Do men talk about women. What women say about their men (3 photos)

Why even the smartest, most successful and attractive women do not always understand the actions of men and are unhappy in their personal lives?

Why even the smartest, most successful and attractive women do not always understand the actions of men and are unhappy in their personal lives? According to Steve Harvey, the host of a hugely popular relationship radio show in the US, the problem is that women turn to other women for advice. Although a man knows better how to find and keep a man.

"Act like a woman, think like a man"funny, sometimes harsh, but always true, this book is a must read if you want to know what men really think about relationships with women.

I figured I could be the guy who jumps over the fence that separates us and says:

I'm going to reveal to you the secrets of men - that, on the one hand, we want you to know about us, but on the other hand, we are afraid to reveal them, because we can fail in this game.

In fact, the book "Act like a woman, think like a man" lays out the tactics of this game.I want every woman who wants a holistic relationship but just doesn't know how to achieve it, and also that those women who have already found such a relationship and are trying to figure out how to make it more beautiful, forget everything that they have ever talking about men. I want them to get rid of myths and all sorts of heresy, all that their mothers and girlfriends told them, all the advice that magazines and television give, so that they find out in these pages what men really are.

Men are counting on you to continue to receive advice from other women who do not know men's tactics and the way we think. “Act like a woman, think like a man” will help change this situation. If you're dating a man and want to know how to take your relationship to the next level, this book is for you. If you are in a serious relationship and want to see a ring on your hand, this book is for you. If you are married and want to mend your relationship and strengthen your marital ties, or if you are tired of being played with, I want you to use this book as a guide to help you anticipate your man's tactics and strategy and respond to his actions in a way that that he can't resist you.

Trust me, the tactics you all used are outdated and no longer work. Your most ambitious plan - to change your man - is actually the worst plan and will surely fail. Why? Because no matter what other women scream on magazine covers, on talk shows, at feminist gatherings, and on blogs all over the Internet, men are guided by certain assumptions that will never change. No matter how well you treat a man, no matter how much you respect him, until you understand his character, what drives him, and how he loves, you will be vulnerable.

But with this book, you will be able to penetrate into his way of thinking, better understand him and realize your plans, dreams and desires, and most importantly, understand whether he plans to be with you or just plays.

So act like a woman, think like a man.

Male mentality

1. What drives men

There is no statement truer than this: men are simple-minded. Once you understand this, everything you learn about us in this book will become simple and obvious. Once you realize this, the next important truth will become clear to you: a man is driven by his image of himself, his occupation and his income. It doesn't matter if he's the president, a criminal, or both. Everything a man does is judged by his "rank" (who he is), the way he achieved that "rank" (his occupation), and the reward he receives for his efforts (his income).

These three things form the core of the DNA of male maturity - these are the three peaks that every man must conquer before he feels that he is really accomplished as a man. And until the guy you're dating, committed to, or married to finds his place in these three realms, he'll be too busy to focus solely on you.

Think about it: from the moment a boy is born, everyone around him begins to explain what he must do in order to grow up to be a real man. He is taught to be resilient: to fight, to climb a mountain, to rise from a fall without crying, and not to let anyone hurt him. He is taught to work: to help his mother carry bags of groceries, take out the trash, shovel snow, mow the lawn - having matured, he must find a job.

He is taught to be an intercessor - to protect his mother, younger brothers and sisters, look after the house and family property. And he is especially encouraged to glorify his family: to become such a man, with the appearance of which in society everyone would know who he is, what he does and how wealthy he is. All this the boy is taught to prepare for one thing - male maturity.

A man feels accomplished and is able to focus on a relationship with a woman if he understands the three most important questions for him: who he is, what he does and how much he earns.

The desire for this does not stop even after the boy grows up. Moreover, it is getting stronger. He will always focus on who he is, what he does, and how wealthy he is until he completes his mission. And until a man is realized in these three things, women will be on the periphery of his life. I'm not saying that he must necessarily succeed in this, but at least he should strive for it.

If a man does not strive to realize his dreams, if he does not do everything in order to find out “who he is”, “what he does” and “how much he earns”, he is doomed. Dead. But as soon as he copes with this task and feels that his dreams are coming true, he seems to gain new life- and it fills him with energy, inspires and revitalizes.

It is in the male DNA to be a provider and protector, and everything we do is geared towards bringing that to life.

If a man is able to rent a house, then he can protect his family from bad weather; if he can buy a pair of sneakers for his child, then he feels at ease walking him to school; if he is able to buy meat in a store, then he can feed his family. That's all any man wants; turn down his capabilities a little, and he no longer feels like a man.

Moreover, we want to feel like "number one". We want to be the best at something. Main. We know that we can't always be in charge of everything, but in some areas of our lives we are going to be the ones to whom everyone is accountable, and this is important to us.

We want to have the right to boast - the right to say:

"I am number one". Women don't seem to care that much, but for us men, it's everything. It is extremely important for us that we can boast of what we have received by becoming the first. We must be able to show it, and women must be able to see it, otherwise what is the use of being the first?

You must know this to understand a man's motivation.

Why is he not at home, why does he spend so much time at work, why does he count his money like this? Because in his world he is judged by other men based on who he is, what he does and how much he earns. This affects his self-esteem.

If you know that he is not where he wants to be right now, or is not moving in the direction he should be, then his mood swings at home will become clearer to you. Your inability to get him to sit down and just talk is understandable. You understand his cloudy mood. In fact, it all has to do with the three things that drive him.

Therefore, if a man has not yet decided who he is, what he will do and how much he can earn, he may not be able to become for you what he wants to become. And this means that in fact you will not be able to have the man you dream of. He cannot sit idle and dream of marriage if his mind is occupied with how to earn money, how to get the best place how to become the man he would like to be for you.

We can't focus on two things at once - sorry, we're not that talented.

I know from experience that most women do not always understand these things well. Many believe that if a man truly loves you, then together you should be able to realize your dreams. Stability is important to you, but you'd rather lay the foundation of a relationship together regardless of the man's life status. It's noble, but men don't really think like that. He will be aiming for a prize, and that prize will not necessarily be you if he is not where he wants to be in life.

Remember: a man does not have to earn a lot right now - it is enough for him to see that his dreams come true: he has decided who he is, his social status helps him move in the right direction, where he wants to be, and he knows the money will come. And then he can relax, realizing that he is on the verge of becoming the man he wants to become.

You can help him focus on his dream, see the future and bring his plan to life. If you can see yourself in this plan (you can understand this more clearly in the chapter “Five questions every woman should ask herself before she goes too far”), then join him. Because, having achieved the success that he expects, a man will become better and more satisfied. And you will be happy too.

Nothing on this planet can compare with the love of a woman - her love is kind and compassionate, patient and caring, generous, sweet and unconditional. Pure. If she chose HER MAN, she will follow him into fire and water, no matter what he does, despite the riskiness of his crazy deeds, time and circumstances. If she has chosen her man, she will talk to him until there are no words left, support him if he is in a state of extreme despair or hopelessness, hug him when he gets sick, and will rejoice with him when he reaches the pinnacle of success. .

And if he is her man, and this woman loves him - she really loves you! - she will blow dust off him, cheer when he is not in the spirit, protect, even if she is not sure that he is right, listen to his every word, even if he says something that does not deserve attention at all. No matter what he does, no matter how many times her friends remind her that he is worthless, no matter how many times he puts an end to this relationship, she will devote herself to him. And will continue to win his heart, even if he pretends that all her attempts to prove that she is his only one are not at all convincing.

Such is female love - it stands the test of time, logic and circumstances.

And that is exactly what you women expect from us in return: that we men will love you the same way. Ask any woman what kind of love she expects from a man, and she will say something like this: I want him to be modest and smart, funny and romantic, sensitive and gentle, but above all, to be supportive in everything. I want him to look into my eyes and say that I am beautiful and I am his soul mate. I want a man who is vulnerable enough to cry when he hurts, who will introduce me to his mother with a smile on his face, who loves children and animals, and who is ready to change diapers, wash dishes, do it all himself, without asking or prompting. And if he also has a good body, a lot of money and expensive, well-worn shoes, that's just great. Amen.

To expect such love - such impeccable love - from a man, alas, is unrealistic.

Exactly so - I repeat: this will not happen, never, for anything. Because a man's love is not like a woman's love.

Don't misunderstand me: I'm not saying we're incapable of love. I'm just saying that a man's love is different - much simpler, more direct, and probably a little harder to get. And even more: a man who loves you probably won't call you every half an hour to let you know how much more he loves you at 5:30 pm than at 5:00 pm; he won't sit with you stroking your hair and changing cold packs on your forehead as you sip hot tea and try to get well.

And yet his love is still love.

It is simply different from the love that women give and often want.

By understanding exactly how men love, you will find out whether your chosen one really gives you all of himself.

How to know if a man loves you? It's simple: it usually does three things.

The man declares

If your man loves you, he is ready to say to anyone and everyone: “Look, this is my woman”, or “this is my girl”, or “mother of my child”, or “my lady”. In other words, you will have a title - an official one that goes far beyond "this is my girlfriend" or "this is a name."

Because only the man who has placed you in the most cherished corner of his heart, the man who really has any feelings for you, will give you any title. This title is a way to notify everyone around you that he is proud to be around you and that he has plans for you. He sees himself in the long term and sincere relationship with you and declare it publicly because he takes it seriously. And this could be the start of something special.

If your man loves you, he is ready to say to anyone and everyone: "Look, this is my woman."

A man who calls you his own also unequivocally says that he claims you - that you are his. Now he announces it to everyone. Any man who hears another man say "that's my woman" knows that all the games/tricks/plans/schemes he had with this pretty, sexy lady in front of him should be forgotten until he there won't be another unmarried woman, because another man declared out loud that "this one is mine, and she is not available for what you planned for her." This is the signal that we men recognize and respect as the universal code for "no entry."

If he introduces you as a girlfriend or just calls you by your first name, be sure that this is what you are for him - nothing more than a girlfriend or a name. Deep down, ladies, you know it. Indeed, when I explained this to an acquaintance, she laughed, agreeing with me, as she was a first-hand witness to this at the annual Christmas dinner, which she has attended with her family and close friends for a dozen years now.

One guy showed up there every year with a new girl - and each next one is prettier than the previous one - and new history about your work, vacation or something else. Stories and women changed, but one thing remained the same: he did not represent any of the girlfriends as his girlfriend or lover - only by name. And that's it. The rest of the evening he drank with old friends and colleagues, leaving her alone at the table, struggling to fit in with the company. Everyone at the table knew that once the couple left the premises, no one would ever see them together again.

And now he appeared with a new one ... Their hands were intertwined, both smiled like Cheshire cats. He introduced her as a "lady of the heart", and everyone understood everything. The point, of course, was not the “title”, but the fact that he held her hand, looked directly at her when talking, introduced her to everyone in a row, ran for drinks for her and danced with her as if he wanted that night never ended. As they drove home, everyone knew that they would again see this woman arm in arm with a hitherto eternal bachelor who changed women as often as Diana Ross changes her costumes at a concert.

And you know what? The next year they came to the party again, but she had a new title - the bride.

So if you've been dating a guy for at least ninety days and haven't seen his mother, haven't gone to church together, haven't met his relatives or friends, and at work or somewhere else he introduces you by name, you don't enter into his plans - he does not see you in his future.

But as soon as he gives you any title - as soon as he lays claim to you in front of people who mean something to him, whether it's his son, sister or his boss - that's when you understand that your man is making a statement . He declares his intentions towards you - and declares them to people who should know about it.

The man provides

As soon as we have claimed our rights to you and you have responded in kind, we start earning our “bread and butter”. Simply put, a man who loves you will bring money into the house to ensure that you and the children have everything you need. This is our goal.

This is the essence of the male vocation - to be the breadwinner and breadwinner.

Society has been telling us men for thousands of years that our primary purpose is to support our families: no matter what happens, no matter how we feel, the people we love should not need anything.

It all comes down to this. (Well, there are a few other things; for example, how well provided you are - and I'm not talking financially - and how well you can provide - now I mean material.) If the ability to provide for loved ones financially or otherwise is undermined doubt, male pride suffers severely. The more a man is able to provide for his woman and his children, the more significant and complete he feels. It sounds too simple, but it's true.

As a breadwinner, a man pays for housing, heating, light, car, food, schooling. He also takes care of other family expenses. He will not spend money on trifles, but, on the other hand, he will not save on you.

A man who truly loves will never force you to ask him for money for the bare necessities.

He will make sure that you have everything and that you do not need anything. Because every pat on the back for bringing more money into the house, every kiss for giving money to buy school uniform, food and toys, every praise for keeping the house in order increases his importance as a man. That is why, if he is a real man, his responsibility to provide for his family will mean much more to him than satisfying his own needs.

His need for a new set of golf clubs or expensive shoes, a cool car or whatever men like to spend their money on pales in comparison to the desire to provide for loved ones because golf clubs can't get him to square his shoulders like that. how can praise from a woman's mouth do that. Consequently, everything he does will come down to trying to provide the woman he loves with everything he needs.

Now I know that expecting a man to take care of you financially in this day and age where women are being taught to be financially independent of us men is confusing to you. If you have been taught all your life to pay for yourself and have been constantly told that you cannot rely on a man to do anything for you, then it is understandable why you cannot comprehend this simple thought. But remember what drives a man: real men do what they have to do so that their loved ones receive enough attention, are dressed, have a roof over their heads and are more or less satisfied. If they do less than that, they are not men - or let's say they are not your men, because in the end they will do it for some other woman.

If a man is unable to provide for his loved ones, he does not feel like a man and runs from a terrible sense of inferiority.

Of course, too many men shy away from this responsibility, either out of selfishness, or stupidity, or out of sheer incompetence, or because of all three reasons together. But some simply don't have the education, resources, or funds to earn the amount of cash they need.

You can identify a lot of pathologies found among the weakest men, unable to provide for themselves and their loved ones. Some go to crime (our prisons make it clear that this is not the solution), others use drugs (our street corners say it doesn't work either), others just run away (the number of women who raise children alone and live below the poverty line, indicates that this is definitely not a way out). But ask any of the wrongdoing men or those they love what they worry about the most, and I assure you that most of them will answer the same way: they would like to be able to provide for themselves and their loved ones.

Of course, some men simply refuse to share with their women. As you can tell from some rap songs and hip-hop magazines, these men feel like they're being "used." Some of us even call extortionists all women who are waiting for their betrothed to provide them with everything they need. Well, I must confess

We coined the term "extortionist" to save our money and get everything we want from you.

This common term has the most legitimate grounds (of course, there are women who date and marry men purely for convenience), but it has been incorrectly and almost universally applied to any woman who makes it clear that she expects a man to fulfill his male duty.

Know that you have a right to expect a man to pay for your dinner, movie ticket and everything else that he has to pay in exchange for your time.

Get rid of stupid things like "I pay for my lunch so he knows I don't need him." As I will point out in the next chapter, “Three Things Every Man Needs: Support, Fidelity, and Sex,” a man—at least a real man—wants to feel needed. And the easiest way to help him experience this is to let him provide for you, and that makes sense.

If he loves, he will bring every cent into the house. He won't squander everything and tell you, "Here's $100, that's all I got this week," but he'll bring home a check and only after all your needs have been met will he spend the rest on his games. It's a man's business, baby. This is how we do it.

What if your man has no money? Still, he will do everything to meet your needs. Suppose your car breaks down - he will call friends who will help him overtake your car and give you a ride to work, while he himself will look for an opportunity to pay for the repair of your car. Do you need to hang a picture? A loving man will climb a ten-foot ladder and drive in a nail. Clear a blockage in a sink? He will put a bucket under the pipe and go look for the right thing to repair. Install a garage door? He will study the instructions for hours, and in the end the door will fall into place. If a man loves you, he will provide you with everything you need.

The man protects

When a man loves you, anyone who says, does, offers you something bad, or even just thinks of insulting you in some way, risks being destroyed. Your man will sweep away everything in his path to make sure that everyone who treated you disrespectfully pays for it. That is his nature. About any man on this planet you can say:

No one can insult his family without paying the price, or at least without getting into a serious fight.

It is innate, it is recognized and approved from the very first relationship that a boy has, the relationship with his mother. He may not yet know what unconditional love is, but the boy will never admit that his mother can be wrong and will not allow someone to say or do something against his mother. Men are taught this from the cradle: protect your mother, don't let anyone talk badly about her or hurt her, and if someone does, let him know that it's time to deal with him.

Once a man declares that he cares about you, you become a valuable property for him, and he will do everything to protect his property.

This is what every man should do - and he is ready to do it - for the people he cares about. If he hears you arguing with the taxman, he will say: “Who are you with? Let me deal with him." If your ex is pestering you with calls, your man will put him in his place. If he sees that your children are out of hand, he will talk to them too. In other words, he will protect his family, because he knows that a real man is a protector. There is not a single real man who would not protect what is his. Because it's all about respect.

