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    • A little funny story. Children's literature

    23.04.2019

    Short story with a lot of meaning is much easier for a child to master than a long piece with several themes. Start reading with simple sketches and move on to more serious books. (Vasily Sukhomlinsky)

    Ingratitude

    Grandfather Andrey invited his grandson Matvey to visit. The grandfather put a large bowl of honey in front of his grandson, put white rolls, invites:
    - Eat, Matveyka, honey. If you want, eat honey with rolls with a spoon, if you want - rolls with honey.
    Matvey ate honey with rolls, then - rolls with honey. I ate so much that it became difficult to breathe. He wiped his sweat, sighed and asked:
    - Tell me, please, grandfather, what kind of honey is it - lime or buckwheat?
    - And what? - Grandfather Andrei was surprised. - I treated you with buckwheat honey, granddaughters.
    “Linden honey is still tastier,” said Matvey and yawned: after a plentiful meal, he felt sleepy.
    Pain squeezed the heart of grandfather Andrei. He was silent. And the grandson continued to ask:
    - And the flour for rolls - from spring or winter wheat? Grandfather Andrei turned pale. His heart clenched with unbearable pain.
    It became hard to breathe. He closed his eyes and groaned.


    Why say "thank you"?

    Two people were walking along the forest road - grandfather and a boy. It was hot, they wanted to drink.
    The travelers came to a stream. Cool water gurgled softly. They leaned over and got drunk.
    “Thank you, stream,” Grandpa said. The boy laughed.
    - Why did you say "thank you" to the stream? he asked his grandfather. - After all, the stream is not alive, will not hear your words, will not understand your gratitude.
    - This is true. If the wolf got drunk, he would not say “thank you”. And we are not wolves, we are people. Do you know why a person says "thank you"?
    Think who needs this word?
    The boy thought. He had plenty of time. The road was long...

    Martin

    The mother swallow taught the chick to fly. The chick was very small. He clumsily and helplessly waved his weak wings. Unable to stay in the air, the chick fell to the ground and was badly hurt. He lay motionless and squealed plaintively. The mother swallow was very alarmed. She circled over the chick, screaming loudly and did not know how to help him.
    The little girl picked up the chick and put it in a wooden box. And she put the box with the chick on the tree.
    The swallow took care of her chick. She brought him food daily, fed him.
    The chick began to recover quickly and was already chirping merrily and cheerfully waving its strengthened wings.
    The old red cat wanted to eat the chick. He quietly crept up, climbed a tree and was already at the very box. But at this time the swallow flew off the branch and began to fly boldly in front of the very nose of the cat. The cat rushed after her, but the swallow deftly dodged, and the cat missed and slammed to the ground with all his might.
    Soon the chick completely recovered and the swallow, with a joyful chirping, took him to his native nest under the neighboring roof.

    Evgeny Permyak

    How Misha wanted to outsmart his mother

    Misha's mother came home after work and threw up her hands:
    - How did you, Mishenka, manage to break off the wheel of a bicycle?
    - It, mother, broke off by itself.
    - And why is your shirt torn, Mishenka?
    - Mommy, she broke herself.
    - And where did your second shoe go? Where did you lose it?
    - He, mother, lost himself somewhere.
    Then Misha's mother said:
    - How bad they are! They, the scoundrels, need to teach a lesson!
    - But as? Misha asked.
    “Very simple,” Mom replied. - If they have learned to break themselves, tear themselves apart and get lost on their own, let them learn to repair themselves, sew themselves up, stay on their own. And you and I, Misha, will sit at home and wait until they do all this.
    Misha sat down by the broken bicycle, in a torn shirt, without a shoe, and thought hard. Apparently, this boy had something to think about.

    Short story "Ah!"

    Nadia didn't know how to do anything. Grandmother Nadya dressed, put on shoes, washed, combed her hair.
    Mom Nadya was fed from a cup, fed from a spoon, laid to sleep, lulled.
    Nadia heard about the kindergarten. It's fun for friends to play there. They dance. They sing. They listen to stories. Good for kids kindergarten. And Nadenka would have been fine there, but they didn't take her there. Not accepted!
    Oh!
    Nadia cried. Mom cried. Grandma cried.
    - Why didn't you take Nadya to kindergarten?
    And in kindergarten they say:
    How can we accept her when she can't do anything.
    Oh!
    Grandma caught on, mom caught on. And Nadia caught on. Nadia began to dress herself, put on her own shoes, wash herself, eat, drink, comb her hair, and go to bed.
    As they found out about this in kindergarten, they themselves came for Nadia. They came and took her to the kindergarten, dressed, shod, washed, combed.
    Oh!

    Nikolai Nosov


    steps

    One day Petya was returning from kindergarten. That day he learned to count to ten. He reached his house, and his younger sister Valya is already waiting at the gate.
    “I already know how to count!” Petya boasted. - I learned in kindergarten. Look how I now count all the steps on the stairs.
    They began to climb the stairs, and Petya loudly counted the steps:

    - Well, why did you stop? Valya asks.
    “Wait, I forgot which step is next. I will remember now.
    “Well, remember,” says Valya.
    They stood on the stairs, they stood. Petya says:
    - No, I can't remember that. Well, let's start over.
    They went down the stairs. They started going up again.
    “One,” says Petya, “two, three, four, five… And he stopped again.
    - Forgot again? Valya asks.
    - Forgot! How is it! I just remembered and suddenly forgot! Well, let's try again.
    They went down the stairs again, and Petya started over:
    One, two, three, four, five...
    “Maybe twenty-five?” Valya asks.
    - Not really! You just stop thinking! You see, I forgot because of you! Will have to start over again.
    I don't want to at first! Valya says. - What it is? Up, then down, then up, then down! My legs already hurt.
    “If you don’t want to, don’t,” Petya answered. “I won’t go any further until I remember.”
    Valya went home and said to her mother:
    - Mom, there Petya counts steps on the stairs: one, two, three, four, five, but then he doesn’t remember.
    “And then six,” Mom said.
    Valya ran back to the stairs, and Petya kept counting the steps:
    One, two, three, four, five...
    - Six! Valya whispers. - Six! Six!
    - Six! Petya was delighted and went on. - Seven eight nine ten.
    It’s good that the stairs ended, otherwise he would never have reached the house, because he only learned to count up to ten.

    Slide

    The children built a snow hill in the yard. They poured water on her and went home. The cat didn't work. He was sitting at home, looking out the window. When the guys left, Kotka put on his skates and went up the hill. Teal skates in the snow, but can't get up. What to do? Kotka took the box of sand and sprinkled it on the hill. The guys came running. How to ride now? The guys were offended by Kotka and forced him to cover the sand with snow. Kotka untied his skates and began to cover the hill with snow, and the guys poured water over it again. Kotka also made steps.

    Nina Pavlova

    The little mouse got lost

    The mother gave the forest mouse a wheel made of dandelion stem and said:
    - Come on, play, ride near the house.
    - Pip pip pip! the mouse shouted. - I will play, I will ride!
    And rolled the wheel down the path. I rolled it, rolled it, and played so much that I did not notice how I found myself in a strange place. Last year's linden nuts were lying on the ground, and above, behind the carved leaves, a completely foreign place! The mouse is quiet. Then, so that it would not be so scary, he put his wheel on the ground, and he sat in the middle. Sitting and thinking
    “Mom said: “Ride near the house.” And where is now near the house?
    But then he saw that the grass trembled in one place and a frog jumped out.
    - Pip pip pip! the mouse shouted. - Tell me, frog, where is near the house, where is my mother?
    Fortunately, the frog knew just that and answered:
    - Run straight and straight under these flowers. Meet the newt. He has just crawled out from under the stone, lies and breathes, is about to crawl into the pond. From the newt, turn left and run along the path all straight and straight. You will meet a white butterfly. She sits on a blade of grass and waits for someone. From the white butterfly, turn left again and then shout to your mother, she will hear.
    - Thank you! - said the mouse.
    He picked up his wheel and rolled it between the stems, under the bowls of white and yellow anemone flowers. But the wheel soon became stubborn: it would hit one stalk, then another, then it would get stuck, then it would fall. And the mouse did not back down, pushed him, pulled him, and finally rolled out onto the path.
    Then he remembered the newt. After all, the newt never met! And he did not meet because he had already managed to crawl into the pond while the little mouse was fiddling with his wheel. So the mouse did not know where he needed to turn left.
    And again he rolled his wheel at random. Rolled up to the tall grass. And again, grief: the wheel got tangled in it - and neither back nor forward!
    Barely managed to get him out. And then only the mouse remembered the white butterfly. After all, she never met.
    And the white butterfly sat, sat on a blade of grass and flew away. So the little mouse did not know where he needed to turn left again.
    Fortunately, the mouse met a bee. She flew to the flowers of red currant.
    - Pip pip pip! the mouse shouted. - Tell me, bee, where is near the house, where is my mother?
    And the bee just knew this and answered:
    - Run downhill now. You will see - in the lowland something turns yellow. It's as if the tables are covered with patterned tablecloths, and on them are yellow cups. This is a spleen, such a flower. From the spleen go uphill. You will see flowers radiant like the sun and next to them - on long legs - fluffy white balls. This is a coltsfoot flower. Turn right from him and then shout to your mother, she will hear.
    - Thank you! the mouse said...
    Where to run now? And it was already getting dark, and no one could be seen around! The mouse sat down under a leaf and cried. And he cried so loudly that his mother heard him and came running. How happy he was for her! And she even more: she didn’t even hope that her son was alive. And they merrily ran side by side home.

