Analysis of the works of M. Zoshchenko. Mysterious story, Zoshchenko for children

Analysis of the works of M. Zoshchenko.

The work of Mikhail Zoshchenko is an original phenomenon in Russian Soviet literature. The writer, in his own way, saw some characteristic processes of contemporary reality, brought under the blinding light of satire a gallery of characters that gave rise to the common term "Zoshchenko's hero". All the characters were shown with humor. These works were accessible and understandable to the common reader. “Zoshchenko’s heroes” showed modern people at that time ... so to speak, just a person, for example, in the story “Banya” you can see how the author shows a man who is clearly not rich, who is absent-minded and clumsy, and his phrase about clothes when he loses his number “let's look for him by signs ”And gives a rope from the number. After which he gives such signs of an old, shabby coat on which there is only 1 button from the top and a torn pocket. But in the meantime, he is sure that if he waits until everyone leaves the bathhouse, then he will be given some kind of rag, even though his coat is also bad. The author shows all the comicality of this situation ...

Such situations are usually shown in his stories. And most importantly, the author writes all this for the common people in a simple and understandable language.

Mikhail Zoshchenko

(Zoshchenko M. Selected. T. 1 - M., 1978)

The work of Mikhail Zoshchenko is an original phenomenon in Russian Soviet literature. The writer, in his own way, saw some characteristic processes of contemporary reality, brought under the blinding light of satire a gallery of characters that gave rise to the common term "Zoshchenko's hero". Being at the origins of Soviet satirical and humorous prose, he acted as the creator of the original comic novel, which continued in new historical conditions traditions of Gogol, Leskov, early Chekhov. Finally, Zoshchenko created his own, completely unique artistic style.

About four decades devoted Zoshchenko domestic literature. The writer went through a difficult and hard way searches. There are three main stages in his work.

The first falls on the 20s - the heyday of the writer's talent, who honed the pen of the accuser of social vices in such popular satirical magazines of that time as "Begemot", "Buzoter", "Red Raven", "Inspector", "Eccentric", "Funny Man". ". At this time, the formation and crystallization of Zoshchenko's short story and story takes place.

In the 1930s, Zoshchenko worked mainly in the field of large prose and dramatic genres, looking for ways to "optimistic satire" ("Returned Youth" - 1933, "The Story of a Life" - 1934 and "The Blue Book" - 1935). The art of Zoshchenko as a novelist also undergoes significant changes during these years (a cycle of children's stories and stories for children about Lenin).

The final period falls on the military and post-war years.

Mikhail Mikhailovich Zoshchenko was born in 1895. After graduating from high school, he studied law faculty Petersburg University. Without completing his studies, in 1915 he volunteered for the army in order, as he later recalled, "to die with dignity for his country, for his homeland." After the February Revolution, the battalion commander Zoshchenko, demobilized due to illness ("I participated in many battles, was wounded, gassed. I spoiled my heart ...") served as commandant of the Main Post Office in Petrograd. During the troubled days of Yudenich's attack on Petrograd, Zoshchenko was the adjutant of the regiment of the rural poor.

The years of two wars and revolutions (1914-1921) - a period of intensive spiritual growth of the future writer, the formation of his literary and aesthetic convictions. Civil and moral formation Zoshchenko as a humorist and satirist, an artist of a significant social theme falls on the post-October period.

In the literary heritage, which was to be mastered and critically reworked by Soviet satire, three main lines stand out in the 1920s. Firstly, folklore and fairy tale, coming from a native, an anecdote, a folk legend, a satirical fairy tale; secondly, classical (from Gogol to Chekhov); and finally satirical. In the work of most of the major satirical writers of that time, each of these trends can be traced quite clearly. As for M. Zoshchenko, he, developing original form his own story, he drew from all these sources, although the Gogol-Chekhov tradition was closest to him.

In the 1920s, the main genre varieties in the writer's work flourished: a satirical story, a comic novel and a satirical-humorous story. Already at the very beginning of the 1920s, the writer created a number of works that were highly appreciated by M. Gorky.

Published in 1922, "The Stories of Nazar Ilyich Mr. Sinebryukhov" attracted everyone's attention. Against the background of the short stories of those years, the figure of the hero-storyteller, the grated, experienced man Nazar Ilyich Sinebryukhov, who went through the front and saw a lot in the world, stood out sharply. M. Zoshchenko seeks and finds a kind of intonation, in which the lyric-ironic beginning and the intimate-confiding note are fused together, removing any barrier between the narrator and the listener.

In "Sinebryukhov's Stories" says a lot about the great culture of the comic tale, which the writer reached at an early stage of his work:

"I had a soul mate. Terrible educated person, frankly I will say - gifted with qualities. He traveled to various foreign powers in the rank of valet, he even understood, maybe in French and drank foreign whiskey, but he was the same as not me, anyway - an ordinary guardsman of an infantry regiment.

Sometimes the narrative is quite skillfully built on the type of a well-known absurdity, beginning with the words "went A tall man short stature. "This kind of awkwardness creates a certain comic effect. True, while he does not have that distinct satirical orientation, which he will acquire later. In Sinebryukhov's Tales, such specifically Zoshchenko turns of comic speech, which remained in the reader's memory for a long time, appear as "as if suddenly the atmosphere smelled of me", "they will rob me like sticky and throw them away for their kind, for nothing that their own relatives", "second lieutenant wow, but bastard", "breaks the riots", etc. Subsequently, a stylistic game of a similar type, but with an incomparably sharper social meaning, will manifest itself in the speeches of other heroes - Semyon Semenovich Kurochkin and Gavrilych, on whose behalf the narration was conducted in a number of the most popular comic short stories by Zoshchenko in the first half of the 20s.

The works created by the writer in the 1920s were based on specific and very topical facts gleaned either from direct observations or from numerous letters from readers. Their themes are motley and varied: riots in transport and in hostels, grimaces of the New Economic Policy and grimaces of everyday life, the mold of philistinism and philistinism, arrogant pompadourism and creeping servility, and much, much more. Often the story is built in the form of a casual conversation with the reader, and sometimes, when the shortcomings became especially egregious, frankly journalistic notes sounded in the author's voice.

In a series of satirical short stories, M. Zoshchenko maliciously ridiculed the cynically prudent or sentimentally thoughtful earners of individual happiness, intelligent scoundrels and boors, showed in the true light of vulgar and worthless people who are ready to trample on everything truly human on the way to arranging personal well-being ("Matrenishcha", "Grimace of NEP", "Lady with flowers", "Nanny", "Marriage of convenience").

In Zoshchenko's satirical stories, there are no spectacular techniques for sharpening the author's thoughts. They are usually devoid of comedy intrigue. M. Zoshchenko acted here as a denouncer of spiritual Okurovism, a satirist of morals. He chose as the object of analysis the philistine-proprietor, the hoarder and money-grubber, who, from a direct political opponent, became an opponent in the sphere of morality, a hotbed of vulgarity.

The circle of persons acting in Zoshchenko's satirical works is extremely narrow, there is no image of the crowd, the mass, visibly or invisibly present in humorous short stories. The pace of plot development is slow, the characters are deprived of the dynamism that distinguishes the heroes of other works of the writer.

The heroes of these stories are less rude and uncouth than in humorous short stories. The author is primarily interested spiritual world, a system of thinking of an outwardly cultured, but all the more disgusting in essence, tradesman. Oddly enough, but in Zoshchenko's satirical stories there are almost no caricatured, grotesque situations, less comic and no fun at all.

However, the main element of Zoshchenko's creativity of the 20s is still humorous everyday life. Zoshchenko writes about drunkenness, about housing affairs, about losers offended by fate. In a word, he chooses an object that he himself quite fully And accurately described in the story "People": "But, of course, the author still prefers a completely shallow background, a completely petty and insignificant hero with his trifling passions and experiences" . The movement of the plot in such a story is based on the constantly posed and comically resolved contradictions between "yes" and "no". The simple-minded naive narrator assures with the whole tone of his narration that exactly as he does, the depicted should be evaluated, and the reader either guesses or knows for sure that such assessments-characteristics are incorrect. This eternal struggle between the narrator's statement and the reader's negative perception of the events described imparts special dynamism to Zoshchenko's story, filling it with subtle and sad irony.

Zoshchenko has a short story "The Beggar" - about a hefty and impudent subject who got into the habit of regularly going to the hero-narrator, extorting fifty kopecks from him. When he was tired of all this, he advised the enterprising earner to drop in less often with uninvited visits. “He didn’t come to see me again - he must have been offended,” the narrator remarked melancholy in the finale. It is not easy for Kostya Pechenkin to hide double-mindedness, to disguise cowardice and meanness with lofty words ("Three Documents"), and the story ends with an ironically sympathetic maxim: "Oh, comrades, it is difficult for a person to live in the world!"

This sadly ironic “probably offended” and “it’s hard for a person to live in the world” is the nerve of the majority comic works Zoshchenko in the 20s. In such small masterpieces as "On Live Bait", "Aristocrat", "Bath", "Nervous People", "Scientific Phenomenon" and others, the author, as it were, cuts off various socio-cultural layers, reaching those layers where the sources of indifference nest , incivility, vulgarity.

The hero of "Aristocrat" was carried away by one person in fildekos stockings and a hat. While he "as an official" visited the apartment, and then walked along the street, experiencing the inconvenience of having to take the lady by the arm and "drag like a pike", everything was relatively safe. But as soon as the hero invited the aristocrat to the theater, "she deployed her ideology in its entirety." Seeing cakes in the intermission, the aristocrat "approaches with a depraved gait to the dish and chop with cream and eats." The lady has eaten three cakes and is reaching for the fourth.

"That's when the blood hit my head.

Lie down, - I say, - back!"

After this climax, events unfold like an avalanche, involving all more actors. As a rule, in the first half of Zoshchenko's short story one or two, many - three characters are presented. And only when the development of the plot passes the highest point, when there is a need and need to typify the described phenomenon, to sharpen it satirically, a more or less written group of people, sometimes a crowd, appears.

Same with Aristocrat. The closer to the finale, the more faces the author brings to the stage. First, the figure of the barman appears, who, to all the assurances of the hero, ardently proving that only three pieces have been eaten, since the fourth cake is on the platter, "keeps indifferent."

No, - he answers, - although it is in the dish, but the bite is made on it and the finger is crumpled. "Here are amateur experts, some of whom" say - the bite is done, others - no. "And finally, the crowd attracted by the scandal, who laughs at the sight of an unlucky theater-goer convulsively turning out his pockets with all kinds of junk before her eyes.

In the finale, only two characters remain again, finally sorting out their relationship. The story ends with a dialogue between the offended lady and the hero dissatisfied with her behavior.

"And at the house she says to me in her bourgeois tone:

Pretty disgusting of you. Those without money don't travel with ladies.

And I say:

Not in money, citizen, happiness. Sorry for the expression."

As you can see, both sides are offended. Moreover, both sides believe only in their own truth, being firmly convinced that it is the opposite side that is wrong. The hero of Zoshchenko's story invariably regards himself as an infallible, "respectable citizen", although in reality he acts as a swaggering layman.

The essence of Zoshchenko's aesthetics lies in the fact that the writer combines two plans (ethical and cultural-historical), showing their deformation, distortion in the minds and behavior of satirical and humorous characters. At the junction of the true and the false, the real and the fictional, a comic spark slips, a smile arises or the reader laughs.

Breaking the connection between cause and effect is the traditional source of the comic. It is important to capture the type of conflicts characteristic of a given environment and era and convey them by means of satirical art. Zoshchenko is dominated by the motive of discord, worldly absurdity, some kind of tragicomic inconsistency of the hero with the pace, rhythm and spirit of the times.

Sometimes Zoshchenko's hero really wants to keep up with progress. hastily learned modern trend It seems to such a respected citizen not just the riding of loyalty, but an example of organic getting used to the revolutionary reality. Hence the addiction to fashionable names and political terminology, hence the desire to assert their "proletarian" insides through bravado with rudeness, ignorance, rudeness.

It is no coincidence that the hero-narrator sees a petty-bourgeois bias in the fact that Vasya Rastopyrkin - "this pure proletarian, non-party, the devil knows what year - was thrown out of the tram platform just now" by insensitive passengers for dirty clothes ("Petty Bourgeois"). When the clerk Seryozha Kolpakov was finally given a personal telephone, about which he had been busy so much, the hero felt like "a true European with cultural skills and manners." But the trouble is that this "European" has no one to talk to. From anguish, he called the fire station, lied that there was a fire. "In the evening Serezha Kolpakov was arrested for hooliganism."

The writer is concerned about the problem of life and everyday anomalies. Searching for its causes, carrying out reconnaissance of the social and moral sources of negative phenomena, Zoshchenko sometimes creates grotesque exaggerated situations that give rise to an atmosphere of hopelessness, a widespread spill of worldly vulgarity. Such a feeling is created after acquaintance with the stories "Dictaphone", "Dog's scent", "After a hundred years".

Critics of the 1920s and 1930s, noting the innovation of the creator of The Bathhouse and The Aristocrat, willingly wrote on the theme of Mikhail Zoshchenko's "face and mask", often correctly comprehending the meaning of the writer's works, but being embarrassed by the unusual relationship between the author and his comic "double" . The reviewers were not satisfied with the writer's adherence to the same once and for all chosen mask. Meanwhile, Zoshchenko did it deliberately.

S.V. Samples in the book "Actor with a Doll" spoke about how he was looking for his own path in art. It turned out that only the doll helped him find his "manner and voice". The actor managed to “enter into the image” of this or that hero more relaxed and freer precisely “through the doll”.

Zoshchenko's innovation began with the discovery of a comic hero, who, according to the writer, "almost did not appear before in Russian literature," as well as with mask techniques, through which he revealed aspects of life that often remained in the shadows, did not fall into the field of view. satirists.