I would say that this is certainly one of the key things that any woman wants to see in her man, because girls are brought up to expect the most important men in their lives to fight for them and protect them from any trouble, no matter the cost.

I think that you all know this very well and therefore immediately inform a man who loves you that someone poses a threat to you, confident that your man - whether it is a father, brother, uncle, husband or lover - will do everything to protect your honor. Maybe he will even beat your abuser, regardless of the consequences. For example, you probably don't want to talk about what's going on at work, because he is able to come there and, if necessary, talk to your boss. And we all understand that this can end badly.

However, defense is not only the use of brute physical force. A man who truly loves you can protect you in other ways: he can give valuable advice or volunteer to do something he thinks is not safe for you. For example, if it is dark outside, he will not let you park in the parking lot or walk the dog, he will do everything himself, even if he just worked two shifts.

You have overlooked it - you have stopped demanding it from your men. Perhaps because so many women now raise their children alone, or because there were not enough men to teach our boys to be real men. But I firmly believe that a real woman can bring out the best in a man. Sometimes we just need to meet a real woman, besides our own mother, who would open our best qualities. This, however, requires something from the woman: she must insist that the man become the breadwinner.

I constantly hear from women that there are no real men left and that men are not capable of anything. But I claim:

They do not do what is expected of real men, because no one - and especially women - does not require this from them.

(See the chapter “Men Respect Standards—Make Your Own”).

In short, ladies, stop forcing your idea of ​​love on men and accept that men love differently. A man's love only fits into three categories. I call them the three foundations of love: statement, provision, and protection.

A man may not go with you to choose a new dress, but a real man will accompany you to a party, hold your hand and proudly introduce his lady to everyone (declare); he may not sit by your bed holding your hand when you are sick, but he will see to it that all prescriptions are filled out, warm up your bowl of soup, and make sure everything necessary is done for you to get well (provide); he may be reluctant to change diapers, do the dishes, or wipe your feet after a hot bath, but will kick his ass to prevent anyone from hurting or insulting you (protecting).

If your man does all this for you, trust me, he is priceless.

3. Three things every man needs: support, fidelity and sex

Women are complex beings. You need everything. And a lot of things. And you expect your man to provide it for you, even if you haven't explained to him exactly what you need, or even if what you wanted five minutes ago is contrary to what you want at the moment. I often say jokingly that a woman can only feel truly satisfied when she has four different men - an old man, a scarecrow, a sex giant and a gay man.

The old man will sit at home with you, spend his pension on you, hug you, create comfort and ... no sex - he is no longer capable of this. It gives you financial security.

Scarecrow? This one will do anything to help you out: take the kids to the club, go to the grocery store with you, wash the car on the weekend, sit with the cat, whatever you want. He will be just happy that such a beauty as you simply pays attention to him. From him you get "time for yourself, your beloved." He frees you to do all your personal business.

Next, the sexual giant. You need a strong, kind sexual giant. You know what he will give you. He's big and not very smart, can't carry on an intellectual conversation, but he's beefed up from head to toe and will do anything to make you moan with pleasure. Mind-blowing sex is what you get from him.

But with a gay guy you can go shopping, chat about what the old man bought you, on what instructions you sent the scarecrow and how exactly you did somersaults with the sexual giant all week - you chat with a gay about everything (smile).

Four guys providing all your needs should bring you happiness. I say they should, because happiness is not guaranteed for women even when all their needs are met.

We fully recognize that you have the right to change the parameters, conditions and specifics of what will make you happy at any time, we try to adapt to this and, as a rule, we cannot. Unlike you women, men are very simple creatures. In fact, it doesn't take much to make us happy.

In fact, there are only three things that by and large, every man needs: support, fidelity and sex.

Only three. And I'm here to tell you over and over again that yes, it really is that simple.

What we need is constant and essentially unchanging. And it is easy for a woman to give her man support, love and sex, because it is part of her nature, support and love is what women give instinctively and freely. You just call it something else - care. And if you love a man enough to take care of him, then I would say you love him enough to be with him and intimate relationship. So these three things come naturally to you. And that's all your man wants from you. Let me explain this one by one.

Need #1: Your support

We need to feel like we're supported by someone - like we're kings, even if we're not. You must understand that when we walk out the door, the whole world is ready to knock us down. Black, white, yellow, striped - any man, leaving the house, is ready to fight.

He can work in a job where the boss is on the boss and everyone can give him a notice of dismissal at any moment and his life will change in the blink of an eye. The guy subordinate to your man is probably just looking for a way to sit him down so that he himself can get a big salary, and he doesn’t care if his words and actions threaten your man. Your man might be driving down the street minding his own business and then stop and something out of his control will happen to him, or someone might try to take what he owns from him. In other words, a man is constantly in a state of combat readiness, evaluating other men who are next to him, ready to defend all his achievements (including you).

That's why we want to relax at home.

All we want to hear is, “Honey, how was your day? Thanks for what you do. We need you and love you and are happy to have you."

We should feel like kings, even if we don't act like royalty. Trust me, the more you let us feel like someone special, the more we give back to you. We just work even harder. It's that simple. Take a cue from my mother: every Sunday morning my father cut my hair before going to church, and when I got up from my chair, put on my suit and shoes and went out into the hall, my mother used to look at me and say: “Just look on this boy's haircut - just shine! or “Look - you will be irresistible when you go to church!”

I learned this: if I have a neat cut, I have a nice suit on, then I leave the house with my shoulders straight and my head held high, because my mother said that I look great. And my father straightened his shoulders, too, because every Sunday my mother reminded him that all this was thanks to him, kissed and thanked him every Sunday.

A man wants to hear from a woman: “Darling, I can’t express in words how much I appreciate what you do for me and the children.”

A simple thank you gives us the strength to keep doing what is needed for you and your family.

Everything we do, whether it's hard work and a paycheck we bring home, or something as simple as barbecue on a Saturday night or loading laundry, we'll do it much more often and more willingly if we get paid for it. reward. And this reward doesn't cost you a cent. It just comes from the heart: “Thank you, honey. I appreciate what you do."

You have no idea how important this is for your man - a little encouragement will move him to want to do more. Do you think our harshness and unwillingness to hug means that we do not need this support? Not at all - needed. And what man does not want to hear more often the confession: “You are so big and strong, you are everything I need”?

Need #2: Your loyalty

Understand that our love is completely different from yours - emotional, caring, sincere, sweet, kind, comprehensive. Women's love is so strong and dense that a spoon can stand in it. And when a woman loves, she is faithful - she cannot imagine herself with someone other than you, because she does not need anyone else. Such is the love of a woman.

For men, love is devotion.

This means that no matter what happens, you will be by our side. We get fired - you stay with us even if we don't bring home a paycheck. Talking to your friends, you enthusiastically say: “This is my man. I am faithful to him." And at the sight of some celebrity - a sort of playboy, littered with money, smug, sexy, etc. - you squeeze our hand tighter and say from the bottom of your heart: “I don’t need these shiny rich handsome men, because my man is the only one for me and unique! (We can only hope that you will say just that.)

Devotion is our understanding of love. For a man, devotion and love are one and the same. The love you demand is beautiful, but our love is not like yours. It is different, although it remains love. And the love of a man is a very strong thing. Amazing. If your devotion is true and undeniable, a man will really kill anyone for you. With no doubt.

Need #3: Sex

The matter is clear. Men. Need. Sex. We love it. There is nothing like this on this planet, there is nothing else that we would like so much and constantly, there is nothing like this, without it we simply cannot live. Take our house, our job, our car, all our crocodiles, but please - please! - do not hide the "sweet".

We don't care about the rest - we need sex. We need to be physically connected to the woman we love, the woman who is faithful to us and supports us, and we do this by making love to her.

The emotional side - talking, hugging, shaking hands and hugging each other - is your prerogative. We do this, realizing that it is important for you. But understand: we men connect through sex. And point. This is how we connect, recharge and re-contact. I don't know a man who doesn't need it. Ask any guy if sex is important in a relationship, and the one who says no is lying. For example, I have not yet seen this. If you meet, put such a guy in a museum - this is unique. But most men need sex like air.

You will last a month without it at best. And then he will get it from someone else (unless you are expecting a child from him). I'm telling you, gangs are based on support and loyalty - guys are going into gangs based on those two things. The only thing missing is sex, and that's why gangs have girls. This happens in biker clubs, and among country lovers, and among Freemasons, and in secret fraternities - the whole male world is built on these three principles.

There is not a single day in the week when, upon waking up, we would not strive for this. Let's say you're not a member of fraternity A, but you're a powerful member of fraternity B, who hasn't sworn allegiance to fraternity A for at least six weeks, but - you donned their colors. Suppose they find out that you did not take such an oath, did not pass the initiation. Do you know what happens when these guys find out you're not a member of the fraternity? That you betrayed their trust - their colors? You won't last a day. Come again to their gathering, and you will see everything. Come to the country club if you're not a member! Loyalty. Support. This is what men are made of.

But none of them can live without sex. Oh, he'll wait if you're on your period—unless, of course, he loves you. If he doesn't care, he won't try to get your affection - he'll just get it from someone else.

If you dose sex and don't do what you did when you started dating, then he will find someone else who will give him what he lacks.

Believe me: he will tell everyone that “this is my girl”, but in the meantime he will have another woman who will be ready to give him what he wants and what he needs - sex.

Understand correctly: we are not animals. We know that circumstances are changing, that you're pregnant and the doctor says you have to wait six weeks, or you're on your period, your hormones are acting up, and you're not in the mood.

But you can't always come up with excuses. You can, if you like, lead a man by the nose. But, no matter how much he loves you, his family, his role as the owner of the house, if you start to dose sex, problems will definitely arise.

I recently turned fifty, but I tell you right now: in this matter, do not hold me back and do not lead me by the nose. At my age, I want it less often because I'm busy, I run a company, I have a schedule to keep, I'm often on the road, on stage, on the radio, I write books, run my own charitable foundation - in short, I don't sit on place. And at my age, I can't afford to get mixed up in problems—mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. Hell is no longer an option for me. I'm doing everything I can to get to the Gates of Heaven, and it could happen any day now. If I start to get involved in problems, I may have a heart attack, and I will no longer enter my house. The truth is, if I can't relieve my stress at home, problems will arise. If, by prayer, I try to encourage you to give me some sexual release, and you are looking for reasons why you cannot do this, then something will change between us.

I'm willing to bet that something like this happens in your family: all night long during the whole week you sat at the bedside of a sick child, and the other one was escorted to school in the early morning before work; every working day you fought with your colleagues and boss, taking fifteen minutes to swallow a meager lunch, then at rush hour you drove home to do your second job: cook dinner, check the children's homework, do the laundry, etc., and etc. And by the time your man arrives, the last thing you think about is a positive response to what one of my acquaintances calls "a pat on the shoulder." “You know what I'm talking about,” she said. “This is when you, tired, finally fall into bed and dream only of just watching your favorite TV show, he suddenly pats you on the shoulder ... Guard.”

However, my friend simply does not realize that her husband is also tired of "patting on the shoulder." After all, he also worked all day - no less than yours. And although he may not have done as much around the house, he also did something, and he, like you, also needs to relax. She likes TV, he likes sex. She was tired of doing it, he was tired of not doing it. And if she relaxes at home in front of the TV, he relaxes outside the house - with another woman.

I'm not saying he's doing the right thing. But as a man, I understand him.

And if I were in their bedroom before all the ugliness of their deceit is revealed, I would give one wise advice: thank those you love. This means that if a man sees that his woman has had a difficult day and she could use help around the house, he should do his bit. If she cooks, he does the dishes. If she irons clothes for the children tomorrow, he helps them with their homework. If she puts the children to bed, he puts his wife to bed, helps her take a shower, lets her relax with a glass of wine, does everything to make her understand that sex with the woman he loves is not just a relaxation for him, but an act of love. And she may be more willing to want to repay the same - not with irritation, but with intoxicating frivolity and looseness from the realization of what it means to be desired.

But understand that no man will treat his wife every night to have sex with her. This is unreasonable. Sometimes he just wants to have you, without any preambles - without being forced to feel like another "item" on your to-do list. Every man just wants to get it from his woman. Everyone without exception.

You can shop for us, cook dinner every night, and make sure our favorite peanut butter is always in the kitchen cabinet, showing that you remember our passions and care for us. But when our day doesn't add up, we really only need three things from you. If, when I come home, I receive them, then I am ready for anything for you. If a woman does not do these three things for her man, I can promise you, he will find another who will. We can't survive without these things - not ninety days, not at all.

You may not like what I am saying, but ask any man if this is true, and he will answer you simply: true.

Support. Devotion. Sex. If you provide your man with this, he will do for you whatever you want. published

From Steve Harvey's book Act like a woman, think like a man

Director of the Vladimir dating agency "Me and You", family psychologist, consultant on interpersonal relations Elena Kuznetsova named phrases that will not leave any man indifferent.

According to the specialist, "kneading" should be done immediately on - "lower" and "upper".

1. "You're the best because"...

Any phrase in superlative form that begins with the words: "You are the best" or "You are the best" will have the desired effect. It is important, however, to remember that abstract praise is a road to nowhere. "just like that", you risk. The partner will stop responding both to you and to your requests. So the advice to women is to praise your beloved, but for the cause.

“Everyone likes to be praised. When pleasant words are said just like that, you get used to the fact that you are the best, and this is a priori. Praise in this case is meaningless. So, in order to stimulate the partner for further exploits, ”says Kuznetsova.

The examples are simple. A woman might say, “Thank you for buying me this dress. You the best man!”, or “, did not skimp on a fur coat for me!”, Or: “You cook so deliciously - you are the best!”, “How great you are doing housework - you have golden hands. You are the best!".

Hearing such words, expressed in excellent form and with admiration, a man really feels like "the very best." And when, in addition, they explain to him why he is so wonderful, the representative of the stronger sex, maintain the status of the best and. It sounds a little harsh, but action-oriented praise develops a Pavlovian dog reflex in a man, forcing him to perform new feats in the name of a beautiful lady. For a lady, in turn, it is important not only to stimulate her beloved to these accomplishments, but also to end result: "I happy woman because I have you, and you are taking me to the sea."

Another nuance that is important in this case. Praising a man, a woman needs from time to time at the end of the tirade to carefully translate “arrows on herself”, to say something like:.

“It is important that a man does not get fed up with compliments and does not move to the stage: “I am a star!”. Focus on exactly what: . A beautiful woman needs a beautiful kokoshnik, and you are the same hero who made this kokoshnik for me, because I am beautiful with you, ”explains the psychologist.

2. "You are my protector"

Phrases like: “You are my helper”, “You are my protector”, “You are my amulet” and so on demonstrate the importance of a man in the eyes of a woman and. A man in this case feels, firstly, a “male”. Secondly, he has the thought that a woman will disappear without him, and that his partner needs him, because without him she is a weak and useless creature.

“Hooks must be done, you need to“ anchor ”your man:“ I am your wife (girlfriend), and I think about you, ”explains a specialist in interpersonal relations.

At the same time, Kuznetsova notes that it is not necessary to constantly write the same phrase. With the variability of the text, the meaning should, however, remain unchanged: “I miss you”, “I think about you”, “May you have the best day”.

These SMS, sent at regular intervals, are a kind of reminder of yourself and that a man is important to you. A partner can, but he will definitely smile when reading them.

4. "You are the best lover"

Here it is impossible not to recall Freud's statement that. For this reason, the “lower chakra” is either nothing, or good, very good. The latter is preferable. Praise your partner before sex, during sex and after sex: "I feel very good with you",. “Too much” in this case does not happen, because at such moments yours. And I am grateful to the woman for the fact that she appreciates this “masculinity” of his.

5. Curtseys towards relatives and friends

When communicating with a man, a woman should know his interests and preferences, ranging from favorite things in the wardrobe, hobbies and ending with people he values. So that a lady should sometimes, and his clothes, and friends, and relatives - mother, first of all. A man will be grateful to you for the fact that you respect his microcosm and the environment that enters into it.

If you have questions for psychologist Elena Kuznetsova, you can ask them by writing a letter to email address editions of "AiF-Vladimir": [email protected] .

All ladies dream of becoming men at least for a minute in order to find out what men say about ladies. This interest is mutual, due to the fact that we want to know all the keys to building a joyful relationship or to possess an adored object.

But as they say, you won’t fit into your head, and everything else is our guesses or the opinions of psychologists. But the statistics and reviews of ladies who have been working among men for a very long time confirm the fact that men really love to gossip about ladies.

Fortunately, now there are a lot of forums and the stronger sex is not shy about discussing topics that concern us, ladies. Perhaps it is for our good that we do not step on the widely seen rake.