    Valentina Oseeva

    Button

    Tanya's button came off. Tanya sewed it to her blouse for a long time.
    “Well, grandmother,” she asked, “do all boys and girls know how to sew on their buttons?”
    - I really don’t know, Tanyusha; both boys and girls know how to tear off buttons, but grandmothers get more and more to sew on.
    - That's how! Tanya said offended. - And you made me, as if you yourself were not a grandmother!

    Three comrades

    Vitya lost his breakfast. At the big break, all the guys had breakfast, and Vitya stood on the sidelines.
    - Why do not you eat? Kolya asked him.
    Lost breakfast...
    - Bad, - said Kolya, biting off a large piece of white bread. - It's still a long way to lunch!
    - Where did you lose it? Misha asked.
    - I don't know... - Vitya said quietly and turned away.
    - You probably carried it in your pocket, but you need to put it in your bag, - said Misha. But Volodya did not ask anything. He went up to Vita, broke a piece of bread and butter in half and handed it to his comrade:
    - Take it, eat it!

    Current page: 1 (total book has 3 pages) [available reading excerpt: 1 pages]

    Edward Uspensky
    Funny stories for kids

    © Uspensky E. N., 2013

    © Ill., Oleinikov I. Yu., 2013

    © Ill., Pavlova K. A., 2013

    © LLC AST Publishing House, 2015

    * * *

    About the boy Yasha

    How the boy Yasha climbed everywhere

    The boy Yasha always liked to climb everywhere and climb into everything. As soon as some suitcase or box was brought, Yasha immediately found himself in it.

    And he climbed into all sorts of bags. And in closets. And under the tables.

    Mom often said:

    - I'm afraid, I'll come with him to the post office, he will get into some empty parcel, and he will be sent to Kyzyl-Orda.

    He got very good for it.

    And then Yasha took a new fashion - he began to fall from everywhere. When it was distributed in the house:

    - Eh! - everyone understood that Yasha had fallen from somewhere. And the louder the “uh” was, the greater was the height from which Yasha flew. For example, mother hears:

    - Eh! - so it's no big deal. This Yasha just fell off the stool.

    If you hear:

    - Eee! - so it's a very serious matter. It was Yasha who plopped down from the table. I need to go and look at his bumps. And on a visit, Yasha climbed everywhere, and even tried to climb on the shelves in the store.



    One day my dad said:

    - Yasha, if you climb somewhere else, I don’t know what I will do with you. I'll tie you to the vacuum cleaner with ropes. And you will walk everywhere with a vacuum cleaner. And you will go to the store with your mother with a vacuum cleaner, and in the yard you will play in the sand tied to the vacuum cleaner.

    Yasha was so frightened that after these words he did not climb anywhere for half a day.

    And then, nevertheless, he climbed onto the table with his dad and crashed together with the phone. Dad took it and actually tied it to a vacuum cleaner.

    Yasha walks around the house, and the vacuum cleaner follows him like a dog. And he goes to the store with his mother with a vacuum cleaner, and plays in the yard. Very uncomfortable. Neither you climb the fence, nor ride a bicycle.

    But Yasha learned to turn on the vacuum cleaner. Now instead of "uh" constantly began to be heard "uu".

    As soon as mom sits down to knit socks for Yasha, when all of a sudden all over the house - "oooooo." Mom is jumping up and down.

    We decided to make a good deal. Yasha was untied from the vacuum cleaner. And he promised not to climb anywhere else. Papa said:

    - This time, Yasha, I will be stricter. I'll tie you to a stool. And I'll nail the stool to the floor with nails. And you will live with a stool, like a dog in a booth.

    Yasha was very afraid of such a punishment.

    But just then a very wonderful case turned up - they bought a new wardrobe.

    First, Yasha climbed into the closet. He sat in the closet for a long time, banging his forehead against the walls. This is an interesting thing. Then he got bored and got out.

    He decided to climb into the closet.

    Yasha moved the dining table to the closet and climbed on it. But he did not reach the top of the cabinet.

    Then he put a light chair on the table. He climbed onto the table, then onto a chair, then onto the back of a chair, and began to climb onto the closet. Already half gone.

    And then the chair slipped out from under his foot and fell to the floor. But Yasha remained half on the closet, half in the air.

    Somehow he climbed onto the closet and fell silent. Try telling your mom

    - Oh, mom, I'm sitting on the closet!

    Mom will immediately transfer him to a stool. And he will live like a dog all his life near a stool.




    Here he sits and is silent. Five minutes, ten minutes, five more minutes. All in all, whole month almost. And Yasha slowly began to cry.

    And mom hears: Yasha can’t hear something.

    And if Yasha is not heard, then Yasha is doing something wrong. Either he chews matches, or he climbed into the aquarium up to his knees, or he draws Cheburashka on his father's papers.

    Mom became in different places glance. And in the closet, and in the nursery, and in my father's office. And everything is in order: dad works, the clock is ticking. And if there is order everywhere, then something difficult must have happened to Yasha. Something extraordinary.

    Mom screams:

    - Yasha, where are you?

    Yasha is silent.

    - Yasha, where are you?

    Yasha is silent.

    Then my mother began to think. He sees a chair on the floor. He sees that the table is not in place. He sees - Yasha is sitting on the closet.

    Mom asks:

    - Well, Yasha, are you going to sit on the closet all your life or will we get down?

    Yasha doesn't want to go down. He is afraid that he will be tied to a stool.

    He says:

    - I won't get down.

    Mom says:

    - Okay, let's live on the closet. Now I'll bring you lunch.

    She brought Yasha soup in a bowl, a spoon and bread, and a small table and a stool.




    Yasha had lunch on the cupboard.

    Then his mother brought him a pot on the closet. Yasha was sitting on the potty.

    And in order to wipe his ass, my mother had to get up on the table herself.

    At this time, two boys came to visit Yasha.

    Mom asks:

    - Well, should you give Kolya and Vitya a closet?

    Yasha says:

    - Submit.

    And then dad couldn’t stand it from his office:

    - Now I myself will come to visit him on the closet. Yes, not one, but with a strap. Remove it from the cabinet immediately.

    They took Yasha out of the closet, and he says:

    - Mom, I didn’t get off because I’m afraid of stools. My dad promised to tie me to a stool.

    “Oh, Yasha,” says mom, “you are still small. You don't understand jokes. Go play with the guys.

    And Yasha understood jokes.

    But he also understood that dad did not like to joke.

    He can easily tie Yasha to a stool. And Yasha did not climb anywhere else.

    How the boy Yasha ate badly

    Yasha was good to everyone, he just ate badly. All the time with concerts. Either mom sings to him, or dad shows tricks. And he gets along:

    - Don't want.

    Mom says:

    - Yasha, eat porridge.

    - Don't want.

    Papa says:

    - Yasha, drink juice!

    - Don't want.

    Mom and dad got tired of persuading him every time. And then my mother read in one scientific pedagogical book that children should not be persuaded to eat. It is necessary to put a plate of porridge in front of them and wait for them to get hungry and eat everything.

    They put, put plates in front of Yasha, but he does not eat and does not eat anything. He doesn't eat meatballs, soup, or porridge. He became thin and dead, like a straw.

    - Yasha, eat porridge!

    - Don't want.

    - Yasha, eat soup!

    - Don't want.

    Previously, his pants were hard to fasten, but now he dangled completely freely in them. It was possible to launch another Yasha into these pants.

    And then one day a strong wind blew.

    And Yasha played on the site. He was very light, and the wind rolled him around the site. Rolled up to the wire mesh fence. And there Yasha got stuck.

    So he sat, pressed against the fence by the wind, for an hour.

    Mom calls:

    - Yasha, where are you? Go home with the soup to suffer.



    But he doesn't go. He is not even heard. He not only became dead himself, but his voice became dead. Nothing is heard that he squeaks there.

    And he squeaks:

    - Mom, take me away from the fence!



    Mom began to worry - where did Yasha go? Where to look for it? Yasha is not seen and not heard.

