Many people are afraid of conflict. They agree to experience a feeling of constant anxiety, just not to leave their comfort zone. If you want to get rid of this painful condition, you will have to initiate a conflict and defend your interests. To change the situation, but at the same time maintain a relationship, you must follow a number of rules.
Get your arguments down on paper
As a rule, conflicts are emotional. By putting your thoughts on paper, you will prepare yourself to stick to questions that directly concern you. conflict situation. So you are more likely to talk about what you would like to change in the relationship, and not go over to mutual accusations.
Observe the interlocutor from the side
No matter how you prepare for the conversation, it is difficult to resist the emotional flow into which the other side is trying to involve you. However, as soon as the affect turns on: aggression in response to the attack of the offender or, on the contrary, fear, you have lost. You forget about everything that you previously wrote, and you get into an emotional flow that deprives you of the ability to think rationally. Try to take a symbolic step aside, shifting your attention from what you are being told to who is saying it. Take a closer look at how a person looks at this moment, what color of eyes he has, features of clothing. Is his hair dyed or natural? Is the shirt well ironed? Imagine him not as your opponent, but as a five-year-old kid who just got older. So you will return composure, which will help to act in your own interests.
Determine what the interlocutor really wants
Conflicts can be direct and implicit. In the first case, everything is clear: your car is cut off on the freeway, and the conflict does not go beyond the traffic incident. However, sometimes a completely different reason for dissatisfaction can be hidden behind the expressed claim. Close person jealous of you, but express it by different reasons is not resolved. Instead, he accuses you of insisting on a trip to friends, and he would prefer another pastime. The position of a detached observer here again will allow you to better see the undercurrents: what really lies at the heart of the conflict.
Let the interlocutor talk
Every conflict has its phases. Do not try to quickly end an unpleasant conversation and give the interlocutor the opportunity to go through the most emotional stage allowing you to get rid of the accumulated burden of resentment. The more tension in a person, the more difficult it is for him to understand you. The words that it is important for him to hear from you: "I understand you."
Return what was said
AT short form tell him everything he said. This will make the person feel that they are understood and accepted by you.
Worrying about how the birth will go, especially during the first pregnancy, is quite natural. But you should not be afraid of them, we will tell you why.
Reason #1. It's absolutely pointless
Whether you are afraid or not, when the time comes, you will all give birth to a baby, because pregnancy has no reverse course. Listening to horror stories from neighbors in turn at the clinic and mom's lamentations, you wind yourself up. Meanwhile, your body is perfectly adapted to give birth to a healthy baby, the main thing is not to interfere with it. Nature has already thought of everything for you, when childbirth begins, the body will release hormones that dull the pain, you will have time to rest between contractions. So, instead of being afraid, it is better to take the time to find a doctor you can trust, decide on the method of childbirth and think about the type of pain relief that is acceptable to you. Your body will do the rest.
Reason number 2. Fear poisons your pregnancy
Pregnancy lasts so little, only 9 months, within whole life- this is just a little, and instead of properly enjoying this state, you spend time and nerves worrying about the future that has not yet arrived. It is better to thoroughly prepare for the appearance of the baby - read books in order to understand what is happening to you, sign up for courses for pregnant women, make repairs in the nursery with feeling, sense and arrangement and purchase all the dowry. Behind all these pleasant chores, there will be no room for fear and everything will go well.
Reason number 3. Fear prevents you from attuning to motherhood
Childbirth and the hormonal changes that follow them are a considerable burden on the body. In order for this period to pass easily, it is very important to have the right attitude - to be calm, relaxed and positive in the best sense of the word. Doctors strongly advise you not to read horror stories on the Internet and not to listen to "tales" from other mothers, because it is they who give rise to nightmares in your head that prevent you from being in a good mood. If you feel that fear is approaching, think about why, or rather, for whom you are going through all this, your baby is definitely worth a little effort, right? And very soon you will be able to take him in your arms, hug, kiss, find out what he is like.
Reason number 4. Fear delays childbirth
Scientists have found that women who are afraid of childbirth, on average, give birth one and a half hours longer than those who are mentally ready for childbirth. Psychological discomfort leads to the fact that the body begins to resist what is happening, which is not good for you or your baby. It is worth listening carefully to yourself - if you cannot cope with fear, then it is better to sign up in advance with a good psychotherapist and work out your fear with him, at the same time stock up on useful techniques that help overcome fear, which will be useful to you not only during childbirth, but also in later life.
