State your thought clearly
Men perceive speech by means of logic, therefore they hear exactly what is said, and women connect intuition and emotions, so they see hints everywhere. Therefore, if you want to achieve something from a man, talk about it directly. Even the most transparent hints in this case do not work. Just say it straight!
Male hearing is weaker than female. Women hear the subtlest intonations of the voice, and men - not always. Therefore, when you ask a man for something, do it in a soft and kind voice.
Don't ask for everything at once
You can ask a man to do something or tell him how he should do it. But not both options. If you know how to do what you need to at its best- go and do it yourself. If you want a man to do this, then first praise even a mediocre version of his work, and next time point out the shortcomings.
For example, you want a man to wash the dishes. Even if he fulfilled your request, but at the same time washed the plate badly, you do not need to wash after him or criticize. Just next time put this unwashed plate to him so that he understands what such negligence threatens him with.
dress nice
It is noticed that men are much more willing to make concessions attractive women than those who do not care about their appearance. Moreover, the vision of men is quite erotic, while women remember any details of the picture better. How can you use it for your own purposes?
You are a woman, and this is your main trump card, use it. Even if between you and your interlocutor there are no and are not planned any intimate relationships If this man is your boss or colleague, don't assume that he doesn't notice that you are a woman. Therefore, if you are going to ask for something, you must look perfect.
Get rid of the commanding tone
When asking a man, do not use imperative mood(go there, don't do that, etc.). Such a wording of a request or advice is always perceived by a man as an attempt to control him, an encroachment on his freedom. It is better to use a request-question: "Honey, I started cleaning, could you help me?", (instead of: "Vacuum the house and dust it.")
You can also use a rhetorical question: "I'm late at work tomorrow, I don't even know how to pick up the child from kindergarten?", (instead of: "Tomorrow pick up the child from kindergarten.")
feed
The easiest way is to persuade a person to provide you with a service when he is comfortable, his physiological needs satisfied, and he feels harmony with the world around him. For men, this moment is the feeling of satiety. Simply put, ask a man to fulfill your desire after he has eaten.
A well-fed man is more accommodating and accommodating than a hungry one. Do you want to persuade your husband to make an unscheduled visit to your mother? Wait for him to eat. Looking for the right moment to ask your boss for a raise? Wait until he comes back from his lunch break.
pretend to be incompetent
Asking a man for help, in some way, you give him a compliment, that is, you make it clear that you would not have coped without him. Men really like it. Having fulfilled any of your requests, they already fall under your influence, with their help they let you know that they are ready to patronize you, to help in the future. You can skillfully use this unspoken promise. The most important thing is that your request be fulfilled.
After all, if he cannot help you, then by doing so you will put him in an awkward position, and he will have an unpleasant aftertaste from communicating with you. In the future, this may even be the reason that a man will begin to avoid you.
Biggest to Smallest
One of effective techniques how to get what you want lies in moving from a larger requirement to a smaller one in time. In fact, this technique is used quite often, just not consciously. For example, remember how you beg your loved one to please you. Perhaps like this: “Darling, you promised that for the weekend we would go out of town just the two of us. Too busy on weekends? Then let's at least go to a restaurant? Or like this: “When will we finally start to make repairs? No time? Then at least fix the faucet.”
If you learn to use this technique at the right moments, then you can achieve both the rest you dream of and the long-awaited repair.
Don't be his victim
Very often, when a woman asks for help, men use their defensive tactics. For example, to avoid housework, men use two tricks: “I can’t do anything” or “Hands in the wrong place.” As soon as you ask a man for help, he enthusiastically gets down to business, but does everything the way he does. In the end, you still have to redo everything. This is repeated until you decide that it is better to do everything yourself than to ask your man. This is exactly the outcome of events the man is trying to achieve.
Another way to shirk work is to provoke a quarrel with a woman. When the work is done, the man goes to reconciliation. How to behave in this situation?
If you feel that your man is helping you without much enthusiasm, it is best not to provoke a quarrel and avoid harsh statements. On the contrary, try to arrange it for yourself. “Darling, did you get up on the wrong foot today? Let me make you strong coffee - you will cheer up. After such words, a man is unlikely to want to quarrel with you.
Help is assistance, support, participation of one person in the life of another. People ask for help when they cope with their own problems. life problems difficult or impossible.
Man is not omnipotent. Asking for help from other people is natural and normal, it is a social skill. You don't have to be afraid to ask for help. But doing this is not always easy and simple. The need to ask for help sometimes causes a lot.
When and how to ask people for help?
To ask or not to ask?
Why does one person ask for help without being embarrassed when he is too lazy to do something on his own, while another does not turn to people when it is extremely necessary in Hard time?
The ability and ability to ask for help is formed (or not formed) as a social skill. This skill is acquired in childhood, when the child, having learned to speak, requires the necessary benefits and attention of his parents. The child is taught to ask adults for help correctly. The word "please" is the first "magic" word that the baby learns to use.
The ability to say to yourself and people "I'm asking for help" depends. One individual takes for granted the benefits provided, while the other is in need, afraid to ask for help.