    Dad said this:

    - I think our Yasha was rolled away somewhere by the wind. Come on, mom, we'll take the pot of soup out onto the porch. The wind will blow and the smell of soup will bring to Yasha. On this delicious smell, he will crawl.

    So they did. They carried the pot of soup out onto the porch. The wind carried the smell to Yasha.

    Yasha, how he smelled delicious soup, immediately crawled to the smell. Because he was cold, he lost a lot of strength.

    He crawled, crawled, crawled for half an hour. But he reached his goal. He came to the kitchen to his mother and how he immediately eats a whole pot of soup! How to eat three cutlets at once! How to drink three glasses of compote!

    Mom was amazed. She didn't even know whether to be happy or upset. She says:

    - Yasha, if you eat like this every day, I won’t have enough food.

    Yasha reassured her:

    – No, Mom, I don’t eat so much every day. I correct past mistakes. I bubu, like all children, eat well. I'm a completely different boy.

    I wanted to say "I will", but he got "boob". Do you know why? Because his mouth was full of apples. He couldn't stop.

    Since then, Yasha has been eating well.


    Cook boy Yasha stuffed everything into his mouth

    The boy Yasha had such a strange habit: whatever he sees, he immediately drags it into his mouth. He sees a button - in his mouth. He sees dirty money - in his mouth. He sees a nut lying on the ground - he also tries to stuff it into his mouth.

    - Yasha, this is very harmful! Well, spit out this piece of iron.

    Yasha argues, does not want to spit it out. He has to force it all out of his mouth. Houses began to hide everything from Yasha.

    And buttons, and thimbles, and small toys, and even lighters. There is simply nothing to put in a person's mouth.

    And what about on the street? You can't clean everything on the street ...

    And when Yasha comes, dad takes tweezers and takes everything out of Yasha's mouth:

    - A button from a coat - one.

    - Beer cork - two.

    - A chrome-plated screw from a Volvo car - three.

    One day my dad said:

    - All. We will treat Yasha, we will save Yasha. We'll cover his mouth with adhesive tape.

    And they really began to do so. Yasha is going out into the street - they will put on a coat on him, tie his shoes, and then they shout:

    - And where did the adhesive plaster go?

    When the band-aid is found, they will glue such a strip to Yasha on half a face - and walk as much as you want. You can't put anything in your mouth anymore. Very comfortably.



    Only for parents, not for Yasha.

    What about Yasha? The children ask him:

    - Yasha, are you going to swing?

    Yasha says:

    - On what swing, Yasha, on a rope or wooden one?

    Yasha wants to say: “Of course, on ropes. What am I, a fool?

    And he gets:

    - Boo-boo-boo-boo. For bubah?

    - What, what? the children ask.

    - For bubah? - says Yasha and runs to the ropes.



    One girl, very pretty, with a runny nose, Nastya asked Yasha:

    - Yafa, Yafenka, will you come to me for a birth day?

    He wanted to say: "I'll come, of course."

    But he replied:

    - Boo-boo-boo, bonefno.

    Nastya how to cry:

    - Is he teasing Fego?



    And Yasha was left without Nastya's birthday.

    And they gave me ice cream.

    But Yasha never brought home any more buttons, nuts, or empty perfume bottles.

    Once Yasha came from the street and firmly told his mother:

    - Baba, by bobo not bubu!

    And although Yasha had a band-aid on his mouth, his mother understood everything.

    And you guys understood everything he said too. Is it true?

    As a boy, Yasha ran in stores all the time

    When mother came to the store with Yasha, she usually held Yasha by the hand. And Yasha got out all the time.

    At first, it was easy for mother to hold Yasha.

    She had free hands. But when she had purchases in her hands, Yasha got out more and more.

    And when he got out completely, he began to run around the store. First across the store, then along, farther and farther.

    Mom caught him all the time.

    But one day my mother's hands were completely occupied. She bought fish, beets and bread. It was then that Yasha ran away. And how it will crash into one old woman! Grandma sat down.

    And my grandmother had a half-rag suitcase with potatoes in her hands. How the suitcase will open! How the potatoes crumble! They began to collect her whole store for her grandmother and put them in a suitcase. And Yasha also began to bring potatoes.

    One uncle was very sorry for the old woman, he put an orange in her suitcase. Huge as a watermelon.

    And Yasha felt embarrassed that he put his grandmother on the floor, he put his toy gun in her suitcase, the most expensive one.

    The gun was a toy, but just like a real one. From it, you could even kill anyone you want for real. Only pretend. Yasha never parted with him. He even slept with this gun.

    In general, the grandmother was saved by all the people. And she went somewhere.

    Mom Yasha raised for a long time. She said he would kill my mother. That mom is ashamed to look people in the eye. And Yasha promised not to run like that again. And they went to another store for sour cream. Only Yasha's promises did not last long in Yasha's head. And he started running again.



    A little at first, then more and more. And it must happen that the old woman came to the same store for margarine. She walked slowly and did not immediately appear there.

    As soon as she appeared, Yasha immediately ran into her.

    The old woman did not even have time to gasp, as she was again on the floor. And everything fell apart from her suitcase again.

    Then the grandmother began to swear strongly:

    - What kind of children are gone! You can't go to any store! They jump on you right away. I never ran like this when I was little. If I had a gun, I would shoot such children!

    And everyone sees that the grandmother really has a gun in her hands. Totally, completely real.

    The senior salesman how to scream at the whole store:

    - Lie down!

    That's how they all went down.

    The senior salesman, lying down, continues:

    - Do not worry, citizens, I have already called the police with a button. Soon this saboteur will be arrested.



    Mom says to Yasha:

    - Come on, Yasha, let's crawl out of here quietly. This grandmother is too dangerous.

    Yasha says:

    She's not at all dangerous. This is my pistol. I put it in her suitcase last time. Do not be afraid.

    Mom says:

    So this is your gun? Then you need to be more afraid. Do not crawl, but run away from here! Because now it’s not the police who will fly into the grandmother, but us. And at my age, I just didn’t have enough to get into the police. And yes, they will take note of you. Now with crime strictly.

    They quietly disappeared from the store.

    But after this incident, Yasha never ran in stores. I didn't dangle from corner to corner like crazy. On the contrary, he helped his mother. Mom gave him the biggest bag.



    And once Yasha saw this grandmother with a suitcase again in the store. He even rejoiced. He said:

    - Look, mom, this grandmother has already been released!

    How the boy Yasha with one girl decorated themselves

    Once Yasha and his mother came to visit another mother. And this mother had a daughter, Marina. The same age as Yasha, only older.

    Yasha's mother and Marina's mother got down to business. They drank tea, changed children's clothes. And the girl Marina Yasha called into the hallway. And says:

    - Come on, Yasha, play at the hairdresser's. To a beauty salon.

    Yasha immediately agreed. He, when he heard the word "play", he threw everything: and porridge, and books, and a broom. He even broke away from cartoon films if he needed to play. And he never even played at the hairdresser's.

    So he immediately agreed:

    She and Marina installed daddy's swivel chair, near the mirror, and sat Yasha on it. Marina brought a white pillowcase, wrapped Yasha with a pillowcase and said:

    - How to cut your hair? Leave the temples?

    Yasha says:

    - Of course, leave. And you can not leave.

    Marina got down to business. With large scissors, she cut off everything superfluous from Yasha, leaving only the temples and tufts of hair that were not cut off. Yasha became like a tattered pillow.

    - Refresh you? Marina asks.

    Refresh, says Yasha. Although he is so fresh, still quite young.

    Marina cold water she took it into her mouth as she sneers at Yasha. Yasha screams:

    Mom doesn't hear anything. Marina says:

    - Oh, Yasha, you don’t have to call your mother. You better cut my hair.

    Yasha did not refuse. He also wrapped Marina in a pillowcase and asked:

    - How to cut your hair? Do you want to leave some pieces?

    “I need to wind up,” says Marina.

    Yasha understood everything. He took his father's chair by the handle and began to twist Marina.

    Twisted, twisted, even began to stumble.

    - Enough? he asks.

    – What is enough? Marina asks.

    - Wind up.

    “Enough,” says Marina. And disappeared somewhere.



    Then Yasha's mother came. She looked at Yasha and screamed:

    “God, what have they done to my child!”

    “It was Marina and I who played at the hairdresser’s,” Yasha reassured her.

    Only mother was not happy, but terribly angry and quickly began to dress Yasha: to stuff it into a jacket.

    - And what? Marina's mother says. - He got a good haircut. Your child is simply unrecognisable. A completely different boy.

    Yasha's mother is silent. Unrecognizable Yasha fastens.

    The mother of the girl Marina continues:

    - Our Marina is such an inventor. Always comes up with something interesting.

    - Nothing, nothing, - says Yasha's mother, - the next time you come to us, we will also come up with something interesting. We will open a "Quick Clothing Repair" or a dyeing workshop. You don't recognize your child either.