Reason number 5. The result is more important than the process
Believe it or not, when labor begins, all fears instantly evaporate. Apparently, the prospect of an early meeting with the baby and the realization that the process has begun, which means that soon everything will be behind, is sobering. If you feel that fear is on the threshold, just talk to your baby, think about him.
When houses were blown up in 1999, this was the first sensation real possibility"don't wake up tomorrow." I remember how in the evening I went to bed on the floor - my old sofa was thrown away, and a new one was only supposed to be brought in from day to day. And here I am lying on the floor, that is, somehow especially close to the “skeleton” of a 9-story building, and I think that maybe this night the skeleton will crack from the explosion, tremble and crumble. And I, clinging to one of his bones, will fall into the abyss. If I die right away, it’s scary, but much worse if it fills up with rubble - my leg is crushed, crushed to pieces, I can’t move my hands, terrible pain, terrible loneliness, death ...
And suddenly the flow of these terrible thoughts was interrupted by a strange lightness of isolation from the world, awareness of oneself in the face of eternity. The world became different, all the problems seemed different, everything superficial left, and, perhaps for the first time, I looked at myself from the outside and saw what my life is.
Then there were terrorist attacks in the subway. And again, eternity returned and stood next to me. We all, as before, went to work in the subway, but involuntarily looked into the face of those entering the car - maybe now there is an explosion, and I will be gone? Then thoughts began to return to everyday affairs - nonsense, showdowns with colleagues, internal dialogues, and again interrupted: what if now? After all, “whatever I find, I judge,” and I ... And again I looked at myself from the side, with an unblinking, evaluating look and passed a harsh sentence - everything is somehow bad with you ...
And an explosion near the National Hotel. On that day, I was returning from a meeting of the department and decided to go to our temple - Small Ascension on Bolshaya Nikitskaya. Usually I walk like this - past the hotel, leaving the Okhotny Ryad station. But this time I went on foot from Arbatskaya. It was only when I arrived at the temple that I learned that Okhotny Ryad“everything was blocked off - a suicide bomber, students of Moscow State University died ... Eternity moved my hair on my head and was very close.
How many times do you think: what if now? And for a moment, just for a moment, it is impossible to walk with this for a long time, you look at life as before jumping into the abyss: who am I, what do I do in this world?
People who recognize fatal diagnosis, they see the world the way we do, only sometimes and not very seriously - everything superficial leaves and dissolves, and now I stand in the face of God. Is it good that we are so often in recent times face the fear of death, or is it better to say "the fear of death"? Good. Think how many people live an ordinary, prosperous or not very life, and do not have the opportunity to feel the abyss of another being nearby, and having felt it, look at themselves from the outside.
“Some say that for the gods we are like flies that are beaten by boys on a summer day; others say, on the contrary, that a sparrow will not drop a feather if God does not touch it with a finger. These words from Thornton Wilder's The Saint Louis Bridge come to my mind whenever I'm afraid. In order for only one gray, nondescript feather to fall from the sparrow's chest, God must touch it - the One who alone has power over this world. Have trust in God. Fussing, breaking into a scream in quarrels, running around part-time jobs and playing with children in His palm, we forget that “not a single hair will fall” ...
What a terrible accident - to die suddenly, at the hands of a terrorist, absurdly, in the prime of life. Are there loving relatives nearby or just a dog, do we carry unfulfilled plans of revenge or compassion, do we make vows of hatred or love ... Death does not understand?
In that book by Thorton Wilder, “at noon on Friday, July 20, 1714, the most beautiful bridge in Peru collapsed and threw five travelers into the abyss.” Why exactly these five are an accident, hard Rock? The book has an answer: because they all fulfilled the covenant of love: "There is a land of the living and a land of the dead, and the bridge between them is love, the only meaning, the only salvation" - this is how the book ends.
