It is impossible to deprive millions of people, perhaps, of what they need for their souls. I repeat: “maybe”. But even if there is only the slightest probability that what I have written is necessary for the souls of people, then it is impossible to deprive them of this spiritual food so that Andrei can drink and debauchery and smear Lev and ... Well, God bless them. Do your own thing and don't judge... Morning.
Day, like the previous days: unwell, but the soul is less unkind. I look forward to what will happen, and this is something bad.
Sofya Andreevna is completely calm.
July 30th. Chertkov drew me into a struggle, and this struggle is very hard and disgusting to me. I will try loving(I'm afraid to say, I'm so far from it) lead her.
In my present position, perhaps the main thing necessary is not doing, not speaking. Today I vividly realized that I only need not to spoil my position and vividly remember that I nothing, nothing no need.
July 31st. The evening passed idly. The Ladyzhenskys came, I talked too much. Sofya Andreyevna was awake again, but not angry. I'm waiting.
August 1. I slept well, but still boring, sad, lifeless, with a heavy consciousness of dislike around him and, alas, in himself. Help, Lord! Sasha coughs again. Sofya Andreyevna told Posha the same thing. All this lives on: jealousy for Chertkov and fear for property. Very hard. I can't stand Lev Lvovich. And he wants to live here. Here is the test! Letters in the morning. I wrote badly, corrected one proofreading. I go to bed in a difficult mental state. I'm bad.
August 2. E. b. and. I really, really understood my mistake. It was necessary to gather all the heirs and declare their intention, and not secretly. I wrote this to Chertkov. He got very upset. Went to Kolpna. Sofya Andreevna went out to check, watch, dig through my papers. Now she was interrogating who is transmitting letters from Chertkov: "You are conducting secret love correspondence." I said I didn't want to talk and left, but gently. Unhappy, how can I not feel sorry for her. Wrote Gala a letter.
August 3rd. You lie down with longing in your heart and wake up with the same longing. I can't overcome everything. Walked in the rain. Worked at home. Traveled with Goldenweiser. I have a hard time with him. Letter from Chertkov. He is very upset. I say yes and decided to wait and do nothing. It's good that I feel trashy. In the evening, a crazy note from Sofya Andreevna and
requirement that I read. I looked and gave. She came and started talking. I locked myself in, then ran away and sent Dushan. Where will it end? Just don't sin yourself. I'm going to bed. E. b. and.
August 4th. Nothing was hard today, but it's hard for me. Finished proofreading, but did not write anything. He got excited with the high school students and in vain, he accepted and gave the book to the student and his wife. A lot of fuss. I went with Dushan to the Ladyzhenskys. Posha leaves, and Korolenko arrives.
5th of August. I thought a little lighter. I am ashamed, ashamed, comical and sad about my refraining from communicating with Chertkov. Yesterday morning I was very pathetic, without malice. I am always so happy about it - it's so easy for me to feel sorry for and love her when she suffers, and does not make others suffer.
August 6th Today, lying in bed, a thought came, which seemed to me very important. Thought I'd post later. And I forgot, I forgot and I can't remember. Now I met Sofya Andreevna right there, where I wrote it down. She goes quickly, terribly agitated. I felt very sorry for her. He told her at home to look after her secretly, where she went. Sasha said that she walks not without a goal, but watching me. It became less pitiful. There is unkindness here, and I still cannot be indifferent - in the sense of loving the unkind. I am thinking of leaving, leaving a letter, and I am afraid, although I think that it would be better for her. Now I read the letters, took up the "Madness" and put it aside. No desire to write, no strength. Now the 1st hour. Eternal hiding and fear for her is hard.
August 7. Conversation with Korolenko. Clever and good man but all under the superstition of science. The forthcoming work is very clear, and it would be a pity not to write it, but there seems to be no strength. Everything is mixed up, there is no consistency and perseverance in one direction. Sofya Andreevna is calmer, but the same unkindness to everyone and irritation. I read Korsakov's Paranoia. As written off from her. Sasha had the book, and the places were underlined, probably by her. Korolenko says to me: "And what a good person Alexandra Lvovna is." And I have tears in my throat from tenderness, and I can’t speak. When I recovered, I said: I have no right to speak, she loves me too much.
Korolenko. Well, I am right. With Leo, everything is just as hard, but thank God, there is no unkind feeling.
8 August. Got up early. Many, many thoughts, but all scattered. Well, it is not necessary. I pray, I pray, help me. And I can’t, I can’t help but wish, wait with joy for death.
The separation from Chertkov is more and more shameful. I'm clearly to blame.
I am like a good sheep. How barking at us.
Again the same with Sofya Andreevna. He wants Chertkov to go. Didn't sleep again until 7 am.
"We drove with wineries."
My memory has completely disappeared, and, amazingly, not only did I not lose anything, but I gained an awful lot - in clarity and strength. consciousness. I even think that one is always at the expense of the other.
August 9th. I take life more and more seriously. Again excitement. Conversations with Fere, with Sasha. Sasha is sharp. Leva is a big and difficult test.
10th of August. Everything is just as hard and unhealthy. It's good to feel guilty, and I do. [...]
For the first time yesterday, when I was writing a letter to Galya, I felt guilty about everything and natural desire- to ask for forgiveness and now, thinking about it, I felt “perfect joy”. How simple, how easy, how it liberates from human glory, how it facilitates relations with people. Oh, if it weren't for self-deception and would have been kept.
11th August. Health is getting worse and worse. Sofya Andreevna is calm, but just as alien. Letters. Answered two. It's hard with everyone. I can't help wishing for death. A long letter from Chertkov, describing everything that preceded it. It was very sad, hard to read and remember. He is absolutely right, and I feel guilty before him. Posha was wrong. I will write to both. I am writing all this.
12th of August. I decided to tell Tanya everything yesterday. This morning a heavy feeling, unkind to her, to Sofya Andreevna. And I need to forgive and regret, but I can’t yet.
Tanya said. She is happy and agrees. Chertkov is very pleased with my letter, according to Sasha. Didn't go out all day. In the evening, Ge spoke well about Switzerland. Sofya Andreevna is very agitated and always in this position - obviously ill - I am very sorry. I'm going to bed.
August 13th. Everything is the same and just as hard, dangerous with her. From Chertkov good letter- so that I do not go to say goodbye, if this may interfere with the departure. Tanechka is nice, sweet.
August 14th. Worse and worse. Didn't sleep the night. Jumped out in the morning. "Who are you talking with". Then she told a terrible story. [...] Scary to say. [ 3 words omitted.]
It's terrible, but, thank God, it's pathetic, I can regret it. Will
tolerate. God help. She exhausted everyone, and most of all herself. Rides with us. Varya seems to be kicking out. Sasha is upset. I'm going to bed.
August 15. On the way to Kochety, I thought about how, if these anxieties and demands begin again, I will leave with Sasha. So he said. That's what my dear thought. Now I don't think so. We arrived calmly, but in the evening I took a notebook from Sasha, she saw: “What is it?” - Diary. Sasha writes off.
August 16th. Didn't sleep again this morning. She brought me a note that Sasha was copying my accusations against her from Chertkov's diary. Before dinner, I tried to reassure by telling the truth that Sasha writes out only individual thoughts, and not my impressions of life. Wants to calm down and is very sorry. Now the 4th hour, something will happen. I can not work. It seems that it is not necessary. Not bad at heart.
August 17th. It's a good day. Sonya is really good. Good and the fact that I'm sad. And longing is expressed by prayer and consciousness.
18 August. Sofya Andreevna, having learned about Chertkov's permission to live in Telyatinki, came into a painful state. "I will kill him". I asked not to speak and remained silent. And it seems to have worked well. Something will. Help me, God, to be with you and do what you want. What happens is none of my business. Often, no, not often, but sometimes I am in this state of mind and then how good!
August 19. Sofya Andreevna in the morning asked me to promise the previous promises and not to make portraits. I vainly agreed. The letter from Chertkov is good. Correctly writes about those techniques that the best way act on the sick. At dinner, he inappropriately spoke about Arago tout court. And I became ashamed. And it's a shame, it's a shame.
