Jokes for kids are short funny stories. Usually they do not have an author, they belong to the folklore genre.
Children love jokes as much as adults. Children's jokes about school allow you to joke about what makes you sad. School jokes make fun of lazy students, evil teachers, indifferent parents, etc.
Jokes may have the most various topics covering all aspects of life. Sometimes funny phrases told by children become jokes.
Laughter when reading or listening to an anecdote is caused by an unexpected denouement, pun, substitution common sense new concepts. Humor, wit are very useful qualities that require development no less than logic or creativity. This genre also has negative aspects: the presence of profanity in some jokes, vulgarity, etc.
From this article you will learn
Are funny stories necessary?
Laughter improves the mood of children and, according to scientists, prolongs the life of adults. So that the child does not need to listen to vulgar street jokes, tell him good ones. Let him have magazines or books with different jokes that he can read. In the children's environment, a sense of humor is valued, a witty storyteller becomes the soul of the company.
If a child can joke about his shortcomings, he will be less stressed. The main thing in jokes is the possibility of freedom of expression, humor, ridiculing shortcomings and vices, a different look at problems.
Anecdotes can be incomprehensible. The reason for this is the difference in nationality, age or other personal features. Therefore, children's jokes are different from adults. What can make a baby laugh is incomprehensible to an adult and vice versa.
About school
At a math lesson, the teacher asks the loser, who tells the Pythagorean theorem at the blackboard, to prove it. To which he offendedly declares: “What evidence, you don’t believe me?”
On September 1, 1.6 million first-graders sat down at their desks on charges of illiteracy for at least 9 years.
At a geography lesson in grade 7, a teacher tries to explain to a student how to determine the cardinal directions using a compass. “Look, when the arrow looks up, it’s north, then the west will be on your left, and the east on your right, tell me what’s behind you?” Student, blushing: "A hole in your pants?"
About children
At the reception in the clinic, the child psychologist asks the child the following questions:
- Can you tell me how many paws a cat has?
- Four.
- And how many ears?
- And how many eyes?
The kid turns to his mother and asks: “Mom, uncle, why have you never seen cats?”
About kindergarten
A little girl comes home from kindergarten and says that the teacher read them a fairy tale "About Little Red Riding Hood". “What did you understand from this tale?” mom asks. “I should better remember my grandmother's face so as not to confuse her with a wolf,” the girl replies.
At a meeting in nursery group kindergarten young teacher conducts pedagogical work with parents:
- Dear parents, your children have learned to speak this year, if they start telling you something bad about kindergarten, don't believe them. We, in turn, promise not to believe the horrors that they tell about you.
For the son kindergarten the tired father comes. The teacher sees him for the first time, and therefore asks:
- Which child are you giving away?
- What difference does it make, bring it back tomorrow morning!
Responsible parent.
The head of the kindergarten complains to the head of the military unit that after the repairs made by the soldiers, the children learned a lot of words from profanity. The chief calls the soldiers to his place and asks to explain what is the matter. Soldier Sidorov with a bandaged head explains:
- Petrov stood on a stepladder, laying eight bricks into a hole in the ceiling. The mortar turned out to be weak, and all the bricks fell on my head. I said to Petrov: “What a bad person you are, Petrov, you don’t respect your comrade!”
About animals
Two fish are talking in a pond. One carp says: “How tired I am of living in this cramped, dirty pond!” Another carp answers him: “And you grab the hook and soon you will fall into sour cream!”
Computer jokes
Cactus, who stood near the computer monitor for 6 years, learned to reinstall Windows.
short jokes
Signs on the bus:
"Stop "here" on a different route";
“If no one gives way to the old woman, I, your driver, will do it”;
“If you want to live long, don’t distract the driver!”
About Pinocchio
Pinocchio's pedigree was rooted in the ground.
About Vovochka
Vovochka says to his father at dinner:
- Dad, they are calling you back to school, I broke the window.
