In the modern world, everything is towards independence and asking for help is considered wrong and even shameful. At the same time, we forget that mutual help brings people together, that it is help and support that distinguishes friend from foe. Why, in the modern world, asking for help is regarded as a sign of weakness?
Fear of asking for help comes from different reasons, for example, because of politeness, because of the fear of rejection, because of a sense of the importance of one's own person. But in the life of every person, situations inevitably arise when you can ask for help, and sometimes you even need to do it. And then half of the success depends on how correctly you ask for it. Here are some simple rules:
You need to ask for help in such a way that a person has the opportunity to refuse
You should not use the words: "Make it so", "I need it." You should also not be afraid to be refused help, and of course, in case of refusal, be offended by the refuser and not make scenes. Learn to accept rejection calmly, so you get rid of the fear of being rejected and gain inner confidence.
Your request must be clear and concise
Try to convey your request to the person as clearly as possible, and most importantly, the person must clearly understand what is required of him. You also need to quietly motivate him to help you, for example, offer some kind of service in return. Specify your request, whether you just need advice and participation, or material support. And understand the main thing: what you are asking for is primarily necessary for you, and not for someone else.
Before asking for help, consider whether you have chosen the right person
Does he have the opportunity to be of service to you? Of course, the more people you ask, the higher the chance of getting what you want, but asking everyone in a row is already unnecessary.
Don't forget to thank the person, even if they couldn't help you.
Thank him for taking his time. And if you did get help you need, emphasize how important and valuable the service and support you receive is.
And most importantly - often offer help yourself, do not refuse requests, if you can help
Who better than you to know how hard it is to ask for help and how much you need the support of a friend. A trifle for you can be a powerful support for someone. And in the future, good deeds will return to you a hundredfold.
You can apply these tips with your family, at work, with friends, with strangers, or use these techniques in client-service situations. So what do you need to do to get help?
1. Show that you tried to help yourself, but failed.
People are more likely to come to the rescue of someone who tried to solve the problem on their own before asking for help. (“I tried to google...”, “I tried to restart my computer...”) Keep the request concise and concise. Imagine that you are writing a list. Be specific.
It is not very pleasant to give advice and see that a person ignores it and does everything in his own way. People want to help those they have confidence in. Why else would they waste their time and effort on you? So when you get help from someone you plan to contact more than once in the future, make sure that he knows that you acted on his previous advice and appreciated them.
3. Schedule your request
Here is a personal example: my family loves to ask me to help them. That's why I put in place this policy - I only help from 7 to 8 pm every day. This way my working day is not disturbed and it is not too late to go to bed. This system works great and is suitable for everyone. If you don't know when is the best time to seek someone's help, ask the people you're reaching out for a deadline. Instead of saying, “I would like to ask you for help,” ask, “What is the best time for you to talk to me about this?”
4. Use foot-in-the-door or door-to-face techniques
These tactics are considered manipulation and should be used with caution. The Foot in the Door Technique - You make a small request that you know you won't be denied, and then immediately ask for something more serious. The door-to-face technique works in reverse. When a big request is denied, you immediately ask for a smaller favor that seems more reasonable than the previous request. In addition, the person feels guilty and tries to help now in a small favor.
Strangers are usually happy to lend a helping hand if asked.
For example, you ask a friend: “Could you give me a car ride to the center?” He says no. Then you continue: “And to the nearest subway?” This method is based on a socio-psychological phenomenon - people tend to make concessions and agree to an unattractive offer if it is made by them immediately after they refuse another, more burdensome request.
5. Don't let others guess if you need help
When making a request, make sure the person knows exactly what you want from them. For example, if you need your spouse to show you what to do, rather than just verbalize it, ask for that. There are times when you wish someone would spontaneously offer to help. For example, when you drag a heavy suitcase up the steps of the subway. But you can ask for help yourself. Don't be shy, the more often you practice this, the easier it will be to do it in the future.