August 20th. Spoke well with the watchman. It is not good that he spoke about his situation. I rode on horseback, and the sight of this kingdom of the master torments me so much that I think about running away, hiding.
Today I thought, recalling my marriage, that it was something fatal. I've never even been in love. And he could not marry.
August 21st. Got up late. I feel fresh. Sofya Andreevna is still the same. Tanya told how she did not sleep the night because she saw the portrait of Chertkov. The situation is threatening. I want to, I want to say, that is, to write.
22 August. A letter from Rossolimo, remarkably stupid about Sofya Andreevna's situation, and a letter from B. very good.
I'm behaving pretty well.
23 and 24 August. I'm slowly coming to life. Sofya Andreevna, poor woman, suffers incessantly, and I feel it is impossible to help her. I feel the sin of my exclusive attachment to my daughters.
25. Varvara Mikhailovna writes about gossip at Zvegintseva's. Sasha is annoying. I, thank God, do not care, but it worsens my feeling for her. No need. Ah, if only I could do it softly but firmly.
August, 26th. Sofya Andreyevna spoke passionately to Tanya at night. It is utterly hopeless in its inconsistency of thought. I am glad that I kept silent about her calls and complaints. Thank God I don't have the slightest bad feeling.
August 27th. Terribly pathetic and heavy. This evening she began to talk about portraits, obviously from her painful point of view. I tried to get away. And left.
August 28. Everything is harder and harder with Sofia Andreevna. Not love, but the demand for love, close to hatred and turning into hatred.
Yes, selfishness is crazy. Her children saved her - animal love, but still selfless. And when it ended, only terrible egoism remained. And egoism is the most abnormal state - insanity.
Now I spoke with Sasha and Mikhail Sergeyevich, and Dushan and Sasha do not recognize the disease. And they are wrong.
29 and 30. Yesterday was a terrible morning, for no reason. She went into the garden and lay there. Then she quieted down. They spoke well. Leaving, touchingly asked for forgiveness. Today, 30, I am unwell. mavor. Sasha telegraphed that it was good. Will there be something?
31 [august], 1 [September.] I wrote a letter from my heart to Sonya.
Today- September 2, received a very bad letter from her. The same suspicions, the same malice, the same comic, if it were not so terrible and painful for me, the demand of love.
Today in Schopenhauer's Reading Circle: "Just as an attempt to force love causes hatred, so ..."
3 September and 4. Sasha has arrived. Brought bad news. All the same. Sofya Andreevna writes that she will come. Burns portraits, serves a prayer service in the house. When alone, I prepare
to be firm with her and as if I can, but with her I weaken. I will try to remember that she is sick.
Today on the 4th there was melancholy, I wanted to die and I want to.
5, 6, 7, 8. Sofia Andreevna arrived. She is very talkative, but at first there was nothing difficult, but since yesterday, hints, searching for pretexts for condemnation began. Very hard. She came running this morning to tell something nasty about Zosya. I hold on and will hold on as long as I can, and pity and love her. God help.
8, 9, 10. Yesterday, on the 9th, I was in hysterics all day, did not eat anything, cried. It was very pitiful. But no belief or reasoning is acceptable. I said something and, thank God, without a bad feeling, and she accepted, as usual, without understanding. I myself was bad yesterday - gloomy, dull. She received Chertkov's letter and answered him. A letter from Goldenweiser with an extract from V. M., which horrified me.
It's the same on the 10th. Doesn't eat anything. I entered. Now reproaches about Sasha, and what she needs in the Crimea. In the morning I thought that I could not stand it, and I would have to leave her. There is no life with her. One flour. As he said to her: my grief is that I cannot be indifferent.
[11 September.] By evening, scenes of running into the garden, tears, screams began. Even to the point that when I followed her into the garden, she screamed: this is a beast, a murderer, I can’t see him, and ran away to hire a cart and leave now. And so the whole evening. When I lost my temper and said son fait to her, she suddenly became healthy, and so it is today on the 11th. It is impossible to talk to her, because, in the first place, neither logic, nor truth, nor a truthful rendering of the words that are spoken to her or that she says is necessary for her. I'm getting very close to running away. Health has become bad.
[September 16-17.] But the letters from Yasnaya are terrible. It is painful that among her crazy thoughts there is also the thought of exposing me as a weakened mind and therefore invalidating my will, if there is one. In addition, all the same stories about me and confessions of hatred towards me. I received a letter from Chertkov confirming everyone's advice on firmness and my decision. I don't know if I can handle it. .
Tonight is the night of the 17th.
I want to return to Yasnaya on the 22nd.
* all the truth (fr.).
22 morning. I am going to Yasnaya, and horror takes over at the thought of what awaits me. Only fais ce que doit...* And most importantly, keep silent and remember that her soul is God.
II
September 24th.[Yasnaya Polyana.] Lost my little diary. I am writing here. The start of the day was calm. But at breakfast a conversation began about the "Children's Wisdom" that Chertkov, a collector, had collected. Where will he put the manuscripts after my death? I kindly asked you to leave me alone. It seemed nothing. But after dinner, reproaches began that I shouted at her that I should have pity on her. I was silent. She went to her room, and now it's 11 o'clock, she doesn't come out, and it's hard for me. A letter from Chertkov with reproaches and denunciations. They tear me apart. Sometimes I think: get away from everyone. It turns out that she was sleeping and came out calm. I went to bed after 12.
September 25th. I woke up early, wrote a letter to Chertkov. I hope he will accept it as I ask. Now I'm getting dressed. Yes, my whole business is with God, and I must be alone. Again, please stand for a photo in a pose loving spouses. I agreed, and all the while ashamed. Sasha was terribly angry. It hurted me. In the evening I called her and said: I do not need your shorthand, but your love. And we both cried well, kissing.
September 26th. Scenes again because I hung the portraits as they were. I began to say that it was impossible to live like this. And she understood. Dushan said that she fired a child's pistol to scare me. I was not afraid and did not go to her. And indeed, better. But very, very difficult. Help me Lord.
September 27. How comical is the opposition in which I live, in which, without false modesty: I bear and express the most important, significant thoughts, and next to this: the struggle and participation in women's whims and to whom I dedicate most time.
In the matter of moral perfection, I feel like a boy, a student, and a bad student, not very diligent.
Yesterday there was a terrible scene with Sasha returning. Shouted at Marya Alexandrovna. Sasha left today
*do what you must... (fr.)
in Telyatinki. And she is calm, as if nothing happened. She showed me a scarecrow pistol - and she shot, and she lied. Today she followed me for a walk, probably stalking me. It's a pity, but it's difficult. Help me Lord.
September 28th. Very hard. These expressions of love, this talkativeness and constant meddling. You can, I know that you can still love. But I can't, it's bad.
September 29th. Sasha still wants to live away from home. I'm afraid for her. Sofya Andreevna is better. Sometimes he finds false shame on me for his weakness, and sometimes, as now, I rejoice at this weakness.
Today, for the first time, I saw an opportunity to subdue her with kindness - love. Ah, what if...
September 30th. It's all the same. He talks a lot to talk and does not listen. There were difficult moments today, because of my weakness: I saw unpleasant, difficult things, where it is not and cannot be for true life.
October 1st. The unkind feeling towards her is terribly heavy, which I cannot overcome when this talking begins, talking without end and without meaning and purpose. Damn article about the soul and God, I'm afraid that too mind for reason. It is joyful that it is the same for all truly original religious people. Antoin's le Guérisseur too.
2 October. In the morning, the first word about my health, then condemnation, and endless conversations, and interference in the conversation. And I'm bad. I can not overcome the feelings of bad, unkind. Today I vividly felt the need artistic work and I see the impossibility of surrendering to her from her, from the haunting feeling about her, from the internal struggle. Of course, this struggle and the possibility of victory in this struggle is more important than all possible works of art.
