List of contemporary books Russian writers. Books for children 7-10 and 10-14 years old
I don’t want to charm modern schoolchildren: find out what is fashionable now, insert mentions of some things or cool words. I want to tell stories that happen with every generation, in every country and in every era. How to read to children - You have been writing children's books for 25 years. But parents complain that it is now difficult to captivate children with any kind of reading. - Children always read, but now it is really more difficult to get them interested in a book, because there are computer games, dozens of TV channels. But if it works out, they become real readers - the same as we were in our time. It is necessary to read to kids at night, my wife and I always told our children some ...
Create a tradition oral stories!
List of books for children who have passed to the second grade.
Discussion
Thanks for the list. We are studying according to the elementary school system of the 21st century, and we have already re-read everything that we were asked. We can’t tear ourselves away from books directly, let’s take note of new works.
06/08/2018 15:08:51, Yulyashka DarinovaI also constantly buy ozone))) I bought textbooks for my son for school.
3 bedtime stories for kids
Well, give up this desire, and you will get a bun or a gingerbread - whatever you want. Vasya thought: after all, I don’t have to study to read right now, I’ll still have time, but I want to eat a bun right now. And he says: - Okay, I refuse. Get Vasya your favorite bun with poppy seeds and chocolate icing and move on. In the country of sweet buns, everything is so interesting, beautiful: trees, flowers, playgrounds with swings, houses, slides, ladders. Vasya looked at everything, climbed everywhere. Wanted to eat again. Sees - another counter with sweets. He approached. The saleswoman asks: - Do you want a bun? - Want. I just don't have money. “And we don’t sell for money, but for skills. How is that for skills? - do not understand...
Discussion
The article is just SUPER!!! I am delighted! The main thing is very interesting and the child corrected himself, the fairy tale made him think and draw the right conclusions. Especially the fairy tale about Vika, I would cry too ... very instructive!
08/22/2007 12:45:59 pm, marinaWe had a dog - a black medium poodle Timofey. Ten years ago he died, but to great joy he left us pleasant memories of what he did when he was little.
Strange as it may seem, Nosov’s book “Dunno and His Friends”, “Dunno in sunny city”, and “Dunno on the Moon” can be considered childish fantastic work. Younger schoolchildren from the books of Russian authors like the adventure children's tales of Sophia Prokofieva, Eduard Uspensky, fantasy stories and stories by Kira Bulychev. Junior boys adolescence you can offer Tolkien's "The Hobbit", after which (at a slightly older age) you can go on to reading the world-famous trilogy "The Lord of the Rings" by the same author. An important role in the...
Discussion
On the eve of the holidays in most schools, students are given very extensive lists of literature, which each of them must overcome by the beginning of the school year.
...Books about suffering and fortitude can support a child whose mental strength has been exhausted in the struggle with life's troubles (for example, problems with peers, the pain of first love, divorce of parents, etc.) Do not neglect "lightweight" literature. Lyrical "ladies' reading" develops a normal sensual femininity in girls. And entertaining and humorous stories help sick children come to terms with temporary inactivity. It is clear that no universal councils out of the question. It's just that there are books that are the most optimal for reading in childhood: very bright, simple and cheerful tales of Rodari, "The Adventures of Baron Munchausen" Raspe and, oddly enough, the works of Hemingway, for all their complexity. Besides...
A very strange article. I did not like it, as, indeed, many who unsubscribed earlier ...
competition at school expressive reading prose work. I think in the direction of the humorous, because it is more interesting to listen to. The child is 7 years old. Tell me, who, besides Nosov (read out), has short stories? Thank you.
Hello, is this a lost and found office? asked a childish voice. - Yes baby. Have you lost something? - I lost my mother. She is not with you? - What is your mother like? - She is beautiful and kind. And she also loves cats. - Yes, just yesterday we found one mother, maybe it's yours. Where are you calling from? - From orphanage No. 3. - Okay, we'll send your mother to your orphanage. Wait. She entered his room, the most beautiful and kind, and in her hands was a real live cat. - Mother! The baby screamed and rushed to her. He...
Discussion
And I cried so much. So all this is vital, true - this is how a child dreams, this is how, with maniacal persistence, we adopt.
Oh, and about me, no one called the heavenly office. Well, so that there is an ideal man, love, good luck, and most importantly - an endless cash flow. And I did everything like in a fairy tale-e-e-e (I cry)
The topic of reading has been raised many times already, with different parties discussed. I will also do my part. I also have a child who can't read. But here it is necessary: sunk into humorous books. Reads with pleasure and asks for more. funny stories, stories. Jokes come first. Even the problem of magazines discussed below is as follows: we read mainly jokes and funny stories from them, and everything else, including comics, is simply a free supplement to these jokes. All in all, I'm glad...
Discussion
I also remembered: N. Dumbadze, "I, grandmother, Iliko and Illarion"
In the new season 2004-05 in the Central House of Artists on the literary subscription number 4 for young. schoolchildren, which is called "The Most Incredible", will read Dragoon's "Deniska's stories" and "Little Baba Yaga" by Preysler. Highly recommend. When the son hears
good works performed by professionals, he will want to read them all the more.
Or you can go further: buy subscription No. 3 "Through the pages of your favorite books". Although it is addressed to grades 5-7, we bought it :-)
Gogol "The Night Before Christmas", Seton-Thompson "Stories about Animals", Hugo "Les Misérables", Gauf "Dwarf Nose" will not leave anyone indifferent. Let the child first like these books, and then he will read them himself.
Girls, please advise for the competition, my son is 10 years old. I don’t like poetry myself and I don’t know which of the authors writes funny :(
The child will be auditioned theater school. You need to read the verse. In order not to be long, beautiful, interesting and memorable. adult level. Maybe one of your favorites?
Discussion
Vladimir Volkodav - Mute:
One day, on a fine May day,
A passer-by fell on the street,
Fell absurdly, right into the dirt,
Everyone was pointing fingers and laughing...
And floated past the face.
Grumbled - it is necessary to get so drunk!
And he - looked with a plea at everyone,
Trying to get up, and laughter and ... sin.
Mumbling obscure words...
Head covered in blood...
Mud flowed from the face,
Whispered around - "cattle", "scum" ...
And bypassed
Proud in my heart, I'm not like that!
And spitting in disgust
Fear of getting dirty in the mud.
Others - just hiding their eyes,
They walked past, they say they are in a hurry ...
Raise? ... God forbid!
He is like an animal, in the mud.
***
So hour after hour passed,
And now the sunset is over...
Deep at night, only a patrol,
I noticed a sack in a dirty puddle ...
Disdainfully kicked with a boot,
Get up, wino... the basement is your house.
Didn't notice the blue lips...
He did not answer ... he was - THE CORPSE ...
***
The gray-haired man was not drunk,
A sick heart was squeezed by a trap,
Fate grinning,
Pushed him straight into the dirt...
In vain, he tried to get up,
In vain, he tried to call
Crushed by pain, like a wall ...
But the trouble is… he was MUTE…
***
And maybe one of us
I've seen this more than once
A vile grin is melting,
Perhaps they will help ... but - not me ...