It is not typical for men to discuss the appearance of a lady, except if he makes them very angry or leads to below the belt. Crazy fashion trends, such as trousers with matne down to the knees, our Adams do not welcome at all. But the cheeky uniform is perhaps condemned for public place, but it will not cause a clear rejection due to understandable circumstances.

Angry men female chatter without an address. From time to time it so happens that we speak out and do not expect advice, only sympathy. If this tirade drags on, then not every man, besides loving, is ready to be a good vest. Despite the fact that we sometimes have to endure, at a time when a man talks a lot.

The dream of a lady's habitat for many men corresponds to the German proverb: kitchen, church, children. But this is the dream of timid proprietors, who are afraid of losing their property.

In order to do this, they first earnestly beg us to dine with them in company, and at the time when we are recruiting a dozen extra pounds, complain about our domesticated appearance. Dear women, our husbands discuss our excess weight quite correctly, but someone else's woman in uniforms will simply be called a cow.

Men are annoyed by ladies who pay too much attention to their appearance, but completely forget about cleanliness in the kitchen and the freshness of men's shirts.

Again, our fashion to build up nails, eyelashes (let's go around the chest - none of the men will refuse a luxurious neckline) honestly surprises the stronger sex. One habitual called his "extended" wife a cyborg. Men like neat, neat, moderately made-up ladies.

Hercules honestly fear and avoid ladies who try to seem stronger than they are. Masculine, adopting masculine habits, swearing and smoking in a crowded place, like real grooms (let the representatives of this honest profession forget the offense) - this is an exaggerated image.

In addition, a small part of such a picture does not guarantee that affectionate words will be poured into her address.

Oh, girls, do not force your companions to call you a pussy or a bunny. It's one thing when a man calls you affectionately own initiative. Worse, at a time when your request will be discussed at bachelor parties, lead to nausea and be compensated in communication with a lady who does not need it.

Under no circumstances will Apollo in love tell his wife or companion that he does not like something in her because of the fear of losing the jewel. But in the event that some trait honestly angers him, it is not surprising that all of his entourage will know about it.

Perfect ladies through the eyes of men are often drawn without a face, but with a smile, with a good figure, with a plate of meatballs and mashed potatoes, and a clean shirt embracing children, and in an intriguing outfit, and with a clean head. Her voice is heard only occasionally and very quietly, under no circumstances does she contradict and knows the value of her words. And where does the curve lead?

If we really want to find out what men say about ladies, we need to ask them.

Hey, men, no one will notice you here and force you to repent of sincerity, what are you talking about us without us?

Men talk about women

What else is there for women to talk about? Of course, about the most important thing in their lives - about men! You have no idea how much women talk and think about men! There are as many opinions as there are women in the world. Each has its own thoughts, addressed, most often, to one, the most important man. There are several directions of these thoughts, the only way, probably, to name the main topic of conversations about men.

There are no real men

The real men have gone! women think. At this time, she does a variety of things - they carry bags home, repair cabinets, plant tomatoes in the country, twist three-liter cans, even put asphalt on the roads. And at the same time, they, gathering with their friends, discuss how difficult it has become for them to live in the world. How can men be, if women have taken away from men almost everything that was previously inaccessible to the weaker sex. Yes, far from all men know how to make stools, repair plumbing, sing serenades under the window of their beloved and give gifts beautifully. Many cannot earn for all family expenses. And there are individual specimens that succumbed to the green serpent. Here I really want to ask, weren't there such people before, in the 20th, in the 19th centuries? Were there not weak, stingy, stupid, drunkards? There were, of course. But were there a great many noble knights? Yes, just like now, there are only a few of them! So it turns out that the men have not died out, they are the same as always. It's just that women have become smarter and more legible, they have learned to formulate their claims, write books and blogs. So there were more conversations, and men - as always.

They are all thugs

It is also commonly believed that women think about men that they are womanizer. All men breathe unevenly when they see long legs, short skirts, and already on the first date they dream about sex. This is not just a woman's opinion, all girls are taught this by their mothers in order to prevent the worst thing that can happen to their daughters. Well, who told you that they are all like that? There are, of course, men with disabilities, but mostly men are just as shy to pay attention to a girl, they are just as afraid of rejection, like the female sex, they also dream of pure and bright love. It's just that women and men have different ways of expressing their feelings. Men are more stingy with emotions, they are more silent than girls, they are more worried about what is happening in themselves, which is why they get sick more often. And all the glances at skirts and legs are caused by a simple interest in the opposite sex.

They need models

By the way, another myth is that men love long-legged, thin, blondes, with a big ... rich world in front. Huge mistake! All men cannot be the same, and many of them love curvaceous, slender women, but with forms. If a man loves his chosen one, then it does not matter to him at all 60 cm in her waist or 65, her breast size is third or first. And about huge breasts in general very often they speak negatively. A loving man can be fascinated by a woman's smile, eyes, the ability to support and understand. But about the stomach and the path to the soul of a man - the pure truth. If a man is full, then he will be more willing to work around the house. He will never go out to dinner at a restaurant where he might meet his wife's charming competitor who can't cook.

They love fools

And the most disgusting delusion of women is that men love fools in order to appear smart against their background. It is worth remembering the bright women who inspired their men to ingenious creations and discoveries. For example, who would Salvador Dali be if he hadn't met a very smart Russian woman named Gala?

Men's opinion

And no less interesting is what men think about women. They believe that women only need money from them, that they are not understood and are not left alone, inventing more and more new things. But this is also a big misconception! Women have greater vitality than men, the ability to survive. And while men think, women do everything to make the family live better. And if you add a big lexicon and the number of words that nature intended for them to speak per day (and this is much more than that of a man), then everything that men call “she got me completely” will turn out.

In general, it is difficult to list everything that women think about men. Men say all sorts of things about women. But both of them cannot live without each other! After all, we are two halves. And in these contradictions and disputes, love is stronger and passion is stronger!

Our bachelor brethren did not aspire to the exploits of Don Juan, and even more so Vladimir, practically. Wouldn't pull. Feeding is not the same. And the "income" is not the same. And there was no free time to study with such an abyss of women. Work, you know, study, this, that ... Been a bachelor for the last ten years free life in our hostel "apartment type" there were about thirty person-souls in their beds. All are about the same age. And all - about the same social status: engineers, technologists, craftsmen, workers. Many studied at evening institutes, many of them have already graduated. Almost everyone was averse to leaving their dashing bachelorhood behind as a glorious, but drawn-out episode. But somehow it didn't work out. With sad reflections, such very rarely, but still happened, they recalled the good old Russian noble customs, when men decided to burden themselves with marriage bonds at the age of about forty. In our thirties, we have not yet matured and matured.
Once, and sometime in the seventies of the last century, the Literary Gazette burst into a series of articles about bachelors. The author was someone, if I'm not mistaken, Zorin. It seems, "B" ... But I can't vouch, and it doesn't really matter - it's not about the alphabet. The important thing is that bachelors were anathematized in his writings. The meaning of the articles boiled down, I remember, to the following: a bachelor is an egoist and even an egocentric, thinking and caring only about himself, his beloved, not wanting to take care of a woman, family, children, society, the state, preventing the reproduction of the population and contributing to the genocide of it with his own pernicious passivity ... The villainy of bachelors was incalculable. “Own…” they were not yet called, at that time they avoided harsh expressions in the press, but the meaning was clear - they can, but they don’t want to ... Naturally, women picked up the topic. The bachelors also got it from their positions: unhappy degraded subjects, not washed, not shaved, not groomed, not ironed and not ironed, not fed, and some other multiple not. Villains and "own ...", despite their miserable existence, who do not want to marry for the sake of immoral, base, depraved and dubious pleasures. Cowards, afraid to take care of orphans and unfortunate women, and children, both in general and their own, in particular.
They laughed, composed an answer reminiscent of the answer of the Cossacks to the Turkish Sultan, only without obscene turns of speech and thoughts. Sent to the newspaper and about a month later ... received it back, significantly shabby. The message must have been read with pleasure by quite a few readers from among the editorial staff. But they decided not to publish it. The content of the letter did not fully correspond to their ideas about the Soviet paradise. They returned it with an editorial response attached: unfortunately, they say, we will not be able to publish it, but we are returning it - as an exception and contrary to the rules. What they wanted to say by this remained unknown, but we were pleased: our opinion, although still, although limited, was heard ..
Here's what we wrote. Not vulgar and lustful egoism hindered our thoughts about family happiness, and their material embodiment in life. Actually, these thoughts did not torment us day and night, like dreams of a bright future for all unmarried humanity. We did not see it, that is, a bright future for ourselves. It was obscured by more real things - our "beds" in the hostel. It was not even an individual hut, a paradise in which we could offer our betrothed in the cold seasons. We didn't even have a one-room hut. And in the future it was not observed, even having in retrospect fifteen years of work experience at his native factory in his native shop.
True, single representatives of the fair sex - colleagues, blooming in the all-male team, like chrysanthemums among thistles, did not agree with these arguments of ours: find yourself wives with apartments. What, they say, is simpler: in one fell swoop, two birds with one stone. Reasonably. But not for us. None of us, members of the glorious bachelor tribe, set ourselves the goal of getting married for the sake of rationally solving our housing problems. In this case, the woman is an annex to the apartment. Or an apartment - an application to a woman. And this application can, at any moment, expose a man who didn’t please him with something ... Yes, and we all just hated even a hint of any kind of self-interest during marriage. Each of us needed ... Some kind of not very distinct dream of an indefinite, but necessarily beautiful, appearance, charming character and all other captivating virtues, both external and internal. These have not yet been encountered. You may never have met. Some have never met... Some have met... But not at all like that... Go and guess at the first meeting. And the second one too.
One of us never married until his death. And it’s not at all because he didn’t want to or was incredibly fastidious. I really wanted to. One might even say delirious. And not only marriage appeared to him in his delirium. But also children, as a result. A bachelor, he even decorated his bunk with photographs cut out of magazines ... And here are non-naked busts, hips, stomachs and knees, summed up in a seductive image of women. Little children laughed at his bunk, smiled, stood on four points and lay on their stomachs. I really wanted to have children. And yet he did not marry ... But more on that later.
There is an old sad story about how a certain young man, full of confidence and hope, went on a journey around the world in search of the perfect woman. For many years he had to wander, overcoming all sorts of obstacles, hardships and dangers. Visited many countries. I met many women ... And, finally, I returned to my homeland alone. Already an old man. “What are you? - his aged friends also asked him, surrounded by their children and grandchildren. “So you haven’t found the perfect woman?” “Found it,” the old man sighed sadly. “Where is she? Why isn't she with you?" "Alas, she was also looking for the perfect man..."