All comic heroes from the ancient Petrushka to Schweik acted in the conditions of an anti-people society, while Zoshchenko's hero "deployed his ideology" in a different environment. The writer showed the conflict between a person, weighed down by the prejudices of pre-revolutionary life, and morality, moral principles new society.

Developing deliberately ordinary plots, telling private stories that happened to an unremarkable hero, the writer raised these individual cases to the level of a significant generalization. He penetrates the holy of holies of the tradesman, who involuntarily exposes himself in his monologues. This skillful mystification was achieved through mastery of the manner of narration on behalf of the narrator, a tradesman who was not only afraid to openly declare his views, but also tried not to inadvertently give rise to any reprehensible opinions about himself.

Zoshchenko often achieved a comic effect by playing around with words and expressions drawn from the speech of an illiterate tradesman, with its characteristic vulgarisms, incorrect grammatical forms and syntactic constructions ("plitoir", "okromya", "hres", "this", "in it", "brunette", "drunk", "for biting", "fuck cry", "this poodle", "silent animal", "at the stove", etc.).

Traditional humorous schemes were also used, which have come into wide use since the time of the "Satyricon": the enemy of bribes, giving a speech in which he gives recipes for taking bribes ("Speech delivered at a banquet"); an opponent of verbosity, who himself turns out to be a lover of idle and empty talk ("The Americans"); a doctor sewing a watch of "pot gold" into the patient's stomach ("Clock").

Zoshchenko is a writer not only of a comic style, but also of comic situations. The style of his stories is not just funny words, incorrect grammatical phrases and sayings. That was the sad fate of the authors who tried to write "under Zoshchenko", that they, in the apt expression of K. Fedin, acted simply as plagiarists, taking off what was convenient to take off - clothes. However, they were far from comprehending the essence of Zoshchenko's innovation in the realm of the tale. Zoshchenko managed to make the tale very capacious and artistically expressive. The hero-narrator only speaks, and the author does not complicate the structure of the work with additional descriptions of the timbre of his voice, his demeanor, and the details of his behavior. However, through fairy tale manner the gesture of the hero, and the tone of his voice, and his psychological state, and the attitude of the author to the narrated are clearly conveyed. What other writers achieved by introducing additional artistic details, Zoshchenko achieved with a manner of narration, a short, extremely concise phrase and at the same time a complete absence of "dryness".

At first, Zoshchenko came up with various names his fairy tale masks (Sinebryukhov, Kurochkin, Gavrilych), but later abandoned this. For example, "Merry Stories", published on behalf of the gardener Semyon Semyonovich Kurochkin, subsequently began to be published without attachment to the personality of this character. The tale has become more complex, artistically more meaningful.

The form of the tale was used by N. Gogol, I. Gorbunov, N. Leskov, and Soviet writers of the 1920s. Instead of pictures of life, in which there is no intrigue, and sometimes any plot action, as was the case in I. Gorbunov’s masterfully honed miniature dialogues, instead of the emphatically sophisticated stylization of the language of the urban bourgeoisie, which N. Leskov achieved through lexical assimilation of various speech elements and folk etymology , Zoshchenko, not shying away from these methods, seeks and finds means that most closely correspond to the warehouse and spirit of his hero.

Zoshchenko, in his mature years, followed the path blazed by Gogol and Chekhov, but, unlike the numerous accusers of the 1920s, did not copy their manners.

K. Fedin noted the writer's ability to "combine irony with the truth of feeling in a finely constructed story." This was achieved by Zoshchenko's unique methods, among which important place belonged to a particularly intoned humor.

Zoshchenko's humor is ironic through and through. The writer called his stories: "Happiness", "Love", "Easy Life", "Pleasant Meetings", "Honest Citizen", " Rich life", "Happy childhood" etc. And they talked about the exact opposite of what was stated in the title. The same can be said about the cycle " Sentimental tales", in which the dominant beginning; became tragicomism everyday life tradesman and layman. One of the stories bore the romantic title "Lilac Blooms". However, the poetic haze of the title dissipated already on the first pages. Here the life of a musty petty-bourgeois little world, usual for Zoshchenko's works, flowed thickly with its insipid love, betrayals, disgusting scenes of jealousy, scuffle.

The dominance of a trifle, the slavery of trifles, the comicality of the absurd and absurd - this is what the writer pays attention to in a series of sentimental stories. However, there is also much new here, even unexpected for the reader who knew Zoshchenko the novelist. In this regard, the story "What the nightingale sang about" is especially indicative.

Here, in contrast to "The Goat", "Wisdom" and "People", where the characters of all kinds of "former" people, broken by the revolution, knocked out of their usual everyday rut, were drawn, a completely "fire-resistant type" was recreated, which was not shaken by any storms and thunderstorms past social upheaval. Vasily Vasilyevich Bylinkin steps broadly and firmly on the ground. "But Bylinkin wore his heels inward to the very backs." If anything crushes this "philosophically-minded person, burnt through with life and fired upon by heavy artillery," it is the feeling for Liza Rundukova that suddenly flooded over him.

In essence, the story "What the nightingale sang about" is a subtly parodic stylized work that tells the story of the explanations and languishing of two passionately in love heroes. Without changing the canons of the love story, the author sends a test to the lovers, albeit in the form of a childhood illness (mumps), with which Bylinkin unexpectedly falls seriously ill. The heroes stoically endure this formidable invasion of fate, their love becomes even stronger and purer. They walk a lot, holding hands, often sitting over the classic cliff of the river, however, with a somewhat undignified name - Kozyavka.

Love reaches a climax, after which only the death of loving hearts is possible, if the elemental attraction is not crowned with a marriage union. But here the force of such circumstances invades, which under the root crush the carefully cherished feeling.

Bylinkin sang beautifully and captivatingly, gentle roulades were brought out by his broken voice. What about the results?

Let us recall why in the old satirical literature the matrimonial harassment of equally unlucky suitors failed.

It's funny, very funny, that Podkolesin jumps out of the window, although there is no such limiting reduction of the hero as in Zoshchenko's.

Khlestakov's courtship is frustrated by the fact that somewhere in the depths of the stage, the figure of a true auditor looms as a severe retribution.

Krechinsky's wedding cannot take place because this clever swindler aims to receive a million dowry, but at the last moment he takes too clumsy a step.

And what explains the sadly farcical outcome in the story "What the nightingale sang about"? Liza did not have a mother's chest of drawers, on which the hero counted so much. This is where the mug of a tradesman comes out, which before that - though not very skillfully - was covered with thin petals of "haberdashery" treatment.

Zoshchenko writes a magnificent finale, which reveals the true value of what at first looked like a reverently magnanimous feeling. The epilogue, sustained in peacefully elegiac tones, is preceded by a scene of violent scandal.

In the structure of Zoshchenko's stylized-sentimental story, like veins of quartz in granite, bitingly sarcastic inclusions appear. They give the work a satirical flavor, and, unlike the stories where Zoshchenko openly laughs, here the writer, using Mayakovsky's formula, smiles and mocks. At the same time, his smile is most often sad and sad, and the mockery is sardonic.

This is how the epilogue of the story "What the nightingale sang about" is built, where the author finally answers the question posed in the title. As if returning the reader to happy days Bylinkina, the writer recreates the atmosphere of love ecstasy, when Lizochka, frustrated "from the chirping of insects or the singing of a nightingale," ingenuously inquires from her admirer:

Vasya, what do you think this nightingale sings about?

To which Vasya Bylinkin usually answered with restraint:

He wants to eat, that's why he sings."

The peculiarity of "Sentimental Tales" is not only in the more meager introduction of elements of the comic proper, but also in the fact that from work to work there is a growing feeling of something unkind, embedded, it seems, in the very mechanism of life, which interferes with its optimistic perception.

The disadvantage of most of the heroes of "Sentimental Tales" is that they slept through a whole historical period in the life of Russia and therefore, like Apollo Perepenchuk ("Apollo and Tamara"), Ivan Ivanovich Belokopytov ("People") or Michel Sinyagin ("M.P. . Sinyagin"), have no future. They rush about in fear through life, and every even the smallest case is ready to play a fatal role in their restless fate. The case takes the form of inevitability and regularity, determining a lot in the contrite spiritual mood of these heroes.

The fatal slavery of trifles distorts and corrodes the human beginnings of the heroes of the stories "The Goat", "What the Nightingale Sang About", "A Merry Adventure". If there is no goat, the foundations of Zabezhkin's universe collapse, and after that Zabezhkin himself dies. They don’t give a mother’s dresser to a bride - and the bride herself is not needed, to whom Bylinkin sang so sweetly. The hero of the "Merry Adventure" Sergei Petukhov, who intends to take a familiar girl to the cinema, does not find the necessary seven hryvnias and because of this he is ready to kill the dying aunt.

The artist paints petty, philistine natures, busy mindlessly spinning around dull, faded joys and habitual sorrows. Social upheavals bypassed these people, who call their existence "wormy and meaningless." However, it sometimes seemed to the author that the foundations of life remained unshaken, that the wind of the revolution only agitated the sea of ​​worldly vulgarity and flew away without changing the essence of human relations.

This perception of the world Zoshchenko determined the nature of his humor. Next to the cheerful, the writer often peeps the sad. But, unlike Gogol, with whom contemporary criticism sometimes compared Zoshchenko, the heroes of his stories so crushed and drowned out everything human in themselves that the tragic simply ceased to exist for them in life.

In Gogol, through the fate of Akaky Akakievich Bashmachkin, the tragedy of a whole layer of disadvantaged people, just like this petty official, was visible. Their spiritual poverty was due to the dominant social relations. The revolution abolished the exploitative system, opened before every person broad possibilities of content and interesting life. However, there were still many people who were either dissatisfied with the new order, or simply skeptical and indifferent. Zoshchenko at that time was also not yet sure that the petty-bourgeois swamp would recede and disappear under the influence of social transformations.

The writer pities his little heroes, but the essence of these people is not tragic, but farcical. Sometimes happiness will wander into their street, as happened, for example, with the hero of the story "Happiness", the glazier Ivan Fomich Testov, who once grabbed a bright peacock of luck. But what a sad happiness! Like a hysterical drunken song with a tear and heavy carbon monoxide oblivion.

Tearing off the shoulders of the Gogol hero new overcoat, the kidnappers took away with her all the most cherished things that Akaky Akakievich could have in general. Before the hero Zoshchenko, a world of immense possibilities opened up. However, this hero did not see them, and they remained treasures for him with seven seals.

Occasionally, of course, even such a hero can have an anxious feeling, like the character of "Terrible Night". But it quickly disappears, because the system of past worldly ideas clings tenaciously to the mind of the tradesman. A revolution has passed that stirred up Russia, and the layman for the most part remained almost unaffected by its transformations. By showing the force of inertia of the past, Zoshchenko did a great, useful thing.

"Sentimental stories" differed not only in the originality of the object (according to Zoshchenko, he takes in them "an exceptionally intelligent person", in small stories he writes "about a simpler person"), but they were also written in a different manner than stories.

The narration is conducted not on behalf of the tradesman, the inhabitant, but on behalf of the writer Kolenkorov, and this, as it were, resurrects the traditions of Russian classical literature. In fact, instead of following the humanistic ideals of the 19th century, Kolenkorov turns out to be imitation and epigonism. Zoshchenko parodies, ironically overcomes this outwardly sentimental manner.

Satire, like all Soviet fiction, changed significantly in the 1930s. The creative fate of the author of "The Aristocrat" and "Sentimental Tales" was no exception. The writer who exposed philistinism, ridiculed philistinism, wrote ironically and parodicly about the poisonous scum of the past, turns his eyes in a completely different direction. Zoshchenko is fascinated by the tasks of socialist transformation. He works in the large-circulation newspapers of Leningrad enterprises, visits the construction of the White Sea-Baltic Canal, listening to the rhythms of the grandiose process of social renewal. There is a turning point in all his work: from the worldview to the tonality of the narrative and style.

During this period, Zoshchenko was seized by the idea of ​​​​merging satire and heroism together. Theoretically, this thesis was proclaimed by him at the very beginning of the 1930s, and practically implemented in "Returned Youth" (1933), "The Story of a Life" (1934), the story "The Blue Book" (1935) and a number of stories of the second half: 30s.

Our enemies abroad often explain Zoshchenko's attraction to heroic theme, a bright positive character dictated by external forces. In fact, this was organic for the writer and testified to his inner evolution, which has been so common for the Russian national tradition since the time of Gogol. Suffice it to recall Nekrasov's confession escaping from his sore chest: "The heart is tired of eating malice ...", burning Shchedrin's thirst for the lofty and heroic, Chekhov's unquenched longing for a man in whom everything is fine.

Already in 1927, Zoshchenko, in his usual manner at that time, made the following confession in one of the stories:

“Today I would like to swing at something heroic. At some kind of grandiose, extensive character with many advanced views and moods. Otherwise, everything is trifle and petty - just disgusting ...

And I miss, brothers, the real hero! I wish I could meet someone like that!"

Two years later, in the book Letters to a Writer, M. Zoshchenko again returns to the problem that worried him. He asserts that "the proletarian revolution raised a whole and enormous layer of new, 'indescribable' people."

The writer's meeting with such heroes took place in the 1930s, and this contributed to a significant change in the whole appearance of her short story.

Zoshchenko of the 1930s completely renounces not only the usual social mask, but also the tale manner developed over the years. The author and his characters now speak quite correctly literary language. At the same time, naturally, the range of speech fades somewhat, but it became obvious that it would no longer be possible to embody a new circle of ideas and images with the former Zoshchenko style.

Even a few years before this evolution took place in Zoshchenko's work, the writer foresaw the possibility for him of new creative solutions dictated by the conditions of developing reality.

“They usually think,” he wrote in 1929, “that I am distorting the “beautiful Russian language”, that for the sake of laughter I take words not in the meaning that life gives them, that I purposely write in broken language in order to make the most respectable audience laugh .