So who are we ... people ... or not?
Simple question - not an easy answer.
Loving the laws of the jungle
Where everyone is only for themselves.
***
One fine day in May
A passer-by fell on the street ...
To become a man, it is not enough for him to be born Mikhail Lvov
02/08/2018 20:46:58, david2212121221Have you noticed that many children really like all sorts of theatrical performances? In teaching reading, when the stage of reading individual words and phrases has already been completed, reading simple sentences not inspiring, and the texts are still difficult to read, short dialogues help a lot. They can be read by roles (with a teacher, with mom, with comrades in the training group), you can read alone different voices. We read both poetry and prose. Now, for example, I am making a book based on Suteev for reading - "The Mouse and ...
Discussion
Oleg Grigoriev.
I carried home
A bag of candy.
And then towards me
Neighbour.
Taken off beret:
- ABOUT! Hello!
What are you carrying?
- A bag of candy.
- How - candy?
Yes, candy.
- A compote?
- There is no compote.
- No compote
And it is not necessary…
Are they chocolate?
Yes, they are chocolate.
- Fine,
I am very happy.
I love chocolate.
Give me candy.
- For candy.
- And that one, that one, that one...
Beauty! Delicious!
And this one, and that one...
No more?
- No more.
- Well hello.
- Well hello.
- Well hello.
L. Mironova
- Where is the apple, Andryusha?
- Apple? I've been eating for a long time.
- You didn't wash it, it seems.
- I cleaned his skin!
- Well done you have become!
- I've been like this for a long time.
- And where are the cleaning cases?
- Ah... cleaning... also ate.
S.V. Mikhalkov Kittens.
Our kittens were born -
There are exactly five of them.
We decided, we guessed:
How should we name kittens?
Finally we named them:
ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVE.
ONCE - the kitten is the whitest,
TWO - the kitten is the most courageous,
THREE - the kitten is the smartest,
And FOUR is the noisiest.
FIVE - similar to THREE and TWO -
Same tail and head
The same spot on the back
He also sleeps all day in a basket.
We have good kittens -
ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVE!
Come visit us guys
View and count
Sing, great! B. Zakhoder
- Hello, Vova!
- How are your lessons?
- Not ready...
You know, bad cat
Doesn't let you do it!
Just sat down at the table
I hear: "Meow ..." - "What came?
Leave! I scream at the cat. -
I'm already... unbearable!
You see, I'm busy with science,
So shove and don't meow!"
He then climbed into a chair,
He pretended to fall asleep.
Well, he deftly pretended -
It's almost like he's sleeping! -
But you can't fool me...
“Oh, are you sleeping? Now you get up!
You are smart and I am smart!
Once by the tail!
- And he?
He scratched my hands
Pulled the tablecloth off the table
Spilled all the ink on the floor
All the notebooks smeared on me
And slipped out the window!
I'm ready to forgive the cat
I feel sorry for them, cats.
But why do they say
Like it's my own fault?
I openly told my mother:
“This is just slander!
Would you try it yourself
Hold the cat's tail!
Fedul, what pouted his lips?
-Caftan burnt.
- You can sew.
- No needles.
-How big is the hole?
-One gate left.
I caught a bear!
- So bring it here!
-Does not go.
- So you go!
- He won't let me!
Where, Thomas, are you going?
Where are you driving?
- I'm going to mow hay,
What do you need hay for?
- Feed the cows.
- What about cows?
-Milk milk.
- Why milk?
-Feed the kids.
Hello kitty, how are you?
Why did you leave us?
- I can't live with you
Tail nowhere to put
Walk, yawn
Step on the tail. Meow!
V.Orlov
Theft.
- Kra! crow cries.
Theft! Guard! Robbery! The missing!
The thief crept early in the morning!
He stole a penny from his pocket!
Pencil! Cardboard! Cork!
And a nice box!
- Stop, crow, shut up!
Shut up, don't scream!
You can't live without cheating!
You don't have a pocket!
- How? - jumped the crow
and blinked in surprise
Why didn't you say before?
Kar-r-raul! Kar-r-rman ukr-rali!
Who is first.
Who offended whom first?
- He me!
- No, he me!
Who hit whom first?
- He me!
- No, he me!
- Have you been friends like this before?
- I was friends.
- And I was friends.
What didn't you share?
- I forgot.
- And I forgot.
Fedya! Run to Aunt Olya,
Bring some salt.
- Salts?
- Salts.
- I am now.
- Oh, and Fedin's hour is long.
Well, it finally arrived!
Where have you been running, brat?
- Met Mishka and Seryozhka.
- And then?
- They were looking for a cat.
- And then?
- Then they found it.
- And then?
- Let's go to the pond.
- And then?
- Catching a pike!
Barely pulled out the evil one!
- Pike?
- Pike.
- But wait, where is the salt?
- What kind of salt?
S.Ya. Marshak
Wolf and fox.
Gray wolf in dense forest
Met a red fox.
Lisaveta, hello!
- How are you, toothy?
Nothing is going on.
The head is still intact.
Where have you been?
- On the market.
- What did you buy?
- Pigs.
How much did they take?
- Wool tuft,
skinned
right side,
Tail bitten off in a fight!
- Who gnawed?
- Dogs!
Are you full, dear kumanek?
- Barely dragged his legs!
Everyone Thanks a lot for answers and new ideas!
Dear friends! I recently met interesting person, a real sorceress - a children's writer from Moscow Natalya Osipova. There is a lot in her creative baggage amazing fairy tales, some of which have become interesting cartoons, became the basis of beautiful children's books. Especially for the readers of the 7ya.ru portal, Natalya Nikolaevna wrote a letter. I publish it and invite you to the YouTube channel to watch the video clip "Brilliant parrot!". Best regards...
Interesting stories by Viktor Golyavkin for junior schoolchildren. Stories to read in primary school. extracurricular reading in grades 1-4.
Viktor Golyavkin. NOTEBOOKS IN THE RAIN
At recess, Marik says to me:
Let's get out of class. Look how good it is outside!
- What if Aunt Dasha delays with briefcases?
- You need to throw your briefcases out the window.
We looked out the window: near the wall it was dry, and a little further away there was a huge puddle. Don't throw your portfolios into the puddle! We removed the straps from our trousers, tied them together, and carefully lowered our briefcases over them. At this time, the bell rang. The teacher entered. I had to sit down. The lesson has begun. Rain poured outside the window. Marik writes me a note:
Our notebooks are gone
I answer him:
Our notebooks are gone
He writes to me:
What we are going to do?
I answer him:
What we are going to do?
Suddenly they call me to the blackboard.
“I can’t,” I say, “I can go to the blackboard.
"How," I think, "to go without a belt?"
“Go, go, I will help you,” the teacher says.
- You don't need to help me.
“Did you get sick by any chance?”
“I got sick,” I say.
- How about homework?
- Good with homework.
The teacher comes up to me.
- Well, show me your notebook.
- What's going on with you?
You'll have to put in a two.
He opens the magazine and gives me a F, and I think about my notebook, which is now getting wet in the rain.