That's the triumph, that's the reason for us to stop being afraid that death Disassembles. And so there is no need to be afraid. Human life is not meaningless, and people are not God's playthings. How arrogant to think that you can Just die. Maybe we do not see the invisible threads of Providence, but we all fulfill our covenant with God in this life in one way or another. The life of each of us is a great value that God "hides in a case" only when our time has come.
: "Today is a completely different state, with a completely different margin of safety of the economy."
This time, Dmitry Peskov is absolutely right. We are the surviving society of a drowned country. But the fact that we survived then is no reason to sink in a dry place now. The Englishwoman Millina Dean, having survived as a baby during the sinking of the Titanic (a statistical miracle!), lived for almost 100 years and died during the years of Dmitry Medvedev's presidency. If Millina had nightmares, it wasn't as often as Russian society. The collapse and disintegration of Russia is the favorite popular popular print like Bova the King. We accompany all political moments with views of the death and ruin of the state. And the mantra “Gaidar saved Russia from hunger and civil war”- a meme as well-worn as the school ones “Lenin is always alive” and “Mom washed the frame”.
Be Russian Federation regular state with a system of institutions, it would not have existed for a long time
The factor overlooked by black forecasters is the Russian Federation itself. It is statistically improbable, historically even more so. The idea of the withdrawal of the RSFSR from the USSR could only have arisen in a strange mind Soviet man- a craftsman who knows how to make a fashionable lampshade from a skein of twine.
The Soviet Union arose as a result of a revolution, a civil war and two world wars, and died in days of peace - but days of world crisis. Gorbachev could not find a worse global moment for perestroika. Since Black Monday in the US in 1987, and especially in 1991-92, the US economy has been in recession, more than 10 countries have been affected by the economic crisis, from Canada and England to Japan and India. The collapse of the European monetary mechanism hit the British pound. Crisis of 1991-92 made unthinkable the growth of government spending in the West, necessary for the "Marshall Plan - 2" assistance to the USSR. And the Union collapsed. And what hatched from it greedily clicked its beak, demonstrating in every possible way the will to live.
People in front of a barricade of trams at the scene of night clashes in Moscow on August 21, 1991 Photo: Alexander Nemenov/AFP
The global economic crisis is the egg of the Russian Federation, it gave it a chance to arise at all. The Russian Federation was hailed as an anchor of salvation and a bid for Soviet resources. Not a bright future and not a “city on a hill” hovered in the minds of the population when Russia was announced, but food warehouses USSR with unbroken (it seemed) castles. The unwillingness to share equaled the will to survive and thrive—that was the lining of the democratic idealism of 1991.
World economic crises happen regularly, though less often than economists predict them. The next one is also inevitable. But the system of the Russian Federation does not wait for the crisis - it is ahead of it, preparing in advance to participate in it. Ideally, she sponsors the crisis, if not the initiator of it, and gets a chance to succeed. Therefore, the Russian Federation has been in existence for 30 years - almost half the life of the USSR. Looking back, we see a series of severe political and economic crises, domestic and global. Each of them could easily send a new fragile state to the next world. If the Russian Federation were a regular state with a system of institutions, it would not exist long ago. But the crisis was met by people who knew how to behave in the event of the simultaneous loss of all hopes, savings, citizenship and status.
1991, 1993, 1996, 1998-99, 2008-2009, 2014-2016... Russia lived in a chain of crises without breaking up at all. Disappeared such states as Czechoslovakia and Yugoslavia, the collapse of the European Union began - and the Russian Federation is right there. The crises did not undermine, but, on the contrary, strengthened a new Russian authorities. She grew up in a wild field, like Mowgli, and learned everything useful, in particular, how to create a crisis. Unlike the Union, the Russian Federation is not a suffering victim of world fires, but a nimble predator waiting for prey in the bushes. Is it possible to say that a country living in this way is not viable?
Our requirements for life are beyond any norms and standards, they are in the field of anthropology of survival. "Everything that could go wrong, went wrong" - this is the history of the Russian Federation in one phrase
The devaluation of the ruble in 1998 certainly mattered, and the drop in imports was more noticeable than after Crimea. But what is called "the Russian economy and statehood" easily coped with this. There is a force in Russia that is always waiting for hurricanes and grows stronger from them - this is central authority. Like in the old blockbuster disaster 2012, where the Chinese arks, stuffed to the brim with billionaires, were waiting in the mountains for a wave that would tear them off their feet and throw them into new vibrant waters.