I have a child and we often travel together. And I've found that strangers tend to be more than happy to lend a helping hand when asked. Sometimes strangers are too shy to offer help or are too busy thinking about what you need. Have you noticed that when we provide a service or do something good strangers it lifts our spirits. So by calling on someone for help, you are giving them the opportunity to become a little happier.
6. Use multiple channels
If you are calling a customer service company, you may need to try several options at once to get what you need. For example, use not only the phone, but also chat, messaging, face-to-face meeting and social media depending on the situation. If you are unable to get through immediately or get a comprehensive answer to your question, hang up and try talking to another representative or switching to a different customer service channel.
You Small child and absolutely no time to clean the house? You are studying at the university and you can't do it difficult task? Everyone has been in a situation where they would not refuse a little help. Alas, sometimes it is difficult for people to ask for help. Sometimes we are afraid of possible rejection or embarrassment. Don't worry! It is enough to understand what kind of help you need in order to make a polite request. Your loved ones will surely be happy to help you!
Steps
How to know what help you need
- go to the grocery store;
- take the kids to the dentist;
- walk the dog;
- overcome depression.
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Assess the importance of each need. Use ten-point scale. Score 10 points for the most important tasks and 1 point for the least important needs. This will make it easier for you to identify the most urgent cases. Ask for help with urgent concerns and work your way down the list. For example, depression often occurs after surgery. Rate this item a 10 because mental health affects your ability to care for your own needs.
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Make a list of people who can help. Asking for help is often inconvenient, but there are sure to be many people who will gladly help you out. Start with relatives and close friends, then think about the rest. Your list might look something like this:
- your partner;
- brothers and sisters;
- your children;
- best friend;
- your neighbors.
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Associate people with specific tasks. It's time to match the lists. Decide what request to make different people. If your sister is a psychotherapist, then ask how best to deal with depression. If your children are already teenagers, then they will be able to walk the dog. Ask your partner to take time off from work and take the kids to the dentist. Find out if your neighbor can buy some groceries when he goes to the store. Choose people according to their abilities and according to the nature of the relationship with you.
- This is called handing over cases. Delegate things to people you trust to reduce stress, especially during very stressful times.
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Remember, asking for help is correct and reasonable. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. In fact, such an act will show your courage. You cannot be helpful to others unless you ask for the help you need. It is also reasonable, because otherwise the situation will only worsen.
How to ask for help
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Choose the right moment. Do not ask a person for help when he is busy with something else. For example, don't ask your teacher to help you with your homework when he tries to start class. Don't go to your boss for advice when he's rushing to a meeting.
- If you don't know if this is the right time to make a request, ask, “I would like to ask you to help me. Are you comfortable talking now?”
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Make a request. In most cases, you need to make a request in order to get help. Sometimes people hesitate to take the initiative and offer their services. If you need something, then say so.
- For example, you are alone in unfamiliar city. If you are lost, then ask for directions. Go to the nearest store or ask the bus driver for the stop you need.
- Sometimes we feel like asking shows our vulnerability, but some degree of vulnerability helps us get the help we need. You should not be embarrassed, feel weak or insecure.
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Be specific. People can't read minds. Instead of saying “I need help,” state your need as precisely as possible. For example, instead of telling the teacher, “I don't understand anything. Can you help me?” say, “I don't understand how to solve the second equation. Could you take a similar example with me?”
- Don’t tell your partner “I need you to help me around the house more”, rather say: “Could you please take out the trash and put on the laundry?”
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Use positive language. Sometimes people want to complain. Some may use it like defense mechanism if they find it difficult to ask for help. Better express your thoughts in a positive way.
- Don't tell an employee, “I'm so busy! Could you cover for me at the meeting tonight?” So you can come to the conclusion that you are very busy, and your employee is chilling at work. It’s better to say: “Everyone is just a blockage now, but you are holding on better than me. Could you go to the meeting in my place in the evening so that I can finish the most urgent work?”