- Yes, you do not have a school, but some kind of greenhouse.
fairytale anecdotes
The kid climbed onto Carlson, and they fly over the city, making ten circles. After landing on the roof, Carlson wipes his neck and says: "Fuh, I'm sweating with you!" “I peed with you,” the kid replies.
A passer-by saw a hut on chicken legs in the forest and said:
- Hut, hut, turn to me in the forest, and to the back in front!
- You put me in a difficult position with your philological delights of new idioms.
- This is roughly what I wanted to say.
Cheburashka, standing in the wind, was brutally beaten with his ears.
Gena and Cheburashka went on vacation. Crocodile Gena drags 6 suitcases from the station, sweating all over. Cheburashka runs after him and shouts:
- Gena, and Gena, let me take the suitcases!
- And you will take me!
About adults and children
Auntie asks her niece, who is six years old:
- Anechka, do you help your mother around the house?
- Of course, I help, I count the silver spoons after you leave.
A little boy asks his father:
- Dad, I want a real gun!
- You already have a toy.
- Dad, I want a real one!
- Quiet, I said! Who is the head in this house?
- You're daddy, but if I had a gun...
Mom shouts from the balcony to her son playing in the yard with friends:
- Vanya, go home!
7-year-old Vanechka asks:
- Mom, am I cold?
- No, it's time for you to eat!
About pets
The mouse runs away from the cat and hides in a hole, having lost the stolen cheese along the way. He sits quietly, and suddenly he hears a dog barking. “So the cat has run away, you can take the cheese,” the mouse thinks. As soon as she leans out of the mink, the cat grabs her. "How well to be able to speak foreign language!" the cat thinks.
Other topics
Announcement on the fence of the city zoo:
- Dear visitors, due to insufficient funding from the city budget for this year, the animals have nothing to eat! We invite you for a day open doors, which will be held from 9 o'clock, 6, 8 and 9 of this month! You will get unforgettable impressions and indescribable sensations!
According to statistics, the most understandable on the planet is Chinese. Every 6th person speaks it.
From a conversation between two friends:
- Have you read that scientists have made a discovery - nine seconds of laughter prolongs life by 10 minutes, so if you laugh all the time, you will never die?
- Yes, but everyone will think you're crazy.
The geography teacher asked Bora if he knew anything about the Panama Canal.
- No, - the student answers, - there is no such channel on our TV.
A radio was brought into the house of one grandmother. At six o'clock in the morning, it spoke for the first time:
— Good morning!
Grandma jumped out of bed:
- Good health! Where are you going so early?
- Well, son, show the diary. What did you bring from school today?
- Yes, there is nothing to show, there is only one deuce.
- Just one?
“Don’t worry, dad, I’ll bring more tomorrow!”
Hello, is this 333-33-33?
- Yes.
- Dial, please " ambulance”, otherwise my finger was stuck in the phone.
A Chukchi is walking along the road, and they ask him:
- Chukchi, where are you going?
- Do an injection, however
- To the clinic?
-No in the ass, however
Somehow I bought a new Russian designer<Лего>and boasts to his friend:
— Hey, Vovan, just look, what is written on this garbage:<От 2-х до 4-х лет>. So I collected it in two months.
Little girl talking to her father
- Dad, I dreamed today that you gave me a small chocolate bar.
- If you obey, you will dream that you gave a big one.
“Mommy, can I go for a walk?”
— With dirty ears?
No, with friends.
Chemistry lesson:
- Tell me, Vovochka, what substances do not dissolve in water?
Vovochka without hesitation:
-Fish!
Cannibals caught a tourist. They lit a fire, put a vat of water and asked:
- How your name?
“What difference does it make to you, eat anyway!”
— What is it, but for the menu?!
Somehow Cheburashka comes up to Gena and says:
- Gena, Shapoklyak gave us 10 oranges on February 23, 8 each.
- How is it 8, if there are 10 of them?
— I don’t know, but I already ate my 8!
A little girl asks her grandfather:
- Grandpa, what are these berries?