This is not true. I hardly distort anything. I write in the language that the street now speaks and thinks. I did this (in short stories) not for the sake of curiosities and not in order to more accurately copy our life. I did this in order to fill, at least temporarily, the colossal gap that has occurred between literature and the street.

I say - temporarily, since I really write so temporarily and in a parodic way.

In the mid-1930s, the writer declared: “Every year I shoot and remove exaggeration from my stories more and more.

The departure from the tale was not a simple formal act; it entailed a complete structural restructuring of Zoshchenko's short story. Not only the style is changing, but also the plot and compositional principles, psychological analysis. Even outwardly, the story looks different, exceeding the previous one by two or three times. Zoshchenko often returns, as it were, to his early experiences early 1920s, but already at a more mature stage, using the legacy of the fictionalized comic novel in a new way.

The very titles of the stories and feuilletons of the middle and second half of the 1930s ("Tactless", "Bad Wife", "Unequal Marriage", "On Respect for People", "More on the Struggle with Noise") quite accurately indicate the exciting now satirical questions. These are not curiosities of everyday life or communal problems, but problems of ethics, the formation of new moral relations.

The feuilleton "Good impulses" (1937) was written, it would seem, on a very private topic: about tiny windows at the cashiers of entertainment enterprises and at information kiosks. "There are only the cashier's hands sticking out, a ticket book and scissors. That's the whole panorama for you." But the further, the more the theme of a respectful attitude towards the visitor, client, every Soviet person unfolds. The satirist rises against the cloth-drowsy uniformed well-being and the indispensable trepidation before the state "point".

“It’s not that I want to see the expression on the face of the one who gives me a certificate, but I might want to ask him again, to consult. But the window blocks me off and, as they say, it chills my soul. you, realizing your insignificant place in this world, again leave with a constricted heart.

The basis of the plot is a simple fact: the old woman needs to get a certificate.

Her lips are whispering, and you can see that she wants to talk to someone, find out, ask and find out.

Here she comes to the window. The window opens. And there the head of a young nobleman is shown.

The old woman begins her speeches, but the young cavalier says curtly:

Abra sa se kno...

And the window closes.

The old woman was about to lean again towards the window, but again, having received the same answer, she even walked away in some fright.

Thinking this phrase "Abra sa se kno" in my head, I decide to make a translation from the language of the poetry of bureaucracy into the everyday everyday language of prose. And I get: "Refer to the next window."

I tell the translated phrase to the old woman, and she walks unsteadily to the next window.

No, she was not detained there for a long time either, and she soon left with prepared speeches.

The feuilleton is sharpened against, as Zoshchenko delicately puts it, the "unsympathetic style" of life and the work of institutions, according to which a not very outwardly distinguishable, but quite real system of dividing people into two obviously unequal categories has been established. On the one hand, "they say - we, but, they say, - you." But in fact, the author argues, "you are us, and we are partly you." The finale sounds sad and warning: "There is, we would say, some kind of inconsistency."

This inconsistency, which has already reached a grotesque degree, is exposed with caustic sarcasm in the story "Case History" (1936). Here the life and customs of a certain special hospital are described, in which visitors are greeted on the wall by a cheerful poster: "Issue of corpses from 3 to 4", and the paramedic admonishes a patient who does not like this announcement, with the words: "If, he says, you get better, which is unlikely, then criticize.

In the 1920s, it seemed to many that the cursed legacy of the past could be ended fairly quickly. M. Zoshchenko did not share these complacent illusions either then or a decade later. The satirist saw the amazing vitality of all kinds of social weeds and by no means underestimated the abilities of the tradesman and the layman for mimicry and opportunism.

However, in the 1930s, new prerequisites arose to solve the eternal question of human happiness, due to gigantic socialist transformations, the cultural revolution. This has a significant impact on the nature and direction of the writer's work.

Zoshchenko has teaching intonations that did not exist at all before. The satirist not only and even not so much ridicules, castigates, as patiently teaches, explains, interprets, referring to the mind and conscience of the reader. High and pure didactics was embodied with special perfection in a cycle of touching and affectionate stories for children written in 1937-1938.

In the comic novel and feuilleton of the second half of the 1930s, sad humor is increasingly giving way to instructiveness, and irony to lyrical-philosophical intonation ("Forced Landing", "Commemoration", "Drunk Man", "Bath and People", "Meeting" , "In the tram", etc.). Take, for example, the story "In a tram" (1937). It's not even a novel, it's just street scene, a genre sketch, which in past years could easily become the arena of funny and funny situations, thickly seasoned with comic salt of witticisms. Suffice it to recall "On live bait", "Galoshes", etc.

Now the writer and anger and fun rarely break out. More than before, he declares the high moral position of the artist, clearly revealed in the key points of the plot - where issues of honor, dignity, and duty that are especially important and dear to the writer's heart are touched upon.

Defending the concept of active good, M. Zoshchenko pays more and more attention to positive characters, bolder and more often introduces images of positive characters into a satirical and humorous story. And not just in the role of extras, frozen in their virtue of standards, but characters actively acting and fighting (" fun game"," New Times "," Lights big city", "Debt of honor").

Previously, the development of Zoshchenko's comic plot consisted of incessant contradictions that arose between the ironic "yes" and the real "no." The contrast between high and low, bad and good, comic and tragic was revealed by the reader himself as he deepened into the satirical text of the narrative. The author sometimes obscured these contrasts, insufficiently clearly differentiating the speech and function of the storyteller and his own position.

The story and feuilleton of the 1930s are built by Zoshchenko on other compositional principles, not because such a important component short stories of previous years, as a hero-storyteller. Now the characters of satirical works are confronted not only by the higher position of the author, but also by the very environment in which the characters live. This social confrontation ultimately moves the inner springs of the plot. Observing how the honor and dignity of a person are trampled on by all sorts of bureaucrats, red tape, bureaucrats, the writer raises his voice in his defense. No, as a rule, he does not give an angry rebuff, but in the sadly ironic manner of narration he prefers, major intonations arise, and the firm conviction of an optimist is manifested.

Zoshchenko's trip to the White Sea-Baltic Canal (1933) became a memorable milestone for him, not only because there he saw with his own eyes how people were reborn in the conditions of a gigantic construction site, much worse than those who were the main characters of his works of the 20s . New prospects opened up for the writer further way, because the direct study of socialist novelty has given a lot to solve such fundamental questions for the satirist as man and society, the historical doom of the past, the inevitability and inevitability of the triumph of the high and beautiful. social renewal native land It also promised a moral rebirth of the personality, returning not only to an individual, but, as it were, to the entire planet its long-lost youth.

As a result of the trip, the story "The Story of One Life" (1934) appears, which tells how a thief, "passing through a harsh school of re-education", became a man. This story was favorably received by M. Gorky.

New time breaks not only into the essays, short stories and small feuilletons of Zoshchenko, but also into the pages of his great prose. The former notion of the viability and indestructibility of philistinism is being replaced by a growing confidence in the victory of new human relations. The writer went from general skepticism at the sight of seemingly invincible vulgarity to criticism of the old in the new and to the search for a positive hero. So the chain of stories of the 30s is gradually built up from "Returned Youth" (1933) through " blue book"(1935) to" Retribution "(1936). In these works, denial and affirmation, pathos and irony, lyricism and satire, heroic and comic merged in a bizarre alloy.

In "Returned Youth" the author is especially interested in the relationship between sociological and biological, class-political and universal aspects. If earlier the teaching tone appeared only at the end of small feuilletons, now the features of didactics and preaching permeate the entire fabric of the work. Persuasion and suggestion gradually begin to crowd out the means of satirical ridicule, imperceptibly come to the fore, determining the very movement of the plot.

Compositionally, "Youth Restored" is divided into three unequal parts. The first part is a line short stories prefaced by the main content of the story and presenting in an unpretentiously funny form the author's views on the possibility of the return of youth. The last two stories, as Zoshchenko himself noted, even "make you think about the need to learn how to control yourself and your extremely complex body."

This is followed by the actual fictional part, devoted to the story of how the elderly professor of astronomy Volosatov regained his lost youth. And, finally, the most extensive part concludes all the previous - scientific comments on the plot-narrative section of the work.

The genre originality of Zoshchenko's large prose canvases is indisputable. If "Returned Youth" could still be called a story with some degree of convention, then the rest of the works of the lyric-satirical trilogy ("The Blue Book", "Before Sunrise", 1943) genre definitions- "novel", "story", "memoirs", etc. - didn't fit. Realizing their theoretical principles, which boiled down to the synthesis of documentary and artistic genres, Zoshchenko created in the 30-40s major works at the intersection of fiction and journalism.

Although the Blue Book general principles the combination of satirical and didactic, pathos and irony, touching and funny remained the same, much has changed compared to the previous book. Thus, for example, the method of active authorial intervention in the course of the narrative remained, but not in the form of scientific comments, but in a different form: each main section of the Blue Book is preceded by an introduction, and ends with an afterword. Reworking his old short stories for this book, Zoshchenko not only frees them from the tale-like manner and semi-criminal jargon, but also generously introduces an element of teaching. Many stories are accompanied by introductory or concluding lines of a clearly didactic nature.

The general tone of "The Blue Book" also changes in comparison with "Returned Youth" in the direction of further enlightenment of the background. Here the author still acts mainly as a satirist and humorist, but in the book "there is more joy and hope than ridicule, and less irony than real, cordial and tender affection for people."

There is no plot affinity between these works. At the same time, the "Blue Book" is not accidentally named by the writer as the second part of the trilogy. Here the theme of humanism, the problem of genuine and imaginary human happiness, was further developed. This gives integrity to the heterogeneous historical and contemporary material, gives the narrative an inner grace and unity.

In "Youth Restored" for the first time in Zoshchenko's work the motif of the historical doom of the heritage of the old world sounded with great force, no matter how unshakable and tenacious it may seem at first. From this point of view, the primary task of the satirist was defined in a new way: "to beat out of people all the rubbish that has accumulated over thousands of years."

The deepening of social historicism is the conquest of the author of The Blue Book. It is as if a comical parade of the age-old values ​​of a proprietary society passes before the reader, their poverty and squalor are shown against the background of those ideals and accomplishments that the socialist revolution demonstrates to the world. Zoshchenko historically surveys the distant and relatively near past of mankind, the moral norms generated by the morality of the owners. In accordance with this plan, the book is divided into five main sections: "Money", "Love", "Deceit", "Failures" and "Amazing Events".

In each of the first four sections, Zoshchenko takes the reader through different centuries and countries. So, for example, in "Money" the satirist tells how in ancient Rome the Praetorians traded in the throne of the emperor, how the popes absolved sins for money, how his Serene Highness Prince Menshikov finally stole, coveting the chervonets that the St. Petersburg merchants presented on the name day of Peter I. in a reduced manner retells the events of world history associated with the invariable triumph of the golden calf, speaks of blood and dirt, for long years stuck to money.

Zoshchenko uses the material of a historical anecdote to make of it not only a murderous satirical sketch of the knights of profit, but also a parable, that is, to lead a contemporary to comprehend the genesis of those vices of the past that have been preserved in the tradesman and layman of our days.

Zoshchenko's historical digressions have an exact and verified address. The satirist, commemorating emperors and kings, princes and dukes, aims at home-grown grabbers and burnouts, which he talks about in comic short stories.

History and modernity are tied in a tight knot here. The events of the past are reflected in the comic novels of today, as in a series of crooked mirrors. Using their effect, the satirist projects the false grandeur of the past onto the screen of the new era, which is why both the past and the absurd that still remain in life acquire a particularly stupid and unattractive look.

In a number of responses to the Blue Book, the fundamental innovation of this work of the writer was correctly noted. “Zoshchenko saw in the past,” wrote A. Dymshits, “not only the prototypes of modern philistines, but also saw in him the sprouts of our revolution, which he spoke about with great lyricism in the best in all respects section of the Blue Book - its fifth section - " Amazing events." The pathetic and lyrical fifth section, crowning the book as a whole, gave it an exalted character.

The heroic-romantic and enlightening principle was asserted more and more boldly and decisively in Zoshchenko's prose in the second half of the 1930s. The artistic principles of "Youth Restored" and "The Blue Book" are developed by the writer in a series of new novels and short stories.

In 1936, three stories were completed: "The Black Prince", "The Talisman (The Sixth Story of I.P. Belkin)", which is a stylization of Pushkin's prose, brilliant in form and content, and "Retribution". In "Retribution" the writer moved from trying to succinctly tell about the best people of the revolution to a detailed display of their life and work.

The completion of the heroic and educational-didactic line in the work of Zoshchenko in the 30s are two cycles of stories - stories for children and stories about Lenin (1939). Now we know how natural and organic the appearance of these works was for the artist. But at one time they made a sensation among readers and critics who saw the popular comedian from an unexpected side for many.

In 1940, a book of stories for children "The Most Important" was published in Detizdat. Here we are not talking about choosing a profession, not about "whom to be", because for Zoshchenko the main thing is what to be. The theme of the formation of high morality is the same as in the works for adults, but it is revealed in relation to the children's level of perception and thinking. The writer teaches children to be brave and strong, smart and kind. With an affectionate and cheerful smile, he tells about animals, recalls episodes from his childhood ("Christmas Tree", "Grandma's Gift"), being able to extract from everywhere moral lesson and convey it to the young reader in an extremely simple and intelligible form.

Zoshchenko approached the Leninist theme for about twenty years. The first and, perhaps, the only test of strength was written back in the first half of the 20s "The Story of how Semyon Semenovich Kurochkin met Lenin", which was then reprinted under the title " historical story". The writer returned to this topic only at the end of the 30s, enriched by the experience of developing historical and revolutionary problems, having experienced a significant change in his worldview and creativity.

Peru Zoshchenko owns sixteen stories about Lenin (twelve of them were published in 1939). They reveal the features of Lenin's character. But in general, the book of short stories recreates the earthly and charming image of the leader, who embodied all the best that revolutionary Russia put forward.