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Make a list of your needs. There is nothing surprising if a person is tired of an avalanche of duties and needs help. It will be easier for you to make a request if you know exactly what your needs are. For example, you recently had surgery and now need help with your normal activities. The list might look like this:
The content of the article:
Asking for help is a difficult thing for many of us to do. Partly due to the fact that modern world dictates the rules of independence and distrust, partly due to fears, upbringing or own beliefs. However, such life position is not always absolutely justified, because it makes you cope with everything, even small and insignificant things on your own. That is, do what you could not do.
Why are we afraid to ask for help?
The fear of asking for help can have a variety of roots. It can “sprout” from childhood, from personal negative experience, or be a consequence of personal attitudes. One way or another, this fear prevents us from making our lives easier by involving others in solving our problems.
The main factors preventing us from asking for help from others are:
- parenting costs. Like many other phobias, the fear of asking for help can be the result of parental attitudes. Some parents told them that it was shameful to ask someone for help - it was a sign of weakness. You have to deal with all your problems on your own. Others say that it is inconvenient because it burdens people and makes you dependent on them. The third is that it makes no sense to expect real help from someone.
- Call of Duty. An unwillingness to be dependent, indebted can also push for absolute independence. In this case, the person asking for help feels like a debtor. It weighs him down. Therefore, he tries in every possible way to avoid such a situation and not ask anyone for help. This fear is especially strong in relation to requests related to money.
- Fear of disturbing. Often the reason why we are afraid to ask for help is the belief that our request will cause anxiety and inconvenience to others. Therefore, the asker believes that he becomes a burden for others, causes them dissatisfaction and unwillingness to communicate in the future.
- . For some, asking for help becomes a real test due to negative experiences. Being in the role of a petitioner is not a very comfortable feeling in itself. And when you are denied help, the desire to seek it again drops sharply. Especially if, along with the refusal of a person, they also teach life.
- Unwillingness to be seen as a failure. Trusting someone to solve our problem can be hampered by the belief that in this way we demonstrate our failure. Such a person believes that the people around him will consider him a failure if he himself did not have the intelligence (skills, desire, experience, quick wit, patience, perseverance, etc.) to cope with the situation.
- Pride. This sin, condemned by the church, can significantly complicate a person's life, including in relation to trust in others. Arrogance, arrogance and arrogance simply do not allow their master to stoop to asking others for help.
- Imposed stereotypes. “Do not believe, do not be afraid, do not ask” - such attitudes can be found in songs, literary works, films. However, it must be remembered that the spectacularly negative principles of life that sound spectacular are just the thoughts of the authors - that is, people who also tend to make mistakes.
How to ask a man for help
It is well known that men are the strong sex, and women are the weak. That is, the first should help the second "by default". And women who have mastered the art of asking a man for help correctly can really afford to be weak without sacrificing quality of life.
Effective Ways get help from a man:
- The right way to ask a man for help. Forget the phrase "I myself." If a woman does not ask for anything, then she herself is able to solve all her problems. This is the impression that a man gets. A feeling of uselessness, unimportance arises and grows in him. And he is looking for the realization of his "talents" in other areas - stupid hobbies, bad habits Or even with another woman. Therefore, do not be afraid to ask a man for help, it forms in him masculine qualities instills in him confidence and a sense of need. And remember, this "works" with all men, not just your own.
- Choose the right tone. Learn to "frame" your request in soft, positive intonations. It is this approach that guarantees most likely that your request will be heard and fulfilled. A harsh tone, ultimatums and harsh tones in the voice "block" the perception of a man and cause a sharp unwillingness to obey you.