- It's blackcurrant.
Why is she red?
Because it's still green.
Piglet, do you know your family tree?
- Yeah. Here my grandfather (sighs) was a chop. Father was (proudly) a barbecue...
- And who do you dream of becoming?
- And I (looks at the sky and is so sad ...) an astronaut.
- Why is it so sad?
- Yes, I'm afraid I won't fit into the tube ...
The uncle came to the doctor and said:
“Doctor, I have ringing in my ears.
- And you do not answer them, do not pick up the phone!
Teacher:
- Guys, tell me, what number is the word "trousers": singular or plural?
Student:
- Above - the only, and below - the plural.
One student decided to play a trick on another. Painted the chair.
The second one comes in and says right from the threshold:
Kolyan, I...
First to him:
- Yes, you sit down first, - and points to a chair.
And this one again:
Kolyan, I wanted to tell you...
First:
- Yes, you sit down, do not be shy.
The second sat down. The first giggles:
- Well, now speak.
- Kolyan, I just wanted to say that I put on your jeans.
Grandpa sleeps in a chair, whistling loudly with his nose. The little granddaughter twirls a button on his jacket.
- What are you doing? Grandma asks.
— I want to catch another program!
The plane landed at the airport. Passengers get off the ladder.
One man's pants fall off, he pulls them up and says:
-This is Aeroflot: then fasten the belt, then unfasten ...
Why do gorillas have such big nostrils?
Because she has fat fingers.
A five-year-old boy came to the phone.
-Yes.
- Call your mom or dad.
-They're not home.
- Is there anyone else?
- Yes, my sister.
-Call her, please.
After a while, the boy picked up the phone again:
- She's too heavy. I can't get her out of the stroller!
Five year old son asks:
-Daddy, do you know how long one tube of pasta lasts?
-No.
-On the entire entrance hall, living room and half of the loggia ...
Two flies come out of the bar.
One says: “Well, shall we go on foot or wait for the dog?”
Somehow a hedgehog fell into a hole, he couldn’t get out and thought: “If I don’t get out in 5 minutes, I’ll go home for the stairs.”
Gene, be careful here steps-stumps-stumps.
-Thank you Cherim-burum-burashka.
Washed wallpapers are, of course, a good thing. But how hard
I had to tear them off to stuff them into the washing machine.
A woman asks for a glass of sparkling water:
- Glass of water.
— With syrup?
- Without.
— No cherry or no apple?
A guy and a girl are walking around the city and pass by a restaurant. Girl says:
- Oh, how delicious it smells!
- Did you like it? Do you want to go through again?
A girl comes to a dairy shop. Puts, then, a can on the scales:
- Me, sour cream.
Saleswoman, plop her sour cream into a can.
-Here's a girl, you have sour cream. Where is the money?
-In a can
Boy, how old are you?
- Five.
“And you are not taller than my umbrella…”
- How old is your umbrella?
After dinner, the mother goes to the kitchen, and the daughter shouts after her:
— No, Mom, I don't want you to wash the dishes on your birthday. Leave it for tomorrow.
A boy watches a movie on TV about a boy whom everyone loved and says:
- If you wash me, I will be the same!
Mom says to son
Is that how they read a book, son? You're skipping a few pages.
“And this book is about spies. I want to catch them soon.
At the boat rental station, the chief shouts into a bullhorn:
- Boat number 99! Return to the shore - your time is up!
Five minutes later:
- Boat number 99, return immediately!
Five minutes later:
- Boat number 99! If you don't come back, we'll fine you!
An assistant approaches the boss:
- Ivan Ivanovich! After all, we have only 73 boats, where did the 99th come from?
The chief freezes for a moment, and then rushes to the shore:
- Boat number 66! Are you in some sort of trouble?
Gave Piglet Winnie the Pooh a cell phone for his birthday
-Here's a present for you - a cell phone!
- Well, thanks buddy!
The next day, Winnie the Pooh meets Piglet
What did you give me for my birthday yesterday?
