a fountain, and therefore you need to reject it and start something else.
But this choice was not wrong objectively. It was you who made him so with your attitude to business, destroyed him with your own idleness, irresponsibility or negativity.
Everything rests on the fact that a person changes throughout life. What was important and meaningful to him yesterday may not matter in the slightest today. If at the age of 15 girls dream of beautiful and romantic princes, at the age of 20 they dream of rapped princes in Mercedes, at the age of 35, an already accomplished woman needs a partner who can be trusted, who can be relied upon. You just need to accept this fact and then the questions: right / wrong will disappear by themselves.
After all, in fact, this or that choice is the choice of the way to achieve some goal. And the main thing is to save inner peace and inner harmony when choosing. If you have made a choice and are endlessly tormented from the inside and trying to explain it to everyone, justify it, prove its correctness, this is an indicator that you yourself are not sure of it, and this choice is uncomfortable for you for one reason or another.
You can, of course, consult with more experienced comrades, but as the wise Athos used to say: “People ask for advice only in order not to follow it, and if they do, it is only so that there is someone to reproach for the consequences” The decision to take in any case is up to you, even if you followed the advice of a friend. It is your decision not to think with your head.
- Other people have a different worldview, different values, a different idea of "what is good and what is bad."
- They do not fully know your situation, they do not know what would actually be better for you in this situation, they judge everything from their side and their experience.
Therefore, I would advise you in such situations to use a selection technique based on your current values. Considering that the problem of choice arises when there are several options, each of which has significance and attractiveness, has its own important advantages, you just choose the path that will match your real values and so on. You can make your choice quickly and painlessly.
For a moment, forget about which options you are choosing between. In any case, you have an understanding of what goals you want to achieve and what attracts you to it.
We take a piece of paper and write the benefits and benefits in the column of the table and horizontally.
It is desirable that the description of what you want to receive in the end is exhaustive. There can be as many points as you like, but not less than ten. There is only one condition - all these points should be important and significant for you.
You will get a table with a complete list of benefits and advantages horizontally and vertically.
Now you need to shade one square of the table diagonally from the first point.
The next step is to write down point by point those benefits that are significant and attractive to you for each option on a separate piece of paper. Write out only those that are clearly inherent in this option. If in doubt, skip.
Now prioritize your values by asking yourself for each pair of benefits: Which is more important to me? Be sure to choose. There can be no 50/50. For what is more significant, we put one, and for what is less significant in comparison - zero. Those. if you want to create, but you are on this moment If you feel that guaranteed income is more important than creativity, then there is one in guaranteed income, and zero in creativity.
And so on until all available options are compared. This is a great way to uncover a huge number of fictitious values that in reality mean little to you.
Now make a calculation for each advantage and you will know exactly what is most important and significant for you at this stage for this goal and will be able to make the right choice meaningfully.
If you do not own Excel, and it’s lazy to do all this manually, I have prepared a template for you that you can use to find out your values for any purpose.
After you have revealed your true values with the help of this table, you can compare which option these values correspond to the most.
Now that the choice has been made based on your values,
- focus on your choice
- provide it with all the resources necessary for active development - abilities, energy, emotions, thoughts, active participation.
- Act, act, act!
If you do this steadily, consistently, persistently, you will achieve your goal. No options.
We all need to make a choice in life all the time, sometimes we are forced to make it in just a couple of minutes. For example, buy a dress or a blouse with trousers, go to the gym or go on a date, write a report or check the balance? There is a more difficult choice, which determines the future life - the choice of a husband, a place of rest. Everything in life is ambiguous, and often we get lost, hesitate, not knowing how to make the right choice.
Many of us use rather strange methods in the selection process - they try to discern the “signs of fate”, turn to the cards for help, but still don’t know how to make the right choice. Fortunately, in psychology there are specific techniques that help make the right decisions.
How to make the right choice?
- Try to imagine how your future life for each choice you make, look ahead a few years or even decades. Determine the top priorities for your future, and choose what will lead you to them. Will your choice move you away from cherished dream, from what is most important for you in life?
- Apply the old, tried and true method: take a piece of paper and write down the pros and cons of each choice on it, then rate each factor in terms of its importance to you, on a ten-point scale. Count the results and choose.