Zoshchenko also intended stories about Lenin for children. Therefore, from the many components of Lenin's personality, the main thing is carefully selected, that which is accessible to the young mind and without which the idea of ​​Lenin is inconceivable. The artistic form of stories is also subordinated to this task.

Although the main provisions of this book were inspired by Gorky's memoirs and Mayakovsky's poem about Lenin, their concrete embodiment was innovative, and therefore Zoshchenko's short stories were perceived by critics and readers as a discovery.

During the Great Patriotic War, Mikhail Zoshchenko lived in Alma-Ata. The tragedy of besieged Leningrad, the terrible blows near Moscow, the great battle on the Volga, the battle on the Kursk Bulge - all this was deeply experienced in the undarkened city on the slopes of Ala-Tau. In an effort to contribute to the common cause of defeating the enemy, Zoshchenko writes a lot on front-line topics. Here we should name screenplays of short films, small satirical plays ("The Cuckoo and the Crows" and "Fritz's Pipe" - 1942), a number of short stories "From the Stories of Fighters" and humoresques published in "Ogonyok", "Crocodile", "Red Army", film story "Soldier's Happiness"

In the same period, the writer continued to work on his largest work of the war years - the final part of the trilogy, the idea of ​​​​which arose back in the 30s. In the article "About my trilogy" M. Zoshchenko wrote:

"Now I'm thinking of starting a new book, which will be the last in my trilogy, begun by Youth Restored and continued by The Blue Book. All these three books, although not united by a single plot, are connected by an internal idea." Revealing the content of the new work, the writer noted that " latest book the trilogy is conceived to be considerably more complex; it will take a somewhat different approach to all the material than in Youth Regained and The Blue Book, and the issues I have dealt with in the previous two books will be completed in a special chapter of the new book.

This book will be a little like the usual fiction. It will be more of a treatise, philosophical and journalistic, rather than fiction." The story "Before Sunrise" (1943) really "little like" ordinary fiction. books of the trilogy. But the fundamental difference of the third part is different. The story "Before Sunrise" does not continue, but in many respects revises the principles developed by the writer before. The gap between intentions and creative result led the author to an ideological and artistic failure.

The miscalculation was that the writer focused his attention on the gloomy, melancholy, obsessive idea of ​​\u200b\u200bfear and thereby began to move back from the major and optimism of the first parts of the trilogy. The place of bright lyrics was taken by a gloomy and sometimes simply boring narration, only occasionally illuminated by the semblance of a faint smile. In the story "Before Sunrise" Zoshchenko made another miscalculation, completely freeing his narrative from humor, seriously turning to medicine and physiology for help in understanding social problems.

In the war and post-war years, M. Zoshchenko did not create works that significantly deepened his own achievements of the previous period. His humor has faded and weakened considerably. Much of what was written during the stormy years of the war was accepted with gratitude by the reader and had a positive response in critical articles and reviews. Yu. Herman spoke about the difficult campaign of our warships in the Arctic Ocean during the Great Patriotic War. Enemy mines were all around, a thick red fog loomed. The mood of the sailors is far from positive. But then one of the officers began to read Zoshchenko's "Rogulka" (1943), which had just been published in a front-line newspaper.

“They began to laugh at the table. At first they smiled, then someone snorted, then the laughter became universal, rampant. People who until then every minute turned to the windows literally cried with laughter: a formidable mine suddenly turned into a funny and stupid flyer. Laughter conquered fatigue .. ... laughter turned out to be stronger than the psychic attack that had been dragging on for the fourth day already ".

This story was placed on the shield, where the numbers of the marching combat leaflet were posted, then it went around all the ships of the Northern Fleet.

In the feuilletons, stories, dramatic scenes, and scripts created by M. Zoshchenko in 1941-1945, on the one hand, the theme of pre-war satirical and humorous creativity is continued (stories and feuilletons about the negative phenomena of life in the rear), on the other hand (and most of these works) - the theme of the struggling and victorious people is developed.

A special place in the work of Zoshchenko belongs to the book of partisan stories. In the partisan cycle, the writer again turned to the peasant, rural theme - almost a quarter of a century after he wrote the first stories about peasants. This meeting with the old theme in a new historical era brought both creative excitement and difficulties. Not all of them the author managed to overcome (the narration sometimes acquires a somewhat conventionally literary character, bookish-correct speech is heard from the lips of the characters), but nevertheless he completed the main task. Before us is really not a collection of short stories, but a book with a holistic plot.

In the 1950s, M. Zoshchenko created a number of stories and feuilletons, a cycle of "Literary Anecdotes", devoted a lot of time and energy to translations. The translation of the book of the Finnish writer M. Lassil "For matches" is especially distinguished by its high skill.

When you think about the main thing in Zoshchenko's work, the words of his colleague in literature come to mind. Speaking at the discussion of the "Blue Book", V. Sayanov attributed Zoshchenko to the most democratic writers-linguists:

"Zoshchenko's stories are democratic not only in their language, but also in their characters. It is no coincidence that the plot of Zoshchenko's stories could not and will not be taken by other writers-humorists. They lack Zoshchenko's great internal ideological positions. Zoshchenko is just as democratic in prose as was democratic in Mayakovsky's poetry.

Of fundamental importance for characterizing the contribution of M. Zoshchenko to Soviet satirical and humorous literature are Gorky's assessments. M. Gorky closely followed the development of the artist's talent, suggested the themes of some works, and invariably supported his search for new genres and trends. So, for example, M. Gorky saw the "hidden significance" of the story "Lilacs are blooming", energetically supported the innovative book "Letters to the Writer", briefly analyzed the "Blue Book", specifically noting:

“In this work, your peculiar talent is revealed even more confidently and brightly than in the previous ones.

The originality of the book will probably not be immediately appreciated as highly as it deserves, but this should not embarrass you" (p. 166).

M. Gorky especially highly appreciated the Komichev art of the writer: “You have the data of a satirist, a very sharp sense of irony, and the lyrics accompany him in an extremely original way.

Zoshchenko's works were of great importance not only for the development of satirical and humorous literature in the 1920s and 1930s. His work became a significant social phenomenon, the moral authority of satire and its role in social and moral education, thanks to Zoshchenko, increased unusually.

Mikhail Zoshchenko managed to convey the originality of the "nature of a person of transitional times, unusually brightly, sometimes in a sad-ironic, sometimes in a lyrical-humorous coverage, showed how the historical breakdown of his character was taking place. Laying his own path, he set an example for many young writers trying their hand in the complex and difficult art of denunciation by laughter.

The whole day passed in incredible bustle and revival. And in the evening, when twilight filled the room, Ivan Alekseevich turned on the light and began to clear the table. Spreading it out for twelve people and spreading a snow-white tablecloth, he began to decorate and tease it, remembering how it was done before.

And soon, cleanly washed plates, knives, glasses and all kinds of delicious dishes crushed the table with their weight.

There were caviar of all kinds, and lightly salted salmon, and smoked sizhki, and English game pastes, and other food. And among all this, proudly pushing aside the snack, there were bottles of various wines.

When all this was ready, Ivan Alekseevich, tired and perspiring, sat down at the table, pulling up a chair for this purpose.

Ivan Alekseevich's hands trembled, and his chest heaved high and impetuous. He wanted to rest a little half an hour before the guests, but he could not sit still. It seemed to him that not everything was done yet. The childish smile never left his face. Then, laughing and grimacing, he took out of the drawer of his desk colored thin paper, from which flowers had once been made, took scissors and began to cut out even strips, making something like flowers out of them.

Then, rolling them together in a fluffy bouquet, he began to attach a fried grouse to the tail. It turned out, indeed, extremely impressive, and the table only benefited from this.

Then, taking another sheet of pink paper, Ivan Alekseevich wanted to do the same with a ham and had already begun to cut it out, when, with a careless movement of his hand, he dropped the scissors on the floor. Bending down immediately after them and touching the cold steel with his fingers, he felt some heavy, thick wave of blood rush to his face. Shaking his head slightly, he wanted to straighten up, but groaned and fell face down on the floor, catching his foot on a chair, pushing it far and loudly.

A strange, even blue came from somewhere below and calmly covered his face.

A distant relative, old Schnell, who ran in to the noise, stated the death that followed from the blow.

Shocked, with trembling hands, the old woman rushed to the table, then to the deceased, and, not knowing what to do, froze in one position.

And now - a brightly lit room, a table laden with all kinds of dishes, and at the table, face to the floor, at the very scissors, Ivan Alekseevich. It was impossible to look at this for a long time, and, with an inhuman effort of will, taking the deceased by the shoulders, the old woman dragged him into the next room. Clinging with his feet to the chairs and strangely throwing his arms around and banging his head on the floor, Ivan Alekseevich succumbed with difficulty to the efforts of the old woman.

And finally, dragging him into the bedroom and covering him with a sheet, the old woman, throwing a black scarf over her shoulders, went out into the dining room. And in the dining room she again froze in a motionless pose, waiting for the guests.

And then, exactly at eight, the bell rang. The old woman did not move. And then, opening the unlocked door, two friends entered the room, pushing each other, laughing terribly and rattling their boots. And, seeing the strange old woman, they bowed to her and, grimacing at the intolerable smell of mothballs, asked where the owner was and how he was doing.

To which the old woman, somehow embarrassed and almost without opening her mouth, answered:

He died.

Then the old woman pointed to them with her finger at the locked door to the next room. And they understood.

They quietly groaned and huddled around the table, left on tiptoe, having eaten a piece of salmon.

The old woman remained almost motionless.

After them, from eight to nine, all the invitees came. They entered the dining room, rubbing their hands happily, but, learning about death, gasped softly, raising their shoulders in surprise, and left, trying to tap their feet softly. At the same time, passing by the table, the ladies took one pear or an apple each, and the men ate a piece of salmon or drank a glass of malaga.

And only one of Ivan Alekseevich's old friends and closest friend, blinking his eyes strangely, asked:

Let me, how is it? I didn't go to the theater on purpose, so as not to offend my friend, and - lo and behold ... Why then call? Let me, how is it?

He poked his fork into the plate of salmon, but, raising a piece to his mouth, put it back and, without saying goodbye to the old woman, went out muttering something under his breath.

And when the fifteenth guest left, the old woman entered the next room and, taking a sheet from the chest of drawers, hung it over the mirror. Then, taking the Gospel from the shelf, she began to read aloud, swaying her whole body, as if from a toothache.

At five minutes to four, Zabezhkin blew his nose so loudly that his nose hummed like a Jericho trumpet, and the accountant Ivan Nazhmudinovich shuddered in fright, dropped his pen on the floor, and said:

Oh, Zabezhkin, Zabezhkin, now there is a reduction in staff, how would you, Zabezhkin, that’s it - you won’t get laid off ... Well, where are you in a hurry?

Zabezhkin hid the handkerchief in his pocket and began to wipe the table and the inkwell with a rag.

Zabezhkin sat at this table for twelve years. Twelve years old! It's scary to think how long that is. After all, if in twelve years the dust, say, is never wiped off the table, then, probably, the inkwell will not be visible?

At exactly four, Zabezhkin deliberately moved a chair, said loudly: “Four”, discarded four knuckles on the abacus and went home. And Zabezhkin always walked along the Nevsky, even though there was a detour for him. And not because he was walking along Nevsky that he was counting on some kind of meeting, but just for the sake of curiosity: after all, there are a variety of people, and devil knows what shops, and it’s funny to read what restaurant people eat in.

And as for meetings, of course, anything can happen ... After all, let's say, Zabezhkin will now reach Sadovaya, and on Sadovaya, right there, where the black personality cleans his boots with shoe polish, - a lady suddenly ... Black dress, veil, eyes ... And she will run this lady to Zabezhkin ... "Oh, - he will say, - young man, save me if you can ... They pester me, insult me ​​with vulgar words and even make vile suggestions" ... And Zabezhkin will take this lady by the arm, so, barely touching, and at the same time with extraordinary chivalry, and they will pass by offenders contemptuously and proudly ... And it turns out that she is the daughter of the director of some kind of trust.

Or even simpler - the old man. old man in the highest degree intelligent goes. And suddenly falls. Basically, dizziness. Zabezhkin to him ... "Oh, oh, where do you live?" ... A cab driver ... Under the arm ... And the old man, a mosquito in his nose, is an American citizen ... "Here, - he will say, - you, Zabezhkin, a trillion rubles ..."

Of course, all this is so, nonsense, romanticism, senseless daydreaming. And what kind of person can approach Zabezhkin? What kind of person can have anything at all with Zabezhkin? Also, appearance means a lot. But Zabezhkin has a thin neck, and yet there is no hairstyle, and his nose is squiggly. Well, even the nose and neck are all right - nature, but the hairstyles, right, are not there. It will need to grow as a matter of urgency. And then just no view.

And if Zabezhkin had a significant social position, then things would have turned out differently. If Zabezhkin were a quarterly overseer, perhaps, or even an agronomist, then one could make peace with appearance. But Zabezhkin's social position was not so hot. However, even bad. Yes, if you make a ridiculous comparison, while laughing innocently, if the accountant Ivan Nazhmudinovich is equated with a pike, and the messenger Mishka - from the Youth Union - is compared with a ruff, then Zabezhkin, even though the former collegiate registrar, will be no more than a bleak or even a stickleback tiny.

So, under such sad circumstances, could Zabezhkin hope for some kind of romanticism?

But one day an event happened. Once Zabezhkin fell ill. That is, not that he was too ill, but so, the whiskey broke it terribly.

Zabezhkin squeezed the ruler to the temples, and smeared his forehead with saliva - it does not help. Zabezhkin tried to delve into clerical affairs.

What are these pants? Why two couples? Isn't this an abuse of power? Why was the overcoat released to the accountant Ivan Nazhmudinovich in addition to the set, and where did he, the dog's nose, touch this overcoat? Didn't the vile person drive state property to the side?