The teacher gave me a deuce and calmly says this:
"You're kind of weird today...
Viktor Golyavkin. THINGS ARE NOT GOING MY WAY
One day I come home from school. On this day, I just got a deuce. I walk around the room and sing. I sing and sing so that no one would think that I got a deuce. And then they will ask again: “Why are you gloomy, why are you thoughtful? »
Father says:
What is he singing like that?
And mom says:
- He must be in a cheerful mood, so he sings.
Father says:
- Probably got an A, that's fun for a man. It's always fun when you do something good.
When I heard this, I sang even louder.
Then the father says:
- Well, Vovka, please your father, show the diary.
At this point, I immediately stopped singing.
- For what? I ask.
“I see,” says the father, “you really want to show the diary.
He takes my diary, sees a deuce there and says:
- Surprisingly, he got a deuce and sings! What, is he crazy? Come on, Vova, come here! Do you happen to have a temperature?
“I don’t have,” I say, “no temperature.”
Father spread his hands and says:
“Then you should be punished for this singing…”
That's how bad luck I am!
Viktor Golyavkin. WHAT'S INTERESTING
When Goga started going to first grade, he knew only two letters: O - a circle and T - a hammer. And that's it. I didn't know any other letters. And he couldn't read.
Grandmother tried to teach him, but he immediately came up with a trick:
“Now, now, granny, I’ll wash the dishes for you.”
And he immediately ran to the kitchen to wash the dishes. And the old grandmother forgot about her studies and even bought him gifts for helping with the household. And Gogin's parents were on a long business trip and hoped for a grandmother. And of course, they did not know that their son had not yet learned to read. But Goga often washed the floor and dishes, went for bread, and his grandmother praised him in every possible way in letters to his parents. And read aloud to him. And Goga, sitting comfortably on the sofa, listened with eyes closed. “Why should I learn to read,” he reasoned, “if my grandmother reads aloud to me.” He didn't even try.
And in class, he dodged as best he could.
The teacher tells him:
- Read it right here.
He pretended to read, and he himself told from memory what his grandmother read to him. The teacher stopped him. To the laughter of the class, he said:
- Do you want me I'd better close a window leaf so as not to blow.
“I’m so dizzy that I’m probably going to fall now ...
He pretended so skillfully that one day his teacher sent him to the doctor. The doctor asked:
- How is your health?
"Bad," said Goga.
- What hurts?
“Well then, go to class.
- Why?
Because you don't have any pain.
— How do you know?
- How do you know that? the doctor laughed. And he lightly pushed Goga to the exit. Goga never pretended to be sick again, but he continued to evade.
And the efforts of classmates did not lead to anything. First, Masha, an excellent student, was attached to him.
"Let's study seriously," Masha told him.
- When? Goga asked.
- Yeah right now.
"I'll be right back," said Goga.
And he left and didn't come back.
Then Grisha, an excellent student, was attached to him. They stayed in the classroom. But as soon as Grisha opened the primer, Goga reached under the desk.
- Where are you going? Grisha asked.
“Come here,” Goga called.
“No one will interfere with us here.
- Yah you! - Grisha, of course, was offended and immediately left.
No one else was attached to him.
As time went. He dodged.
Gogin's parents arrived and found that their son could not read a single line. The father grabbed his head, and the mother grabbed the book that she brought to her child.
“Now every evening,” she said, “I will read this wonderful book aloud to my son.
Grandma said:
“Yes, yes, I also read interesting books aloud to Gogochka every evening.
But the father said:
“You really shouldn’t have done it. Our Gogochka has grown lazy to such an extent that he cannot read a single line. I ask everyone to leave for the meeting.
And dad, along with grandma and mom, left for a meeting. And Goga was at first worried about the meeting, and then calmed down when his mother began to read to him from a new book. And even dangled his legs with pleasure and almost spat on the carpet.
But he didn't know what the meeting was! What did they decide!
So Mom read him a page and a half after the meeting. And he, dangling his legs, naively imagined that this would continue to continue. But when mom stopped at the very interesting place He got excited again.
And when she handed him the book, he became even more excited.
He immediately suggested:
- Come on, Mom, I'll wash the dishes.
And he ran to wash the dishes.
He ran to his father.
The father strictly told him never to make such requests to him again.
He slipped the book to his grandmother, but she yawned and dropped it from her hands. He picked up the book from the floor and gave it back to his grandmother. But she again dropped it from her hands. No, she had never fallen asleep so quickly in her chair before! “Is it really,” thought Goga, “is she sleeping, or was she instructed at the meeting to pretend? Goga pulled her, shook her, but grandmother did not even think of waking up.
In desperation, he sat down on the floor and looked at the pictures. But from the pictures it was difficult to understand what was going on there.
He brought the book to class. But classmates refused to read to him. Even more than that: Masha immediately left, and Grisha defiantly climbed under the desk.
Goga stuck to a high school student, but he flicked his nose and laughed.
That's what a home meeting means!
That's what the public means!
He soon read the whole book and many other books, but out of habit he never forgot to go out for bread, wash the floor or wash the dishes.
That's what's interesting!
Viktor Golyavkin. IN THE CLOSET
Before class, I climbed into the closet. I wanted to meow from the closet. They'll think it's a cat, but it's me.
I sat in the closet, waited for the start of the lesson and did not notice myself how I fell asleep.
I wake up - the class is quiet. I look through the crack - no one is there. He pushed the door, and it was closed. So I slept through the whole lesson. Everyone went home, and they locked me in the closet.
Stuffy in the closet and dark as night. I was scared, I started screaming:
— Eee! I'm in the closet! Help!
Listened - silence all around.
- ABOUT! Comrades! I'm in the closet!
I hear someone's steps. Someone is coming.
- Who's yelling here?
I immediately recognized Aunt Nyusha, the cleaner.
I rejoiced, I shout:
- Aunt Nyusha, I'm here!
- Where are you, dear?
- I'm in the closet! In the closet!
“How did you get there, honey?”
- I'm in the closet, grandma!
“I can hear that you are in the closet. So what do you want?
- They locked me in a closet. Oh, grandma!
Aunt Nyusha left. Silence again. She must have gone for the key.
Pal Palych tapped on the cabinet with his finger.
“There is no one there,” said Pal Palych.
- How not. Yes, said Aunt Nyusha.
- Well, where is he? - said Pal Palych and knocked again on the cabinet.
I was afraid that everyone would leave, I would stay in the closet, and I shouted with all my might:
- I'm here!
- Who are you? Pal Palych asked.
— I... Tsypkin...
"Why did you get in there, Tsypkin?"
- They locked me up... I didn't get in...
— Hm... He was locked up! But he didn't get in! Did you see? What wizards in our school! They do not climb into the closet while they are locked in the closet. Miracles don't happen, do you hear, Tsypkin?
- I hear...
- How long have you been sitting there? Pal Palych asked.
- Don't know...
“Find the key,” said Pal Palych. - Fast.
Aunt Nyusha went for the key, but Pal Palych remained. He sat down on a chair nearby and waited. I saw through
slit his face. He was very angry. He lit up and said:
- Well! That's where the prank comes in. Tell me honestly: why are you in the closet?