- Sometimes it's worth just asking yourself - is it possible to avoid choosing between two things at the moment? If you are very hesitant and worried, this may be a sign that none of the proposed options suits you.
- Girls, in order to make the right choice, sometimes like to consult with friends and relatives. Choose from your environment five people. It must be wise people whom you respect, whom you trust. Of course, they should in no way be involved in this story. Describe the situation to them, ask for advice.
We all need to make tough choices sometimes. We ask ourselves questions: what is better to choose, how to make the right choice, and what if? .. We find a lot of answers and still cannot decide.
These questions also tormented me and tore me apart until I heard the phrase:
“Before, he could not make a choice, because he did not know what would happen next. Now he knows what will happen and therefore cannot make a choice. © Mr. Nobody
These words of the protagonist of the film "Mr. Nobody" became an insight for me. This is brilliant: it is difficult for us to choose, not because we do not know what will happen, but because it is difficult for us to refuse something. Choice is always giving up something in favor of an alternative. No matter how much you think, how much you don't weigh and calculate the moves, it's easier not to become. Something has to be given up anyway.
You will say that sometimes we choose between what is and what is new. I don't agree. Even if we choose what we already have, for example, to stay at this job instead of changing to a new one, we still choose for mythical prospects. Otherwise, if everything was good, the question of choice would not stand.
Let me explain in more detail, we want to change something in life when we don’t like it. For example, work. head goat, career development no, wages were lowered due to the crisis, naturally there is a desire to change the situation. And we start looking for a job, and then the merciful Universe gives us such an opportunity, we are invited for an interview, one another ...
And here there are two options: either we choose between new offers and here we can only imagine what opportunities and privileges we will have in a particular company. And by choosing one, we give up the prospects of the other. That is, We are afraid of losing what we do not have.
There is another option, when the employer somehow senses that we can leave and promises to improve conditions. Important detail, about the improvement so far only in question, in practice they are not yet. And here again we fall into this trap. “Damn, what to choose? If the boss does what he says, then it’s not bad for me here either, although there are more prospects at that job, it’s more interesting, but there is a strange team and further from home ... ”And that’s it ... it started. We live again about what we have Not yet.
We have stood at a crossroads so many times in our lives that it seems that we should have already developed our own, accurate and win-win, decision-making methodology. But no - no matter what choice we have, we still rush from corner to corner, doubt and do not sleep at night - it's hard to sleep when it depends on your "yes" or "no" further development events. Of course, each case is unique and it is quite difficult to give general recommendations for those who do not know what to choose, but we will try to help you understand the situation and yourself so that you can take the decision-making process more calmly.
Get settled on new job or not? Try your luck in another city or stay in your own? Buy new shoes or save money for a vacation? These and other questions torment us daily. Moreover, the subject of choice does not have to be serious and life-defining in order to fill all our thoughts. We can worry equally strongly both because of insignificant trifles, and because of things on which our future depends. And, as a rule, we spend much more mental strength not on thinking about what choice to make, but on torment and torment about it. “Oh, if I knew what this or that decision of mine would entail,” you think doomedly, because you understand that you cannot open the veil of the mystery of the future. And you begin to worry even more, fearing that by saying “yes” where you should have said “no”, you will break everything once and for all. own life: “What if I regret it? What if I don't understand something? Maybe my friends who advise to agree are right, and not me, who is inclined to refuse? And you start to panic, you think that it would be better if this choice didn’t stand before you at all, let everything remain in its place and you wouldn’t worry so much ...
Relax! In this state, no person is capable of making a considered and balanced decision, and all your further actions rather, they will be dictated by emotions and excitement, but not by common sense.
Take a few deep breaths and exhale, open the window to let in the room Fresh air, which smells more and more of the approaching spring, and get ready to follow our advice. Perhaps today you will give yourself the answer to the question that torments you.
Get in a positive mood
First, let go of the fear of doing something wrong by saying to yourself: “Whatever decision I make, it will be right anyway, because this is my path and my choice. I will be able to cope with all the difficulties that arise along the way. I will be happy because I can finally start acting instead of just thinking and doubting. And believe me - all this is true, it will be so.