III
October 5, 10 years. I handed over the sheets and now I'm starting a new one. And as if it was necessary to start a new one: on the 3rd, after a pre-dinner nap, I fell into unconsciousness. They undressed me, put me to bed, [...] I said something and I don’t remember anything. I woke up, came to my senses at 11 o'clock. Headache and weakness. Yesterday he lay in a fever all day, with a headache, did not eat anything and was in the same weakness. So is the night. Now 7 o'clock in the morning, everyone has a headache and liver and legs, and is weak, but better. The main thing about my illness is that she reconciled Sasha with Sofya Andreevna. Sasha was especially good.
Varia has arrived. We'll see. I struggle with my unkind feeling towards her, I cannot forget these three months of torment of all the people close to me and me. But I will fight. I did not sleep at night, and not to say that I thought, but thoughts wandered in my head.
[October 7th.] Yesterday October 6th. He was weak and gloomy. Everything was hard and unpleasant. Letter from Chertkov. He thinks it's wrong. She tries and asked him to come. Today Tanya went to the Chertkovs. Galya is very annoyed. Chertkov decided to arrive at 8, now at 10 minutes. Sofya Andreevna asked me not to kiss him. How disgusting. There was a hysterical fit.
Today 8th. I told her everything that I thought was necessary. She objected and I got annoyed. And it was stupid. But maybe there is still something left. It is true that the whole point is not to act badly yourself, but even she is not always, but for the most part, sincerely sorry. I go to bed having a better day.
October 9th. She is calm, but starts talking about herself. Read Hysteria. Everyone is to blame but her. I didn’t go to the Chertkovs and I won’t go. Peace of mind is the most precious thing. At heart strictly, seriously.
October 11. In the morning we talked about the fact that yesterday I secretly saw Chertkov. Didn't sleep all night. But thank you, he fights with himself. I behaved well, kept quiet. Everything that happens, she translates into confirmation of her mania - nothing ...
12 October. Again in the morning the conversation and the scene. Something, someone told her about some will of my diaries to Chertkov. I was silent. The day is empty, could not work well. In the evening, the same conversation again. Hints, inquiries.
October 13th. It turns out that she found and took away my little diary. She knows about some, someone, about something testament - obviously, concerning my compositions. What a torment because of their monetary value - and he is afraid that I will interfere with its publication. And she is afraid of everything, unhappy.
October 14. A letter with reproaches for some kind of rights paper, as if everything is important in the money matter - and this is better - clearer, but when she exaggerates about her love for me, kneels and kisses my hands, it makes me very hard. I still can't decisively announce that I'm going to the Chertkovs.
I wanted to go to Tanya, but I hesitate. Hysterical fit, angry.
The whole point is that she suggested that I go to the Chertkovs, asked about it, and now, when I said that I would go, she began to rage. Very, very difficult. God help. I said that I would not and would not make any promises, but that I would do my best not to upset her. I can hardly carry out tomorrow's departure. But it is necessary. Yes, this is a test, and my job is not to do evil. God help.
17 October. Weak. Sofya Andreevna is better, as if repenting, but there is also a hysterical exaggeration in this. Kissing hands. Very excited, talking non-stop. I feel mentally well. I remember who I am. Read by Sri Shankar. The basic metaphysical thought about the essence of life is good, but the whole teaching is a confusion, worse than mine.
18 October. All the same heavy attitude of fear and strangeness. There was nothing. I started talking about faith in the evening. They just don't understand what faith is.
19 October. Very heavy conversation at night. I took it badly. Sasha talked about selling for a million. Let's see what. Maybe for the better. Just to act before the supreme judge, to earn his approval.
The 20th of October. There is nothing bad to write down. Badly. I’ll write down one thing, how happy I am and how Sasha is too sweet and dear to me.
October 21. It is very hard to bear my test. The words of Novikov: “He was like a whip, he became much better” and Ivan: “In our life, take the reins,” everyone remembers, and is dissatisfied with himself. At night I thought about leaving. Sasha talked a lot with her, and I can hardly keep the unkind feeling.
22 of October. There is nothing hostile on her part, but this pretense on both sides is hard for me. A letter from Chertkov to me, a letter to Dosev and a statement. Everything is very good, but the violation of the secrecy of the diary is unpleasant. Dunaev spoke well. It is terrible that he told him and Maria Nikolaevna from her words.
October 23. It's still hard mutual pretense, I try to be simple, but it doesn't work out. The thought of Novikov does not leave. When I went on horseback, Sofya Andreevna went to watch me to see if I went to Chertkov. I am ashamed even in my diary to admit my stupidity. Since yesterday I started doing gymnastics - to look younger,
fool, he wants to - and he threw down the closet on himself and was exhausted in vain. What a fool 82-year-old.
24October. Sasha roared that she had quarreled with Tanya. And me too. Very hard, the same tension and unnaturalness.
the 25th of October. Still the same heavy feeling. Suspicions, peeping, and a sinful desire for her to give a reason to leave. So I'm bad. And I’ll think about leaving and about her position, and it’s a pity, and I can’t either. She asked me for a letter to Chertkova Galya.
October 26th. I'm getting more and more tired of this life. Marya Alexandrovna does not order me to leave, and my conscience does not allow me either. Endure it, endure it, without changing the position of the external, but working on the internal. Help, Lord.
[27th October.] October 25th. All night saw my hard fight with her. I wake up, I fall asleep, and again the same thing. Sasha talked about what was being said to Varvara Mikhailovna. And it's a pity for her, and unbearably disgusting.
October 26th. There was nothing special. Only the feeling of shame and the need to take action grew.
[28 of October. Desert Optina.] From 27-28 there was that impetus that forced them to take it. And here I am in Optina on the evening of 28. I sent Sasha both a letter and a telegram.
[29th of October.] Sergeenko arrived. All the same, even worse. Just don't sin. And have no evil. Now no.
Tolstoy L.N. Diaries. "Diary for oneself" // L.N. Tolstoy. Collected works in 22 vols. M.: Fiction, 1985. T. 22. S. 413-424.
Tolstoy Lev Nikolaevich
diaries
Lev Nikolayevich Tolstoy
diaries
Diary - 1847
Diary - 1850
Diary - 1851
Diary - 1852
Diary - 1853
Diary - 1854
Diary - 1855
Diary - 1856
Diary - 1857
Diary - 1857 (Travel notes in Switzerland)
Diary - 1858
Diary - 1859
Diary - 1860
Diary - 1861
Diary - 1862
Diary - 1863
Diary - 1864
Diary - 1865
Diary - 1870
Diary - 1871
Diary - 1873
Diary - 1878
Diary - 1879
Diary - 1881
Diary - 1882
Diary - 1883
Diary - 1884
Diary - 1885
Diary - 1886
Diary - 1887
Diary - 1888
Diary - 1889
Diary - 1890
Diary - 1891
Diary - 1892
Diary - 1893
Diary - 1894
Diary - 1895
Diary - 1896
Diary - 1897
Diary - 1898
Diary - Dialogue
Diary - 1899
Diary - 1900
Diary - 1901
Diary - 1902
Diary - 1903
Diary - 1904
Diary - 1905
Diary - 1906
Diary - 1907
Diary - 1908
"Secret" diary 1908
Diary - 1909
Diary - 1910
"Diary for oneself"
Diary - 1847
March 17.[Kazan.] It's been six days since I entered the clinic, and it's been six days since I'm almost satisfied with myself. [...] Here I am completely alone, no one interferes with me, here I have no service, no one helps me, therefore, nothing extraneous has an influence on reason and memory, and my activity must necessarily develop. But the main benefit is that I clearly saw that a disorderly life, which most of the secular people take as a consequence of youth, is nothing but a consequence of early depravity of the soul.
Solitude is equally useful for a person living in society, as society is for a person who does not live in it. Separate a person from society, he ascends into himself, and how soon his mind throws off his glasses, which showed him everything in a false form, and how his view of things becomes clear, so that it will even be incomprehensible to him how he did not see everything before . Leave reason to act, it will show you your destination, it will give you the rules with which you can boldly go into society. Everything that is in accordance with the pre-eminent ability of man - reason, will be equally consistent with everything that exists; intelligence individual person is a part of everything that exists, and a part cannot upset the order of the whole. The whole can kill the part. To do this, shape your mind so that it is consistent with the whole, with the source of everything, and not with a part, with a society of people; then your mind will merge into one with this whole, and then the society, as a part, will not have an influence on you.