I really wanted to disappear from the closet. They open the closet, but I'm not there. As if I had never been there. They will ask me: “Were you in the closet?” I'll say, "I didn't." They will say to me: “Who was there?” I'll say, "I don't know."
But that only happens in fairy tales! Surely tomorrow mom will be called ... Your son, they will say, climbed into the closet, slept there all the lessons, and all that ... as if it’s comfortable for me to sleep here! My legs hurt, my back hurts. One pain! What was my answer?
I was silent.
Are you alive there? Pal Palych asked.
- Alive...
- Well, sit down, they will open soon ...
- I am sitting...
"Yes..." said Pal Palych. “So you tell me why you climbed into this closet?”
- Who? Tsypkin? In the closet? Why?
I wanted to disappear again.
The director asked:
Tsypkin, is that you?
I sighed heavily. I just couldn't answer anymore.
Aunt Nyusha said:
The class president took the key.
"Break down the door," the director said.
I felt the door being broken, the closet shook, I hit my forehead painfully. I was afraid that the cabinet would fall, and I cried. I rested my hands on the walls of the closet, and when the door gave way and opened, I continued to stand in the same way.
“Come on out,” the director said. And tell us what that means.
I didn't move. I was scared.
Why is he standing? the director asked.
They took me out of the closet.
I was silent all the time.
I didn't know what to say.
I just wanted to meow. But how would I put it...
Funniest Literary Opus Competition
Send us withhowl short funny stories,
really happened in your life.
Great prizes await the winners!
Be sure to include:
1. Last name, first name, age
2. Title of work
3. Email address
Winners are determined in three age groups:
1 group - up to 7 years
Group 2 - from 7 to 10 years old
Group 3 - over 10 years old
Competitive works:
Didn't cheat...
This morning, as usual, I do a light jog. Suddenly a cry from behind - uncle, uncle! I stop - I see a girl of 11-12 years old rushing towards me with a Caucasian shepherd dog, continuing to shout: "Uncle, uncle!" I, thinking that something happened, go forward. When there were 5 meters left before our meeting, the girl was able to say the phrase to the end:
Uncle, I'm sorry, but she will bite you now !!!
Didn't cheat...
Sofia Batrakova, 10 years old
salt tea
It happened one morning. I got up and went to the kitchen for tea. I did everything automatically: I poured tea leaves, boiling water and put 2 tablespoons of granulated sugar. She sat down at the table and began to drink tea with pleasure, but it was not sweet tea, but salty! Waking up, I put salt instead of sugar.
My relatives made fun of me for a long time.
Guys, draw conclusions: go to bed on time so that you don’t drink salty tea in the morning!!!
Agata Popova, student of MOU "Secondary School No. 2, Kondopoga
Quiet time for seedlings
Grandmother and her grandson decided to plant tomato seedlings. Together they poured earth, planted seeds, watered them. Every day, the granddaughter looked forward to the appearance of sprouts. Here are the first shoots. How much joy! Seedlings grew by leaps and bounds. One evening, the grandmother told her grandson that tomorrow morning we would go to plant seedlings in the garden ... In the morning, the grandmother woke up early, and what was her surprise: all the seedlings were lying. Grandmother asks her grandson: “What happened to our seedlings?” And the granddaughter proudly replies: “I put our seedlings to sleep!”
school snake
After the summer, after the summer
I'm flying on wings to the classroom!
Together again - Kolya, Sveta,
Olya, Tolya, Katya, Stas!
How many stamps and postcards
Butterflies, beetles, snails.
Stones, glass, shells.
Eggs are motley cuckoos.
This is a hawk claw.
Here is the herbarium! - Chur, do not touch!
I take it out of my bag
What would you think?.. A snake!
Where is the noise and laughter now?
As if the wind had blown everyone away!
Dasha Balashova, 11 years old
Rabbit peace
Once I went to the market for shopping. I stood in line for meat, and a guy is standing in front of me, looking at the meat, and there is a sign with the inscription "Rabbit of the World." The guy probably did not immediately understand that "Rabbit of the World" is the name of the saleswoman, and now his turn comes up, and he says: "Give me 300-400 grams of the rabbit of the world," he says - very interesting, he never tried it. The saleswoman looks up and says, "Mira Rabbit is me." The whole line was just laughing.
Nastya Bohunenko, 14 years old
The winner of the competition is Ksyusha Alekseeva, 11 years old,
sent such a "chuckle":
I am Pushkin!
Once, in the fourth grade, we were asked to learn a poem. Finally the day came when everyone had to tell it. Andrey Alekseev was the first to go to the blackboard (he has nothing to lose, because his name is in front of everyone in the class magazine). Here he expressively recited a poem, and the teacher of literature, who came to our lesson to replace our teacher, asks for his last name and first name. And it seemed to Andrei that he was asked to name the author of the poem he had learned. Then he said so confidently and loudly: "Alexander Pushkin." Then the whole class roared with laughter along with the new teacher.
COMPETITION IS CLOSED
Viktor GolyavkinHow I sat under the desk
Only the teacher turned away to the blackboard, and I once - and under the desk. When the teacher notices that I have disappeared, he will be terribly surprised, probably.
I wonder what he'll think? He will ask everyone where I have gone - that will be laughter! Half a lesson has already passed, and I'm still sitting. "When, - I think, - will he see that I'm not in the class?" And it's hard to sit under the desk. My back even hurt. Try to sit like this! I coughed - no attention. I can't sit anymore. Moreover, Seryozhka pokes me in the back with his foot all the time. I couldn't stand it. Didn't make it to the end of the lesson. I get out and say:
Excuse me, Pyotr Petrovich.
The teacher asks:
What's the matter? Do you want to board?
No, excuse me, I was sitting under the desk ...
Well, how is it comfortable to sit there, under the desk? You were very quiet today. That's the way it's always been in class.
In the closet
Before class, I climbed into the closet. I wanted to meow from the closet. They'll think it's a cat, but it's me.
I sat in the closet, waited for the start of the lesson and did not notice myself how I fell asleep. I wake up - the class is quiet. I look through the crack - no one is there. He pushed the door, and it was closed. So I slept through the whole lesson. Everyone went home, and they locked me in the closet.
Stuffy in the closet and dark as night. I was scared, I started screaming:
Eee! I'm in the closet! Help! Listened - silence all around.
ABOUT! Comrades! I'm in the closet! I hear someone's steps.
Someone is coming.
Who is yelling here?
I immediately recognized Aunt Nyusha, the cleaner. I rejoiced, I shout:
Aunt Nyusha, I'm here!
Where are you, dear?
I'm in the closet! In the closet!
How are you. honey, did you get there?
I'm in the closet, grandma!
So I hear that you're in the closet. So what do you want? I was locked in a closet. Oh, grandma! Aunt Nyusha left. Silence again. She must have gone for the key.
Pal Palych tapped on the cabinet with his finger.
There is no one there, - said Pal Palych. How not? Yes, - said Aunt Nyusha.
Well, where is he? - said Pal Palych and knocked again on the cabinet.