So we were single. There were two home-made posters hanging on the walls of our dorm room. One did not say what he said, but voiced - “This is for you - romantics, this is for you - lovers!” and depicted a heart pierced by a fig. It was assumed that the state shows us it instead of housing and wages that would satisfy our romance and love. On the other was the inscription: “We are 16 million!” This was the official sum of all the bachelors in the country. "So why don't you get married?" - from time to time married neighbors harassed us, with some longing in their voices. The anguish was understandable: to have in neighbors, door to door, hefty single men - is fraught in the future - you never know what ... Wives involuntarily pat ... And hefty men answered without hesitation: "I'm not a coward, but I'm afraid."
We were afraid. It was almost a phobia. No, not the freedom to lose. She, to be honest, was already starting to get on edge. The freedom to be alone is not always happy. The company of friends and comrades is not exactly what is needed always and without diversity. But what we heard from our married comrades-in-arms, acquaintances and colleagues, and what we witnessed ourselves, did not seduce, did not inspire - it was horrifying. God forbid, save and have mercy, take and deliver us sinners from the same. Chur us, chur ... Save us, the power of the cross from demonic evil spirits. Of course, we were all hardened atheists, as they believed, but the fear was almost superstitious. How, then, did the angels who met our friends turn into a violent vixen and utter evil spirits, if you believe their words? And of course we believed. And not just words...
- And how not to be afraid, Nazar Semyonovich? - Vyacheslav said to a neighbor who had a young wife with a very expressive, one might even say significant, neckline on an impressive chest. - Listen to the story. Our mutual friend Arnold Aristov showed with his appearance an almost exact copy of the legendary film actor and conqueror of the hearts and imaginations of most ladies of all countries and peoples of the daring Vasily Lanovoy. Being with him in the same company with the girls meant an inevitable defeat in their attention, falling into despondency and complexes. All of them are for him alone. Forgetting about the ominous “why do you girls love beautiful ones”, the girls loved him or dreamed of loving him - as lucky as anyone. He could only choose the fans who were already ready for the unconditional captivity. He chose. But did not love. Another retroactively rejected remembered the prophetic words of the song and suffered. Arnold allowed himself to be closely admired by another victim. And so it continued for the time being. And when the time came - gasped and his friends. She was perfect and, in turn, very similar to the actress - Larionova. Arnold was congratulated and envied: "Oh, what a woman - I would like this." (No one had composed this song then, but the thought was in the air and in our imaginations). Outwardly, the couple looked amazing.
Arnold was happy and in love, and even more than that - in love and happy. She looked the same. Our mutual friend left the bachelor society. This always happens automatically: "married" ceased to interest us, we - them. We did not invite family members even to holiday companies. And not even, and even more so - so that unplanned scenes of jealousy do not arise. married couple in the bachelor circle - an explosive phenomenon. You never know what your wife or spouse will imagine ... Or they won’t imagine, but in fact it will happen - excessive, in the opinion of the spouse, attention to the spouse from the free “gentleman of fortune” or the wife to the gentleman ... Sorry, Semenych, not addressed to you ... About those present it doesn't say what it says...
But now, two years have passed and our Lanovoy again began to appear in the bachelor hostel ... Yes, you probably remember him: he is tall and stooped on his back ... That's it - that's it. Sad all, and sometimes upset came. He frankly told: the beautiful wife often visited her friends in the evenings. Her friends, apparently, had a very beneficial effect on her: after talking with them, "Larionova" came in sensitively tipsy and turned out to be absolutely indifferent to her marital duties and to his exploits. Not to mention their voluntary and inspired performance. “He lies,” Arnold said, “crossing his arms on his chest, and counting flies on the ceiling. And at first, she lay very recklessly and didn’t care about flies ... In addition, she was not happy with everything, everything was wrong with her, she scoffs .... And she doesn’t have time to pay attention to her daughter - she needs to communicate with her “friends”. They got divorced soon ”... You will think about it ... From such a man, the wife began to walk, and for us, gray, what to expect if we get married? .. We still do not understand the labyrinthine complexities of female sympathies and characters. They didn’t know that the appearance of a man’s face for women is not the most important thing: he, we are men, that is, in their opinion, should be a little prettier than a monkey - that’s enough for us ... And, therefore, for them. We talk about them from our point of view... On reflection, however, it also happens from our point of view that the beauty of the face does not always correspond to the beauty of the head...
But another story ... - Vyacheslav lit a second cigarette. - A couple on the beach playing badminton. A married couple, obviously. The female half of her is so good that our group, the “magnificent five”, hardly even looks at other almost naked girls, lying, sitting, running and walking around. But male half couples behaves somehow strange, in our opinion. However, we were not interested in him at all. Her dissatisfaction with her half was evident. Something. Every now and then she asks him to stop doing something, which she really does not like. And he doesn't stop. She gets more and more angry. He angers her more and more with something ... After watching and already falling in love, I remember commenting: “Well, guys, this guy will someday wait for something from his half. Bringing a woman to tears is fraught and stupid.” Only it was not clear: what did he bring her to? There seemed to be nothing outrageous on his part. He plays for himself and plays ... Silently. But only, it seems, emphatically silently ...
It's been two weeks. That day I worked the second shift and enjoyed the freedom of action until three in the afternoon. That is, he sat on his bunk, as in the most comfortable place in the room, read a book and replenished the ashtray with new cigarette butts. The time is the first hour. Knock on the door. I'm going to open. I open it and ... I freeze in shock. Behind the door. Right in front of me is her. The one from the beach. In all, only dressed, beauty and without a racket. Instantly I lose the ability to speak, think and all other reflexes. Mystic! She, seeing my condition, smiled so charmingly that I could resist only with an effort. At this critical moment, the face of my best friend appeared from behind her luxurious hair. The face smiled, in my opinion, rather silly.
- “Hi… Can I come in? What's dumbfounded?"
- "Yes ... Hello, guys ... Come in, of course, why are you asking?"
- "What". He himself stood in the doorway, like a sentry near a wine warehouse or a monument to a commander.
She was the first to enter, passing close to me and piercing through me with a current - a fleeting touch of her elastic and tense chest. Unintentionally, of course...
Having seated her on a chair in front of the TV that has not been working for the last two months, best friend called me to the kitchen, closed the door more tightly, and confidentially, in an undertone:
- “Listen, could you go for a walk for half an hour, huh? While we're on, you know, lunch break, huh?"
“Don’t you need to set the table? What would you like to eat?"
- “Stop whining. No time to lose precious minutes. We eat carnally. Walk or not, in short?
- “In short, somehow I don’t feel like it at all ... But so be it - go ahead and have a bite.” What are you going to drink? .. And where did the snack come from? How did you meet her, you rascal? Where?"
“Gentlemen don't talk about the details. If only in general, then purely by chance: she got a job at our institute. Safety Engineer."
To say that I envied is to say nothing: I was jealous. I've been in love with her since that day on the beach. Well, why don't I work where a friend works, or why didn't she join us? What is the kingdom? I still don't have it. That there are all the treasures of the earth, with my salary there is nothing to think about them. What is there ... Yes, at least I’m ready to lay down my life in order to find myself in the place of a friend ... But I had to give up my own to him. A bed ... And - immediately the thought of that other man - the husband of this lady. Here's where you don't want to be. My future wife was supposed to be every bit as good looking as my friend's dinner girlfriend. But internally - with the soul and other moral qualities! .. But how can one recognize the non-anatomical qualities of the insides? I don't know what annoyed this woman with her husband. Nor can I find out the secret reasons for my horniness. You mumble like that, inadvertently, and you never know why. It is possible, after all, that my future “half” will also be able to go “have lunch” with someone else in someone’s hostel ... Halves are not always one, sometimes they are separated ... And even more often than they unite.
To suspect in advance who knows what woman and who knows why is not good. But here is an example before our eyes. And here is the next one.
The nickname Miracle Yudo somehow stuck to her by itself. By the similarity of the behavior of the character of the fairy tale "The Scarlet Flower": there is a monstrous creature, but it is not visible. Maybe she wasn't such a monster after all. It may very well be that the lady was very pretty. But we never saw her. Miracle Yudo and all. The comparison, of course, is not so hot. However, it stuck.
Our comrade kept the strictest secrecy. Before her arrival, he was overwhelmed by the strongest nervousness. He, as the Indians of the Maskisheev tribe say, was losing face and composure. And demanded our immediate disappearance from the apartment. Anywhere but disappear. Ours is four people. And we disappeared. Not for long. The Miracle's visits were always brief, like a geyser eruption. Brief, but probably just as stormy. After her departure, just as mysterious, the comrade's nervousness was replaced by calm calmness and languor. We never saw Chud's face. From this circumstance, we drew conclusions: either she spares us, not showing her fearful face, or one of us knows her, or her husband. Yes, she was a family woman. And she lived in a neighboring house, adjacent to a bread shop ... So she ran into “him”, dropping in to our hut along the way. In it, she experienced heavenly pleasures with her lover for a minute. There were also jumps in the evening. But under what pretext - we do not know. Women always come up with something... Semyonitch! You do not turn pale - this is not about you, but about your friend, she-she ... I'm telling you: it's not talking about those present. Let's have some more beer...
While lovers enjoyed, we, smoking somewhere nearby, thought. Imagination drew us and our future ... "Shops", bread and others, there are always more than one wife, plus girlfriends, and other school friends. She always has somewhere to run. “Shops” will end - “girlfriends” will multiply. If these disappear too, something else will appear ... If we didn’t live in a hostel, we would never know some details of the family life of other men ... A not quite solid thought consoled me: well, not everyone is like that, and we are not one of those who butt heads … We, we, we, something like this won’t happen to us… With our experience… Maybe. But: “Everything is possible, everything is possible. Everything, of course, is possible. But only one thing cannot be - that which cannot be ”... And we were in no hurry with actions. Sometimes they rushed to conclusions or conclusions hurried us ... Semenych! Don't turn pale, I say. Don't go pale. What are you? Hey. We agreed: we don’t talk about those present ... Let’s have some more beer ...
But the story is more boring. There is no running "for daily bread" in it, no going "for lunch" to a bed in a hostel. The wife is faithful. Kolka Sokolov was firmly convinced of this. Harder than a multiplication table with a fixed result once and for all. If three times eight, then certainly twenty-four ... Or a term of eight? .. Oh, no - it's eight eight ... And she demanded the same from her husband. And he smoked. And he couldn't help himself. No matter what he did, he still smoked. And he couldn't quit. No wife. No chicken. True, there were no special reasons to quit - health quite allowed to cope with both ... Sometimes he only sang an old song of the Zaporizhzhya Cossacks - his ancestors, about how a certain Cossack exchanged his wife for a pipe, a cradle, with tobacco, tyutyun, in front of hike: “Many doesn’t bother with a zhinka, but a tyutyun and a cradle will come in handy for a Cossack.” However, he did not go hiking. Is it only behind a smokehouse to a nearby kiosk, about fifty meters from the apartment where he lived with his wife and mother-in-law. Having bought his favorite Prima cigarettes, in good weather, he lit on clean air and rested, admiring the fresh smoke and the landscape.
And when he returned home, he found his beloved wife in burning tears, and his beloved mother-in-law in hysterics: “Cheater! Left his wife and family! Where did you go?! What did you do?!" A person who lived in the free spirit of the hostel for ten years was shocked, and the person, without leaving it before the start of the working day, shared his impressions of his family happiness with us ... As a result, several people were already shocked ...
“He must be exaggerating and exaggerating,” Kostya thoughtfully doubted, thirty-four years of age, a slightly plump black-eyed man with a Caucasian type of face, hard to digest this terrible story, after Vyacheslav retold it in the hostel. - It can't be that for such a stupid occasion, let alone be killed.
“Maybe he’s exaggerating,” agreed the thirty-three-year-old, tall, broad-shouldered Vyacheslav, smoothing his mustache with a “butterfly” and raising his stubby eyebrows above his big eyes. - He laid out his impressions for us, and they are often brighter than the event itself ... Yes, perhaps these women were not so killed, but the performance was played - for wit and suggestion for. For the future. I thought that I realized: in the family, they say, you live, and not as a free wolf on the hunt for heels.
- This is some kind of logic on their part, possibly possible, specific. And on his part, another logic is potentially probable, ”Konstantin suggested, slightly confused in terms.
- And what is it? - Gena asked, a thirty-year-old bachelor of small stature with reddish hedgehog hair, a snub nose and hooligan eyes.
- Very simple: with what fools I got in touch. And not in the form of a question, but with a ready-made answer. A few more such "scenes" and you can lower the curtain: the actors will scatter. One, anyway... He may well think that they want to get rid of him in this way.
Why put on a show then? You can say it directly: get out, - Gennady correctly suggested.
- So the performance is more interesting. And then we can argue with you, and female logic is in its own way - something absolutely incomprehensible and incomprehensible. And there is absolutely no logic in that logic of theirs and cannot be, like dryness in water, - Kostya stated authoritatively and figuratively, as he typed.
- And how much do you know? - Vyach inquired, - Or were you your woman in a past life and retained tender memories of this, or did you succeed in family life?
- If he had succeeded, he would not have been among you women-sufferers. I wasn’t married at all ... Forever, probably, - Kostya shrugged. - I just listen, watch and analyze. In order not to get caught later, like flies in kerosene.
- What kind of flies is this?
- Like what? She is a fly, and he is a fly.
- And why in kerosene?
- Because kerosene does not keep anyone afloat. Even flies. They, if they fall into it, immediately go to the bottom and do not flutter. It’s better not to hit, but to sniff in advance: doesn’t marrying such women smell like kerosene ...
- By the way, men, there is not so much logic in that woman's hysteria. There is very much. He, therefore, went for a smoker. And why did Miracle Yudo go, huh? It was said that it went for bread. And where did it come from? .. That's it. And throw her husband her faithful scandal about this: for example, a man suspected something was wrong in the behavior of his wife. What would she say to him? She would have been indignant, presumably, to tears - her own, let's clarify, for a start, and then she would have brought him to them. And I would prove to him that there is not a crumb of logic in his words. From here, my faithful brothers, there is a conclusion, a logical one, or a question: didn’t she herself, who scolded her husband for going to the tobacco kiosk, go somewhere “for bread”, and transfers her experience to another? A common, by the way, desire: in what he himself is sinful - to suspect both of them, ”Vyacheslav said, putting out the last word cigarette in an ashtray.
- Why are only men called horned? Gena asked reasonably after much deliberation. - And if a man does not sleep with his wife, then his wife's horns do not grow? Guys, after all, also go for bread. Just like the prayer says. Orthodox: "Give us our daily bread today." She means not a loaf and not a loaf, but something in a figurative sense. A woman for a man is even more than bread. And if “give me,” then I first of all imagine a woman to myself, and not a loaf with raisins. You can not eat bread, and nothing bad will happen to you from this. But if you don’t ... communicate with a woman for too long, then exhaustion from detraining and complete degeneration of the personality in general and atrophy in particular are possible. It’s not for you to chew on a crust ... So are women horned or not?
- I haven't seen them. And I didn't feel under their hair. But I didn’t see horned men either. But that doesn't mean they don't exist. It turns out that women can also be horned, - twenty-nine-year-old Vitya, nicknamed the Elephant, established with iron logic, shortly before the conversation refreshed his convolutions with a short sleep, a medium-sized, dense man with a positive movie character face and messy hair. He received the nickname not for the size of the volume of the body, but for its slowness.
- Horniness or polledness of both sexes depends on tradition and experience. Experience comes with age. That is why men in Russia in past centuries, even in the nineteenth century, were in no hurry to get married. Years to forty. Or so. This refers to potential cuckolds of the noble and other service people, - made a brief historical sketch Vyacheslav.
- And what: they remained in the holiness and meekness of the angels until their old age? Vitya asked.
- Forty years for a man is not such an advanced age. And as for angelism, then, look, Genka just said: if a peasant fasts too long, then he won’t even care until soon. Of course, somehow they got out of the situation, presumably. And they had little experience in that. And the horns of their wives could well sprout. But how and in what way - they would be asked to gain experience.
- You don't have to ask. Here, in every century, everyone has their own secrets and tricks. Who has bread in the store, who has meetings, who has a birthday school friend…
- Who has a brothel, - Vitya added.
- That's right: who has a brothel or just disinterested ... the same one. Who's on their lunch break? After all, not only that beauty had him, but also her partner, and he could also be a married man - hardly anyone would refuse such an opposite sex and a fruit of the forbidden. Everything is interconnected, - summed up Genka, for some reason sighing sadly.
- Why, in fact, the female gender is necessarily the opposite? A woman is not our adversary, but on the contrary - every kind of ally, assistant, girlfriend, wife, sister, companion, lover ... She is intended by nature to connect with us even anatomically. And suddenly - the opposite. Why? Shut up, I ask you, - Kostya suddenly asked not quite logically, remembering, probably, army jokes.
- Probably because a normal man is simply not interested, and even disgusted, with a parallel sex. It is possible to combine only with the opposite. Physiologically. And in everything else, Kostya is right: a woman is a completely friendly sex ... With the exception of those who are the opposite. But exceptions, as we know, do not refute the rules ... - Vyach said, not without cunning in his eyes and intonations.

You will be able to distinguish in the crowd of passers-by only by the appearance of a single man from a married man, and unmarried woman from a married woman?.. In general, this is not required. Passing it somehow to anything. Everyone goes about his business, not paying attention to the status of oncoming and transverse women. It is possible, however, by age: if older than thirty, then most likely married; if younger than eighteen - most likely not. Well, we have determined: so what and what's next? IN modern society neither one nor the other case is an obstacle to acquaintance. So - an idle question. But not for bachelors who have vowed not to have sexual affairs with married women. That's exactly what a few people in our company were like. The peasants swore not only out of male solidarity: meetings with married people would take away our time from meetings with free people - with those who could become our wives.
In Rus', once, women were protected from possible encroachments and temptations. For married women there were special traditional headdresses. As a sign to bachelors: please do not worry - we are not like that ... Now, apparently, everyone is like that ... But still, we knew how to distinguish a free woman from a married one. With only one condition: the girl had to be at least to some extent familiar to us in appearance. Not all the girls in our factory, where twelve thousand people worked, were familiar to us by name. But their faces and figures were recognized from afar. Even from the back. Especially those whom each of us considered especially outstanding in cuteness. They themselves, knowing and remembering every minute that they are in a male environment and the elements, came to work in the most attractive form possible: dress, suit, hairstyle, lips, eyes, gait ... Fully armed, in a word. Cheerful, according to their character, and flirtatious, by virtue of their abilities. They were remembered like that ... And, for some beautiful days, suddenly everything changes. Gradually, but rather quickly. The elasticity and coquettishness of the gait disappears, especially the amplitude of the oscillations of the lower bust. Eyes dim. The lips are still touched up, but not as elegantly as recently before. Clothing becomes stricter ... Everything is clear - she got married. They checked, for the purity of the experiment, by asking friends with the changed: what, guys, is it? The guys confirmed: yes - she got married. The goal has been achieved - you can not deceive, and not disturb strangers - you have your own.