It is easier to write ten volumes of philosophy than to apply any one principle to practice.
18th of March. I have read Catherine's "Instruction" and, since I have generally given myself the rule, when reading any serious essay, to ponder it and write out wonderful thoughts from it, I am writing here my opinion on the first six chapters of this wonderful work.
[...] The concepts of freedom under monarchical rule are as follows: freedom, she says, is the ability of a person to do everything that he should do, and not be forced to do what he should not do. I would like to call what she understands by the word must and must not; If by the word “what ought to be done” she understands natural right, then it clearly follows that freedom can only exist in a state in whose legislation natural right does not differ in any way from positive right, the idea is absolutely correct. [...]
March 19 A passion for the sciences begins to manifest in me; although this is the noblest of human passions, but no less than that, I will never indulge in it one-sidedly, that is, completely killing the feeling and not engaging in application, only striving to form the mind and fill the memory. There is one-sidedness main reason human misfortunes. [...]
21 March. Chapter X outlines the basic rules and the most dangerous mistakes concerning pre-criminal proceedings.
At the beginning of this chapter, she asks herself a question. Where do punishments come from, and where does the right to punish come from? To the first question, she answers: "Punishments come from the necessity of protecting the laws." The second answer is also very witty. She says: "The right to punish belongs to laws alone, and only the monarch, as a representative of the whole state, can make laws." In all this "Instruction" we are constantly presented with two heterogeneous elements that Catherine constantly wanted to agree on: namely, the consciousness of the need for constitutional government and pride, that is, the desire to be the unlimited ruler of Russia. For example, when she says that in monarchical government only the monarch can have legislative power, she takes the existence of this power as an axiom, without mentioning its origin. The lower government cannot impose punishments, because it is part of the whole, and the monarch has this right, because he is the representative of all citizens, says Catherine. But is the representation of the people by the sovereign in unlimited monarchies an expression of the totality of the private, free will of citizens? No, the expression of the general will in unlimited monarchies is this: I endure a lesser evil, for if I did not endure it, I would be exposed to a greater evil.
March 24. I have changed a lot; but still not reached the degree of perfection (in studies) that I would like to achieve. I do not fulfill what I prescribe for myself; what I do, I do not do it well, I do not sharpen my memory. For this I am writing here some rules, which, it seems to me, will help me a lot if I follow them. 1) What is appointed to fulfill without fail, then fulfill it, no matter what. 2) What you do, do it well. 3) Never consult a book if you forgot something, but try to remember it yourself. 4) Make your mind constantly act with all its possible strength. 5) Read and think always out loud. 6) Don't be ashamed to tell people who are bothering you that they are bothering you; first let him feel, and if he does not understand, then apologize and tell him this. In accordance with the second rule, I want to finish commenting on Catherine's entire mandate.
[...] Chapter XIII deals with needlework and trade. Catherine rightly notes that agriculture is the beginning of all trade and that in the land where people do not have their own property, agriculture cannot flourish; for people usually care more about things that belong to them than about things that can always be taken away from them. This is the reason why agriculture and commerce cannot flourish in our country as long as there is slavery; for a man who is subject to another, not only cannot be sure of permanent possession of his property, but cannot even be sure of his own fate. Then: "Skillful farmers and artisans should be given bonuses." In my opinion, it is equally necessary in the state to punish evil, as it is to reward good.
March 25. It is not enough to turn people away from evil, they must also be encouraged to do good. Further, she says that those peoples who are lazy due to the climate should be accustomed to activity by depriving them of all means of subsistence, excluding labor; he also notes that these peoples are usually inclined to pride, and that this very pride can serve as a tool for the extermination of laziness. Peoples that are lazy in climate are always endowed with ardent feelings, and if they were active, the state would be more unhappy. Catherine would have done better if she had said: people, not nations. And in fact, applying her remarks to private individuals, we find that they are extremely true.
Then she says that in populous countries, machines that replace the hands of workers are often unnecessary and harmful, and that it is extremely necessary to use machines for exported needlework, because those peoples to whom we sell them can buy the same goods from neighboring peoples.
I think quite the contrary, machines for handicrafts circulating within the state are infinitely more useful than machines for handicrafts of exported goods. For machines for handicrafts of general use, by making these needleworks much cheaper, would improve the condition of citizens in general; while exported goods bring benefits to only one private person. It seems to me that the reason for the poverty of the lower class in England is this: firstly, they do not have landed property, and, secondly, because all attention there is exclusively directed to foreign trade.
Diary - 1847
Diary - 1850
Diary - 1851
Diary - 1852
Diary - 1853
Diary - 1854
Diary - 1855
Diary - 1856
Diary - 1857
Diary - 1857 (Travel notes in Switzerland)
Diary - 1858
Diary - 1859
Diary - 1860
Diary - 1861
Diary - 1862
Diary - 1863
Diary - 1864
Diary - 1865
Diary - 1870
Diary - 1871
Diary - 1873
Diary - 1878
Diary - 1879
Diary - 1881
Diary - 1882
Diary - 1883
Diary - 1884
Diary - 1885
Diary - 1886
Diary - 1887
Diary - 1888
Diary - 1889
Diary - 1890
Diary - 1891
Diary - 1892
Diary - 1893
Diary - 1894
Diary - 1895
Diary - 1896
Diary - 1897
Diary - 1898
Diary - Dialogue
Diary - 1899
Diary - 1900
Diary - 1901
Diary - 1902
Diary - 1903
Diary - 1904
Diary - 1905
Diary - 1906
Diary - 1907
Diary - 1908
"Secret" diary 1908
Diary - 1909
Diary - 1910
"Diary for oneself"
Diary - 1847
March 17.[Kazan.] It's been six days since I entered the clinic, and it's been six days since I'm almost satisfied with myself. [...] Here I am completely alone, no one interferes with me, here I have no service, no one helps me, therefore, nothing extraneous has an influence on reason and memory, and my activity must necessarily develop. But the main benefit is that I clearly saw that a disorderly life, which most of the secular people take as a consequence of youth, is nothing but a consequence of early depravity of the soul.
Solitude is equally useful for a person living in society, as society is for a person who does not live in it. Separate a person from society, he ascends into himself, and how soon his mind throws off his glasses, which showed him everything in a false form, and how his view of things becomes clear, so that it will even be incomprehensible to him how he did not see everything before . Leave reason to act, it will show you your destination, it will give you the rules with which you can boldly go into society. Everything that is in accordance with the pre-eminent ability of man - reason, will be equally consistent with everything that exists; the mind of an individual is a part of everything that exists, and a part cannot upset the order of the whole. The whole can kill the part. To do this, shape your mind so that it is consistent with the whole, with the source of everything, and not with a part, with a society of people; then your mind will merge into one with this whole, and then the society, as a part, will not have an influence on you.
It is easier to write ten volumes of philosophy than to apply any one principle to practice.
18th of March. I have read Catherine's "Instruction" and, since I have generally given myself the rule, when reading any serious essay, to ponder it and write out wonderful thoughts from it, I am writing here my opinion on the first six chapters of this wonderful work.
[...] The concepts of freedom under monarchical rule are as follows: freedom, she says, is the ability of a person to do everything that he should do, and not be forced to do what he should not do. I would like to call what she understands by the word must and must not; If by the word “what ought to be done” she understands natural right, then it clearly follows that freedom can only exist in a state in whose legislation natural right does not differ in any way from positive right, the idea is absolutely correct. [...]
March 19 A passion for the sciences begins to manifest in me; although this is the noblest of human passions, but no less than that, I will never indulge in it one-sidedly, that is, completely killing the feeling and not engaging in application, only striving to form the mind and fill the memory. One-sidedness is the main cause of human misery. [...]