    And they quickly left.

    At home, Yasha and from dad flew in:

    - It's good that you didn't play dentist. And then you would be with me Yafa bef zubof!

    Since then, Yasha chose his games very carefully. And he was not angry at Marina at all.

    As a boy Yasha loved to walk through the puddles

    The boy Yasha had such a habit: as soon as he sees a puddle, he immediately enters it. He stands, he stands, and he stamps his foot.

    Mom persuades him:

    - Yasha, puddles are not for children.

    And he still gets into the puddles. And even in the deepest.

    They catch him, pull him out of one puddle, and he is already standing in another, stamping his feet.

    Okay, in the summer it's tolerable, only wet, that's all. But now autumn has come. Every day the puddles are getting colder, and it's getting harder to dry the boots. They take Yasha out into the street, he runs through the puddles, gets wet to the waist, and that's it: you have to go home to dry.

    All children by autumn forest walk, collect leaves in bouquets. They swing on the swings.

    And Yasha is taken home to dry.

    They put him on the radiator to warm himself, and his shoes hang on a string over the gas stove.

    And dad and mom noticed that the more Yasha stands in puddles, the more he catches a cold. He has a runny nose and cough. Snot is pouring from Yasha, no handkerchiefs are missing.



    Yasha noticed it too. And his father said to him:

    - Yasha, if you run even more through the puddles, you will not only have snot in your nose, you will have frogs in your nose. Because you have a whole swamp in your nose.

    Yasha, of course, did not really believe in this.

    But one day, dad took a handkerchief into which Yasha was blown and put two little green frogs in it.

    He made them himself. Cut out of viscous chewing sweets. There are such rubber sweets for children, they are called "Bunty-plunty". And my mother put this handkerchief in the locker for Yasha's things.

    As soon as Yasha came back from the walk all wet, mom said:

    - Come on, Yasha, let's blow our nose. Let's get the snot out of you.

    Mom took a handkerchief from the shelf and put it to Yasha's nose. Yasha let's blow your nose with all your might. And suddenly mom sees something moving in the scarf. Mom is scared from head to toe.

    - Yasha, what is it?

    And Yasha shows two frogs.

    Yasha, too, will be frightened, because he remembered what his father told him.

    Mom asks again:

    - Yasha, what is it?

    Yasha says:

    - Frogs.

    – Where are they from?

    - Out of me.

    Mom asks:

    - And how many of them do you have?

    Yasha doesn't even know. He says:

    - That's it, mom, I won't run through the puddles anymore. My dad told me that this would be the end of it. Blow me out one more time. I want all the frogs to fall out of me.

    Mom began to blow his nose again, but there were no more frogs.

    And my mother tied these two frogs on a rope and carried them in her pocket. As soon as Yasha runs up to the puddle, she will pull the rope and show the frogs to Yasha.

    Yasha immediately - stop! And in a puddle - not a foot! Very good boy.


    How the boy Yasha painted everywhere

    We bought pencils for the boy Yasha. Bright, colored. A lot - about ten. Yes, they seem to be in a hurry.

    Mom and dad thought that Yasha would sit in a corner behind the closet and draw Cheburashka in a notebook. Or flowers, different houses. Cheburashka is the best. He is a pleasure to draw. Four circles in total. Circle head, circle ears, circle belly. And then scratch your paws, that's all. The children are happy and so are the parents.

    Only Yasha did not understand what he was aimed at. He began to draw kalyaki. As soon as he sees where the white sheet is, he immediately draws a scribble.

    First, on my father's table, I drew kalyaki on all the white sheets. Then in my mother's notebook: where his mother (Yashina) wrote down bright thoughts.

    And then anywhere else.

    Mom comes to the pharmacy for medicines, submits a prescription through the window.

    “We don’t have such a medicine,” says the pharmacist’s aunt. “Scientists have not invented such a medicine yet.

    Mom looks at the recipe, and there are only scribbles drawn, nothing is visible under them. Mom, of course, is angry:

    - You would, Yasha, if you spoil the paper, at least draw a cat or a mouse.

    Next time mom opens notebook to call another mother, and there is such joy - a mouse is drawn. Mom even dropped the book. So she got scared.

    And this Yasha drew.

    Dad comes to the clinic with a passport. They tell him:

    - What are you, a citizen, just out of prison, so thin! From jail?

    – Why else? Dad is surprised.

    - In your photo, the grate is visible red.

    Dad at home was so angry with Yasha that he took away the brightest red pencil from him.

    And Yasha turned around even more. He began to draw kalyaki on the walls. I took it and painted all the flowers on the wallpaper with a pink pencil. Both in the hallway and in the living room. Mom was horrified:

    - Yasha, guard! Are there flowers in a box!

    Him pink pencil selected. Yasha was not very upset. The next day he's wearing all the straps on his mother's white shoes in green painted. And I painted the handle on my mother's white purse green.

    Mom to go to the theater, and her shoes and handbag, like a young clown, are striking. For this, Yasha got a little in the ass (for the first time in his life), and green pencil he was also taken away.

    “We have to do something,” Dad says. - While all the pencils are with our young talent run out, he will turn the whole house into an album for coloring.

    They began to issue pencils to Yasha only under the supervision of the elders. Either his mother is watching him, or his grandmother will be called. But they are not always free.

    And then the girl Marina came to visit.

    Mom said:

    - Marina, you are already big. Here are pencils for you, you and Yasha draw. There are cats and mice. The cat is drawn like this. The mouse is like this.




    Yasha and Marina understood everything and let's create cats and mice everywhere. First on paper. Marina will draw a mouse:

    - This is my mouse.

    Yasha will draw a cat:

    - That's my cat. She ate your mouse.

    “My mouse had a sister,” says Marina. And draws another mouse nearby.

    “And my cat also had a sister,” says Yasha. “She ate your mouse sister.”

    “And my mouse had another sister,” Marina draws a mouse on the refrigerator to get away from Yasha's cats.

    Yasha also goes to the refrigerator.

    “And my cat had two sisters.

    So they moved throughout the apartment. More and more sisters appeared in our mice and cats.

    Yasha's mother finished talking with Marina's mother, she looks - the whole apartment is covered in mice and cats.

    “Guard,” she says. - Just three years ago, they did the renovation!

    They called dad. Mom asks:

    - What are we going to flush? Shall we renovate the apartment?

    Papa says:

    - In no case. Let's leave it all.

    - For what? Mom asks.

    - That's why. When our Yasha grows up, let him look at this disgrace with adult eyes. Let him be ashamed then.

    Otherwise, he simply won’t believe us that he could be so outrageous as a child.

    And Yasha was already ashamed even now. Although he is still small. He said:

    - Dad and mom, you fix everything. I will never paint on the walls again! I will only be in the album.

    And Yasha kept his word. He himself did not really want to draw on the walls. It was his girl Marina who led him astray.


    Whether in the garden, in the garden
    Raspberries have grown.
    Wish there was more
    Doesn't visit us
    Marina girl.

    Attention! This is an introductory section of the book.

    If you liked the beginning of the book, then full version can be purchased from our partner - a distributor of legal content LLC "LitRes".

    Circus in line

    A man speaks in front of a huge queue in the store: either he dances a gypsy girl, or he reads poetry, or he shows jokes in his faces. The people applaud the "people's" artist without ceasing. Some people started throwing money at his feet. In short, the success of the public grandiose!
    Here, with a basket loaded to the eyeballs with food, a huge red-faced aunt rolls up to the peasant and begins to yell at the top of her lungs to the whole hall:
    - Yeah, there you are, idiot! And I glare at him - glare at how much in vain all around, and he set up a circus here! Disgrace me to the whole world! What did I say to do, huh?
    - Get in line...
    - Well, I ... them ... who are in line ... and I take what I can ...

    City guy will never be the first in the countryside


    Having lived for many years in an ordinary village in the Russian outback, the husband considers himself a real rural guy. However, his beloved wife loves to tease his former urban habits.
    Once she said right in front of the guests:
    - Yes, you never knew what a cow looks like until you met me! ...

    And then he said, “Amen!”


    The investigator of the district prosecutor's office, interrogating five repeat offenders - robbers who were taken to the hospital with injuries of varying severity, was quite surprised by what he saw.

    Who did you like that, citizens robbers?
    - You won’t believe the boss, they wanted to take the priest, well, the priest, to gop-stop.
    - Well?
    - Here you go! We ambushed him, which means ...
    - Well?
    - Yes, what are you, everything is well, yes well!
    - Well?
    - Well, pinned him in the alley.
    - Well?
    - Ugh, you're a prosecutor's wolf!
    - But but but.
    - In short, I say, they say, throw off the golden cross, saint.
    - Well?
    - Gnu! He answers, that's it, it's not the world that says, I brought you, but the sword ...
    - And what's next?
    - Then he said - "Amen!"
    - Well?
    - Here you go! After that "Amen" no one remembers shit!
    - Well well...