-Choothy phone...
-I was picking for 3 hours yesterday, the phone broke the weight, there are no honeycombs, no honey
Mom says to the girl:
- If you don't eat semolina I will call Baba Yaga.
"Mom, do you really think she'll eat it?"
- Doctor, you forbade me to eat at night, so I caught a cold!
- What is the connection?
- Well, of course - I stood all night at the refrigerator, looking at the chicken, so I was blown away!
Granddaughters and grandfather are sitting by the window... the granddaughter is babbling. Grandpa look!!!
crow, two crows, three crows... the whole Voronezh!!!.
Two Chukchi are sitting, breaking a bomb. A man passes by.
"Hey, what are you doing, she's going to explode!" — “However, nothing, we have another one!”
A Georgian is drowning in the sea and has forgotten the Russian word “save”, shouting:
- I'm swimming for Easter!
Winnie says to Piglet.
- Hey, Vinnie, I know what will happen to you when you grow up!
- Did you read my horoscope? - Nope, the book "On Tasty and Healthy Food"!
The host - to the guest: - Shine light on the steps for you? - No, thanks, I'm already lying downstairs.
In the middle of the lesson, Little Johnny comes into the classroom with a bandaged head.
Irritated teacher: - Well, what happened this time? - Fell from the fifth floor.
- And what, flew for two whole lessons?
Seller: These Wall Clock go two weeks without factory.
- Yes you?! What if you start them?
The son says to his mother: - I won't go to school anymore.
- Why?
- Yes, well, this school. Again Kuznetsov will hit the head with a textbook, Vasiliev will start aiming with a slingshot, and Voronin will trip. Will not go.
“No, son, you must go to school,” says the mother. - Firstly, you are already an adult, you are forty years old, and secondly, you are the director of the school ....
The son comes home and boasts to his father:
- Dad, and I translated the old woman across the road! Dad:
- Well done! Here's some candy for you. The next day, the son comes with a friend:
- Dad, and my friend and I moved the old woman across the road! Dad:
- Well done! Here's some candy for you. The next day, the son brings his entire class:
- Dad, and with the whole class we transferred the old woman across the road!
- Why are there so many of you?
But she resisted...
Maxim why does dad do all the lessons for you? - Well, what should I do if my mother has no time! ...
First grader comes to the store school supplies and asks: - Aunty, do you have glue for the 1st grade? - No, boy. - A notebook in a circle? - In what other circle? Also no. Behind the citizen speaks angrily.
- Boy, don't fool the seller and don't take people's time. Girl, show me the globe of Ukraine….
At the lesson of the world around: Teacher:
- Vovochka when is the most best time to pick apples? Vovochka: -When the dog is tied ....
The son comes from school, says to his father: - Dad, they call you to school. - What have you done? Yes, the glass is broken. The father went. A few days later, the son says again: - Dad, they call you back to school. - What is it this time? - Yes, the chemical office blew up. The father went. A few days later, the son again says to his father: - Dad, they call you back to school. - That's it, I'm not going, I'm tired. - Well, that’s right, there’s nothing for you to wander around the ruins ......
Mother wakes up her son at school: - Did you do the lessons? -No. -What are you going to do then? -The less you know the better you sleep!!!…
The son comes home with a deuce.
- Dad, don't worry!
- Okay, just don't be offended!
Teacher - student:
- When's your birthday?
- 5 October.
- What year?
- Everyone.
There is an arithmetic lesson in the first grade. The teacher asks:
- Syoma, how much should your mother pay for two kilograms of apples, if one kilogram costs five rubles?
- I don't know. My mom always trades like that!..
Why weren't you at school yesterday?
- My sister got married.
"Okay, just make sure it doesn't happen again!"
- Do you like going to school?
— Yes, only these hours between walking are the most disgusting.
The parish physician was part-time Sunday school teacher.
He asks the boy:
“Tell me, my young friend, what must we do to get to heaven?”