Why are we all about nightmares and horror stories? Many live well with their women. Not perfect, of course, but quite tolerable. They live up to various precious weddings, silver and gold, - the positive Konstantin tried to reason with his friends.
- Many we do not see and do not know anything about them, except for movies and books. They live within their own four walls... Okay, let it be at six, I allow it, so be it... And let them be lucky. And we talk about what we see with our own eyes. We see and tremble, - Vyach portrayed a terrible trembling, - Let the newspapers write about the good. They still don’t read this writing of theirs - it’s not interesting because. Much more interesting to read about the bad. That's why detectives are so popular - to tickle your nerves at least a little and have some fun ... And for us, family nightmares of otherworldly comrades from bachelor life - a lesson for the future, bright, I hope. To avoid mistakes. We can say that we are researchers - observers and active practitioners.
Don't we think that sometimes it's better not to know than to know? If you overload yourself with bad things, then it will be imagined where it does not exist. To suspect without guilt is, you know, a phobia, she is a mania, - Kostya continued his version of the thought.
- I don’t know Citizen Phobia, I haven’t met Manyu and I don’t approve of yours. Forewarned means armed, - Vyacheslav clanged with words like a hot frying pan.
“It’s boring to live like this, men, all the time to expect a dirty trick, deceit, pretense,” Konstantin sighed sadly. - Rather than exist like this, and not live, it is better to divorce immediately after the wedding or not to marry at all.
- Many do. Some, like you, don’t get married, while others get divorced quickly, supported Comrade Fyodor, a tall, broad-shouldered bald man, the only one from the company who had experience of marriage, sad as his eyes and drooping mouth.
- Come on ... Not everything is as sad as the severed head thought: the main thing is that the teeth were not knocked out with an ax, - Gene said gloomily.
- Yeah, everything is much sadder, the torso thought: what to wear a hat on now? Fedor picked it up.
- Can you laugh? Vyacheslav inquired. - This is a joke, I suppose? .. I suggest changing the subject.
The company was silent, dumbfounded comprehending the wild logic of reasoning of the head and torso.
- You can change it. But why? Anyway, let's turn to the women. All topics lead to them, just like all roads led to communism, Gena objected.
- Hit the target like an ass in a point. Your communism is a fantastic nonsense after a hungover midnight, and women are a real reality... But it would be interesting to know: under communism, if we actually built it, on Wednesday, say, women would also be needed? Viktor was philosophically puzzled.
- If yes, then it would be half the trouble. Now, if women demanded from men according to their own, feminine, needs, then how would men cope with them, if there are fewer of them, men, in nature than women, huh? Kostya squinted maliciously.
- The question, of course, is interesting ... Here, I think, another principle should have worked: from each - according to his ability. How many women a man is capable of - so much for him and let's. Not capable at all - go to a striptease, - Vyacheslav made a rationalistic proposal.
They were silent, considering such a scenario for the development of events under a communist society, if it actually happened.
- And I, you know, that's what happens. Let’s say a girl is walking down the street… Or she’s sitting in a company, or in a restaurant – anywhere. The bust shows almost to the nipples, the legs go nowhere further ... As if it were giving itself up: take me. What a peasant wants to take or touch her, even if he wants to by the bust, and by the legs, and for everything else, is clearer than clear. But she herself must also want the same thing - otherwise she would not show all her seductiveness. Not in front of everyone, of course, and not to everyone who wants to let himself be touched, but in a convenient place and in a suitable situation, how to give in, Genka suggested.
- Guys, by the way I remembered! I recently read some verse in the newspaper, like a ditty: “Ah, my dear - my stirrer! You move yourself, but you don’t tell me to touch. ” It’s clear what he moves when he walks, his dear, but he doesn’t order to touch - this is just on topic.
- Try it, touch it. Such a screech will rise that all the stirring will disappear in an instant. They, for all their demonstration, are afraid that they will be attacked, - Victor said, glancing from under his brows.
“One very ancient sage once said: the fear of being attacked speaks of a secret desire to be attacked,” Vyacheslav thoughtfully recalled. - Recently, newspapers wrote about a woman who killed a peasant with a knife ...
- How so? Do you understand yourself, as you say, they are afraid and want to be attacked, and they themselves walk around with knives? Where is the logic, sir? - Gena snapped.
- I'm not saying this, but the ancient sage said. Here is the logic. She stabbed a taxi driver with this knife because he wanted to rape her ... But there is one small detail. Before her feat, she quarreled with her husband. At night, about twelve o'clock. And ran out into the street. Take a walk, they say, and calm down. And not just anywhere, but in the park. And not just anywhere, but twenty minutes walk from home. I walked there, adventures on my own ... I don’t know what is there, I didn’t find it, it seems that I was also going to return home. I went out to the road and stopped a taxi. The lady outwardly looked very personal, and the taxi driver reasoned sensibly: a pretty woman, walking alone in the park in the dead of night ... Who could she most likely be? So he decided to use it. But as soon as he took decisive action, Madame pulled out a long knife from her bag and stuck it in the peasant. She, they say, later called an ambulance, a humanist ... A good example: she wanted and was afraid. I wanted to - I went alone at night to a park far from home. I was afraid - I took a knife with me. It can be assumed: calculated a possible situation. That is, prepared in advance. But the peasant got a rapist. And here's another case. Also from police stories - not invented. A certain policeman decided to marry. The bride was chosen - in all external respects - by the dream of a sexual idiot. The wedding is about to take place ... His best friend is driving along the highway. In car. One. Look, the bride of a friend on the side of the road raises her hand. Why not give a lift, also a cop. Stopped, planted. And the bride in a very minimal skirt. And her legs ... They must be seen - it is impossible to tell. He saw them when she sat next to him. Can you imagine what the legs look like under a mini-skirt in a sitting position in the car, where they are raised?.. That's right - as if there is no skirt at all. And she sits, side by side, laughs, builds her eyes. And now let's put ourselves in the place of this friend: the girl seems to present herself and clearly seduces. The flesh jumped up, produced what happens automatically with men, and the man, with such a powerful standing, could not resist. Turned into the forest and committed an act. Sexual. With her, like, resistance. Why, it seems, because it was no longer possible to install from her. After the act, she, lowering the skirt in place, take it and threaten that now she will tell everything to the groom. "Friend" and finished her off. What is the story about? The fact that the power of female charm can be above all foundations. That from him the head is lost, as if under a guillotine knife - while maintaining masculine strength. That women sometimes do not realize the power of their involuntary, or secretly free, seduction. Well, you say: they don’t even wear miniskirts? Be sure to wear as often as possible, and shorter. But at the same time remain vigilant. She also speaks about the stupidity of that bride: if she had kept silent, she would have remained alive. She could convey to the groom later, or not convey it. The alleged rapist is also a fool: the girl, most likely, would not have said anything to the groom. In any case, she could be persuaded not to do this - she herself is to blame, in part. If the girl in front of you raises her skirt to the navel on one side, and the neckline to the same navel on the other - what can you think? .. And then do it? .. Exactly. In addition, I am firmly convinced that a man cannot rape a woman alone if she does not want to. Of course, unless he is a maniac. Psychos have a completely different psyche and potency. A normal man, while spending his energy on overcoming the resistance of a lady, switches to such an extent that if he breaks the will of the victim, so to speak, there will be no strength left for anything else. He broke, lay down, apologized and left, leaving the lady in displeasure, but in the consoling consciousness of an honestly fulfilled duty ...
- You, Vyach, I think, are not right. man stronger than a woman and still be able to rape her. They rape, after all, - objected Gennady.
“I’m not a woman, frankly,” Vyacheslav looked down with mock modesty, “and I don’t know how things are with them when they are raped. Haven't tried either side. I have only theoretical assumptions ... Of course, women's honor for many is a matter of honor, dignity and struggle not for life ... Only life, it seems to me, is still more expensive ... Okay, I'm wrong - I agree. The dispute is for sporting interest only. I went - my shirts are soaked in the bathroom. Postiron started today.

The women who took part in the discussion about the bachelor lifestyle and about themselves were mistaken. Untidy? Sheer nonsense. Shirts and trousers were ironed regularly and flawlessly. The slightest trace of soiled collar - immediate and merciless washing. Those who served in the Navy possessed the art of smoothing the seams of trousers in such a way that they exactly converged at the back at one point in a strictly marked place and were razor sharp. Boots are polished to a supernatural shine and to a mirror state. The backs of the heads are neatly trimmed with a razor. Cheeks, chins and neck are scraped in two directions: from top to bottom and from bottom to top. Washed themselves, not at all burdened by this. Especially after the advent of nylon shirts. They didn't even need to be ironed. He washed it and, without wringing, hung it on a coat hanger. Two hours later - put on an absolutely dry snow-white shirt with a slight blueness without a single fold.
And the elderly women did not let up: get married - there will be someone to wash and cook food, and if you get sick, bring a glass of water ... What? To marry so that the wife would wash her socks and cook cabbage soup, and serve the notorious glass of water? No and no. It's not the goal and it's not the point. Romantic arguments made the highly experienced ladies laugh, their moods frightened: you will never get married, unfortunate ones. Why "unfortunate"? The life of a bachelor compared to the life of a married man is almost the same as the time of childhood - the happiest - because it is carefree. “This is all until you fall in love with some beauty,” objected our elderly colleagues, concerned about our fate. “We will never love anyone,” we stood up in a proud pose and continued our “way of life”.
It also consisted of cooking. True, we did not bother ourselves with this occupation. Why, if there are canteens in the world? Does homemade food taste better? Yes, what are you saying? It depends on how you prepare it. It is more expedient even for married people to go to the dining room with their wife. When should she do the kitchen if she works? Naturally - after work in the evening. But she was already tired during the day. She needs to rest, and then her husband, supposedly hungry, demands food. Harness, wife ... No, ladies and gentlemen, a wife should be rested and fresh - so she is prettier, kinder and more affectionate - this is more important for a man than food. “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” is one of the deepest misconceptions of women. Not every man has it in his head.
“And you should be good husbands,” married men looked at us with curiosity and approval, “you have undoubted advantages.” One of them was considered our absolute unpretentiousness in food. Omnivorous, except for the inedible initially. One of us, having married, in the end even amazed his wife with the ability to eat only cabbage soup at home for a month - this was the only first dish that she could cook without endangering the life of the eater. “I’m sick of myself to the point of nausea, but he eats and praises!” And he confessed to us, confidentially: “Chi, in fact, she did very well. They were fed up, of course, but I knew that she didn’t cook anything at all before marriage, and I didn’t want to offend her with my “dislike” or “tired”. I offered her to go to the dining room together: why, I say, spend time feeding at home. And she is offended: I want to feed you myself. Yes, in the dining room and it will turn out more expensive than cooking at home. Here she is, main reason... Once, however, an incident happened. After work, my wife put the vermicelli on to boil, and while she was cooking there, we ... lay down for a bit. And they forgot about their brew. For a long time - a more interesting case was found. The product boiled and burned. Fully. And very peculiar. When they lifted the lid, they saw under it ... They didn’t even immediately understand what it was - a neat little thing of anthracite blackness. Each individual vermicelli retained its personal shape. The result was an evenly colored cylinder with a fantastic pattern of winding lines. The wife, of course, was upset, she wanted to throw away the product: marriage, they say, and I protested: this is such an ornament! He drove a nail into the wall and planted our work on it. The wife was going to be offended: you are mocking me, you made me laugh. You are mistaken, I say: no one will ever guess what it is. They will ask, I will say: this, they say, is an abstract work of art called “Snake Night”. There, indeed, vermicelli, like black snakes in a ball. If they guess, I'll take it upon myself, as if I overlooked it - I'm forgiven. This “abstraction” hung with us for a long time. And in fact, no one understood what was in front of them. They praised and admired: original and exclusive ... It's a pity, but one day the masterpiece fell down and shattered to smithereens.
- That wife was lucky with that husband, and the peasant too ... It must have been a good couple, - said Vyacheslav. - But our friend was not lucky ... Valera was his name, and her name was Elvira. Their case for the wedding went like clockwork. Smooth and inevitable. Our Valera found the treasure that he was looking for, and did not want to lose it. It must be assumed that the treasure also liked the seeker. Valera timed the "presentation" of his jewel to coincide with the new year - he brought it to our company for new year's eve. The company admired and it was, believe me, than. Having surreptitiously examined the girl from all sides and from acceptable angles, the "jury" did not find any flaws - only advantages. Especially compared to Valerka. He was fat, flabby and clumsy. Something like Pierre Bezukhov in a modern version. And just as good-natured... The feast began... The main decoration of the table is "Cuban" rum. He, most likely, was not Cuban, but was called "Havana rum", and had a Negro with a paddle on the label. Dark brown liquid, the smell of chocolate, pleasant taste and - sixty degrees of lethal force ... Blends were in vogue then. Vodka, "Capital", with champagne was called "Northern Lights". Vodka "Moskovskaya" with champagne - "Flag" ... Vodka "Suchok", also with champagne - " Polar bear". The same "room" with champagne - "Brown Bear". And Valera didn’t drink our vodka even in its pure form, not to mention the “room” ... The man was ideal for women: he didn’t drink or smoke. Consequence: did not know the properties and consequences. Especially the bears. One of them was brought to him - “brown”. A glass of two hundred grams or more. Valerik was so smart about himself and threw out that cocktail of explosives with fireworks - in front of his lady, apparently, he wanted to show off. It’s hard to say how it flared up inside him, but outwardly the brilliance looked like this. When the dancing began, Valery, staggering, came up to me, said in a “stammering” language: “Vyach! Remember the brown bear!” and fell. Without own consciousness. To end. The end turned out to be multilateral. One side - Valera was taken out to another, uninhabited room. The other side: falling out, in the literal sense, from the ranks of the active participants in Valera's party, was taken advantage of by another fighter - Edik, who appeared without a partner. To tell the truth, he did the right thing: Elvira became a little uncomfortable in a society where every gentleman is busy with his lady. Perhaps if she were less attractive, charming, smiling and ... if she didn’t try the same “bear”, everything would be limited to dancing. But she was what she was - a mixture of herself with the "Brown Bear", which obviously lacked something ... Not to the same extent as Valery, but still. After some time, Edik, along with the animal doing something inside Elvira, took her somewhere ... They appeared together in about an hour. Edik glowed smugly, hugging Elvira by the waist, and even lower. She walked somewhat embarrassed, noticeably disheveled and, it seems, nevertheless, somehow relaxed ... Edik explained the reason for his radiance and all other phenomena almost immediately: "Valerka's bride turned out to be unstable." And here is the next side: if Valerka hadn’t fallen off, his bride’s test for “stability” would not have taken place ... True, Kostya, you say: it’s your own fault - you missed it. So be it, but what kind of bride is this, for whom an eye and an eye is needed, and even not blinking. And that Edward could, like a gentleman, keep silent about his feat, and he loosened his tongue like a fire hose before a fire. Everything became known to Valera about instability, and even in detail, and how many times ... The marriage did not take place. Elvira and Edik didn’t meet again either… Stupidest story…
- And no one made Edik's face unstable? Gennady asked.
- And, actually, for what? Is it only for the fact that he did not act like a gentleman - he rang out. But “the bitch doesn’t want to - the male won’t jump up.” He didn't rape her... It seems they had fun in the same room where Valera slept - we didn't have another one at our disposal, and on the bed next to it... Didn't get married? On this one, he did the right thing. Sooner or later, she would show herself anyway. Tragedy. And so - they broke up and the matter was over, - Vyacheslav finished the story, building an indifferent physiognomy.
The guys thought about it ... Everyone tried it on for themselves. And it seemed to everyone: it is possible ... Drinking is to blame? She knocked down only Valera. Others drank in moderation. For beyond measure, even if desired, the booze would not be enough - they bought within the limits of funds, not too limitless. That was the reason for the popularity of mixtures: quality was replaced by quantity - drink less - have more fun. They never got drunk, what is called "to death", never. There was not a single case that someone was swearing to the point of insanity, to the loss of coordination and orientation in space and time. They were even surprised when they saw the subject, dangling from side to side, muttering inarticulately and losing his human appearance: how much do you need to drink to fall into such a state? Maybe they are pretending or the dilution of the brain is happening ... They drank to cheer up, not always cheerful, - "they adjusted life." Mostly in companies on the occasion of some holidays. On the eve they tried to find a female society - at evenings of rest and at dances. Efforts and efforts were often in vain. I didn’t want to communicate with anyone, but I didn’t come across with anyone I wanted. The result is an image of fun in a purely male company over a "glass of tea" at forty degrees.
“It cannot be,” the mothers of families who had daughters did not believe. “You’re lying, I suppose, but if you’re not lying, then why don’t you need women?” “We need it, and how!” "Why don't you have them? There are so many of them around - flower beds and flower beds of whatever flowers you want. Take at least armfuls. " “Who wants what. Those whom we want are not around and we do not need armfuls. We would each have a flower. Let not exotic, but pleasant”… “Whom do you want? And what do you want?”… “Ah, if only I knew it myself…”

I got my hands on a book. “Without us, you are nothing,” Konstantin said, smiling strangely. - Its author, of course, is a woman. You are us, men, that is. "Without us" - this is without women, therefore .. And "nothing" - it's good that "zhestvo" was not added - "insignificance" would have turned out ... Thanks for that. Not increased, but implied. Here is such an opinion about us and such an attitude. Nothing to be considered. Even though the "Internationale" sing: "who was nothing - he will become everything."
- That's when we become everything - then we will sing. It will become - the time of the future. If the men put themselves in front of the women like that, they themselves are to blame. Okay, let's be lenient. If, in fact, “it is impossible to live without women in the world - no,” and “there is the joy of life in them, as the poet said,” then life is really nothing without joy, - said Sergey, a sporty-looking thirty-year-old brunette who had just returned from goodbye, obviously happy.
- Although there are fewer men in Russia than women, “because according to statistics, there are nine guys for ten girls,” there are still a lot. Diverse. And this is good for women. Various. Different individuals have different tastes. Here is salvation for both sides ... Naturally, the taste of each individual man is a personal matter and a standard. If a lady is tall, but at the same time very pretty and not standard built, then she is quite delightful, ”Vyacheslav said, mentally imagining the described image.
- Not standardly folded - is it like: the waist is wider than the priests and the bust is on the stomach? Vitya asked with a serious look.
- No. This is when ... saw Osu?
- Not only saw, but also bit with her. She means me.
- So, when she bites, she bends her waist very gracefully, mind you for the future.
- Thank you for the advice - I will certainly pay attention ... I will pay attention, I will pay attention to this, - Vitya put his hand to his chest.
- Not a standard - this is when the waist is aspen, but ... buttocks ...
- Horse, - prompted Kostya.
- Clever man you, Konstantin, but stupid ... Although, a hybrid of a wasp with a horse is interesting. No, the non-standard waist with booty is when the waist can be clasped with two fingers, and the other only with both hands. And the bust too. Here is such, in my opinion and touch, can become the standard of female addition.
What is more important: sight or touch?
- Touch of sight. It's clear?
- No. Why, then, turn off the light just before the very touch?
- Firstly, not everyone turns it off. Secondly, with such a sense of touch, nevertheless, the sense of touch itself is more important ... But before it, a look is certainly obligatory ... If you didn’t properly see the object before, - Fedya added his experience.
- In general, male wisdom says what? It says that there are no ugly women: there is a lot of light and little vodka, - Sergey put in.
Vyacheslav ironically shook his hand.
- Non-standard is also a woman of small stature, - Gennady dreamily raised his eyes to the ceiling. - Their legs are often very feminine. And in general, they are so neat, compact, pretty - tsimus and peach, - he ended for some reason with a Caucasian accent.
- "Tsimus" yes "tsimus" ... And what is tsimus? Who knows? - Vitya turned to the society.
- Well ... Tsimus is ... And the devil knows what it is, - Vyacheslav admitted after a brief thought.
What the hell are we using it for?
- Bald, probably. If a beautiful woman, especially, means cymus and that's it, - Kostya put an end to the uncertainty.
- Standard, not standard, waist, horses, priests, cymus long, short ... Tastes change. Go to an art museum… Artists have a taste for female beauty that you can't say is vulgar. And look: Kustodiev wrote such non-standard fat women that his sympathies are immediately visible. And those who in the Renaissance painted women: they mostly have very full ladies on canvases ... On pictures, Vitya, on pictures, and not on bedding ... In those days, peasants had such tastes. And not only those. And now in Arabia, the Arabs are sure: the fuller the lady, the better she is ... There such fats hang on the bodies - our appetite will completely disappear, and their men lick their lips ...
- I love women's legs, as the crocodile said before dinner, - Genka suddenly interjected ...
- But, again, not all: among the standard tastes there are non-standard ones. One and the same man today wants, say, an unleavened pancake, and tomorrow - a steak with blood ... And Salvador Dali? And Picasso? Both are not of this world, but what a difference in the image of women! Salvador showed his adored Galya, Russian, by the way, in such a way that the viewer wants to adore her as well. And if you look at Picasso's painting "Avignon Girls", then it is unlikely that a normal single man will ever want to go to that Avignon: the horror and horror of his girlfriend. Worse than the nightmare of an insane orangutan hanging upside down on its tail... But you need to think... No, Vitya, not about an orangutan on its tail... You need to think: this is how the great connoisseurs of female beauty only poured out on the canvas either their actual perception of visible images, or deliberately hooligans - strove for originality - it's easier to shock the philistine audience. Picasso certainly succeeded. In his life, muzhik, and not artistic, he fell in love with quite normal pretty women: both magnificent, and slender, and intellectual, and prostitutes. It is difficult to say how they treated those portraits that he artistically painted from them. But he himself, they say, loved. He, presumably, also loves them - otherwise there would be no reason to love him ... Arkady Vaskberg wrote about the artist's love, that the artist loves not like everyone else: his love is embodied in the masterpieces he created, which have a very definite price, by no means metaphorical or virtual... If so, then, thank God, my taste is not artistic at all. I could not fall in love with any of the “masterpieces” of girls who are Avignon, even in insanity from drinking - I would instantly sober up from such horror ... However, Picasso is a special case ... Yes, perhaps, Salvador Dali too ... Picasso wrote somewhere , it seems, in his diary, why he began to write his "masterpieces". Before them, he was engaged in quite traditional painting. In his paintings it was easy to recognize real world and its pictorial details: here is your eye and here is your nose. But somehow one day it occurred to him to misbehave, for his own entertainment. I took it, and painted something abstract, surreal and deliberately ugly there - a nose instead of an eye and vice versa. I drew and exhibited at some, I don’t remember, exhibition. Confident in advance that his work will be ridiculed and scolded. It wasn't here. The public took his hooliganism as new in art, critics praised it, everyone was delighted ... He continued in the same vein ... Here you have “masterpieces of artists' love” ... - Vyacheslav took a breath after a long speech.
After this conversation, the word “masterpiece” came into use in our company ... Even “masterpiece” - to refer to someone especially not likeable subject. A masterpiece if it was about a man, and a "masterpiece" if it was about a woman. When it became necessary to give a brief description and the one who gave it said: "Oh, and a masterpiece" - everything became clear: the object of attention is not worthy due to its outstanding unattractiveness.