- Feel free to remind me of your request. Nature has limited a man in relation to the ability to perform several tasks at the same time and quickly switch from one type of activity to another, unlike a woman. Therefore, a husband already busy with something may simply not hear your request and, accordingly, not fulfill it. It is very important to remember this male features And don't be nervous if nothing happened the first time. You just need to periodically update it in the memory of a man. And if from such repetitions you really want to break into a scream or throw a tantrum, remind yourself that they are not like that. Well, they can't hear and do everything at the same time. In the case of a man, only repetition can bring results. Yes, and elementary human forgetfulness cannot be ruled out.
- State your request clearly. Men's thinking and perception differs from women's specifics. Therefore, men do not understand women's hints or do not understand them the way a woman wants. In order not to be disappointed by the opposite result, correctly and clearly voice your request to the man.
- Don't overwhelm yourself with too many tasks. If you want to puzzle a man with several requests at once (vacuum the apartment, take out the trash, go to the store, pick up the children from kindergarten etc.), remember that it is very difficult for him to switch quickly. He is single-tasked. Therefore, from the entire list of cases proposed to him, he, most likely, will remember according to the Stirlitz method and do only the first or only the last. So break the daily "norm" into stages and voice them in turn: completed the first stage - received gratitude and the next task.
- Do not interfere with your request. Before you set a task for a man, decide for yourself whether you are ready for the fact that it will not be completed immediately. You should not expect an instant response from a man to his request: firstly, he may not hear you, and secondly, his “design” of the brain requires sufficient time to process information. Therefore, if the matter is urgent and feasible, it may be better to do it yourself and not disturb your missus. If the task does not require urgent completion, ask for help, remind about it, but do not back down and do it yourself.
- Don't be afraid of rejection. The main difference between a request and an order: in the first case, refusal is possible, in the second - no. Therefore, learn to accept refusal calmly, without ultimatums, resentment, tantrums and threats. Moreover, the “no” expressed by a man, with the right approach, can be transformed into a “yes” over time. So a request made softly and unobtrusively “on repeat” can still bring results.
- Be sure to thank you for your help.. To motivate a man to further "exploits" in the name of you and your joint good, be sure to complete the cycle of help sincere gratitude. Fulfilled your hero's request - received praise. Regardless of the scale of the work done, celebrate both the removal of garbage and the purchase of a fur coat with rewards. Be sure that your every praise will act on your man like a dope, which will give him the strength to fulfill your next request.
- Train. Learn to ask men for help - they need it as much as you do. Even strangers and strangers. Start with the little things: show the way on the street, help choose goods in the store, carry a heavy bag of groceries to the house, suggest how to choose the right mode on the treadmill in the gym.
Important! Love yourself, allow yourself to desire and receive what you want, including help. It is such a flame that lives inside a woman that ignites a man.
General rules for a successful request for help
The ability to ask for help should not be seen as a way to shift your problems onto others or an opportunity to become a debtor. On the contrary, it can greatly facilitate our lives and save us from possible failures and disappointments. After all, there is no such person who would know and be able to absolutely everything. Therefore, you need to ask for help, and so that you are not denied help, you should do it right. To do this, it is enough to know a few important rules.
Politeness is not only for kings
To create the right atmosphere for your request to be received, express it politely, honestly, and openly. Do not manipulate the person you are going to ask for help, showing with all your appearance what will happen if he refuses you. Do not veil your desire under any pretext or cliché.
Say exactly what you want from your assistant. Choose a calm, friendly tone for this, keeping it even in case of refusal. Remember that the commanding tone or imperative intonations in the voice in most cases cause a feeling of rejection and resistance. But sincerity and goodwill open many doors.
Accuracy and clarity - a guarantee of success
Another important rule how to ask for help correctly - express your request clearly and specifically. Because the uncertainty in the request creates uncertainty in its implementation. Therefore, if you ask for a loan, name a specific amount and specific conditions for its return.
If you want to get a raise in salary - be prepared to call desired size rates. You need assistance or patronage - explain what kind of assistance you need, when and how much. You are looking for business support - prepare convincing facts of the success of your project (details, plans, predicted results).