21 March. Chapter X outlines the basic rules and the most dangerous mistakes concerning pre-criminal proceedings.
At the beginning of this chapter, she asks herself a question. Where do punishments come from, and where does the right to punish come from? To the first question, she answers: "Punishments come from the necessity of protecting the laws." The second answer is also very witty. She says: "The right to punish belongs to laws alone, and only the monarch, as a representative of the whole state, can make laws." In all this "Instruction" we are constantly presented with two heterogeneous elements that Catherine constantly wanted to agree on: namely, the consciousness of the need for constitutional government and pride, that is, the desire to be the unlimited ruler of Russia. For example, when she says that in monarchical government only the monarch can have legislative power, she takes the existence of this power as an axiom, without mentioning its origin. The lower government cannot impose punishments, because it is part of the whole, and the monarch has this right, because he is the representative of all citizens, says Catherine. But is the representation of the people by the sovereign in unlimited monarchies an expression of the totality of the private, free will of citizens? No, the expression of the general will in unlimited monarchies is this: I endure a lesser evil, for if I did not endure it, I would be exposed to a greater evil.
March 24. I have changed a lot; but still not reached the degree of perfection (in studies) that I would like to achieve. I do not fulfill what I prescribe for myself; what I do, I do not do it well, I do not sharpen my memory. For this I am writing here some rules, which, it seems to me, will help me a lot if I follow them. 1) What is appointed to fulfill without fail, then fulfill it, no matter what. 2) What you do, do it well. 3) Never consult a book if you forgot something, but try to remember it yourself. 4) Make your mind constantly act with all its possible strength. 5) Read and think always out loud. 6) Don't be ashamed to tell people who are bothering you that they are bothering you; first let him feel, and if he does not understand, then apologize and tell him this. In accordance with the second rule, I want to finish commenting on Catherine's entire mandate.
[...] Chapter XIII deals with needlework and trade. Catherine rightly notes that agriculture is the beginning of all trade and that in the land where people do not have their own property, agriculture cannot flourish; for people usually care more about things that belong to them than about things that can always be taken away from them. This is the reason why agriculture and commerce cannot flourish in our country as long as there is slavery; for a man who is subject to another, not only cannot be sure of permanent possession of his property, but cannot even be sure of his own fate. Then: "Skillful farmers and artisans should be given bonuses." In my opinion, it is equally necessary in the state to punish evil, as it is to reward good.
March 25. It is not enough to turn people away from evil, they must also be encouraged to do good. Further, she says that those peoples who are lazy due to the climate should be accustomed to activity by depriving them of all means of subsistence, excluding labor; he also notes that these peoples are usually inclined to pride, and that this very pride can serve as a tool for the extermination of laziness. Peoples that are lazy in climate are always endowed with ardent feelings, and if they were active, the state would be more unhappy. Catherine would have done better if she had said: people, not nations. And in fact, applying her remarks to private individuals, we find that they are extremely true.
Light genius - this is how the poet Alexander Blok called the writer Leo Tolstoy
DIARY of Lev Nikolayevich TOLSTOY- an integral part of his biography, his literary heritage. They capture the tireless work of the writer's thoughts, deep thoughts about life, social and moral quest.
Tolstoy kept diaries with some interruptions throughout almost his entire life. He began them in 1847 as an 18-year-old male student and completed them in 1910 as an 82-year-old international student. famous writer. Not a single Russian writer left behind such a long and rich Diary as Leo Tolstoy.
L.N. Tolstoy in his office. Photo by V.G. Chertkova, 1909
Diaries, notes, confession as a genre were close to Tolstoy's creative individuality. Many of the writer's contemporaries and friends felt this and encouraged him to keep a Diary. V.G. Chertkov advised him: “You should certainly keep constant notes, like a diary of your thoughts and feelings. You yourself have felt this more than once: Notes of a Christian, Notes of a Non-Crazy Man (from a letter dated August 8, 1886). Tolstoy himself believed that the diary helps a person to concentrate in his thoughts about life, obliges him to sincerity, frankness, honesty with himself, because, as he said, here “every falsehood is immediately felt by you.”
Tolstoy in different time differently imagined the purpose of his Diary. Starting it in 1847, when he was a student at Kazan University, he wrote on one of the first pages: “I never had a diary, because I did not see any benefit from it. Now, when I am engaged in the development of my abilities, from the diary I will be able to judge the course of this development.(entry dated April 7, 1847).
Following this goal, he initially entered on the pages of the Diary everything that, in his opinion, helped the development of abilities, and first of all, the analysis of the books he had read. His first notebook, for example, is completely devoted to the comparative analysis of the famous “Instruction” of Catherine II and the treatise of the French enlightener Montesquieu “The Spirit of Laws” given at the university - an analysis carried out with all possible care: with quotations, reasoning and conclusions. After some time, with the same goal, Tolstoy started sections in the Diary: "Information" and "Observations", where he wrote down the most Interesting Facts gleaned from books or from their own observations of life.
In addition, the Diary was supposed to serve both as a place for recording “practical thoughts” and as a means of promoting self-discipline. “You never know what happens in the head of thoughts, and which seem very remarkable; but when you look, a wasteland will come out; others are definitely efficient - that's what a diary is for. The diary is very convenient to judge yourself.
Then, since I find it necessary to determine all classes in advance, a diary is also necessary for this.(entry June 14, 1850). However, since 1851, the predominant place in the Diary has been occupied by the so-called "Franklin's Journal", that is, a set of moral rules, following which should help moral self-education. “I find for the diary, in addition to determining future actions, useful purpose- a report of each day in terms of those weaknesses from which you want to improve", he writes on March 7, 1851. Young Tolstoy starts a dispute with himself on the pages of the Diary, strictly judges his way of life and exposes himself of numerous "sins". At certain intervals, he rereads his “journal”, as if summing up what he experienced. And then cruel self-critical monologues appear on the pages of his notebooks.
"What am I?"- he asks himself with passion in the Diary of 1854. And answers: “I am bad-looking, awkward, unscrupulous and worldly uneducated. I am irritable, boring to others, indiscreet, intolerant (intolerant) and bashful, like a child. I'm almost clueless. What I know, I somehow learned myself, in fits and starts, without communication, to no avail, and then so little. I am not temperate, indecisive, inconstant, stupidly vain and ardent, like all spineless people. I'm not brave. I am careless in life and so lazy that idleness has become an almost irresistible habit for me. I am smart, but my mind has never been thoroughly tested on anything. I have neither a practical mind, nor a secular mind, nor a business mind ... " etc. and so on. (entry dated July 7).
Such merciless self-accusations were based for the most part not on real, but on exaggerated ideas of the author about his shortcomings and sins. Still these penances played big role in that unknowing tired inner work which took place in the writer's mind. The diary helped him in this. By ruthlessly sincere and truthful entries in the Diary, as by an unmistakable barometer, Tolstoy measured the level of his moral growth.
In addition to self-education and self-education, the Diary had another important goal for Tolstoy - literary. Fascinated by the writings of Stern and Rousseau, in the center of which the hero analyzes his spiritual movements, Tolstoy decides to keep his Diary in such a way that he represents for him « literary work, and for others could be a pleasant read "(entry dated October 22, 1853). The words appear for the first time in this entry. "literary work" “The last three years, which I have spent so dissolutely, sometimes seem to me very entertaining, poetic and partly useful; I will try to remember and write them more frankly and in more detail. Here is the third assignment for the diary.”(entry June 14, 1850). From now on diary entries acquire a new character - events, various kinds of facts, meetings with certain people are not only noted in them, recorded in memory, but they are narrated, that is, they are told in detail, in detail, sometimes even picturesquely, which serves as the first samples of the pen of the future writer.
A few years later, a significant place in the Diaries begins to take "thoughts, information or notes relating to the proposed works"(entry dated January 2, 1854). Preparing yourself for writing activity, the young Tolstoy is already consciously turning the Diary into a working notebook, where “blanks” for future compositions are accumulated and stored. At the same time, he strictly follows the rule: “Starting each work, review the diary and write out everything related to it in a special notebook.” At the same time, he does not leave his confessional "Franklin's Journal", strictly demanding from himself “memorize and write down with a pencil every day all the crimes of the rules”(ibid.).