Explore perspective
When making a choice, you should have as much information about its subject as possible. For example, you doubt whether to move to a metropolis for permanent residence. Might be worth staying in hometown? Try to find out the advantages and disadvantages of both options. ask knowledgeable people average wages and rental prices in the city of dreams, and also consider whether you will spend more on moving than you can earn in the first months of living in a new place? Of course, long-term investments are good, but a smart businessman always considers possible risks.
Of course, long-term investments are good, but a smart businessman always considers possible risks.
trust your intuition
This method contradicts the one we will talk about later, but how many people - so many opinions, so choose (well, what is it, and here you have to choose!) What is closer to you. So, trust your intuition and ask yourself, “What decision will make me happy right now? What will make me feel confident and protected? You will see, the correct answer will come to mind. Further, of course, the mind will “finish” it, winding up a bunch of doubts and the usual “what if”, but you will, as they say, feel with your heart where you are drawn more.
Cold calculation
Well, here there is no question of any intuition, everything is decided by dry facts, but perhaps this is what you - excited and excited - just need right now. This method is probably familiar to you: you take a piece of paper, a pen and write down the pros and cons of each of the options, and then evaluate what is a serious drawback and what can be tolerated. The same applies to benefits: some of them will significantly change your life in better side, and others you wrote just for show. Check out the resulting diagram critical eye and you will see complete picture the situation. Sometimes only such cold calculation helps.
Take a piece of paper, a pen and write down the pros and cons of each of the options, and then evaluate what is a serious disadvantage and what can be tolerated.
Do not be afraid to make decisions that do not suit your family, friends and colleagues. If you feel that a particular choice will bring you more happiness than another one advocated by others, do as you see fit. To live with this is only for you, as, in principle, to be disappointed (if it suddenly happens) - you will also have to go it alone. But you will not blame others for pushing you to the wrong decision. You alone are responsible for your life.
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“When you have to make a choice,
and you don’t do it, that’s also a choice.”
William James
Every day a person has to make decisions make choices from several options. And this is not an easy task.
A person is constantly faced with choices - what to wear, what to eat, how to spend the day, and so on. Such choices are easy to make.
But what about more global solutions:
- When and where to go on vacation?
- Where to live? Buy a house or apartment?
- In which educational institution to enter?
- Stay at your current job or accept a tempting offer?
- With whom to connect your fate?
There are many such questions, each one has its own. And as soon as one problem is solved, a new one arises.
And almost every time this is accompanied by doubts, worries and postponing the decision until later.
Which option to resolve the issue to choose, and which to refuse? Whom to ask for advice and what advice to listen to? How harder essence question, the more difficult it is to make a choice.
In this article, you will learn how to learn how to make the right choice and what will help you not to hesitate and accept with confidence. wise decisions.
Your life is a reflection of your choices
A person's life is shaped by his values, deeds, decisions and actions.
See where you are now, where in your life path. What do you have and what is missing in your life. This is all the results of your elections.
It is the law of consequence by which your reality changes and builds.
Everything that is in your life, everything that happens in it is all you once created with your actions and choices.
A person is afraid of the future, because he does not know what awaits him ahead. He is afraid of the unknown.
As a result, a person turns down opportunities because of fears and insecurities, because of the fact that some kind of trouble awaits.
And only being in the “Here and Now” state, a person is able to calmly make a choice.
Advice to those who do not know how to listen to intuition, use this practice as often as possible, train on simple situations.
Remember the case when you were faced with the choice of something important, listened to your intuition, and it did not let you down. Over time, you realized that you made the right choice.
Remember that feeling when you made a decision. Let it be the benchmark.
It is better if you remember several such cases and practice for a start.
Are the feelings the same or different?
Perhaps the sensations will be different, but you will notice that they have something in common. This moment, this feeling, fix and remember.
When you are faced with the next choice, plunge into your feelings. How do you feel when you think about each option.
Compare the sensations with the reference. Is there any similarity with one of the options?
If there is, choose the option whose sensations are similar to the reference ones. If neither of the sensations is similar, then both options are not suitable.
These exercises will allow you to delve deeper into the situation, expand your consciousness and help you make an informed decision.
P.S. The film can be independently found on the Internet (the year of release of the film is 2016). We do not post links to third party resources.