At five minutes to four, Zabezhkin blew his nose so loudly that his nose hummed like a Jericho trumpet, and the accountant Ivan Nazhmudinovich shuddered in fright, dropped his pen on the floor, and said:

Oh, Zabezhkin, Zabezhkin, now there is a reduction in staff, how would you, Zabezhkin, that’s it - you won’t get laid off ... Well, where are you in a hurry?

Zabezhkin hid the handkerchief in his pocket and began to wipe the table and the inkwell with a rag.

Zabezhkin sat at this table for twelve years. Twelve years old! It’s even scary to think how long this is. After all, if in twelve years the dust, say, is never wiped off the table, then, probably, the inkwell will not be visible?

At exactly four, Zabezhkin deliberately moved a chair, said loudly: “Four”, discarded four knuckles on the abacus and went home. And Zabezhkin always walked along the Nevsky, even though there was a detour for him. And not because he was walking along Nevsky that he was counting on some kind of meeting, but just for the sake of curiosity: after all, there are a variety of people, and devil knows what shops, and it’s funny to read what restaurant people eat in.

And as for meetings, of course, anything can happen ... After all, let's say, Zabezhkin will now reach Sadovaya, and on Sadovaya, right there, where the black personality cleans his boots with shoe polish, - a lady suddenly ... Black dress, veil, eyes ... And she will run up this lady to Zabezhkin ... “Oh, - he will say, - young man, save me if you can ... They pester me, insult me ​​with vulgar words and even make vile suggestions ...” And Zabezhkin will take this lady by the arm, so, barely touching, and at the same time with extraordinary chivalry, and they will pass by offenders contemptuously and proudly ... And it turns out that she is the daughter of the director of some kind of trust.

Or even simpler - the old man. The old man is highly intelligent. And suddenly falls. Generally dizziness. Zabezhkin to him… “Ah, ah, where do you live?” A cabby… Under the arm… And the old man, a mosquito in his nose, is an American citizen… “Here,” he says, “you, Zabezhkin, a trillion rubles…”

Of course, all this is so, nonsense, romanticism, senseless daydreaming. And what kind of person can approach Zadbezhkin? What kind of person can have anything at all with Zabezhkin? Also, appearance means a lot. But Zabezhkin has a thin neck, and yet there is no hairstyle, and his nose is squiggly. Well, even the nose and neck are all right - nature, but there are no hairstyles, it’s true. It will need to grow as a matter of urgency. And then just no view.

And if Zabezhkin had a significant social position, then things would have turned out differently. If Zabezhkin were a quarterly overseer, perhaps, or even an agronomist, then one could make peace with appearance. But Zabezhkin's social position was not so hot. However, even bad. Yes, if you make a ridiculous comparison, while laughing innocently, if the accountant Ivan Nazhmudinovich is equated with a pike, and the messenger Mishka - from the Youth Union - is compared with a ruff, then Zabezhkin, even though the former collegiate registrar, will be nothing more than a bleak or even a stickleback tiny.

So, under such sad circumstances, could Zabezhkin hope for some kind of romanticism?

But one day an event happened.

Once Zabezhkin fell ill. That is, not that he was too ill, but so, the whiskey broke it terribly.

Zabezhkin squeezed the ruler to the temples, and smeared his forehead with saliva - it does not help. Zabezhkin tried to delve into clerical affairs.

What are these pants? Why two couples? Isn't this an abuse of power? Why was the overcoat released to the accountant Ivan Nazhmudinovich in addition to the set, and where did he, the dog's nose, touch this overcoat? Didn't the vile person drive state property to the side?

Whiskey broke even more.

And so Zabezhkin asked Ivan Nazhmudinovich to go home early.

Go, Zabezhkin, - said Ivan Nazhmudinovich, and in such a sad tone that he himself almost shed a tear. - Go, Zabezhkin, but remember - now there are downsizing ...

I took Zabezhkin's cap and went out.

And Zabezhkin, out of habit, went out to Nevsky, and on Nevsky, at the corner of Sadovaya, his vision blurred, he swayed, scratching the air with his hands, and leaned against the doors of the store from unusual weakness. And at that moment a man came out of the store (so, an ordinary-looking man, in a hat and a short coat) and, hitting Zabezhkin with his elbow, raised his hat and said:

I'm sorry.

God! Zabezhkin said. - Yes you? Please…

But the passer-by was far away.

"What is this? thought Zabezhkin. - What a strange passer-by. I apologize, he says ... Did I say anything against it? Did he shove me? This is a moth, a midge, a midge touched its wings ... And who is it? A writer, maybe, or some world scientist... I'm sorry, he says. Oh what a thing you are! And I didn’t even see his face…”

Oh! - Zabezhkin said loudly and suddenly quickly followed a passerby.

And Zabezhkin followed him for a long time - the whole Nevsky and along the embankment. And on the Trinity Bridge he suddenly lost sight of him. Two ladies - walking - hats with feathers - blocked, and how an unusual passer-by disappeared into the Neva.

But Zabezhkin kept walking forward, waving his arms, shining his nose, asking for forgiveness from the people he met, and then winking at no one knows whom.

“Wow,” Zabezhkin suddenly thought, “where did I go? Kamennoostrovsky… Karpovka… I’ll turn it off,” thought Zabezhkin. And turned along Karpovka.

And here is the grass. Rooster. The goat is grazing. Shops at the gate. A village, quite a village!

“I’ll sit down,” thought Zabezhkin, and sat down at the gate on a bench.

And he began to roll up a cigarette. And when I was rolling up a cigarette, I saw an announcement on the gate:

“Rent a room for a single person. The female gender should not worry.”

Zabezhkin read this announcement three times in a row and wanted to read it for the fourth time, but his heart suddenly began to beat too much, and Zabezhkin again sat down on the bench.

“What is this,” thought Zabezhkin, “what a strange announcement? And it’s not in vain that it is said: lonely. After all, what is it? It is, after all, a hint. This, they say, they need a man ... This man is required, the owner. Lord, your will, so this is the owner required!

Zabezhkin walked down the street in agitation and suddenly looked through the gate. And departed.

Goat! Zabezhkin said. “Honest to God, it’s true, the goat is worth it ... God forbid that it was a goat, mistress ... A goat!” After all, with such a hint, you can get married here. And I'm getting married. By God, I'm getting married! If we say, there is a goat - I will marry. Basta. I waited for ten years - and now ... Fate ... After all, if you think strictly, if a room is rented out, then there is an apartment. And an apartment - a household means a full bowl. ” Support ... Ficus on the window. Tulle curtains. Curtains are sensible. Peace ... After all, this is a botvinya on holidays! .. And the wife, let's say, a lady - is solid, loves order, is interested in order, and herself in a satin hood, like a peacock, walks around the room, and everything is so magnificent, everything is so noble, and everything just asks : “Do you want to eat, Petechka?” Ah, what a thing! The economy, after all. A cow, perhaps, or a goat. Let the goat better - eats less.

Ran in - opened the gate.

Goat! he said breathlessly. - There is a goat by the fence. Why, if a goat, it’s not difficult to live like that. If it’s a goat, then it’s even funny ... Let Ivan Nazhmudinovich say tomorrow: “Here, they say, I’m too sorry for you, Zabezhkin, but you were fired due to redundancy ...” Hehe, by God, it’s funny ... He’ll be surprised, you son of a bitch, he’ll be amazed at what , if after such words I don’t fall on my feet, I won’t ask ... Please. There is a goat. Goat, damn me completely! Oh, you are a bad thing! Oh, what a laugh! .. And what a plop for the female sex, what a female sex has lived to - do not worry. Do not go, they say, a mosquito carried you, here His Majesty a man is required ...

Here Zabezhkin read the announcement again and, puffing out his chest like a mountain, entered the yard with extraordinary joy.

There was a goat by the garbage pit. She was hornless, and her udder hung to the ground.

“It's a pity,” Zabezhkin thought sadly, “old goat, God bless her.”

In the yard the boys were playing chizhik. And at the porch, a girl was cleaning some table knives. And she cleaned so furiously that Zabezhkin, forgetting about the goat, stopped in amazement.

The girl furiously spat on the knives, vomited saliva downright, stuck the knives into the ground and, sticking them, swayed herself on her haunches and even wheezed.

“That's a fool,” thought Zabezhkin.

The girl was exhausted.

Hey, aunt, - said Zabezhkin loudly, - where is the room for rent here?

But suddenly a window opened above Zabezhkin, I looked out into the yard, like a woman's head with flux, in a knitted scarf.

Comrade, - the head asked, - will you need a scientist agronomist Pampushkin?

No, - answered Zabezhkin, taking off his cap, - I have no honor ... I'm talking about, how to say, a room that is rented.

And if the learned agronomist Pampushkin, - continued the head, - then you don’t wait in vain, he can’t accept it now, he writes a scientific work about something.

The head turned back and a minute later looked out again.

- “A few words in defense of garden pests” ...

What? asked Zabezhkin.

And who is asking? - said the agronomist, himself going to the window. Hello, comrade! .. This, you see, is an article: “A few words in defense of garden “pests” ... Yes, you go upstairs.

No, - said Zabezhkin, frightened, - I am a room that is rented ...

room? asked the agronomist with obvious sadness. - Well, you are after the room ... yes, do not be shy ...

Number three, agronomist Pampushkin... Every dog ​​knows...

Zabezhkin nodded his head and went up to the girl.

Auntie, - asked Zabezhkin, - whose, for example, will the goat be?

Is it a goat? - asked the girl. - This goat is from number four.

From the fourth? gasped Zabezhkin. - Isn't it there, I'm sorry, the room is for rent?

There, said the girl. - Just rented a room.

How so? Zabezhkin got scared. - It can't be. Yes, you're dumbfounded, aren't you? How is it - a room is rented, if I spent time, travel, chores ...

But I don’t know, - the girl answered, - maybe it hasn’t been handed over.

Well, then - I don’t know, such a fool. If you don't know, it's better not to say. Do not distort events. You better tell me about chickens - whose chickens go?

Chickens? Hens of Domna Pavlovna.

What kind of Domna Pavlovna is this? Is she renting a room?

Rented room! - the girl said with a heart, collecting knives in her hem.

You're lying. Oh god, you're lying. There is an ad. If there had been no announcement, then it would be a different matter - I would not have resisted. And here is the announcement. You won’t knock out with a stake ... Yakov’s magpie screwed up: “Surrendered, surrendered ...” Such a fool. - You better say: the Indian rooster, probably, is no longer hers?

Ay-ya-yay! Zabezhkin was surprised. So she's a rich lady, isn't she?

The girl did not answer, hiccupped her hand and left.

Zabezhkin went up to the goat and touched its muzzle with his finger.

“Here,” thought Zabezhkin, “if he licks his hand now, happiness: my goat.”

The goat sniffed at his hand and licked Zabezhkin with a rough, thin tongue.

Well, well, fool! - said, panting, Zabezhkin. - Do you want a crust? Eh, just now there was a crust in my pocket, but I won’t find something ... I remembered: I ate it, Masha. I ate, I'm sorry ... Well, well, after the ladies ...

Zabezhkin, in unusual agitation, found that apartment on Thursday and knocked on the green, torn oilcloth.

What do you want? - someone asked, opening the door.

Room…

Rented room! - someone said in a bass voice, trying to close the door. Zabezhkin held her tightly in his hands.

Excuse me, - said Zabezhkin, frightened, - how is it? Allow me to enter, dear comrade ... How is it? I wasted my time... Directions... Announcement after all...

Announcement? Ivan Kirillich! Why didn't you take that ad?

Here Zabezhkin raised his eyes and saw that he was talking to a lady, and that the lady was enormous. And her nose is in no way smaller than Zabezhkin's, and the body is so plentiful that two Zabezhkins can be safely carved out of it, and something else will remain.

Madam, dear madam,” said Zabezhkin, taking off his cap and curtsying for some reason, “I would like at least some disgusting little closet, a kennel, a konuronushka ...

Which one will you be? Domna Pavlovna asked in a deep bass voice.

Employee…

Well then,” said Domna Pavlovna, sighing, “let me go then. I have one more room. Do not be offended just near the kitchen ...

Here Domna Pavlovna, for some unknown reason, sighed once more sadly and led Zabezhkin into the rooms.

Here, she said, look. To put it bluntly: rubbish room. And the window is rubbish. And no view, but against the wall. But with a good room they were late, father. Rented a good room. Handed over to the military telegraph operator.

Great room! Zabezhkin exclaimed. - I really like such rooms near the kitchen ... Allow me - I will move tomorrow ...

Well, then, said Domna Pavlovna. - Let it go then. Move.

Zabezhkin bowed low and went out. He went to the gate, read the advertisement again with sadness, folded it up and put it in his pocket.

“Yes, sir,” thought Zabezhkin, “happiness is given with difficulty, with difficulty ... Some people go to America and India very simply and rent rooms, but here ... And a telegraph operator ... What kind of telegraph operator is this? But what if, say, this telegraph operator interferes? With difficulty, with difficulty, happiness is given!”

Zabezhkin moved. It was in the morning. Zabezhkin rolled the cart into the yard, and immediately all the windows in the house opened, and the woman's head with the flux, leaning out of the window this time to the waist, said: "Aha!" And the scientific agronomist Pampushkin, having left the scientific article “A Few Words in Defense of Pests”, went to the window.

And Domna Pavlovna herself graciously went downstairs.

Zabezhkin unleashed his good.

Pillows! the audience said.

And sure enough: two pillows, one pink with a red spot, the other blue with stripes, were carried upstairs.

Boots! they all shouted with one voice. - Four pairs of boots appeared before the eyes of the astonished spectators. The boots were brand new, and they shone with socks, and laces hung from each pair like a bow. And the woman's head with the flux said respectfully: "Oto!" And Domna Pavlovna graciously rubbed her plump hands. And the learned agronomist himself screwed up his learned eyes and ordered the boys to move away from the cart so that they could see better.