Thus, the purpose of the Young Tolstoy's Diary is diverse. It also serves as a daily "journal of classes", a place of confession, and a laboratory for the first literary experiments. Its content is also varied. In it, in addition to records of his own life, there are many interesting observations over the surrounding reality, over people, a lot of reflection on socio-political, philosophical, ethical and aesthetic topics. However, Tolstoy's primary attention during this period was directed to himself. In the center of the Diary is the author himself, his thoughts and feelings, severe introspection, memories of the past and plans for the future. His own life during this period is, as it were, still separated from the lives of other people; the external world interests him mainly insofar as it affects his personality. And although among the thoughts recorded in the Diary of Thoughts there are deep thoughts about the people, about “Russian slavery”, about Crimean War, about the fate of Sevastopol and Russia - these reflections are still very closely connected with the plans and interests of Tolstoy himself.
In later years, as L.N. Tolstoy, and especially after the ideological break he experienced at the turn of the 1880s, his Diary is undergoing significant changes.
Everything narrowly business and practical, as well as having the character of short-term records for memory, is now entered in special notebooks, which since 1855 he has always kept with him at home and on the road, day and night. In the diary greatest place begin to occupy records that comprehend reality from the point of view of the author's new worldview, substantiating his religious and moral teaching. These thoughts, previously - sometimes on the go - sketched in notebooks, are pondered, honed and in expanded form are entered in the Diary, from where they, in an even more processed and polished form, will pass into articles, letters, works of art. So Tolstoy's Diary gradually becomes a laboratory of his philosophical, religious and moral thought and begins to mean the reader. Elements of personal, intimate, not intended for others, are intertwined in it with openly journalistic reasoning, designed for wide distribution.
The change in the content and character of the Diary, which at first took place imperceptibly for its author, was later consciously thought out and sanctioned by him. In recent decades, Tolstoy considered the thoughts recorded in the Diary to be the only important part of it, and in them he saw his main thing, useful to people appointment.
"All these papers,- he wrote to V.G. Chertkov on May 13, 1904, referring to his writings, - except for the diaries of recent years, I, frankly, do not ascribe any significance and consider any use of them completely indifferent. Diaries, however, if I do not have time to more accurately and clearly express what I write in them, may be of some importance, at least in those fragmentary thoughts that are set forth there. And therefore, their publication, if everything accidental, obscure and superfluous is released from them, can be useful to people.
Following this instruction, a friend of the writer V.G. Chertkov, biographer P.I. Biryukov and other persons selected individual thoughts from Tolstoy's Diaries, mainly of religious and moral content, and published them in editions of Free Word, in the collections Ripe Ears, and in biographical works.
Tolstoy decided in a new way last period of his life and the question of the Diaries of Youth. Previously, due to the intimacy of their content, he did not allow anyone to read them and at one time was even close to destroying them.
“... I thought about my old diaries, about how disgusting I appear in them, and about how I don’t want to be known, that is, I care about human glory even after death”, he wrote on July 20, 1890. Sofya Andreevna, who at that time was rewriting Tolstoy's Youth Diary, noted in her notebook: “Lyovochka is beginning to worry that I am rewriting his diaries. He would like to destroy the old diaries and speak to the children and the public only in his patriarchal form.
But soon Tolstoy decided to discard "concern about human glory" and completely preserve these Diaries, since, in his opinion, they can also serve people in their moral self-improvement.
"Diaries of my former single life,- he wrote in his will in 1895, - having chosen from them what is worth it, I ask you to destroy ... I ask you to destroy the diaries of my single life, not because I would like to hide my bad life from people - my life was ordinary, trashy, from a worldly point of view, the life of unprincipled young people, but because these diaries, in which I wrote down only what tormented me with the consciousness of sin, produce a falsely one-sided impression and represent ... But, by the way, let my diaries remain as they are. From them it is clear, at least, that, despite all the vulgarity and trashiness of my youth, I still was not abandoned by God, and at least in my old age I began to understand and love him a little.(entry dated March 27).
Tolstoy's diaries, like all of his literary heritage, reflect the complexity of the writer's spiritual world, the tragedy of his experiences, the inconsistency of his worldview.
Tolstoy's personality traits are fully reflected in his Diaries. Nothing else in his legacy, neither works nor letters of the writer, reveals to us with such completeness his complex, multifaceted nature, and especially his spiritual and family drama, as his own recordings.
Tolstoy spent his youth without obvious heavy conflicts and emotional upheavals. The main content of his then being, in addition to the usual hobbies of youth, was an intense search for the purpose and meaning of life, reflections on the problems of literature, philosophy and morality. The Diary only to a small extent reflects this activity of his mind and heart - in fact, the inner work that took place in him was gigantic. Subsequently, recalling this period of his life, he wrote to A.A. Tolstoy:
“... I was lonely and unhappy living in the Caucasus. I began to think in a way that only once in a lifetime do people have the power to think. I have my notes of that time, and now, rereading them, I could not understand that a person could reach such a degree of mental exaltation that I reached then. It was both painful and good time. Never, neither before nor since, have I reached such a height of thought, never looked into it, as at that time, which lasted two years. And everything that I found then will forever remain my conviction.(from a letter dated late April 1859).
Tolstoy speaks in this letter and repeatedly in his Diaries about his loneliness, and indeed, with a great spiritual need for friendship, in communication with like-minded people, he was largely deprived of this in his youth. Endowed by nature with a bright individuality, always having his own view of things, making strict moral demands on himself and those around him, Tolstoy found it difficult to get along with people who were distant to him in his spiritual and mental makeup, and when he got together, he broke with them pretty soon. So it was, for example, with colleagues in the Caucasus and in Sevastopol. So it was later in his relations with the St. Petersburg writers Druzhinin, Botkin and Annenkov - at first he became close to them, called them "an invaluable triumvirate", and then quickly lost interest in them. So it was with Turgenev, whom he always loved, but relations with whom, after a heavy quarrel, were severed for a long time. So it was with B.N. Chicherin. With some of his friends like A.A. Tolstaya, A.A. Fet, N.N. Strakhov, Tolstoy was close for many years, but then, due to a difference in beliefs, cooled towards them. The young Tolstoy was no happier in love either. The pages of the Diary depict his desire for a harmonious patriarchal family life, his thirst to find a true, close friend in a loved one. The history of his romance with V. Arsenyeva shows how passionate, intense and at the same time vain were his hopes for happiness, how often the bitterness of disappointment fell to his lot.
Marriage in the fall of 1862 to the daughter of the court doctor Sofya Andreevna Bers, the first family joys created in Tolstoy a feeling of newfound peace and great happiness. The stingy Diaries of this period paint us an atmosphere of an almost complete and serene existence. Tolstoy loves his wife and gladly surrenders to this feeling. “Family happiness consumes me all ...,- recorded in the Diary of January 5, 1863, - ... this has not been and will not be for anyone, and I am aware of it. But at the same time, on the same page, he writes:
“I'm still the same. Just as often dissatisfied with myself and just as firmly believe in myself and expect from myself... I wish I weren't happy! All conditions of happiness coincided for me. One thing I often miss (all the time) - the consciousness that I did everything, what should was in order to fully enjoy what is given to me and give to others,everything , with their labor for what they gave me"(entry dated January 15, 1863).
In the next two decades, with the publication of War and Peace and Anna Karenina, Tolstoy became famous not only in Russia, but also abroad.
Taking a great interest in farming, he multiplies his estates, buys land in the Samara province, breeds forests. He is also pleased with his extended family - next to him is a loving wife, children, relatives. And yet, behind the external success and serenity, behind the idyll of the life of the Yasnaya Polyana home, lurk - the farther, the more acute - anxiety, anxiety, dissatisfaction. Every year they deepen, intensify and gradually take on such dimensions that famous writer and the happy family man stops, as he said in "Confession", “to go hunting with a gun, so as not to be tempted by the too easy way to rid yourself of life.”