Shy, indecisive individuals are afraid to ask for help, especially strangers. And the proud, the arrogant believe that by asking for help, they will humiliate themselves and show failure.
People seek support when a problem becomes too complex. The realization that outside help would be useful comes too late.
Subjects who achieve personal goals at the expense of others use the request for assistance as . In this case, the request is a means to get a person to do what the manipulator wants.
People feel embarrassed when they have to ask for help. There is a feeling of own inferiority and superiority of the person who helps. These feelings are due to prevailing stereotypes: a successful and independent person is on his own, and a loser begs for help.
If asking for help is perceived as a humiliating necessity, the individual should change their attitude towards support from other people.
The inability to ask for help can have irreparable consequences, especially if a person needs it urgently.
Often strong people suffer physical or mental pain without turning to specialists who can help and without talking about it to close relatives.
Special social institutions and services help in difficult, emergency situations, including providing ambulance. Every citizen should know where and what phone number, address to contact in case of a threat to life and health or if other people need help.
Algorithm for seeking help
Man is a social being. Society is built on the ability of people to interact. Help and mutual assistance are necessary and important social phenomena. An individual of any age, gender, social status. But help is not always available. How to ask for help, so that it is provided?
Algorithm of actions asking for help:
- Awareness of need. Accustomed to independence, people do not understand that it is possible and necessary to ask for help, and sometimes this is the only way out. difficult situation. Saying “I did what I could, but it was not enough, so I ask people for help” is harder for myself than for others. In emergency situations, such a decision must be made quickly.
- Formulation of the request. A person does not always understand how people can help him if he does not know what words to address them with. When the subject is hungry, he will realize this and ask a loved one to prepare food. Things are more complicated when a person feels and experiences previously unknown feelings, emotions, needs. When a person is faced with the unknown, he first understands the situation, denotes what is happening in words. We need to try to make it clear so that people can help solve the problem.
- Looking for someone to help. They ask for help from a specialist whose professional duties include providing assistance and support, from relatives, relatives or strangers, depending on the situation.
Self-help is part of helping. No specialist can help a person who refuses to cooperate and assist.
Don't be shy about asking for help, but don't play the "victim" role to get the support you want.
- Actually asking for help. The request for help to convey in words clearly, briefly and politely, without unnecessary emotions. If the person being contacted agrees to help and asks to explain the situation in more detail, this should also be done calmly and with restraint.
A request expressed in a rude form is perceived as a demand. I do not want to comply with such a request. There is no desire to help the person who asks dismissively or causes a feeling of guilt for not having helped him earlier. People who ask too pitifully or in a panic also cause unpleasant feelings. Wanting to support another, one does not want to “be infected” and “plunge” into the negative, since in such a state it is more difficult to provide the necessary support and assistance.
When an individual asks for help in a positive way, holding back pride and excitement, he shows strength, not weakness of character.
Fear of seeming stupid, insolvent, inadequate leads to the fact that a person asks for help in an undesirable form and, as a result, is refused.
How to get help
After listening to the request, the helping person will help in solving the problem in word and / or deed.
If the help consisted in an act, then gratitude is expressed in words or in action. If they provide support in the form of tips, advice and recommendations, further actions performed independently by the individual asking for help.
The offer of help must be understood and accepted. It can be desirable and useful or undesirable and unacceptable.
To receive help you need:
- Listen to advice and recommendations. If assistance is provided by a specialist, it is better to write down the recommendations given so as not to forget anything. If this is a friendly conversation, it is better to discuss an exciting issue and find a solution together.
- Consider next steps. According to the advice received, decide whether to accept help or not. Accept the desired help with gratitude, and politely refuse the undesirable.
- Thanks for the help. It is necessary to say words of gratitude after receiving help, regardless of how useful it was. Thanks must be sincere.
People feel the desire to do something good in return, to help each other. If there is no such possibility, you should not feel remorse. A heartfelt “Thank you!” will say much more than a gift or other gratitude.
When refusing unwanted support, it is better to politely say: “Thanks for participating, but I do not need such help.”
Professional help is paid or free. There is social and volunteer assistance. People who provide assistance on a voluntary basis or by vocation receive joy and pleasure by helping someone out in difficult times. They are pleased with the result of work and positive changes in the life of another person.
When accepting help, you need to take into account the personality of the helping person, respect responsiveness and kindness.
It is wrong to expect support as a matter of course, you need to politely ask for it. Important aspect relations between people: they are able not only to receive, but also to help each other.
When close person or a stranger asks for help, you should try to provide it if possible. The humanity of each individual individual is the help rendered to society.
Asking the people around you correctly is actually not as difficult as it seems. The main thing is to always be ready for failure. Well, they refuse and refuse. After all, the person you are asking for may have a really good reason to refuse you, or it is simply unacceptable for him. If you don't get offended, then you won't be constrained in communication. As the aphorism that has already become popular says: "Be simpler and people will be drawn to you." And in case of refusal, you almost always have a fallback option, you just need to look at the environment.