Books… - Zabezhkin said embarrassed, pulling out three dusty books.

And the learned agronomist found it necessary to go down.

It's a pleasure to meet you intelligent person- said the agronomist, examining the boots with curiosity. “What is it,” he continued, “isn’t it according to the scientific soldering that you deigned to get these boots?

No, - said Zabezhkin, beaming, - this is in some way a private acquisition and, so to speak, movable. Others, you know, prefer to keep money in diamonds ... but, I'm sorry, what are diamonds? Just a flash and a senseless play of lights ...

Mm, - said the agronomist with obvious regret, - that's what I'm looking at - what is it? - as if they were not given according to the scientist. Color, isn't it?

Color! - Zabezhkin said in delight. - It's probably not the same color. This color - one, two and miscalculated ...

Katyushechka! - the agronomist shouted to the head with the flux. - Take out, my dear, the boots that just now received on a scientific ration.

The agronomist's cohabitant brought out red boots of unusual size. Together with the cohabitant, all the residents of the house went out into the yard. Came out even some very ancient look an old woman, thinking that they are giving away boots for free. The telegraph operator also came out, picking his teeth with a match.

Here! shouted the agronomist, spraying Zabezhkin with saliva. - Here, sir, pay your attention!

The agronomist tapped the sole with his finger, tried it with his teeth, tossed the boots up, threw them to the ground - they fell like logs.

Extraordinary boots! - the agronomist yelled at Zabezhkin in such a voice, as if Zabezhkin was leading the agronomist to shoot, and he resisted. - I beg you, take a look! Nate! Throw them on the ground, throw them - I answer!

Zabezhkin said:

Yes. Very unusual boots. But if you throw them on stones, they may not withstand ...

Won't last? These boots won't hold up? Do you feel, dear sir, what obvious trifles you are talking about? Do you know that you even insult me ​​with this. They won't last! the agronomist chuckled bitterly, pointing at Zabezhkin.

They will certainly withstand the stones, - the telegraph operator suddenly said with aplomb, climbing forward, - but as for ... Under the cart, if, for example, the cart is rolled at once, they will not withstand at all.

Roll! grunted the agronomist, dropping his boots. - Roll on my head!

Zabezhkin leaned on the cart and moved it. The boots were wrinkled and burst at the toe.

Burst! shouted the telegraph operator, throwing his cap to the ground and trampling it with delight.

I apologize, - the agronomist said to Zabezhkin, - this is dishonest and tactless, dear sir! Decent people run right in, and you sideways ... It's even vile, sideways run into. Tactless and rude of you!

Let him answer, - said the agronomist's cohabitant. - He rolled the cart, he answers. This is each person who will start rolling a cart on boots - you won’t get enough boots.

Yes, yes, - said the agronomist to Zabezhkin, - if you please, now answer in full.

All right, - Zabezhkin answered sadly, being interested in the telegraph operator, take my pair.

The telegraph operator, spitting out a match from his mouth and bending over his boots, laughed thinly with a squeal, as if he was being tickled under the armpits.

“Handsome! Zabezhkin thought sadly. “And the neck is good, and the nose is normal, and he can have fun ...”

So Zabezhkin moved.

The next day everything became clear: the telegraph operator interfered with Zabezhkin.

It was not for Zabezhkin that Domna Pavlovna brought goat's milk, it was not for Zabezhkin that they baked and boiled in the kitchen, and it was not for Zabezhkin that Domna Pavlovna put on a wonderful lilac hood.

All this was baked, boiled and made for the military telegraph operator, Ivan Kirillovich.

The telegraph operator was lying on his bunk, strumming his guitar and singing in an impudent bass. There was nothing funny in the songs, but Domna Pavlovna laughed.

“Laughing,” thought Zabezhkin, listening, “and probably sitting at the feet of the telegraph operators. Laughing... It means that she, the fool, is having fun, and having fun, that means she feels something. So you might be late."

Zabezhkin spent the whole day in anguish. The next morning I went to the office. Couldn't work. And what the hell can be a job, if, say, such anxiety. Not only is the telegraph operator worrying, so is the economy all the same. You also need to come home. There in the yard.

Chicken check. Find out if the boys didn’t drive, and if, say, someone drove, - screw that one. The goat also needs to take the crust ... The economy ...

“And even though the economy,” Zabezhkin was tormented, “yes, someone else’s economy. And little hope. Tiny, because the telegraph operator interferes.

Arriving home, Zabezhkin first of all went into the barn.

Here, Mashka, - said Zabezhkin to the goat, - eat, fool. Well, what are you looking at? Sad? It's sad, Masha. The telegraph operator interferes. Remove it, Masha, is required. If not removed, love will take root.

The goat had eaten the bread and was now sniffing Zabezhka's hand.

And how to remove it, Masha? He, Masha, is an athlete, a strong man, he will not succumb to trifles. He, the son of a bitch, ran around in shorts the other day. Tempered. And I, Mashka, am a weakened person, the revolution had an effect on me ... And how to escape, if he himself is noticeably interested in farming. Why, tell me, please, did he go into the shed just now?

The goat looked blankly at Zabezhkin.

Well, I'll go, Masha, I'll go, maybe something will come out. Here you need to start with the telegrapher. The telegraph operator is the main comma. If it weren’t for him, Masha, I would have drunk coffee with Domna Pavlovna yesterday ... Well, I’ll go ...

And Zabezhkin went home. He paced his narrow room for a long time, mumbling indistinctly under his breath, waving his arms, then took out his boots from the chest of drawers and, shaking his head sadly, wrapped one pair in paper. And went to the telegraph operator.

Zabezhkin did not immediately enter the room. He stood at Ivan Kirillovich's door and listened. The telegraph operator groaned, tossed and turned around the room, moving his chair.

“He cleans his boots,” Zabezhkin thought, and knocked.

Exactly: the telegraph operator was cleaning his boots. He breathed on them, carefully circled them with a cloth, and put first one foot, then the other on a chair.

Sorry, - said the telegrapher, - I'm leaving, I'm sorry, soon.

But nothing, - said Zabezhkin, - for a moment ... I, as your roommate and, so to speak, under one respected wing of Domna Pavlovna, considered it my duty to introduce myself: neighbor and former collegiate registrar Pyotr Zabezhkin.

Yeah, - said the telegrapher, - okay. Please.

And, as a neighbor, - continued Zabezhkin, - I consider it my duty, according to the Caucasian custom, to present a gift - boots.

Boots? For what, pardon, boots? - asked the telegraph operator, admiring the boots. - On the contrary, I feel embarrassed, dear neighbor ... I can’t do it, you know.

Oh god, take...

Unless according to the Caucasian custom, - said the telegraph operator, trying on boots. - And what about you, let me know, dear neighbor, I'm sorry, did you travel to the Caucasus? .. Mountains, probably? Elbrus, the devil knows what? Morals ... There, dear neighbor, and dispatches only reach the next day ... Too remote country ...

No, - said Zabezhkin, - it's not me. It was Ivan Nazhmudinovich who traveled to the Caucasus. He was even in Nakhichevan...

Zabezhkin also wanted to talk about Caucasian customs, but suddenly said:

Father, dear neighbor, young man! Now I'm down on my knees...

And Zabezhkin knelt down. The telegraph operator was frightened and closed his mouth.

Father, dear comrade, beat me, destroy me! Hit until it hurts.

The telegraph operator, thinking that Zabezhkin would start beating him now, swung his arm and hit Zabezhkin.

Well, like this! - said Zabezhkin, falling and getting up again - So. Thank you! Made happy. My tears are flowing ... I'm waiting for a decision - move out of the apartment, my dear, dear comrade.

How so? - asked the telegraph operator, closing the ditch. - Strange your jokes.

Jokes! Precious word - jokes! Father neighbor, Ivan Kirillovich, for you and Domnya Pavlovna, pranks and jokes, but for me - real life. That's all in front of you ... Move out of the apartment, move out on Thursday ... The rest of the time I ask. It will be bad.

What? the telegrapher asked. - Badly? I won't feel bad until I die. And if you are impatient ... no, strange jokes ... I can’t, sir.

Father, I'll ask you something else...

I can't. And why should I leave the apartment ... I like this old man. Yes, you are welcome to ask. After all, the expense is in moving, and, in general, you ask. I love being asked.

Zabezhkin rushed to his room and returned a minute later.

Here! he said breathlessly. - Here are some spare boots and laces.

The telegraph operator tried on the boots and said:

Zhmut. OK. Give me time - I'll go. Just your weird jokes...

Zabezhkin went into his room and sat quietly by the window.

Zabezhkin did not go to work.

With a piece of bread, he made his way into the barn and squatted in front of the goat.

Done, Mashka Shabash Removed the telegrapher yesterday. Koben and resisted, well, nothing - dumped. Mashka gave him the boots... Now what, Mashka? Now Domna Pavlovna remained. Here, the main thing is to count on feelings. For aesthetics, Masha. I'm going to buy a rose now. Here, I’ll tell you, sniff a rose for you ... I’ll buy it tomorrow, but today I’m tired, Masha ... Well, well, no more. Enough.

Zabezhkin went into his room and lay down on the bed. He did not have time to buy a rose. Domna Pavlovna came to him earlier.

She said:

Are you giving these boots? Why did you give these boots to the telegrapher?

I gave it, Domna Pavlovna. He is a very good person. Why don't you give him a present? Gave it, Domna Pavlovna.

Is Ivan Kirillovich a good person? asked Domna Pavlovna. - A week, scoundrel, does not live and goodbye. He moves out of the apartment ... Is he a good person? Answer if asked?

And I, Domna Pavlovna, thought...

What were you thinking? What the hell were you thinking?

I thought, Domna Pavlovna, you like him too. You always laugh with him ...

Is he the one I like? Domna Pavlovna threw up her hands. - Yes, he plays billiards for whole days, and then with the girls ... What did I not see in him? Yes, he won’t even pay his attention to me ... Well, you’re lying ... Yes, he, you scoundrel, with your appearance, will take the first beauty, and not me. Well, you are a fool.

Domna Pavlovna,” said Zabezhkin, “you are so right about the beauty; they said no words. This is such a person, Domna Pavlovna ... He lied just now: I love, he says, thin beauties, but I won’t even pay attention to others. It was he, Domna Pavlovna, who hinted about you.

Well? asked Domna Pavlovna.

By God, Domna Pavlovna... He’ll take a thin one, oh my God, it’s true - you can prick yourself on your elbow and he’s glad, you bastard. And here I am, Domna Pavlovna, I will always turn my attention to a large figure. I, Domna Pavlovna, am fond of people like you.

Lie again!

No, Domna Pavlovna, I can't lie. For me, you are a very excellent lady ... And for many, too ... Remember, Domna Pavlovna, a man came to me - he was also interested. This, he asks, who is the most interesting grand dame?

Well? asked Domna Pavlovna. - Did he say so?

So he said, God bless him. This, he says, isn't the actress Lucom?

Domna Pavlovna sat down next to Zabezhkin.

What is it, I don't remember something? Isn't that the one - reddish as if with blackheads on his nose?

The one, Domna Pavlovna. The same one, and eels on his nose, God bless him!

And I thought he went to Ivan Kirillich ... So you would have invited him to the table. He would have said: here, they say, Domna Pavlovna asks for coffee ... Well, what else did he say? Did you say anything about the eyes?

No,” said Zabezhkin, panting, “no, Domna Pavlovna, I was talking about the eyes. I said: I love such excellent eyes, I’m even thrilled when I look ... And I dream of seeing them more often ...

Well, well, do you love it? Domna Pavlovna was surprised. - Ate, maybe something extra - that's what you love.

Ate! Zabezhkin exclaimed. “I ate it, Domna Pavlovna!” No, Domna Pavlovna, it’s as if I used to eat excellently, I even vomited, but now I, Domna Pavlovna, have more bread.

Silly one,” said Domna Pavlovna, “you should come to me. Here, I would say...

And I absolutely love you, Domna Pavlovna! Zabezhkin exclaimed. Say: fall, Zabezhkin, from the window - I will fall, Domna Pavlovna! Like an insole on the stones I will lie down and I will still glorify the name!

Well, well," said Domna Pavlovna, embarrassed.

And suddenly she left the room. And just as Zabezhkin wanted to go to the goat, Domna Pavlovna returned again.

Swear,” she said sternly, “swear that you said right about feelings ...

Here is a cross and a holy icon for you...

OK. Don't worry in vain. You need to buy rings ... For a wedding and choristers.

And singers! Zabezhkin shouted. - And singers, Domna Pavlovna. And everything is so splendid, everything is so noble... allow me to kiss you on the hand, Domna Pavlovna! Well, sir... And I, Domna Pavlovna, thought - why is it all that I don't care about? Even at work, I’m unbearable, I’m torn to go home ... And this feeling ...

Domna Pavlovna stood solemnly in the middle of the room.

Zabezhkin walked around her and said:

Yes, sir, Domna Pavlovna, a feeling... Just now, I, Domna Pavlovna, was late for work, I was daydreaming about various differences, and when I arrived, Ivan Nazhmudinovich looked at me terribly so sternly. I sat down and couldn't work.

I sit on the book de and do not draw. And Ivan Nazhmudinovich counted the ticks (with us, Domna Pavlovna, whoever is late, they always write a tick opposite the last name), so Ivan Nazhmudinovich says: “Six ticks opposite the name Zabezhkin ... That would not have trampled him down for layoffs ... "

Let it go! said Domna Pavlovna. - And that's enough.

Domna Pavlovna scheduled the wedding in a week.

On that day, when the telegraph operator gathered his things into bundles and said: “Do not remember dashingly, Domna Pavlovna, tomorrow I will leave,” that day everything perished.