Dissatisfaction with life in this "happy" time, unceasing confusion and anxiety are caused by the ever-growing awareness of the injustice of the modern social order and the painful search for ways to eliminate it. Tolstoy does not imagine personal happiness outside of universal contentment and harmony. He is tormented by his own well-being at a time when lies and injustice reign around him. Five years before his marriage, in 1857, he wrote to A.A. Tolstoy: "Eternal anxiety, work, struggle, deprivation - this is the necessary conditions from which not a single person should dare to think of leaving even for a second ... It’s ridiculous for me to remember how I thought and how you seem to think that you can arrange for yourself a happy honest little world in which calmly, without mistakes, without remorse, without confusion, live slowly and do everything slowly, carefully, only good things. Funny! It is forbidden , grandmother. No matter howit is forbidden without moving, without exercise, be healthy. In order to live honestly, one must tear, get confused, fight, make mistakes, start and quit, and start again and quit again, and always fight and lose. And peace is a spiritual meanness ". Tolstoy remained true to this conviction all his life, not for a moment did the painful work of conscience stop in him.
At the turn of the 1880s, Tolstoy experienced a sharp ideological and spiritual turning point. Having truly suffered his new worldview, he finds support in it for his life, for further creativity. But it does not bring him peace of mind and satisfaction. From this time begins the second stage of his life - a thirty-year period filled with enormous fruitful activity, but on a personal level even more complex and dramatic. From day to day, his discord with his family deepens, especially with his sons and wife, who do not accept his new worldview and oppose its implementation. His sense of guilt and shame before the people for the lordly living conditions grows and becomes unbearable. Slowly, gradually, but with unavoidable force, that spiritual and family drama is growing, which, ultimately, after heavy reflection and torment, will force the 82-year-old old man to secretly leave Yasnaya Polyana on a dark autumn night.
What was Tolstoy's life drama? How does her own Writer's Diaries draw?
The vast literature on this topic provides conflicting answers to this question. The center of gravity is transferred to the intra-family conflict - the contradictions between the writer, who renounces his "master's" rights and privileges, and the family, striving to preserve them. Some authors attach exaggerated importance to the struggle that has arisen in recent years between the writer's wife and his associate V.G. Chertkov for his influence on Tolstoy.
Tolstoy's diaries convincingly show that in reality everything was much more complicated. As rightly pointed out by B. Meilakh, who analyzed in detail the life of the writer of recent years, the causes of Tolstoy's tragedy cannot be reduced only to family strife or to any other individual circumstances of his personal life, no matter how serious and important they may be in themselves. The origins of the growing every year spiritual dramas of Tolstoy - in the tragic discord between the writer's utopian ideal, his religious and moral teachings and real life - a discord that became more and more tangible every year and towards the end of Tolstoy's life, during the years of the first Russian revolution and after it, became especially obvious.
Tolstoy defended the idea of universal love and non-resistance to evil by violence as the only basis for the social reorganization of society. According to his teachings, only the internal, moral self-improvement of a person can lead the world to "Kingdom of God"- freedom, brotherhood and happiness. He could not admit the wrongness of his teaching, for the sources of his contradictions lay not only in his personal thought, but also in the very conditions of Russian life, especially the life of the peasant masses, whose ideology he spoke. At the same time, he was too "earthly" a thinker to turn a blind eye to the facts. real life. And in this - in the everyday, ever-increasing sense of disharmony between the teaching in which Tolstoy deeply and passionately believed, and the incomprehensible "rock of events", moving along their own, incomprehensible to him and which seemed to him "wrong" laws - the great spiritual tragedy of the writer was expressed.
Tolstoy, of course, did not realize it as clearly and concretely as we see it now, a century later. He, on a personal level, first of all felt this discord as an unbearable contradiction between his ideal of a democratic patriarchal life and his forced stay in a noble environment, and he wrote about this more than once in his Diary.
“It is very hard in the family... My words do not capture anyone. They seem to know that it’s not the meaning of my words, but that I have a bad habit of saying this ... How can they not see that I’m not only suffering, but deprived of life for three years already ”(entry April 4, 1884).
“More and more, almost physically, I suffer from inequality: wealth, the excesses of our life in the midst of poverty; and cannot reduce this inequality. This is the secret tragedy of my life.(entry dated June 10, 1907).
“It's embarrassing, awful. Yesterday I drove past stone-smashers, as if I had been driven through the ranks. Yes, hard, painful need and envy and evil against the rich, but I don’t know if the shame of my life is not more painful.(dated April 12, 1910).
The motive of shame, melancholy, powerlessness before the evil of the surrounding world, the feeling of a sharp contrast between the hard life of a hungry and disenfranchised people and their existence in relatively “luxurious” conditions sounds on the pages of the Diary every year more and more clearly and sharply. Back in 1884, Tolstoy had a desire to leave Yasnaya Polyana and go to the big peasant world, where he would begin to live according to the laws of love and goodness. However, such a departure would bring grief to the family, and he did not dare to do so at that time.
The conflict in the family, which Tolstoy repeatedly complains about in the Diary, his ever-growing estrangement from his wife and children, especially sons, have the same deep causes as all his tragedy of recent years. Thus, having come to the denial of property after the crisis of the 1980s, Tolstoy strove to build both his life and the life of his family on new, more just foundations. He renounced ownership of real estate, estates, land, and literary royalties, but at the same time, not wanting to cause "evil" to his loved ones, he transferred to the family the rights to them and to income from essays written before 1881. This decision, as it soon became clear, did not satisfy anyone. First of all, it did not satisfy the writer himself; he honestly and sincerely felt this as a compromise with his conscience, for which he was very hurt and ashamed. It did not satisfy his friends and like-minded people, who perceived this step as an unfortunate discrepancy between word and deed, for which many of them severely reproached him. It gave reason to enemies and spiteful critics to accuse Tolstoy of insincerity, hypocrisy, hypocrisy. Finally, this decision did not satisfy the family, which nevertheless was deprived of a significant part of the income. So the ground was created for the conflict, which since that time in the family has never stopped.
In more later years Tolstoy clearly saw the consequences of his wrong step: "Which big sin I did by giving the children a fortune. I hurt everyone, even my daughters. I see it clearly now,- we read in the Diary of 1910. But it was already too late to fix anything at that time.
At the end of his life, fearing that his family would violate his will after his death and lay claim to his entire literary heritage, Tolstoy made a secret testament in the summer of 1910, according to which all his works should be published and distributed free of charge. This testament, the existence of which Sofya Andreevna soon guessed and which she searched for with morbid perseverance, also served as that new spark from which in Last year a long-smoldering flame of enmity and hatred flared up between her and Chertkov.
We find a true and very complete coverage of the events of that time in Tolstoy's Diaries, they fully reproduce dramatic story his relationship with his wife. Dozens of places in them testify to his love for her, respect as the mother of his children and as a devoted helper and friend. Then, from the 1880s, more and more often there are complaints about the alienation that arose between them, about their loneliness in the family. Nevertheless, Tolstoy was quite sincere when, in 1895, at the request of Sofya Andreevna, he removed from his Diaries a number of passages containing disrespectful comments about her.
"Revisiting the diary,- we read in the entry dated October 13, 1895, - I found a place - there were several - in whichI renounce those evil words that I wrote about her. These words were written in moments of irritation. Now I repeat once again for everyone who comes across these diaries. (emphasis added by Tolstoy. - A. Sh.).
To V.G. To Chertkov, Tolstoy, in addition to spiritual closeness, felt a sense of deep gratitude for his tireless work in publishing and distributing his works banned in Russia. Their correspondence testifies to Tolstoy's great trust in Chertkov, respect for his mind and experience, and personal disposition towards him as a person and figure.
At the same time, an active, ambitious nature, Chertkov, without noticing it and subsequently repenting, sometimes crossed that line spiritual tact and modesty, to which his great closeness to Tolstoy obliged him. With particular force, these character traits of Chertkov manifested themselves in 1910 in his conflict with Sofya Andreevna, caused by Tolstoy's secret testament. As the eldest son of the writer writes in his memoirs, S.L. Tolstoy, Chertkov, who considered himself the successor of Leo Tolstoy and the only competent editor and publisher of his works, was afraid that Sofya Andreevna would persuade Lev Nikolaevich to destroy the will, and took all measures to keep it secret. “The consequence of this was that his behavior in 1910 extremely aggravated relations between my parents and was one of the reasons for my father’s painful experiences in the last year of his life.”