    SOS system administrator


    Office, morning... Everyone diligently pretends to work, but in fact they climb all sorts of "classmates" and other sites. All of a sudden the internet goes down. We went to the admins - there is no boss ... They began to look for the admin Andrey, who can fix the Internet.
    After a short search found. It turned out that Andrey had accidentally locked himself in the server room and couldn't get out. And he turned off the Internet so that they would start looking for him ...

    Russian can


    Bought an air bed recently.
    The instructions in a dozen languages ​​say: "Do not use when swimming!!!".
    And only in Russian: "When swimming, hold on to the side straps."

    About the cell tower...


    In one rather lively village, a cell tower was built in order to introduce the sprouts of civilization into this godforsaken corner.
    A month later, the population filed a collective complaint with several hundred signatures, that everyone began to experience headaches, deterioration of health, depression and all that ...
    The director's response was laconic: “We sympathize with your illnesses. But get ready for the worst - in a week we turn on the connection ... "

    Decoy as a means of salvation


    GIMS (State Inspectorate for Small Vessels) - a water analogue of traffic cops, they just broke the chain last Saturday and Sunday, apparently they also need to prepare kids for school. They checked everyone who was on the river, fined for the slightest inconsistency with the established requirements. They began to check the boat, and, as luck would have it, the peasant had everything - a first aid kit, documents, remittances, a license plate, a life jacket ...
    And then it dawned on the Gimsovite: "Is there a whistle ?!" (according to the rules, the life jacket is equipped with a whistle). The peasant freezes, the inspector brightens with joy. And suddenly...
    - Eat! There is a whistle!!!
    The fisherman was, apparently, also a hunter - from the belongings in the boat he takes out a decoy that quacks at the duck ...
    To the objections of the Gimsovites, the peasant snapped that the tone of the whistle was not specified in the rules. He could even carry a flute with him ...

    Discount for veterans of the Battle of Kulikovo


    I have a small scar on my face from a big accident. As for the bulk of women, this is a cause for grief more than from serious injuries received. But sometimes this defect also provides advantages.
    I looked after a new bedroom, I arrived with my daughter and son-in-law and I take a saleswoman into circulation. Just kidding, they say, what about discounts - after all, a pensioner, a participant in the Battle of Kulikovo. She approaches the director and asks him to give the customer a discount as a participant in the Battle of Kulikovo.
    The director, with a very serious expression on his face and without any hint of humor, replies:
    - With all due respect to your merits, I can’t lose more than three percent.
    My daughter and I look at each other dumbfounded and feel that now we will burst right in the face with laughter. But they won't understand. We leave the store and ask my son-in-law what this perestroika generation was taught in Ukraine. He is already in defense of the Motherland:
    - You, mother, in Russia, too, with your humor, have the opportunity to run into the same enlightened ones.
    Positions better education long ago surrendered without a fight.

    Penetration depth


    Yesenin, of course, is good. But…


    My parents went to construction teams in their youth. And so, in Vladivostok, they happened to talk with a saleswoman in a bookstore. By the way, in our city with books there was tension at that time. So, they are standing in a bunch of students, looking at, admiring ... And then they see a volume of Yesenin. Further dialogue:
    Dad: Oh! Do you have Yesenin too?!
    Saleswoman: Of course! Interested? I love him too! Although I was disappointed...
    Dad: What is it? (naturally, all ears pricked up, an interesting argument is planned!)
    Saleswoman: Yes, he has not written anything new for 20 years!

    Pepper tasting


    Yesterday my father was at the market and sent for capsicum. I go to my grandmother and ask:
    - Hot pepper?
    - Son, bitter, take it!

    I'm asking here:
    - Can I try?
    - Yes, sure!
    I bite off a small piece ... I almost got steam out of my ears, my brain exploded from such bitterness! Well, here I think, let me have fun, I’ll say that it’s not bitter. I throw it back, without showing any sign, I make a stupid face, I say that it is not bitter. Granny without thinking for a long time:
    - Yes, it’s like that, I tried it myself! - and bites off half and begins to chew ...

    Looking at her face, I give my legs ... I turned around - a stool is flying behind me screaming!

    Horns from the Caucasus


    The story happened to me. We live in the Caucasus. A relative comes to visit us, and my husband and I decided to give him a present. We went to the souvenir shop, chose the horns, and asked the girl to pack them, while they themselves went off to another department. We hear the whole store the seller shouts: "Whose horns?". My husband rushes to the counter and shouts: "Mine!"

    Everyone laughed for a very long time.

    Scarce underpants


    This story was told to me by my grandmother, who during the heyday of stagnation, when one of the most popular words was the word "deficit", worked in the canteen. Once, during a break, when the staff of the canteen had lunch together and had a peaceful, well-fed conversation, an attractive middle-aged man entered the hall and offered everyone to purchase a "very scarce product" - knitted panties. Women's and children's, plain and flowered. People, of course, rushed to buy. They grabbed everything (not for themselves, but for a neighbor), and the trade ended in a matter of minutes.

    Grandmother (then still a very lively, pretty aunt) was washing dishes at that time and did not suspect about the sale. When a breathless waitress flew into the kitchen and blurted out, “Run to the hall, there’s a man who brought underpants,” she threw off her apron, grabbed the money and asked on the go: “What kind of man?” "Tall, in a coat," the waitress breathed out and began to happily examine the purchases.

    The break was over by then, and two visitors entered the hall. The first was a tall man in a gray coat. Grandmother quickly ran up to him, looked back at the second and (not to watch in front of people!) whispered loudly: "Follow me." The peasant, of course, was surprised, but obediently followed the pretty woman into the back room. In the middle of the corridor, the grandmother turned to him and said:

    So show!

    What to show? - the man was confused.

    Like what? Pants, of course! And everything you have there...

    The dialogue was conducted in front of the door of the manager, who safely managed to stock up, and therefore quickly drove into the situation. Looking into the face of an absolutely stunned visitor, she began to crawl under the table with laughter ... Grandmother, who found herself between the indistinct lowing of the "salesperson" and the hard-to-control "sobs" of the manager, finally realized what had happened and began to laugh like crazy.

    Poor visitor! He, apparently, completely lost his appetite and he quietly, along the wall, retired from the dining room. He was never seen there again...

    When the German Shepherd Becomes a Bandit Terror


    My father told a case from practice when he worked as a district police officer. We left to detain especially dangerous people, took a bunch of people with them. Even one dog handler with a shepherd Jack was taken. They ring the doorbell, they open it to the standard "Neighbors from below."
    The dog, apparently, felt the beginning of the thriller and rushed forward all the participants in the operation. Only the corpulent district police officer Zhenya from the neighboring district blocked her way. A hefty dog ​​crawled between his legs and rushed into the apartment. However, Zhenya, out of surprise, sat on Jack's back. So they entered the den. District police officer Zhenya, brandishing his service weapon and uttering heart-rending obscene wills, riding the fearless Jack.
    Batya says that he had never seen especially dangerous ones sobbing before. Even the handcuffs didn't work.

    How to scare traffic cops


    I was driving home yesterday. On the way I bought two bottles of pinocchio lemonade in glass. I left the store, climbed into the car, I drink a cold drink, out of boredom I rip off the label from the bottles. I slowly start to move, but I don’t have time to drive even 30 meters, as two traffic cops slow me down ... You should have seen how their eyes burned when they saw a glass bottle with “beer” in my hand. They stop me, they rush at a run, there is obvious joy on their faces. They say that drinking alcohol while driving is punishable by a huge fine, then and there ...
    I answer them that this is not beer at all, but lemonade. One of the traffic cops takes an open bottle and takes a sip. While he is tasting the drink, the second traffic cop takes the bottle and also takes a sip...
    The devil pulled me to joke: "I can't have beer - I have tuberculosis" ... You should have seen the expression on their faces!

    History is written with a quill pen


    I studied at the Krasnodar Military Institute. We had a battalion commander - Colonel Liposky. In the fifth year, we wrote a diploma and, under the guise of writing one, went AWOL from morning until evening, supposedly to the library named after him. A. S. Pushkin (central library in Krasnodar) to develop the material. After 2 - 3 months, our brave battalion commander realized that something smells wrong here. He built us up, carried out educational work in this regard, that unauthorized absences are bad, etc., etc. And finally, he uttered a phrase that the entire personnel of our brave 1st company “digested” for five minutes (I memorized verbatim):
    - I'll show you the library named after Felix Edmundovich Pushkin!!! Go to the restaurant "Rybachka Sonya", buy a goose there, pull out a pen from it and write fairy tales about the Bakhchisaray fountain!!!
    The break was 5 minutes...