“Die,” the boy replies.
"That's right, but what should we do before that?"
- Call the doctor!
A mathematics professor reads a book to his little son at night.
Baby, sigh
- Pa-a-ap! Yes, it's boring! I would go straight to the episode where the multiple Riemann integral is tested against the Darboux criterion...
1. Which river is longer: the Mississippi or the Volga? the teacher asks Vovochka.
Of course Mississippi!
- And do you know how much?
- For four letters!
2. The Russian language teacher says:
- Children, how do you understand the phrase "visibly-invisibly"? Wow, answer.
- So this TV is junk!
3. Homework is needed only to quarrel between children and parents ...
4. Mom asks Vovochka:
How many tasks were on the test today?
- 15!
- And how much did you guess wrong?
- Only one!
- The rest, then, right?
- No, I didn't manage to solve the rest...
5. Winnie the Pooh chews on a bun. Suitable Piglet.
Vinnie, let me have a bite of the bun.
- This is not a bun ... this is a pie!
- Well, give me a bite of the pie.
- This is not a pie ... this is a donut!
- Well, let me bite the donut.
- Listen, Piglet, leave me alone, you don't know what you want!
6. Grandmother, grandmother! Why do you have such big eyes?
- To see you better ... - Why do you have such big ears?
To hear you better...
- Why do you have such a big nose?
- So, we are elephants, granddaughters ..
7. Dad, did you have a tablet as a child?
No, there were no computers back then.
What were you playing then?
- On the street!
8. Schoolchildren think that it is better to study at the institute, but only students know what is most comfortable in
kindergarten!
Children's jokes are the funniest
9. Literature lesson. The teacher asks:
- Well, children, have you read War and Peace?
Silence ... One guy starts up, with dumbfounded eyes asks:
- What should I have read?
Teacher:
- Well, yes…
- And I rewrote!
9. Mom asks her son:
- Sashenka, yesterday there were two pieces of cake left on the table. Now there is only one, why?
“It’s just that I didn’t notice the second piece in the dark,” Sashenka answered.
10. A boy on a walk with his dad in the park saw two twins in a stroller. He looked at them for a long time.
with a clever expression on his face and finally asked his father:
- Daddy, where is my second one?
11. The girl came to a neighbor and says:
Mom is very ill and wants strawberry jam.
- Oh my God! What do you put in? Did you take a glass or a saucer?
- Nothing is needed. I'll eat here.
12. Boxing in kindergarten. The judge in the ring gives the command:
- In different corners!
Boxers in crying:
We will no longer...
13. Chemistry lesson. Teacher:
- Masha, what color is your solution?
— Red.
- Right. Sit down, five.
- Katya, what about you?
— Orange.
- Not quite right. Four, sit down.
— Vovochka, the color of your solution?
- Black.
- Two. Class! Lie down.
14. Letter to Santa Claus:
- Grandfather Frost, I want Lenka to turn into a toad! And a gold bracelet.
15. Grandmother and granddaughter are sitting at a chamber music concert. The cellist is playing. granddaughter asks
grandmother:
- Grandma, when uncle saws his box, will we go home?
16. Your son shot during the lesson with a slingshot, the teacher complains to the student's mother.
— Ah! This rascal again lost the gun I gave him for his birthday.
Dad and daughter eat cabbage salad together for lunch. Dad tells his daughter his remark:
- You see, Ksyusha, we eat cabbage like two goats?
- I don't know, dad. There is only one goat here, and personally I am a hare.
A computer specialist is asked at work:
- Tell me, do you have children?
Yes, I have two sons! he answered quickly.
- How old are they?
The computer scientist thought:
- Well, one is already playing on the computer, and the second one is still not reaching the keyboard.
While walking with her son, the mother met a familiar aunt, she was delighted with the child and gave him a candy. The boy quickly grabbed it, unwrapped it and ate it silently. To this reaction, his mother says to him:
- Dima, what should I say to my aunt?
- Give me one more! - boldly answered the boy.