Tolstoy ardently desired peace in the family. He was clearly aware that the behavior of S.A. Tolstoy was caused by her severe morbid condition, and was ready, without compromising his principles, to do everything to find an acceptable basis for living together. Even in the midst of the struggle between Sofya Andreevna and Chertkov, he tried to protect her in front of him, reminding her of her illness and her special temperament. But reality, against his will, led to more and more new conflicts, which was facilitated by the increasing nervous illness of Sofya Andreevna. And in the end, the discord in the family took on an unbearable character.
It is impossible to read the notes of the last 1910 without excitement, in which the 82-year-old writer on the slope of his life appears as a deeply suffering person, deprived not only of spiritual, but also of the most necessary worldly peace, turned into an object of a ruthless struggle between two warring "parties". "Chertkov involved me in a struggle, and this struggle is very hard and disgusting to me,"- bitterly writes Tolstoy in the "Diary for oneself" (dated July 30, 1910). “They are tearing me apart. Sometimes I think: get away from everyone,- we read in the entry dated September 24, 1910.
The subject of strife, in addition to the will, were Tolstoy's Diaries. Hating Chertkov, trying to remove him from the publication of Tolstoy's works, Sofya Andreevna demanded that the Diaries be returned to the family. “His diaries,” she wrote to Chertkov on September 18, 1910, “is the holy of holies of his life, and therefore mine with him, it is a reflection of his soul, which I used to feel and love, and they should not be in the hands stranger". For his part, V.G. Chertkov, whom Tolstoy in his will entrusted with the functions of editor and publisher of his works, sought to keep the Diaries in his possession. This, along with all other circumstances, inflamed the atmosphere even more, and all together accelerated the denouement. So, in all the complexity of life's collisions, the life story of the great writer, his personal drama and tragic end appears before us on the pages of the Diary.
However, for all the complexity and sometimes tragedy of the life problems reflected in the Diaries, with the far from idyllic nature of the public and personal collisions captured in them, one cannot find hopelessly pessimistic notes in them.
“I thought: Rejoice! Rejoice! The business of life, its purpose is joy. Rejoice in the sky, in the sun, in the stars, in the grass, in the trees, in animals, in people. And see to it that this joy is not disturbed in any way. This joy is broken, which means you made a mistake somewhere - look for this mistake and correct it.(dated September 15, 1889).
Alexander SHIFMAN,
compiler of the 22-volume
Collected works of L.N. Tolstoy
(given in abbreviation).
Publications in the Literature section
Lazy like Leo Tolstoy
Do you dream of literary fame, but can't start writing? They interfere with self-love, bad habits and laziness? We reread the diaries of Leo Tolstoy, remember how he struggled with procrastination, and begin to move towards a great goal.
Ivan Kramskoy. Portrait of L.N. Tolstoy (detail). 1873. State Tretyakov Gallery
Get yourself a diary
Leo Tolstoy kept diaries for most of his life. In them, he not only described events, but also talked about his own moral character, literature and the high purpose of the writer. If you decide to keep a diary like Leo Tolstoy, you will have to talk to yourself in it - first of all, set goals for the future:
Reproach yourself for doing nothing and immediately be inspired by other people's examples:
March 21, 1855. Did not do anything. I received a delightful letter from Masha, in which she describes to me her acquaintance with Turgenev. Sweet, glorious letter that elevated me to own opinion and motivating.
Write down various obscenities and nostalgic for your early works:
June 4, 1856. I got up at 5, walked, I confess, with terribly erotic thoughts. Read the first poems of Pushkin. Then he sorted through his old notebooks, an incomprehensible but sweet game.
Be sure to write down the rules by which you intend to live in your diary.
December 1853 - January 1854
“Is it bad, it’s good to always work”, “Get up before sunrise”,
“Write always and everything clearly and clearly”, “In the morning, determine the activities for the day and try to fulfill them”.
Rules can apply not only to work, but also to your moral character in general:
Just fix them, even if you feel in your gut that following the rules will not always work out.
Confess to yourself your worst vices
Be honest with yourself: you need to know your own vices, like enemies, by sight. Prioritize and start eradicating character flaws:
September 6, 1854. The most important thing in my life is the correction from laziness, irritability and spinelessness. Love for everyone and contempt for yourself!
At the same time, no one forbids later to rethink the vices and accept yourself as you are. Or at least separate the relative shortcomings from the absolute ones.
July 14, 1855. Perhaps I will not rework my character, but will do only one important stupidity out of the desire to rework it. Is indecision a capital flaw - one that needs to be corrected?<...>There are absolute shortcomings, such as: laziness, lies, irritability, selfishness, which are always shortcomings..
Practice your vices constantly. Take a break from the main business
They sat down to work, but your friend Gorchakov came? Rejoice in this! Do you like your mustache? Look at them in the mirror, and then write it all down in your diary.
July 11, 1854... Just before evening, I wrote very little. Why? Laziness, indecision and passion to look at their mustaches and fistulas. For which I make two reproaches to myself.
Get up late, get irritated. Take out on loved ones. In winter, you can afford to mope, especially critical situations- even guess. Break your own rules. And don't forget to write about it in your diary - for yourself and your future biographers.
January 9, 1854. 1) I got up late. 2) Got excited, nailed Alyoshka. 3) Lazy. 4) Was messy. 5) Was sad.
January 10 and 11, 1854. I got up very late and could not do anything because of the cold.<...>After dinner he went to Zhukevich's and spent the whole evening and night carelessly.
<...>
1) rolled around. 2) Lost heart. 3) Got angry - hit the cat and 4) forgot about the rules at all. 5) Guessing.
Lose the last money in cards. Always state to yourself that it's in last time. Hope that God will save you from troubles. Although it is possible that by this time you have already managed to lose your house in Yasnaya Polyana.
January 28, 1855. For two days and two nights I played shtoss. The result is understandable - the loss of everything - the Yasnaya Polyana house. It seems there is nothing to write - I am so disgusted with myself that I would like to forget about my existence.
February 6, 7, 8, 1855. Played cards again and lost another 200 rubles with silver. I can’t give myself a word to stop, I want to win back, but together I can get terribly confused ... I’ll offer Odakhovsky to play tomorrow, and this will be the last time.
February 12, 1855. Again lost 75 p. God still has mercy on me so that there are no troubles; but what's next? One hope for him!
If you are too lazy to do something, be sure to write about it in your diary. Point out this fact as often as you can. Perhaps, in the end, you will just get tired of being lazy and you will get down to business.
July 12, 1855. The whole day I did not write anything, I read Balzac, I was busy only with a new box. 1) laziness, 2) laziness, 3) laziness ...
Make Flaws Serve Your Purpose
Remember, you somehow lamented that pride and vanity are one of your main vices? Look at them with different eyes. If your constant enemies are laziness and irritability, then it is vanity that will help overcome them.
Compare yourself to one of your co-workers. First of all, with someone who writes a lot and productively and, perhaps, has already bought himself an old castle in France for royalties.
Constantly remind yourself how much you want to be famous. If you have both a healthy writing vanity and high goal is a huge plus.
September 17, 1855. Still, the only, main and prevailing over all other inclinations and occupations should be literature. My goal - literary glory. The good that I can do with my writings...
Quit your job and get married
Be more decisive. Resign to focus on a literary career.
September 17, 1855. ... Tomorrow I'm going to Koroles and ask for my resignation, and in the morning I'm writing "Youth".
At some point, admit to yourself: you will be lost if you do not start doing something. And start small.
Get married. Even if you think that it is not necessary at all, and you will be even more distracted. Write about it later in your diary.
August 28, 1862. I am 34 years old. I got up with a habit of sadness ... I worked, I wrote in vain in letters to Sonya ... A bad mug, don’t think about marriage, your calling is different, and a lot was given.
Love and marriage can help you put your life in order.
February 8, 1863. We are in Yasnaya... I feel so good, so good, I love her so much. The economy and affairs of the magazine are good ... How everything is clear to me now ... Everything is her. She does not know and will not understand how she transforms me, without comparison, more than I do her..
And when you start writing your most famous novel, your wife may even help you. For example, rewriting drafts clean while you compose new chapters. Isn't that good luck for a writer?