    Do you know that literature is not only for education and moralizing? Literature - it happens for laughter. And laughter is the most favorite thing for children, after sweets, of course. We have compiled for you a selection of the most fun children's books that will be of interest to even the oldest children, grandparents. These books are perfect for family reading. Which, in turn, is ideal for family leisure. Read and laugh!

    Narine Abgaryan - "Manyunya"

    “Manya and I, despite the strict prohibition of our parents, often ran away to the junk dealer’s house and fiddled with his children. We imagined ourselves as teachers and drilled the unfortunate kids as best we could. Uncle Slavik's wife did not interfere in our games, on the contrary, she approved.

    - All the same, there is no government for children, - she said, - so at least you calm them down.

    Since admitting to Ba that we picked up lice from the children of a junk dealer was like death, we were silent in a rag.

    When Ba finished with me, Manka squealed thinly:

    “Aaaaah, am I really going to be that scary too?”

    - Well, why scary? - Ba grabbed Manka and imperiously nailed him to a wooden bench. “You might think that all your beauty is in your hair,” and she cut off a large curl from Mankina’s crown.

    I ran into the house to look at myself in the mirror. The spectacle that opened my eyes plunged me into horror - I was short and unevenly cut, and on the sides of my head with two perky leaves of burdock my ears stood up! I burst into bitter tears - never, never in my life have I had such ears!

    — Narineeee?! Ba's voice reached me. - It's good to admire your typhoid physiognomy, run here, better admire Manya!

    I trudged into the yard. Manyuni's tear-stained face appeared from behind the mighty back of Baba Rosa. I swallowed loudly - Manka looked incomparable, even more whippy than me: at least both tips of my ears stuck out equidistantly from the skull, with Manka they were at odds - one ear was neatly pressed to the head, and the other belligerently bristled to the side!

    - Well, - Ba looked at us with satisfaction, - Gena and Cheburashka are pure crocodile!

    Valery Medvedev - "Barankin, be a man!"

    When everyone sat down and there was silence in the class, Zinka Fokina shouted:

    - Oh, guys! It's just some misfortune! New academic year had not yet begun, and Barankin and Malinin had already managed to get two deuces! ..

    A terrible noise immediately arose in the classroom again, but individual cries, of course, could be made out.

    - In such conditions, I refuse to be the editor-in-chief of the wall newspaper! (This was said by Era Kuzyakina.) - And they also promised that they would improve! (Mishka Yakovlev.) - Unfortunate drones! Last year they were nursed, and again all over again! (Alik Novikov.) - Call the parents! (Nina Semyonova.) - Only our class is dishonored! (Irka Pukhova.) - We decided to do everything “good” and “excellent”, and here you are! (Ella Sinitsyna.) - Shame on Barankin and Malinin!! (Ninka and Irka together.) - Yes, kick them out of our school, and that's it!!! (Erka Kuzyakina.) "Okay, Erka, I'll remember this phrase for you."

    After these words, everyone yelled with one voice, so loudly that it was completely impossible for Kostya and me to make out who and what was thinking about us, although from individual words it was possible to catch that Kostya Malinin and I were blockheads, parasites, drones! Once again, fools, loafers, egoists! And so on! Etc!..

    What annoyed me and Kostya most of all was that Venka Smirnov was yelling the loudest. Whose cow, as they say, would moo, but his would be silent. This Venka's performance last year was even worse than that of Kostya and me. Therefore, I could not stand it and also screamed.

    - Redhead, - I shouted at Venka Smirnov, - why are you yelling the loudest of all? If you were the first to be called to the board, you would not get a deuce, but a unit! So shut up in a rag.

    - Oh, you, Barankin, - Venka Smirnov yelled at me, - I'm not against you, I'm yelling for you! What am I trying to say, guys!.. I say: you can’t immediately call to the blackboard after the holidays. It is necessary that we first come to our senses after the holidays ...

    Christine Nestlinger - "Down with the Cucumber King!"


    “I didn’t think: it can’t be! I didn’t even think: well, the jester - you can die from laughter! Nothing came to my mind at all. Well, nothing! Huber Yo, my friend, says in such cases: closure in the convolutions! Perhaps the best thing I remember is how my dad said “no” three times. The first time is very loud. The second is normal and the third is barely audible.

    Dad likes to say: "If I said no, then no." But now his "no" did not make the slightest impression. Not-that-pumpkin-not-that-cucumber continued to sit on the table as if nothing had happened. He folded his hands on his stomach and repeated: "King Kumi-Ori of the Undergrounding family!"

    Grandpa was the first to come to his senses. He approached the Kumior king and curtseying, he said: “I am extremely flattered by our acquaintance. My name is Hogelman. In this house I will be a grandfather.”

    Kumi-Ori extended his right hand forward and thrust it under his grandfather's nose. The grandfather looked at the thread-gloved pen, but did not understand what Kumi-Ori wanted.

    Mom suggested that his arm hurts and a compress is needed. Mom always thinks that someone definitely needs either a compress, or pills, or, at worst, mustard plasters. But Kumi-Ori did not need a compress at all, and his hand was completely healthy. He waved his thread fingers in front of his grandfather’s nose and said: “We have inoculated that we have a whole watt of porridge apricots!”

    Grandfather said, for nothing in the world he would kiss the august hand, he would allow himself this, at best, in relation to a charming lady, and Kumi-Ori is no lady, all the more charming.

    Grigory Oster - “Bad advice. A book for naughty children and their parents


    ***

    For example, in your pocket

    Turned out to be a handful of sweets

    And met you

    Your true friends.

    Don't be afraid and don't hide

    Don't run away

    Don't shove all the candy

    Together with candy wrappers in the mouth.

    Approach them calmly

    Without saying too many words

    Quickly taking it out of my pocket

    Give them... a hand.

    Shake their hands firmly

    Say goodbye slowly

    And turning around the first corner,

    Rush home quickly.

    To eat sweets at home,

    Get under the bed

    Because there, of course,

    You won't meet anyone.

    Astrid Lindgren - "The Adventures of Emil from Lenneberg"


    The broth was very tasty, everyone took the addition as much as they wanted, and in the end only a few carrots and onions remained at the bottom of the tureen. This is what Emil decided to enjoy. Without thinking twice, he reached for the tureen, pulled it towards him and stuck his head into it. Everyone could hear him sucking thick with a whistle. When Emil licked the bottom almost dry, he naturally wanted to pull his head out of the tureen. But it was not there! The tureen tightly clasped his forehead, temples and the back of his head and was not removed. Emil was frightened and jumped up from his chair. He stood in the middle of the kitchen with a tureen on his head, as if wearing a knight's helmet. And the tureen slipped lower and lower. First, his eyes disappeared under it, then his nose and even his chin. Emil tried to free himself, but nothing came of it. The tureen seemed to be rooted to his head. Then he began to shout a good obscenity. And after him, with a fright, and Lina. Yes, and everyone was scared.

    - Our beautiful tureen! - all insisted Lina. What am I going to serve soup in now?

    And indeed, since Emil's head is stuck in the tureen, you can't pour soup into it. Lina understood this immediately. But mother was worried not so much about the beautiful tureen, but about Emil's head.

    - Dear Anton, - Mom turned to dad, - how can we get the boy out of there? Shall I break the tureen?

    - This is still not enough! exclaimed Emil's father. “I paid four crowns for her!”

    Irina and Leonid Tyukhtyaev - "Zoki and Bada: a guide for children on parenting"


    It was evening and everyone was at home. Seeing that papa was sitting on the sofa with a newspaper, Margarita said:

    - Dad, let's play animals, and Yanka wants to come out too. Dad sighed, and Yang shouted: - Chur, I'm thinking!

    - Dove again? Margarita asked him sternly.

    "Yes," Yang was surprised.

    “Now I am,” said Margarita. “I guessed, guess.

    - Elephant ... lizard ... fly ... giraffe ... - began Jan - dad, and the cow has a cow?

    - So you will never guess, - dad could not stand it and put down the newspaper, - it should be different. Does he have legs?

    - Yes, - my daughter smiled enigmatically.

    - One? Two? Four? Six? Eight? Margarita shook her head negatively.

    - Nine? Jan asked.

    - More.

    - Centipede. No? - Dad was surprised. - Then I give up, but keep in mind: the crocodile has four legs.

    - Yes? - Margarita was confused. - And I thought of it.

    - Dad, - the son asked, - but if a boa constrictor sits on a tree and suddenly notices a penguin?

    “Now dad is thinking,” his sister stopped him.

    “Only real animals, not fictional ones,” the son warned.

    - What are the real ones? Dad asked.

    - A dog, for example, - said the daughter, - and wolves and bears are only in fairy tales.

    - No! Yang shouted. “Yesterday I saw a wolf in the yard. Huge such, even two! Like this.” He held up his hands.

    “Well, they were probably smaller,” dad smiled.

    - But, you know how they barked!