Which women are the cutest? - Victor was puzzled by the topical issue after a long conversation about the latest technologies of cold metal working.
“Beautiful,” Kostya snapped briefly.
“Your untruth, Uncle Kostya,” objected Genka, “beautiful people are not always pretty.
- And cute - beautiful, you want to say?
- I don't want to, but it really is. There are faces that are impeccable in correctness - like a drawing - everything is clear, proportional, symmetrical and infallible, but a drawing is a drawing. And take the same drawing and draw it by hand, observing all sizes - the view will be the same, but more alive - prettier - and therefore prettier because it is more alive. A straight line can be drawn along the ruler and just by hand. It will also be straight, only more picturesque, or something, to look. The Snow Queen is beautiful, but cold - therefore, she is not capable of being cute, pretty. Beauty can be cold, cuteness, I'm sure - never, - Gena shared his thoughts with touching warmth. - Therefore, I, personally, are closer to pretty girls, and my standard, so to speak, of technical beauty is the artist Irina Skobtseva.
- Well, do you need to bypass the beautiful side? Are they to blame for being born beautiful? And among them there are very warm, kind, pretty ladies, - Sergey said reconcilingly.
- Seryoga, high five: very well said - and among the beautiful there can be cute. - Kostya smiled, - that is, charm is still more pleasant and higher than beauty.
- This is if you mean only external signs. There is, after all, also the beauty of charm, - Vyacheslav noted.
“And the charm of beauty,” Kostya could not resist adding.
Every woman is charming in her own way...
“As Baba Yaga said, taking off her curlers and sitting on a broomstick,” Genka immediately continued the phrase, raising a nail-like finger to the ceiling.
- Actually, I didn't mean to say that. The question was not correctly posed. More precisely: what nationality women are more beautiful? Vitya continued to inquire.
- Well, you give, Vitek. If such a question were seriously raised at an international forum, it would not be far from ethnic conflicts, - Konstantin noted, depicting seriousness. “Each nation would defend its own priority.
- And who exactly would defend him? - Resting his hands on his hips asked Sergei.
- Do you want to call by name or by position? Kostya squinted at him.
- No, by gender.
- What does it matter?
- The most direct. Men in this matter are much more objective than women. They understand female beauty much better than women themselves. Therefore, women would stand firmly for their nationality, each and would be right in its own way, - Kostya flashed his black oily eyes under the outlined bald head.
But is there any objectivity? Victor exclaimed temperamentally.
- There is, - Vyacheslav answered courageously, - she is in front of you - it's me, - and he jabbed his finger into his chest. - In Kutaisi... Do you know Kutaisi? This is the former capital of Georgia. So I had to visit Kutaisi only once. The most beautiful and cozy city, guys. The market there is a solid fragrance of cilantro and regani ...
- What kind of animal is this, regani? Gena shrugged his narrow shoulders.
- Not "regani", dear, but regani, - Vyach suddenly decided to portray a Caucasian accent. - It's the same as basil, only in Georgian. I like their name better: basil is like some kind of operetta name ... There is this grass - haystacks and shocks. Khinkali, khachapuri, beer and roasting at forty degrees, and everything is above zero ... And the women are always in black. No, not nuns. They have a custom. Ancient. If a man dies in the family, all women of the family must mourn for him for a whole year. And their clans are very large. And someone in them dies now and then... Yes, Vitya, it happens that Georgians can die - not everyone lives for a thousand years ... One mourning is superimposed on another - black dresses are practically never removed. But their Georgians sew very beautifully - a woman, after all, should look beautiful in mourning ... So, we walked around the city, it's time to go to the base - there is no bus and no. We stand at the bus stop, stewing under the sun, like beef in the oven. Nothing to do. Just look around. One side is opposite the cafe "Khachapuri" ... Do you know what it is? That's right, cheese pie. Only not the kind they sell in buffets, skinny and flat ...
- Like a mother-in-law's tongue under pressure, - Fedya muttered.
“I ask you not to insult the noble product with vulgar comparisons,” Vyacheslav again flashed his “Georgian” accent. - A real khachapuri is such a magnificent cake ... Like a Napoleon cake, but much thicker. Lush and oblong. And in the middle of it is, you know, a deepening with cheese in it. Vyacheslav swallowed convulsively and sniffed.
- Sliced?
- Khachapuri is served hot and the cheese melts in it ... And melted butter in a bowl is also attached to it. He broke off a piece of khachapuri, dipped it into the oil and put it in his mouth. Yummy - eat your mind. Here, in order not to eat it completely, Georgians do not eat the whole khachapuri, but only the most relish. The rest is waste. And this waste is almost the whole pie ...
- Listen, genatsvale, what does your khachapur have to do with women's beauty? - Kostya also turned to the Caucasian accent.
- No ... It's just me by the way. We are standing at the bus stop, watching how khachapuri is eaten…
Why don't you eat yourself?
- Yes, we have already drunk soda ... So, we are standing ... And suddenly I fix a strange, for me, phenomenon: I don’t focus my eyes on women ... In Russia, I would already turn my neck and twist it into a spiral, watching everyone beautiful girls, and here only on khachapuri ... I lick my lips. Having noted such unusualness, I set a goal: to find a beauty among passers-by. The beauty of Georgian women is a well-known fact. Queen Tamar, "do not sing, beauty, with me ..."
- Why Tamar? Tamara...
- In Russian, Tamara, and in Georgian - Tamar ... Do not interrupt, Vitya. Yes, a beauty - adjusted to your taste, where can you get away from it, it does not coincide with the "Picassian", artistic. Forty minutes I peer at every passing one, fifty, fifty-three... The main street of the city. People are mass. And there is not a single beautiful one in it. Even offended and upset. It can't be, I think, but it is... So they left without seeing a single beauty. Then already, in other cities of Georgia, I saw those that amaze with beauty. They have a special beauty - some regal. Goes: become, gait, facial expression - Woman with capital letter, queen. noble face, high breasts, black braid, tread ... Yes, look at their dances! Each one there is a work of art... But in Kutaisi... That's what made this city memorable... Most likely, I was just unlucky. Circassians are very beautiful. They are small, Gena, eyelashes are thick, long. Curved up. Beautifully outlined full lips, expressive eyes, black and, most importantly, a very feminine affectionate look ... You look at her and you are sure that rudeness and other witchcraft can hardly be expected from her ... Although, who can be sure of a woman? And in Central Asia the most beautiful beauties are Uzbeks.
- I heard that Poles are famous all over the world. They even come from America to take them as wives, they say, - Victor flashed his knowledge, smiling dreamily.
- They say the same about Russian women. The Germans during the war, what the Nazis were, and even then they talked about Russian beauty, - Seryoga moved in his chair, reaching for a pack of cigarettes.
- And they didn’t just talk ... Like in that movie: “I touched, touched - and not only with my finger,” Kostya chuckled meaningfully.
- Found authorities - fascists. We are our own authorities. Vyach rightly said: it’s impossible to stand calmly on the street here - every now and then such cymuses pass, that at least for each run at the same time and in different sides- admitted Fedor.
- To look at you at this time - how you will rush in different directions, - Victor tried to imagine an incredible sight.
- And yet, there is probably nothing perfect in nature. Every beauty has something, yes. Some kind of flaw ... I recently read it. In England, women were asked: what affects their men more - erotic underwear on female bodies, or the bodies themselves - without underwear? Without a shirt, as they say, closer to the body. So many answered that they did not hope to seduce their men with their own nakedness ... Here is the answer for you, by the way, why do they turn off the lights before erotica, - Fedor said somewhat maliciously. – Sometimes it’s better not to see than to look… It’s better to feel once than not to see a hundred times… Darkness, so to speak, stimulates and it is also a friend of youth, as you know.
Why then do they say that a man loves with his eyes? Why are they in the dark? Gena asked quite reasonably, scratching his own nose, as if it contained the answer.
- So after all, before you eat something, you look at this something and if you like it, then eat it, then without looking. So it is here: I examined the lady, and then ate ...
- As the old crocodile said, wiping his glasses, - unexpectedly for himself, Genka gave out.
- Yes, it's better than vice versa ... Recently I watched a movie on TV. About one Negro ... - Konstantin began the story.
- About one only? They usually have a lot of blacks in their films, - Victor shared his observations.
- No, this time about one. He had a very refined and original taste in women. Not even to the whole woman, as such. And to a separate part of it ...
- What is original about this? We all have a taste for this part, - Vitya interjected again.
“Listen, Elephant, if you interrupt me again, I will tear your mouth and tell you that it happened,” Kostya promised. - It was not at all to this part that he had special complaints. And to the completely unexpected - to the feet. If there is something wrong with them, as he needs, their owner is completely useless to him. With all the delight of the figure and its other details. As soon as he discovered an unpleasant foot - down with all emotions and reactions ...
- And erections, - Vitya could not resist.
- Vitka, give your vile mouth here - I will tear it.
- Shut up, Kostya, shut up ...
- As the deaf crocodile said, becoming dumb, - he came up with fantasy creature Genk.
- And what? This happens and not only among blacks. My friend had something similar. Vyacheslav remembered. - Only not with the whole foot, but ... He hovered around one beauty for a long time. The lady was in his taste, the figure in general and other details in particular. At first, it seemed that he had no prospects. Unapproachable, like...Genka, shut up...But still gave up. Mutual choice took place. His adoration continued until ... the beach. He was waiting for the moment of her exposure with the trepidation of the whole organism ...
- And an orgasm, - Genka uttered, unable to resist.
“But it just didn’t come to that.” Something happened on the beach, something absolutely terrible for our friend. And absolutely unbearable. So much so that he kept himself from an immediate flight only by an incredible effort of will. All the delight from the almost completely naked body of the infinitely beloved immediately ended. She took off her shoes. And he saw her big toes on her feet...
- I see: he liked women without thumbs.
- Almost to the point, Gray. It would have been better for him not to have them at all. They turned out to be, or seemed to be, exorbitantly large, and even famously bent up, like the toes of Mongolian riding boots. Two luxurious legs and such a caricature on their feet. Any other man would not have paid attention to this - her details were much more interesting. But our friend was no longer able to see anything else. And never met her again.
Did he even tell her why? She probably couldn't even guess. She was worried, I suppose, she thought that she had said something wrong or done something, but it was all about her fingers ... Maybe she fell in love with him? Kostya sympathized.
- Yes, is it such a badge - a fly, you say stupidity? He didn't say, of course. He himself understood - stupidity, but reason turned out to be weaker than whim.
“That’s what human happiness can depend on. Maybe one of them perfect couple could turn out to long years if not for this quirk? Gena asked an insignificant question.
- Is it a quirk? If you look, then we all have something that seems to others a quirk, but for us it is a completely normal thing. For some, a trifle, but for others, the same thing can overshadow the world. Bring a penny close to your eye - and you won’t see anything else ... Yes, and the coin itself, too, - Sergey said philosophically.
- You are all dark people, as the blind crocodile said, grabbing a log instead of the poor fellow on the shore, - it’s not worth specifying who this wild phrase said.
- Yes, sometimes you can’t understand why you didn’t please someone. It seems that all the rank is a plane tree, and they start looking at you like an animal - it is not known why ... Even bosom friends. Not to mention bosom women. It is not necessary to suspect anything significant from the conventional point of view. This point can be very personal and give meaning to things that are completely unexpected for other people ... The timbre of the voice, for example, - Seryozha clicked himself on the throat above the collar.
- What do you mean? If you put it behind the collar, will your voice change? .. By the way, what are bosom friends, who knows? Victor asked, naively looking at everyone at once.
- I, - answered Vyacheslav. I don't know, but I'll try to guess. Bosoms are those who lay behind the Adam's apple with friends. Synonym - drinking buddies. Accepted?.. No? Well, okay. So - what about the voice? ..
- Wait about the voice - you have not yet said about the bosom woman: how can she be like that if she does not have an Adam's apple and she has nothing to pawn for? Stepan asked an insidious question.
- A real woman will always find where, what and whom to pawn, and on whom ... Voices can also be liked or not, not only appearance. There are very pleasant voices, but there are those that make you want to cover your ears ...
- As the crocodile said, hearing the squeal of Baba Yaga in his teeth, - Genka put in grimly, hypocritically crossing himself.
- You, Genka, will someday agree ... How could your nasty crocodile say anything if his teeth are busy? .. I like the chest voice. Among women. He sounds very nice. Noble, I would say. It sounds like a revelation of the soul ... If a woman with such a voice addresses you, then she, as it were, elevates you to herself with special trust. As the empress puts an equal sign between the subject and herself ... But also musical instrument sounds beautiful without having any soul. The musician puts his soul into it. It is possible that a man, "playing" on a woman, is able to elevate her soul ... But he is also able to break her. it also depends on the music of the soul itself… But a soft voice, melodious, is also good. He, too, according to the impression, should have reflected a gentle and kind character. Only if we recall the sweet-voiced Sirens, the myths of ancient Greece are meant, then even the magical sound of the voice can destroy decent men, which, no doubt, we are with you, gentlemen ...
- As the prisoner in the prison cell said, referring to the card cheats ...
- I propose that this bastard, named Genka, be beaten a little, and maybe even kicked ... Okay, live ... Women can also, if not change their voices, primordial by nature, then change their intonations - they are always able to. and if he wants to please men, they, that is, we, will appreciate it ... However, the voice can be changed without surgery ... Somehow, a program was shown on TV about Gerdt ... Not who she is, Vitenka, but who she is. Famous artist. Have you seen Panikovsky in The Golden Calf? Here he is. Special mention was made of his voice. There was an unusual voice… The same one, deep and chesty, in a male performance. The host of the program was delighted and said: women were crazy about Gerdt's voice. Psychiatrists, you see, treat people from a psychiatric hospital, but Gerdt, on the contrary, deprived his last mind ... I must admit, I could not, from my purely male bell tower, discern the reasons for the general madness of the fair sex from Gerdt's voice. But, after some time, I noticed: many men, speaking on the box, suddenly began to speak in unnatural voices - almost otherworldly. Especially, in my opinion, former Prime Minister Kasyanov excelled. This one spoke with his stomach. It seemed that his vocal cords were somewhere in the peritoneum or a little lower. Maybe the ladies really lost their minds from him. He was a prominent prime minister: tall not only in position, but tall, handsome in face, very noticeably narcissistic, and, behold, the voice “from the stomach” is an animal. But at the same time - not in front of a microphone, but in a normal environment, he spoke in a completely ordinary human ordinary voice ... We love the voice of the beloved woman ... Once, also on television, Edita Piekha opened up. She admitted that she was often lonely ... Surprise. Her appearance is beautiful, her voice is beautiful, she makes an excellent impression, but somehow she didn’t please the peasants. Probably, everyone was sure: such a woman cannot but have many admirers - which means you shouldn’t meddle - it’s useless. And really, what is...