I was afraid that everyone would leave, I would stay in the closet, and I shouted with all my might:
I'm here!
Who are you? asked Pal Palych.
I... Tsypkin...
Why did you climb up there, Tsypkin?
They locked me up... I didn't get in...
Um... He's locked up! But he didn't get in! Did you see? What wizards in our school! They do not climb into the closet while they are locked in the closet! Miracles don't happen, do you hear, Tsypkin?
I hear...
How long have you been sitting there? asked Pal Palych.
Don't know…
Find the key, Pal Palych said. - Fast.
Aunt Nyusha went for the key, but Pal Palych remained. He sat down on a chair nearby and waited. I saw his face through the crack. He was very angry. He lit up and said:
Well! That's what prank leads to! Tell me honestly why are you in the closet?
I really wanted to disappear from the closet. They open the closet, but I'm not there. As if I had never been there. They will ask me: "Were you in the closet?" I'll say, "I didn't." They will say to me: "Who was there?" I'll say, "I don't know."
But that only happens in fairy tales! Surely tomorrow my mother will be called ... Your son, they will say, climbed into the closet, slept there all the lessons, and all that ... As if it’s comfortable for me to sleep here! My legs hurt, my back hurts. One pain! What was my answer?
I was silent.
Are you alive there? asked Pal Palych.
Alive…
Well, sit down, they will open soon ...
I am sitting…
So ... - said Pal Palych. - So you will answer me, why did you climb into this closet?
Who? Tsypkin? In the closet? Why?
I wanted to disappear again.
The director asked:
Tsypkin, are you?
I sighed heavily. I just couldn't answer anymore.
Aunt Nyusha said:
The class leader took the key.
Break open the door, - said the director.
I felt the door being broken - the closet shook, I hit my forehead painfully. I was afraid that the cabinet would fall, and I cried. I rested my hands on the walls of the closet, and when the door gave way and opened, I continued to stand in the same way.
Well, come out, - said the director. And tell us what that means.
I didn't move. I was scared.
Why is he worth it? the director asked.
They took me out of the closet.
I was silent all the time.
I didn't know what to say.
I just wanted to meow. But how would I say this?
Secret
We have secrets from girls. We don't trust them with our secrets for anything in the world. They can spread any secret all over the world. Even the most state secrets they can blabbed. It's a good thing they don't trust them!
Indeed, we do not have important secrets where can we get them! So we made them ourselves. We had such a secret: we buried a couple of bullets in the sand and did not tell anyone about it. There was another secret: we collected nails. For example, I collected twenty-five different kinds of nails, but who knew about it? Nobody! I didn't spill the beans to anyone. You understand how difficult it was for us! So many secrets passed through our hands that I don't even remember how many there were. And none of the girls knew anything. They walked and looked askance at us, various grimaces, and thought only of this, in order to extract our secrets from us. Although they never asked us about anything, it doesn't mean anything! How clever, though!
And yesterday I walk around the yard with our secret, with our new wonderful secret, and suddenly I see Irka. I walked by a few times and she looked at me.
I still walked around the yard, and then went up to her and sighed softly. I sighed lightly on purpose so that she wouldn't think I sighed on purpose.
I sighed a couple more times, she just looked sideways again, and that was it. Then I stopped sighing, since there was no sense in it, and I said:
If you knew that I know, you would have failed right here on the spot.
She looked at me again and said:
Do not worry, - he answers, - I will not fail, no matter how you yourself fail.
And why should I, - I say, - fail, I have nothing to fail, since I know the secret.
Secret? - speaks. - What secret?
She looks at me and waits for me to start telling her about the secret.
And I say:
A secret is a secret, and it does not exist for everyone to blurt out this secret.
For some reason she got angry and said:
Then get out of here with your secrets!
Ha, - I say, - that's still not enough! Is this your yard?
It even made me laugh. Here's what we've come to!
We stood, stood, then I see - she looks askance again.
I pretended to leave. And I say:
OK. The secret will remain with me. And he chuckled so that she understood what it meant.
She didn't even turn her head to me and said:
You don't have any secrets. If you had any secret, you would have told it long ago, and since you don’t tell, it means that there is nothing like that.
What do you think she's saying? Some kind of nonsense? But to be honest, I'm a little confused. And it’s true, because they may not believe me that I have some kind of secret, since no one except me knows about it. Everything is mixed up in my head. But I pretended that nothing was mixed up with me there, and I say:
It's a shame you can't be trusted. And then I would tell you everything. But you can be a traitor...
And then I see, she again squints at me with one eye.
I speak:
The matter here is not simple, I hope you understand this very well, and I think it’s not worth being offended at any occasion, especially if it were not a secret, but some trifle, and if I knew you better ...
I spoke long and hard. For some reason, I had such a desire - to talk a lot and for a long time. When I finished, she was not around.
She was crying, leaning against the wall. Her shoulders were trembling. I heard sobs.
I immediately realized that she could not be a traitor for anything in the world. She is just the kind of person you can safely trust with everything. I understood it right away.
You see ... - I said, - if you ... give your word ... and swear ...
And I told her the whole secret.
The next day they beat me.
She pissed everyone off...
But the most important thing was not that Irka turned out to be a traitor, not that the secret was revealed, but that then we could not come up with a single new secret, no matter how hard we tried.
I didn't eat any mustard
I hid my bag under the stairs. And he himself turned around the corner, went out onto the avenue.
Spring. Sun. Birds are singing. Somehow reluctant to go to school. Anyone will get bored. That's what I'm tired of.
I look - the car is standing, the driver is looking at something in the engine. I ask him:
Broke?
The driver is silent.
Broke? - I ask.
He is silent.
I stood, I stood, I said:
What, the car broke down?
This time he heard.
Guessed, - he says, - it broke. Do you want to help? Well, let's do it together.
Yes, I... I can't...
If you don't know how, you don't have to. I'm on my own anyway.
There are two standing. They are talking. I come closer. I listen. One says:
How about a patent?
Another says:
Good with the patent.
"Who is this, - I think, - a patent? I have never heard of him." I thought they would say more about the patent. And they didn't say anything more about the patent. They began to talk about the plant. One noticed me and said to the other:
Look, the guy opened his mouth.
And he turns to me:
What do you want?
Nothing for me, - I answer, - I just like that ...
Don't you have anything to do?
That's good! Do you see the crooked house over there?
Go push him from that side so that he is even.
Like this?
And so. There's nothing for you to do. You push him. And they both laugh.
I wanted to answer something, but I couldn't think of it. On the way, he came up with it, returned to them.
It's not funny, I say, but you're laughing.
They don't seem to hear. Me again:
Not funny at all. What are you laughing at?
Then one says:
We don't laugh at all. Where do you see us laughing?
They weren't really laughing anymore. They used to laugh. So I'm a little late...
ABOUT! The broom stands against the wall. And there is no one around. Great broom, great!
The janitor suddenly comes out of the gate:
Don't touch the broom!
Why do I need a broom? I don't need a broom...
If you don't need it, then don't go near the broom. A broom for work, not to be approached.