    “These are dogs,” Margarita laughed, “there are all kinds of dogs: a wolf dog, a bear dog, a fox dog, a sheep dog, even a kitty dog, such a small one.”

    Mikhail Zoshchenko - "Lelya and Minka"


    This year, guys, I turned forty years old. So it turns out that I saw forty times Christmas tree. It's a lot! Well, for the first three years of my life, I probably did not understand what a Christmas tree was. Probably, my mother endured me on her arms. And, probably, with my black little eyes I looked at the painted tree without interest.

    And when I, children, hit five years old, I already perfectly understood what a Christmas tree is. And I was looking forward to this happy holiday. And even in the crack of the door I peeped how my mother decorates the Christmas tree.

    And my sister Lele was seven years old at that time. And she was an exceptionally lively girl. She once told me: “Minka, my mother has gone to the kitchen. Let's go to the room where the tree stands and see what's going on there.

    So my sister Lelya and I entered the room. And we see: very beautiful tree. And under the tree are gifts. And on the Christmas tree there are multi-colored beads, flags, lanterns, golden nuts, pastilles and Crimean apples.

    My sister Lelya says: - We will not look at the gifts. Instead, let's just eat one lozenge each.

    And now she comes up to the Christmas tree and instantly eats one lozenge hanging on a thread.

    I say: - Lelya, if you ate a pastille, then I will also eat something now.

    And I go up to the tree and bite off a small piece of an apple.

    Lelya says: “Minka, if you bit off an apple, then I’ll eat another lozenge now and, in addition, I’ll take this candy for myself.”

    And Lelya was a very tall, long-knit girl. And she could reach high. She stood on tiptoe and began to eat the second lozenge with her big mouth.

    And I was amazing vertically challenged. And I could hardly get anything, except for one apple, which hung low.

    I say: - If you, Lelisha, ate the second lozenge, then I will bite off this apple again.

    And I again take this apple with my hands and bite it off a little again.

    Lelya says: - If you have bitten off an apple for the second time, then I will no longer stand on ceremony and now I will eat the third lozenge and, in addition, I will take a cracker and a nut as a keepsake.

    Then I almost cried. Because she could reach everything, but I can’t. ”

    Paul Maar - "Seven Saturdays in a Week"


    On Saturday morning Mr. Peppermint sat in his room and waited. What was he waiting for? He certainly could not have said this himself.

    Why then did he wait? Now this is easier to explain. True, we will have to start the story from Monday itself.

    And on Monday there was a sudden knock on the door of Mr. Peppermint's room. Sticking her head through the crack, Mrs. Bruckmann announced:

    - Mister Pepperfint, you have a guest! Just make sure that he does not smoke in the room: this will ruin the curtains! Let him not sit on the bed! Why did I give you a chair, what do you think?

    Mrs. Bruckman was the mistress of the house where Mr. Peppermint rented a room. When she was angry, she always called him "Pepperfint". And now the hostess was angry because a guest had come to him.

    The visitor pushed through the door that same Monday by the landlady turned out to be Mr. Peppermint's school friend. His last name was Pone delcus. As a gift to his friend, he brought a whole bag of delicious donuts.

    It was Tuesday after Monday, and on that day the master's nephew came to Mr. Peppermint to ask how to solve a problem in mathematics. The owner's nephew was lazy and repeating. Mr. Peppermint was not at all surprised by his visit.

    Wednesday, as always, came in the middle of the week. And this, of course, did not surprise Mr. Peppermint.

    On Thursday, in a nearby cinema, they unexpectedly showed New film: "Four against the cardinal." This is where Mr. Peppermint got a little wary.

    Friday came. On this day, the reputation of the company where Mr. Peppermint served was stained: the office was closed all day, and customers were indignant.

    Eno Raud - "Muff, Half Shoes and Moss Beard"


    One day, three naxitralls met by chance at an ice cream stand: Mossbeard, Halfboot, and Muff. They were all so small that the ice-cream lady mistook them for gnomes at first. Each of them had other interesting features. Moss Beard has a beard of soft moss, in which, although last year's, but still beautiful lingonberries grew. The half-boot was shod in boots with cut off toes: it was more convenient to move the toes this way. And Mufta, instead of ordinary clothes, wore a thick muff, from which only the crown and heels protruded.

    They ate ice cream and looked at each other with great curiosity.

    "Excuse me," Muft said at last. - Perhaps, of course, I'm wrong, but it seems to me that we have something in common.

    “So it seemed to me,” Polbootka nodded.

    Mossbeard plucked a few berries from his beard and handed them to his new acquaintances.

    - Sour ice cream is good.

    - I'm afraid to seem intrusive, but it would be nice to get together some other time, - said Mufta. - We would cook cocoa, talk about this and that.

    “That would be wonderful,” Polbootka rejoiced. - I would gladly invite you to my place, but I have no home. Since childhood, I have traveled the world.

    "Just like me," said Mossbeard.

    - Wow, what a coincidence! Muft exclaimed. - Exactly the same story with me. So we are all travelers.

    He tossed the ice cream slip into the dustbin and zipped up the muff. His clutch had such a property: to fasten and unfasten with the help of a "lightning". Meanwhile, the others finished their ice cream.

    - Do not you think that we could unite? - said Polbotinka.

    - Traveling together is much more fun.

    “Of course,” Mossbeard agreed happily.

    - brilliant thought, - Coupling beamed. - Simply magnificent!

    "So it's settled," said Polbootka. “Why don’t we have another ice cream each before we unite?”

    You can read "Deniska's Stories" at any age and several times and it will still be funny and interesting! Since the book by V. Dragunsky "Deniska's stories" was first published, readers have fallen in love with these funny, humorous stories so much that this book is being reprinted and reprinted. And probably there is no such schoolboy who would not know Deniska Korablev, who became for the children different generations his boyfriend - so he looks like classmates who get into funny, sometimes ridiculous situations ...

    2) Zak A., Kuznetsov I. "Summer is gone. Save the drowning man. Humorous film stories"(7-12 years old)
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    The collection includes two humorous film stories by Avenir Zak and Isai Kuznetsov, famous Soviet playwrights and screenwriters.
    The heroes of the first story at first do not expect anything good from the upcoming holidays. What could be more boring than going all summer to three apparently strict aunts? That's right - nothing! So summer is gone. But in reality it's quite the opposite...
    What if the photo in the local newspaper shows all your friends, but not yourself? It's so embarrassing! Andrei Vasilkov really wants to prove that he is also capable of feats ...
    Stories about the fun summer adventures of unlucky and mischievous boys formed the basis of the scenarios of two eponymous feature films, one of which, "Summer Is Gone", was shot by Rolan Bykov. Illustrated the book eminent master book graphics Heinrich Walck.

    3) Averchenko A. "Humorous stories for children"(8-13 years old)

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    The heroes of these funny stories- boys and girls, as well as their parents, educators and teachers who were once children themselves, but not all of them remember this. The author doesn't just entertain the reader; he unobtrusively gives lessons adult life children and reminds adults that their childhood should never be forgotten.

    4) Oster G. "Bad advice", "Problem book", "Petka microbe"(6-12 years old)

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    Petka microbe
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    Not all microbes are harmful. Petka - just useful. Without people like him, we will not see either sour cream or kefir. There are so many microbes in one drop of water that it is impossible to count. To see these crumbs, you need a microscope. But maybe they are also looking at us - from the other side of the magnifying glass? Writer G. Oster wrote a whole book about the life of microbes - Petka and his family.

    problem book
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    The word "Problem" on the cover of the book is not so attractive. For many, it is boring and even scary. But "Grigor Oster's Task Book" is a completely different matter! Every student and every parent knows that these are not just tasks, but terribly funny stories about forty grandmothers, baby Kuzya, Khudyushchenko circus performer, worms, flies, Vasilisa the Wise and Koshchei the Immortal, pirates, as well as Mryaka, Bryak, Khryamzik ​​and Slyunik. Well, to make it completely funny, straight to the point of dropping, you need to count something in these stories. To multiply someone by something or, conversely, divide. Add something to something, or maybe take someone away from someone. And get the main result: to prove that mathematics is not a boring science!

    5) Vangeli S. "Adventures of Gugutse", "Chubo from the village of Turturik"(6-12 years old)

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    These are absolutely wonderful atmospheric stories with a very peculiar humor and a pronounced national Moldavian flavor! Children are delighted with fascinating stories about the cheerful and brave Gugutse and the naughty Chubo.

    6) Zoshchenko M. "Stories for children"(6-12 years old)

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    Zoshchenko knew how to find the funny in life and notice the comic even in the most serious situations. And he also knew how to write in such a way that every child could easily understand him. That is why Zoshchenko's "Stories for Children" are recognized as classics of children's literature. In his humorous stories for children, the writer teaches the younger generation to be brave, kind, honest and smart. These are indispensable stories for the development and education of children. They cheerfully, naturally and unobtrusively lay the main life values. After all, if you look back at your own childhood, it is not difficult to see what influence the stories about Lyola and Minka, the cowardly Vasya, the smart bird and other characters of stories for children written by M.M. once had on us. Zoshchenko.