At night, Zabezhkin sat on the bed in front of Domnaya Pavlovna and said:

For me, Domna Pavlovna, happiness comes with difficulty. Others very simply go to America and rent rooms, but I, Domna Pavlovna ... Why, if I hadn’t followed a passerby then, nothing would have happened. And I should not see you, Domna Pavlovna, like my own ears ... And here is a passer-by. Announcement. Girls don't worry. Heh heh, what a plop for the girls, Domna Pavlovna!

Well, sleep, sleep! Domna Pavlovna said sternly. - Talk and sleep.

No,” said Zabezhkin, getting up, “I can’t sleep, Domna Pavlovna, my chest is tearing up. A rush... Here I am, Domna Pavlovna, I'm thinking... Here's a goat, let's say, Domna Pavlovna, she can't feel such happiness...

The goat, I say, Domna Pavlovna, cannot feel such happiness. What's a goat? The goat is stupid. A goat is a goat. She would, fool, only eat grass. She has no requests. Well, let her go to Nevsky - shame will come out, a misunderstanding ... But the man, Domna Pavlovna, still has requests. Here, let's say, take me. Just now I'm walking along Nevsky - a pumpkin in the window. I'll stop by, I think, I'll find out what the price of that pumpkin is. And went. And yet you feel like a man. And what about the goat, Domna Pavlovna? Here, if only to take your Masha - a fool, a fool is. A man can even hit a goat and even can beat him and does not bear responsibility before the law - he is clean as glass.

Domna Pavlovna sat down.

What a goat, - she said, - a different goat, on occasion, can gore a person.

And the man, Domna Pavlovna, hit a goat with a stick, hit a goat's head with a stick.

Well, you know, a goat - it can not give milk, like a telegraph operator just now.

Like a telegraph operator? Zabezhkin got scared. Why does he go there? But how can a goat not give milk if it is dairy?

And it won't!

Well, that's nothing, Domna Pavlovna,' said Zabezhkin, pacing up and down the room. - That's it. What is it? This will be a riot.

Domna Pavlovna also got up.

What is it? Zabezhkin said. - Why, Domna Pavlovna, you say strange things ... What if someday, Domna Pavlovna, animals protest against a person? Goats, for example, or dairy cows. A? After all, could this ever happen? You start milking them, and they butt, they beat them with hooves on their stomachs. And our Masha can use her hooves... But our Masha, Domna Pavlovna, can gore Ivan Nazhmudinich, for example.

And very simply,” said Domna Pavlovna.

And what if, Domna Pavlovna, it is not Ivan Nazhmudinych that is gored by Mashka, but the commissar, Comrade Nyushkin? Comrade Nyushkin gets out of the engine, Arseny opens the door in front of him - please, they say, Comrade Nyushkin, and the goat Mashka, hiding, is standing on the door. Comrade Nyushkin - a step, and she will come up, and poking him in the stomach out of stupidity.

It’s very simple,” said Domna Pavlovna.

Well, people flock here. Clerks. And Comrade Pushkin will be very angry. “Whose,” he will say, “is the goat gored me?” And Ivan Nazhmudin is already here, twirling his back. “This is a goat,” she says, “Zabezhkina. In nege, he will say, in addition, opposite the name there are six ticks. - “Ah, Zabezhkina,” the comrade commissar will say, “well, he was fired due to redundancy.” And bass.

Why are you all lying about the goat? asked Domna Pavlovna. - Where is your goat from?

How from where? Zabezhkin said. - When, of course, Domna Pavlovna, not mine, is your goat, but if the marriage, even if it is civil, and as a husband, in some way ...

What kind of goat are you branding about? Domna Pavlovna got angry. Did you buy it from a telegraph operator?

How about the telegraph operator? Zabezhkin got scared. - Your goat, Domna Pavlovna.

No, not my goat... Telegrapher's goat. Yes, you, such a scoundrel, a dog idol, are you aiming at a goat?

Well, - muttered Zabezhkin, - your goat. God, your goat. Domna Pavlovna.

What, are you stunned? Did you count on a goat? I can see right through you right now. I see all your guts...

In unusual anger, Domna Pavlovna got up from the bed and, covering her abundant shoulders with a blanket, went out of the room. And Zabezhkin lay down on the bed, and lay there until the morning, not moving.

In the morning a telegraph operator came to Zabezhkin.

Here, - said the telegraph operator, without hesitation, - Domna Pavlovna ordered that at twenty-four o'clock, otherwise - to the courts and the investigation.

And I, - Domna Pavlovna shouted from the kitchen, - and I, tell him, Ivan Kirillich, that beast, I don’t even want to see him.

And Domna Pavlovna, - said the telegraph operator, - does not even want to see you.

Domna Pavlovna shouted from the kitchen:

Look, Ivan Kirillich, if he has burned the mattress, you son of a bitch. Smoked today. I had one such subchik - burned it. And he turned it over, the scoundrel, - I won’t notice, he thinks. I see through all their guts, scoundrels.

I apologize, - the telegraph operator said to Zabezhkin, - sit down on a chair.

Zabezhkin sadly moved from the bed to a chair.

Where will I move? Zabezhkin said. - I have nowhere to go.

He, Domna Pavlovna, says that he has nowhere to overeat, - said the telegraph operator, examining the mattress.

And let him go wherever he wants, even visit a cat! I don't touch his life.

The telegraph operator Ivan Kirillich examined the mattress, peered, needlessly, under the blood, and, winking at Zabezhkin, left.

In the evening, Zabezhkin loaded the cart and drove off to no one knows where.

And when I was leaving the gate, I met the agronomist Pampushkin.

The agronomist asked:

Where? Where are you, young man?

Zabezhkin smiled softly and said:

So, you know... take a walk...

The learned agronomist looked after him for a long time. On top of the goods on a blue cushion stood one pair of boots on the cart.

So Zabezhkin died.

When there were eight jackdaws against his last name, the accountant Ivan Nazhmudinovich said:

Sabbat You're fired, Zabezhkin, to reduce staff.

Zabezhkin signed up for the unemployment exchange, but did not look for work. How he lived is unknown.

One day Domna Pavlovna met him at the Deryabkinsky market. Zabezhkin was selling coats.

Zabezhkin was in torn boots and a woman's katsaveyka. He was unshaven, and for some reason his beard grew red. It was hard to get to know him!

Domna Pavlovna went up to him, touched his overcoat and asked:

What kind of coat do you want?

And suddenly I found out - this is Zabezhkin.

Zabezhkin looked down and said:

Take it this way, Domna Pavlovna.

No," answered Domna Pavlovna, frowning, "I don't need it for myself. I need Ivan Kirillich. Ivan Kirillich doesn’t have a winter coat ... I don’t want to, but here’s what: I won’t give you money, that’s right, but come and you will dine on holidays.

She threw her coat over her shoulders and left.

On Sunday Zabezhkin came. They gave him lunch in the kitchen. Zabezhkin became embarrassed, tucked his dirty feet under a chair, shook his head, and ate in silence.

Well, brother Zabezhkin, the telegraph operator asked.

It's all right, Ivan Kirillich, I'll endure it," said Zabezhkin.

Well, be patient, be patient It's impossible for a man to endure. Be patient, brother Zabezhkin.

Zabezhkin ate dinner and put the bread in his pocket.

And I was thinking, - said the telegraph operator, laughing and winking, - I, Domna Pavlovna, was thinking - why is he, the son of a bitch, spawning in front of me? And that's where he threw this - a goat.

When Zabezhkin was leaving, Domna Pavlovna asked quietly:

Well, admit it, you lied about the eyes in general?

You lied, Domna Pavlovna, you lied,” said Zabezhkin, sighing.

W-well, go, go, - Domna Pavlovna frowned, - don't get confused here!

Zabezhkin left.

And every holiday Zabezhkin came to dine. Telegraph operator Ivan Kirillovich laughed, winked, slapped Zabezhkin on the stomach and asked:

And how is it, brother Zabezhkin, you made a mistake?

You are mistaken, Ivan Kirillich.

Domna Pavlovna said sternly:

Leave it, Ivan Kirillich! Let there be. The coat is also worth the money.

After dinner Zabezhkin went to the goat. He gave her a crust and said:

Today there was soup with onions and turnips for the main course.

The goat stared blankly into Zabezhkin's eyes and chewed bread. And then she licked Zabezhkin's hand.

Once, when Zabezhkin ate dinner and hid the crust in his pocket, the telegraph operator said:

Put the crust back. So! Eaten, and goodbye. There is nothing to go to the goat!

Let it go, - said Domna Pavlovna.

No, Domna Pavlovna, my goat! - answered the telegraph operator. - I will not let it. Maybe he will spoil my goat out of malice. What is he doing with her there?

Zabezhkin did not come to dinner again.

At the beginning of the revolution, I served as a junior criminal investigator.

Of course, at that time there were no major specialists in this field. And every citizen who can read and write could enter this interesting service.

Indeed, a lot of interesting and funny things passed through our hands.

But of all the cases, I remember most of all one mysterious incident in Ligov.

I'm sitting, imagine, in the service and drinking tea.

Suddenly a breathless man comes running up to me and says:

- I'm the switchman Frolov. I serve in the League. During the night, thieves stole my goat. This is such a misfortune for me that I am trembling with grief ... I beg you - solve this crime and return the stolen goat to me.

I tell him:

- Do not worry. Sit down and tell me more. And I will draw up a protocol from your words, after which we will immediately go to the scene, find the thief and take away your goat from him.

Arrowhead says:

— Two days ago I bought myself a goat to drink milk and get better. I gave a bag of flour for this goat. It was a marvelous thoroughbred goat. Yesterday I locked it in the barn for the night, but the thieves got into my yard, broke the lock and stole the goat. What I will do now without a goat and without flour - I myself can not imagine.

So I draw up a protocol that is murderous for a thief, call the senior investigator and advise him to go immediately in order to uncover this theft in hot pursuit.

And our senior investigator was quite an experienced worker. And only he has the only drawback - if he gets very excited, then he falls into a swoon. Because once a thief shot him with a revolver. And since then he has become a little shy. If any knock is heard, or there the board falls, or someone shouts loudly, then he instantly falls unconscious. So we never let him in alone, but someone always accompanied him.

Otherwise, he was a good agent and very often solved thefts. We all called him "Uncle Volodya".

Here Uncle Volodya says to me:

“Let’s get ready quickly, we’ll go to Ligovo to find out who stole the goat from the switchman.”

Ten minutes later, together with the injured switchman, we get on the train and go to Ligovo.

And so the switchman leads us to his yard. And we see a small one-story house. Courtyard fenced with a high fence. And a small barn in which a goat was locked up.

Now this barn is wide open. The lock on it is broken and barely hangs on an iron mug. And the barn is empty. There is no goat. There is only a little hay.

Uncle Volodya, having instantly examined the barn, says:

Before us, comrades, typical picture night burglary. The thief climbed over the fence, broke the lock with an iron object and, having entered the barn, took the goat with him. Now I will examine the soil, find traces and report to you what kind of appearance the thief had.

And with these words, Uncle Volodya lies down on the ground and examines the trail.

“Before us,” he says, “is a typical thief's walk. The thief, judging by the footprints, is a tall, thin, middle-aged citizen. And his boots are lined with an iron shoe.

Arrowhead says:

“Since my boots are lined with an iron shoe, don’t confuse me with a thief there, I beg you. And what's good, I'll go to jail through you. Moreover, I am also thin and middle-aged. You put glasses on your nose and look better - if there are any other marks there.

Uncle Volodya says:

- In addition to these tracks, there are other ordinary tracks. And next to these footprints are visible footprints little boy or girls. So we have a typical picture of a night theft. Two thieves and their little assistant, having made their way into the yard, break into the shed and the three of them steal the goat.

"Where are the two thieves from?" After all, some footprints with a horseshoe are mine. What do you mean, I stole my own goat? What are you casting a shadow on the wattle fence? No, I think I invited you in vain.

There is a huge crowd in the yard. Everyone is watching with interest to see what happens next. Uncle Volodya says:

“In that case, I assume that the thief was alone with his little helper. Moreover, this little helper is shod in holey sandals on his bare feet, and he himself is six or seven years old.

As soon as he said so, suddenly a child's cry is heard in the crowd.

And suddenly everyone sees that it is the crying little teenager Minka, the nephew of his uncle, this switchman, who lives right there.

Everyone looks at him and sees that he is wearing sandals with holes in them.

He is asked:

- Why are you crying, Minka?

Minka says:

— I got up in the morning and went into the barn. I gave the goat a cabbage leaf. I stroked the goat only twice and went about my business to catch fish in the pond. But I didn't touch the castle. And the door was open.

Everyone here was surprised. And Uncle Volodya was also very surprised.

Arrowhead says:

- How could he, a rogue, stroke my goat in the morning, if it had already been stolen? That's the number.

Uncle Volodya, rubbing his forehead with his hand, says:

“This is a very mysterious theft. Or you and I got some crazy thief. He broke the lock at night and stole a goat during the day.

Switchman's Wife says:

- Maybe he was waiting for Minka to feed her. Then he probably took her away.

Uncle Volodya says:

- One of three - either the boy had a dream about a goat, how he fed her cabbage - there are such dreams in childhood, - either the thief went crazy during the theft, or the owners are crazy here.

I speak:

- There is a fourth assumption: the thief broke the lock and stole something else. And in the morning the goat decided to take a walk and, going out into the street, got lost.

Arrowhead says:

— No, the goat couldn't have left on its own. My whole yard was surrounded by a high fence, and everything was locked. And my gate is on a spring - it slams itself shut. As for the shed, there was nothing there but a goat. There I had a bag of flour, for which I exchanged a goat. And I closed this goat in a barn. It was a thoroughbred goat, and I feel too sorry for her.

Having said this, the switchman, out of excitement, struck with a stick on the doors of the barn. And Uncle Volodya, thinking that shooting had begun, instantly fainted.

I ordered to bring water, we sprinkled Uncle Volodya with water, then gave him a sniff of crushed pepper, and he again began to perform his duties.