Some evil janitor got caught! Brooms are even a pity. Eh, what would you like to do? It's too early to go home. The lessons are not over yet. Walking the streets is boring. The guys are nowhere to be seen.
Climb on scaffolding?! A house is being renovated right next door. I look down on the city. Suddenly I hear a voice:
Where are you going? Hey!
I look - there is no one. Wow! There is no one, but someone is screaming! He began to rise higher - again:
Well, get down!
I turn my head in all directions. Where are they screaming from? What's happened?
Get off! Hey! Get down, get down!
I nearly fell down the stairs.
Moved to the other side of the street. Upstairs, I look at the forests. I wonder who yelled it. I didn't see anyone up close. And from afar I saw everything - the workers on the scaffolding are plastering, painting ...
I got on the tram and drove to the ring. There's nowhere to go anyway. I'd rather ride. Tired of walking.
I made the second round on the tram. Came to the same place. One more round to go, right? It's not time to go home yet. Too early. I look out the car window. Everyone is in a hurry somewhere, in a hurry. Where is everyone rushing to? Unclear.
Suddenly the conductor says:
Pay boy again.
I have more money There is not. I only had thirty kopecks.
Then go, boy. Go on foot.
Oh, I have a long walk to go!
And you don't ride. Didn't you go to school?
How do you know?
I know everything. You can see.
What is visible?
It's obvious that you didn't go to school. Here's what's visible. The kids are happy from school. And you seem to have eaten mustard.
I didn't eat any mustard...
Go anyway. I don't drive truants for free.
And then he says:
Okay, ride. I won't allow it next time. So know.
But I still got off. Somehow uncomfortable. The place is completely unfamiliar. I have never been in this area. On one side there are houses. On the other side there are no houses; five excavators are digging the ground. How elephants walk on the ground. They scoop up the earth with buckets and pour it to the side. Here is the technique! It's good to sit in a booth. Much better than going to school. You sit to yourself, and he walks and digs the earth.
One excavator stopped. The excavator climbs down to the ground and tells me:
Do you want to get into the bucket?
I was offended:
Why do I need a bucket? I want to go to the cab.
And then I remembered about the mustard that the conductor told me, and began to smile. So that the excavator thinks that I am cheerful. And I'm not bored at all. Lest op guess I wasn't at school.
He looked at me in surprise.
Look at you, brother, some foolish.
I began to smile even more. Mouth almost stretched to the ears.
What happened to you?
What are you making faces for me?
Give me a ride on the excavator.
This is not a trolleybus for you. This is a working machine. People work on it. Clear?
I speak:
I also want to work on it.
He says:
Hey brother! Need to learn!
I thought it was about school. And he began to smile again.
And he waved his hand at me and climbed into the cockpit. He didn't want to talk to me anymore.
Spring. Sun. Sparrows bathe in puddles. I go and think to myself. What's the matter? Why is it so boring to me?
Traveler
I firmly decided to go to Antarctica. To temper your character. Everyone says that I am spineless - my mother, the teacher, even Vovka. It's always winter in Antarctica. And there is no summer at all. Only the bravest go there. So Vovkin's dad said. Vovkin's dad was there twice. He spoke to Vovka on the radio. He asked how Vovka lives, how he studies. I will also be on the radio. So mom doesn't have to worry.
In the morning I took all the books out of my bag, put sandwiches, a lemon, an alarm clock, a glass and a soccer ball in it. I'm sure I'll meet sea lions there - they like to twirl the ball on the nose. The ball didn't fit in the bag. I had to let the air out of him.
Our cat was walking on the table. I put it in my bag too. Barely everything fit.
Here I am on the platform. The locomotive whistles. How many people are traveling! You can take any train you want. In the end, you can always change seats.
I climbed into the car, sat down, where it was more free.
An old woman was sleeping opposite me. Then a soldier sat down with me. He said: "Hi neighbors!" - and woke up the old woman.
The old woman woke up and asked:
We go? - and fell asleep again.
The train started moving. I went to the window. Here is our house, our white curtains, our linen hanging in the yard ... Our house is no longer visible. I got a little scared at first. But this is just the beginning. And when the train went very fast, somehow I even became amused! After all, I'm going to temper my character!
I'm tired of looking out the window. I sat down again.
What is your name? - asked the military man.
Sasha, - I said almost inaudibly.
What about grandma sleeping?
And who knows!
Where are you heading? -
Far…
Visiting?
For how long?
He talked to me like an adult, and for that I really liked him.
For a couple of weeks, I said seriously.
Well, not bad, - said the military man, - very good.
I asked:
Are you in Antarctica?
Not yet; do you want to go to Antarctica?
How do you know?
Everyone wants to go to Antarctica.
I want too.
You see now!
You see ... I decided to temper myself ...
I understand, - said the military man, - sports, skating ...
Not really…
Now I understand - around five!
No ... - I said, - Antarctica ...
Antarctica? - asked the soldier.
Someone invited a military man to play checkers. And he went to another compartment.
The old lady woke up.
Don't dangle your legs, said the old woman.
I went to see how they play checkers.
Suddenly ... I even opened my eyes - Murka was walking towards me. And I forgot about her! How did she get out of the bag?
She ran back and I followed her. She climbed under someone's shelf - I, too, immediately climbed under the shelf.
Murka! I shouted. - Murka!
What's that noise? shouted the conductor. - Why is the cat here?
This cat is mine.
Who is this boy with?
Me with the cat...
With what cat?
He is traveling with his grandmother, - said the military man, - she is nearby, in the compartment.
The conductor took me straight to the old woman.
Is this boy with you?
He is with the commander, - said the old woman.
Antarctica ... - the military man remembered, - everything is clear ... Do you understand what is the matter here? This boy decided to go to Antarctica. And so he took a cat with him ... And what else did you take with you, boy?
Lemon, - I said, - and more sandwiches ...
And went to educate his character?
Which bad boy! - said the old woman.
Ugliness! - confirmed the conductor.
Then for some reason everyone started laughing. Even Grandma started laughing. She even had tears in her eyes. I did not know that everyone was laughing at me, and slowly laughed too.
Take the cat, the guide said. - You arrived. Here it is, your Antarctica!
The train stopped.
"Really," I think, "Antarctica? So soon?"
We got off the train onto the platform. I was put on an oncoming train and taken home.
Mikhail Zoshchenko, Lev Kassil and others - Enchanted letter
Once Alyosha had a deuce. By singing. And so there were no more deuces. There were triplets. Almost all three were. One four was once a very long time ago.
And there were no fives at all. A person has not had a single five in his life! Well, it wasn’t like that, it wasn’t, well, what can you do! Happens. Alyosha lived without fives. Ros. Moved from class to class. I got my positive triples. He showed everyone the four and said:
Here, it was a long time ago.
And suddenly - five. And most importantly, why? For singing. He got this five quite by accident. He successfully sang something like that, and he was given a five. And even verbally praised. They said: "Well done, Alyosha!" In short, it was very pleasant event, which was overshadowed by one circumstance: he could not show this five to anyone, since it was entered in the journal, and the journal, of course, is usually not given to students. He forgot his diary at home. If so, then Alyosha does not have the opportunity to show everyone his five. And so all joy was darkened. And he, of course, wanted to show everyone, especially since this phenomenon in his life, as you understand, is rare. He may simply not be believed without factual data. If the five would be in a notebook, for example, for a problem solved at home or for a dictation, then it’s easier than ever. That is, go with this notebook and show it to everyone. Until the sheets start popping out.