Start the conversation correctly: without long introductions and prefaces about why you decided to ask for help. They only irritate the interlocutor and give him time to formulate a refusal. Therefore, start the conversation with the fact that you need his help (precisely help) as a competent (successful, lucky, experienced) person in your question, not forgetting the word “please”.
Then, through a simple phrase “because,” state the motive for your request. Say it confidently and convincingly so that he does not doubt that this is very important to you. This approach immediately sets your counterpart in a serious mood and encourages you to really help you to the best of your ability.
Knock and it will be opened to you
Such an approach, firstly, will significantly increase the chance of receiving this assistance, and secondly, it will not burden a person and will not put him in an uncomfortable position, since he has the resources to provide it.
Interest the interlocutor: it is natural for a person to give preference to what is interesting to him. And if your request falls into the category of interest to the one you are asking about it, he will be more willing to help.
If you have made a promise that they will help you, but this does not happen, you should not wait for the promised three years. Remind yourself, because your request could simply be forgotten or, for some reason, postponed. Feel free to ask again.
At the same time, if you bring creativity and ingenuity into your requests, the chance of a positive result will increase significantly. However, if your perseverance does not bring results and the person does not fulfill the promise, feel free to cross him out of the list of trustworthy people for yourself and seek help from others.
If your request is not limited to one performer, ask for help from several people at once.
A request is not an order or a duty.
Be prepared for your request for help to go unanswered. Your interlocutor may have a lot of reasons for refusal: from banal laziness or antipathy to a real lack of opportunity to help. Or maybe you yourself once refused to help this person. But this does not mean that he will not change his mind or someone else will not help you. After all, you are not the first and not the last to be rejected.
Even if you get rejected, there is a way to try to benefit from this situation. Ask who you can contact with such a request. Very often, in order to pay off the unpleasant aftertaste from his refusal to help, the interlocutor can redirect you to the right person.
To help fulfill your request to materialize, voice it with full confidence that you will be helped. But at the same time, you are absolutely ready for failure. Try your best to drive away the negativity. Before asking for help, block out any thoughts and fantasies about how and why you were refused and what sad consequences await you.
On the contrary, imagine how your interlocutor happily fulfills your request and what positive changes are taking place in your life. Play this clip in your head until you feel inner confidence in your actions. And go ask for help.
Perseverance makes the impossible possible
Be optimistic even in case of refusal: ask again, ask from others, ask differently. Moreover, many things can influence the decision to change “anger to mercy”: good mood, a positive event in life, convergence of interests, new details in your business or first successes. It is important not to miss this moment.
Remember the childish spontaneity in an effort to get what you want - the child is not ashamed to ask many times. And often gets what he asks for. Moreover, your request may remain unfulfilled unintentionally: it was not heard, not seen (if it is a letter, SMS or message on email), misunderstood or simply forgotten in the confusion. Remember, to remind you of an important request for you is not obsession, but perseverance.
An affectionate word and a cat is pleased
Expressed sincerely and in time gratitude for many people replaces any benefit. It is an indicator that the merits, skills, human qualities human beings are recognized and appreciated. A grateful person has every chance that they will definitely help him the next time he asks for help.
Here the rule of reverse action works: where there is gratitude, there is help. Therefore, being grateful even in case of refusal is a very important rule for a successful request for help.
As gratitude (if desired and if possible), you can use not only the verbal form, but also more specific ways - mutual benefit, reciprocal service, cooperation, etc.
How to ask for help - look at the video:
Learning how to ask for help is very important and necessary. But it is equally important to help and support other people. This is how a harmonious "mutual responsibility" is created, which brings positive and comfort into our lives and the lives of the people around us.
Hello my friends! 
In this article, I decided to touch on a very important topic - whether to ask for help and how to do it. The point is that in Lately I have come across a situation where this issue has been raised several times. And I realized that a lot of people completely misunderstand this topic. And so the idea for this article was born.
Should I ask for help?