Many pointed to how quickly the Russian economy, state, and society recovered from the 1998 default. I remember who recovered first - the legislators of the Russian Federation. At the August crisis foresight, the Kremlin made a separate decision that ATMs State Duma will be continuously replenished with cash.
Economic crisis December 24, 1998. Homeless people receive food in the center of Moscow.
Photo: Maxim Marmur/Getty Images
The Russian system is the most curious of the humanitarian projects of the late twentieth century (though not very humane). This is an active conspiracy of the population with the authorities about joint survival without rules. Everyone survives as best they can, some with a yacht, and some without a pension. Here the households are not fortresses worth attacking: there is nothing to take there. Everyone is unhappy, but no one walks out of the deal. Entire generations have grown up, classes of people have formed who serve this amazing automaton of crises, with an advantageous escape from them. Perhaps our Russia is a beacon of the future in a sinking world order.
As people who fearlessly switched from normal cheese to Krasnodar palm cheese (below Soviet quality), we can again give up everything and eat only rubbish. Our requirements for life are beyond any norms and standards, they are in the field of anthropology of survival. George Soros, predicting an imminent crisis, writes: "Everything that could go wrong, went wrong" - this is the history of the Russian Federation in one phrase. I would include these words in National anthem and sang them with patriotic enthusiasm.
Psychotherapy is a way of knowing oneself, support in resolving internal and interpersonal conflicts, assistance in changing those personality traits and behavior patterns that prevent you from realizing your inner potential in life, work and relationships.
The main "tool" of psychotherapy - special relationship the client with the therapist, within which the disclosure and resolution of psychological problems occurs (or does not occur). Psychotherapy is not part of medicine and does not diagnose or treat mental illness. It is suitable for correcting psychological problems that anyone can have, both a healthy and a sick person. In the second case, it is used in combination with psychiatric treatment.
Psychiatry is a branch of medicine. It studies human mental states by medical means and treats mental disorder as a disease of the body, which can be studied and its "root" in the workings of the brain can be found - and treated with drugs, like any other disease. Psychiatry believes that by acting on the brain, you can change the psyche.
The same disorder can be caused psychological reasons or biochemical disorders in the brain. For example, depression can develop as a result of unresolved emotional problems - or because of an organic disruption in the production of dopamine in the brain. Often psychological problems and brain dysfunctions manifest themselves simultaneously - and even doctors cannot always say which is primary. And it’s almost impossible to figure out the reasons for your subjective state of “bad” on your own, especially if you feel bad right now. Therefore, in good clinics, the psychiatrist and clinical psychologist work with the patient in tandem.
If you want "talk therapy" and you go to a therapist, he may refer you to a psychiatrist if he sees that you are too unstable emotional condition and needs to be corrected. At the same time, if you feel that you are in an anomalous state for yourself all the time without any external cause, and go to a psychiatrist - then after stabilizing your condition, he can refer you to a psychotherapist. After all, you will have to deal with those features of behavior and thinking that destabilize you in addition to physiological disorders.
If you suspect you have a mental disorder, look for a psychotherapist with a medical background and clinical experience. Diplomas in psychology are most often issued by humanitarian universities, and their graduates have a rather weak understanding of psychiatry.
However, in the acute stages of a mental disorder, communication with a psychotherapist can be not only useless, but even harmful. For example, in the event of the height of depression, a qualified psychotherapist will not offer you to delve into relationships with your parents - but will send you to a psychiatrist to stabilize the emotional background (without which a constructive conversation and insights will not happen). If you yourself feel that psychotherapy does not help get rid of a condition that is abnormal for you or even aggravates it, go to a psychiatrist yourself.
If you have 100 people working in your office, up to 30 of them will sooner or later experience mental illness. Most likely it will be depression, phobia, obsessive state, eating disorder or mental changes caused by dependence on alcohol or other harmful substances.
Most of the psychiatrist's patients are the most ordinary people, who are considered by others to be somewhat "nervous", "lazy", "weak-willed", "strange" or do not notice their problems at all. If you seek help in time, in most cases you can improve your condition and return to ordinary life. But if the disease is ignored for years (which thousands of Russians do), then even banal depression or anxiety disorder can result in the loss of work, family and place in society.