    7) Rakitina E. "Intercom thief"(6-10 years old)
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    Elena Rakitina writes touching, instructive, and most importantly - extremely funny stories! Their heroes, the inseparable Mishka and Yegorka, are third-graders who are never bored. The adventures of the boys at home and at school, their dreams and travels will not let young readers get bored!
    Open this book as soon as possible, meet guys who know how to make friends, and they will be happy to take into the company of everyone who loves fun reading!
    The stories about Mishka and Egor were awarded the medal of the International Children's literary prize them. V. Krapivina (2010), Diploma literary competition them. V. Golyavkina (2014), diplomas of the All-Russian literary and artistic magazine for schoolchildren "Koster" (2008 and 2012).

    8) L. Kaminsky "Lessons in laughter"(7-12 years old)
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    MY-SHOP Laughter lessons
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    What are the most interesting lessons at school? For some guys - mathematics, for others - geography, for others - literature. But there is nothing more exciting than laughter lessons, especially if they are taught by the funny teacher in the world - the writer Leonid Kaminsky. From mischievous and curious childish stories, he collected a real collection of school humor.

    9) Collection "The funniest stories"(7-12 years old)
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    The collection collected exceptionally funny stories from various authors, including V. Dragunsky, L. Panteleev, V. Oseeva, M. Korshunov, V. Golyavkin, L. Kaminsky, I. Pivovarova, S. Makhotin, M. Druzhinina.

    10) N. Teffi Humorous Stories(8-14 years old)
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    MY-SHOP Fascinating word creation
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    Nadezhda Taffy (1872-1952) did not write specifically for children. This "queen of Russian humor" had an exclusively adult audience. But those stories of the writer, which are written about children, are unusually lively, cheerful and witty. And the children in these stories are simply charming - spontaneous, unlucky, naive and incredibly sweet, however, like all children at all times. Acquaintance with the work of N. Teffi will bring a lot of joy to both young readers and their parents. Read with the whole family!

    11) V. Golyavkin "Carousel in the head"(7-10 years old)
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    If everyone knows Nosov and Dragunsky, then Golyavkin is for some reason much less known (and completely undeservedly). Acquaintance turns out to be very pleasant - light ironic stories describing simple everyday situations that are close and understandable to children. In addition, the book contains the story "My Good Dad", written by the same in plain language, but much more emotionally rich - small stories, permeated with love and light sadness for the father who died in the war.

    12) M. Druzhinina "My cheerful day off"(6-10 years old)
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    The book of the famous children's writer Marina Druzhinina includes funny stories and poems about modern boys and girls. What just does not happen to these inventors and mischievous people at school and at home! The book "My Merry Weekend" was awarded a diploma of the International Literary Prize SV Mikhalkov "Clouds".

    13) V. Alenikov "The Adventures of Petrov and Vasechkin"(8-12 years old)

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    Everyone who was once small knows Vasya Petrov and Petya Vasechkin in much the same way as their classmates. At the end of the 80s, there was not a single teenager who would not make friends with them thanks to the films of Vladimir Alenikov.
    These old teenagers grew up and became parents, while Petrov and Vasechkin remained the same and still love ordinary and incredible adventure, they are in love with Masha and are ready for anything for her. Even learn to swim, speak French and serenades.

    14) I. Pivovarova "What is my head thinking about"(7-12 years old)
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    The book of the famous children's writer Irina Pivovarova includes funny stories and stories about funny adventures third grader Lucy Sinitsyna and her friends. The unusual, full of humor stories that happen to this inventor and prankster will be read with pleasure not only by children, but also by their parents.

    15) V. Medvedev "Barankin, be a man"(8-12 years old)
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    The story "Barankin, be a man!" - the most famous book by the writer V. Medvedev - tells about the hilarious adventures of school friends Yura Barankin and Kostya Malinin. In search of a carefree life, in which they don’t give deuces and don’t give lessons at all, the friends decided to turn ... into sparrows. And they have turned! And then - into butterflies, then - into ants ... But easy life among birds and insects they failed. Quite the opposite happened. After all the transformations, returning to ordinary life, Barankin and Malinin realized what happiness it is to live among people and be a man!

    16) About Henry "Chief of the Redskins"(8-14 years old)
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    The story of hapless kidnappers who stole a child to ransom him. As a result, tired of the boy's tricks, they were forced to pay his father to save them from the little robber.

    17) A. Lindgren "Emil from Lenneberg", "Pippi-Longstocking"(6-12 years old)

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    A funny story about Emil from Lenneberg, written by a wonderful Swedish writer Astrid Lindgren, and brilliantly retold into Russian by Lilianna Lungina, fell in love with adults and children all over the planet. This swirling little boy is a terrible mischief-maker, he will not live a day without playing pranks. Well, who would think of chasing a cat to check if it jumps well?! Or put on a tureen? Or set fire to the feather on the pastor's hat? Or get caught in a rat trap own father, and feed the piglet with drunken cherries?

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    How can a little girl carry a horse in her arms?! Imagine what can!
    And this girl's name is Pippi Longstocking. It was invented by the wonderful Swedish writer Astrid Lindgren.
    There is no one in the world stronger than Pippi, she is able to put even the most famous strongman on her shoulder blades. But not only Pippi is famous for this. She is also the funniest, most unpredictable, most mischievous and kindest girl in the world, with whom you definitely want to make friends!

    18) E. Uspensky "Uncle Fedor, a dog and a cat"(5-10 years)

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    Something happens all the time with the inhabitants of the village of Prostokvashino - not a day without adventures. Either Matroskin and Sharik will quarrel, and Uncle Fyodor reconciles them, then Pechkin is at war with Khvatayka, then Murka the cow is acting weird.

    19) P.Maar Series about Subastic(8-12 years old)

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    An amazing, funny and kind book by Paul Maar will show what it is like for parents with a naughty child. Even if this child is a magical creature named Subastic, walking around only in a diving suit and destroying everything that comes to hand, be it a glass, a piece of wood or nails.

    20) A. Usachev "Smart dog Sonya. Stories"(5-9 years old)
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    This is the story of two funny and witty friends and their parents, whom they are very similar to. Vasya and Petya are tireless explorers, so they can't even live one day without adventures: either they reveal the insidious plan of the criminals, or they arrange a painter's contest in the apartment, or they look for a treasure.

    22) Nikolai Nosov "Vitya Maleev at school and at home"(8-12 years old)

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    This is a story about school friends- Vitya Maleev and Kostya Shishkin: about their mistakes, sorrows and insults, joys and victories. Friends are upset because of poor progress and missed lessons at school, they are happy, having overcome their own disorganization and laziness, having earned the approval of adults and classmates, and, in the end, they understand that without knowledge you will not achieve anything in life.

    23) L. Davydychev "The life of Ivan Semyonov, a second-grader and a repeater, full of hardships and dangers, is difficult"(8-12 years old)
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    An incredibly funny story about Ivan Semyonov, the most unfortunate boy in the whole wide world. Well, think for yourself, why should he be happy? Learning for him is torture. Isn't training better? True, a dislocation of his arm and a nearly split head did not allow him to continue the work he had begun. Then he decided to retire. I even wrote a statement. Again, bad luck - a day later the application was returned and the boy was advised to first learn how to write correctly, finish school, and then work. The commander of the scouts is a worthy occupation, Ivan decided then. But here, too, disappointment awaited him.
    What to do with this loafer and loafer? And that's what the school came up with: Ivan must be taken in tow. For this purpose, a girl from the fourth grade, Adelaide, was assigned to him. Since then, Ivan's quiet life has ended ...

    24) A. Nekrasov "The Adventures of Captain Vrungel"(8-12 years old)

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    Andrey Nekrasov's cheerful story about Captain Vrungel has long been one of the most beloved and sought after. After all, only such brave captain is able to cope with a shark with a lemon, neutralize a boa constrictor with a fire extinguisher, make a running machine out of ordinary squirrels in a wheel. Fantastic adventures of Captain Vrungel, his senior assistant Lom and sailor Fuchs, who went to trip around the world on a two-seater sailing yacht "Trouble" has been pleasing more than one generation of dreamers, visionaries, all those who have a passion for adventure.

    25) Y. Sotnik "How they saved me"(8-12 years old)
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    The book includes famous stories written by Yuri Sotnik in different years: "Archimedes" by Vovka Grushin, "How I was independent", "Dudkin is witty", "The artilleryman's granddaughter", "How they saved me", etc. These stories are sometimes funny, sometimes sad, but always very instructive. and were your parents once an inventor? good writer for everyone who loves to laugh.



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