In arithmetic class, he came up with a plan: steal a magazine! He steals the magazine and brings it back in the morning. During this time, he can bypass all acquaintances and strangers with this magazine. In short, he seized the moment and stole the magazine at recess. He slipped the magazine into his bag and sits as if nothing had happened. Only his heart is beating frantically, which is quite natural, since he committed theft. When the teacher returned, he was so surprised that the magazine was not in place that he didn’t even say anything, but suddenly became somehow thoughtful. It seemed that he doubted whether there was a magazine on the table or not, whether it came with or without a magazine. He never asked about the magazine: the idea that one of the students had stolen it did not even cross his mind. There was no such case in his pedagogical practice. II he, without waiting for the call, quietly left, and it was evident that he was greatly upset by his forgetfulness.
And Alyosha grabbed his bag and rushed home. On the tram, he took a magazine out of his bag, found his five there and looked at it for a long time. And when he was already walking down the street, he suddenly remembered that he had forgotten the magazine in the tram. When he remembered this, he almost collapsed from fear. He even said "oops!" Or something like that. The first thought that came to his mind was to run after the tram. But he quickly realized (he was still quick-witted!), that there was no point in running after the tram, since he had already left. Then many other thoughts came to his mind. But these were all such insignificant thoughts that it is not worth talking about them.
He even had such an idea: to take a train and go to the North. And go to work somewhere. Why exactly to the North, he did not know, but he was going there. I mean, he didn't even want to. He thought about it for a moment, and then remembered his mother, grandmother, his father and abandoned this idea. Then he thought if he should go to the Lost Property Bureau, it is quite possible that the magazine is there. But here comes the suspicion. He will certainly be detained and prosecuted. And he did not want to be held accountable, despite the fact that he deserved it.
He came home and even lost weight in one evening. And all night he could not sleep, and by morning, probably, he had lost even more weight.
First, his conscience tormented him. The entire class was left without a magazine. All friends' marks are gone. His excitement is understandable.
And secondly, five. One in a lifetime - and she was gone. No, I understand it. True, I do not quite understand his desperate act, but his feelings are completely understandable to me.
So he came to school in the morning. Worried. Nervous. Lump in throat. Doesn't look into the eyes.
The teacher comes. Speaks:
Guys! The magazine is gone. Some sort of opportu- nity. And where could he go?
Alyosha is silent.
The teacher says:
I kind of remember coming to class with a magazine. Even saw it on the table. But at the same time, I doubt it. I couldn't lose it on the way, although I remember very well how I picked it up in the teacher's room and carried it along the corridor.
Some guys say:
No, we remember that the magazine was on the table. We saw.
The teacher says:
In that case, where does he go?
Here Alyosha could not stand it. He could no longer sit and be silent. He got up and says:
The magazine is probably in the chamber of lost things ...
The teacher was surprised and said:
Where? Where?
And the class laughed.
Then Alyosha, very excited, says:
No, I’m telling you the truth, he’s probably in the chamber of lost things… he couldn’t be lost…
In what chamber? - says the teacher.
Lost things, - says Alyosha.
I don't understand anything, says the teacher.
Then Alyosha suddenly for some reason was afraid that he would get a big blow for this case if he confessed, and he said:
I just wanted to advise...
The teacher looked at him and said sadly:
Don't talk nonsense, do you hear?
At this time, the door opens, and a woman enters the classroom and holds something wrapped in a newspaper in her hand.
I'm a conductor, she says, I'm sorry. I have a free day today, and so I found your school and class, in which case, take your magazine.
There was an uproar in the classroom, and the teacher said:
How so? Here is the number! How does our cool magazine got to the conductor? No, it can't be! Maybe this is not our magazine?
The conductor smiles slyly and says:
No, this is your journal.
Then the teacher grabs a magazine from the conductor and quickly flips through it.
Yes! Yes! Yes! - he shouts, - This is our magazine! I remember carrying him down the hallway...
Conductor says:
And then they forgot on the tram?
The teacher looks at her with wide eyes. And she, smiling broadly, says:
Well, of course. You forgot it on the tram.
Then the teacher grabs his head:
God! Something is happening to me. How could I forget the magazine on the tram? It's simply unthinkable! Although I remember carrying it down the hallway... Maybe I should leave school? I feel it's getting harder and harder for me to teach...
The conductor says goodbye to the class, and the whole class shouts "thank you" to her, and she leaves with a smile.
In parting, she says to the teacher:
Next time be more careful.
The teacher is sitting at the table with his head in his hands, in a very gloomy mood. Then he, resting his hands on his cheeks, sits and looks at one point.
I stole a magazine.
But the teacher is silent.
Then Alyosha says again:
I stole the magazine. Understand.
The teacher lazily says:
Yes... yes... I understand you... your noble act... but there is no need to do this... You want to help me... I know... take the blame... but why do it, my dear...
Alyosha almost crying says:
No, I'm telling you the truth...
The teacher says:
You see, he still insists... what a stubborn boy... no, this is an amazingly noble boy... I appreciate it, dear, but... since... things like this happen to me... I need to think about leaving... to leave teaching for a while...
Alyosha says through tears:
I... to you... tell the truth...
The teacher abruptly rises from his seat, slams his fist on the table and shouts hoarsely:
No need!
After that, he wipes his tears with a handkerchief and quickly leaves.
And what about Alyosha?
He remains in tears. He tries to explain to the class, but no one believes him.
He feels a hundred times worse, as if he had been severely punished. He cannot eat or sleep.
He goes to the teacher's house. And he explains everything. And he convinces the teacher. The teacher strokes his head and says:
This means that you are not yet a completely lost person and you have a conscience.
And the teacher escorts Alyosha to the corner and lectures him.
...................................................
Copyright: Victor Golyavkin
Great time - childhood! Carelessness, pranks, games, eternal "why" and, of course, funny stories from the life of children - funny, memorable, making you smile involuntarily.
publicly warned
One mother of a beautiful six-year-old son often has no one to leave her not always obedient child at home with. Therefore, sometimes she takes the baby with her to work (to the exhibition). On one of these days, the driver calls my mother and asks to pick up some booklets from the checkpoint. She leaves, and her son is strictly punished to sit still and not go anywhere. In general, to search for a driver, design and pick up booklets, their delivery to right place leaves certain time. And so… Approaching her lady, she sees a bunch of people who laugh and take pictures of something on the stand. The son is not there! But there is an A-4 sheet attached to the stand, on which capital letters written: "I'll be there soon. What am I!”
This same mom once asked dad to play with her son while she cooks dinner. After a while, he hears a aching voice from the room: “Dad, I’m tired ... Can I go play?” Looking into the room, he sees this picture: dad lying on the sofa, and his son in full uniform (helmet, cloak, sword), marching back and forth along the sofa. To the question: "What is it?" - the son replies: “My dad and I play the King of the sofa!” Like this funny story about children can not only but also make you plunge headlong into your own memories.