Nights alternated with days, lunches with dinners, working days with days off, topics of conversation changed like figures in a kaleidoscope, and only one core remained unchanged and constant - women ... Who sits at a round state table, who is on a bed, who is on a chair. In T-shirts, t-shirts, shirts and, of course, all in pants, if not shorts. They smoke and...

Everything that we are talking about here about women - all this, then, is rubbish. We did not say about the most important thing for them, - Fyodor made a remark.
- What can be the most important thing for them, besides us men? - said Kostya, resting his right hand on his right side, and thus giving himself some resemblance to the seated letter r.
- In addition to us, the main thing for them is what and how to dress. Or it can be vice versa: from what and how to undress, - Fedya clarified his thought. “For them, both are very important. Dresses, skirts, jackets, tights and so on - the basis of their foundations appearance and a reflection of the inner. Arguing with this is useless, pointless and dangerous. It is better to refrain - for the purposes of personal, which means safety and self-preservation. The women are always and in everything absolutely right, but nevertheless, in matters of clothing in some places from time to time in some ways sometimes they are not always right ... They attach too much importance to clothes. Well, if a certain girl does not like a certain male in any way, then no matter what she dresses up, no matter how she dresses, no matter what jewels she adorns, she will not like it anyway. It can attract attention to itself, sympathetic or ironic, but it will not change the impression. But if a man liked her, as they say, captured her image in his heart, and some other organ at the sight of her stands at attention, then she will be nice to him in any outfit, even in tasteless or completely ugly. Therefore, it means that a man, in any case, with his imagination sees much deeper and beyond the surface of what is put on the body. The purpose of clothing is to emphasize the body or hide, temporarily, what is not to be shown at the moment or, in the light, never.
- You, Fedya, for all your rightness, are also “sometimes in some places” not quite right. In a beautiful dress, a woman looks especially beautiful. You won’t say that you don’t care what a woman wears, ”Vyacheslav objected.
- Of course, I won't tell. I am talking about the fact that we do not like the dress itself, but what is under it, that clothes have only an auxiliary role, that in any case we will choose a good figure under a nondescript dress, and not a beautiful dress on an ugly uniform. It sounds vulgar, or it seems, or it doesn’t, but such is the nature of men ... Normal, I mean. Everyone. If someone says the opposite, he will lie in the most brazen way. Once I read in the old magazine "Technology - Youth". The anniversary of Roentgen's discovery of his rays - x-rays, of course - was celebrated. After the press talked about the properties of these rays: they shine through, they say, “through and even deeper,” a bunch of applications were dragged to the poor scientist discoverer. Readers did not suspect that the apparatus is an extremely cumbersome structure. They imagined it to be something like a modern video camera, and asked, most humbly, to sell it to them for household needs and for personal purposes. Their goals were on the stage of opera and ballet theaters - especially ballet: all the applicants were ardent admirers of the high art of dance - balletomanes. The goals are very easy to guess. So much for connoisseurs of the "high art of dance" - the higher the leg, the higher the art. Dancing is secondary here. I’m not even talking about the beautiful dresses of ballerinas - an extra detail. If there is no way to get rid of it on the stage, then at least make it transparent and finally see what is there, which means they have ... there.
- There they have the same thing as the others, - Vyach took the baton of thought. – What do we get? It turns out that no matter how intelligent a man is, educated and musical, and brought up. No matter how he exalts art, he sees in ballerinas first of all women, women and nothing else but women ...
- As the naked crocodile said, finding himself in the women's steam room, - Genka announced joyfully.
- Beautiful, flexible, graceful, beautifully moving, but women, - this time did not pay attention to the fantasies of comrade Vyacheslav. - I would even dare to suggest: those ballerina skirts, diverging from their waists, like rays ... Yes - tutus. So, these packs were invented with the aim of splitting a woman in half - to separate her legs from her body. They look separate: the torso with arms and bust from above, and the lower bust with legs from below. And glue my tongue to the left heel of the right foot, if I am mistaken: all the attention of the men is concentrated on the lower, first of all, part ... But more on that later. Let's get back to the outfits. It does not follow at all that they have no meaning for the peasants. A suit can draw attention to a stranger. It can cause a desire to take a closer look at the owner of the dress - again imagining what is hidden under it, and then get to know each other if the visual inspection was satisfactory. But if the choice has already been made - yes, fateful significance no longer has a dress. The wisest of the wise men's wisdom says: it doesn't matter what you wear - it matters what you wear. A beautiful dress on, in the opinion of a certain man about a certain woman, on a beautiful figure, the latter will not save the latter from a sentence not in her favor. But I didn’t just say that about the specific taste of a person. My friend from school years loved miniature and slender figures ... Platonically, Vitya, platonically ... And suddenly a friend turned out, for no reason at all, a fan of oversized fat women. For unknown and inexplicable reasons. Turned out and that's it. So, insolently, and said: "Fat is good." And dreamily sighed at the same time. The sigh once turned into flesh. She, the flesh, was a power, twice the volume of a friend in his fullest place ... A friend could not miss a girl of his dreams in any way and - he got married. And lived happily. And no clothes were able, even illusory, but to turn his Marina Ivanovna into a relatively, but similar to an approximately slender person. Yes, he did not need any other persons. “I,” said a friend, “I’ll look at her a little, touch her a little - and I’m ready - instant libido” ...
- Libi... what? - Vitya asked
- Before, - answered Vyach.
- Until what and what?
- Elephant, edrit yours in a warp, move your ears and convolutions, - Vyacheslav began to get annoyed. - Libido is ... the desire to make a woman, and oneself, pleasant, and the feeling of being able to make this pleasant with that very part of her body that a woman does not have.
- Beard, or what?
- Are you kidding me? Vyach asked sternly.
Vitya burst out laughing.
- I'm not kidding, but joking, in the sense of joking. You would so immediately in Russian, and said: get up. And then he twirled about some kind of “libidos”. So what else was pleasant about Marina?
- The fact that she did not use cosmetics. This quality was greatly appreciated by my friend. And not at all because she had perfect skin face, its designs and impeccable beauty. Another reproach could be given ... If a friend allowed it. I didn't use makeup and that's it. Even eat it with cheese. That was her style. And he did not get to the bottom of the reasons: why look for the reason for the good, if it is already good?
- And, maybe, with cosmetics it would be even better?
- My friend didn’t think so, and his girlfriend reckoned with his opinion, and not with yours, you are our shabby beautician. He knew her in a natural way. Therefore, it became impossible to deceive him with different make-ups, and there was no reason for her to deceive others. In general, the abundance of cosmetics always alarms a man who is sapiens, that is, reasonable: do they hide some serious flaws with the help of this plaster or, God forbid, vices? Again, let us recall the great male wisdom: if you want to see the true face of a woman, look at her after a bath ...
- And it's better in the bath itself, - Kostya said dreamily.
- We are talking about the real, and not about the desired, - Vyacheslav destroyed Konstantin's dreams. - Marina Ivanovna looked in the eyes of my friend equally pretty both before and after the bath, and before and after marriage - and this was her undeniable dignity ...
- Listen, Vyach, the keeper of male wisdom: and your best friend is not the one who "ate beautiful lady on your lunch break in your bunk? Kostya lit up with a hunch.
- In the first lines of my answer, “I inform”: not on my bunk - I strictly warned him in advance. Secondly, men's secrets are not disclosed ... Women's even more so. It would be more logical if you asked her name, as well as a phone number, and that it was a friend or not, it does not matter.
What's her name and phone number?
“I don’t know, I won’t tell,” Vyach answered with partisan directness.
“It would be better if I didn’t know,” muttered Kostya.
- And I know one more masculine wisdom, - announced Volodya, a tall blond with gray-blue kind eyes, who joined the society a few minutes ago.
- And what is it? Vyacheslav asked jealously.
- If you want to know what your wife will look like in the future, look at your mother-in-law.
- My best friend, I tell you, tried not to look at his Marina’s mother at all ... He hoped that the forecast and wisdom were not always right ... Did we talk about “what else?” Vyacheslav thought, suddenly losing the thread of the conversation.
- "Vasche" we talked about clothes, like about a candy wrapper, - reminded Gennady.
- Oh, yes ... Listen, Gen, you said it right ... So, whatever it was and whatever it was, but the clothes, that is, what is worn, hides what is worn.
“A very unexpected discovery,” Kostya approved. - Who would have thought. Move on.
- Valnu now. But she does not always hide ... Here, long dresses, for example. I fundamentally reject them. Just deny - do not deny, but in nature, feminine, they exist, women wear them and you have to put up with it - until the moment when you tear them off them ... They are very good by themselves - they emphasize the upper part of women and, sometimes, the most outstanding lower ... Very decorates, and the dress, and the one on whom it is worn, the neckline. True, and this depends on its content: the fuller it is, the more picturesque and spectacular. But this detail is located in the upper part of the figure. The lower part, the legs, is hidden. Why? Why, one wonders, to hide - if there is no cut? The cut reveals a certain secret, intrigues, attracts the eye, excites, finally. Pleasantly concerned. The woman seems to be hinting: they say, although I am strict all of myself, I am capable ... From these silent hints, exploratory instincts awaken. Naturally, restrained and from this even more desirable. In the cut, even the usual leg looks different: as if something was overlooked in it ... But that's all - if there is a cut. If it is not there, a thought appears: the lady wants to hide something, even sacrificing the appearance of her legs. This is either out of the ordinary ugly legs, or some kind of beautiful legs ah, a serious defect that cannot be concealed in any other way. However, all these arguments and suspicions apply only to women who are not familiar, who have not previously been men in their more open form. The conclusion is as simple as...
“A broken tooth of a crocodile that swallowed a lady in a long dress,” Genka immediately reacted.
- So be it, - solemnly proclaimed Vyach. - The conclusion is this: it is better to wait with an acquaintance with a woman in a long dress - until she comes into the world of God in more democratic clothes.
- But it would be interesting to know: how did men learn about the external lower data of ladies in those days when there were no short dresses at all? Fyodor was puzzled.
- Yes, all the same - look at them without dresses.
- So this is after meeting!
- What to do: risk is a noble cause. It was in those days that the peasants gained courage, - Kostya paid tribute to the heroic male sex with pathos.
- And who made it fashionable for women to wear men's clothing? - Fedor continued his research in the history of ladies' outfits.
- Joan of Arc is known to history. Maybe someone before her took over trousers and pants from men ...
"And condoms," thought the restless Genka.
- Women have nothing to wear this specificity, - Vyach remembered, - otherwise they would have adopted it - there is no doubt. Now we can only rejoice that it is not in fashion now for women to wear steel armor with cold weapons such as swords, clubs and spears. And thanks for that. On the other hand, the men have become kinder - they do not burn ladies at the stake for wearing pants. Here let the women thank us. However, we are not outraged by trousers on women's legs. At all. Or occasionally. The fact is that this form of clothing almost does not hide what is under it. Except the skin. Everything else, except for the calves, is practically open, even from the rear, even from the front, even in full face, even in profile. There are no more secrets. Especially if on women's legs pants made of thin material. They fit all the bulges and bulges to the smallest detail no less tightly than their own skin ... After such revelations, the next, quite logical step is to go out into the street in pantyhose - without a skirt and pants, and then without them at all ... I would be for ... What? .. No, I'm quite serious - even if this is my specific and personal point of view: there is no need to hide the beautiful. All concealments are the fruit of our hypocrisy and hypocritical traditions...
- Wonderful! But would you personally want your girlfriend to walk down the street practically naked? - Melancholy looked at Vyacheslav Volodya.
- Got it. Practically I wouldn't want to. Here you are right ... But this is me, and this is you, and there are others ... But more on that later ... In Africa, for example, some tribes go all naked - they have had such a tradition from time immemorial, both men and women, and no jealousy. Everything is conditional under the moon, and under the sun too. So it is not excluded that we, someday, change the conventions. They are already changing. In the fifties, girls would not even dare to think about mini-skirts, but in the late sixties they not only thought ... You look, in a few years, a girl in nothing walks down the street in the middle of the white day as if nothing had happened. From our position, this is a delightfully bold step... For a while. Then there would be an inevitable decline in delight. Would get used to. Vaughn, at the beginning of the beach season. The first outings on the sand and the first glances at the girls in swimsuits. All around is total nudity. After the winter cover-ups, everyone looks supremely sexy. Any pose is a temptation. Sometimes you lie face down and other organs in the sand, resting for almost an hour - it’s indecent to get up because of a completely different getting up. Then involuntary selection according to external data begins. And the longer, the worse. Week - another and - adaptation. You are already calmly walking and looking at all those from whom you fell down with this very thing. And this is the most peaceful. Unless a very sexy figure appears. And not necessarily with naked busts, upper and lower ... By the way, these two concepts, upper bust and lower, are not my invention, alas. They were invented by one woman ... But about her, too, later. Until then, back to the beach. The lower busts with modern open swimsuits - in all their glory, it would seem ... So what? And the fact that women's priests in them do not look at all as sexy as one might expect ... They, nevertheless, do not look like they are completely without anything to finally strike and immediately excite, but they are also so closed as to leave at least some some seductive secret ... Although, nudists - naturalists are naked to the hair, but they do not go crazy right there, on their beaches ... An open swimsuit may suggest that a girl, having opened one of the intimate parts of her body, is not averse to opening the other - from the opposite side, what men and provokes, attracting attention. Maybe she doesn’t think about anything like that at all, but she just wants to get a tan as much as possible wherever possible ... And it’s impossible. But she does not think, but we can think and even act. Yet somewhere in something sometimes, at least, it is not superfluous for a woman to keep at least some secret. Let it not be a mystery at all, but an illusion of a mystery.
- And what can be so mysterious in women? Are they all different? One has a chest on the back, and the other on the side? .. Everyone has the same anatomy. The difference is only in the forms, - the technologist Fedya said dryly. - For example, there are TU aircraft - so they have all the same parts and even should be interchangeable. He took one, put it on another plane - and it should approach him as if it were his own.
- Yeah, I took the bust of one girl, put it on another, changed the priests and everything is in openwork, - Volodya grinned.
“You are a cannibal, Vovka, and even a cannibal,” Kostya shuddered.
- Am I? - the "cannibal" was surprised. - It was Fedya who suggested changing the details.
“Let Vyacheslav finish what he wanted,” suggested Gena.
- The lower bust from the upper, of course, is different ...
- Listen, Vyach, today you are making one discovery after another. Who would have guessed that the chest is different from the priests, if not for you? Konstantin chuckled ironically.
- You think in your own way, and I think in my own way ... The breast is a woman's adornment more subtle and elegant than the lower jewel ...
- They would have worn it on the lower neckline - that would be a video recorder ... I can imagine ... Okay, I won’t, - Genka cut himself off.
“It’s like for someone: for some, maybe it’s thin, but for others it’s quite the opposite,” Vitya remembered something of his own, “here I am alone ...
- And always you, Vitka, butt in ... beautiful chest elevates a woman to the heights of ancient goddesses. Exposing her completely, she trusts herself to space - touchingly trusts, and at the same time rules over it. And over a man too. It is not at all necessary that a lustful feeling prevails in him at the same time, although it is present - you can’t get away from it anywhere. There is also a sense of aesthetic beauty ... What more - it depends on the character of the man. Only here time acts like a sedative drug. The first glance at the naked bust, the upper one, is difficult to take aside. And if you take it away, it still strives to return by itself. Even if you don't watch it, it's still a spectacle in your memory. But - a second look, the fifth, the tenth ... After an hour, or even earlier, everything in the surrounding world returns to its place and the beautiful female breast becomes one of its usual parts ...
- "Everything will pass - both sadness and joy," Fyodor sang gloomily. Is there anything permanent in this world?
- Yes, - firmly answered Vyacheslav.
- And what?
- The inconstancy of the world ...
- A cheerful phenomenon, - Volodya said skeptically.
- Not funny and not sad, but just a fact.
- "Simple" ... I, somehow, witnessed such a "simple" fact. It also happened on the beach ... This place is interesting - the beach. It seems that people there only do what they sunbathe, swim ... That's right, Vitya, they drink vodka with beer. And they also get to know each other ... And look at the menu.