This question is answered in different ways. And opinions here diverge literally to polar opposites. Some people believe that there is nothing wrong with asking for help and accepting it. Others, on the contrary, believe that by asking for help, they show their weakness, fall into a dependent position and then they will still have to, because nothing in this world is given just like that.
Let's take a closer look at this important issue.
Yes, indeed, by asking for help, you show that you know and can do far from everything. And here the question of your attitude to this situation comes to the fore. Those people who calmly ask for help perceive that they do not know everything and can, calmly and reasonably - well, judge for yourself, because not a single person can know and be able to EVERYTHING!
But those for whom it is difficult to ask for help are subconsciously tuned to the fact that if you cannot do something yourself, then you are not good enough. This position is also ambiguous - on the one hand, it can serve as an incentive for development (to learn, learn something new, improve), and on the other hand, it can become a reason for low (I don’t know how, I don’t know).
But in any case, such a subconscious attitude (if you can’t do something, then you’re not good enough) is inherently wrong. Each person is unique and valuable in itself, regardless of their skills and knowledge. And you have to learn to separate yourself main value for yourself in this world) and your knowledge, skills, resources, etc. It's not the same! You are not your ability or inability to cook porridge or drive a car. Please remember this!
So, if you are one of those people who find it difficult to ask for help precisely because they feel not "cool" enough, I suggest that every time you have such situations, be aware and look at everything it is logical - you are not God, to be able and know everything. So you are not at all ashamed not to understand some issues. Feel free to take it for granted.
The unwillingness to ask for help speaks of (“They won’t wait!”), (“You can’t show that I can’t do it, otherwise they will stop respecting me” (love, etc.). In principle, we can say that situations where you need to ask for help, how litmus test show your complexes, etc. Track them, "catch" with help and work on them.You can and should benefit from any situation for yourself!
Why is it important to ask for help?
Asking for help is important and necessary not only in order to get this specific help from a specific person. By voicing your request, you formulate a kind of request from the Universe to get what you want. And even if special person right now you will be denied help, the Universe has heard you. Therefore, such situations often occur when you were refused in one place, and suddenly “unexpectedly, unexpectedly” help came from somewhere else.
And here we come to a very important issue, for which I, in fact, 
and I am writing this article - an appeal for help to higher powers. The fact is that often we do not even remember that we can ask the Universe, our angels, even our ancestors for help (there is a huge power in our Family!). We are struggling with some task, we are exhausted in difficult situation, we fall into despair when problems pile up ... But very, very often we continue to be in the state of “I have to deal with this!” without remembering that we are not alone and are not abandoned without support in this world!
The most important thing, which you need to know (and having learned which, I was just taken aback - it explains so much !!!) is that higher power CANNOT give us help if we DID NOT ASK for it!!! The fact is that an unshakable rule applies here - the will of a person is inviolable for higher powers. They have no right to interfere in our lives without our permission. And even if our angels see how we suffer and suffer (moreover, this causes suffering to them too!), they cannot begin to help us until we ask - that is, until we give permission to interfere in this way in our lives!
When I learned about this, a lot of things became clear to me. That is why it so often happens that people find themselves as if “abandoned” by God (as they themselves think), left without help - they simply do not allow them to help - they do not ask for it!
People who communicate with higher powers (channelers) say that our angels really want to help us, they are ready to do it every second! However, we ourselves do not give them such an opportunity! Moreover, angels become stronger the more often they are asked for help! They love to help, it's a pleasure for them! Therefore, our beliefs, such as that we should not often disturb the higher powers with our requests, are incorrect.
No wonder it is said “Ask, and it will be given to you!”. Because only by identifying our need for help, we can get this help. And please remember one simple thing- NOT A SINGLE request for help goes unnoticed by the Universe! And no request for help goes unanswered!
So ask and accept help. And you will see how much easier and more joyful your life can be when you allow yourself to receive help!
Your Ekaterina
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