Shh! Dad is sleeping
And here is another funny story about children from life. One mother left a three-year-old child with her father for just a couple of hours. He comes and sees such a picture: dad is sleeping sweetly on the sofa, on both hands he is wearing a toy from (a bunny and a fox). The child covered him from above with his small blanket, placed a high chair next to him, a cup of juice on it, and a mandatory attribute - a pot next to the sofa. He closed the door and himself sits quietly in the corridor, and when his mother comes in, he shows: “Shh! Dad is sleeping there.
The child watched the fairy tale about Scheherazade and, impressed by such a magical film, says to his beloved grandmother, who is wearing an oriental-colored robe: “Grandma, are you a Scheherazade?”
The kid does not eat well, and almost the whole family gathers to feed him. And everyone persuades the capricious boy to eat at least a spoonful. And even grandfather says: “You, granddaughters, don’t worry! I didn’t eat well as a child, so my mother scolded me for it and even beat me.” To such a sincere confession, the granddaughter replies: “That’s what I’m looking at, grandfather, that you have all false teeth ...”
Kitty Kitty Kitty
And this is a funny story about children from real life. One grandmother, in the past the head of the section, who at work and at home was not shy in expressions, certain period was raising her grandson. One fine day, this couple went to the store, where the grandmother had to stand in a long line. This occupation seemed boring to the grandson, and he decided to make friends with the shop cat:
Kitty! Kitty, kitty, come here.
The cat, apparently, was not interested in these tendernesses, and he hid under the counter. But the boy is stubborn! Persistent boy! Now, by all means, he needs to get the cat:
Kitty, kitty-kitty, come to me, my good one.
The animal has zero reaction.
Kitty, ...fuck, come here to..., I said, - continued the childish boyish voice. The queue fell with laughter, and the grandmother, grabbing her grandson under her arm, quickly retreated. And it seems like she even stopped using swear words.
About home canning
Mom and son salted and sorted out the broken ones. She threw them down the toilet. Between her and the child who came out of the toilet, the following dialogue took place:
Mom, stop salting the mushrooms!
How is it?
Because you constantly taste them for salt.
And what from this?
So you already poop them! I myself saw them floating in the toilet.
Once upon a time there was Little Red Riding Hood...
And this funny story about children, or rather, about the child of one busy daddy, who recently had a chance to put his son to bed. And the kid ordered daddy to tell him an interesting fairy tale for the night, namely his favorite - about Little Red Riding Hood.
Once upon a time there was a little girl in the world, and her name was Little Red Riding Hood, - dad began his story, who came home from work very tired.
She went to visit her beloved grandmother, - he continued already half asleep, unable to fight sleep himself.
He woke up because his son was indignantly pushing him in the side:
Dad! What were the police doing there and who was Yuri Gagarin?
Where is the child?
A funny story about children from real life about how a negligent father forgot a child on a walk. And it was like that. He somehow showed initiative and proudly offered his candidacy for a walk with a five-month-old daughter on the street. Mom, knowing his irresponsibility, said to walk near the house. After an hour and a half, the joyful dad returns, though alone. Mom almost turned gray when she didn’t see the stroller with the baby. And he, it turns out, met a friend, and since he smoked, they stepped aside so that the child would not breathe smoke. Yes, and dad forgot while talking about the child. So I came home. I had to urgently run to that place; it's good that everything worked out.
Here is a funny story about children in kindergarten. Dad came to the nursery for the first time to pick up the child. The children were still sleeping at that moment, and the teacher, busy with something, asked the father to dress his child on his own, only quietly so as not to wake the sleeping babies. In general, the picture before her mother appeared like this: her beloved daughter in boyish pants, a shirt and other people's slippers. All weekend, the shocked woman imagined the poor boy, who, due to the circumstances, had to wear a pink dress. And all because dad mixed up the chair with clothes.
Funny stories about little kids
A 4-year-old daughter resorts to her mother with the question of whether she will be an apple.
Of course, - says the satisfied mom, - did you wash them?
It was only later that my mother realized that the only place where the daughter could wash the fruit is the toilet, because only there the baby got it.
Funny stories from the life of children are found at every step, and even in the central department store, where one day a mother was walking with her 4-year-old son. They pass by the department for the newlyweds.
Mom, - says the baby, - let's buy you such a beautiful white dress.
What are you, son! This is a dress for a bride who is getting married.
And you will come out, don't worry, - the boy reassures.
So I'm already married, son.
Yes? - the kid is surprised. “Who did you marry and didn’t tell me?”
So it's your dad!
Well, it's good that and not some unfamiliar uncle, - calming down, the boy said.
Mom buy a phone
5-year-old son asks his mother to buy him a mobile phone.
Why do you need him? - Mom is interested.
I really need it, - the boy answers.
Yes, but still? Why do you need a phone? - asks the parent.
So you and the teacher Maria Ivanovna always scold me for not eating well in kindergarten. And so I will call you and tell you to give cutlets.
No less funny story about children. This time we will remember the conversation of a 4-year-old kid with his grandmother.
Grandmother, please give birth to a baby, otherwise I have no one to play with. Mom and dad have no time.
So how do I give birth? I won’t be able to give birth to anyone anymore,” my grandmother replies.
A! I understand, - guessed Roma. - You're a male! I saw the program on TV.
On the track...
Funny stories from the life of children always return to childhood - easy, carefree and so naive!
Before leaving home, the teacher Elena Andreevna says to the 3-year-old boy:
We go outside, we will walk there and wait for mom. So go down the path to the toilet.
The boy left and disappeared. The teacher, without waiting for the baby, went in search of him. Going out into the corridor, he sees the following picture: between the two stands a confused boy with an expression of utter bewilderment on his face and says:
Elena Andreevna, did you say which path to go to the toilet: blue or red?
Here is such a funny story about children.
Motherland is calling!
Funny stories from the life of children at school also amaze with the unpredictability of students, their antics and resourcefulness. In one class there was a boy named Rodin. His mother was a teacher at the same school. Once she asked one schoolboy to call her son from the lesson. He flies into the classroom and shouts:
Motherland is calling!
The first reaction of students and teachers is numbness, misunderstanding, fear...
After the words: “Rodin, come out, your mother is calling you,” the class fell under their desks with laughter.
In one school, a teacher dictated to elementary school students an essay based on Prishvin's work. The meaning was how hard the life of a bunny in the forest is, how everyone offends him, how he has to cold winter get your own food. Somehow the animal found a rowan bush in the forest and began to eat berries. Verbatim last phrase The dictation sounded like this: "The fluffy animal is full."
In the evening, the teacher just sobbed over the essays. Literally all the students wrote the word "full" with two letters "s".
In another school, one student constantly wrote the word "walk" through "o" ("shol"). The teacher got tired of correcting his mistakes all the time, and after the lessons she made the student write the word “walked” on the blackboard a hundred times. The boy did an excellent job with the task, and at the end he wrote: “I left.”