So, how to ask people for help, phrases and wording
Try casually, or setting a comic tone to the conversation, ask:
- I've been wanting to turn to you for a long time: ... help me out;
- Can I ask you for one favor... ;
- I have a little business for you, I know that you understand this issue ... ;
- If I ask you, it won't be hard for you to do for me...;
- Sorry for asking, but only you can help me in this matter...;
- Take my place... I can't help asking you;
- I'm even a little embarrassed to ask you this request, but...;
- I want to ask you... can you help?
With such simple formulations, you can ask a person for any favor or act, the main thing is to take courage and shake out all the cockroaches that stop you from your head. The main thing is to be prepared for failure in advance and treat it as simply as possible.
But that is not all. Most main secret in asking for something from people from childhood, it can help you a lot, and this word " Please". Not every person will be able to refuse hearing a simple word "please" after your request.
Try to use these tips in life as often as possible if you feel stuck when you need to ask for something, and after a certain period of time you will be able to ask anyone without any complexes.
Good afternoon, wonderful readers! Many women are sure that asking their husband for something is arrogant, humiliating, ugly and risky. They try to fulfill all their desires on their own. They try to be strong and independent... Which can already destroy relationships. And some - sometimes turn to a man for help, but hear a refusal. Simply because they could not submit their request gently and competently. After reading this article, you will understand how to ask a man for something so that he will gladly fulfill your request.
This topic has been discussed in detail in online training "Secrets of a happy marriage"(I recommend it if you want to improve your relationship). There I realized that I was doing wrong, reducing all my requests to a minimum. Of course, going to extremes and bombarding your spouse with crazy requests is not worth it. But regularly contacting him with small desires is not only possible, but also necessary. It's not humiliating. There is no arrogance here. This is not manipulation. Not cheating. Not pettiness. This is necessary for both of you.
Why do you need to regularly ask a man for something?
- When we ask (softly, without claims and ultimatums, in a feminine way), we allow a man to take his place in the family. Your spouse should feel in charge. And be in charge. This helps him become more self-confident, stronger and more responsible. When he hears that we need his help, he takes the lead.
- When we ask, we ourselves begin. We become weaker. We stop carrying everything. We take off the burden of responsibility. We acknowledge our dependence. And it's so wonderful!
- Fulfilling your requests makes a man a hero. If you enthusiastically thank your spouse, if you express your positive emotions, your spouse will be able to fulfill his need to be a knight. Get your dose of admiration and gratitude. Of course, he could do something nice on his own initiative. But often men do not understand exactly what they can do for you. Either they understand, but are constantly distracted by something else ... Or they don’t believe that you will be delighted with some small gifts.
- If you need money from a man, his time, strength, or something else, you only develop your relationship with this. Of course, if you do everything right. It’s bad when spouses don’t need anything from each other, everyone exists on their own and independently achieves their goals. So the spouses turn into just neighbors.
- It is bad if a woman cannot fulfill her desires and suppresses them. Or he hopes that the husband himself will guess everything, and he will offer to buy you an expensive ring ... Hidden grievances, discontent, disappointment accumulate in a woman ... But sometimes you just need to gently ask your spouse to present you with a certain gift.
- Many of our desires are not so stupid. And their implementation would benefit not only you, but also a caring spouse. For example, new dresses, manicures, a trip to the festival ... can give your family much more than a tired one. A beautiful woman with a manicure and in a chic dress will delight her husband with her beautiful appearance.
- If you can provide for all your women's material needs yourself ... You still need to turn to a man with requests. When a man only cares about himself, he becomes selfish. When he does not feel like the main earner in the family, he has less incentive to earn more money.
Now you understand how important it is to learn how to ask your man for help like a woman? Financial and not only?
I myself, accustomed to independence from childhood, found it very difficult to reconsider my views. But it was worth it! And now I am very glad that I decided to take this step.
How to ask your man?
This art can be learned! You just need to remember the basic rules:
- You can’t ask for something while you harbor grievances and claims in your soul. While counting how much you have done for your husband, and how much he has done for you. It is important to be grateful to your spouse for everything, to ask for forgiveness, to tune in positively. On training we did a meditation that allows you to take the right attitude.
- Ask from the position of a girl - open and weak. Modest, defenseless, but not domineering and self-confident. You can be a little sad and lament about how you want what you want and you can’t do anything (without going too far!). This is not manipulation. This is the language of requests, the most comfortable for men. Most men will admit that they like this presentation of your desires. And my husband also told me to ask him in this way.
- You must understand that a man can save you now. And not just: “Will you buy me a dress? No? Well, it is not necessary".
- Highlight its benefits. "You will be so pleased that with you a woman is walking in such a gorgeous dress!”
- When you get agreement or near agreement, show your joy and gratitude. The man needs it. Such is his psychology.
- It’s even better if you then show off your new dress to a friend (with your spouse) and proudly emphasize who bought it for you.
- In large requests, so that he does not refuse you immediately, do not demand an instant answer. If we are talking about buying a car or a house, at first just start talking about it from afar. “Can you imagine how great it would be if we had a bigger car now?” Let him get used to the idea that you could have another car or house. Usually men are afraid of big expenses. And before they can objectively weigh the pros and cons, they need to overcome their fear.
Good video Ruslan Narushevich