He said:

Now everything is completely clear to me. The thief, having broken the lock and found a goat instead of valuables, was upset and did not want to take it, fearing that she would bleed and wake up the owner. But then, returning home, the thief began to regret why he had not stolen the goat. And then he took a rope or a bag to wrap the goat's face, and again in the morning he came here for the goat.

And the boy Minka, just before that, jumped into the barn and fed her.

Here everyone applauded the investigator. And Minka cried even more.

Some lady said:

— Quite right. I was walking down the street early in the morning and saw a man carrying a large sack in his hands and there was something grunting in his sack.

- You remember well - maybe you had a pig, not a goat. So, maybe she grunted when the thief carried her in a bag. Maybe yesterday, during the exchange, they slipped you a pig instead of a goat. And you, not seeing how it should be, locked him in a barn.

The switchman, almost crying, says:

— No, I feel that I invited you in vain. I had a goat in the barn, and what was carried in a sack was not stolen from me.

Uncle Volodya says:

I don't know who it was stolen from. Noah establishes the fact that the thief stole the pig and took it away in a bag ... Let the boy Minka tell what kind of animal was in the barn. Answer, Minka, what animal was in the barn, what color is it and how many legs? You will be held accountable for giving false evidence.

Minka, roaring desperately, says:

- It was white. And it had three legs.

Hearing this, the investigator almost fainted again.

He said:

— Without a doubt, it was a white pig, from which the thief cut off one leg for the production of ham.

The switchman groaned, squatted down and shouted:

— Oh, sickly! What are they doing to me! I now see that it was a waste of time for me to invite these agents here. I had a goat, and they screwed me a pig without one leg.

Uncle Volodya says to Minka:

- Answer your uncle, what was in the barn - a goat or a pig ... Did it bleat or grunt?

The switchman adds:

“And if you lie to me, then I’ll tear your head off, rogue.”

Minka says through tears:

“I don't know what was there. I went to fish. And I didn't touch your stupid goat. As soon as I gave her cabbages to eat and immediately left.

Uncle Volodya says:

“Obviously, it was a pig.

Only he said so, and suddenly from somewhere above it is heard:

- Byaaa.

The entire crowd gasped when they heard those sounds. The switchman, swaying on his feet, shouted:

— Brothers, somewhere here is my goat. It is her voice from above.

Everyone looked up in an instant. And everyone suddenly saw that the goat was standing near the chimney on the roof. And although the house was low, it was still strange that the goat was standing on the roof.

The switchman shouted:

— Brothers! There's my goat. But who, brothers, drove her to such a height?

Uncle Volodya says:

- Indeed, this is a goat, not a pig. The devil made me come here. I'm here last brains I lose.

Arrowhead says:

- Brothers, maybe I'm all dreaming that my goat is standing on the roof.

Switchman's Wife says:

- Go to sleep if you're dreaming. And our goat, indeed, is standing on the roof and looking down at you, the fool.

Uncle Volodya says to the switchman:

“Perhaps yesterday, having exchanged a goat, you drank for joy and instead of a barn threw it on the roof and now you yourself are surprised that it is there. Otherwise, it is impossible to understand why your goat ended up on the roof.

Arrowhead says:

“You know, I’d rather throw you on the roof than disfigure my thoroughbred goat. And there, behind the house, I brought boards for construction. And I leaned them against the house so that they would not roll on the ground. But the boards are pretty cool. And it's amazing if the goat went up to the roof on them.

Suddenly a man steps forward from the crowd. He says:

- I'm a doctor of medicine. I say I can confirm this. Many goats live and graze on the mountains and walk on the steepest and most sheer cliffs. There are Persian ibex, and there are Swiss thoroughbred goats that not only run on steep cliffs, but also jump up to three meters in length. And maybe your goat has such a breed among its parents. Then don't be surprised at all that she climbed the boards onto this roof. Moreover, not only grass grows on the roof of this owner, but even small bushes and elderberry.

Switchman Frolov proudly says:

- When I changed my flour for this goat, they told me so: this is a thoroughbred goat. But I didn't believe them. And now I believe, and I am so happy that I can’t even convey my feelings to you. I look at my mountain goat standing on the roof, and tears of joy drip from my eyes.

Uncle Volodya says:

Now the story is clear to me. The thief broke the lock to steal some valuable thing. But, finding only a goat in the barn, he spat and went to steal in another place. And here are his traces ... However, no - this is my trace. And his, probably, these ... Minka, getting up in the morning, went into the open shed and fed the goat with cabbage. Here are Minka's tracks. The goat, wanting to take a walk, came out of the barn and, going around the yard, saw greenery on the roof. And, being a mountain goat, she easily climbed onto the roof along these boards. Here are her small, like dots, traces ... The owner, waking up, saw an open barn and a broken lock. He ran to us and reported the theft. And here are his traces ... Now it is clear to everyone what happened here ... Get your goat from the roof, and with a clear conscience we will go to Leningrad to uncover even more complex thefts. Our task here has been exceeded.

And having said this, he took off his cap to say goodbye to everyone.

And the goat from its roof said again:

- Byaaa.

Suddenly the switchman shouted:

Brother investigators! My thoroughbred goat climbed onto the roof. But I would like to know how I can get it out of there now. Moreover, the roof is rather steep, and if I climb up, either my goat will fall, or I myself will fall down to hell ... Comrade investigators, I will give you a good bonus: a glass of milk and two pounds of bread, if you deliver me a goat without damage.

Suddenly one of the crowd steps forward and says:

- Although I am disabled and lame, but for this award I can deliver your goat down. Only I need a rope so that I can tie myself to the pipe, because I'm not very interested in falling down because of your stupid goat.

Then they gave him a rope, and, putting a ladder to the roof, he climbed to the applause of all those gathered.

He tied a rope to a pipe and tied the other end around himself. And in this form he began to reach out to the goat, which trustfully waited for what would happen. But when he stretched too much, the old pipe swayed and collapsed.

No, the tied man did not fall, he managed to hold on, but crumbling bricks fell into the yard, and one of them slightly hit Uncle Volodya, who immediately collapsed into a faint without further words and exclamations.

Climbing onto the roof managed to grab a goat. And he, along with her, as if on a hill, slid down the boards to the joy of all those gathered.

The owner told him:

“That you took off a goat is good, but the fact that you ruined the pipe for me, lame monkey, I won’t give you a bonus for that.

Disabled says:

“Then I’ll throw your goat back upstairs right now.”

Arrowhead says:

- Well, okay, ladies. Just don't touch my goat with dirty hands.

And then he tenderly kissed his goat and solemnly led him into the barn.

The bruised uncle Volodya wanted to leave, but the switchman did not let him go. He said:

- In gratitude for your accurate work, I want to treat you, comrade agents, with goat's milk and fresh bread.

We sat down on a bench and waited for a meal.

Uncle Volodya, calling Minka to him, said to him sternly:

- Why are you, a bad boy, confusing the investigating authorities? Why did you say that the animal had three legs?

Minka, looking down, says:

Then all those gathered laughed merrily and did not want to leave, although the switchman opened the gate and shouted for all outsiders to leave immediately, and what good, the goat would disappear again.

Then the switchman, driving out the outsiders, took the pot and ran into the shed to milk the goat.

Suddenly he comes back pale as clay and says:

You know, a goat doesn't have milk. Someone milked her. That's the number!

Uncle Volodya says:

- I thought so. The picture of the crime is perfectly clear to me. The thief, not finding anything of value in the barn, milked the goat and, having strengthened his strength, left.

Suddenly the switchman's wife comes with a pot in her hands. She says:

- No, I milked the goat when my husband drove people out of the yard.

Then everyone laughed and began to eat bread and drink milk.

Then we said goodbye to the kind host and went to the train.

But as soon as we left the gate, the owner's cry was heard. He shouted to us:

- In the shed I had torn boots, and now they are gone.

Uncle Volodya answered him:

— The picture of theft is clear to me. The thief didn't want to mess with the goat, but instead stole what was in the barn.

After that, we said goodbye again and left.

And six months later, when winter came, this matter was finally clarified.

Walking down the street in Ligovo, the switchman saw on one citizen his felt boots, which he recognized by the green brand.

He detained this citizen. And he confessed to the police that it was he who broke the lock in the fall, hoping to steal a sack of flour from the barn, about which he had heard from one citizen. But he did not know that the switchman had already exchanged the sack of flour for a goat. Through this, there was a problem. And the thief, finding no flour, grabbed the felt boots and fled with them.

The thief was imprisoned for six months. And Uncle Volodya, learning about this, said:

- The picture of the theft is now finally cleared up. The thief wanted to steal the flour, but he stole the felt boots. And now he's in jail for it.

While the thief was in prison, a thoroughbred goat brought two wonderful kids to her master. And the switchman Frolov was very pleased with this.

By the way, this goat lived with him for a very long time and surprised everyone with its jumps and the fact that it could walk on the most sheer boards. But for some reason, she never climbed onto the roof again. Probably she still had unimportant memories from this roof.

And Minka has now grown up. He is now a student of the Mining Institute, Mikhail Stepanovich Frolov.

By the way, having accidentally learned that I was writing a story about this incident, he recently came to me and asked all readers to bow. And he ordered to say that now he not only knows how to count up to three, but up to a trillion and even more.

Warm greetings to the readers from me, from Minka and from Uncle Volodya.

In Zoshchenko's stories, theft turns into an ordinary phenomenon, moreover, an inevitable one. When inviting guests, the hosts agree in advance on spying on them: “You can’t follow, so they can take out all the property, along with beds and sideboards, in two parties” (“Guests”). The characters even learned to turn theft to their advantage. So, for example, instead of taking out rotten cabbage to a landfill, which would cost money, the “red cooperatives” came up with the idea of ​​simply rolling the barrel out into the yard: “We come in the morning - the barrel is clean. They stole the cabbage during the night... Soon another barrel was rotting. And a tub of cucumbers. We rejoiced. They rolled this stuff out into the yard and opened the gate a little. Let them, they say, see from the street. And go, citizens! Only this time we screwed up. Not only our cabbage was dragged away, but the barrel, damn it, was driven away. And a tub of lyamzili” (“Barrel”). Theft takes on a total character in Zoshchenko's stories: all the workers of the textile factory turn out to be thieves - the heroes of the story “Falled Up”.

The edge of Zoshchenko's satire is directed at the conditions of life and the psychology of the characters. The writer invariably emphasizes that the life and psychology he depicts are general, widespread. He writes not about the exceptional, the extraordinary, but about the typical, everyday - about what occurs at every step, every day. In accordance with this approach, Zoshchenko gives the floor to the hero himself - a participant or witness to the events. For this purpose, the writer also chooses a special type of narration - a tale. In accordance with this type of narration, the author models modern heroes lively, emphatically different from his own, monologue speech of the hero-mask - the narrator in Zoshchenko's short stories, since the tale is able to convey direct live intonations. Here is how, for example, the hero-mask says in the story “The Actor”: “So you, citizens, are asking me if I was an actor? Well, there was. Played in the theater. Touched this art. But only nonsense. There is nothing outstanding about this.” Zabezhkin, the hero of the story “The Goat,” expresses his delight in this way: “There is a goat by the fence. Yes, if a goat, it is not difficult to live. If it's a goat, then it's even funny ... Please. There is a goat. Goat, the devil tear me apart!”

The narrator Zoshchenko, as it were, improvises the narration, recreating in his presentation the events of which he was a direct participant, of which he was a witness, or received the most reliable information about the incident "first hand" - from the same "respectable citizen" that he feels himself to be. The tale conveys all the features of the oral speech of the hero-mask: incorrect word usage, confusing syntax, spelling errors, colloquial words used, jargon and vulgarisms. Zoshchenko himself emphasized: “I hardly distort anything. I write in the language that the street now speaks and thinks. This is how, for example, the hero of the story “The Groom” explains to his bride the refusal to marry her because of the lameness of the chosen one: “Everything, I say, fits: I like your muzzle, and the summer is one thousand eight hundred and eighty six, but I can’t. I'm sorry - I blinked my leg. The hero of the story “The Female Fish” explains himself as follows: “Narrowly speaking - not on a European scale, why such a persecution of shepherds and why, say, install railway technicians in priests? The apartment, you yourself know, is not huge, it doesn’t matter what kind of carom comes out or the constraint of the personality. And here is a “sketching from nature” in the story “Nervous People”: “And the disabled person, damn pepper pot, ... he stared into the thick of it. Ivan Semenych ... shouts to him: “Go away, Gavrilych, from sin. Look, the last leg will be cut off."

Gavrilych says:

Let him go, he says, the leg will disappear! But, he says, I can’t leave now. I, he says, have now smashed all my ambition into blood.

The purpose of the tale is the self-disclosure of the hero. The tale allows Zoshchenko to convey the attitude of the hero-mask. From the speech of the characters, we can judge their life experience, age, profession, level of culture, life priorities and ideals. The tale helped Zoshchenko to introduce into literature a new hero, removed from culture, and new vital material of the post-revolutionary era. The tale allows the reader to clearly feel the novelty and duality of the construction of the story, the combination of two opposite assessments - the author's and the hero-narrator.

In stories, the characters and their actions speak for the author. In addition, the “respectable citizens” of M. M. Zoshchenko address from the pages of his works not to some abstract reader, but to the same reader as themselves. The characters, as it were, enter into a dialogue, speak among themselves, in their own circle, where everyone understands each other and agrees in assessments and beliefs. Therefore, the addresses of storytellers to readers become traditional: “brothers”, “brothers”, “citizens”, “my dears”. The character can even turn to the reader for sympathy, confident that they will understand and support him - “they will enter into a position”: “And the kitchenette, you know, is narrow. Unable to fight. Closely. Pots and primus are all around. There is nowhere to turn. And then twenty people turned up. If you want, for example, to lubricate one in the hara, you cut three ”(“ Nervous people ”).

In the speech of the hero, his most important characteristic is most clearly revealed - marginality, and not so much social as mental.