Before you suspect you have a mental disorder
1. Get enough sleep and rest well. In modern citizens, brain malfunctions can be triggered by banal overload and constant stress.
2. Rule out other causes of "weird" feeling. See a neurologist (you may have physical damage nervous system) and an endocrinologist (hormone failure can also cause a change in behavior). Not often, but there are cases when a person is treated for schizophrenia, and then it turns out that the psychosis is caused by a brain tumor.
3. Remember that medicine has not yet been able to establish the exact causes of mental disorders. But scientists agree that there are always several factors: biological (that is, innate features of brain biochemistry), psychological (stress, the habit of thinking and behaving in a certain way) and social (upbringing, relationships with others). Tablets will help only with the first group of problems. The rest will have to be dealt with on your own or with the help of a psychotherapist.
Why You Shouldn't Be Afraid of Psychiatrists
Far from all the horrors about psychiatry are invented: in the 20th century in the USSR they could really send a person who tore up a party card “to the madhouse”, in the USA thousands of patients were lobotomized, and in Canada experiments were performed on helpless patients. Modern psychiatry has become quite democratic and does not aim to "inflict health" by force: as long as you do not commit a crime, your mental health- this is only your problem (and your loved ones).
Domestic hospitals still lag behind European ones in terms of humanism, but in general they are moving in the same direction as the rest of the world. civilized world. For example, in Moscow, psychiatric departments are being opened at ordinary polyclinics in order to overcome the outdated habit of isolating the mentally ill, in polyclinics you can sign up for a psychotherapist, and the city's chief psychiatrist speaks at conferences along with patients.
Patient rights
Russian psychiatry is based on fairly progressive laws, but it should be borne in mind that practice often lags behind theory. Therefore, it is important to know what rights you have.
Voluntariness
To be treated or not to be treated is a matter of choice. The patient can only be hospitalized with his written consent. Involuntary hospitalization can be in three cases: if a person poses an immediate danger to himself (attempts to commit suicide) or to others, and if he is helpless (not able to take care of himself). In such cases, the decision is made not by one doctor, but by a special medical commission.
There is compulsory treatment by court order, but that is a completely different story. So if you were taken to the hospital due to someone else's mistake or malicious intent, there is every chance of returning home.
Confidentiality
Transfer of data from your medical record to third parties, whether it be an employer or native mother without your written consent is prohibited. Both the diagnosis and the very fact of going to a psychiatrist are a medical secret. Such information can only be requested by law enforcement agencies or the court if there is reason to believe that you are involved in a crime.
Psychiatric registration, which still scares people, was officially abolished 25 years ago. So the requirements to “bring a certificate” about accounting in the PND are illegal. The accounting system was replaced by dispensary observation. It does not cover all people with diagnoses, as it was in the USSR, but only those whose disease is severe, with frequent exacerbations. Surveillance does not disqualify you, and over time it can be removed if you achieve remission.
Despite the illegality, in Russia they can still require a certificate from the PND. In this case, the IPA should assess the patient's condition on this moment and write about it, and not about what happened to him a few years ago.
Restrictions
There are indeed restrictions in the choice of work for people with chronic disorders: these are professions related to weapons, high risk or responsibility for other people. At the same time, your fitness for work is determined not by “registration in the IPA”, but by the medical board, which assesses your condition at the moment.
Patient Responsibility
Recovery (to be precise - long-term remission) is impossible without your own active participation. If you want to feel better, you need to change your lifestyle and give up habits that undermine peace of mind. Each disease has its own characteristics, but the rules of a healthy lifestyle have not changed since the time of Hippocrates: good sleep and rest, moderate physical exercises, no overload and healthy food rich in nutrients for the brain. Drugs and strong alcohol (or weak in in large numbers) are harmful to everyone, but for a client of psychiatry it is a taboo: they not only give unpredictable side effects in combination with drugs, but can also provoke attacks of the disease.
Take care of your mental health, do not be afraid of doctors and remember that mental disorders it is quite rare that they “go away on their own”: if they are not treated, the consequences for your family and your future can be much worse than from admitting the fact of the disease and the need for help.