Grandmother went with her granddaughter to the park, there in summer theater there was a violin concert. Without hesitation, to introduce the granddaughter to musical art, she sat her on a bench and they began to listen. The girl obviously did not like the musician. She fidgeted for a long time on the bench and finally asked:
- Grandma, when the uncle finally cuts his box, will we go home?
During an indoor ball game, the children broke a window. The teacher explains:
- I ask, who broke the window?
(silence in response)
- I ask again, who broke the window?
(Children are silent)
- I ask for the third time: who broke the window with the ball ???
One boy hesitated and said:
- Come on, Svetlana Anatolyevna, ask for the fourth time!
The class teacher asks the children:
- Children, do you know what kind of birds do not nest?
Vovochka raises his hand. The teacher asks him to answer:
- Cuckoo! - Vovochka answers.
- Right! Do you know why? the teacher asks.
- Yes! Because she is sitting in the clock!
Cheburashka wanted to watch a movie. He came to the cinema, chose the movie he liked and asked the cashier:
- Tell me, how much is a ticket for that movie?
- Ten rubles. the cashier replied.
- But I only have five. (Cheburashka sighed) Can I see it with one eye for five rubles?
Svetka notices a few snow-white hairs on her mother’s head and asks:
- Mom, what is it?
- It's gray hair. - Mom answers.
- Why did you have them?
“That’s because you don’t listen to me,” Mom replied.
The girl thought for a moment and said with a smirk:
- So that's why my grandmother has a full gray head!
Ira's mother fell ill, she decided to help her and went to a neighbor:
- Aunt, Zina, please tell me you have raspberry jam! My mom has a cold.
- There are a few, Irochka. Where do you pour it?
- No need to pour. I'll eat it right here! - answered the girl.
Mom comes tired from work. She has three children and she asks each of them:
- Sashenka, what have you done for the house today useful?
- Washed the dishes, mommy! - answered the boy.
- Well done, son, here's a chocolate candy for you. (mother encourages son)
- Mashenka, what did you do useful for the house today?
- I washed the dishes. - answered the girl.
- Well done, daughter, here's a chocolate candy for you! (mother encourages daughter)
- Igorek, what did you do usefully? - Mom asks the youngest.
- And I, Mommy, collected all the pieces from the floor and took out the trash. Igor replied.
What did the adult elephant say when he accidentally stepped on the bun? - Crap! (correct answer)
Two friends are sitting on a bench in the garden and talking. One chews a bun, and the second asks him:
- Dimka, give me a bun to bite!
- It's not a bun, it's a pie!
- Well, then let me bite the pie!
- This is not a pie, this is a cheesecake!
- Well then let me bite the cheesecake!
- You yourself do not know what you want, decide first!
Children in the kindergarten show off their virtues:
Mashenka: And I have my mother's eyes!
Stasik: And I have a father's character!
Cyril: And I have a grandfather's nose!
Natasha: And I have a grandmother's smile!
Vovochka: And I have brother's tights!
A little grandson asks his grandfather:
- Grandfather, tell me, is it true that you were born in the forest?
- Of course not. Why do you think so? (asks grandfather)
- Yes, just every time you come, dad says: “the old stump has come again!”
A mother asks her son:
- Sashenka, yesterday there were two pieces of cake left on the table. Now there is only one, why?
“It’s just that I didn’t notice the second piece in the dark,” Sashenka answered.
Today my son (6 years old) came up and said:
- Life has no meaning.
I ask:
- Why?
Answer:
- Teeth fell out ... Who needs me now?
Mom, give me twenty rubles, I'll give them to that poor grandfather!
- You are my smart girl! Where is grandpa?
- And over there, sells ice cream!
Which river is longer: the Mississippi or the Volga? - the teacher asks Vovochka.
- Of course Mississippi!
- And do you know how much?
- For as many as four letters!
The father asks the children:
- Who ate the apple?
Vovochka:
- Don't know!
- Will you still?
- Will!