- What is the menu? Do they go to cafes? Gene didn't understand.
- Not really. It's kind of a joke. A husband sits in a restaurant with his wife, and shakes his head from side to side, like a pendulum, at the girls. The wife was jealous: “What are you looking at girls for?” The husband shrugged his shoulders: “I can’t even look at the menu?” Here I am with the guys on the beach. An acquaintance, Sasha, with his wife comes up. Settled nearby. The woman undressed and the attention of the whole company was on her. This is natural: to see a woman. But she was also an outstanding woman - perfection and appetizing forms. Figurine, that's it .... The face is very pretty, kind, kissable lips. They envied the husband. And he, they noticed, if he looks at her, then not with more enthusiasm than at the tomatoes laid out by her in front of him. And here we are, furtively, visually visually and mentally by touch, assessing her undeniable merits, and Sasha take it, and tell me when she went for a swim without him, shaking her hips and shaking her chest: “It's amazing - they are still looking at her ... What are they looking at? What can you like about her? .. She is like this sand to me ... "" Well, you give, Sasha! Such a woman… Why did you get married then?” “So after all, it was once before - as much as two whole years ago. She was completely different. And now…” Sashka waved his hand and salted the tomato. Soon he divorced and married another. And this other, in our, beach, look, lost to the first Sasha's "narrowed" in all respects. And he, as they say, did not take his eyes off her during the day, and at night, as he himself admitted, he did not get off.
- Did you use it instead of a mattress? Genka scoffed.
- Instead of a wife. And the first wife, Lucy, has not yet married.
- How do you know you didn't?
You can't let a woman like that out of your sight...
- Well, here's another case of nudity, - Vyacheslav remembered after thinking for a few minutes. - It was in the Caucasus. Not so many years ago. Only not in the Caucasus, which is near the bluest Black Sea in the world, but in the mountains. Our group was just going to the sea. The larger group has arrived. Forty people. At the rate of twenty.
Why is twenty the norm? Kostya asked indifferently to ask something.
- Because the instructor small group easier to keep track of in case of something - to keep in sight and help if necessary. Something went wrong at the camp site ... It seems that the instructor from the parallel group fell ill. Be that as it may, there were too many of us packed. But more fun. As always, there are more women than men. Much bigger. We walked through the mountains through the valleys, “today here tomorrow there”, and came to a very exotic place. Located in front of our main pass. Terziyan is called...
- Was it in Armenia? - Gennady, an expert on geography, asked for help.
- Not at all - in ... Karachaevo - Cherkessia, it seems ... No, in Adygea, more precisely.
- Why then the name is Armenian?
- So we asked the conductor: why? The answer is simple: in those places, a certain revolutionary, I don’t remember, became famous for something, the Armenian Terziyan ... Yes, that’s it. The group is large, but a couple stood out in it - a husband and wife ... His own, he said ... I kept the memory of my husband only in the fact that he was the longest. Here is his wife...
- The most beautiful beauty, - Kostya portrayed the irony.
- How do you know - I do not remember you in our group?
- And all the women you talk about are beautiful, one more beautiful than the other.
- Correctly noticed - I don’t talk about ugly ones ... I can even show them. In all, by the way, open and comprehensive beauty ... In the photograph, however, only, and not in kind ... Valya was her name.
- It's a pity, - Vitya sighed sadly, - nature would not interfere with us now.
- As the hungry crocodile said, - Genka licked his lips.
- Here in this very Terziyan there is a very nice and romantic place. Mountain river. Around the pine-spruce-beech forest on the slopes. Near the left bank of the river there is a tall sheer cliff. Almost even, as if someone had cut it off from the mountain with a huge sword, a part of it ... Early in the morning, so that no one would stare at me like a curious mouse at cheese, while everyone was still sleeping, I went to stretch my muscles, swim in the river. For this, a suitable place must be found. They are stormy, mountain rivers - you just can’t flounder in them wherever you want. We need to find a place somewhere behind a large stone - the water is calmer there, and take a dip or swim, if possible. The beaches there are not sandy, of course, but rocky ... I chose a more comfortable place. I waved my arms and legs, warming up ... I hear voices behind the bushes. I peer. That couple, husband and wife. She is a fly-badge without a bra. Imagine: the whole body is tanned, and the chest turns white, like two mother-of-pearl pearls, and even more mother-of-pearl, with two dazzling stars exactly in the middle ... There is a towel around the waist. Below the waist - nothing ...
- Wah! Fyodor exclaimed. - Without legs goes and without everything that is taller?
- No, Fedya, with legs, and even with what, and with everything that is between them and higher. And everything is as it is outside. The figure - it must be seen ... I'll show you, Vitya, I'll show you ... Nudist, I think. Okay, I won’t interfere with the solitude of the spouses - I’ll move to another place. I pass. Fled. Again I warm up ... But absent-mindedly - with my inner eye and skin I see a figure. After a short time, it reappears and again not in front of the inner, but in front of the outer vision - both go in my direction. Here is the channel - they don’t see, or what, that the place is occupied ?! Bending down, for disguise - so as not to be seen, I run again further away. And again they are behind me ... Well, wait a minute then. Delanno calmly, as if I don’t see them, I stand in a pose, kick with my feet, rotate my arms. "Hi, Vyach!" - I hear. And both two are located side by side ... For some reason, he is in swimming trunks, and she, as I said, without ... And for some reason, not for some reason. So-so ... I try to calm my emotions ...
- And erections, - Vitya added sympathetically.
- You, as always, are right, Vitek ... “Valya,” I say, “let me take a picture of you. You do not mind?" I took a faggot with me. Now, I think she will be embarrassed. “Why should I be against it? I'm very much in favor. Where to stand? Or lie down? I was embarrassed ... "For starters, get up, be gentle, against the backdrop of that rock." “Very please. But how to caress? .. ”And she stands in front of a dark, in the shade, wall of rock, illuminated by the sun, and blinds me with a figure more than a luminary. And he takes off a towel from his waist ... The camera jumped in my hands like a frog. Barely brought ... Click. Done ... "Now should I sit down or lie down?" "Sit down and then lie down." And she sits facing me, and bends her right leg, lifting it over her left ... And she smiles. And then lies down in a completely unthinkable irresistible position. And I shoot all this from all possible spectacular angles, with my swimming trunks crackling ... And he, that is, my husband, lies absolutely calmly, sunbathes, reads a book and puffs up the blue sky with cigarette smoke ....
- You're lying, - Volodya said confidently. “It can’t be like that, because it can never be like that.
- I wouldn't have believed it myself if I hadn't seen it myself... But that's not all. Already in the evening, when the sun is softer, the men from the group gathered on the shore. We stand, smoke, talk about topics that can only arise against the backdrop of stunning nature - about politics ... In the midst of discussing the most topical topics, she appears. It does not even appear, but is. He calmly enters the very middle of our circle ... In what can be called swimming trunks with a stretch, but without a bra. He spreads something on the pebbles and lays down with his face, and everyone else, up ... The conversation, of course, withered by itself. The men were dumbfounded. They stuffed their mouths with cigarettes. Slowly fanned out from the center, where she lay down, smiling slightly, She, like the goddess of love ... What was she thinking? .. And then, already on the other side of the pass, we get on the bus. There was an empty seat next to me, and she, entering the salon, sat down on it without hesitation. Sat for a few minutes, chatted about something and... put her foot on my thigh. Carelessly so ... My husband is next to me across the aisle ... I must admit that it was more embarrassing than pleasant: this is too much. “Listen, Valentina, my husband is right next to me ...” “So what?” - laughed, - "Do you like it?" “Y-yes, of course, but…” “Me too. Let's move on." We arrived ... At the camp site, already in Dagomys, the men burned out, we approached my husband. "Peter!" - her husband's name was Petka. “Pyotr, the devil tear you apart, don’t you see what yours is doing?” “I see, of course ... And what is she doing? She is a beautiful woman and does not hide her charms. She likes to be liked and admired. See, admire. Libido? So this is your problem guys, not hers. You just try to try to get at least something from her ... If someone succeeds - for God's sake - I don’t mind ... ”You should have seen with what fury She rushed around the bivouac during the campaign with a weighty stone in her hands, threatening to crush him on the head the one who, for the sake of fun, put this boulder in her husband’s backpack and he carried it over the pass, sadly thinking that he must have fallen ill if the load suddenly became heavier “for no reason at all” ... None of us anything from her “ get" and did not try ...
“A mysterious person,” Volodya said thoughtfully.
“Unfortunate woman,” Kostya added.
- Nothing mysterious. Such, therefore, "mysterious" are also called bitches - Fyodor severely cut off. - They will tease the men, and then they will show a fig.
- Figo... Do you know what this figure of three fingers means? Vyacheslav squinted at him.
- What is there to know? It is known - a cookie with butter and you went to ...
- Yes, and no! "Figu" of three fingers show the peasants Japanese prostitutes. In dynamics, moreover: the thumb is quickly moved between the index and ring fingers. What does it look like?.. Exactly. And the man understands everything.
- And yet you, Vyach, you know. It's even boring with you, - Konstantin squinted.
- Miss yourself to your health. I'm not bored with myself ... Most likely, she, Valentina, was a kind of pervert, if you think about it. And her husband, perhaps, is the riddle of male psychology. And women's too. Sigmund Freud... Psychoanalyst, Vitya, I remind you... At one time he was engaged in research of all kinds of perversions. He wrote about them in his books, thought about them ... He came up with the theory of "libido" ... The thing is complicated and, in short, it lies in the fact that the main engine and incentive for all aspirations of men in life, from science to career, from work to comfort and everything - of everything, a woman appears and only a woman and nothing else but a woman ... Mistake. Personally, I have never, in any conversation between peasants, ever heard anything that would allow me to draw such a conclusion. Theory and practice don't always match...
- As the driver said, trying to cross a horse with a cart, - Gena invented.
- That's right. Let's talk about pants, - suggested Vitya. - A very interesting topic.
- Yes, they just talked about it.
- They said, but did not agree.
- What?
“We haven’t fully figured out why a woman’s voice is becoming habitual,” Volodya said.
- Let's find out, if possible, - Vyacheslav hesitated. - So, comrades, again: trousers and varieties of their use by ladies and seigneurs. Let's start with the fact that the times when even in winter we enjoyed the view of highly open female legs ... It was not only beautiful, but also touching: winter, cold, a girl walks in a long coat, its floors swing open and expose beautiful legs in summer ... And if a girl walks at all in a short something over a mini, the sight is breathtaking. “It’s nice for you, but what does it feel like for us - in the cold?” the women complained. And they were right. Now everything is in the pants. Even in the spring under the warm sun. Why? “But because the legs have not yet had time to tan,” the answer is heard. A fair amount of time passes, you can sunbathe until you are black - still in your pants. From extreme to extreme. There is a suspicion: women have only such an excuse - they say that their legs are not swarthy, that's why we hide them, temporarily. Nothing happened - they don’t hide it, but on the contrary - they put it on display. Only not the part of the legs that is visible from under the skirts, but above. They look at themselves in the mirror from all possible sides. And they can’t help but see how impressive the tightly and tightly fitted lower bust and hips look. Neither a skirt nor a dress can give such an impressive effect. So they march through the streets in all their lower armor. Naturally, we don’t really mind ... Once a girl was walking in front of me ... I noticed her from a distance - a very characteristic gait: the waist is narrow, the butt is tight tight ... In time with the steps, she sways rhythmically with a considerable amplitude of the halves. Very expressive bulges. It looks very erotic and ... touching. The guy is chasing her. Not specifically catching up with her, not like me, but just going fast. The spectacle, of course, was not overlooked. An interesting result: he shook his head several times in time with the amplitude of the oscillations of the hemispheres: oh, they say, what ... He accelerated, overtook, looked sideways at his face and upper bust, smiled kindly and walked past. It is impossible to get used to such a sight. But it was an outstanding sight. And if we take the average, then all these continuous bulges, walking in a mass, are perceived calmly ... City Day In Nizhny Novgorod. Sunny. Warm. Crowds of people roam the streets. Lots of women. And all in pants. In a few hours I happened to see only a dozen girls in their usual skirts. And here they are remembered. Not skirts, of course, but girls. A rare occurrence now - girls without pants ...
Did you count them? - ironically looked at Vyacheslav Volodya. - And you had no other business than to look at women's pants?
- Agreed, motherfucker. There were other things - I was walking with two pretty women ... Also, by the way, in pants. Just automatically, and subconsciously, I wanted to see normal female lower limbs ... Yes, it’s just sometimes difficult to determine: what gender the creature is walking ... Or twitching on the TV screen. Not everyone who looks like a man is one. Moiseev, for example, is hardly a peasant, even though he is dressed as a peasant. Just like the so-called "Serdyuchka" is not a woman, even though she is stuck into the feminine, and not a man, because she is strongly associated with ... the devil knows who, but not with a man or a woman. Disgusting type, in a word. Speaking about the opinions, views and attitudes of men towards women, I mean real men with a normal orientation and psyche. For every man, it is important that a woman not only look, but also be feminine. A man cannot get used to a woman in general while he is a man. If she gets used to it so much that she even ceases to perceive her as seductive, it means that the woman has lost something in herself - very important for a man. That is, outwardly she looks like a woman, but a man does not feel her at all. Perhaps without even realizing it. And there are many other women around - not the usual, pretty, diverse - so he begins to look at the "menu" for himself.
- That is, you want to say: a woman has everything left, arms - legs - sponges - busts are exactly the same as before, and other men like all this, but their own no longer, because ... Why? - Sergei did not understand, similar to the artist Kharatyan.
- Because why does it end in y, - Vyacheslav got angry. - Write lost, start over ... In the climbing camp "Uzunkol" it happened. There was such a base of climbers "Spartak" near the main Caucasian ridge. The most beautiful place. Famous among tourists "Uzunkol glade". Pines of a thousand years, mountains of millions, forests, ridges, sky with clouds below the mountains and the Kichkinekola circus above the clouds.
- I don’t know such an artist ... Kirchikol ... Did he come to you on tour? Vitya asked.
- Kichkinekol, not Kirchikol. The gorge is called that. And the circus - its end - a dead end with mountains around. In the middle, like an arena, there is a glacier - that's why it is called a circus, conditionally. From the tongue of this glacier, the Kuban River begins to drip. There is a canyon there, also very marvelous ... The river boils in it, as if on fire, white with foam and anger. Through it is a bridge made of two thick trunks. In the middle of the camp itself there is a round platform and benches around it. We sit on one of them, smoke, talk ... We look, some group is moving along the path. From afar do not understand whose. But you can immediately see - fire victims ...
- Why fire victims? After the fire, right? Kostya didn't understand.
- There's no fire here. They walk in the mountains - that means fire victims, climbers, that is.
- By what special signs can climbers be immediately identified, and even from a distance? Gennady asked with curiosity.
- Very simply - on the gait. Over the years and hikes, they automatically develop a special gait: measured, rhythmic, man's gait that saves strength ... Everything is under hefty backpacks, ice axes ... A group as a group, climbers as climbers. Nothing seems to be special. Only the guy among them is somehow strange - for some reason he rolled up his T-shirt from the navel to the chest. Everyone is in windbreakers or shirts, but this one ... The group is coming up. All muscular, sinewy legs, bumpy biceps, like Schwarzenegger's, unshaven cheeks, some with beards. And this one, in a rolled-up T-shirt, and without a beard and even shaved, neat upland, as if he was going on a date ... And already close, you guessed it, we probably see - this is not a guy, but a woman. And the T-shirt turned out to be not a T-shirt, but a bra - the only external difference from the men, except for the unshaven face ... It was the mountaineering instructor Vera. Almost a master of sports in mountaineering. It was from her that I first heard this term - the lower bust ... She, in brackets, I will say, he was magnificent - well-formed muscles. Men's. As well as on the arms and legs. After several years of mountaineering, a woman ceases to be one. She starts to look like a real man. But, nevertheless, only as, and not in reality. And it's comforting. Climbing is a sport of extreme loads, high risk and harsh conditions. If a woman is seriously carried away by all this - she has to be physically and spiritually equal to men - she has no other choice. Another payment for "pleasure" is the loss of femininity. Often - and health. Sometimes, but so rarely, - lives ... There was only one in Nizhny ... In one season I took ... Seven, it seems, peaks, of a rather high category of complexity. That's what she became famous for. A move, to be sure. The result, already on the plain after the mountains in a calm atmosphere, in the comfort of home: a heart attack ... "Finita la ..." From overload. Efforts to be like men and women cannot lead to anything good in principle ... In addition to the formation of very beautiful legs, and

L O G I W E N SCH I N S - THIS O E E YO L I C O,